#about moonchildridden

[moonchildridden]

It's not like people really care about my tastes and stuff like that but you guys can ask me my top 5 anything. Just for fun 😊☺️

[bird-inacage]

LOVE IN THE AIR | Sky x Prapai Fanfiction

An Admission of Surrender

Summary: Here it is. I’m giving you all the power to hurt me. But you won’t hurt me, will you? Maybe that’s partially the reason he held onto those words for so long, because they are the final vestiges of safety he has remaining, before he’s completely given himself over, before he’s whole-heartedly and willingly surrendered himself up to be hurt all over again.

Details: Canon, based on TV series knowledge up to Ep11. No novel influence.

A/N: *NOW AVAILABLE ON MY AO3 ACCOUNT HERE* I will be continuing the post fics there. (I’d like to dedicate this to @shipsaremylifesource, @prapaiwife, @fortpeat and @moonchildridden, who have been the absolute most darling supporters, and just overall awesome, hysterical mutuals to be sharing the delirium of this pairing with. To my fellow members of the Insane & Deranged Prapaisky Victim Support Group/Comrade- in-Arms/Family).

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“Aren’t you going to say it back to me?”

Sky startles, notices the slight quirk in Prapai’s brow which is laced more with bemusement rather than any serious concern, before it dawns on him that he’s been silent for more than a few minutes. His heart feels skittish in his chest, so he dodges Prapai’s eyeline in an attempt to calm the tightening sensation in the pit of his stomach.

Prapai’s fingers are lightly massaging Sky’s hand. He waits a beat before nudging, “Did you hear what I said?”

He knows Sky heard what he said. He’s teasing. As per usual.

The first time Prapai said it, had been nearly a fortnight ago. Sky had proposed to bake a cake for his family dinner that week. He never liked to show up empty-handed, and though it was never anything fancy, Plerng and Phan had been all too keen (if not overly, slightly suspiciously so) on receipt of everything he had brought with him so far. He still hadn’t decided if the siblings were simply humouring him or there was some other joke at play that he was not privy to. Prapai had insisted on helping once Sky had made the suggestion. And as a matter of fact, he had been attempting to teach Prapai how to cook as of late.

As a responsible boyfriend, Sky felt it was only right to equip Prapai with a basic means of survival, which meant venturing beyond simply frying an egg or boiling a bowl of ramen without assistance. Prapai would just cheekily retort that he had Sky didn’t he? Sky was fully aware that Prapai was unlikely to ever be in a position where he would go hungry, with significant wealth to rest on eating out for the rest of his life, but still... It had been to Sky’s immense surprise, that the request had come from the man himself.

The downside unfortunately was that the kitchen always became a war zone when collaborative cuisine was attempted, despite Sky’s futile efforts to maintain order. He blamed Prapai, obviously, as his namesake came with a tornado-like aftermath as far as cooking was concerned. Whilst Sky had dubiously handed Prapai over the task of piping cream, a healthy smattering had somehow ended up on his face. Smiling, Sky had taken a kitchen towel to Prapai’s cheek, wishing he had seen for himself how cute Prapai must have been as a kid. All lop-sided, impish grins most probably. He could only entertain his imagination, based on the baby pictures Prapai’s mother had all too enthusiastically presented to Sky on his first visit.

It was only after a minute or two that Sky realised Prapai had been uncharacteristically quiet, and was about to chide him for not listening, when he turned to find Prapai watching him in a bit of a daze, clearly having done so for quite a while.

Sky felt that now familiar and sudden rush of heat to his chest whenever Prapai caught him off guard like that. Sky immediately swiped a hand across his cheek, “Do I have something on my face?”

Prapai had continued looking at him, eyes all soft and wandering and noticeably vacant as his gaze did an excruciatingly slow once-over across Sky’s face before finding his eyes.

Sky had shifted restlessly in his seat and instead turned towards the ingredients spread across the table, deflecting in an attempt to save himself from possible humiliation. “I can’t decide whether we should go for a berry jam or maybe something less sweet like a lemon curd? What do you think? Your Mom has less of a sweet tooth, so perhaps we could even do a bit of each?”

“I love you.”

Just like that.

It took Sky a moment - a few moments before he fully registered what Prapai had said. But to his astonishment, he hadn’t felt the cold fever of panic seize him in its grasp like it used to. Something had fluttered in his stomach, a nervousness of an altogether different kind.

As much as his mind had been going into overdrive, he would never doubt Prapai’s honesty. The man was a notoriously bad liar anyway. The reason Sky was dumbstruck was not the fact that Prapai was in love with him. He'd known that for a while now. But why Prapai had chosen to say it then, when Sky was certain he was powdered in billows of flour, hair still a bit mussed from their lie-in this morning, and fashioned in an old t-shirt and apron he’d thrown on as it had been laundry day.

Sky’s apparent flustering only made the grin on Prapai’s face even wider. But to the other man’s credit, he had not dwelled on the sudden declaration, which made Sky wonder if he had heard it at all. As if to test that theory, Prapai had proceeded to say it a few more times since, each delivered at an exceptionally mundane moment where Sky had not been anticipating it at all, and every time had without fail proceeded to send Sky into a small meltdown. Sky was beginning to suspect that Prapai was purposely trying to get that reaction from him, for it seemed to delight him no end.

“You’re ignoring me again.”

Prapai tugs the hand he has hostage up to his lips and presses against the raised line where Sky cut himself with a scalpel last week. The knot in Sky’s chest soothes a fraction.

Sky’s gaze quickly sweeps across the far end of the room, to the clock sitting on the dresser. “Don’t you have a meeting this morning?”

The attempt to change topic doesn’t elude Prapai, who now knows him far too well for comfort. Prapai rolls his eyes, which Sky immediately catches. He’s definitely rubbing off on the other man, and he doesn’t like it one bit when that attitude is directed at himself. Undeterred and still punchably smug, Prapai closes the distance between them by another inch or two. His eyes are bright, an ever present hint of mischief there, “I said I love you.”

And the confession bellies Sky once again. The utter sincerity of it. How Prapai manages to say this so easily, as if he were commenting on the weather or what he ate for dinner the night before, baffles Sky. It isn’t that Sky doubts his conviction. Not in the slightest. But mostly Sky’s brain is still stuck at The Why? The Why that has been festering in his gut ever since it dawned on him that Prapai wasn’t going anywhere. The Why every time Prapai stares into his eyes like there’s nothing else that exists on this earth but him alone. The Why when Sky considers that Prapai has the means to pick anyone he wants and for some demented reason (possibly due to some serious cognitive defect), has chosen him.

He doesn’t realise he’s said it out loud until he notices Prapai’s nose scrunch up slightly in that annoyingly endearing way.

“You’re asking me why I love you?” There’s an edge of admonishment in Prapai’s tone, like he’s genuinely a bit upset by the implication but quickly returns to his usual lilt of amusement, which grates because it usually means Prapai is about to make fun at his expense. “You want me to list all the reasons? Because I can if you want.”

Sky rolls onto his back and huffs.

Prapai simply follows, looming over him and takes a moment to search his face, before a smile tugs at the sides of his mouth, “I love how easily you get wound up and the way you tell me off. Because you’re usually right and I usually deserve it.” Sky shoots him a ‘oh you don’t say?’ face. “I love the really focused expression you get when you’re concentrating really hard. You’re always so engrossed in what you’re doing, you forget everything around you.” Prapai stares pointedly at Sky’s injured finger. “Sometimes even me,” which is delivered with an added pout.

“I love it when you get that ‘deer caught in highlights’ look in your eyes. Like you’re suddenly a kid again, lost and helpless and desperately searching for something - or someone”, which earns a small scoff. “It always reminds me of the night I first met you. I love the way you sneak glances at me when you think I’m not looking. It’s very sweet. It’s incredibly adorable actually. Haven’t I told you that you’re more than welcome to openly gawk at your stud of a boyfriend all you want? Why be so shy about it?”

