#also WHOA it's been so long since i last posted on tumblr wow this account is ancient

[heyitssunnyinside]

so my friend managed to get me into infamous and now like i mean what else was i supposed to do besides draw our silly little characters yk

[isidar-mithrim]

Tag game

Thank you for the tag @fightfortherightsofhouseelves and @clarensjoy!! 

Also, I’ll take this opportunity to apologize for all the tag-chain/game I ignored lately! I’m quite busy this period and while I do still check tumblr almost daily – especially now that I can’t wait for new @giblimort‘s amazing portraits *_* – it’s more like a few-minute scroll in the homepage and maybe read the occasional ficlet so I might miss the tags or more probably I might be lazy about answering them ^^’ But it always makes me smile that someone thought of me, so be aware that it’s appreciated and it makes my day lighter <3 @narukoibito @sybill-the-seer @ballerinaroy and I’m surely forgetting someone ^^’

Fandoms: Harry Potter, the one and only ;)

Where you post: Tumblr and Ao3, but I also have an account on the italian fan fiction page EFP (but my last stories are missing and most of the old ones that I’ve translated needs to be changed/edited, so I would kinda beg any passing italians to read them in English or ask me what version I would suggest XD). And one on Wattpad that I haven’t updated in a long while...

Most popular one-shot: Well I’m not sure what defines “popular” here, so I’ll kinda cheat and check the Ao3 stats I think for the first time ever and give you:

one for “most hits”: Fantasies [NSFW and basically Hinny PWP, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised it’s the one with most hits XD]

one for “most kudos”: Standing on tiptoe [whoa, hadn’t seen it coming!]

one for “most bookmarks”: Letters for beyond (featuring the Potters)

one for “most comment threads”: so there are 4 with the same number, two of them are the two above, and between the remaining two I’ll pick A new beginning, a post-war chat between Harry and Neville ^^

Most popular multi-chapter: among my only two proper multi chapters, of which one is incomplete so far and with just 2 chapter and the other is complete with just 3 short chapter (what an achievement XD), Better than fireworks  is the one among all of my stories, including one shots, with “most bookmark”, “most subscriptions” (by far) and also “most comments threads”: [all this support is absolutely amazing, but I admit also kinda make me feel guilty because it’s almost been a year since I posted it and promised to finish it, ups ^^’ And the ironic thing is that I still plan too. One day. Maybe XD]

But I’ll also cheat a little bit again, naming a4 one-shots series, “Have a biscuit”. If you like Neville and McGonagall, I’ll be honored if you’d give it a try ^^

Favourite story written so far: Ahhh that’s a tough one, I tend to be quite fond of my stories (yay for the modesty, lol – I swear that when I’m not that thrilled I always admit it, though XD)... Let’s say “As though by a mother” but I might give a different answer in a week XD

Fic you were nervous to post: I’m not sure I’m never actually “nervous” before posting (more like, afraid that the story won’t appreciated as a I hope/that it won’t interest people), but I guess I must have been a bit nervous before posting my first ever pic translated in English, which also happens to have a not-so-usual writing style: And yet it tastes good

How you choose your titles: Ahhhh, good question. I guess it depends. Tbh I’m not that good at titles, or sometime I have a (supposedly) great one in Italian that doesn’t really translate (or isn’t that good) in English or viceversa. [Example: the “Have a biscuit” serie has English titles that I like way better than the italians, but a story like “Souls of Ink”, while having a good ring in English, to me it’s way more powerful and poetic in Italian, “Anime d’inchiostro”].

Sometimes I don’t have a title until the end and I kinda throw something there, sometimes I have the title from the very beginning and it could be a big part in inspiring the story. I tend to use title that are neither too short nor too long, and I don’t usually use songs quotes or the like. Plus, I’m very happy if the words/phrasing of the title recur literally or metaphorically in the story! I also try to match the “feeling” of the title (and the summary) with the “feeling” of the story. Like, I’d go for a more poetic/dramatic one for an angst story, and for a more comedic-like one for something more fluffy or silly.

