#also it was personally funny to me to draw nines in his icon like a 40 year old dad making a pfp

[chasingpj]

𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

pairing: leo valdez x child of iris!reader

requested?: yes!

translation: full of color

warnings: uhh, mentions of mental health and ?? maybe some typos lmao

category: headcanons, fluff, best friends to lovers

pre-relationship

though, leo saw you around camp often, you caught interest in him before he caught interest in you

i mean, he literally couldn't miss you because your outfits were always bright, whether it was a combination of colors or monochromatic

you and your siblings actually look like a rainbow threw up on you guys, and it's honestly iconic

no one at camp can not notice the children of iris, especially when they're in a herd

one day, you were sitting alone at a picnic table near the lake, and you found yourself drawing him in your sketchbook

you sketched a portrait of him while he spoke to piper at a table nearby

you've always found the floppy curls and how his brightest smiles always look a little manic to be adorable

when you sketched his portrait in your notebook, you didn’t intend for him ever to see it

until a couple of weeks later in the arts and crafts center, leo passed by and caught sight of a new project you were working on

he stopped in his tracks to compliment your drawing

since you were nowhere near done with it, you couldn’t admire the piece as much as he was

but his enthusiasm was so endearing

he politely asked if he could see more, and you didn’t hesitate to slide over your sketchbook

he noticed a lot of your drawings were scenery and people at camp; especially your siblings

he stumbled across a detailed sketch of a woman and her child sitting in a bus

“wow… who’s this?”

“oh, I don’t know. It was just a little girl I saw on the train with her mother.”

“so you just drew her?”

you never realized how weird your habit of drawing random people was until he had asked

you giggled nervously, quick to explain yourself, “I tend to draw people or things that I find beautiful. I wanted to capture how calm and happy she was with her child ‘cause at the time, I was stressed and angry. Watching and drawing her made me calm.”

leo nodded, a faint smile on his lips before looking back down at the drawing. “that’s really cool,” he complimented, and you shifted in your seat, suddenly shy.

And then it hit you

you were so willing to show leo all your works that you had completely forgotten that his portrait was in that book

your pulse thumped loud in your ears, mind racing to figure out a way to take away your sketchbook before he could see it

you ended up spending so long thinking of what to do that he arrived on the page in no time

right before he could see the drawing in its entirety, you slammed the book closed and snatched it

leo’s startled expression turned into a mischievous smirk

“was that me?”

you froze in your place; a squeaky sound escaped your throat in your embarrassment

leo’s brown eyes sparkled as he leaned into you, your gaze fixed on his, “y/n, you think I’m beautiful?”

AHHHH!

^^ that was you in your head btw

leo laughed, amused at your attempt to deny it

“then why did you snatch it away?” he raises an eyebrow before reaching over quickly to grab the sketchbook back

you didn't pull it out of his reach fast enough, leo getting a grip on one side

the two of you pull it back and forth, leo laughing at you as you continued to deny what he saw

though you were incredibly embarrassed, you couldn't contain the laughter bubbling in your chest

gods, of course, this would happen to me, you thought

he got it out of your grip, and you sighed in defeat, watching him flip to the page of him and piper

he was quiet, studying the picture for a second before giving you that playful smirk

“you think I’m beautiful?” he asked again

you playfully rolled your eyes, “it was more piper than you.”

your tone was sarcastic, only fueling leo’s banter with you

“oh really?” he chuckled to himself, “but i’m the only one colored in.”

you were silent at his observation before scoffing, “whatever.”

leo only laughed as you take the book away from him

“don’t you have somewhere to be, fire boy?” you asked and nudged his shoulder

the glint in your eyes made him smile, and he shrugged, “i guess i do. i'll see you around."

you nodded, too shy to do anything else, and he walked off

after that, leo took it upon himself to talk to you every day

leo teased you about the drawing all the time, and he found the way you would play along to be funny

before you both fell in love, you were close friends

you had such an optimistic point of view about life, and it was pretty contagious

somehow when leo was in the dumps about something, you always knew what to say

you were just so easy to talk to, and because of this, your friendship just grew naturally

your first kiss was towards the end of summer

leo invited you to hang out with him in bunker nine at, specifically, 6 pm

you teasingly asked if it was a date, and you remember the way he tensed up a bit

with a mumble, he asked, "what if it is?"

from the tone in his voice, you knew he wasn’t joking

in fact, his tone was hesitant, a part of him was expecting you to reject him

then the heavy pit in his stomach turned light when you smiled and said, "then I'm down."

the grin leo gave you made your heart flutter like crazy

your first date consisted of eating snacks and watching a movie on one of those portable DVD players

You picked up on the tension between you and him, and noticed the opportunities for a kiss kept passing

it was until Leo walked you to your cabin that night did you have a moment of boldness and asked, "so are you going to kiss me or?"

leo's eyes widen in surprise before his face broke out in the familiar smirk he gives when he flirts with you

you rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into you

your first kiss was sweet and soft; a little awkward

his hands hovered over your sides for a second, not sure what to do with them until he decided to rest them on your waist

it was the perfect way to mark the beginning of your relationship

relationship

since you guys are both broke teenagers, you got creative with date nights

you came up with the idea of paint splattering with him

you guys got canvases, covered the walls and floors with plastic to make sure you didn't dirty them

then you filled water balloons with paint and just threw them

despite you guys singing and dancing around in the midst of it, the canvases came out so good

and to commemorate the beginning of your relationship, you hung them up side by side in bunker nine, and when you guys get a place together, you hang them up in the hallway of your apartment

leo is a huge gift giver; as i’ve said before in my “how he shows he loves you” headcanons

he’s made you a lot of things; canvases, jewelry, little trinkets with scrap metal

one of your favorite gifts from him is a suncatcher with rainbow quartz

you fell in love with it and when you move in together, you make sure to hang it up in the kitchen with the bunch of other suncatchers that he’s made you

i love the idea that you would attempt to bring more color in his wardrobe

a lot of his clothes are muted in color; you don’t mind it but you were interested to see what he’d look like in a colorful outfit like yours

To say the least, he was not that enthusiastic and maybe, you shouldn’t have put him in a monochromatic orange outfit but… you still thought he looked cute

leo thought he looked like a traffic cone though so it didn’t stick

it’s okay because you like him the way he is anyways

another thing is that you guys are super supportive of each other and leo loves just how you manage to lift his mood

once leo was having a bad mental health week

you guys were sitting under a tree, looking out at the water

his head laid on your shoulder and small sniffles came from the other

it hurt to see him like this and you wished you could do more to make him feel better

then you had the greatest idea to make a rainbow for him

so you did

leo was so stunned when he saw the rainbow form over the lake

he looked at you surprised and when you admitted to making the rainbow for him, the emotion on his face was indescribable

and then you laughed and held him when he started crying because he said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him

another time, you insisted that meditation would be good for him

he literally sat down for like 3 minutes with his eyes closed before he was itching to get up and do something

even when he was sitting down, he was still bouncing his legs and fidgeting

so that fell through too but you still helped him in other ways and he’s so grateful for your optimism and bubbly personality

leo always says that you bring color to everything; literally and figuratively

one of the things you bring color to is his life

and he’s constantly reminding you of this; that his world just feels brighter now that you’re around

and it’s literal too

since you painted the walls of bunker nine a bright orange

he asked you why orange, and you told him because orange encourages productivity, creativity, and most importantly, optimism

it may have also reminded you of the orange outfit you put him into

anyways, you told him that it hurt you to see him get down in the dumps, and you insisted there was no way he could be sad in a bright orange room

needless to say, you were kinda right

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky @anything-forourmoony @loverstyless @yelenabel0vaswife @ohmydamgods @jordannfields @amy-writes-blog @muted-mayham @dreamerball @earthtokace @thehighladyofday @lala-llama123 @tootsdoll @slytherindaughterofposeidon0 @black-rose-29 @somekidnamedkai @possiblylostchasecousin @hamdehlesmis @cami05sworld @does-anyone-hear-me @sol-the-salmon

if your username is bolded that means i can’t tag you ! you probably have your visibility settings on!

[misiahasahardname]

to whoever sees this: this post does not hold up nowadays actually. the dad part especially, i love my dad <3

i made this post when i was in s2 which was... not a great year for me!

it's not really that bad but i'm still not a fan.

with love, michasia (this update brought to you on the 16th of august, 2024)

I AM HAROLD HUTCHINS, FUCK YOU, I’M GOING TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMPARISON, READ NOW!

MY HYPERFIXATION MADE ME DO IT

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, lemme calm down a bit. I tend to get like, REALLY hyper when it comes to talking about my hyperfixation (Captain Underpants!!), so this may or may not seem like a rant, but please, I am literally IDENTICAL to Harold Hutchins, the amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, marvelous, beautiful, splendid, spectacular little child. So, uh, here are some amazing similarities!!!

Harold Hutchins is an ADHD icon. Before reading book 12, I had no idea what ADHD was. (Yes, I know book 4 mentions ADHD first, but I had that copy in Polish first and what in the everloving fuck is ZDUN?!) Yeah, my best friend has it, and I new that, but he called it hyperformia and we had no idea what it was actually called (we were in Primary 5, the legal still-allowed-to-be-a-dumbass age) so yeah, didn’t see the connection. So I looked it up and found SO MANY SYMPTOMS, most of which I could relate to on multiple levels. Being an idiot nine year old, I instantly decided “Yeah, I have this.” and then learned that self diagnosis is wrong! BUT it turns out I was RIGHT, after a lovely trip to the phsycologist when I was… twelve? Eleven? So yes, I too have ADHD just like the amazing Harold! (When I was younger I was an idiot, because I liked the characters and my friend a lot and their lives seemed fun, I thought the disorder was also fun, I was wrong, it really sucks, especially when you’re not on medicine.) By the way, I am PISSED that Cap. U is like the ONLY ADHD representation I can find. WHY?!

We can both be used as a mop. Crazy haired blondies, rise up! Headcanon, someone has DEFINETLY flipped Harold upside down and ACTUALLY used him as a mop. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get all that dirt out his hair that evening.

You’re attracted to the opposite gender? I dunno, that’s kinda gay. I got book 12 on my ninth birthday, actually, and started reading it in the car when we were driving to Edinburgh with the intent of partying. I got to the page where the future families were revealed and I was STUNNED. This book which had JUST released… maybe a year ago had a GAY CHARACTER. I was amazed! I repeated 3 times, “Harold is gay!!” (or gae, if you wanna know how I used to spell it.) I was mind blown. Little did I know, some girl in my class that VERY SAME YEAR would cause my gay awakening. Another funny coincidence, both me and Harold are in love with a very caring amazing person, if we assume that’s what Billy’s like. I love the very subtle way it was just mentioned that Harold has a husband that just made me stop and then go, “woah”, as if it almost flew over my head. Did that make sense? I’m rambling lmao

Drawing is my passion. I like writing, but I’ve been getting worse and worse at it because for WHATEVER REASON, my brain is mixing my two main languages together to confuse me and make me forget how to spell words like peice, or write w’s instead of v’s because apparently the letter v is illegal in our ‘alfabet’. Instead, I’ve been drawing random things constantly, JuSt LiKe HaRoLd!¡!¡!¡! Do I need to add random information to each point? No. Will I add information anyways? Yes. Are you interested? Are you hooked? GOOD, BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT EACH POINT IS GONNA LOOK LIKE!

The Bad Dad That Left For Milk After Mum’s Divorce and Random Bully Trauma Club! Yep, here we go. I like to beleive Harold loved his dad even though he got hit because he just didn’t comprehend that what he was going through was abuse, just like me! Like, he could get into trouble at school or something and his dad was going to be told about it and hide under his covers, hoping he won’t find him so he doesn’t get smacked, but still love the guy! I HATE HOW TINY CHILDREN DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT ABUSE IS, GET OUT OF THERE AND CALL CHILDLINE, HAROLD!!! Oh, and the bullies? Jesus, bullies love picking on people like me- (loud, obnoxious, weird, egotistical, (not Harold traits, I’m not an identical copy)). We have Harold’s bully and his 3 goons; Sissy, Prissy, Pissy and Fuckboy, meanwhile I had Mr. Simp. So glad the both of us had epic, amazing friends to save us! Plus, we ourselves had our own special plans to destroy the bullies. Oh, and about friends…

BESTIE TO THE RESCUE! I HAVE A FRIEND THAT IS JUST LIKE GEORGE (minus the ties and shit) AND SHE IS AMAZING BUT I FEEL KINDA BAD THAT I DUMP ALL OF MY FEELINGS ON HER AND TREAT HER LIKE SOME THERAPIST. (sorry Millie D:) George is amazing though, we need more characters like him. I mean, what kind of five year old gets offered to go up THREE GRADES just like that?! I’m so jealous! Oh, oh, AND, my friend, like George, is there to comfort me and make me more like a more sane human being? Am I phrasing this right? Ok, just picture that moment of pure bliss in Season 3 Episode 4 where Harold gets very excited about what’s in the mystery box. See how he sits in that amazingly excited position? And how George then calms him down or something? THAT’S my friend, and also me. I get excited like that. I also get corrected (“Old unicorns?” “Old uniforms, Buddy.”), complimented (that one moment in Season 3 Episode 3 where George gives amazing compliment to Harold and hugs him whilst Harold looks mildly uncomfortable), forgiven and put up with (lmao Harold breaks the fantaseers 2000 because he’s caught up in the moment is a massive mood), etc. etc. I did have another example or point but I forgot (of course).

Cowards! When it comes to situations, Harold is the more cautious one. Ditto, ditto, ditto, DITTO. I am a pussy, and I am NOT afraid to admit that. Poor Harold is scared of a vampire camp. Not really as stupid as a fear of dogs, though. (DON’T WORRY, I’M GETTING REHABILITATED, I’M NOT AS SCARED OF GOING TO MY FRIENDS’S HOUSES ANYMORE)

Clingy, please, I need my best friend, PLEASE! I don’t know how our illusgaytor would do without George, how depressed he gets when they’re going to be placed in separate classes in the movie, when he finds out he’s gonna be put in a different grade than George in book 11, just such a fucking mood. I HATE waiting for my friends in the playground, I feel so lonely, empty, and most importantly I HATE IT when people walk past me with THEIR friends, judging me. It makes me feel like a loner! And I get uncomfortable seeing one of my friends alone, I just REALLY need to go over there and see if they’re okay, even though maybe my shouting scares my friends away. But, am I the only one who realised that George and Harold are each other’s ONLY friends? Like, in the books and the movie, they’re only seen with eachother. No one else, they have no connections with the other kids. WHY, THEY’RE SO LIKEABLE!!!

Is that it? Man, it felt like more. Do you get my point? I hope you do. Uh, so, yes, Harold is best boi, I like characters with lots of development and lots of things to relate to, um… ŚIEMA!

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Be Mine, This Quarantine ~ (II)

Dean pulls out his phone, clicks on the camera icon, and takes a selfie.

He looks adequately grouchy in it - his uninterested eyebrow-raise, an indisputable declaration that clicking a picture of himself irritates and annoys him, as it should every respectable non-preadolescent person. Also, he manages to get Cas's apartment building, a little bit of the night sky, and his very last moving box of stuffs, in the frame.

It's labelled 'Socks' on the top, and should make Dean feel like a dork if he wasn't going to send the picture straight to Sam - the dorkier of the two of them, by far, and also someone who's well-acquainted with Dean's fascination for hilarious novelty socks.

No sooner has the message been sent, it's been seen, and Dean's getting a call from his little brother.

"It's dark." Sam greets, with all the subtle pointedness of a soon-to-be-lawyer. "Why is it dark?"

"Are you just staring at your screen, waiting for me to text you all day?" Dean throws back, and Sam makes a noncommittal sound. "And it's dark cause it's almost nine."

