#my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!

[stanlunter]

My favourite paralells between Lunter and Zutara part 2!

1. Both Katara and Luz have lost a parent they loved. The relationship with the second parent went bad after, but in the end, after a long separation, they met them and established their relationship

2. Both Katara and Luz liked the ideal warrior hero, who turned out to be an antagonist.

Both Zuko and Hunter ended up with strong asian girls who they had fewer chemistry with (still love Meiko tho)

3. Used to be enemies and fighted each other

Both scenes with incredibly the same chemistry and dynamic

Betrayel

4. During the forced dialogue they realized that they have a lot in common and that Zuko and Hunter are not as bad; an important dialogue taking place in secret from the rest of the team

PARALLELS WITH PAST LOVERS

5. Both Zuko and Hunter had a supportive uncle who was the only one who cared about them and wanted the best for them

The Colored Lady and Titanic Luz + The Golden Guardian and the Blue Spirit, you can't tell me they aren't similar!

The scene of Zuko and Hunter who supposed to die, but were healed!

6. Cuties with close relationships who love teasing each other ans always support each other, the same dynamic.

The saddest scene when they look at one's family member's worst downfall and feel bad

So yeah, every Zutara shipper who ever watched toh, must chose Lunter as their favourite ship, bc It's litterally them in another univers 😭😭

The paralells are really insane!

[waitineedaname]

Um. do you think about how mr & mrs kageyama are undoubtedly on the Good-er side of the Parents scale but also are probably viewed differently by ritsu and shigeo. like i think about how ritsu probably had to be the easy one (the one that doesn't need you to care about them and comfort them) since shigeo has probably come home beaten up and bloodied enough times for the both of them?? also i feel like they might've said something like "well shigeo you don't HAVE to do [thing that will make any parent happy/proud] right ritsu :)" at some point. like idkkk i feel like that is definitely part of why ritsu feels so pressured to be twice as good at whatever he does (to make up for whatever mob lacks) but also if anyone said that to me i'd kill myself on the spot because it puts Zero trust in mob's abilities? like i feel it doesn't give him a chance to try because well ritsu will do it anyways why do i need to :/ (but then body improvement club happened. W)

anyways i just thing his parents (unintentionally) put sooo much pressure on ritsu. like the bar for being Good is drastically different for ritsu and shigeo*. and pre-claw ritsu thought that half of this pressure would probably disappear if mob did what he was ""supposed"" to do as the Older Sibling which might be one of the many many reasons ritsu thought he hated him?

*marathon arc is the first instance that comes to mind cuz...idk..before it happens they're like Hm. we should go wait in the middway of the path for shigeo (who waited for ritsu at the finish line?🤨). and after it they're like hehe ritsu got 9th place and shigeo did his best :) (this just sounds. damn. the bar's that low/high?). and both of these are normal! considering how shigeo and ritsu are! but i also feel like they're only normal because that's what you'd expect from shigeo and ritsu respectively which kind of. fucked up my worldview.

okayyy this got long. Sowwy. 😆

the kageyama parents make me NUTS when I think about them too hard bc they're probably the best parents in the series and definitely the most normal, but with being normal comes very normal flaws and parenting fuck ups, like comparing their sons. like comparing kids against each other is a very normal and common thing for parents to do, but it fucking sucks, and it's only made worse with the specific baggage the brother have

they absolutely put so much pressure on ritsu, which is one of the components of him snapping in the cleanup arc. he's like,, the ideal that they compare shigeo too, like they're always like "shigeo, why don't you get better grades, like ritsu. shigeo, why don't you stop doing weird things, like ritsu." I feel like the best example of this is these two pages from the cleanup arc (chapter 23, if you're curious)

literally every day I think about "ritsu is way smarter than I am. he doesn't do anything weird" [panel of ritsu looking so fucking haunted]

I'm going to put the rest of this under a read more because I had a Lot To Say

anyway, this sets up the expectations for the two of them. shigeo is the one who struggles at school, who messes up, whose psychic powers do weird things. ritsu is the star student, the perfect son, the Normal One. neither of these expectations are fair to them at all, especially since shigeo works really fucking hard when he sets his mind to something, and ritsu has to wear the mask of normalcy and perfection even if it doesn't feel right. it puts too much pressure on ritsu and sets mob up with the expectations of failure! goddammit!!

I don't necessarily blame the kageyama parents, I mean like I said, this is a very normal thing for parents to do, especially with kids so close in age. I've been compared to my stepsister, I've seen this happen to friends who are close in age to their siblings. it sucks ass, but it's a very normal flaw for a family to have. but also, even though the series really emphasizes that psychic powers are just a normal thing, I don't think the kageyama parents were equipped to deal with the specific issues their kids have bc of psychic powers. I can't help but wonder how much they know about that part of their sons' lives... the more I think about it, the more I think that ritsu definitely didn't tell them the truth about the first ???% incident, he definitely lied to protect his brother because I feel like they would treat shigeo differently if they knew he almost killed his brother and several teenagers at age ten. and it's unclear how much, if anything, they know about the major arcs of the show. do they know ritsu was kidnapped? do they know shigeo was trapped in a mental hellscape for six months? I'm pretty sure ritsu actively hid the events of the world domination arc from them. we see their mom watching the news report in the confession arc -- did she see her son on the screen?

idk, I just get the impression that the brothers don't really let their parents into that part of their lives, which means they still get treated normally but also means their parents don't really understand them. I think that's part of why reigen was so important to mob's development as a kid, because he gave him a person he could go to about things he couldn't talk about with his parents. it also means ritsu was especially isolated because he didn't have that kind of person, at least not until he and shou became friends

also what you said about ritsu being the "easy one", that fits directly into the way I think about both of the kageyama brothers being autistic. I think mob was much more visibly autistic, probably needed more support, and because ritsu didn't need the same support, everyone assumed ritsu must be allistic. I think he knew he was the "easy one" between the two of them and I think that got wrapped up in him masking a LOT to make things easier on his parents so they could focus on shigeo. this kid is so damn undiagnosed that I don't think he even realizes he might also be autistic until his teenage years at least

something something psychic powers as a metaphor for autism something something ritsu desperately trying to seem normal because he doesn't have powers, but also desperately wanting to get powers and stop having to act normal. this kid is so fucking sick of masking.

[thefuseoftemptation]

maybe for the lost boys you could do how they’d teach y/n how to drive? maybe headcannons

oh, OH.

THE LOST BOYS X GN!READER

WARNING(S): cussing, the use of y/n (just bc I know some of us prefer when it’s not used so here’s a warning) I typed this out in under half an hour so if there’re typos, then you know why. NOT PROOFREAD.

—

they'll be teasing you for not knowing how.

Whether you just ask one of them or you go to all of them, they'll show you, but they'll show you their way.

and let's just get it out there, Dwayne is the one to go to when it comes to learning.

He's also the one who's got more of a understanding when it comes to rules.

you ask Marko or Paul? you might as well be making your own bed, man.

And David? I mean sure, but c'mon, think about it, it's David.

and there's many scenerios at which this could go too so-

but I'll put how each of them would be and then the further we go, I'll put how it'll be if all of them were showing you at the same time....which is never something to be heard in the same sentence.

David

let's say for the scenerio w David, while he (or more so all the boys) knew you didn't know how to drive, you still went to one of the others and asked if they could teach you.

and while he never showed it, why were you asking them and not him?

like the guy would legit be taken back (but not show it) that you had gone to Paul to teach you

Paul? Really?!!

but let's be for real, asking David to teach you to drive is like asking your parent.....if y'know, Y'KNOW

you may as well have not gone to the boys in the first place if if this were case

if anything, he more likely makes you come to him rather you go to him on your own terms.

for this, he probably told the boys to step back just so you could go up to him later on

"David..."

"We'll start in a few."

He more likely tells you how to go about driving rather than show you.....if that makes sense.

Like he'll sit back, stare ahead and just tell you what to do rather than being more hands on and guiding you through every step

which is very very annoying bc you need a little more than that, David

Though he is one of the boys to tell you about safety and all that stuff everyone talks about

you get behind the wheel? you better have that goddamn seatbelt on. even though he himself doesn't have it on.

while he never outwardly shows his concern, it's there. so you get in and try putting the keys in before your seatbelt's on? He's going to tell you something.

"Unless your looking to be head first through that windshield, I suggest you put your seatbelt on. Or I could just turn you now and we won't to worry about that...."

Hence you putting your seatbelt on while giving him a side eye.

expect to have a few alot of disagreements about standard procedures/rules when it comes to being on the road

"I'm not going to go, David. I don't have the right away!"

"Y/N asked me to teach you, so I'm teaching you. So turn."

"I did not ask you!" you did, but he wasn't your go to.

or

"Stay to your side."

"I am on my side."

"No, your steering into this lane."

"I'm in my own goddamn lane!"

cue you swerving bc you were in fact, in the said lane he'd been referring to.

"Told you."

and though you hadn't been looking forward to it, David isn't all that bad at teaching you.

Dwayne

he's the go to.

Dwayne is the go to when it comes to certain things, and in this case, it's driving.

he's even the go to when your riding with them. while you like taking turns between all your boys sometimes, not dying, is preferred.

plus, when you ride with Dwayne, it gives you the opportunity to feel his exposed torso.

the guy is shirtless all the time, what do you expect? only someone in the right mind would think the same thing

and like David, he will tell you to put your seatbelt on. but it's more of a reminder than telling.

