#also i know his wanted poster aint colored

[jazzkolart]

Just a silly little REALLY trustworthy merchant, that i am totally not obsessed with.

Less shaded version under the cut !

[beelieveinfandom]

Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.

gremgeous the gem pillar Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power Standard stuff for the sith really Except Well If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul? Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really! And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate) This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe. When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over" Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate" And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that" Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers)  back in 2017! Good times, good times.)

swbeeworm oh this sounds like fun

gremgeous the gem pillar Right???

swbeeworm if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot

gremgeous the gem pillar right???

swbeeworm like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it

gremgeous the gem pillar Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta

swbeeworm but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh yes....... Oh its be so good..........

swbeeworm oh mood it would be

gremgeous the gem pillar @Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts When ur awake and have them to give

swbeeworm ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache but this is fun to think about

gremgeous the gem pillar I had another thing thats fun to think abt too Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes

swbeeworm just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people ooooooooo

gremgeous the gem pillar YES!!! Exactly.

gremgeous the gem pillar Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them

swbeeworm my first instinctive responses were: 1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes 2) wii music on loop and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT Oh what if its both at the same time Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway

swbeeworm the fkin,,,, cantina music

gremgeous the gem pillar Like how would they react when confronted w wii music

swbeeworm is the equivalent i would think

gremgeous the gem pillar Do they even have the same sorts of instruments do they even know what electronic music is

swbeeworm just. that spawned another Thought imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just.  just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it AODHDHSHSJD

swbeeworm it would probably FIT they have the same vibe

gremgeous the gem pillar Im crying Mits so good

swbeeworm sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSHH i love that Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate

swbeeworm sfsdkfjh yES

gremgeous the gem pillar But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd

swbeeworm ASLDJSLKFJ plEASE take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy talk about dissonance

gremgeous the gem pillar "Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....." [Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head] wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting

gremgeous the gem pillar OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it

swbeeworm me tooooo .....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning

gremgeous the gem pillar Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique

swbeeworm fair enough

gremgeous the gem pillar Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from "Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"

swbeeworm= adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on"  to "why the fuck is he  a force ghost"

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSGSHSGSHSA

swbeeworm alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES

swbeeworm asdlkjsfkjsdfdf

gremgeous the gem pillar CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT

swbeeworm a fASHION STATEMENT YES alcor: :blobsweats: alcor: what the FUCK is a sith alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi

gremgeous the gem pillar WHEEZE He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!

swbeeworm yesssssss

gremgeous the gem pillar AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF

swbeeworm alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult ljflskdajfslkdfjsd

gremgeous the gem pillar BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI

swbeeworm that's even better

gremgeous the gem pillar space cult im HOWLING

swbeeworm you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry

gremgeous the gem pillar OH HE WOULD

swbeeworm yESSSS

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense" "And its HORRIBLE"

swbeeworm sljflskdjfsd

gremgeous the gem pillar Just roasts him And by extension everyone else too

swbeeworm dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style

gremgeous the gem pillar Akehdsjfssksgsjd

swbeeworm just to shut him up

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHDJDGDJDHD Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional

swbeeworm snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"

gremgeous the gem pillar And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?

swbeeworm how much we roasting palpatine here

gremgeous the gem pillar To a blackened crisp

swbeeworm as it should be

gremgeous the gem pillar Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday

swbeeworm lskjdlsakjfdf agreed

gremgeous the gem pillar Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it

swbeeworm --alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters

gremgeous the gem pillar Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c

gremgeous the gem pillar AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE I LOVE IT OH HOW I LOVE OT ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW Oh gosh what if he fuckin

swbeeworm because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible  because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background misdirection at its finest

gremgeous the gem pillar I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all  :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin

swbeeworm the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??

swbeeworm alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJD Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul" "Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"

swbeeworm sjlskdfjsdf alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"

gremgeous the gem pillar Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate- "Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-

gremgeous the gem pillar [UGLY LAUGHTER] AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF

swbeeworm ASDKAFDF "palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator] council: "okay that is NOT normal" obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDHDJDHD Wait wait no what if its "This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain" "I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"

swbeeworm asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf yes yes beautiful

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST Butalso

swbeeworm the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-" obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat] the other humans: "....um."

gremgeous the gem pillar "Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS wheeze*

swbeeworm i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE

gremgeous the gem pillar SAME oh its so good Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-

swbeeworm u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket...... Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare Not just ANY nightmare But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day

swbeeworm ASDLSDFKLDJF PLEASE

gremgeous the gem pillar They took it upon themselves to go on rotation They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone One at a time They dont even look REMOTELY human Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao

swbeeworm random dude: "what is that???" alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant" rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?" alcor: "no they're my assistant" nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"] alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth] rd: [sweats nervously]

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it! Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right The council: ....

swbeeworm rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???" alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)" obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"

gremgeous the gem pillar Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft- The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHDHD JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF

swbeeworm obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying.  me, after everything i've done for this council.  i am betrayed.  heartbroken.  never shall trust again.  i am leaving until i recover" -and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin

gremgeous the gem pillar The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions

-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not" -a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone

gremgeous the gem pillar ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains WAIT WAIT WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck" The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one

swbeeworm the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS" alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room

he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Hes proud of them

swbeeworm he IS

gremgeous the gem pillar Its so HILARIOUS

swbeeworm i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once

gremgeous the gem pillar Same Its such a joy Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice

swbeeworm oh no

gremgeous the gem pillar Only the children thank him The minders.... not so much

swbeeworm alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad" alcor: "...." alcor: :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj

swbeeworm alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF WHEEZE "With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSHDJDJF

swbeeworm star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that" alcor: "because i think it's funny" kids: "it isn't" alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"

gremgeous the gem pillar I LOVE ALL OF THAT LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT

swbeeworm i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;

gremgeous the gem pillar "Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl" "Its not- just take it!"

Hooooh man thats so funny Oh gosh Alcor uses a different time/date system

Than the star wars one

swbeeworm ooooooo yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Nit super sure where im going with this but.... Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one At all Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized But the star wars proper one

No, no i dont think he knows that one

swbeeworm nope no chance

gremgeous the gem pillar Omg yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:

WAIT WAIT QAIT FLASH OF INSPIRATION ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT

swbeeworm i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am

swbeeworm SDFJKSDLFSJf YES :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"

swbeeworm alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl" anakin: "except you right?" alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSJDJJD "My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd

swbeeworm obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"

gremgeous the gem pillar Haha nice Obi-wan is taking notes Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice He weaseled the recipie out of the kids

swbeeworm asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens: 1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him 2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out

swbeeworm at this point he deserves it tbh

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious

swbeeworm agreed to both counts alsdjalsdk

gremgeous the gem pillar ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake

swbeeworm palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic" councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor" [points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"] palpatine: [screams of frustration]

gremgeous the gem pillar Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS

swbeeworm yesss this

gremgeous the gem pillar I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version

swbeeworm FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit

swbeeworm oh definitely

oh shit we've been at this for an hour

gremgeous the gem pillar Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0 Ajdhhd so we have Niiiight book

Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS" Both taken from the same post lol Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers

gremgeous the gem pillar No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using OH OH OH ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck" "Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck' "Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you Or conversley he makes smth up Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity And how stupid they all sound. This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time ............. [Shrug] idk Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............ OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF Okokok Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken And completley different when written down SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK BUT HE CANT READ Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.) Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.

Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy)  but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)

[sjw-publishings]

Stay Straight Babe

“Im so glad I still have my lovely boyfriend with me during Quarantine, Amirite Cherry?”

“Yeah...hehe, so glad to have Sammie with me too...”

Anton, the Drama Queen laughed with his lesbian shy bookworm bestie as they discussed about theatre and all about. Of course, they would’ve invited their lovers along, but they were too busy being techno geeks and talking computer games in their gaming rooms.

“Did you have lunch yet?”

“Yeah, tried takeout from that famous Chinese restaurant downtown! Was super good!”

“Oh my god! Me too sistah!!!”

“OooooooAHHHH!”

A large groan came from their study, where his boyfriend’s currently at. Anton naturally looked concerned for his boyfriend.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know! But something came from Sammie’s room too...”

“Yeah! I gotta check Kenny, Brb!”

Ending the call, Anton left the bedroom, and headed his way outside the study, about to open the door, but then a loud masculine voice rumbled from behind the door.

“Samantha? You’re just such a great fri... girlfriend... eungh so hot...”

Samantha? Who is that....But more importantly, why would his friend...boyfriend be moaning to a lady? Is he...cheating on him? But that can’t be, his geeky nerd cutie is as queer as a three dollar bill! But still, he had to check it out....that deep voice certainly did not sound like a nerd’s...

“SO HOT!”

As Anton walked into the room, his eyes widened at the pile of clothes and tossed garments on the ground. Large XL sandblasted jeans, track pants, sneakers. Tons of sports posters and trophies decorating the shelves, and a large television screen playing the latest soccer match...though for some reason, he vaguely recalled seeing football and baseball at intervals.

But it definitely did not look like a study room...despite him initially thinking that it was. Alongside a couple of dart boards, some sports equipment, and a pool table, seemed like a recreation room...but since when could they afford...

“oooooOOOOAAAAAAHHH!”

A large moan came from the couch, as Anton came to the front of it, all his eyes focused on was an incredibly muscular asian hunk man-spreading in bliss, dressed in a white tee with an iconic sporting good logo in the front, left hand gripping his cellphone while his right hand dug deep into his clean white boxers. The man panted out of relief, and relaxation, like a weight lifted off his shoulders. Whispering into branded phone with his deep husky, asian tone.

“Stay Straight Babe~”

CLICK!

So hot...NO! Anton get a hold of yourself! Who was this Asian man? Where was his roommate? He had to get questions, even if this...extremely hunky cutie, looked so sexy dazed and looking up.

“What?...Who are you!”

The Asian man snapped out of his trace, eyes opened...but ever so slightly. He was asian after all, but he was chill...in control. Still leaning back on the couch, he looked at Anton, puzzled, before looking down at his exposed boxers and then back at the stranger. His mind cleared up in an instant, forcing out a-

“Kevin Lang, Fag!”

The man said it, and gave that signature sarcastic response from only a jock bully like him. Smirking condescendingly, he was in charge, and that theatre gay started to tremble.

“Listen Queer, I know you’re thirsty and all for men during this. But some of us got girlfriends who we can’t visit. So stop being a WUSS and deal with it.”

“I...wasn’t...I...”

Now this really pissed him, not even caring about the stickiness on his right hand, or that he had a pitched tent. All he knows now is to deal with this gay of a roommate who spied on him and his girlfriend. The tall 6ft 2 jock cornered Anton to the door.

“Go jerk to your boyfriend or something...oh that’s right! Even a FAG like you doesn’t have one!”

Anton was in tears, he remembered the countless dates that he had, alongside the taunts made by this douchebag Kevin who somehow managed to wolf his way into his life throughout college. He had to get out of there..., quickly opening the door and running back to the bedroom, locking it.

“I...I have to call Cherry...”

As he typed for her number, a sudden ringing notification popped up for the name Chelsea. Must be a typo when he was saving Cherry’s contact right? Cause that number definitely was Cherry’s.

“Anton....”

“What happened?”

Almost suddenly, his mind shrugged off of whatever his homophobic roommate had said. His best friend was weak right now, he had to help her.

Gripping ahold of the phone, he didn’t notice the warm tanned spot spreading on his palms, down his wrists every second as he held the cellphone.

“Samantha...called me a dyke.”

“Samantha?”

“You know! My roommate, the one that’s dating yours!”

It made sense now, the two of them bonded over how much they despised their roommates bullying...and the strangeness of how the douchebag jock and queen bee couple somehow always interfered in their respective love lives...

Clutching the phone tighter, his wrists tightened as definition thickened his forearms. Curling his biceps subconsciously, toning strongly till they were the size of baseballs.

“Yeah Kevin was such a douche, had to defend myself from him tryin’ to whoop me...”

���Yeah, had to backflip and dodge Samantha’s attacks. Didn’t feel good knowing she still holds a grudge about me being a dyke.”

Heh, he knew his best friend could handle herself. She was still a cheerleader in training, but could whoop Samantha’s arrogant butt anytime. Must also be her half asian genetics like his.

Sitting up straighter, Aiton’s broad shoulders filled out his sweater, which almost ripped if it was not for that white stain sealing up the cracks. That white stain...which came from Kevin...right? Was there a stain?

The white coloration spread all across the attire, shrinking up the sleeves to simply resting just below his shoulders, accentuating his large biceps which he proudly admired. Alongside his large back which occupied his entire bed...wait, didn’t he?

Taking a closer look at his bedroom...wait, looking DOWN at his bedroom. He was on the upper bed of a double decker, with training equipment at the side and a couple of sports memorabilia which looked reminiscent of the recreational room.

Yeah of course that douchebag Kevin had to have most of the room with his crap...though it was not all bad. He worked out quite often during his spare time...outside of that artsy degree he had no idea why he took...did he take an artsy degree? He shrugged, doesn’t matter, he worked out.