Sky’s skin bristles with embarrassment, the telltale heat of a blush rising up his neck, and he flings a hand in Prapai’s general direction to try and halt the onslaught, “Stop.”

He hates how lovely it is when Prapai says things like this, and without any degree of hesitation. Hates how much it makes him squirm because it’s cheesy and sappy, and so bloody sentimental. But mostly he hates how much he likes it.

“I love how wickedly smart and quick you are. I love the dynamic you have with your friends, and watching you bicker with Rain. It’s welcome entertainment for both me and Payu actually. I love it when you take control, it’s extremely sexy. I love everything you cook...”

Sky’s eyes begin frantically searching around him, desperately wishing he had a dictionary or something substantially heavy within arm’s reach that he could use right now to knock his boyfriend out.

“I especially love the way you moan my name when you c—”

Sky’s eyes widen and he uses both hands to give Prapai a firm shove in the chest, “You have no shame!”

Prapai buries his face into Sky’s neck, hair fluffing in disarray as he laughs heartily into Sky’s collarbone, “Joke’s on you, you’re the one who fell for this shameless asshole”. The sound goes straight to Sky’s heart and he feels momentarily dazed, like he’s the one whose been clubbed on the back of the skull. Prapai re-emerges, rising only the few inches necessary to allow him to talk unheeded, but his weight atop Sky’s has them both breathing a little heavier than usual.

“I don’t know how else to explain it to you. I just love you. I love you fiercely, madly.” Prapai’s face is surprisingly earnest all of a sudden as he lightly combs Sky’s bangs away from his face, “You have absolutely no idea just how much.”

Sky feels himself go loose and pliant like he always does when Prapai stares at him like that, like he’s delving into the depths of Sky’s very soul and seeing him laid completely bare. His eyes dart between Prapai’s eyes and lips, lulled by the comforting thud thud of Prapai’s heartbeat. His hand is drawn to sit there, right in the centre of Prapai’s chest, where he can feel the steady thrum beneath his fingers. Warm, comforting and so very alive. Something in Prapai’s eyes turn molten, the thinly veiled desire behind them drawing Sky further and further away.

A shrill ring cuts through the fog like a knife, dousing them both alert, and Prapai let’s out a low groan. No doubt his secretary calling to chase. They both eye each other for another moment longingly before it is eventually Prapai who makes a move, swiftly planting a kiss on Sky’s forehead before plucking himself out of their shared embrace.

Sky registers the pang he feels at the loss of contact, the empty space that Prapai vacates in the very air around him. He sits up, perching his chin on his knees to watch Prapai fish for a clean shirt. Sky unconsciously dips his nose against the sleeves of the top he’s currently wearing - one of Prapai’s long-sleeved whites - and lightly inhales. It smells of Prapai of course, which eases the ache in Sky’s chest slightly. It’s why he began wearing Prapai’s clothes in the first place, because it’s comforting to feel close to him in this small way. But also he just likes how Prapai’s eyes twinkle when he notices Sky wearing his clothes, and how that makes him tingle all over.

He continues to follow Prapai’s movements, making no attempt to avert his eyes as he watches the rippled muscles along his boyfriend’s back disappear beneath cotton.

“You have a workshop this evening don’t you? I’ll drive by and pick you up afterwards. We can grab something to eat together—” Prapai stills when he meets Sky’s gaze, and his eyes go instantly soft. He offers a warning tut, “don’t do that.”

Sky is aware that he’s becoming increasingly reliant on Prapai, and that growing realisation is starting to seriously hurt his pride. So accustomed he was to being independent, he now feels handicapped by that fact. He distinctly remembers the first business trip Prapai had taken once they’d started dating, and the uneasiness that prospect had stirred within him at the thought of being left behind. Prapai’s eyes had been immediately apologetic when he told him the news, hand smoothing across Sky’s cheek in an attempt to soothe, “The shortest I could bargain for was three days.”

Sky had been mortified by just how humiliatingly needy he must seem for making Prapai feel bad for doing his job. He hated the idea of being the classic, desperate, clingy boyfriend, and so he’d plastered on the best carefree smile he could manage, “Seriously, three days is nothing. As if I haven’t spent a short lifetime living alone before I met you. You should be prioritising your work or your Dad will have a go at you again. Go for as long as you need to.”

Prapai had looked at him in a way that meant Sky had not convinced him in the slightest. “I’ll call every day okay? Multiple times a day. I promise.” He had then proceeded to kiss Sky all over, and nuzzle sulkily into his neck like a small, dejected animal. The irony was not lost on Sky that Prapai appeared to have taken it much worse than he did. Though he had to eventually admit that those three days had proved to be much, much harder than Sky had initially anticipated, and as soon as Prapai had returned, he didn’t detach himself from Sky’s side for a solid week.

That little knot of worry which persistently forms in his gut every time Prapai has to leave him (even briefly), is something he recognises akin to abandonment, which he knows is silly, ridiculous even, —paranoid definitely. He’ll be back Sky.

“Sweetheart?”

“Hmm?”

“You stop that, now.”

Sky blinks from his spiralling reverie, “Stop what?”

“That.”

Sky nibbles into his bottom lip, “What?”

Prapai leans down and levels his gaze, something disapproving flickering across his face, “That thing you do with your eyes. I can read each and every thought in your head.” Prapai’s hand reaches out to stroke the back of Sky’s head gently as he lowers his voice. “I’m not going anywhere, remember?”

Somehow Prapai knows. He always knows.

His phone rings again, incessant and demanding, and Sky can only imagine the exasperation on his poor secretary’s face. The same expression she’d made when she had walked in on them kissing across Prapai’s desk, which Sky can safely say was wholly Prapai’s fault. It had been his idea to drag Sky along to his office, and Sky should have known better that he was not going to behave, even when in a professional setting.

Prapai hisses audibly, eyebrows raised in displeasure, which Sky responds with a wry smile, “Go.”

Prapai never expects anything from Sky. He may tease, but he'll never truly push which Sky is endlessly grateful for. He’s all too happy to offer up his heart and serve it on a platter even if Sky doesn’t ask for it. The fact that Sky has not said it back to him yet has not appeared to phase him in the slightest. And that’s the part that makes Sky feel increasingly guilty. Prapai soothes and coaxes all his jagged concerns away without expecting anything in return, and is surprisingly patient even when Sky is unable to match his pace. Worse yet, the man seems perfectly content with that, and Sky knows he has ample reason not to be.

He wants to be able to do more. Give more. But Sky is self-aware enough to recognise that he’s still a bit broken, and though he may want to, his anxieties haven’t allowed it.

It’s whilst Prapai is collecting up his scattered belongings from around the bedroom, that an urge bubbles up inside Sky like a shapeless thing that begs to be released. It’s not like he hasn’t thought about those words. Thanks to Prapai, they’ve rolled around in his head an awful lot recently, but he hasn’t been able to find a means to command their influence.

Something twisted in Sky’s gut says; what if he walks out that door and something were to happen to him and you regret not saying it? What if something were to happen to you, and you regret that he never heard it? He’s not sure exactly what type of unhealthy scenarios his mind is conjuring up to terrorise him, but the fear is all too real. Sky is no stranger to the creeping suspicion that this is all far too good to be true, and he’ll wake up soon or Prapai will come to his senses. After everything Prapai has done for him, he deserves more. Sky wants Prapai to know that he cares about him and appreciates him just as much.

As Prapai locates his jacket and car keys, he shoots Sky another one of his reluctant-to-leave-you smiles as he finally retreats towards the door, clearly dragging his heels. “Get some more sleep okay? I’ll call you later.”

Sky knows he’s exceptionally partial to sentimentality whenever Prapai has to leave, and his anxieties converge on him to act without thinking. Sky stares at that handsome, warm, loving face and feels himself overcome with affection.