He'll probably put his on himself

Even if he isn't exactly the most ideal example since he and the boys are always breaking rules, being on the road isn't excluded. He speeds and cuts others off just as much as they do, he just doesn't do it as often as them. He still wants to make sure he can be an example when you're around at least.

afterall you're just a mere person. you're not like them....yet.

and though he isn't much of a talker, he'll be one when it comes to this

you're sure this is the most he's spoken in the time you've known each other.

Dwayne is very hands on when it comes to this, and is nothing like David when it comes to telling you when you're doing something you're not supposed to or when your lacking in a certain department.

it's definitely his tone, man.

"just keep the wheel still, you're steering into this lane a little...."

and it's in the lowest voice ever, almost in a whisper before he gently guides your hands to steady the wheel.

you learn a lot with him in one session than you do with the others in one week.

Paul

m'sorry but anyone in their right mind shouldn't be going to a guy like Paul when it comes to teaching you how to drive.

It's Paul.

that should be enough of an explanation in itself.

but to be real, he's probably not that bad of a teacher.

sure, when you'd asked him something, he didn't even know the answer to, he at least learned it with you as you went. even if it may have almost got you guys hit and possibly even broken a law, at least you guys knew.....now.

just don't tell David or Dwayne. they'll have his head.

he's very laid back when it comes to anything, this isn't excluded.

like Dwayne, in a way, he sort of just reminds you, when he’s not forgetting himself.

he doesn't tell you like David would, he just sort of waves it off or shrugs when you make a mistake like hit the curb.

it's comforting yet concerning bc man, this is safety and I shouldn't be hitting the curb to begin with.

it's one thing when he was showing you how to ride his bike, not that it's ever come to you using it or any of them (he was just simply showing you), but it's a whole other thing with him showing you how to drive a vehicle.

the boys attention goes from one thing to another.

one moment he's telling you where to go and the next, he's asking what button does what before pressing it or even pressing on the horn.

"Paul, would you stop that!" you say for the umpteenth time.

"Fine." cue him turning up the volume to the a radio before going on to press something else.

let's just say it's too much with him sitting next to you sometimes.

Marko

it's an uncetainty w this one bc you're not sure how he's going to be or what he'll say to you during the time.

you've seen how he is on his bike alone so you weren't sure why you were questioning yourself when you asked him....

out of all the boys, Marko is the one whose temper doesn't last

I'm saying that in "you keep asking or making him repeat the same question/answers, it’ll set him off," sort of way but also in a "if someone pulls some nonsense on you while your driving, that's it," sort of way.

he doesn't put up with that in general much less, on the road, what makes you think he's going to tolerate it when your in the vehicle with him?!

And put you being behind the wheel and someone cuts you off or honks bc you're going too slow (you're learning), he's going to be pushing on that horn so quick.

not to mention sticking his head out the window to cuss the person out

let's just say you had to press on the pedal more than once when he told you to pull over so he could let them have it.

It never meant that. it always ends up w someone else on a missing flyer

sometimes it's over little stuff too

like if it was your fault, he'll still argue that they were the cause

"Marko, it wasn't even them, I mean I was-"

"They should know though! It's just basic common sense!"

"How is it basic common sense when they don't know it's my first time on the road and I'm still learning? It's not like there's a sign they could see that tells them 'hey, I'm new, go easy!'

"Still!"

He gets annoyed that you defend someone else over something you did.

He's not a bad teacher per say, he's just one you prefer not having on the road especially when you're still new to it all.

all of them

m'sorry but make your bed already. there's no way of you making out of there

it's one thing to go to one of them and ask but to have all of them in the same space with you, and on the road for god sakes!

let's be real though, in this scenerio you probably did go to one of them and then the rest just took it upon themselves to come

or

it could be that you already got your license and are taking them for a ride

again, make your bed. why would you even think of that?

back to where I was though

they're all in that car with you, it's going to be a lot.

David is going to be in the front. no matter what.

Paul didn’t just get a foot to his behind for nothing

the rest of the boys are in the back, if there's even room for them back there

you got three out of four there, two of which are tall, there's going to have to be some leg space

I see it like this, Dwayne and Marko probably take to the sides, by the windows, while Paul is seated in the middle

it becomes too much bc let's face it, you got four boys in the car with you. four boys....think about that.

it's only when David finally says something that they sit down

and god, you really wished he would've said something sooner if it got them like this

—

feedback and reblogs are appreciated.

[horce-divorce]

My friend just moved to a her grandmas old place and she doesn't have internet, so instead we dug out Grandma's trusty VHS collection and watched a bunch of movies from the cusp of Y2K. We also have plans to dig out more because this is our thing now, fuck Netflix. So here's my reviews so far:

Holes. what a GREAT fucking movie. Good message that is blatantly anti-prison industrial complex and anti-capitalist. good morals, good soundtrack, great casting, the author of the text wrote the screenplay so it hits hard like the book does, the romance between Kate and Sam will be goals to me forever. "I can fix that"!?!? KILL ME JFJDJWKWKFNJRNE 11/10 good shit. youuUuUUUU got to goOooOoo dig those hooooles 🎶

Another one that's still good? POTC: curse of the black pearl. Yes it's Johnny Depp Disney Garbage Trash, but it's WRITTEN SO WELL. Whatever writers they got for that shit obviously have written many a fanfic (positive! praise!!) bc the dynamics and dialogue btwn characters flow so smoothly. It's absolutely and utterly unlike real life, it's just the pirate story we all always wished we could be in, and it's still an absolute blast. for that I award it 9/10. This one was funny bc it came out on VHS in time for the commercials to be advertising DVDs.

Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius? This one's hard, cus this was one of my FAVORITE movies growing up. I noticed going in, however, that I remembered far less about what happens to Jimmy and his friends then I did about Caveman. Basically all I remembered was Jimmy's dad is stupid, and "when I sneeze it looks like a advanced species too." and that's bc Jimmy Neutron is a completely vapid and inane tale with absolutely no message, that unfortunately did not stand the test of time to me personally. It's pretty much unremarkable. they try to mix the "he's a genius baby" humor with 5th grader booger jokes and it just doesn't work, the booger humor doesn't land for adults and the genius humor isn't quite smart enough to be actually funny most of the time. Tbqh I think watching this as an adult gives me more ideas for horror movies than anything else. They go into space ON ROLLER COASTERS, WITHOUT HELMETS!!! They're fighting an entire civilization of space traveling ritual sacrificing EGGS and they have A SINGULAR! ONE! CHILD! ARMY! TO FIGHT THEM!!!! THEY CANT BREATHE OUT THERE! that's too scary I can't take it seriously lmao. 4/10 with all positive points going to Jimmy's hot mom and himbo dad (ideal romance tbh and where 90% of the humor comes from), Carl, Sheen, and Cindy, for screaming "THOSE FINDINGS WERE INCONCLUSIVE AND YOU KNOW IT" during their first on screen fight, that joke did actually land so they can have a cookie for it. And the teacher who gets turned small and gets left that way forever. What the fuck lmao

We also watched Pocahontas and I mean. Even as a kid watching that one was more of a lesson in "here's how NOT to talk about history," and as an adult, her "romance" with John Smith is more weak and pathetic than anything I've ever seen before or since! We got to "Savages" and all I could think was "Disneys orchestra really put their whole pussy into this one, huh?!?" I wish I could say the rest of the movie/soundtrack made it worthwhile but I'm gonna go with a solid 2/10 here. we still had a fun time tearing into their choices, and the aesthetic of an old Disney movie watched on VHS like nature intended is a form of ASMR. I didn't realize how much I missed the clackety clack of the plastic cases or the smell of a warm, freshly rewound tape. <3 good shit.

Stay tuned for more of my 20 Years Later: VHS Reviews No One Fucking Asked For! we're holding out hope that her parents still have my friends own VHS collection bc her and her sister used to have a banging VHS collection and I NEED to see Quest for Camelot.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

sometimes, when i let myself just sort of daydream about cool things i could be doing, some of my “if you love your job you never work a day in your life” (ik its bs bc i love my current job too. but you get the vibe) daydreams is owning a doll store specializing in bjds & art dolls & materials for them with a whole show room, or just being a bjd dealer without a brick and mortar. i’m the type of person who enjoys helping people find and get things, and the times i worked in fields like that (procurement & also regular retail jobs) i really enjoyed it. it’s influenced what my current career path is too. I miss the unique vibe our family tailor shop had brought to our two when i was growing up, and the old fabric & craft store too. I miss the strange antique & vintage store that my grandma would take us too, with the big room that was just full of dolls of all kinds (well, mainly porcelain, bisque & barbies) as well as doll clothes and doll houses. I want to be that for the modern era, for the modern kid and their parent to wander in and look at dolls and related products. Maybe my thing would be BJDs and American Girl Dolls, and i’d help people place orders in person. I’d obviously have a website, but there’s something quaint about during christmas time a parent comes in and buys some american girl dresses. or one of the local college kids in the anime club discovers that this weird shop in their boring college town has BJDs, and they come and look a lot because they’ve always seen them online but never in person. also, it’d be great to be able to see so many dolls and clothes….. but i don’t have to keep them >:) I get to look and maybe display some (those would probably be my own collection) but they’d eventually leave me to their forever home. Muahahaha. That’s like my perfect doll collection ideal.

i dunno, i just think it’d be neat. i’m aware there’s a lot that goes into business, my family are primarily business owners (tailor shop for example, contractors, the like). truly the online only dealer presence would be far better business wise with real estate, loans, and the economy the way it is in my state, so i’d only have to worry about storage.