Anyways it showed, leaning back and taking full charge of the entire bed. At least he was the alpha HERE! Listening to what his best friend spoke...though she was mostly talking about drama with her roommate, not the kind of thing he was interested in.

But he always liked her voice...

“At least...I think I like girls? But that was an accident! I don’t like Samantha!”

Aiton nodded, unsure of what to say, but felt...pretty cool about it. Crossing his legs, as he saw those large trunks that trained...almost like for years. They which reached the end of the bedside, as those khakis lengthened and stretched into XL sweatpants...gotta snatch that back his junk from Kevin later, but not now. He was cool, now. Kicking off his large trainers which went-

CLUNK CLUNK!

As they hit the floor, wiggling his size 12 feet beneath those white socks. Kevin could insult him all he wants later, it was his room too. The fledgeling Jock can say whatever he wants to anybody, and he says-

“You were like ‘I think I like girls’, sounded pretty dyke to me.”

Aiton smirked, teasing the cheerleader from across the phone. He always liked doing that, he was in charge after all.

He knew how icky the two cheerleaders felt towards homosexuals...but then again, wasn’t he a bit rude towards them as well? Not as bad as Kevin but an occasional joke here and there meant nothing right?

“Who you callin’ dyke, Fag?”

“Who you callin’ Fag, Dyke?”

Okay...maybe he didn’t like being called Fag either. But it was just insults between him, Cherlse, and Kevin and Samantha. Anyone else and they answer TO HIS FISTS....except maybe ladies...especially hot babes.

He began to palm himself, and as he kneaded his hard rocket, he sneered in disgust over a rainbow wristband on his wrist. He blinked, in its faggy place was a white sports watch. His rocket doubled up in size, while darkening in tan, its always time to be a Jerk, just like his Bro Kevin.

“You know i get weak when you use my own words~”

Cherlsea opened up her phone webcam, and Aidon did the same. Both smirking at the other. The Jock knew it was always ladies first, but he was a Jerk so-

“Oh damn...she’s hot!”

“Of course I am, do I still look pretty dyke to you~?”

Watching her seductively pose on her bed, it felt like ages since he had seen a woman like that! In that revealing tank and double Ds he could just!

SQUEEZE!

“Oooaahhh!”

Squeezing his own chest, feeling rock solid muscle layering his nipples, pectorals filling his sports shirt massively like the man he was. Feeling those abdominals as a well deserved 6 pack emerged from years of crunches.

“I....I NEED RELEASE!”

“So hawt~”

“I...I AINT A FAG!”

“Course you aren’t hunky~you are so hawt, ooooooaaaaah!”

The Queen Bee’s second in command had let out her mating’s call, the asian babe was too much for the Douchebag Jock’s right hand man, and vice versa. As their desires linked up, with the help of a fortune cookie they ate prior, they were about to finally be set into motion.

Each of them felt a tight stinging to their holes simultaneously. As the Asian Jock’s butt hole tightened, the Cheerleader’s lady hole expanded. Like a trade of preferences, but that is not all.

As testosterone pumped in the man, churning larger sacks, as he watched his babe’s hair lengthen, his shrunk, and BUZZED off the sides and back, leaving a stylish gelled top, maintained with a pair of shavers, scissors, and his Bro. Not actually brothers, but they were asian , jocks, and total jerks. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were related.

Speaking of Asian, his tan had bathed his facial features alongside the rest of his body. Cleansing the GAY away from him as his jaw hardened into a fierce square. His lips snarled in momentary disgust, before his raising his cheeks, as that scowl shifted to an arrogant smirk as he watched his girlfriend do the same.

“Ooooaaaaaah~”

His brows complimented his prominent features, as they frowned, closing his eyes as his girlfriend’s moan was too much to bear...he needed RELEASE! RELEASE!

“OAAAAAAAH!”

Aidan Long expelled a thick goo from below, as his eyes gave way to a thin fierce asian dark brown. Staring into the ceiling in a haze...before the sounds of his lover’s panting sent him back to reality.

“Man...that feels good, but still miss our hot damn ‘Dragon and Empress’ sessions before all this happened.”

“Yeah totally...stuck with bestie the whole day is fun and all but...she and your douche roommate keep doing it all day.”

“Caught him jerkin’ off too jus now...”

“Whaaaaaat! Omg same, saw Samantha doing that too!”

“Course...nothin’ beats my empress...”

“Same for you too...my long muscular dragon.”

Almost instantly, the doors slammed open. Of course, Kevin had the spare keys to the bedroom too, and he was sneering right at the door.

“AND YOU SAY IM A FAGGOT!”

“SHADDUP KEV! YOU GAY!”

“NO YOU GAY!”

“NO YOU GAY!”

“HAHAHA!”

The two jocks laughed arrogantly, before sneering at each other. The two of them were thirsty, and they understood and respected that.

“Ohhh almost forgot, mwah mwah mwah!”

“Mwah mwah mwah back to you GAY!”

Kevin left the room, most likely going to order more of that Chinese take out or something. Doesn’t matter to Aidan though...he was friends with the man, but he wasn’t INTO INTO him.

“I swear this stay at home thing is turning me gay...”

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with some bonding sessions. Me and Samantha are pointing each other’s nails later on, and that isn’t DYKE!”

“Yeah, should probably binge watch soccer with that douche. Felt like We haven’t did a sports marathon in ages!...No homo of course.”

The two of them chatted for a while more, loving the company of the other intimately as they teased one another like the lovers they are.

But they eventually have to go to other stuff. And by stuff he wants to do, is CHILL.

“Love you hunky, talk to you l8r!”

The Jock simply posed to the camera,and spoke.

“Stay Straight Babe”

[arthurmorgen]

A Kiss and a Bounty

Prompt: Arthur and reader first meeting fighting over a bounty. and the bounty over one of their horses going "for god's sake just kiss her." - sarcasmwithasideofsass 

A/N: This is my first prompted one-shot and I have already made an amateur mistake. I got so excited at “for god's sake just kiss her” that....I....well I didn’t fully complete the prompt. Thank you for the suggestion. Sorry this isn’t exactly what you wanted, but I still hope you enjoy it :)

I will get better at this! Requests are open!

Angst

2,123 words

...

You and Arthur had traveled everywhere searching for this bounty.

This damn bounty. He was a wormy type of man that kept sneaking out of your grasp. How? You’re not exactly sure. But one thing was for certain, this man was either dangerous or lucky.

What was supposed to be a quick day trip, ended up taking three and a half days of hunting him all over the Grizzlies.

To be honest you were about ready to give up. You hadn’t packed for this type of trip. You were cold and miserable, and weren't quite sure if all this hassle was worth a hundred dollars.

And you really didn’t want to hear it from Arthur.

He was always so quick to fuss over you. And you weren’t positive as to why. The two of you got along great and always had, but something was different lately. You’d caught him staring a little harder, offering to help ya when ya didn’t need it. Which, in retrospect, didn’t really bother you. You knew what a kind soul he was even if it was shielded by the big broad shoulders and all around rough exterior.

“You know Arthur, maybe we should just turn around.” You called up ahead. It was getting late, your stomach was gnawing, and you felt a headache coming on. You were just ready to return to camp, eat a bowl of questionable stew, and lay down on your lumpy bedroll and not exist for a couple of hours.

He knew you were right, of course you were, you were the smart one. The Grizzlies were dangerous not only because of the wildlife, but also the Murphee brood. They were dumb but unpredictable and dangerous. So all of this wasn't really his best idea. But this particular bounty by the name of Jim, Gold Tooth Jim, had gotten under his skin. He’s never had a bounty make him feel inadequate before. Usually if you gave him the poster in the morning he’d give you your bounty by nightfall. What made Jim so different? Why was he able to string them along for so long? It was infuriating.

Plus, if he were being honest. He really wanted to impress you a little. He knows he doesn't deserve you, but dammit if he couldn’t stop thinking about ya. You were pretty much the only topic in his journal as of late. And he knew you were not a shallow woman, but this whole big-strong-tough-guy was the only thing he felt he had going for him. The only thing that might possibly tempt you.

Thus, it was his stupid pride that wouldn’t let him quit. Even when he felt the exhaustion deep within his bones.

“Just a little while longer.” He called back.

You rolled your eyes. He didn’t even turn to speak to you. You could tell by the tension in his voice and how high he was sitting on his horse that he wasn’t playing around. So you bit your lip and dropped it. This Jim fellow, for some reason or another, had obviously gotten to him.

A few moments later, you blame it on your hunger or maybe even your boredom, missed the sound of a horse coming in hot. And before you could you could even process what was happening, two horses went skidding and two riders went flying.

“Arthur!” You practically screamed jumping off of your moving horse and ran to him gun drawn.

“I’m al’ight.” He said slowly through his wheezing breath. “What the hell happn’d?”

It was getting too dark to see, and from what your sluggish memory could recollect the man was dressed in dark colors, so you kicked around a bit searching for the son of a bitch who apparently had some kind of death wish.

You were distracted, yet again, this time by the sound of Arthur making his way to his feet. You were still slightly concerned for him, it was a hard hit at full speed. Your eyes checked him over just as the stranger leapt forward pinning you to the ground.

You hit the ground hard and your cheek landed on a rock, you yelped at the sudden contact.

Then the human pile got even heavier as Arthur tackled the man. You heard a faint-familiar “sonofabitch” before you stood quickly, relieved that the two men were off of you, and cocked your revolver aiming it at the dark pile of limbs.

“You are one big idiot aint’ ya mister.” You said as Arthur hauled the tall man to his feet.

The man smirked wildly as the moon reflected in his gold teeth, which you recognized immediately.

You returned the wicked smile “Well, Arthur I believe our luck has changed.”

“Wha the hell you talkin’ about?” He looked up at you and worry flooded his features. “Hey you ok?”

You wiped the blood from your cheek, realizing it was bleeding heavier than you thought. “I’m fine.” You responded with more venom than intended.

“This here is ol’ Gold Tooth Jim.” You said bringing Arthur’s attention back to the matter at hand.

Arthur whipped his head to study the man, and when he seemed to be in agreement, gave you a big grin.

He was so handsome. And it broke you every time you saw him happy. It was so rare that he ever was, it hurt your heart. Your eyes locked with his and his smile slowly disappeared. Worry crept back to his face as a large drop of blood landed on your collar.

A horrible creepy chuckle broke the moment.

“I see you finally caught me. Well done!” The sarcasm was palpable.

You were shocked to hear a british accent, the smooth voice not fitting the appearance of the dirty stringy man before you.

“Why did you run into my horse?” Arthur asked, sounding more than a little confused, he too seemed a little thrown off by the man.

“To be perfectly honest, I hate being hunted like some animal. And since the two of you were so relentless, I thought I’d just...give it up.” He chuckled again giving you goosebumps.

“By trying to kill em’?” You were annoyed that he had almost hurt Arthur. It frustrated you that that was what he called ‘giving up’, plowing into a man with a horse.

“Don’t get me wrong I was hoping it would kill you. In fact I was hoping to kill you both.” His eyes seemed to darkened even further as he stared you down, but his smile was cut short by Arthur’s fist hitting him square in the face.

He landed hard and when he looked up blood was oozing from both his mouth and nose.

“What was that?!” Jim asked furiously from the ground.

Arthur landed on top of him, easily turned him over, and reached one hand back to you. You, familiar with his thought process quickly got the rope ready and passed it to him.

Then you turned to find Arthur's horse, hopefully unharmed when you heard him whisper to Jim “If you say one more goddamn word to her, I’ll smash your face in.”

Chills ran up your spine. You wish you could say that that didn’t do it for you, but that would make you a liar. You didn’t need your honor defended, you didn’t deserve it, you too were a no good outlaw, but hearing him do it made you feel special. And the fact that he hadn’t even wanted you to hear it made it even...sweeter.

You found his horse, thankfully unharmed, and led her over to the two men.

He lifted Jim easily, causing you to swallow harder than necessary at how strong he was, and placed him on his horse.

He turned to you suddenly, without any warning and lashed out with a loud booming voice. “Why did you turn your back on the man?”

Confused at first, but then you picked up on the fact he kept glancing at your bloody cheek.

But that didn’t matter, you didn’t deserve to be spoken to that way. “Like I could even see where he was Arthur.” You rolled your eyes and tried to pass him to find your horse.

He grabbed your forearm hard and turned you back to face him. “You can’t be letting you guard down like that, what if he would have had a knife!”

His voice was still too loud for your liking

“Oh like you did any better. I wasn’t the one that went flying.” You chuckled and tried to shrug everything off, this for some reason or another, was getting too intense.

His eyes squinted and he let go of your arm like it burned him. “I reckon this’ll be the last bounty you go on.” He slipped his tough guy mask on. His features turned sharp and intimidating.

It’s never worked on you. You could never be scared of him. For him, yes, everyday. But never of him.

