#accepted invite to kaleidoscope club

[pinksciencequote]

V

https://discord.gg/vARkgXb8

[demytasse]

  [Shinzaya] Past Affection

— 

  The afternoons which bordered Summer were just as much a nuisance as they were a spectacle.

On one hand, they were the creators of colourful settings—beautiful, vibrant hues that blended from one stage to another; and the sun, a keen mage, slowed the passage of time until it was difficult to determine the current hour. Moments were easily lost, now with an unfamiliar schema that needed to be followed. That was the unfortunate other hand.

To which lost moments were already too many for students who’d been locked away in stuffy classrooms prior to the bell. Because all things considered the school grounds weren’t the place students wanted to remain past academic droll and extracurricular electives—sports teams and clubs. Yet inevitably time would get away from them; at least in return they created lifelong memories.

  One day—in exact two before Summer—there was a particular club that fell victim to that of an extended school day.

The club was its own undefinable thing; a sort of study hall but also not. A science club by name, but a ruse. That and it was comprised only of a peculiar pair who had decided to rehash middle school upon a whim—late in the game, mid-career.

Hardly needed was a biology lab they once took advantage of, so a sterile box was ditched for an unused classroom that lacked decorations and student accommodations.

Beside its wide window were the founders, Izaya and Shinra, who had positioned themselves across from one another and occupied two turned desks united at their cutoff. Under the table their ankles did much the same—rested near each other, suspended in open space, their legs crossed in mirror.

Though one was a bob, a percussion that Shinra played against Izaya’s leg without his awareness; hardly nervous, rather a content tic—an old habit that resurfaced, years unpracticed thus a drumming disaster instead of something consistent and precise.

Regardless, he continued on with his unconscious backbeat for the seasonal cicadas and conditioned air flow—just as well accosted Izaya with low key affection.

Struck, Izaya was separated from his studies, hit with memories he wasn’t prepared to remember; scenes from his early teens, details he had tossed aside for less important ones. Though he was innately familiar with the beat, it was easy to move on.

That is until Shinra started to hum a swooning melody that matched the calm afternoon; that was when Izaya completely lost concentration.

    He stuttered words within his notes, failed to comprehend excerpts already read in his textbook. It was far too difficult to focus with a track sweetly and tenderly sung in reverb; the only song Shinra ever hummed.

With that calling it was a struggle not to smile.

Though maybe he had, despite his wishes—given the glance he shared with Shinra for a second before his clubmate went back into space and beyond.

Further a distraction was the song itself. Izaya never had a name for it—nor did he have an artist or lyrics, just a general genre. Truly it never bothered him before, but lost in the moment it did, like he wanted to steal an mp3 from the internet in order to listen to it on repeat, unsure of if a moment like this would continue on in the future.

That aside it was pure curiousity.

A mystery he wanted his friend to reveal as a detective Izaya hired under the table with a nudge to halt the beat.

    "So, I believe it's due time that you fill me in on what song you've been humming."

    Shinra stopped. "Was I humming?"

    "You weren't aware of that?"

    "Well, I did have a song stuck in my head..." he looked to the ceiling, finger at his chin.

Izaya knew Shinra’s obliviousness was straight up crap.

    "Perhaps you’ve had the same song in your head going on four years, then. Not like I doubt the possibility, with your proclivity to obsess over solo things."

    "Oh geez, did you become an esper without me knowing? I mean, I would expect your desire to pry into the inner workings of other people’s minds, but never mine."

Shinra remarked slyly which ruffled Izaya.

He already had a hard enough time asking an oddball question out of the blue. Rather, it was odd for him to ask a personal question of a person he knew personally. Mind you, fairly exact.

    "No." Dead-eyed, he continued. "Like I said, you hummed out that incessant ear-worm...and have been for so long that it’s permanently attached to my eardrums."

    "Right,” Shinra nodded, “and just now you’ve begun to wonder what the song was." 

    “I’m sure if you roll back the script you’ll find your answer.”

    “Well if you insist, should we take it from the top—” Izaya kicked Shinra, who laughed when his knee jerked in reaction.

    “Spare me, Shinra.”

    “Haha, alright! Alright! I’ll relent.” His laughter died as blind thought replaced his bespeckled vision.

    Surprisingly the name wasn’t at the tip of Shinra’s tongue, unlike the wit he usually taunted. With a slack frown, he reviewed memories played in reverse.

All the while Izaya studied Shinra; heavy head in palm, pen long ditched, opposite hand a paperweight.

    "Hmm...you know…” Shinra relaxed his confusion when the answer clicked.

    Izaya hummed for him to continue.

    "It wasn’t ever a song I intentionally picked. As cheesy as it might sound, the diddy automatically played whenever we were alone."

    "Hu. I didn’t expect that… What is it, then? The song."

    "I don’t know, Izaya. It probably shares the tune of a preexisting song."

    "In other words… You made it up."

    "I guess so. Is that so bad?"

Shinra looked without a care, his head nudged in favour of the window, enough to watch the sunset as it painted drifting clouds.

