#also 'twilight' renee reminds me so much of my mom

[panlight]

One of the main reasons I don't think Renee was originally intended to be terrible IS the fact that the miracle wonder baby is named after her.

Think about it: in the original Twilight, Renee's just kind of flightly. But she canonically tells Bella she doesn't have to exile herself to Forks and if she changes her mind, "You can come home whenever you want―I'll come right back as soon as you need me." She's emailing Bella pretty regularly ("Write me as soon as you get in. Tell me how your flight was. Is it raining? I miss you already. I'm almost finished packing for Florida, but I can't find my pink blouse. Do you know where I put it? Phil says hi. Mom.") and calls when Bella's emails sound 'off.' She shows up at the end when Bella's in the hospital. Sure there's the stuff about "lol Bella's been paying the bills since she was 10" but that could be hyperbole (that's how I originally read it). She's eccentric and forgetful but Bella calls her her best friend and she seems attentive and loving.

Forever Dawn was the original sequel to Twilight that was eventually reworked into Breaking Dawn to account (somewhat) for the stuff that happened in New Moon and Eclipse. The baby was always named Renesmee. She was named that before New Moon or Eclipse existed.

I genuinely think Renee got retconned somewhere along the line. Starts with Eclipse when she doesn't show up for Bella's graduation because of Phil's broken leg (although I still feel like this is mostly an Author Choice -- Bella and Renee already had their moment on Bella's trip to Florida, SM didn't feel like writing another one -- rather than a Character Choice), but accelerates in Life & Death (where Beau and Charlie basically say Renee needed custody because she couldn't care for herself) and Midnight Sun (where she's pretty much canonically a neglectful narcissist with a latent power to get people to do things for her).

But I don't think SM would have named the baby RENEsmeE if Renee had always been intended to be this narcissistic nightmare. I think SM's ideas about Renee changed as she kept writing but that originally she was just the quirky extroverted mom that the serious introverted daughter loved but didn't understand.

[casualfireenemy]

I don't like Bella Swan she is obsessive, she strings Jacob along, very judgemental of other's looks, she throws tantrums like a child, also at the ending of Twilight how did she not know Edward and Alice got her all dressed up for prom, she can find out what Edward is but not the prom thing. Totally makes sense. She ditches her human friends for the vampire family, like they were nothing. She only cared about first, not wanting to be in Forks, then Edward and only Edward. Also, she hurt my man Charlie like what the fuck.

Book Two- New Moon

When Edward leaves she goes catatonic, depressed for months. She wakes up screaming, scaring Charlie, refusing help, and lies to him to get him off her back. Saying she has friends like Jessica.

Those friends she talks about mean literally nothing to her but a cover story. She forces her way back into their friend group because she wants to know about the "bears" in the woods.

She strings Jacob along. Worse than the first book where she flirts with him to get information about the Cullens. This time, although she says she has no feelings for him her actions say other wise. She uses him to make herself feel better. He's the sun and Edward the moon.

Poor Jacob becomes a wolf and pushes her away because he doesn't want to force her into his world and because he has too.

She forces herself onto him, he spills the beans because he loves her. Then she is like you're killing people you monster. What the fuck. He isn't the right monster for her. Did I forget she becomes an adrenaline junky just to see Edward or the fact she ditched Jacob and her father for him.

Third book- Eclipse

She kisses Jacob when she's engaged to Edward. Although he did force her to once and manipulated her into doing it the second time. Just so he could run off into the fight anyway.

Bella is just a big horny dog.

Also love Jasper he's my favorite.

Book four- Breaking Dawn

Nasty... Also the fact Edward tried to sell her off to Jacob is fucking wrong and disgusting that Jacob is tempted by this and he imprints on a child. A baby. Also thats not how eggs work my guy.

Why did they send Carlisle away and not the others like Edward who can read their fucking minds. The wolves plans could have easily gone to shit with him there.

They could have done both IV blood and drinking and have the others go out to get more or maybe use Charlie as a way to get passed the wolves they wouldn't risk exposure or a human life. Hidden Bella and Edward somewhere in the house.

Renesme is that how you spell it. Is dumb. Also imprinting is grooming and predatory. The other Hybrid was a better match for her when she was older. Also Jacob already saw her romantically. He's just waiting until she's older.

Poor Charlie being alone and pushed to the side.

Rene is a bad mom. She parentified her child. Bella is literally the adult and Rene the child. Bad mom.

Edward is a pedophile just as much as Jacob. He controls Bella or tries to. Has destroy her things to get what he wants. Asshole. He takes his anger out on her where she is afraid to say anything just so he wouldn't get angry. He has trapped her. Stalks her. Mental abuses her. Literally wants to kill and eat her. Just why.

Edit: she hates when she doesnt have his attention and gets upset when hes gone from book one and all.

Reminds me of Sakura. They got everything they wanted. The man, the family, the power, not so useless anymore.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Eclipse reread part one! As you know, the painful reminders of every single thing that happened in the last novel are still Very Present (and managed to last until chapter 3!) so not off to a great start. Let’s go!

1) Barely anything happened in the first three chapters. Bella got ungrounded! Edward broke Bella’s truck and she forgave him in a split second! Daddy Carlisle is buying Bella’s way into a state college (sad)! Charlie tried to give Bella the sex talk! Bella and Edward talking about Wuthering Heights was actually the most interesting thing to happen so far:

I mean, you can’t buy self-awareness like this! Except E/B have a very shallow love based in a) how good Bella’s blood smells and b) how sick Bella thinks it would be to be a vampire. Also, Bella stop blaming yourself! Again, every bad thing that has happened to Bella in this series has been Edward’s fault. You aren’t Cathy, he isn’t Heathcliff, and Kate Bush would never write a banger about Twilight. Moving on. 

2) *Brita Perry voice* Look I hate cops, but honestly the way Bella talks to Charlie in Eclipse (and sometimes in NM) is so grating. 

Charlie should say something about Renee’s parenting ability, you literally constantly say that you’re the one who raised her! Is she a bad mom or not?

Bella, honey, they aren’t prejudices, your boyfriend wants to kill you. Or abandon you again. But mostly kill you.

3) The most narratively annoying part so far was jumping from E/B deciding to visit Renee at the end of one chapter and beginning the next chapter with their drive home from the airport after already visiting Renee. I wish I was kidding. The only part of the visit that smeyer sees fit to include is Renee telling Bella that E/B is “weird” and Bella condescending and lying to her own mother. I appreciate cutting out superfluous descriptions (a rarity in Twilight) but at least keep a consistent narrative structure. It was an awkward choice and it Bothered me lol. 

4) This description of Jake is badass and I’m pretty sure it single-handedly fueled my taste in men when I was 13 lmfao. Reading it now though is disturbing to say the least. @ smeyer, you can't make a teen boy "physically 25" to make it okay to drool over him! That's gross!

5) Iconic. 

6) Bella shudders a lot. I would make a compilation but I am not that dedicated. Victoria seems like a hugely empty threat and I wish we would have seen just a tad more of her in NM. I think that’s one thing that the movies have on the books at least- interspersing images of the bad guys throughout the story, showing them getting closer and closer, builds suspense so much more effectively than the mentions of Victoria and “flames on the water” ever did. 

7) Edward and Bella are ridiculously codependent it’s wild. Jacob is still being kind of a dick but not that bad yet (just got to chapter 6). I liked when the School Kids TM were taking bets on who would win in a fight and I liked with Jake tormented Edward with his memories of Bella’s catatonia. I think that should happen more often lolol. This is as far as I was able to read this week because the writing style has turned Full Diary Entry and I’m having a hard time keeping myself invested but on I go! 