It’s also such a niche thing that if i ever did it, there aren’t a lot of people to ask about how they started, their pros/cons, etc. I’d love to hear more from people who are dealers of niche hobby things (gundams, figures, toy trains, etc even). anyways, what’s your fun hobby daydream?

~Anonymous

[idkiwasntsupposedtobebackhere]

super popular gilmore girls takes i disagree with:

”younger jess didn’t deserve younger rory, older rory didn’t deserve older jess”

they both went through rough patches that caused them to hurt people and not be the best versions of themselves but they still were the same people all their lives, there’s no ”chilton rory” and ”yale rory” here. and THE WHOLE APPEAL of rory and jess is that they don’t judge eachother and don’t see eachother the way the rest of the world does. now speaking off…

”chilton rory>yale rory”

rory gets too much shit. can we stop idealizing her child self and start realizing that being a young adult is hard. also words like ungrateful, spoiled and priviliged are thrown around and eh… rory actually seems appreciative of her very humble past and has many lovely qualities like not caring about other people’s opinions and making her own judgement. and you do know that ”she threw away everything her mom gave her” is the argument emily apologists use right? rory remains who she is even after she is thrown into a world of privilige overnight, which is admirable. ofc she has her moments but in general.

”lorelai hated jess because she saw herself in him”

my girl lorelai isn’t self relective enough for this, she hates jess bc he’s a threat to the perfect life she wants for her perfect daughter (a life she didn’t get). she thinks rory is just like her and will go wild if she doesn’t shield her from it. she doesn’t get that rory will have her own experiences that she’s not familiar with and won’t understand. but she will. not everything in rory’s life will have something to do with lorelai’s. which leads me to…

”rory’s love interest xyz represents lorelai’s love interest xyz”

rory and lorelai’s love lives don’t mirror eachother, asp, because they are very different people who want very different things in partners and in life. someone being the best guy for lorelai doesn’t equal a younger version of that guy would be the perfect guy for rory. forced parallels are forced. because of her cold and wealthy childhood, lorelai wants a simple, humble life with a stable and loving guy. rory is drawn to intellectualism and travel, the unknown. different to what both lorelai wants and what the grandparents want (marriage between two freshly ivy league graduated people). i think you know what i’m sayinggg

”rory should have said yes to logan, she loved him”

if logan didn’t understand that this wasn’t something rory wanted, they didn’t have a stable enough foundation to build a life on anyways. yes, she loved him but she didn’t want to get married at 22. i don’t know why people wanted this for rory when it’s just as bad of an idea as dean or lane getting married young.

”jess was disrespectful to lorelai so she had the right to hate him”

ok he was but lorelai feeling entitled to talk to jess about how lucky he was to have been dumped with his uncle a couple of hours ago was just bad. that was not her place, and she shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t respond well. and it’s the way she goes about her disliking of him. i just can’t understand people who think an adult yelling at and openly snarking at a teen is anything but immature. i just watched the episode with dean’s ugly bracelet and her calling jess a ”little jerk” to his face is just crazy

”team lorelai/team rory”

i feel like people think that i don’t like lorelai because i’m on jess’ side when they fight but he’s just the exception. i think lorelai can be emotionally intelligent and i’m on her side with her parents, luke, her other bfs, sookie & michel etc. generally i enjoy her more than rory. but unlike a lot of the people who like lorelai, i don’t think she’s always right when she’s fighting with rory. it’s pretty 50/50. i don’t really have an opinion there. i don’t see them as being against each other. and during The Big Fight, i think everyone involved acted horribly. except for jess❤️ ok that’s it.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

i’m actually curious to hear about what was gojo, shoko, and nanami immediate reaction to finding out about the abuse megumi suffered? like the way you said that nanami was the one who found out and how it played a role in nanami wanting out of jujustu society? i can only imagine how megumi must’ve felt like he’s the type to suffer in silence and assume the worst, so i just know he thought gojo and the others knew about the abuse but thought that it was something he was suppose to shoulder for tsumiki’s sake.

it also make me curious on your interpretation of gojo and megumi dynamic bc when megumi first woke up he was lowkey surprised that gojo was with him instead of doing gojo things, like it just make me think that despite megumi looking up to gojo as a parental figure and gojo taking in megumi as his own, megumi must think that he’s not a top priority in gojo’s life especially when the abuse he suffered at the zenins come into play.

Immediate reaction:

Nanami saw Haibara.

In my mind, Haibara died saving Nanami's life. Nanami would have died; Haibara died in his place. Nanami had survivor's guilt out his ears when they first adopted megumi and tsumiki, and a part of him always thought it should have been the other way around. Haibara was the one that had so much passion for life. He had a sister and a family and people he was close to. Nanami was always just... less, in his own mind. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

What happened to Haibara haunted him. He swore he would never again be so useless as he was when that curse ripped off the lower half of his best friend's body.

Adopting Megumi and Tsumiki actually made him feel like they were doing something good, for once? Gojo had all these pie in the sky ideals for what they would make this society into that a part of Nanami couldn't help but buy into. They kept the kids together. They were all genuinely happy, for a time.

The Zenin just shattered that reality. It had been cracking all throughout their custody, and it broke irreparably when the Zenin pushed too far and didn't even seem to think they'd face consequences for that. This isn't the first time they put him in a hospital bed, is the thing, and it was sort of a slap in the face for them all to realize that they had let it get so bad that the zenin genuinely thought they could do that to their kid without fearing reprisal.

Nanami saw Haibara, experienced some of the most potent guilt and anger he's ever felt in his life, and rushed Megumi to Shoko for treatment.

Then, he went back to the Zenin compound to kick Zenin Naoya's ass.

In my mind, Nanami and Naoya has a sort of ugly dynamic in school. Nanami and Naoya were in the same class year, so they were often paired against each other in goodwill events and the like, but Gojo was the one that Naoya wanted to rival.

Naoya was always after Nanami as a student. He has an insecurity complex the size of the international space station and constantly wanted to prove he was better by stepping on Nanami. He'd tried to kick Nanami's teeth in pretty much every time they had seen each other, and if Nanami was being honest? Naoya won almost all their fights.

But a lot of jujutsu sorcery is about mindset, and Nanami had the mindset of ripping out Zenin naoya's spine. He got into a brutal, bloody, neck-and-neck, good old fashioned semipublic brawl with Naoya in the middle of the Zenin compound, which is around the time that Gojo showed up.

And Gojo's reaction is what Maki remembers: the ground shook with his anger. And he took Megumi away forever.

But first, to wrap up Nanami.

Nanami really snapped when they were all in megumi's hospital room and Yaga was trying to figure out how the hell to fix this and floated the idea of a binding vow or something regulating Megumi's treatment. He broke down, started screaming at Yaga that Yaga and the higher ups were going to kill them, they were going to kill all of them. And just. refused to go on. He couldn't do it anymore. Not if it was just going to end like haibara.

He told Gojo he was taking visitation with Megumi and Tsumiki. They'd have a set schedule where they'd go stay with him. It would be reliable. It would be a place where they could go and not have to worry about the jujutsu world. They needed stability and safety, and Nanami wasn't about to walk away from them.

He also told Gojo he wanted their passports. And it was pretty strongly implied that it was so he could take them and run if he had to. Gojo gave them to him, and they both politely pretended like that would have made a lick of difference if Nanami wanted to take them and Gojo wouldn't let him. There was no where in the world that Nanami could actually run to that wasn't at Gojo's allowance.

Shoko I'm actually gonna decline to answer for right now. She had her own issues going on that we're gonna get into with more detail in the next few chapters that heavily contextualize what her response was.

What happened to Megumi was honestly was the real turning point for Gojo. He was over halfway there with Riko and Geto and Haibara, but Megumi set him on the road to no return.

He never forgave himself for letting the Zenin alone with Megumi, and he never forgave Yaga and the higher ups, either.

I really do want to emphasize that Yaga cares, but he approaches every issue with with a fundamental distinction from Gojo's--and he sort of had to, at the beginning. He didn't have to later, but he never really acted that fact.

Gojo has all the leverage in the world, is the thing. He's got power and money and influence. He was born irreplaceable. Yaga's got some very very limited leverage. He's extremely powerful even if he's nowhere near Gojo's league, he's got a useful technique, and he's good at playing the political game. That's it, and almost all of it is replaceable. Gojo can butt heads with the higher ups all he wants and be fine, but Yaga will be shown the door if he makes too much noise.

When Gojo first brought Megumi home, he had never gone up against the higher ups before. Not really. He thought he did with Riko, but the point was moot by the time the higher ups even found out about it. He hadn't figured out just how to push and how far he could go. He relied on the help of the only adult he trusted, Yaga, and Yaga taught him to play the game the same way Yaga had to play it his entire life.

