#a lot of it is fomo bc all my friends are moved into their new apts n im still at home and the other bit of it is just..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shoichee · 3 years

Note

part 4: hcs dedicated to reactions: seirin (their precious lil manager going out with that scissor-wielding emperor bastard!?) and rakuzan (their captain was in love with that girl who cussed at him near the vending machine?!? ITS SO FUNNY) ++ angst where akashi gets jealous of readers teammates (IZUKI kuroko kagami furi... but mostly izuki bc point guards with eye powers) because he still feels bad about what happened and thinks he doesnt deserve her -- teiko anon

OUR LEGENDARY TEIKO ANON HAS SPOKEN OF AN EPILOGUE, alright y’all the finale FINALE 🧘🏻‍♀️ OKAY, i don’t think I hammered too hard on the angst, but enjoy the fluff and subtle crack😌

OOH, looks like another anon wants a pt. 4! :0 Since it is primarily the Teiko anon’s request, I will be prioritizing the first request, but I will combine a few aspects of this request to make a fuller headcanon epilogue! Hope everyone enjoys this! part 1 here // part 2 here // part 3 here

Akashi x Reader

Part 4: Epilogue

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

in the aftermath of the Winter Cup, your relationship with Akashi has certainly gotten much better, and dare you say, more intimate and romantic; though you were still healing a bit from the emotional scars from Teiko, they seemed to be going away faster than you realized, especially when everyone gathers for Kuroko’s birthday party

you were with Seirin, helping with the decorations and setting up the plates before Kuroko comes in the evening, but what no one expected was for him to bring in the GoMs

YOU’RE SHOOK AND YOU’RE BASHFUL SEEING AKASHI IN HIS WINTER ATTIRE, you’re getting MAD butterflies, but no one seems to notice because everyone’s attention is on the GoMs and Kuroko

of course Akashi was scanning the room for you first, and you immediately look away from his affectionate stare because you were still not used to the old Akashi, let alone his sweeter side for only you

Izuki notices how quiet you got and nudged your ribs with his elbow before telling a stupid pun… the thing is, you were one of the few people who genuinely found his jokes funny LOL

Akashi widens his eyes, staring at you laughing so unabashedly, and he feels really, really bad that he never got that level of a reaction from you whenever you were with him even despite knowing you for longer

now as the party goes on, Akashi is seeing your dynamics with Seirin for the first time and he’s just really grateful that you found an amazing support group during your low times; he’s not particularly someone to get jealous, but he’s getting a BAD case of FOMO because he’s thinking of all the “what-if’s” and all the times he could’ve made you happy and stress-free

“Akashi-kun?”

“Ah… yes?” Akashi snaps out of his daze to see a mild smirk coming from Kuroko on his right side, and Kuroko was about to ask a question about who he was looking at before a shout of “Watch out!” and a ceramic plate came FLYING across the table to hit the Rakuzan captain square on his face

CUE SCREAMS OF PANIC AS MOMOI PUNCHES AOMINE ON THE HEAD AND RIKO JUMPS TO STRANGLE KAGAMI, AND YOU LITERALLY ZOOMED TO HIS SIDE TO CHECK ON ANY INJURIES

see, he could’ve easily dodged it, and he supposed that it’s his fault for not paying attention and dodging on time

thankfully, the plate didn’t break because Kuroko caught the plate before it reached the floor and placed it back on the table

Akashi still has a bruise or two on his face though… and ngl, everyone gulped when they saw him checking out the injuries with a handheld mirror, ready to get their ankles broken

you were so worried over his safety, he finds it really endearing… but he wants to elicit an expression other than looks of worry or tears or anger (flashback to when you cussed him out)

“Wait, but (y/n)...” Koganei said. “Since when were you so close to Akashi that you didn’t hesitate to touch his face?”

a few moments of silence for everyone to register his words

“EHHHH?????!!!!”

everyone is throwing QUESTION after QUESTION at the two of you, and Akashi just has a neutral face with his mouth parted while you were so embarrassed LMAO

Kise being a real best friend, tells them:

“Alright, alright, everyone! Let’s not forget about the birthday boy! Kurokocchi should be the center of our attention today!”

“Kise, that’s…”

“Anywho! Let’s light up the cake and find those party poppers…”

after the party though, when you all return to school, Seirin was READY to jump on you for interrogation, and you do reluctantly tell them that you and Akashi are a tentative couple

Riko: “SERIOUSLY? I mean… that’s kinda cute though…”

Hyuuga: “I mean… yeah, as long as you’re happy, it’s none of my business.”

Teppei: “I hope he treats you well, (y/n)-san.” and of course he gives you his signature head pats

Furihata, Tsuchida, Kawahara: “??????????????????? But why?”

Koganei: “Huh, guess that explains a lot.”

Kagami: “???????????? pt. 2 LMAO” and also “What do you even see in him?” in genuine curiosity

Izuki: “ I guess you two dove into this relationship without hesitation, eh? Get it, get it? Because doves are a symbol of lo—”

“Izuki, shut the fuck up.”