    "Isn't that just like you..."

    There was a definite pause—long enough for Izaya to put his pen to paper, but not enough for his paper to accept written word.

    "Though it's funny, isn't it? That I never thought twice about it... That's rather not like me.”

    Shinra spoke indolently, “but I realised something while thinking over it.”

Izaya let him continue.

    “To be honest, it just reminded me of you," he stirred clouds with his finger, “much like the sunsets often do."

The confession was blunt, but in a good way—in response it widened Izaya's eyes, and all of a sudden the low sunset was blown into full saturation. Not in the sky, but a kaleidoscope swirl upon Shinra's cheeks.

The answer held more weight than he expected. More heart, more sentiment, more romance… It lulled simple honesty, acted as proof that they had become fully comfortable with one another. Finally, an overdue rain-check—fulfilled in the middle of golden hour on that random day.

Izaya remained entranced by his brightened view of Shinra, just as his object of attraction was lost in his skygaze.

     "...ah…"

    Shinra chuckled. “That's all you can respond with?" Clearly, Izaya knew how he really wanted to respond, but he struggled with how to do it; how to redirect that wistful stare upon him.

Even though he was handed the perfect opportunity it was difficult to craft something appropriate for the lackadaisical mood. To pull Shinra closer—more than a friendly distance, shorter than their default comfort zone.

Pathetically, the only thing he could muster was an edge forward with his fingers in lead; but beyond a few inches he froze, contemplated if he could see the simple plan through.

He couldn't.

His desire felt like it would ruin the moment—he lied to his cowardice. Which in return his confidence reassured him that sometimes a moment was better kept beautiful, uninterrupted.

Instead Izaya decided to reciprocate the warm caress of his ankle that Shinra reinitiated, in hopes that it wouldn’t sacrifice their intimacy upon contact.

Shinra twitched, but barely acknowledged it. He simply tapped the tabletop to invite Izaya to connect with him, at the very least by hand.

Covered in shadow Izaya’s smile probably went in vain, though it certainly spoke through his response; a sigh that mocked the blow of air conditioning.

    "Mmm…” Izaya nodded.

    “...that’s all."

—

AN: This is the cheesiest sht. This was originally an idea that was part of my fic Hold Me Tight (Or Don’t) but it didn’t quite fit after things progressed. I loved it too much to let it go to waste. Err...that’s why the setting about them rehashing their middle school biology club days is...is similar. Eheheh...

[zachwinthrop]

┆╳ everybody said it would hurt in the end

He moves easily through his marble kitchen, muscles loose, shoulders rising and falling to the mid-tempo of the music pushing through his Beats Pill. His stylist, manager, make-up artist and publicist busy themselves around him and each other, narrowly avoiding jutting their juice-diet cut hipbones into island corners and talking over one another. Faith’s arms wilt around his waist from behind while he muses over ramen flavors, auric waves falling over his shoulders. She smells sweet: fruitful, like he could squeeze the juice right out of her. ��You don’t have time for ramen, babe.” “Who doesn’t?” “You don’t,” his manager, Amanda, answers. Her hand, like snakes wrapped in leather bags, firm against the cupboard door as she slams it shut. Faith brings her lips to his ear. “The limo’s gonna be here any minute.” Faith, her persistent assiduity to detail relentless, chimes in once again: “In ten, actually. And you still don’t have your shoes on.” His stylist is quick to fix the issue. She is at his feet in seconds, sliding them into Louboutin’s. He reaches to open the fridge. Amanda closes it. “No.”  “But-” “No.” He folds his arms across his stout chest which prods tastefully at his Balmain suit, the material deliciously taut over ripe muscles. 

He receives three awards. Top Male Artist, Top Selling Song and Top Touring Artist. He was tipsy accepting his first, drunk by his third, and close to annihilated on the way to the after party. 

Faith’s sun-lathered stems now splay over his like broken compasses, her lilting laugh mixing with the beat of the music thrumming through the limousine. All the sounds bubble and slosh between his ears like a frothy cocktail. Her lips press to his neck and he jeers, clinking glass rims against other glass rims, and there are hands at his legs, chest, face. He isn’t entirely certain who’s company he is in anymore. He vaguely recalls inviting everyone to ‘just get in’ and then catching Amanda calling a cab of her own to avoid the travelling celebrity party.

The club walls sweat with glitter and wealth. Aurous eyes glisten at him in drunken stupor, laced with red, ivory smiles and hundred dollar haircuts rendered anonymous bobbing amongst one another. The booth he sinks into curves around a glass table thick with champagne bottles the price of college tuitions, and the surface around them is littered with crystalline powder. His thumb moves through the dust and dips into the hot bed of his tongue. His eyes roll. The gold lining of his tuxedo glints back the glare of his phone screen. He looks at it. A message, from Faith: 

 Switched parties with the girls couldn’t find you love you have fun see U lateerrrr 

The phone goes black. He slides it into his breast pocket. 