8) And look! Smeyer learned the word “gnash!” <3

[austenwharton]

midnight sun thoughts!!

I have finished conquering Midnight Sun. here are my final and initial thoughts (more will come after all 600whatever pages have time to marinate)

-Edwin sux. Charlie has the right idea

-seriously, seeing bella hurt in the hospital and only focusing on wanting to leave her?? wtf man. read the room.

-I hate Edward a lot. i also love him. i also think Bella deserves better. I also think (especially Bella in Eclipse... the bella who dumps jacob after he gets injured in a battle about her, parallelism!!) deserves Edward exactly how he is.

-it is really strange seeing Bella through his eyes. it's very.... infantilizing. he sees her as such a child. it is greatly at odds with her view of herself.

-Rosalie deserves better. I refuse to believe that she would not have helped Bella with the James situation. I refuse to believe that someone who survived an assault would not help another woman.... and that the only reason she would help was bc emmett might face trouble as a result. I refuse to believe that smeyer. learn how to write woman. 

-we deserve SO MUCH MORE esme characterization. Esme is so bland like... please give us something i want more esme!! 

-renee sucks, too. i wish we'd gotten, either in this book or any of the original saga, some view of esme filling the role of bella's mother, since smeyer wants esme to only be a mom and have no other discernible personality traits.

-still so full of misogyny and racism. HOW have editors allowed this to happen?? this book can't be shielded by the thin excuse of "well, 2005 wasn't a socially conscious time." okay, it is never acceptable for the white man being painted as the hero to fantasize about destroying a very real tribe, not in 2005, not in 2020. wtf smeyer.

-I tend to think that Twilight and New Moon are the most compelling books in the saga because of the element of fantasy. They're more interactive for the reader. Edward's absence in both of the novels allows for the reader to mold him better to their image... i could go on and on about this, but i want to keep it short. I find it so funny that Edward shares this point of view. the amount of times he fantasizes about Bella's life without him, but yet he is still somewhere in the shadows, watching. idk about y'all, but i imagined this exact scene in middle school when i read New Moon for the first time, hoping that maybe bella & jacob could get together, and edward would be watching from the shadows, remorseful. 

-idk if i can reread this one in the way that I can reread the others (well, apart from breaking dawn). the first 300 pages or so (and the scene in the ballet studio) were straight up difficult for me to read, especially when edward was fighting between "the monster" and himself. i have an anxiety disorder, and it reminded me a lot of my own brain on a bad day... fighting against intrusive thoughts, and it would get kind of triggering for me. it makes me wonder about smeyer... 

-i tried to read the meadow scene outside, under the southern sun, to feel something, but i ended up getting chased inside by a big hornet. i feel like that represents bella and edward's relationship. 

but yeah, all in all, i can't tell if i really hate this book or if i think it's just fine. it's so weird. the fact that there's a car chase scene... wow, just... wow. i do not think i could handle the rest of this series from eddie's eyes, and i'm very glad smeyer has said that she can't do it. as i think about it, the only thing i would like is to hear alice get mad at edward about leaving bella in new moon, but i am sure someone has written a fanfic that does better than smeyer could!!

[big-idiot-wolf-boys]

Nightfall: Twilight Reimagined -1-

I hit 500 followers last night so here’s the first chapter of Nightfall as I promised! This is the first thing I’ve written in a LONG time, and it’s mostly for self indulgent purposes and to get my creative juices flowing again. It will very much feel like canon for a couple of chapters but stick with me, changes will be made! It’s also going to feel slow at times, as it is just as much about the everyday life of Bella as it is about the supernatural stuff.

                                                           ****

       The air was dry and heavy in Phoenix, Arizona. It wasn’t much of a surprise that it was 75 degrees and sunny, with no clouds to be seen. Thanks to this, I got to wear my favorite shirt as a goodbye to the lovely warm weather of my home in Phoenix; a heather grey tank top that flowed nicely when the breeze stirred. In contrast to this, my carry on item was a heavy hoodie I had bought specifically for the trip. 

    I had decided to spend my senior year with my father, Charlie. He lives in the Pacific Northwest, in a tiny town tucked into a forest where it was always raining. It was this town that my mother had fled with me when I was only a few months old. Forks, Washington. I had spent every winter there until I was fourteen, but we found that my mood was significantly dampened by the bad weather. So Charlie made a compromise with me. For the last four winters, Charlie had vacationed in California with me, where he could enjoy the ocean, and I could enjoy the sun.

    When I arrive in Forks, it will be the first time I’ve lived with Charlie long term. At first, I was reluctant to move. After all, I knew nothing about Forks; Phoenix was my home, it was where I’d spent the longest. I knew it and I loved it. I loved the sun that beat down on the sidewalks, and the massive city that sprawled before my eyes. 

    “Bella,” My mom reminded me once again, “You don’t have to do this.”

    Renee looks like a softer version of myself with short brown hair and freckles, with the beginnings of soft creases in her skin. I felt a now familiar surge of panic as I looked at her with wide eyes. How could I leave her? Renee had never been on her own before. She was so scatterbrained that I had been managing our finances since I was thirteen. 

    Realistically, I knew that Phil -- my mom’s new husband -- would be taking care of her from now on. He was much more level headed, at least enough to make sure the bills got paid and food made its way to the table. Still, I couldn’t help but worry. 

    “Mom, you can’t talk me out of this.” I tried to be gentle, but firm. I had always been a terrible liar, so I stopped saying ‘  I want to go’  two weeks ago. 

    “Give Charlie my love, then.” Renee said, chewing on her lower lip as she worried. She said this every time I saw Charlie. I knew that she still cared for him. They had just gotten together too young and it hadn’t worked out. She was too wild and he was too home-bound. 

    “You know I will.” 

    “I’ll see you soon,” She promised, “If you ever want to come home, you know I’ll be there.” 

    But not without sacrifice, I thought.

    Phil was in Florida right now, and from all indications he was going to be signed to the team there.

    He was a minor league ball player, and Renee went to all of his home games but I knew that she wanted to be able to travel with him. There was no way that was going to happen if she had to stay in Phoenix while I closed out my senior year. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. The school year ended in June, it would only be two months until I graduated. And it would be nice to spend some time with Charlie. 

    “Don’t worry, mom.” I said, and hugged her tight. She kissed my cheek before stepping away to give me a watery smile. “I love you.”

    “I love you too, Bella.” 

    And then I got onto the plane. 

    The flight from Phoenix to Seattle only took five hours, but then it was another plane ride to a small town called Port Angeles. From there, Charlie was going to pick me up and we would drive the last hour to get to Forks. I liked flying, but I was worried that the ride with Charlie would be awkward.

    Charlie was elated that I was moving in with him, in his quiet way. He had already enrolled me into the local high school. I felt a twinge of guilt for not visiting him more in my youth. Now, I wanted to make it up to him and ensure that we would spend some time together. The truth was, though, I wasn’t sure how many football games I could force myself to watch.

    Besides my guilt, things were still bound to be awkward. In the past, I had made my distaste for Forks clear, like my mother before me. Charlie was bound to know I didn’t really want to be there, even if I wanted to be around him. 

    To no surprise at all, it was raining when we landed in Seattle, and raining even harder when the second flight arrived in Port Angeles. It was a good thing I had said my goodbyes to the sun already, rain was inevitable from this point on. 

    Charlie was waiting for me with a police cruiser. He’s the Chief of Police in Forks, and the cruiser was his only mode of transportation. I made a mental note to save up for my own vehicle as soon as possible. I didn’t want to be seen in a town this small in a cop car. 

    When I stumbled out of the terminal, Charlie enveloped me in a tight hug. 

