#a;lsdkksjcvkwnd

[theepitomeofamess]

*yeets this at you from within the void*

Strictly for Convenience pt. 10 (aka the finale)

word count: 3276

Ao3 link

Previous parts:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

taglist:  @shattered-raine @insert-epic-blogger-name-here @ilylogan@reallyanextrovertipromise @ladynightmare12 @allsortsofgeekery@awkwardangie410 @th3okamid3mon@shattereddreamsamongotherthings @februaryfun @izlaria@keeshy-ekho @a-ghosts @virge-of-a-breakdown @doepuffsss@lyre-lyre-numb-desire @vexation-virgil @detective-lemon@nightwhisker17 @shadycomputerduck @randomfanderfriend@ab-artist @penguinkool @another-sandersidesblog@iamdefinitelynotanalien @spectralheartt @aroundofaceapplesauce@downrightdanny @rainfallen9 @theunoriginaldaisy @izzynuggets

y’all i honestly don’t know how to thank you for reading along and enjoying this, it means so much and I wish it wouldn’t end (i also wish that any of the endings i came up with would do you guys justice but that just wasn’t possible) so without further ado, enjoy the final chapter!

They spent that night together. They shared a bed, never left each other’s arms, did everything short of actual intercourse - Logan held that barrier firm, and though Patton couldn’t see why, he respected it. He was too happy to question Logan’s motives. He was too fully engulfed in blissful warmth, strong arms and lips that had worked themselves soft. Patton learned every hair on Logan’s head and Logan could name each and every one of Patton’s freckles. Patton fell asleep in Logan’s arms, Logan to the smell of Patton’s hair, and neither of them could think of anything they’d experienced - anything they’d ever heard of - that was more perfect.

And Patton, for the second morning in a row, woke up smiling until he realized that he was alone.

A letter sat on the pillow next to him in place of Logan, there sat a letter addressed to “My Beloved.”

Patton tore it open to read, but he couldn’t read it without his glasses. He shoved his glasses in front of his eyes, but it was too dark to make out the words. He stumbled over himself getting to the window, throwing open the curtain, and though it was too bright to be comfortable for his still sleeping eyes, he could finally read Logan’s neat script.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for last night, I was not in my right mind. I’m sorry that you were forced to spend this portion of your life with me, though I am sure you’ll forget it soon enough. I’m sorry for loving you and for making you think you love me in return. I’m sorry.

I made a promise, though, and I am keeping it. I promised that I would ensure that you are safe and happy and loved as you should be, and I am keeping that promise. I wish that I could keep that promise by staying with you, but there is no way that I could ever love you as you should be loved. It is killing me to leave you this morning, but I swore that I would keep this promise if it killed me, and so I am keeping it. I know that it may hurt at first - Heaven and Hell only know how much it hurts me to keep writing this - but you will get past it. I have left you in the safe arms of your family, and I know for a fact that you will be far happier with them and whoever you choose to replace me than you could have ever been with me. I hope that you will respect my decision, and that the only time we meet again will be to split the fortune that is owed you. By then, I will be a hollow shell of a man, and you will be glad that I left you to find your true love.

Yours entirely, yours eternally,

Logan Foster.

Patton didn’t know if he burst into tears because of anger or sadness or frustration or despair or something in the middle, but he was crying before he got halfway through the letter. By the time he was reading the name, he was on his knees, bawling. The letter was on the floor in front of him, he was crumpled in on himself, hugging himself close as he tried to keep himself together so he didn’t fall apart as he felt his insides shredding to pieces. His tears rained down onto the letter in front of him, staining it with sorrow.

He knew that it was Virgil who found him while he was still sobbing. He knew the gentle touch well, especially in combination with the sobs that made him feel like he was going to be sick.  Virgil was always the one that found him and held him when he had a breakdown. There wasn’t usually a big reason.