“It means that you love (Ai)kashi—” [Ai means love]

“IZUKI.”

Kuroko simply pretends that this is the first time he’s heard of you dating Akashi, and he gives you his heartfelt congratulations, and as long as Kuroko approves of it, you feel like you’re on the right track (he’s such a good judge of character!)

you and Akashi actually live VERY far apart, considering that your schools are equally just as far in distance, but that being said, for our rich boy Akashi, distance isn’t much of a problem when he can easily find ways to come visit any time

he can also pay for your transportation to visit Rakuzan if you ever felt like visiting him too (although, you insist to pay for your own things, but he’s not having it because he says it’s a treat for him to see you too)

whenever Akashi stops by the Seirin campus to visit, he’s just kind of awkward standing there like the prince that he is, waiting for the perfect opportunity to walk in, but every time, he’d ALWAYS notice how you’re so happy being with everyone here, especially with Izuki, and his guilt just comes back full force again

he wonders if this was right of him to date you when there’s so much people who can easily do a better job in getting you to smile and be completely yourself, especially since he’s been the source of your anguish for all these months (maybe even a year or two if he was counting the duration of your entire crush on him that you assumed to be unrequited)

“Seijurō!” your voice rang out, beckoning him to walk towards you and the group

all of the Seirin teammates are so wary of him, and are all hyper aware of his movements LOL, and Kuroko is just like “hi, you’re back” very casually

Kagami uses this as a chance to challenge a one-on-one on Akashi

Kagami gets destroyed in a few minutes flat

the whole time you’re just watching Akashi with heart eyes, unbeknownst to him while he was focused on Kagami

after the interrogation and Akashi passing the “first stage” of acceptance, you and him find time to have a cute date at a local shopping district to walk around and sightsee

Akashi finds it fun, he really did, but there’s a part of him that thinks you’d have more fun with people who know you better… a.k.a. Izuki, or legit any other Seirin member

he’s visibly distracted by his own thoughts, and you wave a hand to his face, asking if this was too boring for him

“No, no, of course I’m enjoying this with you,” he muses, putting a gentle kiss to your temple. “Shall we get moving?”

“Something’s bothering you isn’t it.”

“No,” he chuckles, giving a gentle smile, but you only frown at him… once again he sees that you weren’t smiling at him

“I’m serious Sei, I want to get to know the real you,” you softly chastise, pinching his cheek. “So I also want you to speak your mind around me.”

“Oh ho… I see that your boldness is still very present here,” he says in referring to your touch.

“Oh my god, can you drop it already? That’s so embarrassing—I cussed you out one time… hey don’t change the subject!”

“Hmm…” he hums for a bit before he comes clean. “I’m afraid that I might not be the right person to be worthy by your side after hurting you for so long.”

“... What makes you think that?” He hesitates, for the first time, not being so sure of himself and his emotions; he immediately thinks of Izuki and your good chemistry with him but dismisses the thought

“... I just do not think I’m capable enough to make you happy.”

“But you are. I’m very giddy to be with you right now.”

“Even happier than when you are with… your teammates?”

“Huh?”

“I apologize,” he hurriedly says. “They are your friends. I was out of line to question them.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Talk it out to me.” He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you both continue to walk and browse through the shops, and you carefully watch Akashi while he’s examining a few souvenirs on the display, patient for him to continue talking

“... the point guard.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Seirin’s point guard.”

“Izuki-kun? What about him?”

“While I’m aware that you only spend your time with him as a good friend… I want to spend just as much of a koala-ty time with you whenever we have the chance.”

he... says this with the straightest face, and you’re utterly confused before you saw some animal plushies on the store window, and the the koala plush, and then the cogs started turning in your head

“... Did you just say a pun?”

“Was it not sufficient?”

a few moments of silence pass and Akashi thinks he did something wrong because he wanted to make you smile (HELP poor captain), before you break into hysterics

between your fits of broken laughs and wheezes, you managed to ask if he was jealous of Izuki, to which he wholeheartedly kept denying until you wouldn’t stop being persistent

you reassure him over and over that he doesn’t need to act like Izuki to make you happy, but it was a pleasant surprise to see Akashi crack a “joke” nonetheless

he’s a bit new to the concept of dating and is still quite unsure of how to navigate this PLEASE GIVE HIM TIME

the date that day was a success (some of the Seirin teammates TOTALLY weren’t spying on you mid-date or anything…)

while Seirin is okay with you dating, visiting Rakuzan ALONE with the scary-ass captain and his “CROONIES” (hint: the rest of the team LMAOO) IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY

RIKO AND HYUUGA are just like:

“What’s wrong with him coming here to visit you? Why do you gotta do the effort to visit him?”

“Uh… because I want to…”

“Yes, but who would you call to help over if something wrong happens? You’d be too far!”

