#all because a fucking nurse didn’t feel comfortable refilling the prescription

[area51-escapee]

I am so full of rage. I am so full of rage. I am so full of rage.

[whoslaurapalmer]

woooo! a medical nonsense readmore ~

i am WELL AWARE there is a very specific medical exam that i should have had quite a few times by now and i know it’s important and yeah!! i wanna make sure Everything’s Fine as much as everybody else!! but i have a very specific medical history (entirely just bizarre medical shenanigans related. but very specific nonetheless) that makes me very. touchy. about it. that i have actually never explained to any doctor, but, the thing was, all of the ones i’ve seen over the years, they’ve been FINE with not doing the exam. 100% fine. because when i started seeing someone for Related Nonsense, it was not necessary, and when i hit the age for it they were like, look, you’re fine if you don’t want to, and i was like, cool beans y’all see you next year :) i would like to, you know, eventually work my way up to it!! bc i know i should get it done and somewhere yeah i’d probably like to!! but like!!!!! this is not the kind of thing i really wanna be. pushed about. even the trainee nurse i saw once with my regular doctor a few years ago was a little pushy but still nice about it when i said no

so my regular doctor related to that apparently LEFT and because i only see her once a year to get a prescription refilled i had NO IDEA until we made the appointment last month, and i, needed the goddamn prescription refilled, so i just made an appointment with another doctor there, and i was like, really hoping she wasn’t gonna give me a hard time about this thing, and yes this morning she absolutely 100% did give me a hard time about not getting it done :) and honestly made it sound like because i refused to do it she would’ve renewed my prescription for only six months instead of a year which would’ve been. suuuuuuper shitty (i did in fact get a year but i also like. very much am going to ask the pharmacy to make sure i got a fucking year) but like

what really made me upset is that, i’ve had very nice doctors about this, but her attitude was very much ‘see this patient and then see the next one, this is a job and not a person i need to care about’, she didn’t introduce herself, she didn’t really care that i was like ‘yeah i’m anxious?????’ even when she asked, she wasn’t nice about it at all, and i feel like, this is very much the exam you should be a nice person about!!!!!!!! and i had to explain why i needed the prescription too which, she’s not my regular doctor i know she didn’t know why, but i feel like she was really judgy about that too and i’m like. okay i’ll just find another one, there are others in the area, but i’m also. angry and upset about it

and i’m like, should i have been more explicit about being uncomfortable??? but also like. i think if you see a patient being. anxious and uncomfortable, in any way. especially someone you’ve NEVER SEEN BEFORE. you should be kind about it. like that’s literally your fucking job and a goddamn requirement. and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. so i could have at least thought about it more instead of being upset. like i know part of this is on me for just like, being too scared to get it done, not every single medical exam is going to be comfortable (even though, i think they should be :) don’t get me started on ct scans and the mri) but also. maybe just make it easier for me to think about it. like i don’t think i should need to explain a reason necessarily for being scared about it i think someone should see i’m upset and just be. kind about it

one time for an ENTIRELY UNRELATED medical exam (the mri.) they had to knock me out to do it bc i cried the whole time when they first tried to do it (i made many a nurse upset by crying as a kid. :)) but this is. very much a thing you cannot be knocked out for. and probably should not be knocked out for!!!!! but i also. don’t think like numbing or anything would help bc i am also very anxious about not being able to feel parts of my body, just out of anxiety, like ya girl doesn’t even do novocaine. i suffer if the dentist needs to do anything. (thankfully he usually does not.) i had one (1) spot on my body numbed for a mole removal once but that was bearable bc it was literally, the size of a nickel, and not something i was gonna focus a lot on

anyway! just needed to put some bitching about this somewhere

[daveword1]

Three years ago I was in a serious wreck that wasn’t my fault. It resulted in three horrible back surgeries that culminated with a 12 level fusion with rods and screws. I’ve been on narcotic pain meds the whole time. I’m finally experiencing exponential improvement. The struggle ahead now is getting off the narcotics.

