#agony aunat

[bisluthq]

Hey NAT , do you still do agony aunat ? I want your opinion on a personal matter.

Thanks

sure

[bisluthq]

I don’t really intend to fuck my friend again and technically it’s not an option because of his whole celibacy thing, but then I kind of see that as a challenge RIP It most likely won’t happen though and I legit really like him as a friend even if we can never have sex again like wouldn’t wanna lose that, but also our friendship is inherently rly flirtatious and we’re both undeniably attracted to each other

idk man then just chill. I think those flirtatious friendships do tend to go away when you find someone (I’m not telling you to actively look in this case).

I find my flirty friendships go on the back burner when I’m serious about someone (tbf it took that one girl moving to another country and I guess it wasn’t a friendship it was yk a FWB affair thing but I didn’t talk to her for ages when I did get serious about someone and then I did for a lil bit again online in the pandemic when I was v sad and now I wouldn’t either lol). I’m even less close to my male bestie rn because we’re both in mf relationships with other people. Neither his gf nor my bf have a problem with anything or anyone, because we lived together lol and saw each other naked and whatnot and aside from that one threesome time we didn’t get intimate and obvi don’t want to but like we’re not that keen on couple dating because that’s not our dynamic - him and my ex gf was fine but the dynamic was different gender wise like idk it just was - and we’re both busy with our respective lives rn so we’ll talk every two weeks or so and see each other rarer but it’s fine we still love each other.

My bf is the same like I was one of a number of close platonic female friends he had before we hooked up and the only ones we’re still actively close to are the lesbian couple and tbf I’m a bit flirty with the one girl in that couple but it’s her and I taking the piss because she’s married and I like her wife a lot too and she’s a close friend of my bf and I’m very partnered so when we make fun of stuff or get a bit crude (because we have the same sense of humor and it embarrasses our partners a bit sometimes and we both like that about them) or get a bit like 🙃🙃🌝 it’s yk not real and so liiiiterally no harm no foul. We also would never do anything just us two tho fwiw now I think about it like he can hang out with her and we do couple things but I’d never ring her up and ask her to go have a beer with me lol because it’s v platonic and safe but it’s a bit flirtatious and I don’t think it’d be fun or cool for us to like sit in a bar discussing hot women’s tits unless like our partners are looking at each other absolutely horrified by it lol.

Like idk - yours is not a “go on the apps” situation. This is a maybe invite your friend to an Ayahausca retreat and see how many other weirdo cute dudes u meet there. You’ll meet someone eventually and it won’t matter that much. And the friendship probably will peter out a bit (not entirely) but that’s okay. That’s life.

you’re not in that bad of a pickle compared to most of my agony aunats or even stuff I’ve done lol idk. You’re just being early 20s and crushing on a guy who looks good and says smart sounding things and has good drugs like fair enough queen 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bisluthq]

Are you still cool w being Agony AuNat? How many times of a man getting physical with you is too many? Let's say hypothetically the weekend of September 23rd he shoved me and my elbow and knee were skinned/bruised for weeks, then 2 weekends ago he threw his beer and flipped a table but didn't physically harm me, then tonight he yelled at me at a bar. It's like he's de-escalating instead of getting worse, but Jesus, when do I pull the plug

dude, now? The point at which you’re having to ask about a repetitive pattern of behavior that upsets you is the point you need to gtfo. Once can be excused (I personally don’t know if I’d excuse it but I also think I might because eh we all get drunk and stupid sometimes and love makes us all dumb and put up with shit and whatnot like I do get that; a friend of mine had an experience recently where the bf slapped her in response to her yelling at him and they were both plastered and she had a black eye and shit afterwards but it was ooc for them and so she has decided to stick around which I don’t judge because I do think that was a particularly prickly and weird scenario). Twice needs to start getting addressed in therapy or rehab or something - there needs to be an actionable plan and genuine remorse and guarantees of this not happening again. Repeated aggression is just super not cool? Has he done anything to make you think he’s gonna stop being yk him? Don’t you think you deserve - and can do - better?? Why do you think you don’t deserve respect from your partner? The world is SO full of people that idk why you’d stick to something that isn’t that healthy and doesn’t seem to be improving. Also like, what’s the future? Are you gonna deal with this forever? Are you planning kids (because that won’t work with him so is unfair to the hypothetical bébés)? If you’re not, fine - you’re a grown woman who can decide what she can and cannot tolerate but like just… why!???