"And you're still not done?" Sam sounds surprised.

"Almost," Dean bites his cheek. He has to admit Sam has a point. Moving in's supposed to be a morning, in-the-sun kind of activity. "In my defense, I started late. Cas made me spend all morning at his place, getting to know Catsanova."

"His cat?"

"It's literally in the name, Sammy."

"Hypoallergenic?"

"Do I sound dead to you?" Dean rolls his eyes. "Yeah, she is. And cute, too. Black, and it's got whiskers. Responds to 'Cas'."

"Figures." Sam grins, audibly. Kid's always been an animal person - he's probably going to be asking for pictures all the time now. "It sounds pretty similar. So what, you say Cas, and both the cat and human come up to you?"

"Neither of them come up to me, cause neither of them's fond of moving. Big Cas ignores me until I make it like I'm dying, and Small Cas still doesn't really care." Dean laughs. "But I'm going to try and work up to it."

"Good luck." Sam says to that, before clearing his throat. "You should finish moving your socks in, Dean." There's a pause. "Thank you for listening to me about the quarantine thing, I guess. And staying safe."

Dean's first instinct is to immediately dismiss the sentiment, but then he decides not to. And settles for, "You too, Sammy. And thank you for the move-in-with-Cas advice."

Sam lets out a soft, "Yeah."

"But if you tell me what to do again," Dean adds, right after. "And try to threaten me with cheap flight tickets to Kansas? I'm not fucking giving in."

"And you're welcome for the caring about you." Sam retorts, and Dean rolls his eyes a second time.

"That's my job."

"Yeah, right."

"Just shut your face. Smartass." Dean can't contain his smile, in spite of himself. "Stay inside, okay? I've got Gabriel's eyes on you." That's Cas's stepbrother, also in Stanford, and Dean's not really used him yet - but he really could. Dude's sorta obsessed with Sam.

"I -" Sam huffs. "Jerk."

Dean grins. "Bitch."

The phone clicks, and Sam's gone. Dean picks up the last box - it's pretty light, so he props it on his hip and uses a free hand to slam Baby's door shut, and walks into the building he's going to spend (at least) the next three weeks in.

*

"Pizza's on it's way." Cas says from the couch, first thing as Dean enters and shuts the door behind him, setting the box on the floor.

He can't get a normal greeting fucking ever in these parts - but he doesn't really pay attention to it, because every braincell which isn't involved in keeping him alive and standing, fixates all at once, on the scene which beholds him.

He's obviously seen Cas plenty of times before - probably more keenly than he should've been seeing him, to be fair - but this is different. It's like seeing Cas in his natural habitat.

He's in the middle of the couch - typical roommate-lacking behavior - with bare feet propped up on two of Dean's boxes, like there wasn't any furniture around before Dean moved in. And in his collarless bee-patterned shirt and pyjamas which match the brown throw pillows, it's basically like he's dissolved into the couch under the weight of Catsanova who's settled on his tummy, with his hands around her, petting. His hair's enough of a mess that he could've had a reverse-Jonathan-Van-Ness moment by himself when Dean went downstairs for the last time, and his eyes are glued to the TV screen even when he speaks to Dean, and then proceeds to keep up a soft, toddler-voice conversation with his cat.

Holy shit.

Dean loves him.

This is going to be so hard.

"I changed out of my jeans," Cas adds, not even slightly in Dean's direction, per se. "I know you wanted to go out earlier, but it's Catsanova's dinner time now, and I was wondering if the three of us could just eat together. And watch The Middle." The last part, he directs to Dean, eyes wide and curious.

"Uh." Dean says, eloquently. "Sure."

The Middle's exactly the kind of thing Dean should've expected Cas would watch. It's sappy and sweet, and revolves around a hilariously dysfunctional family, and it's half ways to a sitcom and Dean can clearly imagine them bingeing through all of it - piled on the couch with the cat on Cas's lap, and he's still in the middle cause Dean really doesn't mind squeezing on his left as long as their shoulders brush and knees touch, and they're having pizza and Cas is in ratty graphic tees, and -

Alternatively, this is going to be a little bit perfect.

"I'll go change as well." Dean rubs the back of his neck, scanning the room for his bag which contained a set of clothes in case he got too lazy to unpack. As had happened.

"Are you going to be needing any of these?" Cas draws his attention to the two boxes he's got his feet on, by wiggling his toes.

"Nah." Dean checks the labels. "There won't be any pyjamas in DVDs or Boo -" He stops. That's supposed to be Books. "Boo?" Dean repeats, frowning.

"Catsanova likes scratching letters off of words which make them more adorable. Don't you, Catsanova?" Cas grins, running his hand through her fur as he talks about her. She doesn't really pay attention to it. "Say Boo again for us, Dean."

Dean fails to resist the blush. "Screw you. And do you always say her full name, like, all the time? I get that it's funny - or punny, or whatever," Castiel beams at that bit. "But it's kind of a mouthful."

"An earful, you mean." Cas muses.

Dean shrugs, because he's stuck trying to rein in the overpowering affection he feels for this messy, gorgeous guy, who always addresses his cat by her full name, and lets him move in for quarantine. "Just call her Nova or something. She's smart, she'll get it."

"But her name's Catsanova." Cas clarifies, as if it wasn't clear to Dean before.

"Your name's Castiel, Cas."

"I blame you for that."

"Sure you do, Happy Meal."

Cas scowls, not giving Dean more material to work with, and silently going back to watching the TV. "Spoilsport." Dean grins. "Isn't that what he is, Catsanova?"

She, once again, doesn't pay any real attention to them, but Cas's lips quirk up in a smile. They're done discussing nicknames for the cat apparently, so he moves on. "You can freshen up in my bathroom right now. There's no towels in the other one yet."

"Roger that."

Dean picks up his duffel and sets off for Cas's room. He's been to this apartment plenty of times, before. On his way, he passes what's going to be his room - previously, Cas's study slash storage, and takes a detour.

It's the same size as Cas's room, with smaller windows and grey curtains, and looks pretty comfortable, though Dean's more of a spend-all-day-in-the-living-room sorta guy. It's got wardrobes and shelves, for when it's morning and Dean resumes the elaborate routine of unpacking, and a desk at the side, and - oh, fucking hell.

Dean flings his duffel on the chair, which is the only place to sit in the entire room, - and marches out. "Cas!"

For once, even Catsanova reacts to him, jumping down from Cas, and Cas looks downright alarmed when Dean storms into the living room. "What happened?"

"Where the hell's your futon?"

"Oh." Cas pauses. Dean waits, impatiently for an answer, which seems to come to Cas fairly quick, bringing in its wake, a horrified expression of remembrance. "I lent it to Kelly."

"Then," Dean fixes Cas with an accusing glare. If he were standing, that would've been a finger jabbed at his chest. "Where the hell am I going to sleep?"

"Oh."

"Well?"

Cas blinks. And quietly declares - for the benefit of Catsanova, probably, because the two humans already know, and are staring at each other in despair. "I may not have completely thought this through."

*

"I call right."

"Right-now-right, or on-the-bed-right?" Cas confirms, voice coming in from the bathroom where he's brushing his teeth.

"You're on my right when we're sleeping." Dean declares, stifling a scowl. It's not like he's trying to be rude, but he really hadn't expected any of this. He hasn't expected to finish moving in at nine, and dinner at ten, and then proceed to sleep in Cas's bed for the first night he's here.

("I'm so sorry, this is completely on me -" Cas had kept apologizing, with blue eyes in full-on Bambi stare. "I can't believe I forgot about giving away the futon! I'm such a -"

"Whatever, Cas." Dean had frowned back, rolling his eyes. "S'not that big a deal. I'll take the couch."

"Of course not." Cas had looked horrified. "It's cold out here, and my couch is too small - it's just a three-seater. You're way taller than three horizontal butts, plus twice the armrest." Dean had given him a look for that one, and if he wasn't annoyed, he would've been laughed.

"So?"

"You're obviously sleeping in my bed."

"Well, you're taller than three butts too." Dean had sighed, still annoyed - but it slowly subsiding to some sort of thrill which was definitely associated with getting to sleep in Cas's bed.

"I know." Cas had sighed back, a little grim. "I'll just sleep with you.")

Now, Cas exits the bathroom, and walks straight to the bed, setting the pillows right. It's a King-size, so they're going to have enough space, really, but Dean's a little skeptic about getting under the covers first. So instead of climbing on his side, and settling in like his body really wants to, he lingers around, rummaging through his bag even though he has everything he needs.

His phone's plugged in next to his bed, and he's just in a t-shirt and pajamas now. Sure, he usually sleeps in just his boxers, but he has a fair idea of how ridiculous that'd be when Cas, right next to him, sleeps in a full, adorable ensemble.

And that's the last time he's letting himself think Cas - or his bee-themed outfits are adorable.

"I'm going to go put Catsanova to bed." Cas announces, with a smile. "To couch, to be honest. She sleeps inside the couch and I think she likes to think it's her very own hiding spot."

"So that's why I'm not sleeping there?" Dean throws back, stifling a yawn. Somehow, it's eleven, and that's not exactly late, but on a day you've moved into your best friend's apartment, and made friends with his moody cat, it feels pretty late. "Cause the three-butt analogy wasn't your best move, buddy."

"You guessed it." Cas returns, flatly. "I made us sleep in the same bed so that Catsanova's sleep routine didn't get disrupted. Now, how about you actually sleep, Dean?" There's one of those I-know-more-than-you-think-I-do smiles on his face. "You're clearly tired."

"'M not sleeping without you." Dean can't hold in the yawn this time, and it comes out garbling the last bits of his sentence and causing Cas to stare at him in a horrified kind of fascination.

"Before you." He corrects, his cheeks burning, when he actually hears himself. "That'd just be weird."

"Not at all," Cas shrugs. "But sure. Just come with me to Catsanova's night couch."

"Whose couch is it in the morning?"

Cas doesn't really think about it. "Hers, though she settles for indirect use of it's luxury, via our laps."

Dean nods thoughtfully, and follows Cas to the living room. The cat is already all fed, of course, and doesn't really seem keen on playing with them - probably because, and Cas told him this once, cats tended to have bedtime installed in their cat brains. Dean may or may not think that's adorable.

Catsanova curls up in the middle of the couch, much like her (nick)-namesake, and Dean's breath hitches when with a slight purr, puts her head on her paws. She's not a kitten, Cas had mentioned, but she's still so small, that she fits on just one cushion, and with her tail drawn up close, and squinting eyes, she's the cutest thing Dean's ever seen.

"Isn't this somehow better than even the best youtube cat videos?" Cas whispers, eyes turned adoringly at his cat.

"I don't watch -"

Cas gives him a look.

"Okay, yeah, I do, and it is." Dean gives in, rolling his eyes at being called out. "Maybe not better than the kitten falling asleep in the middle of dinner though."

Cas raises his eyebrows, impressed. "You're not wrong."

"But a close second?" Dean offers.

Cas smiles, softly, straight at Dean. He's sitting cross-legged on the floor, with hands around his ankles, and Dean's on the low settee behind him, staring at both the cat and Cas, lazily smiling too.

It feels perfect. In fact, he's so physically exhausted and mentally blissed out that in the moment, that he's not even freaking out about the fact that after this, he and Cas are going to go sleep in the same bed.

(In his right senses, he would've been. When it got suggested - or pretty much, declared, he couldn't have put up a big argument, because if Cas could be so cool about it, how weird would it have been if he wasn't? Why shouldn't he be, indeed?

Except for the fact that he's in love with Castiel and growing increasingly aware of it as the day lives by, there's absolutely no other reason, he's sure.

So after a few weakly presented excuses, including his insistance that it isn't necessary - "Dean, of course it is!" - and bringing back the couch solution - "Dean, why would you sleep on the couch for my mistake?" - he'd given in.

He just couldn't come around to the point that he really isn't sure he'll be able to survive being next to Cas on a bed for an entire night, and figures that it didn't occur to Cas either.

Because of course it fucking didn't.)

"Okay, then." Cas lets out, standing up from the ground swiftly, though Dean holds a hand out. His voice holds a tinge of we're done here, like a superhero in a mission, and Dean grins, in spite of himself. "Let's go."

Since 'putting Catsanova to bed' apparently only includes sitting in front of the couch and staring at her in adoration while she falls asleep and eventually snuggles so close to the back of the couch that she ends up rolling inside, as Dean has now learned, Dean gets up too.

"How'd you like it?" Cas sounds proud.

"Her sleep routine? She did all of it herself." Dean tells him, as the both of them drag themselves to Cas's room. Even Dean knows the house well enough to not have to think about it. "I don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it."

"Did you imagine cuddles and lullabies?" Cas laughs.

"You built it up, buddy."

Cas shrugs nonchalantly, as they reach the bed, and Dean's too tired at this point to even care who's getting in first. All he notices is when they're both in - Cas half-sitting up, legs stretched out under the comforter, and Dean lying on his side as he speaks to him.

"All you did was watch her sleep." He mutters, not really thinking anymore. Sleep is fast trailing his heels, and well, he's stopped running from it.

"I like watching over her." Cas answers, easily. "And it's a sign of trust that she lets me, to be fair. Cats aren't shy, but -"

"Territorial?"

"I guess."

"Huh." Dean closes his eyes. The pillow under his head is the perfect percentage of soft, and it's warm inside the comforter, as compared to the cold in the room. He pulls it up to his neck, trying to tuck himself in without making it obvious.

There's a pause.

"I didn't want to sleep before because," Dean confesses. "Sometimes you look at me." He likes it, but hopefully that doesn't come out in his voice.

There's a weight shift in the mattress, as Cas lies down too. Straight on his back, hand curved above his head, staring at the ceiling.

"It's weird." Dean mumbles. "Kinda."

Cas says, "Okay." But Dean's already asleep, slightly huffing when he exhales, and so there's nothing said in return, and Cas reaches to turn off the lap and goes to sleep, too.

*

Thing is, falling asleep when you're tired is easy. Staying asleep when you're anxious is not.

Dean blinks awake, with a startled breath, and takes a beat to process his surroundings. Gauging by the darkness in the room, it's a long way till sunrise. He stretches drowsily, an unconscious habit of getting up, and his hand nudges against something.

It feels like muscle, and hair, and turns out to be Cas's forearm, because as soon as his eyes get adjusted to the minimal light - he discovers Cas is right there.

They've both migrated towards the middle in their sleep - more Cas than him, Dean assumes quickly, and are still facing each other. When Dean draws his hand back, folding it under the comforter again, there's a few inches between them everywhere - yet suddenly, he's extremely awake, and aware, and losing it.

Cas is quietly asleep, features completely free of tension - with his face smoothed over in sleep, and lips slightly parted. He's unfairly beautiful, and practically a head-jerk away from Dean's pillow, and it's crazy how much it's all getting to Dean.

Even asleep, he's driving Dean nuts.

He doesn't even know what he wants to do - keep staring at this picture of serenity, force himself back to sleep, or something entirely different, but was he does is turn around.

He turns a hundred eighty degrees, keeping his eyes closed, and finds himself facing Cas's bookshelf.

The easiest way to deal with this burst of emotion is to sleep, he convinces himself, and maybe he'll forget about this in the morning. Maybe he'll fall asleep trying to read the titles of the books in front of him, and forget about waking up to Cas in front of him, dreamy even when dreaming, and forget about being overpowered by just about everything in that moment, as he is right now.

He just needs to go back to sleep.

Dean's repeated this to himself enough times to actually be drifting off to sleep, when he feels an arm randomly fall around his waist.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Cas, still asleep, has apparently decided to put his hand around Dean as if he were a fluffy stuffed toy or something, and it's landed ridiculously close to his abdomen, and his toes curl, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

And if Dean inadvertently pushes back towards the warmth radiating from Cas, and ends up little-spooning him because he's somehow backed up until he's reached Cas - then that's just a whole other thing he's never going to think about.

