#also “what are thy pronouns” is a really funny way to ask this

[justgottafinishthischapter]

Tips on Writing LGBT Characters

As LGBT+ rights continue to make great strides in becoming normalized and accepted by widespread culture, LGBT people have started to pop up far more often in different forms of media. However, because LGBT people can vary wildly in experiences, locations, and beliefs, it can be tricky for someone to really have a good idea of what makes for good representation. Some would argue that it simply being acknowledged is enough, while others would argue that it needs to be a present part of the character, while others argue that it shouldn’t be the focus of the character and that their other traits should be emphasized on more. So, where should one start? Here are a few tips to lead the way.

If You Are Not LGBT, Do Not Make Your Story About Being LGBT - I’m not saying you can’t write an LGBT character if you yourself are not LGBT. A white person can’t really write a story about what it means to be black because it is an experience of life they have never experienced for themselves. If you want to write a story with an LGBT character, or better yet, a protagonist, that’s wonderful. But their sexuality, sex, or gender should not be a focal point of the narrative unless you know the experience first hand.

Not All People Use the Same Labels - Although the term queer is being reclaimed by some people in the LGBT community, there are those who still do not like the use of the word, and the same goes for other slurs. Like with the ‘n’ word for black people, some LGBT people feel fine using terms such as queer and fag when referring to themselves or friends who they know it doesn’t bother, but most LGBT people are mindful to remember that not everyone feels the same way about these harmful words.

Don’t Bury Your Gays - In the cinema that emerged from Hollywood following the censorship laws of the Hays Code in 1930, characters that were coded as homosexuals or otherwise ‘deviants’ from the social norm were punished, often with death. Themes of self-loathing were common, and it became extremely common for one or both members of a suspected homosexual couple in a movie to be killed by the end of the story, if not be portrayed as a sick monster or villain by the end. If they weren’t gunned down, their self-loathing boiled over and they took their own lives. So, if the only LGBT character in your story dies, consider killing off a different character, due to the particularly dark and troubled history of this trope. On a related note, if you’ve written a villain to be campy and effeminate in order to make them funny or look silly, you are once again playing into harmful stereotypes due to the frequency with which stereotypical homosexual behavior is used to code villains in order to make these behaviors look wrong and villainous.

Understand the Difference Between Stereotypical and Nuanced - In the public eye, the stereotype of the gay male is that he is campy and effeminate with a lack of interest in traditional masculinity, and that the lesbian female skins wild animals and fixes broken appliances with the same vigor she plays softball and chugs beer. However, it is fair to point out that some of this is truth in television, and there are people in the world who are just as stereotypical if not more-so than these depictions. So, where is the line between stereotypes and realistic characters? The difference comes in how it is intended. If the audience or reader is meant to laugh at the character because oh ha a man shouldn’t act like that, then the portrayal is harmful and stereotypical. If the only defining characteristic of the character is that they are LGBT, then that is not a well-written character. Being LGBT does not dictate one’s interests or hobbies. But don’t feel compelled to write the exact opposite of the stereotype either. Effeminate gay men are people too, and although they flood the media perception excessively, there’s still a difference to be found between a character written to be gay, and a character who just happens to be gay.

A Character’s Surroundings Will Impact Who They Are - Two gay men could be completely identical in every single way but end up extremely different due to a simple change in hometown. Aside from universal experiences such as coming to terms with one’s sexuality or the coming out process, not all LGBT people are going to be met with the same challenges or the same opportunities. Take for example a gay boy in high school. Imagine him going to a public school in New York City or Los Angeles where the mindset tends to be more liberal and the population size is far larger. In a school with a student body of 300,000 students, he’s far more likely to go to school with other LGBT people based simply on population density and statistics. He’s far more likely to get a boyfriend from his own school, be part of an at least decently sized Gay Straight Alliance, and can probably come out with less fear of rejection on the whole. Now compare and contrast to someone living in a small town in Wyoming. On the whole, Wyoming is one of the least populated states in America. That exact same gay boy may now find himself one of only maybe a small handful of LGBT people. If there’s only one other guy in his school or even worse, his town who also likes boys, the two may very well almost force themselves into a relationship in order to satisfy a need for physical or emotional intimacy. By the time they go away to college, they may have already clung to each other so much that it’s easier just to keep the relationship going than to try to find somebody new. Skip ahead a few more years, and they may have a very rocky marriage held together on the sole grounds that at one point in their lives, they were each other’s only options for romance, and that them both being LGBT was not enough to hold a relationship together. Taking these kinds of elements into consideration when constructing a narrative with an LGBT character can yield compelling stories if examined under the right circumstances.

