#also I am in the middle of writing a Lucien/Silencer fic so really I am the clown here

[dirty-bosmer]

Me talking about Lucien Lachance: Sick little freak (derogatory) Die

Me talking about Arquen who has 5 lines of dialogue and is canonically rumored to have feasted on his remains: My quirky girlfriend who deserves love and respect. They hate to see you winning, queen. ily girl.

[saintcheesus]

Hi, I heard from a friend that you were doing ficlet request. I have three. The first one is Damien gets Robert a really cool knife for their anniversary to go cryptid hunting and Robert's just like marry me. The second one is Robert and Damien are getting busy (smex) when Lucien comes home early and Damien hides Robert. The third one is Damien is self-concise about his body and Robert wants to take him to the beach, so the compromise is they go to the beach at night and have fun.

Nonny bless you for these fic prompts! The problem withtumblr is that I can only answer the ask once (unless I keep reblogging thepost with the additions of the fic requests but that’ll be a dash-clogger) ifyou see this ficlet and you would like to send each fic request separately that’sfine, or if you would like to come off anon and I can personally tag you ineach that’s also fine!

I’m going to do the third one first because that was the oneI was planning to add to my fic Love That Dad! But with Lucien coaxing himrather than Robert, but I am still very excited to do it! Here goes nothing

~~~~~~~

It was admittedly one of the hottest days in the year. Theseason was about to turn and of course mother nature (the most elusive cryptidof all if you ask Robert) decided that this was the time to scorch everyone onearth, the residents of the cul-de-sac more specifically. He was certainlyroasting alive in his tiny house, he should open a window, but it would onlybring more heat in. He already drank a whole case of ice cold beer and all itdid was make him sad. So now he was hot and sad, in that order. There wasnothing on television, and if he watched another show where people ran aroundbeing scared by “ghosts” then he was sure he was going to throw himself to theDover Ghost. He made a little tub of ice water for Betsy, she seemed satisfiedenough. Her little body just big enough to fit inside of the plastic bin, hertongue lolled out of her mouth. She was sleeping. He smiled, she was dumb butshe was his dummy and he loved her.

He got up, shedding his sweat-soaked shirt. He was prettyhairy, so that meant that hot days were even hotter for him and that meant thathis water bill was going to be through the roof this month. He chucked it inthe hamper and went to go the bathroom but then an idea ran through his head.

He wanted to go to the beach. But not by himself, and notjust with Betsy, she had no head for conversation. He got out his phone andscrolled through his small list of contacts. Brian? Nah, he was going to bringhis daughter and talk about how great she was and he didn’t need to be remindedof what a shitty dad he was. Mat? He was cool, and made good coffee, maybe theycould chill and drink a jug of ice coffee. Nah, Mat got nervous around people,and that meant small talk and no bouts of silence that he wanted. Craig? Hardno. It would end up being a workout and he doesn’t need to get anymore sweatythan he already is. Fuck Joseph, automatic no. Mary? She was pretty much downfor anything. He sent her a text. She replied quickly saying that she andJoseph had to go to the church for some meeting about renovations, shortanswer: no. Hugo probably would prefer to stay indoors and read so he wasn’tgoing to even text him. That only left Damien.

Damien was cool he guessed, Mary knew him longer than shedid himself and she never badmouthed him. The three of them only hung out a fewtimes but it was fun. And he was the only person that knew what a cryptid was,and enjoyed being in cemeteries at ungodly hours of the night. His son was alittle shit but Damien loved him so that was enough for him. He tapped onDamien’s icon (which was a picture of Nosferatu) and the message box opened. Hestarted to type a message but then remembered that Damien preferred moreintimate modes of communication, like letter-writing, or face-to-face.

To Robert that translated as clever ways to claim his victims.He got up and looked out the window. He was home because the car was in thedriveway.

“Dude’s got to be burning alive in that house.”

Guy’s house was all black, and the inside was just as dark.He sighed, he wanted companionship, and the suspected vampire was just the onehe needed. He picked up his leather jacket and looked over at Betsy, who wasn’tmoving anytime soon. He went to the freezer, got the bag of ice and poured somemore in the bin.

“I’ll be back for you little lady.”

Betsy only boofed in response. He left the house and prettymuch ran to Damien’s house. He knocked on the door and waited a moment.

“He’s not a vampire, Robert…he’s not gonna eat you…he’s justinto Victorian stuff…definitely wasn’t the inspiration for Dracula…get ittogether!”

He wasn’t kept waiting long because the door opened and insteadof being greeted by the Goth Prince himself, he was greeted by just…Damien. Hewas wearing a black tank top and purple shorts. His hair was tied up and he waswearing his glasses. Robert thinks he’s never really seen him like this. Nopainted eyes, no contacts, just regular. Damien smiled and Robert always checksto see if there are fangs in his mouth. He’s safe.

“Ah, Robert! What brings you here today, friend?”

Damien’s jaw drops once he gets a good look at Robert. Thenhis cheeks go impossibly red.

“My friend…are you not wearing a shirt?”

Robert looks down. Oh, he forgot to put a new one on. Henods.

“Yeah, other one got dirty from my tangle with a bunch ofthugs last night. Almost thought I was done for, Betsy saved the day. That’s uh…that’swhy she couldn’t be with us today.”

Damien’s eyes widened. “Oh Robert! Are you okay, do you needme to call the authorities?”

Robert couldn’t hide the grin and laughed outright. Damien’sface straightened and he seemed unamused. “You are horrible.”