He finally goes back to sleep, not having to try and read the book titles at all, because apparently Cas hugging Dean to himself like a goddamn pillow, is all his fucking insomniac brain's ever needed.

(Although, he's never sharing a bed with Cas again, because he's sure he couldn't survive another such night.)

*

Catsanova wakes Cas up at six, meowing stubbornly at the door because she doesn't care about Dean's private, middle-of-the-night freakout as long as Cas gets up to pay her due attention, and Dean wakes alone at nine, and ends up pretending he's asleep until Cas comes with coffee.

He doesn't look at Dean different or at all, while climbing on bed with the tray - and Dean definitely doesn't notice that he doesn't, because he's obviously not paying attention.

And he obviously doesn't care.

[sanchoyo]

Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it. 

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too. 

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?) 

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don’t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.) 

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

[strrawberrymoon]

name  /  alias : leigh  gender  /  pronouns : female + she/her where  ya  from  ? : europe 👀 the  current  time :  18:53 height :  164 cm, i think that’s 5′4 job  or  major :  double major in sociology and media communications, still grinding pet  (  s  ) :  two dogs! one is a 7 year old maltese and the other a 3 year old cane corso favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  im a great listener and i give great advice, i’m straighforward which some people don’t like but oh well, i’m pretty adaptable. i got some nice titties any  special  talents  ? :  i can roll my tounge in any direction + crack a lot of knuckles ajkdshaj

why  you  joined  hqclouds :  i’ve been itchng to write more lately, so when love told me about their group i thought i’d give it a shot !!

meaning  behind  url :  strawberry moon was just a recent occurance irl which was really cool + i associate marinette with strawberries for some reason, and i’m a big fan of the lady moon

last  thing  you  googled :  i’m having some issues with my michrophone and zoom so i googled how to fix it, but no dice

birthday  /  zodiac :  leo ! my birthday is august 11th in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : yes and no. leo’s are very misunderstood imo, but each sign has the “more popular” or well known traits and then there’s the flipside of the coin—which i think suits me more myers  -  briggs :  ISFP / INFP moral  alignment :  chaotic idiot hogwarts  house : gryffindor

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  i honestly see myself in katara from atla, the whole smothering mothering routine. it’s becoming a regular thing for my friends to say “thanks, mom” or “ok, mom” so i guess i’m the mom friend. also fred weasly... he’s a twin.. i’m a twin... that’s all i need. and lastly, and very leastly, neil josten from all for the game series. most of you probably don’t know it, but he’s a demisexual chaotic idiot who says “i’m fine” way too much for someone who is most definitely not fine.

i  started  roleplaying : probably when i was around 16-17 was my first official roleplay experience. it was on facebook and kind of a nightmare types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  i like college stuff and small town rps, but i also love plot heavy rps that push you into developing your muse. really anything that isn’t too restricting favorite  fcs  to  use :  i don’t have go-to faceclaims. i tend to make a character around a FC and then use them until i lose muse or just feel like they need to rest. switch it up a lot, but some faces that i’ve really enjoyed playing for a longer amount of time are steven kelly, cindy mello and ellen v. lora fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : i want to write in all of the fandoms i know nothing about and look like a dumbass. also harry potter, the hunger games, avatar the last airbender, gossip girl, etc etc fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  marvel somewhat, any video games are very fascinating to me even though i’m not a gamer + know nothing about them, any distopian kind of fandom re: hunger games

share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  recently an admin of a twitter rp tried to use my male muse for their weird ship narrative. they tried to make him look like an asshole (& i do play assholes but this one wasn’t one) + used another male muse to make it seem as if these two boys were fighting over the person’s girl, even though she actually had a ship all lined up. they were also running the gossip twitter, so they made up a bunch of stuff about our muses without our consent and consequently i told them to fuck off, and both of us left the group. then she had no more “groupies” so she cuffed and the group closed two days later. it was petty hilarious.

fondest  roleplay  memory :  once in an OC group, i wasn’t “technically” doing a ship with a friend, even though the characters had feelings for each other. but for some reason the status of their relationship was a hot topic group wide, meaning everybody had their nose in it and wanting to know what’s up, so they publically kept doing things to make people think they’re together while denying it in the same breath. it was really fun to let it play out like that.

favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : roy mustang from fullmetal alchemist, katara from atla, and my baby marinette favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : the last original character i played and fell in love with was named alex. im obsessed with him. still doing 1 x 1 with his girlfriend. they’re having a baby, it’s all very emo and domestic. maybe i make him relapse for funsies. canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  lupin x tonks from harry potter, korra x asami from legend of korra, danerys x daario naharis from game of thrones, katniss x peeta from the hunger games, etc... trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : i use the rich kid douchebag stereotype a lot. i also make a lot of my characters addicted to something to make them struggle with that.

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  bro... i am a sucker for ansgt and smut. i do fluff on special ocassions >:) long  or  short  replies :  i prefer when they start out shorter, but medium is my fave pre  plotting  or  chemistry : chemistry all the way. plotting can be really fun but it’s a miss more often than a hit for me. plotting can be good for pre-established relationships but that’s about it sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : sentence starters single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  i’ve never done a multimuse blog, and i’ve actually been super against them in the past, but i’m starting to change my mind hehe gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : static (or none honestly)

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it :  ❝ You were children. was there no one to protect you? ❞ — ❝ Was there no one to protect you? ❞

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? :  ❝ I loved her, and sometimes, she loved me too ❞ 

top  current  celebrity  crushes :  zendaya, margot robbie always last  movie  you  watched :  365 days (2020) did  you  like  it  ? :  i hated it, what a waste of a perfectly good 2 hours  favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : harry potter franchise makes me nostalgic, perks of being a wallflower, my sister’s keeper favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : for some reason i’m obsessed with grey’s anatomy but i hate it favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : well fricking grey’s anatomy favorite  series  of  books  /  novels  /  comics : the hunger games, harry potter sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : my friend is into sports i rep her ksdsdj favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : the sims. i like playing animal crossing vicariously through switch owners favorite  youtube  channels : don’t usually keep up with yt channels but i just binged some stuff from psychology in seattle hobbies :  procrastinating

what  are  the  three  non  essential  things  you’d  bring  to  a  deserted  island  ? : sunglasses, hairtie, hand cream

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : 

say goodbye by skillet, 

off the grid by alina baraz & khalid, 

bury a friend by billie eilish, 

break up with your girlfriend by ariana grande

get back by nine lashes

marry you by bruno mars (man)

personal  aesthetic : growing out my hair only to always wear it in a bun dream  vacation  ? : i just wanna go to the seaside with my friends dream  job  ? :  i literally can’t stand capitalism. wanna move to italy and collect berries and draw titties all day dream  car  ? :  something that drives itself if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : somewhere in canada near the woods favorite  musical : mama mia? counts favorite  food  (  s  ) :  bananaaaaas, ice cream, cereal. these are all foods ok coffee  order : i don’t drink coffee unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  13 reasons why (i’m too bored), the flash, outer banks, elite, the half of it, intersteller, locke & key aaand some stuff that’s not mine but someone else using my account

what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : idk anything about anything askldhl

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #5: Will Slater.

Talking mullets and other manes with the man behind the internet’s definitive ‘exploding helicopters in movies’ catalog.

“Man cannot live on helicopter explosions alone. Even I need some occasional intellectual nourishment.”

A London-based PR man by day, by night Will Slater has a thing (and a podcast, blog and Twitter account) for movies that feature exploding helicopters. According to his Letterboxd bio, it’s “the world’s only podcast and blog dedicated to celebrating the art of exploding helicopters in films… as well as shaming those directors who dishonor the helicopter explosion genre”. As Will tells Jack Moulton, he also loves film noir, Wakaliwood, masala movies and much more. Just don’t get him started on the one action movie cliché that never fails to disappoint.

Sylvester Stallone takes aim in ‘Rambo III’ (1988).

First things first, have you ever had a ride in a helicopter? Will Slater: What, do you think I’m mad? Of course I’ve never flown in a helicopter! If I’ve learned anything from watching hundreds of films where helicopters spectacularly explode, it’s that they are a singularly dangerous form of transport. You never know when Sylvester Stallone is going to pop up with an explosive-tipped arrow and blow you out of the sky.

I’m going to say the words ‘the definitive action hero/heroine’. Who pops into your head first? No runners-up. Go. Snake Plissken, no question, for a number of good reasons. First, there’s the look: that eye-patch, the beaten-to-hell leather jacket and Kurt Russell’s lustrous mane of hair. Second, there’s the attitude: his contempt for authority, the drawled sarcasm and all-round bad-assery. And I also like that he doesn’t have any special abilities. Action heroes generally tend to be either musclebound slabs of beef—Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stallone—or martial arts specialists—Jean-Claude van Damme, Jackie Chan—Plissken is just a pissed-off, angry dude who’s trying to stay alive. He’s very relatable. Plus, I’d argue he pretty much invented the whole anti-hero formula that rules our screens today.

Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken in John Carpenter’s ‘Escape from New York’ (1981).

When did you start your podcast and which film got you into looking deeper into the topic? It was while watching the cheesily bad Cyborg Cop that I first had an epiphany about the weird and wonderful ways in which helicopters seemed to continually explode in movies. But the film that convinced me to start documenting the phenomenon was Stone Cold. If you’re not familiar with the film, it was an attempt to turn former gridiron star and mullet-king Brian Bosworth into the next big action star. It goes without saying that Stone Cold did not transform ‘The Boz’ into the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, but the film wasn’t a total failure as it features a helicopter explosion that is as brilliant as it is gloriously stupid.

And that was the prompt to start the Exploding Helicopter. I launched the website in 2009, and the podcast followed 2015. Since we started, our aim has been a simple one: to celebrate the strange and inventive ways that helicopters explode in films.

Motorcycle crashes into helicopter in mid-air, ‘Stone Cold’ (1991).

When did you join Letterboxd? What are your favorite features here? I’ve been around since 2013. As for the features, the stats are very cool. When you dig into your viewing history, you can learn some very revealing things about yourself. For example, I generally like to think I have a commendably broad taste in film, and watch only the most important and influential works from every decade, genre and country. But then you look at the data and find you’ve watched Thunderball nine times in the last five years, so maybe you’re not as cool as you thought.

We noticed that your profile faves are low-key and explosion-free, given your theme of choice. Why these four and not Die Hard four times? Man cannot live on helicopter explosions alone. Even I need some occasional intellectual nourishment, between watching whirlybird conflagrations. There’s a little bit of nostalgia tied up in The Ipcress File. I first saw it as a kid, and it made a big impression on me. It’s very stylishly directed, has a great John Barry score and a star-making turn from Michael Caine. I’m a big film noir fan and Sweet Smell Of Success is a beautifully sour tale of cynicism and manipulation. To borrow the words of Burt Lancaster in the film, it’s a “cookie full of arsenic”.

Jean-Pierre Melville is my favorite director and Le Samouraï was the first of his films that I saw. What Melville does so masterfully in this, and his other crime films, is distil the elements of film noir. Basically, he takes the genre’s iconography—the gun, the trenchcoat, the fedora—and familiar plot tropes—the betrayed assassin, the heist gone wrong, the criminal doing one last job—then elevates them above cliché into something almost mythic. And what do I really need to say about Taxi Driver, other than it’s a masterpiece?

Now you say you shame directors who dishonor the art of helicopter explosions? Which directors did you dirty? Well, one of the biggest names in our hall of shame is Tony Scott. For a man who specialized in hyper-stylized, pyrotechnic-filled action movies, he flunked every helicopter explosion he filmed. In our eyes, one of the most egregious offences you can commit is failing to show the helicopter explosion. And in both Spy Game and Domino, old Tony cheats the viewer by having the chopper fly out of sight before it explodes. Now, I can accept such visual chicanery in a low-budget film, where they presumably don’t have the money to stage the scene, but what’s Tony’s excuse? If you look at his filmography, at one time or another he’s wrecked trains, planes and automobiles in spectacular fashion. But for some reason, he repeatedly couldn’t be bothered to give us a satisfying chopper conflagration. At a certain point, it starts to feel like a personal slight. Tony, what did I ever do to you?

In your immortal words, “a film is always improved by a helicopter explosion.” When has this been especially true? When you see lists of worst-ever directors, Uwe Boll is a name that always seems to turn up. And, according to the internet, one of his worst-ever films is the video game adaptation, Far Cry. Now, I’m not going to try [to] convince you that the film is a neglected classic, but it does have a very imaginatively staged exploding helicopter scene. It’s too convoluted to explain here, but take my word that it wouldn’t be out of place in a Fast and Furious movie.

What about the unsung heroes; the stunt artists, the pilots, the pyrotechnicians, the VFX wizards who have worked on numerous iconic action moments, all of whom deserve a shoutout? Personally, I don’t understand why the Academy doesn’t have a stunts category. But if they did, I’d be lobbying hard for Spiro Razatos to get the first award. These days, he works as a stunt coordinator on the Fast and Furious and Marvel films, but I’d like to draw people’s attention to some of his early work. Back in the nineties, he did a lot of work with PM Entertainment films, an independent company that made low-budget action films for the home video market.

They might not have had much money, but they put every cent on the screen with glorious, raucously inventive set pieces that were often more spectacular than big-budget Hollywood offerings. And remember: this was in pre-CGI times, so every death-defying detail was absolutely ‘real’. Go back and watch films like The Sweeper or Rage, and you’ll can see why Super Spiro has now graduated to these more prestigious gigs.

Narrow this list down for us: which is the ultimate most spine-tingly epic “we got company” movie moment? As you may have gathered, I do like an action movie cliché. When you encounter one in a film, it’s like meeting an old friend. And one of my favorites is when someone uses this classic line of dialog to signal that a car chase or a gun battle is about to start. I’ve heard people deliver the line in all sorts of ways–funny, scared, angrily and often just badly. But if you want spine-tingly, then you can’t beat Harrison Ford in Star Wars. He drops the line during the detention-block scene after failing to bluff an imperial officer. As soon as he says it, John Williams’ iconic score kicks in. It gives you the ‘feels’ every time.

“Boring conversation anyway.” Han Solo and Chewbacca in ‘Star Wars’ (1977).

And which action movie cliché can you simply not stand? Stop it: my hackles are raising just thinking about it. For me, the trope that never fails to disappoint is the ‘reluctant’ hero being convinced to take up arms and join the fight. You know the scene. Invariably, the hero has hung up their spurs and is living a bucolic existence ‘off the grid’, when a gruff buddy shows up asking them to risk almost certain death by taking on ‘one last job’. Now, dialog is rarely an action film’s greatest strength, and these beefcake actors generally are not cast for their dramatic chops. Which means we get subjected to the same perfunctory and uninteresting scene over and over again: “I told you, I’m out the game”, “Goddamnit, we need you”, “OK, I’ll do it”. These scenes just never work and are never less than painful to watch.

Which up-and-coming action director are you most excited about? In terms of up-and-coming action talent, I’d pick the director Stefano Sollima. I first noticed his work on a couple of TV series: the fantastic Italian crime dramas, Romanzo Criminale and Gomorrah. The way he composed shots really stood out, and it was clear he had a very cinematic eye. He rather reminds me of Michael Mann. He’s now on Hollywood’s radar and got to direct Sicario: Day of the Soldado the other year. And he’s lined up to make a Tom Clancy adaptation with Michael B. Jordan. I can’t wait to see what he comes up with.