I’ve been through this a number of times before with over 20 abdominal surgeries over a 37 year span of time. The older I get the harder it is to kick the pills. I’m 100% dependent on them now. I intend to chronicle the journey here.

The first thing it takes is an acceptance that some uncomfortable times lay ahead. Bouts of radical anxiety and insomnia. Mental toughness is called for along with the knowledge it won’t be fatal but there might be times I’ll wish I no longer existed. My goal however is to be free of narcotics within three months. At my age (67) it’s dangerous in Covid times as narcotics impair the immune system.

I’ll be updating this blog religiously and rereading my entries to affirm my commitment. I’m open to any advice or comments along the way.

Installment Two...

I picked up a script for valium yesterday and had my first night in forever without a pain pill. Only had two pain pills this morning instead of usual three. Went five hours before taking last dose of the day of two more at noon. Four a day, down from ten or twelve just a month ago. Picking up steam.

Time for some honesty here. Countless times I’ve feigned agony in order to get my wife (THE KEEPER OF THE PILLS) to hand me up to three early. Had nothing to do with pain but more just to feel centered and normal. This is your ultimate proof you’re snared and completely dependent. This is when you’re lying constantly.

I have an observation I don’t entirely understand. When my consumption of pills was ravenous I was always adamant about getting off them. When out of necessity the amount had to be cut in half I was longing for the previous higher amount. Confused opioid receptors talking to the rest of my brain.

One thing I’m completely mortified by is the way I subtly manipulated a few others into generously sharing their pain pills. I did it by lying that doctors refused to prescribe them to me. I even intimated a few times I was suicidal because of my pain level. Lies lies and more lies. I was solely after the buzz. I’ve heard other people on pain meds awhile say they had no affinity or attraction to them. They complained such things as they kept them sleepy or caused disturbing dreams. They were the people who never finished a script. I’m one of those who gets a switch thrown in my brain immediately that tells me all I need is a steady intake of more more more.

I guess that’s the defining characteristic of an addictive personality. It must be something you’re hard wired for. I find the disease concept of addiction laughable. I’ve only known a few others like me and when we’d get pills from each other we fastidiously kept track of what we were owed back. Loan shark collection tactics weren’t out of the question.

Next installment will have the story of a younger brother who was hopelessly addicted to narcotics and his tragic end.

The Story of Brother Kenny

I had a younger brother once who enlisted in the Army. He developed back issues while stationed in Germany and was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. He eventually was awarded a full service related disability which payed him $3,300 monthly in the 90’s. Of course he opted not to work.

Back then you could still do a walkin off the street to most doctors offices and leave with a generous narcotic script. Kenny claimed his back condition was unbearably painful even though I read the condition usually only caused mild discomfort. He became a prolific doctor shopper. Eventually you could never see him when he wasn’t fully under the influence of huge narcotic doses.

I visited him one day and found him a blithering idiot. I told him I expected him to be dead within two months. He was visibly shaken. Nearly two months later I found him dead on his kitchen floor in his underwear. After the funeral people came for his body I found three different prescription pain meds from no less than five doctors. I’m convinced addiction runs in families. I, however, in many accumulated years of pain management never once od’d on pain meds. Kenny wasn’t so lucky and left us at age 47.

I took a large quantity of his meds home with me and hid them in my garage. I was very distraught over his death and someone gave me xanax pills which I took too much of. I decided to try and reverse the sedation with cocaine. My son later found me unresponsive and called an ambulance. I’m told I was comatose for three days during which my brother’s funeral had to be delayed. That was my greatest humiliating moral failure I’ve never forgiven myself for. I still believe I deserve a catastrophic event as punishment. I scarred my family and took years to rebuild trust.

Continuation...

