#all that to say...... idk. might write if brain cooperates? but everything feels Wrong so might just dissociate in games

[byanyan]

ngl i spent most of my day in bed... planned power outage has fucked my entire shit (my routine which i cling to for sanity & comfort)

[jjba-arni-reblog]

Control

Alright, so this is inspired by a galaxy brain post of an amazing artist @metallicoxide

PLEASE let me know whatcha think. It was interesting to write for my favourite characters. ;-;

Summary: Pre-Vento Aureo events, Fugo just got his stand after Bruno saved him. However, learning about the newly acquired stand, Diavolo became interested in helping Fugo control it. Story follows chronological situations occurred within the unspecified period of time. 

+ Diavolo’s POV as well as his thoughts about the new member and his internal struggle to choose which gang group Fugo should be sent to.

Some of the elements might be changed to fit the story. Also I wrote 'costume' instead of a 'suit' idk why, Russian logic/ 

Words: 2.7K 

As the warm night surrounded Italy, a small light could be seen in a secluded mansion situated in the middle of nowhere.

Small lamp was the only source of light for the man currently organizing newly arrived documents and multiple reports. Everything needs to be read and checked over to ensure that everything is stable in the mafia word.

Diavolo eased his tie, sighing at stack of documents before him, his dark costume covering his tattooed body, exhausted after multiple hours of sitting and checking the reports. He let himself stretch a little, feeling his body suffer under the stress. But there was no time to waste. Diavolo grabbed another document, his eyes widening slightly.

‘New report from Bruno Buccellati’ the man thought to himself, looking at a lengthy document. He didn’t remember sending the man on a mission personally and as far as Diavolo knew, the business was calm and stable.

As these thoughts ran through his mind, Diavolo opened the document, noticing the usual gentle and tidy handwriting.

‘New member?’ his eyes widened a little. While in general there isn’t usually a necessity to introduce the new member directly, sometimes their newly gained powers require further investigating and analysis.

Stand user: Pannacotta Fugo

Stand name: Purple Haze.

Close-range stand. Contains a particularly deadly, flesh-eating virus in each of the three bulbs on each of its hands.

Anything that enters its range is infected, and an adult human being will melt into organic goo within 30 seconds

 ‘Interesting,’ Diavolo said to himself, continuing to read the file ‘this seems like one of the strongest stands I have ever read about, one could only imagine how powerful it is in action.’

Indiscriminately attacks friends and foes therefore making it almost uncontrollable in certain cases. The stand requires a lot of concentration and mental control.

‘This is new,’ Diavolo eyes scanned the words as if to confirm that he is reading it correctly. Checking the age of the new member, he couldn’t help but to feel just the tiniest tug in his heart.

‘Such stand…at a such young age. Stands should reflect one’s soul, personality’ anxious thoughts ran through his mind.

Diavolo felt the urge to meet the boy, to see his stand.

And maybe to help.

So, who are you, Pannacotta Fugo?

~~~

Diavolo became arranging the meeting the next morning, informing his most trusted man so those could deliver the precious information.

He wasn’t going to reveal himself, of course. Instead, it was decided that he would pretend to be a member of one of the other gangs, acting as a teacher who was going to analyse Fugo’s stand. No direct contact with the younger man.

Fugo was give the instructions to arrive to an abandoned building, yet he knew better than to trust it. Instead, after finding the right small opening, Pannacotta found himself in some sort of a secret base, training grounds if one might say so. It was a fully functioning hidden base with the variety of rooms.

Finding the right door, Pannacotta ended the big room, devoid of everything. Instead the only other noticeable thing in said room was a wide dark glass-window. No matter how hard Fugo tried to look past it, he saw no one, the glass completely sheltered whoever was there. If there was anyone, of course.

Fugo decided to be straight-forward, not finding the place pleasant, so he spoke out.

“Why am I being summoned here? Is this another mission that I am unaware of?” the young man spoke to no one yet hoping that someone was watching him, he needed answers.

“Pannacotta Fugo,” deep voice answered, filling the big room “it is not a mission,” the voice explained.

“Then why am I here?” Fugo asked, confused.

“To test the abilities of your stand” hearing the explanation made Fugo stiff a little. This was the last thing he wanted to do. To see his stand…

“Do not be afraid” Diavolo spoke as if feeling the worry in the younger man “think of me as your teacher today, your guide. My wish is to help you control your powers. Now, tell me about your stand,” he continued.

As the teenager stood in the empty room, Diavolo looked careful at Pannacotta. The boss sat just behind the large glass, sheltered from anyone’s eyes. His costume complimenting man’s muscular body, Diavolo help the document in his hand while the half-smoked cigarette was in another one. He sincerely hoped that Fugo would cooperate, it was a valuable stand after all.

“It is the manifestation of my worst side,” the teenager answered, a small annoyed growl leaving his lips.

“Even if so, it is your strongest side,” Diavolo argued, carefully eyeing Fugo through the window, noticing the growing anger in younger man’s features.

“It does more harm than good, I cannot even let out it normally,” Fugo continued “It’s uncontrollable and deadly to my possible gang members,” a note of sadness appeared in his snaky voice. Diavolo noticed it right away, noting that despite the man thinking of himself this low, the teenager was quite worried about the people around him.

“You will have to learn to control it,” the long-haired man stated, taking another drag of his cigarette, eyeing the document.

“I..I don’t think I can,” Fugo half-mumbled yet his statement could be perfectly heard in the quiet room “what if I will hurt someone… I wouldn’t bear the pain of hurting Buccellati.”

Oh, the one and only

Diavolo smirked a little. It wasn’t the first time he had heard such positive opinions regarding the mentioned man. Even though he wasn’t in the gang for too long, the dark-haired man quickly gained quite the popularity, known for his gentle and caring nature – as the report on Bruno Buccellati stated.

“You won’t,” Diavolo’s deep voice cut through the room, making the younger man’s eyes widen a little at the strong statement “you will learn to control it,” the voice continued “and I am here to help you.”

Seeing Pannacotta freeze for a moment, Diavolo thought that he perhaps said too much.

“Thank you,” Fugo’s soft voice answered, unsure of what to expect from the mysterious voice talking to him. He glanced at the dark glass, not trying to see the person behind it but to show that he was indeed, thankful.

“The pleasure is all mine” Diavolo answered, the tiniest of smiles present on his face. They were now almost looking at each other, if one might call it so.

Pannacotta Fugo is indeed, an interesting new member

He then continued.

“This man, Bruno Buccelatti, does he take good care of you?”  Fugo was taken back by the unexpected question, yet quickly reassuring himself that the gang must be just checking on his leader.

“Yes”

“Good, we expect only the best from the people in the organization,” Diavolo concluded, his posture easing up just a little.

“Can I ask you something?” Fugo said, unsure if he would get an answer back.

“Try it” the hidden boss chuckled a little.

“Will you reveal yourself to me…sir?” Fugo asked, uncertain of how to refer to the person talking to him.

“Sir is just fine. Regarding my presence, I afraid not but I need you to trust me,” his serious voice carried through the room “It is not a trap of any sorts. No one else is here except for us, so there won’t be a possibility of anyone being hurt,” a small notion of reassurance was present in Diavolo’s voice. He needed to make Fugo feel comfortable around him.

