#also drawing the turtles is so hard I wanna lay down

[ranarenee]

He just doesn't have good pictures ok?

[goldensstateofgrace]

First kiss.

based on this  // Requests // Masterlist 

warnings: none. 

word count: 1k+ 

Hope you enjoy!! Happy reading!! <3

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Present Day

Laying in bed, you and Luke are cuddled close together. Your faces inches from one anothers, eyes flicking between each other’s. 

You couldn’t believe that you were with the man of your dreams. Sure, it took you a minute to come to your senses and actually go on a date with him but, look where that led you. 

You’re in bed with the love of your life, petunia, snoring from the end of the bed, and the life you only ever dreamed of having. 

“I love you, y/n,” Luke whispers, his hand coming up and cupping your jaw. His touch is so gentle and sweet, his thumb stroking the apple of your cheek as you gaze into each other’s eyes. 

“To infinity?,” you tease. When you guys first said ‘I love you’ to each other, you jokingly said ‘to infinity’ and from then on, that’s what the both of you always said after saying ‘I love you’. It was a cute little thing that was just between you and Luke, nobody else understanding it. 

“To infinity, baby,” capturing your lips in his, he grasps the back of your head as he deepens the kiss. The sparks and butterflies never fail to be there. It’s just like the feeling you had when he first kissed you. 

God, that feels like yesterday. 

Flashback

“Luke!” you choke out while you’re doubled over in hysterics. 

He’s singing at the top of his lungs, but not normally. He’s trying to sing like an opera singer. Your chest and mouth hurt with how much you’re laughing and smiling. 

“What,” he sings out, dragging out the “wha” in a deep but also high pitched voice. 

You finally catch your breath, “you gotta stop, I’m gonna have a heart attack from laughing too much,” you breathe out, your head falls on to the head rest of the seat you're in. 

What makes it worse it’s his band's song, “Permanent Vacation” is not supposed to be sung like an opera singer, Luke's attempt just cements that. 

“Hey, I'm doing fine

And I know I'm out of line

So let's sing this one more time

It goes

Destination, permanent vacation

Na-na, na-na-na-na” he starts again. 

Your laughter starts again, your hand falling over your mouth. You throw your head back, yor stomach hurting from all the laughter. 

“Lu- luke!” you laugh, by now he’s making hand gestures. His arm waving around as he draws out a long note. 

You and Luke have been on a total of almost 10 dates, this is your tenth date. You’ve been seeing each other for a while, almost  two months. You guys are taking it slow, slower than a turtle apparently. You haven’t kissed yet. 

It’s not like  you haven’t tried either, you either get interrupted by the boys or someone else. You also aren’t together 24/7, he’s been on a promo tour. So he’s super busy. 

All that said, you love him. 

You haven’t felt this happy in a long time. He treats you like you hung the moon and stars. He never yells, he’s always calm and ready to work things out. He’s amazing to say the least. 

Coming up on a stop light, his foot eases off the gas and onto the breaks, “I love you,” he blurts out, the car stopping at the stop light. 

You freeze, your mind trying to process his words. The words you didn’t think were allowed to be said this early in your relationship, for christ sakes, he hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. 

His body is ridged, his shoulder tense as his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel to hard. 

“Wha- what?” you ask carefully, voice soft and filled with shock. 

He stays quiet for a second, his grip loosening on the steering wheel. He turns in his seat, leaning over the middle console and cupping your face, “I love you,” then he captures your lips. 

Sparks run up your spine and the butterflies that never seem to calm, flutter in your tummy. You love him, you haven’t loved anyone this much ever. 

“To infinity?” you question, your tone light as you pull back from him, a smirk taking over your face. 

“To infinity, baby,” he mummers, his lips recapturing yours in a slow, sweet kiss. 

‘I love you, Luke,” you say, your hand cupping his on your face, “to infinity,” you giggle.

Present Day 

“Baby, do you remember when we said “I love you’ to each other?” you ask him, now resting with your head on his chest. 

“Yes of course i do,” he says, his hand rubbing up and down your back, “When I serenaded you with that horrible opera version of ‘permanent vacation’.” he laughs. 

“Yeah! You’re such a goof,” you laugh, thinking back when you couldn’t catch your breath you were laughing so hard. 

“Your goof,” he mumbles, “I only did that because I love the sound of your laugh, baby” he tells you.

You sit up, turning over and folding your arms over his chest, your chin rests on them, “really?” you ask him, a soft smile splayed across your face. Your eyes hold nothing but love for this man. 

“Yes, your laugh is so cute. The way you snort when you laugh is my favorite part,” he laughs. A look of horror crosses your face. 

“I don’t snort!” you slap his chest, only making him laugh harder. 

“You do, baby. But it’s cute,” he says, his hand moving hair out of your face and behind your ear. You look at him sheepishly, embarrassed. 

“You want some lunch, baby?” you ask him, you both have been in bed all day. Only getting up this morning to use the bathroom and brush your teeth. 

He nods, “Ok, i’ll go make some sandwiches,” you peck his lips, getting up and throwing on one of his shirts. 

Walking down stairs, you pull out the bread and meat, as well as mayo and mustard. Quickly, you make up the sandwiches, grabbing two bottles of water you head back upstairs. 

Opening the door to the room, “Ok, i made turk-” you halt, your gaze landing on him. 

His knee bent, and his hands holding a black velvet box. 

“Marry me?” 

------------

Luke’s pov 

She looks shocked. 

It’s not how i planned to ask, i wanted to go big and show her how much i love her. But it feels right, so right. 

“Luke, baby. What are you doing?” she questions, she quickly places the food and water on the dresser, coming back over to me and kneeling so we're eye level. 

I take her left hand in mine, squeezing lightly, “Y/n i love you,so fucking much baby. I don’t want to live another day without you being mine for infinity, I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep next to you at night. You mean the absolute world to me, and i don’t know what i would do if i ever lost you. Will you marry me?” 

Her eyes well up with tears, on falling down her flushed cheek. Wiping it away with my thumb, I kiss her cheek softly. 

“Holy shit,” she mutters, letting out a chuckle. She wipes her tears, cupping my jaw a huge smile on her face, “yes, baby. A thousand times yes!” she goes to say something else but my lips have already captured hers. 

All the memories come rushing back, our first kiss in my car after I told her I love her, the awful opera singing just to hear her beautiful laugh. The times when we would get interrupted by the boys. 

Everything comes rushing back, and I couldn't be happier. I love this woman deeply and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. 

Pulling back, a huge smile is covering both of our faces. I pulled the ring I had custom made out of the velvet box and placed it on her finger.

“Baby, it’s beautiful!” she gushes, her eyes wide with wonder as she stares at the ring. 

“You’re beautiful,” I smile. 

“I love you so much, Luke,” she kisses me, “to infinity,” she mutters only pulling back slightly, before she reconnects our lips. 

All the sparks and the butterflies, they’re all still there. After almost three years together, they’re still there and I hope they never go away.  

“I love you, y/n. To infinity, baby.”

Tag list: @vividstyles23 , @harrystylesandharrypotter​ (if you wanna be added let me know!!)  Feedback is highly appreciated!!!!

[queenxxxsupreme]

But what if Lambert's SO has a phobia of reptiles and she's trying to be supportive of his hobbies but she just can't and passes out? oh no.

A/N: I love this!! I hope I wrote it good enough!! I’m not scared of snakes.... Or really any “creepy” animals, so I wasn’t too sure how to write it, but I hope you like it!! We can add Clea the ball python to Lambert’s list of animals! 

***

You shifted around on the bed, whining a little. 

“Lambert?” You called his name. You reached out for him. The room was cold even underneath your multiple blankets. A draft was blowing in from somewhere. 

The witcher didn’t answer you. 