Have you witnessed the glory that is Wakaliwood—Ugandan DIY action filmmaking—three of which make Letterboxd’s official top ten films by black directors? Which international films do you feel out-match Hollywood? I love the Wakaliwood films I’ve seen. It’s fascinating to watch action films from around the world and see their different styles and flavors. Recently, I’ve been trying to investigate Indian cinema and, in particular, what are known as ‘masala movies’. These mix action, comedy, drama, romance and dance numbers into one big, crazy, entertaining mess. They’re a unique experience. If you want to check one out, I’d suggest Dhoom 2. It’s bananas.

Can you believe there are only two female directors represented in your exploding helicopter list? Do you believe that’s due to systemic or thematic reasons? You have to say it’s systemic. Men have dominated filmmaking for more than a century. Until women have the same opportunities to direct and make films as men, it’s impossible to know what their interest may or may not be in blowing up helicopters. [Will has previously written about the search for “true gender equality in the world of exploding helicopters”.]

To address the elephant in the room, how has Kobe Bryant’s unfortunate death earlier this year changed the way you look at these scenes? Obviously, I appreciate that Kobe Bryant’s death was very shocking and a tragedy for his family and fans. But basketball really is not a thing on these grim shores, so it didn’t register with us unenlightened Brits other than [as] a sad headline about a US sports star.

What was your most anticipated movie event of 2020 before Covid-19 pushed every tentpole back? That’s easy: No Time To Die. I’m a huge Bond fan and as soon as tickets were available, I booked myself in to see it on opening day at an IMAX. But if the Daniel Craig era is synonymous with anything, it’s lengthy delays between films.

Freerunner Sébastien Foucan in the opening scene from ‘Casino Royale’ (2006).

What’s a fond memory you have in theaters related to the Bond franchise? I remember going to see Casino Royale. I was excited, but also nervous to see it. The Brosnan era had ended with the risible Die Another Day: invisible cars, kitesurfing and, worst of all, John Cleese’s awful Q. Since that had come out, we’d had Mission: Impossible, Bourne and the Triple X films, so it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that Bond might be finished. Then the first ten minutes of Casino Royale happened. And while that outstanding parkour-inspired chase was terrifically exciting, it also hit me like cinematic Valium. I suddenly realised I could sit back and relax, safe in the knowledge that 007 was going to be just fine.

Are you planning on returning to theaters as soon as you can? When would you feel comfortable? I’m taking a wait-and-see approach. I’d love to see films back on the big screen again, but I want to know more about how cinemas are going to maintain social distancing inside.

Finally, what three Letterboxd accounts should we all be following? Why not give Todd Gaines, Jayson Kennedy or Fred Andersson a follow? If you’re interested in genre films that are a little off the beaten trail, they’ll likely all steer you towards some hidden gems.

[hashtagartistlife]

Thoughts TM on the Live Action (hard spoilers ahead. Also, warning: it’s long.):

- Firstly, the casting. The absolute Best casting decision in this whole movie, visuals-and-acting-wise, is Isshin hands down. He LOOKS like Isshin, he ACTS like Isshin-- actually, Movie!Isshin > Manga!Isshin. They toned down the goof a tiny bit, played up his love and concern for the kids, and put him in an APRON for 90% of his screentime and made him the homemaker. (A++++ MOVE, WHY THE HELL WAS YUZU COOKING FOR EVERYBODY AT THE AGE OF NINE. BAD DECISION KUBO).

- Second best casting decision is Kuchiki Rukia. I remember when her stills first came out I wasn’t 100% on this casting because sure she was gorgeous but she looked????? SO YOUNG????? but guys, she nailed it. NAILED IT. Hana Sugisaki based goddess and if u aren’t her fan now you will be by the time the movie ends.

- Sota Fukushi as Ichigo.... hm. Given that my only criteria when drawing Ichigo is to make him as hot as humanly possible, it was 100% guaranteed that any actor they put up for the role would fall short of my visual expectations from an Ichigo. NGL there are more good looking men out there than Sota Fukushi but to quote both Ro and I from our rabb.it chat during the movie...... sota fukushi hard smash 

(- ok but a serious dilemma: are we attracted to him because he’s attractive, or because he’s playing ichigo and ichigo’s attractive????

-also, chad’s actor hard smash as well)

- SPEAKING of Chad.... he had. Minimal role in the movie but I love that they showed a bit of his bromance with Ichigo. It was always such a cute friendship and they did it justice with what little they showed! Anyway, I like his casting and Orihime’s too, visually speaking. 

- The other casts were fine. Not !!!! worthy but like not terrible casting either. Honestly I feel like Miyavi as Byakuya could have really worked if they hadn’t given him that... AWFUL hair. The hair is even more awful in the movie than it is in the still cuts. Believe it. 

- A final note on the casting... I really hated noticing this but Orihime’s actress? Erina Mano? Looks a LOT like the actress they cast for Masaki and i hate noticing it but I did. But it’s not time for the ir tea/ih salt yet that comes later

- Secondly: Characterisation. Overall decent, but you can really tell that like... they spent the most amount of care on getting the central IR dynamic right and sorta just went ‘lol that’s good enough’ for the others. It’s almost like they spent all of their characterisation budget on IR and had minimal left over to spare for minor characters (e.g: Orihime). You’ll see what I mean.

- Once again, hands down best characterisation in the whole movie is Isshin and Rukia. Isshin’s bodily comedy with Ichigo was done SO realistically, in a way that’s funny and not too over-the-top. The way they kept playing off each other as slightly overbearing father and moody teenage son was FANTASTIC. And one of the moments that had me MOST emotional in this movie was when Isshin was shown by Ichigo’s bedside, taking care of him while he’s recovering from injuries. Ichigo, upon waking from a dream of his mum, asks Isshin if he ever dreams of her. Isshin’s answer? ‘Every night’. EVERY NIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER. GOD I was never a hard isshimassa stan but this movie got me FEELING things for them 

- Hana’s interpretation of Rukia is FANTASTIC. Unbelievably spot on. The emotional unavailability, her rigid initial adherence to what she believes is the shinigami code, the adorable naivete re: human world customs, the way she steamrollers over Ichigo, the way that, no matter how hard she tries to be aloof, she can’t hide the fact that she cares. She cares so much. And honestly, if there’s one thing this movie does well, it’s how they managed to get those manga-panel comic violence situations to translate so well to reality. Isshin-on-Ichigo violence translated well, and the Rukia-on-Ichigo violence translates excellently as well. Their little bickering scenes play out EXACTLY how I, at least, imagined them to go, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Also, I honestly think her looking really young works to her advantage, because it really gives you a sense of like… how bemused Ichigo must be by this whole situation. My predominant thought every time hana is on screen is SHE’S SO CUTE AND LOVELY I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT, except this tiny girl who you can only think of as ‘cute’ is like…. Bossing you around and beating your ass with a sword and instilling fucking philosophy lessons in you. It’s so surreal? And if it’s surreal for US then just imagine how surreal it must be for Ichigo.

- Sota’s Ichigo.... once again, hmm. His ‘trying to be cool’ acting (i.e. during the fight scenes) was cringey, but I can’t tell if that’s his acting skill or just the fact that what looks ‘cool’ on manga panels inVARIABLY look cringey in real life. Probably the latter. And I think he’s a LITTLE too growly for my taste, but then again, I’m used to post-timeskip Ichigo who’s a bit more... low-key cynical rather than prickly. Initial Ichigo was pretty abrasive, so I guess that’s in-character. Also, his most-said line of dialogue in this movie is ‘HAH??’ which is hilarious and very in-character. Honestly, Hana as Rukia is straight up excellent for the whole duration of the movie but I definitely think Sota shone MOST when he was acting in combination with Isshin or Rukia. Whatever I think about his individual acting skills, he definitely had chemistry with those actors in terms of dynamics.

- Guys, the IR in this is fantastic. Brilliant. Like I said, their bickering plays out to a TEE how I imagined things to go. Literally cannot fault their bickering. Their soft heartfelt moments are SO GOOD too. And they were all shot so…. Intimately? Their softer scenes were shot with such heartbreaking tenderness and I just….. ugh. Hana Sugisaki REALLY brought her acting A-game. ALSO THE WAY LITERALLY EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE DATING??? RENJI SHOWS UP AND IS LIKE ‘OOPS I THINK I KILLED YOUR BOYFRIEND’ TO RUKIA. RENJI SAYS THAT. BYAKUYA THINKS SHE’S TOO ‘EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED’. Not to even mention Keigo and Tatsuki and Orihime……. God. Absolutely unbelievable.

- Now, if I was being picky and HAD to talk about a few gripes…. Let’s see. It takes Ichigo more time to warm up to Rukia than in canon, and he’s more of an asshole to her in this time period too. But y’know, that’s a very minor gripe. The other teeny tiny gripe I have about the IR is like…. A gripe but also not a gripe at the same time lmfao. OK so at the end when Renji and Byakuya are trying to take Rukia away, Ichigo plants himself in front of Rukia and says ‘I’m going to protect you’ and he repeats this multiple times in the fight, which, yes, extremely shippy, I’m going to die on the pavement et al, but also… this might be a weird gripe for some, because the ir dynamic has always been them protecting and saving each other. But not in so many words? It’s always been a very equal protection dynamic, partly because Rukia won’t LET him be her protector. I subscribe to the meta that this is precisely why she’s good for Ichigo. It’s also what drives him up the wall, because WHY WON’T SHE LET HIM KEEP HER SAFE, but it’s the fact that Rukia REFUSES to be one of his ‘protected people’, the fact that Rukia DEMANDS equal footing to him, that quashes down the more destructive aspects of his will to protect. But yeah, I feel like that line – ‘I’m going to protect you/her’, repeated multiple times—sort of erases the inherent equality in their dynamic and puts Rukia in the ‘protected’ pile. But that’s just because the movie didn’t have enough time for the rest of the arc. Look honestly the ir in the movie is FINE. The only reason I’m even bringing this up is because I have the manga version to compare it to, and it’s an unfair comparison to begin with because obviously the manga has so much more to work with. Overall, if you’re worried about the IR characterisation in this movie—don’t be. They hard carried the whole thing. Sota and Hana are an absolute DELIGHT to watch playing off each other. They have GREAT chemistry supported by well-shot scenes and good dialogue. 11/10 worth watching just for these two alone.

- Yuzu and Karin. Even though they changed their designs to look identical in the movie (I’m guessing for the instant visual cue of ‘oh they’re twins!’), I’m glad they kept their personalities the same. Karin is snarky as ever, Yuzu is sweet. So +1 for that. But then they made Yuzu (Karin?) say ‘Onii-chan, I’m scared’ during the fishbone D attack, rather than the canonical ‘get away, you’ll get hurt’. Which… look, fair, she’s eleven, I think that’s more realistic, but ALSO YOU JUST???? CHANGED HER WHOLE CHARACTERISATION. CAN WE PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAME PLEASE

- Uryuu……hmm. They made him a LITTLE more chill than he was in the manga, but he was such a dramatic character in canon already that he still comes off pretty darn dramatic in the movie. I did really like his characterisation, but he had such little screentime that I’m finding it difficult to like… do any substantial comparisons to his manga character. I’m thinking I might need a rewatch to solidify my opinions on Uryuu. But his little scene at the very end with Ichigo after they all lose their memories of Rukia is very sweet and makes me wonder about their dynamic if they hadn’t had all this quincy-shinigami bs to sort through.

- Chad was in the movie even less than Uryuu, but I have no complaints about his characterisation. Pretty accurate to manga canon.

- Guys I LOVE Keigo in this movie. ‘He died on the spot’ Iconic roast. LET KEIGO ROAST ICHIGO 2K18

- Tatsuki was eh. She wasn’t in the movie long enough for me to really have an opinion on her characterisation, and it’s unfortunate that the only part of her character they brought from manga canon was the ‘give Orihime bad advice on how to date Ichigo’ part, but whatever. It’s not technically WRONG characterisation, just not the FULL characterisation.

- Orihime…………… god, Orihime. Look you guys know that even though I have my ‘and NONE FOR ORIHIME BYE’ days, they’re mostly in jest, and I actually do appreciate her as a character. I like her, mostly! I think she’s fascinating to write about and explore! I think she deserved good things, better things than what the ending set her up for!

- But I’d strangle movie Orihime without hesitation. Bye bitch

- OK, you know how you thought anime Orihime with her constant ‘Kurosaki-kun’s was annoying??? Movie orihime was WORSE. Movie Orihime? Straight up yandere. She literally doesn’t have a single appearance where she’s not talking about Ichigo or being weirdly jealous of Ichigo and Rukia’s friendship or worrying about Ichigo in an overbearing, over-the-top way. And I’m actually really frustrated and disappointed about this, because early Karakura Orihime was ACTUALLY A GOOD CHARACTER!!!!!! Orihime, imo, is the most egregious OOC in this movie. Which is a shame, because the rest of the characterisation was actually… ok and decent

- Renji and Byakuya….. ohhhh boy. Renji and Byakuya are characterised as straight up villains for the whole movie with no redemption. There’s no nuance of them being possibly friendly and/or having concern for Rukia at all throughout the whole movie, which could be OOC depending on how you look at it, but honestly it makes sense considering this movie only covers up to chapter 56 Broken Coda and does NONE of the SS arc. Basically, their characterisations are how we would characterise them based on the one time they came to collect Rukia. They’re cold, uncaring, think humans aren’t worth anything, and that emotions are a human weakness. RENJI STRAIGHT UP SWINGS A SWORD AT AN UNARMED CIVILIAN CLOTHED RUKIA (yes I know it happened in the manga too but. It’s a lot more shocking watching it happen real-time) and also STABBED!!!! URYUU!!!!!! IN THE BACK!!! WHILE HE WASN’T DOING ANYTHING THREATENING!!! So, uh, this movie really said ‘fuck renji rights’. God I’m imagining like… if ur introduction to Bleach was through this movie, and you decided to look up how the manga ends and it’s RENRUKI and you’re like ?????????????? THE DUDE SWUNG A SWORD AT HER????? Like FORGET IH, this movie really fucking hated rr. Which… im not mad about lmfao

- Final note on characterisation: as usual, IR fucking hard carries, but what ELSE is new for this franchise. Isshin was a surprising dark horse. Overall, characterisation FINE, not OOC with one glaring exception, but sometimes because of time constraints certain characters didn’t get their FULL RANGE of characterisation.

- THIRDLY: overall technical excellence of the movie in terms of script, camera angles, choreography, CGI, etc etc

- My one line summary for this is…. It’s an anime live action adaptation. I hope ur not expecting much from this department at all

- Like, in terms of is it a GOOD movie? Lmfao. I enjoyed the hell out of it, sure, but I don’t think someone who has no idea what bleach is would a) understand what the heck is going on OR b) find the story to be well-paced and well-told. Like, I KNEW what was coming and what was going on, and even I found the movie to be a bit disjointed, kind of like old metal machinery that needs oiling to get going.

- Honestly this movie is similar to the manga in that… technically speaking it’s not great, but its strengths lie in the character arcs and the overall poetic parallels it tries to pull. It may not have been the most artistically executed, but I could tell that they really tried to put the parallel in between IR protecting each other and Masaki dying to protect Ichigo. Like, an attempt was noted! It was appreciated! Obviously they don’t do it with as much grace as the manga did but y’know, they tried!

- The script was actually really great in this movie. Bleach is a very snarky manga and the script really showcases that. Everyone shows a lot of sass. I like that. The one exception to the script being good was whenever a hollow opened its mouth to speak. They really gave the hollows dialogue like ‘I WANT YOUR SOUL’ and ‘GIVE ME YOUR SOUL’…. Like. Someone got paid for that dialogue and they really shouldn’t have.

- I honestly don’t have an opinion on the CGI. Ro kept saying that the cgi was BAD and like I guess it was, but I’m pretty lenient about CGI in general. I already know it’s going to be CGI so unless it’s BLATANTLY fake I overlook it.