~~~

‘What a fine work, a murder full of pain and anger’ Diavolo thought to himself, noting the precise, merciless actions of the teenager. Yet something was off. Something was unsaid. Not documented.

‘Pannacota Fugo doesn’t seem like a person to just lash out like that. He might have issues, but he is definitely not stupid, far from that’ the boss concluded, turning towards the table.

What was it about the teacher that set him off?

Diavolo looked over the neatly arranged documents that were delivered to him just a day ago. Those didn’t contain any general information, instead he made sure to dig up everything on the teacher and the incident. Something was wrong. Pannacotta Fugo wouldn’t have killed to man just for the sake of it nor would he snap this easily.

Great father. People’s opinions are always biased.

A long history of teaching. Yet he drove the younger man to a such state…what did he do?

Excellent research works. Nothing interesting.

Fascination with young boys.

 Finally. A true reason for the merciless actions of Pannacota Fugo.

What a shame. Diavolo crumbled the paper, throwing it away, just where the trash belongs.

Another scum of the Earth

He should be thankful he met Fugo before the teenager acquired his stand

 ~~~

“Show me your stand, Pannacota Fugo,” Diavolo half-commanded yet without the anger in his voice.

“It’s dangerous and I might hurt you”

“I am not directly there, am I?” Diavolo argued a little

“I suppose so but…” Fugo fidgeted with his hands, anxiety filling his thoughts. What if…

Yet before he could continue, the voice cut him off

“I am not here to mock you,” came the reassuring tone “let your stand out. I will be here if something were to happen.”

And so Fugo did.

Purple Haze manifested, confused at its own appearance. It was rare that his stand user let him out. Almost never.

Fugo felt himself getting worried as the stand started to walk confused, mumble something to itself and growling. As if feeling the teenager getting anxious, Diavolo spoke out.

“Keep calm, there is no one here to be hurt,” the boss reminded Fugo “try concentrating on your stand and its position, abilities. Don’t let it control you, Pannacota Fugo” his voice spoke through the room.

Purple Haze started to lay punches on the wall, half-screaming half-whining confusedly.

“It’s uncontrollable” Fugo was eager to make his stand disappear. He wanted to turn away, to not see this monster. To not see himself.

“Don’t let him overwhelm you, control your breathing, Pannacota Fugo. Contrate on stopping him, make him think rationally, make him behave,” Diavolo stood up behind the dark window, eyeing the two figures. He let his voice carry Fugo through the experience, easing the teenager. His generous hints at how to maintain calm made Fugo visibly less stiff. He fially started to concentrate.

After some time, the stands pushes became slower, his breathing slowing down as Fugo tried his best to control Purple Haze.

Eventually, the stand stopped punching, instead it simple stood, eyeing the room, not quite sure what to do.

That is, until it saw its own drool falling on his hands, making Purple Haze anxious over the now dirty hands. It was

“What a spectacular stand,” Diavolo commented.

“No, I don’t believe it is,” Fugo sighed, looking annoyingly at his stand. Why did it have to show its other side to Fugo’ teacher? Having the stand worry over its hygiene was not what Fugo wanted to present to the man behind the glass

“Whatever you believe, it is still a reflect of your soul. And even if it is uncontrollable at the moment, you will learn to communicate with it. And I believe you have the ability to do so,” Diavolo explained.

Fugo smiled for the first time since gaining his stand.

~~~

Another day, another training.

Fugo felt himself getting angry. What if there won’t be any results? The stand still didn’t fully listen to him, often aggressively denied the commands of its stand user.

“When? When will I even achieve in controlling him? I don’t want to accidentally kill anyone. Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe I am still as useless as…” he was cut off.

“Look back, Fugo” the voice ordered. What Fugo couldn’t see was the small smirk on his teacher’s face.

Fugo turned around.

Purple Haze stood, completely calm, devoid of the uncontrollable anger. Breathing even, movements calculated.

“You did it, congratulations,” the silky voice said.

“I…” Fugo was lost for words, looking back at the glass.

“I am proud of you, Pannacota Fugo.”

“I don’t know what to say” Fugo was looking at the ground, slightly flustered over the generous comment. People weren’t to eager to say nice words to him…

“There is nothing to say, lift your head high and move forward,” Diavolo answered, a small smile present on his face.

~~~

“Do you have any questions for me? In regards of your stand perhaps?” Diavolo asked one day, getting comfortable behind the large dark window. Fugo was sitting on the chair, now a little bit closer to the glass as the comfortable atmosphere filled the room. It was unusual for the two of them to not live in a constant state of anxiety

“Can I ask about my missions?” Fugo asked.

“Go ahead”

“What do I do after defeating the enemy?”

“Well, you don’t have to get rid of the body if your stand will do its work but if something, you will have contacts for the right people to call,” the boss explained “sometimes you will have to hide the body before anyone can see.”

Fugo simply noted, taking in the explanation. Diavolo then continued

“If controlled, your stand could be user for interrogation or even torture” he commented, seeing the younger man’s eyes widen slightly.

“Torture? What is there for me to do if my stand will do all the work?” Fugo raised his eyebrow. There won’t be anything left of an enemy if he was to truly unleash Purple Haze

“You decide for yourself. Laugh, mock the enemy, dance for all we know” Diavolo smirked a little as the teenager raised his eyebrow at the last part. He then continued in a more serious tone “you need to maintain control over your stand, that is your main priority.”

“I will” for once, Fugo’s voice was filled with certainty and Diavolo couldn’t help but to feel proud.