It takes him a moment before he realises the three words have slipped out without prompt. Quiet. Tentative, and quite frankly a bit fumbled. As if he had only been planning to test drive the words on his tongue. Not at all as assured in tone as the same three words Prapai said to him only moments ago. Something in Sky panics, feels frantic all of a sudden. He tries to reassure himself that this is the least that Prapai deserves, to hear Sky say it back and more importantly, Sky wants to. But as much as Sky hates to admit it, it’s not so much an admission as much as a plea.

Here it is. I’m giving you all the power to hurt me. But you won’t hurt me, will you? Sky already knows the answer to that question, but it still crosses his mind like a bad omen. Maybe that’s partially the reason he held onto those words for so long, because they are the final vestiges of safety he has remaining before he’s completely given himself over, before he’s whole-heartedly and willingly surrendered himself up to be hurt all over again (despite everything he’s been through and suffered, despite his deepest, darkest fears)... After this, Prapai will well and truly have everything he possibly has to give.

He just wishes he had sounded more confident when he did eventually say it. Now he’s worrying himself stupid that it may have come across uncertain or questioning, and the last thing he wants is for Prapai to think he’s doubtful about his feelings.

Sky spots Prapai’s hand clenched round the door frame, where he had swiftly stopped himself mid-exit. Sky immediately flushes, diving back into the duvet, suddenly acutely aware of what he’s possibly done, and the havoc he may have just caused.

“You should go now, you’re already late—”

The keys in Prapai’s pocket jingle as he takes three long strides back towards the bed. Prapai’s breath is hot against his face as he presses Sky bodily back into the sheets, but not before he gathers him absolutely flush against him, and kisses him desperately on the mouth. Sky’s coherence spreads paper thin as Prapai’s hand skirts beneath the fabric of his top and along his spine to pin him closer, whilst the other tilts his jaw up to meet his eagerly. Sky’s hands curl into the fabric of Prapai’s shirt, fingers occasionally wandering into the hair on the back of Prapai’s neck, as he allows the man to completely engulf him.

When Prapai releases him momentarily, his freshly laundered shirt is a crumpled mess beyond salvation. His smile is positively beaming - everything will be alright - that boyish charm creeping in which always makes Prapai look instantly younger and sweeter than usual.

“You really—”, and it irks Sky that it takes another attempt before he’s able to find his voice again, “You really have to go now—”

“Nnn mmn, one more,” before Prapai angles in to kiss him again, and the jackass takes his sweet time. Languid and probing, it sets Sky alight. They break apart briefly to breathe before Prapai impatiently leans into him again because he’s full of shit, and once is never just once.

Sky feels scattered and light-headed when Prapai draws back just enough to allow himself access to Sky’s throat, voice slightly husky against his pulse. “Say it again. Please.”

“I jsst—”

Sky vaguely considers if Prapai may be attempting murder if he doesn’t comply, because he’s struggling to draw air or even formulate one complete thought whilst Prapai continues to assault his lips. If they don’t stop soon, there’s not a chance in hell that Prapai’s going to make that meeting or work at all.

“Again,” Prapai demands but his eyes are achingly tender.

Sky is once again winded by the sheer elation in that gaze, that he cannot possibly bring himself to deny him. So he musters his courage, takes Prapai’s face in both hands, and despite the blush he can feel colouring his cheeks, he meets those eyes evenly and steels against the sheer pounding of his own heart.

“I love you.”

There. Better.

Something in Sky seems to fall into place then. Because all the fear and worry falls away and all that’s left is him.

Prapai’s eyes are brimming with reverence, pride and adoration.

“My Sky.”

The endearment would usually make him inwardly wince with embarrassment, because if there’s something Prapai has an innate talent for, is saying the most corny, toe-curling declarations of love without so much as batting an eyelid. But right now, Sky can’t resist that all encompassing love wring him utterly boneless, weightless, senseless...

You’re mine, it says, and Sky couldn’t be happier at the declaration.

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I hope whoever has the patience to read this, does enjoy!

[fortpeat]

PLEASE TELL ME YOU GUYS SAW THAT SMILE ON SKY'S FACE DURING THAT TRANSITION WHILE HES UNZIPPING PAI'S PANTS 🙏🙏

It has been living rent free in my head and I haven't seen anybody talking about it 😭😭😭

Asking for backup from my Unofficial Unhinged Prapaisky Support Group @prapaiwife @moonchildridden @shipsaremylifesource

[chocolatecakeandbl]

WIP tag game!

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.

Got tagged by @ibovaryyou <3

Bc THIS is the LITA channel, only LITA WIPS gonna go here, so leeeeet's start! Lil note ahead. My fics NEVER get titles until I throw them into grammarly, hearing music while doing so, and usually picking a part of the lyric of whatever I am hearing rn for the fic. (Yeah, that's me and my creativity...)

Making things easier, here's a screenshot of all current WIPS:

Tagging @fortpeat (I know you don't write, but any gif's/videos you are working on?) @nooowestayandgetcaught @moonchildridden @bird-inacage @prapaiwife @prapais @iwanttogotodreamland @heerotheshiro @thiscouldbeacity @butterwaterjin @wedielike @halliescomut @honeyprai @skyprapailove Also tagging: Rachael(@mightymightygnomepriest) and GraveNewt(@gravenewt) and Abby(@akitbeast) and Gecko(@lostemotion) and Julia(@mbjw) bc tumblr hates me and won't lemme link your profiles.

[gillianthecat]

Not Me

These are my notes, raw and only lightly copyedited, from four months ago, taken as I watched Not Me (around September 8th). In them I think about revolutions and the culture of activism, make predictions about what happens next, am endeared by romance, and fangirl over First. Among many other things. It is interesting to read over what I noticed then and how I felt about it, after having had months to mull it over and reading other people's thoughts on the show. Even now, I still have complicated tangled feelings about the show. It felt incredibly important and unique, and also like it was trying to do too many things at once. It felt flawed to me, swinging between a very human sort of realism and complete ridiculous nonsense. But having since learned more about it's fanfic roots and how much was changed from the novel it was based on (thanks @moonchildridden!), I can see why that came to be, and admire just how political they managed to make this show despite everything. I wrote early on, "this is not escapism for me," and that still very much feels true, even though the romance was beautiful and tender and I adored it. It brought up all my feelings about the times in my life when I was an activist, and about why I'm not doing that now and how I can get back to that. And all my thoughts about how to do activism, and how to actually make change in the world. Which is a lot, and the main reason it took me so long to write about this show. I only took notes up to episode 9, so there is nothing on the last three episodes. It got too intense for me to want to write about it, though I do remember many of my thoughts and want to write more about the series as a whole. I did write some about the romantic relationships in (or not in) the show, my love for Sean in response to an ask, and talked about the realism of the Not Me world in comparison to KinnPorsche in this conversation with @lelephantsnail.

long so all my notes are below the cut:

Episode 1

I get so anxious for characters when they have to pretend to be someone they're not. Although less so here than usual.

Ok. Looks like they have chemistry! I see why they're a popular actor pair!

That dirty oil fight is adorable but also... dirty motor oil! Blech. I can't focus on the cuteness for the grossness of it. 

I like the voice overs actually. They're not necessary, Gun is conveying everything with his acting. But it's nice to have my questions articulated. 

Yok is hot -> Wait, is that First？-> *checks MyDramaList* -> Ah, yes.  That is First. 

Episode 2 (and 3?)

It's so fascinating to be putting together a picture of Black based on the little snippets of what people say or how they react to White.  And of course White is going through the same thing. 

I live in a much drier climate than Thailand, but it still makes me nervous to see people starting fires in the middle of the forest. 😳😬

Oh no! Please don't have this fellow activist vandalizer die in the fire!

This show is intense for me. I'm feeling kinda raw about it. Definitely not escapism. 

I love that they have this mute character and are portraying real issues. I wish it wasn't portrayed in a scene where it felt like Yok and his mom had never met each other before. 