It’s six days till next pain management appointment. I’ve managed to sneak and coerce enough extra doses that I’m nursing along at 2 pills a day instead of 7. I know that if I manage to sneak more I’ll be in misery a few days before next refill. I’ll have to visit with the doctor in extreme discomfort it’ll take all I have to hide from him. Somehow that matters little to me. Soon as my wife’s attention is diverted I’ll grab extra pills. It’s what that switch in my brain compels me to do.

I’ve gotten to the point that every aspect of my life seems dependent on having narcotics onboard. Visiting family, playing guitar, picking up groceries, even having grandkids over all require narcotic doses. My life doesn’t feel at all normal without it. I’d rather spend the entire day in bed than to not be able to take pills.

I remember six years ago when we moved onto this rural street with fabulous neighbors. The first street bbq we were invited to I was in withdrawals from morphine. I drank a helluva lot of moonshine to feel comfortable in my skin. My wife had to lead me home. I later had to apologize to the host who laughed it off thankfully.

I eventually attained a few years of complete normalcy I remember well. I played music in public and was comfortable around people I didn’t know well. It was a great time. Then came a cervical fusion surgery and months later lumbar fusion after a car wreck. Back on pills I desperately needed for horrible pain. Back to the switch in my brain being thrown. I’m recovered enough now it’s an abject lie to claim I still need them. I long for the normalcy again.

A goal I have is to not take a handful of pills when I pick up next refill again. I seriously doubt I’ll attain the goal but have ascribed it as a benchmark I’ll have to meet if I’m to be successful getting off this nightmare roller coaster. I’m like a dual personality at war with myself. Neither has the power to overcome the other.

I’m waiting for a delivery of thc gummies a cousin is sending me from Michigan. I’ve used them before and had better pain control with them. I can cut pain meds dosage in half when combined with thc gummies. I intend to try a rapid taper by using thc which I could always stop with no issues. I know I’m gonna have lingering discomfort for awhile. I’ll likely end up getting xanax from my long time primary doctor for the anxiety, insomnia and restless leg that hangs around a week or two. We’ll see how this goes. Pain meds have been in my life too long. The pain from the fusion is at a level I think I can tolerate with mental toughness now. Here’s hoping.

April 22, 2021

Yeah I know... I’ve not written anything in awhile. Short whirlwind of activity. I got my accident settlement money and we bought a bus type motorhome and had a big pool installed. Also had to go out of state for a week for a family member’s funeral. That’s my excuse.

As for the pills... the last quantity prescribed was exactly half the amount of a few months back. I was still down to none by the day before the appointment just like the previous three times. Sneaking pills when my wife’s attention is diverted has become an art form. It’s compulsive behavior that embarrasses me but I seem powerless to overcome. At least the rapid tapering regimen is in full swing and being successfully adhered to. I’ll end this session by reiterating I’m tired of being snared by these fucking pills and look forward to the glorious day they are out of my psyche.

Long overdue update. In rereading this treatise I’ve realized my initial projection of being off pain pills in a few months is in serious jeopardy. The last dosage reduction caused me to hit a wall. The pain levels have increased and I’m walking like a bent over geriatric cripple again. I’m having to realize pills will apparently be in my future for an indeterminate time. That means the lies and stealthy thievery will continue. I so wish I could conquer this compulsion but the fact remains. I can’t feel normal without them, even though after so much time on them the relief is only very minimal.

I can’t stress enough how this is not where I want to be. I long for the time again when these fuckin pills are a distant memory. If not that then I long to take them responsibly. My brain won’t allow that. It isn’t even a choice available to me. The longing to simply cease to exist pops up now and again but thankfully I can’t do that to my family. I’m considering starting a podcast to address these issues. I know millions of people like me exist in this hell. I’m not sure if I could do it other than as an anonymous person. Who the fuck wants the world to know they’re stuck in this void?

[thebluesiren66]

The Doctor Will See You Now

Summary: When you go to the office to meet your new general practitioner, Dr. Stan has already had a rough day and he needs a little release ;)

Warnings: SMUT, Dr!Sebastian Stan au, Possible trigger of doctor’s offices and gynecology, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cursing

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guys, please request things! all asks and requests are open, I’m so lonely and uninspired... ;(

“Hey hey! Baby Stan the man!”