[bisluthq]

Nat why is it always expected from girls to be humble??? I just won a big competition that my twin brother was also a part of but he fucking lost and my parents are telling me to shut up and hide my trophy somewhere and not to celebrate my win because he lost but if he would’ve won I know for a fact we would be going out for dinner tonight to celebrate him. It’s so saddening sometimes I just feel no matter what I achieve I’ll have to downplay my achievements because only men are allowed to be proud of their achievements women can only be haughty. Fuck this honestly whenever I have won something I have always had to be humble about it when I want to say “ Yeah I fucking did that”. Everything’s so unfair. Sorry for the rant I am just so angry.

Don’t be sorry for the “rant”! You are completely entitled to your anger. Not like you can do much about it but it’s okay to be pissed off.

[bisluthq]

"I can’t tell you what to do"

It wasn't a hit out of no where we were arguing we came from a bar so he was a little drunk we started screaming at each other and it just happened idk but there's a side of me that saying maybe it was alcohol

Nah bruh. I’ve been very drunk, I’ve had very drunk partners, and I have never hit someone nor have I been hit in an argument or fight. The only time it’s acceptable is in the bedroom. Again, I can’t tell you what to do but like nuh uh.

You can talk to him and stuff and you can set up an “if it happens again” rule but if it does like you need to bounce because that’s fucked up.

[bisluthq]

On the subject of flirting with boys a few tips from an ancient person. Even the most outwardly confident ones are likely to be terrified of girls especially if they like you. Terror usually manifests itself in talking nonsense.

Secondly flirting is an activity to be done sparingly. Most men don't listen. While you are talking they are thinking about what they are going to say next. Gently call them out on that.

Finally ask about them. Not only will you discover whether they are a douche they will be more likely to consider you girlfriend material. Never allow a guy to first base early on. All conversation will end.

Finally finally. Relationships in your early 20s will be messy fumbling miscommunication and disappointment most of the time. It's not your fault.

All good advice tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bisluthq]

Hey nat , I swear to god I'm not trying to be a bitch but it bothers me a lot I wanna say it so I've been seeing this guy for year and a half and he's good in life at work in bed the important thing he's so generous like VERY, he loves to buy gifts for people and he loves to pay for his friends and fam he's the definition of perfect , in this year and a half there was a lot of celebration my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, so he gives me gifts ofc and here is the problem he sends hundreds and thousands for these gifts but he has the worst taste I know I should be thankful but he really go and buy the worst thing he see, last year he spend a lot to buy me a bag and it was so ugly 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 yesterday was my bdayy! He bought me a necklace and it's so fucking ugly today he said one of his friends is gonna invite to a restaurant " double date " and I should wear the necklace cos I look so good when I wear it💀💀💀I said it won't be good with my outfit he said "then change ur outfit!😭 I really want my friend to see the gift I bought for you " , I mean we can take the whole box and show it to ur friend it'll be a win win lmao god help me

… babe the fuckup here is you can’t deliver this without hurting him because it’s gone on so long. Like it would have sucked if you’d said this about the bag but now there’s soooo much stuff you hated and he had no idea.

Realistically you’re gonna have to tell him if you wanna keep dating him because how’s this this gonna work longterm? Like what if he furnishes your apartment ugly? What’s he gonna want your kids to wear?

You need like a “I think we have different tastes but I love you and how much you try” conversation idk. It absolutely will hurt him though regardless of delivery but like there isn’t a way this is never discussed.

Otherwise: suck it up and wear the ugly crap.

[bisluthq]

We spoke a few months ago about how when I feel like cutting or whatever I would try really hard to imagine how Taylor would feel about it if we knew and it generally helps. But I was thinking a lot about my feelings and how I always feel “outside” of everything. I feel too much, love too hard and promise everyone the most… Taylor wrote something similar to that in her “if you’re anything like me” poem. Do you think as ever feels/felt that way or was it just a line she wrote? I feel so alone in this feeling, but at the same time I’d hate for anyone else to feel like that too. I keep waiting for things to get better, for someone to love me not even romantically just appreciate me but idk if it will ever happen and I’m getting tired.