Wow they are not pulling their punches. I am really curious about the context that this got made in, and what the reception in Thailand was like. 

Lots of feelings on my failures as an activist. Something about that room in the garage, evokes all those warehouse punks from my 20s. They still exist, I'm just not a part of that world anymore.

This show is very didactic. I don't know how it would work for me if I was a Thai activist. Or Thai in general. I think if it was a US show, or English language at least, it would feel too didactic. Either annoyingly earnest or I wouldn't trust the filmmakers. 

But because I'm watching it as a foreigner, and it's about a political scene I know little about, the didacticism doesn't bother me. 

Also I'm watching with the assumption that this was politically risky to make. I'm guessing that just making the film is a political statement in Thailand, and so I already admire it for that. Whereas in the US it often feels like it's relatively, not easy, but uncontroversial to make a political film, so I accept more. Or at least don't admire their bravery. It may be hard to get funding, but for the most part it doesn't feel like the government is breathing down filmmakers necks in the same way

I am making a lot of assumptions about the Thai political context. I need to learn more to have a proper opinion. 

However, it feels really honestly radical, and getting that on mainstream tv in the U.S. would simply not happen. Indie films yes. Series by a mainstream company this overtly political no.

In this us there might be radicalism for the aesthetic, but not actually a look into the issues. Not actually a show that direct action as anything real, rather than a dramatic superhero moment. 

I can't even think of any tv shows that are directly about activists and activism. In a metaphorical way, yes,  but not direct like this. I'm sure they exist, but what are they?

And a lot of the tv shows films that are about activism are historical. Black panthers, etc.  

I don't even know about in other counties. 

Whew, this show has got me in my feelings and thoughts. 

Anyways 

I wonder if this show is going to address the parents each abandoning half their children. And how/why etc Black and White didn't talk for a decade(?). Or if that was mostly a plot device to get the false identity thing going.

I like that this is a lot about White's relationships with other people besides Sean. That those seem to be equally important, or more important than his awaking.  

So far it is more about his radicalization than the romance. Which I actually am glad about. 

The pace of Sean figuring out something is wrong is good. There is chemistry but no flirtation or anything like that yet, which feels right. And the fake identity thing gives a good reason for Sean to be an asshole without making him seem like an unredeemable asshole. 

I wonder if we'll ever get to hear what Sean was thinking during this time. I hope so. 

Voiceovers. Getting very didactic. Mixed feelings about that - see above. 

Are they contractually required to have a pratfall kiss? The towel mechanism was stupid (although better than a bouncy wall, á la The Eclipse), but at least the almost kiss was better than usual. I liked that their faces were actually offset, no lips touching or almost touching. That fits them better, is more realistic to what bodies would actually do in that situation, and I'd better for the pacing. 

Guns are a lot more terrifying in this real world than in the mafia world. 

I hope we get more of that dude from the diplomats exams. 

Episode 4

Political modern dance!!

Aaah! The Kinnporsche pool. I'm afraid that's seared in my brain as part of mafia mansion now, I don't know if I can buy it as another place but I'll try. 

Are we suspicious of Todd? 

Initially I wasn't because he was the one bringing White in. And I think people ship Tod & Black. 

But I got suspicious when I saw how rich he is. (Oh right, they were childhood friends.) Is his dad Tawi? Would White have known/remembered that? 

They seem to be a totally isolated group? Which is probably plausible for self radicalized university students?  But also makes the show feel less grounded in real political activist work. Gives everything more aesthetic activism vibes. 

Also these boys don't know how to organize or create a campaign? Which is also plausible, but they feel like dilettantes. I guess I don't need the ideas to be any better, just lots more talking to get there...

Episode 5

Oh, and hooray for a trans woman character who like an actual character and not comic relief or whatever. (Possibly multiple characters in multiple settings (I don't know what I was referring to here)). 

This violent stretching while they're cold is making me anxious. 

Ok this leaping across building stunt is annoying me more than it should. I think I have to let go of my expectations of realism here. The political message is legit. But the depiction of activism is closer to the aesthetic/fantasy side of the scale than I initially hoped. 

Ok. I think I'm not going to love this as much as @lelephantsnail does.  Or as much as I want to.  But I admire it a lot. And if I adjust my expectations I can like it a lot. It's hard to enjoy exactly because it's hitting too close to home. Or at other moments too watered down didactic. (Black is defending capitalism and monopolies? How are they not more suspicious?) But I can enjoy parts. 

Episode 6

Oy. I don't like thread of Gumpa constantly testing them. I get that it's to heighten the tension without going too far into plot that can't be backed out of but... partly I guess I don't think the emotional fakeouts are a good thing. 

And partly I feel like it makes a joke of the activism? Like, it's quite possible it's a real training technique used. But combined with the general floppiness around the activism world building, it just... it's just like a standard spy thriller. Which is fine I guess but not what I expected or wanted. 

Also, if Gumpa can call on all these extra guys for this test, why is their little group so isolated. Gumpa acts like a mentor but is supposedly not the leader? What is their internal organization anyway? What are their connections? Are they just privileged kids who decided to become anarchist [vigilantes] on their own? Are they connected to any broader movement? Have they considered and rejected less violent/illegal means, or is that not happening in this world? Would I understand better if I knew a lot (or even a little) about Thai politics? Or even if I just understood Thai?

Ok, final having a conversation about how to do activism. 

Ok I genuinely love that this... romantic? not exactly yet but there's something there... scene is White-as-Black earnestly discussing political philosophy while Sean is drunk and floppy and red faced. It's just so unique and real. 

Which maybe is why I get annoyed at the other stuff that feels less real. But I will hold judgment to the end, because I honestly don't know who's evolving in what direction. And what the final message on activist tactics/philosophy is going to be. 

I also really like the music (other than overdramatic hospital music.) 

Also! They have a beverage sponsor, and the plot is them targeting a beverage manufacturer?! Bold. 

Police brutality is brought up as well.

I like getting insights into Sean, but I don't think it works with the structure that’s been set up. Mostly we're discovering everything along with White, and then all of a sudden we'll get Sean's memory? It feels out of place. 

Also, I appreciate this version of only-one-bed. OOB as a get-along-shirt. 

These boys are beautiful in sunlight (see: Sean on the rooftop). 

Like I know it's usually good storytelling technique to not have them endlessly talking in the same place. And it adds drama to have the conflict in the moment. But also why the fuck did that not plan all this basic stuff out ahead of time? Why are they having these basic conversations at the site? There had to have been a third option. 

I guess part of what makes me anxious is I can't tell if their bad plans are because they're supposed to be inexperienced activists or if it's because of filmmaking shortcuts (or perhaps even ignorance on her part about radical activism?). 

I genuinely love that they gave this romantic moon gazing scene to a platonic pair. 

Oh poor Gram. I keep forgetting, but these boys don't know their friend is in the hospital and almost died 😞 

Episode 7

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I really like the cinematography. 

Sometimes I really love it!! 

See I'm glad they agree with me that Sean's plan was stupid. But why they hell aren't they discussing this beforehand? I feel like every activist group, even the most pro-destruction anarchist terrorists, has endless discussions of philosophy and strategy. Anarchists especially are not just going to follow one guy without asking questions or sharing their opinion. It's just so odd. 

Unrelatedly, I love Yok's tattoos. So hot. I unironically kind of want the bird one. Although I do not have First's biceps and deltoids. 

And I love the set design and these kids hanging out in boxers and low cut tanks all the time. The aesthetic feels very authentic. Which is why it's weird when the activism style doesn't. It's not so much that they're bad at it, but the way in which they're bad doesn't feel genuine to me. But also what do I know. I've never been part of the anarchist property destruction movement. And I don't know what it's like in Thailand obviously. 

Thank you Yok! Finally some logical strategic thinking. 

Ohhh. Interesting intersections here...