You lifted your head and called his name again, ready to kick the back of his leg. However, you found that his side of the bed was empty. 

You sat up, brushing your hair back out of your eyes, and frowned. 

The fire in the hearth across the room was out which explained why the room was so cold. How long had Lambert been gone?

Climbing out of bed, you put on a pair of trousers and boots as well as one of Lambert’s shirts. That wasn’t enough, so you pulled out your cloak from the wardrobe. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of the terrarium that Clea, Lambert’s ball python, resided in during the night. She was brown with tan splotches. 

Goosebumps rose on your skin as you realized you were alone in the room with her. Lambert did his best to never leave you alone with her. You were deathly afraid of snakes. You knew Clea wasn’t dangerous, but you were still terrified of snakes nonetheless. Lambert was trying to get you more comfortable with her, but it was a slow process. 

You knew the cold wasn’t good for her. He usually kept the room warm enough for her during the harsh winters at the keep. You knew a fire needed to be started, but it would be better if Lambert did it. 

You chewed on your lip as you decided on what to do. Should you go get Lambert first? Or see if Clea was okay? 

You chose the latter, taking a few hesitant steps towards the terrarium. The top was closed, so she couldn’t get out. You’d just have to search for her. 

You looked and looked, but had no luck. Sometimes she liked to really hide to get away from everyone. But maybe something was wrong. Maybe it was too cold for her. 

***

It wasn’t too hard to find Lambert. He was in the kitchen with Eskel and Vesemir. Lambert was sitting at the table while Vesemir and Eskel made breakfast. 

“Lambert, the fire in our room went out.” You told him as you walked into the kitchen. “Is Clea going to be okay?”

“Yeah, bug. She’ll be fine.” Lambert nodded his head. The corner of his lips turned up as he looked at you. “Did you sleep good?”

“I did. Would’ve slept better if that draft wasn’t so bad.” You straddled the bench that Lambert sat on and faced him. 

“M’gonna get it fixed.”

“M’still sleepy.” You whined, brows drawing together as you offered him a pitiful frown. 

“Poor baby.” Lambert teased you softly, letting you lean your head against his shoulder. You loosely wrapped your arms around his toros and closed your eyes. 

You stayed like that for a few moments, enjoying his presence, listening to the sounds of Eskel and Vesemir talking and to Lambert breathing. 

But then you felt something in Lambert’s doublet move. It wasn’t just him breathing. Something was moving, and it was moving in an odd way. 

You lifted your head up and peered around his arm, looking at the chest of his doublet. It was opened a little and his undershirt peeked out. 

“Staring isn’t nice, you know.” He teased. 

“Are you okay?” You found the bottom of his doublet and began to reach underneath, searching for whatever might have been feeling funny. 

“You might not want to do that, bug.” Lambert started, reaching for your arm but he didn’t get to you in time. 

Your hand made contact with a smooth warm surface and instantly, you pulled back. A gasp was sucked through your lips and you jumped out of your seat. You knew what Clea felt like from the very, very few times you had petted her and you knew you had just touched her. 

“La-Lambert!” You said his name, your breathing labored as your heart began to pound in your chest. 

“I tried to warn you, bug.” He said, reaching out for your hand. “Clea’s in there. She won’t hurt you.”

“Is she okay?” You heard someone ask. It could’ve been Vesemir or Eskel. Hell, it could’ve even been Yennefer. You couldn’t think straight at the moment. 

As you looked at the witcher in front of you, the python’s head poked out of the top of his doublet and her tongue flicked out. 

The room began to move around you like you were spinning in a circle and the noises were muffled. You brought your hand up to try to balance yourself on the table, but you missed the table all together. You watched as the floor came closer and closer to your face and then suddenly, everything was black.

***

“She’s waking up.” Eskel spoke. A cold hand pressed against your forehead. You whined. 

“She should be fine.” Vesemir said. “Didn’t hit her head. Clea just surprised her is all.”

“Your hand is cold.” You thought out loud, bringing your own hand up to rub your eyes.

“Sorry, Y/N.” Eskel apologized. “Didn’t want to pour water on you with it being so cold.”

“Geralt and Ciri should be back with firewood soon.” Lambert sighed. 

You lifted your head to see him sitting at the table. Clea was comfortably draped around his shoulders. 

You were laying on the floor just behind him. Underneath your head was a folded up cloak to provide support. 

“How are you feeling, bug?”

“M’okay.” You pushed yourself into a sitting position. “Should’ve expected you to have Clea in your doublet.”

“I tried to warn you.” He grinned a little. 

“How long was I out?”

“Maybe two minutes. Shorter than last time.”

“You’re keeping track?”

“Of course.” He held his hand out for you. You put your hand in his and let him help you to your feet. 

Your eyes stayed on Clea the entire time, watching the snake carefully.

“You wanna sit down by me, bug?” Lambert asked quietly, still holding your hand. “Or you wanna sit across from me?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek for a moment, looking from the seat beside Lambert to the one across from him. You really wanted to sit beside him, but you didn’t want to be so fidgety and uncomfortable with Clea right there. You also didn’t want to make him take her upstairs to the cold bedroom. 

“I can sit across from you.” You told him, giving him a little smile. He nodded but didn’t let your hand go.

“Can I get a kiss?”

“Not with her around your neck.”

Taglist: @pressedinthepages @mishafaye @whitewolfandthefox @wolfyland07 @belalugosisdead @persephonehemingway @keira-hulmaster @dinonuggs69 @greatestauthorofmygeneration @shadow-hunters-lover @dancingwith-thesunflowers @tedi-fach-las @thecomfortofoldstorries @raspberrydreamclouds @natkowaa @disasteren @weathervanes-my-oneandlonely @onlyhenrys @wackylurker @criminaly-supernatural @magpie343 @permanently-exhausted-witcher @hina-chans-stuff @the-space-between-heartbeats @havenoffandoms @carriebee1 @ger-bearofrivia @naominami @writingawaymylife @reaganjenelle @theawkwardpedestrian @scarlettwitcher @badassspaceprincess @just-a-sad-donut @summersong69 @an--actual--human--disaster @rubyqueen819 @omgkatinka @c-a-v-a-l-r-y @vonxcon @mazakeen @bravelittlesunflower @thereagles @awkward-turtles-world @menalliha @cotton_mo @maan24 @thefirelordm @monkeymo @krenee1drful @nympha-door-a @unadulteratedtreecrusade @Aquarius-pisces-rose @mentallyscreamingsincebirth @fl0ating @sometimesiwrite @you-fxcking-wish-bish @thanks-bruh-for-nothing @maan2442 @thegaydeath @creatingstuffinpeace @wellthisstinks @she-wolfoftheinquisition

If your name is in italics, it wouldn’t let me tag you :(

[hockeyboysiguess]

Photographs

a/n: i was in some feels and this came out. childhood friends to lovers is a classic and never goes out of style, folks. also, italics are flashbacks. 

“You gonna do the photo wall last?” Matthew asked you as he finished taping up another box.

You weren’t exactly sure at what point in you life you’d accumulated this much stuff that needed to be packed. Your childhood bedroom was like a memory capsule for your entire childhood, starring the Tkachuk family more than your own. You grew up two houses down from them your entire life, until Matty went to the OHL and you went to college soon after. Summers together kept your families close. The Tkachuks were family as far as your parents were concerned and you were a part of theirs too.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “It feels too, I don’t know, final to take it down.”

“Well, you guys are moving away forever,” Matty reminded you, “because you hate me.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, a joking tone strong in your voice. “Glad you finally understand how intolerable you are and that you’ve finally forced us out of St. Louis even though you’re in Calgary over half of year.”

“My powers of annoyance are strong.” Matthew bowed with his palms pressed together at his heart in a fake zen manner, earning an eye-roll from you. “Only took our entire lives, but I finally annoyed you into getting the hell away of me.”

