#also I wished the tapestry was true to real life I WANNA SEE MOON AND HIM FIGHT FOR REALS

[aj-thegreatest]

what is your opinion of Toffee and his performance in the series

Where’s the Tik Tok/Hamilton “You’ve could’ve done so much more if you only had TIME” sound

A lot of people think Toffee is boring as a character, and tbh I can see that! Think I got it from a Kitty Monk video. Personally, I think he’s neat! He’s calculating, thinks one step ahead, and seems to always get what he wants we’ll get to it later

While I really like how he was used in seasons 1, 2, and Battle for Mewni, I think there was a misstep. Because while yes, Star evaporating Toffee looked very cool, afterwards the villains were iffy. I thought the Heinous/Meteora thing was cool (but certain parts are iffy), but Mina as a final wasn’t the best move. I think having Toffee come back in some way at the end could’ve been interesting. Especially since…we don’t know anything about him.

We know he’s familiar with the Butterfly family history. We know he led the attack to kill Comet (and possibly Solaria but that’s still shaky), and he had some connection to Seth. But we don’t know why. Why did he know about the Butterflies? Was it to find their weaknesses? Was he connected to former queens? Bringing him back could’ve answered these questions and made him more interesting. Maybe he knew Eclipsa! Idk!

I think it’s also why I like the fanon ideas for Toffee over what canon gives us nothing. I only like Moon/Toffee and Monstar in a fanon sense, because in canon the age gap is kinda ehhh to me. I really like the ideas surrounding Eclipsa and Toffee. Most people ship them, and that’s my preferred Toffee/Butterfly Queen ship.

My point is, there should’ve been more done with him up too the very end. I think his reasoning for destroying magic makes sense, considering how monsters were oppressed by it. And while I don’t think destroying magic was good, at least Star realized the harm it was doing and correlated it to Toffee. Wish he could’ve been alive for it

Also I like to think Star and Ludo are parallels(?) to him and Moon, but in a “here’s the designated monster villain I have to fight” way. They also mesh well personality wise. Goofy vs Serious

[thechrisramos]

Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review

This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.

Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.

willow

Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.

I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.

However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:

The more you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow

I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.

Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.

champagne problems

Sadness.

You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.

I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.

Favorite lyrics:

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing

I really enjoyed the piano on this one.

gold rush

Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.

While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).

Favorite lyrics:

I don’t like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.

‘tis the damn season

I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?

I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:

And the road not taken looks Real good now

Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.

Favorite lyrics:

You could call me “babe” for the weekend ‘Tis the damn season Write this down

I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.

tolerate it

This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.

Favorite lyrics:

If it’s all in my head tell me now Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow

_

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

_

Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life

For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.

It sucks to feel that way.  

no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)

Pop country?

This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.

I was really impressed though by how it goes from:

But I ain’t letting up until the day I die

to:

I wasn’t letting up until the day he Died

My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.

happiness

The song is a question, “how does something great end?”

“We were so happy, when did it change?”

You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.

I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.

This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:

There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you

No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.

There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me

This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.

Leave it all behind And there is happiness

Like I said, easier said than felt.

dorothea

The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.

Do you ever stop and think about me?

Yes.

coney island (feat. The National)

I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.

I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:

Will you forgive my soul When you’re to wise to trust me and too old to care?

I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.

ivy

Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?

So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.

I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!

Favorite lyrics:

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another

cowboy like me

Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?

I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with. 

Favorite lyrics:

You’re a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

long story short

Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again. 

While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:

I always felt I must look Better in the rear view

I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.

marjorie

For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me. 

Maybe not. I don’t know.

This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.

I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!

Favorite lyrics:

Never be so kind You forget to be clever Never be so clever You forget to be kind

For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.

closure

Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:

It’s been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn’t right The way it all went down

While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.

Favorite lyrics:

It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone

This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.

evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

And I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn’t be for Evermore

Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.

Thoughts:

Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.

She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).

Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!

Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:

Apple Music

Spotify

YouTube

[kondo-hijikata]

Pairings: Established Kondo/Hijikata Rating: T Summary: Ibuki brings a robe to Okita. Okita brings it to Hijikata. No one knows the color, but it’s definitely not white. Major angst, sorry. [AO3]

.*The Robe*.

The robe was once white. But it wasn't white any longer.

Feet planted themselves before a battered wooden gate leading to the house he’d barely managed to find with such ambiguous instructions. And now more than ever, he wondered... Why? Why had this task fallen to his hands, when they weren’t even strong enough to hold a sword? It was unfitting at best and pathetic at worst. Surely, there was someone better, someone more worthy of seeing something of such importance through.

The answer, however, was as clear as the tapestry of stars above Ibuki’s head, shining unobscured and bright through the darkness. He’d been entrusted with this because he’d personally been there, beyond the latticing of fence and reaching out with desperate cries that left his throat sore even now.