Except Gojo never had to play the game. It was pointless from the start. Which means his kid spent a long time getting abused for absolutely no benefit, on Yaga's recommendation, to pander to some assholes who were never going to play nice back.

Megumi set him on the path to his Absolutely No Compromising policy with the higher ups and the rest of the society. He taught him that these aren't rational people who are working for a common good--they're fucking crazy and they will hurt kids to satisfy their whims. Every single time that he dug his heels in about a student with the higher ups, he had the memory of what happened to Megumi when he didn't dig his heels in hanging over him.

And a big part of that was that he doesn't know if he could handle feeling a second time how he felt when he found out what was happening to Megumi behind his back. He had built up this idea in his mind about how he would make a better world for the next generation, that he wouldn't be like the higher ups slowly killing geto by sending him on mission after mission... and then he got the very first member of his next generation and slowly killed him sending him off to people who were hurting him. It was gojo making the drop offs and the pick ups and not goddamn seeing it for all his six eyes.

He almost killed the entire Zenin clan, honestly. Wiped them all out. He's always sort of struggled with homicidal thoughts and low empathy, and just fucking. slaughtering the zenin felt like a pretty good idea right then.

But he didn't want to be like the great sorcerers of old, who were madmen on a power trip killing everyone who made them angry. and he knew if the slaughtered an entire clan of sorcerers, he'd become that. he couldn't come back. so he took megumi away forever, and he promised him it would never happen again, and he tried to do it right every time after, and it has never, ever felt like enough.

Megumi as a kid was just very young and not clued into the dynamics of everything and in a terrible fucking situation that he couldn't get out of. His family thought he was acting out and getting upset because he didn't want to stay with the Zenin, he wanted to stay with his sister instead. And they were coming off the sorcerer equivalent of the cold war just getting this compromise. They thought this was all about Megumi wanting to stay with his sister, and this was the deal they brokered to keep him with his sister. The zenin wanted tsumiki gone from his life completely. they wanted full custody of him. This, staying with them with a few days a month, this was what let him stay with Tsumiki the rest of the time. It was the best deal they got.

Of course, Megumi didn't understand what was really happening. And he thought that Gojo, who knew everything, knew this too, especially because Megumi had told him (as best he knew how). He thought he had to shut up and take it with the abuse or he couldn't stay with Tsumiki anymore. So he shut up and took it, and he's never really come back from it.

In my mind, Megumi walked into canon with a sort of mindset that he just would never be as powerful or big as someone like gojo. He didn't know he had special grade potential. He didn't think he could win special grade fights. he didn't know how to put in his best. and a big part of that was because he hadn't gotten past who he was as a little boy, who had to shut up and let himself be hurt. The Zenin were the ones who taught him how to feel small and helpless and frustrated with that fact. He had so much practice being hurt that he couldn't imagine a world where he was too strong to not be hurt anymore.

Megumi and Gojo's relationship:

I actually think Megumi's surprise came more from his conviction that Gojo would intervene if he had known the truth of what the Zenin had spent the past week doing to him.

Like, your reading is the one that's most apparent from what Megumi said. It's absolutely the impression Gojo took from it. But megumi was very out of it when he was talking, and a lot of wires got crossed. it had a very different context in his head that he couldn't really express in the moment.

Megumi's consistently shown to be one of the most strategically minded characters in the show. He's great at assessing threats, figuring out techniques, and coming up with plans to beat the odds. He knows how to properly assess his risks and figure out how to stack the deck to give himself at least a shot.

And I think Megumi realized that he wasn't getting out of the Zenin compound alive a while ago. And a big part of that was because he knew from the start that he could not for a second rely on Gojo coming to get him.

It was just math. Megumi didn't have a way out on his own. He would need Gojo to come get him out. But Gojo was busy. If he wasn't busy, he would have found out already, somehow, and he would have already come to save him. The Zenin only managed this because Gojo had a war, and he was busy, and he'd be busy for weeks.

And Megumi did not have weeks.

It was a constant running calculation for him. At first, maybe he could make it through a few weeks. It would suck, sure. They'd beat the shit out of him, but it wouldn't be the first time. He'd be in terrible goddamn shape by the end of it all, but he'd survived the Zenin's abuse before, and he wasn't six years old anymore. He could make it until Gojo realized what had happened, and then he would come. Megumi was certain of it.

Then, they locked him in the room with curses for days. And he realized that he would be dead before Gojo's war finished.

Gojo wouldn't realize he was gone for weeks. And Megumi's estimates of his own survival quickly dropped from a few weeks to a week, to a few days, to a few hours.

Gojo would save him, if he knew, but Gojo was busy. He had a war. He wouldn't be there for weeks, and Megumi did not have weeks.

It sort of stuck in his brain? Gojo was busy. He didn't know that the Zenin were doing this to him. That's the only reason why he wouldn't come for megumi, and he was not going to find out in time. He wasn't coming, and Megumi was not going to die waiting to be saved by someone who was. not. coming. he had enough pride left for that at least.

Seeing Gojo in his hospital room broke the math for him. It just didn't compute. He was busy. He had a war. The Zenin could only do this to him because Gojo was busier than he had been in a decade, and he wouldn't be back until after the clock ran out for him. He was supposed to die before ever seeing Gojo again. So why the hell was Gojo standing above him? He was supposed to be busy.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/17/23

this was written under some duress bc my cat refused the sacrificial animal cracker and wanted The Whole Box. no, these are mine, go eat your camel on the coffee table. i have always hated the "pet parent" stuff but mother DOES want a cocktail and some benzos, run along now

listening

peel me a grape, anita o'day's version. this popped up on a premade jazz standards spotify playlist

this is going to pop up on my spotify wrapped bc i am trying to memorize the lyrics, which include

Send out for scotch, boil me a crab Cut me a rose, make my tea with the petals Just hang around to pick up the tab Never out think me, just mink me Polar bear rug me, don't bug me New Thunderbird me, you heard me I'm getting hungry, peel me a grape

MWAH. love it. ideal.

-

reading

Dreamships by Melissa Scott. i don't like ragging on an alive, queer author, but this one did not grab me. let's talk about why!

the premise:

now, i'm not in the publishing industry. but maybe consider. if the jacket copy tells you "and this is the issue upon which the novel turns!" and then tells you the next two twists. maybe don't include that in the jacket copy. i have a bad habit of only reading the first half of jacket copy and didn't see this until i took these photos but i am retroactively annoyed on scott's behalf.

character work: i bought this bc i was very excited for a grouchy misanthropic lady pilot. reverdy jian isn't that. i still don’t know much about her from reading a third of the book. she is remarkably incurious and while this is an excellent trait if you are a freelancer or doing any sort of client work, it would have been nice to care about the protagonist of the book or feel like she has emotional or monetary stakes in taking/not taking this job.

pacing/structure: this book is like looking out over top of a layer of fog and i’m making it sound more exciting or appealing than it is. it’s very even in both pacing and emotion. the first hundred pages take places over about thirty six hours, bc there’s a rush pilot job, but it’s very laid back and relaxed. there’s no real sense of urgency or mystery, despite the author trying her hardest to set up a mystery about the almost complete lack of information about this ship. when the characters can’t find any info they just kind of shrug and move on. it’s also just a little obtuse, despite being very polished in all its tenses and word choices. i wonder if it maybe needed one more clarity pass. i had a lot of trouble figuring out who a whole extra character was bc there were too many men in one room.

where the pacing/structure/character work collide: this book reads like a travelogue, and i do not mean that as a compliment. again, we don't get much of reverdy's perspective--things simply happen to her or she sees things and just kind of absorbs them without much commentary. things happen one by one like beads on a string without really tying into a bigger picture of the city or her goals. the main premise (huge mostly underground city on a planet being stripmined) was not presented interestingly enough to make up for the lack of character work. for me. in my opinion. i'm not a writer (or at least not a serious/professional/one who puts a great deal of thought and planning into her writing)

i have a limited amount of time on this earth, i gave it a solid hundred pages, this does not earn a place on my shelf. back to the thrift store it goes. sorry ms scott i hope you're having a good day anyway

-

watching

still rewatching adventure time. s3 is full of solid bangers, i think this is the season i remember best bc it was one of the first Appointment Television things with my siblings the year we got cable. this is when they start drip-feeding you more of the stuff about the great mushroom war

i really really love when a post-post apoc setting thinks about the impact of a nuclear war on playground culture, like this hide and seek variant you see in s3e21:Marceline's Closet.

Over the mountain, the ominous cloud Coming to cover the land in a shroud Hide in a bushel, a basement, a cave But when cloud comes a-huntin No one's a save… no, safe!

how i found this: this show ran from 2010-2018, and was absolutely impossible to escape as a cultural juggernaut, especially during the peak le epic bacon style times when i was in high school. it also had a limited series in 2020-2021 and a spinoff is supposed to happen next year, which i am cautiously optimistic about.