“You can’t decide that for me.” You hissed and hated the way tears welled in your eyes.

“Sure I can.” He stood even straighter brows furrowed and lips tight.

“I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I want Arthur. I’ll catch every damn bounty the sheriff posts, in every county if I want to, and you can’t stop me.” You stood slightly on your toes trying your best to reflect his body language. You could feel your face flush as the anger flared. “Besides, if we would have turned back when I said, this never would have happened.”

You hated that you knew how to hurt him. You could see it as his eyes fell and his fists clenched. Guilt smacked you as hard as Jim and his horse did earlier to Arthur.

You reached out to him, feeling like a piece of shit “Hey…”

He backed just out of your reach. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I always seem to get ya into trouble.” He sounded ashamed and somehow small. You didn't like it, not one bit.

“No, Arthur, look I didn’t mean that. The camp needs money and I offered to go with you. This was your run, it was your call. I should have just been more prepared is all.”

You smiled at him but he couldn’t look at anything but your cheek.

“It’s just a scratch. Don’t be so silly about it.”

His eyes hardened and looked at you with an intensity that you’ve never seen directed towards you. But his voice betrayed him, it was still as soft as the breeze. “And what if it’s not just a scratch next time? What if it kills you instead of just cutting your pretty face?”

“You, you think I’m pretty?” You hated that that was what your mind chose to focus on, but in your defense, it caught you completely off guard.

“Dammit! I’m serious! What if next time it’s a bullet? Or a…”

You stepped forward, reached out, and touched his dirty face. In an attempt to calm him down. You were surprised by how fast he leaned in, closed his eyes, and exhaled loudly.

Jim, completely forgotten by now, chucked again and called out “Oh for god’s sake just kiss her!”

Arthur moves to turn and presumably ‘beat the man's face in’. But you didn’t want him to do that. You were certainly tired of Jim, however, you were thankful for the suggestion.

You grabbed a hold of Arthur’s arm and turned him to you, one hand pulled his collar, the other pulled his head down, and you pressed your mouth firmly against his.

At first he doesn’t move, and all you can hear is Jim's ridiculous cackling, but then, then he started to kiss back. And nothing else existed in that moment other than Arthur Morgan.

It’s delicate so very delicate. Like he was afraid you'd shatter, or maybe he was afraid that he'd shatter? He lifts up slightly and kisses the tip of your nose, and then the center of your forehead. You smile largely, it hurts but you can’t help it, and he returns it with another soft kiss to your patiently awaiting lips.

After a few moments of his mouth gently playing with your mouth, he reaches to grab your cheek to deepen the kiss.

You gasp as his hand pulls your wound and he opens his eyes horrified.

“God I’m sorry.” He reached into his coat and pulled out his favorite handkerchief, pressing it firmly, yet gently, to your cheek.

It was your turn to close your eyes as his palm comforted you.

“We’ll get Miss Grimshaw to look at that when we get back.” His voice sounded almost hoarse.

“I told you it’s nothin’.” Your voice didn't sound much better.

You opened your eyes to see his shining back, with a beautiful smile on his face as he pulled you back in and kissed you.

You had never seen him so happy.

[inkdrinkershadowsinger]

Thoughts/Background on Chamber of Secrets

There simply cannot be neighborhoods like this, where there are miles upon miles of cookie cutter homes that stretch out into the horizon. Does anyone know if this is a real shot? Or did they multiply the houses like they do to extras in a battle scene?

I never noticed that this photo album is this detailed. There is a little J and L on either side of James and Lily’s photo here. Hagrid is an artist.

It’s on every page? Was this supposed to be something that Hagrid found from Godric’s Hollow? How did he get something so specific? Or is that rumor true that Hagrid owled Lily and James friend’s and Remus, who had been left things like this when there was no one else left to claim them, got it off his bookshelf and sent it to his best friends’ son?

I like how Harry’s room progressively becomes more his own. Look at it in this movie, the walls are bare, everything is relatively tame and plain verses in Order of The Phoenix, when Harry’s room has distinctly more decoration.

Those pink candlesticks are ghastly.

Harry, my darling, you have been getting letters it is merely a well meaning house elf who has stopped them. I wonder what everyone else thought about Harry’s silence? Especially Hermione. Did she think for even a moment that Harry and Ron had decided that they didn’t want to be her friend at all? Ron isn’t much of a writer, and Harry wasn’t responding. I don’t want to know what kind of a mind fuck that must have been to 12 year old Hermione who had just got home from “magic school”, and none of her new “friends” were responding to her letters.

We have heard that theory that James is Harry and Sirius is Ron, etc. But Dudley is Petunia. Dudley and Harry were raised in the same house, closer than cousins because of location alone. But whereas Petunia never got over the resentment that she felt towards Harry in book seven Dudley was more concerned for Harry’s well-being when they were leaving for the safe house then I think Petunia ever was if Lily ever mentioned how hard and dangerous things were getting during the First Wizarding World. Dudley received some characterization and growth where Petunia never bothered.

Harry sounds so sarcastic when he says that.

Dang! Every time Harry leaves his room he has to see a pencil drawing of Dudley’s face? The Dursley’s cruelty knows no bounds.

All of this decoration, and the shelf are missing from the first scene with Harry in this movie.

Harry is just like, “Fuck it all.”

But he’s got manners galore.

At this point, Harry has never seen a house elf. He has no idea what a house elf does. He has no idea why one would be in his bedroom. He has no idea that this even is a house elf? Why is he so calm? This could be a blood thirsty toga wearing creature that they only study in seventh year, and yet, Harry is all but like, “Can I take your coat, sir?”

And now he’s crying, (those could have been lethal gas releasing nerve agents), and now he’s hitting himself (gearing up for attack.) Oh, Harry, number one at defense my arse.

And their champagne flutes are pink? You can’t buy taste.

Those people look so offended like, “You have a cat? How common.”

I know that the fanon is that wizarding children all heard bedtime stories about Harry Potter, but Dobby is proof that other beings also heard about Harry’s triumph over the Dark Lord.

Who painted that picture on Harry’s wardrobe? Dean Thomas, fanon artist. Or does Harry Potter have latent creative talent? Or can you buy these out of the Hogwart’s catalog? Lol

Dobby is like, “Oh, shit, I should not have said that.”

This is where Harry’s Gryffindor really shows because he could just lie to Dobby, but he doesn’t. It’s that Gryffindor honesty.

The man is just like, “Oh, look, cake. Neither of them even looks angry.

Vernon bowered Niall Horan’s hat for this scene.

Harry sleeps with the scrapbook right by his bed. Someone shoot me.

I love that to Ron, Fred, and George that this is a completely normal thing for them to be doing. None of them look nervous about flying a car in a Muggle neighborhood. Destruction of property? Who gives a fuck? They are just like, we have to do what we have to do for our bud. Just a regular drive around.

Hedwig is very annoyed at being called a pigeon.

Ron knows to appreciate the simple things. Tell you mate Happy Birthday, no werid shows of masculinity here.

I love the Burrow. I love the position of the Burrow. I love that they are surrounded by land and a little pond. I love that it is secluded, and that it looks pieced together.

The inside of the Burrow is stunning. You have the Farm House sink. The detailed windows. The hardwood surfaces. The eclectic but perfectly fitting furniture. It would be considered chic to many a Muggle. And that DOOR, that opens up, and then also opens out. The extra space above that little cubbie. Fireplace. Hand, or magic, knitted blankets.

There is a wooden orange cat, a la, Crookshanks on the fireplace there.

Ginny is me.

He says, “Morning Weasleys.” Like they are a clan. He could totally use that tone and call them all to action.

I feel like Mrs. Weasley could sound more disappointed here. I feel like she is kind of annoyed, but also kind of interested in their little stunts as well.

The stainglass windows, the open placement for the dishes, like this house is amazing!

“Dumbledore must know that you’re here.” So, the headmaster is the one who can keep track of the placement of certain students and their whereabouts, or is this simply a case where Mrs. Figg informed Dumbledore that Harry had taken off. Can you imagine that letter? Like, “Super sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but it seems as if Number Four Pivet Drive has been attacked by three red haired boys in a flying car. The red haired youngsters seemed to be on quite friendly terms with Mr. Potter however, as they helped them into the flying vehicle. Just thought that I should mention it.

Sincerely,

               Arabella Figg

 So, does Appartition take a lot out of a witch or wizard? Why don’t Mr. and Mrs. Weasley just apparate all the kids to the Diagon Alley? Is there such a thing as flooing by twos or threes? Because that would also be useful. Are there many fireplaces lining Diagon Alley like the tones that are shown in seven part one in the Ministry? Where to they floo into? Just one of the thousands of questions that need answers, Mrs. Rowling.

There is a gilded head of an elephant behind Harry’s head before Harry examines closely a cabinet that seems to follow a very tight skull aesthetic for maximum creep.

On the top shelf, there seems to be a lamp? A magical one?

More skulls. The hand of glory, that is mentioned in the books. And then a vase full of eye balls. This place is a health hazard. I know the wizarding world lacks mental health professionals, but you’re telling me they don’t have health inspectors?

Harry looks like he has been covered in spiderwebs. When was the last time that Floo was used?

Who are these random people just immediately accosting a twelve year old boy?

They pass a book seller. Knowledge is the root of all power.

The sign in front says from top to bottom: Quality. Value. Ease. Style. Then I think, Variety.

Hermione is internally shrugging because of course her ride or die new friend is covered in ash and has broken glasses. Of course, he is.

The girl behind them as they walk away looks back at them like, “Oh, Harry Potter.”

The fashion and lighting in this movie went from drab and seventeen hundreds to really flamboyant and really stylish with bright colors. I love that the dashes of color really followed them into the other films. Even Prisoner of Azkaban with its more muted color scheme is still vibrant.

The front page that reads: Gilderoy Lockhart gives Wizarding Wolrd Hero Hygiene Tips. Ash free for the cameras, always.

They are literally crammed into the bottom floor of this shop, and Draco Malfoy has an excellent view from above?

Ginny’s got some balls. Love her. All the boys are silent, and she just ain’t taking no shit.

Like Lucius, it is not okay to fondle people’s foreheads, you creepy mother f-er.

Hermione is a bad bitch. Like she knows how dangerous magic can be know, and yet, she doesn’t back down from this grown wizard.

They are all dirty. What happened to scourgify? Or were they scouring grate after grate trying to find Harry, and just didn’t have time after the relief of finding him? Literally, no one else is dirty.

Ginny’s trunk has a Hogwart’s emblem. And we all know the Weasley’s use hand me down items. Whose trunk does she have?

Like Ronald, this is not logical. Dang! I know y’all aint in Ravenclaw, but you are twelve years old. This is basic.

“Your hands all sweaty.” This is no time to be a snob, Harry.

So, did the car fail because they hit Hogwart’s wards? That would seem logical for its sudden failure.

It could also be why the Womping Willow attacked the car so viscously. It may have sensed that this car doesn’t belong to the grounds, and thus, could potentially be a threat. So, it tried to dislodge and pulverize the threat.

Pete, you rat bastard.

This car knows its way around Hogwarts? Or did some of the sentient magic that is in Hogwarts take over the car, and that is why it saved Harry and Ron when they were in the forest with the acromantulas.

To make things more environmentally friendly. The Daily Prophet should have a self updating paper, that changes with each news day. People can still buy the others, if they want to keep them for posterity, but I mean, come on, save the planet.

I feel like this is just a flashback for Snape. James getting away with everything and now Harry.

And Ron, is just so used to getting caught out by Mrs. Weasley, that he just instantly thinks that he is going home.

The look on Snape’s face is so sad here. Will no one ever take this man’s side?

I like this overhead view of the greenhouses. I like the idea too, that there are several levels of greenhouses. The ones that we see in this movie are close to the castle and are set for first and second years, but then the Greenhouses that we see in Half Blood Prince are set away a bit from the castle for the upper years. And some are just for Professor Sprout.

There are little dragon statues on top of the greenhouses. That’s a bit ironic.

Do you think that those large pot like things hanging from the ceiling are

Like, how common is getting petrified, that this would be in second year school book. Also, why were they being grown in the first place if there uses were so rare.

Headcanon that Neville truly developed an interest in Herbology when he fainted that year. He went back to see what work he missed, and Professor Sprout was just straight battling some giant carnivorous plant, and just kicking the fertilizer out of it, and Neville helps her. Then she shows him something else, and something else, and talks about all the things that plants can do, and what they are capable of achieving. “But that’s normally a lesson I reserve for the older years.” But Neville doesn’t want to wait, he wants to do it now. He goes back to the common room with several borrowed books from Professor Sprout, and he is never the same again.

We are legit just going to leave a student lying on the ground. Are we? The wizarding world is really survival of the fittest.

There is a studious Ravenclaw behind them there, reading away.

Neville still has flashbacks to be honest.

When the wizarding world doesn’t have cell phones to yell at or embarrass your children with, you hit them with a howler. Respect.