The raven elbows of his suit darken with moisture where he bends his body almost entirely across the distance of the bar top. He orders and lets his eyes wander, gaze kaleidoscopic, and finds himself following the hilt of coffined nails, slick black, teasing the rim of an umbrella glass. The nails latch onto long bronze fingers, onto spindling bronze arms, and he feels his heart begin to slow as though it anticipates what was next. The curve of her shoulder to the hook of her neck, inked with a small crescent moon and littered with dark baby hair. Her spine curves inward like an invitation, cream silk shrouding the sinewy muscles moving wantonly beneath her skin. His eyes trace all 5’2” of her and his heart thuds, a low boom. A sickening, low, hard boom. So loud he grows scared she’ll hear it. He contemplates turning away, leaving before she sinks her teeth back into his heart and he remembers just how good that feels and it takes another three years of healing to feel sane again. He knew it wouldn’t take much. It wouldn’t take much at all. In fact, it would take – 

She turns her chin, her face partly available for him to divulge in and he feels like he’s sinking, sinking, and then: “Well, fuck me. I’ll be honest, you are the last, and I mean the last person I expected to see tonight.” Alexandra Burton gives him her whole face. Gives him her huge Bambi eyes laden with dark, dark eyeliner. And his stomach whirls like he’s nineteen again.

[dreamerwithafeather]

A magical night

Pairing: Percy x  Nico (Percy Jackson and the Olympians/ Heroes of Olympus)

This is a gift for @simple-nd-teal for  PJO GC Valentines Exchange 2017

I really hope you like but I’m sorry If it’s bad. It’s my first fanfic without original characters. 

Enjoy!

The dream started as it always did. I was on the Santa Monica beach, standing in front of a wood cabin.  I was alone but  I could swear that something was calling me towards the sea. Having no control over my body I started walking towards the water. I walked and walked till the water reached my shoulders but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Before I knew it I was completely under the water. But I wasn’t drowning. No. I could breath as easily as on land. Suddenly I could feel a tingling sensation coming from my feet. As I looked down I saw my legs shifting. No, uniting is a better word. It stopped pretty quickly. But now I didn’t have feet. They turned in a dolphin tail. I couldn’t think for a long while about my sudden mermaidness , or is it merman?, because I started swimming forward, I could feel the currents around me and I knew, I just knew that in front of me is an abyss. I was so close! Just a little longer and I could reach it! I could reach h….

 Right at that moment a book was slammed on my desk. When I looked up I saw Mrs. Dodds, my math teacher, glaring at me.

“ That is the third time just this week, Mr. Jackson. Detention today after school.’’

 She left the already familiar pink slip on my desk and went back to the her desk, I tried to concentrate on the lesson but the dream never reached this far. What was in there? Why dream-me wanted to reach it so badly? And why did I become a freaking merman?

Time skip

“ Could you at least try to not fall asleep every lesson, Seaweed brain?” 

The blonde currently glaring at me is Annabeth. I’ve known her since we were twelve, and she was my girlfriend for two years but we both decided it would be better for us to remain friends.

My name is Percy Jackson. I am a Junior at Half-Blood High school and the captain of the swimming team. If you didn’t realize already from my nickname and my dream, I am an ocean freak, even if my mother is a bit scared for me. She told me that my father used to work on ships and died at sea before I was born. I think she sometimes thinks that it will happen to me too. Even so, after High school I want to study sea creatures and become a marine biologist. But before I bore you anymore with my future plans, It looks like Annabeth has been trying  to catch my attention for a while as she hit me upside the head.

“Aw! What was that for?” From the look she was giving me I knew I was In trouble.

“ You have been staring in space since we left the classroom.”  She turned from me and opened the door of the cafeteria. Have I been lost in thought for that long !? 

“Sorry, Wise girl. Let’s look for the rest of the gang.”

It didn’t take us long to find the rest of the gang, especially with the sound of arguing.

“Look, it’s easy! You have to add to participle passe the suffix for each person!”

“Easy? There is a billion of those! How can anyone remember them!”

Before it could escalate in something worse I stepped in.

“Wow! Both of you calm down! What’s the problem?”

“The problem? The problem is that  this meapilas thinks it’s humanly possible to remember all past  participles. In French.” The Hispanic elf, or Leo, said the last word as If it was a blasphemy.

“ It’s not that hard if you would pay attention. And what did you call me?” that one was Frank, our dear Chinese-Canadian teddy bear.

“A hypocrite, Mr. ’Oh Spanish is too hard and has too many rules’” Leo said in a high pitched voice in an imitation of Frank voice.

“ I do not sound like that!” said he in exactly the  same tone.

“Both of you calm down” as I looked around the table I realized why the argument went on for so long “Hey, where is Hazel?”

Before they could answer, from next to Frank a girl with kaleidoscopic eyes, Piper, spoke up “She is showing two new kids around”

Annabeth frowned from her seat next to mine as we sat down. 

“Shouldn’t that be Will’s job? He is the one that usually shows new kids around.”

“ He was busy with the first aid course so Hazel said she will show them around the school.”

