#You’re smart educated and you always argue only with logic

[mariathechosen1]

Do y’all remember when there were tons of 25 minute long ‘art critique’ videos on youtube entirely dedicated to telling unwilling tumblr users that their art was objectively bad because they gave their characters body hair?

…what the fuck was that all about?

[kxsagi]

hihii can i req reader that is like academically smart but is also very naive at the same time?? reader would probably fall for the most obvious clickbait or something feel free to do with any bllk characters (especially sae 💋💋) thank youu but also feel free to ignore this if you don't want it

“𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦”

a/n: i read rage bait instead of click bait after writing everything, but decided to keep it since it’s still fitting 😭

ft. isagi yoichi, itoshi rin, kaiser michael, itoshi sae, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, karasu tabito

isagi yoichi

“you’re literally smarter than me, so why are you fighting with an anime profile picture?” 

you’re writing a full essay in the comments under a rage bait post that says “math is fake and only lazy people like numbers.” 

“love. they want you to argue. that’s the whole point. it’s bait.” 

you, while typing aggressively: “it’s the principle.” 

isagi literally has to pry the phone out of your hands. 

“they’re trolling. why are you citing academic sources in a thread about flat earth?” 

alternates between being impressed and deeply concerned. 

“you’re so smart it’s scary. and yet, you just fell for a post that said ‘gravity is a scam made by the big ladder.’” 

will still throw slurs under his fake account at anyone that tries to come after you. 

itoshi rin

“get off the internet. log off. i’m blocking you from twitter.” 

you: reading a post that says “the mitochondria isn’t real.” 

also you: seeing red. 

he watches you scroll past rage bait like, “no... don't take the bait... dammit.” 

“you know better. you literally know better.” 

gets mad with you but refuses to engage. 

he’s just staring at you spiraling over a troll who said “logic is fake” and muttering, “wtf is wrong with this generation.” 

turns off your wifi like a concerned parent. 

“you’re not arguing with someone named @cattboysupreme69. go read a book.” 

kaiser michael

“you’re falling for rage bait again, huh? i love this dumb little hobby of yours.” 

finds it hilarious that you get so fired up over random garbage takes. 

literally records you pacing and ranting about how “emotions are valid sources of decision making, actually.” 

“schatz, you’re a valedictorian. why are you beefing with someone who said ‘plants don’t have feelings so vegans are evil’?” 

fully encourages it for fun. 

“no, no, quote them. let’s go viral.” 

brags to his teammates like, “my girl’s a genius and also beefing with half of conspiracy tik tok. goals.” 

secretly reports every troll you argue with behind the scenes. he’s protective in a petty, passive-aggressive way. 

itoshi sae

“this is why i hate people. and also why you shouldn’t be online unsupervised.” 

you fell into a rage trap that said “women don’t belong in STEM.” 

sae, watching you rage-type a dissertation just said, “block them and move on.” 

you: “no. they need to be educated.” 

he takes your phone. 

“they don’t. they have 12 followers and use comic sans unironically.” 

quietly annoyed but impressed that you always come with facts. 

lowkey reads your arguments later and thinks, “damn. my girl snapped.” 

would absolutely start threatening people if they get too bold with you. 

“she might be arguing like it’s a thesis defense, but if any of you make her cry, i’m breaking your nose.” 

shidou ryusei

“babe, you’re smart as hell, but you’re also fighting with rage bait like it personally insulted your dog.” 

thinks it’s hilarious. 

“they said books are just dead trees. you really gonna let that slide?” 

you: frothing with rage “i will not let that slide.” 

shidou: eating popcorn and hyping you up “go off, professor! educate their ass!” 

he will 100% jump in and start trolling with you. 

“yo, babe, say something about their spelling. that always pisses ‘em off.” 

gives you an award when you get someone to delete their comment. 

“queen behavior. love that for you.” 

nagi seishiro

“can we not. like ever. please.” 

the most done every time you scream: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SUN ISN’T A STAR AND IT’S A PLANET?!” 

he just wants to play games, not watch you get into a 14-comment back-and-forth with a dude named @trumpfan420. 

“you’re literally a genius. why are you arguing with people who think australia doesn’t exist?” 

lies on your lap and sighs dramatically. 

“you’re lucky you’re cute when you’re mad.” 

secretly proud of how well you school people, though. 

once tried to help you argue but got bored after one sentence. 

“i told them ‘L’ and left.” 

mikage reo

“you’re academically brilliant. and also very online. it’s like watching an intellectual gladiator fight trolls.” 

every time he hears “REO. THEY SAID SHAKESPEARE WAS MID.” he already knows what’s happening. 

you’re pacing around the house, typing furiously, quoting sonnets and throwing in stats. 

“you’re smarter than the entire room but still letting a 14-year-old with a controversial hot take ruin your night.” 

he makes tea and sits beside you while you rage. 

“need a bibliography link, baby?” 

lowkey brags to others: “yeah my girl just flamed a whole subreddit with APA formatting.” 

you’re his little chaos genius and he loves it. 

“you’re going to be a nobel prize winner and twitter’s most feared debater at the same time.” 

karasu tabito

“you’re out here fighting for your life against rage bait and i’m living for it.” 

watches you with popcorn like it’s live TV. 

“ohhh here they go. someone said philosophy is just overpriced poetry. let’s gooo.” 

he fully instigates sometimes. 

“babe, someone said gravity isn’t real. thoughts?” 

you start ranting, and he just grins like an agent of chaos. 

“why are you like this?” 

“why are you like this?” 

says he’ll block the trolls for you. ends up ratioing them with memes instead. 

y’all are the duo that trolls the trolls and then drops a full essay for fun. 

if anyone dares say “women can’t argue,” karasu just goes, “you sure about that?” and lets you annihilate them in 5k characters. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[darlingbudsofrae]

Neil Josten Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

Alright, let’s just start this by addressing the big elephant in the room: everyone loves Neil Josten. EVERYONE.

If you don’t, you’re lying. 

Okay, first up- I’m glad this is getting addressed more on AFTG tumblr but Neil is literally so much smarter than the fandom gives him credit for.

Like yes, he’s a little dumdum on the social aspect of things (you could argue he kind of has a low EQ but also not really, I would argue that later)

but that doesn’t dismiss that he is smart af and that he can kill you and make it look natural if he wants.

For example, he literally outrun and hid from the mafia for years. Like, that in itself is an obvious point but we often forget that he did this at a very young age.

Like, he was presumably what? 16?? (when Mary kicked the bucket?) And kid was already playing hide and seek pretty well with a freaking mafia.

He does not get enough credit for this.

The survival skills it takes- the mental strength to survive as a runaway and technically he’s also homeless- at freaking 16, that’s just insane.

Also, let’s not mention the fact that it takes skills to forge official papers and all that.

We also do not talk enough about Neil and how he freaking have to relearn an entirely new position just to play exy.

I don’t think most remember that he’s actually a backliner, but have to play as a striker because it was the only available position in that local high school he attended in Millport, and that was how Kevin saw him so he was recruited as a striker.

We also additionally do not talk enough about how Kevin “literal and figurative Son of Exy” Day found potential for court in Neil “I’m a backliner but I’m playing striker because it’s the only thing available and I’m an exy junkie” Josten who only played it for like a year or less. 

Like yeah, Kevin said he needs more training but it’s not even Neil’s official position. 

The talent on this man- I cannot, he is such an icon. 

Aside from his great survival skills and being literally great at picking things up- he’s also like freaking academically smart.

Like that also doesn’t get enough credit- I mean, he does math for fun.

Frankly, I think if you did Kumon or if you had an awesome teacher you could also do math for fun (I know I did) but this should be noted with the fact that he didn’t have proper schooling.

He went on a run at a really young age so there is no way he received formal education.

Which means he is naturally like really smart.

He’s also a polyglot. And the languages he has under his belt are all freaking difficult to learn- like, no kidding: French, German, and he can assumingly speak intermediate Spanish, and we don’t even have an idea if this is all the languages he can speak.

Also, he and Andrew learns how to speak Russian, right? Like, that’s crazy.

The brain on this man and the power that he has- my son, I am so proud.

I mean, for all we know- there’s more than that and the fact that he’s like 18 at TFC screams supremacy.

This is where I argue about his EQ but Neil is crazy perceptive.

It took him like freaking 3 seconds to figure out the team dynamics the foxes have, and how to work against it.

He later figured out how to make it all mesh together.

Like the way he do things isn’t conventional but reading him analyze his team despite his lack of empathy really makes me shudder.

Like, this kid is so freaking smart. I remember reading his thought process for the very first time and being like, okay- I definitely did not think about that.

The main problem with his EQ though is that he doesn’t know how to process positive stuff when he’s involved, but when he’s the outsider- his perspective is so amazing.

Like again, he kind of lacks empathy but the way he understands things and is just so sharp is just noteworthy.

I’d argue he doesn’t understand social cues and “modern teen things” but he isn’t so completely clueless on the social aspect in general as to not manipulate an entire team of misfits with issues to work together.

He’s literally the key to unity in AFTG. Even Dan says so.

Also, the way he puts things into play- like he’s a master manipulator, and I love that for him.

We do not talk enough about manipulative Neil, like I just really love manipulative characters in general so much- especially if they’re just owning it. 

I mean, he freaking manipulated Andrew and Aaron into therapy. Kind of evil but also wow. (just a sidenote, please don’t force people into therapy lol)

Going completely dark for a second, Neil also has a freaking high pain tolerance.

The amount of horrible things he went through in the books were just so sad and the fact that he just kind of moves on from it? That’s just completely oh my gods.

My poor summer child, even if you can kill me at any given time, let me just hug you for a second with consent.

Everyone also gives shit about Neil’s fashion choices and granted it is said he kind of bags the homeless looks but the fact that he values utility above all else-

Yes, we stan a resourceful king. 

Lowkey though, am I the only one who appreciate Neil’s average style?

Speaking of style- I love the way Neil narrates. Like, the way he doesn’t give much attention to how the character looks- it’s just so realistic?

Because if I’m talking to a person in real life, there is no way I am noting how his blue polo makes him kind of casual but clean-cut and how his brown eyes is as warm as my morning coffee. Like, who even does that?

The thing with Neil’s narration is that it’s just so authentic- like it easily engages the readers and the way he gives importance to every thing the same way, it really makes it easier for the reader to discern things objectively, y’know what I mean?

He just has that quality in a main character and narrator- he’s laidback and sarcastic but not trying too hard, and he’s just really easy to love.

Like, I normally don’t like narrators/main characters in books because I favor a side character more or just because they’re annoying, but Neil Josten is legit lovable. 

At the same time, he’s also a really well-written character. Like, for all the technicalities I point out in AFTG, Neil is an asshole. He’s not perfect and I don’t 100% love everything that he does and I love that.

He’s a flawed character but he gives you something to root for- and I just really want to appreciate his characterization for a second. Most books make their characters’ flaws not even their fault to put a check to the flawed character but at the same time still have that perfect character. Eeww, no- give me real flaws to work with.

He’s one of the realest protagonists I ever read.

Like people give him shit for wanting to hide but also choosing to play a nationwide-discerned sport on an infamous collegiate team but for me it’s kind of realistic.

Because I think we, as human beings, also do things we love too much regardless of logic. I don’t know, like it’s kind of funny the way Neil is written but I honestly didn’t see him joining Palmetto as a loophole.

Like, just think of all those successful people who hid their identities via pseudonym or other necessary means to do things they weren’t expected to do or weren’t allowed to do.

For me, his character was really just looking for excuses to play his favorite sport a second longer and if anything, that’s just kind of sad.

But also, his dedication and love to exy is really admirable- like I never understood it but the way he literally does everything to stay on the court for a second longer just makes me want to root for him.

On a random note, Neil may not have an eidetic memory like Andrew’s but the way he memorize most phone numbers by heart? 

Bruh, I don’t even have my phone number memorized and I freaking have it for two years now. 

He also memorizes every twists and turns at every trip, every exits at a room he enters, and most people’s tics upon the first meeting, and other things and that’s just crazy perceptive but also really crazy on another level.

Also, we don’t get much ace/demi representation and out of the few I’ve consumed, demi Neil Josten validates me. He’s legit my favorite character that belongs in the ace spec in books.

I just really love Neil’s character so much- he’s just so amazing.

One thing I always appreciate about Neil Josten is that while he’s not a total angel (sadly), the way he loves the foxes- like he legit tried to mend the team and make sure everyone is going to be okay before walking straight to his death- like I’m with Andrew on this one, what a fucking martyr. Why are you like this and why am I crying?

Neil Josten is by all means not soft, that much is established, but the way he’s just still as precious and must be protected at all costs-

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."

I love him, your honor- where can I file this adoption papers and do I have anything else to sign?

[persephone-andromeda]

Love That Will Last

Requested? Yes | No

Will you please write a Bucky x Ivar x Reader fic that takes place during Victorian times? Lots of romance please

Pairing: Victorian times!Winterboneless x reader

Summary: You are the duchess to be of Duke James Barnes and the lover of Lord Ivar Ragnarsson in secret. On the night of a ball, you and Ivar have an argument and you wonder if this love is meant to last.

Song inspo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8GxG7IuI0Y

Warning(s): Angst, reader and Ivar get into an argument, loving James, ends in fluff

Word count: 2.8k (oops)

A/N: This is my first request in a long time! Hope you like it!

Tags: @unbetaedimagines​

The ballroom was blazing with light. Chandeliers cast mini rainbows as the crystals gleamed. A fountain could be heard faintly bubbling outside against the chatter and music of the room and the footsteps of eager ladies and less eager gentleman. Cream and gold decorated the walls with expensive frames of art and sculptures pushed to the corners of the room but placed in a way that looked deliberate. Opulence was the name and it showed.

You were standing by one of the open balcony doors to get the faintest trace of a spring evening breeze. The dress you wore was too tight and the heat of the room made everything too claustrophobic. Maybe it was the champagne too…

A glass of water appeared in your vision and you cast your eyes to your fiancé before downing the liquid quickly. You sighed in relief.

“Thank you. This room is absolutely stifling.”

“Here I thought it was just my presence.”

You snort and hand him the empty glass.

“I could never be bored in your presence, James, no matter what you think,” you tell him before taking him in.

James Barnes, your town’s most eligible bachelor, and a holder of a very large estate, was the most eligible bachelor, is dressed in a smart suit with black tails behind him and a bowtie to match. His blue eyes are slightly shadowed in the light and they make him look even more alluring with the slight smirk on his face.

“I am a lucky man.”

“You better not forget it, or I might just leave you,” you tease.

He fakes a gasp as he holds the glass close to his chest.

“My love you wound me.” He casts his eyes around the room. “Which one of these insufferable fools would you leave me for?”

You also cast your eyes around the room for a few moments and you spot the lord of the house, Ivar, sulking away in a corner with a half empty glass of whiskey. You grin a bit as you turn back to James.

“Well, there’s a lot of qualities and responsibilities that I’d need to replace you,” you start and rock on the balls of your feet, as much as the shoes allow. “First, he’d have to be able to support me and whatever endeavors I hope to achieve. Secondly, he has to be attractive and fun. He can’t sulk away the day. Finally, he has to have an open mind. I have ambitions and dreams and maybe I want to cause some trouble too. He has to help.”

James nods as he twirls the stem of the glass between his fingers.

“Hmm, well, I do believe you’re out of luck here sweetheart. None of these men here have all three qualities that you desire. I guess you’re stuck with me.”

He grins at you and you flush at his gaze as you know what that look means.

“Behave, James. We’re in public,” you whisper as he draws you close to his side.

“Maybe I just want to have a little bit of fun.”

The band concludes with the song and you applaud politely with everyone else as they take a break. You kiss James’s cheek, as the sound of scraping chairs and hurried footsteps around you gives you an opportunity to lean away from his promising touch.

“Will you get me more water? I’m parched.”

James nods and then goes off into the crowd. You take a moment to look for Lord Ivar again, but he is gone from his spot in the corner. You frown for a moment and then hear the signs of squeaky wheels halt at your side.

“Miss (Y/L/N),” he says, and you turn to see him beside you. You start into a curtsey. “You don’t need to do that, you know.”

You smile coyly as you dip back down anyways, just to torture him with the neckline of your dress.

“It is your family home, my lord. It would be impolite to not pay my respects,” you say and complete the curtsey before standing back up.