-

playing

there will be light spoilers for the first two acts of wolfenstein the new order, a game that came out in 2014. i do not feel the need to rot13 early spoilers for an nine year old game.

despite enjoying the soundtrack for many years, i have never previously made into the castle in the first level of wolfenstein: the new order bc i always got bored and wandered off irl. i do want to get to a part (again not sure which one) where it will let me dual wield shotguns. why can't i find a second shotgun. i'm out of the asylum, they made me give the chainsaw back, and im about to murk some 1960s fascists at this checkpoint. one of these fuckers better have another shotgun.

blazkowicz is an enormous slab of unseasoned american beef. this man is SO large holy shit. i wish i cared about this big man. something about a dead female love interest? this nurse i kidnapped is going catch a bad case of the plot and be dead at the end of this level i think.

as previously mentioned this game was released in 2014 and boy does it look it, right down to the stupid macho gamer difficulty and exit screens. it's a pretty competent shooter. do wish ppl would stop shooting at me for five seconds so i can wander around and read all the propaganda and signage. why put it all up if you don't want me to look at it????

this was recently free on the epic store and the soundtrack came up on my walk today, which made me go "let me try this again". stay tuned.

-

making

made some quiche and fucked it up in a different way from last jan's quiche fuckup. still looking for hearty vegetarian soups, made some soup, which is very good but very texture. aash-e jow, a persian rice/bean/lentil/barley soup, is a soup you gotta chew. "kay isn't that a stew-" no. come to my house and eat this soup and i will show you.

other notable notes: doesn't really taste like much which could be continuing post-covid weirdness, and i think i should at minimum triple the amount of spices. fuck of a lot of prep. lot of chopping. hands hurty. called for a bunch of things i do not normally keep as pantry staples. i think it would be far easier to buy a block of frozen chopped spinach and refloof it in a saucepan like i did for the quiche, but i had some arugula/spinach mix that was about to go.

the caramelized onions really make this soup imo but i do not always have the fortitude to caramelize onions. i don't think this soup will stay an acceptable texture when frozen, so next weekend i have to make another giant batch of the red lentil soup to freeze for lunches.

you're correct i really don't want to do dishes

[seokjinsonlyone]

[open discussion]

it is i the queen of fostering delusions back again to make y’all get a lil crazy 🤪🤙

so imagine like bts aren’t idols right and one of them accidentally got you pregnant…. who would it be? like who would you want to be your baby daddy? what do you think coparenting would be like? would you end up with them or is it like take your 18 years and dip?

and to make things even more interesting who WOULDNT you want to be your baby daddy and why 👀

as always i’ll put on my clown suit first 🤡🎪

so obviously my first pick is my bias my sweetheart my cutie pie seokjin like i don’t think we would end up together 😓 but as far as coparenting goes i think that would be as close to ideal as it would get. like i think he’d be very involved in the entire process from the beginning like doctors appointments checking in on me making sure i had everything i wanted/needed i just think he’d be super supportive; we might even live together for a bit after the baby born for the sake of stability and the fact that he wants to be around for everything and i’m not letting my newborn out of my sight 😃 ; i think we’d have good communication and parenting styles and it’d just be really easy and natural with him; and later on down the line if he or we had our own separate families i think we’d be very amicable and our child would rarely feel torn or like they didn’t belong <333

second pick is park jimin like i think he’d wanna be just as involved in the beginning but very clueless a little frantic and it would take some time for him to really get himself together but when the baby got here he’d be a natural like fatherhood would suit him so well like i’m getting a very distinct image of him carrying the child in nothing but his briefs that doesn’t have anything to do with anything but i thought i’d plant the image anyway; we wouldn’t live together or anything but he’d be over all the time probably crash on the couch every now and again while the baby is a baby; when the kid is a little older i have this image of him dropping them off and being all like “make sure you be good and listen to your mother, okay? i love you” and then when he done saying goodbye to the kid he gives me a kiss on the cheek too and that happens every time he’s either dropping off or picking them up ☺️; like i just think there would be so much mutual love and respect for each other that it would never work out with anyone else like if we tried dating other people we would always end up strongly disliking the other’s partner and that would always be a source of tension but at the same time when it came to our partners they would never be able to say anything about about us like i can just imagine jimin with a gf or whatever and she coming slick out her mouth about me tryna be on his side after we had it out and he would be like “🤨 watch your mouth that’s the mother of my child” ☺️☺️☺️; all this to say that we’d probably end up together like it would take a good few years like the child would be conscious of the circumstances but we would make it work and end up getting married and then probably having like 1 or 2 more kids tbh

NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE so sorry to this man but i would not want tae to be my baby daddy like REMEMBER we talking about a non idol tae and i just feel it in my soul that non idol tae would be what i like to call (and i’m black so i can say this don’t try to come for me 🤚) a nigga with a dream and one thing bout a nigga with a dream is they gon chase it no matter what now there’s nothing wrong with having a dream or a goal you want to reach but this specific subset of people with dreams are unrealistic about their current situation and the goal they want to achieve and how they plan to get there like i can see him quitting jobs bc he decide he don’t like it no more and jumping from place to place it’s supposed to be his weekend with the baby and i got things to do and he never show up bc he slept all day bc he stayed up all night drafting up some sort of business proposal that’s never gonna see the light of day i’m banging his line and he not picking up then his mom show up to come get the child later that night apologizing like it would stress me out; i think he’d be great with the child tho like the baby would think he hung the moon would absolutely love they daddy but that man would pluck every nerve i got and it’s a shame bc he is so fine smh

honorable mention also to yoongi like i’m so on the fence about this man bc we are the same person but with different belief systems and that makes for a very toxic situation tbh 💀 like we would do petty stuff to piss each other off like he’d drop the baby off with a daddy’s little boy/girl onesie on just to irk me and bc we would probably have different parenting styles we would end up undermining each other even if it won’t always on purpose which would lead to hushed arguments whenever we had to interact; i think we’d be able to come together for the big stuff but on the daily i can feel my blood pressure rising already; still we’d always make sure our child respected each other as parents and we’d both be respectively good at our roles; now this is obviously not the most ideal situation but the tension between us would be giving enemies to lovers and like i’ve been romanticising toxicity lately and so it’s kinda 🥵

now i’ve rambled for way too long i pass the torch to you 🫡

[otrtbs]

i would also like to point out for people complaining about how an author depicts a fictional character that the only mauraders era characters we truly have insight on are remus & sirius bc everyone else is dead… and again remus and sirius are unreliable narrators bc they view james and lily through rose tinted glasses who could do no wrong whereas with regulus no one knew he had defected and only saw him being a follower of his parents ideals

we also have no insight on if the two brothers were ever really close before hogwarts yet a lot of fics write about them being close until sirius goes to hogwarts… like idk i don’t see why people get to upset over fictional stories that people write for free. there have been a few fics where i haven’t agreed 100% with something an author has said or done with a character but it’s not my story. it’s not mine or anyone else place to tell an author what to do with their story like either stop reading it or accept that everyone will have different characterizations of certain people.

anyways if i see anyone complaining about ahb i will go to war <3

hmm yeah this is so real and right!!! in general i think it's very fun to read all the different interpretations of the same character across different authors. it's a huge part of what makes fanfic so fun for me!! and i feel like you get wonderful author insight as well which is so cool!!

but yeah i'm not naive enough to think that everyone is always gonna vibe w my characterizations ,, i don't vibe with every characterization in fics,, but it's just much easier to stop reading then to go on a public rant about it 😭

anyway!! i am with you a 100% you always speak the truth taylor!! <333

[that-gay-jedi]

I've been saying "Not everything is that deep" to myself for like 10+ years but it actually is ALL that deep.

I like to sit in the woods because they're beautiful. I like the relative quiet, the ancientness and bigger-than-me-ness and aliveness of it all, but maybe I also grew to like the woods bc my parents were afraid of them and kiddie me was afraid of my parents. It's okay if the reason I associate the dark and monsters with safety is that they kept the people and things I had reason to fear away. It's okay if I celebrate this now by wearing all black and embracing various edgy and/or unsettling aesthetics and make it a big part of my personality. It's okay to become more and more of a faggot specifically because it upsets the kind of people who want me tamed and neatly put in a box. Like. Actually it's okay for responses to my living environment to be part of my identity. I can be a creature that lives in a place and has experiences.

I'm gradually figuring out the small things are allowed to be big things. It's okay if the only reason I don't like certain fictional characters is that past abusers liked them. I'm allowed (as long as I don't unfairly take it out on anyone) to get so viscerally angry every time my face itches bc my body remembers that one time a family member who noticed me scratching nose invaded my personal space and startled the fuck out of me based on some dumb superstition. It's okay if shallow things like liking Halloween or hating Christmas come from a collection of small, only moderately impactful personal experiences that gradually congealed into preferences over time and now I feel strongly about them because they span so many things at once.

Like maybe shit is allowed to all come back to one thing and maybe that one thing is my trauma and maybe that's okay and when people talk about not letting your trauma define you sometimes I think there's a fundamental disconnect bc all that stuff was inflicted on me with the intent of turning me into a particular kind of person, the whole reason it was trauma was BECAUSE it defined me, and maybe I should stop thinking it's negative or stupid (or self-centered or short-sighted or whatever other adjective of Do Not Want is applied) to acknowledge that and being told I'm never going to live a full, happy life unless I act in a specific way is probably just replicating my traumas and if acting in a way that's nost natural and freeing also involves a lifelong dialogue with my traumatized wounded animal self that probably just means I'm a living being with a biological brain that I can't alter by just deleting a few lines of code.

