#WE TOTALLY CALLED OUT THAT HES LITERALLY SPACE LEGOLAS

[blankdblank]

Next Caller Pt 36

*

Deeply in a sigh the same women listening to both your segment dripping with adoration from Frenn and Adrianna in a recounting of their honeymoon in a try to nudge Bunny closer to a willing to be wooed mood for the grumpy Dwarf King eyed Thorin while he brought out another tray of mugs after he had emptied the dirty bins into the back sink. A focused scowl still fixed in his face since he had gotten in making the middle woman mutter, “I do hate to see him so solemn.”

Her friend in her left said, “Even more so today.”

The one on the right said, “Hopefully his lover will be here soon, or perhaps show early.”

The middle one again sighed only to look absently to the door as the others followed Thorin’s now slightly startled gaze. Instantly he puffed up and the ladies said, “Ooh, who are they?”

In the back Legolas and Thranduil drew gasps making the one on the left, “The rival clan!”

That had the Elves subtly glancing their way then moving onwards to the counter with the additional trio of blondes in the mix. Legolas glances from them back to Thorin at his muttering, “Don’t mind them. All nonsense. How may I be of service.”

They all gave their orders then Echo stated, “And perhaps we might have a private conversation.”

Thorin looked him over asking while Dwalin gave them their change having come closer to be nosy. “Is this about our cohabitation papers?”

In a squeak one of the ladies squealed, “Cohab-!” The hands of her friends covered her mouth and the Elves glancing at her turned back at the apologetic grins from the pair keeping their friend quiet.

Thorin huffed, “Like I said, nonsense.”

Echo, “No, not entirely about that.”

Thorin said, “You’re welcome to come back to the office. Shouldn’t take long to brew up your drinks.” They nodded and followed Balin’s pointing hand wondering where else they would have sat in the silent shop listening in both to them and your show so diligently. For a few minutes they chatted among themselves then glanced up when Dwalin and Thorin came in with trays holding their orders and Thorin remained leaning against his desk as he was out of space to sit once the lanky men had all taken them up.

Glorfindel said, “Perhaps we best start here. There are certain aspects of Elven and Vanyar courting you are not aware of. Agreed?”

Thorin nodded, “Agreed.”

“Now, when an Elleth has taken a notice of someone that could be a suitor her Naneth begins a list of coincidences.” Thorin nodded again and he continued, “Now, once they reach our sacred number of twelve the pair are counted as Ones and fated to be.”

Thorin, “Makes sense.”

Echo, “Jaqi’s Naneth has been counting,”

Thorin anxiously asked, “How far have we gotten?”

Echo, “Fourteen, since the last shared discovery by Jewels that the mark on her back matched the creature you went to the festival as.”

Thorin’s heart skipped and he cleared his throat, “And, then she, her mother that is, is counting us as Ones?”

Thranduil, “A bit more than that. She has begun to craft the gown initiating the tasks to prepare for proposal.”

Thorin, “I am expected to propose then?” He asked flatly in shock.

Thranduil, “Not yet. The gown could take up to a year to craft, while your gift could take up to eight months as well, which is why we are here.”

Glori, “And why we have brought our friend Rumil, who is an expert in crafting proposal shawls.” Thorin glanced between the pair still a bit lost.

Rumil, “See, the shawl is from a sacred silk, which you would design, I would craft it as only certain Elves are allowed by the Valar to do so, and upon opening the safe case I will send it in you have 24 hours to propose while Jaqi is wearing the shawl.”

Thorin, “So by designing the shawl I am saying I will propose in eighth months? To the day?”

Orophin, “No, you are able to propose whenever you wish, if you wish to sooner or later. Merely once you open the case you have 24 hours to propose for either the first time or again.”

Thorin, “I don’t follow, if I may propose whenever-,”

Thranduil, “It is a tribute to our Vala Queen, the Weaver of the tapestries of our world. A very sacred right for Vanyar Elleths. To break this tradition once a shawl has been called for would cause their Fea to wither and perish.”

Thorin’s voice crackled weakly out in asking, “Fea, her soul would die?!”

Rumil, “Yes,” he replied flatly seeing now that Thorin’s heart was pounding and breath failing to remain steady. “Now it is a rather simple process please do not fret.” On his feet he drew out the packet from his bag and started to show him the materials, “Simply search inside you and choose the background you wish and the design with the tassels as the finishing touches and the rest is up to me until you should wish to propose traditionally for the full effect of the bond.”

Glorfindel spoke and drew Thorin’s gaze to him, “I should state, your kin express a wish to see you wed, this is merely a public stating that her kin wishes the same. A betrothal of sorts, not an engagement. All of this is at your pace so if you were to wish to wait years to court that is entirely up to you. You do wish to court her?”

Thorin rumbled back, “Be barking mad if I didn’t,” making the men smirk, “Jaqi is agreed to this? I wouldn’t wish to force this before-,”

Echo, “Her steps have been initiated, of which you cannot know until later. And the design today should not be spoken of as well. More special that way.”

Haldir, “And best gifted under starlight or moonlight. Since the moon is older and Queen Varda will be watching. Vanyar as so sacred to the Valar.”

Thranduil, “Hence the stricter marriage traditions.”

Thorin eyed the packet and said, “All I can picture is a sort of starry night with a blossoming pink and white cherry tree, and, indigo to white tassels?”

With a deepening grin the Elves knew just where you had drawn the image from and before he could question it Rumil clapped the packet shut and said, “Perfection. Do not be worried. Take your own pace and leave this in our hands.”

Though in his palm Echo turned over his cell phone he had just texted Jewels saying the total was now up to fifteen. Thranduil stated, “To sate your curiosity the only special actions for the remainder of your courtship, with the exception of holidays and such would be the private wedding.”

Haldir said, “Yes, our kin have a private service between the couple alone. Candles and chosen vows to complete the bond for the Valar. Following that you could always have another service for the Dwarven traditions, while the gown Jewels would prepare would be for the reception, where all your kin join together and the Bride’s gift is given and you perform the chosen song.”

Thorin, “I have to perform a song?”