    “Hey, Bells!” He grinned awkwardly as he steadied me by the shoulders. “It’s good to see ya. How’s your mom?” 

    “She’s fine, she sends her love.” I smiled awkwardly and took a half step back. “It’s good to see you too, Char-dad.” I stumbled over the words, unsure what I was supposed to call him. 

    All of the clothes that I owned that were weather appropriate fit into two small suitcases. These easily fit into the cruiser. 

    “So,” Charlie said conversationally as we strapped in. “I don’t know if you’d remember my friend Billy Black, we used to go fishing with him in the summertime.” 

    “I don’t remember him.” I admitted sheepishly. 

    “Well, maybe you remember his girls? Rebecca and Rachel? Or his son Jacob?” 

    Looking down, I shrugged, trying not to feel too guilty over not remembering Charlie’s friend. I vaguely remembered the twins, their names at least. Jacob was a little more familiar, I could remember a chubby cheeked boy with shining brown eyes and a bright smile. 

    “Well, he’s in a wheelchair now, and he offered to sell me his truck, cheap.” 

    Was Charlie one of those car club guys? I wracked my brain for memories of wandering around a field filled with classic cars, but none came. Well, maybe Charlie was anticipating my idea of buying a vehicle. 

    “I thought it would be a good welcome home present for you, Bella,” He continued, keeping his eyes on the road. 

    “Oh.” I blinked in surprise, smiling widely at Charlie. “Thank you!”

    “Don’t say that ‘till you see it.” He said with a chuckle. 

    “What’s that supposed to mean?” I pressed. 

    “Well, Jake just rebuilt the engine. It’s really not that old.”

    I wasn’t going to give up that easily. “When did he buy it?”

    “Er…” Charlie rubbed the back of his neck before quickly returning his hand to the wheel. “He bought it in ‘84, I think.”

    “New?” I urged.

    “No.” Charlie sighed, caught out. “It was new in the 60’s, I think. Maybe the late 50’s even.” He glanced at me. “It’s a cool old classic, though.”

    “Ch- Dad. I don’t know… I wouldn’t be able to work on it myself if something happened; and I don’t think I could afford a mechanic.”

    “The thing runs like a charm!” Charlie promised. 

    We made some more small talk, but eventually lapsed into silence. It wasn’t as awkward as I had expected. Charlie and I were both comfortable with silence. I stared out the window as we drove, observing my new home.

    Washington was pretty, I could admit that. But it was pretty in a way that was different than my home in Arizona. There was a mist that clung to the air and bathed everything in a soft glow. From the tops of the trees to the grass on the ground, everything was shades of green. There were moss coated tree branches, ferns and shrubbery encroaching on the shoulder of the road.

    The drive didn’t feel very long, we were soon at Charlie’s. He lives in the same two bedroom home that he bought with my mother when they were first married. There wasn’t much to their marriage besides a beginning, though. Parked in front of the house was the truck that Charlie had bought for me. It was a soft, faded red. There were big rounded fenders sticking out, with a couple of dings in them and the cab was large and rounded.

    Surprisingly, I loved it. It looked like it had lived a life, like there was a story to it. The body itself was more visually appealing than the boxy four door cars that had become all too popular lately. The steel body looked like it could get into an accident and come out practically unscathed. It was a good fit for me. 

    “Dad, I love it! Thank you!” I exclaimed. Tomorrow, I wouldn’t have to sludge through the rain on foot to get to school; Or worse, ride in the cruiser. I could show up in my own ride, a surprisingly cool one. 

    “Well, I’m glad you like it,” Charlie said gruffly, embarrassed. 

    It only took one of us - and one trip - to get my things inside and upstairs. I got the bedroom that faced the front yard. It was familiar, since it had been mine since birth, even though I had never spent much time here. The floor was wooden, and the walls were a pale and faded blue. The ceiling was slanted, the curtains trimmed with lace. This was my childhood room, preserved. The only changes that had ever been made was exchanging the crib for a bed, and adding a desk when I started school. The desk now held a clunky, Windows 95 laptop. This was because my mother wanted to stay in touch through email. The rocking chair that my Grandma Swan had passed down to Charlie was still in the corner. 

    It was nice to see my childhood room this way, but in the back of my mind, I began to imagine little changes I could make.

    There was only one bathroom, which meant sharing with Charlie. I wasn’t too enthused about that, and hoped he was a clean freak like I was. 

    After making sure I was settled, Charlie left me to get unpacked and sort my things. This was something my mother would never have been able to do. It was nice to have a moment alone, to not have to pretend to be happy to be here. I relished sighing dramatically over the rain pouring outside. 

    As I unpacked, I let my mind wander. I wasn’t looking forward to starting school tomorrow. Forks high school has a total of 321 students; 322 now. There were more than 700 people in my grade alone in Phoenix. There was no crowd for me to blend into here. Everyone had grown up knowing each other, and their families all probably knew one another generations back.

    I set a snow globe on my desk. It was a souvenir from a trip Renee and I took to Hollywood, and when turned over, it rained gold glitter over the Hollywood sign.

    I was going to be the new girl; the city kid encroaching on their small town life. Maybe, if I looked like people imagined a girl from Phoenix looked like, I could make the new kid angle work for me. It felt like I should be tanned and sporty, outgoing- things that went along with living in a sunny world.

    Instead, I’m pale despite growing up in the constant sunshine. I’ve always been small and slender, I’m not in athletic shape, and I wasn't particularly curvaceous either. I felt completely average. On top of that, I was clumsier than should be possible. The two nice things I got from my mom were my hair, which always had big, soft brown waves, and my eyes which were a pretty brown to match. 

    When I was done putting my clothes away in the cedar dresser that my grandfather had built, I took my bag of bathroom supplies and put everything in its place. While I was there, I cleaned myself up from traveling all day. I looked at myself as I brushed my hair. Maybe it was just the lighting, but it looked like Forks had already taken a toll on me. My skin was paler somehow, unhealthy. I had no color here. 

    Making my way back to my room, I could think of nothing but the coming day. There was this urgent fear that I would never fit in here, that no one would want to be friends with the chief’s daughter anyway. I don’t relate well to people; even my mom, who’s my best friend, never truly  got me. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same world that everyone else saw. Maybe there was something wrong with me, or my brain. The cause didn’t really matter, I supposed. All that matters is the effect. Tomorrow’s just the beginning.

    I didn’t sleep well, which didn’t come as any surprise. The rain pounded on the roof and the wind screeched in the trees. I shoved pillows over my head, but the sound still intruded. The weather finally settled around midnight, and blissfully I drifted to sleep.

    In the morning, a thick fog prevented me from seeing further than the driveway when I peered out my window. There was no blue sky, and no sunshine, this made me feel like the world was closing in around me. I couldn’t breathe. I turned away from the window, and centered myself. 

    Focus on my routine.

    Breakfast was quiet. Charlie wasn’t a morning person. He sipped his coffee and pursued the paper while I scarfed down a bowl of cereal. He wished me good luck at school before kissing me on the forehead and leaving for work. Good luck had never helped me before, but it was nice that he offered the sentiment anyway.    

    I took Charlie’s place at the old oak table. There were three mismatched chairs that surrounded it. I examined the kitchen, with it’s paneled walls and yellow cabinets, the white tiled floor. Nothing had changed. My mother had painted the cupboards seventeen years ago to try to bring some brightness to the room. It felt like Charlie was living in a museum. 

    In the adjoining room, there was the fireplace. A row of pictures lined it: A picture of my parents on their wedding day in Vegas, followed by the three of us in the hospital the day I was born, and then my most recent school photo. I cringed and thought about asking Charlie to put my picture away. 

