#also . just so u know . his accent definitely comes out more when he's sleepy so just /imagine/ him sleepy & aroused ??

[mvnces]

[ MORNING ]:  sender  wakes  receiver  up  with  sex. / morning sex for sobieski? sex before bed for kurjak..

It had taken a good couple of trips to Croatia before they had figured out a schedule that worked for them. While he was able to go along with some weird sleep schedules, Sobieski had found that he still preferred being diurnal instead of nocturnal with Kurjak. It meant that they did not get to spend full days together, sure, but it worked. There were some days where he wouldn't go to bed and simply stay up with Kurjak. Choosing to go to sleep in the morning with the other man instead. Just to mix it up.

But, for the most part, they had a nice little routine between the two of them. One that involved Sobieski waking up in the morning to Kurjak cooking himself 'dinner' and settling down for bed. If he slept a bit longer, he would instead wake up to Kurjak climbing into bed with him to snuggle up against him before Sobieski was able to extract himself from the bed.

That morning was no different, either. Maybe he had slept in a bit more than he usually would.

In his barely conscious state, he could still smell Kurjak and feel the warmth radiating from him. Any other morning, Sobieski probably would have simply grumbled something incomprehensible and curled an arm around Kurjak to pull him close. Maybe fall back asleep for a little bit with the other.

Kurjak, apparently, had an entirely different intention.

The soft brush of hands wandering over his skin was pleasant enough. But it did not get a reaction as they brushed along his chest and abdomen. It wasn't until Kurjak's hands were dipped lower, past the band of his boxers, that he was genuinely reacting. The sleepiness still clinging to him made his movements more languid as he arched up against the touch, hips twitching. A soft, warm noise coming from the back of his throat.

"Fuck-" The word tumbled from Sobieski's mouth before he could stop it as long fingers wrapped around him. He leaned closer to Kurjak, nose bumping against his jaw before he was dipping his head. A handful of soft, quiet sighs and more noises of pleasure escaping him as Kurjak's grip grew firmer and the strokes more confident. "Hell of a way to wake up to, darlin'," he murmured, mouthing along Kurjak's neck.

[yallmakemyassitch]

Hi, it's me again~! 🤗

Can I tell you a secret?

Sooo, um.. Tabi x Ayana has been one of my FNF OTPs for a while now.

And yes, I know that will never come true in canon (both their respective creators have confirmed at this point)... but hey I can still dream! 😤 People can still enjoy the fanon stuff if they want to, right? (I just think they're cute, okay?!)

Well anyways, I have wondered what headcanons you would have for these two in this case. I like to think that Ayana would be the playful one who always starts the tickle fights, or just starts randomly poking him just to be a tease and to get those adorable and rare reactions from her usually stoic and serious boyfriend, but soon regrets it when Tabi decides to become absolutely ruthless in his payback. (It'd still be worth it though!)

Let's go with: L, Q, R, M & N (these two are optional though), W, K, T, U, D and A. (U & W are also optional)

(And maybe you can use this if you need inspiration. 😋)

Hope you have fun! ✌🏾😁

Ohoho~ I will definitely have fun with these (also hi again :D)!

Tabi x Ayana isn't my favorite ship but I definitely agree that it's a adorable relationship, nothing wrong with liking their ship :)

Thank you for the inspiration, and thank you for sending this, hope this is satisfactory for you!

Headcanons ✨

L - What does their laughter sound like when they are tickled?

Both of their laughs clash with each others, Ayana's being pretty high pitched and adorable with Tabi's being raspy and booming. He doesn't laugh all that much and it usually comes off as a dark chuckle, really unsettling those around him because of his unpredictable nature. Ayana is a different story, she squeals and squeaks, laughing adorably while Tabi is like "o///o". If you get her in a good spot, it can quickly escalate into loud cackles (people often describe it sounding like a witch's).

Q - Their response to the question ‘are you ticklish’?

Tabi: "Bah! Don't waste my time with such ridiculous questions!"

He's very dismissive and won't even answer, brushing it off and scoffing. If you attempt to do so, you risk getting a knife to the face.

Ayana: "I dunno, you tell me!"

She cannot say it with a straight face. Everyone can see her cheeks beginning to warm and her smile widen. She is ticklish and if you try to tickle her, she won't stop you.

R - Lee or ler, what is generally their main role?

Ayana is a mixture of both while Tabi leans toward a ler. She actually enjoys being tickled quite a bit and will even ask for it on occasion (shyly of course). Her boyfriend won't mind and does what she asks, very gentle and loving, all while she's a giggling puddle in his lap. As a ler though, she's rather playful but if anyone tells her to stop, she'll be all pouty but will leave you alone. Tabi isn't the type of guy you ask to tickle or ask to tickle you considering his personality and all the things he's been through. If you aren't very familiar with him, he'll scoff and make you feel especially stupid but if you're someone he trusts and cares for, he'll do it (although hesitates). You expect him to be absolutely merciless (he can be) when in fact, he's quite gentle and makes sure his lee is alright through the process.

M - Their tickle behavior during mornings?

Tabi is very soft and sleepy so he'll only observe her quietly as Ayana giggles away beneath his fingertips. He's very tender and caring about it and will shower her with kisses, complimenting her with his velvety Russian accent, much to her delight. Ayana is much more "awake" and usually the one having to drag her boyfriend out of bed. Usually t-wording is involved and she's quite persistent but doesn't push him too far as she is very aware of his fatigue but does it just enough for him to get up for the day.

N - Their tickle behavior during nights?

A playful tickle fight (yeah I said the word what are you gonna do about it) after a long day, so relaxing right? The two just roll around, trying to get the upper hand while they meanwhile latch onto their weak spots, squeezing and poking away and indulging in each other's laughter. Tabi is shockingly more teasing and playful, more susceptible to pinning Ayana down with her arms above her head, his golden eyes flashing with mischief and curiosity. It's like that until he really hones in, kneading her stomach and thighs, watching her squeal and giggle, making all the stresses of his life melt away. Ayana however is more of a tired t-worder not really trying and only really wanting a good time. Sure she kisses his neck and smiles every time he chokes on his own spit but Ayana only wants to wish her love a good night and wants to see Tabi in peace the next day, only to do it all over again...

W - What is their reaction to the T-word? Can they say it out loud or do they get embarrassed?

They have no problem saying it! It's only really apart of their vocabulary because they're describing something else, like a tickle in their throat for example. But Tabi can't help but find it funny when he wiggles his fingers at her real slow, not even needing words to describe what he's doing (keep in mind, he doesn't even tickle her, he just likes to see her flustered). Ayana get's real mad and chases him around their house and tackles him as revenge. For compensation, she demands a dozen kisses, Tabi does so without fail~

K - As a ler, do they have special skills to use against their lees and drive them crazy with?

Tabi's buttery voice makes Ayana go weak to her knees, especially when he's just...cooing at her while she laughs. He knows just how much his voice affects her so he takes full advantage and even goes as far to sound sultry. Ayana has the ability to make him antsy and anticipate for the worst, usually getting into a stance, completely still and unmoving while Tabi is one inch away from the door, prepared to get the fuck out of there.