“And because it is my home, I can command you to do certain…acts,” he teases back.

You fight the flush that tries to crawl its way under your skin.

“Of course, my lord,” you drawl. “But I always make you pay for it later.”

You wink at him and then casts your eyes around the room to make it seem like you and the lord are having a simple conversation, perhaps about the artwork lining the walls. No one needs to know that you’ve been here may times before and you’ve memorized the lines of wallpaper meeting together and the places of frames, even when they are taken down for cleaning.

“Has there been any news about my father’s statues? I thought that you would have told me something by now…” you enquire.

Your father conserved ancient marble statutes and once he had died, since he had no male heir, they were sold at the house auction, breaking your heart. Before you had met James, you spent quite some time looking for them, but you hadn’t been able to find them. Upon James introducing you to Ivar, and learning about his connects, he put out enquiries into them. He had found them two months ago but no new information had been provided since then, leaving you antsy.

The squeak of leather alerts you to the fact that he’s shifting in his seat, either from discomfort from the topic or from the pain in his legs. If this was any other situation, you would help him, but you cannot. No one can know.

“You know I cannot talk about that. Only James is privy-”

“To that information, I know. You always say that,” you finish and sigh before looking at him again. “You know my background. My father didn’t educate me in conservation for years just for you and James to disregard my experience, even in our….relationship. It isn’t fair.”

“Can you believe that we are trying to protect you?”

“No. If you wanted to protect me, you never would have asked me to risk my reputation every time you ask me to come see you. James and I will be married, Ivar, and I don’t know where that leaves you.”

You look away again at the many pairs of feet that are lingering by the drink table or swaying to an unheard song on the floor.

“I understand that you are angry at me for not indulging you, but there are certain things a lady of your disposition-”

You can’t help but laugh at that and then you stare at him again, making him stop.

“Don’t pull that with me. I’m not your mother. You cannot command me to do anything.”

“Watch your tone, woman, or I’ll-”

“What? Hmm?” You stare him down. “What will you do to me? Punish me? Arguing with you is punishing enough and I will not do it anymore, even if you want my forgiveness.”

He snorts.

“Forgiveness? Why would I want that? Have I slighted you, my darling?” He asks with a slight rage burning behind his eyes, begging you to keep going, but arguing with Ivar always ends in someone’s feelings getting hurt and you are not in the mood.

Enraged, you look away from him, just as James returns.

“I’m gone for two minutes and you two are already at it,” he comments and hands you the refilled glass of water.

You down it quickly again, feeling the water cool your anger, but not entirely.

“I want to leave. I’m tired and annoyed,” you address James, ignoring Ivar completely. Two can play at that game.

“You will come back tomorrow and we can-” Ivar starts, and you whip your head around so fast it makes you a bit dizzy.

“I am not cattle to be herded. You will do your best to remember that my lord. I am going to be a duchess and you will show me the respect I have earned.”

He opens his mouth to counter back, but he is stopped by James.

“That’s enough, both of you. If I knew that you two were going to be at each other again, I never would have suggested that we come. My love, let us go and, maybe, we will return tomorrow with cool heads. Agreed?”

“Ever the logical one,” Ivar sneers.

“Ivar,” James says sternly, and shuts his mouth again.

James turns to you.

“Agreed?”

You nod curtly and hand him the empty glass again. You know that Ivar will not say that he agrees but he might if he decides to behave.

“Alright. Let us go before the storm kicks in.”

James leads you away from the crowd of bustling dancers as the music starts up again and you don’t bother to turn around to see if Ivar is watching you go. You doubt he even cares.

On the carriage ride back, you’re abnormally silent as you look out the window. Your annoyance has calmed but it still lingers, even in the cool night breeze.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you tell James as you know he wants you to, at least, say something.

“I’m sure he’ll be sorry in the morning.”

You snort again.

“When Hell decides to freeze over, then maybe then there will be a chance of him apologizing, and actually meaning it.”

“(Y/N)…” James sighs and from the corner of your eye, you see that he has turned to look out the window on his side. “I don’t understand why you two fight so much. There’s nothing be gained from it.”

You swallow and blink back the tears.

“I know.”

You argue because most of the time you don’t believe that Ivar truly loves you as he says he does and when you argue, at least you can see some emotion laced in his words and in his eyes.

“Will you sleep on it? I can come get you in the morning and we can have breakfast at that café you like and discuss it then,” he suggests gently.

You nod.

“Alright,” he concludes.

Fifteen minutes later, the carriage rolls to a stop in front of your home but before you can get out, he stops you. James kisses your hands.

“My love, please think on it. You and I both know he loves you, and don’t look at me like that. You know it’s true.” He kisses your forehead and opens the door to help you back down onto the gravel road. “I love you and no matter what happens, that will never change.”

You nod again and give his hand a squeeze before parting.

“I love you, James Barnes. Always have, always will,” you proclaim softly.

You’re rewarded by one of his dazzling smiles and as you lay in bed that night, you wonder about the future and how uncertain it all seems.

********

At that same moment, Ivar sits at his desk in his study tapping his pen against a piece of paper that has many scribbled and struck out lines on it. He cannot seem to find the right words to apologize or tell you how he feels, even when he knows you’re only trying to help.

He balls up the piece of paper and throws it into the fire before he sighs. He looks at the picture of you on his desk and gently strokes the image of your cheeks.

“What am I to do with you, my love?” He asks himself softly.

He looks at the clock on his desk just before he hears the small bells chime for midnight. Maybe he’ll have a better idea in the morning. He swallows at that and downs the rest of his whiskey before he stares back at the picture.

Right then, he knows what he has to do, and he can only pray that his hands can keep up with the words flowing from his mind.

********

You debated going with James in the late morning, but the argument could not be left unresolved or else bitter feelings would grow between you and Ivar. You are both very stubborn but driven people and you two were bound to clash every once in a while. James always has to play Switzerland, the neutral ground, to make sure that you two didn’t reach the point of no return. That only happened once, and you and Ivar didn’t speak for two weeks. You can’t even remember what that argument was about. That’s how silly it seems.

You sigh a bit as you look out the window as his manor comes into view.

“Remember-” James starts as he’s adjusting his cuffs.

“I know. Be nice, smile. Be a duchess to be.”

James sighs a bit, but you don’t have the energy to respond to that. What you do have is curiosity as you see the servants bringing in a wooden box, and by the sounds of their grunting, a very heavy wooden box. You frown as the carriage rolls to a stop in front of the manor.

The footman helps you down as James rounds the carriage to come to your side.

“What is this? Did Ivar mention anything to you?”

James shakes his head and once the box is securely inside, you enter the manor. The manservant is inspecting the states of the boxes and is making notes in his book as he spots you. He bows to you both.

“Your grace, my lady. Lord Ivar is in his study,” he says and you both nod as you make your way to his study.

“This is very odd,” you whisper to James as he just smiles a bit. You frown again. “What is it?”

“Oh, nothing,” he chuckles. “He’s smarter than I thought is all.”

Now you’re even more confused, but Ivar’s study door is open and the conversation halts. Ivar looks up from the paper he’s studying and looks back down before gesturing for you two to come in.

As you enter, you see papers littering the floor around him and you can only imagine the state under his desk. He isn’t looking up, but you take in as much as you can.

“Have you slept?” You ask gently, your argument almost forgotten.

“No,” he speaks, and you want to protest but stop as he speaks again. “But you will see why. Come with me.”

He sets the pen down and wheels out from his desk and in front of you and James. He stops at the door and looks back at both of you.

“Well, come on. Hurry up so I can sleep this day away.”

You roll your eyes and takes James’s hand as you follow Ivar back out to the main hall where the boxes have been arranged along the sides of the walls deliberately. You can then read the words that are stamped onto the fronts of the boxes that read fragile in Italian. Your heart leaps in your chest.

“Ivar-”

“Shh, let James open them first before you get too excited.”

Ivar gestures to the crowbar that is resting on top of one of the shorter boxes and James takes off his jacket and hands it to you. You take a step back and your heart flutters with nerves and excitement.

It takes James a moment to creak open the front of the box and the protective stuffing comes pouring out, revealing the smoothed marble of one of the statues, completely unharmed.

“Oh,” you exclaim, and James moves aside so you can investigate.

You almost start to cry as you move away some more of the stuffing to see the face of the statue looking out over your head. You gently stroke the marbled cheek and let out a sound between a choke and a sound of exclamation.

You turn to Ivar.

“How did you get them here so fast? I thought that they had been lost or something.”

He shifts in his seat again, this time from discomfort as pink decorates his cheeks.

“You were right last night. I know they were your father’s greatest possessions, besides you of course, and…..I had lost them for a while there during transport and I didn’t want to tell you in case something had happened.” He meets your eyes. “I didn’t want to disappoint you and…..I’m sorry for being so snippy lately. I’ve been worried about them. I managed to send a letter to the dock master late last night when he was on shift and he said he was going to write me because they had arrived around ten. I had them delivered here as fast as he could manage it.”

You rush over and hug him tightly, despite his chair. You press kisses all over his face.

“Oh, Ivar. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cannot tell you how much this means to me.”

He smiles, a real one, and he strokes your cheek.

“You’re welcome and I am sorry.”

You look at each other for a few moments before James speaks.

“I guess it won’t be a cold day in Hell after all,” he teases.

You know then that this love will last after all, no matter the situation or the fall. Loving forever and forever all time.

[persimmononroll]

Jodie slinks into wherever she goes when she’s not Here and then meanders into the old wizard’s kitchen. She’s not sure if he’s actually a wizard but if an old vampire who commits crimes against nature for fun says he is, who is she to argue?

He’s measuring the walls again. One of the little cats, one that’s dangerously close to being educated, holds down the end of the measuring tape while Neht scribbles measurements into a notebook, not paying any attention to her arrival whatsoever because she’s uncommonly quiet and he’s wearing headphones and probably listening to ABBA. When the days start getting shorter and night falls earlier, sometimes the walls start shrinking little by little unless he takes care to adjust his perceptions. She thinks he probably wouldn’t have this issue if he just installed some electric lights instead of relying on old-fashioned methods because candlelight makes the room seem smaller, but while he’ll concede to the usefulness of fridges and computers, his willingness to try out new technology only extends so far. It’s not like she can’t see in the dark, so the dimness at night doesn’t bother her, but she thinks Neht makes things more complicated than they need to be.

Vampires, you see, are stupid.

Jodie’s very good and helpful, so she pours all of the groceries into a pile on the middle of the table for him to deal with and then plays with an empty bag for awhile until she remembers that she’s a grown person and grown persons probably don’t play with bags. Neht doesn’t notice her. He pats the little cat’s head and starts work on the next wall. It’s not that she’s jealous of the cats because they’re only dumb little creatures who don’t know anything at all, not even how to read, but she likes it when things are about her and doesn’t like it when things aren’t about her. He takes measurements for a bit. She gets tired of standing by the table so she perches on the counter that she’s not supposed to sit on because counters are for food and not for people. The little cat nudges against his hand. Jodie decides that the logical course of action is to knock a tin cup off the counter as hard as she can.

“Goodness, dear. We mustn’t do that, please,” he says with a sigh as he removes his headphones. The cat stares at her with wide, unblinking eyes and she stares right back because it’s really important to let these little dummies know their place in the household. “Oh no, please don’t sit on that, it’s terribly unhygienic. I thought you were gathering information in the Midwest, weren’t you?”

She doesn’t need to say that she’s not going to get down because both of them know exactly what she’s going to do. She has to be bribed first. Neht makes token protests but there’s nothing on Earth that’s going to stop her from doing exactly what she wants when she wants.

“Yep! I made a notebook! I’m bored though, so I thought I would get you groceries because I’m a really nice and a good person and you forget to eat. No blood though. I didn’t want the grocer think I was a vampire or anything. You guys are gross and stink,” she says, gesturing to the mess on the table. “Praise me.”

Neht stands up and makes his way over. He looks the same as ever but he’s been a bit slower these days, probably because he’s filled with gunk.

“What’s all this, hm? Let’s see: octopus balls, anchovies, milk, here’s a can of sardines, pie crust, there’s a can of crab-meat, my goodness, is that an entire eel? And nothing I eat. I suspect ulterior motives.”

Jodie shrugs.

“I got you a bottle of simple syrup. You eat that, don’t you? I’m really nice and good getting you simple syrup, so you should make me seafood pie. With sausage, just for me! Pie for me. Pie, please.”

“Mm, I can’t possibly imagine that flavor profile. If I must, I suppose,” he says because he has chronic problems telling her no because she’s perfect and a baby. Of course he can’t imagine it; he can’t even taste it.

“...The last I heard, you didn’t have a job. How, pray tell, did you pay for this?”

“I stole money!” she says proudly because she’s very smart and resourceful.

“Jodie, no.”

“I mean, it was your money. I’m allowed.”

She’s not, actually, but he doesn’t really make much of a mess when she takes it because it’s not like he uses it for much of anything and he is responsible for her existence. The electricity and gas in the cottage are technically stolen. He grows much of the fruit he eats and doesn’t spend much on clothing, not when he has such a hoard. He buys cat food, pie material, craft supplies, and blood. Sometimes he buys books.

"We’re going to have a discussion about that, you little rat, even though I scarcely think you’ll listen. Now, did you hear anything interesting?”

“Sure, loads of things. I mean, it’s boring but you care about it. Say, have there always been so many vaporvolphs in Maroa? I sniffed so many of them. They stink like burned sugar, bleh. Actually, I sniffed a lot of new sniffs on people. More aliens touching down, right?”

“Please don’t be unkind to the volphs, Jodie, or else they’ll gobble you up and they won’t be sorry for it one bit. And please do get off my counter, you menace. You’re going to pick that cup up or I won’t make you anything at all,” Neht says, shooing her away because he hates her and doesn't want her to be happy.

She grumbles but does get off the counter because she is hungry and doesn’t want to eat what’s simmering on the stove. It’s not that she won’t eat blood because she is a consummate carnivore but he’s doing that thing where he simmers fruit with blood and plants are gross most of the time.

“You’re no fun,” she says, sticking out her tongue. He sticks his out right back. “Oh, your wife, the one with the garden, asked me to give you your mail. I put it in my backpack.”

”Thank you,” he says. “You’re an utter little demon but I appreciate it. If you’re bored, I did receive word of something very interesting going on in the west.”

The pie’s good, even if Neht doesn’t appreciate a good bit of fish the same way she does. She gobbles down piece after piece because she’s always been a greedy piglet and falls asleep in front of the fire like in old times. In the morning, she slips into Nowhere again and sneaks off to California for awhile until she gets bored again.

[mikami]

Following on from your thoughts about Matt, how would you build on his character using the traits you feel fanon has largely ignored?

I started a write-up of that before, a year or so ago, and then got really bored and gave up, so thank you for forcing me into doing it after all, haha.

Mail “Matt” Jeevas, third ranked of Wammy’s House. I need to get the implications of ‘third ranked’ out of the way immediately: I don’t think Matt is a Genius™. I think he’s smart, but not smart enough to stick out from a crowd of other fairly smart people. I wrote about my impression of Wammy’s House before, but the tl;dr is that I don’t think the average Wammy kid’s intelligence really surpasses average ‘good student’ intelligence elsewhere in the world. They just get a very good and costy education because Watari is rich. 

Does the skill level thing impact his growing up? Not much, initially, I don’t think. We know thanks to Chapter 109 that the actual successor candidates were only picked sometime in 2003, thus when Matt was around 13. Until then there had presumably been rank lists, but nothing was really set in stone and rank 3 is like… pretty good. Nothing to feel bad about here.

And when there’s the L Q&A, Matt seems reasonably interested in L alongside the other kids. That doesn’t mean he was sincerely interested in becoming L, but let’s assume for the sake of argument, that he was.

After this, Mello and Near get picked as successor candidates. What used to be a far-future idea of a job that they could build up to over years is now something that he’s more or less locked out of. Even though he’s got good grades, they’re below Mello and Near by far, so hopes of breaking into the candidate spots are slim. The adult Matt we see in canon seems pretty aimless, so you could argue that this is the point where he loses any ambition. Just goes ‘eh, what’s it all for’ and starts focusing more on video games and hobbies than his studies. 

And that’s where the backstory speculation ends and we can start digging into what little traits he has in canon.