Right as she finished talking from behind me I heard the voice of the youngest from our group.

“ Hey guys! I want you all to meet someone!”

As I turned around, first I saw Hazel, smiling with her golden eyes glowing. On her right there was a girl who looked around our age, with black hair and olive skin. I put on a smile and opened my mouth to great her but I felt my mouth go slack as I looked towards Hazel’s left, where stood someone that for a second I thought it was an angel.

He had hair as dark as night with alabaster skin that seemed to glow and lips looking so, so soft. But his eyes…. His eyes looked like melted chocolate and I felt as if I could drown in them. Before I could continue checking him out I received a sharp elbow in my ribs. I tried not to flinch and glared at the culprit, just to see a pair of stormy grey eyes staring back, making me realize that I got lost in thought once again and that everyone was staring at me.

“Yeah, sorry, got lost in thought.” I turned towards the two stranger to see that they and Hazel had already sat down, maybe Piper invited them, or Leo? “My name is Percy. And you two are?” 

The first one to speak up, I could tell she was a confident and friendly girl “Hi to you too! My name is Bianca DiAngelo and this is my brother Nico” he didn’t say a thing, just gave a tiny wave. “We are from Italy and we moved with our father here a month ago. It’s a pleasure to meet you all!”

Jason was the one that spoke up after that. “The pleasure is ours. So the two of you are from Italy? How it’s like there?”

The rest of the lunch break was spent discussing about Italy and getting to know each other. And let me tell you. Every thing I learnt about the  angel, I mean Nico, made me like him more and more. He was a freshman and into art. His favorite color was black and he hated pomegranates  ,But even so I didn’t found as much as I would like, but I already had an idea to how to make that happen. As lunch finished, I escorted Nico to his new locker. I waited till he took what he needed out before putting my “plan” in action.

“So Nico.” He gave a little hum and turned towards  me with a raised eyebrow. “ I was wondering, since you are new to this town an all, to maybe show you around the city, maybe go to the movies. Or anything else at all, whatever….”

As I rambled on I could see that Nico’s face was darkening even if I didn’t know why, till he suddenly stopped me by raising a hand.

“No.” I was so surprised that I stared gobs smacked  at Nico. “Sorry to announce you Percy but you are not my type.” He turned around and started walking, throwing an “ I’ll see you around” as he went. 

Normally, If this happened to me, I would accept and move on. But as I thought about what he said more I realized there was something more about it, the way he said it not like a dismissal, but more like he was angry for a reason I didn’t know. Kind of like a challenge. I smirked as I looked in the direction Nico went. “Game on DiAngelo”

Time skip

A couple of weeks went by since the DiAngelo sibling arrived. Bianca easily made a lot of new friends and entered the archery club soon after meeting Thalia ,Jason’s older sister, and not long after that they got together. 

Around the same time Piper, as the head of the cheerleaders, started organizing  the Valentine’s day prom. It was an yearly event our school was hosting. I went to the last two with Annabeth  and when we broke up we decided that If by the time the prom rolled around again we didn’t have dates we would go together to avoid any unpleasant situations.

Talking about dates, I didn’t make any progress with Nico. When we spend time one on one all seems okay and he responds to my flirting, but when we are in a group or I ask him out he seem to get angry quickly. I couldn’t understand. What is his problem?

Take today an example. While we were walking towards the cafeteria he laughed at what I was saying and flirted with me, but the second we reached the table he shut up and sat between Hazel and Bianca. Seeing as there weren’t any other places, I sat next to Annabeth. Soon the subject of the prom and dates came up. Piper and Jason were going together, the same with Thalia and Bianca , Hazel and Frank, and Leo and his girlfriend Calypso. 

"So Annabeth" asked Bianca with curiosity on her face " who is your date to the prom?"

" I'm going with Percy like in the last two years. Isn’t that right Percy?"

Annabeth barely looked up from her book about ancient architecture as she was answering, only turning towards me at the end of her question. 

I thought for a bit before answering, realizing that the only person I really wanted to go with would surely refuse If I asked. "Sure, Wise girl, like always"

From the corner of my eye I could swear that I saw Nico frowning but when I turned to check, he was working on something in his sketch book.

Time skip till the prom

Faster than I realized the night of the prom arrived. I picked Annabeth up, with flowers of course, and after dancing to a couple of song and spending time with the gang, she went to find someone and I lost her in the crowd so I ended heading towards the punch bowl, only to find Nico there too, so I headed towards him.

"Hey Nico" In response he nodded towards me. I didn't know why but he seemed to be glaring at me. " What's up?" I said trying to start the conversation "Came with anyone? Are you having fun?"

"Shouldn't you go to your girlfriend?" he spat at me, now full on glaring. I looked at him confused . Who was he talking about? I didn't have a girlfrie....

'Oh!'I said as i realized what he was talking about. "You mean Annabeth?"

He rolled his eyes at me "Who else could I be talking about? How many girlfriends do you have?"