~~~

He is learning and improving with each our meeting. Fugo is becoming stronger…

Yet I don’t want to risk it

All this tremendous work we did can be wiped out if the wrong gang group would be chosen.

La Squadra

A rather infamous gang, usually dealing with the lowest tasks such as assassination, torture and obtaining information. Looking at the squad members...

La Squadra….it might fit him. Their stand variety is quite impressive. And together with newly manifested power of Pannacotta Fugo, multiple combination could be made to improve the work of the gang.

Illuso could trap a person withing his mirror world and will be left to do if for Fugo to let out his stand. It sounds almost too good,

Risotto is a compelling leader, so that anger could be controlled within the group. He is stoic and confident in his abilities. And the gang already has a person with anger issues…

Pesci could easily bring the enemy into Purple haze’s deadly area.

Prosciutto, painful yet quick death, old people are too easy to take out. A perfect trap.

Formaggio, make the enemy smaller, making the area of the virus appear even wider for the enemy.

All the ideas made Diavolo smile a little as he combined the stands’ abilities. Pannacotta Fugo could be useful. He could become stronger, more aware of his own stand. He could be so much more.

~~~

Yet a small voice told him that it won’t work. Pannacotta Fugo is a strong user, but he is definitely not merciless. He might follow the orders but deep inside he will have to fight himself in order to succeed. La Squadra isn’t the place for him. He still needs to grow, he needs someone…

Eyeing the same report that arrived to his mansion the first time he heard about the younger man, Diavolo glanced over the document once again…

Bruno Buccellati

‘He seemed to have taken a liking to Fugo. He was even considering taking the younger man into his gang…well, a first member to his gang’ Diavolo smirked a little, a new small gang. How cute.

Maybe I should give them a chance.

As Diavolo thought about his decision, he couldn’t help but to compare those two.

They seem alike, having to kill at a such young age…

‘Interesting pair to say the least’ the boss concluded, realizing that he already made the decision.

A deep sigh left his lift as Diavolo signed the document. A new gang will be formed. Consisting of two people at the moment.

Maybe for now, I’ll let you decide your own fate.

With a heavy heart, I’ll have to say goodbye.

Until we meet again.

Pannacotta Fugo

[choccos-aaart]

Learn stuff about the story of April and friends!

>>BASE<<

[SPOILER WARNING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED?!] Also this is a LONG post -Chocco

LAST UPDATE: 13.07.2021

Random Facts Story Meme By ~PhoenixTorque If you're looking for a serious meme, you're in the wrong place! This is meant for original fiction, although it might work for fanfiction as well. It can be done with as many or as few spoilers as you wish, so feel free to skip over a question if you don't want to spoil things for potential readers. So pick a story and get started!

So, what's your story called? Like hell I know! XD It’s gone through multiple changes, but right now I’ve got “Poject: Proclo.” Despite me growing used to it, I’m not very proud of it...

Did you have any early/working titles? Yes! (It’s very embarrassing, though...)

Cloronve Niathea (2016-2017) - I jumbled up a bunch of words just so I could claim a tag

The Cloronia (2018?-2019) - I thought the 2016 one was stupid

Project: Clonerion (2019-2020) - I thought the early 2019 one was stupid.

Project: Proclo (2020-2021?) - I thought the 2020 one fell into this “definitely could have a definition in English which makes no sense in this context” trap

Project: WHAT THE HELL?! 

Why did you choose the final title? It’s titled “Steel House in the Prairie”!

Keeping this answer because I thought it was funny: “I didn’t! I don’t even have one that’s confirmed, yet!”

Was it easy or hard to choose a title? It’s pretty damn hard, I’ll tell you that

Who's the protagonist? Some cyborg kid named April

Why are they the protagonist, and not someone else? Well, here’s multiple things that tick off...

Audience knows just as much about the situation she finds herself in as she does

She undergoes major development, especially in relation to the other characters and in regards to the story’s main themes

She goes through situations that miraculously make her do protagonist things

ETC!!! XD

Are they a hero or everyperson? April’s an ambitiousless everyperson that just so happens to know how to fight.

What's their job? April’s only 15! And she hates being seen in the public, anyway! XD

Do they have a sidekick? Best Friend? April does make good friends with Pillia and Matro who technically do become her first best friends/sidekicks in her whole protag/hero journey

Do they have a love interest? Rivals fighting for their affection? A harem that hangs on their every word? Nope!

Is there a secondary protagonist? Who? I wouldn’t say, necessarily.

The main antagonist? Sad man Skatra XD Doc and co. seems like one at first, but it turns out that they’re also on the same side as April, too.

What do they have against the protagonist? Well, Mr Skatra’s got a goal, right? And April’s pretty much getting in the way of that goal. (Duhh!) Also, he and April are thematic opposites (Like hell I’m revealing this out to the public, tho XD) And also, April’s past has done some major damage to Skatra’s past (yeah, I know. Fiction just so happens to have coincidences like these, but c’mon. Fiction is an art.)

Are they a loner, or do they have a second-in-command? Mr Skatra works very closely with his daughter, Eyn!

Villain with good or bad publicity? Skatra’s got no publicity lol! (All seriousness, people are pretty indifferent to him. But that’s because he hasn’t achieved his goal, yet...)

Sure, but who REALLY runs the plot? Let’s face it. Skatra’s practically the reason for everything major in this story.

Who's the most important character not on this list? Why are they important? Doc/Sarlife hasn’t really been in a direct answer to any of these questions yet. They’re important because not only do they make a huge part of Skatra’s first conflicting side to begin with, but they also have their fair share of importance in the themes of the story, too.

Who's the least important character that you pay attention to? Probably Matro. He’s one of April’s friends, yeah, but the most important thing he does in the main storyline so far is just transport our characters XD

What's the most prominent canon ship? Well, I’ve nobody that’s really canon, yet. Unless Eyn’s slight crush on Pillia at the start counts. It’s not really that important. But I feel like I’ll hint it throughout the story. (Good luck on getting her, Eyn! Must hurt when you learn you’re on opposite sides, huh.)

Any other ships? Aside from Eyn’s small crush, there’s no other main characters that are canonically together.

Any noncanon crack!pairings you would read/consider writing? OH BOY. Alright, here’s a list of my bets:

April + Eyn - Everyone loves that good rivals/protag+antag pair. How can you get any better than that? They even start off thinking they’re gonna be great friends at the start (which is actually kinda sad...)

Matro + Farqua - They bicker quite a bit at the start, but they slowly regain their friendship as the story goes on. Classify them as rivals, if you want. And also, Farqua’s the one that works for Skatra, so there’s some good guy/bad guy stuff going on. BONUS: They’re red and blue with some major height difference, as well!!!

Doc + Wyra - These two consider each other pretty close and as close as they are, you’ll find Wyra teasing Doc a bit, too. That’s usually a joy to watch. They’re also your typical brawn + brains duo. Also, there’s the serious business + ball of energy there. I think this one’s sweet.