Matt’s stats say he likes videogames and hates going outdoors, so you’re forced to conclude that he’s just kind of a nerd shut-in stereotype, which is an impression aided by the way he’s untidy about his trash:

And I think that all plays into the trait I always see as Matt’s most defining one: aimlessness.

That’s probably a controversial take, but I don’t think him working with Mello on his plan is really a product of loyalty at all. Mello and Matt were friends but there is no particular evidence that they were very close. For all we know, they probably haven’t really spoken at all since Mello left Wammy’s House. 

So then why does Matt go along with Mello’s plans? Aimlessness.

We don’t see him having picked up any career or anything meaningful unlike, say, Linda, who’s already a very successful painter as a young adult. Matt just… kind of exists, and this state of ‘just kind of existing’ makes him more open to doing anything that seems like it might be interesting. (Between his chainsmoking habit and the fact that we know he’s a good and/or reckless driver, thrill-seeking behaviour doesn’t seem unthinkable for him generally.)

Given how chill he is during the chase scene generally, I don’t think this is his first car chase rodeo. I could see him doing illegal car races for a time just to try it out, haha. But that’s very up for interpretation.

Morally, he doesn’t really seem to care about the Kira case at all. The priorities he voices during his few appearances are all boredom-related, really.

Which again ties into aimless/thrill-seeking. Matt wants something to do but mostly just something that is quickly entertaining - it doesn’t have to be meaningful. He’s as satisfied with checking out girls as he is with video games or car chases - as long as it is just something that’s going on.

Though Matt doesn’t like it when they get the better of him in his observation, you never really get the picture that he cares particularly about the reason he’s observing them (the order to follow them to Japan surprises him). Rather, he just doesn’t like having the wool pulled over his eyes, and to be fair, who does?

This also is the one time that really breaks his fairly deadpan perma-bored expression and body language. Frustration about loss, though he’s usually aimless. If I wanted to go out on a leg, I could count that as evidence for my earlier theory that his one-time loss at becoming a successor candidate just kind of frustrated and demotivated him for life.

Also as a side note, he’s 19 and describes a woman he’s attracted to as child-like and potentially as young as 14, which is :/ Not sure what other characterization to derive from this though other than ‘he’s into girls and mildly skeevy’. Guess that just adds to the image of ‘stereotypical gamer bro’ in the end... (Also he’s off by 10 to 4  years, Misa’s 24.)

In the end, Matt dies as he lived: casual and kind of bored-looking. Up until his last moments he’s treating things as a random pastime more than a life or death situation. He’s clearly not expecting to actually die here.

And that’s as far as I get with canon Matt. I’ve almost convinced myself he’s actually a logical character, I can’t believe this.

[arcticdementor]

“Culture is the secret of humanity’s success” sounds like the most vapid possible thesis. The Secret Of Our Success by anthropologist Joseph Henrich manages to be an amazing book anyway.

Henrich wants to debunk (or at least clarify) a popular view where humans succeeded because of our raw intelligence. In this view, we are smart enough to invent neat tools that help us survive and adapt to unfamiliar environments.

Against such theories: we cannot actually do this. Henrich walks the reader through many stories about European explorers marooned in unfamiliar environments. These explorers usually starved to death. They starved to death in the middle of endless plenty. Some of them were in Arctic lands that the Inuit considered among their richest hunting grounds. Others were in jungles, surrounded by edible plants and animals. One particularly unfortunate group was in Alabama, and would have perished entirely if they hadn’t been captured and enslaved by local Indians first.

These explorers had many advantages over our hominid ancestors. For one thing, their exploration parties were made up entirely of strong young men in their prime, with no need to support women, children, or the elderly. They were often selected for their education and intelligence. Many of them were from Victorian Britain, one of the most successful civilizations in history, full of geniuses like Darwin and Galton. Most of them had some past experience with wilderness craft and survival. But despite their big brains, when faced with the task our big brains supposedly evolved for – figuring out how to do hunting and gathering in a wilderness environment – they failed pathetically.

…

How do hunter-gatherers know how to do all this? We usually summarize it as “culture”. How did it form? Not through some smart Inuit or Fuegian person reasoning it out; if that had been it, smart European explorers should have been able to reason it out too.

The obvious answer is “cultural evolution”, but Henrich isn’t much better than anyone else at taking the mystery out of this phrase. Trial and error must have been involved, and less successful groups/people imitating the techniques of more successful ones. But is that really a satisfying explanation?

…

All of this is cultural. Henrich is kind of cruel in his insistence on this. He recommends readers go outside and try to start a fire. He even gives some helpful hints – flint is involved, rubbing two sticks together works for some people, etc. He predicts – and stories I’ve heard from unfortunate campers confirm – that you will not be able to do this, despite an IQ far beyond that of most of our hominid ancestors. In fact, some groups (most notably the aboriginal Tasmanians) seem to have lost the ability to make fire, and never rediscovered it. Fire-making was discovered a small number of times, maybe once, and has been culturally transmitted since then.

…

Human children are obsessed with learning things. And they don’t learn things randomly. There seem to be “biases in cultural learning”, ie slots in an infant’s mind that they know need to be filled with knowledge, and which they preferentially seek out the knowledge necessary to fill.

One slot is for language. Human children naturally listen to speech (as early as in the womb). They naturally prune the phonemes they are able to produce and distinguish to the ones in the local language. And they naturally figure out how to speak and understand what people are saying, even though learning a language is hard even for smart adults.

Another slot is for animals. In a world where megafauna has been relegated to zoos, we still teach children their ABCs with “L is for lion” and “B is for bear”, and children still read picture books about Mr. Frog and Mrs. Snake holding tea parties. Henrich suggests that just as the young brain is hard-coded to want to learn language, so it is hard-coded to want to learn the local animal life (little boys’ vehicle obsession may be a weird outgrowth of this; buses and trains are the closest thing to local megafauna that most of them will encounter).

…

Another slot is for gender roles. By now we’ve all heard the stories of progressives who try to raise their children without any exposure to gender. Their failure has sometimes been taken as evidence that gender is hard-coded. But it can’t be quite that simple: some modern gender roles, like girls = pink, are far from obvious or universal. Instead, it looks like children have a hard-coded slot that gender roles go into, work hard to figure out what the local gender roles are (even if their parents are trying to confuse them), then latch onto them and don’t let go.

In the Cultural Intelligence Hypothesis, humans live in obligate symbiosis with a culture. A brain without an associated culture is incomplete and not very useful. So the infant brain is adapted to seek out the important aspects of its local culture almost from birth and fill them into the appropriate slots in order to become whole.

…

I was inspired to read Secret by this review on Scholar’s Stage. I hate to be unoriginal, but after reading the whole book, I agree that the three sections Tanner cites – on divination, on manioc, and on shark taboos – are by far the best and most fascinating.

…

But being genuinely random is important in pursuing mixed game theoretic strategies. Henrich’s view is that divination solved this problem effectively.

I’m reminded of the Romans using augury to decide when and where to attack. This always struck me as crazy; generals are going to risk the lives of thousands of soldiers because they saw a weird bird earlier that morning? But war is a classic example of when a random strategy can be useful. If you’re deciding whether to attack the enemy’s right vs. left flank, it’s important that the enemy can’t predict your decision and send his best defenders there. If you’re generally predictable – and Scott Aaronson says you are – then outsourcing your decision to weird birds might be the best way to go.

…

Rationalists always wonder: how come people aren’t more rational? How come you can prove a thousand times, using Facts and Logic, that something is stupid, and yet people will still keep doing it?

Henrich hints at an answer: for basically all of history, using reason would get you killed.

…

Henrich discusses pregnancy taboos in Fiji; pregnant women are banned from eating sharks. Sure enough, these sharks contain chemicals that can cause birth defects. The women didn’t really know why they weren’t eating the sharks, but when anthropologists demanded a reason, they eventually decided it was because their babies would be born with shark skin rather than human skin. As explanations go, this leaves a lot to be desired. How come you can still eat other fish? Aren’t you worried your kids will have scales? Doesn’t the slightest familiarity with biology prove this mechanism is garbage? But if some smart independent-minded iconoclastic Fijian girl figured any of this out, she would break the taboo and her child would have birth defects.

…

There’s a monster at the end of this book. Humans evolved to transmit culture with high fidelity. And one of the biggest threats to transmitting culture with high fidelity was Reason. Our ancestors lived in Epistemic Hell, where they had to constantly rely on causally opaque processes with justifications that couldn’t possibly be true, and if they ever questioned them then they might die. Historically, Reason has been the villain of the human narrative, a corrosive force that tempts people away from adaptive behavior towards choices that “sounded good at the time”.

Why are people so bad at reasoning? For the same reason they’re so bad at letting poisonous spiders walk all over their face without freaking out. Both “skills” are really bad ideas, most of the people who tried them died in the process, so evolution removed those genes from the population, and successful cultures stigmatized them enough to give people an internalized fear of even trying.

…

This book belongs alongside Seeing Like A State and the works of G.K. Chesterton as attempts to justify tradition, and to argue for organically-evolved institutions over top-down planning. What unique contribution does it make to this canon?

First, a lot more specifically anthropological / paleoanthropological rigor than the other two.

Second, a much crisper focus: Chesterton had only the fuzziest idea that he was writing about cultural evolution, and Scott was only a little clearer. I think Henrich is the only one of the three to use the term, and once you hear it, it’s obviously the right framing.

Third, a sense of how traditions contain the meta-tradition of defending themselves against Reason, and a sense for why this is necessary.

And fourth, maybe we’re not at the point where we really want unique contributions yet. Maybe we’re still at the point where we have to have this hammered in by more and more examples. The temptation is always to say “Ah, yes, a few simple things like taboos against eating poisonous plants may be relics of cultural evolution, but obviously by now we’re at the point where we know which traditions are important vs. random looniness, and we can rationally stick to the important ones while throwing out the garbage.” And then somebody points out to you that actually divination using oracle bones was one of the important traditions, and if you thought you knew better than that and tried to throw it out, your civilization would falter.

Maybe we just need to keep reading more similarly-themed books until this point really sinks in, and we get properly worried.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

How does one write meta? I am someone who is terrible at critical analyses and has trouble even finding themes in books (eng lit was hell for me!!) but I would love write meta for shows/movies. I just don't know what to look for and how to break it down. Please help me, if you don't mind! I want to be able to articulate/explain why I like or don't like and what I think about the work, character, relationship or topic. I feel like I need a guideline. Also how do you know if a work has substance?

Uh…….

Welp, if all your years of education including, evidently, college hasn’t taught you how to critically read a text (written or media) and write about it in a way that you feel confident in, then I seriously doubt there’s anything I can say in a single post to instill that confidence. That said, I can say what and how I do it, more or less. 

1. Watch the thing. A lot. And then some more. 

My typical schedule for when Hannibal aired in S2 (I wasn’t posting regularly in S1 and S3 was over summer so my schedule got shot all to hell) was to watch the episode the night it aired (Friday), read the questions I’d get about it in my inbox, watch it again right after, get up in the morning on Saturday and read the next set of questions, watch it AGAIN, start drafting answers, and watch it again at least once more that day and two or three times on Sunday. I would get an Amazon copy of the episode so when I wrote anything about any detail in it, I would go find that spot and rewatch it again, maybe two or three times. So my meta responses, unless it was something super quick and easy, typically had no less than five viewings. After the end of a week, no less than ten or twelve. 

At this point, I’ve watched “Aperitif” 27 times just for my job. Overall I think it’s around 70. Meta is time-consuming.

(A small tangent: This–along with the fact that each ask I answered tended to spawn two or three more asks–is something that informed my occasional testiness when someone would come along, say something inaccurate that would mislead or confuse people, and then, when I would say something to them about it, would say, “This is only my opinion!” or “I’m not writing for school!” or “I’ve only watched it once and I just wanted to share my feelings!” or “All interpretations are valid and equal!” Well, some of us are putting in a lot of time and effort into our interpretations and into helping people understand things before and in the process of publishing meta, and others’ lack of these directly makes my work more difficult and time-consuming. It’s frustrating.)

2. Look for patterns.

Hannibal has fairly obvious patterns because Bryan Fuller is many things, but–generally speaking–subtle he is not. So you see the same lines repeated (”They know”), the same images repeated (eyeballs with reflections), the same strains of music (go go Brian Reitzell), the same general topics (transformation, consumption, the human propensity for violence, God), and so forth. But this is true in all texts: if it bears repeating, it will bear examining. This is where themes (in books or otherwise) come from, along with the kinds of lessons that characters learn (or should have learned) through their experiences. 

3. Back up your opinions with text.

If you can’t back it up with text, you don’t have meta. You have headcanon. And sometimes headcanons are just wrong interpretations not because anything in the text directly counters them them, but because multiple things point toward countering them. Interpretations are fine, but they need to have multiple and/or significant portions of text to support them. 

I occasionally get into “the author is dead” debates with people, but as a rule of thumb, if you want to maintain any respectability in this endeavor, imo it’s worthwhile to look at a thing from the perspective of what you think the authors (including actors, directors, writers, etc) were trying to accomplish, and then look for details that support that. So like the “Bedelia cut off her own leg” argument–in the sense that you can’t definitively argue that she didn’t cut off her own leg, since they don’t show on screen who did, the claim that she cut it off herself is weaker than the claim that Hannibal and/or Will did it for her. There are pieces of evidence that imply that Hannibal and/or Will did it, but there is only conjecture to support that Bedelia herself did (”she could have…” this that, or the other). You cannot argue from an absence of evidence, and the evidence of an author’s thinking will be there, in the details. 

4. Study, look things up, and learn to write and argue. 

If Hannibal decides to quote Nietzsche, it don’t matter that you ain’t read Nietzsche in twenty-odd years and never read that particular piece at all. Go do your research, cuz somebody gonna ask. Not only that, but somebody gonna read that shit that is a fuggin philosophy major, so you better get your goddam ducks in a sweet little tidy row. 

Read what other people write about the topic you want to write about. If you want to write MCU meta, get your ass in the MCU meta tag (or whatever it is that they use) and read what people are saying. Some of them are going to be hella smart and help you understand things you didn’t know you misunderstood.

Same with writing. Learn to do that shit, if you don’t know already, on all levels: we’re dealing with ideas here, but there are also organization, voice, sentence fluency, word choice, and conventions. Reread and edit your shit. I recommend being linear in your organization–I’ve known people who wrote beautiful meta that you wouldn’t ever get any sense of what the point is till the absolute end. Don’t do that to people. Make a point, support it, draw a conclusion. Writing 101 stuff.

Learn to recognize logical fallacies so that you don’t do them when you don’t want to, and so that when you do want to, you can hide them so people won’t call you out on them. And so that you can call out others on them. 

Make no mistake: meta is argument. It’s only pretending to be expository.

With that in mind, know what you’re capable of. If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Especially if you’re easily hurt and/or have self-esteem issues. So much of fandom is all about lovey feelings and not leaving unasked-for criticism on people’s fic and all that–and I support that–but meta is an exception to this. It just is. Everyone is going to be jumping for a chance to tell you how wrong you are, even if they don’t write meta themselves and only watched the show once and just have feelings. 

5. Know your audience. 

Here’s an example of what I mean: I received an ask some years ago about whether or not Hannibal ever was in love with Bedelia, maybe even just a little? Even if it wasn’t like how he feels about Will??? 

Look, I’m a Hannigram shipper, and I wasn’t making any bones about that matter at the time I got that ask. But obviously that was from someone who shipped Bedannibal and really just wanted their poor soul to be soothed, and I can guarandamntee you I found some way to answer yes, in a way that was honest and that I could textually support, even though I myself would not call that relationship “in love.”

If you can, be on the side of your readers. They will be the people who are asking you questions. It doesn’t hurt to demonstrate kindness, as much as you can, without sacrificing the integrity of what you have to say as a meta writer. I’ll be the first to say I’ve made a lot of enemies on this blog because of various arguments I’ve gotten into, and I haven’t always known how important this is. But the people who come to you with questions deserve the best you can possibly give them.

How do you know when a work has substance?

It should be able to check several if not all of the following boxes:

Addresses the human condition in a non-trivial way (needs to be arguable and worth arguing about)

Contains complex characterization (no black and white major characters)

Displays text complexity (you gotta put in some effort to get it)

Exercises intertextuality (allusions to the greater world, other texts, history, etc.) 