I could feel a spark of hope in my chests. If he thought that Wise Girl was my girlfriend, maybe just maybe.....

"Annabeth is not my girlfriend. We broke up a bit before school started"

Nico spun around with wide eyes. " Do you mean that all those times when you flirted with me and asked me out ....."

" That I was single? It sure does"

Before he could say anything else, a slow song came on, so i turned towards him

"Would you like to dance?"

He took my hand with a small smile and we went on the dance floor. I put my hands around his waist as he puts his around my neck and we started to slowly spin around. Yeah, It's a cliche situation, but, with the dim lights surrounding us, with the music playing slowly and with Nico in my arms? It felt pretty magical. So i did the only thing that would make this unforgettable.

I kissed him. 

I could feel electricity running through every place where we touched. His lips where softer than I could ever imagine and he tasted like dark chocolate. When it ended he put his head on my chest and I rested mine on his.

It was truly a magical night.

"Sooooo, I'm not your type?"

"Shut up Percy!"

"Make me!"

And he did, closing the distance between us once again.

[ecotone99]

[RO] Mae

Cozy and warm after a night out drinking, I lay on my bed with Mae. We had been seeing each other for a few weeks. Her and I were at that stage before hard breathing and promises but had already begun to like each other enough for them.

She wasn’t beautiful but from certain angles and with her black hair down she was pretty. Her cheeks were puffy and her eyes round but small, and her often peculiar, expressionless face said she was cold or unapproachable. She was smarter than average although she never made any ideas of her own, and when she listened to new things she understood. She spoke English well enough and when we talked I seldom grew bored. When we kissed and touched each other I forgot where I was.

We were at it once more now and our motions were soft and serene. There was no hurrying and every touch led to another. I pulled up her shirt slowly and felt the warmth of her back. I slid a few fingers into her waistline and followed the edge of where I wasn’t supposed to go. I reached higher from her stomach to her breast and encountered a pointed elbow. I froze.

“Why are you stopping me?” I said.

She said nothing.

I rolled back to my side of the bed with eyes closed.

“Did you go home alone last night?” she said in the dark.

“Yes,” I said, “I told you.”

~

The night before I was in a divided mood when I reached my apartment. I had just finished the bulk of work for the week and was tired. It was a Sunday. I thought on the other hand that I was free tomorrow morning and time was better spent outside of these white walls where nothing happens. I showered, took my time getting ready, and was never convinced if I was surely going to Khao San until the end. I put on my cap, popped a few benzos, and went to the convenience store to drink a couple beers and smoke some cigarettes before I left.

Down there it was past midnight and I was alone at the stone tables except for one young Indian man on the farthest table looking at me with interest and peculiarity. I took my notepad and pen out of my back pocket but no words came out.

I ordered a cab and the next thing I remember I was at my usual bar sitting at a wooden table alone. There were twelve tables outside the place that stretched out from the rickety door in the wall to the main vein of the road. The staff wore blue shirts and held out signs with prices for beers and balloons at the flow of people on the road. At the front of the door there was a DJ and an MC who shouted the words to rap and pop songs and jumped. He had dreadlocks and wore a black hat with a colorful marijuana leaf. Green, pink, and blue lights came from the front of the door and they flew by and fell upon everything one looked at.

I ordered a beer and a balloon and took out my notepad to write again. The Cambodian staff there were always friendly to me and gave me sincere eyes. I only made a habit of coming here because I liked the smile of one of the waitresses, Dara. We had talked for a little before but it never worked out.

The music was too loud and I jotted some senseless words in cursive. I kept this up for as long as I could through a cold beer and some more balloons. I put the pen and paper away and turned my head around. There was a chubby girl in yellow at the table behind me and she was turning her head around to meet my eyes.

“Do you want to come sit with me?” she said as she made room.

I hesitated and saw Dara walking down through the aisle of tables giving me a funny look and then that lovely smile. As she walked between us I gave her a tickle on her stomach and we laughed and I got back to facing front.

I sat there a while, staring at the sweaty foreigners and the lightly dressed Thai girls. The girls were not shy to show off their legs. They wore dark crop tops, chokers, and frayed white denim shorts cut just above the upper thighs.

Suddenly an Irish girl came and sat across from me, asking if it was okay that she sat there after she had sat. She said she lost her friends so we said cheers and made small talk. She was full of energy, had a large body and was not fat. Her blue eyes were pretty but not attractive. The rest of her looked like every other Irish girl except that she was tall. I could tell she liked me.

We left and went to a club at the other end of the road with linked arms. We walked in through the narrow kaleidoscope entrance and made our way to the bar. We ordered drinks and said cheers again. The music was the same as before except louder now and the darkness was heavier and the colored lights brighter. We made our way to the dance floor and pressed up against each other with no delay. It wasn’t long before we were making out in front of everyone. We did it some more and the way we looked at each other in between was cheap and as I looked at her veneer of personality she did a sexy dance. I went to the bathroom and thought about leaving.

