#again this is unedited and has glaring issues but im tired

[herequeerexitentialfear]

[Belated] Wip Wednesday!

you know my life is hectic when notes ap fics while im waiting for the bus make a comeback. anyway Tesoro is being a weirdly sweet manipulative cunt<3 i need to write one of the many times Celia fucks up everyone lives shes looking to pity-able. this is notes app writing so no editing or rereading [except for the beginning with whos speaking] just stream of thoughts- i already know many places i will sit down and improve when i have time

[Tesoro] Do you know who Amelia reminds me of?

[Celia laughs] It's obvious, isn't it?

[Tesoro, dead serious] She reminds me of you.

[Celia, at the same time] Of Elen-

Seeing Celia freeze in shock, a cruel part of him was glad, to be assured that with just a few words he could still metaphorically lay Celia bare, strip away all of the stone walls and bravado, and leave behind a scared child, even after all these years.

Golden eyes were wide, the white fully surrounding. Bright pupils were growing larger, threatening to drown out the narrowing ring of gold.

Its a secret so few know that those pinpricks growing to even half the size of a normal pupil is an indicator of true fear, whereas the usual pinpricks is normal. To those who knew her younger, they think it just changed over time to be smaller, but the truth is she's in many ways conquered her old fears, and those that have taken their place are a slow constant fear, about larger factors. Celia doesn't worry that she will get physically attacked from any side. these days, its the era of mind games instead.

It was always interesting, Celias eyes. More normal than black in place of white, but those metallic eyes and bright pinprick pupils were unsettling to him even more. At first glance, human, second, anything but. Celia- of heaven, according to some old Latin books, derived from a surname meaning the same.

It was easy to see her as something other, even holy, but no benevolent god could create a soldier like her. Those who called her brother an angel were just as misguided, but the veneer of kindness and comfort that made it easy to ignore Cecios' terrifying power over people and see him as holy was lacking in his sister, who they viewed with fear, no seemingly benevolent and gracious angel but an awesome- in the most classical sense of the word- leader of man, set apart from the rest with an unsettling aura of difference. A far cry from the little girl Amelia so reminds him of. Elena was the seemingly godlike one, inspiring awe and fear, then. Celia was just another scrapper desperate to prove her worth in the eyes of her peer, and oh, how desperate she was.

It's the most likely reason why, why he can disable her like this, bypass years of walls. Because he was there before those walls became impenetrable, before she stepped up and shut everyone else out. Some lingering memories of him as her superior, in their childish hierarchy, instincts to listen to him, still dormant inside her.

For every time she learned to put up a higher and stronger wall, he had learned how to bring it crashing down.

It's the same cruel part of him that whispers it, but she truly is his greatest success, rising from the bottom to new heights - all with him by her side advising her.

[sol-korolevas]

—my virtues uncounted

pairing: pro hero!bakugou x sidekick!reader

words: 3.5k+

a/n: im a clown so have this fic with boom boom boi. it can be read romantically or platonically! please look forward to more fics in the future <3 unedited, we go out like beasts

ground zero agency is situated in a populated area. and yet, it isn’t any grander than ochako’s hero agency or as big as midoriya’s. certainly it lacks the attractiveness of todoroki’s hero agency and the modern sleekness of ingenium’s. but you like that–because being a hero isn’t about luxury and fame. 

when you step up the stairs, a tall wiry man walks out of the automatic doors and grabs you by your wrist. “you’re [name] eh? new sidekick?” he talked in a hurried tone. 

you manage to collect yourself from stumbling, before replying with a nod. 

“good, come with me.”

as if you have any other choice.

the man drags you through an empty reception room and down a hallway. there, behind the glass walls, you think you see him. no, wait, it must be him. he’s practically in his hero costume minus his eye mask. your heart’s beating hard against your ribcage and you feel sweat form on the palm of your hands as the man opens the door. 

the man almost throws you into the spacious office, before slamming the door shut behind you. thank goodness he doesn’t follow, you think you already had enough of him. 

bakugou doesn’t look up from his laptop. he’s tapping his fingers on the wooden desk. you notice indents littered across the surface. you know who was responsible for those. 

