#also did this with a mouse too btw (flexes)

[flannelfloofs]

my doggy dog who kills and mauls and preys on things he could eat ^_^

[missmeikakuna]

Chad and the Incel Chapter 3

Rated: M

Fandom: Original Fiction (but inspired by the Virgin vs Chad meme)

Relationship type: Male/Male with a bit of Female/Female (the lesbians are adorable, btw) and unrequited Male/Female (in other words, the guys are bisexual).

Description: Chad is, well, a Chad, or at least he looks like one. He’s got his sights set on the cool nerd Becky and enlists the help of her shy incel ex-friend Noah, offering to help him get the gorgeous girl (Stacy) he desperately wants. Noah is reluctant to help, believing that he will be stuck in inceldom forever, but Chad’s interest in his life gives him hope. When their plans go awry, they start turning their romantic attention towards each other.

Content Warning: Given the subject matter, you can guess that this story has dark themes in it, such as suicide and self-harm (plus the mental health issues that often cause them), sexism, slut-shaming homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. There is also swearing and some mentions of sex but nothing too explicit (hence the M rating as opposed to an Explicit rating).

3rd Post: [Experiment] (POLL) Who is the enemy?

Tyrone was at it again. He was going on and on about the other team in their upcoming game being a bunch of pussies, despite knowing that most of the other team’s members were twice his size.

Chad ignored him, preferring to smile at Noah, who ignored him. The squeak of sneakers against the unpolished wooden floor filled the sweaty room. 

‘What’s the point of bragging when they’re not even here?’ Chad finally asked Tyrone while picking up a dodgeball. He frowned when he saw Noah just standing there but gave him a thumbs up when he instinctively caught a ball. Noah glared at him before pushing his fringe over his eyes and hiding behind it.

Tyrone’s glare was even more vicious. ‘What, you scared? Think the other team can hear us all the way from their shitstain of a school?’ He hurled a ball at Becky, who fumbled but ended up catching the ball. She smirked at him before frowning as if she’s made a huge mistake.

She was right, in a way. ‘You said dodgeball was the moron’s sport!’ Tyrone yelled. ‘You a hypocrite or something?’

Becky looked at the ground. ‘Middle school doesn’t count,’ she murmured. She then raised her voice. ‘We all said stupid things then. You once bragged about sleeping with a teacher and there was a needless investigation all because of you.’ 

The teacher blew her whistle. ‘Tyrone, go to the side of the court. Becky, focus on the game.’

Instead of following orders, Tyrone stormed up to Becky. Chad’s blood became magma just waiting for him to erupt. 

‘So now you‘re talking again? Decided not to be a frigid bitch? It’s been a while.  Were you afraid that if you talked in homeroom that Shakespeare’s jizz’ll come out of your mouth?’

Before the teacher could chastise him for using foul language, Chad shoved him to the ground. He leaned down and grabbed him by the collar. Tyrone flailed his arms about in the hopes of landing a punch but each punch had the strength of a baby mouse-deer. Chad’s punches, on the other hand, carried the strength of an African elephant whose family was poached. Soon Tyrone’s face was covered with blood. Chad gave him one last shove into the ground before standing up and looking at Becky with a hopeful smile. Becky scrunched her nose at him before crossing her arms and looking away. 

Noah, on the other hand, stared at him with wide eyes and a mouth that constantly shifted from a grin to a frown and vice-versa.

Chad was sent to the Principal’s office where he was given three weeks in detention rather than a suspension or expulsion like one would expect.

‘I know how you boys are,’ the Principal said. ‘Just don’t do it again.’

Chad returned to class just as the bell for lunchtime buzzed around the gym. He waved at Becky as she brushed past him, refusing to look at him.

He grabbed her arm but Becky tore her arm away from him.

‘What do you want?’

Chad smiled at her. ‘So, uh, what did you think?’

Becky closed her eyes and sighed. ‘I have no interest in your penis-measuring contest with Tyrone. And besides, you know he’s a lot weaker than you. You may as well have beaten up a baby. Not exactly impressive.’