Legolas, “Don’t worry, Cirdan will compose it, as her Ada it is his place to pass on his song for her to you. Essentially you are joining in on his clan’s song.”

Thorin nodded, “I see. Well there is no doubt we could have two receptions, or I could possibly speak with my elders on moving some of the rights into the ceremony, there is usually a dress worn by brides but mingled clans are more finely planned to handle. Then again we could always be counted as eloped and merely have the opening rites around her clan’s in the reception.”

Glorfindel chuckled, “For now, merely enjoy your first day at your new home.”

Thorin wet his lips and said, “Thank you, for informing me of this.”

Echo, “Well Jaqi is forbidden to and none who could possibly be or set be mingled in your clan could be informed of this and leaving a book in your path might not have worked to the full effect.”

Thorin chuckled, “No, I suppose not.”

With a smirk Thranduil asked, “Rival clan?”

Thorin rolled his eyes, “My life is a soap opera for the amusement of my customers now it seems.”

Legolas chuckled out, “I’ve worked in shops, sometimes you need some soap opera to get through.”

Thranduil, “Did you sleep well, you seem a bit tired.”

“Not really, they were painting the bridge I had to cross to get to the house and it took hours to cross it. Really pushed Jaqi’s day back no doubt making it harder on her. Accidentally ending up signing herself up for a roommate and then first day after little to no sleep for her I go and make her wait up most of it so I could even show up. Should have realized and sent her to bed when I got there.”

Orophin chortled out, “Oh that would have ended badly. Very badly.”

Haldir, “Meant to stay up and see through the full move.”

Thorin sighed, “Well new room should be plenty aired out when I get back, I can move Roac’s house into its place and I can make my bed and all that.”

Glori, “Aired out?”

Legolas, “Which room did you take over?”

Thorin shook his head, “Back room, one of the empty ones. I wouldn’t disturb the ones she’d already designed.”

Haldir, “Not to mention it’s one of the closest to her room unlike the others at the other end of the house.”

Thranduil chuckled glancing at the clock saying, “Well, we should head out and leave you to your entertaining, make certain Jaqi doesn’t run into us.”

Out they went thanking the guys for their tea with mugs added to the dirty mug bins while Thranduil stated, “We are not amused with your cohabitation without permission. You shall hear soon how to regain our favor.” His tone far too loud to have been serious, mainly for the audience around trying not to make it too obvious they were watching.

One of he women said, “I knew it!”

The left woman said, “He meant literal opposite ends of the tracks. Race tracks.”

Thorin lowly rumbled, “Thank you.”

Legolas threw him an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture then turned biting back his chuckle while the woman on the right said, “Finally made his move now the clans are bitterly against it.”

Thorin shook his head and turned for the counter to help Dwalin with the next order where at his lingering he said, “Apparently hearing about her mark and our being too mingled with coincidences to not be Ones her Amad is now making her wedding gown and they came to aid me with a proposal tradition that she is forbidden to share with me or any attached with our clan.”

Balin, “Nothing too troubling I hope?”

Thorin sighed, lowly adding, “Apparently I should use the item their experts are crafting for me. Should I break tradition or if any were to refuse to propose at this point, the Fea of the female withers and dies.” Dropping their jaws. “It is a fairly simple process, they craft it and I have eight months until it is ready and she has to be wearing it under starlight and moonlight when I propose or she withers and dies. But I can propose earlier or later, just even if I did it earlier I would have to do it again with the item to not anger the Valar.”

Dwalin, “This is common?”

“For Vanyar, Apparently the Valar treasure them above other Elves. Standards are higher. But their wedding services are between the couple only. They only have receptions publicly, so we might have to work ours into a sort of reception the day before or after so all rights are honored, perhaps the elders would not be irritated if we count it as eloped and focus on the party with demonstrations there.”

Balin nodded, “I am certain they would agree.”

Dwalin, “How terrifying, to be shunned or thwarted and you die unjustly.”

Thorin, “Well there’s no risk of that. I would never harm her.”

They both nodded, “Oh we know.”

Balin, “What is your plan today past finalizing your move now it is aired out?”

“Perhaps I will go blender shopping. Make a lunch to make up for yesterday.”

Dwalin, “Good idea.”

 *

Ten minutes to the end of your show you glanced at your phone on the desk noticing the warning that your battery was dying. Since the night Roac had stayed over on your nightstand you had noticed the foot print pressed into your screen and the shrinking charge life of your battery since he had slept on or landed on your phone. It wasn’t his fault, and no doubt one of the hundreds of times you might have knocked it off your former stack of books by your bed in your old loft worsening the behavior of your very old phone. Turning your focus from that you used the clock on the wall to finish up the show timing it to perfection until the closing music played.

With a huff you picked up your phone and shouldered your bag you added the empty mug to. Curiously Mal gathered BamBam and her own bag to meet you in the hall, “You ok? Didn’t sound like you messed up.”

Shaking your head you said, “Something wrong with my battery in my phone. It’s been acting up. Isn’t there a phone store around here?”

She nodded, “Yes, next to that little pink shop coated in poodles.”

“Ok, think I’ll head over there, hope it’s not too crowded.”

Mal, “I doubt it would be. Besides I think there’s a brass music class nearby, people tend to stay home through that.” She said walking with you to the lift where she asked noticing now that your phone was off, “Is that a foot print?”

“Ya, Roac sort of, stepped or slept on it.” Her lips parted and you said, “I’m not mad at him, it’s crazy old and I’ve dropped it tons of times, just hope the new one isn’t a new interface.”

“Oh I hate that, it’s all new and shiny and you get to using it and then you start to hate using it because it’s too new.”

“Exactly.”

.

Atop your scooters you split up, with her off to a lunch with the boys at her place. Thankfully for you the shop was empty and not getting angry at the mocking giggle at your old phone you sat at the end of the counter while she brought out the possible designs you were eligible for upgrade to. With a large stack she fanned out like they were a deck of cards saying, “Seems you’ve been skimping on your upgrades, so you have a good deal to choose from.”