The Pitfalls of Dating - As if backlash from society, faith, and media portrayal aren’t bad enough, one of the most annoying parts of being gay can be finding a partner. Continuing with the school example from before, imagine that in a class of 180 that 13 students are LGBT, of those, 6 are males, your gay male character and his only five options for a potential boyfriend. Factor in the possibilities of incompatible interests, physical attraction, and even popularity, and of those five options, he may only have eyes for one guy in the entire school. Then, what can he do when he finds out the only guy he’s interested in is already with someone else? Well he’s left with three options: try a different school, hope someone comes out of the closet, or get comfortable with being alone. This can also put a lot more pressure on the anxiety of asking someone out. If a straight guy asks a girl out, even if she rejects him, he’s got another 60 girls he could pursuit. When there’s only 5 guys available, and there’s a realistic chance that the ones he finds attractive won’t be interested in him, there’s a lot more lost if he dares ask his crush out and gets rejected. There’s also the fact that especially straight men may get angry and possibly even hostile should a gay guy express romantic interest in them, to the point where some gay men may feel afraid to ask a guy out unless they can either get a good feel for whether he’s likely to respond that way, or a clear sign that the man is a homosexual.

Coming Out Is A Deeply Personal Decision - A sort of unspoken cardinal rule among LGBT people is essentially, “Thou Shalt Not Out Thy Community”. Outing someone else is a taboo within LGBT culture, due to the sensitive nature of the topic, and because some may be at risk of their home lives or work lives being compromised by this information getting out, and others just don’t feel like sharing this aspect of their lives with others. Thus outing someone else, especially intentionally, is considered to be a very egregious offense.

Transgender and Drag are not the Same Thing - A transwoman is a woman who was Assigned Male At Birth and a transman is likewise a man who was Assigned Female At Birth. A Drag Queen is a man who dresses in women’s clothing as a form of entertainment. A Transwoman is a woman. A drag queen may use female pronouns on the stage, but when the dress comes off, the man underneath is still a man and still identifies as  man. A Transwoman is a woman no matter what kind of clothes she’s wearing or what she looks like.

[shadowdianne]

Oh.. does the mysterious blob have a prompt? PERHAPS SO. But is it... a Cissamione prompt? No. *le gasp* No, the magnanimous blob shall abide by thy wheelhouse. It's probably been done to death. Feel free to decline. But maybe make a baby swen happy? What if the shirt was not ALL she got? BONUS POINTS just because, because you're a goddamn tease and you know it. BLOB AWAY! *whooshing sounds* ... I need to finish S1 lol

The funny part of this is that you saymagnanimous as if I haven’t already sold my soul to cissamione and the factthat I haven’t posted your prompts by now is that I’m fucking terrified I hadfucked something up Xd (I’ve been rewriting for over a month now the smuttyone)

To future readers: This blob is someone that I,alongside with delirious, have dragged into swen. (Yup, she is also in lovewith Emma, our warnings of the impending destruction haven’t reached her yet) Soyeah, tread with caution and if anyone wants to send her recommendations onfics feel free to do it as well :P

Set in: Snow Falls (1x03)

[Since tumblr is shit notifying people… @naralanis]

“Becausenot having someone… well, that’s the worst curse imaginable.”

Emmamaintained her eyes on the mayor as the brunette spoke to her, her voice softbut holding the same stormy undertone she had presented back when she had foundher at the other side of the cell bars. She could feel her muscles seizing,locking in place as she eyed the older woman and as the mayor threw at heranother curt smile, ready to turn, she took a step forward, hands still fistedat her waist.

“You dorealize that all of this is total bullshit, don’t you, right?”