    The last thing I wanted was to be early for school, but I couldn’t stand looking at the relics of my childhood anymore. After pulling on my heavy jacket, I stepped outside with more than a hint of trepidation. 

    While the weather had quieted last night, it had never quite stopped raining and was still drizzling while I locked the house up. My brand new rain boots splashed  in puddles as I sloshed my way to my new truck. I longed for the crunch of gravel under my feet. 

    Thankfully, the truck was dry inside. Someone had obviously made an effort to clean it up, but the seats still faintly smelled of tobacco and gasoline. There was a vanilla air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The engine turned over quickly, but loudly, and idled at what seemed to be maximum volume. I’d been expecting it, but it still made me jump. The radio worked, which was a positive I hadn’t considered. After fiddling with the stations, classic rock hummed quietly in the background.

    Finding the school was easy, though I had never been there. It was, like most things in Forks, right off the highway. It wasn’t obvious that it was a school building, it looked more like a jail or civil building. The buildings were a monotonous brick, and the walls were large and foreboding despite the small student body. 

    I parked in front of the building with the large  black number 1 and OFFICE sign outside. No one else had parked there yet, so I hoped it wasn’t staff parking but decided to risk it. I stepped reluctantly out of the warmth of my truck and hurried through the drizzle until I was under an alcove by the door. I took a deep breath to steel myself, and pushed my way inside. The building was lit with bright fluorescents and was warmer than I expected. 

    The office was small; a little waiting area with padded chairs and a faded carpet, awards sat on shelves and posters were tacked to the walls, and a comically large clock ticked away. The room was cut in half by a counter, on top of which there were several baskets overflowing with colorful papers. A large, redheaded woman wearing glasses was sitting behind the counter. She was wearing a purple t-shirt, which made me feel overdressed in my soft sweater and heavy jacket. 

    The woman looked up. “Can I help you?”

    “Yeah, uh, I’m Bella Swan.” Her eyes brightened with a spark of recognition. I was sure she had heard, and partaken in, plenty of gossip about the chief’s estranged daughter. 

    “Isabella, of course!” I didn’t bother to correct her as she dug through piles of documents. “I have your schedule here, dear, and a map if you need it.”

    She highlighted the best route between classes on the map for me, and gave me a slip for each teacher to sign for me to bring back to the office at the end of the day. Then she smiled warmly at me and wished me good luck. 

    I politely smiled back, trying to fake enthusiasm. 

    Students had started to arrive while I had been inside. I moved my truck, following the flow of traffic towards student parking. I noticed with relief that most of the cars were older, like mine. People still looked in my direction, but I assumed that had more to do with the rumble of my engine than curiosity about me. At least, I hoped so. 

The nicest car here was a shiny Ford, and it stood out. Still, I cut the engine as soon as I was parked so that I didn’t draw more attention than I already had.

    Hoping to remain in the warmth for a moment longer, I lingered in the cab of my truck, staring at the map. I was hoping to memorize it so that I wouldn’t have to pull it out later. Eventually, I stuffed the map into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I can do this, I thought, no one is going to bite me. 

    I exhaled and stepped out of the truck, pulling my hood up. I made my way towards the building with the large black 3 painted on the side. My breathing was coming faster now, and I tried to even it out before it became full blown hyperventilation. 

    You can do this, I reminded myself.

    The first thing I noticed was how small the classroom was. There were maybe twenty desks in total. I hung my coat on the row of hooks next to the door, following the example of the student who had walked in before me. She was a stunning blonde, who looked more like she had stepped out of an old Hollywood film than Forks high school. She had pale skin, and eyes that were a dark amber, with even darker circles underneath. At least I wouldn’t stick out as the palest person here, I thought. 

    I brought the slip up to the teacher to sign. He was tall and lanky, with curly brown hair and oval shaped glasses that perched on the edge of his nose, looking dangerously close to falling. He identified himself as Mr. G and encouraged me to take a seat without introducing myself. 

    Despite taking the only open seat at an empty desk in the back of the room, my classmates still somehow managed to stare at me. I even caught the pretty blonde girl looking my way with an indecipherable expression. I tried to ignore the stares by looking over the syllabus Mr. G had given me: Shakespeare, Bronte, Fahrenheit 451, and The Hot Zone. All things I had read before, but things I would enjoy rereading. I wondered if my mom would send my old essays, or if she would consider that cheating. While Mr. G droned on, I imagined that argument with her.

    When the bell rang, students streamed out of the classroom. Except a gangly boy with olive toned skin, black hair and a green sweater. He made his way back to me. 

    “You’re Isabella Swan, right?” 

    “Bella, actually.” I corrected as I slung my bag over my shoulder. The remaining students turned to look at me. 

    “Where’s your next class?” The boy who hadn’t introduced himself asked.

    I glanced at my schedule slip. “Um, Government with Jefferson, in the annex building.” 

    “I’m heading that way, I can show you the way,” He seemed eager to please. “I’m Eric.”

    “Thanks.” I smiled tentatively. 

    We paused to get our jackets from the hooks and pulled them on. The drizzle from this morning had turned into large, heavy droplets of rain now. As I pulled my hood up, I could have sworn that people stopped or slowed down to listen to us.

    “So, you moved from Phoenix, right? I bet it’s different there.” Eric prompted me as we walked. 

    “Very.”

    “And I bet you don’t get a lot of rain there.”

    “Maybe four times a year.” 

    “Wow! I wonder what that’s like.”

    “Sunny,” I told him. Eric’s expression implied that he thought I was being rude, and maybe I was, but my deadpan personality made small talk hard.

    “Well, you don’t look very tan.” He pointed out.

    “My mother’s part albino.”

    He studied me carefully, like I wasn’t what he was expecting,and now he had to reevaluate what he thought of me. It seemed like I wasn’t going to find many people with a sense of humor here, I thought with a sigh.

    We walked around the campus past the gym, to a building marked with a big black 6. Eric walked me to the door, even though it was clearly marked. 

    “Good luck!” He said as I walked into the classroom. “Maybe we’ll have another class together.” 

    “Maybe.” I smiled vaguely at him. 

            The rest of the morning was pretty much the same. My Trig teacher, who was a surly mountain man type, was the only one who made me stand at the front of the room and introduce myself. I stammered and blushed through the basics, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any more embarrassing- I tripped over my own feet on the way to my desk.,

    After a couple of classes, I began to recognize faces. There was always someone who gathered the courage to speak to me after class; they would introduce themselves and ask me the same questions about Forks and my thoughts on it. I ended up telling a lot of little white lies about my opinions on the small town.

    One girl sat next to me in both Trig and Spanish, so we walked to lunch together. Her skin was a rich sepia tone and she was a few inches shorter than me, but she had this dark hair that curled in every direction and evened out our height difference. I couldn’t remember her name, so I just nodded a lot while she talked me through the different teachers and their respective classes. 

    I followed her to a table, where she introduced me to her friends. I sat at the end of the table, forgetting most of their names as soon as they were said. Eric, the boy from English, waved at me from his position in the lunch line.

    It was there, sitting in the cafeteria and trying to avoid conversation with strangers, that I first saw  them. 

    They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from the crowd as possible. There were five of them, including the stunning blonde from my English class. None of them were speaking, and they weren’t eating despite having plates of food on the table. None of them were staring at me, like the other students had, so it felt safe for me to observe them without fear of having to make eye contact. 