Keeping to the simple touch screen while also keeping your keyboard you tapped one of the latest ones you would end up getting for free, “I like this design, are there more colors?”

She shook her head, “We just have the red ones for this design, part of a charity run to donate a third of the price to heart related research funding.”

“That one’s good then. Should pick a case for it.”

She nodded, “Yes, should be in that section,” following her point you nodded and hopped off the stool to stroll over to the strip of cases. Ignoring the pink and odd colored goo filled ones you picked up a protective green flip case and a screen protector you brought back to the counter that was free of all but your chosen phone box she had broken the plastic wrap on it. Wiggling the bottom of the box out she pulled it apart to bring out your new phone that she switched on and turned to the computer to punch in the serial numbers in the system to start the full switch of coverage over once your phone was through being backed up into the system.

While she was waiting on the system to ready to switch the backup over she eased the screen protector onto your new phone then sighed turning back to her own phone looking for a show to watch while she waited through the rest of her shift. Turning the page in your sketch book you nipped at your lip sketching out the Tetris style shelves to be painted vividly for along your drawing walls paired with a clear and white wavy desk for your drawing half and a squared silver and milky glass paned desk for your recording half. The white would be a nice way to even out the color scheme. White plushy rugs would be chosen to help lighten up the windowless room you might have to change the lighting in. Lost in your focus you missed her opening her Bombadil streaming app to spot the main promoted show, yours, that had her eyeing the runes of your name on the screen and then her monitor dropping her jaw.

Lost for what else to add you closed the journal and added it to your bag then opened the magazine only to look up at her asking, “You’re on Bombadil.”

Flashing her a quick grin you said, “Ya, they just picked up my old show.”

“Is it any good?”

Your grin quirked out more, “I’m a bit biased.”

“No, but I mean, this says you work on the Bunny show too, is it that good?”

“Is it up to that level of quality yes, they’re different style stories. A few similar characters, but that would be up to your own taste if they match.”

“What have you been up to between them?”

“Odds and ends. Nothing so big. Mainly working on a few projects still in progress.”

“Can I get a picture?” She asked but before you could answer she was somehow at your side snapping a picture of herself and you with a twitched up brow and your hair pooled halfway into your face. Straight onto her social page with your name copied from Bombadil it went and she turned at the bing from the system. “Ooh, back up is done.” Finalizing the switch she erased your old phone and dropped it into the recycle bin as you added your new phone to its new case double checking that your alarms were set and when she closed out of your account you had your magazine bag in your bag and were on your way out thanking her in her quick, “Have a nice day!”

“You too.” Turning your head to the street now echoing of the brass lessons that died for her in the door closing. Though once you were gone she was quick to answer the few comments from her friends saying that you had chosen the phone with proceeds heading to charity and that you were friendly and glad to talk while waiting.

Exhaling sharply you tried to ignore your hope that she wasn’t a popular poster and the blip could go unnoticed while you brushed your hair back for your helmet. Mentally shifting your map for where you were your path to the tea shop was set and off you went.

Around the shop you rode and pulled into the lot parking out of the way in your new little usual spot you smirked seeing a few flower pots around it in a subtle marker as your scooter space. Smirking as you removed your helmet you pocketed the key and left your helmet with the scooter to stroll around the shop feeling eyes of a few people inside growing once you got to the door. A nudge from Dwalin had Thorin’s head turning and him flashing you a grin as you took your place in line.

Looking at your phone however you missed his try to motion you to your usual table as you looked to your new phone. A few testing inspections of features and apps that you were glad to have all your things and former messages in order, though in scrolling through the messages all of a sudden your eyes flinched up hearing a ring from behind the counter as the phone called Thorin. Curiously he pulled out his phone answering the call, pinning the phone to his shoulder to finish grinding a set of herbs he caught your whisper into the phone, “Sorry,” before hanging up the call.

Palming his phone he went to set on the counter he watched your second call in your next try to scroll down the list that cut off making him smirk and peer over to you tapping again on your phone you now found the right spot to scroll with. In the lower end of the list you confirmed you had everything in place then you switched over to your email you scrolled through smirking at the messages from your friends about the shows you had worked on and the news your book was currently being printed.

Pulling out the bill for the drink you finally got to the front of the line finding Thorin with his arms resting on the counter, “Had to get a new phone. Battery gave out. Found the scroll spot though.”

One of the still lingering trio of ladies sighed, “Instant change.”

The woman to her right said a bit loudly, “Don’t let them separate you.”

Curiously your brows furrowed a moment and Thorin muttered, “Ignore them. They’ll go away, eventually. One surprise coming up.” Accepting the bill between your fingertips.

You nodded and moved to your usual table that you set your magazine out on to get back to browsing ignoring the ladies whispering about something you tried not to pay attention to still mentally whirling about the picture being taken of you that was popping up onto your Bunny page. Opening that app you read through that your picture was being circulated as one of the voice actors on, though it seemed as fast as the picture popped up the topic that you were supportive to the charity had them popping up in popularity next with other offered products for their charity and others.

A pair of mugs on your table had you snapping a picture of yours then shutting off your phone you flashed a grin to Thorin in his low hum of, “Almost thought you might not be coming in.”

“Sorry, how this week is going I couldn’t wait on it.”

“This week?”

“Well, the book, the move, you being forced into a betrothal, no telling what I’d miss if I waited on it.”

“No one forced me for one,”

“Excuse you, I fell asleep and you woke up-,”

“No one forced me. I felt you genuinely accepted my moving in and I chose to move in with you. You can’t just go around grabbing beard and you’re married or moving in together. This isn’t a situation where I’d rather be fired out of a canon at the sun. You are phenomenal and you wouldn’t even need an ad to have men lined up to live with you, and hundreds more who would want to be betrothed to you.”

“So-,”

“Listen, end, bottom line, the only negative in this entire situation is that we have an audience outside of the clans. Which, it’s one thing for our family and friends to comment or have fun with my fumbles in speaking with you, but them,” he said pointing through his shoulder at the swooning trio you glanced at then back again. “Not helpful, trying to not fuel them,” A smirk began to creep across your lips and he hummed, “Don’t smirk, I know that smirk, that smirk only means trouble.”