“stop smirking, it’s impolite,” bakugou said an irritated voice. his red eyes glared at you so intently that you feel a creeping coldness running down the back of your neck. immediately, you press your arms against your side and bow. 

“my name is [name]; nice to meet you, ground zero...sir!” 

there is a pause–you couldn’t find it in yourself to look up-and you inwardly wonder if you should have said something else. your lower lip begins to tremble until you gently bite into it. 

bakugou laughs, a raucous sound that spills into every corner of the office room. timidly, you look up, wondering what he’s laughing for. however, you can already guess, knowing that he’s looking at the reason why–you. 

he’s standing up and leaning down, one hand flat on top of the desk as the other slaps at the surface. he finally stops himself and says, “this is why being a pro hero is so damn fun. you get people who are both terrified and awestruck by you.”

you frown, but you don’t say anything before you look elsewhere, at the empty desk with the name tag ‘mori’ on it. you then notice that there are people here, too absorbed in their work that they don’t even acknowledge you. 

“hey newbie, let me see your quirk.” 

“excuse me?” 

he’s leaning forward in his seat with a glint of excitement in his eyes. you’re reminded suddenly of the group of older kids from your childhood who would always force you to–

“if you want this fucking job then do as i say,” came his response, words thick with absolute authority. 

you gulp, feeling stress bubble within your stomach as you repeat his demand in your mind. “o-okay but, um, it’s not-it’s not really that great.” the last of your words came out in clumps, but bakugou doesn’t seem to acknowledge it. really, he’s not even listening, instead he’s staring intently at your body. 

the extremity of his attention causes your cheeks to heat up as you turn around and begin unbuttoning your shirt. you let the shirt cling against your hips as you close your eyes and focus. eight fuzzy appendages slide out of your back, lethal and spiderlike, creating a trail of wet noise as they move.  a slimy white liquid, thicker than water, clings to each leg as they extend out. 

“is this okay?” you asked in a small voice. your cheeks are still too hot and your chest feels too tight. you’re not proud of what you just did, especially when it’s under broad daylight and directly in front of a pro hero you admire. 

you look at him, hoping he’s sated, but instead you notice one corner of his mouth pull into a wide smirk. “gross,” he said, laughing a little, “i’ve never seen something so fucking weird.”  

you quickly retract the legs and button up your shirt. perhaps this isn’t the best place for you after all. 

“you’re hired.” 

his admission causes you to freeze and turn around. the top button of your shirt is still undone but you ignore it. you’re not sure what you feel first, relief or shock, as you watch him intently from your spot. there’s a look of satisfaction on bakugou’s face as he relaxes against his chair. he’s still smiling, but this time there’s no air of mockery clinging to him. 

you think back to what he did and wonder if this was just a test. he sounded so natural. but you remember what people said about him. that this was what he’s always like, or that sometimes he will only do this to people that want to work under him. 

you couldn’t just leave, not when you worked so hard to be here. 

you suck in a breath and slowly exhale. “thank you, sir.” 

over the next few weeks, you learn that bakugou doesn’t like doing things in his office. he would, as he put it, rather be out hunting villains. he lives and breathes battles that wage for hours, with an open field where he can use any of his moves without discretion. 

you also learn that he would rather you take care of his office for him. apparently, the man you met when you first came was quitting and you were his replacement in addition to being a future sidekick. 

though you’re content with doing the paperwork for bakugou, you have still yet to properly distinguish yourself as a soon-to-be hero. 