    There were three boys. One was big, like he spent most of his time at the gym. He had skin in the same sepia as the girl I had followed through the line, but a couple of shades darker. His hair was black and had tight curls that were cut pretty short. He almost looked too old to be in high school. The next was taller and lean, but still muscular. He had honey blonde hair that fell to his collar, fair skin and freckles. He was tapping his fingers on the table. The last was lanky, slouched down, with hair more red than blonde, just as pale and freckled as the previous boy. He looked to be the youngest of them..

    Next I noticed the girls. The first was the blonde from my English class. She was the kind of girl that radiated beauty and confidence. Statuesque, with blonde hair that curled and hung to her shoulders. I wondered if she was the honey haired boy’s sister. Sitting next to her was a pixie like girl, petite with pointed features. Her eyes were large and angular, her hair was an inky black, cut short and sticking out in every direction. She seemed to be the youngest of the whole group and a playful smile flickered when she noticed me staring. 

    Somehow, despite the five of them all looking distinct in their own way; they all shared similar features. They all practically glowed in the fluorescent lighting, almost like their skin was reflective. They all had very dark eyes, ranging from dark amber to almost black, and they all shared bruise like shadows under their eyes. 

None of this was the reason I couldn’t look away from these mysterious strangers. 

    I stared because despite their differences, they were all the same kind of devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were the kind of beautiful that you never expected to see in real life. Especially in the middle of nowhere, like Forks. These were faces you would see in magazines or painted by a master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most attractive, the boy with the red hair or the blonde girl I shared a class with.

    None of them appeared to be looking at anything in particular. They looked away from the other students, away from the staff, and even each other. Some of them stared out the window, or their food, or their own hands. While I watched them, the smallest girl rose with her tray and walked away. I was shocked at her grace. She hadn’t walked, but rather  danced away. I watched as she dumped her tray and skipped out the door, faster than I thought possible. I looked back to the others, who hadn’t even seemed to notice her departure.

    “Who are they?” I asked the girl from my Spanish class, who’s name I still couldn’t remember. 

    She looked up, but from the flicker in her eyes I could tell that she already knew who I meant. One of them moved again, and it drew my gaze back to them. The younger boy with the red hair had looked at my neighbor for a moment, and then his eyes met mine.

    He looked away quicker than I could, but I dropped my eyes to my tray anyway. My cheeks were burning and I just knew they were bright red.

    My neighbor giggled and looked down the same way I had.

    “Those are the Cullens.” She said in a hushed voice. “Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who just left was Alice Cullen. They’re Dr. and Mrs. Cullen’s kids, well, sort of..”

    I looked at the beautiful boy again. He was now looking at his tray, face a mask of determination. He picked idly at his food, and his mouth was moving very quickly. The others still weren’t looking at him, but I could tell they were listening to whatever he was saying.

    Strange names, I thought, old fashioned. Maybe that was just the style around small towns. Most small towns had a couple of quirks, after all. I finally remembered that the girl sitting next to me was named Jessica, which was perfectly common. I had known more than one Jessica back home.

    “They’re… pretty.” I wished that I could put it into better words, but had no idea where to start.

    “Yeah!” Jessica agreed. “They’re all  together, though. Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they live together!” Her voice made it more than apparent that this was a cause of gossip around town. I had to admit that it probably would have caused gossip back in Phoenix, too.

    “What did you mean, ‘sort of’?” I asked curiously.

    “Well, Edward is Mr. Cullen’s nephew and he’s been staying with them for a while, I guess. Rosalie and Jasper are Mrs. Cullen’s younger cousins, and they’re staying with them until they finish school. I think Alice Cullen is their foster daughter and Emmett lives with them because he's with Rosalie.” Jessica rattled off.

    “So none of them are actually related?” I asked, trying to sort out that complicated family tree in my head. 

    “They all act like one big family, though. The Cullens basically adopted them all. It’s nice, just… weird.” 

    “That’s really nice.” I picked at my lunch, not feeling very hungry.

    During this conversation, I had barely looked away from the Cullens. My gaze found it’s way back to them no matter how hard I tried to pull it away. The whole group continued to ignore me rudely staring at them, and none of them touched their food.

    “They haven’t always lived here, right?” I definitely would have remembered them from my winters here if that had been the case.

    “ No. ” Jessica said this in a tone that made it clear I had asked a dumb question, and it stung a little. I guessed it was obvious that the Cullens were outsiders here, but so was I. “They moved here a couple years ago from Alaska.” 

    So they’d been in my position pretty recently. The new kids. I felt bad for them, they clearly didn’t have many friends outside their family. On the other hand, I felt relieved because I wasn’t the only outsider in the tiny school.

    As I stared, the redhead looked up and met my eyes again. He looked curious, like he expected something from me. I quickly looked down again, embarrassed at being caught staring.

    “Which one has red hair?” I asked, peeking up from under my lashes. He was still looking at me. He looked frustrated now, and I looked back down.

    “That’s Edward.” She said with a small sigh. “He’s the prettiest, isn’t he? But don’t waste your time, he doesn’t date.” She looked away bitterly. I wondered when he had turned her down.

    I bit my lip and glanced at him again. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, but it seemed like the beginnings of a smile were tugging at his lips.

    A few minutes later, the whole Cullen family left. They all shared a strange grace, even the big muscle-y one, but it was clear Alice was the dancer in the family. The one named Edward didn’t look at me again, and then they were gone.

    I sat with Jessica and her friends longer than I would have if I had sat alone. One of Jessica’s friends, who gently reminded me that her name was Angela, had Biology with me next. We walked to class together. She was shy like me, so we walked in silence. It was nice.

    When we entered the classroom, Angela sat in her assigned seat at one of the black topped tables that I had come to expect in science classrooms. Someone was already sitting next to her. All of the tables had two people sitting at them, except for one. Edward Cullen was sitting next to the only open seat.

    I introduced myself to the teacher, Ms. Ramone, and she signed my slip and sent me off to my desk. Just as I began to walk, Edward stiffened in his seat and stared at me again. His expression wasn’t curious anymore. Now he was staring at me with some kind of angry horror. I felt my cheeks heat up and tripped over a backpack someone had left in the aisle. I had to catch myself on the corner of my desk. The girl who owned the backpack snickered at me. I barely registered it.

    Edward’s eyes were black as pitch, and his hands were curled into tight fists. 

    I kept my eyes down as I slid into the only available seat in the room, right next to him. Why was he staring at me like this? What had changed between lunch and now? I couldn’t understand why Edward looked so angry with me.

    What had I done to deserve the fury burning in his dark eyes?

    I didn’t look at him directly when I sat, but from the corner of my eye, I could see his posture change. He was sitting, ridgid, in his seat and leaned as far away from me as the small space would allow. He was averting his eyes and his nose was wrinkled like he smelled something bad. With a toss of my head, my hair fell in a curtain over my left shoulder, blocking Edward from my view. Yep, I still smelled like my strawberry shampoo. What the hell was with him?

    I tried to refocus on the teacher. 

    Unfortunately, we were learning about cellular anatomy, which I had learned about the year before in Phoenix. I took notes anyway, focusing intently on making my handwriting look nice so I wouldn’t be tempted to sneak a glance at Edward.

    It was no surprise that I couldn’t stop myself from peeking over at him occasionally from behind the curtain of my hair. During the whole class, he didn’t relax at all. His hands were still clenched into fists, the pale skin stretching tight over his knuckles. The sleeves of his blue sweater were pushed up to his elbows, and his forearm was surprisingly muscular. He wasn’t nearly as small as he had looked next to his burly ‘brother’. The blue of his sweater made him look even paler than before. 

    The class dragged on longer than the others. Maybe because I was practically counting the seconds, or maybe because the day always seemed longer after lunch. No, of course it was because I was waiting for him to relax next to me. He never loosened his fist, and besides the irritating bouncing of his knee; he didn’t seem to move or breathe at all. Did he normally act like this? No wonder Jessica had felt so strongly before. 