- But there is this ONE SCENE of Renji going into shikai that looks so awfully fake that even I was like ‘ok no that was BAD’ so I guess CGI bad

- The choreo in the fight scenes is messy and disjointed and very cringey. I can’t believe they managed to pull manga-style comical violence in REAL LIFE and make it look believable and funny, but couldn’t choreography a decent fight scene……. Man idk. I guess they really DID spend all their budget on making IR as excellent as possible.

- Overall: technically speaking it’s a terrible movie, but will that hinder your enjoyment of it? Probably not. Watch it just for the excellent banter.

- FINALLY: Miscellaneous yelling about various scenes through 120% Ichiruki-filtered glasses.

- Guys, this movie. This movie. They really sat down and said ‘ok give them literally every single early-karakura ichiruki fanfic trope situation ever’ and that’s it, that’s the movie

- ICHIGO KEEPS LEANING DOWN RIGHT INTO RUKIA’S FACE!!!! THEY HAVE NOOOOO CONCEPT OF PERSONAL SPACE!!!! Which I guess is canon but THEY KEEP!!!!! LEANING!!!!! INTO EACH OTHER!!!! I will DIE

- The sPARRING????????? THE SPARRING?????

- Ichigo smirks while sparring her. She’s kicking his ass and goddammit, he LIKES it

- They legit made Rukia tackle Ichigo and pin him to the ground and then they made Ichigo flip them around

- And then they made ORIHIME WALK IN ON THAT

- UN!!!! BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

- (Sidenote: they made Orihime act so weirdly jealous of that?? Like… wtf orihime. You’re not his girlfriend like she has no rights to be acting like this…. Look the Orihime characterisation in this movie is A Mess)

- They have conversations through shut closet doors while ichigo’s lying on his bed THIS APPEARS IN EVERY. SINGLE. IR EARLY KARAKURA FIC EVER IM

- Ichigo: CAN YOU GET OUT OF MY CLOSET. NO YOU CAN’T LIVE IN MY HOUSE

- Also Ichigo, the INSTANT he can’t find Rukia in his closet: WHERE IS SHE. LET ME JUST RUN AROUND IN THE DARK OUTSIDE TO FIND HER. HEY URYUU HOW DO I GET TO THE AFTERLIFE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T BRING HER BACK. SO WHAT IF I DO, HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT. FIGHT ME

- Also ichigo becomes so much SOFTER towards Rukia after a certain point in this movie and…. God…… I love that you can see that switch in Sota’s acting. I’m going to CRY

- OK THIS IS A VERY SHORT SCENE BUT AT ONE POINT RUKIA LANDS ON A ROOFTOP WITH AN INJURED ICHIGO AND SHE LIT. RUBS HER HANDS ALL OVER THE BARE SKIN ON HIS CHEST BC SHE’S RUBBING MEDICINE INTO HIM!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! WHERE’S THE M-15 RATING ON THIS MOVIE BC SHE LEGIT!!! HAD HER HANDS!!!! ALL OVER HIM!!!!! Ro and I shouted abt this so much God

- The final fight is RIDICULOUS in terms of HOW MUCH ICHIGO WON’T STAY DOWN and it’s framed SO dramatically lmfao but y’know, it’s shot in a very IR light, I’ll take it

- Ro and I literally were just like IT’S THE POWER OF LOVE BITCH bc he legit just KEPT getting up it was ridiculous

- Also rukia’s final speech to ichigo after she does her whole broken coda ‘don’t touch my brother lowly human’ spiel is…. Beautiful. Fucking excellent

- ‘you’re rude and brash and I’m sick of all humans especially you’ but like. Why is this literally kate’s ’10 things I hate about you’ speech at the end of that movie

- ICHIGO DOESN’T TAKE HIS EYES OFF RUKIA THE WHOLE TIME SHE’S ERASING HIS MEMORIES. DOESN’T EVEN BLINK. THIS IS SOME EP 342 TEAS ALL OVER AGAIN. FUCK. I’M GOING TO!!!! DIE!!!

- Ok so my opinion on how they changed the end: it was necessary to tie things all up in one movie but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate the fact that ichigo ostensibly forgot rukia when in canon HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT REMEMBERED

- I guess the final scene where he looks at her writing on his textbook and smiles could be a sort of clue that he’s starting to remember. Man idk I think I’d just feel really cheated as a viewer who isn’t coming from a bleach manga/anime background, that everyone just conveniently ‘forgot’. It’s equivalent to an ‘it was all a dream!’ kind of ending imo. It’s a copout. But at the same time I can see why it was necessary :’/

- Also, this exchange with uryuu at the end where they exchange hellos before pulling up short and going ‘wait- do I know you?’ ‘no. but good to know you’ was SO HEARTBREAKING BUT SO GOOD I REALLY DID LOVE THAT

- Whoo ok I’m SURE I’ve forgotten some details but this is already EXCESSIVELY long so. Final FINAL thoughts:

- The quality of the movie is, obviously, not great, but if you were worried about weird chara interpretations and relationships, don’t be. Unless you’re an IH/RRstan or an Orihime fan. This will not be a fun movie for you. But then again, you managed to work through 686 chapters of a manga that clearly wasn’t fun for you and seemed to be ok with it, so maybe this movie won’t bother you either.

- The script is surprisingly solid and has genuinely good, occasionally touching, snarky, sassy dialogue. Good attempts at poeticism and various parallels and callbacks.

- Ichiruki fucking hard carries, and so does isshin. I love uryuu but that may just be my uryuu bias talking.

- Objectively, maybe a 4, 5/10. Ichiruki-wise? 8/10. Obviously this was written in a high straight after the movie and like, maybe after a few days or like a rewatch or w/e my opinions may change. But rn? God I love stanning legends, viva la ichiruki fuck you

[yuneu]

8 PEOPLE I’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER

tagged by iconic editing genius @swiftgenic ty 💗

ONE / name / alias. raquel

TWO / birthday. october 21st

THREE / zodiac sign. libra but like the only libra thing about me is that i’m indecisive. wig

FOUR / height. asking a pocket sized person to share their height is bullying and i will not stand for it (150cm or something 👉🏻👈🏻)

FIVE / hobbies. doing anything related to classical music, photoshop, creating overly complex game concepts then never doing anything with them, and reading. drawing & writing were my number one passion all my life but i don’t have time for that a lot of the time oof. also daydreaming if it counts lol i live in my head dot mp3

SIX / favourite colors. orange!!! but like yellow-orange specifically. then a really close second is aqua. like blue-green-ish

SEVEN / favourite books. the great gatsby cause i’m a basic bitch who loves analysing shit (read: reaching), the glass bead game by hermann hesse, and my childhood favourite, the black stallion by walter farley will always be special to me

EIGHT / last song listened to. poor unfortunate souls. a mf slap i tell u

NINE / last film watched. jeez i don’t remember??? the last movie i remember rewatching is splice. if u have any movie rec that arent longer than 1h40 cause i have no attention span pls send them my way i’m bored as SHE

TEN / inspiration for muse. like insp in general? i don’t do rp alsjkssjs usually i don’t actually have to look for inspiration i just look at a mv/picture and a concept pops up in my mind. or like i just sit there like a dumb dumb and try to think of something

ELEVEN / dream job. well i’ve said it before but DREAM job is doctorate level music teacher, president (press F to pay your respects) or like. whatever it is filthy rich people do. but realistically i wanna be a language teacher in britain or in china

TWELVE / meaning behind your url. a bit ago i found out that dandelion is pronounced like DAYndelion in american english and you know i had to do it to em

/

AHHH i KNOW i have to tag 8 people but idk whomstdveth to tag so 1. anyone who sees it and wants to do it just put i tagged u id love to learn more about u!! then  @holygreund, @doomdavs, @colorsinautumn, @t-swifts, @villageisaglow & @skinnycarameltay hi i love seeing y’all on my dash ur so cool n talented n funny n i can’t believe u follow i, a blobfish,

[danikavisser]

( cis-female ) haven’t seen HADLEY BECKER around in a while. the EMILY BROWNING lookalike has been known to be (+) PASSIONATE & (+) AMBITIOUS, but SHE can also be (-) RECLUSIVE & (-) STUBBORN. The 22 year old is a SENIOR majoring in MUSIC COMPOSITION. I believe they’re living in WANDERER but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. 

okay it’s me again, madison, back at it with a new muse. but im excited to play her and also i love emily browning. there are not a lot of gif icons for her tho so i’ll probably end up using medium gifs (which are my preference anyways) LIKE THIS IF YOU’D LIKE TO PLOT AND I’LL MESSAGE YOU!

abuse mention tw, death tw,

so her mom died while giving birth to her younger sister, the baby died too, which was tough and it definitely took it’s toll on the family. her father spiraled into a downward depression and took to alcohol and hadley did everything she could to try to keep him happy but she was only six and not enough. her father committed suicide.

it was hard for a young child to go through so much trauma like that and Hadley was actually mute for 4 years, which definitely prevented her from getting adopted. While she couldn’t express herself through words she tried through drawings, books and music but people were too busy obsessing over getting her to literally speak that they missed how the young girl was attempting to communicate to them.

When she was nine years old she was moved into a particularly troublesome foster home with a really fucked up foster dad. I’ll spare you the details. But it was during these days that Hadley would sneak out of her house and seek solace in a local church. It was here that she discovered the harp. The moment she laid eyes upon it, she knew she had found her calling even if she didn’t know how to play it. She’d never seen such a beautiful instrument before and for weeks she would literally just wander in, sit at the first pew and stare at it for hours, taking in every detail. 

The church’s harpist took notice of her, the girl who hid behind her hoodie and didn’t speak. It was a saving grace for the girl who was convinced she was a relative of the shadows. Funny that the woman’s name also happened to be Grace and while Hadley didn’t believe in God, this fact was not missed. Grace taught Hadley how to play the harp and for the first time in her life, she felt she had a purpose.

Word got out about what her foster dad was doing to those kids in his home. It was a total spectacle, hit the news everywhere. So once again Hadley found herself packing up her things. None of which things that held any value to her except the photo of her parents she kept hidden in her pocket. Grace gave Hadley her harp, probably coming from a place of sympathy and pity but Hadley was grateful and although it wasn’t the easiest thing to carry around from foster home to foster home, the instrument itself had become her home.

Her next Foster Home was the greatest one yet! It was to a music loving couple who were always smiling and singing. It was so fucking foreign to Hadley but it was here that she started to open up. She was about 10 and a half years old when she started to speak again. Not a lot but it was a start. For the first time she felt what it was like to be loved and to love.

She was here for four years and while they didn’t have the means to actually adopt her, they became family. But all of that was abolished when their house went up in flames and caught on fire. No one was hurt but they lost everything. Fucking lucky that Hadley’s harp was in the music room at her school. 

After getting so close to having a family and having it ripped away, she gave up on the idea so for the next four years she didn’t focus on anything other than her music and school, knowing that was the only thing she could count on. She had a couple more abusive foster homes but she became numb to the whole thing and just kept on keeping on, waiting for the day she could just break away and actually start her life.

Got into Lockwood with a full ride scholarship so obviously she couldn’t pass it up.

Never got adopted and still doesn’t have family.

Works at the theatre part time

personality:

a quiet and mysterious person. comes off as cool and collected but in all actuality she’s a lost soul, intimidated by the rest of the people that surround her who seem to know what they want to do. also intimidated by people who have no problem loving others and opening themselves up? has major trust issues. especially with men. has no problem fighting for other people and she’d risk her life for those that she loves. doesn’t believe that anybody notices her so she tends to keep to herself.

plots that i’m looking for:

exes- give me the angst. i’d ideally like someone she was super in love with but sabotaged the entire thing because she was so afraid of these feelings and just…things are still very sore between them. but i’d also love exes where things are fine between them now and no hard feelings.

unrequited crush- tbh i’d like one from both ends...someone she’s crushing on hardcore but she hides it well and also someone who is crushing on her but she’s oblivious because she thinks no one knows who she is

hook ups- all of them pls and thx.

fwb all of these pls too.

bad influence buddies - people that are trying to get hadley out of her shell

one night stands, enemies, frenemies, neighbors, roommates, ex-friends, co-workers, etc, !

[50thirdand3rd]

Writer, producer, Poptone drummer, and co-founding member of Tones On Tail and Love And Rockets takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with The Bela Session EP and his new coffee table book, Bauhaus Undead and teases a few hints at what he has in store for 2019!

  Bauhaus – photo by Graham Trott

Kevin Haskins, the elusive Bauhaus drummer is quietly powerful behind his placid, penetrating expression. The jazz trained boyish younger Haskins brother who drew more inspiration from Stephen Morris than Gene Krupa paid his dues in bands with older brother, David J. before forming what would eventually become Bauhaus with friend and fellow art student, Daniel Ash and Daniel’s friend, Peter Murphy. The band’s chemistry was instant and Bauhaus began playing shows wherever they could and on January 26, 1979, the band recorded their iconic debut single, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” at Beck Studios in Wellingborough a mere six weeks after forming the group.”Bela” was just the beginning and soon Bauhaus found fame and an early fan in the late John Peel who kept the band in heavy rotation on his legendary Radio 1 program. By 1980, the band released their groundbreaking debut LP In The Flat Field to mixed reviews further solidifying their status as post-punk icons with their dark fusion of glam, punk, jazz, dub, and disco and gained a rabid cult following among the cool kids in black on both sides of the pond.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0bLCILyVRk%5B/embedyt%5D

  Shortly after Bauhaus called it quits in 1983, Kevin and Daniel continued a fruitful collaboration in the short-lived and lightyears ahead of its time, Tones On Tail with bassist and former Bauhaus roadie, Glenn Campling. TOT scored a dancefloor hit in the US with their 1984 “Lions” b-side “Go!”.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TJC48BRBn8%5B/embedyt%5D

  Two years later, Kevin and Daniel reunited with David J. to form Love And Rockets, who found success with early singles “Ball of Confusion” and “No New Tale To Tell” before scoring a breakout hit with their ubiquitous 1989 single “So Alive” which spent 20 weeks at #3 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L41MhFPU9s%5B/embedyt%5D

  After 40 years of forward motion with not one but two highly influential post-Bauhaus bands, Kevin takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with his new coffee table book, Bauhaus – Undead “The Visual History and Legacy of Bauhaus” and The Bela Session EP which features four previously unreleased tracks along with the iconic 9:37 opus that started it all.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: So, can we talk about Bauhaus Undead?

Kevin Haskins: A good friend of mine who works at Cleopatra, Matt Green, suggested the idea. He knew that I had this big container full of memorabilia. I was the guy who collected everything, kept everything. So, he says, “Why don’t you make a coffee table book?” “Matt, that’s a great idea.” And then he made me an offer to put it out on Cleopatra and I just felt that I would like to self-publish it. So he said, “Of course, that’s your decision. Go ahead and good luck. Wish you all the best.” And so, I went off on my merry way and so along into the process, I ran into this guy, Jeff Anderson, at gigs. And it seemed like fate kind of brought us together. On the third meeting, I said, “What do you do?” And he said, “I make box sets and re-releases for bands and so, I went to his house and I saw these amazing box sets from Sigur Rós and Roger Waters and Beck, Nine Inch Nails, The Pixies – beautiful ones! I thought “This was a no-brainer, let’s do the book together!” He was really excited working with me on that. He brought in a great design team and off we went. And I just sat down and started writing stories which I’ve never done, before.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aOk0A4pnN8%5B/embedyt%5D

  So, it all took about two years and we designed this huge book with a slipcase and it was this huge, crazy size book! Basically, we really didn’t figure out how much it was gonna cost to make and how much it was gonna cost to ship and Jeff really wanted to use his regular printers in LA. Anyway, a month before, we put on a pre-sale to raise money to have it made. A month before the pre-sale ended, I found out how much it was gonna cost to have it made and it was ridiculous, it was like over $100 to make, in the end! (laughs) I spoke to publishers after the fact, who were very impressed with how many I sold, because it was like $180 or something. But I didn’t raise enough money to get it made, so I had to refund all of the money. Then I went to a bunch of publishers and got a lot of interest from boutique publishers, but they really didn’t have the means to do what I wanted to do, but I did decide to make this book a regular size book, so that we could sell it at a decent price and make it cheap for people.

