#a sort of apology plus explanation for where i went haha--

[bnha-doodle-trash]

hah-

the kaminari and joltik doodles i did once before are something i’d like to call,, foreshadowing,, haha,,  (accidentally-)

[ladyyatexel]

I Went On A Manga Binge

So you don't have to

For those of you who have wisely avoided the shreds of it I've left around the blog thus-far, I had some weird notion to go re-experience Yu-Gi-Oh uuuuuh a week ago? We'll go with that. Time is meaningless.

I'd been able to read a good portion of the early manga at the end of highschool, and somewhere in my stacks and stacks of paper is fanart from this dark time, so you know I cared. I also still own a Dark Magician action figure somehow, so. I'd also watched a large portion of the anime with my brother because it had been laced with some kind of crack and we couldn't look away? I remember when we both were just like shit, wait, don't change the channel, I can't stop looking at it. And the next thing we knew we were waiting for new episodes and I was doing research on the Japanese original because I was that kid.

Anyway, unnecessary backstory out of the way, here are some... let's call them Observations and Consequences of having read somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 chapters (and growing) of a manga primarily hinged on card games from a spectrum of sources ranging from boringly lawful to sketchy as fuck.

Surprise actual character that develops in typical shounen fashion being Jounouchi. My limited experiences with the 4Kids dub and only early manga had not painted him in a particularly good light. I don't know if episodes were being aired out of order or if I had just missed the ones that established that he was making shit up as he was going along, but Wow I liked him a lot more going through the manga than I ever did watching the (dubbed, heavily edited and censored and thrown into a slurry machine) anime. I'd managed to come out with the impression that he was just as reasonably experienced with the game as Yugi back in the day. Wild.

I'm now reading every single comic-style post on Tumblr backwards.

Striking inverse to first point, wow, I don't like Seto Kaiba. Though he gets points for his general philosophy of the future, and the line I read in my sketchy online combo of scans and scanlations in which he said, "If God is in your way, you run him down," was Metal As Fuck. I somewhat shame-facedly admit to enjoying him a lot more as an Abridged Series character. (I watched Abridged as it came out back in the day! The experience of watching the anime with my brother had been so fresh that I got all the in jokes about the way things were edited and dubbed, it was great. Series remains influential part of my life to this day, which is hella weird.)

I almost understand how Duel Monsters works now. I don't want this.

That said, wow a lot of the decisions made in the anime made everything a lot more ridiculous than the admittedly already ridiculous original. I got the distinct feeling in the manga that the Duelist Kingdom stuff we were seeing was designed to be used and exploited in ways that don't make sense in an actual cardgame just played on a table like a normal person and this was part of testing everyone to think higher, differently. Maybe this is obvious to everyone already, I don't know. I had always liked that it was very, 'Not so fast, I'm going to blow up the moon to change the tides,' but I'm not really sure the anime gave enough explanation that this was an extra layer added to things for that event? You can see people actively getting used to it in the books, and people who aren't considering the real or 3D nature of it getting owned, but my memory of anime version is everyone just like, 'oh, shucks, fuck me, I forgot to consider the phase of the moon before i played this card, can't believe I forgot.' No one calls Yugi on any of this stuff because it's valid play in that situation. Plus Yami Yugi had mad trickster energy in the beginning and it suited him to think of ways to do things inside these little simulation boxes the way it suited him to set perverts on fire. I imagine the real card game trying to emulate this element as something that would be to its detriment, but I neither know nor particular care haha

Ryou Bakura.

Really, though. I think he became kind of casualty of 'wow, we have a lot of characters who really aren't able to do anything in this story anymore,' despite the fact that his whole inner life could have been as interesting as Yugi's. I always like thinking about the possibilities of stories in which main character falls into magical world and is given magical item and told they're the hero and then they find out they've been the bad guy the whole time. The first several volumes of manga were about the quiet weirdo kid that no one talked to who was always blacking out and turning into a fucked up version of himsef because he was so attached to his ancient Egyptian jewelry, so like, Bakura could have much the same shit going on. I want to know what's happening with him so much. He clearly doesn't love being possessed, but he's also so drawn to the ring. Despite it having stabbed him at least twice and him knowing it's a danger to him and his friends, he keeps being pulled back into it. You see so much more of him being like, 'Oooh, a creepy thing, I love that! :D' in the manga than ever in the anime, which I'm all about. Also more blood. I'm very about that as well. Though my memory of the anime also made it look very much like normal regular daily Bakura was just a weird facade in places before he ever would have been. I think that was it trying to compensate for what people didn't see from the Toei anime, but okay whatever, that I love everything about this guy is not news, I don't need to talk about Bakura excessively here, I'm pretty sure that's gonna show up on my blog by itself

On a related note though, damn, more of these people need to talk to each other. Can we have some existential crisis support clubs or something. Can we get like some apologies or something? "I respect you as a duelist." "Cool, but you literally built a tower designed to specifically assassinate me and my friends? You were supposed to get Better after I retaliated by putting you in a coma, but you kinda didn't." "Why would the coma have made it better" "I just told you it didn't" ---- "Sorry I went along with the plan of your evil parasite stabbing you, misled you, and then also jumped in and took up some real estate in your head too." "I understand, I also have an evil thing inside me that does things while I'm blacked out." "...no, I was conscious for all of that." "Oh." "..." "..." "..." "Do you like Ouija Boards?" "sure okay" ETC. Like damn we are reading shounen manga because no one is talking extensively about their feelings here and I'm tapping my foot angrily.

Holy shit there are so many mythologies happening at once. The ancient family guarding the Egyptian Pharaoh has a surname that's a Mesopotamian goddess. None of the god cards make any Egyptian sense except Ra, and just like. Baaarrrrely. Somewhere either Evil Ring Bakura or Mar/lik makes a reference to cremation and spirits being taken to heaven with smoke which several things, but definitely not Ancient Egyptian. Marik/Malik meanwhile is clearly trying to head Arabic, along with Rishid, but then, hey, our sister is just Isis. Goddess McGoddess. Sometimes they're the same goddess! Her name could be Isis Isis or Ishtar Ishtar. Meanwhile, all the obviously 'occult because Christians think it is freaky' stuff. ~ancient egyptian pentagrams~~~This isn't a complaint, I guess so much as a 'Wow, I can kind of see the cultural spot the author was coming from and where he was aiming' kind of thing.

Wonder where things would have gone if the card games had not been latched onto the way they were.

Managed to forget how gross the pre-cardgames stuff was on the sexual harassment front. I'm glad there was a sort of explanation of everyone drifting away from being dick heads and that that decision was made. It got way more comfortable to read after no one was bringing Yugi p*rn on VHS.

Yugi looks better with a nose, glad we got that upgrade.

Interesting to watch the series style shift as it goes away from being horror to being over the top cardgames and friendship (with blood!). The first picture of Mokuba is fucking Jarring. Also noticed that the nicer a character is, the less their teeth are defined.

Glad manga did not go as completely off the fucking the rails about Marik's face. I never got as far as seeing him back in the day because college occurred, but I remember seeing pictures and stuff and being like, "what in the Fuck happened to that dude, I think the house style has collapsed in on itself"

Things the author Really Likes: motorcycles, belts, SHOES, holy shit the shoes. These are some of the most lovingly rendered sneakers I've ever seen. All the detail on his characters goes straight to their feet and then it's stretched upward until it forms stiff peaks. Gently fold in 3000 years of trauma and bake face down in a crumb coat of scattered mythology. Remove when you roll two zeros.