“Oh please. You would’ve never learned to tie your shoes without me,” you chided him, walking towards him to give him a smack on the way and grab yet another candle off your desk.

“Pretty sure this photo,” Matt grabbed a photo from high up on your covered wall to bring it down, “was taken that day? Damn close to it anyway.”

You snatched the photo from him, smiling as you looked it over. You and Matthew were sitting next to each other in the plastic turtle sandbox that was still somewhere in your backyard, filled with rain water instead of sand these days, and roughly four years old. Matthew’s shoes were untied, as they pretty much always were at that age, and his arms were around your neck. You both were sporting wide, face-breaking smiles. Matthew has a ton of sand in his curls, a product of his inability to tie his shoes that had led to him face planting on the sandbox a few moments before this photo was taken.

“Matty!” you shouted as the little boy fell into the sandbox face first. “Your shoe is untied.”

“Mom isn’t here,” Matty replied after picking his curly head up out of the sand. “I can’t tie them.”

“I can! I’ll show you!”

Matthew looked at you with his brows furrowed and a pout on his face.

“I don’t need a girl to help me,” he said firmly as he flipped himself over in the sand so he was laying on his back. “Besides, you have cooties.”

“You have cooties!” you shouted back, “And my mom says girls can do whatever guys can do so ha.”

You stuck your tongue out and Matty did the same in reply. You stuck your tongue out as far as it could go and put your hands on your hips to try and look scarier. Matty put his thumbs behind his ears and spread his palms out wide and waggled his fingers in every direction in response. 

“Meanie,” you mumbled, giving him your best pissed off face, as good as a four-year-old could do. “Let me teach you!”

“Okay, fine,” Matty muttered back, “but don’t touch me. You definitely have cooties.”

“You were so cute,” you said as you flipped the photo around to him. “What happened to you? Did you get smacked with the ugly hockey stick.”

“You’re one to talk,” Matty chirped back. “When did the resting bitch face start? Pretty sure that’s the root of all your problems in the looks department.”

“My soul is now accurately reflected in my appearance. It’s a trick to ward off men,” you countered without missing a beat.

“Well, it definitely works,” Matthew laughed, earning a shove from you.

Your eyes wandered back to the photo wall, landing on a photo of you and Matthew and Brady from when you were seven. You snagged it off the wall and showed it to Matty.

“Remember this one?” you asked him

He nodded, a smile forming on his lips as he took the photo from you. You, Matthew, and Brady were arm in arm, elbows linking you together. You were in a pale yellow dress with a flower crown and the boys were in tuxedos and top hats. You had been the flower girl and they had been joint ring bearers for a wedding of someone else in the neighborhood. The photographer had thought the three of you on dance floor, spinning around linked at the elbows, was too precious not the capture. This photo was still framed on your parent’s hutch, or it had been until your mom packed it the other day.

“Brady! Spin faster!”

Your voice was high and bright, filled with laughter as you spun around in your twirly dress on the dance floor.

“I’m trying!” Brady shouted back at you. “I’m not as big as you guys.”

“Faster!” you egged him on, the ribbons on your flower crown almost whipping him in the face with each turn.

“Yeah, Brady, keep up!” Matthew added in from your left side.

“I’m trying!” Brady shouted again, practically tripping over his feet to keep up with you and Matty.

“You just wanted to spin around and around and around,” Matthew laughed as he remembered that night. “You kept yelling at Brady because he wouldn’t spin fast enough.”

“I was a girl on a mission and he was slowing me down,” you shrugged unapologetically.

“Pretty much describes our entire childhood right there,” Matthew replied, his eyes shifting to your photo wall. He smiled, having found something that interested him and he plucked it off the wall. “Do you remember this one?”

You rolled your eyes when he showed you the photo. Of course he’d pick this one. It was from Matthew’s ninth birthday party. You and Matthew both had your cheeks tinged a dark pink since you’d just left the bounce castle the Tkachuks had rented for the party. You were both laughing, toothless smiles on show for all to see. You didn’t have an issue with this photo other than the fact that it was a physical reminder of the worst haircut you’d ever had.

“You need to go low when you go down, then you’ll bounce higher,” Matthew told you, even though you hadn’t asked for his advice.

“I’m doing that,” you huffed out between jumps.

On your next jump, you let yourself fall back and lay down at the bottom of the bounce castle. Matthew paused with you, flopping down next to you so you bounced up in the air again, making you laugh.

“I’m gonna get a Capri Sun,” you told him as you sat up and started to crawl your way to the exit.

“Capri Sun!” Matthew shouted, hot on your heels out of the bounce castle. “Strawberry Kiwi or bust!”

He ran past you as soon as his feet hit the grass, making a beeline for the cooler that contained your favorite beverages. Matthew tipped open the top and stuck his hands deep into the ice in search for what he wanted. He emerged victorious before you even reached him.

“I want strawberry kiwi,” you mumbled.

Matty, who was already about to puncture the pouch with, paused before he extend the pouch out to you instead.

“I’ll get another one,” he told you with a shrug, before plunging his hands back into the cooler.

“The bangs though,” Matthew nodded, a smirk playing on his lips. “How did your mom let you do that?”

“I think I just kept pushing and she got sick of telling me no,” you sighed, shaking your head softly. “How did my cheeks look that chubby? I don’t understand.”

Matthew looked at you as a smile started to form on his lips. He reached out and pinched both of your cheeks before you could protest. You slapped his wrists hard to get him to release your cheeks, but you were both laughing so hard you couldn’t fake anger.

“They’re still kind of pudgy,” he told you through his laughter. “You grew into them though and you still have your own portable nut storage. Oh, that sounds bad now.”

“Wanna take that back?” you asked him with a raise of one eyebrow.

“Yes, I would like to formally rescind that statement,” Matthew said

“Consider it struck from the,” you grabbed another photo off the wall, “record.”

“Oh jeez, thanks for picking that one,” Matthew said, sarcasm dripping from each word when he saw the photo

“You picked my bad hair year. Only natural I pick yours next,” you laughed as you looked over the photo. 

You and Matthew were at one of the local hockey rinks. Him and Brady had probably played at ever rink within a hundred-mile radius of St. Louis growing up, so it was hard to tell which one. Matthew had just come off the ice, still in all of his gear except for his helmet which was tossed at his feet. You looked like you had just walked straight out a Hollister ad and you had picked the neon pink bands for your braces, but Matthew still looked worse. His cheeks were bright pink from all the skating he’d done and he was in the middle of an awkward phase for sure, but it was his hair that sealed the deal. It was too long and he didn’t really learn until you taught him a few years after this photo was taken how to take care of his curls, so they were just incredibly puffy and not in a cute way. He looked like his hair had been teased with at least five different combs until it was a large and frizzy as possible, not a single actual curl managing to escape the frizz. 

“Just one photo together!” your mom told you, pushing you closer to Matthew. 

“Mom,” you whined and trying to resist her push, but you knew better than to cross her. 

You shuffled over to stand next to Matthew. Your hands balled into fists at your sides, holding the ends of your sweatshirt sleeves in your fists. Matthew sighed and shifted his stick to his opposite hand to make space for you next to him. 

“You smell,” you told him. 

“You always smell, but I’m nice enough not to say anything. Maybe you should learn some manners,” he threw back at you. 

You almost squinted your eyes closed in anger, but decided to do one better. You smiled brightly, confusing Matthew when you didn’t insult him back. Your mom and his mom both had their cameras out, each taking a different side to make sure they got one good photo between the two of them, except that wasn’t in the cards that day. The exact moment your mother told you both to say cheese, you gave Matthew a surprise shove with all of your might. He was bigger, but you had surprise on your side and down he went, onto his butt for all to see. You laughed and pumped your fists in the air upon seeing your plan executed perfect. Matthew just glared at you from the ground.

