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everything-laito · 4 years

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damn the brain be out here going BRRRRRR here’s the Laito and Cordelia Analysis (with a little bit of Karl sprinkled in) Part III

wow my fingers are freezing but my brain sure isn't!

aaaanyways, iiiiiit’s trauma time!!! Am I a productive member of society by writing these analyses? No. Do I gain anything by writing them? Kinda, my brain gets exercised and they’re fun to research for. But if you haven’t read the first part or the second part for some reason (I recommend reading them in order), there they are.

Once again, trigger warnings still apply; mainly about trauma, isolation, etc

I’m gonna talk about the trauma and effects it had on Laito and to attempt to extrapolate why he is the way he is. I have a lot of examples I want to go over and stuff to talk about, so I think the trauma part is going to be split between two (or maybe three) parts. I also have a little bit to say about Karlheinz.

As always, big ass rant under the cut!

Section 6: Neuroplasticity and Trauma

Oh???? More science vernacular??? You BET! Ok, neuroplasticity. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog. But, I seriously doubt that there is a madlad who has read all of my analyses (speaking of which, I should update the master list lmao) and I don’t expect anyone to do that LOL! Anyways, this neurological concept is the ability of neurons to adapt to certain circumstances or stimuli by creating new neurological pathways (through synapses). This basically relates to memory and learning. It’s why we don’t stay the same person as we grow and develop. It’s responsible from mindset changes to response to traumatic events. It plays a huge part in trauma, which is why “repressed memories” occur as well.

Trauma, taken from Psychology Today, is defined as:

...the experience of severe psychological distress following any terrible or life-threatening event. Sufferers may develop emotional disturbances such as extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD.

It’s a basic definition. And although I’d assume people would know what trauma is already, but knowing the lexical definition of something can be good to know before going into it.

Obviously, Laito has trauma, there’s literally no refuting that. But, the point I’m getting at, is the reason why he is the way he is today is because of neuroplasticity. As previously stated, we are going to assume the DL vampire brain works similarly or the same as a human brain. So, because of the stress put upon the brain (Cordelia’s actions and Laito’s general upbringing in a stress filled household), Laito’s brain was rewired (neuroplasticity). This section doesn’t really have much new information, but I wanted to give a baseline since there’s many people who don’t know what neuroplasticity is.

Laito’s definitely different than what he was as a kid. He still kind of had his smarts, and might have been but as we’ve deducted from the first part of this series, he might have been groomed. On top of that, the brain is easily moldable when you’re a child (which is why grooming makes sense for Laito’s case), and continues to snip brain cells off and form new connections.

Section 7: Little intermission about Karlheinz

I know I haven’t really talked about Karlheinz yet. So this will be the section that I do it in. I know this part is about Laito’s trauma, but it’s so hard to not just weave other characters into it. Nothing is stand-alone, which is why it was so hard for me to plan this out. I was debating about saving this for another analysis, but I feel like it fits.

I referenced this in Part II, Section 5 of this analysis series. Basically, Karlheinz throws Laito into the dungeon and locks him up. Not Karlheinz personally, but he ordered someone to do it. We don’t explicitly know why, but there’s several implications. A huge one is that it was part of Karlheinz’ experiment. Before Dark Fate, I was like “wait, so did Karl find out about Laito/Cordelia? And got like jealous or was like ‘nah this shit fucked up no thanks’?” I was really scratching my head on that. But in Dark Fate, you find that Karlheinz knew about Cordelia and Laito, and even really wanted it to happen. Which is all sorts of fucked up. This really put Laito in for a loop. Here’s a scene from Dark Fate:

Laito: That woman always, always believed in Karlheinz. Laito: She believed he married her because he loved her, wanted her. That’s why she was sure that one day... he will give his love only to her. Laito: But she was tricked. She wasn’t loved from the start... Laito: -And I’m a victim of this unbelievable mistake... That’s how it is. Laito: I was treated as a vent for her feelings. Yui: ...Laito-kun... Laito: I’m sure he knew that something like this will happen... He is a god after all... Laito: I was hoping that... He just overlooked it up until now... Laito: But... I was naive. Laito: I was only planned a scapegoat.

God, when I played this, that just freaking struck me to my core. That’s so awful. Ironically... Karlheinz probably has some high level of emotional intelligence. I don’t believe he could be labeled as a sociopath, considering he has this high level understanding of pathos. He’s not god in a sense that he controls everyone individually himself. He’s so good at manipulation that he basically creates fate itself (whether you believe in it or not). He’s generally intelligent and cunning, and it also just helps with the fact that he’s immortal and can time travel. He knows cause and effect by now, and I believe Lost Eden said something about how he’s done so many different “timelines.”

The definition of a god in a philosophical sense can be broken down into three words: omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. More wicked cool jargon! Yay! Here’s what they mean for extra clarification:

Omniscient: All knowing Omnipresent: All seeing Omnipotent: All doing

Sure Karlheinz doesn’t absolutely know everything, nor can see everything, and he definitely has limits to his power, but he has gained knowledge through living for so many years and time traveling; he has familiars which add to the whole “all seeing” part; and he has a lot of power. So basically, in the most semi-”realistic” sense, it would definitely be the closest being to any kind of god.

