#a heist just for fun and to kill some random people out of boredom

[jonny-b-meowborn]

Okay I've been thinking about the lil cute therian fic I've been writing, and I think I know how I wanna end it and it's like. Very much self indulgent not really accurate to the mechanisms canon and way too cute but the thing is I can do whatever I want forever so I think Im gonna do it (I'm only like idk 1/3 done tho so don't get too excited fjdnfjndn)

[lawgrain]

Not Boyfriends (Phandom)

Fandom: Phandom (Dan and Phil)

Pairings: Take a random guess at it, I’m sure you’ll get it right.

Summary: This is actually a prompt fic. It goes something like this:  “ Where a superhero has to deal with a super villain that thinks they're best friends.” I thought it’d be more fun to do boyfriends instead of best friends. This story has just been chilling out on my laptop (for at least a year), it’s kind of cheesy but I thought I’d post it.

***Those who follow me for Sanders Side, this is not that fandom but I’ll finish that fic up O.o

Story!

Phil's POV

“Put it down.”

“But honey!”

“Why do you insist upon being difficult?”

“Darling, I was getting it for you. I thought it'd be special.”

“For the last time. We. Are. NOT. Dating.”

Phil put his head in his hands out of exasperation. Normally it's a dangerous idea to break eye contact with the enemy but this was a special case.

This was Phantom Dove.

Phil hates him. Primarily because he decided to spend his time pretending Phil was his lover and they most certainly were not.

“Gasp! Are you breaking up with me?”

“Did you actually just say ‘gasp’? And no I'm not breaking up with you because we were never together!” Phil didn't know why he even humors the man.

“Oh good so you're not breaking up with me. And the gasp was for irony so you can't say anything.” Phantom smiled innocently, completely ignoring the latter part of Phil's statement.

They could honestly go all day if Phil didn't put an end to this.

“Just put the jewels down and we’ll get you to the police.”

“Really? Has that ever worked with me before?” Phantom’s voice laced with sarcasm because no, it had not worked. Ever.

“Fine. Shall you start or me?”

“Awe, you know I’d never throw the first punch, love.”

And just like that, they were off. Phil threw a powered punch straight towards Phantoms head. He dodged leaving just barely a space between his nose and Phil's fist. He shot a light beam with his other hand. Again Phantom dodged. Phil heard a shattering of glass behind them where his attack must have landed. He didn't hesitate at the sound and barreled forward with a kick aimed towards his side. This time it landed, shoving Phantom to the floor.

Quickly, the other got up. “You got one in, babe! You're getting so good at thi–” Phil cut him of with lasers streaming from his eyes. And no, not figuratively. Phantom jumped to the other side of the room ten feet away. Phil always hated when he did that. He liked playing a game of cat and mouse where Phil would have to guess where he'd be next.

Phil wasn't having that today. He flew forward, eyes lit up and ready to attack. He got a hold of Phantom and pinned him in the wall a few feet above the ground.

“Oh darling, I didn't know we were going to play kinky today.” He smiled. “Want me to call you daddy?”

Phil sputtered in shock. He wanted to kill Phantom right now. Taking advantage of Phil's hesitation, Phantom electrocuted him.

Phil didn't even see how he did it. Usually the man had to touch his hands to Phil in order to shock him but Phil thought he had the other securely pinned.

That didn't matter now as Phil laid on the floor with an approaching super villain.

“Wow, I hope that didn't hurt too much.” He leaned down and inserted something in Phil's arm. “Don't worry about this. It's just a thing I made that'll keep you still long enough for me to get out of here.” He pulled back and saw what must've been the syringe he put in his arm.

The thief continued to raid the place for more priceless items while Phil was unable to move a muscle. Before long, sirens could be heard in the distance.

“That's my que! I'd tell you when that stuff wears off, but considering your super healing, I don't actually know. Feel free to tell me later. Bye love!”

And then Phantom was gone. The police lost him and by the time Phil was able to move, it was much too late. He had disappeared like a ghost.

After speaking to the police, Phil was finally able to hang up the cape for the night and focus on getting sleep for his day job. Somehow, masquerading as a vigilante in a mask didn't help him make a living. That's why during the day, he worked as a film editor for various companies and people. He liked working on small projects so he could stay at home.

Once he'd considered becoming part of the police force, but luckily his common sense kicked in and he realized that would be too strenuous to keep up when he went out every night. He much preferred the decision he made. He got to put away his false sense of seriousness and be an actual person with friends.

When Phil was younger he couldn't say he had much of a social life. He was awkward and majorly confused at why he could fly and others could not. Later it became known that superpowers were a thing. Sadly, the world found out because of a super villain, but Phil supposed that was how he became the world's first superhero.

Surprisingly, the world wasn't complaining. Not about Phil at least. He knew that the lack of hatred was due mostly to how much crime had gone down in his city. Phil always caught the bad guy and not many with superpowered people were psychotic. The few that were caused unrest and Phil made sure to stop them as quickly as possible.