“I am never trouble,” you said lifting a finger in a creeping grin only to kiss your finger tip to press to his nose making the trio squeal and squeak excitedly in a puddle of aww’s through his deep throated grumble. Folding your hand around your mug the other arm dropped to the table in your lifting your mug, “What are you up to today, Cuddle Monster?”

“Thinking of browsing for a possible blender option. You?” His eyes dropped to your magazine in your approving hum filled sip of your tea. “Another decorating magazine?”

Lowering your mug you replied, “I actually was going to work on some mini cartoon commercial ideas for the book. I have some months to get it finished with a spread for them to choose from. Glori gave me this, I had a thought to turn the smaller storage room on the other side of your closet into a mini home studio, for recording or sketching.”

“Wow, that sounds incredible. Would certainly make things easier for you.”

You nodded, “Ya, usually I would have to head to Lothlorien to borrow Celebrian’s space. Most of what I have for the show is just off my laptop.” You wet your lips then said, “I was wondering if you’d be okay with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s a great idea, it would help you out.”

“I mean, if you look at the house, the parlor, kitchen, greenhouse, yard, living room is communal, we have the guest rooms that either of our families could use, while I have a study and now I’m thinking of having a studio and you don’t even have an office. I haven’t even asked if you needed one.”

“I don’t really, usually I only need them for tax season when I help Balin compile all the papers and receipts for him. I just have the green resin and chestnut table that I have in my closet.”

“How much furniture do you have in your closet?”

Lowly he chuckled, “Just the cow pattern chair that goes with it.”

“Well we can shift things and split the study.”

“Sounds fair, and the lounge would be nice for the sorting especially. I could angle my desk at the end of the built ins.”

“You have builder relatives, right?”

He nodded, “Ya. What do you need done?”

“For the studio I was thinking like tetris shelves, they have a kit, but it’s a bit more than I can handle,”

“No I get that. Ya, I can call them when you get the kit in.”

“And of course it’ll need painting. I feel bad bringing it up over and over, dragging the BomBairns out-,”

He chuckled saying, “It’s tons of work for their books. They get listless if they don’t have work. And trust me Frerin will have plenty of trips for them to his place.”

You nodded and said, “Ok, good, walls are still the dark stone, so white desks, plushy rugs. Big colorful shelves. Just might have to see if it’ll need different lighting.”

“I can see that, ya, it’s not the best lighting for creating.”

A loud thud from the back room had the group heading back to see what had happened, taking Thorin with them though a sonar beep from your phone had you looking at the weather app alerting that it was going to start sprinkling soon. Downing the last of your tea you took your mug to the dirty bin on your way to the door to trot your way around the shop stirring gasps from the table of ladies wondering why you had left without saying goodbye. Pocketing your phone you climbed on your scooter, hastily brushing back your hair already seeing the clouds rolling in. It was just a short ride home again and letting out a deep breath you closed your garage door behind you leaving your helmet on your scooter to head inside.

Straight to your study you switched on your laptop you felt the pull to go ahead and order things for your studio along with a few dresser kits you had been waiting on. A soundproof booth and the shelf kits were ordered and post a text to Celebrian about where she had bought the desks you wanted you had found and ordered them. Though unknowingly setting off her own ripple of questions to Ecthellion and Glorfindel on why you were asking about her reception desks.

@avaria-revallier​

Pt 37

[brannonlasgalen]

I lowkey have a headcanon that Thranduil is one of the most powerful elves in Middle Earth. Thranduil is the only elven ruler that doesn’t have a ring, and yet his people are some of the most powerful out there. In LotR his armies tied up a lot of Sauron’s forces because of how close Mirkwood is to Mordor which helped the Fellowship a lot. So yeah I have a headcanon that he has a type of magic which protects the elves of Mirkwood and helps them fight and be more in touch with their surroundings

Whoo boy, Nonny-moose! You’re reading my MIND! *cracks knuckles*

Thranduil is definitely one of the most powerful elves in Middle Earth. 

First of all, there’s no such thing as a weak leader of elves. Tolkein wrote his elvish rulers as having a sort of divine right/might to rule, meaning they had to be powerful in order to be accepted as leaders.  Considering that, out of all the great Elven Lords/Ladies of the time, ONLY Thranduil was considered a “king”, he would have to be very powerful indeed.

(He was also the son of Oropher, who was actually chosen by the Silvan elves to be their king when they hadn’t even had a king before, soo….yeah. Powerful genes.)

Now consider this: Galadriel and Elrond are also great Elven Ladies/Lords, yet they needed the power of their Rings to maintain the beauty and lushness of their realms. Once the power of the Rings was ended, both Lórien and Imladris fade.  

Our buddy Thranduil, on the other hand, maintains an entire kingdom WITHOUT A RING.

While it’s true that Mirkwood’s dark and dangerous, it’s still a place where elves can live. Since elves physically cannot live in evil places, that must mean there is still life, beauty, and good magic in Mirkwood. Even with Sauron literally squatting inside Thranduil’s borders for centuries, Mirkwood was never completely over-taken by the shadow.  

Why? Well, if Sauron’s Dark Fëa was the cause of the Shadow, then there must have been some powerful Fëa of the Light resisting it to keep Greenwood from falling completely. In fact, in the Hobbit, Gandalf tells the other elves that the Greenwood elves have only recently begun using the term Mirkwood, because it took that long for the shadow to effect the forest enough to warrant a change in name.

Which means Thranduil Oropherion single-handedly holds off the might of a tainted Maiar for MILLENNIA. 

And he’s doing it without a Ring. 

Now, could Thranduil personally defeat Sauron? No, of course not. Sauron’s the Tolkein-world equivalent of an greater angelic Power, for goodness’ sake!  Thranduil’s totally fighting a losing battle, and we know his people are forced to retreat slowly northward over the years. But then again, none of the elves could have defeated Sauron alone, not even Gil-Galad; that’s why they sent a Hobbit, lol.