Karlheinz is probably the reason why Laito himself has such contempt towards religion, and the existence of a god in general. Sure, the boys are like “that shit’s made up by humans” in general, but it would make sense for Laito himself to have that specific hatred. It makes sense that these vampires would be like “oh that’s made up by humans” when they’ve been around forever and have seen multiple religions come and go. (I’m mainly talking about in DL’s lore case, not starting a religious argument; please don’t take it as such––just to clarify)

Section 8: Isolation

Originally, the previous part was going to be about Laito’s isolation being locked up. However, I went off the rails and it turned into that little intermission. This is going to be a shorter section, but I still wanted to talk about, and it will weave into the next section.

There is no implications about how long Laito was locked up (and tortured) in the dungeon. There’s also no implications about why he was tortured. But torture and isolation puts such stress on the brain that there’s definitely going to be some kind of outcome if persisting for a good period of time. So let’s take a look at what that does to a person.

Once again, taking this with a grain of salt. I imagine vampires don’t need to rely on social interaction as much as humans do, considering they live forever. But we don’t know. However, throwing Laito into a state of isolation implies that it would be some type of torture or harsh punishment for a vampire, which therefore implies that social interaction is a necessity for emotional function. It’s just sound, inductive logic.

So now, as for isolation, I’m using this article as reference. It’s a pretty interesting one to read. Here’s another extensive article as well. Basically isolation can cause:

Depression/anxiety

Immune system deficiencies (basically more likely to get physically ill)

Sleep cycle changes (if put underground or with limited natural light)

Hallucinations

Paranoia

Issues with processing information and more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation

We have no clue if Laito’s experience fits all of these. Also, the second one can be crossed out because vampires in DL can’t get physically sick in the way we can. Also, unsure about the sleep cycle stuff considering they are used to being in the dark. Hallucinations and paranoia can’t be crossed off nor proven.

Being isolated physically and mentally exhausts the mind, which is why it’s also a way of torture. Laito implies that he was tortured with physical devices, but regardless, it’s still stress on the mind. This type of stress definitely goes along with what was mentioned with neuroplasticity and trauma, which also supports the last bullet point: issues processing information and being more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation. Take this flashback from Maniac Prologue in HDB that I used in Part II section 5 (but here’s even more context):

Laito: ーー Let me go!! Let me out of here! Butler: I can’t, young lord. We’ve received strict orders from your father. I am deeply sorry, but please stay put for a while. Laito: What’s the point in having me chained up in here!? Butler: ーーI am very sorry. Laito: Hahahaha…You stupid old man! Do you think that this will make repent!? How foolish! That demon! Has his brain finally rotten from spending too much time with humans!? ー Cordelia appears Cordelia: ー Oh? Laito: …!? Have you come to save me? Cordelia: Oh dear. Ufufu…I’m sorry Laito, that isn’t it. Laito: Eh? Richter: ー Why are you here? Laito: …That’s my line. Cordelia: Okay, okay. No fighting! More importantly, Richter…Come here. Laito: …!? Cordelia: Nnn…Hey, Laito. You are a good boy. Laito: …!! Cordelia: Right, Laito? Laito: Yeah, that’s right. I’m…I’m a good boy after all. ーー Besides, I’m the type of person who only get more aroused from this kind of thing.

Although I also use this to support the whole Stockholm syndrome point, this could also be supported with the trauma isolation also holds. His mind is being re-molded into the facade he holds. Also, note the whole “do you think this will make me repent?!” part. Just a very interesting thing. The word “repent” implies that there’s something to feel guilty about or the person knows that what they’ve done is bad. It just goes to show that Laito has some part of guilt or moral compass still in tact.

You can also argue that this scene was when Laito just got locked up, or he’s been here for a while. Either way, he could have also been socially isolated before this too, just hanging around Cordelia like it’s implied when he was a child. Remember the whole not being in bed 9/10 times when he was a child? Yeah, controlled social isolation. We also rarely see Laito with other characters in his flashbacks. I don’t believe we see him with his brothers in any of his flashbacks from what I can recall; he’s usually with Cordelia. Just implies (to me) that he’s around her a lot. And being locked up is also a more extreme case of that, which would mold the brain even more.

I know that was a LOT to process and read. I sure hope this still is cohesive for you all. I’m pretty bad at organizing this kind of stuff; it’s a bit difficult since it all just goes together. Which, kudos on the writers of DL, because that’s just good writing. I was going to put something about gaslighting in this part, but that might be too long, so I’m going to make that a separate part or include it in the next part.

If you have any questions, feel free to just put it in the inbox. I’m planning on making the last part of this series answering all the Laito/Cordelia questions I’ve received, or just general questions pertaining to this analysis in general, whether it be tangential questions or clarifying questions.

Hope you all are still enjoying this ride as much as I am! -Corn

#analysis #diabolik lovers analysis #diabolik lovers #dialovers #dialover #laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #raito sakamaki #sakamaki raito

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years

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Hakuoki SSL: Tell me! Secrets Q&A

Last post of the month! so I’ll once again end by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi, through paypal or patreon for access to my blog post translations or just to support me. …. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that i can share...

This is the thing that i left as ???? on my March update post... and the thing that i accidentally posted the title of back in may when i was planning out my queue (oops?).

I think I should start by saying that I translated this for amusement.... though I won't deny how this is a fascinating piece of reference for writing hahaha......

Unfortunately since this is only limited to the main six, I really wish I had some of Yamazaki’s responses to these....

Favourites by character order: Hijikata's answer to Q4, Saito's to Q5, Harada's to Q7 and Kazama's to Q7.