The photo in your hands captured both of your faces the moment you realized he was going down. Matthew’s face showed shock and horror, the future chirps of how he got pushed by a girl clearly flashing before his eyes. Your expression could only be described as absolute elation. 

“You know what they say,” you giggled. Matthew looked at you with an eyebrow raised, waiting for your response. “The higher the hair, the closer to God.” 

“You still smell,” Matthew told you, a glint in his eyes telling you his was just trying to get a rise out of you. 

For old time’s sake, you stuck your tongue out at him. He just laughed in response before turning his attention back to the wall. His light blue eyes scanned over several photos before he found one that brought a smile to his face. He plucked it off the wall and presented it to you. 

“You know, twelve years old was your worst time. Nine was my worst, but I think fourteen was our joint worst,” you sighed, shaking your head softly as you looked at the photo. 

Freshmen year homecoming, before Matthew was sucked into the junior national development team. He was for some reason wearing a red vest, white button up, a bowtie, and black dress pants. Not exactly a fashion forward look. You were in a dress that your mom had definitely encouraged you to buy. It was silver, had silver glittery polkadots over the entire thing, and flared out at the worst possible spot on your body, making you look a good twenty pounds heavier than you were. The pose of the photo made the awkwardness you both had felt then come right off the photo and back into your bodies now. You shuttered as you remembered the circumstances for the photo. 

“Matthew, just stand behind her and put your arms around her,” his mom encouraged, but there was an annoyed edge to her voice, like she was teetering just over the edge of exploding. “Just this one photo and then you can be done.”

“We’re not dates, Mom,” Matthew complained, his arms crossed over his chest. “We’re not going the dates pose.” 

“Matthew Tkachuk,” was all his mother had to say in a firm tone and his arms flew around you. 

You knew your smile was uncomfortable as you did it, but it was the best you could muster given that your best friend who you couldn’t remember not knowing currently had his arms around you. You swallowed hard at the feeling of his arms around your stomach and you started to sweat a little. You tried to attribute it to the weather, but it was fall in St. Louis, so that mental excuse didn’t work. You were nervous, but you couldn’t figure out why. Matthew had never jumped away from you faster than he did once his mom said she had the photo she wanted. 

“Moms,” Matthew sighed, a pained expression still on his face. “So embarrassing.” 

“Right?” you replied, laughter edging at your voice to try and lighten the situation. 

Why were you nervous? It was just Matthew. 

That’s when your almost decade-long crush on Matthew had started. Or at least, that’s the first moment you could remember feeling anything for him more than friendship. The feelings had only grown stronger with each passing year since then, but you knew better than to ever bring them up. Honestly, your parents moving away to their forever retirement home in Florida was sort of a relief. You wouldn’t seen Matthew every time you came home and now maybe you could finally shake this crush that had ebbed and flowed, but never stopped, for the past eight years. 

“The dress was a bad move,” Matthew chuckled, drawing you back to the conversation.

“Hey, I wouldn’t exactly call the outfit you’re wearing something you should bring back for your next event,” you retorted.

“My outfit should come back before that dress and that’s really saying something,” he replied, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he looked at you. 

You turned your attention back to the wall, not able to hold eye contact with him for longer than a few moments at a time without blushing you. You grabbed a more recent photo, the first of many on your wall starring a Calgary Flames jersey. 

“Draft day,” you informed him as you turned the photo towards him. He smiled softly at the memory as so did you. 

The Tkachuks had insisted on you coming. You were family, so you were coming to Matt’s Draft Day. It was decided for you, as was your plane ticket there. It just showed up in your email one day and the the only discussion the Tkachuks had allowed about it was if you were going to the airport with them or if your mom would be dropping you off. When you saw Matthew get drafted to his top choice team, gratitude to Matt’s parents for making sure you didn’t miss this moment instantly flooded you. Matthew’s eyes were bright and he had one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen when he turned towards you after he hugged Taryn. 

“You did it!” you smiled at him as he leaned in for his hug. 

He was so much broader now then he used to be. The year in the OHL and another year around the sun had done him good in that department. His hugs enveloped you now, pulling you in tight to his chest as his arms circled around your shoulders. 

“Thank you,” Mathew whispered to you, his hot breath against your ear combined with his lips just grazing it making your heart race, “for being my friend this whole time, even though I’m the worst sometimes.” 

“Always,” you assured him as you gave him an extra tight squeeze before letting him go to make his way to the stage to put on that jersey for the first of thousands of times. 

“Props to you for finding this photo on the internet,” Matthew told you, tapping the photo softly with the tip of his index finger. 

“I hated all of the group photos from Draft Day. My face looked weird that day,” you replied with a shrug. 

The photo was of that very hug in the stands of the arena where he’d been drafted. You’d ripped it from some article about him falling to sixth in the draft because he was supposed to go fourth. You’d been thrilled when he’d started falling a little in that moment. You knew he wanted to go to Calgary, even though it hadn’t been the most likely destination for him according to the experts. 

“Your face did not look weird,” Matthew told you, his brows furrowing down in confusion. “Women.” 

You hit his shoulder with the photo, making him laugh, before dropping it onto your desk with the others. You grabbed your water bottle and took a couple of swigs from it before offering it out to Matthew, an old habit that wouldn’t die. On instinct, he took it and drank a few sips. 

“I have my own water,” he said mostly to himself as he closed it and put it back on the desk. 

“Mom always said you didn’t look like you drank enough water, so I always gave you some of mine when I drank any,” you explained to him, even though you’d definitely been over this before. 

“Old habits, huh?” he chuckled a little. “Can’t believe you’re leaving.” 

“I mean, I could be back,” you sighed as you shuffled over to sit on the edge of your bed. “I don’t exactly have a job yet. That’s the only reason I’m going, you know that.” 

“Yeah, but you’re not exactly applying to a ton of jobs in St. Louis,” Matthew replied, annoyance obvious in his voice. “I’m never going to see you anymore if you’re not here when I’m home.” 

“I’ll come visit,” you assured him. “Amigos for life. You know that.” 

Matthew waved you off. You both knew that you not living in St. Louis to be here for Matthew’s off season was going to impact your friendship. Would you ever stop being friends? Definitely not, but you wouldn’t be able to walk two doors and see him anymore, like you’d been able to do for your entire life.

His eyes were back on the photo wall when you heard a soft chuckle escape him. He yanked a photo off near the bottom of your photo wall, a more recent addition. Matthew spun on his heels to turn to face you with the photo exposed. Your nose scrunched up in mild disgust when you saw the photo he’d picked. Matthew had taped that photo up himself because he insisted it was one of the best you two had ever taken. You disagreed, but he pulled out a ‘You Owe Me’ to make sure it made the wall. 

You and Matthew were absolutely trashed in the photo. It was from his twenty-first birthday party. Your mascara and eyeliner were running a little from sweat due to the club you were in. Matthew’s curls were frizzy from the heat and he had a beer in his hand. One of his arms was throw around your neck, crushing you into his side and his other arm was pointed out towards the camera, throwing a drunken peace sign in spite of the beer in his hand. You were both laughing at the camera. You were both absolute messes, but you were so happy that night, you remembered. 

“It’s my fucking birthday!” Matthew screamed before he tilted his beer back against his lips and emptied the full bottle down his throat in a few swigs. “Let’s fucking go!” 

You followed his lead, downing your beer a little less gracefully, some foam spilling down your chin, and a little more slowly, but you got the whole thing down, earning a cheer from Matthew and a few surrounding friends. Matthew disappeared for a few seconds to grab another beer from the bar for both of you, depositing it into your hand before the one you chugged had even settled. 

“You know, you look really good tonight,” Matthew told you. 