When I came out she was talking to a blonde European guy and as she saw me she came closer to me. Then she stepped a few steps back to him and then back to me again. We were on our own again by the tables in the back now and I went to the bathroom a second time. This time I came out and saw her with that guy again so I walked through the crowded dance floor to avoid them on my way to the exit. I got out of the building and walked away to the other end of the street. I stopped for a kebab and looked back relieved that she was gone.

I was drunk and it was time to go home now so I walked to the edge of the road where a Tuk-Tuk driver approached me.

“Where you go?”

I told him my address.

“250 baht,” he said.

“100 baht.”

“No way, 200 baht.”

“Thanks,” I turned away and walked on.

“OK. OK. You come.”

I got in the back and we started off for my place. I looked at the old city, the golden tips of the temples, and the large portraits of the royal family. The engine was loud and monotonous against the grandeur of the inner city. We picked up speed and the wind blew off my hat into the road. I felt failure, loneliness, and the sense that I was lost.

There was a shady little red light bar near my apartment that my friend had told me about. I had walked by it before but was never brave enough to enter. I told myself I would go there, have a beer and check it out. I exited the Tuk-Tuk and tried to find it.

I found it cornered on the opposite side of a busy road and a sleazy man with a flashlight soliciting women to people who walked by. I wandered past him and up to the door. The place was empty, green carpeted, and smelled like stale smoke. On the left of the entrance was a long bar with several fridges full of green beer bottles and two bored, worn old ladies sitting behind the bar. By the looks of them, I wondered if they used to be whores. Neither of them were friendly as I ordered a beer and on the right of me sat an older Japanese man smoking cigarettes and speaking to one of them in Thai.

Behind me there was a pool table with a short nubile Thai girl in short shorts moving her hips side to side and playing with a much older patron. At the center of the place along the back wall was a low-entrenched carpeted seat that stretched out to and around the adjacent wall on the right. Pink neon illumined from the bottom of this seat which set the atmosphere of the bar and was the focal point of attention, although at this point there was nobody sitting there. The time was around half past two. There were two girls to the right of the bar staring at me and smiling, playing a board game, and in the bar which was rather big there were no other people yet.

The Japanese man started chatting to me. He liked to talk and he told me that the police came here sometimes or that the police owned it. He said as it got later the girls from Sukhumvit would come in here and wait for customers, and as he talked and talked they came in. A bald white man barged into the bar and stumbled at the first couch. He was huge and muscular and as he walked in the bar host scurried to him and they marched to the whores in pink light. He picked a pretty tattooed one in a blue silk skirt and top. He paid at the far end of the bar and they left together holding hands.

I had once thought that man is most attracted to a woman in the first moments of seeing her. But here I was thoughtless and I asked the Japanese man which one he preferred. He asked me back and I pointed to a girl rather conservatively dressed, wearing a grey sweater that covered her stomach, but she had an elegant smile from across the hollow bar. The Japanese man asked me if I wanted to invite her over for a drink. I accepted and the bar host collected her and brought her over to me.

When she came over I bought her a whiskey and coke and she sat up on the bar chair with me in my lap. We talked about something but it wasn’t important. She was grabbing the back of my hands as she spoke with the Japanese man in Thai and he translated things to me. He said that she used to work on Koh Samui at a restaurant and sometimes did this on the side. He laughed. He asked her where she came from before this and she told him it was a secret. There were jokes about her breasts and she called them lemons.

I was drunk and lost again and I had the feeling that there was no way back now. I got bored of listening to the Japanese man talk and I made a gesture that it was time to go and we got up. The bar host asked if I wanted to take her and he told me the price. I didn’t have the cash on me but they accepted card.

We held hands on the way back to my apartment. The alley was quiet and the neighborhood was asleep. We didn’t talk much but during the trip she asked me if I had condoms. I assured her and we kept walking on in the gentle night and there was no longer adventure but drowsiness.

As soon as we got to my room I took a shower and lay on my bed. Then she took a shower and came out in my blue towel. She turned off the light and then climbed onto the bed. I took off her towel and we began kissing the way lovers kiss. The city skyline from my body gave my room a pale light and I could see her the color of her body and her shapely figure and found nothing I didn’t like. As soon I was inside of her I turned her on her back and slid in from behind and she was moaning sincerely. She stopped and turned around towards me and crouched low on her knees to take off the condom before she forced me into her mouth. I was drunk but she knew what she was doing and we both got eager again and I put on another and I opened her from behind while we were on our sides. I finished soon after and the rest disappeared from memory.

I woke up to her image, standing up straight at the foot of my bed in the dark, asking me about how to get back to the bar. I walked with her downstairs and the black of night was thinning to blue. I showed her to the road where we came from. That was all she needed and then we said a quick goodbye. I came home and fell back asleep.

When I woke up again it was dawn and part of me was confused about what I had done. I felt I crossed a line that could not be uncrossed and that now I was free or condemned but that either way there was a destiny. I smoked a cigarette and looked at the angled light of morning across the skyscrapers of Bangkok. I wanted it again and having no fears anymore I went on the internet and ordered another whore. From her pictures she had a perfect rounded rear and her age said twenty-six. I went to the store to buy an energy drink to get the most out of what was coming.