Only for references purposes. LMAO.

enjoy!

Hakuoki SSL: Tell me! Secrets Q&A

From 『B's-LOG別冊オトメイトマガジン vol.9』

Translation by KumoriYami

Q1: What is the first thing you wash when bathing [text can be interpreted as either bath or shower]?

Q2: Where would you want to go for a date?

Q3: At Hakuo Gakuen, who do you have the best relationship with?

Q4: Where do you want to go most now?

Q5: What words and actions/behaviours from a woman make you feel a rush of excitement/moves you ["feel a rush of excitement" is an idiom. can be also interpreted more literally as 'move your heart']/excite you the most?

Q6: What are your favourite school activities [roughly says: fond of school activities]?

Q7: What do you wear while sleeping?

Q8: What are your best and worst subjects?

Q9 What happened recently that made you happy?

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Hijikata Toshizou

A1: Hands should be washed first.

A2: This...... How about going to a Buddhist shine that has snow in its surroundings. We can recite poetry [either that or songs]....... No, I didn't say anything.

A3: Kondou-san.

A4: I don't know why, [but], no matter what happens, I want to see Hokkaido [says reckless/regardless of everything].

A5: Rather than saying affecting the heart, perhaps it might be better to say that [I'm] not good at dealing with a woman staring into my eyes without fear [or something like that...?].

A6: Although it might cause misunderstandings, that would naturally be writing exams [conducting exams to be written...?].

A7: I sleep in Western style pyjamas.

A8: The subject I am good at is classical literature, [and] I'm not good at chemistry.

A9: Probably when I met with that guy who listened to listened to me without getting tired.

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Okita Souji

A1: Hey, after learning about this, what do you plan on doing?

A2: Of course, it needs to be a place where you can go have fun and be happy. That's How about an amusement park, or something like that?

A3:……This question is very difficult to answer. Who knows.

A4: Now? During winter? Oh...... somewhere that isn't cold.

A5: Heheh...... you're probably just wanting to secretly watch me while thinking I haven't found anything out, and of how surprised I'll look when I do.

A6: Club activities.

A7: What will you be wearing? If you want to tell me, I'll tell you after.

A8: I'm actually not particularly good at anything, [but] I dislike classical literature the most.

A9: I saved quite a few pictures of someone recently.

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Saito Hajime

A1: Ah, probably the feet.

A2: Da-date!? Then...... a place to go together with a woman? For me/As far as I'm concerned, as long as we're together, it doesn't mater where we go.

A3: Well, when it concerns time spent on school activities, that would be Yamazaki.

A4: I don't know why [but] I look forward to winter, and would like to see snow as soon as possible....... I want to go to a place where I can see snow.

[Personally, i don't get why people like summer lol. I seriously hate summer. and the heat. Snow is soooo much better than the heat. i absolutely can't stand hot weather lol]

A5: Does this question have to be answered? Really...... then, when she shows/exposes her ear...... Ah.

A6: Probably school trips. It's nice to go learn and study new things in places you wouldn't normally go to.

A7: I personally feel that tight sweatshirts are very good.

A8: I'm good at classical literature, [but] I'm not good at math.

A9: When two equal partners people share their lives...... when you hold your other half's hand, you will immediately feel that you are not alone.

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Toudou Heisuke

A1: If taking a bath/shower....... of course it'd be the head, the head!

A2: Obviously going to the game centre! Eh...... ah, for a date? Then, is going to karaoke OK? [ok is ENG here]

A3: The person that I have the best relationship with, that'd be Souji since we're constantly together. However let me say beforehand, that this doesn't mean I have a good relationship with him.

A4: This period [Right now]...... it'd be nice to participate in a snow festival? I'd like to go somewhere where I can play with snow.

A5: This....... Ah....... Is it that just that I'm defenceless, or was I just relieved..... [to be able to show her my] sleeping face like that? [I think??????????????]

A6: The cultural festival!

A7: Sleeping in a skintight sweatshirt/sports jersey?

A8: Subject that I'm good at, I can fill in the blanks for modern language [i'm assuming this means a version of Japanese characters but since I don't feel like looking it up right now, I'm just going to leave that translation as is for now.] during an exam, but I'm completely unable to understand stuff in English.

A9: Er...... Well...... after being going into that room again after many years...... I found that the inside arrangement/layout had changed a lot so I was surprised. However she was really happy to let me in.

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Harada Sanosuke

A1: Hey. Do you know the common sense of bathing before taking before taking a shower?

A2: Date...... as long as it's the two of us together, it doesn't matter where we go. After she turns 20, there are many places that I'd like to take her to.

A3: Rather than saying that it's a good relationship, it might be accurate to call the relationship with Shinpachi and ill-fated one/ It's not so much a good relationship as a bad one between myself and Shinpachi.

A4: It's rarely winter, I want to go with a country with lots of snow. During the day I'll ski and take a sled/sleigh/bobsled, and in evenings I'll go soak in a spa/hot spring, while also enjoying other foreign culture.

A5: This....... [Seeing] the view of your back while [you're] in the cooking for me in the kitchen.

[the wording in this sentence reaaaaaaally threw me off since it kinda (more literally) reads as "in the kitchen as I cook from behind" ]

A6: All the activities conducted by the school, they're unbelievably exhausting. However, being able to watch how all the students grow and mature, is something to enjoy.

A7: Regardless of what is said...... pyjamas will ultimately become an obstruction. [ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) pfft...]