T - Their most favorite methods of teasing their lee/ler?

"Oh you poor baby, you want me to stop don't you~? Well too bad, you shouldn't have tried to tickle me!"

His teases may sound like taunts at first but when you really listen to them is when the effects start to kick in and suddenly the torture you've endured has worsened by 10 folds. As a lee, he doesn't even tease them, he just begs for you to stop, his white skull full of color as Ayana digs into his ribs.

"Babe, there's no way you're this ticklish!" Proceeds to ensnare his face with kisses, flustering him and latching onto his sides.

Ayana is very affectionate :)

U - Do they have some unusual tickle spots? Where?

Yes they do! The bottom of Ayana's head where it meets her neck is strangely sensitive (they were in the middle of a cuddle session when Tabi figured this out, he never told her he's seen her reaction and is waiting for the perfect time to use it again). Anyone else who has figured this out was met by her arching her neck and back she was trying to impersonate the letter S. Tabi has ticklish hands, especially around the palm area. He at one point giggled like crazy while Ayana traced the center of his hand.

D - What is their most ticklish spot?

HUHUHUEHU THE FUN PART. Tabi's invisible neck (big surprise huh) and torso are the most t-wordish spots. Ayana death spots are on her collarbones, ribs, and feet.

A - What is their aftercare like after a heavy round of tickling?:)

Tabi is usually not that affectionate, usually doing it in order to teach someone a lesson and as warning for them to fuck off. But with Ayana, he cuddles her and chuckles softly as she giggles out the remainder of her laughter, very careful in making sure he doesn't touch her sensitive areas. Ayana, as stated before, is very loving and will do things for Tabi like giving massages (she gives the best) or making him his favorite food. Sometimes she just kisses him over and over again, feeling comforted in his presence as his golden eyes flash with love and his skull flushes with pink.

Closing argument: They have a very affectionate relationship and need to be recognized more within the friday night funkin' community (fuck I've become fixated)

[sufferingsoup]

Listen I’ve been fucking ~obsessed~ with @thenerdyalchemist ‘s pirate AU (I’m sure nobody could tell bc I definitely don’t reblog eVrY dAmN pOsT of it nope not me never😂😂) and I just needed to write this scene. I’ve had it in my head since I read all the HCs for this AU and I needed to put it on paper lol. I’m not great at writing whatsoever, I’m v out of practice and def didn’t edit this, but I wrote it and it exists so I might as well post it right? Lmao. Anyway here it is hope u enjoy 😩 (Also sorry in advance abt the wack ass formatting lmao. I never make posts on tumblr and I highkey wrote this in a note on my phone and then pasted it in here lol)

Runaan grinned as he practically hung over the side of his ship, watching the familiar dock inch closer and closer. It felt like years since he had been back to this town, /his/ town. He was finally in the home stretch, and his crew couldn’t dock the ship fast enough for him. Before, he could stay out at sea forever. If it weren’t for the need to restock supplies every once in a while, he probably would. The open ocean was his home town, his crew was his family, his ship was his home, he didn’t need anything else before. But now? Now he had a reason to /want/ to go back to land.

/Him./

It had been an absolutely agonizing few months. When he had first set sail, he figured it would be like every other quest. Of course he would miss Ethari dearly, but they would both be busy with their respective work, and they could write to each other in the mean time. But this time was different. The moment he left his heart had sunk, leaving a gaping hole in his chest that widened further as he watched Ethari sit on the dock and wave until he could no longer see him. The first thing he did was write a letter to him. Even though he had only just left, he felt like a huge piece of him was missing without him there by his side. He found that he could not enjoy himself as much as he normally would.

The salty smell of the sea and the rhythmic pounding of the waves that used to calm him no matter how upset he was now served only to fill his thoughts with memories of midnight walks along the beach. The sand between his toes and rough, yet gentle fingers interlacing with his own, shoulders knocking against each other every so often. Looking into those bright amber eyes reflecting the moonlight back at him, putting all of his emotions clearly on display for Runaan to see.

The beating heat of the sun that would warm him through to his bones after a stormy night now reminded him of the forge, his mind replaying all the soft, intimate conversations they had while Ethari tinkered away on whatever his current project was. That thick accent of his, and his deep voice that could command the attention of an entire town if he wanted to, clashing oh-so-beautifully with his gentle laugh and sweet words.

The sea shanties the crew would sing in celebration of a successful mission, the dancing that accompanied them, the merriment he once found endearing and joyous and hilarious now dragged Ethari’s ethereal voice through his mind, reminding him of the many dances they shared during the festivals Ethari would drag him to when he visited. The brightest, purest of grins gracing that magnificent face as they held each other close, moving together to the beat and singing along with the familiar lyrics.

Everywhere he looked he only saw Ethari. All the sounds he heard, the scents he smelled, the touches he felt, the flavors he tasted, everything came back to him. /Oh, Ethari would love these jewels, he would make the prettiest necklace out of them!/ ... /The fire smells just like his workshop tonight, I wonder what he’s working on right now/ ... /Ethari so adores the sound of the seagulls calling out over the beach, I’ll have to tell him how many have followed us!/ All of his thoughts were consumed by /him/. It was driving him mad not being able to see him, hear him, touch him for himself.

But today was the day. /Finally/ he would be able to hold him again, and this time he would not let him go.

Ethari hummed softly as he carefully shined thin wires around the glittering stone. He wanted to make a unique little ring as a returning gift for Runaan. The shiny silver wires braided together and held a small, elegant opal in the center. Runaan’s last letter had informed him that he was almost back again, he was expecting him any day now. He had made sure to clear his schedule for a few days so he could welcome him back properly. He had so many things to tell him and show him, and Runaan always brought him lots of sparkly things when he returned from his quests.

He has been terribly lonely while Runaan was away. He was always a bit uneasy when he left, always worrying for his safety and missing his presence. Working on his projects was much more fun when his heart was safe and sound right next him to tell him stories and laugh at his awful jokes. But this time was much harder.

He was gone for a long time, and even though they wrote each other frequently, nothing could quite fill the hole in his heart. He decided he hated sleeping alone ever since Runaan had begun to stay with him when he would return. Every morning he would awaken to find himself disappointed at the empty silence that met him. Runaan would always be up bright and early, practicing his sword-fighting in the living room or getting chores done for him before the sun even had the chance to peak over the horizon. He would have tea and breakfast ready for him every morning, and Ethari was convinced that there was no better sight than a messy, early-morning Runaan bustling away in the kitchen with his hair down.

No, he didn’t like having breakfast without Runaan at all. Just like he hated walking the market without their arms linked together, Runaan haggling over everything Ethari tried to buy. Just like he hated wandering the beaches alone, without his hard-ass, pirate-king lover to playfully kick sand at and push into the water. Just like he hated coming across a new merchant with fun new foods and goods he had never seen before without Runaan to explain what they were and eagerly buy the lot for him. Life was utterly dull without Runaan by his side.