Complete: Well, that’s easy, since I mostly stay away from multi-chapters XD (and for good reasons – see above XD) All my one shots, and most of my “closed” series, as in, series that I imagined with a beginning and an end or something like that (so, series like “Next Generation” don’t really have a complete/incomplete status) 

In progress: Again “Better than Fireworks”, and I’ve also just realised that I’ve yet to finish translating (despite being at a decent point) the second and last chapter of “Of Matilda, war and Peace” [speaking about being bad a title, lol XD] Ups ^^’

Coming soon/Not yet started: ahhh coming soon probably nothing, ehm, but I’ve at least 4 one shots in the making and that I want to finish one day (most of them started months if not a years ago... I’ll list them below), plus the draft for the rest of Better than Fireworks, plus several random missing-moments or AUs ideas and a long Hinny post-war story started few years ago in Italian (roughly 100.000 written) that needs to be heavily rewritten, translated and possibly finished ^^ Same for a shorter bit of a Jily seventh-year story, if we have to say it all...

“Ghost of the past”, a Hinny one shot from Ginny’s pov with a difficult conversation – I’m very fond of this one, but I have to work on the second part/end. The first/main part is finished and even betaed by the amazing @narukoibito! <3

“Of those who stayed”, a silver trio one shot – again from Ginny’s pov – during DH, when they try to steal the sword. I’ve the first (long) chapter done and again, even betaed by the wonderful @floreatcastellumposts but knowing myself I want to finish it first. I might decide that it’s okay like this (in Italian I’ve already posted it a one shot), but since I had a sort of sequel in mind for now it’ll stay in my drafts ;)

“The man who lived” – This one is all in just Italian so far (I’m rewriting an old piece – I’d probably restart it directly in English now); again Ginny’s pov (wow, hadn’t realised it!), again DH, this time since she (in my head canon) realise Harry might have gone to Voldemort during the battle, until the end of the battle

A one shot that’s it’s a series of Hinny snippets about James Sirius Potter coming to life (from the very start). Old one written in Italian and never posted, that a again needs to be finished. Same for a collection of snippets around Hinny’s wedding (but this is “draftier”)

A one shot of Harry and the Potters waling Teddy at King Cross; I’ve just a very little bit of it written + most of the draft, and it would be the sequel of the one shot “What parents would want”

The random Missing Moments that I’ve have in mind are: a conversation between Bill and Ginny in the hospital wing in HBP, plus maybe a bit more from Ginny’s pov in that period (like going back home from Hogwarts); a conversation between Bill and Ron in DH, not sure if during Ron’s first or second stay and Shell Cottage; Hermione finding out about Arthur’s attack; Dumbledore taking Slughorn’s memory (when it happened, how he found out... I’ve several head canon about it!)

The random AUs moments (and I say moments just because I wouldn’t really be interested in writing a whole story, I only imagine few moments of it): Hermione brining Harry at the Burrow at Christmas after Godric’s Hollow, with is locket attached to his chest (I think I stole the idea from Flo’s!); the trio finding Ginny in the cell in Malfoy Manor as well; and some dumb “Lily and James are resurrected post DH” trash XD Oh, also a real muggle AU with Harry as a self-defence coach and Ginny as trainee!

Do you accept prompts? As you can imagine especially in this period I’m not very good at commitment ^^’, but if you have a specific idea and want to give it a try (maybe during the winter holidays?) I’d be honored, if not able to make any promises!

Upcoming works you’re most excited about: definitely “Ghost of the past”!

I’m tagging @ballerinaroy again, @remedial-potions, @thedistantdusk, @thebiwholived and whoever wants to join ^^

EDIT: Ehm I got caught up with the stats when I wrote this and without realizing it I put a multi chapter in the “Most popular one shot” section, lol XD Problem fixed ;)

[ilegnangeli]

Random May Thought #1

I think I may have forgotten how to properly write an entry on Tumblr. Much features have changed since I last posted here. If it weren’t for Instagram’s connect to Tumblr feature, I wouldn’t have updated this blog in years. Last I posted was a picture of my penmanship in Mandarin. I was still a student in China back then. And well now, I am back to the mothership.

Two years ago, COVID-19 didn’t exist. Oh wait, it did, they just hadn’t named it yet or they haven’t discovered it yet (I actually remember they used to call it nCoV). Two years ago, I was still lying in my bed in my spacious dorm room probably wondering why time flew so fast. Two years ago, I was a completely different person. I had plans two years later, you know. Plans that got soiled. I didn’t think I would still be here. I should be experiencing spring elsewhere and yet I’m basking in the scorching heat of summer in the Republic of the Philippines. Not that I’m complaining. Alright, fine, I am.