She couldfeel the muscles at her jaw jumping when the brunette rose one single brow ather. The cold, collected demeanor of the mayor was making her see red and thefact that there was a curious looking doctor glancing at both of them from theother side of the counter at the other woman’s back, was not making thingseasier.

She hadseen enough men trying to lie through her teeth to know where to look, what tosearch. Regina Mills could be a politician, could know all about schooling herfeatures but the gloating, the way she kept her hands so primly crossed by herwrists, stoke her anger. The brunette was lying; she knew she was. She didn’tknow how, why, but she suspected the brunette had seen through Mary Margaret’scrush, had intended this all along and the way she rose her chin, defiant, madeher purse her lips, incensed.

To hercredit, the mayor didn’t react to the jab, not in the way others would have,and the only sign that she had been surprised was the dip at her throat, the expensivenecklace she wore glimmering under the bright lights of the hospital as theintake of breath ruffled the way it had been positioned until now. Despite heranger, Emma smirked at it, at the way the brunette’s brown eyes shot daggers ather. It was a second, less than that even, but for a moment the blonde realizedthat the mayor had truly thought she was going to let matters slide.

“You couldhave found Kathryn Nolan sooner.” She said, still close, far too close, and shecould smell the perfume the older woman wore, the way it rolled off her inwaves. Angry at the way the scent made her skin tingle, she glanced away for asecond, enough to collect her thoughts. “Yet, you didn’t. Don’t play coy withme; if Storybrooke is bigger than I think it is how many Kathryn’s must therebe? Or David was whispering her full name during his sleep too?”

She wasn’tshouting but her voice still carried away to the doctor a few feet away, his eyeslocking into hers for a moment before she quickly scurried away, obviously notwanting to be there for whatever was going about to happen.

Rolling hershoulders back, rising her hands so she crossed her arms at her chest, thebrunette measured Emma while the blonde looked back at her, chin still risen,proud. She could see the way Regina’s was addressing her and she intended toshow to her that she wasn’t one of her minions, one of those obviously meek andscared of her. The woman could may be used to the way she was addressed, reverentlyto the point of devotion, but she would never do such a thing.

“If that’sthe case.” She continued, lowering her voice as she took yet another step, closeenough now that Regina’s arms brushed against her front. “Then I’m truly impressedthat an amnesiac was able to remember a surname he wasn’t even sure was hishalf an hour ago.”

Angerstruck the mayor’s eyes, flashing as one muscle on her jaw ticked and trembled,upper lip retreating less than an inch as she bared her teeth.

“Miss Swan.”The brunette whispered too but her voice sounded almost like a slap againstEmma and the blonde considered the option; her hands tingling, her fingersitching. She felt drunk in the sudden anger and a part of her was almost gladthe brunette had asked the kid to wait for her in the car; Henry didn’t need tosee any of this. Whatever this was. Regina’s voice broke her out of her trainof thought and Emma’s eyes re-focused on her as the brunette’s zeroed on herface, a single vein trembling on her forehead. “I already told you this oncetoday: enjoy my shirt because that’severything you are going to get. And if you ever think that you are going to gainanything by falsely accusing me…”

It was theway she pronounced the pronoun, Emma would later think, the way her eyes kepton flashing, the way her own fingers kept on itching with unspent anger andenergy. No matter which reason it was but as she was blinded by anger and red shefelt her hands abandon her hips and rise to the first button of the damnedblouse. The one she hadn’t thought twice on returning to the brunette;preferring to show the other woman that she wasn’t afraid of her, that she wouldbe there when others would step away.

[The factthat thought was strangely worded didn’t truly stop her.]

Pulling atthe blouse, unplucking the first button while seething with anger, Emma kepther eyes trained into the woman, how the arms at her chest had lowered, herright hand curved around her ribs.

“If youwant the damned blouse so much I will give it to you now.” She finally spoke,her fingers already working with the second button, her chest rising and fallingquicker than she would have expected and obviously uncaring about the fact thatthey still were in the middle of a hospital’s corridor. “But I won’t stop,Regina, I will take every single lie…”

Thebrunette cut her mid-sentence, her left hand moving in a quicker way Emma wouldhave thought, fingers curling around her right wrist, cold and soft, and soeffectively stopping her.