“Uh, Akashi can help me if something happens.”

“With what, his scissors?” Kagami gives a deadpan look, and everyone turns to look at him in utter confusion LMAOOO like what does this redhead mean by SCISSORS???

Kuroko immediately jabs Kagami’s sides to silence him and smoothly changes the conversation before anyone asks any more questions about the “scissors” and potentially make them more reluctant to let you go

oh Kuroko, being the mediator and negotiator as always, trying to set some safety protocols for you to follow before everyone finally agrees to let you go see the infamous team alone

you know, Teppei is honestly just like, “Just go! Don’t worry about our (y/n) too much!”

Furihata is so concerned for your safety for valid reasons, but you reassure him that you won’t “die from the trip,” and no, this wouldn’t “be the last time” they’d see you before you leave

so when you stopped by Rakuzan’s gym after school after looking at the online maps, Hayama lets out a screech of terror before he starts pointing at you and calling you the “crazy ass chick” who tried to have a first-row seat ticket to death LOL

Hayama’s commotion brought everyone else’s attention to you, and Akashi was very surprised to see you all the way here

but he’s just standing at the back to watch how his teammates are reacting to you

Reo is the guy who would welcome you very warmly and would introduce you to the other team members who aren’t the starters, and he would actually ask if you were okay from last time

Nebuya is very laid back and throws a few muscle jokes much to Reo’s dismay, and he makes a comment about not you possibly not eating enough because at the time, he saw you almost tripping up your feet after you cussed out Akashi… he offers you his extra bowls if you ever feel hungry VERY SWEET GUY

Mayuzumi thinks you have balls, like who the fuck would come out alive after cussing out his captain but then COME BACK to said school of the captain… like why would you willingly walk back into the lion’s den??? so he thinks you’re dumb, but he has a shred of respect for you

Akashi is so amused at the spectacle and finally walks over to you after you noticed him

and he gives you an embrace and a chaste forehead kiss, and the entire gym goes silent

“Sei! I wanted to drop by as a surprise! Did you expect me?”

“Hm, I may have expected you to come sooner or later, but definitely not this quickly. Were transportation fees too much of a hassle?”

“Nope! I got everything covered! Do you want me to give you any chiropractic massages if you and your teammates need it?”

“You don’t need to do that, (y/n). You came here as a guest, not as a manager.”

“But…”

“Shhh, as soon as practice is done, I’ll take you anywhere you want in Kyotō. How does that sound?”

“Er… captain?” Reo holds up a hesitant finger to interrupt the two of you, while everyone else looks horrified at the sight of their captain looking serene

“Get a room, will you?” Mayuzumi only tuts in irritation while turning away to grab a nearby water bottle to down in one go

Nebuya merely stares in astonishment at the two of you, and his mind is thinking how the hell did you reel in this guy?

nah man, Hayama is GONE at this point: his brain has stopped functioning a while ago, and he’s standing there as stiff as a statue, scratching his head like a lost monkey // like he’s thinking how the fuck did this shit add up?? in his mind, he’s taking 2 plus 2 but it somehow ends up 94… that’s how he’s processing what he’s witnessing

the rest of the benchers and lower-string players are confused? who ARE you anyways?? Akashi?? dating??? that’s Rakuzan gossip of the century

TLDR; your first trip to Rakuzan may be awkward because the two of you stick out like a sore thumb, but eventually after multiple trips, the team slowly begins to consider you as one of their own

as per Akashi’s “suggestion” (hint: not a suggestion, but a strong recommendation), you were to be retreated with respect and kindness

why? Because Akashi never wants a repeat of the situation at Teiko ever again :(

as long as he is captain, and as long as he has the power and authority, he will do everything he can to make you happy and comfortable

don’t worry though, the Rakuzan starters are more than willing to punt any kid who talks shit about you

surprisingly, once Hayama comes around and accepts the fact that you were dating the captain, he’d be the most adamant and vocal protector, and he’s the one who shares the “inside tips and tricks” about the captain EEEE it’s so wholesome !!

the Rakuzan team is your certified bodyguard group, no debate

Reo might be the nosy mom who asks about who confessed first and the like…

the END, and I DO MEAN THE END THIS TIME

#knb #kuroko no basket #knb x reader #akashi seijuro #knb headcanons #akashi x reader #akashi seijuro x reader #teiko #knb teiko #teiko middle school #THE END FOR REAL

395 notes · View notes

fragileizywriting · 3 years

Note

If you have sleeping position hcs for demon lovin do you have sex position hcs???

i'm so sorry i'm late to respond to this anon!!! i hope you haven't moved on with your life XD i'm going to be honest with you, when i first read this, i was totally stumped!!! completely!!! i really had to think about this, and even ask for help for a couple of friends. i wanted to nail this right on the head.

SDLKJFSFJSFJ OH BABY you set me up on purpose, didn’t you? you read the tag of “oh dear god i miss them so much” and i presume your first thought was to rub your lil hands together and go “i know! what if. what if we make izy think about them more.”