Where the fuck am I going to put the extremely large omnibus volumes of this comic I purchased in order to balance out how much I would be reading for free on the internet. I should have grasped that a three in one edition would be Thick and yet somehow I was still :O when it arrived. Have I strategically purchased volumes that contain my favorite parts, maybe, what's it to you will i eventually get the whole thing because incomplete book series gnaw on my soul? yes

Wish the transition from "I've murdered several people in delightfully karmic ways" to "all you need is friendship in your heart and cards in your hand" Yami Yugi/Pharaoh had been discussed more/transitioned better. Buddy, where did you get this approved for television high horse? Please go back to strangling people with yo-yos or at least tell me why you stopped.

I still can't tell anything that looks like a big robotic monster apart from any other big robotic monster. My dude, I can't tell cars apart, all these monsters look the same.

Yami Yugi fascinated me way more in highschool? Maybe because it was still super early and the anime was like 'we need to torture you about his origins WeEkLy. Now I'm just like 'wait hold on, can we go back to Bakura and Marik for a minute, there's some extreme unpacking to do here?' Those two are paying so much more in baggage fees here my guy wow

Violently uninterested in any of the spinoff media

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep17

Haha yeah at this point I give up on thinking this is newcomer-friendly, lmao.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut [plus Umineko spoilers]

Well this sure was an episode, lol.

At this point I think that regardless of how the rest of the show goes, it kinda just definitively doesn’t work properly as something for new fans to enjoy. It’s not like it wouldn’t make any sense, but it’s just a straight up inferior experience to watching this as a sequel after the VN. Even with the fast-paced montage of Matsuribayashi plot points, new fans still don’t even know stuff like what Takano’s whole backstory is, what her motives where, and what her actual plan even WAS in the first place beyond just ‘she’s gonna kill everyone somehow for some reason’. And I doubt that we’re going to get much time spent at all on Rena and her backstory to explain what she was doing in Onidamashi.

I think Gou works fine as a sequel to the VN, but as a starting point for new fans it just throws enough spoilers at you to ruin the experience of reading the VN afterward, without enough time spent on those plot points and characters to make it worth it. Though I also have to wonder now if it was even worth spending 13 episodes going over mostly the same events as the original question arcs if immediately afterward they were going to drop all pretenses of this being a remake.

I’m pretty negative about this whole aspect of the show, but I still think that the sequel aspect of it is good and interesting. Even if a lot of that is just me being desperate for any amount of indirect Umineko content, lol.

This episode might have spelled out that Satoko is the second looper on the gameboard, but it seems pretty obvious that there’s a higher power influencing her and giving her the power to loop in the first place. I’m still suspicious of Hanyuu/Featherine, but this episode made me think it’s much more likely that it might actually be Lambda.

I wasn’t really sure about it earlier since it felt like wishful thinking, but the whole beginning scene where Takano apologizes to Rika and says that she wouldn’t believe her even if she explained why she suddenly changed her mind about her mission seems to indicate that Lambda has basically abandoned Takano and revoked her blessing of certainty, and she seems to remember the events of Matsuribayashi anyway, so she’s basically just accepted her defeat. I don’t think it’s as simple as that, though, because of what Takano said about Rika not believing why she changed her mind, so I think it also involves her connection to Lambda.

It might actually be a lot like how Lambda acted in Umineko, where she took over the game master position for a while after Beatrice abandoned the game. This might be Lambda taking over the Higurashi game board because Hanyuu abandoned it, and she’s decided to make Satoko her new piece.

We’ve already seen Satoko talk about how Oyashiro contacted her and made her into his new priestess because of Rika’s sins, so I think Lambda probably just posed as Oyashiro to convince Satoko to become her piece.

It’d also help explain how weird a lot of Gou’s game board feels, and how silly the whole concept of Satoko being a criminal mastermind is, if this is the Higurashi version of Umineko Ep5, where Lambda created a ‘game without love’ where she didn’t technically contradict anything about the story or the characters, but pushed the limits of how out of character she could make them act.

I’ve already felt for a while that Nekodamashi in particular feels more like a case of the culprit just trying to unfairly torture Rika instead of trying to present her with a fairy mystery to solve, and that’d definitely fit with the idea of Lambda just wanting to mess with Rika and manipulating the pieces and the game board to do so.

It kinda risks entering the catch-22 territory of something being ‘intentionally badly written’, in a sense, if the whole point is that the real mastermind is just being sadistic and not trying to establish a fair mystery, but it’s at least something that’s been established before in the overall franchise. I dunno how well it works to have that be the premise of an entire season, though, compared to how only one episode of Umineko worked this way, and it was already established there that Lambda was the new game master at the very start of the episode, so there weren’t any surprises or secrets there.

Either way this could basically just be the hand wave-y explanation for any questions of how Satoko apparently managed to obtain the syringe in each arc and inject all these random people successfully in each arc. And also why it doesn’t even seem to make sense from Satoko’s POV for her to act in such a roundabout and risky way.

Honestly, it kinda reminds me of the whole mentality some people have where they wonder why Rika doesn’t just use her supernatural knowledge of everything going on to perfectly game the system and manipulate everyone. The whole point there is that she’s just a little girl who’s only physically capable of doing so much without outside help, but Lambda might be straight up giving Satoko the unnatural ability to actually do all of this stuff even as a random little girl. Which, again, feels kinda iffy as a writing choice, but it’d also fit with a lot of the commentary Ryukishi likes to do about this type of stuff.

One thing I’m curious about is if the next arc will start off with a new loop, or if this one will keep going. Usually we don’t have loops carry over between arcs, and with how this episode ended we might just find out that Satoko immediately shot Rika, but considering how Rika obviously planned this whole scene to happen, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s able to stop Satoko from shooting her.

I didn’t think this up, but I’ve seen other people theorize that part of the ‘birthday party preparation’ involved Rika explaining everything to her friends off-screen and getting them to help her deal with the whole Satoko confrontation, which I think would make a lot of sense, and it’d make it a lot more likely that the next arc will start with Satoko getting stopped before she can kill Rika. Although if the next arc starts that way, and everyone’s already aware of what’s going on with Rika and Satoko, and we’ve already gone through all the stuff with Takano giving up her plans and leaving the village, I have to wonder what they’d even spend seven whole episodes doing, lol. All the stuff with Takano and the clinic in this episode also makes it feel like this will be the ‘final loop’, since it’d feel a bit weird to have to go over it all again later on, but we’ll see.

I’ve also seen people point out that Satoko’s gun at the end seems to be the same type as Mion’s toy gun, so instead of her getting physically overpowered, we might find out that Rika got Mion to swap her gun with Satoko’s. I dunno exactly how Rika would have known about Satoko having a gun, or how she’d be able to make the swap happen without Satoko realizing it, but I could see it playing out that way.