Displays artistic quality (in all areas: writing, cinematography, acting, etc.)

Utilizes multiple varying artistic tools (metaphor, symbolism in writing, for example, or an appropriate variety of camera angles)

Controls and maintains a tone appropriate to subject and message

Note that being contextually relevant (dealing with important social issues) is not something that I listed here. Many on Tumblr would say that it should be. You should be at least vaguely aware of how your particular venue (Tumblr vs. reddit, for example) is going to affect your audience’s expectations of such things. 

[patiencetaught]

MUSE: Jennifer Diana Honey

ZODIAC SIGN: Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces

Highlights;

“And so she went on taking first one side and then another and making quite a conversation of it altogether” “She generally gave herself very good advice (though she seldom followed it)...” 

(this is from the libran woman section b/c it fit well. although, it’s also very sexist) She may be as dainty as a fluffy, white bunny and she may whisper with gentle persuasion. She can dress in silks and laces, and her hair can smell of fragrant cologne. She might even look like a little doll you could lift with one hand (though a Taurus or Sagittarius ascendant would make her considerably more hefty). But with all her femininity, sweet mannerisms and lovely grace, this girl wears a pair of trousers with surprising ease, and they'll fit her rather neatly. Her mental processes operate with male logic and they can match yours in any discussion you care to start. They can even top yours on occasion, although the female side of the Libra woman is usually too smart to let you catch on to that until you're safely past the honeymoon. During the mating season, she'll be careful not to beat you at chess, but she won't hide her sharp mind behind those soft dimples forever. Eventually, you'll be treated to a display of her brain power.

Aside from the typical Libra penchant for weighing everything twice to make sure she didn't miss a point, she can be quite a lot of woman for a man who's interested in romance or companionship or both. Her tendency to argue is really based on a sincere desire to reach an impartial decision. It could be worse. At least she doesn't make up her own rules as she goes along, or stubbornly resist all reason, like women born under some other Sun signs. Besides, most of her opinions are presented with diplomatic tact, which somewhat softens the blow.

You can see the Libran female is nothing if not fair, and committed to balanced judgment all around. To a Libra woman, there's no such thing as what she thinks is right. Your opinion deserves as much respect as hers and Plato's, until the decision is made, based on the flaws in her arguments, yours and all the philosophers.

The average Libra female is highly intellectual and has amazing powers of analysis, which can be a real help in solving your business problems. She seldom lets her emotions keep her from dispassionate decision or a-balanced view, and she can usually give you better advice than your banker. Naturally, her abilities along these lines can cover a multitude of vices. Not only that, but if she's a typical Venus girl, she offers her pearls of wisdom on a silver platter of charm and amiable suggestion. Her iron hand wears a soft, velvet glove, and she can nudge you off the wrong track and in the right direction so gently, you'll swear the switch was entirely your own idea.

You probably won't complain of lack of physical proof of her love, because she's as sentimental as old lace, and as affectionate as a woman has any right to be. Although she's sincere about her billing and cooing, those sweet glances, tender touches, warm hugs and frequent kisses are also a pretty effective smokescreen for her hidden masculine drive. There's no law that says sincerity can't have a practical application.

Her sweet manners and smooth ability to cool your fevered brow can lead you to think she's weak and helpless, or that she'll be fluttery and feminine when a crisis erupts. If so, you're much mistaken. That dear, womanly little creature is composed of nine parts steel. Just because you missed it when she was shrewdly and bravely planning to hook you during those early chess games when she kept letting you beat her, you shouldn't remain blind forever. Open your eyes wide the next time there's a family emergency, and see who keeps the boat from rocking. Who really does it, I mean. The truth needn't rob you of your masculinity. No one but you will know how much you need her helping hand at the helm when things get choppy. Shell never brag about it, or take anything away from you--except a large part of the responsibility. Be grateful she's so dependable. Besides, she looks kind of cute when she wears her slacks to garden or to the super­market, doesn't she? Women in trousers are all right, as long as they have enough sense to wear frilly parties and slinky silk in privacy (she does). One of her most valuable assets is her ability to hide her sharp, keen mind behind utter femininity.

The children will be loved and tenderly cared for by a Libra mother, but in all honesty, they will come in a poor second to you. They're junior partners, but you are the president of the company, and shell never forget that basic fact. They'll get a large chunk of her heart, but she'll never allow them to steal the comer she gave to you before they came along. If their play interferes with your rest, she can be pretty strict, and if they disobey you, shell be angrier than if they disobeyed her. The youngsters will be sweet and clean as infants, neat and polite as adults-unless you spoil them and she doesn't interfere because you're the lord and master. It's just another one of those decisions she may leave in your hands so she can avoid making the wrong judgment The Libra mother is normally gentle, yet quite firm when the need arises. Her children are never neglected or ignored, but the truth of the matter is that the reason she wanted to become a mother in the first place was so she could give you more happiness that way. One of the first things she'll teach them when they learn their prayers is to say, "God bless Daddy." She'll never permit them to disrespect their father. Still, if you get a little overbearing, she's a pretty soft pillow for their tears, and she may sneak them a peppermint stick behind your back when you've put your foot down too severely. (LMAO)

What other woman could look like a princess when you take her to the ball, then turn right around, lace up her boots, zip up her red plaid lumber jacket, and help you saw logs for the fireplace? She has sweetness enough for the first and strength enough for the second. If her name is Peg, you'll be whistling"Peg-0-My-Heart." If it's Sally . or Mary, you'll happily hum "My Gal Sal" or sing "Mary Is a Grand Old Name." In case the song writers have forgotten to pay her a tribute, write your own melody in waltz time, with a good, strong beat, and dedicate it to your Libra woman. Fortissimo.

MYERS-BRIGGS: ESFP | ISFP | ESTP | ISTP | ESTJ | ISTJ | ESFJ | ISFJ | ENFJ | INFJ | ENFP | INFP | ENTP | INTP | ENTJ | INTJ

DEFENDER PERSONALITY (ISFJ)

Strengths: Supportive, Reliable and Patient, Imaginative and Observant, Enthusiastic, Loyal and Hard-Working , and Good Practical Skills. Weaknesses: Humble and Shy, Take Things Too Personally, Repress Their Feelings, Overload Themselves, Reluctant to Change, and Too Altruistic

“ Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others. ”

--Brian Tracy

FOUR TEMPERAMENTS: Sanguine | Melancholic | Choleric | Phlegmatic

Your temperament is melancholic. The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.

CELTIC ZODIAC: Birch (The Achiever) | Rowan (The Thinker) | Ash (The Enchanter) | Alder (The Trailblazer) | Willow (The Observer) | Hawthorne (The Illusionist) | Oak (The Stabilizer) | Holly (The Ruler) | Hazel (The Knower) | Vine (The Equalizer) | Ivy (The Survivor) | Reed (The Inquisitor) | Elder (The Seeker)

Among other cherished qualities of the Ivy Celtic tree astrology sign, most prized is your ability to overcome all odds. You have a sharp intellect, but more obvious is your compassion and loyalty to others. You have a giving nature, and are always there to lend a helping hand. You are born at a time of the waning sun so life an be difficult for you at times. This sometimes seems unfair because it appears that obstacles are coming at with no prompting on your part. Nevertheless, you endure troubling times with silent perseverance and soulful grace. Indeed, Ivy signs have a tendency to be deeply spiritual and cling to a deep-rooted faith that typically sees them trough adversity. You are soft spoken, but have a keen wit about you. You are charming, charismatic, and can effectively hold your own in most social settings. Ivy signs are attracted to the Celtic tree astology sign of Oak and Ash signs.

SOUL TYPE: Hunter | Caregiver | Creator | Thinker | Helper | Educator | Performer | Leader | Spiritualist

The quintessential characteristic of a Caregiver type is the desire to take care of others. For this reason, Caregivers may be drawn to the long-term care of children or the elderly. Though some Caregivers find their need to nurture satisfied by raising a family, many others seek out work in such venues as schools, hospitals, and animal shelters. The long-term care of those with Alzheimer’s, autism, and mental illness often becomes the responsibility of Caregivers.

If you recognize yourself as a Caregiver, you may already have noticed the tendency to put others’ needs ahead of your own. This trait makes it essential that you go out of your way to take care of yourself as well as those around you. Remember that you’re no use to others if you’re not healthy or fit enough to help them.

You are loyal to the extreme, and you guard those who are entrusted to your care with your life. Fighting another person’s battles can be important if that individual is unable to stand up for themselves, though you should be cautious not to disempower those in your care by not allowing them to do things for themselves.

Your empathy allows you to understand nonverbal emotional signals. This ability will tell you when someone needs your help, and how best to assist them. It is common for Caregiver types to intuitively know what someone needs at any given time.

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor | Hufflepuff | Ravenclaw | Slytherin

You have been sorted into Hufflepuff, the house of loyalty, hard working, acceptance, and fairness. You are amongst other Hufflepuffs such as: Tonks and Cedric Diggory

ALIGNMENT: Lawful Good (28) | Neutral Good (25) | Chaotic Good | Lawful Neutral | True Neutral | Chaotic Neutral | Lawful Evil | Neutral Evil | Chaotic Evil

Law & Chaos: Law(12) // Good & Evil: Good (16)

A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

DARK TRIAD: Psychopathy(0.3) | Machiavellianism(-1) | Narcissism (1)

{ look at those scores. good lord... }

Narcissism is an egotistical preoccupation with self. Because of all their experience with maintaining their self image, people who score high for narcissism will often appear charming but their narcissism will later lead to extreme difficulty in developing close relationships.

THE ANIMAL IN YOU: Lion | Tiger | Dolphin | Bear | Wild Cat | Fox | Weasel | Badger | Dog | Otter | Wolf | Sea Lion | Wild Dog | Walrus | Gorilla | Deer | Rhinoceros | Hippo | Sable | Horse | Sheep | Mountain Goat | Warthog | Zebra | Baboon | Elephant | Bison | Giraffe | Cottontail | Mole | Bat | Porcupine | Beaver | Prairie Dog | Shrew | Mouse | Eagle | Rooster | Owl | Swan | Peacock | Vulture | Penguin | Crocodile | Snake | Rabbit

Throughout the ages swans have been venerated for their elegant grace and gentle beauty. So it's little surprise that these personalities attract admiration as they sail serenely through life. The swan's noble reputation is its greatest asset and it takes care to cultivate this image by always appearing calm in public.

Things are very different just below the surface... for fueling the swan's elegant glide is a high-energy paddling that consumes most of its emotional stamina. While it's common for a bird personality to exhibit this kind of emotional volatility, it is particularly noticeable in the swan when contrasted with its tranquil exterior.

ROSENBERG SELF ESTEEM SCALE: 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30

BRAIN LATERALIZATION TEST: Right brain (56%) | Left brain (44%)

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what’s not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven. Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Tagged by: @carolinecrybabyjackson

Tagging: @innocentmanwithabounty @pormiculpa @the-fires-dead @traumeriin @youdocare @prochncst @dcilayton @dimenovelhero @ilnyapasdefumee @wakecp @withhclding @coalessscence and anyone else who wants to

[talabib]

Do You Know What it takes to be a CEO?

CEOs are often portrayed as highly intelligent people who wear fancy suits and have a real knack for business. However, many of them neither hold a higher-education degree nor come from a wealthy background. In fact, corporate success often has little to do with book smarts or a massive bankroll.

Experts ran several extensive studies to pinpoint what is truly needed to become a leader of a successful company. These are skills that anyone can learn, and the steps to acquiring and implementing them are clearly outlined in this post. Supported by examples of eminent CEOs across an array of industries, you’ll see that there’s nothing stopping you from becoming the next Elon Musk or Indra Nooyi.

CEOs aren’t born, they’re made.

Many of us believe that CEOs are somehow special and entirely different from the average employee. Furthermore, we believe that wealthy parents or exceptional intelligence is necessary to run a large company. However, the ghSMART project surveyed over 2,600 CEOs and what they found contradicts these beliefs.

The majority of CEOs are just regular people who have developed leadership qualities over the course of their career.

More than 70 percent of the CEOs surveyed claimed that they had no intention of becoming a CEO when they first started working.

Let’s take Don Slager, for example. Slager is the CEO of Republic Services, a $9 billion company and one of the top-500 wealthiest companies in the United States as rated by Fortune magazine. He never went to college but was ranked the number one CEO in the United States by the website Glassdoor. In fact, he started out as a garbageman for the company. By working his way up the ranks, Slager eventually became the head of one of the most well-known companies in the American waste-services industry. It was his knowledge of and familiarity with the general public, as well as the insights he’d gained from working in all areas of the company, that made Slager the best candidate for CEO.

What’s more, the survey showed that you don’t need to be a genius to become a CEO.

Indeed, those who put forth complicated ideas or use long words are typically viewed as bad CEOs. Moreover, they’re less likely to be hired at all. To give you some stats – only seven percent of CEOs graduated from an Ivy League school. Though Fortune 500 companies usually have Ivy League graduates among their leaders, the smaller, less-known firms don’t. But Ivy League schools aside, consider this: like Don Slager, eight percent of CEOs have never attended any college, so, clearly, lacking a formal higher-level education is no hindrance.

You also don’t need to be an exceptionally outspoken person to be a CEO. Egoistic people make the worst CEOs since they’re too focused on their individual success. And, in fact, 30 percent of CEOs are introverts.

Make fewer and thus faster decisions.

Previously, we’ve shown that a college degree isn’t necessary to become the CEO of a lucrative company. But being highly intelligent is not a prerequisite either.

In fact, CEOs who have a high IQ typically experience information paralysis. They are required to make important choices every day. There are many different avenues by which to arrive at a decision, such as being thoughtful, impulsive, logical or decisive. Out of these options, high-performing CEOs often opt for decisiveness, meaning the ability to decide quickly and with conviction. Indeed, experts found in a study that decisiveness made CEOs 12 times more likely to be top performers.

In addition to being quick, an overarching decision is usually better than one that’s detailed.

To illustrate this argument, let’s take a look at Steve Gorman, who took over the bus company Greyhound Lines in 2003 when it was $140 million in debt. After being advised to either divide up the regions and sell off the company’s business in them, or to increase fare prices, Gorman had to decide quickly. Instead of consulting sales figures, he looked at a map of America. Gorman compared this map with the Greyhound route map and made the bold decision to stop all of the routes that serviced low-density populations. Thanks to this decisiveness, after four years, Greyhound Lines was making an annual profit of $30 million. So, like Gorman, find a winning formula for your specific business, and to stick to it.

This is what Doug Peterson, CEO of McGraw Hill Financial, did. He succeeded by following the policy of Jack Welch, legendary CEO of the gigantic conglomerate General Electric. According to Welch’s rule, the company had to have the potential to become a number one or number two player in every new sector it entered, or he would turn down the opportunity.

By following this formula, Peterson simplified decision-making throughout his entire organization and enabled his staff to make quicker decisions about market opportunities by themselves. The company sometimes turned down potentially lucrative takeover deals, but the simplicity and speed were worth more than any single buyout would have been.

To get favorable results, you need to understand your stakeholders.

As mentioned earlier, a surprisingly large number of CEOs are introverts rather than extroverts. This is because, in order to be an effective CEO, you’ve got to be able to consider other people’s perspectives. Company owners need to understand what motivates customers, board members and stakeholders, which means that CEOs need to listen and have empathy. Introverts tend to be particularly adept at this.

By truly listening to people, you avoid making assumptions, which is important. When it comes to other people’s perspectives and outlooks, you shouldn’t assume you know what they think. Instead, you should show genuine curiosity and pay attention when they’re talking about themselves.

One CEO who employs this tactic particularly effectively is Neil Fiske. Though he is mainly known as the man who rescued the surf company Billabong, his biggest achievement came when he worked for a lingerie brand. Fiske interviewed women about their opinions on clothing, and he was mindful not to make assumptions. By listening and gathering as much information as he could, Fiske managed to turn the previously small company into a billion-dollar business.

As the example illustrates, it’s important for CEOs to spend time getting to know their customers.

Jim Donald has had leadership roles in many well-known successful brands, including Starbucks and Safeway. He attributes his success to spending half of his time out of the office and in the shops themselves. Donald’s strategy stemmed from advice given to him from his former boss at Walmart, Sam Walton, who said that the real business occurs among the customers and employees on the shop floor.