She was an hour late and didn’t show up until around half past eight. I went downstairs to pick her up. She was calling my room from the phone near the lobby and we both looked at each other unsure. She mouthed my name and I nodded. She went to her clean white SUV, opened the door, and took out her purse. I couldn’t get a good look at her in the brightness. Though I knew she was not twenty-six years old and her photos were doctored and she was not as skinny as she had looked. She was short and had large breasts and that was enough.

We went up to my room and sat on my couch and began to chat. She said she was late because of the traffic. She asked me if I had been drinking. Eventually she went to the bathroom and I stretched out on my bed. When she came out she lay next to me and we faced each other. I said nothing and she began to play with me through my shorts while she looked into my eyes. Soon she was tugging me and climbed on her knees to my waist. She pulled her hair back and I watched her head fall on me. Her hands moved below my shaft and she put her fingers around them mellow as her head moved up and down gently.

She came back up to where I was and took her shirt off. I could see the dough rolls between her lingerie and when she took off her long and large underwear her stomach was covered with Aztec colored tattoos which were deformed and random among the crevices of her fat. As I put on a condom and entered her I looked down at her abdomen. There was another dyed layer of bulge extended like a body part I had never seen before and it looked like the end of a pudgy scarab shell. When I moved against her I didn’t look at her eyes but her legs, which were still chubby but the most attractive part of her body, and I liked the way they vibrated as I beat into her.

We switched positions and she got on top of me facing the edge of my bed. The thickness of her legs made her behind look small but firm and I watched her move up and down on my member which was losing strength. She got up and the condom came off of it and dangled from between her stuck up there.

“You come?” she said.

“No” I replied.

She pointed to my penis. It was covered in it.

“It’s OK, I will do again later,” she said.

I passed out on the bed and when I came back out of sleep again I remember her sitting on my couch. She got up and I kept laying there. She asked me if I had a pen and I pointed and then she wrote her phone number and name on a paper and said to call her when I woke up.

After a couple hours of sleep I woke to the heaviness of midday. I opened the blinds and the time outside made me feel late although I had nothing to do yet. I threw away the paper with the phone number. I gathered all the trash together and the used condoms in one bag and put it outside to be taken. I took my sheets down to the wash and waited. Mae was coming over later that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

www.khaosanlovestory.com

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[alexandraburton-x]

@zachwinthrop          he moves easily through his marble kitchen, muscles loose, shoulders rising and falling to the mid-tempo of the music pushing through his beats pill. his stylist, manager, make-up artist and publicist busy themselves around him and each other, narrowly avoiding jutting their juice-diet cut hipbones into island corners and talking over one another. faith’s arms wilt around his waist from behind while he muses over ramen flavors, auric waves falling over his shoulders. she smells sweet: fruitful, like he could squeeze the juice right out of her. ❝ you don’t have time for ramen, babe. ❞ ❝ who doesn’t? ❞ ❝ you don’t, ❞ his manager, amanda, answers. her hand, like snakes wrapped in leather bags, firm against the cupboard door as she slams it shut. faith brings her lips to his ear. ❝ the limo’s gonna be here any minute. ❞ faith, her persistent assiduity to detail relentless, chimes in once again: ❝ in ten, actually. and you still don’t have your shoes on. ❞ his stylist is quick to fix the issue. she is at his feet in seconds, sliding them into louboutin’s. he reaches to open the fridge. amanda closes it. ❝ no. ❞ ❝ but- ❞ ❝ no. ❞  he folds his arms across his stout chest which prods tastefully at his balmain suit, the material deliciously taut over ripe muscles.          he receives three awards. top male artist, top selling song and top touring artist. he was tipsy accepting his first, drunk by his third, and close to annihilated on the way to the after party. faith’s sun-lathered stems now splay over his like broken compasses, her lilting laugh mixing with the beat of the music thrumming through the limousine. all the sounds bubble and slosh between his ears like a frothy cocktail. her lips press to his neck and he jeers, clinking glass rims against other glass rims, and there are hands at his legs, chest, face. he isn’t entirely certain who’s company he is in anymore. he vaguely recalls inviting everyone to ‘just get in’ and then catching amanda calling a cab of her own to avoid the travelling celebrity party. the club walls sweat with glitter and wealth. aurous eyes glisten at him in drunken stupor, laced with red, ivory smiles and hundred dollar haircuts rendered anonymous bobbing amongst one another. the booth he sinks into curves around a glass table thick with champagne bottles the price of college tuitions, and the surface around them is littered with crystalline powder. his thumb moves through the dust and dips into the hot bed of his tongue.         his eyes roll. the gold lining of his tuxedo glints back the glare of his phone screen. he looks at it. a message, from faith: switched parties with the girls couldn’t find you love you have fun see u lateerrrr the phone goes black. he slides it into his breast pocket. the raven elbows of his suit darken with moisture where he bends his body almost entirely across the distance of the bar top. he orders and lets his eyes wander, gaze kaleidoscopic, and finds himself following the hilt of coffined nails, slick black, teasing the rim of an umbrella glass. the nails latch onto long bronze fingers, onto spindling bronze arms, and he feels his heart begin to slow as though it anticipates what was next. the curve of her shoulder to the hook of her neck, inked with a small crescent moon and littered with dark baby hair. her spine curves inward like an invitation, cream silk shrouding the sinewy muscles moving wantonly beneath her skin. his eyes trace all 5’2” of her and his heart thuds, a low boom. a sickening, low, hard boom. so loud he grows scared she’ll hear it. he contemplates turning away, leaving before she sinks her teeth back into his heart and he remembers just how good that feels and it takes another three years of healing to feel sane again. he knew it wouldn’t take much.         it wouldn’t take much at all. in fact, it would take – she turns her chin, her face partly available for him to divulge in and he feels like he’s sinking, sinking, and then: ❝ well, fuck me. i’ll be honest, you are the last, and i mean the last person i expected to see tonight, ❞  alexandra burton gives him her whole face. gives him her huge bambi eyes laden with dark, dark eyeliner. and his stomach whirls like he’s nineteen again.