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And basically, about two years or three years after Matt gave me the idea, I went around his house and he showed me a book that Cleopatra had just put out. I think it was Hanoi Rocks or something and he said it was a great deal for this band it was really great deal and I said, “Oh Matt, could you do the same deal for me, please!” Because I was back at square one, I had nothing, but I did have a book already made, all the layout was all done, all the stories were written, it was proofread. It was just ready to print. So, I was kinda handing him a gift, really, on a plate and he said, “Kevin, I think we can do your good deal.” Which they did and it ended up coming out on Cleopatra, so I did this complete circle, so, now I know everything about printing and shipping and fulfillment companies.

50thirdand3rd: You got a real education on the process.

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, it was a mixture of extreme pain and pleasure. (laughs) I’m really proud of it, it’s over 300 pages and it has some great content. We were all very art inclined so we do a lot of drawings and doodles and I kept all those and I think that’s the stuff that’s very interesting for people. Very personal stuff like that and handwritten lyrics. And when we went to shop “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”, Daniel wrote out all the names of all the companies we went to, EMI and Polydor, all the huge companies and what they said. They all rejected us, so he wrote a kind of note to them, it’s very scruffy, very Daniel and all over the place and there’s drawings of Bubble men all over it. It ended up the last piece that went into the book. I was kind of done and he had just come back from England and raided his mum’s attic and said, “Look what I found!” I’m like, “Oh my god, I’ve gotta get that in the book, it’s so cool!” So, it’s got a lot of funny stories and great memorabilia.

50thirdand3rd: Awesome! I understand you did a book signing at Rough Trade in Brooklyn, this past summer, was it? How did that go?

Kevin Haskins: It went great! We were on tour with Poptone and I set up an In-store for my daughter’s band, Automatic, they were supporting us. 

50thirdand3rd: And that’s your daughter, Lola’s band, right?

Kevin Haskins: Yes, Lola (Dompé), Izzy (Glaudini), and Halle (Saxon Gaines). And then after they played, I did a signing and it was nice, you know, it was my first time in Brooklyn if you can believe that.

View this post on Instagram

We’re playing rough trade tn bbs come through

A post shared by Automatic (@automatic_band) on Jun 29, 2018 at 1:15pm PDT

    50thirdand3rd: Wow, how’d you like it?

Kevin Haskins: We loved it. My wife came out and we rented a really nice Airbnb and got to really walk around, check it out.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: Very cool! How’s the response been with the book?

Kevin Haskins: Really good. Yeah, it’s been great, people love it! I don’t wanna boast but I’m very proud of it and people respond really well to it. There’s a lot of good content in it and I was really happy with the quality and the printing and everything.

50thirdand3rd: It sounds awesome and you had some of the other Bauhaus historians kind of help out, too, with the timeline, did I read that right?

Kevin Haskins: Oh yeah, a guy called Andrew Brooksbank and also I should mention Vincent Forrest and they were very helpful. Andrew is kind of the Bauhaus historian and when our old label, Beggars Banquet, put out re-releases, he always writes the sleeve notes. He’s an extremely organized guy and he’s a good writer and he created this timeline of every show and every radio, like interviews, TV appearances, that type of thing. So, that was really so valuable to me because I can’t remember what I was doing.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5UFgXuz1Gc%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: Right, because you were like in the center of the storm.

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, I was. And he was a great resource and I think he gave me a few items. A few scans of this and that and also helped out in that way. So, it was nice to have fans included, there were people whose names, sorry, I can’t remember, right now, who sent me some great pieces to put in, so it was nice to include people, as well, like that.

50thirdand3rd: That’s really exciting! Seeing it all together in the context of a timeline, how was that? I imagine that would have to be a little awe-inspiring, like “Wow, I did all this!” Like, looking back on it?

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, I’m surprised at how many shows we played because I didn’t think we played that many, but, we did. We really worked! We started from nowhere and the only really then to get known was to play, you know, to get the ball rolling. So, there was a two year period where we were just slogging away. Just trying to get shows when we started, we played in the weirdest places. (laughs) Like, I got a gig, there’s a little village called Ilchester and it was a Sunday lunchtime community center and it was bright sunshine. It was in a modern kind of bland hall with big glass windows, very bright, and there were kids running around playing, parents just eating, and Bauhaus were playing to these people. It was completely ridiculous! And then Peter got us a similar thing but in a working men’s club on a lunchtime.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5DUQuY1mf4%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: Oh, wow! How was that?

Kevin Haskins: After our first number, this old character, this old guy who worked there came up to us and he said, “What are you trying to do? Blow the bloody roof off? Play something that people know! You know, something we can tap our foot to!” (Laughs)

50thirdand3rd: Character building, I imagine!

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, blow the bloody roof off! So, we would play anywhere we could. Actually, and I wrote about this in the book. Really, our first show, I think went kind of undocumented. Daniel got us this rehearsal room at a teacher training college in Northampton and we were in a kind of portacabin, this kind of a prefabricated classroom, you know, it was kind of like a trailer. 

50thirdand3rd: Oh, okay.

Kevin Haskins: It was outside the main building, just adjacent. And it was adjacent to the student union room where they would have bands play and they had a bar. It was winter and it was snowing, I remember, and The Pretenders were playing that night. So, we were rehearsing late afternoon and we kind of finished and we were like, “Is anybody going to see The Pretenders?” “Yeah, I am.” Kinda fancied that and then one of us had this idea that why don’t we just follow them? “What do you mean?” So, the next minute, we open the door, dragging up our gear up this, it was like an incline, covered in snow, dragging all our gear, and there was the French door, like this big glass door that opened up and we just opened the door and we just set up really fast in the corner of the room and by this time it was like 7:00. People were just coming in and The Pretenders had just done their soundcheck and we just set up and started playing. So, a crowd appeared around us, and we got about two or three songs out of the way, we didn’t have many songs, we had just started, and the student union came up and he was like, “Wait a minute, stop, what are you guys doing?” We’re like, “Oh, we’re the support band.” And he’s like, “Really?” And we’re like, “Yeah, we’re the support band.” And he was like scratching his head and like looking at us very suspiciously and he turned away and he walked away and he was kind of looking over his shoulder. And we sold it and then we’re like, “Get into the next song!” And we managed to get two more songs done and then he brought everyone from the student union and they shut us down. They said, “Hey, you’re not the support band!” So, we supported The Pretenders, punk rock Guerrilla style. (Laughs)

50thirdand3rd: That’s awesome!

Kevin Haskins: I’m sure Chrissie Hynde would’ve appreciated that. I don’t know if she heard that we did that.

50thirdand3rd: I hope she finds out!

Kevin Haskins: We were dying to play, all we wanted to do was play.

50thirdand3rd: That’s really cool! So, The Bela Session EP you recently put out, could we talk a little bit about that? I understand it was the first time you guys worked with Derek Tompkins. Like, he was really important to like Bauhaus and he produced Love And Rockets, too, right? Like he was Engineer/Producer at Beck Studios for you guys, can you tell me a little bit about that?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, we’ll start with Derek. I think we went to Beck before Bauhaus, we were in other bands, like The Craze, Jack Plug and The Sockettes, these kinds of new wave bands, but it was Peter’s first time in the studio when we went with Bauhaus. And Derek was this amazing character. I always kind of viewed Derek as our George Martin. Mainly because he was older than us and he really didn’t know anything about fads or fashions which was good because he just approached it from what sounds exciting and what sounds good. He just instinctively knew how to produce bands and also he was a bit of a rogue, he was a really funny guy, very smart, very opinionated, a bit of a rebel. And he had a great stutter, he stuttered and just consumed endless cups of coffee and cigarettes. Like really unhealthy, but he kind of like built the desk. He built of a lot of the equipment in the studios. 

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So, anyway, The Bela Session was the idea of Andrew Brooksbank. He emailed me one day and he said, “What do you think about this idea? Why don’t you release the entire recording from the day you recorded ‘Bela Lugosi’s Dead’?” Three of the songs had never been released and I just said, “This is a brilliant idea! I can’t believe no one had thought about it, before!” And he said, “Yeah, it would be the holy grail of the band’s fans.” And I said, “Marvelous idea!” And for some reason, he had the original 1/4” tape and box. I don’t know how these guys get hold of these things, you know, I know they’re in good hands. And so, his idea was to use a scan of the tape box and it’s to the cover and I later thought, it would be great for the inner sleeve. So, that’s what the inner sleeve is and you can actually see the front and back of the original tape box. It’s marvelous, it’s got the aged patina and the picks, crossing things out and notes, so it’s a wonderful thing just to view.    

50thirdand3rd: That’s really cool!

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, and just for the cover we came up with the idea of just doing a negative of the original cover, so, it’s white on black and yeah, so it has three unreleased songs and they’re interesting to hear because, you know, some of them, one of them, in particular, I think “Some Faces” doesn’t sound like Bauhaus, at all. It’s kind of a chirpy, bright sort of a new wave song, but it’s interesting to listen because you can kind of see a bit of an evolution. Right, like this is us. We had only formed about six weeks before, I think. So, it captures the band in a period of its formative period. 

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vV772Ht1Sys%5B/embedyt%5D

  And we ended up going with Leaving Records which are an imprint of Stones Throw and they did a marvelous job, I think. They really chose a great kind of engineer and they’ve really been wonderful, I’m so happy with the product and also Bela hasn’t been available on vinyl for, I don’t know, twenty years or something crazy. It’s really nice to have it in record racks, again. And I just remembered another story from that day. So, “Bela” is about nine minutes long, but we actually laid down eleven or twelve minutes.

50thirdand3rd: Oh wow!

Kevin Haskins: And we kind of listened back and we thought, “This is a little bit too long.” And we could kind of imagine if we cut three minutes out of this, we’d probably be good. And Derek said, “I..I can do that!” And we were kind of naive and it was probably only our second or third time, Peter’s first time in the studio. And he (Derek) disappeared and he came back with a little razor blade and he got the tape and he laid it down and we were like looking at him like, “What’s he doing?” And then he began bringing the blade down towards the tape and we all knew we had recorded something really special and he was gonna cut the tape and we were like, “No! Stop!” “What are you doing?”

50thirdand3rd: Gasp!

Kevin Haskins: Then he like turned around and he’s like saying, “What’s your problem?” And he explained that he’s done this many times, before and not to worry, you know, you can always put it back together, again. And he did a great edit, you can’t hear the edit if you really listen out for it, though. He did a very good job.

    50thirdand3rd: That’s awesome! So, if I can nerd out on you, for a sec, I know John Peel was like one of the first people to really play “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” on his show. Could you tell me a little bit about getting to go to John Peel’s studio?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, yeah. I actually devoted a story to John in my book. I cannot stress how important he was to bands such as us and I guess, after us. I mean, the airwaves were really, this was pre-internet, of course. The airwaves were really controlled just by the BBC. There were a couple of pirate stations, Radio Powerline and Radio Luxembourg that you could tune into and that was free radio but the BBC really controlled everything. They had John Peel on at 10 o’clock at night and they probably weren’t really listening to what he was doing. (Laughs) And his taste was just remarkable and I remembered he kept devoting his two-hour show to punk rock and in ’76, I think “New Rose” by The Damned had just come out and you know, there weren’t many punk records, back then, right at the beginning. So, he did this whole show and put bands that like influenced this new movement. So, there’s The Stooges and the MC5, bands like that and then he played every punk single that was out and it was a wonderful show. And he got a lot of hate mail, apparently, from hippies of the old guard saying, “How can you be playing this rubbish?” But he went on undeterred, he wouldn’t listen to anybody, he just played what he liked. So, he was invaluable to getting bands known. And it really helped us and a load of other bands.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMuB2PjjRic%5B/embedyt%5D

  So, anyway, we heard “Bela Lugosi” and I think we just drove down to London, which I think was like an hour and a half’s drive and we went to the BBC Studio building and went to reception and we said, ”We want to see John Peel” and the receptionist looked at us like, “Who…Are you kidding me?” And she said, “Oh, well, I’ll call up.” And she did and his producer said, “Oh, show them up. It’s fine” which was remarkable, really. He was in the middle of a show, so, they let us come up and to us, we were in awe. It was amazing, we were actually in his studio with John and he offered us some red wine and we had a little red wine in BBC paper cups and gave him the record and he kind of sent us on our way pretty fast. He told us he’d play it and I remember, you know, when he played it for the first time, we knew that this night was gonna do it! We all lived in this house 37 Adams Avenue, it was like a little terraced house in town and you know, we would cook these awful meals with like vegetables because we were on the dole and we didn’t have much money. And it was freezing cold in this place and it was kind of haunted, it was kind of in a slum (laughs) but we were kids, it didn’t matter. But I remember we were all huddled around this transistor radio, listening to the show when he played our song. That moment is just imprinted in my mind because it was just remarkable to hear your music coming out of a radio, you know, it was just so exciting and it was like a benchmark moment. So, now, I remember that really clearly and yeah, I paid homage to him in my book and wrote a nice piece about him.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMLNwT4v5Rc%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: So, I’ve gotten really hooked on Poptone, recently and I was watching the tour livestreams you guys were doing on Facebook from last year. It looks like you guys were having fun, especially with the fans. Can you tell me a little more about how those tours have been going?

Kevin Haskins: Well, it was great but we kind of wrapped it up, over the summer. Basically, we kind of exhausted where everywhere people wanted us to play. It was great, it was so much fun! You know, Daniel’s still a very close friend of mine and we always have a laugh hanging out, we got on really well and then I was so glad to have my daughter involved (Diva Dompé). She plays bass and keyboards and backup vocals and she was amazing, she really brought so much to that project, I felt.

Photo: Paul Rae

50thirdand3rd: Yeah, she’s rad!

Kevin Haskins: She had big shoes to fill, she was playing my brother’s bass lines, Glenn Campling’s amazing bass lines, I mean I can’t say enough great things about Glenn’s playing in terms of what he brought to Tones On Tail. Like, those bass lines are just remarkable, there’s just so simple but so powerful, you know, kind of like riffs and so it was it was a great pleasure to play that music. Yeah, I knew that would be an attractive thing for fans just because we only played one little tour over a year and that was in the UK, so you know, it was fun for us to play those songs, again.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwYq2FfsBKo%5B/embedyt%5D

  And I think people really love to hear them, we had a great crew, just like a small family, and we had a marvelous time. I was really taken aback in a marvelous way with the audiences who came out to see us. They were so appreciative and towards the end, I would out after the show to the merch table and sell my book, Bauhaus Undead by Kevin Haskins, *plug*. And then I’d get to meet all these wonderful people and they were so happy and appreciative that we were doing it, so it was like a whole celebration. 

It was marvelous but it’s kind of on the back burner, now. I mean it is something that we could pick up, again. We did record an album, you know, it was kind of a retrospective project, just for people who were unaware, we were playing the music from Bauhaus, Love And Rockets, and Tones On Tail and we recorded an album. We did it as a Part-Time Punks session, Part-Time Punks radio station (KXLU) in LA and then Michael Stock he also puts a club night on and he’s a wonderful guy. So, we just kind of played pretty much live and put the songs down and that’s been released out on Cleopatra Records and so, you can go to Bandcamp and buy that or listen to it.