Anyway, this really feels like it’s shaping up to be a Bern vs Lambda game, where Lambda’s whole goal is just to keep Rika stuck in this loop as long as possible no matter what. And I still feel like if they’re gonna go this hard into the Umineko connections, they should really just go the whole nine yards and have this lead into a proper Umineko anime remake. Otherwise it’d feel like a wasted opportunity where Higurashi fans get disappointed that their series got ‘tainted’ by Umineko-related story baggage, while Umineko fans are disappointed because it’s not the sort of content we’ve been hoping for, and it’s not as substantial as a full remake would be.

It doesn’t help that Okonogi and Amakusa both show up in this episode, lol. I know they both show up in Higurashi, but still. At this point it’d just feel cruel if all this teasing doesn’t actually lead to anything noteworthy.

Also, even in spite of how much this episode explained about the whole mystery, I feel even more confused about what the whole final arc could possibly be about at this point, especially if I’m right about this loop continuing for maybe the entire rest of the next arc. It kinda feels like we’re already at the endgame where both sides have revealed their intentions to each other, and we more or less know exactly what the mechanics of everything going on behind the scenes are. It feels like there isn’t really any mystery left to unravel, aside from maybe the specifics of what happened to Satoko after Matsuribayashi that clearly lead to her getting influenced into doing all this. But we still have seven whole episodes left to go, so clearly there’s a lot left to happen.

Ideally they’re going to find time to actually go over stuff like Rena and Shion’s backstories, and the exact details of what happened in the previous years of the curse killings, and Takano’s whole backstory and what her big evil plan actually was in the first place, so those things don’t just end up left in the VN for new fans to not find out about, but I dunno. Ironically, I don’t think there’s *enough* episodes left to properly go into all that, unless it’s as fast-paced as how this episode went through a bullet point list of details from Matsuribayashi.

There’s still the question of if we might get a second season, but I doubt it. Maybe it could be a one-cour second season, but it already feels like we’re at the end of the story. We’re basically at the equivalent of the end of Minagoroshi, and there was only one more arc after that in the VN. But if we’re making comparisons to the VN, then we’ve still basically skipped over Tsumihoroboshi and Meakashi, lol.

Also, before I forget, it still genuinely bugs me that even though Rika apparently remembered Takano being evil this whole time, and clearly still thought she was evil this whole time, she’s apparently done absolutely nothing to try and investigate or stop her in any of these timelines, and she spent all of Nekodamashi being like ‘wow, I can’t believe people are going unnaturally L5 and killing me while taking about parasites . . . . who could possibly be behind this . . . . . .. .  oh well guess I’ll just die lol’. I don’t want to call it a plot hole, but it just feels like genuinely bad writing caused by the unnecessary conflict of Gou trying to appeal to new fans while also being a sequel. But in the end they ended up giving a sparknotes version of Matsuribayashi that spoils Takano being evil anyway, so it feels kinda pointless that they sidestepped the issue so hard up to this point, at the cost of having Rika basically act like an idiot who doesn’t bother acting upon any of the knowledge she has.

Anyway, if we don’t get a full Umineko remake out of this in the end, they should at least just have the next arc turn into full on Umineko shenanigans with logic battles and witches with laser swords and shit.

I might sound like I’m just really negative toward Higurashi in general compared to Umineko, but even though I prefer Umineko, I really like Higurashi, and that’s a big part of why it bugs me so much that they didn’t just commit to this being a proper remake. An actual remake of the VN that has more concise pacing and works better as an anime would be genuinely great in it’s own way, but that’s not what we’ve ended up getting, lol.

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 11

11: Puppet Master

Written by: Matthew Hodgson Directed by: Paul McCrane

Overall Thoughts: Okay, this episode is on some serious fucking drugs, but I actually love it? Like… it’s hilarious but also has some pretty good content, too. It’s one of the episodes I’ve re-watched the most, and genuinely one of my all-time favourite episodes of this show. I KNOW IT’S ON DRUGS. But for once they made it work.

What I Like:

We get two (2) Klaine scenes in this episode, which is super rare for episodes where Blaine is in Lima and Kurt is in New York. Plus, many references to their engagement. It brings me so much joy.

Blaine-centric episodes are always fantastic, but I think what I like about this one is it gave Blaine the opportunity to be absolutely ridiculous, as opposed to his usual role as the straight man. Plus, I adore Blamtina, but it was also so cool to see him interacting with Jake, Becky, and Sue as well, who are characters he rarely gets to interact with (I think this is actually the only episode that Blaine and Jake have a one-on-one scene).

Kurt gets his own storyline, separate from what Blaine is going through! It’s so rare for Kurt to get a storyline that flows parallel to Blaine’s, but is also totally separate. He is also the main character in this storyline, not just the sidekick to Rachel or Santana’s protagonist. It’s nice.

Sue gets a storyline that isn’t just her being cartoon-y and crazy. She is competent, she is a leader, and she does it all in high heels and a face full of make-up. It’s awesome.

Bree gets smacked in the face with the reality of what she did to Marley. Look, I hate how Glee is always pitting girls against each other, and characters like Bree always seem to be out to do nothing but tear other girls down (I mean, Santana, Quinn, and Kitty were all sort of introduced with the same goal in mind). What I like about how this story went down was that it didn’t feel like “haha Bree, now you’re being punished for being such a slut.” Instead it was about Jake, and how Jake is not only hurting all the girls he’s messing around with (something that is rarely drawn attention to in these playboy characters), but he’s also hurting himself and his potential future children. Jake sleeping around and Bree having a pregnancy scare wasn’t Bree’s punishment, it was both of their wake-up call, and it’s so rare to see stories like this told that way.

That whole scene between Marley and Jake at the end is fantastic. Marley saying the words “It’s not my job to fix you, Jake” is quite possibly the most amazing thing she has ever said – especially when you think about who she was last year, and how Unique literally told her “he sleeps around and will hurt you” and two seconds later Marley agrees to go on a date with him. She’s come a long way, and I’m so happy that Marley’s endgame was single and nowhere near ready for another relationship.

While Blaine’s plot is obviously the A plot, it’s really hard to label any of the other plots as B, C, or D. I love that.

“Did you just touch me with a puppet?!”

Blaine ending the episode by giving/sending everybody the puppets he made of them was such a huge move, and one that I really wish had been given a more explicit explanation. As it stands, it just seems like Blaine is apologizing to everybody about being controlling by giving them a gift, when really it’s more about Blaine giving up control. He is accepting that he no longer needs to pull the strings, because his friends are their own people and they can pull their own strings in their lives. It’s a huge moment for him.

The scene with Blaine and Brad sfhioishfosio

Blina scene at the end I love those two so much.

Elliott saying he refuses to let the band disband even though they “failed”. He’s such a good friend I love him.

What I Don’t Like:

We’re still misgendering Unique. It’s not any better when you have her do it to herself. There’s actually a decent amount of casual transphobia in this episode.

And Artie being referred to as a “cr*pple”. It’s season 5, people. This was 2014. Isn’t ableism a little passé at this point?

So much sexism in the scene between Schue and Sue masquerading as enlightenment. Am I supposed to believe Will thinks highly of women when he literally says the words “she managed to be feminine and strong” as if that’s some kind of oxymoron. Dear lord.

They really squander Demi Lovato in this episode.

Even though I do love this episode, it is a massive filler episode, which seriously, is getting old at this point on the show.

