#adam sandler is literally just the Jewish dad

[sullenaquarian]

I watched "You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah" over the weekend. It was refreshing to watch a movie where being Jewish is just part of everyday life, and the Sandler girls are charming actresses.

But my favorite part was that Stacy's Torah portion was mine: Ki Tisa. Golden Calf girls, represent!

[jo2uke-himboshikata]

Five of the worst movies I've seen

5. Ratatoing

Ratatoing is a well-known one but it really deserves a place in this list. People think of it as a so-bad-it's-good thing but it's really not. There's no story. It looks like a shitty ps2 game, at best. There's a gearing-up montage sequence, but they're in an empty white void and they're all t-posing. It's the laziest thing I've ever seen and it is so so so boring and annoying.

4. The Thinning (and sequel)

The Thinning starring Logan Paul featuring very special guest Stacey Dash. I got the youtube red free trial to watch this. I wasn't aware of this at first, but turns out that the analogy being made is anti-abortion. Overall it is very very fascist. There is actually a sequel called 'the thinning: new world order" which moves away from the pro life thing a bit, and towards making some vague hamfisted statement about political campaigns and corruption. It was insulting to watch.

3. In-app-propriate comedy

Ben mentioned this one to me recently as I had forgotten about it. Truly a spectacle to behold. A comedy sketch anthology created by Vince Offer, the shamwow guy, after he got arrested for beating up an escort. He wrote and directed along with his friend Ari Schaffir, who plays his character "the amazing racist" who does "on the street" bits where he does incredibly racist shit, offering black people "boat trips back to africa" as they walk by, accosting jewish people in the supermarket asking them to sign a petition to apologize for killing jesus, stuff like that. He almost got his ass beat for the boat trips thing. The crazy thing is that Vince Offer is israeli american and Ari Schaffir's dad is a holocaust survivor. But they're both Joe Rogan orbiters. Also, oscar winning actor adrian brodey is in it. Funnily enough, the movie he won best actor for, the pianist, was also about a holocaust survivor. Life works in mysterious ways huh.

2. Adam Sandler (non-specific)

I'm trying really hard to pick an adam sandler movie for this list because I've seen a lot of them, but they aren't really all as bad as you'd expect. Some are funny-bad and some are boring, lazy, shameless, and pathetic bad. The latter are what we're talking about here. Some have actual plots and redeeming qualities, and some are just totally soulless. Jack and Jill, Blended, and Grown Ups spring to mind. Grown ups is probably the worst of those for me because it's just him and the frat pack on vacation with their families with some KFC product placement. There is NOTHING going on in that movie, just some fat shaming, racist asian stereotypes (there's a lot of that specifically in sandler movies, dunno why)

Conversely, I now pronounce you chuck and larry was pretty bad but in a much more fun way. It was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. In between the horrible racist and homophobic shit, the whole movie I was thinking "if they just make them kiss at the end this would be a pretty good movie actually" but of course they can't force themselves to kiss their bro on the lips so their cover gets blown, but then for some reason everyone loves them anyway because they had become media darlings for pretending to be openly gay firefighters, and they did so much to stand up for gay rights. Absolutely insulting, but if you pretend they're actually closet bi and slowly falling in love and using the tax break thing as an excuse to sleep together then it's pretty entertaining so I'd have to say that grown ups is worse because the whole time I was watching grown ups I was just wishing I was dead.

1. Last ounce of freedom

This is the angriest I've ever been watching anything. It is by far the most fascist piece of film masquerading as simple family values that I've ever seen. It's about an old retired army general whose son gets killed in duty and he's fraught with conflict because he always encouraged his son to join the army and now his son is dead. He's also a total dick to everyone in his family. To deal with the conflict, he fights against the war on Christmas. Oh yeah he's also the mayor of the town they live in, that's important. He decides he isn't going to let the libs oppress him anymore so he puts up a cross or whatever on city hall and doesn't CARE if everyone attacks him for it. The villain is the ACLU lawyer who comes in and threatens legal action because christmas has to be secular now and good honest christians aren't allowed to speak out. But it isn't like he's just a lowly hardware store owner or something, he's literally THE MAYOR. He's the person in the position of power in the movie and he's whining the whole time about how christians are oppressed. I forget how it ends but I know it made me real angry so I assume he came to terms with getting his son killed and accepted that dying for your country is good actually and his son was brave to do it. And obviously he puts the christ back in Christmas because that was never actually in jeopardy in the first place. This was too real to be funny to me. Makes me think about all the shitheads who watch this and love it and how the things they do and the way they live their lives brings so much harm to those around them and this movie just affirms all of that. It disgusts me. I can't think of anything I'd rather watch less than this movie short of two hours of footage of actual violence.

[saffron-honey]

I Just Told My Family I’m Converting.

I mean, I literally JUST told them, like less than 5 minutes ago. 

It was... fine? It wasn’t a big deal, but they definitely want me to be Xtian. My mom said that she wishes I was but I think overall they’re just happy I’m religious. 

My mom definitely knew I was going to, and she said it. She had already asked me if I was at the Hillel retreat (which I was) and I just said “ahh noo everyone is just in Asheville this weekend hahah” because it’s not technically a lie.

The first question was my dad asking me why. Which totally makes sense. I told him because it makes me happy and I really want to. It’s the only time I’ve felt at home in a religion. He said it makes sense.