Your cheeks immediately flushed. You could feel the heat rising. Thankfully, this place was packed and you’d just chugged a beer, so Matthew couldn’t directly attribute it to him. He never complimented you like that. It was the alcohol talking, you decided. 

“Thanks.” You took a sip of your beer to try and disguise the awkwardness you were feeling before continuing, “Uh, you too, birthday boy.”

Matthew smiled a lazy smile at you before throwing an arm around your neck and pulling you in. He dropped his lips to your ear and started to say something, but then the cameraman hired by the club showed up and insisted on talking photos of you two. You wondered what Matthew had been about to say, because once the guy had left, Matthew shook his head a little, then released you, like nothing had happened. Maybe something almost happened? You drank to forget it. 

“Yeah, I don’t think either of us remember that too well,” you laughed a little. “I remember the morning after though.” 

Matthew gagged a little at that memory. You’d spent the morning sharing the bathroom floor as your stomachs alternated trying to empty every last drop of alcohol you’d ever had the thought of drinking.

“The worst hangover I’ve ever had,” he groaned, rubbing his temples at the memory of the searing headache you’d both had. “Worth it though. Never doing it again, but worth it.” 

“If you say so,” you said with a shake of your head.

“Hey, we should take one last photo before you move in front of your house,” Matthew told you. “I know you’re going to visit me and I’ll visit you and everything, but one last one before you leave St. Louis for good, when we finish packing.” 

“Perfect for the ‘gram,” you joked. 

“You’re trash and you know it,” Matthew informed you without missing a beat as he started to take down the photos at the top of your wall.

Before you knew it, you were sliding the last box into the moving truck. Matthew sighed with relief as your dad rolled the back of the moving truck closed, your entire life inside of it up until that moment. Everyone was happy you were finally done packing. 

“One more photo?” Matthew reminded you. 

“We’re not leaving until tomorrow,” you reminded him, “but now is probably a better idea.”

Unlike all of the times in the past, it was you and Matthew that forced both of your mothers to take photo after photo until you had a the perfect one. Well, until you each had a perfect one. Matthew wanted a silly one and you wanted a cute, serious one. They must have each taken fifty photos for you on the front lawn of the only house you’d ever lived in. 

“Well, I guess that’s the end of this, huh?” Matthew asked you. One of his hands was on the back of his neck as he spoke. “Feels weird that someone else is going to live in this house.” 

“Feels weird to me too.” 

You didn’t think you’d cry, but the tears were here and they were demanding to fall. You took in a sharp breath and brought your fist up to your mouth to hide your shaking lip as you tried to keep it together. Matthew knew you too well and he had you wrapped up in his arms against his broad chest before your first sob broke through. He rubbed your back soothingly as you cried against him, soaking his t-shirt. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled as you pulled yourself together. 

“Take as much time as you need,” he told you without any hesitation.

His large hands continued to rub up and down your back, heat from his palms transferring to you. You couldn’t help but wonder what this would feel like if there wasn’t a t-shirt between his skin and yours skin, but you couldn’t dwell on those thoughts. You were leaving, plain and simple. That was that. You couldn’t keep thinking about things like that, but the thoughts kept coming. 

You flipped around on the air mattress that was where your real mattress used to be a few hours later. Your dad wanted to get going at the actual crack of dawn so your real mattress was already in the moving truck in your driveway, a good night’s sleep be damned. You flipped again, unsatisfied with what the first flip had done. You couldn’t stop thinking about Matthew. You’d had the urge to tell him how you felt before, but this urge was just growing stronger and stronger with each passing minute, telling you shouldn’t move, that you shouldn’t leave without telling him. Now would be the cleanest time to come clean. Now, there was a path for you to naturally shift apart if telling him ruined the way things had always been because the status quo was already in flux. Why did you want to risk your longest friendship with one of the most important people in your life? 

People do crazy things when they’re in love. You were in love with your best friend and if your brain was pulling out Hercules quotes to rationalize your feelings, you were either dealing with serious repressed emotions about the move and becoming a real adult or the universe was telling you something. Even if it was the first one, you didn’t know if you were ever going to get a good night’s sleep again if you didn’t tell him at this rate. You checked your phone, 12:45am. Matthew was probably still awake. You smiled to yourself as you got to sneak out of the house for the last time, grateful the window you always used was still pretty well greased up and didn’t squeak to give away your movements. 

You padded over in the dewy grass to the Tkachuk house, up to Matthew’s window. You were about to send him a text when you heard a grunt and what sounds like a large body hit the ground nearby. Your eyes went wide as a figure rose from the grass and started to come towards you. You pivoted on your foot, ready to make a mad dash for the house, until you saw that ever familiar mop of curly hair. 

“Matthew?” you whisper-yelled. 

“Hey,” he chucked. “Same idea, huh?” 

“Doubt it,” you mumbled to yourself. 

“Sorry, what was that?” he asked you and you waved him off. 

As you looked at him in the faint light of your phone, you questioned yourself again. Was this really the right move? Was losing him worth this risk? Was this even a risk, or should you have done this a long time ago?I t was the small part of you that had the last thought that made you open your mouth. 

“Matthew, I need to tell you something,” you sighed as you raked a hand nervously through your hair. 

“Funny, I was going to say the same thing,” he laughed. “Rock, paper, scissors for who goes first, like old times? Best of three?”

“I want to go first,” you blurted out. 

Matthew threw his hands up, a shocked look on his face. You never usually wanted to go first, always trying to make him do it. He flipped one wrist out, gesturing to give you the floor to speak. Your mouth instantly dried up and your jaw went slack. Matthew gestured again, looking like an impatient conductor as he waited for you to speak. 

“You know, you actually have to go if you want to-”

“I’m in love with you,” you spat out in a rush, so fast that you weren’t even sure you understood what came out of your mouth when it floated up to your own ears, so you tried again. “I’m in love with you, Matty. I have been for years. Look, I totally understand if you don’t feel the same way. I get it, but I didn’t want to leave and not tell you.” 

“Why now?” was all Matthew could say.

You’d know this boy your entire life, but you could not figure out what emotion was coming across his face. There were elements you were used to from him, furrowed brows, downturned corners of his mouth, but there was something you couldn’t identify, something new.

“I just, I couldn’t leave and not tell you,” you sighed, exasperated mostly with yourself in that moment. “I should’ve told you a while ago, but I was so scared that I was going to ruin out friendship, which I’m totally ruining right now, I can tell, but I’m going to just pretend I’m not so I can finish this thought. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn’t think you felt the same way and I didn’t want to have to deal with that feeling. I mean, I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way now, but at least this way I won’t see you from my bedroom window every single day as I deal with this.” 

Matthew let out a long breath as his hands came over his nose and mouth, fingertips pressing together. He shook his head from left to right as he processed what you’d said. You didn’t know if he’d even say anything at all as he turned away from you. Then you heard Matthew start to laugh, softly and slowly, then louder as he turned back to face you. 

“Are you fucking serious right now?” he managed to get out through the laughter. 

“This is somehow going way better and way worse than I imagined,” you mumbled to yourself as Matthew continued to laugh. 

“Of course I’m fucking in love with you too.”

Matthew’s laughter calmed when your eyes met his. You were hesitant. Matthew was forever pushing your buttons and pulling your string, but you didn’t think he’d joke about something like this. 

“Jesus, that’s what I came out here to tell you. How could I not be in love with you?” he asked you as he started smiling. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.” 

You reached for him in a way you never had before. Your hands found the back of his neck. His hands reached for your waist, pulling you in tight, as his lips met yours for the first time. This, this is what it’s supposed to feel like. Like coming home. No, like you’d been home this whole time and had finally just realized it.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

“FALLIN' ALL IN YOU”.