April + Pillia - Pillia’s probably April’s strongest relationship out of everyone in the story. She practically becomes April’s sidekick. Pillia’s good at turning trash into treasure, which means she can turn April into something great, too.

Matro + Doc - I’ve made sure that it looks as if they’ve been friends for ages. Matro even gets really upset after learning that Doc’s gone totally nuts. When Doc does end up joining forces with team April, Matro’s obviously got mixed feelings on the situation (considering what Doc’s done), but still wants to maintain their friendship as much as possible. 

Doc + Skatra - Here are two of April’s main antagonists, so that’s a start. Also, despite being on opposing sides of the situation, Doc doesn’t necessarily see Skatra as an enemy, they see him as someone who needs help. Although trying to stop Skatra, Doc’s trying to find the best possible way out of the situation for this guy. This probably the more angstier ones, of the bunch. 

Pillia + Ida - I’ve stated early in the script that these two are close friends. I haven’t had a phase yet where I’ve developed them as much as the others, but they’re the ones that are left, so I’m expecting some, soon. I’m probably gonna base some of their interaction off of Lister and Kryten from Red Dwarf, especially >>This Scene<<

Sorry, Eyn, Skatra, Ida, and Wyra, you’re all lonely as hell XD (don’t worry, I’m aroace XD)

Who is your favorite character to write? Tough one between Matro and Farqua.

Who is your least favorite character to write? Not that I’ve got a least favourite to write, but as of now, I’ve worked with Ida the least out of the main cast. (Sorry! I’ll get to you soon, I promise!!!)

Which character is the most cooperative? Ida, probably. She’s actually the most bored.

Which character is the least friendly? Doc, no matter how much they try to be.

Which character would you most want to meet in a bar? Matro seems the most fun to get drunk with! With his guitar, especially.

Which character would you least want to meet in a dark alleyway? Eyn. Especially in her Axel Duiti outfit!

How many characters are there total? I’m not counting. But, there are three main focus characters, and six other secondary characters!

How many are allied with the heroes? Out of the main characters, it starts off with three, then six, then seven.

How many are allied with the villains? Out of the main, it starts off seeming to be six, in actuality is three, then just two.

How many hate both of them? Oh... Uh... IDK I’ll write that later XD (Well, the situation’s trying to be as private as possible)

How many refuse to pick a side? Ida seems to have the most side struggles out of everyone. Farqua’s unwillingly pulled apart in all directions, too.

How large is the core cast (in 80-90% of the scenes)? Dunno excactly how to calculate much XD Let’s hope it’s a decent number.

Be honest—how many characters are actually important? Let’s hope all nine of them do something! 

When does the story take place? Likely far future (probably not in this universe, though!)

Where does it take place? Lightyears away from Earth, in the Piarosar system

Would you want to live there? If it weren’t for the war, then yeah. Seems pretty cool.

Does your story end in the same place it starts? This part of the story, yes. I plan for it to be part of a bigger story.

What/whose POV is the story told from? It’s in script form! Well, mostly from April’s point of view.

If not omniscient, whose thoughts would have the most spoilers? Skatra and Doc’s!

What genre is your story? Sci-fi, action, & adventure (despite being set inside a building. Well, it’s a massive one, though...)

Where in a library would you file it? Sci-fi. Duhh.

What format are you writing it in? Script! (For a comic)

What format do you wish you could write it in? Still script! For an animated series!

Would you be for or against a movie? It’s better suited for a series. But hell yeah, that’d be cool.

Indie flick or multi-million blockbuster? An indie project. Don’t want it too big, you know...

Write a nice, long description about the story: (Done that) “April is a cyborg kid who finds a large, mysterious building when she gets lost in a prairie. She learns that the main entrance of the place is totally out of the question, so she tries finding her way in from above. Too bad that she can't get out from where she came from, and now she's forced to find another way out.

April then later discovers that inside the building is a community of robots and different races of creatures. Some even decide to help her on her little journey outside the building in the safest way possible. Unfortunately, it also turns out that some couple randos' got some sort of weird deal with April and they clearly don't like her.

Even worse, It also turns out that the building has problems of its own. Robots are disappearing from their homeplaces and so are some of the rest of the people. If this keeps up, soon nobody will be there to keep to the building and its people. And when April finds out what exactly's been going on, there lies the chance that maybe she could do a large part in preventing a major catastrophe that'll take place if nothing's done. And get this. It's not just the building that gets it. Good thing April's not that big a scumbag to not do anything about it.”

That sounds interesting, but can you cut it to under 200 words for the back cover? A sci-fi about a cyborg kid who gets stuck inside a mysterious, giant building after getting lost far outside the city. Upon her arrival in the building, it turns out that her goal isn't just to escape and make her way back home, but to also somehow prevent a huge catastrophe that awaits if she doesn't do anything. Good thing she isn't that big a scumbag.

Quick! Write a 200-character-or-less (with spaces) teaser (think ff.net)! Now give us a catchy tagline for promotional material! A cyborg kid gets stuck inside a mysterious, giant building in the middle of nowhere. Turns out that her goal isn't just to escape, but to also prevent some huge catastrophe from happening.

Is there magic? Maybe? (Really depends what characters I introduce and where they’re fro) Time travel? In a way, this happens. Psychic powers? Nop. Talking animals? No. If I count the aliens, that’s kinda insensitive lol! Pajamas? Not exactly? Different dimensions/realms? Not necessarily. More like they explore our reality. Aliens? Yes! High school? Our protag’s in year 9? Poison? Sorta Dragons? No... Cake? Not many of the main cast can actually eat XD Large guns? O.O?!!!!! Children? Yeah, that’s like almost half the main cast Ninjas? Nope XD Large cities? Not really Advanced science? Yep! Teenagers? Yep! War? In the background, but I might explore this some more in future... Faeries? Nope... Corrupt government? I guess???????? Romance? Nope! XD Witches or Wizards? Nop Spaceships? Maybeeeee Fanservice? In a sense where it means “thing that isn’t necessary for the story, but just to make fans happy”, probably when the alternate versions of the characters pay a visit Ridiculously long names? Hm....... IDK An old, wise mentor? Not in that sense... Swords? Uhh... No??? Internet? Yeah, Housewives? No I guess lol  Conspiracies? ??? Overprotective parents? WEll, sorta I guess Revolutions? I don’t recall that idea coming :P Scented soap? I WISH Stuff blowing up? YEHA Monkeys? Idk? Not here?? A happy ending? YeaH?!?!??? Sorta. How much of the story have you finished? More planning than actual writing tbh

How much of the storyline have you decided on? A lot of the skeleton, now just the actual in betweens

About how long is it? Pretty long. IIt;s actually a part of a bigger thing.