But soon he would be back. Soon he would be back in his arms.

Runaan pulled his hair out of its messy bun as they approached the dock, allowing it to flow in the breeze as freely and lightly as he felt. The moment the ship was close enough to the dock, he leaped over the side and climbed down.

“Make sure she’s tied down good, lads! I’ll be back in a bit to help with the unloading!” He called to his crew as he ran towards the street.

His heart fluttered as he felt the little ring hidden in his coin purse bounce against his leg. Today was the day. He sped through the market on the familiar route he had taken hundreds of times before. People jumped out of his way as they saw the tattoos on his face, gazing after him questioningly. It wasn’t very usual to see the dreaded pirate king running through town like a giddy schoolgirl. He didn’t care, though. He was on a mission of utmost importance. His body was leading him to his heart as fast as it could carry him. Before he knew it, he could see the familiar old door with the splintering old sign dangling above it, swaying in the light breeze. His grin widened as he picked up his pace for the final few strides. He skidded to a halt in front of the workshop door and kicked it in.

“Ethari!” He shouted, ready to combust from the pure excitement and the slight nerves zipping around throughout his body. The tinker gasped in surprise from his position at his worktable, whipping around to see the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on grinning in the wide-open doorway. He gasped again and slapped a hand over his mouth as hot tears began to sting at the corners of his eyes.

“Runaan!” He replied, getting up from his stool and running toward his lover, “I didn’t know you’d be back so-“

He stopped hard in his tracks a few paces away from him when Runaan suddenly dropped to one knee, staring up into his eyes with the softest look he had ever seen on his hard features. Ethari watched silently with wide eyes as Runaan dug in his coin purse and retrieved a shiny golden band adorned with tiny, glittering aventurine crystals around the middle, holding it up to him.

“Marry me, Ethari.” He breathed. The tears were flowing freely down Ethari’s cheeks now.

“Are you sure?” He asked, voice small and quivering. Runaan nodded hastily, grabbing Ethari’s hands tightly.

“I don’t want to be without you for another second, my darling heart. I want to travel the world with you by my side. I want to show you all the amazing things I get to see. I want you to sing to me while we lay together in our hammock and let the waves rock us to sleep. I want to make you tea every morning for the rest of my life, just so I can see that beautiful, sleepy, lopsided grin of yours first thing every day. You are all I need in this life. Please, my love, my /heart/, be my forever.”

Ethari fell to his knees in front of him, sobbing into his hands. Runaan pulled him into a tight embrace, tangling a hand into his messy hair as Ethari buried his face in the crook of his neck. They stayed that way for a moment, Ethari crying onto his shoulder as Runaan comforted him gently. When Ethari had calmed down enough to think, Runaan chuckled softly.

“Is that a yes?” He teased.

Ethari pulled back, cupping Runaan’s face in his hands and staring deeply into his eyes.

“What else could it possibly be, my shade?” He sniffed before crashing their lips together desperately.

After a moment of passionate kissing, Runaan pulled back and took Ethari’s hand gently in his own, sliding the sparkling ring onto his finger. Ethari lifted his hand to admire it. The gems were the color of Runaan’s eyes, and they sparkled beautifully no matter which way the light hit them. Suddenly, he remember the little ring he had dropped on his table when his door had been busted in. He gasped and ran over to grab it. Runaan followed him curiously, trying to peek over his shoulder before Ethari turned and held it up to him.

“It was just supposed to be a ‘welcome back’ gift, but it seems it might be a bit more than that now.” He giggled as Runaan stared at it in awe.

“It’s beautiful...” he said as Ethari took his hand and gently placed it on his finger. He turned his hand over and over again, taking in every bit of the artistry and craftsmanship that went into the tiny piece of jewelry before grinning up at his newly betrothed. He fell into Ethari’s strong arms and kissed him again - more gently this time - before resting their foreheads together.

“So,” Ethari started with a mischievous grin, “does this mean I finally get to watch you swab the poop-deck now? I was never on the ship long enough to see it.” He teased. Runaan groaned, but he couldn’t mask the laugh that bubbled up from his belly.

“No,” he sassed back, “it means /I/ get to watch /you/ do it. The /king/ never does hard manual labor.” He grinned, pinching Ethari’s sides. Ethari snorted and grabbed his hands, wrapping his arms around him again and pinning them behind his back firmly. He smirked at him and brushed his nose lightly against Runaan’s.

“We’ll see about that later tonight now won’t we, my /king/.”

[tobikwon]

☕ . ˚ ◝  (  bang chan. cismale. he/him. ) tobias ‘tobi’ kwon is a twenty one year old aries. the barber’s go-to order is a long black. they like to listen to bottom feeder by parkway drive while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are stoic but swear they’re totally charismatic as well. maybe that’s why lines shaved into their eyebrows, worn leather jackets, messy hair, and the smell of cigarette smoke aesthetics remind me of them. (  kit. 25. she/her. gmt+8. )

it’s kit again back with another (new track) disaster of a boy. this is tobi. short for tobias. don’t call him tobias ever unless u want to be dead 2 him. pls like this if u want plots! easiest thing to do is reply w/ ur discord if u have it otherwise i’ll jump into the tumblr ims :)

please have a pinterest board for him

name: tobias kwon age: twenty-one gender: cis male pronouns: he/him sexuality: pansexual/panromantic birthday: april 1st zodiac: aries sun, leo moon, libra rising

Tobias Kwon was born in Perth, Australia, with his mother, father and two siblings. Growing up his dad deployed in the navy, and was constantly being moved around to different bases in the country. Every time they were moved they were told this is the last time, but it never was. Tobi never lived in more than once place for a few years at a time, and at the age of thirteen instead of their dad being offered a stable, permanent base, he was asked to relocate to the United States. 

At this point, Tobi was sick of all the moving around, he’d never had any real friends other than his siblings, and spending all of his time with them outside of school meant he kind of wanted a break from them inside of it. What little care Tobi had for learning, making new friends, or even being at school had disappeared with the biggest move their family made. He figured what even was the point if he had to start all over again in a few months. 

Surprisingly, this move seemed to actually be the last one, because years later he still found himself in the same house, in the same district, and Tobi wasn’t even sure how to feel about it anymore. It was something he’d been hoping for and dreaming of for so long, that now it was here he didn’t have a handle on it. By now the damage from all of the constant moving had been done, and there was no way Tobi was going to suddenly just drop everything and become a model student once again. That wasn’t the kind of person he was anymore. Although, he could make an exception and at least show up for a pretty girl taking an interest in him.

Once Tobi and Jane were together, there was no separating them. She was going through a similar rebellious phase, and they were both equal good and bad influences on each other. They fell in love fast and hard, and it lasted a long, long time. All though to the end of high school, which is when Tobi made the suggestion they move away from New York, away from their families, and start a new life together. Start an adventure together. It had been a tough sell, but eventually he swayed her to say yes. 