Sebastians ears rang and it took everything in him not to groan at the all too familiar greeting. Ever since he had moved into this god forsaken office he had received nothing but snide remarks and blows to his pride. Fresh out of med school he was the youngest doctor out of the faculty, but that didn't mean that he had any less qualification than any other washed up GP in here!

“Hey son, what’s going on?” 

Doctor Quall... on the shorter side, slightly obese, grey with age, and one of the biggest pricks of the general practitioner floor. Sebastian gritted his teeth before turning in his office chair to face his colleague.

“Quall, what can I do for you?” sebastian forced a bitter smile.

“Well, I was just having a look at your patient list for the day and I noticed a pretty serious case. from the looks of things, it could be cancerous. well I know you’re new and all that, so I took the liberty and removed the case from your files. I’ll take care of this one. no need to worry, I’ve got your back kid. let me know if something else comes up!”

Before Sebastian could even say anything, the crude old man was already out the door with HIS patient file!

Damn him!

Sebastian slammed his fists on his desk. who the fuck did he think he was?? I’ve been in this damn office for almost a year! sebastian growled under his breath. I bet he barely passed his residential exams in the first place!

“Doctor Stan?” came a soft voice the the intercom into his office.

“What!?” Sebastian shouted.

There was a short pause... he was taking his anger out in all the wrong ways, he needed to get his head in the game and get back to work. no one deserves to feel subjected to the hate that belonged to another, especially not the on call nurse running the intercoms...

“I’m sorry, what is it?” Sebastian reproached in a calm voice, fixing a stray hair falling over his brow.

“Your 3 O’clock patient is waiting for you in exam room 7 sir” The voice from the intercom spoke.

With a deep breath Sebastian rose from his chair and made his way to the examination wing. Hopefully this could take his mind off things.

You sat in the cold room twiddling your thumbs. Being at the clinic really gave you the creeps, especially one that you weren’t familiar with. your old practitian had just retired and now you needed to meet with the new guy who was supposed to take over her old patients. you had initially thought this would all just roll over and you’d just come in next time you needed a prescription refill or a check up... but evidently because of all the patient confidentiality crap they can’t just transfer your files from your old doctor to your new one. you had to take a whole afternoon off of work, come all they way out here, sign a million things, and meet the new guy to transfer all your old information.

God I hate all this technicall crap... I really just want to go home.. you thought to yourself.

After about 7 minutes of waiting the door roughly swung open and you almost jumped from the exam table. Sebastian laid eyes on your figure, obviously tense and with a hand placed over your chest like you were afraid your heart was about to beat out of your chest and he mentally kicked himself.

“My apologies, I should have knocked..” Sebastian said swavely, attempting his best welcoming smile.

“No that’s okay...” you said as you took in the man before you.

He certainly was a sight to behold... a lot younger than you thought he’d be... he barely looked 30. He had a pair of white scrubs on that were obviously a size too small... it looked like if he moved just the right way, his pecks would rip the front of his stirt straight down the middle... and those white pants strained against his muscular thighs in the most sinful way...

You were pulled from your ogling as he gracefully walked towards your seat on the table.

“Doctor Sebastian Stan at your service.” he held his hand out for you to take.

“(y/n), its a pleasure.” you gave in return, voice about an octave higher than usual.

Sebastian cleared his throat and ran his long fingers through his thick dark brown hair in attempt to keep it under control. he took a seat in front of the computer and logged into his profile to catch your files all up to date.

This all really was a pain in the ass...

Height?

Weight?

Diet?

How many times a week to you exersize?

Previous conditions, medication, surgeries, last time you got your shots, have you been out of the country recently?

jesus christ how long is this going to take?? days?? weeks??

“Alright, last one Miss (y/n). Sebastian gave you an apologetic look over to your slumped over figure.