He heard the paper shift as Virgil picked it up to read it, sighing to himself before passing it off to Roman, who had just come in. Patton just barely heard Roman curse Logan as he bent further over himself, arms gripped around his midsection as he felt his chin against his knees, his forehead against the carpet. He heard Roman shut and lock the door, keeping everybody else out. He and Virgil were the only ones who knew both Logan and Patton well enough to figure something out, and they could go and find Dexter if they needed his help.

“I thought that everything was okay,” Virgil sighed, still gently holding Patton, hand drawing soothing circles on his back. When he’d seen the two of them going upstairs last night, holding hands and Patton unable to stop smiling, he’d thought that they’d finally worked things out. He thought that Patton was finally going to be truly happy.

Virgil liked Logan - he did - and he could hear in the letter that he thought he was doing the right thing. That didn’t stop him from swearing that if the moron didn’t make amends, then he would kill him the next time he saw him.

Patton wasn’t sure when his sobbing turned to shaken breaths, how long it took for the shaking to stop and for the lack of any feeling to take over. He had no idea what he was planning to do when he got up and got dressed. There was still something burning in the pit of his stomach, but it was quiet now. It wasn’t lashing out. I just needed to move, to go.

Patton didn’t quite remember Virgil and Roman asking where he was going when they heard him asking for a car to be brought around. He didn’t quite remember telling them that he was “going to find my moron” and that if he couldn’t be found he’d be back before midnight. Neither of them tried to stop him, instead offering to go with him for moral support. Patton denied with a slight smile. He couldn’t remember what exactly made him smile - maybe it was habit, maybe it was Virgil and Roman, two of the most important and loved people in his world, maybe it was something else. Either way, he smiled as he got into the car and rode away from his childhood home.

Roman stood outside, watching the drive for longer than he probably should have, thinking back to the last day he and Virgil stayed at Foster house, the night that Logan had pulled him aside.

“Listen,” he’d started, leaning forward toward Logan. “I like you. I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but I do. That being said, if you ever turn, if you ever do anything to hurt him-”

“You’ll kill me,” Logan smirked, obviously just tipsy enough on wine and whiskey to be open. “You and your husband and your brother and his husband. Yes, I’ve heard this speech before, and from a much more intimidating source. Don’t worry, I can’t exactly outrun you.” Roman winced as Logan pulled up the leg of his pants to reveal his prosthetic. “You have nothing to worry about, anyway. I don’t think I’ll ever mean enough to him to hurt him. Not in any permanent way.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Roman tilted his head. “You seem to be growing on him.”

“It’s easier to act that way when he has people that he loves around, namely you and Virgil.” Logan took a deep breath, his gaze shifting slightly to stare at something behind Roman where nothing existed. “Your brother… is everything good about this world. Aphrodite couldn’t dream of being so beautiful, Apollo himself couldn’t begin to shine as brightly. I knew that the minute I saw him. I’ll never deserve him. I’ll keep him safe for as long as he needs, but only until he finds someone much closer to being worthy of him. Something as cold hearted as me…” Logan took another deep breath and another swig from his glass of whiskey. “You won’t have me in your hair for long. I promise.” Logan finished his glass and marched for the door to the others before Roman could get in another word.

It was that exchange that made Roman’s big brother instincts kick in and start worrying not only about his precious Patton, but Logan as well. Now, watching the road Logan had snuck down like a thief in the night, the road Patton was taking to track him down, Roman could only wish for them to work something out, for them to be happy.

~

It didn’t take long for Patton to reach Foster house. Nothing much had changed - everything was still in bloom, saturated with color and life as the sun shone bright in the clear sky. The only thing that seemed out of place was the taxi pulled up in front of the door. It didn’t stay, though. It started away as Patton approached, revealing an obviously frustrated Dexter standing on the other side of it.

“Finally. I knew you’d show up,” he called out as Patton got out of the car.

“How long have you been here? I thought you were-”

“I heard him leaving and knew that somebody had to keep him where he could be found. I was only a few minutes behind him.” Dexter led Patton inside to the library as he explained, the sound of someone talking to himself echoing into the hall.