WELL. HERE WE ARE. YOU AND I. JUST A COUPLE OF CARDS. me pining over my three idiots, getting fomo from my own fics, and you, my dearest, no doubt wanting to know more.

so let’s get started! and again, sorry for the wait!!!

i'm putting a read more here to give people the chance to not read this, and also, by jesus christ did i write so much more for this ask than i should've, i am so sorry.

luka: luka’s more into giving than receiving! always has been! it doesn’t matter if it’s adrien or marinette that he's dealing with— whichever one he can grab first, he’s making sure they sit or behave for him as he gives them exactly what they want or need, depending on which one is underneath him.

it’s not uncommon for him to bend either one of them over the couch, the bed, the kitchen counter, what have you. he'll listen to any desires they have if it's pretty loud, but most of the time he'll just do it his way, if he's the one whose caught them— and it is generally oral. lots and lots of oral. he'd make a good succubus, actually!

his favorite sex position for sure would be anywhere from having either of the two up against the wall, or bent over for him. wall sex, kitchen sex, something that makes it obvious that he's taking it with no mercy. quick, fast, easy— he doesn't like waiting for it. doggy style, ankles on his shoulders, using his weight on whoever is underneath him, all of that!

luka (after marinette, of course, but she's had lots of practice) is the dirtiest talker. complete and total dirtiest talker.

at the end of the day, luka wants to make the two of them happy. and it just so happens that marinette is never happier than being treated like a princess, so, it's good news for him! and it also just so happens that adrien is never happier than when he's being praised, so, also good for him!

but, if he's not the one in charge— as long as he has his sex playlist on, he's golden. either adrien or marinette can have full reigns and he'll just sit back and relax and he deserves it, given that he's too 'old' to be using all of this energy anyway

marinette: marinette has always gived more than received. always! obviously, obviously she loves being on the receiving end— it's so enjoyable to her and it's been so long since she's had it regularly in her life— but because of which she's totally not used to being the one sitting down and being cared for!

she has a natural tendency to want to help out luka or adrien with her mouth— she also has a tendency to let them use her mouth whichever way they want. whether they're sitting— standing— having her be the one to lay down— she doesn't mind it at all. she quite literally lives for it, after all!

marinette snags either of them or the both of them back into the magic room always. she's not above initiating sex anywhere in the apartment, definitely not, but she loves the romantic side of sex. bedroom, dim lights, maybe even some unscented candles (bc sensitive demon noses) and freshly washed sheets are a must!!! she's a complete and total romantic at heart.

her favorite sex positions would be sitting in either one's lap, cowgirl, or sandwiched between the two of them.

but. but. that totally doesn't mean that she doesn't get nasty with it. she's adapted to learning the preferences of others, of course. if someone is into something, she'll definitely give it a shot. if luka wants something in a certain way, she'll give it that way— and if adrien wants something in another way, she'll accommodate that too. she lives to please!

adrien: he's so catty. so so catty. the literal prince out of the three of them, he's definitely more used to receiving than giving. that's not to say he won't— but he's not used to giving oral in the slightest, but he enjoys it. after all, he lives for praise— and marinette is nothing if not vocal about what she likes and what she doesn't. it's going to take him a while to actively want to give it, though.

adrien takes the cake for being the most sexually aroused. seriously! marinette doesn't count— she's hungry. it's food. she's been starving for hundreds of years. adrien, however, does not need it to survive— but he has just as high of a libido as marinette does. it's probably because he's younger by a few thousand/million years.

he's constantly shoving himself into either of their spaces, always depositing himself into luka's lap or dragging marinette to sit on him— always always always wanting attention. and by jesus, he will have it. this, combined with his high libido, would totally also make him a pretty good succubus! makes him very susceptible to getting dragged into the bedroom or on the couch or whatever in order to be taken care of.

his favorite sex positions would be mostly the classics! missionary (what? he was raised conservative! come on!), doggy, shower sex! he love love loves it!

#Anonymous #once again i am so sorry for making you wait this long #jesus also i am so sorry for writing this much #please forgive me #demon lovin'#shout out to my friends having to hear me scream about this ask for like five days #as i desperately tried to figure out if my answer was good enough #thank you for being patient w me anon i love you #lukadrinette #lukadrienette #fragileizylukadrienette

18 notes · View notes

poulterwrites · 6 years

Note

im sending u hennat for that ship meme and IDC

good god i love u

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you…

who hogs the duvet: Henry. He doesn’t do it normally, but when he’s asleep, he gets REAL territorial of his blankets :)))

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: I think they both do, especially if they know the other is having a crazy or important day. But I’m 100% Henry is completely obnoxious about checking in.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: I’ll say Natalie. Because yeah Henry is Good at gifts but not “creative” per say??? If that makes sense?

who gets up first in the morning: Natalie. Henry is NOT a morning person.