Songs:

Into the Groove: Kurt actually gets to sing lead on a song for his band!!! It’s a fantasy sequence, but still. I love it.

You’re My Best Friend: So cracky but literally amazing. I’m in love.

Nasty/Rhythm Nation: I fucking love this mash-up. So well done and sounds amazing. Plus, the scene is awesome. A+

Cheek to Cheek: I don’t really connect with this song, and out of all the drug induced fantasies, this one is the most boring.

What Does the Fox Say: This song is on the level of “why” that I attach to “Gagnam Style”. Like… why? Why? Why.

Final Thoughts: This is one of my all time favourite Glee episodes. It’s so cracky and hilarious, and lets Blaine be comedic for one of the first times, showing he pulls it off perfectly. All the stories are interesting and dealt with well, and most of the music is fantastic. For a filler episode, it’s really enjoyable.

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 14 – Ohana Means Family (And Family Means No One Gets Left Behind Or Murd– Oh).

In which we are treated to part 2 of Fun Suspicious Club Times, Andreil has Important Moments™, Nicky has thoughts on family, and I have all the feels. Guest starring: Murder!

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read – and finish – The Foxhole Court.

This is it, you guys. We’ve reached the last chapter of The Foxhole Court – or, as I like to call it by now, The Exposition Court. Lots of things have been shown, explained and introduced, and while that has been very fun and all, not much has actually happened. Now, however, exposition is done, and with this chapter I can practically smell the plot lingering just around the corner.

Let’s finish this, shall we?

We’re kicking things off with yet another #iconic Andreil bit:

           “Oh, he made it,” Andrew said. “That’s interesting.”

           He pressed two fingers to Neil’s throat, checking his pulse. When Neil tried to bat him away, Andrew caught his wrist with his free hand. His smile was small and fierce as he leaned forward into Neil’s space.

           “Remember this feeling. This is the moment you stop being the rabbit.”

GOOD SHIT.

If I had a euro for every time I saw this quote on a pastel/b&w grunge edit I’d have enough money to buy those two a honeymoon vacation.

Honorary mention, because I feel like this is a detail that usually gets left out of those edits:

           Neil was too startled to answer (…).

I love me some Neil ‘Andrew Is Not Being Horrible To Me, What Is This Feeling, Send Help’ Josten.

           Movement two doors down gave Neil a reason to look away from Andrew again. Five strangers were knocking on his suite door. She stepped out to greet them, slapping back and high-fiving as he moved into their ranks. Allison wasn’t far behind them. She pressed against Seth’s back and slid her hands down his sides to his pants. Neil watched as she systematically dug through all of his pockets.

She’s searching him for drugs, that much I got when reading it first. I didn’t think much of it then.

Oh boy. I’ll regret not thinking about this detail in 9 pages’ time.

           “Renee should be back with drinks any second. She said she’ll get something non-alcoholic for the two of you.”

           “Oh, what a waste,” Andrew said. “I’m buying Neil’s drinks tonight.”

           It took them a couple second to catch on. When they did, Dan lurched out of the doorway with a hard, “You’re joking.”

Oh, yeah, by the way, did I forget to mention that? They’re fucking going back to Columbia for yet another night of Suspicious And Problematic Debauchery.

WHY. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM LAST TIME.

Thankfully, Dan and Matt share my concerns:

           “He is not going out with you again. He’ll probably wind up dead this time.”

           “Jesus, Dan,” Nicky said. “When you say things like that it makes me think you don’t trust us.”

           “No one trusts you,” Matt said.

Oh shit, Tall Billie Joe, where did you get your sass from?? I like.

In response to that, Andrew speaks German to Neil, which a) Neil is Totally Not On Board With, and b) triggers yet another Andreil Moment™ because this chapter is just dishing those out left and right.

           Andrew was daring him to cross a line, to give up a little more of the lie that was Neil Josten. It went against everything Neil knew to give in, but he’d chose his path. He’d chosen Andrew. He buried his fear as deep as he could and answered in German.

Lasst mich hier zum Sterben, bitte.

We don’t have much time to ponder on the feels, though, as everyone’s favourite comic relief swoops in again, providing us with one of my favourite exchanges of this chapter:

           “Oh shit,” Nicky said, switching languages in a heartbeat. “Since when do you speak German? Andrew, you knew about this? Why didn’t you tell us?”

           “Boring,” Andrew said. “Figure things out for yourself once in a while.”

Bhahahaha. Andrew has zero time for anyone’s shit and I am loving it.

           Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. “Quick. Have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?”

           “Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to him, I don’t think so. Looks like you’ve managed to completely embarrass yourself in both languages.”

Ahahapfpfhfggdhfhdf ME. Seriously, print that last sentence on the coffin my akward bilingual ass will one day be buried in.

           Aaron looked at Neil. “When were you going to tell us?”

           “I wasn’t,” Neil said. “After everything I’ve put up with from you this year I figured I didn’t owe you any favours.”

Sassmaster Josten strikes again. <3 Also, he’s got a point.

The others are, understandably, a bit stunned at that exchange. And they didn’t even get the whole sass fest that went down. Pity.

           Matt was the first to get his tongue back, but the best he came up with was, “I thought you spoke French. That was French this morning, right? At Kathy’s?”

Precious Cinnamon Roll Discovers That Some People May Speak More Than Two Languages, Too Good For This World, Too Pure.

They leave, they drive to Columbia, bla bla bla.

As the monster squad (feat. Neil) arrives in their favourite ice cream-and-drugs joint, Neil is once again presented with his mortal enemy: New clothes.

           “This is new,” Neil said.

           “It’d be tacky to let your wear the same thing twice, wouldn’t it?” Nicky asked.

Uhm, no, it fucking wouldn’t? If an outfit’s cute I’ll wear it more than once, thank you very fucking much. And from what I’ve gathered, Neil’s outfit from last time was on point.

What kind of capitalist elitist bullshit is this, Hemmick.

           “How to say this?” Nicky thought it over for a second, then gave up on tact. “You could obviously use the money more than he could right now. Let Andrew give you things if he wants to. He’s not normally the gifting type, so it’s kind of fun.”

Just………… Andrew……… who never gives gifts………. buying his boyfriend clothes…….. t w i c e………… I’m fine :’)))))

           “I have my own money,” Neil said. “I don’t need handouts.”

           “Really?” Nicky asked, sending Neil’s clothes a meaningful look.

           Neil stared at him. He knew Andrew hadn’t told the others about his fluency in German, but he hadn’t realized Andrew kept quiet about his money, too. (…) But Andrew had found Neil’s money before their truce in Wymack’s living room. He hadn’t had a reason to protect Neil then, so why had he stayed quiet?

LISTEN……….. I’M…………. FINE…………. :’))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I thought we were going to be done here. Clothes handed out, banter shared, fun times, now let Neil change and get on with your dumb drug night.

I was wrong.

Nicky and Neil settle down for some Real Talk that makes up for like, so many things that the monsters fucked up in the past.

            “You do know what you’re doing out with us tonight, right? Andrew squeezed some sort of explanation in to his usual crazy nonsense?”

           “Sort of,” Neil said. “He said he’d have answers for me later.”

           “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Nicky looked pained. “This means Andrew is keeping you, same as he kept Kevin. It means you’re part of the family now.”

ASGKLKGJDGNLNFGFFFHFHGG.