This DADA room is surrounded with pictures of Lockhart. All the frames along the side of the room are pictures of Lockhart. Bless this man.

This painting of Lockhart is painting a picture of Lockhart.

He bought those Cornish Pixies on the Wizarding Web.

Is that a skeleton of a hippogriff handing above them there?

Even the pixies have had it with Lockhart’s shit books.

The painting Lockhart runs out of the way as well.

Hermione is a baddie.

Hogwarts is so beautiful.

Flint, Wood is tired of your shit.

Hermione and Ron smell trouble, and are like, “I’m going to get me some of that.” Because Gryffindors.

Clap back Hermione.

I love that in the book everyone reacts to what Draco calls Hermione. I wish they would have included that a bit more in the movie.

Ron must have learned that from somewhere, but instead of someone helping him, they just laugh.

This interaction here with Hagrid and Hermione always melts my heart. I like to think that Hagrid is one of the reasons that Hermione worked so hard later in life for the protection and promotion of creature rights. Hagrid being a half giant.

Hagrid is number one. Let’s be real.

Where can I get this level of staged photograph when I go to the Wizarding World in May?

Lockhart is like, “Dang, the fame is already getting to this one. What a shame.”

Harry hears someone threatening to murder people, and of course, he runs right to them.

If Tom Riddle had a giant, most likely extremely hard to kill snake, why didn’t he just try to ride it on out of Hogwarts, take over Diagon and flatten everything? Why didn’t he come back for it during the first wizarding world?

Ron is not down with spiders, and neither am I.

Look, this may be a controversial opinion, but I love Mrs. Norris, and I think that her and Filch are cute and are not to be messed with.

Let’s be real, Filch has been hearing for a solid year from Snape about how Harry Potter is such a little shit. That rage has got to come from somewhere.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry thinking that they were just about to sneak off. Dumbledore is like, “Bitch, please.”

Hermione, Harry, and Ron: “Is Snape taking up for us….actu….oh, wait, of course not.”

I feel so bad for Filch here. That cat is probably the only thing in the whole world that he actually loves.

McGonagall has a large number of zoo like cages in her classroom as well. Her classroom is also very symmetrical, from the two blackboards, to the candles in the front of the room.

Draco and Goyle are reluctantly impressed.

That is the beautiful thing about libraries. There is an unlimited amount of information available at any point in time.

I’m glad that there is at least one adult in the common space for the students. Is that supposed to be Madam Pince? Or a helpful teaching assistant? We all know that the teachers at Hogwarts have an intense work load.

Why is there a spider depicted on the woman’s head in this book?

I just imagine that every time that Harry is in the air that Ron and Hermione experience quite a lot of anxiety.

I can just hear Lucius in the stands saying, “We do not show off for such people.” When the snitch is right beside Draco’s head.

I feel that Lucius grew into being a good father when the threat of his family became a reality. I think before he judged Draco by too harsh means because things were always rather simple in his mind. He thought he was the best, and Draco should be too. But he was humbled, and became a better father because of it.

Dobby strictly uses the word, “Enslavement” here. That word makes what Hermione does with Spew seem less radical.

The table is decorated with the phases of the moon.

Snape rises from the crowd like a ghost.

How on Earth did Lockhart get Snape to agree to do this? He had to have accosted him in the staffroom or during a meeting when Snape couldn’t get away.

“Severus, I really think it would be a great idea. We could really give the kids something exciting, riveting, and imaginative.”  It is only when McGonagall tells him that he could probably get Lockhart on his perfectly pictured arse a few times that Snape considers it, and eventually concedes.

The most iconic Drarry line ever. “Scared, Potter?” “You wish.”

Can conjured things kill people? Or are they just charms? Is the pain temporary, or a real solid thing that can seriously damage?

Is this study hall?

Harry Potter has the crappiest luck ever.

Some of the headmasters and headmistresses seem to be still. I like the idea that all of the professors that get promoted to that level get to be immortalized whether they would like to put apart of them inside of a portrait or not.

I really like the idea of Dumbledore as a scholar and an academic, so I really like that they show all of his scrolls and books.

I feel like Fawkes dying and then being rebirthed among the flames is a really poignant thing for Harry to experience at this stage in his life. This image of the phoenix dying, but still having life probably stuck with Harry and it might have been something that he thought about when he was preparing to walk into the forest in book seven.

Hagrid has got Harry’s back, and I love it. He is a really good friend.

This image of the Black Lake frozen over, and the students being pulled across it’s icy surface is stunning.

Hermione was training to join MI6 before she got her Hogwarts letter, and no one can tell me differently.

Are flying treats that common that Crabbe and Goyle are just like, “Dead on.” It must have been a cute thing that there house elves did for them when they were children, levitating treats or toys in the air for them to grab. Or their parents showing them magic and giving them treats at the same time. Otherwise, how would they have ever thought, “You know what? Excellent and safe idea to eat these random treats.”

Harry literally doesn’t know here which one is Crabbe and which one is Goyle.

The Slytherin common room looks way more lush then the Gryffindor common room. I feel like you can see really clearly into the Black Lake there, and since it is frozen over, the light that you see is light blue instead of green. I mean, look at how big there common room is. It looks like they have a designated study area and everything.

Draco, don’t be the stereotype of rich boys who steal. Just don’t.

Myrtle is not to be fucked with, bro.

A young Tom Riddle for sure got this one year for Christmas at Wool’s orphanage before the war started, and things got so tight that they couldn’t even afford three meals a day. Then, like everything in his past, he transferred these basic Muggles things to something more extraordinary, like him.

Tom Riddle in this movie is a hottie. Like, y’all can’t even fight me because there is no denying his killer beauty….get it?

Okay, so are we thinking that during this flashback that Tom’s soul piece is not only aware that Harry is watching a scene from his life, but is also, acting out the part of himself? He is the director and the lead, so to say.

I like this sequence because it shows more insight into who Tom Riddle is, and where the fear of death started to come from. I wish that Rowling would have made this connection more thoroughly for the viewers of the movies. A single mention of there being too many bombs, or a lot of fighting by Tom here when he is talking with Dumbledore would have provided some more insight into this character.

Ginny knows how to do some damage. I think it would have been easier for them to figure out. Girls can get up boy’s dorms, but boys cannot get up to girl’s dorms. It would have had to have been a Gyrffindor. The common room couldn’t have been completely empty. Hermioen could have fact checked this, and figured out who had wrecked their dorm.

Look at those game plans back there. I just envision, Oliver Wood drawing frantically on the blackboard wild circles that simulate flying motions, but he goes too quickly for everyone else to understand what he’s saying, and thus, the only one who knows the plan is Wood, himself.

Did they show Colin’s friends his frozen body? Or Penelope and Justin’s? Not one person in this school thinks of the potentially traumatizing circumstances that they are putting these kids through.

It is popular fanon that McGonagall and Riddle went to school together. From this perspective, it would be doubly as traumatizing for her to hear that the school could be closing again.

Ron is me. I ain’t messing with no mother flipping spiders.

Ron is no help in this scenario. Absolutley none.

Harry replacing Hermoine’s flowers, and thus subtly telling the viewers how much time has elapsed.

Harry is wickedly smart. He is also very logical which I think attributes a lot to that sarcastic personality that he has.

McGonagall has some Slytherin in her for sure. She went from worried to blasting Lockhart in 2.5.

Lockhart packed up really quickly. It was almost like he….. had….experience…leaving…quickly.

I wonder if Lockhart’s victims ever got any retribution after he wound up in St. Mungos. It’s almost certain that his sales went up when he got admitted to the hospital just because of the public’s sheer curiosity and gossip mongering.

Salazar Slytherin was one slick mother f-er. “I’m going to hide my chamber in the bathroom.”

I can just imagine Riddle not having a lot of time in between OWLS and what not, and taking the easy way out and opening the Chamber whenever he could just to chuck down dead rabbits and chickens. Forays into the Forbidden Forest were many for Tom’s minions back then.

Honestly, Lockhart, Harry probably wouldn’t mind if you took a few of his less than pleasurable memories.

Tom Riddle also has that innate need to be polite even though he’s about to stab someone just like Harry does. Or is this a British thing?

I love how the villains in these movies say, “Potter.”

That does not look like the hole that they came down? It looks like Fawkes took them up another exit.

Why is Dumbledore trusting Hagrid’s release papers from the wizarding world’s worst prisons to a twelve year old? To a twelve year old Ron Weasley at that.

It looks like Dumbledore has a crystal ball by his desk. Trying his hand at divination? Or is that how he keeps track of all the students? I need to know what headmaster powers enable him to do all of these things.

Jason Isaacs is super fine. I can even deal with the wig. In fact, the wig makes it better.

It looks like Dumbledore’s office is located outside of the courtyard which makes the scene in Order of the Phoenix when Fred and George are comforting that boy all the more poignant.

[silkkpopbonnet]

Dilemma

“So, basically he’s like get your ass home now, you’ve played around enough in the US.” Yeon, sat back rubbing her eyes, wondering why she just didn’t tell her dad no.

He paid for her college that’s why.

“Basically. I have to go home, and finish there and who knows.” She sighed, looking out the window to the city of Atlanta.

“But, do you want to go, that’s the thing.” Her friend, reached across the table taking her hand.

“No, but my dad is Korean.” She laughed softly. “So, I kinda have no choice, and my mom agrees with him.” She finished her coffee, and rolled her eyes, wishing her mother would have pushed for her to stay in the states.

She loved Korea, she loved the States; but she always felt a bit freer here. Standing up, her 5′5″ frame was lithe, but she had hips and an ass. That she got from her mother, she tossed her mid-back length 3B curls behind her and donned a pair of Gucci shades.

“I leave in three days, he didn’t give me time to do shit. Movers will be here tomorrow, I get on the plane, and go. So, there go all my summer plans. Good thing is though, he’s letting you come with me. Two weeks in Seoul, what do you think?”

Her friend, jumped up from her spot, clapping her hands excitedly. “YES! Oh my god, what do I pack? What should I wear?”

Yeon smiled. “We’ll figure that out later.”

Yeon washed her hands in the bathroom aboard the airplane. She made the water as hot as she could stand it, needing something to take her mind off the fact that they had been flying for 8 hours already. She wanted to run and jump, she needed to stretch her legs. Her hair in a messy bun on her head, she looked at herself in the half steamed mirror and sighed. How was she going to fit back in Korea? She had sometimes unruly curly hair that wasn’t a very common sight on a Korean woman, her copper skin, held two very Asian eyes Most people told her, her eyes looked like Kimora Lee Simmons. Plump lips, brown eyes, her figure was slightly curvy, she pushed together her 34B breasts and wondered if her breasts were also too large? Probably not. She was going to be…different. That much was certain.

“Are you ok?” A soft voice at the door asked her in Korean.

“Yes, thank you.”She answered, almost bowing before she remembered she couldn’t be seen.

Speaking in strictly Korean, unless she was around her parents, something else, she was going to have to get used to again. She hated being different, she hated people looking at her like she had a third eyeball. Grunting, she opened the bathroom door, walking back to her seat.

“You ok, Yeon?” Her friend asked her, barely waking up from her nap.

“I’m ready to get off this damn plane. My legs are killing me.” She signaled for the waitress.

“Girl, your short ass is fine, I’m 5′8″ I’m the one suffering.” Her buddy, turned in her seat, snuggling in the cushions of first class, sleeping again.

Would she be fine? She wasn’t so sure.

As soon as the plane landed, both girls stretched and yawned. It was afternoon in Seoul, South Korea, and all Yeon thought about now was sleep. A sign was posted for her, Ms. Hyo Park Yeon as they came down the elevator, and she rolled her eyes, thinking to herself. ‘Wow, thanks parents, don’t even come to the airport.’

“You have an escort? What a driver too?” Her friend chuckled and Yeon bit her lip and tried to figure out, what she hadn’t told her friend already.

“Ms. Hyo.” He already knew her face, and she gave a slight bow saying hello, giving him their bags.

“This is it, the rest, was delivered here already.” With a nod of his head, the man leads the way outside, and out into the bright sunshine. The girls donned their shades, and Marcella looked around, looking quite the tourist, while Yeon ignored the urge.

He leads them both to a car, a sleek black Audi A8 L. Opening the door for them, the girls slid into the cool, cream-colored interior, chilled water bottles waiting for them.

“This car is nice, man did your dad spare any expenses?” Marcella, rubbed a hand along the seats, watching as the driver got in the front seat.

“This isn’t a Bentley, so I’m going to say, yes.” Yeon laid her head back against the seat, getting ready mentally for her best friend to choke her. “I have to tell you something, Marcella.”

The car pulled away, and Marcella was looking out the window. “Mhm.”

“So, my dad is a CEO…you know that.”

“Yea.”

“My mother is an interpreter for his company now. His interpreter. My grandfather, my mother’s father was a doctor.”

Marcella’s eyes turned to slits as she looked at Yeon. “You parents are loaded aren’t they?”