I really do feel like a lot of the messages we get about recovering and developing an identity outside of trauma have this unrealistic expectation that you should summon a concept of who you want to be out of thin air and embody it completely unbound from any prior experiences or states of being and that's just no more realistic or healthy than the idea that a physical body needs to have a thigh gap and perfectly flat photoshop stomach. They're both about shrinking yourself to achieve an impossible ideal that for most people is actively harmful if you do achieve it, and all just for the sake of being able to say you Did It Right and/or that anyone else is Doing It Wrong.

Yes, I do get to choose who I'm going to be, but I don't get to make that choice in a vacuum and neither do you and I don't think we should have to make it look like we did.

There were kids in my classes in high school who always got good grades and would vocally claim on a semi-regular basis that they never studied, that all they did was play video games and/or basketball/hockey, and that they never did anything intellectual for fun either. And it was never true. I always wondered why it was so important to them that people think they just magically knew all the material. Why would doing the work be shameful?

And I think I get it now. Nobody wants to be seen as real people who have to either do nerdy shit for fun or actively try in school in order to know stuff. Socially, we're rewarded for making everything seem so effortless and perfect and powerful and individualist that it it's actively unrealistic, you're supposed to be a cloud of mist. It applies as much as having a good relationship or a fulfilling life or a healthy lifestyle etc as it does to getting good grades. It's gouche to be a mere mortal.

[tonhalszendvics]

I see a lot of racism/xenophobia in different forms, almost daily (thanks to my very super workplace yay). Anyway, today was a great day to think about uni and shitty intern work.

There was this young woman, two or three years older than me. I was twenty at the time when we were working at the same place. Summer heatwave, ~35-40°C, we were outside at least 10 hours a day (8 hours of work, 1 plus hour bc we were behind schedule, 1 hour for breaks), and on this particular day we didn't have a parasol, so all the shade we got was provided by our hats.

These conditions were not so ideal, as you can see. As I remember we were after lunch break, it was the hottest time of the day and we were working and talking shit to distract ourselves. And suddenly this young woman started talking about how she wanted to be an artist when she was small. She went to art school and it dawned on her in the first year that she was good enough to get in but she was behind her class. As I remember, she said there was a bit of a family drama at the time, her parents had no time for her, and she was in a new environment. She was alone, she had no connections, nothing.

Feelings are everything for artists, so her school went on and on with stuff to make them sensitive. They had classes about the holocaust and other war crimes, they were talking a lot about gays and their rights. And there she was, all alone, without anyone giving her a damn. So, she started to withdrawn, started to talk like she doesn't care, said some really nasty things about Jews, Romani and gays. She was a perfect little white supremacist.

And she was telling me this after we talked about fantasy books and her love of the work of Terry Pratchett, after I told her I was always accused to be Romani and while I am not, it made me sensitive and whenever people talk shit about them I want to punch someone real hard. And there she was, telling me this stuff about her and it felt like she was confessing me. Like it was haunting her, that she told those things and she knew she couldn't make up for the time she made her classmates life hard.

She didn't say it out loud but with everything she told me, the "I just wanted someone to look at me" was behind every word she said.

And I was sitting there, without words, listening as she was rambling. I occasionally remember her words, as she said them. Shit I even remember her voice! She was talking as those things were haunting her – and since before that day I've never heard any racist thing from her, it probably did.

I don't know if she felt any better after that. All I know is that I remember her, that hot summer day that work and that it felt like she passed down some of her ghosts to me. Sometimes I wonder if she still has some of those ghosts, if loneliness still bothers her. All I know about her that she still works in the same field, but I don't know if she loves her husband whom she married four years ago and who is old enough to be her father.

I wonder if she was able to put down every bit of hatred that she let in to fill out the void in her soul.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

a playlist for piandao! annotations under the cut:

this is probably the playlist that needs the annotations the most, just because piandao's backstory is not in canon and while you might know it from following me it's not like, common knowledge, and i've had to fill in the gaps with headcanons. while all the playlists are chronological to some extent, this one and aang's are the most direct.

1. take me to war - the crane wives

all the fire i have swallowed / all the sparks that went dark in my gut / i am always burning up

young piandao is far from the calm, confident master we meet in canon - he was abandoned by his parents for being a nonbender and grew up in an orphanage, feeling unvalued and anxious and angry at a world that abandoned him. "all the sparks that went dark in my gut" - his inability to firebend.

and his ticket out of there, and an outlet for his rage? well. the war. he thinks if he can make it in the military, he can prove his worth, rise above his circumstances.

this decision will haunt him for the rest of his life.

2. phenom - thao & the get down stay down

first of the secondary class-class-class / you know i don't trust you, what's the catch-catch-catch / don't you fucking touch me i will gnash-gnash-gnash

along the same themes of ambition and anger, but when he's slightly older, having joined the military. he's determined to 'pull himself up by his bootstraps', and this makes him a terrifying force on the battlefield, makes him terrifyingly determined to be a master at whatever he sets his mind to.

3. king - florence and the machine

i need my golden crown of sorrow / my bloody sword to swing / i need my empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology

here, we foreshadow his future as the revered mysterious swordmaster ("grand self-mythology"), but the ambition and drive of this song are still young piandao, particularly the musings on the value of art (we'll get to that in the next song). this also serves as a nod to the trans piandao headcanon - he is underestimated not only for being a nonbender with no parents, but also for being perceived as a woman. his desire to prove himself as a warrior is also about proving his masculinity.

4. working for the knife - mitski

i always thought that the choice was mine / and i was right / i just chose wrong

piandao eventually regrets joining the military. there are lines in this song like "i wish i was making things too" and "i used to think i would tell stories", about having given up creative, artistic dreams in pursuit of "working for the knife", and that's very much piandao, the kid who was taught art to cope with his anxiety but who left it behind to join the military. he feels this real pain of lost time, and there's very literally a possibility of "dying for the knife".

5. live by the sword - dorian electra

you wanna hit like this? you're gonna hurt like this / you want to live like this? you're gonna die like this / live by the sword and you die by the sword

piandao realizes he needs to get out of the military. yeah, this is the title of the playlist, but honestly i wish there was a better lyric with sword in it to sum him up bc living by the sword in this context is not a good thing.

6. rootless - marina

running with my roots pulled up / caught me cold so they could cut / what there was left of love

he doesn't really know what to do with himself after he leaves the military. he cuts off a lot of his old connections, and he doesn't exactly have a home to go back to. he reflects on how the military preyed on his rootlessness, lack of "family tree", so to speak, made him believe that it was the answer and then made him do cruel, heartless things in its service. he travels the world for a while, not really knowing where he's meant to be.

7. home - ellie goulding

wash the dirt, a hard day's work / know my place / on my own / no poison in my bones / on my own / this is where i build my home

piandao works as he travels, ideally something in a blacksmith's shop but it varies. he's having to start over, work hard and pull himself up for the second time. but it's better than it was. his home is his own body, but it's better to be alone than be part of an organization like the military.

8. i am a rock - simon and garfunkel

i've built walls / a fortress deep and mighty / that none may penetrate

9. johnny - sarah jarosz

when he comes back to the fire nation, having saved a fair amount from his travels, he is fairly distant and secretive. he slowly builds up his teaching business, slowly grows wealthier, enough to buy the castle he lives in when we meet him in canon. but people don't know his past when they seek him out for training, they just know his reputation, and he doesn't share. he keeps everything he learned on his travels, his membership in the white lotus, his troubled childhood, all tight inside, and as we see in canon, he's pretty selective about who he lets in.

you might not get what you pay for / you know that nothing's for sure / and an open heart looks a lot like the wilderness

i've discussed this before bc it was my #2 most listened song of 2022 but i also want to add that the "open heart" line reflects this recurring theme of closing himself off, not admitting weakness, etc. it's unfamiliar, uncharted territory for him, but he gets more open later in life, after he and sokka adopt each other as father and son and he wants to be a good parent to him. them <3

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #124

Do you like pineapple on pizza? To be entirely fair, I don't think I've tried it, but considering I'm generally not a fan of sweet and savory combos, I'm doubtful I would enjoy it.

Do you like milk? I do, but only legitimate, mammalian milk. No oat, soy, etc. stuff; trust me, I've tried it because the dairy industry is actually fucking horrible and rooted in awful abuse & I want NOTHING to do with it, but I just don't like non-dairy alternatives, like in the way that I have to aggressively fight spewing it out - which I don't always succeed at. I just hate it. I am so, so sensitive to tastes I dislike.

Do you like syrup or powdered sugar on your french toast? Uh I guess a bit of both is ideal, but I could see me going for one or the other depending on my mood.

Do you put jelly or butter on your toast? I honestly don't really eat toast. But if I DO have it for whatever reason, I'm gonna want grape jam on it.

Do you like baking? Never done it. I really should learn, though... I just need to learn cooking in general.

What are you grandparents' names? Right now I only remember my mom's parents' tbh, which were Cecelia and William.

If any, how old are your siblings? Ashley is 29, Nicole JUST turned 25, Misty is 35, Katie is 39, and Bobby is... oh, he doesn't have his birth year on FB, so idk lmao, but younger than Katie. Full disclosure I looked up Misty's and Katie's too bc I'm awful and don't remember my half-siblings' birthdays/ages like a literal asshole <333333

What color is your dad's hair? So he was born blonde IF I remember his childhood pictures correctly, but it became totally black for the majority of his life. It's pretty much entirely gray by now, but you can see the hue kinda peppers in lightness in a sorta way where at least to me, you can tell his hair is supposed to be black, he's just old.