Still, the responsibility befalling to him proved the taste of irony was more bitter than any medicinal herb, and his shoulders far too weak for such a burden.

Ibuki's face had been angled downward for so long that his neck ached, his expression contorted from attempting to repress the despair which encumbered his chest with such force that it was difficult to even breathe. His will had never been strong enough and as if to mock the characteristic softness of his spine, the tears defied such wishes easily now—hot and unending, pushing through tightly clenched eyes to bleed out oceans of sorrow.

It was intolerable and unyielding…a pain that cut so deeply that Ibuki felt his knees threatening to give way.

…Control. He needed to find control—or something to carry him onward so he could make it through this.

He held the garment closer to his heaving chest, clung to it as if this were his heartbreak to bear. And perhaps, in a way, it was; the owner was a friend, a true ally in troubled times—someone who believed in him and pushed him to do better. Yet, the depths of grief battering him raw also felt like an intrusion, for he’d only walked so far in the footprints of wolves. Ibuki’s love and loyalty had only reached a certain extent, and in turn, he’d never known what it felt like to be revered in the way a partner or son was.

So, certainly…

He straightened his back, squared his shoulders...

Certainly…his role in all of this was the easiest.

Despite mentally and physically building himself up to finish what he’d begun, Ibuki’s lashes refused to part. Therefore, he relented and simply took a moment to breathe deeply and focus—to listen to the sounds around him of vitality. Of birds chirping and insects singing. Of a gentle breeze, of a cat's cry in the distance. Of a world still so full of life, even when it could just...stop for someone on an individual scale.

And just when Ibuki had begun to find the makings of a path to calm within his surroundings, there was another noise: the creak of a door opening, followed by a soft cough and cracking utterance.

"I—Ibuki-kun?"

Ibuki’s eyes snapped open the moment when Okita's voice feathered into his ears, his stomach dropping as dread flooded through him; thrust into this situation without being ready, his mouth gaped, just to find the words failing him. Ibuki’s face felt wet and tense, hot from crying and yet cold against the night. With a shake of the head, he watched as his company’s gaze dropped to the robe he cradled.

When Okita’s attention landed on it, he froze. He didn't blink. Didn't breathe. His lower lip fell for several seconds before one question was spoken—smooth and yet laced with trepidation. "…Whose...?"

Fireflies drifted about lazily as Ibuki staggered forward to close the space between Okita and himself, his legs like rubber and feet nearly becoming entangled from ineptitude. "O—Okita-san." Shoulders rose and fell with heavy breaths, his tone veiled by tidal waves of emotion beating ugly gashes into the fabric of his soul. “It’s—It’s—” Ibuki’s teeth gritted again while pearled beads pushed forth to escape his clenched eyes.

"It's Kondo-san's," Okita finished, barely loud enough to be heard.

Ibuki dropped his face and he choked out, "It isn't his anymore."

~

The horse galloped by starlight, sparkling droplets from its rider’s eyes carried off by the whisper of the wind. One hand gripped the reins, the other held the robe securely to an aching chest.

It used to be white.

It wasn’t white any longer.

And it was getting harder, so much harder…to breathe, to walk, to even think.

Still, the horse ran on, until a village came into sight and Okita dismounted and stumbled forward. And—there, on the steps, with his head bowed…

 “Hi—” Okita panted, feeling his lashes opening wide and the fury inundating him until whatever was left of his lungs began closing in. “Hijikata-san.”

Hijikata’s chin lifted quickly, giving show to black shadows beneath exhausted, heavy eyes and much thinner cheeks than memory served. “Souj—”

Silver flashed beneath the moon, one arm whipping the blade through the air until the tip pointed directly toward Hijikata’s nose.

With a gasp, Hijikata leapt to his feet, his shoulder slamming against the nearest structural beam as he grabbed the hilt of his own weapon. “What the fuck are you—?!”

“He loved you.” Okita’s teeth were gritted, his sword trembling with the tension in his muscles despite their depletion from illness.

The immediate confusion in Hijikata’s gaze morphed into dawning realization. And when it became clear that he was slowly piecing it all together, his mouth began to open.

Okita inhaled sharply through his nose, his voice shaking as he repeated, “He loved you so much. Why.” His chin raised and with a brief shake of the head, his shoulders raised in a half shrug. “I’ll never know.”

“...Souji.” The name fell in a hoarse whisper and then Hijikata looked past the steel...toward the garment Okita kept tightly clutched to the breast of his new uniform. Terror had never been openly present in the gaze of his commanding officer—until now. And seeing it only fueled Okita’s ire and anguish.

“But there is something that you can tell me, Hijikata-san.”

“Okita-san?!” Chizuru’s voice pierced the air from somewhere in the distance.

“Souji,” Hijikata tried again breathlessly. “Souji, is that—?”