Life has been pretty tough lately. I think I wrote the same thing in one of my book reviews in Goodreads. After reading that book by Paul Kalanithi, I became more aware of how finite life is. I’ve always loved books that sorta ended in tragedies (maybe it’s the masochist in me lmao). But reading a memoir of someone who suffered a similar fate to those fictional characters I’ve read before, reading through his personal struggle made me think about how life—at the end of it all—is truly fragile.

I also read through my old entries in here. I laughed at some. I smiled at some. I sorta became sad after reading some entries. But I’m glad I wrote. Now, I’m feeling like continuing this thing I do often when I’m overwhelmed by life: writing. There’s a sense of bittersweetness to reading your old diary or journal entries for the world to see. Two nights ago, I dug through my old notebooks and read some of my written entries in there. Ten, nine, eight years ago versions of me who loved writing and sharing her thoughts on pages of now worn-out notebooks. Again, I’m glad I wrote.

Writing is probably something I’m not really best at but I’m good at. And suffice to say, I enjoy it. I love writing and it’s probably going to be the end of me. Funny how going back home, here in the mountains of Rizal, transforms me into a sentimental freak. The life in the city is probably the most ideal, future-focused lifestyle but the old soul in me will always go back and try to rekindle the sad and happy memories of the past.

Right now, I’m sat at the end of my bed. With a laptop. Typing these random thoughts. I see my piano on the left. I see my bookshelves right in front of me. And I see my luggage, to my right, that I haven’t used since I got back from China (I didn’t use this for my trip to Japan, I used a smaller one lmao).

I leafed through the pages of my old planner. It was the planner I used for my final year in university. I saw this “Dream Board” that I ever so creatively put together using cutouts from magazines, stickers, and sticky notes. I wrote there that I would make films, music, and literature. Funny how those “dreams” became reality. One by one. I also remember listing down the places I’d always wanted to visit in that planner. I remember writing all the countries that I would, one day, visit. And by some weird miracle, I’ve ticked off so many of those places. Well, except Amsterdam (because damn, the Netherlands is so far away). But don’t worry self, we’ll get there. Eventually. Lmao.

My dream board was extended to the next page where I listed down so many things that I would save up for. Teenage me would be proud of herself because ten years later, she has owned that John Green book collection (she now even has at least three versions of each book John Green has published, I know that’s ridiculous but please stop judging me lol), she has also owned two MacBooks (an Air in 2015 and a Pro in 2020), she has bought a digital piano (God, I srsly am in love with this piano, teenage me would cry out of joy I swear), and she has travelled to a lot of her dream destinations and countries. Teenage me would be so proud of who she has become. I seriously sighed as I typed that last line.

Ten years. Feels like an entire lifetime ago. I didn’t think life would be this fast-paced. I mean, thanks technology but boohoo because here I am, somehow struggling, asking myself every single day, hour, minute why adulting has to be this difficult. I sorta blame my teenage self because, she wished for this moment. She wished to fast-forward to my yuppy self. But then again, who am I to complain, THAT WAS ME ten years ago. Bitch, you did not. Lmao.

Earlier this afternoon, it’s nighttime as I type this, I spoke with one of my co-workers. We haven’t known each other that very long. But it feels like we’ve known each other forever. She’s a Libra, just like me. She’s a 92-liner, too. Oh the joy! And she’s a psych major, I envy her. Sometimes I still wonder why I didn’t take that path in university. Accountancy was shit and as much as I loved my Sintang Paaralan, I just didn’t want to be there anymore for personal reasons. You’d know, if you ever met me in person, I’ll tell you. Wow, am I really that good at moving on? Anyway, being a communication major is and was a great experience. I hate competitions but I joined so many competitions in that field and lost some but you gotta win some, right? So I did. Thank you for the wonderful experiences, Piyu.

Whoa, I didn’t think I’d be writing this long. But I’m not done yet. So as I was saying, I spoke with her. She isn’t just a colleague to me now but more like a best friend. I never thought I would meet someone my age who spoke the same language as me before her. I’m a nerd. If that isn’t already obvious. And if being caught by our director talking about Sigmund Freud and Maria Montessori isn’t enough proof, then I guess let’s talk about global warming, greenhouse effect, and the melting polar caps. I like talking about ideas, phenomenas, and books. Crucify me! #ReasonsWhyImStillSingle

I’d been praying about something recently. And I only got that clarity when I finally spoke to her about it. We’ve been on this topic for about a month now. And occasionally we like to make fun of this topic. But I guess, when something isn’t really meant for you, God will make a way for it to not, you know, find its way to you. Thank you, LORD.