who suggests new things in bed: hmmm I think Natalie??

who cries at movies: Henry is unapologetic when crying in movies. So whether Nat cries or not, Henry has the reputation of doing this.

who gives unprompted massages: I feel like this is a Henry Thing ™. Like Nat is rambling anxiously to him and he just gives her a little massage while she goes on to try to calm her down :)

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: Natalie. Henry’s not good at resting and letting himself get better so Nat has to TAKE CHARGE.

who gets jealous easiest: This is a hard one but I will say with Henry it’s more about FOMO. Like if they did long distance for university he’d be happy about Nat making new friends but he feels LEFT OUT ANYWAY. Henry doesn’t make friends so who does Nat have to be jealous of? lol

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: Henry is so pretentious that he acts all embarrassed about listening to most music lol

who collects something unusual: idk why Natalie popped into my head but she strikes me as the type of person who has little collections???

who takes the longest to get ready: Natalie because Henry rolls out of bed and is ready to go.

who is the most tidy and organised: NATALIE. GOOD LORD NATALIE.

who gets most excited about the holidays: Henry just really loves Hanukkah (he feels it’s a very underrated Jewish Holiday). I think he likes the idea of the holiday season more than he likes the actual holidays. I can’t imagine Natalie being too fond of the holidays tbh??

who is the big spoon/little spoon: They take turns because in the wise words of Jake Peralta, “Everyone likes to be the little spoon!”

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: Natalie for sure.

who starts the most arguments: While Nat is more inclined to “Start,” Henry is very guilty of insisting they talk about things that he knows will spark an argument.

who suggests that they buy a pet: To be honest, Natalie. Because they already have Henry’s childhood cat (Mingus) and he doesn’t want ANY MORE because Mingus is his #1.

what couple traditions they have: They wear blue every March 1st and try to do something special that day. There I said it. Also I’m 100% certain on holiday weekends or something, they choose a show to binge-watch and refuse to leave their apartment unless necessary. They definitely have a favorite piano bar that they go to for birthdays and such.

what tv shows they watch together: I’m being biased but The Office, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Good Place, Superstore (They LOVE NBC), but also Bob’s Burgers, The Get Down, You’re the Worst, The Magicians. Probably more but this is already so many shows bc I’m projecting MY tv obsession onto them lol.

what other couple they hang out with: Probably other musicians? But idk because they’re not social by nature. Honestly, I don’t see them having COUPLE FRIENDS until their future kids go to school and Henry & Nat start hanging out with other parents lol

how they spend time together as a couple: I mean piano. Duh. But also they do a lot of sitting around together whether they’re both watching something or if they’re doing their own things and just enjoying each other’s company. But also, they go out to dinner and see lots of movies!!! That piano bar is their go-to. They also bake/cook together, I’m crying.

who made the first move: “Sounds good.” // “I’m trying to tell you I love you.” // “Hey.” // “Not tonight.”

who brings flowers home: Henry, who definitely has allergies, adores flowers so he brings them home for no reason constantly. But I can also see Natalie bringing flowers home FOR Henry because of how much he loves them???

who is the best cook: They both had to fend for themselves a lot growing up, but I’d think Nat had a better grasp on making REAL FOOD while Henry was just really into cereal and frozen chicken nuggets.

#otp: perfect for you #mars tag #i love them so much #thank u for sending this in <3

2 notes · View notes

the-mamas-project · 7 years

Photo

The MAMAS Project - Jena

This month’s post is a bit different. One half of TMP, Jena, joins the ranks of brave moms who have shared their motherhood successes, struggles, and insight. The ultimate realness. Instead of our typical interview format, this post is self-written. Always having had a way with words, Jena’s voice on the page, her rawness, will draw you in. Oh, and give you all the feels.

I think I have always wanted to be a mother, but I had spent most of my early twenties travelling, then found myself in nursing school and in a relationship. Just as I was about to graduate and start my career, I was suddenly pregnant. At that point, I hadn’t thought much about parenthood, other than the occasional non-rational and typical-of-me sentiment, I want a baby, that would make things more…insert stable, happy, real. Whatever emotion I was feeling in the moment. Not a planner, motherhood really played to the unpredictability that guided my life early on.

The truth is, our relationship had been a bit on and off in the six months prior to getting pregnant. At the time we conceived, we had just re-committed to making it work, and thought, perhaps we were ready to think about children. I had gone off the pill. However, the idea hadn’t fully sunk in, since we were still working on being good partners for each other.

Chronically unsatisfied, I had been running away from any kind of stability for years. As the child of a diplomat, my family moved from country to country, experiencing the rich culture of East Africa, the Middle East and Caribbean, always travelling and having new adventures as a family. By the time I was in university at 17, I was used to people being on the go and people being in awe of my travels and up bringing, sometimes thinking my story was much more interesting than me. In my first university degree, I continued the chase. Unhappy with the environment in Halifax, I ran to India, then Malta, across Eastern Europe…then back to a small Ontario town, where I thought a diploma in photojournalism would be my key to an interesting job, therefore sustaining an interesting life.