“I don’t really know about all that. I’ve had to work for anything, I’ve ever received, and maintain a strict GPA, you know I don’t flaunt a bunch of shit.”

“Just say it! Why didn’t you tell me!” Marcella punched her arm lightly. “I’m actually kind of hurt. I’m your best friend.”

Yeon let her head fall. “I learned the hard way, about friends who are friends because of money. Not that you're one of them! I just prefer not to be like that. I’m not stuck up and snobby, and Paris Hilton like.”

“Don’t you think I know that dummy? I know who you are. TBH, I kind always knew I think. Tell me more about your parents though.”

Yeon smiled, thanking god that was easier than she thought it would be. She explained that her father always had money, he inherited the company from his father. Her mother had to scrape and earn every penny, her grandfather believed in a hard day's work. He came from nothing, her parents were polar opposites. Her mother was gifted when it came to languages, she spoke 6 fluently, but Korean was not one of them. Her mother was working as an interpreter for another company when she met her father. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Still makes me gag a little when he says, my mom had the brownest skin he ever saw, and all he thought about doing was rubbing his face against her legs.” She said playfully, she knew her father worshiped her mother.

Her mother didn’t speak Korean, and her father didn’t speak English, however, they both spoke Chinese. They went out on a few dates, and he made a decision to marry her, boom there she was.

“They should write a book about that,” Marcella answered, taking a sip of her water.

“Probably.” Yeon looked out the window. “This is my house.”

Marcella gasped as the gate opened to a large black and cream colored home, The gate opened to a yard, the glass front of the home, showed into the living room, around the side, there was a cement driveway, and a garage for the cars. The door was opened for them, and Marcella and Yeon walked up the pathway leading from the driveway to the front of the house. It was arched, with large dark wooden doors, and Yeon rung the bell, waiting.

“Of course, you remember how to say hello in Korean. My father’s English is still a bit rough.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Marcella asked, rolling her eyes.

Yeon smiled, and the door opened up, her mother standing there in her apron smiling wide. “My baby is home!” She threw her arms around Yeon, hugging her tight before grabbing Marcella hugging her as well.

“Marcella, I’m happy to have you in our home.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hyo.” She bowed at her.

“Oh please, call me Jasmine.” She ushered the girls into the house. “I know, Y'all are probably tired, but I have been cooking for Y'all. A mix of southern food and Korean.”

Her mother yelled in Korean, for her father, smiling back at the girls. “He’s going to play all tough baby, but you know he missed you. That’s why he wasted no time.” Her mother hugged her again, and this time Yeon held on tight.

She forgot how her mother smelled like cloves and her favorite Prada perfume. Her mother’s tight 4a coils tickled her nose. “I missed you, Ma.”

“I have too, we haven’t seen you in a year.” Letting her, go her mother turned towards the stairs, as her father came down them. The foyer of the home, had dark hardwood floors, contrasting against the light gray of the walls, and the cream of the carpet that lined the stairs.

“Park Yeon.” He said her name, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

Yeon walked over, bowing deeply, saying hello to her father in Korean. “Abeoji, I missed you.”

Her father’s wrinkled forehead smoothed over and he broke into a smile, hugging his little girl tightly. “My family is whole again.” He kissed her face several times, before letting go, and he also grabbed Marcella into a hug.

“Marcella, I’m glad you could join us for a while.” Marcella smiled, looking shy.

“Thank you for the vacation, Mr. Hyo.” He waved a hand dismissively at her.

“You are like a sister to my baby, call me abeoji.” Marcella tested the word on her tongue, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Her father, shooed both girls upstairs, informing Yeon that her things would be there, in 3-4 days. Yeon showed Marcella the guest room, and how to use the shower. “Just come in my room when you're done.”

Yeon walked into her room, it was almost the same way she left it. Old EXO posters on the wall, on a cork board. A few American bands on the other side, she had a new computer, new bed, new bedding. Her vanity in front of her bay window. She could decorate as she wanted later, she supposed, but she didn’t even want to live in her parents' house. For goodness sake, she was 20 years old, but her father probably didn’t want her living on her own either. This was going to be hard. She showered, conditioning her hair, and finger de-tangling as she let the water run down her back. She washed her face free of the makeup she wore. She had forgotten to put on a primer, and setting powder so she knew she skin probably looked oily. After she was finished, she wrapped her head in a towel, sitting down at her vanity. She didn’t feel like dealing with her hair, so she set to start doing large twists.

Marcella knocked once, letting herself inside. “I’m glad I got my hair done, before coming because I would not be in the doing it now.”

She looked up at Marcella in the mirror, her friend's shoulder length box braids now held secure in a wrap on her head. “Help me then, I ain’t trying to be here all day.”

Marcella set to rubbing olive oil into the strands, before twisting them with twist cream on her fingers. Both girls finished, Yeon stood u, grabbing a scarf from the hook near her door, and wrapped her hair into a pineapple, before she set out to get dressed.

“Another struggle is finding good hair care products.” Yeon pulled on a purple V-neck shirt that said ‘J’adore’ on the front over her head.

“Your mama is natural, what do you mean?” Marcella looked at her posters. “Chanyeol was still fine as hell in these pics.”

“That’s like right after their debut. She is but she goes into Seoul, to get her hair done. You know I’m picky.” Marcella nodded, still looking over the pictures.

The girls made their way downstairs, where Mrs. Hyo was setting the table. The girls settled themselves on cushions on the floor, as her father made his way in, sitting down at the head of the table.

“How was the flight?” He asked in Korean.

Her mother came in with a gallon of juice, and cups. “English please, we have a guest.” Just as her father was about to protest, she held up a hand sitting down. “Your English is fine, you just never really try. I refuse to translate.”

“Yes, yes, umma.” He replied taking some rice from a large bowl.

“It was long. Fine though.” Yeon answered, Marcella, agreeing with her.

They ate and talked, laughing about what had happened lately in Atlanta or Korea. Inside, Yeon smiled this was good, she had forgotten how much she missed home. How much she missed really good kimchi and her mothers fried chicken. Her mother rolled her eyes at her fathers bad jokes.

“You can have the summer to do as you will, school starts back in September, everything is taken care of Yeon.” Her father spoke, looking at her stuff more kimchi into her mouth.

Thanks, dad, I’m just wondering how I will fit in.” He shrugged at her, chewing his rice.

“You will be fine, you are my daughter. Besides, concentrate on school, not a social life.” Yeon took a sip of her juice, sighing.

“I’m a young dad, I have to have a social life.” She put another piece of chicken on Marcella’s plate as she spoke.

Her father put his chopsticks down on his plate. “I have a remedy for that soon enough. For now, don’t worry, so much, you’ll get wrinkles.”

Her mother shook her head at the two. After lunch, Yeon and Marcella went to their rooms to nap, while her mother cleared dishes with her father.

He stood in the kitchen watching his wife. “Friday then?”

“I actually don’t think this is a good idea at all right now.” She washed the last of the plates, putting them in them in the dish drainer.

“Why not?” He came to stand behind his wife, her short frame nestling against his.

“It’s sneaky. You bring her here, to finish school, but you have an ulterior motive.” Her mother turned in her father’s arms to look at him.

“I’m making sure, our daughter is secure in life.” Sighing, Mrs. Hyo, moved from her husband’s grasp.

“I know. I just…let her see if she likes him or not. I wasn’t forced with you.” Mr. Hyo crossed to where his wife now stood, and took her chin in his hand.

“She will like him, trust me. Choi Jun-Seo is a good man, he is already making me very proud in the company.”

“If you say so.” Her mother leaned her head up, to give her father a gentle kiss.

He grinned, kissing her once more. “I’m always right, trust me.”

The next few days were spent shopping and sight-seeing. Marcella and Yeon kicked back and relaxed most days. “We should go clubbing,” Marcella said, as Yeon sat at her computer looking at places to live near the college.

“Clubs? Yea, we can go. When?” Yeon brought up another tab, to look for good clubs when her mother walked in after knocking once.

“Can’t go tonight, I’m sorry girls. Yeon.” Her mother laid a traditional Korean dress, on her bed. “Your father has a dinner guest, and you have to wear this. I have one for you as well Marcella.”

Yeon rolled her eyes, earning a scowl on her mother’s face. “Stop. You look beautiful in them.”

The golden color of the dress was offset by the red of the tank top, and red flowers, twined with their vibrant green leaves. The black, sheer covering had a white collar. The fabric was thick and heavy. She picked up the dress, holding it close to her body.

“It is pretty, dad is going all out, who is the guest?” Her mother grinned slightly, turning to Marcella.

“Yours will be delivered before tonight. You can take it home if you like, it’s pink and black. I thought the colors would compliment you.”

“Ma.” Yeon put the dress down, looking back at her mother. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not. He’s a work partner of your fathers. He’s someone your father thinks highly of. So he wants you to look your best.” Her mother turned from the room. “You guys can club tomorrow.”

As the door closed behind her, Marcella chuckled softly but steadily it became louder. “If you don’t have this figured out by now, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Yeon balled her hands into fists. “Stay here.” She grumbled. Her father’s office was downstairs, near the parlor. She quickly jumped down the stairs, running down the hall, her bare feet pattering gently on the hardwood. The large oak doors in front of her, she was never to enter as a child, unless invited. She knew her father would be in there, while her mother gave her the dress.

She knocked once hard, then twice more. “Yes?”

“Dad, you know it's me.” She wanted to yell, but yelling would get her nowhere with him.

He cleared his throat. “Come in.”

Yeon opened the door, closing it behind her, keenly aware of how close it seemed in there. He had many small statues and vases lining the walls. The dark walls and light carpet on the floor, everything was exactly as it had been. Traditional, clean cut. She walked towards her fathers' desk where he sat looking over some papers, his glasses low on his nose.

“Who is this guy.” She pulled a chair from the desk sitting down, she was letting him know she wasn’t going anywhere.

“His name is Choi Jun Seo. He runs the international side of the company, fluent in 3 languages, learning a fourth. He graduated top if his class-”

Yeon cut her father off, tapping on his desk. “I didn’t ask for his resume abeoji.”

Her father slowly lifted his head, pushing his glasses on his nose. The wrinkles around his eyes, deepening as he sighed. “I think, he would be a good match for you.”

“I knew something was up!” Yeon stood up in her chair, pointing at her father. “Is this why I came back? Don’t lie to me.”

Her father removed his glasses, rubbing the area between his eye. “Yeon, do not raise your voice at me.”

She ignored him. “Is it! Tell me! I don’t want to be set up, with some guy who you think is ok for me. That’s not fair!” She pushed away from his desk, throwing her hands into the air. “You can’t do this!”

“I can do as I please, I am your father!” Mr. Hyo stood up, his balled fist slamming down on his desk.

The air was hot between them. Yeon heard her breathing, she was frustrated and angry. She closed her eyes, willing back the tears that threatened. “Did you even miss me? Or did you just want me back as some shiny little pawn to entice your co-workers with?”

Her fathers face softened. “Why would you say that? Of course, I missed you. Your mother missed you. You belong here at home. It is not safe in Atlanta, we cannot protect you.”

Yeon sniffled. “You don’t have to protect me, I’m a grown woman.” She wiped her eyes, turning her back on her father like a child.

“You are my child. My only child. He will be here tonight to introduce himself to you in a formal setting, that is all. I am pushing, however, that you two will date.” Mr. Hyo came from around his desk, at 5′9″ he towered over his daughter, lifting her chin to look at him. “Give him a chance.”

She tugged her chin from her fathers grasp. “If he’s ugly, I’m not doing anything.”

“Park Yeon..” He said quietly.

“I don’t like this, and I don’t agree to it. I will be cordial though.” Her father chuckled, hugging his daughter tight.

“You’re like your mother, I suppose that is all I can ask for now.”