FAMILY.

I AM YELLING. I CANNOT STOP YELLING. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING.

This is huge, you guys. From all we’re told later, this is not a word Andrew throws around easily.

FAMILY.

Leave me here to DIE.

           Nicky made air quotes with his fingers. As soon as he spoke Neil knew whose words he was echoing, but Neil doubted Andrew sounded so tired when he first said it: “Being related doesn’t make us family.

(…) I know why Andrew feels that way, and I understand why he and Aaron can’t stand each other, but I’m not willing to give up on them yet. I want to fix this and show them they’re wrong.”

Shit, dude. That’s... unexpectedly serious and deep coming from you?

You know something’s important when even the comic relief is serious about it.

           “Family means something different with us because it has to. It’s not about blood. It’s not even about who we like. It’s about who Andrew is willing to protect.”

Give me the Minyard-Hemmick’s backstory, and give it to me now.

           Neil’s stomach twisted with another chilly what-if. “And he’s including me because of this morning?”

           “Partly,” Nicky said. “But partly because you’re the reason Kevin’s going to stay on our team. Andrew’s got Kevin’s back, but you’ve got Kevin’s attention.”

Meaning Kevin is stuck in a beautiful Andrew and Neil sandwich. <3

Also “a chilly what-if” is such a great expression, what the fuck, 10/10.

Before this Real Talk can end, Nicky has one last thing to say, which is specifically something I am very happy about:

           “Look, I know we screwed up last time. Please believe me when I say Andrew was just looking out for the rest of us. He didn’t want to take any chances. But things are different now. You’re one of us, which means we’ll never push you further than you’re willing to go. Okay?”

You go, Nicky, for realizing you fucked up and wanting to put things right between you and Neil.

But also, you go, Neil, for not immediately accepting his excuse, because shit, that crap was still not okay and you gotta apologize a bit more than that.

Plus, it would be kind of nice to have someone other than Nicky come apologize some time – lookin’ @ you, Twinyards and Big Deal Day.

Also, consent only matters with people you like, is that what you’re telling me? Deep sigh.

Ah, remember how I was “fine :’)))))” earlier?

           Neil pulled out his contacts and flicked them into the trash. When he looked up at the mirror, bright blue eyes stared back. Neil couldn’t be himself, but maybe he could be the Neil he’d given Andrew in Wymack’s living room.

:’)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) fine.

They leave Sweetie’s and they go to the club, where I experience some heavy déjà-vu, and not the funny kind – more the ‘Oh hey this is the place where you got date-drugged, date-kiss-raped and date-interrogated, haha fun times amirite’ kind.

There is one bit of interesting information that stuck out to me in the midst of Andrew and Neil’s usual ‘Hey welcome to the club, hey fucker did you know that drugs are bad’ dialogue:

            “We got into dust for Aaron’s sake. He needed something safe to get on when he was coming off everything his mother gave him.”

His mother gave him drugs?? The hell?? These could be either actual drugs – like, cocaine and shit – or we could be going down the old ‘medication you’re not taking voluntarily is bad for you’ trip and she’s given him antidepressants or something similar.

I’m not loving either option, although – if the latter thing is true – it would be interesting to find out whether Aaron has the same mental health problems as Andrew does, with them being identical twins and all.

Did you have enough Andreil Moments™ today?

           “Here’s some honesty,” Neil said. “I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you.”

           “It’s mutual,” Andrew said.

Honestly, when will they stop being the literal embodiment of the enemies to lovers trope.

Time for the indisputably most #iconic bit of this entire chapter:

           A group of people shouldered their way up to the bar counter at Neil’s back, pushing him into Andrew. Andrew didn’t budge beneath his weight. He was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. Neil couldn’t remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. His life was out of his control now; he was giving it to Andrew and hoping Andrew would keep it safe.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH

Neil, bby, if this is your way of showing how much you don’t like and don’t trust him, you’re doing a pretty, pretty shit job of it.

Sadly, the gay comes to an end and they return to the rest, who are enjoying one of their favourite pastimes: Getting the fuck wasted.

And just as I was beginning to wonder whether that was going to be it or whether the book was going to go out with a bang, and if so what exactly that bang would entail and when it was finally gonna appear – this shit happens.

           “What do you want?” Andrew asked, and listened as Wymack explained it all over again. “Overdosed like how?”

           “Again?” Nicky said incredulously. “That stupid bastard.”

           “Never again,” Andrew said over his shoulder. “He’s dead.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

           “Seth.” Andrew hung up and tapped the phone against his thigh. “Someone found him face-down in the bathroom at Bacchus where he drowned in his own puke. It’s exactly how I warned him he was going to clock out, not that he ever listened to me.”

Are you SHITTING me.

I like to joke about murder and death and shit, but this is ACTUAL DEATH happening, and WITHIN THE FIRST BOOK.

WHAT THE SHIT.

           Neil looked at him, surprised at how hard Nicky and Aaron were taking it. He wondered if he was supposed to feel something besides shock, but a mental health check came back clean. He’d grown up around death. It was nothing to him now but ice in his veins and a reminder to keep moving. Seth should have been an exception, since Neil had been living with him for months, but Neil had never liked him.

Stone Cold Bitch Neil Jostens strikes again. <3

And his BF isn’t much better, either:

           “What about the line-up?” Kevin asked.

           Nicky winced. “Kevin, the man is dead. Like, permanently.”

           “It’s not a major loss,” Kevin said.

WHY IS THIS SUCH A KEVIN MOVE. A dude dies and all you can think about is the impact on Exy.

Although, having thought about it for a bit, I have to say: I’m not super sad Seth is dead, either. I view his death as an important plot element (as it triggers future events and is important to demonstrate the cruelty of the Moriyamas) and I feel sad because characters I like will feel sad, but nothing more.

I didn’t like him when he was alive, and I’m not going to start pretending to like him now. I think it’s hypocritical to pretend to mourn the death of a person you disliked just because it is socially expected of you to be sad.

This does not invalidate the pain felt by others who mourn this person, of course. But I myself will not pretend to be sad if I am not, I feel like it would dishonour their memory if I would.

(Do come talk to me about this in my ask box if you’ve got something to add or if you disagree. I think this is an interesting subject and I’d love to hear different opinions.)

           “Is that why you drink?” Neil asked. “You don’t want to feel?”

           Andrew turned to face him. Neil wasn’t expecting it and almost ran into him. Andrew dugs his fingertip into the hollow of Neil’s throat in warning. This close Neil could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on him. It made him think of his mother burning to ashes on the beach.

I’m sorry, I know it’s supposed to be all dramatic and angsty here, but I can never take the phrase “X reminded them of their mother” seriously, or any variations of it. Even when it’s fitting, it just sounds so pretentious.

           He reached out without thinking and took Andrew’s cigarette away. For some reason Andrew let him keep it.

           “I don’t feel for anyone or anything,” Andrew said. “Don’t forget that.”

           “So Kevin’s just a hobby for you?”

I would like to point out here that Andrew immediately changes subjects after that, after Neil confronted him with the possibility that he could maybe, maybe feel something more than absolute indifference to Kevin. I’m just……….. putting that out there.

           “If [Seth] didn’t have his pills on him, how did he overdose?”