(I'm trusting this is not going to end with oh Tawi isn't so bad after all, we should be happy to be part of society etc. But if it does I will be PISSED. 

Ok. This is going somewhere interesting. Starting a movement?

(Yok's fireworks moment was ridiculous but also a wonderful image. And hot. By the way.)

Oh thank god other people. I should have had more faith in the director. 

Yay! Huge rally! But also

Where did this huge rally come from? This is not a spur of the movement reaction to their (frankly) silly little direct action thing. There have been other people planning and organizing against Tawi all along? Why are these kids so disconnected from it?  Like I believe it's plausible that they would be, I just want to understand the story there. 

The secret identity plot creates some weird constraints around the activism plot. Like in a way Sean et al are being de-radicalized? Instead of getting frustrated with the slow pace of community organizing and turning to property destruction, it seems like they started there? 

So Sean and White will meet in the middle? 

This dance!  This feels like a real protest. 

I mean, sometimes a small seeming thing will light the spark. But there also seem to have been organizers there ready to seize the moment and build the movement

And Black is clearly part of a larger movement with Eugene and her political dance. Yok & Sean and there street artists.  Will we ever find out why they were so isolated? I'm starting to have hope that we may. 

Gram is staring at Eugene. But I can't tell if it's because he's in love with her or jealous of her and in love with Black.  Was he lying to Yok about Yok not knowing the person he was in love with?

Also, why couldn't anyone see that video of Black that Eugene took? Was their relationship a secret? 

Registering protesters? I need to read up more. 

Gun does a good job of making Black seem like a different person than White, even than White pretending to be Black. 

Again I keep forgetting Black's friends don't know he's hurt and then I get sad. 

So I guess that Gram is in love with Eugene. What's with the card White found then?

When is White going to tell them all? Are they going to deal with the fact he's been hurting them all with this? 

Nuch's... PSA is what it is. It works here. Despite most of her dialogue being political statements she feels like a real person. And the didacticism of her statement on marriage equality feels good actually. It's a reminder that this film is not just about activists, but it is activism. And to put myself aside, because I'm not actually the target audience. I can watch and appreciate, but it's not about me. 

Oh my god this scene. This fucking scene. I teared up when the queer couple catwalk across the rainbow flag started. I was not expecting that.  And then Sean and White staring at each other across the flag. And walking toward each other underneath it. Sean's expression. Like he doesn't even know what to think any more. Taking his hand. And it isn't even romantic exactly. It's victory. That temporary victory. 

This is the slowest of slow burns and it feels exactly like how their story needs to be told. 

Who is Gumpa in all this, anyway? Why is he training them but not participating? 

The high of victory!

Ooh, Sean and White are sitting on the couch together...

Ok, one thing a love about this is seeing a trans or any visibly queer character I can trust the show will treat them with respect. It's such wonderful and also a relief as a viewer. 

Yikes. I was thinking why is he cooperating with the police and then he started to run, lol. Again. Love this building. Feels like a real art school.

Is this cop or whatever kind of bad guy driving product placement car? That would be hilarious and... something. 

Oh, probably not the bad guy actually. Probably the artists friend rescuing him. It's still hilarious to see him getting handcuffed against the sponsors car. 

God I love all these sets! 

Oh wait, that's the artist himself. I forgot what he looked like. And that he had the cop ID card.

Yok you flirt. First's smile is dangerous. But Yok, why are you carrying this man's wallet around with you? Have you been waiting for this very scenario to arise? 

Hmm. How are they going to handle this cop romance?  I was kinda thinking the ID card was fake. 

I'm not so sure about this other guy yet, but First can probably carry their chemistry on his own. His smile! My god. 

Yok, you flirt!  "Of course you can paint me…” I had to stop and make my terrible gif. 

Ok, maybe this INAR actor can keep up.

Halfway through and it seems the romance arcs are starting in earnest. I am pleased with this pacing I think. 

I was gonna go to bed but now I gotta see what happens now that Sean pushed his way into White as Black's room. 

Also the way Sean (nervously?) fixed his hair though the peephole was adorable. 

Episode 8 

I love the physicality of all the characters in this. They feel like real people. The way they were slouching on the couch last episode so their jackets rode up. So real. Like I feel like I went to college with these dudes at moments like that. 

This scene! The soft warm lighting. The blocking floor bed floor etc. the way they're looking at each other. The way White listens. That story. 

Ack so much adorable. The head bonk 🥺 the trust fall

There's content and awww here and I don't know what to write about first because the aww is so cute. And such a relief. The first real softness between them. 

Oh but the lying. I'm guessing White doesn't even remember he's lying right now. He means it that he wants to trust and be trusted. But it's kind of ironic considering. Will Sean be mad when I finds out Will it be addressed? I'm somewhat hopeful yes.

Although that last line sounds manipulative so I don't know what to think...

And again all I can say is:

This scene. Tears charcoal intimacy the closeups on their faces so much of the time. Inar actor you've got me convinced. The flirting to start that turns so quickly to intimacy. Yes that makes so much sense he would cry being vulnerable like that to this man of all people. Yok's reaction? To draw first and then comfort without asking questions? I'm very curious about where this regretful cop story will go. 

Everybody's spying on everybody. Which is stressful in an activist setting.  But fits the enemies to lovers with several twists thing going on.  So I don't feel bothered. 

Honestly I  think simply connecting them to a broader activist community though the rally eased all my anxieties. I don't know if my objections have been/will be solved but I feel better.

Oh yeah, I forgot about my glasses related questions. How had he been seeing this whole time? They never show him putting in contacts, he just removes the glasses and goes. Does he have a very mild prescription? Are the just for fashion? Has he just not been able to see much (seems unlikely). 

But anyways, Sean is about to figure something out, we'll see how much...

Lol, ten seconds later there's a contact lens case.

Ok but he took his advice and is trying to bite himself out of those ropes. 🤣

Oh hello mic pack holder. But I honestly do appreciate the actors' commitment to physicality. In this case squirming around on the bed. 

They are starting to get sexy together and I like it. I really appreciate the slow development of their chemistry actually. Immediate BAM! is fun,  but this fits better for them and their story and is nicely nuanced. 

Ooh I love the recall to the first day with him now unthinkingly jumping this same wall. 

Dudes. You or someone else should have made a plan for how to protest this lecture. It doesn't even need to have been a good one. But there was this whole street of organizers? And apparently Tawi is the Jeff Bezos of this version of Thailand? So someone would have tried to organize a protest, right? Thai organizing can't be that different, even with a different culture around respect? Or maybe it is???

Like I get this shows Sean's passion and anger but...

Oh forgot their last interaction was Sean leaving White-as-Black tied up. 

This really is Only One Bed: The Series. How many different places can she conspire to have them sleep together. 

Episode 9

Sex scene tender sweet and hot. Consent communication can be very sexy omg. 

This feels very different from any BL sex scene I've seen yet. More real somehow? Why? The intimacy of the tent? The way the are communicating? Maybe because White's anxiety is not about sex but about being intimate while lying about who he is. The hands! The ear bite! Maybe because I haven't seen a bl sex scene get that montage/time lapse editing yet. It was a wonderful way to make it feel like they weren't just fading to black while still not showing a lot. (Which I guess why it's commonly used technique in other film industries lol.)

Did Black wake up because his twin was fucking? I'm not even sure what to think about that. And were the tears his own or transference from White?

That heartbeat convo and the little kiss. It felt so genuinely post coital. 

They seem to be transforming from enemies into softest boyfriends ever. Which I think I'm good with.

It felt rushed in a way but then also it didn't. Like there was all this under the surface that suddenly was ready to emerge. 

I love how they got a scene with the gayest bridge but it was actually about the decaying pier. Perfect. Although I'm disproportionately annoyed by the impossible leaps. 

I'm anxious about this cop boyfriend thing. Which side of the storytelling will win out, bl's hea or activism's acab? Why was he there to rescue Yok?