“When was the last time you had your Pap Smear?”

you paused for a moment thinking, then you felt your face pale... you definitely should have not pushed that one under the rug for so long when you had a FEMALE doctor...

“Uhhh... never...?” you smiled timidly trying to avoid your doctors burning eyes.

Sbastian widened his eyes a tad as he saw a little blush creep up your cheeks.

“Miss (y/n)... I strongly recommend you get that done as soon as possible... you said that your grandmother had cervical cancer didn’t you?”

You nodded your head softly, like a puppy who knows he’s in trouble.

“Well those things can turn out to be hereditary you know...” Sebastian droned on.

“I know... I guess it just always kinda... i don't know... made me nervous...” you sigh.

Sebastian stood slowly and placed one of his large hands on your shoulder and looked at you with those soft kind eyes.

“I understand. It’s completely normal to be nervous about these things going into it... but I assure you, there is nothing to be nervous about. It’s the easiest procedure in the world. takes only about 5 minutes.”

Sebastian smiled at you and you felt the not in your gut slowly melt away little by little.

“Since you’ve come out all this way today, I could do it for you really quick if you’d like... Quick and painless. no extra charge for coming back another day...”

Here comes the knot again... how your fingers grow cold and your head feels foggy...

Sebastian saw how you noticeably reacted to his proposition..

“Of course if you’d be more comfortable, I could speak with the nurses. one of them must have the qualifications to perform such a simple test...”

Before you could even think about it your mouth opened on it’s own accord and spoke for you.

“No! I’d like you to do it...”

Sebastian was surprised at this... but he certainly wouldn’t deny you. he gave you another heart melting smile.

“Go ahead and disrobe from the waist down and you can use the blanket behind you for cover if you'd like. I’ll be back in just a moment.”

everything was moving at X10 speed and Sebastian left you alone in the silence with a bad case of whiplash.

okay... this isn’t so bad... I can do this... just a doctor performing a little test... an extremely attractive doctor... with his extremely attractive hands... all over my vagina... what have I gotten myself into....

Sebastian softly closed the door behind him and leaned his back against the wood. God, the smell of her perfume... her smile... the way her hair shines under the fluorescent lights... how soft her skin was... the sound of her little voice when she got embarrassed. Sebastian cursed under his breath, he couldn’t have those thoughts about her. not about his patient. one little test and she would be out those doors and he could forget. move on with his crappy job and go back to prescribing pain meds to old women with bad joints. no more of this pretty girl who smells sweet... who’s eyes burn holes into your skin... whose legs you’re going to be between in a few minutes... just inches away from her aching pus-

Sebastian shook his head and walked away from the door. just a test. just one test.... he made his way towards the equipment room, trying the images of her getting naked behind that door out of his head.

The cold air over your heat, the vent directly over the exam table, and this tiny blanket was doing nothing to stop the quivering in your thighs. you were beyond tense, but right before you could hop up and put your pants back on to make your escape Doctor Stan knocked softly on the door before swinging it open.

There you were, laying back on the table, half naked and waiting for him...

Shut up

if he kept thinking like that he was going to pop a boner and these scrubs would do nothing to hide it...

you saw Sebastian walk over to the little table beside your head and set down a small bottle with clear liquid inside, and a metal contraption that looked like a pelican beak. you swallow hard and force your eyes away.

Just dont think about it...

Sebastian sat on his stool and pulled out some latex gloves from a little box on the counter and wheeled his stool and the little table over to you. you were to scared to look down at him, but it was like you could feel him hovering over your heat...

you took another deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Alright Miss (y/n), let's get your legs up.” Sebastian said.

those words went straight to your core and just made you a thousand times more nervous... if he’d only say that while you were laying flat on his bed-

Sebastian carefully gripped your ankles and pulled you legs up to rest in these stirrup holders that unfolded from the side of the table you were on. now you were sure your face was full on tomato. you were laying back, basically spread eagle in front of Dr. Dreamy here... with only this tiny blanket between his face and your most intimate pla...