    After all, it couldn’t be me. He didn’t even know me.

    I peeked up at him once more, and instantly regretted it. He was glaring at me again. His black eyes burned into mine. I flinched away, curling into myself. Then the bell rang and I almost jumped out of my skin.

    Edward was out of his seat before I could compose myself, and out the door before anyone else. He was much taller than I thought.

    I was frozen in my seat, blinking after him. What was he so angry about? What had I done to evoke such a strong reaction when he knew nothing about me? I gathered my things slowly, trying not to let the anxiety overtake me. That would lead to crying, and I wouldn’t let that happen in school. 

    “Aren’t you Isabella Swan?” A voice asked. I almost snapped at it until I saw the person it came from.

    A round faced boy with pale blue eyes and  blonde hair that was carefully spiked up was smiling at me in a warm, friendly way. He clearly didn’t think I smelled bad. 

    “Bella,” I corrected. Again.

    “Hi, Bella. I’m Mike.” 

    “Hi, Mike.” I tried not to sigh. I couldn’t wait for my novelty  to wear off.

    “Do you need any help finding your next class?” 

    “I’m heading to the gym, and I’ve passed it twice today already. But thanks.”

    “Hey, that’s my next class too!” He was enthusiastic, I’ll give him that. 

    We walked together, and he barely stopped talking to breathe. He had lived in California until he was thirteen, so he knew how I felt about the sun. It turned out he was also in my English class, and I just hadn’t noticed. Mike was the nicest person I’d met today, he reminded me of a golden retriever.

    Just as we entered the gym, Mike asked me, “So… Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or something? I’ve never seen him act like that.”

    I cringed. At least I wasn’t the only one who had noticed his behavior. On the other hand, this meant that it wasn’t his usual behavior, and the only new factor was  me. 

    “The boy I sit next to in Bio?” I asked, playing dumb. 

    “Yeah,” Mike nodded. “He looked like he was in pain or something.”

    “I dunno.” I shrugged and tried to pretend like it didn’t bother me. “He didn’t say two words to me the whole class.”

    “Well.. He’s weird.” Mike said, as if this was some kind of condolence for Edward’s behavior. “I would’ve talked to you if we sat next to each other.”

    “I know, Mike.” I smiled at him and escaped to the locker room before I had to deal with any more small talk.

    The gym teacher found me a uniform but didn’t make me wear it for my first day. At home, only two years of PE are required. In Forks, all four years are required. As if this place wasn’t already my personal hell.

    I watched four volleyball games played at the same time, trying to stay out of the way. I knew how many injuries I was bound to inflict if they made me participate.

    The final bell rang at last. A saving grace from the first day of Forks high. I walked to the office to return my paperwork. The rain had blessedly stopped, but the wind had picked up and blew my hair around my face in large gusts.

    When I walked into the office, I almost turned on my heel and walked back out.

    Edward was standing at the counter with his back to me. I recognized him from the windblown bronze hair. I pressed myself against the wall by the door, waiting for the receptionist to be free. Please don’t notice me, I begged silently.

    He was arguing with the woman behind the counter, and it didn’t take me long to figure out what was happening. He wanted to switch Biology classes!

    I couldn’t believe this. Something must have happened in the classroom before I arrived. This couldn’t be about me. It was impossible that someone who didn’t know me could harbor such resentment towards me.

    The door opened again, and a gust of wind rushed in. Papers flew off the desk, my hair swirled around my face once more. The girl who had come in simply dropped a note into one of the baskets and walked back out. This caused another gust of wind. In these few seconds, Edward had stiffened in a now familiar way, and then turned to glare at me. His face was handsome, but it didn’t dull the hostility radiating off of him. I felt a thrill of fear, goosebumps rising on my skin. He turned back to the receptionist.

    “Nevermind.” He said in a velvet smooth voice. “I understand there’s nothing you can do. Thank you anyway.” And then he turned and left without another look towards me.

    I took a moment to collect myself before shyly handing over the paperwork to the woman.

    “How was your first day, sweetie?” The woman asked with a kind smile.

    “It was good.” I lied meekly. She didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press me on the matter. 

    When I got to my truck, it was the only vehicle left in the parking lot besides the staff. It was like a small piece of home in this damp, green alien planet I had found myself on. I sat inside for a while, with the heater cranked, while I tried not to cry. Eventually, I headed back to Charlie’s.

[mattyofthelongfields]

1 to 20 with 20 being, "why do you like Xena"

Thanks for the numbers, hon! ya know, even if I was supposed to answer 21 and not 20... I’m still going to answer both cus I’m fun like that! Also sorry this took longer than expected!

1: what was the first movie you can recall ever watching?

oh man... To be honest I have early memories of my older sister watching Starship Troopers while she was babysitting me and I caught a glimpse of one of the gorier scenes (I was supposed to be napping) and I had nightmares for days... But I didn’t watch the whole thing so I guess it doesn’t count. So the answer would most likely be Homeward Bound.. which I kind of watched over and over because I was obsessed with dogs ^^’

2: what’s your least favorite holiday?

Probably Easter. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that my family have never really celebrated it (except maybe family lunch during the recent years and of course Easter eggs)

3: are you an auditory, visual, or tactile learner?

I guess out of the three I’m more of a tactile learner. I have a really big problem with focusing and taking in information and visualizing how things are supposed to be done. For example when I’m sewing and reading the instructions I can’t visualize what they mean, but if I’m shown how it’s done and walked through it, it becomes a lot easier.

4: do you have allergies?

We’re not 100% sure because it’s rare but for the last 11 years we’ve been pretty sure that I’m allergic to carrots. But if I am I have a very late reaction (several days) which happens but is again very rare. I never took any tests to be sure though. But I’ve had so many reactions that I refuse to take more chances ^^’ Also I used to be allergic to milk but grew out of it when I was around 10.

5: happiest memory?

When my friends threw a surprise party for me (which I was even late to!) and gave me an original replica of Xena’s sword! Also when I first met Renee O’Connor... and when I met her again next year along with Hudson Leick and she even recognized me. I may have cried....

6: how often do you use chapstick?

Only when I have an allergic reaction (chapped, itchy and bleeding lips. yes what a lovely image) because it helps sooth them. Though I use only two special brands because they’re the only ones that actually helps. at least so far

7: what subject do you wish you were an expert in?

Ancient History. I LOVE ancient history and mythology but since I can’t focus properly and take in information like most I don’t really know as much of it as I’d like... or more like I know some trivia and tidbits but I can’t go into details about it or discuss it because that part is all blank. though I find it really interesting! 

8: would you travel to another planet?

As long as the journey is proven to be safe then of course!

9: if you could make any job you want, what would it be?

Well I’ve wanted to be everything from writer to actress to director but I would really love to work as a costume maker and/or propmaker. My dream would be working for Weta Workshop

10: your scariest story?

Honestly I don’t have any good scary stories ^^’ 

11: favorite 2018 trend?

uuuuuhm well I don’t really pay attention to trends 

12: scarf or hat?

I would love to say hats but I get the worst hat hair and cats just don’t suit me at all ^^’ So I guess scarf. Though my sister sometimes has to force it on me hahah

13: what was your favorite year in school?

I guess my second year in Lower Secondary school, it was before everything went to hell to be honest, and it was also when I gained my closest friends and when I was still making pretty good grades.

14: preferred weather?

sunny with clouds and a bit of a breeze. 

15: do you remember your dreams?

