#Why would Osbert fancy Ingy

[holy3cake]

WIP Wednesday!

Another week, another tag game! Please share your last sentence; or, if you don’t have one, share a plot bunny or idea! (OR sketch for your artwork!)

Hello lovelies! I'm starting the chain today because I had some goofy plot to share! Enjoy some Cynlaef/Osbert/Aethelstan crack. I blame this one on @thelettersfromnoone for distracting me with AU's, @grinningkatz for making me think Osbert would be a good merman and @paula-in-dreamland for our endless streams of crack (I love you all for this creation hahaha!)

Here's an extract from: "A Fishy Encounter"- Or the Aquamarine AU you never wanted or needed (Please go watch this movie it's so funny. For reference I based the characters on the boys here so Aquamarine = Osbert, Hayley= Cynlaef, Aethelstan= Claire and Ingilmundr=Raymond)

The morning after the perilous storm, Aethelstan woke with a start. He thought he’d dreamt of a rogue merman washing up in their tiny private pool, and that the merman had told them he was the son of Lord Uhtred, the King of the seas. The King supposedly ruled an underwater kingdom in the mythical town of Bebbanburg, and he wasn’t happy that his son was missing and currently swirling around amongst humans. And then Aethelstan remembered, it wasn’t a dream, more like a nightmare. Only this nightmare was real, and his aunt didn’t know that the scaly-tailed man was swishing about in the backyard, accompanied by seaweed and tiny minnows and any other shrapnel that had whirled into their midst. Aethelstan jumped up, shaking the sleep frame next to him as he mapped out their next moves. Cynlaef groaned, attempting to kick him as he mumbled in his sleep. 

“Aethelstan. Too early!” Cynlaef grumbled, turning his back to him. 

“Cynlaef! We can’t stay here, we have to deal with our fishy friend, remember?” Aethelstan shook him harder, frowning when Cynlaef refused to move. 

“CYNLAEF! Operation hook a merman!” Aethelstan sprung out of bed, losing patience for his friend. They couldn’t dawdle, and they had to move Osbert before his family found him. He couldn’t even fathom what his aunt would say to such a strange occurrence, and knew that they were already in Lord Uhtred’s firing line for harbouring him. Aethelstan threw on a light shirt and shorts, glad to see Cynlaef moving behind him in the mirror. The urgency had finally clicked, and Aethelstan fled into the yard, tugging Cynlaef’s hand. But as they reached the pool, the janitor was hauling an orange tube against the cracked tiles. Empty, turquoise tiles. 

“What have you done?!” Cynlaef cried, squeezing Aethelstan’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“I cleaned the pool!” The janitor tutted, stepping past the nervous men as they eyed each other suspiciously. 

“Maybe he made it out?” Aethelstan chewed his lip. 

“How?! He had a tail, Aethelstan! What if they saw him-” Cynlaef paused, panic temporarily suspended as the sound of crashing inflatables startled them out of their stupor. Aethelstan turned towards the beach hut, lunging forward to grab the lock. He fumbled a little, but eventually yanked the padlock open and flung the window open. Beach balls, plastic flamingos, lawn games and skittles greeted him as usual, but he almost sacrificed an eye as someone brandished a wooden tennis racket. Cynlaef and Aethelstan screeched, joining a chorus of alarmed screams until the assailant sighed in relief. 

“Oh, for Heaven's Hake! It’s you two.” Osbert panted, lowering his unorthodox weapon. Aethelstan sighed, clutching Cynlaef for support as his heart stopped hammering his chest in fear. 

“How long have you been in here?” Cynlaef frowned, keeping watch in case Aethelstan’s aunt decided to come snooping. 

“I don’t know. I’ve been floundering for hours, but as soon as I came out of the water, I had these!” Osbert squealed, attempting to pull his newly acquired leg up to his head. But as soon as he lifted the appendage, he lost his balance and dived headfirst into a pile of pool noodles. As he attempted to detach himself from a thousand inflatables, Aethelstan cocked his head and wondered how mermen could just spring a pair of legs out of nowhere. Both men watched as Osbert regained his balance, fighting with a dingy until he could see their faces again. 