She told me so many things that made me realize that the person I like right now probably has his reasons why he’s not making the first move. And I understood that. She insisted that my feelings were valid and it was okay for me to feel those things—to think those things. But oh my goodness, I told her, this person is so lucky. Like I swear to God. Because I don’t really “like” guys that often. I don’t feel easily attracted to anyone. So it is by some miracle that I ended up liking this particular human sub-specie (bro, you should feel privileged, too bad you won’t be able to read this). Anyway, It was so clear to me. And I had to move on. Immediately. But what’s weird about it is that I just took a nap. And when I woke up from that nap this afternoon I felt nothing. Like that feeling expired almost immediately. It completely dissipated. So ridiculous, right? I’ve harbored feelings for this person for some time now (it hasn’t been that long to be honest) and I’m just over that feeling now. In an instant, too. I don’t know why. It’s probably one of my talents.

Wow, I really do move on fast. Don’t I? Am I cruel (to myself) that way?

So I had decided to busy myself with work. Plan about my graduate studies. And hope for the best. But for now, I’ll enjoy the rest of my leave from work. I sighed. Again. As I wrote that. My head hurts. I don’t know why. But it does. And I almost typed that in Korean.

On another topic, I’m thinking about compiling all of my literary works in some way. I also feel like commissioning my niece and my older brother to illustrate some of my poems for me. I’ve actually thought about this like a year ago amidst the pandemic. But the lazy ass in me just kept postponing. And I blame myself for procrastinating because all my “plans” haven’t come to fruition. But I’ll get my shit together. Eventually. I need to make this happen. At least before I expire. Lmao.

P.S. I’m tired. I actually stayed up late last night. Or should I say earlier this morning. I video called one of my ex-colleagues. It was also a really nice chat. But I’m not used to staying up late anymore. I’ve burned tons of midnight oil in university. NEVER AGAIN. I’m sleepy to be honest.

P.P.S. Tomorrow’s my elder sister’s birthday. I’m going to post ancient pictures of her on my stories.

[celebistar]

Personal: Hiatus

Personal venting; warnings, frank talk about my own poor mental health lately, specifically anxiety, so if you're not feeling well yourself you should probably avoid.

Honestly, I’m really on-edge right now as I’m writing this, but I felt I had to get something out or I just cannot sleep (not that it’s easy anyway with jetlag…) It feels really strange b/c I haven't done this type of really-personal ‘feelings’ post/rant for a long time now, not since I was RPing but well…sometimes you just gotta get your feelings out.

It isn’t really any one thing or aspect or event in particular, but just lately, especially in the past month or two, I’ve noticed myself engaging less and less with Nobunagun, i.e. fanart/fanfics. Partly it’s just the cycles of life and work and limited time, but honestly the truth is, I feel that I am…reaching the end of my “Nobunagun rope”, so to speak. Lately I’ve just been mentally burnt out, not because of any one thing, but instead of the raging wildfire I used to feel whenever I engaged in my fics and art at like 1:30am, I just feel…oh. Like neither like nor dislike, which it in and of itself is nothing wrong, but for someone like me who has always bounced from obsession to obsession—and I mean that quite literally—it’s a scary and strange feeling. Frankly, I don’t know if I like it; not being able to fall back onto my creative imaginations whenever I want to, whether it’s to pass time due to boredom or to help me cope when other stressful things happen in my life.