“if you want to be a hero you’ll have to deal with other issues too, so get to work.” bakugou tosses you the files of all the villains he apprehended for the week and storms away. one of the interns said he’s like this with everyone, but you seem to get the worse of it. 

those are some of his good days. 

during the second month of your employment in his agency, bakugou asks you to go with him on patrol. the interns-those who still manages to stay-silently congratulates you. 

there’s a noticeable beat to your steps as you follow bakugou out of his hero agency. he’s walking slow, and you think it’s because you’re following him. a dozen questions surface but you could only think of none that will fit right in your mouth. 

finally, bakugou catches you staring at him. “i look awesome don’t i? this hero costume always catches a lot of attention.” he sounds proud and even happy. for the first time, you smile and agree. 

just as you finally find the courage to talk to him, bakugou makes a sharp stop. his hands are limp at his side as he gazes at something plastered onto the walls. your eyes linger on the thick ‘x’ painted over a hero poster of ground zero. some of them even had their eyes cut out while others were mutilated by weapons of all design. 

“sir?” 

he doesn’t respond, but you notice his grenade gauntlets shaking. at first, you think bakugou’s going to attack the posters and rip them off. instead, he continues walking, but now there’s an air of tension clinging to him. so you move forward and begin tearing the posters down. you don’t know why, but seeing them reminds you of the troublesome moments from your past. except the victim isn’t you, but bakugou. 

“forget about it [name],” came bakugou’s voice from afar. you pause as you turn to look at him. he still has his back to you, but the tension is gone. “they’ll just put up more.” there’s a calmness to his voice that you never anticipated. 

you nod, mouthing an ‘okay’ before catching up to him. 

“doesn’t it bother you in any way?” you then asked, trying to keep your pace besides bakugou, who has stopped walking slow. there are crude words drawn onto some of the posters, all telling the hero on them to die or go to hell. just like how you were told in the past. 

“we tolerate and go on with our work, that’s how pro heroes are,” bakugou replied. it soon occurs to you that he’s not looking anywhere. he’s supposed to be patrolling but he’s keeping his attention ahead. suddenly, bakugou stops again and you catch yourself from bumping into him. 

“you may fight with me in the future.” he’s turned his gaze away so you couldn’t see what’s on his face. but you could guess; it’s with an air of attempted indifference except with a slight smirk on his face. regardless, you feel excitement bubbling in your chest. 

“thank you, sir!” you told him, standing straighter as you try to decide whether to bow or not. you still remember bakugou telling you off for being too formal with him. ‘it makes me feel itchy’ he said. still, the drunken feeling of happiness spills into your mind and a small laugh slips out of your mouth. 

there’s silence again, except there’s no tension and bakugou seems to be gazing at you from the corner of his eye. 

suddenly, he turns to fully look at you. “shouldn’t you be patrolling elsewhere? i never said you’re supposed to follow all the time, that’s now how it works.” 

you’re about to say that he was rather vague about his instructions. but then you decide not to. at the very least, bakugou’s in his usual demeanor again. except, you would rather see this side of him. 

“die! die! and you too!” the air trembles and the ground shakes with each explosion bakugou sets off. what’s even louder, however, are the plethora of words that he tosses to the villains. by the time the police arrives, all of them are battered and bruised, too tired to need to be tied up. 

you watch as your legs cling to the side of the building as the police escort the villains away. bakugou’s chest is heaving up and down, but you notice his face more. his smile is a touch too wide and gleeful and his eyes a vibrant hue of crimson. 

he enjoys the violence and chaos, you know, and it inspires you to do more with your own battles. you did your fair share of damage, although they were little more than wrist slaps compared to what bakugou did. 

“fuck i wanna go for some drinks,” bakugou said, letting out a breathless laughter as he turns to look at you. “you wanna come? it’s all on me.” he points to himself with his thumb, looking more proud of himself than anyone else could. 

“sure,” came your response as you dust off your hero costume. 

“and listen, keep those legs out because i want people to see how great my sidekick is.” 

your cheeks immediately heat up with embarrassment at his words. bakugou doesn’t lie–he’s always honest, brutally so. you couldn’t bare to look at him lest he sees your face. 