Still, Thranduil’s power at least keeps Mirkwood from becoming Darkwood, preserving enough of the goodness of the forest that his people can still live there, that Men can still live there; and not just live, but thrive. I mean, have you seen the Mirkwood Army?

Remember, 2/3 of their forces were slaughtered at the Battle of Dagorlad, where Oropher was killed. The rest barely made it home. And yet here, only 3000-odd years later (not a long time in terms of Elvish reproductive cycles,) he can field an army of thousands with, what? A week’s notice? 

Conclusion? Mirkwood elves must breed like rabbits. But…how?? How do the female elves, who have to invest significant spiritual energy to create even a single child, have enough space/health/support/wherewithal to have several children apiece while living under a Shadow?

And how, in a place that is ostensibly “mirky” and “tainted”, does one raise a ball of elvish sunshine like Legolas? How are the elves of Mirkwood still a merry and good and honorable people, (if a bit suspicious of “furriners,”)  whilst surrounded by so much darkness? How have they not become tainted, too?

Someone must be standing between them and the darkness; making them feel safe, preserving that light and goodness so they can live their lives.

(hint: It’s this guy^^^)

Not to dismiss the actual boots on the ground work that the elvish guard does in protecting Thranduil’s people, of course. Obviously, it’s a team effort, and each elf of the Woodland Realm must strive to maintain it. But as neither all of Elrond’s folk nor all of Galadriel’s would have succeeded in maintaining their realms without their leaders, we can reasonably conclude it’s the same with the Silvan elves.

Not only does Thranduil hold the borders of his kingdom without help, he’s secure enough to actually leave Mirkwood for short periods of time. This either means his power has a really long range, or that the echoes of it are enough to sustain the Wood for a period of time. 

And remember, Mirkwood is BIG: 600 miles long by 250 miles wide (or 150,000 mi^2, or over 96 million acres.) For a mental picture, Mirkwood is about the size of the distance from Los Angeles to Mt. Shasta, CA; a distance which covers most of the state. Even if you estimate conservatively, and say that Thranduil’s power could only cover the northern third, that’s still ~32 million acres under his protection.

So strong is the power of Thranduil that during the War of the Ring, Sauron sent two separate armies to destroy Mirkwood, out of fear that Thranduil’s army would come to the aid of Men; one army of orcs, and one of Easterlings. The Easterlings were distracted by the dwarves of Erebor and the Men of Dale; but the other army of orcs/goblins/etc engaged the Mirkwood elves. It’s not explicitly stated, but reading between the lines it looks like Sauron’s guys got trounced so badly that they panicked and tried to BURN THE WOOD TO THE GROUND. 

And even THEN, they lost. 

(And yeah I know, Celeborn’s army came to help destroy Dol Guldur itself; but a part of the reason they succeeded is that Thranduil had already destroyed Sauron’s armies in the region. Celeborn, BTW? Fellow Sindar, also a huge power without a ring. I headcanon that Celeborn and Thranduil get along like gangbusters.)

Then let’s talk about after the War of the Ring, when Sauron’s power is broken and the shadow is lifted from Mirkwood forever. Without Sauron actively suppressing it, Mirkwood becomes Greenwood again, a realm of beauty possibly on par with Lórien or Imladris. In fact, Celeborn actually claims the southern third of the Wood as East Lorien, and his people are perfectly happy living there; which suggests it must be at least as nice as Lórien (sans the giant trees.)

Now, even after Sauron is defeated, the other elves are diminished. They go into the west, their kingdoms fade away. 

But not Greenwood. 

Thranduil’s realm apparently flourished, entering into a sort of Golden Age that lasted well into the Fourth Age. Of the elvish rulers, he’s the only one who hasn’t gone into the west by the time Tolkein’s timeline ends. Which means even in a time of fading magic, when elves have lost their dominion and the time of Men has come, Thranduil’s kingdom endures.

There’s a reason the Elves of the Greenwood call Thranduil Oropherion their Greatest King. 

[inkblackfingers]

Thor: Ragnarok in no particular order

I can’t even begin to articulate how much I loved this movie, it was beyond gorgeous and I love everything about this.

Here’re some thoughts I had about it, as always, in no particular order.

SPOILERS AHEAD

It’s a bit long, so I put it under a read more.

I was completely and absolutely expecting a record screech at the beginning. Everything about Thor slowly turning on a chain and literally interrupting a giant flaming being as he slowly, slowly rotates is perfect. 

Okay, but the entire theater burst into laughter when Skurge said that he got Dan and Ger from Texas, because ofc.  And the shocked horror on those girls faces when they get absolutely coated in dragon slime is hysterical.

That fucking statue I’m still laughing at it. And the play?? Loki, what the actual hell were you thinking? Yeah, I’ll pretend to be Odin, but I won’t act anything like him and I’ll make a giant statue of me and commission a play all about my heroic and tragic “death” and just laze around eating grapes all day and nobody will say anything. How on earth did nobody else realize that it wasn’t Odin?? 

On that note, Thor instantly realizing that it’s Loki is the actual best and I love that his preferred method of solving problems (a blow with Mjolnir) has now been upgraded to forcing his opponent to choose whether they’d rather get a face full of star metal or lose.

As much as I loved everything about Loki’s “human” outfit in the Avengers, I really really love the all-black ensemble, especially next to Thor’s actually normal clothing. 

Also, Tony is totally still keeping an eye on the internet, and there’s going to be a random picture of Thor on a random corner in NYC with two girls and he’s going to be so confused.

Stephen Strange you absolute dick I love you to death.  I would watch an entire movie of Stephen just being a complete dick to other superheroes with his magical powers. 

Thor calling for Mjolnir and both of them just listening to the sounds of breaking glass and his little smirk when he apologizes? Payback’s a bitch, Stephen :D

“I have been falling for THIRTY MINUTES”

Strange, who just spent the last ten minutes generally fucking with Thor, taking one look at Loki being furious and going, fuck this, get out.

Everything about Odin saying “my sons” (i’m not crying you’re crying) And him praising Loki for the spell that he used against him?? I mean, he’s still a shitty dad, but at least Loki has at least one (1) memory of him being a good dad.