I remember one dream from when I was like 5 and it’s the only dream I remember vividly. I was hiking up a mountain with my mom and baby brother (who was in a stroller) and we were following this trail that for some reason was at the very very edge of a cliff. and because my brother had to be protected my mom walked with the stroller furthest away from the cliff-side while I had to walk on the very edge. And then suddenly I tripped and fell off the side of the cliff and my mom didn’t even notice I kept screaming for her but she didn’t turn around, just kept walking away. I kept falling for what felt like hours and when I hit the ground my elbow hurt and I woke up having fallen out of my bed.

16: favorite song you’ve recently discovered?

High Hopes by Panic at the Disco turned out to be really catchy and also Wake Me Up cover by Tommee Profitt and Fleurie

17: book/movie that you would never read/watch again?

The Divergent movies, the Twilight movies (though my friends and I have considered doing a marathon while drinking and turning it into a drinking game) and 50 shades of Grey. oh and the goddamn movie adaption of Darren Shan: Vampire Assistant! Fuck that movie. As for books.. I rarely ever finish books I don’t like

18: someone who’s changed your life?

My best friend Kass

19: least favorite breakfast food?

I’m actually not the biggest fan of omelets 

20: why do you hate ____? (your choice) "why do you hate me and keep eating canned spaghetti?"

I don’t hate you! I just unintentionally dishonored you and your entire family line with my questionable taste in food and cooking skills :P Also I haven’t eaten the dreaded canned “spaghetti” since I finally got my oven fixed ;) it’s really cheap though and was a (disgusting) lifesaver :P

21: why do you like ____? (your choice) "why do you like Xena" 

I don’t just like Xena, I love Xena. And there are many reasons as to why. For one thing, it’s an incredibly empowering show that is beautifully written at its best.. and maybe extremely cringy at its worst but lets focus on the good parts. Although both Xena and Hercules really took some EXTREME liberties with history and mythology it’s still got me interested in mythology. 

I got into video editing and Photoshop because of it. I originally studied to become a TV director because I wanted to work on shows like Xena and Legends of the Seeker. When I got into editing videos, it introduced me to many amazing people and friends online and around the world. I also got my best friend hooked on the show very early into our friendship and I believe it is exactly why we became best friends.I traveled to my first and second convention abroad because of Xena, because I wanted to meet some of the women who inspired me so much! Xena to me was the hero I needed during the dark days, and she still is. There’s really nothing like wrapping myself in a warm blanket and put on my favorite episode on a rainy day. The tattoo of the Chakram on my arm is a reminder for me to keep fighting when things get painful. In the end, Xena changed me and it saved me. It’s so campy and fun, beautiful and devastating, empowering and messed up, so really, the question is, how can you not like it. Also it’s really really really gay and it’s basically what made me realize that I really like girls.

thank you again!

[markonasurface]

4/50 - “We’re designed to be disposable.”

Fandom: All for the Game Characters/pairings: Neil, Andrew, Kevin, Jack, Dan, other Foxes/andreil, Kevineil friendship Summary: At a mandatory team bonding time night, Kevin remembers something from the first time he met Neil. A/N: I started classes this week and haven’t been able to write anything new. I wrote this so long ago. Parts of it might be a little redundant. Also, dramatized.

Dan designated two nights a month as mandatory team bonding time. The upperclassmen (as they still referred to Dan, Matt, Renee and Allison even though technically everyone on the team from the year before except for Neil were upperclassmen), the monsters (as mostly only Allison still referred to Andrew’s group unless the others were annoyed with one of them), and the freshmen switched off hosting the M.T.B.T. nights.

When the monsters hosted, it was almost a guarantee the others were just allowed to tag along to Columbia for Sweetie’s and Eden’s Twilight. It was hit or miss if Andrew allowed them back to the cousins’ house to crash. The nights he let the freshmen over Kevin slept on the floor in Andrew’s room.

When the upperclassmen hosted, they went out for team dinners and watched movies in Matt, Aaron, and Nicky’s room. Occasionally they planned bowling.

The freshmen were split. Some of them tried to get along with the older members of their team but Jack and Sheena went out of their way to make anyone uncomfortable. Dan scolded them when one of their movie choices sent one of their freshmen dealers into a triggered panic attack. The next week at practice she sent them on extra laps.

“Are you sure the movie is appropriate?” Dan demanded, holding the movie case in one hand and staring at Jack.

He looked mock offended. “Tomorrow is Halloween. How much more appropriate can you get than a gory horror movie?”

She looked unconvinced so he added, “It’s in another language so how bad can it really be?”

“What language?”

“Korean or something.” He was already taking the case back and moved to put the disc in the player.

“It’s Japanese,” Kevin corrected even though he suspected Jack already knew.

He waved him off but Dan waited for Kevin to meet her eyes. She tilted her head, questioning, and Kevin shrugged before going to take a seat on Neil’s left.

Neil hated movies and usually tuned them out or watched half-heartedly. He especially didn’t care to read subtitles.

He noticed Dan and Matt occasionally glancing around at their teammates, probably trying to make sure everyone was okay. Neil slanted a look toward Kevin and saw that he was looking more unhappy the longer the movie played.

He was about to nudge him when he felt Renee go rigid on the couch behind him. He quickly turned his attention to the screen and stiffened as the villain selected a sharp knife and dragged it slowly down his captive’s face from his temple to the corner of his mouth.

Neil’s cuts had healed months ago but he felt his scars burning on his cheek like it was fresh. Under the blanket, Andrew’s hand on his thigh coaxed him from his memories and he leaned his head back with his eyes closed, trying to focus on the feel of fingers squeezing his leg.

Kevin gasped and Neil turned to look at him. Under his breath, he spoke in Japanese. He looked up at Neil, eyes wide and said in French, “We’re designed to be disposable.”

Neil jerked, knocking the open bottle from Andrew’s hand to spill in Nicky’s lap.

“What the hell?” He stood up and whiskey dripped off his sweatpants.

Andrew cut a sharp look at Neil but Neil was looking at the screen now. The villain had an axe and swung it a few times to sever the limb of his captive. The others were murmuring around them but Neil and Kevin’s eyes were glued to the TV.

The subtitles were of course in English, the only language they all could understand, but Neil murmured them in French. He heard his name being called but it was distant.

Suddenly a hand blocked his view and he realized Andrew had moved so he could reach Kevin as well. The room went silent as Dan turned off the TV.

“Let’s go.” Andrew said. He spoke a little louder, “Neil. Kevin.”

He grabbed both of their arms and pulled them to their feet. He stepped between them and turned to give them both shoves toward the door.

“Leaving so soon?” Jack asked, an ugly smirk twisting his mouth.

Andrew pushed Nicky and Aaron, who had gotten up to follow, out of his way and grabbed the front of Jack’s shirt pulling him halfway up between standing and sitting on the couch. Jack’s smile faltered but he met Andrew’s gaze.

“Try something like that again, asshole.” It was more of a warning than a dare and hopefully Jack was smart enough to know that.

Andrew let go and the rest of his group took that as their cue to leave. They heard the beginning of a lecture from Dan before the door was shut.

“Neil?”

He pulled away from Nicky, not wanting to be touched right now. They waited for Andrew to unlock their door and filed in. The last person in locked the door and they settled around the living room.

Neil stayed by the door, wall at his back so he could see the rest of the room, needing the comfort of an old habit.

“What happened?” Nicky looked from Neil to Kevin.

Neil met Kevin’s eyes and Kevin nodded. He swallowed. “When I was twelve, I met Nathaniel -”

He paused when Neil flinched at his birth name. Andrew frowned. “Don’t call him that.”