“uh, thanks,” you said, turning away. 

you wonder if bakugou even needs to pay. people always like it when pro heroes of his caliber appear. it’s good publicity and they would rather let them drink and eat free than see them go anywhere else. 

still, you’re glad bakugou’s becoming kinder. not just from his invitation but to those words. you shouldn’t feel any more happier than the usual but something light is bursting in your chest. 

“what’re you smiling for?” bakugou’s question cuts into your train of thought. he’s watching you with narrowed eyes, but his mouth is curled into a smug smile. “you’re not thinking of something pervy, aren’t you?” 

“what? no! i’m just happy about the last fight!” you told him, waving your hands in front in defense. 

but bakugou doesn’t buy it. he cuts you off and presses one hand on your shoulder. “do you have a crush on me, [name]?” 

you feel your heart beat faster at his question. 

“w-why would i have a crush on you?” 

“you do, don’t you? c’mon, say it.” he’s smiling, with the same gleefulness as before. “it’s not like i’ll tell anyone, that my sidekick has a stupid crush on me.” 

your spider legs extend and push you back and to the side. “th-that’s classified!” you feel the color drain from your face as bakugou’s laughter spills into the quiet air. 

“damn right you do.” 

so for the next ten minutes, you allow your body to hang in the air as your spidery limbs do the walking. a part of you couldn’t believe what bakugou just said. yet, you also don’t know what he’s thinking deep inside. 

it could be anything. 

anything really. 

and to think that you could have a crush on him, someone as crude and violent as him. sure you want to be his sidekick but...that’s it. 

really, that’s it. 

you watch him from side to side, walking with a swagger as if he owns the street. before you left your internship at ochako’s agency, she mentioned the way bakugou rubs off on people. 

“you either like him or you don’t” she said, “there’s no in-between and both are extremities.” 

for most of your life as bakugou’s sidekick, you would continue to ponder over ochaco’s words and your feelings. it’s not until later that you realize you both are all wrong. 

actually, there’s no time to even think about anything. 

you’re not sure how physically broken you are until you smell the iron of your blood and register the stickiness of it clinging to your body and pooling around your form. there’s no distress or terror or anything, you’re too weak to even profess emotions as simple as those. 

the villain’s voices drift weakly into your ears as you stare up into the night sky. shit, where’s bakugou? where are the police?

did you even press the speed-dial button?

but then, you feel it, a faint rumble and the next thing you know the air shivers and vibrates as several explosive noises erupt around you. they’re so close that you could almost feel the smoldering heat and smell the flesh catching on fire.

there’s screaming. lots of them. but you can make out one.

bakugou.

he’s here and he’s ripping apart those villains, not capturing them. you can sense it before you even saw it. a part of you is relieved and another part is–

“what the fuck’s wrong with you?” bakugou’s voice rips apart the quiet after the destruction. his form crowds your vision, eyes feral with anger and teeth grating against each other. “did you listen to me when i told you that you’re supposed to fight when only i’m with you?” he’s speaking as if you couldn’t hear, loud and slow, but with purposeful anger that intensifies the viciousness on his face. 

for the first time, you feel fear and terror and disappointment. 

and bakugou’s not done yet. his face is red with untethered rage and his form shaking with visible tension. 

“you don’t listen to me, don’t you? if you get hurt and die, then that’s all on me. it’ll be the single greatest fucking failure because i am responsible for you. so don’t fucking look at me with those eyes, [name]. i’ll strip you of your role if you hurt yourself.” 

still, try as you might, you couldn’t respond. instead, you watch as bakugou bends down and brushes a thumb against your cheek. you don’t know what happens next. 

there are many things that you come to find out in the next few weeks. first, several of your appendages have been broken beyond repair, save for just two on your left side. therefore, it’s highly suggested that you give up your hero work until something can replace the missing legs–if something can be done at all. second, bakugou’s friends are much different than him. midoriya, ingenium (who you come to learn goes by iida as his real name), and ochako visits you, ochako more so than any. thirdly, you’ll be confined to the hospital for another week. 