How old was your mom when she had you? FUCK my mom doesn't have her birth year on FB either, but I THINK it was 1961, so if that is the case she would've been 34. It's somewhere around there.

Do you live with any of your family members currently? Just my mom.

What is your favorite cousins name? I don't have a close relationship with any of my cousins, honestly.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom.

How long have you and your partner been together? It's been around a year and a half now.

Do you live together? Not currently, but I'm aware that when he has his own place again, he wants me to come with him. His mom is in a stable enough place and has been for a long enough time where he's comfortable leaving her with the house, but because of just how fucking CLINICALLY INSANE the housing market is right now, he just hasn't found a decent place that's priced even remotely reasonably. It's just financially intelligent to stay where he is until the market gets better or an incredible deal falls into his lap.

What is the first movie you watched together? As a couple? Technically, I think it'd be Coraline, which I know we watched once at my place the first time we tried dating in '17. Oh wait... or it mighta been the remake of It, which we watched in theaters.

How old are they? He's 29 and convinced he's basically on this deathbed age-wise lmao sir your life has JUST started

What are some things you enjoy doing? Primarily computer-related stuff, like watching videos or listening to music, socials activities, RPing, editing various things, playing WoW, doing surveys... but I also like to take photographs, read, draw, play video games (these days primarily with others), and I would absolutely adore going on nature walks and things of the like if I was in better shape (one day!!), and it wasn't hot. I also love learning about and watching animals.

What is your favorite color? Pastel pink is #1, followed by... many other pink shades, haha, like coral, rose gold, neon, fuchsia, etc. etc. I also like deep, regal reddish-purple colors, like maroon and burgundy, and lighter shades of purple, like lilac, orchid, and such.

What state are you from? North Carolina.

Have you ever adopted an animal? I'm assuming you don't mean truly "purchase" from a breeder or something, in which case, yes.

Have you ever taken in a stray? That's how our outdoor cat infestation from my childhood started, haha. I know my family (myself 100% included) has ZERO regrets over rescuing Chance, but yeah, it was a massive problem. Even after her, when we'd entered a phase of having no cats, we took in two kittens (Aphrodite and her sister whose name I just can't remember anymore) that were LITERALLY thrown out of a car in a plastic bag. Aphrodite started a fresh chain of having way too many cats, but not nearly as many as we had with Chance's family. They were still taken by animal control, though, because of wildly shitty neighbors that never communicated "hey they keep wandering into our yard, stop this or we're calling somebody." Coming home from school to every single one of them gone was one of the worst days of my fucking life (I was literally shrieking curses and sobbing on the porch), and I still grieve Aphrodite especially; I adored that cat. BUT ANYWAY, DO NOT keep your cats outdoors, and even when solely indoor pets, spay/neuter them, PLEASE.

What is an animal you are scared of? Whale sharks. It's funny, I like them, they're such peaceful animals, but their mouths just REALLY freak me out. I'd actually like to swim near one one day, maybe kill the fear.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Not a serious bite, no. Just a couple nips from nervous ones, the kinds that never even drew blood. My sister has been bitten by a German shepherd though on the hand; it belonged to her friend, and for some reason I don't remember, the dog just attacked her. She wound up needing stitches, and bless her friend, poor girl was sobbing because she felt so bad. It didn't affect Nicole's love for dogs though, and later in life she basically owned a German shepherd named Zeke. Maybe she sorta still does, idk; he was her ex-boyfriend's, and even after the split I know she's always been allowed to see him and I THINK bring him to her place occasionally? That dog is literally the child of divorced parents lmfao

Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Concept and aesthetic-wise, absolutely yes. I LIVE for the vibe, but as far as celebrating the holiday goes, it's not; I really don't do anything, pretty much ever. Christmas is definitely my fave celebratory-wise, because my family gets together and I just love seeing Ash's kids be so overjoyed about it all. It's just one of those days where you really, really focus on the love you have for the people you choose to spend your life with.

Do you like to watch scary movies during October? Meh, I'm just not a movie person, at least when it comes to watching them alone. I'd totally be done for like, watching them with Girt. Primarily because he hates horror/is a total pansy about it and it's hilarious lmfao

What are a couple of your favorite horror films? The original The Blair Witch Project is #1 (I like the sequel too), and I also totally adore The Crazies; maybe tied with the former mention, actually, idk. I thought The Boy was EXCELLENT, that's actually a movie I'd love to watch again. You can't go wrong with The Shining, either! The acting is just historical, plus I'm really into the concept of hysteria building off of what is technically nothing; I think that's also why I love The Blair Witch Project so much, at least the explanation behind it (collective hysteria, overreacting to certain things). The mind is SUCH a powerful thing.

What is your favorite Halloween treat/candy? Pumpkin-shaped Reese's, haha.

Do you often find yourself eating just because you’re bored? I used to be really bad at this, but not so much anymore. I'm not gonna say it NEVER happens, but I've gotten way better about reinforcing to myself "no, you're not hungry, you're bored."

Are you a sex addict? lmao if you know me at all, you know I'm definitely not.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend taken from you? No. She tried, but I know Juan didn't date her after a lie she made up DID make me say "you know what fuck this I'm done with this whole drama bye" and break up with him. The lie she'd told was very believable for him honestly, and even though I DID know it could be a lie, Rachel had caused enough stress for me already and I wasn't confident enough of how into Juan I was to put up with it. To this day, I consider that lie a saving grace. I know Juan's done bad things that I don't know about (it's specifically stuck with me to this day that his answer to me asking about a stab wound scar he had was "I deserved it"), and bad things I do know about. It says something when your teacher pulls you aside when she noticed him visiting me a lot in art class to tell me to stay away from him. I'm pretty sure she did this literally twice, but for certain once.

If so, what would you like to do to the person who took them from you? Even in the hypothetical of Juan getting back with Rachel after that incident, Rachel is actually my friend now and I think she's fantastic (people grow, I will not hold her past against her). I wish her zero harm at all, only good things.

Have you ever been cheated on? If so, have you forgiven them? No. To mention my last survey, I DO sometimes wonder if Jason and the girl he dated after me (Ashley) had something stirring before we even split, but in total honesty, I don't think so, I really don't. I don't think that's the kind of person Jason was. But it WAS definitely alarming just how quickly he was onto someone else after we split following dating super seriously for over three and a half years.

Quick! Tell me the name of your favorite movie. The Lion King and The Meerkats 2008 documentary. I forget to mention the latter a lot, because it's an obscure movie barely anyone you will ever meet probably even knows, but it is simply phenomenal.

Do you wear water bras? ... What the fuck is a water bra?

Have you ever sent an anon hate message, be honest now. Nope.

Would you let someone give you a golden shower for a million dollars? I had to look this up and hell fucking no.

Name a band that you think is beyond overrated: I don't care man, let people enjoy whatever art they want. I really don't even know who's "in" these days anyway.

Who is the last person you said goodbye to? My PT therapist for today. She was new for me and is already tied with one other woman for my favorite, haha.

Who can you not live without? Nobody. PLEASE, don't adopt this mentality. I know it's hard to, but think realistically: you, in all technicality, CAN live without any one person, and I think this is so important to remember for when one day, you do lose them in one way or another, and you have to continue living without them. I totally used to believe this when it came to Jason, and I know it played a massive role in the severity of the breakup aftermath, but look at who the hell is living just fine - even happily - without him now.

What’s your favorite sea creature? Giant whales like blue whales top the list, but I also deeply love sea turtles, sea lions, seahorses, jellyfish, and dolphins. Sharks are also very cool and VERY unfairly villainized!!

What’s your favorite acoustic song? The "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" one by Sleeping With Sirens, I think. That's been a high wedding song contendor for years now, lmao.

What’s your favorite riddle? Okay so this is really just because of context/plot; it's from God of War: Ragnarök, where Brok asks, "What gets bigger the more you take away from it?," and Mimir realizes the answer near the end: a hole. You'd have to play the game to understand and feel the sheer weight of it, which I HIGHLY recommend, the game is fucking brilliant, I cried SO much through it.

What do you think happens after we pass? I just don't know. I know I don't believe in some perfect paradise and a wicked hell for suiting people, but I DO believe we're still... there somehow, but definitely not with the level of sentience and awareness that we do while alive. I like to think that it's a peacefulness, a feeling of wholeness with the world.

^ Is it different from what you’d like to happen? I don't know, really. It's like, on the surface, the idea of a Heaven sounds fantastic, but... to live in nothing but flawless harmony for all conceivable eternity? That just doesn't sound ideal for me. And I ABSOLUTELY don't believe in/want a Hell-like realm to exist, because like I mentioned earlier, people change, grow, and are ALWAYS (well, I suppose almost always) deserving of the chance to redeem themselves. Eternal punishment so severe that our human minds can't even interpret it is just purely fucking diabolical to me, I want that for nobody.

How do you feel about people self-diagnosing themselves with disorders? Hear me out: it depends. In MOST CASES, I absolutely hate this, especially when the person acts like it is stone-hard fact while holding an unconvincing amount of evidence. However, there are plenty of people who just don't have access to doctors capable of properly diagnosing, and then there's also worth mentioning that you know you more than anybody else does. Just depends on a lot.