How long is it in-story from beginning to end (flashbacks don't count)? LONG>

Do you ever think it will be finished? YES> DON’T DOUBT ME Anything else you'd like to add?  I’m good!

[in-tua-deep]

Does Reginald ever get ahold of Five in your Responsible Luther AU? And how does he plan to stop Five from causing the apocalypse once he does? I just really want to see a scene where the siblings team up to save their little brother and stop their father once and for all (and possibly the commission by extension).

good question!! i haven’t decided lmao but I mean probably?? Reggie has four years to try and get at Five after all and Hazel and Cha-Cha are professionals (though at some point Hazel defects and is probably adopted as the weird murder uncle who on at least one occasion babysits bodyguards Five while the sibs are off doing stuff - Agnes things he’s a sweet young man while Hazel has vivid flashbacks of the time Five consumed a boatload of sugar and made his powers go on the fritz right before a kidnapping attempt which was,, not pretty to say the least and Hazel is somewhat traumatized)

awful bold of anyone to assume i actually have this au mapped out when it’s literally a bunch of asks duct taped together whenever inspiration hits my fragile muse with a sledgehammer and tbh just typing my way through asks helps me figure out things like later on in this ask lmao

While the most intelligent thing for Reginald to do is hire Hazel and Cha-Cha to assassinate Five, this is also the man whose grand plan to stop the apocalypse was a task force of superpowered children that he abused so i’m not assigning him any brain cells at all BUT he does think that he’s all powerful with his plots and tends to assume everything is going to go according to his plans and overestimates his own intelligence so

he thinks he can contain Five which probably would involve using the same drugs (or a modified one because idk if it would affect all the kids the same) that he used on Vanya since that’s a more long term solution that just restraints after all and then?? probably a lot of mind games and messing with Five’s reality to try and make sure that Five is not going to be ending the world

of course, given the chance Five would probably point out that his power is jumping and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t know how to end the world with that power?? unless he like? managed to jump himself into some place he could use,,, idk,,, nuclear launch codes or something?

though now that I think about it, it’s entirely possible that Reginald isn’t the one who wants Five alive. It’s entirely possible that it’s the Handler who smiled with too many teeth as she told Reginald that Five was the catalyst for ending the world. After all she’s with the Commission who help the timeline. Of course they don’t want the apocalypse to happen. Why, then there would be no people to help! But if Reginald handed Five over to her, over to the Commission - well. He’s young, he’s already half-trained, he knows how to survive, and he has the ability to jump through time without a suitcase which is very interesting to the Commission.

and Reginald doesn’t really want to kill anyone and get his own hands dirty otherwise he would have disposed of Vanya years ago so he’s down to grab Five and do some gentle experimentation regarding drugs and then hand a Five (with an off switch) over to the Commission and save the world! yeah that makes sense to me we’re going with that because it also gives the Handler a dog in this race so we get to see her

honestly probably the culmination of everything is Five getting finally Officially Kidnapped and handed over to the Commission and finding out at the Commission about the apocalypse, the Commission’s role in it, and probably the Handler monologues about it not being the end of everything and Five getting in the way but with him removed the family will fall apart and Vanya causing the apocalypse will be back on track blah blah blah all they have to do is pull some strings, get Harold Jenkins released from prison right on time, and bam we’re back on schedule ladies and gents

(plus some general weirdness a la the handler plus a deeply uncomfortable and not-inclined-to-be-very-cooperative Five who might not have his powers but he doesn’t exactly need them to be dangerous thank-you-very-much)

and the squad 100% run down weird-sort-of-honorary-uncle Hazel who is in possession of one (1) suitcase that is capable of taking the whole squad on over to the Commission building with a sort of reluctant Hazel because Agnes is attached to the kid now (Agnes is the best honorary aunt and you can’t change my mind) so he guesses he has to help out

someone send me an ask about weird uncle Hazel and aunt Agnes that is 100% an avenue I need to explore at some point

but yeah team up to invade the Commission and wreak absolute havoc and Five probably ends up worming his way into some air ducts because he’s a skinny little thirteen year old with narrow shoulders and then no one has eyes on him including the Handler/Commission agents so just picture a really comical series where the squad are trying to find Five and keep only just missing him while Five isn’t really sure why all the alarms are going off but he’s trying to figure out more info about the apocalypse as well as figure out a way to get home (find the suitcase room??) while also having a panic attack at the same time!! fun times!

eventually what probably happens is they catch the Handler and try interrogate her and she’s giving them non answers and then Five literally falls out of the ceiling with like, a whole bag of files that just scatter around and everyone just stares at each other for a solid minute before Five is pulled into a frantic “YOU’RE ALIVE” hug by the closest person who isn’t Hazel

but Five ALSO has a whole bunch of explosives and weapons that he may or may not have obtained from the Handler’s office because he’s a secretly petty little shit and he’s been using them to take out Commission agents along his way but the point is the whole squad blow the Commission sky high?? or perhaps Five discovers another aspect of his power

after all, the Commission sits outside of time. It’s a pocket, and Five is capable of tearing through space and time, but most importantly he closes that tear after him. It’s not an aspect of his power that he thinks about often, in fact no one thinks about it. He doesn’t just make tears, he also repairs them. And what is this pocket but an open wound in time, sitting outside the time stream as it is? The Commission is not supposed to be and Five has the power to fix that

(he’s been on edge since he arrived, a crawling feeling under his skin. he assumed that it was because of the kidnapping, because the Handler kept touching him and making comments, because he just saw his father who scares him more than even the apocalypse, because his power is out of reach and reminding him of when he pushed and pushed amongst the rubble and there’s an itch under his skin from the drugs. there’s a million reasons for him to feel off that he doesn’t realize that it’s the wrongness of where he is, the rip carved into the world that begs for him to close it, to heal it)

so i think that might be a cool climax, destroying the Commission and then making sure it can never return ?? 

Vanya would absolutely fuck up the entire commission first though looking for Five it would be hilarious and mildly terrifying and Klaus is just behind her like “yeah i’m going to say training her powers was a good thing otherwise we (the other hargreeves plus Hazel) would probably be paste right now” while Ben frantically zips through the walls trying to find Five while the other losers are limited by walls (of course, Ben probably doesn’t think to zoom up in the vents whoops)