Poptone poster by Paul Rae

  50thirdand3rd: Can we talk a little about the FOXES TV show you’ve got coming up and how you got involved in that?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, yeah! So, I met Tina and Julian (de la Celle), they are the creators of the show. I met them at one of their events. They put on events around Los Angeles, they get local musicians, they’ve done kind of thematic events where they portrayed Andy Warhol’s Factory, they had a bunch of young bands get together and play Velvet Underground songs. They did the same with CBGB’s and the Bat Cave, they’re really nice people, they love music and fashion, it’s such a strong passion for them. They have a magazine called FOXES and it’s a beautiful magazine, comes out twice a year, and they get really great photographers to shoot for them and they do interviews, so, I did an interview about my book, Bauhaus Undead, my coffee table book, plug! plug!  

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50thirdand3rd: Right, yeah!

Kevin Haskins: There’s a singer from the New York Dolls who goes under the name, Buster Poindexter, now, and does kind of a lounge act, he was in the issue. I think Duff from Guns ’n’ Roses and they have these great fashion spreads. It’s shot very beautifully, kind of cinematic and stylish, stylized. So, they decide to turn the magazine into a TV show because there’s nothing really to watch like that, you know. So, anyway, they approached me around September time, last year and asked me if I wanted to be a producer and music supervise and I thought it was an exciting new challenge. So, we just kind of went on from there and the three of us kind of learned how to navigate the industry and what you have to do to get a TV show made. So, it’s taken us this long to really figure that and so we made like a great concept sizzle reel where we’ve taken slotage from other shows like The Tube and fashion show footage and just still photography and it really sort of represents the aesthetic of the show. And then we worked together a treatment which is kind of PDF, you do a similar thing, just for people who don’t know what treatments are, you explain what you’re going to do, you’ll explain what the episode will look like, and the sequence of events during that episode. You put bios from everyone who’s attached to the project. Your dream hosts, presenters, so there you go! So, when Richard submitted that to the network to my agency and we’re now waiting to hear back.     

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cd1LlXP_pk%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: This sounds really cool! Can you tell me a little bit about what views can expect to hear and maybe see?

Kevin Haskins: Well, the original feel for the show is very rock and roll. Basically, Tina, Julian, and I, we love glam, punk, post-punk rock and roll, you know, that area of things. But what we’d really like to do is we’d really like to broaden it more, now. Hmm, I don’t know who would be on the first show, I know Tina loves Duran Duran, so our dream show would include them, maybe for an interview or performance. And the project has to depend on who’s available for the team.

50thirdand3rd: Of course.    

Kevin Haskins: And we want to give space for unheard of bands that we really like. Actually, we did shoot my daughter’s band, Automatic.

50thirdand3rd: Oh, cool!

Kevin Haskins: They’re worth checking out. Also, there’s a band called POW! I would definitely have them on. Other LA bands, Froth, Numb.er, and then, I’d love to get Nick Cave on, for instance. You know, it’s really wide open but they’re the artists that come to mind, right now.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: Cool, I can’t wait to check that out! So, do you have any other music projects coming up for this year?

Kevin Haskins: Well, I’ve actually been invited to kind of produce, also, I’ve been kind of involved in writing on another tv show and I can’t say much about it for obvious reasons, but it’s a comedy set in Los Angeles. One of my close friends has created it and helped me write it, now, which is something I’ve never ever done, before and it was challenging and it was fun, so, I’m excited about that. I feel that it could really work out well, so, a completely new thing, once again, like the FOXES TV thing. And I have a new musical project that I’m very excited about. I don’t know if I can say much about that, but, I’ll give you some cryptic hints. There’s primarily three of us and we’re looking for a vocalist, right now. We’ve put word out to who we really want. We’re going to be recreating music from the bands we were in and also creating new music, but the instrumentation is very particular and different from what you might expect. (Laughs) And I think I’m going to leave it at that, but it’s a teaser and you’re really the first person I’ve told about.

50thirdand3rd: Thank you very much! An Exclusive!

Kevin Haskins: And the way things are going, we’ve got quite a ways to go, there. We’re just starting out and we haven’t got a full band, yet, so it might be the fall until we play or release something but we are going to work on a release and I’m really excited about it. It’s got great potential.

50thirdand3rd: Very cool!

Pick up a copy of Kevin Haskins’ Bauhaus Undead from Cleopatra, Rough Trade, and Amazon. Pick up Poptone’s self-titled LP and follow Kevin Haskins Official Facebook and Instagram for the latest on FOXES TV, updates on his next series, and more on his upcoming music project —You read it first, here at 50thirdand3rd!

Follow Kevin Haskins:

https://twitter.com/kevinmhaskins

https://www.instagram.com/bauhausundeadbook/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNKf_DvhGkidQFDmnoxyO3g

http://poptone.bandcamp.com

  Follow Foxes Magazine:

https://www.facebook.com/FoxesMagazine

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50THIRDAND3RD INTERVIEW: Kevin Haskins Writer, producer, Poptone drummer, and co-founding member of Tones On Tail and Love And Rockets takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with…

[vocalfriespod]

Transcript for Episode 3: Southern Fried

CARRIE: Hi, welcome to the Vocal Fries Podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination. I'm Carrie Gillon.

MEGAN: I'm Megan Figueroa

CARRIE: Today we have our very first guest!

BETH: Hi!

CARRIE: Hi! Today we have Beth Troutman, a former congressional candidate and TV host, and a real live Southerner.

BETH: Yes, very real live Southerner.

CARRIE: Because today we're gonna be talking about Southern American English. Neither I, nor Megan, is a Southerner.

MEGAN: Nope

CARRIE: I'm Canadian.

MEGAN: And I've just lived in Arizona in my entire life, so: not helpful.

BETH: Well, I will try to help you guys out, although I've lived all over the country. I was born and raised in the south, and I currently live in the south, so my accent has gotten a lot deeper in the last two years since I've been back in North Carolina.

CARRIE: Awesome. One of the reasons why we wanted to talk about Southern English - first it was because my mother-in-law asked us to talk about it, who is also a Southerner.

BETH: Oh awesome, I love her.

CARRIE: But also because it's one of the forms of language that's denigrated. And that's our meat and potatoes. We are gonna fight against discrimination.

MEGAN: This is our first time we've talked about the way a geographic location speaks. We've done vocal fry, which could be anyone, and then we've done swearing, which could be anyone. Now we're concentrating on something that's a geographic way of speaking.

CARRIE: Yeah, regional.

MEGAN: Regional!

CARRIE: I guess this is the first time that this has really been something that's not universal - or closer to universal -because you know vocal fry - everybody does that or almost everybody.

MEGAN: This is why we're bringing in a guest host, because it is not universal. Also we don't want to fuck things up for Southern English in any way.

BETH: Well, fire away. I'll try to answer any questions possible and try to guide you through the Southern accent and I certainly can relate to the discrimination that that comes with someone hearing a Southern accent. Especially if you're a blonde female, which I am - there is a double whammy there.

MEGAN: Oh, the intersectional linguistic discrimination that being female being yeah, I get it.

CARRIE: Speaking of that, we just wanted to mention that we're really only talking about the white variety of Southern American English. There are other Southern dialects, and we will hopefully get to them, but we're setting those other dialects aside for now.

MEGAN: Because they're gonna be disparaged differently, right? There's going to be other intersectional things that play.

BETH: Absolutely.

MEGAN: Okay cool!

CARRIE: Let's talk about how you feel. So for example, you were in the television world, and I'm certain that there's some interesting stories you could tell us about having a Southern accent in that world.

BETH: It has been a strange experience. I was told when I first started in television - the first thing that I ever did was a morning show here in Charlotte, North Carolina, so having a Southern accent in a Southern city was not necessarily a bad thing, and in fact, most people were so used to hearing that non-regional dialect on television, that suddenly when I was a local girl on local television, people were super excited about it, because I sounded like everybody around here sounds. But shortly after that, as I was trying to move my career forward, the next position that I held was a morning show for the Lifetime network. That's a national show, so you're talking about a show that the entire country gets to see. People said to me that I needed to really work on my accent, that I needed to have that non-regional dialect. That's what they were telling me, at first. But I'm not very good at being someone who I'm not. I'm not good at being anyone but myself. So, trying to completely get rid of an accent was something completely foreign to me, and something I couldn't really do. Living in a different part of the country - I lived in Arizona, I've lived in Los Angeles, I've lived and worked in South Florida - I lose my accent a little bit. I think that's just because I hear people talking. I start mimicking other people's accents, so mine is much thicker again, now that I'm back in the south. But being told that you won't be successful in a particular field because of your accent, there's something really heartbreaking about that, in the beginning, because you're shutting out an entire section of the population. You're telling me that I'm not - I heard that I wasn't going to be successful, just because of that. It wasn't the tone of my voice, it wasn't my look, it wasn't my personality. It was literally that people - and I've heard this more times than I would like to admit, that people will underestimate you, if you have a Southern accent. That people will think you are kind and trustworthy, but they won't necessarily think that you are an intelligent person, and that is a big slap in the face.

MEGAN: There's actually a study on that. They looked not only at adults but kids, and they found that even nine to ten year old kids are already internalizing these negative stereotypes about the way that they speak. These Southern kids are saying that Northern speech is more respected, that people that speak non-Southern English are more in charge. They do have also the stereotype that Southerners are kinder. So when you hear a Southern accent, someone's kind, but they're not necessarily smart. And it's so sad to me! That's so sad!

BETH: I think that has a lot to do with the industry that I work in. Because, if you see people in charge, like news anchors on television, or you see people in films, whose characters are high-powered, or who are funny, or who are lead roles, you very rarely hear a Southern accent. You very rarely hear someone have that Southern drawl saying the “I”, and the “my”, the “light”, and the “night” - all the words that we tend to draw out. Our accent is kind of singsong-y. There's something melodic about it. There's something that is - well people have described it certainly to me: lazy. They say it's a lazy way of speaking. Maybe that's why people think that you're friendly, because you're just tired, I don't know. But if you think about it, since I was born in 1977, in my lifetime, we had Jimmy Carter as a president, we had Bill Clinton as a president, we had George W. Bush as a president. We had these people who were the leaders of the free world, who had Southern accents. They were men, which is in and of itself its own thing, but that tells you something about trustworthiness. I think that people thought that these guys you know could be trusted as leaders.

CARRIE: I absolutely agree with that, that's part of the reason why people wanted them. I just wanted to mention that the University of Chicago psychologist Katherine Kinsler and Jasmine DeJesus, who did that study.

BETH: I read that study. What was really remarkable, that the southern kids didn't have as much of a problem with the Southern accent, as the kids from Chicago, because they never hear a Southern accent, unless it's a rerun of Gomer pile or Andy Griffith or something.

CARRIE: Or Cletus, the slackjaw yokel.

SINGING: Some folk’ll never eat a skunk, but then again some folk’ll. Like Cletus, the slackjaw yokel.

BETH: Or Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. “You've got a baby! In a bar!”

MEGAN: Yes. That is an iconic line.

MELANIE LYNSKEY: You look fancy, like you just stepped out of a magazine!

REESE WITHERSPOON: Oh, well, thank you. Look at you! You have a baby! In a bar!

MELANIE LYNSKEY: Well, I’ve got three more at home! This one’s still on the tit, so I can cart him anywhere.

MEGAN: Those same kids were completely okay with the Northern accent, the Chicago accent, because they hear it on TV all the time, and it's in movies.

BETH: Hear it all the time.

MEGAN: I wonder about that, because you were talking about it, what we see portrayed in movies and by stand-up comedians is oftentimes all people like me, West Coast people, know about the south. I wonder what you think about that.

BETH: You mean the portrayal of the dumb Southerner?

MEGAN: I guess there's two things there. People on the West Coast, we have our preconceived notions about Southerners, and that's not fair. Especially since for most things, what we know about them are from movies or these kind of media. Also I see a lot of times that it is the dumb Southerner stereotype that is portrayed in movies.

BEHT: I think I probably speak for people, especially the people who like to pride themselves on being educated, even having advanced degrees - it is a tough thing to swallow. A few years ago - I guess it's been maybe ten years or so since you know Kellie Pickler was on American Idol, and she really played up the Southern accent and played up the sweet - everybody just wanted to hug her - but she also was on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? and thought that Paris was the capital of Europe, the country. And didn't know that Turkey was a country.

KELLIE PICKLER: This might be a stupid question.

JEFF FOXWORTHY: I'm guessing it's probably gonna be.

KELLIE PICKLER: Ok. I thought Europe was a country. Budapest? I never even heard of that. Like, I know they French there. Don't they? Like I want to say, is France a country? I don't know what I'm doing.

BETH: There are those things that certainly the media has played up when it comes to Southerners, and that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Especially if you are trying really hard to be a successful person, or if you're in any kind of business where you are dealing with people all over the country, and having conversations with people all over the country. You don't want to be taken less seriously because of how you speak. However, there is one thing that I have noticed that's happened and in my professional life, oftentimes, off the camera, is that, because I have a Southern accent, the bar is set lower for me. And so it's not hard to impress, because people haven't expected me to be impressive. And I say that with a lot of humor. I say that that happens - it's happened more times than I would like to admit. That I wasn't expected to be particularly intelligent or articulate.

MEGAN: Do you think in your industry too, the bar’s set low, just being a female as well? Or is that is not as true in the TV industry.

BETH: I think the TV industry is more - it's hard to articulate this well - but the TV industry is so focused on physical appearance first, when it comes to women. There can be there are men who are in their 60s and 70s who are still sitting on an anchor desk, or who have been that old and sitting on an anchor desk, and you very rarely see women in those positions, who are of that age. And if they are, if they're heading to that age, there's tons of plastic surgery, and all kinds of makeup, and the lips get blown up. Then that whole, “women don't age as well as men” kind of thing. So there's kind of a double whammy when it comes to television, because you’re dealing with not only whatever regional accent that you have, but then you're also dealing with the physical aspects that go along with a visual medium, such as television, and the standards aren't the same for men and for women. I would imagine that that's probably true with an accent as well. However it might go the opposite way with a man with a Southern accent. A woman with a Southern accent might find success a little more easily with a Southern accent than possibly a man. Again, I think that's a level of discrimination and certainly can be considered sexism.

CARRIE: Yeah, I was gonna say, it sounds kind of like the Southern accent plus being a woman. It's like, well, those two things sort of go together. Where women aren't considered to be as smart as men, which is obviously false.

BETH: Or as powerful.

CARRIE: Right. And so it's okay. We want women to be kind and nice, so a Southern woman, that's okay, but a Southern man is going against that? Maybe that's why.

BETH: Yeah, it is, and it's an interesting thing to think about. Because the Southern accent has such a history. It's kind of a combination of British English and the language that - and what a terrible history we have here - but the language that that slaves brought over from their own African cultures. I think that that's where a lot of people say that this Southern drawl came from, was this mix of these two cultures colliding, for generations. And we do have a really, really dark past, here in the South. I think that that probably lends itself to - after the Civil War and during Reconstruction, when the South here, we were having so many financial problems, most people lived in rural areas and people were dealing with poverty. I think that that probably played into that initial stereotype that Southerners weren't quite as smart as other folks in the country. Again, it ties to a very dark, dark past that we have here.

CARRIE: There's another study - probably not as well done as the one from the University of Chicago - but there's another study done by Cupid.com, where people apparently considered the Southern American accent to be a sign of sexism.

BETH: To be a SIGN of sexism?

CARRIE: Yeah, which I know is dumb.

MEGAN: That doesn’t - that works not. That not work. I can't even speak. I mean, I don't have a -

CARRIE: You just can't even.