Ok. Yok may be falling for the dude but at least he's being smart about not revealing their work. 

Return sad poignet (probably I meant poignant? I don’t know what I was trying to say though.) amazing acting Gun. The grief of your long lost dead brother staying closed off to you ...

De transformation. Give me my phone. (I have no idea what this comment was supposed to mean.)

Called it! about shady Todd. 

And that was all the notes I took. After episode 9 I think I was too overwhelmed by the show and my thoughts about it to write down my reactions.

[moonchildridden]

Tropes This Or That

Another tag by @gillianthecat, let’s gooooooooo! This is going to be difficult, oh god.

found family or soulmates || slow burn or established but complicated || enemies-to-friends-to-lovers or best friends-to-lovers  || love at first sight or get back together || morally grey character or unreliable narrator  || sunshine character or sarcastic character || self-sacrificing or teamwork || fire-forged friends or childhood friends || description-heavy or dialogue-heavy || fluff or angst || high school au or college au || flower symbolism or color symbolism || hero from the start or reveal the hero near the end || body swap or gender swap || bed sharing or clothes sharing || magic au or human au || de-aged or future fic  

As I imagined, this was veeeery difficult for me to answer, because I kept thinking about what would I write better in any of my stories, while at the same time remembering myself that this was about all kinds of story based media, and also some options I would definitely choose both instead of just one lol

I think I never actually tagged anyone but let me change this for now. @halfmoon-trueself, you can take it from here.

[fortpeat]

you seem like such a great person! I love your blog and energy! do you have here some friends of yours that you could recommend us to follow? i wanna stay in a smaller circle but only of the best people, if that makes sense 😅 thanks in advance!

Hey Nonnie ❤️

Thank you so much.... so sweet of you for sending me a wonderful message. 🥹😭😭 And I have some of the most amazing friends (definitely bragging coz they are that awesome) 😎😍

And since you mentioned about small circle I am gonna be suggesting you based on content wise and who has some beautiful posts about Prapaisky mainly since thats the majority what I only talk about 🤭 so here you go

@bird-inacage @moonchildridden @prapaiwife @prapais @prapaiskymissinghours @wedielike @prapaixsky @laurenkmyers @theyellowhue @firstkanaphans @buckystilinski @akitbeast

So yeah I tried to narrow it down as much as I can but they all are so so good like their gif works, the fics they have written, the metas on understanding the characters and the scenes. TOP NOTCH I AM TELLING YOU.

[gillianthecat]

Tropes This Or That

Thanks for the tag @negrowhat!

found family or soulmates || slow burn or established but complicated || enemies-to-friends-to-lovers or best friends-to-lovers  || love at first sight or get back together || morally grey character or unreliable narrator  || sunshine character or sarcastic character || self-sacrificing or teamwork || fire-forged friends or childhood friends || description-heavy or dialogue-heavy || fluff or angst || high school au or college au || flower symbolism or color symbolism || hero from the start or reveal the hero near the end || body swap or gender swap || bed sharing or clothes sharing || magic au or human au || de-aged or future fic

Most of these I like both when they're good. (give me all the different stories 🤗) So I just went with my current gut reaction. Also I didn't realize this was about written works until "description heavy." I was like, what does that mean? 😂

Hmm. I'll tag the newly formed (reactivated?) Khai protection squad for this one: @callipigio @moonchildridden @maibpenrai @disaster-j and recruit the following who expressed pro-Khai sentiments: @purple-worm @strandedchesspiece @linameka @xagan

[moonchildridden]

I posted 264 times in 2022

That's 249 more posts than 2021!

195 posts created (74%)

69 posts reblogged (26%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fortpeat

@prapaiwife

@bird-inacage

@moonchildridden

I tagged 198 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#love in the air - 130 posts

#loveintheair - 125 posts

#lita - 113 posts

#prapai x sky - 86 posts

#prapaisky - 76 posts

#sky x prapai - 70 posts

#unofficial prapaisky support group - 67 posts

#lita prapaisky - 55 posts

#skyprapai - 51 posts

#fort thitipong - 45 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#what to do when the people involved in the show you are currently watching say stuff like this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! PEAT WEARING PRAPAI'S RACER JACKET?!?!?!? PEAT WITH GLASSES ON?!?!?!? PEAT'S GIGGLE?!?!?!? PEAT SMILING WHILE LOOKING AT FORT?!?!?!?! FORT HELPING ADJUST THE JACKET?!?!?!? THE LITTLE KISS IN THE END?!?!?!?!

OH MY FUCKING GOD

510 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#4

Let’s talk about how Pai, instead of getting angry at Sky for pushing himself hard while still being sick, made sure that he was comfortable, took his medicines, was still allowed to follow the Last Cheer ceremony from a safe distance and that what he considered important to him would be respected, as long as it didn’t meant him jeopardizing his health.

See the full post

561 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

#3

PRAPAI IS COVERING ALL HIS BASES, SHOOTING FROM EVERY DIRECTION, AND HITTING THE TARGET EVERY TIME. YOU GO, BABY!

See the full post

584 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#2

Prapai with highschool Sky

768 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Is the way Sky was expecting Pai to say that he wanted to have sex as a “reward” for having taken care of him...

...just to be surprised when Pai said that he only wanted a chance to be by his side and pursue him.

Is the way Sky was expecting Pai to ask for sex in exchange for having taken care of him during the night...

See the full post

1,269 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[moonchildridden]

Ohhhhh, a tag game, nice. Thanks for the tag @gillianthecat

NAME: I don’t like disclosing my name online but you guys can call me Amy or moonchild

SIGN: I don’t really believe in astrology but as far as I’m aware, my sign is Libra.

HEIGHT: between 5′5 and 5′6. Sometimes I feel like I am 5′5 but other times, specially when I’m next to my mother, I feel like I’m 5′6

TIME: 11:22 pm

BIRTHDAY: it’s the only day I let myself feel special, contrary to what happens during the other 354 days of the year. I’m an introvert so I don’t like big celebrations, a small cake and a few drinks are fine for me, if not that, you can catch me just listening to music, writing or reading a book.

FAVOURITE ARTIST/BAND: out of the bat, BTS. After them, Dave Matthews Band, Jill Scott and Maroon 5.

LAST MOVIE: Last movie I watched was, if I’m not mistaken, Doctor Strange. I usually don’t watch movies, because I spent my time watching series so it’s very difficult to actually do that. 

LAST SHOW: Last show I completed was My Secret Love (it ended a day ago). Before that, Triage. Both shows are good, I highly recommend them. 

WHEN I CREATED THIS BLOG: Mid 2021? I don’t remember the exact date but it was when Y-Destiny was past half of it, so between May and July I guess.   

WHAT I POST: Mostly analysis/theories of the shows I watch, mainly queer shows.

OTHER BLOGS: I’m thinking about creating a blog where I would post short stories, whether they are about characters of series or my own original characters but I barely can’t keep this one up, imagine another one hahaha

DO I GET ASKS: It’s been a while since I got asks, and I think I only got two so far. Please, send me asks, I would love to get them

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: 6 but for me to be a functional adult, I need at least 8 and a half

WHAT I'M WEARING: black leggings, a red top and a hat

DREAM JOB:  Being a professional writer. If I got this question 6/7 years ago, I would say “to be a lawyer” but after 4 years in law school, I don’t think I was made for that

DREAM TRIP: Go to London to see the Big Ben, Seoul to see the Han River and Thailand to go to Siam Square.

FAVOURITE SONGS (and quotes from them, just for some spice): They change weekly so...

I don't know who to tag so for those who see this post in their dahsboards, feel free to answer the questions if you want to!

[gillianthecat]

I've decided to watch Love In the Air as if I'm watching a kinky role-play. It's very overtly BDSM, and seems to be only getting more so, if the episode trend keeps going.