A8: This, since it's my specialty [referring to subject taught], I'm fast[? and?] good at using my body. Subsequently, I'm not good at every subject that requires lots of thinking.

A9: How can I say this, there's a line that absolutely must not be crossed when I'm together with her...... If I'm not resolute, this line would easily be crossed...... I've been thinking about this lately.

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Kazama Chikage

A1: Bathing......? The first thing to do, shouldn't that be immersing oneself in the bathtub?

A2: First tell me where you want to go. I will bring you there.

A3: This way of describing the relationship is very literal [??? well something like that. either that or something along the lines of: That is a good adjective that literally describes the relationship]. It goes without saying, that would naturally be my wife.

A4: Where my wife and I get married.

A.5 Hesitating while wanting to say something with beautiful and delicate eyes while gazing at my appearance, hahaha......

A6: Of course that would be student council [activities].

[it's either that or student assemblies depending on how the words after ‘student' are interpreted, since if they are translated as verbs instead of noun/adjectives, it can mean something to the effect of 'complete gathering of students'... which is also why im kinda leaning towards 'assemblies' though.]

A7: What is meant by this question? Isn't it common sense to sleep while naked?

A8: I'm an expert at every subject. No subject exists that I am not an expert in.

A9: Fufu....... This year I will surely be able to graduate. I've been waiting for so long...... waiting for far too long!

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this probably felt longer to translate than it actually did lol... too many questions and answers.... also i don’t know if this was reprinted in one of the ssl books. maybe when i’m bored i’ll mtl the jp to double check some of this lol.... or not.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki ssl #Hakuoki Other Translation #may edit later

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cupkayke · 8 years

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For the fanfiction questions thing: 1, 3, 6, 11, 17, 21, 25, 27, 36, 40, 41, 46, 50 and 51 (I hope these aren't too many)

Not too many at all! I like talking about myself lol.

Under a cut because longggggg.

1) What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Oh gosh, definitely Tokyo Mew Mew. I never wrote fanfics for it but I co-owned and then owned an Avidgamers RP site for TMM called MewUSA back in like 2004-2006. Avidgamers was a forum site engine that was pretty damn nice for its time (also FREE, that was a plus) and I spent HOURS creating characters, storylines, and layouts for it. There were TONS of individual in-character boards and I think we may have had up to 100 unique users at one point. The detailed characters/plotlines were BASICALLY fanfiction- I think I did an entire rp with myself between a few of my characters once- and it was a whole lot of fun. Some of the OCs from that site were repurposed into a longrunning rp I have with @liarino on AIM and I am FOREVER grateful that I met them through that site

Fanfic-wise, it was Full Metal Alchemist. I had a horrendous LITERAL self-insert OC fic called ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ that was based on an RP I did with a different friend. Plot? ‘Fangirl of FMA LITERALLY FALLS INTO HER TELEVISION AND WAKES UP IN THE UNIVERSE AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH ALPHONSE’. The end. I never finished it but holy shitballs it got SO MANY REVIEWS. I’m surprised how many people actually enjoyed it- I did get some criticisms but despite the fact that it was so cringe-worthy that I took it down it still got sooooo much positive feedback. I sometimes wonder if people would still be reading it on ff.net if I hadn’t taken it down the last time I overhauled that account. I still have some Ouran oneshots on there that I wrote TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO that still get reviews. Dayum.

3) What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

I have to say it’s a tie between the Tokyo Mew Mew fandom circa 2003-2006 and the Ouran fandom from about 2006-2008. My experience with them was limited to RP boards but I had the MOST FUN running MewUSA and a long-running Gaia RP ‘Hosting the Hosts’ because of the warm response to the concepts. The TMM fandom especially was super creative even back in the day- there were so many fan mew mews because the formula was so easy and that was one series that I didn’t mind OCs because the concept was easily applied. In-universe, the creator could have easily made more Mew Mews. So the possibilities were endless. That’s also the fandom I learned the majority of my writing skills from, even if I did get called out a couple times for shitty RPing. I got better and I was so sad when the engine finally kicked the bucket. Aside from the RP sites the TMM fandom had sooooo many fansites dedicated to the show- my other favorite being Neko Tokyo. I think that site might still be up…

Ouran was limited to that RP I ran but damn I never had one so fun. That group of writers was hysterical and I actually met one of them in person because by sheer coincidence she lived near me. She moved soon after we figured it out but she came back for a convention and we hung out all weekend. Unfortunately I don’t remember her name and I lost her phone number T_T I wonder where she is sometimes. I wonder where a lot of my fan friends from back then are. The problem with early 2000s internet.

Tho I think Boueibu will be my new modern fave fandom.

6) List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Ohhhh dear. I’ll keep it to ones that I actually ship characters in because a lot of my early fandoms were MYSELF AS AN OC X HOT MALE CHARACTER. OTL. I was a weeb. Most of these are fandoms I’ve rped in rather than written fanfiction for, however.

Tokyo Mew Mew- PuddingxTart. I like to read IchigoxKisshu fanfics sometimes but that ship is highly problematic looking back on it lol

Code Lyoko - THROWBACK. JeremiexAelita. Adorable.

Ouran HSHC - I’m fond of HunnyxHaruhi (as evidenced by my mostly abandoned ff.net account) but basically AnyonexHaruhi is super cute. I think I read a fic once where Haruhi was in a relationship with ALL of the guys and it was actually super interesting. I don’t think I can find it again, tho.