“I’ll be lifting the blanket a little now Miss (y/n)” Sebastian soothed.

you didn’t trust you voice, so you only nodded at his statement. you closed your eyes and waited for a cold rush of air that would signal you were bare to him.

Sebastian held his breath as the light cloth was slowly pulled up to rest on your knees. you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.. every part of you was delectable... your skin so soft and supple... he began to wonder if he was the first man to touch you here... he doubted it, but you just seemed like a ripe fruit, begging to be devoured. how he longed to get a taste...

Clearing his throat and shaking himself out of his daze, Sebastian picked up the small bottle. “I’ll just apply a small amount of lubricant...”

Your eyes shot open at that

“L-lubricant??” you asked, looking down at him.

“it make it easier to insert the examining device, we need to be able to test the surface of the cervix without the vaginal walls closing around the swab.” sebastian said softly.

you laid back again and bit you lip

what in the actual fuck did i get myself into...

Sebastian applied a small amount of the clear liquid into his gloved hand.

“I’m going to touch you now...”

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as he slowly reached forward to touch your throbbing center. using one hand he spread your lips and he was met with your beautiful pink skin. without even thinking he took his lubed hand and brushed his fingertips against your clit that was beginning to swell. he felt you gasp and flinch at the contact, but he was too mesmerised to look back up at you this time.

“Sorry if my hands are cold...” Sebastian said as he slowly moved his fingertips down to your tight hole, slicking you up.

when his fingertip met with your opening he frowned. you were so tight he doubted he could even slip one of his fingers into you, let alone the clamp...

“This will take longer and be more uncomfortable if you’re tense... try and relax” Sebastian soothed.

you nodded, but you just couldn't make your body obey. every single muscle was wound tight. Sebastian noticed your struggle and he bit his lip... this could be risky... unethical even... but as long as it was all in the name of the procedure right..?

“Alright, I’ll be applying a small amount of pressure to see if this will help you relax... if at any time you feel uncomfortable just say so.” Sebastian said placing a hand on your ankle and squeezing comfortingly.

Sebastian took his lubed hand once more and pressed the pad of his thumb against you clit. this time when he felt you hips jerk he started small ministrations against the sensitive bud.

You clamped you hand over your mouth to contain the moan lodged in your throat and you felt your thighs start to quiver again.

With ever circle over your clit Sebastian could feel you loosening up for him. His finger was still nestled against your entrance and he waited until you were dilated with pleasure up to almost two of his fingers before he held the metal clamp against you hole. he wanted to tell you to prepare for the insertion, but he was afraid if he gave you a warning, you would only close up on him again. so without so much as a word, he slid the long piece of metal into your tight heat to the hilt.

When you felt the unexpected intrusion slide inside you all the way to your cervix, you couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips or the arch in your back.

“Sorry, just didn’t want you to tense up on me before I could get in there...” Sebastian said, looking at the undoubtable look of pleasure on your face.

you chanced a look down at the man between your legs and you immediately regretted it. a devilish smirk adorned his handsome face as he looked up at you and you instantly felt the spark in the pit of your stomach.

“Now comes the easy part.” Sebastian started.

“I’m going to widen the clamp so I can see the cervix, then we’ll take a swab sample, and we’re all done.”

You nodded and braced yourself for whatever “widening  the clamp” meant.

You felt it as soon as he started, it was the weirdest yet  strangely pleasurable feeling you’ve ever known. you could feel the end of the metal tool deep inside you beginning to open and stretch you open wider. you felt so full... and yet so empty, since it was just a hollow metal tool... and it made you ache to feel something.. something bigger... hotter... something like Doctor Stan’s...

You had been so lost with your mind in the gutter that you didn’t even feel him take the sample.But you snapped out of it when you felt the long slick piece of metal being pulled from your core.

Sebastian put the sample in a test tube and took his gloves off before turning his attention back to you to release your legs from the stirrups. but before he could release the buckle the door to the exam room swung open.