Angel Reyes x Reader

Anon asked: okay but imagine going to angel’s house crying because it’s been the worst day ever and him giving you the tightest hug and then cuddling with him on the couch and eventually falling asleep on him and then it’s when he realize that he’s in love with you.

Word count: 910.

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. English isn’t my first language, I’m sorry if I have some mistakes with grammar. Gif credits: @xxrouxx.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

It's hard to drive during the night with a lot of tears in your eyes, but you need him. It was a horrible day at work. Your boss yelled at you for nonsense in front of some clients, who laughed at you. And you also got burned with the coffee maker, on your left arm. You wish you hadn't woken up this morning.

You park in the opposite sidewalk of Angel's flat, taking out of the pocket your keys with trembling fingers. Raising your head, you can see that all the lights inside the house are off, and you pray that angel is there, even if he is sleeping. You go upstairs towards the front door opening it and coming in. After closing it, you leave your stuff on the nearest chair.

“Baby…?” You sigh alleviated when you hear his sleepy voice, walking out of the room rubbing his face, before turning the light on of the living room. “Mi dulce, what's goin' on?”

He runs worried next to you taking your cheeks between his hands, starting to give you a lot of kisses all around your face. You cry louder, sobbing and trying to tell him what happened. But you can't talk. He hugs you in silence, giving you some time to reconfort yourself under his arms.

Angel guides you to the sofa, laying there completely. Your legs tangled with his and your arms clinging on his neck. He lets you cry, leaving a sigh 'cause he knows that your boss is a fucking asshole. He has told you hundreds of times that you should leave that work, that the MC could find you one better in all aspects.

“I'm sorry, I woke you up”. You finally say, cleaning some of your tears with the back of your hand. He shakes his head without words. “My boss was… a shittyhead today, and also the clients too. And I got burnt”.

You show him the fine bandage around your forearm. Angel leaves a soft kiss there before kissing you. He has the power to make everything easier. No matter what, no matter when or no matter where. He is there for you whenever you need him. You put him first. If you're happy, he's the first to know it. And if you're sad, he's the first to know it. And he loves the way you do it. Angel had always felt that no one really cared, but you do. He's been your best friend since some years ago, before starting to turn it into something romantic. Nothing serious. But again, here you are, putting him first more than anyone.

“It's ok. You don' have to apologize. Your boss is a fuckin' moron, man… Leave that job, baby. He also pay you jack shit”.

“But I would have to leave my house too”.

“Then, come with me. We can be house-mates. I have an empty room and you don' have to pay for it”.

You nod, more or less, knowing that you're gonna have to think about it. You hide your face on his neck, feeling how he pushes you more into him, leaving a kiss on your jaw. You fall asleep sooner than you thought, but Angel takes longer to do it.

He caresses your hair softly, accommodating his head on the cushion. You're breathing peacefully dreaming about something you'll not remember the next morning. He knows every inch of your face. He knows that you wrinkle your nose when you feel ashamed. He knows that you purse your lips when you don't like something. He knows that you have a nervous tic in the left eye when you're lying. And he also knows that you can move your ears and both eyebrows.

He sighs letting his hand go down to your neck, drawing with his forefinger every line of the tattoo you got together. The small head of a lion. The king of the jungle. He has always seen it as a way to mark his territory, reminding each boyfriend you have had. Angel is madly in love with you, but words are not his forte.

“Man… I fuckin' love you, girl”. He whispers softly.

“I love you too”. You reply sleepy without open your eyes.

“HOLY SHIT!” Angel falls off the sofa and you start to laugh, fully waking up. Oh, man, you can't even breathe looking at him, lying on his back like a turtle that can't get up. “YOU SCARED ME. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YA'?”

“You wo-woke me up”. You say coughing with laughter. “You tickled my neck”.

“Fuck, I'm gonna have a heart-attack…” He puts a hand on his chest having a deep breath rolling his eyes.

“So… 'You love me?”

He glares at you trying to compose himself. He takes a seat with his back against the table, supporting his forearms on his knees. Angel shakes his head with a snort, he's not able to look at you.

“Sooner or later, I'll end up fucking it up, as I always do with everything”. He rubs the back of his neck heavily.

“That's not gonna happen', my king”.

“Why are you so sure, uh?”

“'Cause we're the dream team, Angel. We have lived together before. I'm the best nurse you could find in Santo Padre. You have good musical taste. I cook for you and your father loves me”.

“You're fucking persistent, mi dulce”.

“So, 'you love me?”

“Ya' know I fucking do”.

[nyxwordsmith]

Deserved Rest

A/N: So it’s my dear friend, Parker’s birthday today, and I wanted to do something nice for them. It’s only been six months since they first approached me on Tumblr, and it honestly feels like we’ve known each other so much longer. So, Parks. I hope you have a fantastic, wonderful day and you better get spoiled absolutely rotten. Love ya, kiddo. Though much has changed, you are still such an amazing person.

 Happy birthday, @red-the-ruler

Warnings: None that I know of (I know right? Nyx writing a fic with no warnings? What the heckity heck?? Feel free to let me know if I missed any tho!)

Roman didn’t know exactly what was wrong. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was everything. But…they just…

What did they want!?

They slumped forward, burying their face in their hands and groaning to themselves in the quiet of their room. It wasn’t like the day went…particularly bad. And it also wasn’t like it went…well. So why did they feel so…bad?

There were things to do…Patton had asked them to do the dishes, since Logan was out working late…but they really didn’t want to leave their room. It was hard to find the motivation when they didn’t know what was wrong.

Roman was used to Logan’s curt, almost stern knock on their door. They were used to Patton’s soft, almost bubbly knock. It always threw them off when Virgil just walked in. Sure, they’d told Virgil to do so whenever he wanted too, they were best friends after all, but they forgot.

Their head snapped up when they sensed the presence halfway into their room, eyes widening when they saw the exhaustion on Virgil’s face.

“You’re home.” He said, voice cracking and exhausted.

“Yeah.” They answered quietly as their hands dropped.

Virgil’s face scrunched up a little, “You didn’t come say hi.”

A weak smile spread on Roman’s face, “I-“ they sighed, “No, I’m sorry-“

Whatever apology Roman had was lost when Virgil literally tackled them onto the bed, knocking most of the wind from their chest in a surprise laugh.

“Virgil-“ Roman squirmed, trying to get onto their elbows, but the other Side had landed flat on their chest, face buried in the crook of their neck, “Virgil, what are you-“

“Punishment.” Virgil murmured quietly, “We sleep.”

Roman couldn’t help the laugh that escaped them again, trying push Virgil off, but was he getting heavier?

“Dad wants me to wash the dishes, Virge, c’mon.” they laughed again, trying to shove Virgil off.

The other Side grabbed the blankets, digging a knee into the mattress so Roman couldn’t throw him off, “I’m punishing you.” Virgil answered in a tired yawn, “No chores.”

Well, there was no winning this argument. Roman let themselves fall back against the mattress and sighed dramatically, rolling their eyes, “Couldn’t sleep?”

Virgil scoffed as he made himself more comfortable, “Had a nap. Nightmare.”

“So, you came in here?”

“See if you were finally home.” Virgil’s voice was starting to get softer, his words drawing out, “Missed you…” he sighed into Roman’s neck, “Why gone so long?”

Roman couldn’t help but chuckle, wrapping an arm loosely over Virgil’s waist, “I missed you too, buddy.” Already feeling a little better from the company. Virgil made a happy little whine against Roman’s neck, and they could feel him smiling as he settled in, “And you know I had to do some stuff with the court.”

“Gone…too long…” Virgil yawned, “Bestie…”

Roman smirked, “Look, buddy, before you fall asleep, this is not a comfortable spot to be in.”

