#also is Jonathan's lip busted or is that a weird coloring thing?

[share-the-damn-bed]

JONATHAN BYERS + NANCY WHEELER | filming stranger things season 5

[alias-b]

Without The Lights~ Billy Hargrove x OC Camille Harper

Chapter 8: Time After Time

A/N: Gahhh! Billy and Camille feel some time pass. Changes on the rise. Holidays and new year. New threats. The Party has to rally again for it all. Light sexual content starts here.

  “Let me help you with that, Mrs. Wheeler.” Camille hurried to pull three hot pies from the oven. The sweet smells filled the house around them.

  “I think I burned this one a little.” Karen frowned.

  “No, it looks and smells amazing, I promise.”

  “And your mother doesn’t want to come? I always love her fashion trend advice, I feel like I'm ahead of the curve.”

  “She'd appreciate that. But, no, we had lunch and she had a flight to catch.” Camille helped with desserts while Nancy started the coffee pot.

  “Smile.” Jonathan flashed when the three women huddled together in front of an island full of cookies, pies, and cakes. The doorbell sounded so Mike raced by Joyce and Will helping Holly open her new toys.

  “Mike, cool it.” Karen laughed. Her house full of family and friends enjoying the winter night.

  “Sorry,” he whipped open the door to see Eleven and Hopper. “Hey.”

  “Hi,” she offered a gift and he let them in. Mike made some introductions, hand in El's. Hopper had an elaborate story set up for her adoption.

  “I’m going to get us set up!” Dustin pulled at Will who followed him into the basement to help get their game ready. Steve was sorting gifts around and the doorbell went off again.

  “I got it,” Karen paced to open it, standing taller. “Oh? You.”

  “…Mrs. Wheeler.” Billy cleared his throat and peered down at Max. Camille poked her head around the corner to see him, glittery gold eyeshadow caught the light to make her sparkle. “Just dropping my sister off.” Sister. She'd forced him to help carry her many gifts to the door. Billy saw Camille there in a red dress and realized now that Max played him.

  “Max!” Lucas smiled and stilled when he spotted Billy.

  “Let me take those,” Karen bit her lip and handed some off to Steve so he gave them to Jonathan.

  “Hargrove.” He began, hard.

  “Harrington.”

  “Santa’s head elf this year, huh.” Steve watched Karen go into the living room. Billy shot him a tense look. Lip quirking.

  “You’re the one wearing that.” Billy gestured. Steve yanked an elf hat with ears off his head.

  “I'm wearing it for the kids.” He played it cool.

  “None of us asked you to do that,” Lucas teased, beckoning for Max to come in.

  "Happy Hanukkah?" Max grinned, earning a laugh.

  "Always appreciated." Camille smiled to greet her and met Billy’s eyes.

  “Sinclair,” Billy huffed and Lucas stilled. The teen relaxed, shrugging when he was flat. No animosity toward these people trying to celebrate with each other. Billy remained outside it all. “Merry Christmas.” Lucas gave an odd look of acknowledgment and ushered Max to join their friends.

  “You really got to him. Christmas miracles do exist,” the kid muttered and Max laughed at that. Camille approached, patting Steve’s shoulder when the two boys stared. She noted they both relaxed.

  "Hope you got more than coal this year."

  "I got this one." She eased and Steve crossed his arms, following after Lucas and Max too. She opened her mouth but Karen appeared again.

  “Billy, it’s snowing out. Come in for some dessert and coffee.”

  “Ah, I couldn’t,” he was jerked forward when her arm looped into his to walk him into the kitchen. Camille cocked her head and everyone in the living room tried not to laugh.

  “Billy, hi.” Nancy clasped her hands, intrigued. “Welcome.” Karen went into the other room to grab more paper plates.

  “Why is this so weird between you two?” Camille muttered, looking entertained and Billy rubbed his neck.

  “Don’t know what you mean.��

  “Nancy, this is weird. Isn’t it weird?”

  “It is weird, Camille.” Both girls crossed their arms and Billy cursed himself.

  “You know…that night. I got the Byers’s address from her. Might of…you know. My thing.” He hissed through his teeth when she got close to him.

  “Thing?” Nancy made a face at that. "My mom?"

  “Oh, no. Billy, ew. Bad idea. Bad. I might be queen bee but Karen Wheeler is like an entire swarm of them.” Camille covered her lips. Nancy giggled across from them, pouring coffees to take them off.

  “Worked at the time.” Billy whispered and they stood straighter when Karen appeared with a piece of apple pie. “Thank you, Mrs. Wheeler.”

  “Karen, please,” she waved him off. “You’re welcome to stay.” Karen looked between the teens and hurried to help Nancy with the coffees.