There wereno room between them anymore, but the brunette inched closer still, her face millimetersaway from Emma as she looked down at her, her lips still curled in an almostsnarl as her thumb’s nail dug sharply in the skin at the base of her hand.

“If youkeep this charade I will have you arrested.”

Emma pulledaway, freeing herself from Regina’s grasp which elicited a hitched gasp fromthe older woman’s mouth. Hands lowering, the blonde smiled curtly at her, notwanting to let Regina had the last word, not like now.

“You wouldlike that, wouldn’t you?”

Regina saidnothing to that but she finally pressed her lips together in a fine line as shetook a step back, not a hair out of place but her left hand rising to play withthe slightly askew necklace, the movement far too unbidden, far too real. Fartoo distracting.

And Emmablinked as she felt her focus slip; the anger she had felt seconds before stillthere, boiling hot in her stomach, warming her chest but also coiling lower,lower still.

Oh

Regina hadtightened her fingers around the necklace, knuckles white, by the time Emmablinked the realization away, her eyes darker than before as Regina’s chestrose, her voice cool, collected, but still simmering with anger.

“What Iwould like is none of your business, Miss Swan.”

It was analmost too perfect lie, but Emma saw the way Regina’s eyes lowered, the way herfree hand was back at her front, pressing the sweater slightly down so it wastauter at her chest and the blonde felt her blood pump at her ears as shesnarled her answer.

“I think itis indeed my business.”

She didn’tknow where this was coming from; perhaps the simple need to show Regina thatshe wasn’t defeated, that she knew where to look, how to look, to her. It didn’ttruly matter really, not when she was the one who grasped the brunette’s fumblingfingers this time, the pad of her thumb pressed tightly against the soft skinof her pulse point there.

It wasracing.

“Just as itwasn’t your business to knock on my door only to offer me apples and you stilldid.”

Regina’sbrimming anger disappeared suddenly, leaving behind ire, yes, but differentthan before and Emma blinked as the circling energy between them stoppedcompletely, the fluorescent lights above them blinked and dwindled for just asecond, a whirring running through the air and quickly dissolving itself intothe air.

When thebrunette spoke again her voice was thick and sweet, syrupy almost, throaty, andfor the first time Emma felt a chill running down her spine.

“Carefulthere, Miss Swan, you might think you know what you are able to do but youcertainly don’t know what I can do.”

Pullingaway, neither of them heard the click of the clasp giving out but Emma blinkedas the necklace fell against her fingers just as Regina let her hand fall.

“Take it.”She said with hooded eyes and before Emma was able to say anything about it,about why or how, Regina’s signature clicketing heels were far too far fromher.

Above her,the lights blinked once again but she didn’t register it  as she stood in the middle of the corridor;alone.

[olgaolivia-mp]

26th February 2019, Tuesday

Or should I say Dienstag? Or something like that. I started learning German on my own and it makes more sense that way you know, once I real that in Akkusative only the male pronoun changes I was like wow that makes fucking sense why has nobody told me that before. It was only tables and tables full of words that didn't wanf to make their way into my brain. Now it's very tempting to think "I have trouble learning vocabulary" but probably the more I think that, ths more troublesome it will become. "I can learn new vocabulary". "I am a hard worker". I have learned English basically by myself too, I mean it was there is school but I was always somehow ahead since the second class gymnasium. I believe I need to like start reading in German and that will help me lots, just like it did with English. Maybe I will buy some books for kids or just find something online, I don't know. Have go thing about it and work on that. I think I can do a lot till the end of my BA, which is 1,5 year from now on. If I work hard I can achieve a lot of knowledge in thy time.

Dedication not motivation.

I've binged yestartday. What do you call a binge that is put of your will? Like "I am not hungry and I don't feel like I have to eat, but I'm gonna do this anyway". I broke my basic rule of not buying food if rather a pit eating so bread, Nutella and peanut butter. What is it with anorexics and peanut butter? I sweat there is an abnormal percentage of peanut butter lovers or addicts there. Is it because our bodies sense that its just protein and fat, two things we so desperately need and avoid? I don't know. Human bodies are somehow fascinating to me now that I'm between anorexia and recovery. It's a strange place to be at.