and then, when they go back with the one remaining briefcase (that they probably all destroy as the last remnants of the commission idk) they get a confrontation with Reginald

because I really liked Klaus’s whole thing with Reginald (“We were just little kids.”) and feel like the rest of the family?? probably needs that closure as well tbh 

and i mean,, also the general spite of them informing Reginald (with proof a la the documents Five obtained) that it was Reginald’s fault the apocalypse happened in the first place due to his abuse and drugging of Vanya which caused her to have no support network and be influenced by Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins and that lmao Five was never the reason the world ended and in fact there was a lot riding on removing him from the equation so that it could happen in the first place

the satisfaction of telling the man behind the curtain, the man who thinks he holds all the cards, the man who thinks he’s the puppeteer, that he was played like that’s satisfying

(Reginald, verbally eviscerated and pale as milk in the face of the kids accusations and revelations

Five: hey so like if we’re all saying our piece then uhhh I want mom in the divorce. the disowning? whatever this is

Diego: seconded

Five: and also dad?? i never want to see you again

Luther: also seconded

Five: also i want us to be able to get our stuff like luther’s records ‘n stuff

Vanya: you know what let’s just put Five in charge of the official family split seems like he’s got all the right stuff in mind)

but yeah this is all vague story climax stuff that I haven’t gotten anything down in concrete yet?? i should probably put together a timeline since it seems like i’m eventually going to be actually writing this au and probably making a whole ‘verse to do little side stories for as well goodness

so yeah keep the questions and suggestions coming y’all i’m slow at responding but they do very much help me figure things out and since nothing is concrete by any means i’m always open to suggestions on what people do and don’t like about any directions I take or suggestions on how to make it better/make more sense ;3c

[killers-high]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO? (i mean, he’s rather liked overall but there’s not that many ppl who rp him?)

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  OH YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / KIND OF?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. --> hard to say. kinda yes, but then not that much. there are characters who sure were more relevant.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. <-- depends who you ask, heh

How strictly do you follow canon?  — In general I keep my Kenpachi close to canon, but I’m not very strict about it. I like to fill up the holes left in canon story with headcanons, and I’m open for plots that are canon-divergent as long as they simply make sense, logic-wise. I’m also willing to deviate from canon when comes to shipping -- for me it’s about chemistry and chemistry only; I have a few ships I like when comes to dynamics and such, but I wouldn’t turn down a character my Kenpachi grew to like/love only because it’s not on my ship list. Of course all the canon relationships are relevant and you can totally jump straight to the kind of interactions your character used to have with mine in the manga, but anything more than that needs to be developed first. Also, I acknowledge the relation between Kenpachi and Unohana as canon, but I see it more as a mother-child relationship; even if there’s some twisted kind of affection in it, it’s hard for me to imagine them living together as a happy little family. I know, the idea is cute, but personally I think there’s far too much bitter feelings between them so it could ever work this way.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Uh, I’m not sure what makes Kenpachi interesting for other people as a character, so I’ll just say a few words about what could make my version of Kenpachi possibly interesting to interact with, I guess. Kenpachi is a guy not only of great power, but of great experience as well. People tend to see him as a bloodthirsty berserk with all brawn and no brains, but there’s so much more to him than meets the eye -- he’s more clever than he likes to show, and while his kind of wisdom might be not so obvious and ‘classical’ kind, he has it and he uses it both in his fights and in interactions with others. Although he might make an impression that his own strength is all he cares about, it’s only partially true. Kenpachi likes to help others become stronger and watch them grow just as much as he likes to improve his own power; he hates to see wasted potential, and he often provokes or challenges people into situations that, in his opinion, will help them to discover their strength or improve as a person. He’s not a touchy-feely guy and he hardly lets it show, but he cares about the ones who are close to him and would risk own life without a second thought to protect them -- however, this other, more private and more vulnerable side of him usually stays hidden from the world, as he’s not willing to show it to anyone except those who worked hard to gain his trust.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Kenpachi is not interested in people who aren’t willing to fight -- not only literally, but also fight for themselves, for their goals, dreams, fight to overcome their weaknesses, their bad experiences, their fears. He has little patience for those who whine and do nothing to improve their life, so instead of support they get as much as disdainful look from him. He’s hardly interested in interacting with anyone who can’t offer him either a good fight or a good challenge of some other kind -- or a way to kill boredom at least -- and can be pretty unresponsive if the way other character approaches him doesn’t pick up his curiosity. On top of that, he can be a bit of a handful at times -- he gets annoyed pretty easily, tends to be restless and snappy when bored, he speaks before he thinks and since he’s pretty foulmouthed and pulls no punches he often hurts others even while it was not his intention.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  My muse himself. Kenpachi was my favorite character from the first time I’ve seen him (around 2008 or so), and when I discovered Bleach rp on tumblr (by accident while hunting for pics lmao) I decided to give it a shot.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I don’t really need inspiration to write him. I can do it at pretty much any time given, likely because we’re similar character-wise and it takes me like zero effort to get in his skin. The only thing I need is a rough idea for some plot and BOOM here we go. Unless it’s a chat rp, then I don’t need even this.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES? / NO. <-- you tell me

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I don’t have any problem with criticism in general. If something about my character or the way I write him bothers you, feel free to tell me. I can’t promise I’m gonna care though -- Kenpachi is a very personal muse for me, and the way I portray him sometimes can differ from other portrayals or from what’s ‘canon’ simply because he shares a lot of qualities with me as his writer. Fact that you criticized my portrayal doesn’t mean I will change a single thing about it, but sure I won’t get offended or stop interacting with you only cause you said a word or two. The only criticism I never publish/respond to is shit aimed at stirring up drama, as people who write such are not worth my time.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  FUCK YEAH. Some of them really force me to think about stuff I wouldn’t have thought about otherwise, and make me discover my character anew in some places I thought I already know him ins and outs. I like all the questions, no matter the topic, and I do my best to answer them with details.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Sure I’d be curious about what their reasoning is, like, what makes them think things aren’t the way I see them? What is their headcanon on this particular topic? Do they disagree completely, or just some part of it doesn’t lie well with them?

