#also i told her abt restricting and lying and wanting to ghost my dietitian and abt self sabatoge and panic quitting being my Thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whsprings · 1 year

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me: everyone always says that recovery will be better

me: but here I am and I still have two friends, no career, am still obsessing about food and body image, you know.

me: they've always told me that this was because I was in my eating disorder but what if...

me: what if... it's just me??

me: my ed started as a way to fix myself and at least when I am using behaviors I feel like I am getting something done instead of just sitting and doing nothing.

#cw// ed #iop again for fucks sake #therapist was just like 'that can be a really scary feeling' NO SHIT #and she said that it makes sense that some parts of me are afraid of recovery because i dont trust myself to be able to do life successfully #also she i told her some other stuff and she threatened to call my mom but we came up with a compromise #which thank god because i dont think i would have been able to trust her anymore if she did that #also i told her abt restricting and lying and wanting to ghost my dietitian and abt self sabatoge and panic quitting being my Thing #idk. it was a lot.

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