“Sorry, you guys know the first time we met he was auditioning for his life.” The others nodded but Kevin kept his eyes on Neil, staring straight through him like he could picture the scene from a decade ago. “After, the Master sent for us and we were taken up in one of the towers at Evermore. They made us watch -”

After a moment of silence, Nicky realized Kevin was having a hard time finishing and demanded, “Made you watch what?”

Neil forced a neutral expression on his face and said, “Made us watch the Butcher take a man apart piece by piece.”

“You both freaked out before the guy got his arm cut off in the movie,” Aaron pointed out.

“The man Nath - Neil - the Butcher was taking apart was French,” Kevin found his voice again. “He only said one thing when the Butcher threatened him.”

“Nous sommes conçus pour être jetables.”

Kevin’s face paled and Neil felt his stomach turn. He translated for Neil so the others could understand, “We’re designed to be disposable.”

“Neither of you would’ve spoken French then and the movie is in Japanese.” Aaron was getting impatient.

Andrew looked at Aaron, curious. “You think they’re lying?”

“No,” Aaron was unbothered. “I just want them to hurry up and explain how the movie triggered them.”

“Don’t you ever translate things in your head to German or from German to English?” Nicky questioned.

“That’s different,” Aaron crossed his arms over his chest. “English is my first language. It’s all of our first language. It’s strange he would translate it automatically to French. It’s not even his second language; it’s his third.”

Neil cut in. “When I left Castle Evermore last year, I was surprised when I called Coach that he spoke to me in English. No one was allowed to speak in a language Riko couldn’t understand but most days it was the only way Jean could remind me where I was. Whenever Riko wasn’t around we spoke in French.”

Aaron didn’t look like he fully understood but he moved on. “How did you remember that’s what the man said though?”

An uncomfortable look passed over Kevin’s face and he at last looked away from Neil. “I don’t know. I-I, uh, it was the only thing he said. I had nightmares for years after that and I guess - I don’t know.”

“Your brain put the pieces together,” Andrew stated.

“Makes sense,” Nicky accepted. “Trauma can do that to you I guess. Neil?”

His response was automatic. “It was the last thing I asked my - him. Before my mom and I ran.”

“He spoke French, too?”

“No, there was a translator.” Kevin looked back at Neil.

“Your creepy shared flashbacks are creeping me out,” Nicky said and gave an exaggerated shudder.

Aaron looked around at all of them. “How’d Jack know?”

There was a knock on their door. Even though Neil was right there, he didn’t move to open it. Nicky got up from the floor and looked through the peephole. He opened the door to let Dan and Matt into the room.

“How’s Renee?” Neil asked because he knew Andrew wouldn’t.

Dan and Matt exchanged confused looks and Matt told him, “She’s fine. She’s with Allison.”

“We came to see how you two were,” Dan informed them even though it was obvious.

Kevin was back to staring vacantly at Neil but Neil answered, “We’re fine.”

“Can we ask what happened?” Her tone was cautious.

Nicky looked between the two men’s faces and Neil shrugged. “They were reminded of the day they met.”

“Meaning?” Matt urged them to elaborate.

“Meaning they watched Neil’s - the Butcher cut a French man into pieces.” Nicky said.

Curiosity got the better of Aaron and he took a break from ignoring the upperclassmen to ask, “How did Jack and Sheena know what he said?”

“Hm?”

“The French man only said one thing the entire time Kevin and Neil were in the room and Kevin didn’t even realize he remembered until watching the stupid movie tonight so how did they know it would set him off? The only people who would know that are part of the Moriyama’s circle.”

Nicky jumped in with a question of his own. “And why would Jack target Kevin? He worships him.”

“He was probably just trying to get to Neil,” Dan reasoned.

“The movie was in Japanese.” Neil couldn’t make sense of it all.

Andrew stood up then and went out the door.

“Where are you going?” Dan called after him. They all went out into the hall and watched him pound on the freshmen boys’ door.

He took a step back and waited. One of the boys called over his shoulder, “I think someone’s here to see you, Jack.”

Jack swaggered over to the door. “Can I help you?”

As soon as he was close enough, Andrew pulled him into the hallway and slammed him against the wall. “What’re you doing?” Andrew asked him as the rest of the freshmen rushed to the door.

Jack opened his mouth to answer but only a choked sound came out when his eyes fell from Andrew’s face. “The truth.”

“Andrew, stop,” Sheena begged.

“I was just having some fun,” Jack stuttered. He winced and said, “Stop. Please.”

“I said ‘the truth,’” Andrew reminded him.

Sheena looked wildly around until she spotted Neil. “Stop him. He’s going to kill him!”

The only thing Neil was worried about was drawing a crowd. If Jack was hiding something, Neil and Kevin wanted him dead. “Shut up,” he told Sheena.

Dan stepped forward as a bedroom door opened. “Andrew, let’s take this inside.” She looked behind her and was relieved to see it was only Renee and Allison.

“Please!” Sheena cried and Neil hissed, “Shut. Up.”

The freshmen tripped over themselves when Andrew shoved Jack toward them. Once again the entire team crowded into the freshmen’s suite. Andrew quickly pinned Jack to the wall again and held the knife to his chest.

“How’d you know that phrase would get to Kevin?” Andrew always spoke calmly.

“Kevin - what?” Jack sought Kevin’s face out.

Andrew put pressure on the knife in his hand and Jack squirmed. “The only people that know were in the room that day and at least three of them are already dead. Who told you?”

“I wasn’t trying to get to Kevin!”

“The film was in Japanese,” Andrew reminded him.

“Please!”

“I hate that word.”

Everybody jumped when there was a loud knock on the door. “It’s me,” Wymack called. “Open the god damn door right now or your fucking M.T.B.T nights will be spent running marathons.”

Allison let him in and shut the door behind him.

“What the hell is going on in here?” he demanded. “Andrew?”

Andrew ignored Wymack and said, “Look at me, Jack. If you weren’t trying to get to Kevin, tell me why you chose a movie only he could understand.”

“There were English subtitles!” Sheena screamed and Nicky tried to shush her. “We could all understand!”

“Next time you speak out of turn I will put this knife through his hand. Final warning.”

“I swear! I swear!” Jack honestly looked frightened. “I chose a foreign language movie because I knew Dan was more likely to allow it. It was just a coincidence that it was Japanese and it was just a coincidence that whatever was said reminded Kevin of whatever it did, okay? I swear! I promise -”

Andrew tsked and said, “I take promises very seriously.”

“We were trying to get Neil to freak out! It’s true! If we had finished the movie you would’ve seen. He uses a dull axe to torture his last victim. He cuts off his body parts.” Andrew applied slightly more pressure and Jack said, “It’s not a secret that Neil’s father used a dull axe to torture people as he killed them! I bet everyone in this room has read the reports about how his uncle came just in time before Neil’s father used it on him.”

“Don’t call him that,” Andrew said but let Jack go. Jack slid down the wall and a couple of the freshmen rushed to his side.

Wymack eyed them all. “Freshmen, pack your bags. You’re staying with Abby for a few days. She’s waiting downstairs. Go.” He turned to his older Foxes. “Do I need to separate your two groups as well?”

Dan shook her head. “No, Coach.”

“Go wait for me in Andrew’s room.”

Andrew stretched his arms above his head and said, “Yawn. I’m very sleepy. Time for bed.”

“Don’t you dare,” he grabbed Andrew’s sleeve on his way past. “I will be there in a few minutes. All the usual threats apply.”

“Oh, Coach,” Andrew pulled out of his grip. “You know only Kevin and Neil care.”

Wymack didn’t say that that was enough for Andrew; he didn’t need to. He let them leave.

Because I saw this post and all I could think of was tfc/aftg. Tbh it’s all I think about these days.

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and