Hela: long black hair, black cape, black and green clothing, obv v dramatic.... Are we sure that *Loki* is the adopted child?

I immediately remember I’m so gay when faced with Tessa Thompson as a drunk hot mess. 

So the god of *thunder* is taken down by....electricity?? @marvel, does not compute

Everything about the little amusement-park ride of the history of Grandmaster is pure gold, especially with Thor just screaming at the end.

Listen..... Loki totally got a sugar daddy. That is all. 

15/10 Best Stan Lee cameo ever

Oh my god Hulk I love you bb and I’m so glad that you finally found a planet that totally accepts you. (Now if you could work on that being a planet that doesn’t require you to be angry all the time or uses you as a form of entertainment, that’d be great, thx)

Thor finally using his GODDAMN powers, perfect.

Everything about Hulk is perfect. Especially him sparring with Valkyrie, and everything about his conversation with Thor that totally doesn’t have me crying a little inside, but also how he’s basically a giant toddler

Hulk butt. Somebody had to animate Hulk butt. Is it based off of the butt of @markruffalo? People (me) need to know.

Also, I’m really reminded of that one post?? It’s basically etched into my mind at this point, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

That fucking bounce off the window and Thor just picking himself up and going straight through the window and sliding down literally all the buildings.

Pointbreak is the password I’m dying of laughter (@marvel, I need to know all of the avengers’ sign-ins ASAP. Is Steve’s Capiscle or Captain Handsome? Is Clint Hawkass or Legolas? Is Nat Itsy-Bitsy Spider? Also, what’s Tony’s sign-in? You know who I am? The Mechanic? Please, my crops are dying)

Also, once Tony finds out about everything that just happened, Thor’s sign-in is definitely changing to Sparkles.

Why are Tony’s clothes on the quin-jet? (Actual question: why haven’t I already seen fics/art about why Tony’s clothes are on the quin-jet?)

Bruce’s password being Strongest Avenger, and Thor’s look of betrayal in the background is beyond hilarious. (Also can we talk about Tony’s nicknames for literally everyone??)

Okay, but drunk Valkyrie and Bruce trying to figure out how they know each other is the actual cutest.

Thor just chucking something at Loki to check if he’s actually there is beyond perfect. Yes you did good my space labrathor, you have finally learned.

Everything about Thor’s childhood story. (Also, can we just appreciate Frigga for a moment? An eldest daughter that got banished by her husband, and two sons, who basically hate each other. One of them likes picking up snakes and the other likes stabbing his brother. You deserve all the awards for parenting. All of them.)

Idris Elba is beyond the best and if Asgard was a democracy, he would totally have been running the Nine Realms. (Like he basically was already)

Everything about Asgard being the people, not the place is going to make me cry.

Thor sitting on the throne, literally calling Hela to him from across Asgard is something that he totally came up with after asking himself What Would Loki Do? (Answer: be as over the top extra as possible, always)

Well, now Thor can inherit the kingly eyepatch

GODDAMN it Thor, go pikachu already, you did it before and you don’t need to talk to your father while you’re literally dying

Thor descending on the horde of zombies in slow motion, lightning sparking around him as he lays waste to them with the Immigrant Song playing #aesthetic

I know that Fenris is basically a giant zombie wolf, but there’s a part of my brain (the largest part. like 85% of it) that’s going PUPPER!!! WHO’S A GOOD DOGGO???

Okay, I know I already said stuff about Valkyrie, but that stride down the rainbow bridge with explosions in the background and her just absolutely destroying those zombies?? #aesthetic

Also, I thought I had reached peak gay after watching Wonder Woman, but then Tessa Thompson happened.

Loki doing his knife flip and Valkyrie swinging her sword #reasonsi’mpan

I love circular prophecies so much, but also: 1) what happens to the rest of the stuff in the vault? like the tesseract or the casket of ancient winters? the tesseract’s an infinity stone, so it’s not going to be destroyed by the explosion right? 2) I’m not entirely sure if this is comics or mcu, but isn’t Asgard necessary to the stabilty of the other realms? what’s going to happen to the other ones now that Asgard is literally dust??

Other things I love in this movie: Thor finally learning to not always blindly trust Loki, every single rock paper scissors pun, Hulk being a giant cranky adorable toddler. 

Things I dislike about this movie: why on earth did you cut the bisexual Valkyrie scene???,  @marvel give us the goddamn hug that we’ve been waiting for since the first Thor!!!!

Is that a skrull ship? Or Thanos’ ship? Or the Guardians/someone related to them??? Uggggghhhh, I need the official Infinity War trailer already (like I haven’t watched the leaked version like a dozen times)

Also, Taika Waititi directed one of my *other* favorite movies, What We Do in the Shadows, so that’s another reason why I like Ragnarok so much. (Also that it’s super colorful, has no bullshit romance, has an interesting plot and characters that aren’t ooc...)

[katajainen]

The Three Hunters

The chapter is called ‘The Riders of Rohan’, but I’d name it more aptly ‘The Three Hunters’, as they each get a spot in the limelight, so to speak.

First of all, this could also be ‘The Chapter Where Legolas Is Being Elven And Strange’. Remember that time up on Caradhras when he goes ‘to find the sun’ and runs feather-light over piled-up snow? Well this chapter has several moments like that: little reminders that he’s not quite like mortals.

One: the strange pathways of Elven sleep (or lack thereof). When the three first stop to rest, Legolas apparently stays awake when his companions give in to their weariness, and when he later does sleep, he’s either literally sleep-walking, or lying in an open-eyed repose that’s half here half there.

Also the Elven eyesight is something else as well: where Aragorn but hears horses coming, Legolas is able to count the number of the riders, discern the colour of their hair and note the exceptional height of their leader, since they are, after all, only ‘a little more than five leagues distant’.

Then there are hands that nock an arrow ‘quicker than sight’, an uncanny ease with a skittish horse and a delight in a forest that everyone else feel somewhat leery of (but that last one might just be Legolas’ personal quirk).

Aragorn, on the other hand, goes from the King of Indecision to proudly announcing his names and titles in the space of days.