He also said that he’s just glad it’s not Islam. Which... whoa boy, I don’t think we have time to unpack ALL of that right now? Yikes. I defended it a little but that wasn’t the point of our conversation and I hopefully have a lot of years left with my father to argue.

My mom told me she wishes I were Xtian. Which totally makes sense from an Xtian perspective-- even though they say there’s truth in all religions, you can only follow the one to be saved.

I’m a little frustrated with my dad for more than just the Islamophobia rn-- I know it seems bad of me, but I hear it so often from him I just can’t always focus on that. We critique religion together A LOT. We often discuss how books in Xtianity were hand picked and chosen and how the ethics have gotten messed up and it’s just bad. But he’s so brainwashed Republican that it’s hard for him to envision a world where I don’t fit into the Christian superiority. 

They’re not interested in helping me with much-- the immediate response was “well, you’re 18...” but it’s about more than just that. My mom believes, but I think my dad really didn’t until the election, when he got a stronger sense of Xtian superiority. 

They asked me what it entails-- a year of classes with regular attendance and a mikveh, which I explained a little bit about. My dad is also insisting they do Channukah for me, which I appreciate. I’m flying home on the last day of Channukah, which is fun! I can celebrate with people I love then come home to a family environment. I think it’s just gonna take some time for them to adjust-- first I came out, and now I basically came out again.

My mom is definitely gonna be the better of the two, but that’s how it usually is with my family.

My mom asked how open we were being and honestly, I’m tired. I spent two years wanting to be Jewish before this, where I will have to wait another year. I am exhausted of having to pretend or tell white lies. From here on I’m RSVPing to events, posting about Hillel retreats and whatever, and openly discussing philosophy. My family can think whatever the hell they want because it’s my life and my choice. I already haven’t come out as bi to them (my aunts and uncles, most if not all of my cousins know) and I’m not gonna hide anything else. They’ll have to see eventually, especially if I get married. 

My dad made a joke about how the Adam Sandler Hannukah song turned me or whatever-- honestly, this feels a lot like coming out again. I love who I am but sometimes it would just be easier to fit in a mold and never have to worry about it. But I’m happy. it already feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I can actually share my college experience with them because half of it is me being at Hillel. 

It’s just a weird time. For anyone who made it all the way through this and has some words of wisdom or support, please flood my inbox. I might not respond immediately but it is definitely welcome. 

[thefavouritechild]

DOUBLE TROUBLE

PRESENTING TO STEVE AND BRIAN

My powerpoint to Steve and Brian was shoddy, at best, and I had little to show them - I began work on my new strat courtesy of Steve’s help, but had gotten little response to my posts thus far, and had yet to disrupt my feed with my wearable Challah photography. Still, the presentation was incredible useful and successful in terms of helping me progress my project. I got positive feedback on my actual idea, although Brian wasn’t wholly impressed with all my iterations of wearable Challah - the shoes? Inspired. The rest of it? Naff. He encouraged me to stick with the shoes and really push it - photograph my model wearing the shoes in every day settings, places you wouldn’t expect to see someone wearing Challah shoes. He also told me to think about different kinds of shoes, such as high heels. I’m not really sure he knows how strong bread is, or how feasible it is, but hey ho, experimentation sometimes brings surprisingly fruitful results, so we’ll see where high heeled Challah gets me. Hopefully not in trouble with my dad for wasting (more) bread.

Another aspect he wasn’t impressed with was my insight, which apparently isn’t an insight. Whoopsie? He said that an insight should inspire creative responses, and that my ‘insight’ was really just stating a simple fact that doesn’t really do anything or provoke any kind of initial inspirations. He suggested my new insight be ‘There’s nothing Challah can’t do’, which really encapsulates my idea as I’m demonstrating that yes, there’s LITERALLY nothing Challah can’t do, including being shoes. He liked my tone of voice - he said that pretending these activities are normal, and remaining indignant to opposition is a good route, really big up how great Challah shoes are, be confident in my absurd use of Challah as shoes. 

He agreed with Steve’s suggestion from our 1-1 for me to assimilate before I disrupt, and that this is important in achieving the goal I want. People are unlikely to engage with foreign content, but will be lured towards something familiar. Once they have been hooked, then you can bombard them with the strange and bizarre, but that there is little success in going wacky straight off the bat, especially with social media. 

During my presentation, I also explained the Jewish community on Tumblr as I did with Steve, and Brian thinks that Tumblr is definitely the area to focus on - try and insert myself into the Jewblr/Jumblr community, make use of their memes, their content, make myself at home there. 

The other main outcome: post some damn content. Just get stuff out. Time is running out. Which honestly? Not a very helpful reminder. You should see my blood pressure, Steve, I’m very aware time is running out and I’m wishing I was Adam Sandler in Click and could just press pause for a bit. Or rewind to the beginning of the project and give myself a good old slap to stop researching and start doing. 

The feedback overall was positive, though - which was reassuring. All that time I spent developing my idea actually paid off, because it’s a good idea. Now I just need to do it, put it out there, and see what I get back from the depths of the internet. That’s my biggest downfall - I have the idea, just not the content, and now I have a very limited window (even tighter than before) to produce what I need, get it out into the world, and get any engagement from it. It’s going to be a busy weekend, in Steve’s words. My time management is definitely an area of improvement, as is my focus point - I need to give equal time to all areas of a project when I’m working solo, not just the area I’m interested in. 

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