#actually. glen morgan was insane for this!!!!

[gingerteaonthetardis]

#they were insane for this

[nixonsmoviereviews]

"Black Christmas" (2006)- So ludicrously over-the-top, it stops being scary... or even particularly entertaining.

To say writer/director Glen Morgan's 2006 remake of the classic slasher tale "Black Christmas" is over the top might just be the understatement of the century. "Over the top" doesn't even begin to describe the sheer insanity that went into the creation and production of this film. In fact, I don't even know if the word "film" is adequate to describe this work... it's almost more appropriate to call "Black Christmas" an "experiment" or even an "experience." With laughably ridiculous plot-points, bizarre directorial decisions and head-scratching stylistic choices, the film is just... kind of unpleasant to watch. And not in the good way that horror films should strive for. It's like a Troma Film without the low-budget charm. Stop me if you've heard this one... So there's this serial killer with mustard-yellow skin who has developed a fascination with eating human eyeballs because his mother kept him locked away in the attic and one time had sex with him so he could father a sister/daughter. Wait, you haven't heard that one before? Well, that's because it's flippin' absurd! And that's not spoiling anything... that's the backstory they throw at you out of nowhere during the first act of the film! So anyways, the human-Simpson is named "Billy" and after taking out and cannibalizing his evil mother, he spends about fifteen years in an insane asylum, then escapes and starts to haunt and hunt-down the members of a sorority house during Christmas break. Yup... ... ...yup. Do I even need to go on? This is one of the loosest remakes I've ever seen, and outside of the setting at a sorority house, it bears literally no resemblance to the 1974 horror classic that allegedly served as its inspiration. The Bob Clark-helmed original was a tasteful and unsettling masterpiece of terror. Morgan's "modern update" is a laughable, in-your-face music-video-generation slasher flick with blood by the bucket-full and non-stop excessive content designed to repulse and disgust. Though it often just causes one to scratch their head and chuckle to themselves at the ineptitude on display. It's frankly shocking, because Morgan is actually a quality writer and director, having worked on some top-notch productions including the iconic series "The X-Files" and the exceptional "Willard" remake. But he just goes way too far here, and the film suffers greatly for it. It's like he lost his mind during the filming, then recovered immediately after as soon as he moved onto his next project. It might seem a bit hypocritical for me to criticize just how over- the-top the film is given that I am admittedly a big fan of crazy films. I grew up on Takashi Miike, spent my early 20's obsessed with exploitation film and currently am working my way through a number of hardcore underground films. The problem is that the film feels completely inorganic, and the over-the-top content just doesn't feel "true" to the material. There's no sense of fluidity or structure to the film's madness, so despite the complete insanity... it's inconsistent. And it also genuinely seems like it's trying to frighten and disturb the audience, which just doesn't work when you go so far with the material. You can't have a main character with bright- yellow skin comically bake "human meat Christmas cookies" in one scene (again, not spoiling anything as it was in the green-band trailer somehow) and then immediately after try to portray him as a a figure the audience is supposed to fear. The film either needed to cut down on the craziness or go into full-blown postmodern self- awareness. And it did neither. They tried to have their cake and eat it too. And you just can't do that. I will give the film some credit, however. The performances are generally quite nice, and roles played by the likes of Katie Cassidy, Karin Konoval and even Andrea Martin (who co-starred in the original) are well-played. Some of the insane-o gore effects do sometimes appropriately gross you out, while others are just so cartoonish, you can't help but laugh. And I actually genuinely loved the hyper- stylish and somewhat old-fashioned score by Shirley Walker of "Batman: The Animated Series" fame. There's some really nice musical cues, and her work does compliment Morgan's complete on-screen insanity perfectly. But it doesn't work. It's so unhinged that not only does it stop being scary... it also stops being entertaining and interesting once you wise up to the fact it's a one-trick-pony. I'm sorry to say it, but 2006's "Black Christmas" remake barely scrapes up a 3 out of 10 from me. I'm sure some might be more forgiving towards it, but I just don't see much redeeming value to it.

[myassbrokethefall]

You know what? I’m really really done being angry about XF, and I’m excited for filming today, and I think having ANY women on staff is good for even reasons like there will be someone to go “hey Chris, mostly women don’t wear bathrobes in bed” or “hey Chris, actually it takes only nine months to have a baby” or things like that.

And maybe Kristen Cloke secretly is a terrific writer and it’s just pure coincidence that she is Glen Morgan’s wife that he also shoehorned into one of my least favorite episodes of XF ever because he wanted her to be able to do her accents and then also made the star of Season 2 of Millennium in a way that totally did not work. 

But what is getting my dander up right at the moment is that there are so many fucking talented women IN THIS FANDOM who understand the characters and have thought deeply about the storylines and puzzled through how to make them work while also being emotionally resonant, and have worked their asses off to fix CC’s plot holes and inconsistent characterization, for free. And like, I know fanfic isn’t television writing, and there’s no reason fanfic writers should write for the show and I’m not asking for that. I just...it kills me that this is who they picked when pressured to hire women writers. One of the male writers’ wives. Who is an actress. She’s not even a writer. SHE IS NOT EVEN A WRITER. WHEN PRESSURED TO FIND A WOMAN WRITER THEY COULDN’T FIND ONE. THEY LITERALLY PICKED THE NEAREST WOMAN WHO HAS A DIFFERENT JOB. AND YET, ALL DAY EVERY DAY I AM SURROUNDED BY INSANELY TALENTED WOMEN WRITERS WHO LABOR OVER MULDER AND SCULLY OUT OF SHEER LOVE AND WHOSE STORIES I WOULD KILL TO SEE ON TV. 

Whatever. Also Glen is writing the story, they’re just doing the teleplay, lol. Lot of trust there!