Virgil grumbled unhappily, pushing himself up off of Roman and gave them his best attempt at a glare. Roman couldn’t help but grin as Virgil only really managed to squint and frown, before crawling toward Roman’s pillow.

“Thank you.” Roman teased, kicking off their shoes and shedding their jacket, before crawling up to join Virgil.

“Happy now?” Virgil murmured tiredly, eyes closed and already starting to relax, “Make me move…” he pouted, sinking into Roman’s pillow as he fell asleep.

Roman smiled, their eyes on Virgil as they started to relax themselves, “Yeah…much happier. Thank you.”

A small, tired smile pulled on Virgil’s face. Roman knew he was too far gone now to remember anything he said, “Welcome, Princey.”

Roman’s own eyelids felt heavy as Virgil pulled them closer, nuzzling their chest, and Roman wrapped their arm back around Virgil’s waist.

“G’night.” Virgil yawned into Roman’s chest.

Whatever that bad feeling was, it was starting to ease as Roman let their own eyes drift closed and nuzzled Virgil’s hair, “G’night…”

   “Logan.” Patton whispered as the exhausted teacher approached, a mug of coffee in his hands. He looked forlornly to his study, then back at Patton, who was peering into Roman’s room. With a slightly frustrated sigh, Logan rolled his eyes and made his way over to Patton, sipping at his coffee.

“Patton, dear, what have I said about-“

“Shh!” Patton quickly shushed, smiling when he turned to look up at his husband, before nodding to the door. Logan carefully leaned over to peer through the crack in the door, and he couldn’t help the fond smile that spread over his face.

“Must have been a long day.” Logan murmured quietly and Patton hummed in agreement.

“At least their resting.” Patton agreed, smiling at his kiddos as they lay curled up together.

Logan sighed, glancing down at his mug of coffee, and this time, when he looked to his study, his nose wrinkled. He took Patton’s hand gently in his, “Like we should be.”

“Don’t you have papers to grade?” Patton asked softly as he closed the door and let Logan guide him to the bedroom.

“I don’t wanna.”

Patton grinned and giggled as Logan waited for Patton to open the door before abandoning his coffee on the desk just inside, “I thought you’d say that.”

The rest is just taglists!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES (It’s long af)

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Romantic Logicality

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[shananaomi]

2017.

Giving myself an hour on the clock to get through this, if at all possible. (ETA: Done!) 

Here’s 2016.

What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?

I have such a great answer to this that I’m still not ready to write about. Ask me in person and I might tell you. Also: went to yoga fairly regularly and found I both could and wanted to lay peacefully in one pose or another for 5 or 10 minutes at a time.

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?

We did in fact #GetFitToFightFascism, or anyway on days when I didn’t know how else to treat the creeping anxiety I got up and hiked to the Observatory or somewhere else so ridiculously stunning that I felt slightly reassured we’d live another day. We were determined to see our BFF Jamie every Saturday night and except for weekends when one of us or the other was out of town or we had plans already for the weekend we had a near-perfect attendance record. And though I didn’t think I wrote that much, I got enough out in TinyLetter (now backposted at Medium) to add up to a decent Twitter thread last week. 

I always feel like next year should maybe be its own post, but for now I’m thinking about: Writing, always. Reading more. And finding a way to host maybe monthly dinners for small groups of our friends at home.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My childhood best friend’s daughter was born on New Year’s Day 2017 and we finally got to meet her last week. She is able to reach for and drink from a glass of beer so I think she’ll be just fine.

What countries did you visit?

This was a year between big adventures out of the country, but we just booked a February getaway to Puerto Vallarta to celebrate the 10th anniversary of our first date. Went back and forth to New York a few times, plus a quickie up to SF for work.

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Confidence the pendulum will in fact swing back from fascism.

What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I guess the run from January 19 (Hamilton) to January 20 (bus trip from NYC to DC, with the worst possible welcome from post-Inaugural attendees) to January 21 (meeting up with so many old friends at the Women’s March). The rest is still vividly sharp but not so much tied to any specific date.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving it with some semblance of hope. Making the move to a better, bigger place in Pasadena. Leading a loyal and devoted staff through a major corporate transition and many other hard challenges.

What was your biggest failure?

I have never done anything as hard as being a boss lady, and I’m still not sure most days I’ve left things at least better than I found them.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

For the first 9 months or so I got super sick every single goddamned month: a recurring case of America, I called it.  Overall I’ve been very lucky.

What was the best thing you bought?

The peace of mind that privilege allows when you need to pay your way out of a loud, anxiety-ridden neighborhood for the quieter (at least most days) and more serene outskirts of town. A weekly outlet and focus for my physical stress in the form of the most amazing personal trainer. A 40th birthday blowout weekend that included renting the most ridiculous house (as seen when CJ fell into the pool in The West Wing), hosting a dinner party and then pool party for so many of our friends and family.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wife’s, always. Because all I do these days is listen to Kesha, I’ve been thinking about these lines:

I know forever don’t exist But after this life, I’ll find you in the next So when I say “forever,” it’s the goddamned truth

Where did most of your money go?

The house and moving into it, the car, the trainer, the birthday celebrations.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Did I?

We discovered Two Bunch Palms, an old getaway near Palm Springs that soothed my soul in quiet calm ways I hadn’t realized could be so close at hand or that I needed so much. This year’s LA Pride parade became a protest and was the most joyous and community-filled day like that we’ve felt in a long, long time.

What song will always remind you of 2017?

This fairly goes to Kesha’s “Praying,” but since I already wrote a whole thing about that, I’ll say Julia Michaels’ “Don’t Wanna Think,” in part because I listened to it on repeat for so many hours in a row while flying back and forth from New York that it’s kind of embedded in my subconscious: I’m not really one for drinking songs, but — fuck it, here it comes. Heartbreak is annoying, and I’ll feel it in the morning. Swallow it down like a bitter pill. At least it will taste better than this feeling will. I don’t like myself when I’m just standing still.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier, though I’d say that’s grading on a goddamned curve for real.

ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, if trimmer and stronger in some places.

iii. richer or poorer? Close to a draw here, more or less.

What do you wish you'd done more of?

I was happiest when I was hiking, reading, sitting quietly on the couch with my wife and dog. I did a decent amount of all that but it was still to keep my head above water.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Be on the goddamned internet. But I’m also aware that finding the right balance between awareness and mindfulness and rest and action is the most pervasive and elusive self-care challenge for literally everyone I know, so I’m trying hard not to give myself a hard time about it. And there’s probably something here to say about the betrayal and pain that came from incorrectly trusting people to be their best selves instead of being undeserving of the benefit of the doubt but I am working so fucking hard at leaving that behind in 2017.

How did you spend Christmas?

In Reno with my family and friends, bouncing between two houses full of other people’s people (and mine) and a lot of very rich and exotic meats and liquors. The last couple years have been really hard and not well-balanced or rejuvenating visits, and this year was much better if still not without its own drama.

What was your favorite TV program?

New: Star Trek: Discovery was almost everything I needed in a show this year. Also I loved The Arrangement and found it way smarter and more complicated and fucked up than I’d expected.

New to me: I was only a little late on Riverdale but found it very enjoyable.

Oldies but Goodies: Also I watched a lot of older Star Trek, from TOS to the early movies. Everyone keeps saying next week need to do DS9, so I guess that’s the kind of geek I am proudly now.

What friends did you make or meet this year for the first time?

All but one were not new but I really loved our all-girl get-togethers to watch hockey even when we barely paid attention to it.

What was the best book you read?

I didn’t make a real resolution about reading more but boy did I. It’s just so much better than being in the world or on the internet. The ones that really stand out are Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee (not from this year, but my fave read from it), John Green’s Turtles All the Way Down, and Amy Bloom’s White Houses, which comes out in a couple months. If we’re not already GoodReads friends come find me there—I’m terrible at writing reviews but I find it super helpful personally to know what y’all have read and liked?