it’s not until the third to last day of your hospitalization that bakugou visits you. when he comes, he’s dressed in a civilian outfit, with his hands shoved in his pockets. 

the usual demeanor, you see.

but there’s a noticeable tension that feels familiar. you watch him, half-nervous and half-hopeful. but most of all, you’re happy to see he’s still doing well. 

he sits on the stool and doesn’t say anything, nor does he look at you. 

you feel a rising need to speak first, so you do and said, “i’m sorry.” you let your words linger as your fingers curl into the white sheets. that night is still fresh on your mind, almost as if you never left it. 

your back aches sometimes, but it aches even worse tonight. 

“it’s you, why is it you of all fucking people on this earth?” bakugou’s soft words forces you to fully turn your attention to him. 

you watch as he grips the knee of his legs tightly in his hands. his shoulders are shaking and his head lowered. you feel your voice catching in the back of your throat so you remain silent. 

but still, one of you must break it again. “if it’s better, i can go, i can lea–”

“the hell you are!” this time, his words are loud, yet there’s a fine tremble to it that makes you believe he’s holding back another emotion. 

he moves and suddenly he’s straddling you, his form so close that you could smell the faint caramel of his scent. he places his hands on your shoulders, gripping in the same bruising way that makes you wince. 

“back there when i saw you, when i fucking saw you laying in your own blood, i–i thought i truly did lose you for a moment. i could yell and mock you and anyone else all i want, but if you die–if you really die, then i don’t know what i will do. i need you so much, it drives me crazy, you know? you’re the only person in this damn city that’ll willingly go to hell for me. so don’t die, this city needs you and i need you.” 

he pauses and takes a deep breath. 

you are left stunned, mind replaying his words over and over. you hear the crack in his voice and notice the wet trail of tears rolling down his cheeks. he suddenly leans his face down, placing his forehead on your shoulder as his hands grip at your shirt. 

“stay, and i’ll show you more than just being a hero, okay?” 

“but i can’t–i don’t even have a useful quirk anymore.” you feel your own eyes prick with tears. you want to jump into a hole all of a sudden. 

“who the fuck cares? you can do other things,” was bakugou’s immediate response. “you damn idiot, thinking you can leave me just because you don’t have a quirk? i’ll kill you.” but there’s a gentleness to his words, something that only the bakugou could say and you’d be fine with it. 

and with no boundaries nor professionalism to uphold, you wrap your arms around him and pull him close to you. 

days after you were released, bakugou sends you the documents he needs you to look through. 

it’s not until ochako’s visit that you notice something else too. 

“he signed it with ‘yours’! oh my gosh, he likes you!” she said, red dusting her cheeks. 

you immediately close your laptop and pushes it under your bed. “no he doesn’t, he just figured out how to be polite in emails.” but still, you understand the implications. you already figured out, too, that bakugou’s feelings toward you have changed. it’s been changed ever since the accident, and perhaps even later than that. 

three days later, you receive an official letter from ground zero’s hero agency, asking you to come back to work full-time. 

once again you find yourself on the steps to bakugou’s hero agency. it’s still the same, simple and normal. 

but you are different than the you who was just a newbie. 

the door suddenly opens and bakugou steps out. he’s dressed in his hero costume and you notice the visible irritation crawling on his face. 

“you’re late, you know,” he said, hands clenching into fists. he doesn’t come and drag you up the stairs, instead he waits, albeit with impatience dancing in his eyes. 

“yeah i know,” you told him, mouth spreading into a soft smile, before laughing a little at the way he looks to the side. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” 

“i know that too, sir.” 

a/n: okay so bakugou’s surprisingly hard to write down, especially his dialogues. he’s older here, so i imagine he would have matured in other ways as well. this is definitely a challenge but it’s fun to write! let me know what you think.