These thoughts were inspired by a lot of great insights on the show from many people including @moonchildridden @lutawolf @negrowhat @heretherebedork @absolutebl @placetneplacet and @bengiyo

Watching it at face value, it's incredibly uncomfortable. Rain keeps saying no! Payu/Phayu keeps violating his boundaries. With no other context that's clear sexual assault and really awful. But the show is clearly not treating it as awful, it's treating it as entertaining and sexy and romantic. All the acting and the music and the script is way over-the-top. Rain is too dumb to be believable as a real person. The whole tone is very much Adam Sandler rom-com.

It's jarring if taken at face value, but if I think of it as watching role play, than I can buy into the sexiness and romance of it. I've learned from @lutawolf this kind of kink is called a "No kink." And this is definitely not my kink, and I'm not all that knowledgeable about BDSM. But I imagine the kink is a lot more fun/sexy to watch if you don't actually see the consent given first, if the "No"s are shown as real noes.

We are given enough insight into Rain to know that he is enjoying it, that he does want to be convinced. And while in the real world, that's no justification for sexual assault, in this role-play world it's enough to let us know we can join them in their games.

In the real world obviously consent is necessary. But everything about the show is so exaggerated and stagey that it doesn't feel like we're in the real world, so it makes it easier, for me at least, to buy into the idea of it as role-play. (Maybe role-play isn't the right word - is there a different word for when the kink is enacted for outside viewers?)

Is this what Mame herself is intending? Has she put this much thought into how their relationship reads to the audience? I have no idea, it's quite possible, based on what I've heard about her other shows, that she's treating this as a viable real world romance. But this frame is allowing me, personally, to enjoy the show.

And it's totally fine if it doesn't work for anyone else! If the show still feels awful. Watching it this way requires putting a lot of mental filters on what's coming out of the screen, and probably also finding the No kink at least a tiny bit appealing.

I have other vague thoughts on kink in both Love In the Air and My Beautiful Man, and the huge differences in... everything about the two, maybe I'll write more later.

[gillianthecat]

Current WatchList Game

thank you for the tag @kireshai! I love your gifs, especially the tiger tattoo ;-)

Currently Watching

About Youth - I'm just about to watch the two new episodes, so I'm not fully up to date. But I adored the first two. I love all the characters, and the show keeps surprising me.

My Only 12% - I'm really excited to see where this one is going, although I'm assuming heartbreak is coming. But I love how real and grounded it feels, and all the friendships.

The Eclipse - I love many things about this show (and have written a lot about it), but something I adore is the way it gives equal weight to the queer romances and to its political story.

Takara kun to Amagi kun - After episode 3 I wrote: "[it] continues to be amazing. It’s such an intimate little show, focusing so closely on these teenagers and their emotions, and it does it so well."

War of Y - I had lots of feelings about the NottPan arc in New Ship. I will probably keep watching, at least if I end up subscribing to GaGaOOLaLa, but it's not a priority.

edit 9/6 - I forgot I'm also watching Love In the Air. edit 9/29 - oh, well, that's embarrassing. I just realized I used the poster for the wrong About Youth, and somehow didn't notice that a) it had none of the right actors, and b) it was in Korean. 😳 In my defense, both posters are pink and have "About Youth" written in a cursive script. And, honestly, I think the Korean poster fits the vibe of the Taiwanese show better than its own poster does. I only discovered this because Son Woo Hyun from To My Star is in the Korean one, and now I want to see it too but I can't find any info on it.

I think that's it for shows that are currently airing? I tend to be a binge watcher otherwise, although I've started and stopped but plan on finishing:

Not Me - I wasn't in the headspace for something so intense when I started, but I'm excited about it! Cutie Pie - It looks like ridiculous fun of the sort that's best in small doses. (my thoughts on its genre here), and Minato Shouji Coin Laundry - it looks really fascinating. Shin is the type of character that I find extremely annoying, but I think if I watch it after it's all out, and after reading everyone's analysis I will be able enjoy it And possibly Lovely Writer, if I ever get in the right mood to push myself through the last two episodes. I want to like it, but I just haven't been able to.

Currently Rewatching

There's still so much I haven't seen, I'm not rewatching anything yet. Although I have returned to parts of Blueming and Semantic Error as comfort shows, but without rewatching the whole thing through.

Looking Forward to Watching

I can barely keep up with what's currently on, lol. Although I am excited about Wish You Luck, which @lelephantsnail reminded me of, featuring my beloved background actor Tonnam in a leading role finally, and a fascinating looking post-apocalyptical premise. It's a year away though, so who knows if it will even come out. There are also a billion older shows that I'm looking forward to, I won't even try to list them here.

I'm not sure who's already done this? But I'll tag @moonchildridden @halfmoon-trueself @lelephantsnail, @placetneplacet @technitango and @dimondlite. @negrowhat and @heretherebedork, you've probably done this already but I'll tag you anyway. Anyone who sees this and is interested, consider yourself tagged!

[gillianthecat]

This or That

tagged by @negrowhat (Thanks!)

hot shower or cold shower 1 // texting or calling // earbuds or headphones 2 // paperback or hardcover// matte or gel 3 // 12 hour clock or 24 hour clock // blue or green // sunsets or sunrises // tulips or orchids// candle light or moonlight // sci-fi or horror 4 // pen or pencil // pandas or koalas // gold or silver // sneakers or boots // denim jacket or leather jacket // pink or purple // chocolate or sour candy // deodorant or perfume 5 // drive-in movie theater or the cinema // pastel colors or neutral earth tones // lemonade or fruit juice // past or future // 6

1. although coincidentally and unusually I just took a cold shower - it's hot where I am 2. headphones are usually more comfortable but i end up using earbuds more 3. i don't actually know what this is referring to. nail polish? 4. i'm a wimp about horror 5. i stopped wearing artificial fragrances after knowing many people with sensitivities and now I can no longer stand the smell 6. for many of these it depends on my mood or the circumstances. although I suppose that's true for most people, lol.

Now the BL version!

crying in the shower or making out in the shower // give cute boy line ID or stalk his IG // share his earbuds or share his closet 1 // manga or manwha 2 // long dangly silver earring or dark leather cuff // time loop or reincarnation // blue engineering smock or red engineering smock // kisses at the beach or kisses in the mountains // cactus or chili plant 3 // fairy lights or spot lighting // ghost boyfriend or vampire lover 4 // hard sub or soft sub 5 // stray cat or … actually that’s your only option // Hawaiian shirt or blue shorts 6 // evil ex-girlfriend or predatory fujoshi 7 // suit jacket or leather jacket // high school or university // kitchen drama or office drama // forehead kisses or check kisses // Viki or GaGaOOLaLa 8 // Japanese arthouse depth or Korean high concept 9 // pink milk or yakult // censored Chinese BL or trashy Thai pulps 10 // body swap or dead body // sexy or story 11 // back hugs or lap sitting // piggyback or cradle carry

1. this is probably based entirely on a scene from the non BL The Devil Judge 2. i've never read either (for some reason processing text and drawings together is hard for me) 3. i haven't encountered one in a BL yet, but I think they're pretty. 4. although i haven't watched either of these plots in a bl yet 5. sometimes i need them bigger or a different color. or to turn them off for screenshots 6. especially when hanging on by one button (hi fighter) 7. i hate them both, but at least the evil ex-girlfriend can sometimes turn into an interesting character. predatory fujoshi is nothing but a creepy fourth wall breaking plot device that gets me riled up just thinking about it. 8. it would have been viki a few days ago because gagaoolala initially ate my email address. but now that they've finally let me register i concede they are by far the better queer and bl option 9. the only one i've seen so far is Color Rush and i have to confess it didn't work for me... please don't hate me 10. look, censorship is evil. but i'm a sucker for angst and subtext. 11. obviously they go best together. if i can only have one it really depends on my mood which i choose.

I’m not sure who hasn’t done this yet.  @lelephantsnail? @placetneplacet? @moonchildridden? @halfmoon-trueself? Everyone, please consider yourself tagged if you see this and want to participate.