  “I really shouldn’t.” He gave that smile again so Camille bit her lip. “Time to run?”

  “Oh, yeah, or you're not making it out of here alive.” Camille pushed at his back to help him escape, they both chuckled together. Stopping in the doorway, she produced a tiny package from her pocket. “You know, I figured you'd be the one dropping Max here. This is for you. Open it.” He tore the paper and saw an ornate, silver ring. Patterns pressed into the metal. “Something small,” she explained when he slipped it on his middle finger. “I had them etch a Hebrew word on the inside.”

  “What’s it mean?”

  “Trust.” They locked eyes and he pulled another small box from his pocket, looking smug when she was surprised. Camille opened it, lifting a simple golden chain bracelet from the gift. Billy pulled from his own stash to get her something she'd like.

  “It’s beautiful. Is that…?” She let him clasp it on her wrist. A single, small charm hung from it. Circular with a peony pressed at the center.

  “Now you have one that can’t die on you. And I still had to ask which damn one it was so I didn't pick the rose because you are the first girl in the history of girls to hate roses.” He joked to make light of it. Camille stepped closer, his breath hitched.

  “Thank you.” Her fingers brushed his hand and their moment was interrupted.

  “Hey, keg king,” Steve cleared his throat. The couple came apart when he pointed up. “You know the rules.” Mistletoe hung above them. It wasn't there when Billy first arrived. “Who put that there? I wonder.” Steve flashed a huge grin and left them defenseless.

  “The real King Steve, huh? Might have to thank the guy.” Billy remarked and Camille turned to face him, all pretense gone. Blue eyes burned into hazel ones. Sparkling and bright. She watched his face change. Christmas lights played soft against their faces. Camille gave the slightest nod to signal him. Forgiveness would not echo in one perfect instant but the choice to heal opened up a million beautiful possibilities unseen before.

  Billy lifted a hand, fingers grazing her face; thumb rubbing a circle into her jaw. Camille came up closer on her toes when he tilted her chin up. He thought of the Halloween party. How badly he wanted her. How that never ended for a moment. Their foreheads touched, his eyes fluttered to close and she flickered her own across his expression. One of desire and peace. All at once. Camille touched the back of his neck, pressing gently and he waited for her. Only for her. So patiently that he vibrated when her lips touched his. A sweet kiss like an exhale against cool night air. Like waves swaying upon a California beach. Billy opened his heavy eyes framed by thick lashes. Her fingers shifted into his curls before she pressed her lips up to beam.

  “Bye.” He uttered, thumb sweeping down her jawline.

  “Goodnight.” Camille opened the door and watched him get into his car. Billy peered at her waving and took off. Somewhere to watch the stars and be alone so he didn't have to return to Neil's house yet. He touched his lips and had to open the window so cold air could caress his face. A smile found him. Camille went back inside and gave Steve a smack when she rounded the corner.

  “Real funny.”

  “Hey, I didn’t bring it. I still can't stand the guy. I’m just the height man.” He pointed at Max. "More afraid of her than I dislike Hargrove." The kids all paused.

  “Busted,” Mike teased.

  “What?” Max laughed when Camille’s arms crossed, waiting for an explanation. “I…didn’t have a present for him this year.”

  "You and I are going to have a conversation." Camille replied but, the younger girl was amused.

  "I hope it ends in thank you, Max."

  “Guys! We’re ready down here. Come on!” Will grew excited.

  “Never played,” El had whispered.

  “Neither have I really. Never had a party,” Max shrugged, holding out a hand. “We could learn together?” El blinked and took her hand, smiling when Max did to follow her down. Nancy kissed Jonathan and crossed over to give Camille a cup of coffee.

  “Cream and sugar.”

  “You’re awesome.” She cocked her head. “Guess we better join them.”

  “I am not wearing the elf costume.” Steve followed them down and Camille laughed at him. Holiday music colored the air while lights twinkled. A night that was wholly beautiful.

  “Steve, the party demands it.”

** ** **

  1985. A new year came for them all. Snow coated the grounds of Hawkins, giving them a few late starts to school. Camille breezed through the hallways.

  “Think you might be overdoing it?” Nancy pressed near her locker while Camille shifted books about.

  “Yesterday, I wrote a full page in Japanese. I picked up ballet again like it was nothing last week. And I also absorbed every cool action move I could. I cannot be stopped. I need an ass to kick. It’s like my brain is overflowing. Also…not the most exciting thing but without our housekeeper, I’m cooking more for me. Food channel…super helpful. Who knew?” Excitement laced her tone.

  “And your mother?” Nancy wasn’t sure if she could call her that now.