“I’m aware, Bats. Betsy’s at home chilling in her ice bath.”Damien pushed his glasses up. “You never explained your reason for being here.”

“Wanna go the beach?”

Damien looked uneasy suddenly and began fussing with the hemof his shirt.

“Right now?”

“Yup.”

Damien swallowed and Robert raised his brows. “Oh w-well, I…um…wouldit be possible if we were able…to go at night?”

Robert smirked and crossed his arms. “What, afraid you’regonna burn in the sun?” It was sunset now but still. Damien wanted to laugh buthe looked nervous and a little sad. He shook his head.

“If only that were the case…”

Robert’s smirk left his face as he stood straight, now genuinelyconcerned for Damien. “What, what’s the problem?”  

Damien pushed his glasses up and grabbed Robert’s wrist tolead him inside of the house. It struck him that Damien’s house felt…reallygood. Did he have AC? Well, if he was going to paint his house all black thenhe had to have been prepared for days like this. Damien crossed his arms andlooked at his feet.

“What’s the matter?” He asked again, surprised by thesoftness of his voice. Damien looked ashamed that he felt whatever he wasfeeling.

“I um…I haven’t gotten top surgery yet…”

Oh. Oh.

And now Robert felt like an asshole for not even consideringthat. Damien couldn’t even make eye contact with him and Robert, without thinking,pulled him in a hug. They were both shocked by this, and he forgot he wasn’twearing a shirt.

“Hey, hey…” He rubbed Damien’s back, “Don’t sweat it man, ifyou want to go at night, we’ll go at night, okay?”

Damien nodded and for a moment Robert forgot that noteveryone was as accepting as himself and the rest of the dads in thecul-de-sac. He pulled away, but clapped both hands on Damien’s arms and gavehim a reassuring smile.

“We’re gonna have fun, Bats. Don’t worry, I’ll see youtonight.”

“Yes, thank you. I apologize if this is causing you any inconvenience.”

Robert gave him a slap on the shoulder and walked out thehome. He turned back around. If only his son wasn’t so allergic to dogs then hewould have brought Betsy over to chill in the house until their date. Date.Huh. That sounded nice.

He came back promptly after the sun went down and it wasnight time. The plus side to the beach was that it was open all hours of thenight, if they went swimming they would just have to be mindful of their limitsbecause the lifeguards aren’t there. He still wasn’t wearing a shirt, and hemay have just gone home and slept because of the heat in his house, but when hewoke up, it felt a lot better. Betsy relocated herself to her doggy bed whichwas now soaked. He poured some dry food for her and left the house afterkissing her wet little head. He walked over to Damien’s house and knockedagain. Damien opened it and was wearing the same black tank, but crimson swimtrunks with it. He was wearing flip flops and Robert just couldn’t help butthink how good he looked in his trunks. He always thought that Damien washandsome.

“I apologize again, Robert. I’m ready to go.”

“Nothing to worry about, Damien trust me. I see you broughta picnic basket.”

“Oh yes, it’s my way of making up for delaying our outing.”

“You got whiskey in it?”

“Yes, I brought a flask just for you.”

“Really?”

“Of course not, Robert.”

So, he does have a sense of humor. They got into Rob’spick-up truck and drove to the beach. It was thankfully empty and still warmenough that the water’s breeze wouldn’t freeze them to death. Damien set downthe blanket and placed the basket in the middle. Robert was already in hisswimming trunks, well, his boxer briefs, really. He left his jacket in the car.

“You did not bring Betsy with you?”

“Nah, she was sleeping.” Robert noted that Damien soundeddisappointed. Damien started to take his shirt off and Robert couldn’t help butstare.

“What? Why are you staring at me?” Damien crossed his arms tocover himself and Robert shook his head.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I was just thinking about how good youlooked.”

“Now you’re pulling my leg.”

“No, I really mean it Damien. I find you attractive.”

“Really?”

“Do I love whiskey?”

Damien laughed and Robert couldn’t help but laugh too. Hewanted to find more ways to make him laugh. Damien sat down next to Robert andpulled out two glasses and a bottle of wine.

“I’m afraid I have no head for whiskey, but Mary gifted mewith this bottle a few years ago and I thought that I would partake with you.”

He poured Robert’s glass to the top and gave it to him. Hepoured himself a glass and set the bottle back in the basket. They clinkedglasses and Damien took careful sips whereas Robert pretty much downed half ofit in one swig. Too used to shots. Damien chuckled and took another sip.

“The water is quite beautiful at night.”

“Yep.”

“In the Victorian era, the women were forced to use machinesto paddle them out to water to swim because the men found their bathing suits inappropriate.”

“Really?”

Damien nodded excitedly, happy to share all he knows aboutthe time period. Robert finished the glass.

“Assholes.”

“Quite.”

Robert placed the glass back in the basket and took Damien’sglass and placed it carefully in the sand. “Hey, you know I heard that there’sa sea serpent right here in this beach?”

“Has there?”

“Oh yeah, as long as ship and known to terrorize anybody whoswam in the water at night.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we aren’t— “

“We’re gonna swim in it.”

Damien looked at him. His smile irresistible.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Damien…”

“Rob— “

Robert kissed Damien on the lips. “Yes…” He growled inDamien’s ear. Before Damien could recover from the shock of the kiss, Robertgrabbed his hand and rose running toward the water.

“Do you your worst sea serpent!”

“Robert, stop!” Damien laughed as he was being dragged intothe water with Robert. The only noises heard that night were the sounds oftheir laughter, and splashing, and after that, the sounds of them snogging onthe sand.

~~~~~

This was a lot longer than I wanted it to be I hope you like it!