What I am articulating, is that I have always had this insatiable desire to be on a new adventure, to create a life as interesting as my childhood had been.

Without detailing the millions of paths I started and stopped in my early twenties, I eventually moved to BC to find some answers. A worshipper of serendipity, I thought the signs would eventually be clear.

My husband and I met the year I moved to Vancouver. I made the move from Kits to Commercial drive in search of a new start in the city. When I walked into his restaurant looking for a job as a waitress, I locked eyes with him as he descended the back stairs of the restaurant in his soccer uniform and was immediately attracted to him. I remember the moment vividly. I even remember the green and white striped v-neck sweater I was wearing, I kept it for years.

Shortly after I was hired, I told him over the bar late one night, I think we are going to be really good friends for a long time. We fell for each other quickly and had an end of summer romance that came to an abrupt halt in the fall. We were on and off for the first five months, but by Christmas, after a trip to Argentina and Uruguay together, I was ready to move in above the restaurant, and the more serious portion of our relationship started. The next four years, I would break the relationship off twice, searching for something different. Stuck in the mundane cycle of full time school, I thought ending my relationship would give me the change I needed. I would look for things wrong with my partner, rather than try to focus on what I was unhappy with about myself. It was after one of my Christmas meltdowns, that we found ourselves pregnant.

We were excited and I knew having Nico was the right decision. It gave us a new zeal and commitment, as we bought a house and attempted to prepare for something you can never prepare totally for: parenthood.

Want to know how to feel the most lonely you’ve ever felt? Become a new parent before all your friends do, move to a city where none of your friends live, and go on maternity leave, 4 months after starting a new job that you love. As you can imagine, the collision of all these things, on top of my chronic un-satisfaction with the present, led to me feeling trapped.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a mom and my child was perfect to me. I now know how lucky I am to be able to conceive a healthy child without difficulty, but I was in a deep and dark mourning for the person I had been and the life I once had.

Motherhood itself is a crazy change. It is the death of your ability to be totally selfish. The death of your free will to make choices that only impact yourself. You now must keep another human being alive, love it, teach and try to keep yourself in good condition to do so. It’s the biggest challenge and I don’t know anyone who has met it with 100% precision. And the biggest joke of all, is even though you know you will never be perfect at it, you will still always hold guilt over your head when you make a mistake or do something you regret. Your expectations of yourself will be kicked in the face on the daily.

I did find my swing with Nico, although, I still hadn’t let go of the deep sense I had inside, that I was missing out. That while motherhood was awesome, there was so much living going around me and excitement in the lives of my non-parent friends, and I was being held back. The ultimate fomo (fear of missing out). We did a ton of activities, we made new friends. And when friends of mine started having babies, the loneliness started to subside. But I ached to get back to working, to have a purpose separate from motherhood. I hadn’t been prepared to be a mother, and letting go of what I thought I would be doing (travelling to foreign countries to nurse), was hard.

When I got back to work, time went into fast-forward. Things were great. We got married, and were pregnant again before we knew it. But this time I was prepared. I had friends with babies, I knew what to expect. I knew it would be hard, harder even. But I knew that time had already gone too fast, and that I only had one chance to give number two everything I had.

Luca arrived healthy, Nico transitioned and so did I. I think I loved harder the second time, and gave Luca more moments than I was able to give Nico. I rocked Luca to sleep every night, not getting frustrated as often. I still rock him to sleep. I let Nico grow up too fast in my mind. By the age of one I remember looking at Nico and thinking he was a toddler, when the same time rolled around for Luca, I remember thinking, he’s such a baby! Since Luca, I think I have embraced and accepted motherhood more, I wholeheartedly know I am where I need to be. I know others want to be where I am and I struggle knowing they have difficulty bearing children, and I don’t take that for granted. But the struggle of raising children is still real. Because its hard, it is so hard. There are days when I just want to run away, I would even take a prison cell, if it meant I could sleep and not have to answer to a million other needs before my own. The days where I am full-time disciplining, and I think my kids hate me, and I hate myself…the pain is deep. But it is also temporary, because the next day can be divine. It’s never boring, but sometimes, I just want to feel the ache of boredom, a feeling that used to haunt me and make me feel unaccomplished.

And this late fall, I had a bit of a mental collapse. I hadn’t been sleeping, maybe 5 hours a night, and never more than 2 hours at a time. I was working nights and days, and lots. I was carting my kids to activities, but not enjoying them because I had a million other commitments that I had put on my plate. This is typical of me, in my quest to stay interesting/interested, I will commit to more than I can handle and then it backfires in my face. I had no love to give, and the guilt was eating me away. It eventually corroded my immune system too, and I was hit with a bad flu.