Harry Potter - Drarry.

Walking Dead - CarolxDaryl FTW. and Richonne. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing fanfics for WD but never quite get up to it.

Mass Effect - Shakarian. Fuck yes. Fun fact I have an unfinished smutfic on the mass effect kinkmeme livejournal that I will EVENTUALLY FINISH ONE DAY AND PUBLISH UNDER MY NAME buuuut for now it will remain an anonymous abandoned fic.

Boueibu - …All of them? OTL I can’t pick one ship… tho if you force me… IoRyuu and BeppuMoto OT3.

YOI - I think everyone’s OTP is Victuuri.

11) Who is your current OTP?

Victuuri.

17) Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Since Boueibu is my current fandom- I immediately was drawn to Enatsu since s1 had a relatively large focus on them but I’ve kind of fallen out of actively shipping them. I like them as a couple and I think they’re def boyfriends material but they’re definitely a comfortable ship. Their personalities are just… drama-free, so their relationship to me just seems like a quiet background relationship. IoRyuu is a little more volatile and I really like ships where there is a lot of between-the-lines interpretation and potential for conflict. Also I just really like the Beppus

21) What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The aformentioned ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ FMA OC Mary Sue Self insert fic. Definitely the first one I ever published on the interwebs. Although I think TECHNICALLY my very first one was a Pokemon story that I was writing for a little kid neighbor of mine back when I was like… 11. I think I had just gotten a computer in my room and I remember typing it up and drawing some cover art for it… it was basically an expanded version of the episode where Meowth and Pikachu were handcuffed together or something… except there were more Pokemon involved and ALL of the characters were friends. Like Brock and Tracey were both with Ash and Misty and all of the Team Rocket people were friends for some reason. Idk I was a weird child.

Ohhh maybe a tie for the FMA fic was a Code Lyoko one I wrote around the same time called ‘Desert Rose’. I can’t remember now which was published first because I deleted them all. Another Mary Sue OC fic but I actually am still kind of proud of how I expanded the Lyoko universe in my head. I came up with new areas to Lyoko and like a central region and how they all connected. Nevermind the fact that the girl with a CAT THAT COULD OPERATE THE COMPUTER was the main character and obviously I shipped her with Odd because YumiUlrich and JeremieAeilita were OTPs. It was weird.

25) What’s your most popular fanfic?

If the story was still up it might have been ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ because that fic still haunts me. Buuut it’s either ‘Naptime’ or ‘Desire’, one of my two Hunny x Haruhi fics from my Ouran days that I left up on ff.net for posterity. I have no desire to go read the cringe and find out which one has more hits but I bet it’s the G-rated ‘Naptime’ cuz ‘Desire’ is a) the first M rated Hunny x Haruhi fic on ff.net EVER and b) really really bad porn written by like, 16-year-old me. Oops. It’s a smidgen OOC on the part of Haruhi if I remember right buuut I actually still stand by the idea that Hunny is not as childlike as he seems.

Oh dear maybe that’s why I like Yumoto so much. Similar character type. OTL

27) What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

I feel like I’m horrendous at both but lately it’s titles that are giving me trouble. 2 of the 3 Boueibu fics I’ve written had different working titles that got changed the second the story went up to be published. I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember them but both ‘All the Pretty Little Horses’ and ‘Completely’ were titled something really stupid. And your giftfic was ‘?’ until I decided on the central theme lol.

36) What’s your favourite genre to write?

I don’t like reading romance novels but I love writing shippy stuff. Tension, build….smut

40) What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Pacing in longer works, definitely. Also just… keeping up with it. I am a horrible procrastinator and if I don’t actually have a deadline with external consequences then I never get anything done. I can’t set my own deadlines because I can always move them. I can’t get my family or friends to set them for me because I know they’ll forgive me if I fail (how horrible lol). I have tons upon tons of unfinished fics from fandoms past sitting somewhere in the depths of my word documents folder and about as many original short stories. I have so many ideas but because I get easily distracted and also because I am now working full time and suffer from typical adult exhaustion I can only put a fraction of them on paper.

My inner critic is also a fucking bitch. I can’t get her to shut her face long enough to write a sentence sometimes. Again, I have to have a deadline looming before I can put her on mute most times. If I have infinite time, she doesn’t shut up and makes me rewrite a sentence 100 times because it sounds stupid.

41) List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Ahahahaha… I don’t have 5 simultaneously because I can’t just… not finish reading something before moving onto the next one. I don’t also read things that are unfinished unless they sound REALLY interesting because I’m stupid impatient. But I guess for my current fandom (Boueibu) I’ll link 5 fics I read recently that I liked!

1) Pink Blood - @magiccatprincess (okay actually this is one I’m going to read soon because it looked interesting… so it fits the question lol)

2) tuesdays - @vagarius (because how can I not love something written for me?

3) Liar - BlackJoker77 (A whoooole lot accomplished here in not a lot of words. Also, Yumoto character study/reading between the lines? Yush.)

4) ….. ok I ran out of ideas. I don’t bookmark anything OTL. I’ll come back to this question at another time with an ACTUAL answer.