  “I don’t think she suspects anything.” She shrugged. “And you know that El’s abilities are different from mine. But, she helped me some with the whole…moving things part. Gift for all the tutoring so far. It just feels like that little girl always belonged in my life. Like we'd been looking for each other.” Camille paused when Billy passed, backpack in hand. He winked and she stopped a grin from splitting her lips, turning aside to look back at her locker.

  “What’s happening there?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I mean, we talk more and do assignments together. I told him that I’d help him in chem. Keep his dad off him. He's a...a strict guy. We kissed at your Christmas party but…we’re friends. He has a lot to make up for and I’m…kind of content. Where we are, you know? Billy and I are friends and trying to find that footing again.”

  “But, you like him.” Nancy was matter-a-fact. "And I'm assuming the continued quiet, longing looks and the less making rounds is a signal he likes you."

  “Yes, but, I don’t…fully forgive him for that night. He’s trying, granted. Things are different. I feel it. But, it was awful. I’m working on that and, you know, Nance… I’m glad I told you…about the…” Camille touched her stomach and Nancy nodded. “I have not had a relationship since that. Many, many out of school flings aside.”

  “You want things to change but not too quickly. Odd, but I get it.” Nancy followed her down the hallway. Heather joined them when they got outside.

  “We’re all going to the diner for hot chocolates.” She offered. “Invite Steve and Jonathan…if it isn’t weird, of course. I was going to invite Robin, I owe her big for all the chem notes I borrowed.”

  “Not weird, Steve and I are friends now,” Nancy shrugged, eyes elsewhere. Billy’s jacket provided warmth to Camille in the snow. A commotion caught their attention ahead, stopping the conversation. Camille hurried forward to see it around her car. The driver’s side window smashed in. Billy was there as Max had pointed it out seconds before.

  “What the hell…” Camille pushed students to see it. A brick sat in the passenger seat.

  “Careful, the glass,” Max spoke when the teen got the door open.

  “Take anything?” Billy craned his neck.

  “I’m… No, I don’t think so.” Camille was visibly shaken. "Did anyone see anything?"

  "Saw it when I was skateboarding down to meet Billy," Max shook her head.

  “Break it up,” Mr. Clarke pushed students of all ages to go, save for her friends. “Ms. Harper, are you alright?”

  “Yes, I’m…” Camille saw numbers marked into the brick when her gloved hand picked it up. 006. She gasped and turned it down. “I don’t think they took anything.”

  “Hey, what happened?” Steve and Jonathan had joined the circle.

  “Camille, you can’t drive that.” Nancy touched her lips and pointed. A large puddle melted the snow under the car. Mr. Clarke was kind enough to look under.

  “Camille,” he agreed and got serious, “they cut your brakes.” She looked up from him to see her friend's eyes, horrified. Stuffing the brick into her backpack so no one saw it.

  “I’ll call the police.” Heather offered. “We’ll get you a tow.” Billy touched Camille’s back when she came out on shaky legs.

  “Can I have a ride?” She trembled so he gave a nod without a thought.

  “I can take Max home,” Jonathan offered. Will and the kids caught up with him. Billy didn’t refuse, peering at his sister to cock his head.

  “Stay with your friends. About an hour. Susan said she was out for some appointment today and my dad is home alone from work there.” He’d replied so quietly. Hands in his pockets. Jonathan nodded in turn. Max pressed her lips and agreed.

  “Shit,” Dustin observed the car.

  “Language.” Their teacher chided, coming back from looking the vehicle over. “Everyone, let’s clear out. We’ll get this taken care of.”

  “You okay?” Max asked first and Camille shook her head but yes found her lips.

  “Go on with Jonathan. It’s cold out.”

  “Heather is still on the phone with a tow, but Hopper’s on the way.” Nancy spoke behind her.

  “I’ll go inside to report this too. Ms. Harper, will you be alright until the Chief comes?”

  “Yes, Mr. Clarke, thank you.” Camille touched her heart, speeding in her chest. He left and she produced the brick so her friends could see it. They all gave awed expressions and she was hard. “They’re coming for me.”

** ** **

  “See anything?” Camille cocked her head as Hopper observed her car. He took the brick and had police comb the area. They got Heather to go home and Jonathan took the kids, leaving Billy, Nancy, and Steve.

  “Nothing. Any threats prior to today?”

  “Aside from my dad’s whole room of experimentation evidence and monsters from another dimension attacking us? No, sir, not a one.” Camille shrugged and came to his side, eyebrow raised. “If I’m in danger, so is El.”

  “I know that,” Jim hissed. “Try to think.”

