#also another incoherent rambling written-at-a-stretch fic from yours truly

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

This is why we can’t have nice things (or Jamie’s lucky Dani is a patient woman)

So @the-idea-of-stars submitted a hurt-comfort fic prompt and here’s my best attempt at it :)

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The three rules to getting hurt at Bly Manor, or so Jamie’s heard are these: One, no climbing up on the ledge that hangs midway off the parapet, not even to clear that pesky ivy that hangs all over the walls, very un-aesthetically; two, no putting yourself in precarious situations when Miles was around because the boy had a tendency of fainting around blood; and three, the one that was crucial, no screaming for Dani in case of blood. Especially not when Jamie was the one shedding aforementioned blood.

Saturday made the entire household break rule one, two and three in spectacular fashion.

And it’s such a pity, because the day had started off so well. Jamie had woken up, Dani still snoozing in her arms and had gotten to witness one of nature’s greatest miracles so far: Dani Clayton, prim and proper au pair, drooling on her pillow. An embarrassed facepalm and about five adoring kisses later, they’d found themselves eating Owen’s patented pancakes in the kitchen with the rest of the family. The weekend had found them all lazing around, Flora practically falling into her plate, Miles taking embarrassing photos of her from all angles while being only halfway deterred by Hanna’s warning tsks. After breakfast, Dani had gone to the other side of the house to supervise the kids, and Jamie had walked outside to do a bit of trimming.

It was then that she fucked up first. The ivy just looked so wild and overgrown and she knew she could trim most of it if she could just get up on the ledge. All she had to do was climb up, and then grab onto something and she’d be al—

*****

The adrenaline kept the pain at bay for thirty seconds. It was after those thirty seconds of falling, crashing and her heartbeat pounding in her ears, so loud that it seemed it had set up a new home in her head, the first wave arrived, and before she could control it, the cry escaped her lips.

Jamie gritted her teeth, took stock of the situation. There could be something broken; she could guess from the fact that she absolutely couldn’t move her right arm that was still trapped under her body.

Alright, she could do this. Just had to get up and get inside without making any more noise to alert anyone.

There were just a couple of things that could be a hindrance. The first being the extreme pain that was ringing like static in her ear, a precursor to her previous fainting spells. The second being the fact that she could hear running footsteps from the corridor. Jamie closed her eyes, hoped that it was, by some miracle, Owen or Hannah.

She opened it to the sight of Flora and Miles staring at her. Of course, what Miles was doing was only half-close to that statement. His face was turned away, eyes shielded from the sight by his raised hand.

“Flora, don’t—”

“Dani! Dani! Jamie’s hurt! Come quick!”

Well, that was that, then.

The pain had grown so much that she could feel every part of her arm throbbing. Jamie closed her eyes, heard, very slowly, through static, as though it was coming from very far away, Dani’s sweet voice asking if Jamie could hear her. And then, nothing.

*****

She woke up to the sight of Miles lying on the floor next to her.

Consciousness was the annoying poke of a finger on her arm, a probing finger that somehow knew exactly where it hurt. Jamie groaned, opened her eyes to see the doctor peering at her, turned her head, saw Miles passed out next to her, and closed it again.

(Definitely not heaven, then)

She could also feel Dani’s soft fingers over her other, uninjured hand, and this was perhaps a strange moment to notice it, but there truly was no better peace than the feeling of Dani’s hand on hers. Jamie had had a lot of time to self-evaluate, back when she was locked up, and one of the things that she’d discovered, that she ached for human touch in a way that terrified her. Growing up in a turbulent household hadn’t really given her a lot of chances to receive affection, so she’d become an adult with intense space issues and an inherent craving to be touched, felt and held. It just wasn’t this tangible a need before she’d fallen in love with Dani.  

Now it just seemed like whenever Dani was within reach, Jamie’s hands were always reaching out for her. Playing with her hair, tapping out morse code I love yous on her shoulder, tangling their fingers together. Dani grounded her, in a way that even her plants couldn’t. Nature gave her contentment; Dani was sheer joy.

She squeezed Dani’s hand, felt an answering squeeze in return, and the pain abated for that one millisecond.

*****

“So, good news,” Jamie announced, dryly, even though her arm was protesting. “Turns out my arm isn’t broken. Yay!”

Dani glared at her so hard she could almost hear the words written all over her face: You. Idiot. Big Trouble.  

Jamie turned to Owen, begged for help.

“In other good news,” he cut in, hastily, “Miles also faints at the sight of awkwardly angled bones!”

Miles sputtered for words.

“I didn’t,” he started, floundered, “faint! It was a momentary nap!”

Flora giggled.

“I — Hannah!”

“Of course you didn’t faint, poppet,” she reassured him, though her lips were twitching. “Flora, could you help Owen out with dinner?”