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  Depends how they carry it out. If it’s like ‘okay i don’t think so but it’s cool, everyone can have own opinion’ it’s totally fine, i’m far too old to bang heads over such silly shit (there’s no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ portrayal btw -- everyone does it their own way and there’s nothing to whine about). If they come to my askbox solely with the purpose to pester me about it, and do it in a way that makes me question their age and/or mental health, I’m gonna block their ass out of existence.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  I don’t care and it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever notice they do unless they make effort to bring it to my inbox. In the end it’s their problem, not mine; I’m just gonna continue doing my thing while they’ll be wasting time and energy on writing shit nobody cares about.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Sure. English ain’t my native so if I write something that makes no sense just lemme know -- it’s a way to learn, too, and if you tell me there’s a chance I don’t make the same mistake again.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  Yeah, I’m pretty laidback and I don’t give a flying fuck about 99% of things that tend to raise a lot of hackles. It’s nearly impossible to offend me, and I have a lot of understanding for the fact other people have their own lives, likes, problems, ideas, families, health issues, work routines and whatnot, so I never pester anyone for replies or anything rp related. However, I’m a confirmed extrovert in this kingdom of introverts which is tumblr, so I tend to hang out on Discord/chats a lot and then think I must be a fucking pain in the rear for my more introverted friends cause I’m always the one to message them first, and it makes me want to melt into a sad pool of shame for being such a needy fucktard.

tagged by: @hirako5hinji [thank you!]

Not sure who did it already, so if you see it on your dash and wanna do it, feel tagged B]

[krs724490]

4/15/21

I’ve been read Dr. Joe Despenza’s becoming supernatural. and he is talking about making mind movies. which i might do! Right now, however, I will write them out in a detailed fashion to help me envision my future. He also suggest making several for the different areas in your life. I agree that this would be super helpful! I want to make one for my career, my home/environment i exist in, my love life, and my health journey. I will start with my love life because it’s the one that so easily consumes my thoughts so i want to knock it out first. so it doesn’t distract me as a i move through the others. I may come back and add detail later. or rather i should. well we’ll see how this practice goes.... 

1. LOVE

I deeply sighed before writing this because I’m not so sure. If that makes any sense. Like I’m unsure of what I want my love life to look like because I don’t fully trust myself with love. Which sucks. I’ve just gone down too many rabbit holes and its funny because in my head I always say “waste my fuckin time” in that funny voice. but what it really is is me wasting my OWN fucking time because I don’t feel like I have the self control to stop myself from being with men or from discerning which ones are worth my time. I think back to Collin Thiex from less than a year ago and I laugh. Same with Cooper Johnson. Two boys that were so clearly wrong for me and yet at some point I was swept up in them. Maybe it’s because I have met Chase and Tyler and they’ve raised my standards for men. They make me believe that better men, men more meant for me are out there because I’m done wasting my energy. The saddest part is that I keep thinking.. what if I’m wrong about Tyler? What if its just another one of those honeymoon illusions where I think the guy is great in the beginning and then he ends up “waste my fuckin time?” I dont know. I don’t know if I believe in marriage. I’ve just seen too much divorce. Too much shift in people’s lives and maybe I’m too selfish to work with someone like that. You need to value the relationship SO much to prioritize it and make it work. I want to think that I could end up married to someone who challenges me in the best ways. Who encourages me to be my best self and helps me do so. I run a pretty tight ship. I like to be on my routine. On my game. I don’t like to drink or smoke or do anything that feels unproductive. I think Tyler drinks more than I do. Or I know he does. I dont think I want that to be a big part of my life. I do fitness. I dont have room for a hangover. There is just no space for it. Tyler is so amazing in so many ways but I’m just NOT SURE. and i know i dont have to be. but it sucks not to be because your brain is constantly searching for answers. its like im getting closer and closer to that person. and i love chase. chase is me. chase and i are the same. and like FUCK because he’s just so out there. I feel like my husband is an aubrey marcus type. idk. maybe it is tyler?! i know he cares about being healthy. i just OIJAOSIJDOADJIASOPJD. im so young. when i envision my love life in the future. i see white. i see nothing. i have no expectation. which is good. i think for love thats all i need. wow it took me all of this goo to come to this conclusion. my love life is a blank slate. i dont have any ideals here. Other than our interactions building me up to have more energy rather than sucking my energy away. i dont know about marriage. i dont know about a relationship. i just take that shit day by day because to have this fairytale planned out is just unrealistic. I meet so many men. I love men. I love them. I just dont know if one really fits into my life. like SUPER well. this is just me treading lightly because of what ive been through. i need to accept that this one doesn’t have an answer and move on lol.

2. CAREER/MONEY

All I want is a job that can sustain me without too many frills. I want one that can sustain my basic habits. My grocery bill, car insurance, random nights out with friends. Where I can save up for a flight home. I want to know all aspects of my finance. I want to have it as nailed down as the meal plan I’m going to have. I want to track where everything is going. I want to have it on lock so that when I do go astray I know I have the space for it. Let’s say I spend $2000/month. I want to save for retirement, save for plane tickets to visit ppl, save for trips. I want to look closely at everything I’m doing. So I want a career in fitness that can sustain that. I acknowledge that right now I’m at the bottom of my industry working to gain more experience and that I will move up. Right now is a grind, but I will never stop looking for ways to move up. I will make it. I will make it in 2021 to a high position. I will be running something. I will consolidate. I will begin to HONE IN. To get more specific. I envision myself walking into VASA. I really do. VASA in Willow Creek. I envision the group classes being more popular than ever. I envision everyone in a myzone. I envision helping new instructors. I envision ALL OF IT. I know I would be great at this job. I know that THIS IS THE JOB. I know it. I know it. The energy I’ve already produced there. It’s been incredible and its where i want to grow my career. I know I’m the best person for the job. I’m no longer wish washy. I know I am. I feel ready to take it on. I feel ready at this point in my life. I’m just READY. I want to pull into that parking lot and look at that building and think this is my home. I care about this place. Despite any criticism anyone else has... this is my place. I am determined to make it a success. Chris wont know what hit him. and I think he’s super sweet. He is someone I would want to learn under. This next interview with Lori will be the best interview I’ve ever had because it is something I love and care about so deeply. They will. have no choice but to give me this job.