Similarly, it’s vital to know the motivations behind the company’s board members.

The benefits of getting to know board members shouldn’t be underestimated, and you should be aware of their individual aspirations and hopes, as well as how your company fits into that vision. Some key questions to be addressed include: How did they become a board member? Are they obligated to an investor or founder? What’s driving them to stay on the board? Is it money, prestige, intellectual stimulation? Finding the answers to these questions could help you achieve your goals for the company, because you’ll know what kind of decisions board members will be likely to back.

People will rely on a consistent and committed CEO.

If two candidates are competing for a CEO position, the one who appears most reliable will get the job. In fact, CEOs who are known to be reliable are twice more likely to be offered a position than those who don’t have that reputation.

To present yourself as a reliable person, you must always follow through on your commitments.

The Genome Project studied the personality traits of thousands of CEOs and found that 94 percent of them scored very high in the category of following through on commitments. Furthermore, those who displayed discipline, thoroughness and conscientiousness were highly favored, unlike the “mad geniuses,” who were less favorable due to their erratic behavior. So if your main argument for getting the job is that you can come up with crazy ideas and schemes, you may wish to rethink your strategy.

Board members want leaders who they know will follow through on promises, even if the promises aren’t extravagant. They prefer a guaranteed modest outcome over an outlandish promise that has a low probability of being delivered. Thus, you can build your reputation for reliability by promising small things, but ensuring that you deliver on those small promises.

You can also appear reliable by behaving consistently. To do so, you should not let yourself be swayed by mood swings or emotions. The CEO of Timberland, Jeff Schwartz, argues that your staff rely on you to be consistent so that they can approach you professionally. Whether you are consistently serious or always friendly, you’ll seem more approachable to your colleagues and employees if your moods are predictable.

Additionally, preparing anecdotes about your prior experiences will help you sell yourself as a reliable CEO.

When in an interview for a leadership position you can prove the fact that you’re a reliable choice by sharing a few anecdotes from the past. Think of previous situations in which you’ve overcome a mutual problem, highlighting how you’ve learned from those hardships and redeemed yourself. This will help you come across as someone who can be relied on to work through common problems should they arise in the future.

Avoid mistakes by building repeatable, well-planned systems.

When you’re leading a big organization, it’s almost impossible to micromanage everything. Therefore, you need to implement self-sustaining systems that have easily repeatable steps to ensure employees work efficiently.

To do so, imagine yourself as a conductor of an orchestra. Rather than playing music, a conductor watches over everyone else from afar. To pull off a spectacular show, the conductor must work with the performers during rehearsal and ensure that everyone knows their role. Together, they work through the piece multiple times in order to reduce the likelihood of errors. On the big day, the conductor doesn’t need to do much, since the performers know what to do, having practiced the same pattern hundreds of times. This is what you should aim for as a CEO, too.

In addition to envisioning yourself as a conductor, it can also be helpful to think like a Navy SEAL. Imagine you’re in a fight. You might think that the best thing to do would be to rely on your instincts, fight back hard and hope for the best. But this is exactly what Navy SEALs don’t do. They are taught to build a strong foundation beforehand so that in the face of rising pressure, they can call upon their repetitive training and avoid making any mistakes.

Lastly, creating a well-planned system can also help prevent errors. In some cases, a reliable system can mean the difference between life and death. For example, the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia sometimes encountered errors in their treatment system. Not only were doctors and nurses making mistakes with dosages and treatments; they also tried to cover them up.

Then it was revealed that it wasn’t the mistakes themselves that were causing most of the errors; it was the attempts to cover them up. So the hospital changed the system and decided to rename the errors, or near misses, as good catches. The staff member who disclosed the most near misses – either their own or somebody else’s – was given an award. As a result, medical errors fell by 80 percent.

Forget the past and focus on adapting to future trends.

What do Blockbuster Video and Kodak have in common? Both are businesses that failed because they didn’t adapt to the future.

One important aspect of planning for the future involves making room for new ideas by letting go of old ones.

Though Kodak invented the first-ever digital camera, they waited 18 years to pursue the opportunity further. This missed opportunity was fateful for the company, which filed for bankruptcy in 2012. Similarly, video-rental company Blockbuster passed on all three opportunities to purchase Netflix, because it didn’t see the potential of an online business model. We now know that this was a big mistake, and Blockbuster, too, filed for bankruptcy.

Both Kodak and Blockbuster failed because they weren’t able to let go of their old practices and adapt to the changing business landscape fast enough.

In contrast, when Intel saw that Japanese companies had begun to produce memory chips at a lower cost, it knew it needed to act quickly. This new competition led to a drop in Intel’s profits, from $198 billion in 1984 to $2 million just a year later. So Intel decided to focus wholly on producing microprocessors and drop its memory-chip-manufacturing business. The company’s willingness to adapt resulted in their market cap rising from $4 billion in the mid-1980s to $197 billion today.

Clearly, then, staying on top of upcoming trends is vital for a company’s sustained success, but how can you manage that in an increasingly information-loaded world?

The answer is to become a trendhunter. Jean Hoffman, CEO of pharmaceutical firm Putney, is a great example of a trendhunter. Hoffman was able to stay ahead of the game by studying the trends in human pharmacy and applying them to better forecast changes in veterinary medicine.

But looking into the trends that lie outside of your industry is helpful, too. For instance, Disney World didn’t look at other theme parks to find a trend that they could adapt. Instead, they compared themselves to any case that involved family entertainment, meaning games, films, sports and toys. From their research, they learned that it would be beneficial to incorporate trends such as the Harry Potter phenomenon and trampolining into their operations.

You need to get noticed to advance to the top.

If you think you’re more important than the company you work for, then the chances you’ll get hired as a CEO are pretty slim. Employers look for team players who will act according to the company’s best interests, rather than those who act out of self-interest.

So how do you show what you’ve got, if you’re not supposed to brag about your talents? To get there, try to be a big fish in a small pond.

Experts carried out a study of 2,600 CEOs and found that 60 percent of those who had climbed the corporate ladder quickly – also known as “sprinters” – did so after having taken a lower position at a smaller firm.

Smaller companies are more likely to accommodate change and ideas faster than big corporations, which usually have no time or room for your personal opinions.

Furthermore, in a smaller company, it’s easier to get noticed. If you become recognized as the one who saved or expanded your company or department, you’ll find yourself being thrust into the spotlight in no time.

For example, Damien McDonald declined a managerial position at Johnson and Johnson, a $50 billion firm, and chose to lead the $250 million spine division of Zimmer, a medical-device company. Under McDonald’s leadership, Zimmer saw growth of 12 percent, while the most he could have achieved at Johnson and Johnson would’ve probably been between one and two percent. Then, in 2016, LivaNova, another medical-device company, impressed by McDonald’s success, offered him the role of CEO.

You also need to make sure you get noticed for the right reasons and by the right people. The first way to get noticed is by asking people at your company for advice. Everyone enjoys giving guidance, and by doing so, they’ll become invested in and support your success.

Alternatively, you could offer skills that the company is lacking, which is typically computer and technology expertise. Everyone will notice when you become the go-to person for such areas.

A third way to get noticed is to become a staff member of an important figure in the company. As a personal assistant to a senior manager, you’ll be granted access to high-level meetings. This will provide you with key insights into company operations, as well as connections to the top brass, thereby creating a competitive edge for you.

Once people recognize your talent, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a CEO.

CEOs aren’t superhuman. In fact, they’re just regular people who’ve developed certain skills that allow them to climb ranks in the workplace. Being decisive, consistent, committed and reliable are all fundamental traits of a CEO. Having a well-planned system in place is also important, as is understanding stakeholders and being able to adapt to the future.

[youngwidowofbrooklyn]

Heads. In front of people.

This week I did something I’d never done before. I stood on a stage and read something that I wrote in front of a crowd. The assignment was to create a piece seven minutes in length that somehow related to the concept of “Heads.” I went through several drafts, beginning with the notion of “Heads versus Tails” and ending up somewhere very different. Below is the first draft I wrote.

--------------

Heads.

Heads or tails. Right and wrong. Up and down. Here or there. Kill, fuck, or marry. Death is not an option.

Life is all about choices.

Two roads diverge, and which do you choose? Robert Frost, the pretentious fuck, chose the road less traveled and la-di-da for him.

Meryl Streep, dear Sophie, said to the Nazis “Take my girl!” and regretted her choice for the rest of her life. {Spoiler alert: Did she? I actually never saw “Sophie’s Choice” but I can never miss an opportunity to reference it}

It’s a matter of life and death, make a choice, the beginning or the end. The choice our protagonist makes at the beginning of the novel that sends her on an unexpected journey, and the courageous choice our hero makes at the end of the film to stay and fight and save the poor villagers when the odds are stacked against them.

We love to talk about beginnings and ends. Heads and tails. There’s romance in the newness of a fresh perspective, and there’s cathartic closure that comes in the resolution.

But that’s all bullshit. I call “heads” and we wait, collectively as the coin flips in the air, and some of you - you fuckers - are silently whispering to yourself, “Be tails, be tails, be tails.” And a moment later the reveal comes, and it’s all over. I’m either a winner or a loser. Well, the joke’s on you because I don’t choose. I’m fucking both.

I used to be a person who believed in right and wrong. I used to believe in good guys and bad guys. I used to have been a person who hadn’t experienced much living yet.

2014 was the year after my son was born. It was two years after I’d finally made a the decision to try to have a child before time ran out. In the what seemed like the last moment, we chose to  make another person, my husband and I. And as soon as we got pregnant, we had revealed our secret doubts about this choice we’d made. Could we do it? Could we actually put ourselves second and raise a human being up to be good?

My husband was more nervous than I was, for reasons he’d have to explain, I won’t try to armchair analyze his neuroses. Whenever I had moments of doubt, I was always fortified by the knowledge that my kid would get to have my husband as a dad. My husband: impossibly cool, practical, fastidious, kind and quiet.

My husband: in many ways the yin to my yan. He from a freakishly functional and loving family of educated Southern Democrats. The kind of people who call each other to….talk to each other, because….they love each other? And…are genuinely curious about how each other are feeling?

Me: I’m a fucking Tasmanian devil of skinned knees and dirty socks thrown on the coffee table. Me, the spontaneous one, the one who laughs too loud at shows and gets stink eye from other audience members, who can’t remember to pay bills on time and will jaywalk across streets without looking EITHER WAY, and who has broken a two twice this year, just walking around and not walking where I’m going.

My son’s name - no shit, this is true - my husband thought of his name, and we agreed on it primarily because, as he said, “It sounds really good when you angrily yell it.” And it does. That’s my husband. The practical one, the one much better at planning for the future than me.

So, anyway. 2014. The summer before our son turned 1. The summer that my husband first noticed the blue-black bruises of unexplained origin on his leg, that left his doctors scratching their heads.

After weeks of tests, they admitted to the hospital - about three weeks before our baby turned 1. They needed time to make a diagnosis to figure out what was wrong and how to correct it and he had to stay in Mt Sinai Hospital in Manhattan while they figured it out.

I’m not here to talk to you about my husband’s illness, though. I’m here to tell you about the year that I spent - every day - making an impossible choice. You see, here’s the thing, the only thing they knew for a very long time was that my husband’s immune system had been blown to smithereens. And when you have no immune system the last person you should have contact with is a tiny drooling person who doesn’t obey simple commands and who carries a bag full of human waste with them at all times.

One year. Every day, I had a choice to stay with my amazing baby boy and watch him take his first steps, say his first words and inch closer and closer to the funny, smart and silly dude that he turned into. Or, to take two subway trains and one bus from our Brooklyn apartment to the upper east side of Manhattan to put on a hospital gown, a mask and latex gloves to play countless hands of gin rummy with my quarantined husband.

Heads or tails. Every day.  Life or death? Every day I chose, and every day I regretted my choice. Sitting on the subway hurtling underground toward one half of my heart and away from the other.

Head or tails. How do you choose when those are the stakes? When both options will break your heart?

That year concluded almost exactly a year later, two weeks before my son’s birthday. My year of impossible choices ended like this:

Me and a stable of doctors in a shabby waiting room on the 11th floor. Something something this infection has made it’s way to his head. Blah blah irreparable brain damage.  There are two options. Which do you choose, m’am, as power of attorney?

Well, here’s the wisdom I have to impart to you after a year of playing heads or tails with those stakes. Choose whatever. There’s no right or wrong. Choose the road most traveled, for all it fucking matters. Just keep your fucking head out of your phone, walk to the right side and let the fast walkers pass you on the left side when you do, for Christ’s sake.

Your choices in life take only moments. The beginning of the book is one sentence. The end of the film is one scene.

It’s all the shit you do in between those choices that really matter.

Choose to look at the people around you. Choose to call your brother just to ask him how he’s doing even though he never even called you to offer his condolences. Choose to forgive yourself for all the times you chose wrong. Choose heads. Or tails. Or both. Or neither. And in between all those choices, choose kindness, always.

------------

This was my first pass on the topic, and I sat on it for about a week, before attempting to sculpt it into something that felt more honest and less manipulative.

This was the version that came next.

------------------

I did not choose heads. I chose tails. Didn’t matter, though because I was actually assigned heads in this round of “Head vs. Tails,” which - ironically - seems to imply that a person has freedom to choose.

I did not choose to be here, either. Here in my life, this is not what I chose for myself. I chose an alternate version of my life. I chose the thing that so many of my peers and people in my age group choose: to get married, to have a child, to settle down, and by virtue of those choices avoiding the hellscape of online dating and the possibility of growing old alone, with only my collection of cats and parakeets to keep me company.

That’s what I chose for myself. But the universe chose something else.

So. Heads or tails? You want the good news first or the bad? You’re going to hear both, so it’s not really a choice. But isn’t it nice to feel like your preferences matter in this great big fucking universe that - lets face it - hardly even notices whether you exist or not?

So, tails it is. Bad news first, which is lucky because it allows me to end on an uplifting note. And everyone loves a happy ending, right?

The bad news is that your choices don’t matter. But that doesn’t mean not choosing is an option. You must. You must keep going, you must keep choosing. Even if you choose wrong over and over again. In fact, the ultimate paradox is that even in not choosing you still have made a choice. I’m aware that I am paraphrasing a lyric from a Rush song, and even though I think they are a shitty band, I cannot argue with their logic.

If you know me, then you are thinking to yourself right now, “Oh shit, Jen’s gonna stand on stage and talk about when her husband died and left her widowed and alone to parent their toddler.”

I’m not here to talk to you about my husband’s illness, though. I’m here to tell you about the year that I spent - every day - making an impossible choice. You see, here’s the thing, the only thing they knew for a very long time was that my husband’s immune system had been blown to smithereens. And when you have no immune system the last person you should have contact with is a tiny drooling person who doesn’t obey simple commands and who carries a bag full of human waste with them at all times.

One year. Every day, I had a choice to stay with my amazing baby boy and watch him take his first steps, say his first words and inch closer and closer to the funny, smart and silly dude that he turned into. Or, to take two subway trains and one bus from our Brooklyn apartment to the upper east side of Manhattan to put on a hospital gown, a mask and latex gloves to play countless hands of gin rummy with my quarantined husband.

Heads or tails. Every day. Life or death? Every day I chose, and every day I regretted my choice. Sitting on the subway hurtling underground toward one half of my heart and away from the other.

He didn’t choose that fate. Neither did I. We collectively called “Tails!” as the coin spun in the air, “Tails! We choose to beat this and grow old together and one day tell our grown son, TOGETHER - about the most surreal and scary adventure that our little family went on and how we beat it - we beat the big, scary monster that was a terrifying and rare disease, and an army of apathetic and jaded New York hospital staff members! That’s our choice! And when the coin finally landed, the universe hollered back, “It’s heads, fuckers.”

That was two and a half years ago. I struggle regularly with how to exist in a world where my own personal “worst case scenario” has already played out. I look at older couples walking together and know that it won’t be us. I see children on an outing with their fathers and - okay, first I think how fucking lucky that mother is that she has a fucking moment to herself, is she taking luxurious bath now? Or sleeping? Oh jesus christ I miss sleeping like I can’t even tell you

- and after that passes I think to myself, “What did my kid do to deserve this fate? He didn’t get a single, fucking daddy and son outing and it’s not fucking fair to do that kind of shit to a child!”