I think I am on the other side of the mental and physical drain. And the answer wasn’t what I thought it would be. I have historically found my worth in activity, adventure and achievement. But forced to shut down, I found peace in the mundane, the non-adventure. Watching too much TV with my kids when they were also sick. Letting the house get messy. Letting the lists pile up. But, feeling present. Not living in the midst of the next adventure, but in the bliss of today. I think this is me admitting that I have felt ashamed to be, just a mom. I have wanted to hold more than just this title, yet, it’s when I can juggle being just a mom well, that I feel best. Not when I am spreading myself so thin that I the guilt of being half present erodes my being.

When we interview mothers, we always ask, do you have any regrets? More often than not, the answer is, no, this path got me to here. I get that, but I do have regrets. I regret not being more present, not just in motherhood, but in so many junctures in my life. My husband says, stop living for next week, enjoy what you’re doing today. He knows best, that in the heat of the moment I am usually planning my next steps, not living in the current footprint. I also regret not knowing, that while I was pining to be seen as a person beyond a mother, that being a mother made me great, made me dynamic and made me strong.

After all is said and done, (although, god knows I will have more breakdowns, bad weeks, days and years), motherhood took a very fragile, self-conscious me and made me feel worth, depth and strength I had never known. It’s all reflected in how beautiful my kids are and how much they love me. It made me the person that looked at myself in December and said, something is wrong, you’re not happy, and that’s ok. You don’t have to run or change your life, your life is good still.

Now, at this very moment, I am on a beautiful vacation with my little family, and while we have learned that travelling with kids is not easy, I believe the memories are worth every bit of hardship. And perhaps in a way that I hadn’t expected, I am fulfilling my need for change and wanderlust through the tiny and wide-eyed little boys that go almost everywhere with me.

Written by Jena

Edited by Sarah

Photographed by Jena (+ her amazing husband Corrado)

#motherhood #themamasproject #themamaprojectyvr motherhoodtruths #truth #momlife #parenting #parenthood #strongasamother #momofboys

1 note · View note

hoebagbasicbitch · 4 years

Text

the sweetest omegle convo i’ve ever had

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like the regrettes.

You: hi!

Stranger: hiii

You: skjakjf my search for the regrettes has never turned up anything until now

You: im so excitel lol

Stranger: RIGHT

Stranger: same

Stranger: wait are u from twitter lmao

You: we are a small but proud fanbase

You: no i am not

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: even crazier then

Stranger: so true

You: do u have any other socials

Stranger: I have insta! what's urs

You: phoebelink.art

You: hbu? i'll follow u

Stranger: omg I love ur acc

Stranger: I just followed u <3

You: thanks!

Stranger: :))))

You: don't be alarmed if i start peeping thru ur posts to see what other music u listen to i'm desperae for new artists

Stranger: omg no ur ok!!

Stranger: do u want rec

Stranger: recs

You: love them but u can only listen to the regrettes and swmrs for so long

You: yes pls!

Stranger: do u...like wallows

You: yes

You: they are coming to my state in august for a festival and i'm so excited

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait what fest is in august

Stranger: I thought they were all earlier

You: hinterlands

Stranger: where's that

You: it is mostly country music but there's some indie shit

You: it's in iowa so it's all hicks lol but i will suffer to we wallows live

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: why have I not heard about this

Stranger: im so confused rn

You: idk

You: it's a smaller sort of festival and it's like in a cornfield

Stranger: damn

Stranger: im bout to go

You: bet lol

Stranger: im like the biggest wallows stan its so bad

You: ahaha

You: the real question is did it happen before or after 13 reasons whyg?

Stranger: when I stanned?

You: ya

Stranger: they actually didn't even become wallows until right after 13rw

Stranger: but

You: oh whoops

Stranger: it was after, but I've never even seen it

You: got it that's more what i meant lol

Stranger: I started liking them through a mutual friend

You: valid

Stranger: if u have never seen them, they're the best

You: i'm not a stan but i do really like their music

You: i have not seen them live but i'm a huge regrettes stan

Stranger: gotcha

Stranger: as u should be

Stranger: tbh maybe Lydia will go!

You: i fucking hope

Stranger: she goes to a lot of shows w them

Stranger: bro

Stranger: speaking of her

Stranger: at my wallows show last month I like saw her and waved at her n then she came and sat behind me

You: WHAT

Stranger: like literally. right behind me

Stranger: and I was too scared to say anything

Stranger: :)

Stranger: every time she would laugh she'd like laugh in my ear

Stranger: cutest laugh ever bro

Stranger: her and

Stranger: whoops

You: i saw her live in cleaveland this summer and if corona doesn't cancel it i intend to see them when they tour with the struts

Stranger: wait

Stranger: when is that happening

You: this summer

You: their site has all the dates

Stranger: wtf

Stranger: I didn't know they had us dates

You: they updated it i think cause coachella is getting moved im pretty sure

You: they're just opening but i am for sure buying pit tickets and i will ahve to learn to love the struts haha