LA was a whole new experience for the both of them, totally different to the hustle and bustle of New York, and definitely different to every damn city in Australia. As much time, money, stress and effort went into the move, it didn’t take long for Tobi to absolutely, and royally fuck it up. After work one night he and his colleagues went out for drinks, which ended with Tobi’s tongue down another’s throat, and waking up in their bed the next morning. He’d drunkenly cheated on his girlfriend, and he wished he was an even shittier person so he could keep it a secret until the day he died. But, unfortunately for him, he’s a cheater but also a semi-decent person and had to come clean, which went about as well as you could expect. In no time at all she was moved out of his apartment, and that was that, he’d ruined the one good thing he had in his life.

Tobi is still working at the same mechanic, with the same person he’d cheated with, day in day out working on various cars and bikes. He has a affinity for the older models, but beggars can’t be choosers. He’s just happy to have a stable place to call his own, even if he is going home to an empty house every day.

the facts~~~

wears large boots to make his 5′7 ass feel taller

has lived in every state in australia....... even tasmania

always looks and sounds sleepy. everyone assumes he’s always just woken from a nap........ maybe he has idk

calls everyone a cunt. says it’s because he’s australian but just wants to call people cunts and get away with it

almost exclusively listens to metal

hasn’t been back to australia since he moved, but still definitely has the  accent

is a smoker. will often be working on a car with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth

can speak some korean but has forgotten a lot of it was taught at home but never spoken exclusively

wanted connections uwu:

that dang mechanic - u know, the one he cheated with. both siblings - tobi as two siblings, gender and age utp. hookup/fwb - someone he sees casually to let off some steam anything! - message me im a plot slut im down for almost anything

[vagrantblvrd]

some prompts for u dear: a fun twist on king au, gav as king and some of the others of his court? whatever ship you’re feeling but idk king gav is always a favorite. boy is smarter and more competent than others give him credit for

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this one for the last couple of days and it’s a whole ~universe. (Mainly because I am such a sucker for the whole trope of the evil chancellor/coup/DRAMA in a kings au setting, but yes.)

It happens when Gavin’s a child, seven or eight, and his father allows himself to be captured to give his mother and him time to escape.

They use hidden passages and such under the castle that let out near the stables, take his father’s war horse and ride as far as they can before the poor thing needs to rest, but it’s not far enough. So they leave it tethered to a post in a small village, taking care to remove its tack and whatever else might give them away too soon and his mother steals a horse.

She gives him a look when he makes a noise, swallowing up any protests because this is not the time for things like that, knows these are unusual circumstances.

They keep traveling like that for days until they manage to cross the border to a neighboring kingdom through a treacherous mountain pass. They finally stop in some sleepy little village far from the border and while the people there are curious, they have manners, don’t pry too much when news reaches them of what’s taken place. Assume they’re refugees for one reason or another and leave them to their own business.

Gavin’s mother has sold off bits of jewelry and other finery along their way here so they have a little money, enough to get them a room from someone in town long enough for her to find work in a tavern, and things are fine for a little bit.

She works hard to keep them both fed and clothed and when she’s not at work she tells him stories about their kingdom, his father, and so on in their tiny bed while the rain falls outside. Makes sure he continues his schooling with the local children, tells him not to mind them when they look down on him and his threadbare clothes, hand-me-downs from their parents who feel sympathy for this widow and her son.

But then she becomes sick a few years on, and there’s no cure. (Heartbreak, someone tells him, because sometimes a loss is too great.)

There’s no one in the village willing to take Gavin in – too poor, and he’s likable enough, yes, but not one of theirs – so he’s take to a larger town nearby with an orphanage.

Underpaid workers there with too many mouths to feed, too many children to clothe and care for and it’s made them not unkind, exactly, just not caring.

There are children there who are mean and cruel, bully those weaker than them and at first they think Gavin is like that.

He isn’t, though. Small and quiet, far too clever for his own good, but not weak. (A good king is never weak.)

Too small to fight off the larger boys – nearly teenagers – on his own, but there are others who don’t care for bullies. A pair of boys who look enough alike at first glance it would be easy to think they were twins, who fight dirty and whisk Gavin away to some hiding spot of theirs before the adults take notice.

And that’s where Gavin first meets Trevor and Alfredo.

Alfredo loves him immediately, but Trevor is a harder sell. Wary of new people and the like, but it’s not long before Gavin and Alfredo win him over and they become close friends as they grow up in the orphanage together. (Think he’s a bit odd with his accent, the way he speaks – no commoner, Gavin – but he’s quiet and clever and quick to offer a suggestion when they’re up to some small mischief.)

A few years later there’s word of bandits getting bolder, attacking villages and the like. No one knows what they’re after because it’s obvious they’re looking for something – someone – and Trevor and Alfred worry about Gavin when they find out his old village was one of the first attacked.

Gavin makes ~secret plans to leave because he knows they’re after him – doesn’t want to get Trevor and Alfredo caught up in this whole mess.

Doesn’t realize that Trevor’s making similar plans and doesn’t explain why when Alfredo catches him at it, refusing to let him go alone and all that both reluctantly agreeing it would be best to leave Gavin out of it. Think he’ll be safer at the orphanage and that he’s bright enough to look after himself when he ages out.

Before they can put their plans in motion their city gets attacked.

It’s pretty obvious that the attackers aren’t your typical bandits, more organized, better equipment and so on, and Gavin goes missing in the chaos.

Everyone thinks he’s been killed – he’s just a kid and the orphanage was one of the main targets in the attack, burned to the ground and such – so they assume one of the bodies is his.

Trevor takes it hard, thinks it’s his fault even though he doesn’t tell Alfredo why

Trevor and Alfredo run away, get lost in the city’s underbelly and become thieves and the like, dragged in deeper and deeper until someone notices them and thinks they have ~potential and before you know it they’re part of an assassin’s guild.

(Trevor tries to convince Alfredo to stick to thieving, or learn a trade, but Alfredo won’t hear of it. Worried about Trevor after Gavin died because he’s grown colder, more distant and so on.)

There’s also this budding...something between them, which honestly has always been there but neither of them act on it. (They both know something it missing and don’t dare talk about what – who – it might be, because Gavin’s dead, so...)

A few years go by where they get a reputation for being able to pull off assassinations thought to be impossible – they step on a few toes in the guild in the process.

This pair of upstarts the guild master found picking pockets in the marketplace who don’t know their place, have upstaged senior assassins who have too much ego and nowhere near enough skill so the guild master hands them an assignment, someone with a grudge against a storekeeper in the capital city.

Trevor and Alfredo are a little offended at first because this is the kind of assignment handed to the novice assassins, but the way the guild master’s acting and the nature of the assignment itself is super suspicious, right?

She warns them to be careful, something she never does, and gives them the pick of the armory and whatnot and something it definitely up.