  “Could be people left still at that place. We both knew it wasn't over. Government secret types, who knows. Our housekeeper was jaded about the firing like a switch flipped. She was one of them too. You know, she fooled me better than my own parents did. Stung. Someone to watch me like a…handler.” Camille saw Hopper peer at Billy in question. “Oh, he knows. You remember him. The sweet blue Camaro. ...Snores.”

  “The narcoleptic bully, yeah. I definitely remember.” Jim was flat, turning. Steve snorted and Billy shot him a glare. “I’ll look into the housekeeper. Don’t go anywhere alone. Where is Rosemary?”

  “She’s been on trip after trip. Probably down a bottle of wine and few pills wherever she is.” Camille shrugged. “I called her to tell her about the car, left out some details. She offered to come but I said no. So, I have a few days to myself. If our housekeeper was invested into the experiment, why would my mother get rid of her?”

  “Frankly, that’s what makes me nervous. They both know too much, why split?”

  “Unless mother wants it to be done as well. But, wouldn’t they take me?” She exhaled cold air and he pressed a thoughtful expression.

  “Plan some sleepovers.” Jim ordered and she gave a salute.

  “Yes, sir.” Camille watched as they hooked her car up. “I liked this stupid car. Damn it.”

  “Tell me about the room with his work?” Hopper stuffed his hands into his pockets.

  “Attic. Never been allowed in…things got suspicious. So, we broke in."

  "We?"

  "Yeah, Billy and I. He helped me. It's...how he knows about me too. The attic had every single detail of my existence carefully mapped.” Camille tilted her head. Jim eyed Billy again, causing the teen's eyes to shift elsewhere.

  “Will Rosemary be back Saturday?

  “No, not till Sunday night or Monday morning.” She replied.

  “I want to see it. The attic.” Jim nodded. “Six o’clock.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  “For now: go home, you do your homework, and do not investigate this. None of you.” Hopper scanned the teens, shifting to walk off and radio Flo. “Go.”

  “Thank you.” Camille offered, sighing. “Just when things felt calm.”

  “We’ll find whoever is behind it,” Nancy assured her. “If you need a place to stay this week, you can come to my house.”

  “Appreciate it. I'll see you later.” Camille pressed her lips and her friends left while the car was pulled away. Billy unlocked his vehicle to let her in.

  “My dad will be there.” Billy hesitated. “I’m not supposed to see you. Not in this setting.”

  "What setting is that?" Camille stared over the roof of the car and he puffed, hand on the door.

  "Friends." He'd offered the word quietly like he might be wrong, hurrying to get in so she followed.

  "I shouldn't... It'll get you into more shit."

  "No, I don't care. I'm never going to be out of the shit. But, I wanted to tell you."

  “Don’t mind to face him with you. I could tutor chem tonight.” She was softer so he drove off. Luck was on their side. Susan hurried to see Camille, having just gotten home too.

  “Neil ran back out to pick up something from the office. Max told me your car was broken into. I’m so sorry.”

  “Bit shocking.”

  “Billy, that was nice of you to stay with her.” She regarded her stepson and he gave a curt nod. “I have hot apple cider in the kitchen.”

  “May I use the restroom?” Camille hurried away when Billy gave her a light push.

  “She’s, uh…shaken up.” He broke the awkward silence between him and Susan.

  “I can imagine.” She poured two mugs. “She can stay as long as she likes tonight. Don’t worry about Neil, I’ll tell him it’s for school. If she's assigned to tutor you, then you really have no choice in the matter.” Billy lifted his eyes as if to thank her without words. “Go, get warm.” Camille appeared when he turned down the hall, two mugs in his hands.

  “Come on, Harpy, you’re trembling still.” He gestured with his chin so she got the door and shut it behind them. Billy handed her a cup and turned on music to drown out their voices. His mess of a room was a welcomed sight to Camille.

  “It has to be them. I knew it wasn’t over. Why would it be? Monsters aside. Human ones are always more persistent.” She exhaled, sipping when she sat on his bed without thinking. Billy joined her, drinking. “I don’t understand.”

  “What?” His curiosity won.

  “Why me?” She whispered after months of tearing herself apart for it all. “Why did I get out to live a lavish life and no one else did? How can I live with that?”

  “Should ask why if it wasn’t your fucking fault.” Billy said after a beat. “Hell, I sound like you now.” Camille broke to chuckle, drinking more while the steamy mug warmed her hands. Billy followed until he saw her eyes change upon meeting them. Camille set her mug aside, gaze fixed on him. She took his mug next, placing it away. “What are you doing?”

  “Thinking.”

  “Got to stare at me to do that?” They drew closer when he tried to joke and she felt herself quiver.

  “How is it you said exactly what I needed to hear?” She tried to put her demons to rest. At least for tonight.