Now, most people would probably say ‘well that’s normal isn’t it? Interests always change’ and yes, they do; in fact, before Nobunagun I inevitably shifted interests after a while—I think YGO was the first really big one, but even before that there were myriad of series like Digimon, Cardcaptors, etc. etc…and each time I thought ‘wow, GX (or some other series) is so great, I don’t know how I can run out of ideas!’ but gradually I did move on—usually because some other interest caught my eye and was more exciting, so by the time I consciously realized I wasn’t super obsessed with the previous one, it was more like an ‘oh well’. I never really stopped to think or really miss it, because there was always something new to entertain me, keep me thinking at 110% (kinda like serial dating now that I think about it, like those people who keep chasing that initial ‘high’ you get at the start of something new but you can never maintain). Now that I am sort-of-kind-of in that phase of ‘whoa, something’s obviously wrong if you’re feeling mentally unwell so let’s take a step back’, I think it is true; that, honestly, it isn’t healthy to have an obsessive relationship with Nobunagun 24/7. It may seem strange that I am using relationship terms to describe a fandom, but I think they are parallels in many ways. But there’s a difference and it’s that Nobunagun is just a thing, a really great thing yes—but it’s not a person. It doesn’t make decisions or tell me what to do; frankly everything I choose to engage in, is 100% in my own control. But somehow, over the course of being a fan, I seemed to have imposed these really strange, invisible ‘pressures’ on myself, so to speak. Perhaps it comes from having a mind that is either all or nothing when it comes to interests, or maybe it’s because I always managed to move on to something more exciting before the old interest fully waned. I don’t know.

All I know is that whatever my ‘relationship’ with Nobunagun is right now, it’s not healthy nor good. Realistically speaking, I know it’s nearly impossible to like something 100% of the time, 24/7. I believe it is possible to sustain interests for your entire life—drawing, writing, gaming—or even series—I mean, I myself have loved the Fire Emblem series ever since they came out in the US and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. But unlike Nobunagun, Fire Emblem has always been what I would consider a ‘background’ interest; it’s always there but I rarely engage in what I would consider fandom activities, such as drawing fanart or writing fanfiction. Hell, I rarely even read FE fanfiction anymore (though I used to). Yet despite all this, despite advice from people I trust and love, and despite my own logical mind telling me this…I just can’t seem to let it go. At least, not easily. For some reason the very thought of no longer liking Nobunagun as I used to, so passionately—not even just no longer interested but just ‘not as interested as before’…it sends me into panic attacks. In fact I have actually been suffering quite bad anxiety these past few weeks because of this very dilemma—unable to focus, panicking the second I see something Nobunagun and I don’t feel excited, trouble sleeping…I mean hell I’ve even had trouble starting new anime series because there’s always this inkling in the back of my mind ‘what if this is the show that replaces Nobunagun?' I don’t know why I think of it as that; I don’t know why I have this self-imposed chain around myself and Nobunagun, even though it’s all my own thoughts. I just know what is, and that’s just what it feels like. I don’t know why I have such a severe trepidation of something else replacing Nobunagun even though it’s just how interests come and go and frankly, it was Nobunagun that replaced Eyeshield 21 before it.

Now, most people would say this is a sign that I should probably take a step back and re-evaluate just what it is that’s actually important in my life, and take care of myself—no thinking of Nobunagun, no trying to churn out another 2-3 chapters or another illustration in a week. And I do agree; I know, deep down, that this is warning sign that if I don’t change something soon, then I won’t even be able to salvage my love for Nobunagun—it’ll just turn into a destructive mess that ends with the only recourse being complete and utter amputation. Which is definitely not something I want. And yet it’s really hard to tell myself that it will be okay, that I will come out of this maybe not liking Nobunagun with a raging passion 110% of the time but maybe only like 30% of the time, and that’s okay—but somehow it’s very difficult to convince myself of that (if it were, trust me I wouldn’t be up typing this at 1am). I’m very much reminded of a time earlier, when I was still very active in RPing and I went through a very similar upheaval…how I couldn’t imagine not RPing anymore, how I couldn’t imagine going on in the fandom without it…but in the end, looking back I know I made the right choice, and I came out better for it. I didn’t lose my love of Nobunagun after basically stopping role-playing, and I learned, slowly, to be passionate about it again without being anxious. I came out all right and what’s more I felt l learned a lot and became a better person because of those hard times. And when that time really came, it just faded naturally and without fear—these days let’s be honest, I don’t RP anymore, even though I have the accounts—they’re honestly just there for archival/dump purposes. So that’s how I know I made the right choice…I have no regrets and I don’t/didn’t feel fear when I stopped roleplaying. It just happened naturally, and I can still look back on those times fondly.