Chad’s blood went from magma to ice, rendering the act of movement intensely difficult. All he could do was shiver as Becky continued to glare at him.

‘Are we done here?’ Becky asked. Chad paused before nodding. 

Noah left the gym last, waiting for everyone else to go before him. When he saw Chad he did the same smile-frown-smile thing he was doing before.

‘You okay?’ Chad asked him.

Noah, caught off guard, stepped back into the doorway. ‘Uh, yeah. I’ve never seen a real white knight before.’

Chad flexed his arm. ‘Finally someone appreciates what I did.’

Noah looked down at different spots on the ground, not focusing on a single spot for very long.

‘I don’t know if I appreciate it, per se,’ he whispered. 

He didn’t talk to Chad for the remainder of the day.

At home he decided to make two posts to Incels.me, one a blog post about the day.

Anicel1919- [Soy] A Chad resorts to being a White Knight

You’d think a Chad wouldn’t need to do this since he can get any femoid he wants, but I guess we live in a weird sexual economy where even a Chad has to prove himself to a femoid to get her approval. I swear to God, feminists ruin everything.

So there’s this Tyrone (or at least, he’s named Tyrone. Doesn’t look like one.) who’s picking on this Becky that Chad likes, so he beats him up. 

I’m honestly kind of conflicted. It was kind of nice to see him be all brave but at the same time I remember I used to be a white knight until I learned it was pointless for me. Femoids only care about chivalry when someone who isn’t a sub-8 is doing it. 

Or at least that’s what I thought. I overheard Chad talking to the girl afterwards and she wasn’t impressed. What an ungrateful bitch! I bet she thinks she has to play hard to get or some bullshit like that.

He then posted a poll.

Anicel1919- [Experiment] (POLL) Who is the enemy?

Femoids

Feminists

Parents

Bullies

r/inceltears (more like Cucktears, am I right?)

Chads

A few days later, there were fairly even splits between each answer, though, to Noah’s surprise, the Chads option was a little smaller in popularity.

‘Huh…’ he whispered while tapping his fingers against the desk in his room.

At school, Noah stood next to Stacy’s locker. He reminded himself of when Chad took the initiative to defend Becky and that, while it didn’t work on someone like Becky, it could work on Stacy. 

His heart stopped for a moment and then quickly went into overdrive when he saw Stacy saunter towards her locker. His smile faltered when he realised that she was going past her locker.

He followed her, making sure he was a few steps behind so as not to look suspicious. 

She strutted to the library, which Becky was just then entering. Noah hid behind a corner just outside the library.

‘Um, uh, can I… talk to you?’ Stacy asked, her confident walk collapsing into a pigeon-toed, slightly bent-over stand.

Becky walked backwards out of the library and smiled softly. ‘Sure.’ Stacy stood there in silence, fidgeting with the hem of her short sundress. ‘Sure,’ Becky repeated a little louder, sending a shock through Stacy’s spine.

‘Oh, yeah. So, um, You’re really… prart… uh, I meant to say pretty but then I ended up trying to say smart and they just kind of… mushed together.’ Becky frowned and raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m sorry! So, this is going to sound really weird and I get it if you end up being grossed out by me, but… I kind of… like you.’

By this point Stacy was covering her face. Becky moved her eyes from side to side.

‘Oh. I… I find you to be pretty as well. Maybe not ‘smart’ since I don’t know your grades, but you also seem kind enough. I should probably focus on my studies, though. I’m not grossed out by you. I like you too, in fact.’

Stacy nodded, her lips contorted into a smile that didn’t belong. ‘That’s fair. Um, if end up being less busy for whatever reason, let me know.’

With a nod of her own, Becky went back into the library. Noah’s nails tried to dig into the wall by the corner but this only hurt him. His mouth was wide open and so were his eyes.

He took out his phone and messaged Chad.

The school library’s kind of shit, so let’s go to this library near my place today. We should look for books about seduction.