  “Because, I…” Billy glanced aside and panned to focus on her gaze. Unyielding. He didn’t know why the urge struck him to weep. Honesty drew so raw. “We’re friends, I guess. Picked up some new skills.” Such a thought made him scoff. He chased and chased. Every trick and tease. Failed. And still found exactly what he’d needed this moment in time.

  “I want to try something.” Her usual dangerous words cut into him. Billy froze when her hands cupped his face. She came up on her knees, sinking down to kiss him. Hands tugging for his collar. More of a thank you. A thank you that turned into a I fucking care about you. He responded against her mouth, hands grasped her elbows to bring her closer. I fucking care. Sometimes I can’t stand it. I don’t want it to stop.

     Then, don’t.

  Billy drowned in her this time, fingers bunched fabric until they fell against his bed. He went for her neck, angling her jaw with one firm hand to place kisses down her skin. She sunk fingers into his hair and caressed all down his back. Nails raked over fabric. Billy felt her adjust, legs opening until he wedged between them. Heat swelled. Poured over. Drowning in fire. Breathtaking.

  Foreheads touched and he pressed himself into her. Just enough for the pressure to tip higher. Legs squeezed his hips. Friction sparked over their bodies. Admittedly, he hadn’t been with a girl in weeks. Body wasn’t into it after all that happened. Not since before their ruined almost date. Flirting aside. Couldn’t lose that charm. That reputation. Billy moaned into her, quiet and stimulated. A husky sound that made her shiver. He rocked his hips, aroused and wet through denim. One hand was under her sweater, squeezing her breast before fingers shifted the bra cup.

  “Camille,” he uttered, tongue slipping against her lips. He traced his thumb over her hard nipple, rolled it between his fingers. They rocked together. Needy and panting.

  “Almost,” she hitched a whine and he rubbed against her, mouth open on her throat. Arms squeezed him into her body. Worked up teens in need of some basic release. They grew inflamed. So close. Billy was teetering, barely undone, when the front door sounded and smacked closed. He jumped off her and Camille fixed her clothing. They scrambled so she came to the floor, tearing a book open to pretend she was studying. She laid on her stomach and crossed her legs, still heaving on air. Billy shoved a pillow in his lap and grabbed a book she tossed up at him. Footsteps shook the hardwood before Billy’s door hit the wall.

  “Good evening, Mr. Hargrove. My, what a lovely tie that is.” Camille watched him open his mouth and close it upon seeing her. My, what big teeth you have, was the tone she claimed. She nestled into the shaggy rug, grinning and he smoothed the tie out in response.

  “You again. It's...new.” He’d warned Billy to stay away. Neil smiled instead, quick like a flash. Doting dad of this fine family. “What’s all this?”

  “Tutoring. Billy's one of my assignments.” Big eyes blinked with innocence and she answered so Billy didn’t have to.

  "Figure a girl like you to have several assignments." His jab struck her.

  "I guess a girl like me enjoys keeping busy." She didn't bow. Owning it. "I'm greedy like that."

  "What's the subject?"

  "Chemistry, sir." She dared this man to step over her to get to his son. Triple dog dared him.

  “And the topic, Billy?” Tension seeped into the room.

  “Ah…just chemical bonding. Chemical reactions. Start with the basics and build it up from there.” Billy made it sound as sexual as he could. Camille gave a breathy sigh, silent and frozen. “Like, synthesis. Right, Camille?”

  “Mm hm. How astute. Ionic bonds.” Camille’s addition made Billy bite his tongue. “Covalent bonds. The real exciting stuff…big test coming. I think with my careful instruction, Billy will nail it.” Her bright smile drew calculating and Billy almost lost it there in manic laughter. It reflected in his eyes. “He passed the quiz last week.” Her bragging of him swelled more heat. Neil was the one burned.

  “Ah. Good, I suppose. Wouldn’t put it past him to cheat, I’m afraid. So, look out.” Neil watched her swallow a hard lump in her throat. Billy’s cheeks were bright pink still. Hair messed. “I’ll let you two study. See if you can bring my son’s grade up more. We’ve given up trying.” He turned and jerked the door shut. Camille let out the air she was holding and Billy’s head fell against the wall.

  “Warn me sooner before you jump my bones next time.”

  “Bold of you to assume. Next time.” Came her teasing. It shouldn't have felt this natural. Being here together. Camille slipped back up onto the bed, sitting against the wall next to him. “You can go finish if you want.”

  “I kind of, uh, already did.” Billy hitched to scoff. “Fuck.” He hurried to his feet to change his pants and underwear in a tiny walk in closet.

  “Talk more chemistry to me.” She played a flirt when he eyed her.

  “Still something else, Camille.” His remark sobered her expression. Pretense lowered again.

  “Can I stay the night with you?”