If you look at the scene where the three are debating whether they should stop for the night or press on, like they did on the first night of their chase, you notice how Legolas and Gimli argue as much with each other as for and against the two options Aragorn must choose from. Legolas is all for pressing on, because the track seems straight and clear to him, and their quarry is unlikely to stop and rest. His eagerness is such to border on rashness.

Gimli, however, acts as the voice of reason. He mentions their previous discovery of Pippin’s brooch, and points out how any such signs would surely go unnoticed in the dark – or they might never notice if the prisoners were carried off elsewhere. And while he refers to himself when he says that he ‘must rest a little to run the better,’ the same is surely true for Aragorn, if not Legolas.

Moving on, the entire exchange between Éomer and Gimli is a joy to read. Here we have two proud people, both already on edge, and neither is willing to back an inch or tolerate a smidgen of nonsense from the other. It would all end badly if not for Aragorn’s intervention.

As far as I recall, this is also the first occasion where Aragorn announces himself with his full titles and names: after all, he introduces himself to Frodo as ‘Aragorn son of Arathorn’, not ‘the heir of Isildur Elendil’s son of Gondor’.

Éomer is awestruck, and rightly so, when ancient legends come to him on the good green grass of his own land.

But it’s not only ancient names and legends, but new ones in the making as well, which both Éomer and Aragorn point out: the former by exclaiming the four-day run of the three should be immortalized in song, and the latter by noting that ‘not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time.’

And so, the tale of Three Hunters begins to gain shape.

P.S. Totally off-topic, but I will never stop adoring the end of the chapter and the old Fangorn tree that seems comforted and delighted by a small campfire after having escaped the wood-pillaging riders of Rohan building pyres for Orc-burning. But then again, I’ve always been inordinately fond of that old sentient bit of jungle.

[forthegothicheroine]

Kamigami No Asobi recap, episode 1: Ticking Clock to Ragnarok

What’s more capital-R Romantic than a plucky maiden being romanced by otherworldly deities of questionable morality and common sense?  That’s my logic for recapping this anime on my blog, anyway.  We’re going to watch an extremely overworked Japanese high school girl deal with romantic entanglements involving gods from several different pantheons, but first let’s establish a few things.

I read a lot about Greek mythology as a teenager, but my friends who are actual classics students probably know these stories better than I do.  I know a little about Norse mythology, mostly stories that show up in operas or children’s books.  I know a smattering about Egyptian mythology, mostly about Isis (who does not appear in this show.)  I know almost nothing about Japanese mythology, so episodes focusing on that pantheon will have me dashing to wikipedia.

Also, there will be a few regular features in these recaps.

Ragnarok Clock: How close, as of this episode, are we to ragnarok?  This will be illustrated with that doomsday clock from Watchmen, altered appropriately.

(The snake is Jormungandr.)

Where is Odin?  Odin and Ra are the big, glaring omissions in this cast.  I don’t pretend to be able to fathom Ra’s actions, but I will take a guess each episode at what Odin is doing while his family is having high school anime drama.

Team ___: Look, it’s a reverse harem anime, I’m going to pick teams.  These teams will change with my whims.  Tough.

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall?  Trust me, it’s going to be a thing.

Now, on with the show!

Aaannndd...it’s ragnarok time!  That was fast!  Beautiful men in silly outfits are ripping apart the sky as the world ends around them and a girl begs them not to fight.  We don’t yet know who any of these people are, but there’s a nubile blonde man flexing so hard his shirt and pants pop off!  If that doesn’t say classical mythology to you, I don’t know what does.  Our heroine is not particularly phased by this flexing, as she would really rather the world not end.

FLASHBACK!  Or, since this is the rest of the series, maybe I should have labeled that opening scene FLASHFORWARD?  I don’t know.

It’s time to formally meet Yui, a young purple-haired shrine maiden who will be our protagonist.  If I can be serious for a moment, I really think the fact that she’s a shrine maiden is what holds this show together.  The gods are important to her everyday life; sure, she’d be surprised to meet them in the flesh, but it wouldn’t existentially destroy everything she thought she knew about the world.  

Yui is endearing in the way reverse harem protagonists often are: she’s a sweet girl who is nowhere NEAR prepared for the amount of bullshit that’s about to be dumped on her lap.  We feel for her because really, no high school student should have to deal with this.

She’s busy practicing her swordsmanship for an upcoming ceremony, which makes her late for school.  (Again, I empathize with her here- that sounds way better than school.)  At school, everyone is talking about their futures, which is immaterial because RAGNAROK IS COMING!  REPENT!  Ahem.  Yui cries without understanding why, though I believe it’s because she’s realized she’s the protagonist and shit is about to get wacky for the rest of her life.

Yui barely has time to get home and reflect on not knowing what she wants to do with her life when the plot attacks!  Color turns negative, a mysterious voice calls her name, and the shed out back starts to glow!  The source of the glow appears to be a magical sword, but there should be a caution label on it, since touching it may lead to you being struck by lightening and transported to Narnia.

Which is exactly what happens to poor Yui.

Okay, it isn’t actually Narnia.  (Although maybe it is?  Lion Jesus and the Greek gods seem to cohabitate there peacefully, so I guess it’s in the same spirit?)  Anyway, it’s a big fancy mansion/university with tweeting birds and glorious architecture, and Yui awakens there on the floor.  The magic sword has shrunk to a convenient pendent, there for when she finally awakens as a magical girl.  Presumably.

Yui takes this all in stride, calmly wondering if she’s travelled in time.  Hey, it could happen.  The whole place is eerily empty except for one tall drink of goth...

Hades!  He’s my personal pick for most attractive of the gods, although you can’t convince me that Hades, a man who lives underground and never comes out, would take such good care of his flowing locks.  He laments that Yui is so unfortunate as to have been caught up in this cruel game, because kidnapping girls is only okay when he’s the one doing it.

Actually, I’m not sure if Persephone exists in the world of this show or not, but more on that later.  The arrival of Hades is heralded by blooming poppies.