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait

Stranger: theres only like 3 dates

You: if they cancelled i will be very sad

Stranger: :( which one are u supposed to go to

Stranger: thats how I feel about my wallows shows, I think they're gonna be postponed/cancelled

You: the one on may 31

You: for me it is still on the site

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: that might be ok

Stranger: I think wallows cancelled their show for may 31

Stranger: they took itoff their website but haven't said anything

You: hmmm

You: we must hope for the best i guess

You: a mosh pit does seem like a prime place to catch corona tho lmao

Stranger: tbh I don't care

Stranger: which is probably bad

Stranger: but lile

You: it would be worth it

Stranger: idk my only happiness comes from touring so

You: yeah i have plenty of bands who i love but they kind of stay in place they don't really tour

Stranger: damn really

You: and unfortunataly i don't live in cali so i can't ever see them live

Stranger: felt

Stranger: I wish I lived in cali so bad

You: and that's on only liking grunge surf punk bads

Stranger: were u like a stan when they did the Fonda show afterparty homecoming thing

Stranger: I've never had such bad fomo in my life

You: i don't think so

Stranger: oh my god

Stranger: it was crazy

You: usually i don't like concerts cause they make me disociate lol but i just let it happen for lydia night

Stranger: oh shit really

Stranger: I love shows

You: no like they are very fun

You: it just is like an out of body experience haha

Stranger: damn

Stranger: idk I never have that

You: it's like an anxiety thing i think

You: it just happens it's kinda odd

Stranger: it's weird I have like bad anxiety about most things but somehow I have like none at concerts

Stranger: like im just the best possible version of myself idk

You: i feel that

You: like in certain situtions i definitely just don't feel it at all

Stranger: right

You: there are so many bands i would give a limb to see live thouhg

You: like one of my all-time favs is SWMRS ugh love them

Stranger: yupppppp I love

You: and hot flash heat wave opened for the regrettes when i saw them live

You: so good

Stranger: omg stop

Stranger: im jealous

You: but i have a whole list of bands to see live on my bucket list

Stranger: I feel like I've lucked out and I've seen almost all of the people I want to see

Stranger: well like all of my favorites

You: that's nice

Stranger: that being said im crazy so I like to see people 5+ times but

You: my main thing is i'm kind of new to the genre like only been super into it for two years but

You: that is still fun tho

Stranger: oh gotcha

Stranger: wait how old are u

You: 16

Stranger: oh and u said u live in Iowa right so I feel like maybe not a lot of people go there

Stranger: aw ur baby

You: ahaha

You: the alt scene is very dead here

Stranger: true

Stranger: tbh no one comes to my state either

Stranger: bc its so far out of the way

You: what kind of area are u in

Stranger: florida

You: ah

You: so the opposite of cali lmao

Stranger: yup

Stranger: yet im prob gonna go to cali when wallows have a show there

Stranger: lmao

You: wirth it

Stranger: yes

Stranger: I also might go for harry styles but idk yet

You: he's coming to iowa i think but i might b wrong

Stranger: omg really

Stranger: u should go

You: yeah we have a fat arena but i don't think i can afford tickets

Stranger: :(

You: i don't have a job RIP and i;m not getting one anytime soon cause all the businesses are closed

Stranger: damn yea I felt that

Stranger: I do have a job but im not going rn

Stranger: like im making them leave me off the schedule

You: probably smart

Stranger: bc im so scared of getting my mom sick

You: yeah that would be shitty

Stranger: yup

You: my mom works for the school district that i go to and my dad works from home so we are all chillin but that prolly sucks

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yeah thats good

Stranger: my whole family is staying home

You: we don't have a stay in place order yet but we haven't left the house in weeks basically either

You: my school is about to get cancelled too

You: it's just not good for anyone

Stranger: about to??

Stranger: is it not cancelled yet

You: well spring break got extended to april 13 but the superintendent is making an announcement on friday apparently

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yea here it's closed until the end of the year

You: its tough for us cause we are supposed to go online but our district can't afford it

You: like we need to close but only 40% of kids have internet acess

You: so they can't

Stranger: oh fuck

Stranger: idk :/

You: i'm lucky to have it tho

You: me wasting my precious internet acess on talking to adults on omegle lmao

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: treu

Stranger: true

Stranger: oh well

You: i just want to relive middle school while i'm quarantined ya know

You: i was not monitored as a child bahabha

Stranger: omg

Stranger: same

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: I used to be on here all the time

You: like how am i not dead

You: genuinely thinking about all the shit i did in like 2012,,, what??

You: who let me near the family computer and then just didn't look over my shoulder

You: anyway i should probs go to sleep

You: it was nice talking to you tho!

Stranger: omg u too!!!!

Stranger: sorry it took me forever to respond

Stranger has disconnected.

1 note · View note

samanthasroberts · 6 years

Text

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

0 notes

jimdsmith34 · 6 years