  “Might have to pretend to drive you home and sneak you back into my window.”

  “Mm, you’ve clearly done this before. Clever boy. We’ll leave early for my place before your dad realizes. Max can come also for the day if she isn’t going to friends. Hopper said six in the afternoon.” She waited until he joined her, sitting down. “Billy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I appreciate…you’re trying. I just wanted you to know that.” They peered away from each other after a beat. Slowly, his hand lifted to curl into her own in her lap. Camille took his hand in both of hers, head tilting to his shoulder. Billy couldn’t hold it in any longer.

  “I want you.” He tried again because he fucking meant it.

  “I know.” Camille came up to see his eyes, hands tightening around his. “I want you too. But, I’m…not sure if I’m okay with it yet.”

  “You were right.” Billy sat back, eyes turned aside. Surprise flooded her. “My brand or whatever. Queen bee. I chased your skirts because of that. The more we teased. The more aloof you were to me, after every move I pulled. The more I wanted you. Call it shitty, it is. Stupid ass high school game, I think it lasts after you get out. And you had…everything I wanted, so I fucking thought. I thought if I held you, I could hold that. More shit. Parents who bought you everything and loved you. Coddling you with a big house and ballet classes and a damn hot tub. A maid and fancy parties…and perfect grades. Damn it. And…”

  “Go on,” she coaxed.

  “It’s just so fucked. Because they just needed to keep you distracted while they prodded and left. Maybe it isn’t worse than what I had but, fuck, it wasn’t really better. Was it? You and I were both fucked up and we found each other and that shit was not a mistake. And I threw it away. ...And maybe because of what happened when I was fifteen. Guys congratulated me for hot senior pussy, not even believing that she ra-…That she did what she did. I was supposed to want it. And when I see girls remotely in her circle, I want to feel in control again and that’s sick. It’s fucking sick, Camille. I wanted to chase you because I thought you were perfect queen material and I had some shit to prove. Guys like me eat that up and spit it out…” Billy grew so very quiet. So genuine. “And I don’t want that for you and I.”

  “You no longer want to consume me?”

  “No, I think I still do. That’s just it. But, I want you to ask me to do it.” He shuddered. Camille felt that hit deep.

  “Hey, you were right too. I loved being chased by the bad boy. I ignored red flags because of it. I love being wanted because I never felt…” She stopped when he met her eyes again. “Whatever this is now, I value it. Chasing routines aside. Bullshit aside. I’ll let you consume me…only when I feel I can do it back. No, this was not a mistake. I know that now too.”

  "That night we went to Ohio, you wanted me and I came so close to fucking you and being done with it." Billy admitted.

  "Why didn't you?" She would make him say it. "You said I wanted you because I hated myself and that was true. But, I'm sure you fucked your share who hated themselves. I'm sure you fuck when you hate yourself too."

  "Seeing you in pain was somehow easier to stomach than leaving you behind." Billy's words came out and managed to be tender and harsh. That hint of menacing lingered. Delicate fingers touched his jaw, turning his head so he'd look at her face.

  "I never did thank you," Camille's brow furrowed, "for saving my life." Billy never sought it. It was peculiar, how she found every moment she could to offer these tiny compassionate touches. Billy was new to being touched in a way of comfort. It flooded him with the terrifying reality that he was here. She took every single opportunity to remind him that he was fucking here. Even if it made him feel wounded. Camille didn't forgive him. Not just yet. Wanting him was another matter. She didn't lose sleep over him making it all better again. Problem was on him at the end of the day. He fucked up, the blame was all his. She'd made her point. They had a connection regardless and she wasn't letting that go just yet either. Trauma had a way of bringing lost souls to the threshold. Years of helping his abused mother branded a special talent for nurturing wounded girls that was not yet lost on him. Her fingertips hadn't left his jaw, inching up over skin. Touch with Billy Hargrove often meant getting fresh stitches plucked open. For Camille Harper, he'd risk it.

  I'm here, he thought again, chills rushed over skin.

  "Thank you, Billy." She ghosted a smirk. "For saving my life and, frankly, screaming me back into existence. It made me start fighting again. It was exactly what I needed. You gave me exactly what I needed when the time came."

  “You did trick me into being your friend,” he chuckled so she did too. Billy realized in that moment that she'd already returned the favor. Harsh and tender as her own words came after that horrid night. Tension drained again. Her hand dropped from his face toward his knee. Stayed there.

  “It’s silly. How we looked at each other as unobtainable.” Camille confessed after another beat. “This goes so far beyond that. We almost missed it.”

  “We’re idiot kids still.”