They gear up, grabbing weapons and such they didn’t have access to before and head off on their assignment. Go through cities and villages, small settlements the bandits have attacked – the attacks don’t happen as frequently anymore, and Alfredo wonders why that is, Trevor musing about the number of assignments their guild has gotten since they joined. Senior assassins who weren’t threatened by them mentioning there have been more than usual, and maybe the two are connected?

And then they reach the capital city and check in with the assassin’s guild master there (all of them thinking it a bit odd if not wholly unusual their client didn’t go to them directly) and spend the first day there familiarizing themselves with the city.

Wait until night of the second day to see to their assignment, but when Trevor sneaks in the storekeeper is gone.

His son, however, is not, and proves to be something of a capable fighter. The two of them trading blows in the near darkness and Trevor reluctantly impressed with his ability to keep up with him – until Alfredo steps in to put an end to it.

And it’s a terrible idea, sudden impulse that makes Trevor reach for the candle on the table to see the face of the person who’s been able to fight on an even level with an assassin of his ability as long as he did – and it’s Gavin.

!!!

This look on his face, in his eyes, they remember from the orphanage when the bullies caught up to him before Trevor and Alfredo let them know what a bad idea that was.

Defiance and bravery and all that, and clearly he’s expecting them to kill him. Don’t know it’s them with the scarves and masks over their faces, so – against guild rules and all common sense – Trevor pulls them away, and watches the disbelief on Gavin’s face.

Sees the way he glances immediately to Alfredo like of course that’s who Trevor’s partner would be and all three of them are caught in this standoff not knowing what to do next.

So of course that’s when the storekeeper arrives, startling all three of them.

“Friends of yours?”

Gavin looks back at Trevor and Alfredo, blade to his throat and clearly in some form of trouble – it’s clear the storekeeper is armed, will act the moment he gets a chance.

“I’d like to think so,” he says, but times change. (People change.)

Alfredo clears his throat, shares a look with Trevor and puts his blades away, Trevor following suit a beat later, and then it’s all-over awkward.

Gavin is still staring at Trevor and Alfredo, and they’re still staring at him, and the storekeeper just sighs as he goes about making tea because clearly it’s going to be a long night?

Trevor watches him closely – it’s clear the man knows they’re there for him but he doesn’t seem at all ruffled by the presence of two assassins in his kitchen.

After a moment Gavin goes to help, placing four mugs of tea around the small table and looking at the two of them expectantly.

He’s nervous, scared, Trevor knows. Small tells he learned when they were in the orphanage together, but he’s placing some level of trust in the two of them. (Still makes sure to keep himself between the storekeeper and the pair of assassins, though, and that makes him smile a little because it’s very...him.)

The storekeeper gets things rolling, tells them he knows they’re here for him and guesses their client correctly – and instead of sounding worried or even afraid he’s just annoyed.

“Bastard doesn’t have the balls to come after me himself,” he grumps, and Gavin hides his grin behind his mug, because Geoff.

Trevor and Alfredo are like ??? because not the usual reaction to someone sending assassins after them?

But then Geoff looks at Gavin – full-on Dad mode and asks if this is why Gavin wanted him to pay visits to some of their associates in the city earlier.

Gavin can’t meet his eyes, hems and haws and answers the question by not answering it.

“Idiot,” Geoff mutters, and Gavin shoots him a look, which he ignores as he studies the two assassins.

Young, just stupid kids. And he’s heard Gavin’s stories about his childhood, the friends he had at the orphanage before this and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out these are the same people. (In name at least.)

“Well, this changes things, doesn’t it.”

Trevor and Alfredo have no idea what the hell that’s even supposed to mean, but Gavin clearly does.

Looks startled, sitting up with this strange expression on his face.

Geoff sighs, odd smile gracing his lips.

“If they’re getting this desperate, we’ll have to move things ahead.”

Which is how Trevor and Alfredo end up discovering Gavin is the missing(presumed dead) prince to their neighboring kingdom???Geoff is a former castle guard who ~fled to this kingdom with his husband not long after the coup.

Realized the man behind the coup suspected Gavin was still alive and started searching for him following vague clues and whatnot to the orphanage the night it was attacked and used the chaos to spirit Gavin away. (Because plot reasons.)

The made it to this city thinking it would be a better place to hide him than some border village or what have you. Bought a small store to bring in money and set about training Gavin and inadvertently start up a resistance cell???

Gavin snorts at that because there was never a chance they wouldn’t get involved in things being who they are, but Geoff and Jack insist Gavin would have done something stupid that forced their hands, so. Yes.

Jack comes home while Trevor and Alfredo are processing everything they’ve learned, and Geoff sends him to help because Jack’s got packages – foods and whatnot that were given as gifts.

And Geoff, okay. Geoff.

Leans forward, making sure to keep his voice low so Gavin won’t hear him and threatens to kill Trevor and Alfredo if they even think of betraying Gavin. Tells them he’s trusting Gavin right now, but he doesn’t know them. Doesn’t trust them, and they’re assassins.

A respected profession, to be sure, but there are always weasels in any walk of life. The ones who are good at faking morals and the like, and he might be old now, but he’s smart.

Trevor doesn’t seem overly impressed by the threats, but he swears he won’t betray Gavin, as does Alfredo – and when Gavin comes back he knows something happened but no one’s talking, so.

Yes.

They agree to fake Geoff’s death, reporting to the assassin’s guild in the city they’ve completed their assignment and send word to their guild master via carrier pigeon or whatever to prevent arousing suspicion anything is wrong.

And then they get roped into helping with the resistance cell, realize it’s larger than expected as they leave the city and meet with more along the way because it’s past time they retook the throne and all that.

Gavin and Alfredo reconnecting quickly while Trevor takes longer to warm up – partly at the surprise of Gavin being alive after all these years, partly because of the fact he’s the prince? (And a little of Trevor’s own secrets.)

It takes time setting everything in motion. Getting word out to various cells that they’re finally ready to act without revealing themselves.

A lot of time spent traveling, shenanigans in which they run into bandits – real and not – along the way. Gavin, Trevor, and Alfredo getting separated from Geoff and Jack after an attack and having to take shelter in an old farm somewhere until the weather lets up.

Trevor got hurt in the fight while watching Gavin’s back and so Gavin fusses over him while Alfredo looks on in amusement (really, he’s the best adjusted out of everyone in this AU and think Gavin and Trevor are the dumbest smart people he knows).

Trevor studying Gavin and talking quietly, Alfredo standing guard and piping up as they talk about their lives after the attack on the orphanage. Gavin sharing what happened with him, guilty about keeping his secret from them but not wanting to endanger than he already had.

Tells them about his plan to sneak away before the attack happened and Alfredo giving Trevor this look because Trevor has secrets of his own, right? And Trevor stiffly telling Gavin about his plans to sneak away and they’re both just like, so stupid?

Trevor reveals he’s from Gavin’s kingdom as well, has an older brother who was some kind of scholar, a researcher in service to the new king – he scoffs at the title, bitter twist to his mouth because the man is no king, merely a petty bully – who sent Trevor away when things became too dangerous.