“I dreamt last night our love return’d,” Logan muttered to himself as Dexter led Patton to the open door to the library. He was shelving books, reciting to himself absentmindedly. “And, sooth to say, that very dream/ was sweeter than its phantasy,/ Than if for other hearts I burn’d,/ For eyes that ne’er like thine could beam/ In Rapture’s wild reality.”

“I tried talking to him,” Dexter whispered to Patton, “but he doesn’t listen to me. Good luck.” Patton stepped forward into the library, Logan’s back still to him as he kept stacking, kept reciting from memory.

“Then tell me not, remind me not,/ Of hours which, though for ever gone,/ Can still a pleasing dream restore,/ Till Thou and I shall be forgot,/ And senseless, as the mouldering stone/ Which tells that we shall be no more.” Logan bent over his desk, fingernails finding their way to his lip as he looked over something.

“I think I remember that one,” Patton announced, stepping closer into the library. Logan nearly jumped out of his skin. “You read that to me once. You thought I was asleep.”

“I thought that you were going to do as I said,” Logan muttered, wiping the blood from his lip with a bandaged hand.

“When have I ever done that? Also, what did you do to your hand?”

“It’s no-”

“He punched the wall,” Dexter interrupted, leaning against the doorway.

“You punched a wall?”

“It’s the only way he’ll let himself have any sort of emotional release. You wouldn’t believe how many times he’s broken-”

“Dexter,” Logan’s voice cracked, edging on a shout. “Do you mind?” Dexter shrugged, silently wishing Patton good luck one last time before closing the door behind him. “You should have stayed with your family.”

“Did you honestly think that after what we’ve been through, that after last night, I’d just let you go that easily?”

“You’re not bound to me,” Logan reminded him. “I made sure of that, that we weren’t ever properly together so you can leave without feeling obligated to stay.”

“I know that I’m not obligated, but I am going to stay because it’s what I want.”

“I thought that we both knew that this was strictly for convenience, that it wouldn’t-”

“What about this is convenient, Logan?” Patton’s voice was steadier than he’d imagined it would be. He thought that he would be screaming already. “What has happened that you imagine is convenient?”

“I was trying to make it convenient for you by giving you a safe place to stay that was acceptable to your parents until you found a person and place that you loved. I was trying to make everything convenient for you, not me.”

“And by trying to do that, you’ve only made things more complicated. You could have made everything easier for both of us if you would just accept that we love each other and make each other happy. Why can’t you just accept that?”

“Because I know that I don’t - I could never deserve you. You wouldn’t stay happy - I could never make you as happy as you can possibly be. I’ve seen you at your happiest, and I couldn’t-”

“You don’t know that! When do you think you’ve seen me at my happiest when you weren’t-”

“Two years ago, Christmas at Hemingway Manor.” Patton shut his mouth, taken aback by the answer. He hardly remembered that night. “We were only introduced, I doubted that you’d remember. In fact, I counted on it. I saw you, though. I fell for you that night. I saw you dance the night away, watched as you laughed and twirled and glowed brighter than all the thousands of candles that lit the place. I saw you and I loved you, and when I realized it was you that I was engaged to, I made a plan to ensure your happiness. I can’t make you happy like that - I never could - but I could make you comfortable until you found a way out. And I still stand by that plan. It’s hit some bumps in the road, but I still believe that someone else will be so much better for you. I never wanted to hurt you, but while I was trying to stay away you were...” Patton sighed as Logan pressed his palm to his forehead.

“Okay,” Patton thought out loud. Shouting wasn’t going to work with Logan - all it did was get him more worked up which led to more shutting down. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You and I will stay together, live together like none of this mess ever happened, like a normal married couple would, until our one year anniversary. That gives us, what, nine or ten months to live together? If by then one of us has fallen out of love with the other, then we’ll separate. If not, then we won’t, and you’ll have to accept that we’re happy. Deal?” Patton put out his hand for Logan to shake, smiling only enough for Logan to know that there were no hard feelings.