46) If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I’m most proud of ‘Completely’ at the moment- I really like how I pulled off Ryuu’s voice and it’s most definitely a scene I wanted to see written… so I’m happy that I was able to provide that scene

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

It was basically an extention of RPing for the writing portion of it- ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ was basically a cleaned up RP and when it wasn’t rping it was fan gratification for the other early fics I did. As a kid I used to (and still sometimes do) make up stories in my head when I was about to go to sleep, and a lot of them were episodes of my favorite shows that I wanted to see. So I’d put some of them on paper. And then it moved into the ~romance~ category; I was a hopeless romantic as a teenager and like a lot of teenage girls I was kind of horny so fanfiction was a way to explore my sexuality in the comfort of my own head, basically. I still like me a good smutfic and bonus points if it’s romantic AND smutty. My bf can definitely tell when I’ve been reading something naughty….

51) Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Okay, Imma do both! And I have 2 things to rant about because I can’t shut up.

Rant: This is more of a thing that I hate about MYSELF reading fanfics, but I hate that I get turned off of fics so quickly because of writing style. When I can push past beginners writing mistakes or mediocre quality writing I can sometimes find gem fics with plots/characterizations I find adorable, but more often than not I click out of fics after just a few sentences because I can’t stand poor writing. And I feel so elitist about it! Fanfics are free, fan-generated content. A lot of fanfics are written by kids or beginner writers. I have to keep reminding myself that not every fanfic author has gone to school for writing. They may not know the conventions of literature. They may not realize that they’re head-hopping in the middle of paragraphs. They may not know the proper way to punctuate dialogue (and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW until grad school!!!!). If I let mistakes get in the way of content I may miss out on an up and coming writer. And lord knows I was horrendous when I first started. Everyone starts somewhere. I hate that it takes me so long to get out of teacher/writing student mode and truck through some writing that may not technically be the best but their heart is in the right place.

Rant2: I don’t like how isolated fanfiction can feel sometimes. It seems like people don’t comment on fics as much as they used to, and I see these posts going around on tumblr about how authors LOOOOOVE comments and want more of them but then comments just… don’t appear. It’s not so hard to post one thing you really liked about the story, and even one thing you didn’t like. Comments help authors grow.I also don’t like how it’s so hard to find a beta reader or three to bounce ideas off of and proofread your work.

Gush: I love communities. I love the events fanfic authors put together. I love how when communities get tight-knit how everyone builds each other up and gives one another ideas. I just love fanfiction in general, really

aaaaaand SHEW. That was a lot. BUT DEF NOT TOO MUCH

#mystofthestars #asks #ask cupkaykey

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

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Okay, so here’s how this is gonna work. I’m currently sitting on the plane to Portland, typing on my phone. Last night I was writing my day post when we got to the Airbnb and it was already almost 2 am, so I left it at where I had gotten up to, which was leaving for the airport, but much happened after that that I need to tell you all about, so I’m gonna pick up where I left off and continue through. today. This plane is supposed to land at 10:25 pm west coast time, which is like 1:25 am for the east coast we were just on, so I get the feeling when we get if we’re gonna be pretty wiped and just go to bed, so I figured it would be smart to write it out now so last night doesn’t happen again. Since tumblr mobile is a pain in the ass and won’t post my massive one paragraph rantings, I’ll probably try to break it up into some sort of paragraphs. We’ll see.

So. I walked go Jess’ place and we called the Uber from there. No problem getting to the airport, got checked in without any bags as we’re just going with our backpacks and got in line for security. Well, here’s where things start to get good. I should probably preface this with some information, namely that I have a history of going through the scanning machine and for some reason it showing something like, right in the groin area. At first it was suggested it was my jeans’ zipper, so I started wearing sweatpants or cloth shorts, but it still happened for no explainable reason. My fucking life. So we’re going through security, I go through the machine and they’re like oh, we have to pat you down, it came up with a problem there and I was like ffs but kinda just laughed and they were trying to explain it and I was just like yeah, I know, been here plenty of times before, let’s just get this over with. So they pat me down, then swipe two little things on my hands and stick them into their machine, which is something they’ve done a few times before, no big. So I’m just waiting for it to give the all clear, but then it doesn’t, and the screen just goes red and says alarm, and I got told my hands just tested positive for traces of explosives????? Like obviously I had not been handling any explosives that day, or any other day for that matter. So I got moved to a secondary area for a full pat down and they grab my bag, which Jess had grabbed at this point and she was now just stuck waiting and I knew she was probably super anxious so I was like AWESOME and they’re going through my bag and all I’m thinking is there’s no fucking way they’re going to be able to repack that all in a way that makes it fit, and my annoyance is growing by the minute. I was definitely considering informing them that I was an attorney and was very aware of what my civil rights in this situation are should they try to violate any of them, but they were all for the most part polite and not spawning my attorney wrath, so I let it go. Someone said that while it said it was for explosives it could also have been caused by like a lotion or perfume or PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING and I’m just like wow that doesn’t seem like probable cause to me if literally anything can cause this reaction, but I knew that wasn’t something I could actually take up with them, that’s an argument you’d make before a judge, and I was really hoping to not escalate this situation that far, so I kept my musings to myself. Ultimately the did a full pat down (she like felt in the middle of my chest where the wire from my bra goes and is like “is there something here?” and I’m just like “yeah, my bra????”) which was obnoxious but whatever and then told me I was cleared, I had been next to a specific list of “hazardous substances” that was to be a guide for the TSA about what they should take away (and another list stating what they should take away only if it’s over 3.4 oz) and on it was both bug spray and bleach pens (like tide to go pens) which I had both in my bag as they normally live in my purse and they wouldn’t show up on a scan but if they were going through my bag they’d probably grab them, and it occurred to me that I did have some liquid stomach medication that might’ve been over the limit (I’d never thought about this before because I’ve always checked a bag and put it in there before) but to somewhat of my surprise none of those three things was flagged and they let me go. Unsurprisingly they weren’t able to fit everything in as I had (so HA) and I had to go reorganize things to fit my heating pad back in there (I had initially seen it outside my zipped bag and was concerned they were gonna take that, but I’ve had it in carry-ons for over a year now and never had an issue so it was nothing). I got back to Jess and told her it was all okay and she decided we were going to refer to the issue as my explosive vagina, so that’s the name for this incident now.