Intended to send him to stay with relatives in this kingdom, but there was a bandit attack or something and he ended up in the orphanage where he met Alfredo and later Gavin. (How long he spent thinking Gavin died because the bandits might be looking for him instead and thinking he might be able to do something about the baddie if he became an assassin, sneak into the castle and kill him, reunite with his brother and so on.)

They reconcile, Alfredo a little too smug about things, so of course he gets his comeuppance hen Trevor and Gavin share a look. And Gavin grabs Alfredo into play fight, giddy laughter and this relief that they’re not completely changed by their experiences and Trevor and Alfredo fully throwing their lot in with Gavin and the others.

They meet up with Geoff and Jack a few days later and both of them sense something’s changed in their time apart. See the way Trevor’s cool demeanor towards Gavin has softened, the way he and Alfredo are always at his side and decide to let the three of them figure the rest out for themselves. (Idiots that they are.)

Once they cross the border the extend of the tyrant's abuse of the people is more evident, abandoned farms – some because the farmers couldn’t afford the taxes, some simply burned to the ground when they dares speak out.

It gets worse the closer they get to the capital city, Gavin more and more determined to put things right. (And scared, because what if he fails?)

Trevor getting quieter as he watches Gavin, and Alfredo watching both of them.

They join up with the main resistance cell and spend some time going back and forth deciding a plan of attack, and Gavin speaks up when someone brings out a map of the castle showing hidden passageways and the like.

Asks for a drawing implement and adds to it, the passageways he and his mother used when they escaped. Half-remembered but a better way in to the castle than other routes and it’s decided a small party would be best.

Gavin, Geoff, Jack. Trevor and Alfred – a pair of assassins of their ability will be valuable in this. Jeremy, who smuggled the map out of the castle to the resistance cell given to him from an inside source, and a few others.

They infiltrate the castle and get caught up in an ambush – because of course they do – and Gavin ends up separated from the others while the baddie monologues.

There’s a one on one fight where Gavin manages to hold his own, but then the baddie plays dirty – calls in hidden guards he has to fend off and in the fray he gets hit with a throwing knife that’s been dipped in poison.

Just as the baddie is about to kill Gavin, the others break through the barricaded doors for a last minute rescue.

Trevor and Alfredo take up protective positions around Gavin while Geoff and the others deal with the remaining guards and the baddie.

Geoff gets into a tight spot and suddenly Trevor’s there, killing the guard before he can kill Geoff and then he’s gone again, going after the baddie while Alfredo helps deal with the riffraff.

No one notices Gavin following Trevor and the baddie up to one of the castle towers, especially not Trevor or the baddie. So when the baddie corners Trevor who’s lost his weapons, back to a window, both of them are surprised when Gavin appears.

Distracts the baddie long enough for Trevor to snatch up a dropped weapon and kill the baddie with, the two of them staring in shock when they realize they’ve done it.

Killed the tyrant and cleared the way for Gavin to retake his throne, start setting the kingdom to rights and all that.

Go back down to where the others are to find them mopping up, Geoff and Jack running over to Gavin who collapses. (Still poisoned, btw.)

They fuss over him before Alfredo comes over with the dagger used on him that Alfredo pocketed before the real fighting started. He and Trevor figure out which poison was used and the antidote needed to counter it (plot reasons) and Gavin recuperates with Geoff and Jack taking care of things in the meantime.

Trevor or Alfredo can be counted on to guard over Gavin, and thwart a few assassination attempts while he recovers. (Leave their guild, although neither of them mention it to anyone, especially Gavin.)

Shenanigans, in which Gavin is recognized as the missing (presumed dead) prince and a coronation ceremony happens.

Everything looks like it’s going to have a happily ever after, but Trevor is distracted.

Gavin too busy to notice at first, but Alfredo mentions he doesn’t seem himself and Gavin goes to talk to Trevor. Realizes Trevor’s brother is missing and he’s worried.

Afraid he’d been caught or killed before now, that Trevor’s been wasting time that could have been spent looking for him. (A mole for the resistance within the castle walls for so long, surely he would have been discovered by now.)

So Gavin looks around, all these loyal guards – Geoff’s taken up position as head of the castle guard grumbling all the way. (Has his eye on this particular guard, mouthy brat who could be incredible with more training.)

Knows Trevor, that eventually he’ll sneak off on his own to look for his brother now that things are starting to settle, the people realizing that things are changing for the better, and acts first.

Arranges supplies and equipment, money, for Trevor and Alfredo to go find his brother, because of course Alfredo will go with him. (Leaves a note, telling them to come back when they’re ready to and all the documents that will allow them to travel freely in the kingdom until then. Acting as his personal agents or what have you.)

They’re gone for a long time, following what small clues and whatnot they find along the way. The three of them sending letters back and forth, and finally, finally, they come back, Trevor’s brother in tow.

He’d fled when the baddie realized he was the mole, handed the map to Jeremy and acted as a decoy to allow him to get it to the resistance. Gotten caught up in various shenanigans of his own – fake bandits and the like and thrown into a prison on false charges when Trevor and Alfredo caught up to him.

Got him out using their positions in Gavin’s court and spent some time waiting for him to recover before making back for the capital and the castle.

And in the meantime, Gavin’s installed Jack as his main advisor, takes his counsel seriously as he builds up his staff of advisors and whatnot.

Finds suitable candidates for most, but the role of head researcher/what have you is proving difficult – until, of course, Trevor and Alfredo return with Trevor’s brother.

Clever man with a fascination for redstone and its potential.

There’s a bit of unease within the court at first, people recognizing him as someone who was close to the baddie. Worked his way up the ranks until he became the baddie’s most trusted advisor,  privy to sensitive information he funneled to the resistance when he could.

Worked with operatives like Jeremy and Michael and other key resistance members who vouch for him.

Still, to avoid the appearance of favoritism Gavin sets up a competition between the people vying for the position, and Ryan (because of course it’s Ryan) winds handily. (And while there’s still grumbling, it’s more thoughtful now, and as time passes it fades away when he doesn’t reveal himself to be the traitor his detractors think he is.)

And then, you know.

Trevor becoming Gavin’s spymaster while Alfredo fades into the background, carrying out assassinations and aiding Trevor in his work.

People thinking Gavin’s too young, inexperienced at being a king, but he has Jack and Geoff helping guide him and several others besides. Makes mistakes, yes, but he’s learning, doing his best and his people learn to love him.

Trevor and Alfredo continue to thwart assassination attempts, sniff out dissenters who have plans to start another coup before they gain any traction.

Geoff is clearly training Michael up to take over as captain of the castle guard with Lindsay as his second in command there.

Jeremy shows an interest in redstone - and Ryan, which is absolutely mutual and entertaining to watch play out for everyone else.

(Gavin goes down to their workshop when his duties get to be a little too much, gets drawn into explanations of their current projects and volunteered as an extra pair of hands. Ryan’s tolerant of his questions and curious about the other brazen fool who’s won Trevor’s head so completely. Jeremy just likes having a similarly minded partner in crime.)