Yui is quite rightly stunned by his mopey good looks, but Hades warns her not to come near him for it will only bring her misery.  She is admirably unimpressed by this statement, but gets distracted by a cute rabbit.  (A girl after my own heart.)  The rabbit leads her to a classroom with a lilac-haired pretty boy whose arrival is heralded by blooming irises.  He is...

...Tsukito, god of the moon!  The lilac ponytail may seem a bit much now, but trust me, once you’ve met the rest of the gods he will look positively conservative.  He’s more reasonable and easier to talk to than Hades, but also doesn’t know what’s going on.  But there’s no time to get acquainted, because our conversation is interrupted by...

...Takeru, god of the sea!  It may not look that bad in this picture, but holy frick does this hair piss me off when it’s onscreen.  He looks like green Naruto!  I am automatically set against him, and it will take a good deal to win me over with this handicap.  His special flower is...um...I don’t know, I’ve seen these flowers before but I have no idea of their name.  They’re blue with white stripes.  Anyway, he’s our token tsundere, so that’s another strike against him.

Thoroughly annoyed by this asshole, Yui continues exploring and discovers, once and for all, that she’s in a giant building on a magical world with floating islands and flying horses.  All of this is a lot to take in at once, so she runs down the stairs and immediately bumps into...

...Loki.  Let me get this out of the way, since it’s what I’ll be thinking the whole show long: WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS HAIR?  The black nail polish is a respectable tradition (I’m wearing it right now), but that hair is inexcusable.  That hair is a blight upon the concept of divinity.  That hair is one of Loki’s monstrous children, right alongside Hel.  In fact, Hel is probably glad she got the skull face instead of that hair.

That said, hair that bad is totally in-character.  He gets pink and white chrysanthemums for his introductory flower.

Loki is interested in two things- invading Yui’s personal space and tracking down his blonde friend.  These two things will continue to be his main interests throughout the show.

Loki doesn’t find said blonde yet, but Yui does.  He’s a regular Disney prince, chilling out with friendly woodland animals attracted by his purity of heart.  He is, of course...

...Balder!  Balder is very cute, even though he looks exactly like Legolas.  Looking like Legolas isn’t a bad thing, anyway.  He gets a bunch of introductory lillies, and is the only person so far who is actually nice to Yui.  Unfortunately, he has incurable clumsiness, the weakness usually given to female love interests.  Fortunately, he cannot be hurt by any of his many trips and falls, because everything in the world made a vow not to hurt him.

Almost everything.  Tick tock goes the ragnarok clock...

This clumsiness results in him falling on top of Yui and knocking them both into a bed of flowers.  Unlike if this had happened with literally any of the other characters, I genuinely believe Balder did not do that on purpose.  They tell each other that they have beautiful eyes and it’s all very romantic because Balder is actually capable of being attracted to a person without becoming correspondingly hostile.  (Take note, half the rest of the cast.)  

One of the people who should take note is Loki, who runs onto the scene to fly into a jealous rage over Balder touching anyone else.  We’ll get into the Balder/Yui/Loki dynamic in future episodes- it’s more complicated than a simple love triangle- but here we see Loki having a snit, one of the show’s major themes.  It’s hard to be very scared of his snits, though, since he has mostly short hair with two long bits on the side and a skinny braid in the back.  Seriously, what is with his hair?

But we’ve got bigger gods to worry about!  That voice and accompanying color-negative are back, and she has to track their source.  And now, ladies and gentlemen, the man you’ve all been waiting to see.  Possessor of the best hair on the show (in that it’s both flattering and character-appropriate), the king of heaven himself, it’s time to meet...

...Zeus!  Now I know what you’re afraid of, because I was afraid of it too.  Don’t worry- Zeus has no predatory intentions towards Yui aside from kidnapping her.  He’s much more interested in using her presense to torment the other gods while he sits back and cackles.

While she comes to know and befriend most of the other gods and call them -san, Zeus stays -sama throughout the show.  You’d BETTER call Zeus -sama.  He is not a love interest, and so gets no flowers.

And he has a horrible terrifying child form he sometimes turns into for no reason.  I will not inflict it upon you, because unlike Zeus, I am merciful.  Seriously, it’s like a horrible creepy doll with reflective gold eyes.  Brrrr.

Zeus’ ostensible purpose in kidnapping a bunch of gods and a teenage girl and forcing them all to go to high school for his amusement is that the gods are growing too remote from their worshippers, and need to personally experience and learn about humanity.  This doesn’t sound like the kind of thing Zeus would give a shit about, so I assume the real purpose was something like “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if I forced Hades to go through puberty again?”  Yui is there to help make the gods into better people.  I guess it’s kind of like the plot of Small Gods, but with less turtles.

Yui is still not terribly pleased about having been kidnapped, and accuses Zeus of being tyrannical.  Which...yes.  Yes he is.  Tyrant is a Greek word.  If Zeus decides you’re going to be in a reverse-harem anime, there’s really not much you can do about it.  As Yui storms out we get a quick glimpse of our other resident hot dad Thoth, but he’s still in shadows both literally and figuratively.

As she collapses on the ground outside in fear, Yui is approached by another blonde- a friendly, preppy, incessantly cheerful lad who is introduced with a burst of sunflowers.  Surprise surprise, he’s...

...Apollo!  (The show calls him Apollon, but I refuse.)  Apollo is going to annoy me in future episodes by giving everyone irritating nicknames, but he doesn’t do anything annoying in this episode so I’ll go easy on him.  Unlike all the other gods, he’s delighted to be here, trusting that his father knows best.  (Whether he actually does or not remains to be seen.)  Apollo goes into full gallant flirt mode, sparkling at Yui as he kisses her hand and pulling her in for a full-on kiss.

Zero to I’m-your-boyfriend-now, that’s our Apollo.

With the episode over, it’s time to check in!

Ragnarok Clock

Where is Odin?  During this episode, Odin is wandering the halls and enjoying the peace and quiet that comes from Loki and Thor not being there.

Team ___: Team Balder.  Birds flock around him to sing!

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall?  No.  Takeru pushes her up against a desk, though.