From behind the door came an older man whose shirt was a little too small... but not in the sexy way this time... holding a stack of papers in minella folders. you shot up from your lying position trying to contain your modesty, But Sebastian got to you first. he swiftly covered you with his lab coat and walked to stand between you and the intruder.

“Hey baby Stan the man, I was just having a look at some more of you files and-”

“Doctor Quall I am with a patient! you are disrupting her privacy and patient confidentiality!” Sebastian shouted at the bulbous old man.

His voice was stern, scarry almost. but the old man just scoffed and ruffled Sebastians hair as if he were a child.

“Nice try Sebby, I’ll be taking another two cases off your workload for you!”

And with that.. the door was shut and the old man was gone just as swiftly as he came...

Sebastian's hair was tousled  and his hands were balled into fists. he looked as if her were about to explode...

“Doctor Stan...?” you called out softly.

Sebastian quickly turned his attention back to you, his eyes sparkling with rage.

“No one in here treats me with any fucking respect! That shit happens day in and day out because I’m the youngest doctor here! fuck that! I shouldn’t be here, I should be a surgeon working in an OR not a fucking washed up clinic!”

Sebastian kicked at the examining stool and pulled at his hair in anger. he was like some volatile predator ready to attack... and god damn if that didn’t turn you on...

Sebastian cooled as he saw your blank expression staring up at him. in a moment of clarity, he fixed his hair again.

“I apologise.. that was extremely unprofessional of me..” Sebastian said softly, gaze fixed to the floor.

“I understand”

your eyes met then, you gave him a small smile and he felt the remainder of his composure melt. it was too late, you were chipping away at his cracked foundations and now the dam was coming down...

“Fuck it. I’ll quit tomorrow anyway...”

Sebastian was on you in a single stride. he stepped between your still sterrupped legs and tangled his hands in your hair as he smashed his lips against yours.

Taken aback, it took your brain a moment to recognize what was happening, but you quickly melted into his power and trailed your hands over his wide shoulders. his tongue was already invading your mouth and his hands were starting to wander down  to the small of your back where your shirt had ridden up. he greedily shoved his strong hands under the shirt and kept pushing till it was up and off your shoulders. in that moment your lips disconnected he took the time to let his eyes wander over your breasts and to the cute little lacy bra you had chosen for today.

He quickly pulled away from you and walked backwards. at first you were afraid he was just going to run out and leave you there, but then you saw his graceful fingers brush over the door lock.

“This will be a private examination...” Sebastian turned his gaze back to you and you saw the raw hunger in his eyes.

With dangerous prowess, Sebastian strode over to you and ripped the blanket and his coat from your lap. he leaned back over you and started kissing over your stomach, reaching lower and lower with each peck.

“This wasn’t my first pap smear you know... the rest of them were painfully... uneventful... but you... this pussy just ... does things to me...” Sebastian growled against your skin.

Your hands laced in his hair as his kisses reached your pubic bone.

“I’ve been wanting to taste you all afternoon...”

Sebastian dipped his head between your spread thighs and licked a stripe up your lips. His hands flew to your hips and held them down when you tried to arch off the table. his fingers were holding you so tight you were sure they'd bruise, but you only bucked into his face harder when he wrapped his soft lips around your clit and started flicking it ever so lightly with the tip of his tongue.

you were panting and forcing yourself to swallow the screams Sebastian was trying to force out of you. you’d managed to remain fairly quiet... until two of his long fingers slipped into your core.

you arched your back again and let out a strangled cry as he continued his assault on your clit while curling his deft fingers into that spot inside you that made you melt for him.

“Doctor Stan... I- I’m gonna...” you cried.

He ripped himself away from you in that moment and you whimpered at the loss. you look up just in time to see him rip his shirt over his head and pull his impressive cock out of his pants. you couldn’t help but stare as it bounced proudly when Sebastian walked towards you.

He leaned down over you and you could feel the weight of it against your waiting core. he tangled his hand in your hair again.