[gillianthecat]

War of Managers Thoughts: in which I do a deep dive into why it doesn't work

warning: this is 95% criticism of the show

I watched half of episode 7 on Saturday and gave up halfway because I was annoyed and confused. I thought maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I retried tonight and I still felt confused and annoyed by it. Like, I think I could explain the plot, but it all feels incoherent anyway.  Something about the way the show jumps from scene to scene felt confusing and arbitrary to me. Like there was no logical progression to the story, just a collection of moments. Which can work as a filmmaking style, but here it just felt like I'm being shown all these random pieces of their lives. 

So I decided to take detailed notes on each scene and how it furthered the plot and character development.  And the results were… I figured out why  I was so confused, and it wasn’t me. The show did not improve upon close examination, but I think I determined precisely what was wrong with it. Basically, the plot arc and the emotional arc are disconnected and are happening to two separate pairs of people. Despite all the actions that drive the plot coming from the managers, the emotional focus is on Gus and Bew.  It’s an odd and disconcerting flaw and one I don’t usually see, which is why it was so hard to figure out, and why it was so frustrating to watch the show.

Its unfortunate, because this show could be doing interesting work around the questions of fame, fanservice, shipping culture, and perhaps Thai work culture more generally. But part of me suspects it doesn't actually have much meaningful to say about all that, and it's all just plot point after plot point for the melodrama. The thing is, I don't have enough familiarity with that world to evaluate. I've watched very little in the way of Thai fanservice content, BL actor pairings or otherwise, and not much of that from elsewhere in the world. Perhaps it would all make more sense to me if I had, or if I was Thai (or at least much more familiar with Thai culture). Perhaps I would then be able to fill in what feels like holes in the storytelling with my previous knowledge.  @moonchildridden has a fascinating post on shipping culture in War of Managers that was really helpful in understanding that world. But I still felt frustrated with the storytelling, which really dilutes the power of its message, whatever that is supposed to be.

edit: I just found @yeetlegay's amazing sociological examination of fandom culture, celebrities, and parasocial relationships. It was written before War of Y, but adds some really valuable context.

I find Cheewin fascinating and frustrating because he’s all over the place, and he often picks very compelling topics.  Some things he does amazingly well, and he has some directorial choices that I hate.  Since I’m already complaining about the show, I’m going to vent about some of them here. (I also complained a bit in my reaction to the first War of Managers episode.)

Chegwin has this habit of staging drawn-out scenes and focusing on little interactions which could be very interesting and revealing, but in his hands mostly feel stagy and awkward to me. They don’t feel like they add any meaning to anything.  Like this whole big scene of Pla having to pee. I guess its a comedic moment, but to me it just feels random. One aspect of this is that Cheewin spends a lot of screen time on social niceties, like the rituals of introducing people who seem to be unimportant to the story. Would that be more significant to me if I was Thai? From my outsider's viewpoint it feels like filler.  And he often sets up his actors to start scenes like they’ve been waiting for the camera to come in, so it doesn’t feel like they exist as real people in their world, continuing to live their lives off camera. I’ve noticed it in Secret Crush on You and War of Y: New Ship as well, but it seems even more obvious here.

The fatal flaw of War of Managers are the basic structural issues I described above, but I’m going to complain about some other flaws that annoyed me:

I have no idea how much time passes between any of these scenes. It just all feels so unmoored from anything.

Half the time I don’t know where they are.  Whose office is this? Whose apartment?  It also contributes to me feeling lost and adrift.

The music is so overdramatic and also adds to everything feeling fake.

I know Gus is supposed to be suspicious, but it mostly feels hard to connect with him as a character. The most interesting he is is in the scenes with that producer and on the rooftop. Which makes me suspect this is an issue with storytelling or directing not with the actor's acting.

I don't understand why Pla wants Gus to date Bew and pretend to be in love with him. A real relationship is not necessary for them to hint at having one. The reason that makes the most sense is to control Bew and keep him from leaving Gus career wise. But what they're all thinking is left opaque in a way that feels frustrating instead of intriguingly mysterious.

The staging of both of Bew’s accidents feels so fake. Which is fine, whatever, its a low budget series. But combined with everything else it's another thing making it all feel unreal and artificial and ungrounded.

I keep forgetting Bew is in love with Gus because it’s almost never relevant to what’s happening (this is part of the larger structural problem).

Bew keeps “hiding” in plain sight to eavesdrop, but no one ever sees him!  Once he was even in head-to-toe bright red!

Cheewin has similar flaws in the other shows of his I've seen, but in those there's a lot of good things to balance them out. Here the fundamental structural issues magnify the rest of the problems. In addition, he often lets couple chemistry carry most of the show and here the structure prevents Gus and Bew from developing much chemistry.

This isn’t a criticism, but  a question I’m throwing out into the world: I am very curious about the translation choices, and what the original Thai words were and what they imply. Are they calling their managers the same word they would use for their mothers? Is that a common thing to do? What do Toon and Pla call each other? Is it literally "Sis?" 

My feelings about the show overall were kind of encapsulated in my reaction to the Big Reveal at the end, so I’ll share that here:

Toon's teary apology feels fake and I can't tell if that's bad acting or if it's supposed to be fake. 

I guess all these dramatics were to create a reason to break up the working partnership. 

Uh oh, here comes the big reveal. And like, even in this, Gus' face is hidden most of the time. And maybe it is intentional, but to me it feels like it's not done in a mysterious way, but just in a they didn't bother to include him in the blocking way. 

Oh Gus. I guess I have imprinted on him despite the disaster of the storytelling, because he's low key breaking my heart here. I don't even know if I believe him (although based on the precedent of the New Ship section I should), but I still feel his pain. 

Maybe I changed my mind on this blocking. Now that we can see that Gus is emotionally engaged in this conversation, having Pla framed as standing in between them is pretty evocative. 

Oh my god, this reveal of Toon literally popping up from the backseat in that flashback is hilarious. I don't think it's supposed to be though. 

They explain what they did, but they still don't really explain why tricking Bew would help them all. Also this whole flashback is the most soap opera feeling moment yet of any BL I've ever watched. 

Yeah, I have no investment in Toon or Pla. I can't tell what's real or fake from them and so their emotions feel meaningless to me, and I can't care about any interaction they're involved in. I'm not even feeling sad for Bew here because my apathy for Toon is overriding it. 

I am kind of fascinated by this blocking choice of having Gus literally obstructed by Pla most of the time he's even shown at all. It's an effective literalization of their dynamic. But it also continues the problem of the main characters' emotions being pushed outbid the storytelling for other people's drama. 

This seems like it's setting up Pla to be evil and Toon to be... I actually have no idea who she's supposed to be. She doesn't really make sense as a character. Obviously she lies and is fake a lot, but as an audience we need some sort of sense of her core self and motivations under all that in order to connect with her. Maybe she'll become coherent by the end, but I'm not holding my breath. 

This accident. I cannot get over how bad the choreography is for both these "stunts."

My prediction for the remaining three episodes: they're going to mainly focus on the managers' machinations for the next two episodes, and then in the last one Gus and Bew will somehow have developed a serious loving relationship without us ever seeing how it happened. I could be wrong. The big reveals of Bew finding out the relationship was fake (gasp!) and then Gus claiming that he fell for Bew anyway (gasp!) are the perfect set up for the two of them to have some lovely conflict and start building an honest relationship. I'm worried Cheewin won't choose that path, but the structure is so incoherent it's impossible to predict where he's going with it.

Anyways.  I feel satisfied to have figured out what was bothering me about this show.  It’s resulted in a lot of criticism, but it was fun for me to write it.  I highly doubt I will examine any of the coming episodes in nearly as much depth now that I’ve solved the puzzle. This is of course a very subjective reaction, and I'm curious to hear if others felt the same, or if War of Managers is working for you.