The only one Phil couldn't seem to catch was Phantom. It was ridiculous that a villain that took nothing seriously could always best Phil. It wasn't like the man was a top priority, but he still irked Phil. Most people had some sort of reason for crime but Phantom Dove made it look like a hobby. No motive, no purpose, just a thing to do. And that made him unpredictable. He lived up to the name Phantom. The man couldn't be found or tracked. He simply appeared for the heck of it and disappeared when things got tough.

Phil couldn’t wait to catch him. He couldn't wait to finally put a name on the obnoxious man. And he certainly couldn't wait to put him in jail.

Dan's POV

Fighting was a fucking bitch.

Dan should've been quicker. Should've dodged that kick better. If there was one thing he envied about Light Knight was his super healing abilities. Actually Dan would be happy with any superpowers.

Oh yeah, that's the real ringer isn't it? The super villain of the city isn't super at all. Not that Dan would sell himself short. His genius inventions had somehow tricked everyone that he was super. Even the city's superhero thought so.

Although that came with some downsides. For example, the hero never held back on Dan. Meaning he always came home with cuts and bruises and today he had a really bad bruise on his ribs. While his suit could absorb the brunt of any blow, he was pretty sure the surrounding neighbors thought he was abused.

Dan had tried stalling the man after that particular attack, but was certain the hero was too focused on winning to hear the strain in his voice. It didn't matter in the end. Dan had won and left with a lot more money than he came in with.

That wasn't the real prize though. No, the real prize was the Light Knight. Dan had been utterly paranoid about the man. He felt unsettled that he could be anybody on the streets and he'd have no idea. Dan set out to fix this and put a tracker on him while he was paralyzed.

Sure there were some ethical things being broken here, but Dan wanted to feel safe. So what if that involved violating someone's privacy? Then again Dan could've picked a less dangerous occupation if he wanted security.

Too late now.

Taking some pain medication, Dan took to looking at where the tracker was. Needless to say, he was beyond relieved to find out the hero wasn't a neighbor. That was somehow a worse case scenario to Dan. But it wasn't to be because when the man had settled for the night, he was not in Dan's area.

This brought Dan to phase two. He wanted to know the man's name. For others this would be hard but something tells him that no one knows of his side hobby: hacking.

He knows that his life decisions were morally ambiguous, but fuck society.

He had actually picked up the hobby as a thing of boredom. He wanted access to things the internet simply refused to supply and Dan just wasn't okay with that. He didn't know at the time that he was going to become a criminal, but it certainly didn't hurt when he accessed Light Knight’s building security, traced the footage from when he entered the building and then to the when the man arrived at his flat. And it really helped when he searched for the homeowners name of said flat.

Philip Lester. A rather disappointing name in Dan's opinion.

He supposed it was alright but he was sort of hoping for better material to tease the man with. Dan was fully aware that he shouldn’t piss off a guy with powers, but he couldn't help it. When he put on his suit he could be anyone he wanted. And he wanted to tease the straight-laced grumpy hero who was apparently called “Phil”.

Phil was the first thing that gave him actual happiness in a long time. He had been in the middle of a more complicated heist when they had met. Honestly, it wasn't extremely complicated other than the fact that Dan was apparently working with idiots. One of which would've gotten Dan killed, accidentally knocking him from the roof of a building, if it weren't for Light Knight catching him. For that reason, Dan wasn't even upset that his temporary partners were caught. In fact, it gave Dan the chance to sneak away.

After he started engaging with the hero as much as possible. Dan had never met a man that would give a criminal a second thought— someone who would save a criminal. He was used to people who shoot first and asked questions later. Once he'd gotten to know the hero more, Dan found himself enjoying their banter and quick quips. It got to the point where Dan thought they had a sort of relationship.

And not a romantic one. He wasn't delusional. That type of bantering started when he found out how much it bothered Light Knight and only then did he start to use flirting at every turn. It was refreshing to be able to do things he'd never do with the mask off. As Phantom Dove he could be confident, flirty and silly. As Dan Howell he was just a quiet depressing loner. Given his options, Dan chose to go with the thrill of being Light Knight’s friendly enemy. The relationship wasn't necessarily a positive one... But if a rivalry was the only connection Dan could have with someone, he'd take it.

He doubted the hero genuinely hated him though. Believe it or not, Dan wasn't the only bad guy around. While he relied on technology for crime, others actually did have superpowers. They also had no qualms about killing others which Dan would never do. If it's destruction and theft, count Dan in, but if it's world domination and murder, he wants no part in the deal. He thinks Light Knight just is pissed that he can't catch Dan. Well that and Dan insists on making suggestive comments to him.

Plus there was that one time he went overboard and said Light Knight was his boyfriend on national tv. The next time they saw each other he received some bruises that lasted a month.

Worth it.

For now though, all Dan had on his mind was how he was going to use this information to get under Phil's skin. He wouldn't deal out the information to others but there was no way he wasn't going to have some fun with this.

He couldn't wait.

Chapter 2