“My very own pair! Oh, and check this out!” Osbert giggled, turning slightly to show off a brand new butt, pink as a prawn and completely bare as he laughed in glee. Aethelstan and Cynlaef both slapped their faces in shock, turning away as they exclaimed in surprise. 

“Isn’t it cute? And, I can sit on it!” Osbert practically vibrated on the spot, aglow with his newfound arse discovery. 

“Someone’s gotta teach him about modesty.” Cynlaef smirked, holding up a well positioned hand to hide Osbert’s pearly particulars. 

“I’m not so sure what this eel is for though?” Osbert titled his head, eyes glued to the new oarfish between his legs, dangling in a bizarre manner. He wondered if it was something humans used to relieve themselves, and his curiosity got the better of him. 

“Do you two have these as well? Oh, perhaps this is how you reproduce?” Osbert asked bluntly, perplexed by Aethelstan’s horrified expression. 

“Cynlaef, we have to cover him up, NOW.” Aethelstan choked out, his face resembling a spooked salmon. Cynlaef couldn’t stop laughing, almost losing his own balance as he listened to Osbert’s bewildered speech. But he understood Aethelstan’s fear, and he didn’t want to explain the mechanics of sex to a merman. Instead, he pulled his shirt off and chucked it to Osbert, crossing his arms. 

“Tie that around your waist. We need to get you inside, before you scare Aunt Aethelflaed.” Cynlaef declared, still on alert for the formidable woman. Aethelstan made a hurried gesture, still reeling from Osbert’s outburst. The merman grinned, stepping through the sleeves to create a makeshift bathing suit for the time being. It was either that, or walking around in his birthday suit. Aethelstan sighed in alleviation as Osbert stepped out of the beach hut, halibut and seashells snugly stuffed into Cynlaef’s aqua shirt. Sure, the shirt rode up his thighs and barely covered his beach balls, but it would have to do. 

“You’re very sweet shrimps. But you should know, I don’t intend to spend my time here shrinking in the salt.” Osbert announced, putting his hands on their shoulders. 

“W-What do you mean?” Aethelstan was really terrified now, dire as a dolphin. 

“I came here to find love. My father doesn’t believe in such things, and thinks I have bubbles in my brain because I want something more.” Osbert explained, looking down slightly. 

“Mermen don’t believe in love? Wow, I’m sorry…” Cynlaef glanced at Aethelstan, knowing that he’d never be able to live in the underwater kingdom, not if he couldn’t harbour his secret crush on his best friend. 

“I know. But I’m not going to swallow his bait. I will have my love…with him!” Osbert’s head whipped around, eyes hooked on the waves behind them. 

Riding the waves expertly, a surfer was taming the sea, wielding the water to his slick movements. His dark curls shone in the burning sunlight, flailing wildly as he outstretched his arms and welcomed the sea spray. Seals jumped around him, squeaking and squealing in delight as the surfer waved to them, laughing and blinding everyone with the intensity of his teeth. His chiselled jawline was littered with sandy stubble, complimenting his cute coral corneas. As he stepped forward to ride a particularly gnarly mistress, his abs looked as hard as a crab's shell, but he moved like a sleek seahorse. Even his golden skin was magnificent, sweaty and slick, and Osbert wanted to lick the salt from his seaweed. Aethelstan and Cynlaef followed his gaze, jaws dropped at the implication of Osbert’s choice. 

“Ingilmundr?!” Cynlaef gasped, shocked as a shellfish. 

“Ingilmundr?!” Aethelstan screamed, petrified as a porpoise. 

“Ingilmundr.” Osbert breathed out seductively, biting his lip in excitement. 

“NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Both men hollered hellishly, heavy screams hurting the halibut in the harbour.

No pressure tags: @grinningkatz @lancedoncrimsonwings @book-and-music-lover @errruvande @waterfallsilverberrywrites @persephones-journey @whitedarkmoonflower

@paula-in-dreamland @kingslionheart @fabiochampioraro @ripmyfictionalfriends @thenameswinter99 @lord-aldhelm

@corktheauthor @redacted-thething @thelettersfromnoone @beginning-writer @lesbians4connorrhodes @oddsnendsfanfics @thelettersfromnoone @bilbotargaryen