After an assassination attempt that comes a little too close, Trevor insists Gavin pick up his training again. (Terrified about what could happen if he doesn’t, if Trevor and Alfredo are too slow, or away dealing with Gavin’s enemies.)

Which of course leads to close quarters combat, and Trevor pinning Gavin who cheats outrageously by kissing him. Takes advantage of Trevor’s surprise to reverse their positions, smug grin on his face and face bright, bright red.

From the exertion, yes, but also at his boldness. Little bit of fear that he’s overstepped, that things have changed between them – but then Trevor’s kissing him back and it’s all very lovely, indeed.

Until Alfredo complain about being left out of things. (He’s been gone for the better part of a week on a mission for Trevor, and this is what he comes home to? Come on, guys.)

Gavin and Trevor sharing a look before they gang up on him, and manage to make up for being so unbearably inconsiderate of him. (Thoroughly.)

And then happily ever after for everyone, because of course it is.

[kadywicker]

inifnity war spoilers ahead please leave now if u dont wanna see em

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you had WARNING

anyway heres a rough outline of my thought process thru the movie from what i can remember 

a dude walked in wearing a justice league shirt and it was the biggest power move of the evening

rip heimdall u truly were the hottest bitch in the mcu

i already saw the spoilers that loki died but im still in mourning. my chaotic twink son :( also him tearing up when thor was getting tortured was like, possibly, one of the worst things to happen to me this evening. and his “you will never be a god” and “we will see the sun rise again yet, brother” like i’d rather be dead.

wheres valkyrie you fucking bitches

i know marvel has been trying to make me care about pepper and tony for like.... the entirety of the mcu and in theory i enjoy it but in reality i just heavily do not care

walked into this w out watching dr strange bc i refuse to so seeing him was very unpleasant for me :/

the second that one fuckin... servant of thanos guy showed up that tony called squidward i just burst into fucking laughter bc oh my fucking god. he looks like one of the star wars prequels aliens. i didnt know how i was supposed to react to that??? what the fuck????? kin? 

at least this time tony attempted to get peter away from the fight ig??? also like okay i kno its a running gag but did the russos have to make peter reference old movies like what 3 times in this movie and once in their last one like please..... Please. its done. its over! 

look...... look. look! look. i have made MULTIPLE posts on this website about how ugly i think chris evans is. especially when hes got his weird short, spiky hair. ive made this very VERY clear. i thought i was clear on this, myself. but let me tell u the fuck what when steven grant rogers showed up covered in complete darkness and caught a spear that moves at the speed of light w no hesitation and then stepped out of the shadows i only had one thought: please raw me

also i still dont care about wanda and vision but did wandas accent get slightly less bad or is this just exposure

drax’s reaction to thor was um. Me. also it was this scene that made me realize that ppl saying that the russos reset thor to his previous characterization and that he was nothing like ragnarok thor i....????? hm???? idk i thought he was p in character from what we saw in ragnarok? like did u all expect him to be super light and happy go lucky immediately after his entire planet died and his brother died too like. what.... did u Want. hes still not as grimdark as dark world and he still has the ragnarok vibes but w added “Lifes a Fucking Nightmare So Im Going to Joke Until Someone Murders Me :)” which is just honest to god me, so

oh also in an above part when tony pulled out a flip phone to call steve the dude next to me loudly hissed “what? a fucking flip phone-?” and his wife shushed him. i wanted to lean over and inform him that it was the phone from civil war and if hed been paying ATTENTION he wouldve known that

things arent going to be in much order after this bc im tired and its all a big jumble in my adhd brain but thats okay. its been 6 years and i still couldnt tell u the entire plot of the avengers, so.

tbh the effects in this movie were really fucking gorgeous like.... all the different planets’ scenery was so goddamn beautiful. like idk how to spell it so im not gonna attempt but the planet that gamora died on was literally so fucking pretty i was stunned into a silence what the FUCK was that beautiful nonsense

not enough steve and bucky interaction bc marvels personally out to get me, a known gay

i cant believe buckys a fucking goat farmer like ohfa sdfhadof ?????? just let the man feed his goats in PEACE 

didnt love the whole “thanos really loved gamora” bit but like it makes sense ig. if thats what he thought love was? altho that definitely doesnt mean she loves him or shouldve ever forgiven him bc uuuh Yikes. anyone w abusive parents knows that kind of possessive, overbearing love. and it might be some fucked up twisted form of it but it aint good.

but whoever they casted as baby gamora was spot on? 

when red skull lifted his hood i literally whispered “oh my god” and the lady next to me started laughing at me. 

also while there was a good amount of fighting i rlly appreciated that it wasnt All Fighting and just there to show off that they had cool special effects. like.... it was mostly story and for someone who doesnt give a shit abt action sequences it was v relieving that i didnt have to parse through 2 and a half hours of watching someone do cool but impractical stunts 

man idc abt wanda and dont like mcu natasha bc of the actress but when that chick was like “youll die alone” and natasha said “shes not alone” and then kicked ass i rlly just. hm. thats lesbian.

anyone else agree that when strange said mournfully that there was only one outcome and then said that giving up the time stone was the only way, its basically just telling us that this was all planned and it Will work out fine bc he knew that this was the one path that would lead to them winning. like..... im at least 99% sure thats whats going to happen, here.

steve and bucky may have said 2 sentences to each other but steve reaching out to grab a handful of buckys ashes w a stricken look was literally the worst moment of my entire life and i plan to sue marvel for emotional damages bc that was fucking terrible and i cannot BELIEVE they made me watch that idc if bucky comes back im fuckin pissed

also thats literally every team iron man member to realize that the accords were bullshit and if its 2018 and u still think the accords were right/a good thing i honestly do not know what to tell you

fuckin..... im lookin at captain marvels powers and shes cool and all but hows she gonna save all this........ now im even more curious abt what her movies gonna bring like ???? hello??????

also the only time the theater clapped or cheered was when steve showed up and literally same

i know all the dust ppl r coming back but alsof uc kin......... that was brutal

idk i dont have much 2 add im very sleepy but

i liked it a lot and im excited for the next movie. there were some things that i thought were in poor taste but like..... thats what i expect from every marvel movie, so. im pleasantly surprised by how good this was. idk why but during it it kinda like.... it had the same vibes as return of the king????? like i dont know Why but it has a very.... lotr movie feel to it. but w the staple marvel jokes. idk how to feel about that. i think its good? im not sure. get back to me in a few days after the movie highs worn off and if i still like it then its got my stamp of approval. 

[thunderoad]

HMMM 6. 12. 48 for to the end of the night. 24. 50 - would you just talk to me a little about why you like found family as a theme.