Hey babe. “I was thinking a lot about my feelings and how I always feel “outside” of everything” - that’s a very common feeling tbh sometimes in general but especially when you’re depressed. I think even when we aren’t depressed, sometimes we feel too much or too little and feel like we’re doing it - feeling stuff that is - “wrong”. I think that’s completely human and normal and not something to be ashamed of - it’s something to write about and unpack and stuff but it’s not like there’s actually something wrong with you.

When we’re depressed that kind of feeling feels a LOT worse. It becomes a debilitating one.

You need to get to a doctor and go on an SSRI that works for you (or a comparable medication that your doctor suggests). This isn’t something you’re gonna snap out of, but it’s also absolutely not a unique feeling or a feeling the rest of us are unfamiliar with. What you need is the correct medication.

Think about it this way: we all get physical pains now and then in our body. We hurt ourselves or we just sometimes get a weird sensation. We get headaches and stomach aches or like I hurt my wrist on Friday night and had it be a little swollen all weekend and I got made fun of for having a wrist injury but like it’s obviously sorted now like I just leaned on it funny or something. But like when the pain is debilitating, you need to go to a doctor and have it fixed.

Emotions are the same. We all get sad and lonely and shit sometimes - when it’s debilitating, we need some help with it and there is NO SHAME in that.

[bisluthq]

Nat help how do I flirt with a girl I've only ever flirted with boys

Be a LOT nicer than you’d be with boys. Like basically be how you are when you’re making friends but like with a 😉 and like establish that she likes girls because otherwise you’ll just make friends.

You can obviously tease girls too but like you can’t be mean the way you can be with boys. It doesn’t work 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bisluthq]

what do u think about a 22 yo and a 38 yo? is that age gap a problem?

I think only you can answer that for yourself. Like I don’t believe there’s a “rule” on ideal age gaps. A friend of mine in uni’s parents have like a 45 year age gap or something crazy like that. Her dad was in his 70s when he had her and her brother. She has multiple siblings older than her mom and multiple nieces/nephews who are older than her. That *seems* very weird obviously but like her parents were hippy types and her dad vibed with her mom and her mom vibed with the hippy old dude better than she did with like 25-35 year old guys in the late 80s/90s because she was a hippy and they were preps and like they’ve been married and had a decent life. It’s been tough more recently because now like her dad is in his 90s and her mom is still middle aged and that’s difficult but like no relationship is without complications.

So that’s an EXTREME age gap that’s worked imo. I wouldn’t like recommend it to people but you can’t tell the heart what to feel and like don’t walk away from the love of your life because there will be a period where it highkey sucks.

22 and 38 is big obviously but depending on where you’re at it can work. It’s not THAT dramatic.

I think the key things to consider are: 1) are you guys in a similar life stage? Do your goals align? Weirdly with like some huge celeb age gaps - like Mick Jagger x his child bride - I’d argue like… yes? Mick’s obvi gonna have more fun with a 30 year old than a fellow 70 year old and like for a lot of women it’s… Mick so who cares how old he is? Obvi it’s gonna be fun! So like again there isn’t per se a “right” answer here 2) is there a way this can go wrong easily? Like if one of you wants kids and the other already has kids and doesn’t want more, what’s gonna happen when you reach that bridge? Is it worth doing this now and maybe getting your heart broken? 3) does the age gap factor in a lot? Like is one of you feeling much older/much younger? Is it something you think about a lot? Why? If that’s the appeal, that speaks to like issues and if it’s making the situation miserable that also seems fucked up 4) in a mercenary but true way, what’re you both getting out of it? Is it just a sugar daddy/momma and someone to keep you young - which is fine but then play smart not fast and loose - or do you legit have stuff in common?

And finally: is this a pattern for the older person?

Like shit happens right but if the older person’s partners stay your age, that’s concerning because the odds of you winding up broken-hearted are super high. There’s a difference between Leo only dating girls under 25 and Stephen Fry being married (only once in his life, and his previous relationship lasted 15 years and he only started being sexually active in his like 30s and stuff because of repression around sexuality) to a guy 30 years younger than him.

Be super honest with yourself, ask what’s going on and why this is happening, and do whatever ultimately feels right. And hey, if you do get your heart broken - you were 22 lol you’re supposed to.