    ❝ i love you. i’ll see you soon, ❞ the saccharine syllables trickled from between her lips, a smile craning from one D I A M O N D adored ear to the other as the muted voice on the opposite line shared her sentiments. she placed the phone into the empty leather seat beside of her, honeyed hues mooning over the image on the polished screen. it was rather perplexing – to drawl those hallowed words without a twinge of affliction or the throb of a mangled heart. they’d lost their sentiment, spoken in a twinkle of desperation because someone was finally at the cusp of neurosis. it had taken years to remove the acrid taste of love & the remnants of zachariah zinthrop from her palette. he’d changed her, from celestial angel to aberrant F I E N D that consumed antagonism. she was abolished to the depths of the black matter that she’d defined as her soul or whatever it was that remained. to be here was nothing short of a miracle, a rarity that she’d swore she never live to encounter.          the slate cadillac escalade lagged, starless eyes peeping from behind L U S H lashes to take in her surroundings. she lifted delicate crystal toward her glossed petals, swallowing the last of the rosé she’d poured during the twenty – minute car ride. she cleared her throat softly, matte manicured crescents smoothing over the clinquant silk that sheathed her stems. the back door rasped as the towering driver tended to the diminutive princess, ❝ miss burton. ❞ he placed a four – inch jimmy choo onto the sodden pavement, sweeping dark chocolate curls down the crux of her back. she thanked him before S A U N T E R I N G toward the entrance of the lounge. the loud boom of the music captivated her, the soft scent of lilac candles evading her senses luring her inside. her eyes glittered, savoring the ornate décor she’d labored over for weeks. she poured herself into her work, every inch B L E E D I N G with fragments of alexandra burton. the champagne poured, beautiful centerfolds decorated the frosted tile, & celebrities melted into VIP booths.          she could breathe – finally. ❝ ale, ❞ a familiar voice filled her ears, smooth arms circling ‘round her neck. her best friend, olivia, squealed with elation nearly pouring dom pérignon on the both of them. ❝ this is amazing. we’ve got to celebrate. ❞ somehow, alex managed to allow her inhibitions to eschew her, faltering toward the bar accompanied by an intoxicated, bubbling blonde. ❝ okay, okay, ❞ she complied, curving her delectable figure over the edge of the bar to take inventory of the liquor it possessed. we’re going to need all the champagne you have back there, ❞ alex requested before being urged a F R E S H glass. one – two – three – four; somewhere she’d ceased the count and had entirely succumbed to pure euphoria. she swayed slowly to the music, nursing a flute of sugared elixir when the first sonant filled her ears. her entire body swathed in goose bumps as he repeated her name. her heart imploded, her knees nearly folding as she turned her head to absorb his countenance.          suddenly, she was curled in the corner of her therapist’s office, her cheeks S T A I N E D with tears as she processed the entire shit show that was their four – month relationship. her words reverberated, ❝ how will you handle it when the two of you will inevitably cross paths again? ❞ alex didn’t have an answer then and surely didn’t now. by seraphic intervention, a smile swept her lips as she turned to face him. how was it that he was even more magnificent than she remembered? ❝ hey you,❞ she mused, rolling a roseate petal between her teeth. ❝ funny you should say so as i’m the host of this party, ❞ she chuckled, outstretching her arm to pull him into an E M B R A C E. she tucked her chin into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of his cologne – it hadn’t changed. her body pooled against his, but only for a moment before she’d been humbled by reality. she exhaled slowly, resisting the pull that begged her to hold on for just a little longer. alex tilted her head, halcyon halos searching his, but only superficially. ❝ i’m glad to see you in one piece after all of these years…❞ she glanced around the room in search of the usual faces that surrounded him. ❝ you didn’t come here alone tonight did you? very un – winthrop like,❞ she teased.