In my darkest hours I feel like a walking example of the life that no one wants to live. Sometimes the weight of my grief collapses square into my chest and turns me into the world’s saddest navel gazer. I stand here before you, the central character of the saddest story of all time: The Tragic Tale of The Young Lover Who Had and Then Lost Everything. The title is long, I know, but apt.

But as I promised, there is good news, too. And the good news is that your choices do not matter.

The universe is so vast and we are so tiny and very little of what we say or do matters all that much.

I know expect me to have a very bleak world view at this point. But I don’t. I promise you. I have found a freedom in knowing that the universe will not change irreparably with the choices that I make.

I am one tiny part of the universe. My grief is nothing compared to some people in other corners of this planet. I have lost one half of my heart. Yes. But I have also known love in a true and profound way and I am a better person for it.

I am a heartbroken person. Yes. But every day, I choose to be happy. I choose to have things to look forward to. I choose to laugh with my child.

The universe isn’t watching to make sure I’ll be okay. The universe will be just fine if I collapse and disappear. I could drink myself to sleep every night and stumble through my waking life. I could choose to let relatives raise my child. I feel like many people would understand if I did.

But I do not choose that path. I choose to get up. Again. And again. The universe expects me to choose “Heads.”

Fuck you, Universe. I choose “Tails.”

-----------------

And I liked that draft just fine. But, as the date of the performance approached, I began to like it less and less. So with less than a day left, I endeavored to come at the topic from a very different approach. This is where I landed, and this is what I stood onstage and said. It feels like exactly what I wanted to say, in a way that I wanted to say it, to talk about my pain, my fumblings at being a good person, without asking for pity and by making fun of my sadness - mostly because that’s the only way I can bear it myself. Here it is, the final version, for all of my friends who could not be there to hear me say it out loud.

----------------

According to my tax returns, I am the head of my household, but this is surely an error. I am, in no way qualified to head up an entire household, let alone one containing myself, a small child and four small domesticated animals besides.

I plan to appeal this decision to the highest authorities, if need be. The following is a list of reasons why I should be removed from this position post haste.

1. I have totaled two cars and one bicycle, so far.

2. Assuming I was the most qualified person for the job, I have pierced my own ears, and my nose, several times, using safety pins, sewing needles and other pointy and unsanitized instruments.

3. I believe that food you do not pay for has zero calories.

4. I am suspicious of blonde haired people.

5. I have broken my arm three times over the course of my life, broken a toe twice in the past year, required stitches to close a gash in my wrist after being locked out of my apartment and deciding the prudent way to regain entry was to punch through the glass panel in the front door, and I once got high and laughed so hard for so long at my then-boyfriend saying the word “Snarf,” that I actually bruised my lung and had to be treated at an emergency room.

6. I consistently walk across intersections without looking in EITHER direction.

7. I am 42 years old, and I have not yet mastered the art of not peeing in my pants during awkward social interactions.

8. I once got high on Rush’s tour bus.

9. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I strongly believe that it is possible that I could be killed by a great white shark that someone put in a swimming pool as a prank.

For these reasons I feel I should be exempt from consideration for head of anything. I have throughout my life exhibited a pattern of irrational behavior and poorly conceived ideologies. I cannot - no matter how many reminders I put in my phone - remember to pay my bills on time. No matter how much I want to be an organized and orderly person, my home is still a mess of dirty socks on the coffee table and dishes are not loaded into the washer until I’ve resorted to eating cereal out of a vase with chopsticks.

If - for some inexplicable reason - the aforementioned anecdotal evidence I’ve presented is insignificant to persuade you of my poor qualifications for this title, please allow me to submit one final fact about myself. It concerns the manner in which I became head of my household.

Two years, six months and nine days ago. I was sat in a shabby waiting room on the 11th floor of Mount Sinai Hospital. Across from me sat three doctors, a nondescript white man, a south asian man, who did most of the talking, and a white woman with blonde hair (pause) who looked ready to burst into tears at any moment. They called me “Mrs. Bateman” - which was confusing because that’s my mother in law, not me.

“As you know, Mrs. Bateman, your husband began showing signs of confusion two days ago, and we’ve been working to diagnose the precise cause of it. Something-something an infection, Ma’am. This infection has made it’s way into his head. We’ve done some tests, and so on and so forth, and given the size of his pupils at this point, blah blah irreparable brain damage. So, Mrs. Bateman, we have to ask you - what would you like us to do? Did your husband ever discuss....etc., etc.?”

They asked ME these questions. As if I could be trusted with something of this magnitude. I don’t read operating instructions. I don’t save receipts. I don’t balance my checkbook.

Suddenly, it was up to me to say “I don’t think he would want this.” My husband who - incidentally - as the son of two educators, LOVED doing homework, was maddeningly meticulous and always paid our bills on time, had a 401K and great health insurance, HE was the head of the household. He was the brains of our operation. I was the often misguided but usually well-meaning heart of it. Not only am I not equipped to replace him, but I cannot bear that my first order of business in doing so was to give my permission for him to die.

So you see, surely there has been some sort of clerical error. It should have been me. I should have been eaten by a shark in a pool.

Because if that would’ve happened, sad as he would’ve been, my husband would’ve known what to do after. He was always much better at planning for the future than I was.

I can tell you for sure that HE wouldn’t have put MY ashes in a ziplock baggie that he accidentally let burst inside his purse.

Of course, it is possible that the authorities will reject my plea to step down from this post I did not campaign for. I do have a contingency plan, in that event. 

I look at my son. Four and a half years old now, he is. Blonde haired. And in his face, I see his father, as everyone who knew his father does. I see his calm reason and his reassurance in my panicked moments and in my grief that everything is going to be okay. Even if it’s hard. Even if it seems like it will never be okay again. And I remind myself that even though it does not come natural to me, it does not FEEL like it is me, I do know how to be sensible, practical, to not make rash or reckless decisions. I know how because these are the ways in which my husband balanced me. And if I close my eyes, I can still see him inside my head, telling me what he would do if he were here.

And so, if I must claim the title of head of household, head of my family, chief decision maker, I know that I am not doing it alone. He’s still here and I accept the title in his honor.

[ramajmedia]

Harry Potter: 10 Hysterical Hogwarts Founders’ Logic Memes

Even though we never get to meet the founds of Hogwarts, we cannot deny the impact Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Godric Gryffindor had on the entire wizarding world at large. If it weren't for these four, Hogwarts wouldn't exist at all. Their impact can be felt across the entirety of the Harry Potter franchise.

Whether it be Godric's sword, Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets, or the fabled Ravenclaw tiara-turned-Horcrux, J.K. Rowling took meticulous care with folding them all into the mythos. Many fans are passionate about creating intricate backstories and headcanons about the founders. There are tons of hilarious memes charting their potential Hogwarts journeys. We're sharing ten great ones on this list.

10 Why Helga Hufflepuff was the best

Despite the founders leaving behind an incredible legacy, they did have their faults. Even the noble and brave Gryffindors were selective about those who would be welcomed into their house. Ravenclaw and Slytherin also had strict criteria that needed to be met in order for students to be permitted entry. The only house with more lax rules is Hufflepuff.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 5 Best Wizarding Schools (& 5 Worst)

Helga Hufflepuff was not as judgmental or arrogant as the other founders. Education is meant to be about teaching anyone willing to learn. Helga is the only founder who truly believed that and thus she is arguably the best of all four founders.

9 Houses as Tumblr text posts

The above post is a hilarious take on what each Hogwarts house represents at its foundation. Each one is represented by one of the many brilliant text posts floating around on Tumblr. For Gryffindor, of course, they would be upset about swordsmanship not being a respected college major! Who wouldn't be?

Ravenclaw's text post is particularly relatable. Many of us were told we were "gifted" at a young age. Then we spent years struggling because everybody catches up eventually and you're not that special after all! As for Slytherins, despite their intimidating reputation, at the end of the day, they're as insecure as everyone else.

8 How the Sorting Hat came to be

Considering how great the minds of the Hogwarts founders supposedly were, one has to wonder how they came up with the concept of a talking hat. Why wouldn't they do something more epic like sword fights or wizarding duels? Well, maybe Godric Gryffindor and Helga Hufflepuff got very drunk one night and birthed the idea of a talking hat over Butterbeer.

RELATED: Harry Potter: The Most Underrated Character From Every Movie

What is also notable about this particular text post is the implication that Godric and Helga were close friends that regularly got drunk together and came up with ridiculous ideas. Who doesn't love that headcanon?

7 Hogwarts School Board

The Hogwarts founders presented the idea there were four types of kids, brave, smart, evil, and miscellaneous, per the joke in this tweet. But that is fundamentally true. Gryffindors were known for bravery, Ravenclaws for intelligence, and Slytherin as, well, evil. But what about Hufflepuff?

They weren't known for one specific trait. Everyone looked down on them because of the fact they are supposedly the easiest house to get into. This tweet pokes fun at the little thought the school founders put into defining the sorting material meant to be followed by the Sorting Hat and that no one ever tried to argue against them.

6 The Room of Requirement

To this day, the Room of Requirement and who created it remains a mystery in the Harry Potter world. Fans have begun to theorize there is a possibility that Helga Hufflepuff created the room as a way for people to access the things they most desperately needed.

If Salazar Slytherin was able to have his private chamber, why wouldn't the other founders do the same thing? This theory also implies that perhaps Helga's idea for the Room was to make Godric's weapon room and Rowena's magical library more easily accessible. They may have all been connected to the Room of Requirement.

5 The Ever-Changing Staircases

The first Harry Potter book introduces us to the mystical and magical world of Hogwarts. Harry and Ron have a terrible time trying to get to their classes during the first week due to the ever-changing staircases, mysterious walls, walking statues, and unhelpful portraits.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 10 Characters Who Were Forgotten As The Movies Went On

You would think a school of magic would be designed to help students get their education, not hinder them. But this meme helps explain how that possibility came to be. Perhaps Rowena wanted to give her students a daily challenge, and everyone was helpless to stop her. Or, in Godric's case, took the changes as a tactical challenge.

4 Where to build Hogwarts?

Has anyone ever wondered why, exactly, Hogwarts is built next to something as dangerous as the Forbidden Forest? Surely there were other locations in the world that would have been safer and more fitting to place a school set to host hundreds of magical children?

Well, maybe it was placed there on purpose. Godric simply thought it would be awesome to stick a school next to a forest full of dangerous creatures and Salazar, as someone with an equal interest in all things diabolical, encouraged him, much to the chagrin of Rowena and Helga.

3 How the Hogwarts motto was chosen

The Hogwarts motto is "draco dormiens nunquam titillandus," which translates to "never tickle a sleeping dragon." What made the school founders decide on that as their motto? One of the funniest things about the Harry Potter fandom is their headcanon that perhaps Godric and Salazar were once great friends.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 5 Most Powerful Ravenclaw Wizards (& 5 Worst)

If so, it stands to reason they would frequently be off doing foolish things, as is evidenced in many of these memes. Maybe one day they were considering tickling a sleeping dragon and they all collectively realized that it has a ring to it in Latin! Plus, it is solid advice, after all.

2 Healthy & Safety visit at Hogwarts

Can you imagine if Hogwarts had to follow similar regulations to those found in the Muggle world? Picture a team of health inspectors coming to investigate the school before it can open and somehow stumbling upon Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets.

How would Salazar try and cover that up? They would be hearing faint hissing in the walls as the Basilisk traveled through the pipes and Salazar would be quick to chime in and say, "don't worry! It's from the Chamber of S-Safety." The moment explained in this meme is almost sitcom-worthy.

1 The third-floor corridor

One of the main plot points in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is the mysterious room in the third-floor corridor. Many fans wondered why such an intricate arrangement of rooms ever existed at Hogwarts in the first place. But maybe it's because the founders always knew one day the school might be used to house a valuable artifact!

Except, why would they ever think the school is the safest place when Slytherin built it with a giant, murderous snake inside a secret chamber all along? It is funny to think about what was going through the founders' minds when they were constructing Hogwarts, that's for sure.

NEXT: Harry Potter: 10 Creepy Things You Didn't Know About The Department Of Mysteries

source https://screenrant.com/harry-potter-hysterical-hogwarts-founders-logic-memes/

[theaveragekenyan]

And Justice For All...

Cameroon 0 – England 3.

I’m a big believer in, that no matter whatever happens within a football game, the above result will be the only long lasting importance. To the real purists, it can be distilled even further to simply, England beat Cameroon, verbatim.

The Women’s World Cup 2019 will be no different to any other major Footballing competition, they come, they go.

That said, the game between Cameroon and England was a real treat. The football game was excellent, but the actions of the Cameroonian players during the game was by far the best entertainment. They cried, they argued, they spat, they threatened careers, they looked silly and yet, amongst all of this, they played some nice football.

This is what former USA footballer, Hope Solo, had to say.

“This Cameroon team, they don't have the resources. They don't have the quality coaching in their country, they don't have the experience like England or somebody like Phil Neville. We have to try and understand that. Perhaps they weren't even told about the rules, the laws of the game and the evolution of the game. So, your heart has to go out a little bit to this Cameroon side. They played with emotions and brought this emotion to the tournament. As much as we want to see a little bit more class from Cameroon, they did bring that beautiful emotion and packed this entire stadium, You have to look at it both ways”

It’s such a diplomatic way of looking at the game, and largely I agree with it, however, just which resources are required to educate a football team about spitting, elbowing, shoving the ref, the off-side rule? Let’s not even go there with the stereotypical view that women don’t understand the off-side rule, many football fans don’t understand the rule. It is a rule that whichever way is tweaked, in an attempt to make it easier to implement, will mutate into something more complex.

“Perhaps they weren't even told about the rules, the laws of the game and the evolution of the game” Whilst the evolution of the game right now is VAR, the introduction of the off-side rule came in 1863. Every decision made by VAR concerning the off-side rule was 100% accurate.  

The Cameroon team were visibly shaken by the off-side rulings, crying, arguing with the officials, huddling together in the center circle, claiming FIFA is racist, essentially the team “blew their shit” and wasn’t prepared to accept a decision go against them. It was if they were not prepared to accept the rules, as if there was perhaps another way to get the decision overturned, sadly that option was not available to them.

I can’t say it was a macrocosm of African life, because I haven’t lived within enough African cultures to speak for the whole continent, but the Cameroonian Ladies attitudes definitely resonated as far as Kenya.

The petulance displayed by the Cameroon team throughout the game made me draw direct comparisons to how the average Kenyan lives life. A life that perhaps hasn’t been told about the rules, laws and evolution of life, or as more than likely, chooses to deliberately ignore them.

Upon on your first arrival to Kenya you’ll hear very quickly about authority and justice, usually from the driver as you exit the airport into Nairobi.

Every single Kenyan knows just how corrupt their country is, and yes, whilst they are all utterly ashamed and embarrassed about the ‘C’ word, we are all fundamentally enslaved by the “system”.

Recently, I’ve heard at least five friends or associates tell me of their experiences of refusing to pay Tea Tax, and how now, each and every one of them says, that will be the last time they fight the system, next time they’ll just pay the bribe.  

It took me a while to learn how to deal with “The Police” here and certainly, my first initial reaction with the police was to challenge. Why have I been stopped? I’ve done nothing wrong. Of course, that’s a perfectly natural way for everybody to act, well, not in Kenya as it turns out, there can always be something “wrong” and you’re guilty until proven guilty.

Growing up in the UK you become aware of your rights from an early age, you develop and become armed with a robust set of civil rights and unless you’ve been hacking the matrix, you’ll be able to exercise them.

Most offences you are likely to stand accused of here will be similar to an episode of Scooby-Doo, they’ll be vague, tenuous and carry little legal credibility. Had the criminals, that Freddie, Velma and Daphne caught, possessed any sense, they could have switched the legal tables around and had the Magical Mystery Bus Crew up for Trespassing, Criminal Damage, GBH, Slander, False Imprisonment, Zoinks, I doubt they even had a Dog License.

So, with this in mind, my advice when confronted by a member of the Kenyan Police Force is to be cooperative, dumb and submissive…ok mainly dumb and submissive. Act like you’re stupid, but very friendly…you know, a very stupid friendly person, we all know one of them. Act respectfully, but perhaps as if you’ve just left hospital after being awoken from a 12 year coma. Do NOT let the officer know that you understand how the road works or even what a car does.