Anyway. We walked to where there was a Starbucks and got drinks, then went to the gate. We had gotten there with plenty of time of course and we still had some time to kill before we were actually boarding. The flight was supposed to be 9:35 pm to 12:37 am, since we were initially trying to plan around 9-5 jobs, so we were getting in pretty late. But we waited, then boarded and we were all the way back in row 31 because we bought the super cheap tickets, we took off about as scheduled and I read fan fic for most of the flight, which was fine. We pulled in to Newark right on time, where we deplaned and since we didn’t have any bags went to the passenger pick up area, from where we got an Uber and I starting writing last night’s post in there until we got back to the Airbnb, which we basically just changed and went straight to bed because we were exhausted. I was gonna try to shower in the morning but unfortunately the bathroom we had access to was only a half bath, so that was out of the question. Oh well, goodnight.

Alarms went off at 9, I was lazy and stayed in bed until like 9:30 because I knew I didn’t need that long to get ready, then got changed and did my make up, then grabbed some food and attempted to get an Uber to the con center. I say attempted because this didn’t quite go smoothly, I forgot how difficult Uber can be in the suburbs, and the first person we got just was not moving, then when they did they were going in the opposite direction, at which point we’d been waiting for like ten minutes so we were like okay fuck it and cancelled, the second person took a few minutes but got to us and we headed over to the con. We had friends that were already there that we were planning to meet up with, one of which had a car and was letting us stash our backpacks in her trunk so we could just walk around with our normal con

drawstring bags, so that was a relief. We got through their security quickly and started to look around. We assessed different people’s lines since we were mostly interested in meeting celebrities and not really looking around, we initially waited in Juliana’s line for a while until we were told she wasn’t gonna be there until 12:30 at which point some members of our group had photo ops, so they gave us tickets (like you’d get at a raffle) and told us to come back later and we’d get let right in. So we then ended up in Hartley Sawyer’s line, mostly because he was a tall man and Jess really wanted to hug him, and that while his character was all kinds of fucking awful but all accounts he was a really great guy and would be cool to meet. Well, he is very attractive in person (kinda like Brandon where like you know they’re attractive but when you see them in person you’re like WOW you’re attractive) as well as being really tall, and he was very nice so we all got to talk to him and get some photos with him, so that was nice. Since I had a VIP badge and I knew how to game the HVFF system at this point (lol) we’d just always go through the VIP line and everyone else was with me, even if they ended up paying for their own stuff nobody really cared or questioned it, so we did pretty well in that respect (which is why really you only need one person in your group to have VIP). Once we were done with Hartley it was time to line up for that photo ops some people had with Candice and Juliana, so me and one other friend who didn’t have them wandered around the vendors for a bit but honestly there was only a very small amount of vendors there, even for a HVFF, it was just kind of subpar. So we finished that fairly quickly and just ended up sitting at a table in the little food court area because that’s where the seats were. We were sitting at a table with 3 chairs

and a woman who was a volunteer asked if she could have the third one and we said sure, not sure if she was gonna just grab it and take it to another table or what, but she just sat down and started chatting with us so we just went with it lol. We had seen her briefly in front of Matt Ryan’s line earlier (they weren’t letting anyone else on line because he had to leave soon) so I asked about her volunteering and she had apparently just been a walker stalker volunteer (if you’re unfamiliar, walker stalker is a walking dead con that sometimes accompanied HVFF, I ventured into their area in Chi this year for Sarah Wayne Callies autograph and let’s just say I felt VERY out of place) and this was her first HVFF and she didn’t even know anybody. So we talked for a bit, I said I was (almost) a lawyer and she said her ex had been harassing her so I went into an abbreviated inquiry as to whether she’d qualify for an order of protection (because when I hear something like that I just go straight into lawyer mode) and concluded she probably could, which was information she was grateful to have. Eventually people were done and we met back up with our friends to head back to the Juliana line. Well, the whole handing out tickets situation had not worked well, as Juliana had just gotten to the table after photo ops during which a whole

other line had amassed and then everyone with a ticket came back and we’re all supposed to go in the gold/platinum VIP line to get right in but there was an absurd number of us so we were spilling out into the actual walkway a significant amount, and it was basically a total mess. Since Jess tends to be the one who organizes lines in these kind of situations when the workers are clearly out of their depths, we tracked down the man who had given out the tickets in the first place and wanted to know what the hell was supposed to be happening, and he said we were supposed to use the numbers of the tickets to go in front of anyone who had a lower number than us, but we couldn’t go in front of any actual gold or platinum VIPs which we were like okay then returned to the line and told people who basically didn’t want to do that because they didn’t want to have to tell people they should go first and would just rather wait in the gigantic line, at which point Jess and a couple of our closer friends and I were like yeah fuck this and defected to Matt Ryan’s VIP line, which we were through and got to see him fairly quickly.