Clenching his teeth tighter, Okita pulled the folded robe from where he embraced it and rifled it toward Hijikata as hard as he could. “Why the fuck didn’t you love him like that?! He would have done anything for you!”

The article slammed against Hijikata’s chest before he caught it, his fingers seizing the material. He stared at it blankly for several moments and then, it began to tremble within his grasp. Clamoring backward until his heel collided against the step, Hijikata crashed down to it again, his eyes closing and chest beginning to rise and fall with deep breaths.

“Okita-san!” Chizuru cried, much closer now. Two small hands grasped to his forearm and yanked with inconsequential strength. “Okita—”

“How could you fucking let him die?!” Okita shouted as he lunged forward, the pain in his tone so sharp it could have cut flesh from the way those around him winced. “It was your job to protect him when I couldn’t!”

“Souji!” Saito was on his left now, taking to a bicep and pulling him back.

“Okita-san, please!!” Chizuru pleaded. “Hijikata-san is injured!! He’s—”

Okita gave in, at last allowing himself to be drawn away for several paces while he took a good, long look at the situation before him. His brows narrowed as he observed just how worn and broken Hijikata’s appearance was—not just on the outside, but the way in which it seemed to radiate from the in. And worse yet, he still hadn’t opened his eyes. His arms had only tightened around the robe and—

“You…” Okita stammered in a whisper. “You didn’t even know…”

“Know what?” Saito asked pointedly.

Licking his lips, Okita’s shoulders slumped and he pulled himself free to sheath his sword. It was a hard swallow as he stared toward the ground, beginning to speak with strength, “Kondo-san…” But his voice faltered. “Kondo-san is dead.”

Silence.

“And. It’s his fault.” Okita lifted his chin, taking in the sight of Hijikata for the final time. “I will never forgive you.”

He pivoted on the soles of his boots and strode off, with Chizuru running after him in his wake.

~

The robe was white.

And now it wasn’t.

Now it was…filled with color. Blue. But not like the moonlight Kondo used to kiss him under at the Shieikan. It was blue, like the ocean of tears that stained it. Red from the bloodied hands that had carried it. Black like the void this whole world had become.

Hijikata lay on his side in a single futon, staring at the attire folded neatly before him. His eyes were wide open, his lips parted. Sometimes, he would become aware that he’d stopped breathing, so he would make sure he did that…until he realized he’d stopped again soon after.

His palm rested on the tatami, just beneath the material—until it suddenly lifted. Fingertips trailed up to the fabric. It was firm. They caressed the blue, ran over the red, swept across the black, and then closed in.

He thought of Tama, and the things said with hope.

“What do I want to do? I don’t know. Do you have any idea for yourself?”

“Me? I wanna be like Kanko, a real warrior…Ah…that sounds, uh. Sounds funny, right, coming from a farmer?”

“…No. Actually, that’s what I want too.”

Hijikata drew the robe to him and held tight.

Of Kyoto, and the things said with determination.

“Well, all we gotta worry about now is making a name for ourselves here.”

“Mm. You’re right, Toshi.”

“I swear I won’t stop until you’re the most exalted samurai in this whole country.”

He held tighter.

Of Katsunuma, and the things said with desperation before the battle of Koufu.

“I’m not leaving you!”

“Toshi, I need you to go get reinforcements.”

“And I need you to not die here!”

And tighter yet...

Of Nagareyama, and the things said with love.

“Toshi, go. My hatamoto status will—”

“Your hatamoto status doesn’t mean shit to Satcho!”

“Then these are your orders! Hijikata-fukucho!”

He held so tightly that his arms trembled.

Of Wakamatsu...

“He loved you. He loved you so much. Why the fuck didn’t you love him like that?!”

“How could you fucking let him die?!”

“It’s his fault.”

And here Hijikata was now, with a million more things he wanted to say--of hope, of determination...of desperation and love and sorrow.

But it was useless to talk to a ghost, especially while sobbing into the robe he wore to his execution. Therefore, through his heaves, Hijikata made several promises.

He promised to build a fitting grave in a location Kondo would like.

He promised to not lay down his sword until Kondo’s name was cleared, until his robe was white.

He promised to train and develop the remaining Shinsengumi as best he could, so that their truth would live on.

But most importantly, Hijikata promised Kondo he would meet him again…somewhere out there, among the stars, some time soon. And at that time, he would throw his arms around him and never, never let go.

The sun rose the next morning. It had no right to. Still, its rays hit the window and crept across the floor, slowly, until it reached Hijikata and woke him with a gentle kiss.

His eyes fluttered...and then he turned away.

~

Hakodate 1869

There weren’t many things that Hijikata owned, but Chizuru still found it difficult to go through what was left of his belongings. Her hands drifted over books, over small containers. She lifted the lid of one and her breath caught.

This was... It was Kondo’s robe.

Squinting, she reached for the material--pristine and white, just as it had been all along.