BLESS U KATE ILY

6. how did writing change you?

oh shit, this is like a deep question right out of the gate?? i’m not sure, exactly. it’s definitely given me some of the best friends i’ve ever had. i think maybe that’s the best thing about writing, really - realizing how you can connect to people you’ve never met, both in the fic itself and in those friendships outside of it. aw. man. i’m gonna cry lol

12. favorite place to write

my bed! anytime i can wake up abt 7am, get my coffee, and open a word doc without any distractions i know it’s going to be a really productive day. i also wrote, like, the entirety of everything between my second fic and hold on at my friend’s place, often while watching tv. (quiet is only for the very end of a fic where i gotta tie up all those loose strings or let it all unravel)

48. three spoilers for (insert story title) to the end of the night

i’m not sure about spoilers, but i found my old notes doc for this one, so here’s some stuff i had planned for the fic that didn’t make the final cut. 

niall was originally gonna be taking some time off music work to enroll in uni. i was DEADSET - i have no idea why - on him doing this in toronto, or somewhere else northern and cold, but i couldn’t make that location work, which was a pretty good indication i couldn’t make that plot work, either. (at least, not from louis’s pov.)

the dedication at the beginning is to the mother’s we’ve lost. i’ve gotten some real nice comments on it, but it’s really nothing fancy - it’s exactly what it says it is, louis’s mom and mine. i didn’t even know she was ill till halfway thru the fic, but i didn’t have to make any edits to it at all, really, which probably says more about me than it should! it was really nice, though, at least on my end; that dedication at the beginning, and the run-on sentence at the end sort of act like this framing device where the whole fic is louis catching his mum up on everything she’s missed since she passed away. unlike louis, i like middles; i don’t think they ever really end. 

this is just a couple of deleted scenes that kind of capture a mood, but don’t really move the plot in any way: louis accuses niall of lying to him, and “Like you never lied to me,” Niall says, all the more hurtful because he’s not wrong. But that’s not the kind of relationship Louis wants to have with Niall. It hits him out of nowhere, how fucking lonely he’ll be if Niall gets up and walks out right now, how dependent he’s become on Niall’s warm, assuring presence. So of course Louis does his best to get rid of him right away. and, “Fuck,” Louis says, the feeling trapped inside his chest like a lead weight, like a jar of fireflies, like a helium balloon. He closes his eyes, and the image of Niall, sleepy and lax in his bed, the soft sheets slipping over his bare skin, springs forth. “I miss you.” “It’s okay,” Niall says, his voice gravelly with sleep. He means, it’s okay for you to feel like this about me. i never want to articulate feelings explicitly if i can help it for some reason, but i remember thinking of these scenes and going ohh, it’s going to be one of those fics. i really wanted to write a canon compliant fic that delved into louis’s character and looked at the way he coped with losing eleanor and zayn and having freddie all in one fell swoop, but time had just progressed too much. i remember reading that portraying louis as the commitment-phobic one in a relationship just doesn’t make sense, cuz he’s constantly in these big, beautiful romances, but i wanted to write a louis who was older and bitter and really deeply hurt, and i think that’s what these scenes were trying to get at. it’s like darkest timeline!louis. that’s where this monologue comes from that was later fiddled with a bit and mostly put in the final version of the fic: “The truth is,” says Louis, “the truth is, I don’t know that maybe he is better off without me. He can have a normal dad and a normal life and – and that might be better for him, wouldn’t it? And you, I don’t – for God’s sakes, Niall, you told me you’d booked more tour dates the other day and all I could think was can you cancel them so I can keep you a little longer?” Louis shakes his head. “It’s fucked up, and I’m fucked up, and I love you so fucking much. You deserve better.” He puts his hand over his heart like he’s been hurt. Sort of feels like it, to be honest. Now that he’s started talking it’s like he’s an oil station way out in the ocean and all this blackness is just pouring up and out into open water. “My dad, Eleanor, Danielle – even Harry,” says Louis. He draws up short. “Zayn,” he says, barely above a whisper. “Liam. I mean, there’s a fucking pattern there, isn’t there? It’s me, there’s something wrong with me that everyone stops loving me eventually.” “Louis,” Niall says, his voice hushed. “Don’t deny it,” Louis says. “You were there – you saw it happen. I just…can’t love them enough. And I just,” Louis runs out of steam. “I don’t want you to stop loving me.” 

24. favorite scene you’ve ever written

i answered this before, but i really like this scene, too, from to the end of the night: 

They get as far as the back garden – straight through the living room and kitchen – before they lose the plot. Louis kicks one of Freddie’s little play footie balls into the pool and watches it bob along the surface like a fishing lure. He’s aware of Niall watching him from the corner of his eye, same as he’s looking at Niall every time he pretends to look away.

Looking out over Louis’s infinity pool, Niall says, “California,” in his best Terminator accent.

“I hardly ever come out here anymore,” Louis says. He’d had all these plans when he bought the house of playing footie with the lad and floating around on pool loungers and maybe even the occasional water balloon fight, and then he’d just kept saying “tomorrow” till tomorrow’s today, and it’s just him and Niall, silhouetted by the light spilling out of the kitchen windows.

it’s not really a crucial moment or anything, but i felt like it really captured that feeling of life passing you by; that bitterness of knowing you used to have something great, and having lost it, and the way you can want something or someone so bad you don’t even know how to ask for it. (at least, that’s what i hope it says.) 

50. found family - my FAVORITE theme

i have a healthy respect for fate - ‘there is a tide in the affairs of men,’ and all - but a lOT more regard for the bit that contradicts, ‘i have taken these tides of men into my hands and wrote my will across the sky in stars.’ there’s definitely a kind of crossover for me between family and genetics and even learned behaviors and fate, and on the other hand, found family and the parts of ourselves that we choose. 

my dad’s watchwords are ‘but they’re blood,’ as if that settles everything. which it SO doesn’t, at least not to me! a lot of reason for the way i am is because i want to be as unlike my family as possible, and that’s all about choice, really. caving to blood and genetics and stuff i can’t do anything about is like accepting defeat. (there’s a lot of this stuff in oaft, looking back.) but lotr is such a good example of the way you can sort of tie these conflicting values of fate vs. choice together, though, like all those times sam and frodo reflect on how they’d never have accepted the ring quest if they knew what it entailed, and will people tell their stories someday? you don’t often get to know the full extent of what you’ve signed up for, but you do get to choose. so that’s what found family is to me, really - a way of choosing your own fate, accepting the quest you think you can abide. 

i rely a lot on connections between people in my fics, whether it be one acting as another’s human credentials and making them seem lovable at their worst moments, or of tethering them to other people, memories, even parts of the world. i love the way those connections that are made, and not born, can be the most important thing. two of my favorite books, mrs. dalloway and howards end, are built around this idea of “Only connect . . .” where connecting  to people and then connecting them to each other is, like, what life is all about. i like to imagine it looks a bit like portolan charts from back in the day, where maps were made based on the connections between places. some were near and some far, but all tied into the same network, and all tied to each other, albeit with some degree of separation. whenever my directions start getting mixed up, it’s soothing to think of these forged connections making sense of everything.