“Call me Sebastian...”

He pressed your lips together again and swallowed your moans as he roughly drove himself into your wet heat.

he started a brutal pace, hips snapping into yours and making your whole body shake with the force of it. you swore he was even deeper inside you that that tool had been earlier.

he was grunting wildly with each trust and he roughly shoved his hands under the cups of your bra to squeeze your breasts and tweak each nipple. your arms were firmly wrapped around his neck and your nails were digging into his muscular shoulder blades, but that only made Sebastian thrust into you harder. you could’ve sworn he was going to split you in half. his tongue on yours, hands on your breasts, abdomen rubbing against your clit with each thrust, and a hard cock so deep inside you...

“God Sebastian...” you moaned, coming closer and closer to your end.

“That's it baby... say my name when you cum for me... say it..” sebastian growled into your ear as he picked up his pace.

you felt his teeth bite into your neck and that was the end of your rope. you fell head first over the edge and came a sharp cry of his name as Sebastian's thrusts were getting more erratic until he finally released  and let his hard body rest on top of yours. both sweaty and spent.

After a few moments you felt Sebastian prop himself up o his elbows. his shallow breath fanned over your face as he fixed a strand of your hair and looked down at you with that devilish smile again.

“I want you to come back to me in a week for another thorough examination Miss (y/n)”

[chronicillnessproblems]

List of really fun things my new PCP did today:

Didn’t know that I had EDS when she walked into the room. It was definitely in my chart from when I saw the NP. Like, absolutely no way it wasn’t. She just didn’t read my chart.

Nurse took down my list of questions/concerns/topics at the start of the appointment, the doctor tried to leave without addressing anything but the klonopin script so clearly she didn’t read that either before starting the appointment. Was also pretty dismissive about those other issues.

When she did read the stuff I brought, she pronounced about a dozen medical words wrong when skimming my medical list, including not particularly hard or particularly medical words (like, “fusion.” I forget what she said. Something like fission but that wasn’t it.)

Didn’t get why I see doctors in another state. (Because all you guys here FUCKING SUCK)

Didn’t get why I’m not just on disability? (what, like, it’s hard? Yes, because I DON’T PAY TAXES or even have a permanent address I live at to decide which state I’m supposed to be applying with.) 

I went in in my wheelchair, so when I told her I needed my birth control refilled she asked if I needed it to regulate periods because, hahhaha, obviously, the idea of me being sexually active is ridiculous. (I mean, I’m not sexually active, and if I were I’d probably be dating at least mostly women, but it’s because I’m too fucking sick to go out, not because disabled people are SO unattractive/not sexual. Fuck her.)

Anyway, so since I’m OBVIOUSLY not sexually active the idea of me needing a pap smear was also ridiculous because haha there’s no risk. Not like I have IgA deficiency and chronic infections of multiple sorts due to that, and am at least at risk of minor stuff that an exam that’s DEFINITELY covered is worth having, but that’s not the argument I chose. Hopefully I don’t have anything major or minor.

She says she doesn’t want to prescribe me the benzo that I’ve been on for two years because I’m also very, very occasionally on hydrocodone and if she prescribes me one while I’m on the other we’ll both be “put on a list” because “federal regulations” (or state regulations, I think she said both? I think the truth is NEITHER though) so I have to promise to go off the other first.

She “can’t” prescribe Low Dose Naltrexone. Not like, doesn’t feel comfortable, but “can’t.” Despite me reading to her my geneticist recommendation to try it for fatigue by finding a local prescriber. I swear to god she said to me in the same sentence, “ask XYZ doctor any doctor can write a prescription,” but “I can’t write a prescription, because it’s not a primary care thing.” 

“Idk why you don’t get the flu vaccine, despite you just telling me that your immunologist and geneticists say not to because of your IgA deficiency and potential to not even retain vaccine immunity due to probable CVID, I think you should get the flu vaccine! Get the hypoallergenic one!”