           “Not by choice,” Andrew said. “My theory says Riko won this round.”

WHAT. Are you telling me this is not only actual death happening, but ACTUAL MURDER??????

           Neil stared at him. “You don’t really think Riko did this.”

           “I think the timing’s too convenient for it to be an accident,” Andrew said. “Riko broke Kevin’s hand for being better. He crossed districts because Kevin picked up a racquet and got back on the court. What do you think he’s willing to do to you for calling him useless on national TV?”

Y E L L I N G.

WHAT THE SHITS.

Oh boy. Oh boy. This is shaping up to be a great next book. Did I complain about there being little plot so far? Well, shit. HERE’S YA FECKIN PLOT.

Fancy a dash of Feelings™ before we leave this show?

           Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Neil’s shirt and tugged just enough for Neil to feel it. “I know what I’m doing. I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin’s side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I’d have to go. Understand? You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying here.”

:’))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) andrewiloveyoupleaseneverleavepleaseprotectus

           Neil looked down at the key in his hand. “Home,” he whispered, needing to hear it aloud. It was a foreign concept to him, an impossible dream. It was frightening and wonderful all at once, and it set his heart racing so fast he thought it’d drum out of his chest. “Welcome home, Neil.”

………………………………………………. I’m dead.

Goodbye, The Foxhole Court.

Hello, The Raven King.

((Side note: But Nicki, What’s Happening Now??

I’ll be reading the other two books as well, obviously. As if I could stop now.

I won’t continue straight this Sunday, instead I’ll be doing something else, a bit of an experiment: I’m doing a review of the whole first book, hopefully with a bit more thought and depth than what I’ve rambled so far. Think of it as both an interlude and a summary. If I like it (and you do as well), I’ll do one of those after every book.

I’ll skip the Wednesday upload to take a bit of a breather and I will continue reading The Raven King the Sunday after that, that’s the 30th of April. More sportsball! More feels! More murder! Yay!

Also, I won’t rename this blog. I know TFC is just the first book and the whole thing is called All For The Game, so it should be ‘nickireadsaftg’, but I also don’t give a shit. I’ve gotten used to this now and y’all will just have to suck it up and deal with it. I put a lil note in my bio saying what book I’m on, that should be enough.

Lastly: Thank you all for sticking with me so far. Your endless messages, comments and funny tags mean the world to me, and you all are the reason my motivation stuck around till this point. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’ll see you Sunday. Lots of love.))

[lunanightingaleart]

I’ve Been Waiting A Long Time (Dark/Damien FanFic) Part 15

“No...No no no no no no please, please no!” Dark held Bethany’s body close, brushing the hair from her face and trying to get her to wake up. 

“Bethany, this isn’t funny. If you’re pretending I swear I’ll.....I’ll...” Dark felt his eyes grow hot, and the heat continued down his face slowly. Touching his cheeks, he realized he was crying. Emotions started to overwhelm him, his red and blue hues glitching so rapidly he couldn’t hold back his cries. 

“Bethany, wake up!” He gripped to her tightly.

“I couldn’t get rid of you when I was trying, so you better not leave me now. You better....” He heard a tapping, like from a window. Peeking up, he realized it wasn’t from his window, as upon looking no one was there. No, instead there was tapping from somewhere else. Inspecting the direction of the sound, he realized something was tapping from the inside of the mirror. His eyes widened when he saw a Purple silhouette appearing in the glass. 

“Dark?” The silhouette spoke, Dark recognized it as Bethany and a lump formed in his throat. 

“Bethany? How did you!?” 

“Dark I don’t have time to explain, get me out of here quickly! Please, before she finds me!” Dark blinked. She? Then he started to realize, that body wasn’t Beth’s original, so that means there’s a soul most likely trapped in the mirror realm. A hand grabbed Bethany, and she was yanked out of few. 

“Dark!”

“Bethany!” Dark without an ounce of hesitation glitched into the void, looking around with violent hues around him.

“Bethany!” He called out, hearing nothing but his own voice. Where was she?

“Dark!” His eyes snapped towards the voice, seeing Bethany get thrown violently to the floor and slide. She was covered in black scars; it seems a void dweller has a problem with Bethany. Seeing Bethany hurt like this, Dark felt his anger lifting again. He snapped his neck to the side, a sudden pulse spreading around him and lighting up parts of the void around him and Bethany. The spirit of a young woman with blonde hair hissed as she fell out of the light. Glaring, Dark picked up Bethany’s injured form and held it close. 

“Thanks....that was a bit of a handful.”

“͘͝G̡͡i̵͡v̧̕e̢ ͘m̵͠e̷ ̡b̶͠͡ac̢̀ḱ̴ ̧ḿ͠y̡ ̛͢b̧o̢d̴̵̕y̧͢ ̛͏yo̧u̕͢ l̡̀͘ì͟t̕t҉̵̕ĺ̢͡è̴ ́͏̷b́i̕tch̶͘!͞͡”͏ She howled.

Dark ignored the angry woman and payed her no mind as he left with Bethany’s Spirit. In the outside world, Bethany was a purple silhouette in his arms, no weight to her. Just a fragile little soul. He knelt down, and laid the soul on the body, watching it form slowly into it. A few glitches later, and Bethany opened her eyes slowly.

“Oww.....that really sucked.” Dark let out a sigh of relief, unable to hold back how worried he was. 

“Thank goodness.” He wrapped his arms around her as she sat up, and Bethany looked at him confused.

“Dark? What...are you doing?” Dark blinked and let her go, a small hue forming on his cheeks.

“I...I was worried.” Bethany scrunched her eyebrows.

“You were....worried about me?” Bethany couldn’t entirely imagine Dark worrying about her, as he had been not only avoiding her for weeks, but actually killed her. Dark sighed, sitting back and looking to Bethany.

“I think it’s time we talk.” And that’s what they did. Dark explained to Bethany everything, how much he worried about her. How he felt like he actually cared about her, that he might even Love her. Bethany listened to him, in pure confusion. Once he finished his explanation, Bethany put her hands together and thought.

“...You do realize that, I love Damien, right?” Dark nodded slowly, though his chest seemed to tremble.

“Yes, I’m aware. But, Damien will never be here without me. Damien and I will be in this body forever. And even if we find a new host body, Damien’s soul is mended to me. I don’t plan on letting Damien take over anytime soon either, as he has no control over my powers and doesn’t know how to run this business. But, if you are more comfortable with Damien....then....” He wanted to say he would be fine, but he knew he wouldn’t he would most likely detest Damien for holding Bethany’s heart. Staring at Dark, Bethany crawled over and gently caressed his face. 

“Hey....it’s true I love Damien with all of my heart, but you also prove a point. You and Damien share a body, you’ll never be separated. You two are basically personalities to the same person. So, how about I offer you a deal?” Dark looked at her inquisitively.

“What sort of deal?” Bethany bit her lip.

“How about...you let me see Damien, at the very least once a week. If you do that, and promise not to constantly snap at me, and really try to be nice to me and treat me like a person, I’ll...consider you. Because I know I can’t be with Damien without you. I just...want to get to know you before I make any big choices.” Dark thought for a moment, before looking to Bethany and nodding. 

“Alright, I’ll try.” Bethany smiled softly, and pulled herself up, only for a pained expression to hit her. Dark caught her before she fell, her leg holding a large slash through it. Dark looked at it. 