So maybe this phase right now is just another one of those hard obstacles that I have to face, sooner or later, maybe it didn't even have to be with Nobunagun but it just so happens that Nobunagun is the thing that I'm into now…maybe it’s a reconciliation of the last remnants of being a ‘super-fan’, that Nobunagun may be the last fandom I really feel a lot of passion for, and it’s hard to say good-bye to what feels like a huge part of what defined you. Maybe it’s something else. Maybe I’ll come out of this with a looser, but still warm relationship with Nobunagun. As my boss (of all people) once told me, ‘think of it as trading fireworks for a comfortable shirt; in the beginning of anything, it feels like there’s always fireworks going off because it’s so new and exciting, but after a while things start to even out and you don’t always feel excited, all the time. It becomes more like wearing a comfortable old shirt; it’s kind of the same over and over, but it’s familiar and comforting. And when those fireworks do come again, it’ll still be exciting—but just not all the time, so when they come you’ll treasure them.’

Maybe that’s the real answer; what I would like to be able to do, is like so many of my friends, is to rotate through different interests—Fire Emblem when a new banner comes out, whatever anime I happen to be watching this season—and go back and forth so when I’m thinking ‘hey, I don’t feel like writing Nobunagun stuff’ I can go and engage with something else. Yet it doesn’t feel like I can, even though I know I am capable of it; back when I was into YGO Zexal, I actually went between different fandoms quite often—off the top of my head were Star Trek, Mass Effect, but at the same time I never lost interest in Zexal; it was just kind of there, and I went back to it after a while. So, I know from past experience I’m capable of it…and back then, I didn’t feel any sort of fear or trepidation of being into something else—but of course each experience is different and it could be that the new thing didn’t allow me room to question whether or not I still liked the old thing—but anyway that’s a different topic.

Going back and actually reading my personal posts during that really bad mental period where I had to take a hiatus from RPing and Tumblr in general (or the ones that I haven’t deleted anyway), it actually is strangely calming because it proves to me, gives me physical evidence that I went through something so painful and never thought I would be okay but guess what I turned out okay. So it gives me hope…that this too, like everything else shall pass. It’s also kind of ironic that many of the things that I said then are what I’m saying now—so I don’t know, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t.

But what I do know, is that for the time being, I must take a step back. I must find a way to break these self-imposed chains that force me to think ‘you must obsess over Nobunagun 24/7’ so it doesn’t consume me to the point where my mental health deteriorates. So I don’t end up seeing Nobunagun as a dark spot in my life, but rather a positive thing and something that I will continue to like, but in a more balanced relationship. Not freaking out when I realize that maybe I’m just too tired to think about Nobunagun right now, and knowing that a lot of this is honestly the anxiety talking. Speaking of which, the sucky part about anxiety is that there isn’t a cure—it’s a condition, but you can manage it, and not let it define you. Meditation has done a lot for me, both in the past and now more than ever, and also just writing things out—hence why this really long-ass post.

Anyway; strange how writing things out and admitting your deepest fears can make them seem less scary and overwhelming. Perhaps that’s the point of journaling and such? Although my handwriting is so terrible these days and so slow that it’s faster for me to type rather than keep an analog journal…maybe some people will think that I am freaking out over nothing, that a fandom is nothing to lose sleep over but well, we all have our vices I suppose. I mean hey, at least it’s just a static thing, and not say, an abusive partner.

In any case, for the immediate time being I will be going on hiatus—just like that time when I kept getting anxiety about RPing, and I had to take a step back—I must do that now, too. Frankly I don’t think it will make much of a difference since I rarely update here anyway but on that note, I will not be checking for notifs/contacts on Tumblr or really anywhere else. i don’t know when I’ll ‘come back’ and honestly I don’t want to keep putting myself on schedules or deadlines; when I feel ready, I’ll know and it’ll happen naturally. I have the most wonderful friends and family so have no fear, I will not be alone. I’m sure I’ll be back, when I feel ready.

[brittabroad]

Moving out of London

Well can we talk emotional? Like not even in the way of “OMG I’M GONNA MISS ALL THIS” more like: “I’M A PACK RAT I DON’T LIKE THIS FEELING OF TRYING TO PACK AND DISCARD STUFF DURING CHRISTMAS ‘HOLIDAYS’! And, am I getting my deposit back coz it’s now technically a 2 weeks notice instead of 1 month... I’m stressed”!

We’ll just skip over the breakdown New Year’s Eve night I had over trying to pack the last little bit of things and worrying that I’ve still not given away enough and discarded enough and shipped back enough! Because I went off to see the fireworks to just get outta there and it did me a world of good!!!