Sorry, how presumptuous, I’ve forgotten to say, the only time you will ever come into contact with a police officer is whilst in a car.

Just answer every question you are asked, make no sub-plots, second guesses, or even worse still, fall into the trap of attempting to translate what the officer is saying into any western logic, quotes from your Highway Code are not going to work.

“But Sir, there is no sign to obey?” or “The white solid line?…errrr which white solid line are you talking about?” or “Could you please show me the exact speed I was traveling at?” that type of smart-ass clever clogs logic ain’t gonna fly, just stick to “oh” “ok” and “sorry”.

Of course, answer where you are from, respond with where you are going and NO, you don’t know why Kenyan’s are not allowed to drive on International Driving Licenses, answering “because very few Kenyans know how to drive” is not going to lighten the mood.  Just stick to the basics as listed, with possibly a “terribly sorry, I’ll never drive again” or “I will speak to God as soon as I get home” In most cases, if your car has insurance, your brake lights work and you’ve acted out your best Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber role, then you will be asked to continue your journey without any hassle.

It’s just that, when it comes to any level of confusion or reasonable doubt, that is when PC Chai will strike. Although there are much needed and continuing road upgrades occurring all over Kenya right now, many of the roads haven’t evolved well and road designation hasn’t been respected, so over time, there have been many glitches appear. When I say glitches, I mean in particular, junctions that are tenuous with their intended execution. There will be a sign missing, a marking lost, an invisible lane and this is where you’ll always find a cop waiting to pounce upon any vulnerability.

Also, whenever you’re stopped by a cop, you’d best hope it’s a male specimen. If you get a female cop you are going to jail. I can only assume that sometime in the 1990’s when women began to become more mainstream on the beat in Kenya, the then Inspector General found a book called “The Essential Guide to being a Female Officer in the East German Stasi” and based his whole outlook for Women in the KPS upon that. The Women Officers have zero personality, zero compassion, zero smile, they are Lucifer in fancy dress. It’s best to just plead the 5thamendment and demand to speak to your Ambassador immediately, good luck.

The Kenyan Police Service is now so widely and openly corrupt it’s normal. Chat to any Kenyan, Listen to any Church Service, look on any Kenyan News-site, watch Kenyan News TV, read Kenyan Transport Twitter Feeds @Ma3Route @KenyanTraffic and you’ll see video footage and photographs of cops taking bribes, cops about to be bribed or cops looking for bribes. It’s common knowledge and I’m yet to hear of a sustained plan to tackle it.

I’m not advocating for 1984, but to tackle the “system” would mean Kenyan’s being patrolled by VAR equivalents such as Speed Cameras, Average Speed Checks, Regulated Bus Lanes, Traffic Light Enforcement Cameras, Emission Detectors or even far more desirable a credible Police service. Sadly though any of that would infuriate the average Kenyan. Imagine, an automated justice system able to bypass the cops and not be swayed with a pithy excuse or any bribe or even a decent cop issuing a deserved fine, this is not 1984 just 2019.

Put simply, this would cause civil-war. There would be protests, riots, burning tyre’s (the most symbolic of all African protestation instruments), all of the cameras would be destroyed and all because the average Kenyan does not want to understand the rules, ergo the “system’ continues.

Let me be clear, It’s not just the Kenyan Police Service blighted by the “C” word, unfortunately the whole fabric of society has been riddled with the disease. The Kenyan President is very vocal in his “War on Corruption” and I hope he maintains the great work, however, to me, it still feels like the Anti-Corruption Agency has been given a watering can to put out an exploded nuclear power plant. 

For now though, let’s not judge Women’s football on one game, I just wish we could say the same about Kenya. 

[go-redgirl]

Judge agrees to delay Stormy Daniels’ lawsuit against Trump

by AP 27 Apr 2018

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A judge has delayed a lawsuit by porn actress Stormy Daniels against President Donald Trump and his personal attorney.

In a decision Friday, U.S. District Judge S. James Otero agreed to delay the case and set a hearing for July 27.

Trump’s attorney, Michael Cohen, asked to delay the case after FBI agents raided his home and office earlier this month. The FBI was seeking records about a nondisclosure agreement Daniels signed days before the 2016 presidential election.

Cohen argues that his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination may be jeopardized if the proceedings weren’t delayed.

Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, says she had an affair with Trump in 2006 and sued to invalidate the confidentiality agreement that prevents her from discussing it. She’s also suing Cohen, alleging defamation.

There are Stormy days ahead for the Demoncrats. People are getting sick of their carnival disasters.

INDIVIDUALS COMENTS:

Spock here SouthernGent • 15 hours ago

Logic to a Liberal is doubling down on stupid. Yes Americans are getting fed up with the Klingon Crap of Mueller, the Russians, Stormy, and the rest of the nonsense.

I see a RED WAVE engulfing and rolling over that little blue ripple.

Spock out.

wiseoldfart Spock here • 12 hours ago

The blue wave is rapidly becoming a blue cave. Hello down there!

Jrl for trump wiseoldfart • 4 hours ago

Go red or be enslaved

 shudafucup wiseoldfart • 4 hours ago

Lol

 RealisNothinganymore wiseoldfart • 12 hours ago

Wish casting

 GeeWillikersWally Spock here • 13 hours ago

Don't walk too far from your little house on the prairie. You might fall off the end of the flat earth.

 Randy Lee GeeWillikersWally • 13 hours ago

is that really the best you got?? thats really pathetic.

Hamper Randy Lee • 12 hours ago

Libs aren't too bright.

Yvette Hamper • an hour ago

Simple solution. Just block their stupidity.

Yvette Hamper • an hour ago

I like to send pictures from the space station of the earth to show them just how NOT FLAT our planet is. They still argue. LOL. Whatever!!

Ross Carnsew Yvette • 32 minutes ago

What did President Trump say about people who hide by taking the fifth?

Oh dear.

megajess Ross Carnsew • 10 minutes ago

Eh, really!

Delenda Est Randy Lee • 8 hours ago

That was hilarious, actually.

Jake1001 Randy Lee • 11 minutes ago

I think it is pretty good.

poorboyhome Randy Lee • 2 hours ago

Sounds better than your reply!

Hates Liberals poorboyhome • 36 minutes ago

That's because you are just as dumb.

BarryDuhStutterer GeeWillikersWally • 13 hours ago

you DO know that flat earthers and climate hysteria go hand in hand.... hmmm?

Freewheeling Frank BarryDuhStutterer • 12 hours ago

And global warming too!!

 Philly BarryDuhStutterer • 4 hours ago

Actually.... off topic from the article but responding to you, it’s really difficult to believe in flat earth AND climate change/global warming. Climate change is believing in science as if it is god or a religion. Flat earthers are the opposite of that.

354tsdvf Philly • 3 hours ago

i always wonder whats with flat-earthers. if the earth is flat, whats on the other side? where is the edge? what happens when you get there? also, where do the sun and moon go when they get to the horizon?

why does an object launched straight up, land in an almost predictable direction in opposite of the rotation of the planet? why does someone have to compensate for the curvature of the "flat earth" when firing a 2mile shot?

flat-earthers have something missing from their anatomy, it's something important and smushy.

Stefan in New England 354tsdvf • 2 hours ago

I've looked at some of the "flat earth" stuff and can't figure out if they are serious, or just getting a chuckle from pulling a massive hoax on everyone. Sorta like the man-made global warming, climate change fanatics.

amin amershi 354tsdvf • 2 hours ago

What's on the other side? "Made in China" label.

amin amershi BarryDuhStutterer • 2 hours ago

He'll fall off the earth and straight into a nice fluffy cloud of carbon dioxide and water vapor and lounge with Al Gore.

Jake1001 amin amershi • 8 minutes ago

98% of climate scientists say it is real and some stupid ill educated Trumpers say it isn’t. Gee, who would an even 1/2 smart person believe?

 Jack Bannerman GeeWillikersWally • 4 hours ago

Downvoted for stupidity and because I feel both embarrassed and sorry for you.

GeeWillikersWally Jack Bannerman • 4 hours ago

Thank you !

wiseoldfart GeeWillikersWally • 12 hours ago

Impossible. There's a life-saving Trump wall there.

 Gene B GeeWillikersWally • 7 hours ago

Are you a real cretin or just acting?

GeeWillikersWally Gene B • 5 hours ago

Sounds like the edge is even closer for you.

Gene B GeeWillikersWally • 4 hours ago

Relax. Not even close. But you still didn't answer my question MORON.

amin amershi Gene B • 2 hours ago

Only a moron expects an answer from another moron. Smarten up fella.

GeeWillikersWally Gene B • 4 hours ago

Your question? Am I a real cretin? No, I'm a pretend cretin. Stay close to home and stay tuned to Hannity.

amin amershi GeeWillikersWally • 2 hours ago

That is funny.

tom GeeWillikersWally • 2 hours ago

Don't leave your EBT card at home, you'll have to use your disability money.

 shudafucup GeeWillikersWally • 4 hours ago

Your

John graham GeeWillikersWally • 4 hours ago

are you another science denying liberal?

Yvette Spock here • an hour ago

2020 won't matter if we don't show up and vote full force this year. FULL STOP!!

skokan Spock here • 14 hours ago

They are getting tired of Trump who caused those things

Jrl for trump skokan • 4 hours ago

a bigger land slide than last time your losing your voters base maga 2020

Morgan Thomas Spock here • an hour ago

Shouldn't be a problem to have a red wave! The democrats have done absolutely nothing but make total jackasses of themselves!

just_a_moderate Spock here • an hour ago

Then you should be able to take your money and double it.

Gambling books are laying 2:1 for people who want to bet that the GOP will retain the House.

Jack Bannerman Spock here • 4 hours ago

The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few....

Joey Boats Spock here • 15 hours ago

Like many trump supporters you see things that aren't actually there!

sevines Joey Boats • 15 hours ago

What, like all the fake polls and news that said Hillary was going to win in a landslide? You mean things like that?

Joey Boats sevines • 15 hours ago

No, like the fake polls that give the donald a 51% job approval rating! More like those polls...

sevines Joey Boats • 14 hours ago

You're right, those are fake polls. His support is probably higher, at least where it counts.

ROTB sevines • 14 hours ago

Nicely done!

Gene B sevines • 7 hours ago

EXACTLY.

Factsnotfeelings sevines • 5 hours ago

Adjusting for their margin of error during the election, Trumps approval is around 119%

[laughing-paradise]

Aquarius

Male:

Fact 1: As an Aquarius Man it’s hard for you to resist someone, that’s intelligent and creative.

Fact 2: An Aquarius Man can easily make themselves panic by overthinking or obsessing over a situation that in reality isn’t as bad as it seems.

Fact 3: An Aquarius Man can sometimes be consumed by their own thoughts, especially at night. They can’t find the ‘ off’ switch.

Fact 4: The type of person who atrracts an Aquarius man is intelligent, independent, free spirited, and a good conversationlist. Should they keep him guessing, or be a bit unconventional, they will fascinate him, but if thay person is too emotional, he’ll pass.

Fact 5: Aquarius Man prefers to get to know you, rather than cast his own opinions; he doesn’t mind being “different”; he doesn’t like confrontation (but prefers thinps go his way); he may switch subjects when talking or zone out in a conversation; he’s incredibly smart and likes doing for people; not the most affectionate but he’s likes “showing off” his mate; he’s always thinkin

Fact 6: Often has childhood issues; is loyal when seriously in love; likes having freedom; has a quiet ego; wants everyone to believe his words and gets angry if that’s not the case; has good debating skills; likes to keep to himself; hard to read; may act opposite of what he feels on the inside; needs his personal space

Fact 7: Aquarius Man are bad at expressing feelings, especially when it comes to relationships.

Fact 8: Aquarius Man are romantics at heart, not necessarily looking for passion of the body, but more of the mind.

Fact 9: Loves his space but always makes time for special people; hard to read but easy to love; not easily fooled; speaks his mind; smart

Fact 10: As an Aquarius Man, you try not to burden people with your problems and are masters at hiding your pain.

Fact 11: With his intelligence and logical outlook, occupations in mechanics, photography, engineering, education and broadcasting are well suited for Aquarius man.

Fact 12: Aquarius Man prefers to get to know a person before passingjudgment because he understands there’s usually more than what’s on the surface; he’s not the most affectionate or understanding of love but does things to make his mate feel cherished; he often zones out of conversation if it’s not stimulating enough; he’s smart and opinionated .

Fact 13: Love, like everything else, is a light-hearted game to the Aquarius man. He will approach relationships playfully, unleashing his flirty charm in small, calculated doses.

Fact 14: When it comes to money, the Aquarius man rules his pocketbook by logic and not emotion. This makes him a smart investor, a sound negotiator.

Fact 15: Intelligence + originality +.sexy is what an Aquarius Man needs.

Fact 16: They’re like bloodhounds when it comes to deceit and can smell it a mile away.

Fact 17: He is generally considered most compatible with Libra, Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aries.

Fact 18: Aquarius Man will always have the balls to do what you tell them they can’t do.

Fact 19: The Aquarius man is a loyal individual who highly values a true friendship.

Fact 20: An Aquarius Man deep in love is as loyal as they come.

Female:

Fact 1: Impress an Aquarius by making them think and laugh

Fact 2: If you’re gonna be with an Aquarius you have to be able to leave them alone they don’t do well with clingy people

Fact 3: Aquarius can get bored easily, they need something new, unique and out of the ordinary to keep them entertained

Fact 4: When an Aquarian really love someone, that person should consider them self as lucky because our love comes from deep within the heart <3

Fact 5: Aquarians decide if they like you or not within the first few moments of knowing you. Rarely will it change if they didn’t like you before

Fact 6: Aquarius often finds it hard to communicate their extremely complex thoughts and feelings.

Fact 7: If you want somebody to tell you what you want to hear, don’t ask an Aquarius

Fact 8: When an Aquarius loves you they will be willing to put up with a lot of your shit but push too far and they’re gone forever

Fact 9: It can be pretty har When an Aquarius is feeling as they have…a very subtle way of showing emotions.

Fact 10: Aquarius is always observing and analyzing everything around them.

Fact 11: Aquarians seldom hate, but when they start to hate someone, they’d probably hate that person for life

Fact 12: Aquarians won’t try to fit in with friends they don’t like

Fact 13: An Aquarius will always put a smile just not to kill the mood of anyone else

Fact 14: When Aquarius really considers you a friend, they won’t ever bother judging you

Fact 15: Losing an Aquarius’ trust is like dropping a licked lollipop in sand! It’s a wrap!

Fact 16: The tighter you try to hold on to Aquarius the more they will slip through your fingers.

Fact 17: If an Aquarius lost their interest with you, no matter what you do, forget it. They remain the same

Fact 18: Aquarius just don’t like to be involved in or affected by the drama that emotionally insecure people can bring to them

Fact 19: Aquarians are very strong willed beings, they don’t let anything nor anyone bring them down

Fact 20: Aquarius will take a while to make decisions but when they finally do, their minds are really made up

Fact 21: Aquarius temper can burst out at any time, and they tend to be outright rude or maintain an intimidating silence

Fact 22: An Aquarius will never allow someone to have control over their actions

Fact 23: Aquarius hate being rushed and like to do things at their own pace

Fact 24: Aquarians can stay up all night just thinking.

Fact 25: Aquarians work hard and put their full efforts to get money but can just spend it in a blink and omg…

Fact 26: Aquarius absolutely love pleasant surprises

Fact 27: If Aquarius are not secure with their surroundings they may feel like a shy alien, nothing close to how they really are.

Fact 28: The key to real passion for an Aquarius is connecting with someone who can make vulnerability safe for them.

Fact 29: Aquarius are hot-hearted people who like doing things their OWN way.

Fact 30: If an Aquarius is depressed and shows it for an extended time period you know something’s really wrong.

Fact 31: Aquarius can’t hold back their opinion even if it will get them into trouble.

Fact 32: An Aquarius might be nice and friendly to you, but that doesn?t mean they are interested in dating you

Fact 33: An Aquarius in love is extremely faithful.

Fact 34: Aquarians like to sleep cause it’s the only way out of the million and one thoughts crossing their mind constantly

Fact 35: Aquarius has many associates but very few close friends

Fact 36: At times Aquarius can be too selfless and giving which can make some people take advantage of them

Fact 37: Aquarius has a strong willpower. They will not give up until they achieve their goals

Fact 38: Aquarius’s highly active and complex mind is both their greatest gift and curse.