  “Yes, we are.” She came to her feet. “Come on, it’s late. Fake take me home.” Billy looked at her other hand still wrapped in his. Eyes lifted to her smile. He felt a great shudder within his chest. That night, Billy dreamed of a California beach. Those waves washing everything awful away. Wind in Camille’s hair while she turned to smile at him. It felt right to have her here. They were happy. He tried to build a home. Something obtainable.

  Just for a little while.  

[cheetahsprints]

Fest Fill #4

Prompt: Cisco finds out he’s pregnant while Harry’s gone. @heckyeahharrisco

Words: 1717

A/N: This takes place after Season 3/Sometime early season 4. 

Harry goes in last after everyone else has filed out. He can see signs of perspiration in Cisco’s face, though his hair has been pushed back. He holds close his tiny bundle, while Harry keeps a respectful distance.

Inside, he furiously resents whoever the mysterious impregnating individual is for not being here for Cisco. At least he has his friends.

Harry feels he’s somehow done something wrong. Cisco discovered his pregnancy apparently a few weeks after Harry left, however Cisco didn’t think to inform him. Not even after his inevitable return. Harry didn’t actually find out until Cisco was in labor.

To be fair, he should have realized. Cisco complained of various pains and constantly asked Harry to get him strawberry milkshakes. But he could still breach. Harry thought he wouldn’t be able to do that if he was pregnant. Turned out wrong.

Harry can’t resent him for it. He doesn’t blame him. He hasn’t always treated Cisco very well, and he regrets that. But he hadn’t known the brightness that Cisco was capable of shining into his dark recesses. 

He looks soft and bright post-birth. Gorgeous. 

Harry remarks, “Incredible. Isn’t it?”

Cisco grins proudly at the new life in his arm, lighting up his face and the room. It reminds him painfully of a similar scene in his life. It seems like yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. Cisco’s head lulls to the side, his eyes and expression drooping from his exhaustion.

Almost too quiet, Cisco unexpectedly utters, "HR."

"What?"

“He’s the...Er, sperm donor, more or less. Don’t pretend it wasn’t killing you inside."

"You had this sadness in your eyes - I thought he hurt you. But it was none of my business."

"But you wondered." It's not a question at all.

"Yes," Harry admits. He exhales slowly. "... How did you two get. Together? Was he... Good to you?"

"He - yes he was very - caring."

He doesn't understand how Cisco could overlook safety measures and get pregnant. He doesn't understand because he didn't think Cisco was fond of HR in that way.

Harry didn't know Cisco wanted to be with HR, he didn't know Cisco had slept with him. Harry supposes none of that is his business. They could’ve been trying on purpose for all he knows. And it wouldn’t have made being in love with Cisco any easier if he knew Cisco was taken.

He is insanely jealous that his doppelganger of all people had the privilege of experiencing that kind of intimacy with Cisco. But HR was sweet, kind-hearted, and earnest. Nothing like Harry. More deserving of Cisco than Harry.

Breaking through his bitter thoughts, Cisco asks, "Wanna hold him?"

Harry doesn't, but he carefully plucks the newborn from Cisco's chest. It isn't that he is against holding babies, even those half spawned by someone that he wishes he could’ve been. When Jesse was born, he had flat out refused to hold her right away. It's probably ridiculous, but he was afraid his tiny daughter would break.

Horacio Jonathan Ramon blinks up at him. He's adorable and unbearably small. Tears form in Harry’s eyes. His dusty memories rejoice at this special moment. Harry could swear he sees the Harrison Wells nose on him. It certainly doesn’t look like Cisco’s. He hopes the baby will get Cisco’s eyes. At least the color, if not the fascinating combination of innocence and wisdom held within their depths.

"Hi.”

He's in awe that this baby carries his DNA. That's the fact, even though he wasn't the one to plant the seed. For all intents and purposes, he’s technically holding his son -- Harrison Wells and Cisco Ramon combined. It’s a frightening and awesome prospect.

"You should see your face," Cisco remarks. He doesn't elaborate, and Harry doesn't want to know what his expression is betraying.

“To think I didn’t know you could get pregnant. How did everyone manage not to mention it for months?”

Harry must be fatigued too. He’s not sure what he’s trying to say. Thankfully, Cisco responds with a soft chuckle.

“Yeah... I have a uterus.... shocker. I’m more surprised that you managed to say nothing about my... obvious bun in the oven. Until my water broke...”

They had been eating Big Belly and having a movie marathon, nothing unusual. Then Cisco dropped a bombshell. All the air had gone from his lungs. He had asked quite stupidly, “You’re having a baby?!”

He can still clearly picture Cisco’s irritated expression. He muttered sarcastically, “Do you wanna talk about this now while I give birth on my couch?”