I watched them and I thought: “These are fantastic. Wow really pretty! What luck I have to be here bringing in another year! I need to stop stressing coz tomorrow I’ll be off for a fun time...” and so on... It was great!

So then I Skyped my family from Tower Hill station which was great and I felt a bit better after that too!

JANUARY 1, 2017

Day of packing went well actually on the 1st! Got all done I wanted except for: needing to send 2 more packages last min and having the post office closed and washing the floors of the room.

But my roomie across the hall saw me packing and we spoke and he offered to help me which pulled a lot of stress away! And washing of the floors wasn’t a huge priority coz they’re pretty clean to begin with...

I worried that Molly and Zahid were ignoring me or something coz they didn’t come out of their rooms once as I was going up and down stairs clearly with heavy bags thudding meaning I’m getting ready to go I would think. But then Molly did come out and we chat briefly and I did my dishes and cried a little and she encouraged me. And Zahid came a short time later as I was eating (Molly had leftovers to share and Pepsi) and we chat a bit too and he seemed in good spirits towards me so I felt less dejected and I explained fully that I really wished that things weren’t the way they were and that I would have stayed the full time if I could have but it might affect my future reentry and he completely understood saying that Theresa May (prime minister) is an idiot and making immigration decisions that are making it harder to enter the UK and so forth so ya

Then he went to shower saying for me to wait and he’ll say goodbye etc so Molly and I had tea I chose some of my Earl Grey and she put whipped cream on top. I think I have a new fav drink XD hehe We spoke briefly about finding somebody to marry and she clearly has different ideas about that than to me. She says you should know somebody fully after a month and really get to know them and then you can marry if they’re perfect for you... She grew up though in a society that sort of arranges marriages and encourages marriages so her views are different...

Then Zahid helped me to Plaistow station (THANK GOD BECAUSE FRICK IT WAS RAINING). And as I go get on the train my bungee cord falls onto the tracks. FFFFF. I get off and Zahid grabs his umbrella to try and scoop it up. I drop that too coz of shaking hands and slippery-ness with the wetness of it all. So I go fetch a worker who brings one of those trash picker upper thingies and he’s like pissed at me and says “why were you standing so close to the edge you need to always be behind the yellow line” and I’m like “I WAS GETTING ON THE TRAIN IT FELL BETWEEN THE GAP ACCIDENTALLY” and geeze. But we got our things back, I got on the train and sorta relaxed a bit coz I knew I was on my way!

Got off at Victoria and that does not have a lift... WHY THE HECK NOT?! IT’S A LEGIT TRAIN STATION PEOPLE TRAVEL WITH BAGS ALL THE TIME YO is it coz I was at the District line part? Who knows. But there were wonderful people (men) who helped me with the stairs so bless them!

I figured out I could push the bags together in a T shape with the I being my smaller bag and the - being the bigger bag that has the better wheels then I just hold the handle of the big one and other hand on the back of the small and push away! Works well on smooth surfaces, less so on rough but it’s my small bag that has dud wheels so they get caught up sometimes when you first try to get going :/

I want to refund my Oyster. Well the terminal that does that is CLOSED. (-_-) sheesh.

So off to the coach station I decide to go. I see a bus number 11. “Do you go to the coach station?” *nod* “Brilliant”.

Got off and pushed my way into the station with time to spare! Well let’s go refund the oyster at the ticket oyster thing (all the way on the other side to where I need to be) but the floors are smooth so no problem. Get there see a sign you can only do it at the underground stations or information centres. FFF that’s fine I have 5 pounds deposit and 1.50 left so if need be I can leave it if I cannot refund online via my account...

So push my way towards international departures. A guy sees me struggle with the bags (readjusting to cross a road terrain change over a bump) so he helps me with one over to the terminal. Bless him.

I see a sign that says CHECK IN so I do that and a short time later we are allowed to board! I am not allowed to take the carry on suitcase (with fragile stuff inside) with me on it has to go under the coach. And man asks if I paid for extra baggage and I BS’d my way through an answer and he let me on without paying for that.

I find a seat and suddenly the radio is playing ‘All I Ask of You’ from PotO I’m astonished! They go on to interview Cameron Mackintosh too and play a ‘Hamilton’ song before the coach starts up and we have no radio.