Chapter Two

[kxlance]

here are my thoughts on the bullshit under the cut cuz it's gonna get long probs i assure you it’s a reassuring post:

ok so the interview itself wasn't bad to me honestly. jeremy did not deny the bi!lance hint, which was the most important thing to know. the fact that he said "that much i can say" implies that there's something left to know that he can't say because nda.

i'm gonna list a positive thing and a negative thing here: the negative one is that on one hand, it pisses me off that lgbt characters are treated as such a big spoilery deal when it should just....feel so natural to have them in a show. also thinking back that dreamworks tagged certain videos as klance just for views...well it's kind of a coward move if they don't at least end the show with lgbt rep. on the other, i really don't see the point with going all "no comment" about it if it weren't to happen?? that would be very assholey, and i know that the writers are not to be trusted, but the mere fact that they lie so much over things than then ended up being canon (e.g: galra keith, paladin allura, pidge being a girl etc) can't help but make me think they are pretty much hiding the endgame couple on purpose. you could argue they could be hinting at allurance which i'm not excluding bc some of the things could be honestly interpreted that way and also they never mention them ever as a couple except i remember like kimberly saying that allura isn't interested in lance (but she could be lying obviously) and jeremy here stating that lance has still a crush on her which is pretty evident and there's nothing new. (we also learned, according to him, that lance basically can dish it out but he can't take it which frankly...i can see pretty well as canon)

on that spectrum, pls note that this happening (or lance ending up with a girl for the matter) doesn't absolutely excludes bi!lance like at all. he can still be confirmed as bi and end up with a girl and that itself would still be very important! one thing doesn't exclude the other honestly so i say very confidently that lance being bi will be confirmed. like 100% convinced that it will. (do not forget lauren's drawing where lance is holding the lgbt sign, there's a specific reason he's the one holding that)

also does anybody think that....this stress over lance liking ladies and stuff is kinda....suspicious?? like jeremy himself was used to say "lol he flirts with anybody on two legs ahha" and now today all of a sudden he's putting a lot of stress on the ""woman"" part. which kind of threw me off? i might be reaching obviously, but mmm you know? and all of this comes after joaquim said "what he's looking for is getting to a place that might be different than when he started in the series" and “what he wants might not be what he needs” and if math isn't an opinion, he started the series always wanting allura so if what he wants is now changing..........................

it is also true that lauren used female pronouns in that interview and while that could be an indicator that lance will end up with a girl, it's also not set in stone bc.... they used to hide pidge's pronouns the same way and if lauren had said "him" you know that keith would have suddenly come to mind bc??? he's legit the only person lance has been paired up so much with. they've been sort of a duo ever since the beginning. and they've had most of the couple tropes out of all the possible pairings??? in the show??? allow me to list some. I'm too lazy to back this up with pics but like you know the scenes i'm talking about (and i also say this because when i ship something i ALWAYS look at canon interactions. and they have a lot):

the bonding moment (or the we are a good team scene if you will), which is not only visually very romantic (the purple lightning aka their two primary colors mixed together) but its sort of the turning point of their relationship and it's something that's very much used with couples especially with couples with their dynamic because oh lord!!!!!! do you know how many heterosexual couples exist with a dynamic like theirs? broody boy meets friendly girl and they're total opposites but ops they fall in love?? bitch literally every goddamn YA novel is like this. anyways, you know that scene would be considered romantic if it was between a boy and a girl, and indeed, allurance sort of paralleled that scene in s4 so if you consider that as romantic but not this one....well....buddy,,,,,,,they're basically in the same lions keith and lance were aka the fire and ice dynamic and if you can see that as romantic with a/l you should be able to see it the same way with....k/l but i digress).

as i was saying, the bonding moment is the turning point of keith and lance's relationship. after that we get:

1) an episode where keith is super anxious to have lance out of a pod and gets jealous when he sees lance flirting with allura, reminds him of their "bonding moment" and gets offended that lance doesnt remember (and an entire discussion could be open as to why he was so offended and the vlog kinda sets that up), overall the flirty banter that we're used to (not to mention this is the famous infamous bi flag planet)

2) a solo mission where they're shown to be working extremely well with each other (like classic battle couple duo scenes)

onto other tropes:

the subtle jealousy that can be interpreted both ways

THE ELEVATOR SCENE which is such a common trope for main couples!! they usually get stuck and have a moment of clarification or something like that. keith and lance's was a lot more comedic but it did lead them to collaborate in battle 2 seconds after so.... it did have an impact like those scenes usually do. (also that scene wasn’t necessary for the plot at all and yet...)

Lance making that fond face while talking about Keith that, may I remember you, was animated purposely to be that way. and overall there's a lot of subtle things like lance being constantly worried over keith in season 2 even though they didn't have much dynamic development??

the hey man scene? the fact that everybody was looking at lance EXPECTING HIM TO DO SOMETHING. and he could have easily looked back at them like "why me???" BUT NOPE, he was ready to go to comfort him!!!!!!!!

i get so worked up over the fact that so many of their scenes can be paralleled with other scenes as the story goes bc LETS BE FUCKING REAL FOR A GODDAM SECOND: they're the only pairing who started a way and are ending up in another. because they've had the most coherent development as a pairing in the seasons and we're fucking halfway through the show and when you also remember that it's pretty clear that lance wants to falls in love and that it's a ""slow burn""" kind of deal,,,,how in the fuck,,,,can it be other than klance??? literally nO OTHER PAIRING had a development since the goddamn start i’m not even saying this with my biased ass i’m saying this objectively speaking!!!!

all of season 3 could be a huge romantic trope honestly but like 2 scenes in particular strike as very romantic:

the leave the math to pidge scene obviously (the way it is framed is very tropey lmfao) and the way we see keith through lance's eyes.......pretty gay if you ask me

and the i got you buddy scene which someone made notice that AN EXACT SAME SCENE happens in the wonder woman movie but with a boy/girl pairing ofc. BUT IT'S THE SAME FUCKING SCENE THAT'S LIKE ROMANTIC TROPE 101 I AINT PLAYING

add on the fact that keith might have left team voltron to make sure lance had a place and boom. pretty romantic to me.

even if jeremy sees them as brothers....which is like...super fucking odd to me bc....he never mentioned this before almost like he's backtracking lololol, his opinion isn't...you know...canon. (and like lbr they never acted like brothers in the show??? and the creators never addressed them as such unlike...you know what) i like jeremy jokes and meme as much as the next guy but i'm a realist and i know that he doesn't really ship klance or anything he just knows how to spoiler the good stuff lolz but also he didn't say anything wrong like it's just how he sees it but the creators never said so (lauren montgomery called lance keith's stability don't forget that) and overall there are wayyyy too many hints to not believe that's its gonna be canon. like......it even makes sense with the overall story better than any other pairing?? because it's pretty plausible that lance had a crush on keith at the garrison that tried to mask with the rivalry. the way he acts and the way he tries to always get his attention furtherly proves that. it's a common thing to do when you have a crush lmao.

LIKE THOSE TWO ARE ALWAYS PAIRED UP EVEN IN THE FUCKING SEASON 2 POSTER?? LIKE THEY COULD HAVE GONE WITH KEITH IN THE MARMORA OUTFIT SINCE IT WAS A BIG PART OF THE SEASON BUT NO??? THEY PUT HIM IN THE SWIM TRUNKS WITH LANCE FOR THOSE 2 MINUTES OF SCENE THEY HAD TOGETHER?????

ok that's it keep on hoping and remember that klance not happening doesn't mean that also bi lance won't because those two things aren’t mutually exclusive ok? but also don't lose hope on klance itself especially if it's something that makes you happy because fandom is meant to be a distraction and klance is an healthy lgbt ship that deserves all the attention it gets and it’s groundbreaking from so many aspects and it being canon would be amazing. bye

ALSO PLEASE STOP COMMENTING SHIT ON JEREMY’S PERSONAL PICS ON INSTAGRAM HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG THIS IS EMBARASSING

bonus

[clown-bait]

Apologies (Monster Roommate AU)

So to continue my holiday mini fics for the AU heres the next one in the series! Pennywise gets in trouble and gets the silent treatment. He doesn't handle it well. On a side note I had a BLAST writing this especially the second part and Leech’s temper tantrum at work. I’ve been wanting to show her at the bar for some time now and get more of the Sawyer brothers in there! Also Penny making missing posters with sad faces drawn all over them in an attempt to be an adorable little shit. 

Pennywise Sucks at Apologies

“Who ever is playing as “trashpire” is losing badly.” Penny plopped on the couch between Freddy and Leech.

“Wow thanks for the encouragement.” Leech grumbled as Freddy stabbed her character again. The demon was himself in the game of course, playing it somehow on the stupid Nintendo power glove. Leech put the controller down and packed another bowl in a huff.

“Aww giving up so soon bloodsucker?”

“You know its not fair when you use demon magic to win. Hey Penny sweetie, help me out here do that thing you do with the tv.” she picked the controller up after taking a hit from the colorful pipe.

Pennywise growled “I am a timeless ancient evil not something you can use to cheat on video games.”

“It's not cheating if Freddy’s cheating too.”

Penny playfully covered her face with his hand causing Leech to lose once again. The clown cackled at her protest continuing to mess with her vision. Leech finally got fed up and bit down on his thumb. Pennywise growled with mock anger and the vampire released him peppering little kisses on the wound.

“Ugh can you guys take a break today? I don't want to deal with Vorhees trying to break in” Freddy scooted over as far away from the couple as possible.

“Is he at it again? Man I bet that asshole was way better when he didn't talk” Leech remembered the first time she had run into Jason and how obnoxious he was.

“Nah, He was still an asshole” Freddy grumbled taking a hit from the pipe.

“Speaking of silent giant assholes, you know who absolutely freaks me out?”

“Me?” Penny grinned proudly

“Haha you wish. You're a giant asshole for sure but you aint quiet love. No its Michael Myers, I ran into him in the store the other night and the guy just stood there silently in the middle of the aisle like he was trying to decide he wanted to stab me in the throat or not.”

Penny's face twisted into that of pure offense. HOW DARE she think someone else was scarier than HIM. HIM the eater of worlds! The master of FEAR ITSELF. Pennywise felt his eye twitch and drift apart.

“Mikey is a total jerk man, he has this high and mighty attitude. Just because you don't say anything doesn't make you the scarier monster.” Freddy let out a puff of smoke while handing the pipe to the vampire who took a long hit.

“Pfft you're the opposite end of the spectrum Fred, maybe take a page out of Myers book sometime and shut up” she passed the pipe back across Penny’s lap, who was eerily still, to the dream demon.

“Nonsense, the ladies love a chatty killer! Right clown?…Clown?…Earth to Jingles?”

Penny's eyes had rolled completely to opposite sides of his face.

“You ok Pen?” Leech waved a hand in front of his face. The clown snapped to life with a roar and his jaws extended like a goblin shark biting onto her wrist. “OW HEY WHAT THE HELL” she slapped him on the back of the head. Pennywise let go, quickly grabbing her shoulders and sniffing frantically. “Were you scared???” he asked still sniffing her “NO I'm fucking pissed off what the shit Penny!?”

“Y-you weren't scared? Not even a little?” wait was he worried?

“Looks like you're losing your edge clown! Mikey is the one who scares your girl now!” Freddy laughed and Leech threw a dusty old pillow at him.

“Kruger!!” she hissed.

Penny got up and made his way towards the well his face expressionless.

“Oooooh boy I can already tell this is going to become a thing with him.”

“Shouldn’t have said that Ol’ Mikey is the one who really gets the adrenaline pumping then!”

“Ugh don't say it like that. I don't even think he's that attractive. He wears a William Shatner mask for fucks sake”

“I'm going to tell him you said that next time I see him!”

“DONT”

“Awwww whats the matter? S-s-s-scared Mike’s gonna come get ya?!” Freddy cackled

“I will pay you not to Fred, I'm dead serious”

“Now I know what to put in your nightmares tonight!”

“You wouldn’t”

“The clown’s off having an existential crisis you're fair game bloodsucker!”

“Are you just being a sore loser because I beat you in guitar hero? I won fair and square its not my fault you don't know all the songs.”

Freddy got up and tipped his hat to her “See you in your dreams scaredy cat”

like an evil Santa he was gone.

Leech sat alone in her room trying her hardest not to fall asleep knowing that Freddy would continue to mess with her more. She suddenly wished she could lucid dream so she could just punch him in the face next time he popped up. The vampire rolled over onto her back. “Maybe if I ate something?” she thought aloud but that would require getting up and going out. She settled on reading pulling out a book she had got from the library on Derry’s history. She liked knowing about Penny’s past exploits since he was always so cryptic with her when she asked. Plus morbid stuff was interesting.

She was on a bit about an Easter explosion, over 100 children dead at the old iron works. She chuckled to herself “Man this must have been like Christmas come early for him” she kept reading recognizing his circus cart in one picture and she started wondering to herself how the hell did Penny get that down into the sewer. Her light began to flicker and Leech groaned knowing she’d have to get up and change the bulb. Stupid old house with its stupid shotty wiring. The light completely fizzed out without warning “Just my luck” she snarled grabbing a flashlight. When she turned it on she noticed something at the foot of her bed. No, someone. She brought the light up and saw the bloody stain on the figures shirt then finally to its face. It was a child. A dead one. The child spoke softly “Hello Leech wont you come play with us!” her face slowly began to decay. Leech sat back and continued to watch the show. The ghost girl floated up and landed so she was standing on Leech’s stomach. It crouched down so it was in her face.

“Come play with us!!” It roared.

“Spooky, Like the decay it’s a nice touch.”

The ghost frowned and then opened its jaws showing millions of teeth. Its tongue snaked out holding a small silver crucifix. Leech hissed at it in anger and the charm melted, sliver splashing onto her chest causing smoke to rise from her skin. She screamed in pain and the ghost realizing it messed up began frantically trying to wipe it off her. Leech’s skin began to burn and suddenly her tank top had caught fire from the heat. The ghost became the clown, who tore the burning fabric off of his mate stomping out the flames with his large boots. Penny noticing her skin was lighting on fire now, scooped her up and ran to the bathroom tossing her in the shower and turning it on.