Fact 39: Aquarius have their own unique ways of dealing with…sadness and negative feelings

Fact 40: An Aquarian can be very grumpy when something doesn’t go their way.

Fact 41: Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail.

Fact 42: Aquarius tend to stick to their decisions and aren’t easily persuaded by other people.

Fact 43: Once an Aquarius decides what they want, they’ll do everything in their power to achieve it

Fact 44: When an Aquarius loves somebody, their love is intense and unexplainable

Fact 45: Aquarians believe they control the subconscious more than they really do. Some things can be buried in there very deep.

Fact 46: Aquarians love trying new things and constantly seek out novelty and change.

Fact 47: Behind Aquarius smile, is a story you would never understand.

Fact 48: Aquarius prefer things to be simple and straightforward

Fact 49: Aquarius are trustworthy and very good at keeping secrets

Fact 50: Aquarius are interesting and attractive people. Nothing boring about them.

Fact 51: An Aquarius works more efficiently when they’re pressed for time.

Fact 52: Aquarians instantly know what they like and don’t like. If they choose you, they want you

Fact 53: Aquarians and music can never be separated

Fact 54: Aquarius can admit that they are wrong about something, but there’s a catch, you need to argue first

Fact 55: Aquarius stay faithful or they stay single.

Fact 56: An Aquarius will work very hard at not letting you know that you affect them

Fact 57: Aquarius trust their instincts before they trust anything anybody says

Fact 58: An Aquarius tends to use heavy loads of sarcasm when they’re pissed off, because they don’t want to say things too hurtful to others

Fact 59: Aquarius oveanalyze situations but go with their gut feelings even if it leads them down a rocky slope.

Fact 60: Aquarius do as they please and speak as they like. They answer to no one but themselves

Fact 61: Aquarians rather pretend that they like someone at first rather than just turning them down.

Fact 62: Sometimes an Aquarius lets go and stop fighting back because they think you’re not worth the effort.

Fact 63: Aquarians probably have the worst sleeping patterns.

Fact 64: Aquarius believe in fairness and will treat you the way you treat them

Fact 65: Aquarius tries to see both the good and bad in everything.

Fact 66: Aquarians are smart people who hate being taken for a fool.

Fact 67: Aquarius are known for their friendliness. They are stubborn yet…very friendly with a high sense of humor that attract people to their side

Fact 68: Aquarius may disagree with you but they will respect your opinion if you respect theirs.

Fact 69: Aquarians cannot be bothered with the narrow minded

Fact 70: Aquarians know who they’ll get along with best in a group sometimes before anything is said.

Fact 71: When angered, Aquarius can become seriously rude, alternating between deafening silence and sudden outbursts of temper.

Fact 72: Aquarius main source of sorrow are their overactive minds that just won’t stop thinking

Fact 73: When it comes on to convincing someone about…something, there is no one like an Aquarius

Fact 74: Aquarians always get into trouble all the time speaking their minds, but at the end of the day they just don’t care

Fact 75: Aquarians can be cute and funny, then suddenly cool and tough

Fact 76: Aquarius have an ability to become a genius even if they were not born that way, their minds work full speed

Fact 77: Aquarians are protective of those they love

Fact 78: Being funny and having a good sense of humour is one way to impress an Aquarius

Fact 79: Aquarius have high standards for themselves and can get depressed when they fail to meet these standards.P

Fact 80: Aquarius may forgive but they will always remember.

[talabib]

Do You what it takes to be a CEO?

CEOs are often portrayed as highly intelligent people who wear fancy suits and have a real knack for business. However, many of them neither hold a higher-education degree nor come from a wealthy background. In fact, corporate success often has little to do with book smarts or a massive bankroll.

Experts ran several extensive studies to pinpoint what is truly needed to become a leader of a successful company. These are skills that anyone can learn, and the steps to acquiring and implementing them are clearly outlined in this post. Supported by examples of eminent CEOs across an array of industries, you’ll see that there’s nothing stopping you from becoming the next Elon Musk or Indra Nooyi.

CEOs aren’t born, they’re made.

Many of us believe that CEOs are somehow special and entirely different from the average employee. Furthermore, we believe that wealthy parents or exceptional intelligence is necessary to run a large company. However, the ghSMART project surveyed over 2,600 CEOs and what they found contradicts these beliefs.

The majority of CEOs are just regular people who have developed leadership qualities over the course of their career.

More than 70 percent of the CEOs surveyed claimed that they had no intention of becoming a CEO when they first started working.

Let’s take Don Slager, for example. Slager is the CEO of Republic Services, a $9 billion company and one of the top-500 wealthiest companies in the United States as rated by Fortune magazine. He never went to college but was ranked the number one CEO in the United States by the website Glassdoor. In fact, he started out as a garbageman for the company. By working his way up the ranks, Slager eventually became the head of one of the most well-known companies in the American waste-services industry. It was his knowledge of and familiarity with the general public, as well as the insights he’d gained from working in all areas of the company, that made Slager the best candidate for CEO.

What’s more, the survey showed that you don’t need to be a genius to become a CEO.

Indeed, those who put forth complicated ideas or use long words are typically viewed as bad CEOs. Moreover, they’re less likely to be hired at all. To give you some stats – only seven percent of CEOs graduated from an Ivy League school. Though Fortune 500 companies usually have Ivy League graduates among their leaders, the smaller, less-known firms don’t. But Ivy League schools aside, consider this: like Don Slager, eight percent of CEOs have never attended any college, so, clearly, lacking a formal higher-level education is no hindrance.

You also don’t need to be an exceptionally outspoken person to be a CEO. Egoistic people make the worst CEOs since they’re too focused on their individual success. And, in fact, 30 percent of CEOs are introverts.

Make fewer and thus faster decisions.

Previously, we’ve shown that a college degree isn’t necessary to become the CEO of a lucrative company. But being highly intelligent is not a prerequisite either.

In fact, CEOs who have a high IQ typically experience information paralysis. They are required to make important choices every day. There are many different avenues by which to arrive at a decision, such as being thoughtful, impulsive, logical or decisive. Out of these options, high-performing CEOs often opt for decisiveness, meaning the ability to decide quickly and with conviction. Indeed, experts found in a study that decisiveness made CEOs 12 times more likely to be top performers.

In addition to being quick, an overarching decision is usually better than one that’s detailed.

To illustrate this argument, let’s take a look at Steve Gorman, who took over the bus company Greyhound Lines in 2003 when it was $140 million in debt. After being advised to either divide up the regions and sell off the company’s business in them, or to increase fare prices, Gorman had to decide quickly. Instead of consulting sales figures, he looked at a map of America. Gorman compared this map with the Greyhound route map and made the bold decision to stop all of the routes that serviced low-density populations. Thanks to this decisiveness, after four years, Greyhound Lines was making an annual profit of $30 million. So, like Gorman, find a winning formula for your specific business, and to stick to it.

This is what Doug Peterson, CEO of McGraw Hill Financial, did. He succeeded by following the policy of Jack Welch, legendary CEO of the gigantic conglomerate General Electric. According to Welch’s rule, the company had to have the potential to become a number one or number two player in every new sector it entered, or he would turn down the opportunity.

By following this formula, Peterson simplified decision-making throughout his entire organization and enabled his staff to make quicker decisions about market opportunities by themselves. The company sometimes turned down potentially lucrative takeover deals, but the simplicity and speed were worth more than any single buyout would have been.

To get favorable results, you need to understand your stakeholders.

As mentioned earlier, a surprisingly large number of CEOs are introverts rather than extroverts. This is because, in order to be an effective CEO, you’ve got to be able to consider other people’s perspectives. Company owners need to understand what motivates customers, board members and stakeholders, which means that CEOs need to listen and have empathy. Introverts tend to be particularly adept at this.

By truly listening to people, you avoid making assumptions, which is important. When it comes to other people’s perspectives and outlooks, you shouldn’t assume you know what they think. Instead, you should show genuine curiosity and pay attention when they’re talking about themselves.

One CEO who employs this tactic particularly effectively is Neil Fiske. Though he is mainly known as the man who rescued the surf company Billabong, his biggest achievement came when he worked for a lingerie brand. Fiske interviewed women about their opinions on clothing, and he was mindful not to make assumptions. By listening and gathering as much information as he could, Fiske managed to turn the previously small company into a billion-dollar business.

As the example illustrates, it’s important for CEOs to spend time getting to know their customers.

Jim Donald has had leadership roles in many well-known successful brands, including Starbucks and Safeway. He attributes his success to spending half of his time out of the office and in the shops themselves. Donald’s strategy stemmed from advice given to him from his former boss at Walmart, Sam Walton, who said that the real business occurs among the customers and employees on the shop floor.

Similarly, it’s vital to know the motivations behind the company’s board members.

The benefits of getting to know board members shouldn’t be underestimated, and you should be aware of their individual aspirations and hopes, as well as how your company fits into that vision. Some key questions to be addressed include: How did they become a board member? Are they obligated to an investor or founder? What’s driving them to stay on the board? Is it money, prestige, intellectual stimulation? Finding the answers to these questions could help you achieve your goals for the company, because you’ll know what kind of decisions board members will be likely to back.

People will rely on a consistent and committed CEO.

If two candidates are competing for a CEO position, the one who appears most reliable will get the job. In fact, CEOs who are known to be reliable are twice more likely to be offered a position than those who don’t have that reputation.

To present yourself as a reliable person, you must always follow through on your commitments.

The Genome Project studied the personality traits of thousands of CEOs and found that 94 percent of them scored very high in the category of following through on commitments. Furthermore, those who displayed discipline, thoroughness and conscientiousness were highly favored, unlike the “mad geniuses,” who were less favorable due to their erratic behavior. So if your main argument for getting the job is that you can come up with crazy ideas and schemes, you may wish to rethink your strategy.

Board members want leaders who they know will follow through on promises, even if the promises aren’t extravagant. They prefer a guaranteed modest outcome over an outlandish promise that has a low probability of being delivered. Thus, you can build your reputation for reliability by promising small things, but ensuring that you deliver on those small promises.

You can also appear reliable by behaving consistently. To do so, you should not let yourself be swayed by mood swings or emotions. The CEO of Timberland, Jeff Schwartz, argues that your staff rely on you to be consistent so that they can approach you professionally. Whether you are consistently serious or always friendly, you’ll seem more approachable to your colleagues and employees if your moods are predictable.

Additionally, preparing anecdotes about your prior experiences will help you sell yourself as a reliable CEO.

When in an interview for a leadership position you can prove the fact that you’re a reliable choice by sharing a few anecdotes from the past. Think of previous situations in which you’ve overcome a mutual problem, highlighting how you’ve learned from those hardships and redeemed yourself. This will help you come across as someone who can be relied on to work through common problems should they arise in the future.

Avoid mistakes by building repeatable, well-planned systems.

When you’re leading a big organization, it’s almost impossible to micromanage everything. Therefore, you need to implement self-sustaining systems that have easily repeatable steps to ensure employees work efficiently.

To do so, imagine yourself as a conductor of an orchestra. Rather than playing music, a conductor watches over everyone else from afar. To pull off a spectacular show, the conductor must work with the performers during rehearsal and ensure that everyone knows their role. Together, they work through the piece multiple times in order to reduce the likelihood of errors. On the big day, the conductor doesn’t need to do much, since the performers know what to do, having practiced the same pattern hundreds of times. This is what you should aim for as a CEO, too.

In addition to envisioning yourself as a conductor, it can also be helpful to think like a Navy SEAL. Imagine you’re in a fight. You might think that the best thing to do would be to rely on your instincts, fight back hard and hope for the best. But this is exactly what Navy SEALs don’t do. They are taught to build a strong foundation beforehand so that in the face of rising pressure, they can call upon their repetitive training and avoid making any mistakes.

Lastly, creating a well-planned system can also help prevent errors. In some cases, a reliable system can mean the difference between life and death. For example, the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia sometimes encountered errors in their treatment system. Not only were doctors and nurses making mistakes with dosages and treatments; they also tried to cover them up.

Then it was revealed that it wasn’t the mistakes themselves that were causing most of the errors; it was the attempts to cover them up. So the hospital changed the system and decided to rename the errors, or near misses, as good catches. The staff member who disclosed the most near misses – either their own or somebody else’s – was given an award. As a result, medical errors fell by 80 percent.

Forget the past and focus on adapting to future trends.

What do Blockbuster Video and Kodak have in common? Both are businesses that failed because they didn’t adapt to the future.

One important aspect of planning for the future involves making room for new ideas by letting go of old ones.

Though Kodak invented the first-ever digital camera, they waited 18 years to pursue the opportunity further. This missed opportunity was fateful for the company, which filed for bankruptcy in 2012. Similarly, video-rental company Blockbuster passed on all three opportunities to purchase Netflix, because it didn’t see the potential of an online business model. We now know that this was a big mistake, and Blockbuster, too, filed for bankruptcy.

Both Kodak and Blockbuster failed because they weren’t able to let go of their old practices and adapt to the changing business landscape fast enough.

In contrast, when Intel saw that Japanese companies had begun to produce memory chips at a lower cost, it knew it needed to act quickly. This new competition led to a drop in Intel’s profits, from $198 billion in 1984 to $2 million just a year later. So Intel decided to focus wholly on producing microprocessors and drop its memory-chip-manufacturing business. The company’s willingness to adapt resulted in their market cap rising from $4 billion in the mid-1980s to $197 billion today.

Clearly, then, staying on top of upcoming trends is vital for a company’s sustained success, but how can you manage that in an increasingly information-loaded world?

The answer is to become a trendhunter. Jean Hoffman, CEO of pharmaceutical firm Putney, is a great example of a trendhunter. Hoffman was able to stay ahead of the game by studying the trends in human pharmacy and applying them to better forecast changes in veterinary medicine.

But looking into the trends that lie outside of your industry is helpful, too. For instance, Disney World didn’t look at other theme parks to find a trend that they could adapt. Instead, they compared themselves to any case that involved family entertainment, meaning games, films, sports and toys. From their research, they learned that it would be beneficial to incorporate trends such as the Harry Potter phenomenon and trampolining into their operations.

You need to get noticed to advance to the top.

If you think you’re more important than the company you work for, then the chances you’ll get hired as a CEO are pretty slim. Employers look for team players who will act according to the company’s best interests, rather than those who act out of self-interest.

So how do you show what you’ve got, if you’re not supposed to brag about your talents? To get there, try to be a big fish in a small pond.

Experts carried out a study of 2,600 CEOs and found that 60 percent of those who had climbed the corporate ladder quickly – also known as “sprinters” – did so after having taken a lower position at a smaller firm.

Smaller companies are more likely to accommodate change and ideas faster than big corporations, which usually have no time or room for your personal opinions.

Furthermore, in a smaller company, it’s easier to get noticed. If you become recognized as the one who saved or expanded your company or department, you’ll find yourself being thrust into the spotlight in no time.

For example, Damien McDonald declined a managerial position at Johnson and Johnson, a $50 billion firm, and chose to lead the $250 million spine division of Zimmer, a medical-device company. Under McDonald’s leadership, Zimmer saw growth of 12 percent, while the most he could have achieved at Johnson and Johnson would’ve probably been between one and two percent. Then, in 2016, LivaNova, another medical-device company, impressed by McDonald’s success, offered him the role of CEO.

You also need to make sure you get noticed for the right reasons and by the right people. The first way to get noticed is by asking people at your company for advice. Everyone enjoys giving guidance, and by doing so, they’ll become invested in and support your success.

Alternatively, you could offer skills that the company is lacking, which is typically computer and technology expertise. Everyone will notice when you become the go-to person for such areas.

A third way to get noticed is to become a staff member of an important figure in the company. As a personal assistant to a senior manager, you’ll be granted access to high-level meetings. This will provide you with key insights into company operations, as well as connections to the top brass, thereby creating a competitive edge for you.

Once people recognize your talent, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a CEO.

CEOs aren’t superhuman. In fact, they’re just regular people who’ve developed certain skills that allow them to climb ranks in the workplace. Being decisive, consistent, committed and reliable are all fundamental traits of a CEO. Having a well-planned system in place is also important, as is understanding stakeholders and being able to adapt to the future.