Oh I did have enough time to get off the coach before departure to fill my water bottle (told the shopkeeper I needed to take medication so he’d give me free tap water)...

And we went on our way! I ate the food Molly gave me but I had no fork so I used the plastic bag over my fingers lol to eat and pick out the hot peppers; tedious...

Saw Big Ben and parliament one last time from the south of the river and that was absolutely lovely looking in the night!

Then I read for about an hour and a half maybe more of @theawkwarddeadgirl and I’s RP (yes we have that much and more because we are AWESOME) haha... Then I was feeling carsick and we got to Dover so I looked around coz we were boarding a ferry to Calais, France anyway!

white cliffs of Dover!

Had to get off the coach when on the ferry so I sat by a window and wrote to my penpal.

the four musketeers: Paddington, Paddy, Keetchka and me

Also gandered at the bruises I’ve inflicted during packing and moving...

By the time we were on the coach again it was real late almost 1 am I think I recall reading...

I tried to sleep a bit but probably only got an hour maybe hour and a half total. We did stop in “Holland” for 15 mins where I heard some sort of shouting going on and later a coach passenger gets back on and says “that mutherfucker” or something and I’m like WHOA WHAT’S GONE DOWN?!

Saw him and another passenger get off at the next stop a short time later and that dude threw his hands up at the guy and left then black dude shook his head and went opposite direction.

The coach driver announced the name of the station not the city we were in when we got to Amsterdam so I stayed on as did a few others. He then had to get back on and tell us “Amsterdam” lol but now I’m looking at the clock like “I have to wait an hour and a half in this cold?” well the metro station was literally just gates to get in and then who knows what behind it so I waited in there cold and needing to pee!

At last I went to board coach 2 but driver is grumpy and literally pushes me towards the doors of the Eurolines building when I tell him I didn’t do the check in there but I have a ticket. He’s pissed because there’s 5 mins til departure. I had NO clue I needed to check in again if I had that ticket from the check in back in London. So chill.

Then lady inside has no chill either saying “Where were you?!” because check in should be up to 15 mins before departure and “all the other passengers for your coach were here waiting”. I tried to explain that I didn’t know I needed to come NOT TO MENTION their building wasn’t open when I arrived by my other coach so suck it ok?

I get down the steps again to try and board the coach and the guy is mad again because I need to load luggage on the other side. HAVE. SOME. CHILL. I AM NOT A MIND READER I DO NOT KNOW. And I’m in a foreign country with no sleep really under my belt and it’s 7 am I’ve been out in the cold since 5:20 so CALM IT.

I get on the coach and the guy I sit beside seems a bit reserved like pulling away from me almost so I feel like I’ve disturbed him on his phone there... I go to the toilet as the coach rolls on. Not fun but NECESSARY yo lol

Then I pull out my laptop coz we have wifi on this one! So I email my Mom with my itinerary and my flatmate telling him thank you and here’s what’s in the packages for him to put for the customs form. And I’m typing to a tumblr follower who messaged me when guy beside me asks me if I’m going to Denmark... I’m alarmed coz I was telling the follower that I’m excited for going to The Netherlands and so long as it doesn’t have disappointing food like Denmark I’ll be good! and then he spoke up so I’m like: HE’S READING WHAT I’M WRITING. But no turns out he’s headed for Copenhagen and wanted to know whether he could get off some place else coz he’s going to a funeral or something and it’d be more convenient not to be getting off at Copenhagen...

Anyway he chats me up. I learn he’s Egyptian and that he used to be in the military for 14 years and he got out of it because he said he’d go crazy if he kept it up with the stress and what he’d seen. So now he is a safety consultant kinda freelance for companies and schools and so forth so he travels to new assignments every year or so. He does similar work to his military career but obviously not in life and death situations now. He’s got a mother and a sister and a cat and he seems to have a great sense of humour and is quite friendly! He gave me his card so that I can contact him and get the contact info for a Canadian woman who runs overseas schools especially in Egypt.

And as the sun comes up and we’re chatting I’m enjoying the view of the rolling fields, hills and sheep sprinkled about them.

We arrive to Groningen earlier than I expected even though we left late... And I bid him goodbye because now it’s time to start Phase 2!

I’M OFFICIALLY NO LONGER A LONDON LIVER LOL