What did you want and get?

A new house.

What did you want and not get?

A Japanese wooden soaking tub of my very own. (See below.)

What was your favorite film of this year?

We just saw Call Me By Your Name last night and now I can’t think of anything else. Though I’d say the sheer joy of Wonder Woman is still a solid contender.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 40, and I took 5 days to basically do only what I wanted, and it did the exact trick I’d hoped for: I just enjoyed it instead of ruthlessly evaluating what I haven’t done with my life.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? What political issue stirred you the most? Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I am going to charitably say the answer to all three of these is both obvious and tiresome. Be better, 2018.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Lots of jumpsuits and DVF, all courtesy a Rent the Runway Unlimited subscription, which also falls under where all my money went but was a ton of fun and practical in many ways too.

What kept you sane?

Remembering how many amazing women are already in my life and know exactly what I mean even when I can barely say it out loud.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ugh, this one feels too much like work and also like tempting fate.

Who did you miss?

For the first time in a while there were frankly some people who I miss greatly but was glad didn’t have to live through this shit themselves.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

Just because it could have been worse doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be better.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Here’s what I wrote about 3 songs that shaped my 2017. I don’t think I can do much better in one quote.

What’s one photo that sums up your year?

[bobalafullaaaaaaaaa]

was tagged by @duckybeth99 !! I gotta tag 25 people at the end but I ain't doin that

LAST:
Last drink: orange juice before bed 🍊
Last phone call: uhhhh one of the 200 patients I had to make appointments for yesterday
Last text message: 🤡🔪
Last song you listened to: oh it was this neat mashup of the Luigi's Mansion theme and a Missy Elliot song on SoundCloud
Last time I cried: I don't cry a lot! but uhh it was actually. Tuesday bc I uhhhh fucked up at work and mom was yelling at me 
HAVE YOU EVER: 
Dated someone twice: nobody thinks I'm good enough to date me for more than uhhhh two weeks so ha! No
Been cheated on: again, no one wants to date me so cheating isn't really an option
Kissed someone and regretted it: ANY time I kiss someone would be a Ragret bc that's uhhh my worst fear
Lost someone special: not in the sense hat this means (death) but I've had way to many fallouts/betrayals (?) by close friends that have fuckin wrecked me (boy oh boy I am a social hermit I Can't Trust People and Don't Want To)
Been depressed: end of high school (like last 2 years) was. really really bad for many reasons (the whole situation with mom's boyfriend, all my "friends" fuckin havin a great time pickin on me and singling me out, general school stuff, etc)
Been drunk and thrown up: nope! 
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU: Made a new friend: yes!! the past month actually!
Fallen out of love: I don't know if it was love in the first place so I can't say < : / (but it wasn't in this past year actually)
Laughed until you cried: absolutely (thank you mcelroys)
Met someone who changed you: not in this past year!
Found out who your true friends were: this is a question for High School Me bc oh boy that was... hard (true friends? at the time it was One Person from tumblr bc absolutely everybody fuckin turned on me INCLUDING school staff I thought I was good with, I was so fuckin lonely lol)
Found out someone was talking about you: yes but in a good way! mom told me she heard the patients talking in the waiting room about what a good job I do ^^

GENERAL: 
How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: people I met irl first? god uhh nobody. people I met online and then met irl: 2 lol
Do you have any pets?: too many,,, it's so much work,,,, 2 dogs 2 cats 1 bearded dragon 2 turtles 1 fish 1 bird 1 hamster (brother's) 1 Betta (mom's)
Do you want to change your name?: Not legally, like officially, but when I start Making Content I wanna go by Clara and not Madeline
What time did you wake up this morning?: I wake up at 6 everyday for class and today I was supposed to sleep in but here I am laying in bed for two hours bc I can't sleep so. 6 again
What were you doing last night?: oh I saw the second kingsman movie!! not as good as the first but unpop opinion I liked it Name something you cannot wait for: UHHHH HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS TONIGHT
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my grandfather and my uncle's names are Tom lol (and my brother's middle name)
What’s getting on your nerves right now?: my mom and how frustrated she gets (then proceeding to take it out on me)
Blood type: I think I'm B!
Nickname: Clara, Sissy, Mattie (in a couple discord servers uhhh Slappy)
Relationship status: single (ace aro looking for several quasiplatonic friends)
Zodiac sign: Sagittarius! (I actually fall into the category of the unofficial 13th sign jdbsjdbdj but also in Sagittarius)
Pronouns: she/her!
Favorite tv show: currently it's Boku No Hero Academia but I think of all time that's gonna be. Kim Possible
College: UCF CHARGE ONTO THE FIELD, WITH OUR SPIRITS WE'LL NEVER YIELD, VICTORY IS OUR CRY, V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, TONIGHT OUR KNIGHTS WILL SHIIIIINE
Hair color: brown : 0c
Do you have a crush on someone: nope!
What do you like about yourself: I think I'm a pretty good leader type,,, I'm really good at getting the most out of whatever experience I'm in, and my art has been improving lately! I think I can get a Andre on new materials fairly easily and my construction uhh in. general is pretty solid. I have a good hand/feel for whatever I'm working with

FIRSTS: 
First surgery: hasn't happened yet!
First piercing: nope ain't nothin gonna pierce me
First sport you joined: I think it was softball when I lived in Maine?
First vacation: probably was up to Pennsylvania over the summer as a kid!
First pair of sneakers: I'm one f those Sketcher's girls
Eating: currently nothin but the last thing I ate was. jesus uhhh I think some caramel corn in the movie theater 
Drinking: nothin! Again, last night some OJ before bed
I’m about to: get up and start the daily grind Saturday Edition™
Listening to: nothin! I guess tho the sound of my mom snorin in the other room and my cat purring really loud while she pulls my hair over my pillow
Want kids: no and pregnancies really creep me out I think they're uhhh A Squick
Get married: nah prolly not! don't wanna commit to a relationship like that cuz if it goes sour what the hell you gonna do other than lose half your money, heartbreak, and anxiety
Career: I think the more immediate answer is that I'd like to have a show running in tv ala Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, etc, but dream job and big goal? I wanna be a character designer for nintendo. specifically zelda stuff


WHICH IS BETTER: 
Lips or eyes: eyes? I'm not a Romantic person but in drawing I like eyes better than mouths. I think? if it was mouths it might be a tough choice but it says lips. 
Hugs or kisses: hugs, again
Shorter or taller: I'd rather be taller!
Older or younger: younger folks make a lot of necessary mistakes but I think this is a question about dating and I'd rather date someone a little older who's already made those mistakes
Romantic or spontaneous: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
Sensitive or loud: I listen I music pretty loud in my car but otherwise I'm pretty sensitive to loud noise
Hook up or relationship: ?????
Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker. I don't make trouble really but I'm certainly not hesitant 
HAVE YOU EVER: 
Kissed a stranger: nope
Drank hard liquor: nuh uh Lost glasses/contacts: don't wear em!
Sex on first date: what first date
Broken someone’s heart: probably!
Been arrested: not me!
Turned someone down: yes. 
Fallen for a friend: not sure! 
DO YOU BELIEVE: 
In yourself: yes ^^ I can't afford not to if I wanna get to my goal!
Miracles: they can happen! but it's not like "gods will" or whatever just crazy coincidence that happens to benefit one person
Love at first sight: it's lust at first sight. how the hell can you love who someone is by looking at them. it's lust
Heaven: I think this is a concept people have come up with for millenia bc the idea of just Leaving and not existing anymore is too scary 
Santa Claus: I used to! ahhh good times

I tag @phantomtype @lyzardy @pennydreadfuljournal @trickortreatryo @lyesander !!!