[dahliasanddimples]

These daily updates also help to keep me on track with my skincare. I told myself I’m allowed to splurge if I do it at least 10x in a row. Look at me, also working on self discipline. Like not only do I have to keep up with my nightly skin routine, but I also have to save up AT LEAST half of the total cost AND I have to wait until the end of the month to buy it. Which is also the time frame I gave myself to get over it.

Surprisingly, it has not been hard. I mean the first day was the absolute hardest but we’re on day 7 now?? Wait. That shit happened on a Tuesday? LMFAAOOO it did didn’t it. Day 7 and I just keep thinking, that guy is a bummMMMM. Like literally nothing to offer. Like at least my exes had either no money but was willing to go in debt for me or knew how to build a house or was even just super genuinely caring. But your standards and mine are completely different. I think you view women in a way where you were traumatized as a child. I really do have to start asking about men’s parent situation bc the more I think about it the more it LITERALLY reflects on how they act. Like you think liking me was enough? You think “choosing” me and then requiring me to be the ideal wifey type in exchange is fair? LMFAAOOOOOO the crazy part is I really am the ideal wifey type. Like I really can throw down in the kitchen, and love to do so. My love for cooking is apparently rare. And I’m a clean ass organized ass bitch. And I’m suuuuuuper freakin funny. Witty. Hilarious. Like I’m actually engaging and entertaining like I really am that bitch lol and it’s like, you thought liking me, choosing me out of what, some young ass bitches, was the prize? From you? For me? You thought that was enough? “Oh he never brings bitches around” “he’s never done that for a girl” done what? The bare fucking minimum “oh I never drift out to go see a girl” well I bet you never had a bitch with her own place. Like?? You comparing apples to oranges baby. I know I said let’s move in together and saying yes would’ve been enough for me. But I wasn’t even ready. But it was on plate and it should’ve been on our vision board. But you couldn’t even see that. Like I actually almost didn’t wanna move in together. But eventually I did. And maybe me pushing it was maybe a subconscious way of me wanting to end it with you. Bc actually the first break up, I WAS ready to end it and keep it ended. The first break up I literally came over to just be at peace and no bad blood. The first break up I literally was ready to leave you. But you kept saying you loved me, or had love for me, saying you realized you didn’t wanna lose me and how am I gonna say no to that. How am I gonna say actually no. I was hurting. So bad. And I really think that’s why this break up is so much easier. I have never felt so bad in my life. I have never felt so sad, so lost, just all these thoughts running through my mind just LOST. and yeah it WAS easier to get back together. Like a band aid. And of course I give everyone a second chance. But you didn’t step up. And you made that promise on new years. And I always told you I’m never gonna ask to you to do something that you normally wouldn’t do. But what you did for me, okay, you’ve never done for another girl okay but? Driving to come see me. That was literally one of your reasons. Bringing me around your friends. Another one of your fav top reasons. Okay. That’s awesome. If that’s all you can do, that is great… for you. But I know what I can offer and I know what I can do and provide and it’s just so much more than you. And even if you had provided even a little more love towards me, just took me on dates, even free fucking dates! Even planned some shit. Like, even any little thing. A park date. A riding bikes date. Going on a fucking hike. But I realize these aren’t things you wanna do. If it’s not for other people then it’s not something you wanna do. It’s like what you do has to be seen. It’s so weird but yeah we do like different things. Your ideal date was dinner and a movie. Yeah that’s cute..? But it’s not even a movie I wanted to watch.

I just know it’s not a loss for me, and I’m sorry, sorry that you really lost out on an amazing person. Like I was really down for you. And you kept saying you could see a future with us but the future is near lil baby. The future is literally 2-3 years what plans were you even making. What steps are you taking. It’s so scary bc it’s like, are you even gonna live that long? With how much coke you’re doing everyday, is your overall health even there? Like at least your friends work out but damn. I cannot get over it. You literally work two times a week, IF EVEN, and then do what the rest of the week? Like what do you even actually do. Bc you don’t cook. You literally eat pizza and fast food and I can’t imagine an actual adult life like that. I can’t imagine raising a family like that. I can’t imagine raising kids the way you raise your daughter that you see what, once a week? On a good week? Your priorities are so out of order. Like you would actually miss her first game to.. party? To do drugs? Like earth to you! Like even in your dreams you left her to fiend for herself saying she’ll be okay and even in your dreams you knew she wouldn’t. You wanna be fake dad so bad and you say this and that about killing someone for her but it’s not true. How you gonna take care of her if you can’t even take care of yourself? You say you’re gonna be a better dad and you take her to one brunch and then boom. Inconsistent. You say you’re done doing coke for at least March and boom it’s almost everyday. If you can’t keep a promise to yourself, to your daughter, then you can’t keep a promise to me, to us. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I really did had to leave you. And it was hard and it really had to end the way it did bc I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you. Even after all the reasons and sadness and heartbreaks you’ve caused me I still couldn’t do it. Even when you were lying to my face I still couldn’t do it. Even after all the shit that you’ve done to me I still couldn’t do it.

And now I’m just thinking about all the things you did to me and I’m sad, for me. Sad that I let it slide sad that I let it happen. Some of the worst times in my life was because of you and what you did. I feel sorry for you and sad for me. But it’s on me that I let that happen. And I’m glad that for whatever reason I did and am sticking to the decision to end it. Thank you Lord for giving me the strength to leave bc you were actually so bad for me. You were a leech. You were a bum. And I think I’m done being nice and I’m done supporting bums and taking a step back so that men like you don’t feel small around women like me. Bc thats not good for either of us. I’m enabling that behavior and you’re thinking it’s okay. I was sad and maybe sometimes I still get sad but I really really REALLY ABSOLUTELY know, that it was the best, for me, to leave, you, the loser. And as many and as much excuses as I wanna make for you and telling myself that you will apply to jobs and you will get insurance on your car like insurance AT LEAST like?? Come on! What was I even doing with you!!! Oh my GOSH have a lowered my standard for you. Like you’d think being on tv you’d have even a little money but you don’t and you don’t even care to. You don’t even care about your future. You’re literally wasting your life. Like actually rotting away. You’re throwing your life out with drugs with parties and for what? To keep up a facade? An online facade for people you don’t even know? That you don’t even benefit from? A part of me wants you to see these posts just so you know how much you’re missing out, on me, on your life. You are the epitome of a loser, you are nothing but a verified loser. And who actually knows if you had potential bc you’re wasting your life. You don’t value your life. God blessed you with so many opportunities and bc it was given to you, now you expect handouts. It’s sad and the more I think about it the more I ask myself, what I even saw in you. Maybe it was the chase for me, like oh mr. Cool guy likes me. But you’re not even cool. You don’t even have swag. Like you don’t have motion. Your friend has more motion than you. And you know what, he let you win on Mario Kart. If all three of us didn’t already know that, at least him and I definitely did. You’re two best friends. And I’d fuck them both bc they have SO MUCH MORE MOTION THAN YOU. They have IT. And it’s so sad bc I see that they have to step back just for you to feel comfortable. It’s so sad. Like I literally thought you were him. that you had swagger. Like you know tall dark fine men who just smirk and have that charm. Like look you in the eye and I can’t help but blush type charm. Like had other guys feelin some type of way when you walk in bc they’re girl is lookin at you. But you don’t. Like you don’t have that charm and you were probably just pullin little ass bitches bc of your social media presence like you probably could not even pull a bitch from the streets from a bar. You were and are not him. But I, I on the other hand, AM THAT BITCH. Everything I want in a man is me. Bitches look at me and feel insecure when they’re with they’re man and you know this. You’ve seen it. And it was nice that you weren’t insecure about it but you had no reason. Like I really am that bitch lol and I thought you were him but you’re not you’re a skinny ass tall man with a big ass head. And if you didn’t have a beard you would look like a chicken head bc you have no jawline. Physically, you’re not that hot. It’s kind of embarrassing how skinny you are. And how irritated you are over little things. Towards the end of our relationship I started noticing that you complained A LOT. About little things and would be so mad about nothing. Like you don’t have bigger problems than that? Like you’re gonna start your day mad bc your friends kept calling you?? I’m so confused. Like we get it. Your friends called two times. And you just ruined our trip bc it was raining. Just like, all of this. All of it. ALL OF IT.

Thank you, for getting me out of that. Bc I don’t even think you’re a good person. You would take from your own friends and I’m sure you’ve taken from me too. You’re a thief. You’re dishonest. You’re actually a gas lighter. And you’re a pussy ass bitch. A baby back bitch. Like damn you complain more than a bitch! You complain more than any man I’ve ever met. You argue like a bitch like you have to right or else. Like damn lil mamas you wanna be held AND you gotta be right? Well damn bust it wide open for a real one then lmfaaoooo can’t even do that bc a part of me feels like you have erectile dysfunction? And don’t say you don’t. Maybe it’s the drugs. I really did dodge a bullet with you.

RIP to the best women you’ll ever have. I’m sorry for your loss </3 You lost one the best things in your life

Cheers, to day 7 and knowing my worth + MF FOREIGN TAX BIITTCCCHHHHHHH