3. HEALTH/WELLNESS

I am on my way hunny!!!!! This is finally exciting for me to write about haha. I really want to shoutout Chase here. This nutrition plan is giving me LIFE. I can already see myself running those full marathons. LIFTING WEIGHTS. Teaching cycle and yoga and all of the things and absolutely thriving. Following an exact nutrition plan that I have nailed down to the point where I can seasonally switch things out?! ?!!?!? what?! Taking the supplements. Becoming more specific with my goals and absolutely crushing the fitness game. This week has been busy but I’ve been handling it so well because ive been sleeping and eating right! It’s like my classes aren’t overwhelming and I’ve even been working out on my own??? I’ve done some long runs. I’m proud of myself. I know I’m goin places and I’m slowly leaving Mara at the door more and more.

4. HOME

Always CO. I think the only thing I would consider like I’ve always talked about is moving closer to the mountains but nature is such a priority for me. The mountains truly hold a lot for me. They carry things I can’t carry. They hold them for me. I love their energy. I dont want to get too attached because like Ram Dass says if you’re doing your work New York City and a Himalayan cave feel the same. So I just want somewhere cozy to exist. Where I can keep my snacks and get my beauty rest. Somewhere to feel rooted. I feel like I’ve got my roots dug pretty deep here :)

[daniedoodles]

Danie’s Dilemmas Ep. 13: Pull Those Socks Up, bitch.

Hi. Everything is in fact, not well, thanks for asking. It’s a beautiful day out right now, yet I find myself here, indoors, sulking in a corner, writing another one of my episodes where I complain about what’s going wrong in my life. :)))

You’ve heard me talk about this before many a time. By now, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were sickened by how much I’ve managed to drag this along. But I can’t help it. I’m sure you understand to an extent, right? In case you don’t know who or what I am referring to, then it’s most likely because it is none of your concern. Then again though, the only people that really end up reading this are those from my tightest inner circle, unless I venture out and tell someone to read it for shits and giggles. Basically, sis can’t get closure. I’ve tried, believe me. Coming from a highly sentimental individual, letting people go is hard as shit, no matter how dirty they did me. I somehow am able to cling on to the one or two good things about them that make me decide that they are worthwhile, even though I am well aware that they probably don’t think of me in a similar context. I haven’t cried, surprisingly. And I think that’s because this whole situation has blown up so much in my head, to the point where my anger and frustration has significantly exceeded my feelings of sadness and disappointment. Like I said, on multiple occasions, I’ve tried to get this person to speak their mind, lay it all on me that what I did might have come out more cold-hearted than I’d intended it to be (not that I was intending it to be cold-hearted in the first place). I just hate how they won’t fucking cooperate. How passive do you have to be to be able to reject every single opportunity they’ve been given to blame someone else? How immature do you have to be to not want to fix things, or at least end it in a way that gives both parties of the situation a chance to fucking move on? Just because they might feel fine leaving loose ends untied, that doesn’t mean the other is. I even went as far as making a post specifically for them to read, where I explain myself wholeheartedly, because I didn’t want to say anything more directly to them in fear of being told that I was being clingy. In a way, I’ll admit that I am. But it’s only because I want to reach the end of it. Tell me you want to get past this shit and be friends again, or tell me that you’re done, I couldn’t fucking care less. All I care about is that they do say something, so I can move the fuck on, give my brain some fucking space for memories and other shit that do matter and are worth my time and energy. I was going to be nice about this, be the bigger person, if you will (metaphorically, of course). On second thought, maybe I won’t. I want this fixed. Soon. Then I won’t have to drag it like a fucking pack mule into the new year. Shit’s getting so old, it’s not even funny. Why didn’t I just listen to everyone else that told me from the very beginning that they weren’t it? This is why I don’t trust that stuff when they tell you to look for the best in people. I always just get proved wrong. Then there’s also that struggle where you want to involve someone else into the situation, have them do the dirty work, or have them persuade the other to get that stick out of their ass and do something. But that isn’t right either. If anything, it just increases the risk of making things worse. Idk. This is dumb. Danielle, move on. Listen maybe. Think with your head and not your gut. 

My one friend and I could drone on about a topic like this for hours. Thank God I’m not the only one. 

That’s not all though. In the back of my mind, another friend situation is fuelling my irritation. I’ve not done this person wrong by in any means, as far as I can tell. I’m not sure how to even put it ‘cause this could be something or nothing, depending on the way you see it. I can obviously only really speak for myself but, say you have a friend that you would consider close. They like your social media posts, maybe even leave a comment or two if they’re feeling wild. Then have them just all suddenly stop. For no apparent reason. As shallow-minded as it sounds to pay attention to trivial details like the one I just mentioned, they still count. I can’t even begin to think of what I could have possibly done to have them suddenly be distant? Whatever it is that’s off, needs to turn on lmao. We haven’t spoken in almost a month, nor do I think we ever will again, unless I take initiative and start the conversation myself. I haven’t acted upon anything yet, because there’s still this little voice in my head asking “what if it really is nothing and it’s just that life is overwhelming at the moment?” or “maybe they are pissed with you?” Part of me wants to confront them now and get it over with, and the other wants to put confrontation to the side as a last resort because I don’t want them thinking that I thought that whatever this is was something to begin with. Sorry if that sounds redundant. 

For now, I think that’s all I’ve got. Tea has gone stale, I’ve been sipping for longer than I signed up for. I need to get my life back on track and realize that if people don’t want me in their life, then what the fuck is the point of keeping them in mine? As difficult as it is, like I initially said, I somehow need to train myself to be able to do that, since nothing will come out of it anyway. Makes room for everyone else that do matter.  

Good to be back after that month-long wait. Keep up. 

x