“Was that me?” 

“Juuust a little.” With a sigh, Dark picked Bethany up and carried her out of the room. They walked through the halls, noticing a pure chaotic mess of blood and broken furniture across the building.

“Have you ever been this angry before?”

“No, it seems you get quite the reactions out of me.” Peering over the ledge of the second story he watched as the egos were cleaning up, limping or rubbing their heads. It seems the egos are used to these outbursts, and are getting things cleaned up and back to normal as per usual. Bethany noticed bright pink hair, and her eyes sparkled. 

“Willlll!!!!” Wilford looked up, and with wide eyes, smiled as he realized Bethany was okay.

“BETHY!” With a blink of an eye he was at their side, hugging Bethany and nuzzling her. 

“You’re okay~! I was so worried~!” He looked to Dark and pouted.

“Dark! You are NOT allowed to hurt her like that! Or I will put more than just a magazine worth of bullets in you!” Dark let out a soft chuckle.

“Trust me I know, I found about half of them in my office.” Bethany giggled, and talked with Will and the other egos that came to make sure she was okay. 

“Alright everyone, I believe Bethany needs time to rest. She’s not like the rest of you with instant healing.” King handed Bethany a little plush version of his minions, and Will handed her a giant Kit-Kat, her favorite candy bar.

“Get well Bethy~!” Dark walked Bethany to her room, setting her down in her bed and sighing softly.

“I’m...sorry for doing this to you.” She smiled at Dark’s apology.

“It’s okay, you weren’t in control. Plus, you apologizing? I think I’ll be marking that one down on the calendar.” A small smile formed on his lips, rolling his eyes. 

“Try not to get used to it~” Dark sat there and spoke with her about simple things, not as comfortable as Bethany and Damien, but getting there. 

“So you love chocolate just as much as Damien?”

“Yes, I prefer Dark Chocolate as its a bittersweet.”

“Much like you~?”

“Haha, very funny~ Now, is it true that you actually wanted to be a writer before you became the District Attorney?”

“Yeah, I also sang a little, I really liked Art when I was younger, but you couldn’t really get a job in that department without being surrounded by toxic people who wanted to use you for your kindness.” A few hours went by, and Bethany was getting tired, looking at Dark.

“Hey...Dark? Do you promise not to go weeks without talking to me again?” Dark looked down at her, hesitating before slowly setting his hand on her head.

“I promise, and I am so...so sorry that I did that. I thought if I ignored you that I would get over my feelings, when all it did was make it worse.” Bethany smiled softly.

“Two apologies in one day? I feel special~” Dark smiled, and leaned down, pressing his lips to her head, much like Damien. 

“Rest now, okay? I’ll let Damien come and see you in the morning. I think you’ve earned some time with him.” Bethany smiled and closed her eyes. Dark turned and went to the door.

“Dark?” He turned towards Bethany.

“Thank you....so much.” Dark felt his heart thump, smiling as he nodded. Leaving the room he slowly closed the door behind him. He sighed and leaned against it.

“...Damien, I see now why you love her.”

Read From The Beginning: Here

[cafffeinations]

It’s amelietweek! \o/ Here’s something for the day 4 prompt College/University AU. It also features Estonia as Lithuania’s room mate, and has mentions of Canada (I think Himaruya put Estonia’s ‘human age’ as younger than America, but here he’s older, like Lithuania). Its ~2,400 words and can be read on AO3 here

Somehow Alfred not being there is just as distracting as when he is, but Eduard is oh so fortunately around to inform him why.

---

Seeing as Alfred isn't around, there's really no excuse why Toris isn't getting on with any work. Without the stories about his day or the new people he always seems to be meeting, explanations about whatever new thing he's into that week and just his exuberant presence in general, it's a much quieter and study-friendly Tuesday evening than Toris usually has.

 Yet whenever he tries to focus on the paragraphs before him, the blinking cursor reminding him how unfinished they are, his eyes manage to glance of their own accord back to the clock at the bottom of the screen. He's usually here by now, the thought cycle begins, I wonder what he's up to?

But as the more rational part of his mind points out, there's no real reason for him to be here; just because he usually comes by doesn't mean he has to.

That should be the end of it, but he just cant help but imagine where he is, be it eating with friends or out running or maybe even studying - unlikely, he smiles wryly to himself, remembering how Alfred had proclaimed that he's 'better off' cramming before finals or he'll just forget everything. Toris had questioned if that really was so wise, to which Alfred had stuck out his tongue, making such a silly face that he'd laughed and -

His word count still has not gone up.

With a sigh he leans back and stretches his arms and shoulders, mentally berating himself, just as Eduard comes through the door.

"Hey," he greets, sliding his backpack onto the bed on his side of the room, "that doesn't look so promising." 

"Yeah, I'm not having the most productive time," Toris replies ruefully, trying not to calculate the days and hours until the one of his many deadlines.

"Well don't worry, you'll manage. You always get it done," Eduard reassures him, and he smiles gratefully, at least until he continues, "especially as it seems our resident freshman isn't around for once to distract you."

"Oh, don't be mean," Toris resists the urge to roll his eyes, a vague idea of where Eduard is headed, "he doesn't come here that much."

"If you say so," Eduard says in a tone that clearly doesn't believe him.

"Its only on Tuesdays when he has a late class over here," Toris bites against his better judgement, referring to the computer suite they live near, "and some Wednesdays if he has time to kill before baseball practice...and maybe on Fridays because of that burger stand he likes." (It was, according to Alfred himself, the best he'd had since moving from home).

"Hmm. How convenient."

"Plus he thinks that he can get your help with his coding or whatever it is you computer guys do!"

"He wishes! That was a one time deal and he knows it." Tutting, he boots his computer up (but Toris knows that as much as Eduard grumbles about Alfred, he finds him nice enough or he wouldn't put up with him coming over at all). "No, it's not me he treks over here for."

There's an emphasis there that he can't help himself but address. "I know what you're saying, and stop it. We just get along well, that's all."

"I'm not saying anything."

"You are," he grumbles.

"Well it's not my fault he's got a major crush on you, is it? I'm just pointing out the obvious. Yes, it's obvious," he interrupts before Toris can say otherwise, "and you like him back, or you'd be busy working instead of sat there looking at the time." 

"I wasn't- I was just- reading and planning what to write!" he protests, lying, and wondering not for the first time how Eduard manages to pick up on things he'd really rather he didn't.

"Very convincing," he says dryly.

As if to make a point Toris turns back to his screen, but he's not reading anything at all.

It's not exactly something he's never thought about, but he hadn't realised that it was so obvious. Or maybe Eduard was just too perceptive for his own good - he hoped that was the case.

"I don't think Alfred swings that way anyway," he says after a while, not quite as casually as he intended, but luckily Eduard is rifling through a pile of notes, not seeing his faint blush.

"You'll never know if you don't try," he shrugs, "You should just ask him. If you can get a word in against all the nonsense he chats, anyway."

Alfred did talk a lot, yes, but Toris enjoys it so long as he can keep up with the tangents that he sometimes flies into. And it wasn't all nonsense - if you really listened, there was more to him than just loudness and energy.

