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#also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that
liinos
Β·
8 months
Text
saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!
#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go...
#my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music
#b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years
#c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one
#d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS
#i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else...
#i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like...
#why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly
#also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that
#i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me
#i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity...
#my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice
#or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me
#my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit π
#like haha you're not funny actually π first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want
#secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again π and that one of us actually lived there before
#also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD
#worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home
#and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane
#like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space
#anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again
#not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school....
#parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i π«Άπ» it
#i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive'
#which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know
#he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no
#and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :)
#so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...
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