Logan couldn’t find it in him to say no. He went over Patton’s proposition again and again in his head, but he couldn’t find a way that it wouldn’t work out. He knew that Patton would come to his senses sooner or later, and sure, he would always feel guilty for taking up a year of his life when he could have been anywhere else, but if Patton was so determined to have his way…

“All right. Deal,” Logan conceded, taking Patton’s hand to shake. He only wondered for an instant why Patton’s grip was so strong until he was yanked forward, Patton’s lips pressing to his to seal the deal. Patton wasn’t a fan of the metallic taste of anxiety on his lip, but he was too glad to have him close to care. He would find a way to help him with that - he had time. He wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

~

Patton couldn’t stop smiling. The evening air of Spring was light in his lungs, warm on his skin. In the field in front of him, he could see all five of his brothers, his parents, a few of Logan’s friends standing in the field. Logan was standing in front of the same priest that had married them, his light grey suit and blue tie matching Patton’s perfectly. They stood just at the edge of the forest, and the bluebells were in full bloom.

Renewing their vows had been Logan’s idea. He’d brought it up the night of their anniversary when they got back from what was deemed Patton’s victory dinner. They were just at the front door when it started snowing and Patton stopped to watch. The suggestion had barely processed in Patton’s mind when he turned to see Logan down on one knee, enveloping Logan’s fingers in both of his hands.

“Will you allow me to be yours forever, for us this time?” He didn’t get a verbal answer like he’d been anticipating, instead immediately tackled into the snow by an ecstatic Patton, crying and kissing him and hugging him close. Flakes of snow crowned his curls and Logan swore for the hundredth time in his life that he had never seen anything so exquisite.

He swore the same thing for the two-hundredth time when he saw Patton settle beside him in front of the priest.

“Logan,” Patton smiled up at Logan, recalling the vows that he’d worked out days earlier, “you did everything that you could to get me to leave you. You challenged me, tested my resolve, and swore that it was all for my happiness. A year ago, I was at my happiest when you agreed to my deal. I grew happier every day after that, I got to see you every day, I got to make you happy, and I fell more and more in love with you. I am never going to leave you, I will never let you think that you’re not enough because it’s you that has made me the happiest man on the face of the earth, and I will spend every second of my life trying to make you feel something close to how you make me feel.” Logan reached out, taking Patton’s hand in his, cheeks dusted a glorious shade of red. He straightened his back when the priest told him it was his turn.

“I am not often wrong. Ask anyone who knows me, I don’t make mistakes and am usually right about things. I still think that I am right in that I will never deserve you. However, you have proven yourself right. Every day for the past year you’ve proven yourself right because every day I swore to myself that you would come to your senses and be gone by the next day. I still think that you should have, that I should have stayed away from you so you could find someone that deserves you. Nonetheless, allow me to admit for the first and hopefully last time: You’re right, I was wrong, and I acted like an idiot. And yes, you do have permission to hold that over my head for the rest of our lives now that we’re stuck together by choice.” Patton laughed, causing Logan to break into the widest grin Patton had ever seen on his face. “I love you, Patton Foster. I love you, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it.”

“You may-” Patton already had his arms around Logan’s neck, their lips pressed together before the priest could finish the line. He felt lighter than air, Logan’s bear hug the only thing keeping him from floating away on cloud nine. The small audience cheered, Dexter and Remy both whistled, but Patton was already long gone. Pulling away only slightly, all that Patton saw was eyes glittering with endless galaxies and a smile that could cure any disease. All he heart was the tempo of Logan’s heart and the slight chuckle of disbelief that rose in his throat. Engulfed in the scent of ink and bluebells, Patton giggled as Logan hugged him closer, picking him up off the ground to twirl him around.

Nothing could be better.