[bisluthq]

@readallofthebooksbesideyourbed because she said a lot of good shit too.

Omg I just saw the things she said and damn she's 100% right I think it's something I need to ask him about even if I don't want to...

She’s a clever one that @readallofthebooksbesideyourbed she really is 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[bisluthq]

Yeah I think you're right ,, maybe I was just feeling a little embarrassed idk if it's because it was my first time I know I'm talking about it a lot but it's just something shitty to feel idk if anyone can relate to it , actually it ended up being a subject in my gc and one of my friends said maybe something else happened like not because of me but Ik she's saying this to make me feel better I just wanna know what did he tell his friends . Maybe it's a lot of messy words but that my brain rn like he did asked me to sleep in his place but he didn't go farther ?!! Are we a 50 year old couple or what ?. It's funny that he's sleeping rn and I'm complaining about this here but yeah I think I'll have to make THE TALK :(

You’re defs gonna have to have a talk and read the answer from @readallofthebooksbesideyourbed because she said a lot of good shit too.

[bisluthq]

To the first time/not-sure-if-BF-liked-the-sex anon, IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME. If he expected it to be great, like, fuck that. But no one’s first time is that great . For me and lots of women I know, it hurt like varying degrees of hell. My first P-in-V, I bled so much I’m surprised the guy ever talked to me again; like, I’m pretty sure he had to get a new mattress! But my sister didn’t tell her first, and I don’t think he noticed. But if a man had expected me to have, like, performed well? I’d done all the other things, and I was good at them, but I was scared of having someone stab my vagina with his dick. It’s inherently weird, and I’m an anxious person. I was super upfront about it being a thing. We talked about it a lot because he wasn’t sure he wanted to do it, but he was obsessed with me and I with him. I was 20, and the guy was a 29-year-old grad student who taught women’s studies classes (I’d transferred out of his because I thought he was cute, and I knew I‘d be nervous about everything I turned in), so he was sort of a Jake G vocal feminist but had the training and seeming commitment to back it up, and while he is maybe a psychopath in the grand scheme of things (we were on/off/FWB for ten years), he was amazing about this. Like, we waited longer than he would have if it hadn’t been my first time, and we discussed it and why it was a big deal that scared me. He kind of just looked right in my eyes the whole time and held me. I cried. I bled. It was medieval.

If that guy could do that, your boyfriend can fucking talk to you. Tell him “You know, it was my first time, so I feel like I wasn’t good, but I feel weird about it if you think I was supposed to know exactly what I was doing and how to be awesome at it every second. I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to know what you think.” It’s adult communication. He can handle it, and he ought to respect you for bringing it up and not holding it in and screaming “I’m sorry I’m not good enough at sex for you!” at brunch.

100%

[bisluthq]

An update I guess :/ I haven't slept at all I went and did a blood test they said it'll take a few hours after 7 hours of panicking they called me to come and get the results and it's fucking positive I told you I can feel it and right now I truly don't know what to do or what to say to him I'm not ready for this or even ready for his reaction

Okay, look… I mean I’ve never been in your situation and never had a friend who has been. I’ve had a friend who got an abortion but it was very straightforward for her like she knew that’s what needed to happen and she suspected it could’ve happened for a series of reasons, and I have friends with kids that they actively wanted. I’ve had 0 experience with either situation personally. I’m not sure what you should do and I don’t know that anyone on the internet can tell you.

I think you need to think through what you want, talk to your boyfriend and see where he’s at, and also depending on all of the above chat to the rest of your support system.

Good luck ❤️‍🩹

(Also if anons with personal experience in vibes like this please feel free to agony aunon).

(Also also: you’ll get through this and it WILL be okay).

[bisluthq]

I called my friend she's coming now and we're going to the hospital to see wtf is wrong with my body wish me luck not baby kinda luck .

Okay I mean idk where you live and if that’s free but like I’d have just done a pee test first. Good luck though!

[bisluthq]

Anon please please and please if this shit was something he knew about or asked for don't stay with him not even for 1 minute

✊🏻✊🏻

The Bisluts have spoken. If he’s not absolutely HORRIFIED and AGHAST at this story you need to walk the fuck away.