She was soaked her favorite sleeping shirt was ruined and there was awkward burns on her boobs. Pennywise was in DEEP trouble.

“Penny…… why the FUCK did you use an actual silver crucifix to try to scare me?!”

“I-I..um did it work?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK DO I LOOK SCARED TO YOU?”

“Maybe the fire did alit-”

“SHUT UP. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HER WITH YOU TONIGHT! get me a FUCKING towel and get the FUCK out” she screamed she had never gotten this mad at him before.

“You cant kick me out I own this house.”

“OUT”

The clown vanished quickly reappearing on the couch down stairs. Where he placed his giant gloved hands over his face. She’ll be back she always calls for him to come back. Any minute now….

————

A few hours had passed and Penny was messing with Freddy and Leech’s video game trying to scare kids up way too late through their screens. She hadn't called for him back.

“Someone’s been banished to the cooouuucchh!” Chucky sang from the doorway.

“I swear if you say any more words doll…”

“Heard the screaming awhile ago what did you do? It has to be good to get kicked out of the bedroom”

The clown sighed. “I tried to scare her and I accidentally set her on fire.”

“Holy shit!” Chucky cackled “thats amazing! I cant believe you fucked up that bad Jingles!”

“Wonderful.” Penny grumbled

“Don’t sweat it clown, she’ll be begging for you back in no time. You just have to be real nice for a few days, which I know is hard for you…”

“Whats the use, my mate hates me and I'm not scary anymore.” the clown moped his head sinking low.

“Pfft yeah Kruger told me she had a freaky run in with Meyers. Whats the matter losing your edge?”

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Cheer up Jingles like I said she’ll be begging for you back eventually. Bring her some gifts or somethin. Fancy chocolate chicks like that.”

“She cant eat chocolate she’s a vampire.”

“Uuuhh one of those silver charm bracelets? I stole Tiff one last week when I was in trouble for leaving that stiff on the new rug.”

“Just found out silver lights her on- wait….that was you?”

“I cleaned it up!”

“Barely.” the clown crossed his arms and rolled over on the couch.

“Look that girls crazy about you, she’ll be hollering your name again soon Jingles. I'm telling ya makeup sex is the best!”

Penny rubbed his temples. He was not in the mood to talk about this.

“Did you at least say you were sorry?”

“No. When have I ever had to say that. I don't grovel at her feet and beg like a dog.”

“HAHAHAHA oh man your funeral buddy.”

Pennywise rolled onto his back and dramatically sunk into a crack in the couch. The last thing he heard was the doll shouting some useless romantic advice about dishes before he was back in his nest in the sewer.

————

It had been a full morning with no Pennywise breathing down Leech’s neck. Usually he’d play his own little games with her. Trying to distract her while she poured her breakfast in her favorite mug, leaving dirty suggestive things on her morning crosswords. His favorite game was trying to convince her not to go to work. He was very persuasive. This morning though the clown was completely absent, it was almost nice actually to finally have some space. Leech was able to go through her whole morning routine with no interruptions. It was going to be such a relaxing day. The vampire was thankful she had taken the day shift it was always slower and easier she was able to mingle with the customers more and pick better tasting victims for later. She’d forgive Penny tomorrow. Leech was going to enjoy her day off from him.

Today two young men walked into the bar they looked rugged and well built the type that would spend a lot of time outdoors. Chop-Top elbowed the newest waitress when he caught Leech staring at the lean body of one of the guys, the cannibal whispered something to the new girl and laughed. Penny would be pissed if he saw her right now and Leech smiled at the thought spinning a glass a bit just to show off. Oh he would be seething mad, but he deserves it after the way he'd been acting. The men left her a nice tip and the one she’d been eyeing gave her a grin as he left. He'd make a nice snack later. Chop-Top leaned against the bar “You're going to be in so much trouble” he laughed knowing how jealous his coworkers lover tended to get.

“I'm allowed to look, besides he deserves a kick in the ass. Penny’s been a huge jerk lately.”

Chop-Top scratched the metal plate under his 60s era wig as Leatherface came out of the kitchen “Hey big guy it’s a slow day mind if I take off early? We got plenty of burgers stored up from that last big weekend” Leech asked. Leatherface nodded and patted the vampires head Leech grinned “Thanks boss!” the giant leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder looking at where the two men sat in concern “Don't worry Bubba, Pen and I are solid I'm just messing with him for setting me on fire last night”

“What happened unfortunate juggling accident?” Leatherface’s eccentric brother twirled on a bar stool with laughter and the pretty new girl came over to the bar. She was one of the local werewolves and the only one Leech tolerated…..Tolerated is a strong word it was more she was contractually obligated to not start any more fights. “You got set on fire?”

“Yes Sandy I got set on fire. You didn't notice the burns on my cleavage?” Leech rolled her eyes. this bitch talks too much.

“What cleavage?” Chop-Top joked and Leech pushed him off the stool hard.

“My new boyfriend would never do that to me! He’s such a great guy!! Don't know why you put up with that kind of behavior that clown has”

“Gee Sandy! Maybe its because I actually love him and don't plan on dumping him in two weeks. You ever try that? I know its hard for you dogs to not hump the leg of everything you see” Leech muttered after turning away from the werewolf.

“What was that?” Sandy asked.

Leatherface and Chop-Top both began pointing frantically at the employee rules behind the bar. There was a new one scribbled in red marker at the bottom saying “NO MORE BLOOD-FEUDS” the vampire groaned.

“I mean um he’s an acquired taste. You get used to it.”

“I’ll say, must be so obnoxious with all that circus shit all the time. What a fucking weirdo…Oh and those bells and that shakey high pitched voice ugh”

“I. Like. The. Circus. Shit.” the nosferatu spat her fake smile beginning to crack. No one puts Penny down but her.

“it'd drive me crazy to date a guy who wore more make up than me.”

“HIS MAKEUP IS PERFECT AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE HONEY! Shut your whore mouth! I love my clown!!” the vampire roared claws scraping into the bar.

Leatherface practically threw the rule board at Leech. “She started it!”

“Your shifts over Leech, go home and no fighting” Chop-Top pushed the vampire out the door.

“FINE!” she got on her bike and rode off.

————-

It didn't help that everything reminded her of him. Leech wanted to head straight into the nearest storm drain after that incident and forgive him just so she could feel those long arms wrap around her. She was still mad at him though, and like a child he wouldn't learn his lesson unless she stuck to her guns and gave him the silent treatment. What made it hard was the clown’s presence seemed to be EVERYWHERE today. He was probably doing this on purpose so she’d forgive him faster.”That little shit.” Leech thought to herself when she saw a missing poster with her face on it. She pulled it off the wall and read it

Missing: you

24 years old

Last seen yelling at a sweet innocent clown

description: big ears, sharp teeth and bald. Cutest vampire you'll ever see!

If found please return to the nearest sewer opening or sad lonely clown. :o(

Leech rolled her eyes at the sad faced balloon crudely drawn in the corner. “You think you can win me over by being cute you need to try harder Penny” fuck he's making this difficult for her.

She folded the paper and put it in her bag. Leech tried her best to avoid every red balloon tied to almost all the street signs she came across. Somehow she ended up in the park and the vampire decided to sit in the shadiest area she could find to avoid dealing with her clown problem at home. Leech felt the familiar cramp of hunger begin to build, tearing at her insides till she could no longer ignore it. She decided to look around the crowd for someone who wouldn't be missed.

Her sensitive hearing picked up the sound of a couple local bullies shoving a kid against a tree off in the woods. This will work. The nosferatu crept into some bushes and waited for the boys to stop their tormenting. As she waited the smell of cotton candy and blood drifted into her nose. Oh great. She looked over and Pennywise was crouched in hunting mode diagonal from her. Of course he was here, that poor boy being pushed into the tree was terrified. “I’ll just take my food and go don't even talk to him…he’s probably after the kid anyway not the teens.” she thought to herself. The vampire moved closer and a twig snapped under her knee. “SHIT” she whispered then quickly covered her mouth, the poor nosferatu was still making all kinds of rookie mistakes. The teens let go of the boy who ran out of the woods and she saw the mess of orange hair snap in her direction. “Fantastic now were both mad at each other.” she rolled her eyes.

“W-whos there?” one of the boys asked. Leech sighed and shot a claw out from her bush to drag him back into it with horrifying speed while he screamed. The other boy jumped back shrieking and fell against the tree he had pinned his own victim to only a few moments before. Sickening crunching sounds could be heard from the bush the boy’s friend had just disappeared into. The surviving bully picked up a sharp branch in an attempt to save his friend and using it like a spear he stabbed into the bush Leech was feasting in. Something caught it before it made contact with her and the vampire froze turning to see Pennywise towering over the other boy. “Its rude to disturb a girl while she's enjoying her meal.” he snarled Leech had fallen back against her snack and stared up at him both in shock and relief to see Penny decided to help her out. The clown looked over at her and gave her a cocky smirk. If he thinks he's out of the dog house for saving my ass he's so wrong. Leech stood up and sarcastically smiled back at him. “What the fuck! What the fuck is that!” the bully screamed. The boys eyes were wide with tears of sheer terror from seeing his friends blood covering the vampire’s chin and the now six foot circus demon towering over him.

“Time to float kiddo” Pennywise lunged forward and delivered a perfect killing blow, dropping the body with a thud on the dirt. He turned to his vampire and gave a cocky grin. “SoooOOO….whats a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Cute. You use that line on all the flesh eating women you meet?” Leech rolled her eyes.

“Just the pretty ones like yourself my dear….. you going to finish that?” he pointed at the body next to her.

“I’m not giving you my meal and I'm still not talking to you” Leech crossed her arms and turned her head away from Pennywise trying not to get stuck in his golden stare.

“You’re talking to me right now though!” the clown strolled over to her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze with a single gloved finger.

“Yeah well…. only cause you saved my ass….so thanks…asshole.” Leech glared at him. Penny sensed her beginning to break.

“My my little firecracker, is that any way to treat your rescuer? I think I deserve more thanks than that” he pulled her closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her cold lips.

“You’re not getting any. You’ve been a dick lately” Leech looked away from him trying her best to hide the creeping blush on her hollow cheeks

“Then why aren't you trying to get away?” he was inches away from her now. Shit

“I hate you” Leech snarled and closed her eyes “Mmmmm I hate you more” his soft lips pressed against hers. Stupid clown. The vampire ran a claw through his hair pulling him into her to deepen the kiss Pennywise purred with victory. Leech unceremoniously pushed him off her with a huff facing away from him to hide the fact she was about to start grinning like a school girl. Pennywise snickered.

“You know, you're lucky I didn't punish you for chasing off my initial meal with your stupid mistakes.”

“Not everyone can be as perfect as you, I'm still learning. Give me a break.”

“Aww you're right I am perfect!” he smirked at his on lame joke.

“You're a narcissist is what you are.” Leech grumbled.

“I thought you weren't talking to me.”

“You’re right I'm not…I’m… you just….fuck….you’re so fucking frustrating you know that?” pennywise snarled and pinned her against the tree.

“Likewise bloodsucker. You have no idea how much you torment me.”

“At least I don't light you on fire when my ego’s bruised”

“At least I have an ego. Pitiful little thing, if you spent half the time you spend moping around on practice you wouldn't need me to save you from these situations.”

“I don’t need you to come save me I can take care of myself” Leech snarled back.

“That boy nearly impaled you. If I hadn't shown up you'd be one step away from losing that pretty head of yours. You're lucky I like you so much.”

Leech shoved him back “Yeah but you didn’t do it for me did you! I know you too well. You did it because you thought I’d stop being mad at you.” she took a bold step forward. Too bold. “Selfish prick… you know perfectly well I would have been fine. Stop trying to scare me with that you “would have died” bullshit I'm not in the mood.”

The clown slammed her into a tree with a growl fully pissed off now.

“Stupid girl. Do I need to show you how much I care again?” Pennywise roared his claws splintering into the tree behind her. “Go ahead” she grinned  “but you still wont be man enough to ever say you're sorry to my face.” What a brat. She was completely right of course, but still her attitude was definitely in need of adjusting. He hated when she was right.

The clown placed a knee between her legs and grabbed her neck bringing her close to him again. Leech whimpered a bit when he licked her neck and chin with greed. He groped her body possessively touching her in any way that he wanted to and the vampire glared at him trying everything she could to hide the flush of ichor under the skin of her cheeks. He was being an ass but she loved it when he got worked up like this. Stupid clown. When he kissed her again Leech moaned into his mouth pulling his waist so his hips pressed against hers. Penny had the hem of her pants in his claws prepared to rip them off until he sniffed the air and paused more humans.

“Hello? Miss you ok?” a mans voice rang out in the woods. He couldn't see the clown or the bodies Penny had hidden them, but he left Leech. Lets see how she does without him there to save her now.