This was particularly apparent when they were alone. Then, it wasn't unusual for him to talk in, well how could he put it...just a different kind of way, one that led Toris to discover this more rounded side of him. Not that he meant Alfred was a superficial person or anything - really he was pretty damn genuine to all - but just that being on the go as much as he was, and as breezily as he interacted with so many people, he didn't think many (if any) got to see the depths that he did.

And maybe this wasn't all that unique, because wasn't everyone the same? Not many share their deeper thoughts with everyone in everyday conversation now, do they?

But the fact that Alfred could sit on his bed and come out with all sorts of things to him, made him feel kind of special. He'd learnt for example that Alfred jokes to people about math being the end of him, but he doesn't like admitting he'd been close to not making it to college at all until he'd taken extra tutoring; he knows that Alfred has a twin brother who he has little in common with but still 'actually kind of misses', and wishes they were closer; he knows as well that he's got some sort of hang-up about missing out on things and that's why he likes to get involved in so much. 

If Toris is a bit like his confidant then he's fine with being there for him, and it doesn't mean Alfred likes him, just that they feel comfortable around each other. That's what he gets most from Alfred, he suspects; a lingering feeling of lightness, his fun and carefree manner a refreshing break from himself and the stresses he gets himself tangled up in.

Does that mean he wants more than just, hanging out though? The idea of going there, closing that distance between them when they're sat together, is far (far) from unappealing, but feelings get so messy, and...well, he should be focusing on the reason why he's here in the first place. To study, and the grades sure aren't going to achieve themselves.

 ---

 Its just as he's about to pull on his pyjamas, having managed a to-do list for tomorrow's study if not ticked any more off that night, that his phone buzzes, twice in quick succession.

There aren't that many people who message him, and sure enough its the culprit of his earlier distraction.

Hey im so sorry i didnt come over today!! blame my mom, she said she had important news and to skype her ASAP so i ran back and all it was is that shes selling the house!!

-

which is still important lol but i was freaking out so much thinking it was something bad! sorry

He can feel a smile creeping onto his face before he's even halfway through reading, so very much like Alfred it is to sound lively even in text. The fact that he's being thought about too may have contributed to that smile, but he means it when he replies,

You dont have to apologize! You can't ignore moms when they say its important haha. That sounds exciting!

He's barely set the phone down when it buzzes again, but this time its a call - for some reason, this makes him nervous, but before he can over-think he hits answer, grabs his key and slips out of the room so Eduard can't eavesdrop when he comes out the shower.

"Hello?"

"Hey, its me, can you talk?"

"Yeah," he says and pads past other rooms along the hall to sit out on the top step of the flight of stairs. "How are you?"

"I'm good, now!" America chirps down the phone, "Can you believe it though? She could've phrased it in a much better way, she had me so worried!"

"That's true!" Though he could also imagine Alfred doing the same, impulsively sending a message before thinking it through, "Its really fine though!"

"Yeah? You didn't miss me too much?"  

Obviously Toris can't see his face, but he can picture the cheesy and slightly cocky grin all the same.

"Not much," he teases, "I have Ed for company, after all."

"Pssh, I'm much better company than he is! That guy still won't help me with my paper," he grumbles, to which Toris chuckles.

"So you're moving home then?"

"Oh yeah - well to be honest its not even a shock, before we even went to college Mom was making plans to downsize. Just means there wont be as much space to move back so no pressure for finding a job at the end, right!" He laughs loud, in somewhat contradiction to what he's just said, and Toris hopes Alfred's room mate is out or at least not trying to sleep.

"You've got a couple of years to think about that yet," he says, "there'll be room for you to stay for vacations still, right?"

"Yeah, better be. Me and Matt have already said there has to be unless she wants us fighting over who's gonna sleep on the floor!"

"You spoke to him too?"

"Mm!" he imagines Alfred is nodding, "Actually I've been on skype to him most of the night. Its been a while since we talked, you know?"

"Yeah. How is he?"

"Really good! Buried in books he says, but doing okay. He's found a group of hockey nerds so he's been getting crazy with them 'til now I'm sure."

Toris thinks he means this in an affectionate way, considering how he says that he misses the guy, but his flip-flopping in how kindly he describes his brother isn't all that new a phenomenon.

"I think college is suiting him good. I tried to ask about all the girls in those pictures with him on Facebook and he went all red and told me to mind my own business! So he must be doing well, right!" he laughs again and Toris can’t help but smile too.

"You'll have to get some of his secrets," he teases, expecting Alfred to take it in his stride. 

"Yeah, maybe," he sighs, and there's a pause; not sad, just there, and for a second Toris remembers his earlier conversation with Eduard, and whether Alfred likes...

He decides against going there now.

"It's nice you're catching up."

"Yeah. I told him he should visit sometime soon. Hopefully he won't be too mad that not many people know I have a twin, ha ha...but you two would get along well I think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh, you're both kinda quiet. And you put up with me! Actually, Matt said that-" 

He waits for the rest, but instead he gets, "actually, nevermind. How was your day?" 

"Um, it was fine but hey I'm curious now!" Toris answered, unsure as to what it could be. 

"Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you next time I see you. I have to go to a group project before practice tomorrow but hopefully soon?"

"Yeah, sure," Toris replies, "I don't go far!" (which except from the library, was sadly true).

"Cool. Ok, well, goodnight!"

"Night Alfred," he says, and waits for him to hang up. After a few seconds he does, but something about the abrupt end and change of track is nagging at him. It's uncharacteristic of Alfred to be hesitant, but of course he's fully entitled to his privacy. He'll just have to wait and see if he does elaborate later.

He's about to get up when his phone vibrates again, making him jump.

"Hello?"

"Ok so I'm sorry if this weird but basically he said I talked about you so much he couldn't wait to meet you and he was glad that I'd found someone, and I was like what are you talking about and he was like - okay you don't need all of that, and um, do you know what I'm getting at here?"

He talks so fast it takes Toris' mind takes a while to catch up with his ears, and a few moments on top of that to fully process just what he's said.

"I, think I might," he says slowly, butterflies in his stomach.

"Do I? Come across like, I you know... like you."

He wonders what the best answer would be, and truth be told doesn't really know.

"I think only you can answer that," he says softly, and wishes he was there with Alfred now, to reassure the likely puzzled frown furrowed on his face. "For the record though, its not weird."

"It's not?"

"No, it's - it's fine. It's more than fine, actually," and he waits with bated breath for a response.

"Cool," Alfred says, which may not sound like much but he knows, he can just tell, that means he’s happy.

"Listen-," he starts at the same time as Alfred says "So-"; they laugh, nervously but happily, and he lets Alfred continue.

"I've got some stuff to figure out, about this," he says, "but I think you can help. Are you free on Friday?"

"Yes."

"Do you wanna go for a drink? Like, a proper drink. A date drink."

"That would be great," he says, beaming, and he really means it.

 ---

The next morning as he's about to head to the library, Eduard says, "I  don't want to say I told you so, but, I told you so."

"What do you mean?" Toris says as innocently as possible, feigning ignorance.

"Funnily enough, given your denial, something's happened between you and him."

Toris exhales into an exasperated laugh. "I haven't even said anything! How can you possibly know?!"

"You've practically been smiling ever since you woke up."

And throughout the day, whenever he thinks about Friday, it's hard to stop.