“But what if Miles faints again?” she asked, and the last either Jamie or Dani saw of them was Hannah chasing an irate Miles who was running after his sister.

Jamie looked at the ceiling, the door, the nightstand, and finally, at Dani’s inscrutable face.

“Blimey,” she tried. “Children, eh?”

Dani blinked at her. “I’m gonna help them,” she said, blankly, and then walked away.

So much for a perfect Saturday.

*****

Dani next came in during dinnertime. Placed the tray on the nightstand, and then just stood there, looking a little lost. Jamie hated it.

“Darling?” she asked, softly, hand reaching out to loosely grab at Dani’s wrist. “You wanna sit down?”

Dani jerked a little, blinked.  

“I,” she said, bit down on her lip, and the action wasn’t lost on her. Dani would usually bite her lip when she was anxious about something.

“I can’t — I can’t think.”

“Okay,” Jamie said, leaned up a little, pulled softly, and this time Dani let herself be pulled onto the bed. “That’s okay. Take your time.”

Dani was breathing heavily, and Jamie waited. Kept her hand very, very still on Dani’s, and waited for the panic to pass.

“You can’t do that again,” she said, when her breathing was even again.

“Dani, I know, I—”

“No, hear me out, okay? You were lying on the ground, blacking out and you couldn’t fucking hear me or say anything other than my name, and you — you were in so much pain, Jamie. I couldn’t—”

“—Dani,”

“I couldn’t do anything! You said my name, and I couldn’t help! I was just. I was so useless—”

“Dani,” Jamie kissed her cheek, her shirt clad shoulder, gently rubbed at her arm with her uninjured hand. Dani’s breath was speeding up again. “Baby, baby, stop. I’m okay. You got me inside okay—”

“—I’m just sick of watching the people around me getting hurt, okay? Feel like we’ve had quite enough of that already.”

Jamie closed her eyes. Kissed Dani’s cheek again, and buried her face in her neck.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie said, finally.  

Dani took a shuddering breath, turned to face her and kissed her for the first time after the accident. Jamie felt the tears sticking to her cheeks, felt the careful, restrained way Dani’s lips moved over hers, and felt the sudden, embarrassing urge to cry herself. She wanted to bury her head in Dani’s chest and cry until she fell asleep, wanted to be touched, felt, held. She heard Dani murmur You’re okay, You’re okay between kisses, felt her hands trembling as they moved over her face, and, not for the first time, thanked whatever higher power was up there for creating the miracle that was Dani Clayton.

*****

“You’re an idiot.”

There she was. Jamie grinned at her, tilted her chin a little so Dani could get better access to the tiny scratches that had somehow bled, unnoticed, near her neck.

“But I’m your idiot, am I not?”

Dani looked at her in that half-exasperated, half-fond way of hers, carefully kept dabbing at the cut with disinfectant, and stuck out her tongues.

“Ouch,” Jamie muttered, just because she could.

“Where?” Dani was immediately on alert. “Where does it hurt?”

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologized, contrite. “I was kidding. Doesn’t actually hurt.”

Dani glared at her. “Oh, it doesn’t? What about now?”

(The subsequent cry of pain was closer to accurate. Also completely deserved)

“You giant baby.”

“Eh,” Jamie shrugged. “You love me.”

Dani finished putting the band-aid on it, then bent to give the spot a quick kiss.

“I do, unfortunately,” Dani said. “I really, really do.”

Jamie tapped out another morse code I love you on her back.

*****

“You bullied Owen into baking a strawberry cake for dinner? Dani, you know he hates the flavor.”

Dani giggled, and the sound felt like a warm blanket settling over her. “But you love it.”

“I do, but I could’ve eaten anything else, you know that. I’m easy, me.”

“I know that,” Dani said, looking right at her, very seriously. But I don’t want you to just have to eat anything, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” she looked away, searching for words, “that I know you can eat almost anything, and that includes the things you hate, but I want — I want to give you the things you like, okay? I know that technically, you can eat eggplant, and that you can eat pineapple and you can eat mushrooms, but I’d rather you didn’t have to. That’s not the kind of relationship you deserve, alright? I guess I just — I just want you to eat the things you like, that’s all. No adjustments.”

There was the stupid impulse again. Jamie closed her eyes, tried, very, very hard to stop the tears, the burning in her throat. It took a moment.

“Have I ever told you,” she said, when she was sure her voice wouldn’t crack, “how much I love you?”

Dani’s smile was tremulous, and bright and the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. “Not in so many words, no.”

Jamie smiled back.

*****

The next day, Jamie woke up and stared at the ivy hanging over the wall. Watched Miles and Flora running around on the parapet, heard Owen and Hannah yelling terms of endearments at each other through the house, and wrapped an arm around Dani’s shoulder.

“You sure I can’t—”

“—absolutely not.”

“The things you do for love,” she said, and kissed Dani instead.

The things you do for love, indeed.