Cisco proceeded to have severe contractions and squeezed the blood out of Harry’s hand. It was a relief for both when Cisco could safely vibe, and Harry left him and his understandably nasty attitude to the doctor. He made it clear he wanted no other witnesses.

Harry couldn’t think properly or function while waiting for news. Iris had to sit him down and wrap his hands around a coffee-filled cup. Barry patted his back as though he was an anxious father again. Might as well have been, he worried for both their lives. 

It wasn’t that Harry had not considered that he was pregnant - it was that everyone seemed to dance around it. No one mentioned his apparent weight gain... or said anything that would’ve confirmed whether he was pregnant, or had just become rather (adorably) chubby. Harry didn’t examine it too closely. He thought it was inconsequential because either way did not affect his feelings. 

Whoever potentially knocked him up did not appear to be in the picture.

“I was... married. Prior to that, tact was an unknown for me. She’s the only reason I could - I would’ve ran Star Labs into the ground with my personality alone if she hadn’t ever been in my life. If had asked you if you were pregnant, but you weren’t? Awkward.”

Thinking logically, he realizes Cisco would’ve recovered. But Harry wasn’t willing to risk hurting his feelings, regardless of how it affected their relationship.

Cisco sits up, wincing a bit. “Wise teachings. I appreciate that I suppose.”

He starts to eat from the plate of food left by the bed. Harry sinks into a chair, content to hold the baby for now.

After he finishes eating, Harry can feel him staring and looks up. Cisco fidgets, turning a little red in cheeks.

"I didn't answer the other part of your question," Cisco says into the silence. Harry tilts his head, not following his train of thought. 

“About. How HR and I - how that happened,” Cisco clarifies.

"You don't have to." Harry was just being stupid and envious. Something suddenly occurs to him. "When you said to Lothario - that you haven't seen it - were you -"

"It wasn't a lie. When we... Lights off, pants down, nothing fancy."

Harry shakes his head in shock. Cisco deserves more than that, much more. He should have someone to care for him as Cisco would no doubt reciprocate, and to have every beautiful inch of him adored.  

"I'm not judging if that's what you wanted but -"

Cisco cuts him off. "It is. I approached HR and I -"

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. He appears to be preparing something Big. Harry waits. Cisco doesn’t meet his eyes. He twists the corner of the blanket with his hands.

"I asked him - I wanted him to pretend to be you. In bed. He was pretty good at it. But I couldn't - there were lines. That I kept. Things that I only wanted to share with the real you. He thought fair's fair, so there wasn't oral - or seeing anything unless absolutely necessary."

Tears have slipped down Cisco's cheeks while he spoke. Harry stands, careful not to jostle little Horacio. Somehow, he just can't see that name sticking though. Maybe ‘Johnny’ will end up suiting him instead. Not that it isn’t a fine name - he just has a weird hunch.

He hands Cisco's child back to him. Cisco looks at him tearfully.

"It was purely physical," Harry deadpans.

"Yeah. Surprisingly, he never offered or pushed for more. Sometimes I think there might have been more to it - that he wished I loved him - and I felt guilty. Ultimately, I came to terms with it being his choice. And I’ll never know for sure."

"You just wanted to have sex with. Me?" Harry needs the clarification out loud. He can already feel his heart breaking.

He might not have much self worth but he won't stoop to settling for Cisco's body and nothing else. He wants his love and affection, or bust. HR might have been able to do it, if he did possess romantic feelings for Cisco. But Harry can’t fathom making that kind of compromise with himself. It would burn him from the inside out eventually, destroy him.

"Well. Asking HR to pretend to date me as you seemed like a little much, and could potentially get awkward."

Harry can't believe his ears. Numbly he repeats, "Date?"

"Do I have to spell it out?"

Harry starts to answer when Horacio whimpers. Cisco rocks him and hums to him, soothing him down from a full blown cry. Harry's heart aches. Cisco is amazing at fatherhood already. And it's such a precious sight. He wishes he had a camera.

HR is gone, but Harry will give Cisco and his child all the love he can muster in his doppelganger’s place. He knows HR would’ve been over the moon. And while he’s never particularly liked him, he can honor his memory.

He loves Cisco's mind, his intelligence, his sense of humor, his big and wholesome heart. Perhaps someday... Cisco will love him back. 

"OK." Cisco turns to Harry once his son has calmed. "I'm in love with you. Easy enough, right?"

Harry is filled to the brim with unbridled joy at that statement. Such a laugh escapes him that he doesn’t immediately recognize the sound as his own. Cisco looks indignant for a second prior to Harry gently kissing him on the lips. 

“Get some rest,” Harry murmurs. He kisses Cisco’s forehead.

“You’ve earned it. I love you.”

He says the last three words to both of them.