I've been thinking lots about how Justyna is this person that tumblr always warns you about. Like you shouldn't hang out with people who make you feel bad and that jazz. It's not that she makes me feel bad, sometimes, but she is so devoid of any sort of compassion and empathy that sometimes it's shocking for a person like me who has too much of both. Even Kinga, whom I known closer for a shorter periods of time, is much more observative (is that a word?). Like she picked up on me talking shit about how I look and even if she doesn't react that much she does. I know she known. Sometimes she will write something heartfelt to me and it feels nice. Justyna doesn't care. Justyna probably thinks I'm stupid and superficial. Yesterday she was raving in our group chat about how perfect the bodies of everyone in Dirty Dancing are and like... That's not something you say in from if a person with an eating disorder. And I'm sure she is wither aware I have an eating disorder or she has to be willfully clueless which basically amounts to the same thing. Or like with Karolina who does now know about my disorder but who also picks up on me shitting on myself quite a lot. I'm not really looking for compliment when I'm putting myself down because I'm not that kind of person, it's okay if that's what you needed to do in order to gain confidence even if it's short lived, but I know I will write "Oh his make up is so on point but you need to have a face to pull it off" and she will answer "And you don't?". It's not overly sweet, it's funny and uplifting and makes me feel appreciated. She did it too when I talked about needing a glow up, that I don't need up because I'm so grown up already. It made me realise that it's probably what others think about me. I present myself in a way that seems confident and put together, even if those are the last adjectives I'd use to describe myself. I give great care to my outward appearance and I don't frankly think it's superficial, I think it's smart. I have my make up on, I have my matter of fact sounding voice, I wear those short skirts that does not scream "jesus I want to cut off all the fat and meat on my thinghts every second of time". I'm always prepared and I guess most people do think I'm very up in my game. Recently Marta asked me to send her book recommendations because I seem to read a lot and I was so stunned. People think I read a lot? I mean I probably objectively do, but for me it's never enough and I could always do more and do better. Or like a week ago we had a free period and Ewelina and Karolina asked me and Ania what are we going to do and we said we're going to a library and they were both like what, what you gonna do there. I think it's important to be reminded how others see you when your own self image is so distorted. I also think that avoiding closer encounters with people like Justyna and trying not to take what she says personally is also important for me and I am glad I realise when people have a bad influence on me.

Again I have eaten despite planning not to. I think fasting is just no longer a method I can use. I think it's okay if I eat once even if the amount should be smaller. Small steps. For now I will focus on eating only once a day and trying to limit the amount, then if I don't get results from that I might try fasting again. Because now I feel like it just puts me into more stress and more pressure, and then I'm likely to eat more. So it's counterproductive. Yes. Also I don't weight myself every morning but once eyery three or so days and it still makes me feel miserable on those days but it's better than feeling miserable every day. I mean at least now I've been losing wait so... If its stuck I will probably have a bigger problem. If my good luck continues I shall be around 51 before going home on Friday or Saturday morning. Then I'm gonna obviously gain. Then I hope to stay another weekend here in Gdańsk so I can lose it and some more. I don't know when I will start to get stuck because before it was around 52 kg, then around 49. It would be nice to finally get to 48 but I am not diligent enough as of now. Small steps. Today I will try to eat no more after coming back from uni. Tomorrow I know they're going to feed me during classes with Oliwia so I should not eat anything on my own before that. Buying peanut butter and nutella were clearly mistakes on my part but also a valuable lesson. Like being home for two weeks over Christmas and new Years, and I though oh god I surely must have gained like 10kg and coming back and realising it was like 2kg. So eating one more bite of peanut butter will not make me magically overweight, that's what I got from that. I also got that you are not as cold when you eat. I forgot bout that. Maybe now my metabolism is kind of restored and working and that's why I'm losing weight fast. I also think based on experience that I'm not gaining so much when eating fats from nuts, whether whole nuts or nut butters. I'm not sure how that works and if it always does, but out of all my binges in the past I would not gain or gain just a bit when binging on nuts as compared to other stuff.