Leech's eyes widened oh shit it's the guy from the bar. Shit, shit, shit!!! Penny glanced over at her and sneered “Friend of your’s darling?”

“Hey! Its you! What’s a pretty little bartender doing way out here in these woods?”

Pennywise bared his fangs in jealousy. Oh she did know him. “Yeah what are you doing out here Leech” he turned to her with an evil grin

“Oh um nothing really”

“Just fucking my lover in the woods.” Pennywise mocked her. Leech wanted to die at this point.

“JUST GOING ON A HIKE” she yelled over the clown.

“You uh seem a bit roughed up you ok?” walked over to touch her arm and she pulled back.

“Fine! I'm fine! Tripped on a rock silly me! I must have weak knees!”

“Yeah clowns seem to make them shake like a leaf” Pennywise smirked enjoying his little test.

“Want me to take a look at it?” the man asked,

“I’ll..I’ll be ok” thats a lie, she was far from ok right now especially since Penny was now running a gloved hand down the small of her back and attempting to stuff said hand down the back of her pants.

“Well in that case forgive me if I'm being too forward but my friend and I are here for a couple days while we prep for a backpacking trip. I’d love to get your number so we could hang out sometime.”

This poor boy just signed his own death certificate. He was nice too, if Leech wasn't involved with Penny she might have even said yes. He’ll make a nice meal though, she didn't get to finish her’s after all. Pennywise walked behind the man and bared his fangs snapping his jaws near his head to show Leech what he planned on doing with him after she was gone. She gave the clown a look that said Not today Pennywise. “I’m actually already seeing someone-“ she paused an evil thought entering her mind and the vampire grinned at the clown wickedly “sorta… we’re having a big fight right now really.” Penny’s playful expression dropped. She wouldn't dare.

“Oh thats a shame you're more than welcome to talk about it, I'm Brad by the way”

“Lee-Lucy! I’m Lucy”

“You're mine is what you are.” Penny walked over to her and ran his fingers roughy along his mark on her neck. Leech swatted him away.

“So tell me dear Lucy, why would this guy of your’s ever want to make you upset? If you were my girl I would treat you like a princess”

Leech shot Penny another look that said “See? A princess!” Pennywise glared at her more.

“Well, it started as a practical joke gone wrong. Now its more about how he's being a selfish  asshole”

“Well you're very cute a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with that”

“You think I'm attractive?” Leech laughed in surprise. Pennywise was fuming. “Huh I rarely ever hear that these days.” Leech looked directly into the clowns eyes.

“Absolutely, I have a thing for girls like yourself.” he chuckled and took a step closer to her. Wrong move buddy.

“Well um thanks…..don't think you'd like the real me though”

“What are you getting at Leech” Penny snarled.

Brad took her hand and Leech saw the clown twitch. “Nonsense. That guy of your’s doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.” this poor sweet boy is a walking corpse at this point. Brad leaned in while stared at Leech’s lips as if asking to kiss her.

“Dont even think about it” Pennywise’s eyes were blood red.

“Well thank you for the kind words” Leech turned away. Maybe she took this too far. She saw Penny struggling to hold his clown form together his face beginning to split. The human grabbed her chin to turn her face back to him and she glared. Ok buddy you've overstayed your welcome.  Leech looked over to Penny and winked the clown narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Brad began to kiss her and the vampire snarled with rage, she bit clear through his lip sucking in the sweet blood. Brad screamed and staggered back. Leech laughed removing her wig to free her large bat like ears, she let her front fangs extend and brought her long red tongue out to lick up the blood on her chin. Pennywise hid the small half smile that threatened to break through his scowl. He did love to watch her work after all. Brad screamed in terror and disgust “Whats the matter baby? Thought you said I was beautiful.” she laughed as Pennywise made him self visible behind her the clown was still twitching a bit. “Hiya Brad!”

“What the fuck is that! What the fuck are you?”

“This is that boyfriend I was talking about dear. He’s not very happy about what you did. Neither am I.”

“That thing? You're dating that thing?”

Pennywise grunted.

“He's a clown not a thing Brad, and yes I love him… even when he's being a jerk” she elbowed Penny hard and he elbowed her back with a huff.

“You're still not letting that go are you?” the clown side eyed her.

“No Penny I’m not, you can either swallow your pride and apologize or let me eat this guy and leave”

“Wait eat me?!”

Pennywise growled at his vampire “Don't interrupt Brad. And I have nothing to be sorry for, you're the one letting some filthy human touch you.”

“For the record I didn't want the kiss that was our friend taking it a bit too far. But you deserve it anyway after the way you’ve been acting. Biting me, lighting me on fire, all because I said someone else scared me one time? You have some serious jealousy issues.”

“Wow I’ll say”

“Shut up Brad!” Leech hissed “You could at least start with an apology Pen, but instead you just act like what you did was perfectly justified. PLUS at least the human can give me a compliment every now and then you selfish prick!”

Penny turned to growl at her more but the frantic shuffling of fleeing feet drew his attention away. He snarled at the direction of the running human and turned to Leech “I’ll be back for you.”

“Go ahead I'm still not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry though!” The nosferatu yelled.

The clown glared and vanished. When she was finally alone Leech let out a roar in frustration. Fucking egotistical inter-dimensional clown. She cried by herself for a bit the weather becoming dark and stormy as a result. The vampire left her tears in the dirt and started to head home unaware of her clown watching her silently from the shadows. He hated seeing her upset and he knew was the one who caused it. He held up Brads detached head “Ok maybe you're both right I’ve been a bit of a “jerk” lately.” he made the head nod in agreement. “Shall I try getting her back then, my way?” the head nodded no. “You would say that Brad….you stole your taste and look where that got you hmm? I'm not giving in to her little apology game.” he turned the head to look at him “Yes I know I miss her terribly. Is that what you want to hear? You're dead I don't have to listen to you” Penny tossed the head behind him and ended his macabre one sided puppet show. The clown sunk into the shadows to plan.

--------------------------------------------

I headcannon Penny talking to his victims when he’s bored. Just having weird one sided convos with corpses. Also fun fact one of the horror movies that messed me up when I was a youth was Halloween. It didn't fuck me up as bad as Nightmare on Elm ST did but it fucked me up pretty good. Ironically Nightmare became one of my all time favorites but Halloween never really caught on for me. Just not a big fan of the silent killers beyond Leatherface I guess. Next chapter is gonna get FUN.

[humblesun]

I have never written a post on here before. I haven’t been on here in a very long time, actually. But I want to write something, because I think I experienced something worth writing about. I feel like I should do the millennial thing and write about it on a site my parents can’t see. It really isn’t that deep, but I really want to share it, even though I think the only person that’s gonna see it is zabreena lol. 

Last night I did shrooms for the third time in my life. The other two times were pretty good, very good experiences. I’m sure from that sentence you can guess that last night was not a good trip at all. I respect hallucinogens, always. There power is amazing and it is quiet beautiful when having good experiences. Even the bad experiences, I can appreciate them. 

I decided to trip with two of my 3 of my friends I trust a lot... One of them being someone I would literally die for. ANother being a genuine man that only wishes the best for other humans. The other one is a little iffy, but I always find the good in people, or i try to. 

I get off work and I go shower and my good friend and I head over to the iffy dudes dorm... I take a little over two grams and these shrooms are the real deal man... not even 20 minutes later I am having mad visuals. They are beautiful... I could not stop smiling. I was looking outside of the window and it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen in my life. The trees were blowing in the wind in sections. Every tree had 5 or six sections that were growing into the sky. It looked like they were breathing. I look at this poster this iffy dude has in his dorm and theres trees on it, and the trees were growing inside of the room. There were colors everywhere. GOD IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I looked at my friends and I just told them I loved them. I felt so at peace with myself and the world. I was thinking about how proud I was of myself. I really had been getting my shit together. Then the genuine really cool guy was kind of freaking out. both of us had went into a spiral and I was thinking about how fucked up it is that people don’t know how to do the right thing. How it is so easy to do the right thing, but somehow people never know how to do it. I am someone who is always respectful and openminded to everyones opinions and thoughts. But people know what the right thing is and people constantly pick the wrong thing, because humans are so selfish. I was getting so angry at people. I eventually stood up because I was just zoned out looking at the ceiling. I looked at everyone and I said “what the fuck is going on,” I also said, “Im so hot, but I am so cold. jesus what the fuck.” I was peaking and so was everyone else. When tripping with people, I have felt very connected to them. Usually we are all thinking the same thing, but I was only on the same page as the genuine guy. We kept looking at each other because I felt like he could hear my thoughts, and he thought I could hear his. The iffy dude was getting pissed off because the genuine guy started crying because he was just so sad. I told him that it was okay to cry and my friend of many years was doing the same. 

Eventually he stopped crying... The genuine guy and my friend of many years have had a thing for a few weeks, theyve been makin out, doin things, ya know.... And chandler wanted to kiss tyler, so I guess they started making out, but I didnt know because I had zero peripheral vision.. I could not see them at all. I could not feel my body at all. I felt myself getting hot again and I felt someone touching me. It was that iffy dude!!!! he was groping my stomach and was in my shirt... shit was fucking weird. I yelled at him “get the fuck off of me, stop touching me dude.” and he backed off. I could not get up and leave, other wise i would have left that second. I was paralyzed on the bed dude. Aint no way in hell i could've left. I felt hot gain. this dude was holding my hand and playing with my hair and groping me, AGAIN. I fucking yelled again!! I grabbed this dudes arm and pulled him off of me....... I was sitting there thinking about how I had to go to school for some reason. I said “man i gotta go to school.” everyone was like “what the fuk.” Oh well, I was being semi responsible even on shrooms on a saturday night. I felt hot again. I could not feel my body and this dude was fucking on top of me. HE WAS ON TOP OF ME. I pushed this little dude off and I was fucking pissed. the genuine guy had his pants off for some reason, and I was like what is going on. iffy dude yelled at the genuine dude to put his pants on lol. And genuine guy left the room and iffy guy got mad at me and said “what the fuck, why are you so angry. Is this what rejection feels like.” Yes mother fucker. Fuck you. He justified his actions by saying that he thought it was weird that genuine guy and my friend of many years were interacting like that, but we weren’t. 

We could not find genuine guy to get our ID’s so we can leave. Iffy guy thought I should go and help him find him. Friend of many years and I yelled at him and said “Fuck you, you go find him.” we waited and he finally came back and we left. Genuine guy ran away and I went to my room. I thought iffy guy was gonna go get genuine guy, but iffy dude left his friend stranded and he ended up in the hospital. Genuine guy called the iffy guy to get him out of the hospital and iffy dude said no. WHAT THE FUCK. what kind of friend is that.... 

NOW COMES THE CRAZIEST PART. Person reading this. I experienced an ego death. It was the scariest moment of my fucking life. I went to the dorm and I felt better, but there was something spiraling, but I thought it was okay. I’m usually the babysitter, so I told myself I’m fine alone. My friend of many years left to meet up with her new lady friend, and things got very very bad.... I thought I shit my pants so I told myself I was disgusting. I was smothering my face into the floor saying I hated myself, that there was no point in living. I heard someone say outside of my dorm, “why is there blood everywhere, did someone kill themselves?” All of a sudden I get up and open my eyes and there is blood everywhere. I look at my desk and there is a hannah baker razor sitting there with blood on it. I look down at my arms and there are huge gashes. I feel the blood dripping out of my body. I i start to cry. I start saying “It’s too late. I just killed myself. I’m just an article about drugs and suicide.” I was looking around and i felt myself fall to the ground. I was talking and breathing like I was dead. I laid there and I heard nothing. I was deaf. I realized I was talking way too long to be bleeding out. I got up and realized I was alive, and I had scissors in my hand for some reason. I was holding them saying how worthless I am. There is always a part of me that does what is right, so I set the scissors down and I called my mom and realized it was my mom and hung up. I called my roommate/friend of many years, and I told her to call 911. She sprinted up to me and I was on the ground, in a ball, just crying. I didn’t have a shirt on and she spooned me while I cried. 

I didn’t know what had happened to me until I googled it this morning. I have had very scary suicidal thoughts before, because I have been very depressed before this, but feeling like I had died was the scariest thing ever. I never want to die and the fact that that thought has ever crossed my mind, makes me so sad. Alls I wanted to do was call my family. I wanted to see them and hug them and talk to them. The fact that I thought they would never get to see me alive ever again, was so so terrifying. I called my sister and told her about it, and she cried because i started to cry because that experience had left me traumatized for a minute. 

I want to make a point to this post, but I just wanted to write about what happened. If you ever want to die, don’t die please. Don’t make any action, because someone loves the shit out of you. I promise. I promise you are okay. I promise it isn’t worth it. I know I didn’t really die, but i cannot emphasize enough... I seriously thought I died. I felt my body shut down. Everything was okay and everything is okay. I love breathing and my family. 

Ps. 13 reasons why is the dumbest show ever. Hannah baker is fucking stupid. & I don’t support anyones liking towards it.