Chad agreed and headed there after detention was over. This particular library, a wide one-story building that stood in front of a lake, made him forget to breathe for a moment. Everything, from the floor to the desks to the bookcases, was covered with spray paint, the vagueness of each tag implying that this was an intentional decision on the part of the library owners. Chad was careful with his steps until he realised that the broken mirror shards on the floor were stuck to it and wouldn’t hurt him. The lights flickered but were still bright enough to read a book under. The bookshelves themselves were shaped like high school lockers with each ‘locker’ opened. The library smelled of paint and old paper.

Noah snickered at Chad’s dropped jaw. ‘Cool, huh? The selection’s even cooler. I’d spend the rest of my life here if I could.’

Much to Chad’s surprise, Noah practically skipped to the dated computer in the corner of the room. To even more of Chad’s surprise, the computer worked like new and had modern features despite looking like it belonged in the early 90s. Noah typed the words ‘seduce women’ into the library search engine, causing Chad to wince and look from side to side. He relaxed his shoulders when he saw that the coast was clear.

Noah headed to one of the bookshelves and searched for the book. He then headed to another section and pulled out what looked like an anime, but as a book. Chad held back laughter when he saw the title of this book-anime. ‘Is it Wrong to Seduce Girls During the Zombie Apocalypse?’

‘Is that an anime?’ Chad couldn’t help but ask as they sat at two oak desks that the library owners had pushed next to each other.

Noah scrunched his nose up for a second but let it go and smiled when he noticed the twinkle of genuine curiosity in Chad’s eyes.

‘It’s a manga, actually. Like anime, but in comic book form.’ Chad nodded in understanding. ‘You can learn a lot about Japanese culture from reading these. I also have a feeling if I try a bunch of stuff from these, one of the techniques is bound to work.’

‘Is... that how it works?’ Chad asked as nicely as he could.

Noah glared at him. ‘Shut up.’ He abruptly opened the manga and pushed the other book towards Chad. ‘Get a Date in Five Easy Steps,’ it read. Chad held up the book and marveled at how thick it was.

Instead of reading the book, he stared at Noah, who was flipping through pages as fast as a competitive speed reader. His thick eyebrows went all the way down to his eyes and his lips went red from him biting them.

‘So, uh, what made you decide to come here?’ Chad asked him, looking away and trying to play off the ever so slight speed increase in his heartbeat as nothing.

Noah slammed the manga shut, his tears welling up. ‘Well, I… I saw Stacy… I saw her… I saw her…’

‘Are you about to-’

‘No I’m not! You think I’m a faggot or something like that?’ Chad felt tempted to look left to right again as an old memory threatened to punch its way back into his consciousness. ‘Anyway, Stacy… confessed to Becky.’

‘Wait, what? So Stacy’s a…’

‘I guess so. Well, unless she gets asked out by some Chad, I’m guessing.’ Noah lowered his voice to a spat out whisper. ‘Fucking femoids.’

‘Fem-what?’

‘Femoids. You know, women. They don’t even deserve that name. They’re all sluts. If you want to be shorter, you can call them foids.’

‘Is this to do with that black… pell thing?’

‘Blackpilled. Yeah. I’m an incel.’ Noah groaned at Chad’s question marked face. ‘Involuntary celibate. I don’t want to be celibate, but I can’t help it when no woman even talks to me.’

‘Have you tried talking to them?’

‘Don’t give me that shit. You know if I tried that a girl would just call me ugly or creepy and run away screaming. I’d rather not end up in a jail cell for a crime I didn’t commit.’

‘So why are we here?’

Noah was silent for a moment. ‘Well, to be honest, you managed to fool me for a second.’ He stood up, put the books away and headed out of the library. Chad chased after him. 

‘We can still hang out, right?’

‘Why would someone like you want to be friends with someone like me?’

Chad shrugged. ‘I guess you’re kind of interesting. I want to ask you more questions about this blackpill thing.’

Noah paused, then nodded with a frown. ‘I’ll… see you at school, then.’ He turned around and waved goodbye with his back to Chad. He then put his headphones on and slowly inhaled and exhaled.

At the school library, Becky kept reading the same sentence multiple times as Stacy’s words resonated in her mind. She eventually realised that she was playing with her ponytail and gave up on reading the textbook.

‘Shit,’ she whispered.