Now the situation with Matt Ryan was that he was a last minute announcement on Thursday after Katie Cassidy had to drop, so we hadn’t been expecting to see him again so soon since we saw him just two weeks ago at WW Chi. He immediately knew who we were and was like “oh, you again???” at which point we laughed and informed him he had really followed us there, as we had been planning this long before he was, and we all laughed and joked around for a while before taking some selfies. He’s really such a nice and down to earth guy it’s always so much fun to see him. When we finished with him

Juliana’s line had gone down significantly, so we went in the VIP line and had to wait for a little bit but got to her pretty quickly. I had only met her before at San Jose back in December, but the friends I was with had all bonded with her at Nashville in May (the one I couldn’t go to because I had my law school graduation) so she recognized us and she is honestly so sweet and just lovely to talk to, always very kind and not trying to rush but genuinely wants to hear about what you had to say which is always very nice. There was some sort of collage that said to write love on her arms at her table so I asked if she was associated with them and she said she had actually been in the movie (so I’m gonna have to go back and watch that again to find her) so I told her I had founded a UChapter of TWLOHA during my senior year of college which she thought was awesome. We took some selfies and said thank you, then headed over to Candice’s line.

None of us had met Candice before so we were excited about that, the line moved pretty quickly and we were up there in not very long. We pretty much just told her we loved Iris and hoped she got to do more reporting in the next season (because lol) and she very heartily agreed, so I’m taking that as a good sign. We told her we were gonna see Caity tomorrow and asked if she wanted to send her a message (Matt Ryan had told us to tell her to “behave herself” which is gonna be fucking hilarious) and she was just like “I get to see Caity all the time, I’m good” which was pretty amusing but definitely fair. After that we regrouped a bit and saw what was going on before seeing that Victor Garber’s line had shrunk some since it was very large previously, and we wanted to see him of course because we didn’t get to see him stage door after we saw hello Dolly, so we told him we saw him and how much we loved it, he was so delighted to hear that and thanked us for coming, and he was very lovely to talk to and we took some good photos before saying goodbye. It was getting laterish at this point and we had to get to the airport at some point, so we started to make plans to leave, but ended up jumping in

Echo Kellum’s almost non-existent queue just to say hi and ohmygosh, he is so funny. And TALL. He said he was 6’5” not counting hair, which added at least another solid four inches and he was honestly just very large lol. We didn’t take photos since we hadn’t paid for them but he did give us hugs and spent a while chatting with us, we were saying how Curtis had gotten screwed over in the last season of Arrow when Oliver decided the NTA’s were out after Rene and Dinah had done stuff but he hadn’t done anything, which he whole-heartily agreed with. So getting to talk to him was a nice way to end our day.

We said our goodbyes to our friends, then the friend who had the car we stored our backpacks in graciously drove us to the airport. We got off at the terminal that said United express when we were on United, and went inside and checked in. Once we went to security and looked at our gate though, we quickly realized we were in the wrong place, as we were currently in terminal A and our plane was leaving out of gate C113. So we got directed to their airtrain that ran in between terminals and went to terminal C. Once we were in the right place we went through security which we had to wait a bit for, but ultimately got through without issue, which I definitely breathed a sigh of relief for. Our gate was all the way at the end of the terminal (because aren’t they always?) so we walked down there to see it before going to get food. We had some time so we went to their little sit down diner place which was nice, after the waitress assured Jess we would make it to our plane in time that didn’t start boarding for another hour and a half 😂. I got a Belgian waffle with strawberries which is basically my entire brand, so that was quite predictable. It was honestly very good so I enjoyed that. We finished up and went back to the gate. This terminal for some reason had iPads bolted down to literally every single place in the whole

damn thing, so the two seats we took both had iPads in front of them for some reason, and I wasted some time playing games on them before we got called for boarding. We somehow ended up in the slightly less shitty seats this time, so we got to board with group 3 instead of 5 and ended up in row 12, which is a hell of a lot better than 31. Since we are literally flying across the country, we knew it was gonna be a very long flight, so when we sat down we immediately tried to find the power outlets that were supposedly between our seats, which took a while but we did end up locating them, only for them to just straight up not work, I wasn’t that concerned though because I had charged my phone up to 91% and had almost a full charge on my external battery so I knew I’d be fine. Took off as scheduled and everything has been fine, as is my habit on planes I read fan fiction, namely some captain canary stuff that has been on my phone for at least a year and a half and very much needed to be completed lol so I’m glad I got through those, and once I did I started writing this so I would have time to type all of it out. It’s now 11:39 pm eastern time, so we have a bit more ways to go but now you’re caught up to my current reality. Once we land we’re gonna Uber to our Airbnb and probably just collapse into bed, hopefully sleep and then head to Rose City Comic Con in the morning to see Brandon and Caity (I would say maybe other people too, but that would only be Tom Welling, and I’m only seeing him again because they were offering a Brandon and Tom dual “Supermen” photo op and I couldn’t turn that down), so that’s exciting. That’s about all I got for now, I may add a few more lines as things happen before I actually turn in for the night and post this.

Ok, flight landed, ubered to Airbnb, currently brushing my teeth and about to pass out. It’s 10:54 pm local time but 1:54 am based on waking up on the east coast. Goodnight folks. Stay awesome.

#daily journal #September 2018 #Jess tag #rachel’s cosplay adventures

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