MEGAN: I can’t even, even though it's not my accent. That doesn't make any sense.

BETH: Yeah, what does that even mean? Having a Southern accent means that you're sexist?

CARRIE: I think what's going on is people think that Southerners are more sexist than Northerners, which again, probably not true.

BETH: Well, it could go to - I guess people thinking that we're generationally behind the times here. That we're not as progressive in the south. I live in a major city and it's the number three financial hub in the country. I live in a major metropolitan area. Raleigh, North Carolina, also, is incredibly progressive. So there are certainly really progressive parts of the south, that are more similar to - in thought - a New York or a Chicago or a Boston or a Los Angeles even a San Francisco. But I will say: I ran for Congress when I was 27 years old here. I was the first woman to ever run in my district, which was District 8. 2004! First woman to ever run. I was a single female. My degrees are in political science and Women's Studies, with a focus on feminist theory, which is quite progressive for this particular area. But when I got into rural North Carolina - my district was about ten counties, and I had part of Charlotte, which is the wealthiest city in our state, and then I had a part of Mecklenburg County, which is the wealthiest county in our state, and then I had all of Hoke County, which is one of the most rural counties in our state. Whenever I would campaign in the more rural areas, I - almost on a daily basis - got the question, “why are you running for Congress and not looking for a husband?” Or, “how are you going to, if you get elected, how are you gonna get anything done in Washington, if you don't have a man to run your ideas by?” I got that more than once and quite often, as a matter of fact, and the folks who asked me that weren't bad people. They just really still believed that it was more important for me, as a female, to be looking for a husband than anything else. That that was the thing that was going to provide me security, or that that was what success meant for a woman. I can understand, if that's what that Cupid study means. Because there is a level of that, but I don't know that that doesn't exist in other parts of the country. I haven't run for office in other parts of the country. I've only done it here in in North Carolina. But I do know that that was real, and that that existed. I'm still since then - no other woman has run in that district again, still. Which is a really interesting thing. You want to have more women in power, but they're not necessarily a lot of women stepping up, here in North Carolina. Although we did have a female governor, we had Beverly Perdue, let's see, we had a few years ago. When did she first get elected? I think 2004, was she running? I think that was that year, that same year.

MEGAN: So you've only had one female governor in North Carolina?

BETH: Yeah, so far. Our Secretary of State is a woman, Elaine Marshall. She is a female, and a pretty amazing speaker, and a very powerful, very smart, smart woman. But, it has traditionally been a very male - and that's true in a lot of parts of the country - it’s a very male-dominated field. Being a being a Southern single woman was an interesting thing, when running for office here.

CARRIE: I bet. One of the things that has come up a lot in this conversation is drawl, and I just wanted to talk about what that actually means, because I never really understood. I knew it sort of described the speech pattern, but I wasn't really sure what it meant. To simplify it a lot - what it really means is the way that the vowels are pronounced. So what would be a plain simple vowel in a Northern dialect becomes what is called a diphthong, or two vowels put together. Or even a triphthong, or three vowels put together. So for example, “meal” becomes “me-yal”. “ay-ye” instead of just “eh”. That's what it is: it's creating a longer vowel with multiple pieces in them, which I found kind of interesting and kind of fun. I hadn't really thought about it before.

BETH: I love it! I was helping a friend of mine as an actor in Los Angeles, and he got a part on American Crime Story, that show that was on ABC. His character was supposed to be from North Carolina, so he would send me all of his scripts, and I would read them into my voice memo on my phone and mail him the track, so that he could listen to a real Southern accent saying some of the words. Because a lot of people think that - and there are certain parts of here in North Carolina, especially the mountains, where they do draw out the syllables, that we all do the “I”, instead of “I”, we say “ah”. “I want a piece of pah” or “My ah’s itching” [eye], or those kinds of things. But we also oddly say “light” and “night” and “right” and “fight”. In the mountains of North Carolina, you hear more “raht” and “naht” and “faht” and “laht”. Even in this state, there's a regional accent. But I’s and A's and O's get changed up quite a bit. I don't even if I can say “phone” the way that those people say “phone”. We say “phone” or “home” instead of “home”. I don't know. “Home” is the way that I say it. I've had to, especially on television, try to correct some of those some of those vowels. But you get so used to it, and it does feel really good in your mouth. It almost feels like you're eating the words in a fun way. I had this book of poetry when I was in college called “The Language They Speak Is Things To Eat”, and I didn't understand that title until really recently, when I really started thinking about the way that you speak, the way that your accent comes out of your mouth. It almost feels delicious to say “I want a piece of pie”. It's almost onomatopoetic, that “pie” to me sounds like what “pie” is.

CARRIE: I was reading “The GRITS Guide To Life”/“The Girls Raised In The South Guide To Life”, and the way that they describe the drawl is 1) take your own sweet time, 2) bat your eyelashes slowly and speak at the same tempo, and 3) add syllables wherever possible.

BETH: That's about right. And you can as a female with a southern accent and a smile on your face, you can say some pretty nasty things to somebody and they won't realize that you've been mean to them until about ten minutes after you walk away.

CARRIE: “Oh bless your heart.”

BETH: “Oh bless your heart.” Yeah you could just look at somebody and say, “You're a goober!”, and have a big smile on your face and somebody will think that you just gave them the biggest compliment in the world. It's not a compliment.

CARRIE: There are other features that I thought it would be interesting to talk about. For example, double negatives. “I don't know nothing.”

BETH: “I don't know nothing.”

CARRIE: It's really bizarre that this is associated with Southern English, because it's just - well not everywhere - but a lot of people all over the place use double negatives.

BETH: Yeah, just poor grammar.

CARRIE: Well, it's not though. Here's the thing. Back in Old English, so England was kind of split into two dialect regions - I mean I'm simplifying, but - in the south, they used double negatives, and in the north they didn't. At the time, the southern dialect was actually the more “proper” dialect, and so it's funny that somehow that got flipped. Lots of languages have double negatives standardly, so for example: French. “Je ne sais pas”, the “ne” and the “pas” are both negative. So there's two negatives there. Or “personne n’a rein dis”. “Personne” is “no one” and the “n” part is “not” and “rien” is “nothing”. There's lots of extra negatives in sentences, and it's funny that in English we decided at some point - while “we” - some old white dude decided: “that's bad logic”. Because he decided that you were multiplying negatives and so if you multiply negatives, you should get a positive. But if you add two negatives, you get a negative. So equally logical. This is just a really dumb rule that we all follow because all of our English teachers told us not to do it.

MEGAN: Yeah, and it marginalizes other groups of people - so not only the Southerners, but people who speak Chicano English or African American English, all of these types of speaking do double negatives.

CARRIE: I think even just rural English and the other parts of the country in Canada too - so it's just everywhere.

BETH: Yeah, “I ain't got no iced tea”. We have a lot of double negatives. But now that I know the history of it, I'm gonna start using it more and more.

CARRIE: Good!

MEGAN: Yeah.

CARRIE: Oh yeah, “ain’t” is a good one, I love “ain’t”.

BETH: “Ain’t”. You remember when we were kids, when you would say “ain't ain't a word”, cuz “ain't” ain't in the dictionary. But now it is, so you can't say that anymore. It’s an official word, so you might as well use it, right?

CARRIE: Exactly! That is a silly argument - just because it's not in the dictionary, doesn't mean it won't be. Dictionaries are constantly updating.

BETH: Languages evolve.

CARRIE: Yes.

BETH: Or devolve.

CARRIE: They just change. They don’t actually get better, and they don't actually get worse: they just change. The other feature that's associated - or I think this is not even actually a real feature, it's just what we think - that Southerners speak more slowly. But apparently that's not even true. Some people do, but it's completely variable. What do you think?

BETH: I think that probably comes with the fact that we do draw some words out. It might take me longer to say certain syllables, but, as you can hear in this interview, I actually speak pretty quickly. But my dad, for example, my dad has a really thick Southern accent and he speaks so quickly that I sometimes can't understand him. He sounds like he's honking, he sounds like a goose or something - his nickname, ironically, is goose. I think that both of those things exist. There's the Southern person who speaks really, really quickly, and then there's the really sweet, slow accent. It takes them a while to say “hello” but once they do, you know you're gonna be in a conversation with them, and it's gonna be a really fun conversation, and it might take longer than it would, but you get used to it here. I'm guessing in other parts of the country as well, there are probably people who speak really slowly and also really quickly at the same time. But I think the fact that we draw so many of our words out a little longer makes the stereotype exist probably more prominently in the south, because some words do take us longer to say.

CARRIE: Yeah. My all-time favorite Southern feature is “fixing to”

BETH: “I'm fixing to go to work!” I got made fun for that. When I was young I sang a lot, and did some public speaking even when I was a young preteen, even nine and ten and into my early teens. I was in a rehearsal once, and I think I was in Salt Lake City, Utah, and the sound guy said something to me and I said, “well, I'm fixing to do my soundcheck. I'm fixing to do it”, and he was like, “what? You're fixin to?” I had never even thought about that word, cuz obviously everybody around me used it, and people still use it. I had to start really thinking about not using that one as much as I did at the time, and it’s one that I don't use as much as I used to. But I love it though, because you're like, “I'm fixing to do it”. What does that mean? I'm about ready to go and go to work. I'm about ready to go make dinner. I'm fixin to do it. Fixing myself, I'm getting myself ready.

CARRIE: That sort of leads into what I was reading about it, because I'm really fascinated with the semantics of it. Because it's similar to “I'm about to do something”, but it's not quite the same. According to Marvin Ching and Jay Myers, who separately worked on this, they say that you need some kind of delay. So if you're saying, “I'm fixin to make dinner”, there's got to be something in between you saying it and then you actually preparing it. They call it a preparatory activity, which is linguist-speak.

BETH: So basically I can't say “I'm fixin to make dinner” when I’m already making dinner. I think that makes perfect sense. That's exactly how we use it. So he's exactly right. It's funny that he studied that. I could have told him that and he wouldn’t even had to have done any work at all. I could have just told him that.

MEGAN: Oh my god, that is like the linguist problem. Every time I read something I'm like, we spend so much time looking at this, but we could have just asked someone who speaks it. Everyone else knows, but science needs a citation.

BETH: Yeah, that’s true. You can't really just cite the random Southern lady you talked to.

CARRIE: Usually you need a few more people.

MEGAN: Yes. This is why it's good to have someone who speaks Southern English on our Southern English episode.

BETH: I wish I had my dad on here now, so that you could hear a really thick southern Southern drawl.

CARRIE: That would be awesome. So there’s lots and lots of features, but it looks like we already done a lot of talking. I think we should just move on to the “why we judge it”. Part of it it, we've already talked about. Maybe the dark history, maybe the fact that many people were very poor for a long time - and we love to judge poor people.

BETH: I know.

CARRIE: And this reminds me also - I've been watching iZombie, which I mostly love. But they have this problem where they conflate Southernness with being working-class. Whenever they have somebody who's rough-and-tumble on an episode, they almost always have a Southern accent. It's very strange. It's supposed to take place in Seattle, so they shouldn't be surrounded by Southern accents.

BETH: At all.

CARRIE: It could be someone, or two, but you shouldn't expect going into a biker bar and having them all have Southern accents.

BETH: I think that's probably the stereotype that all of the south is rural, that you're gonna have just working-class, rough-and-tumble types of people and nothing else. Thatt probably has something to do with political stereotypes now, as well, because the South tends to go red and Republican. I think that there is a stereotype just because of that, as well.

CARRIE: Yeah, agreed.

MEGAN: For a long time, I also associated blue collar - just the term blue collar - with the South too, because anytime you hear about this stuff on the news or anything, they're talking about something like that. Those two things are always put together.

BETH: Yeah, because most the time when you hear stories about the South, you're hearing about manufacturing jobs that don't exist anymore, or about agriculture, which all of those things certainly are very true, but it's like any other place in in the world. Both sides exist, both things exist, but it is easier to, when you're in a visual medium like television, or you're in a medium where you're dealing with time constraints, it's easier to function based on stereotypes, than to try to explain the complexity of an issue in a 1 minute 30 story on something, or even in a 30 minute sitcom. You operate based on stereotypes, because it's easier than actually trying to write better.

CARRIE: Oh my god, lazy writing bugs me. Another example of this is Amy Schumer. She uses Southern accents to mock poor people. There's this episode where she's making meth, and she's so stupid, and she keeps blowing herself up. It's SO offensive.

SKEET: No, Becky Lee! No!

[explosion]

SKEET: Oh jeez. Beck, where are ya? Beck!

AMY SCHUMER: Skeet!

SKEET: Holy Moses!

AMY SCHUMER: I can’t seem to feel my legs, Skeet!

SKEET: That’s cuz you ain’t got none, Beck.

AMY: Oh, makes sense.

CARRIE: There's these messages constantly in the media, that we're supposed to judge the Southern accent. I think that's why most people do, because we’re told to. You have to interrogate your own biases.

MEGAN: Right. I think this is really problematic too, because just like talking about the study earlier out of University of Chicago, these children at nine years old are already internalizing these terrible messages, like that they may not be a smart, or that the people around them are racist, or whatever. I think this is why it's so shitty - one of the reasons why you shouldn’t judge accents, because what does this mean for their self-esteem and for their sense of self? I think that it's really sad. Discrimination based on accent is not illegal in the US. These internalized stereotypes are not inconsequential. It's not protected.

CARRIE: That's a really good point.

BETH: Yeah, and one that people probably don't consider and don't think about. I think it's one thing to consider too, for people who have Southern accents, who do who have jobs that end up in the spotlight. I ended up in television, or people like Jessica Simpson. When she had her reality show, and she has a Southern accent, and she had that whole moment where she couldn't decide if “chicken of the sea” was tuna or chicken.

JESSICA SIMPSON: Is this chicken that I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says “chicken, by the sea”. So stupid.

BETH: I think that there is something that we as Southerners can do to counteract those stereotypes. If we end up in powerful positions, or positions that have influence, then we should buck the stereotype, and not play into it. I think we've seen too many people play into it, because it's more likeable, or they feel that it's more likeable, because it's less intimidating, or it doesn't challenge. So people feel more comfortable, because no one wants to be insulted. No one wants to have negative energy coming in at them at all times. The first thing that a lot of people do is they try to stay likeable, before they do anything else, because they just want to feel okay. I get it. I understand that. But at the same time, it doesn't help when there are people who have these positions of power, who have Southern accents, who utilize them to play into the stereotype more than anything else. I don't know if it's for self-protection, or if it's because they make more money that way, or what that is. That was one of my problems with that show that Jessica Simpson was on, and with Southern people who have ended up on shows like American Idol, playing into the stereotype, because it seemed likeable and funny, and it got votes for them, or got viewers, or whatever. I think that there's a responsibility, you have to you have to get out there and fight for yourself, but also fight for the people who might end up having might end up watching you, and saying, “wait a minute, if that person has a Southern accent, and they can end up being in these really great powerful roles, then I can”. I also think that's why we shouldn't have non-regional dialects on television and nothing else, and why we shouldn't just have Southern people playing the dumb blonde, or playing the rough-and-tumble guy, or the biker bar dude. We need to have a more complex representation of the human experience, no matter what the regional dialect is, or what the race is, or what the gender is. We've really done a bad job in media especially, across all of those areas, we stereotype everything from race to gender to religion to socioeconomic conditions. We stereotype across the board.

CARRIE: Yes. Everybody does but I think it does tend to be a little bit worse on TV.

BETH: Oh the media - oh it's terrible. That's the industry - it promotes such bad stereotypes across the board. Working in news, I certainly saw it more than I would ever like to admit. There's a real problem here in our country with systemic racism, and I don't think the news media helps in any way, because you know we're promoting certain kinds of imagery. It breaks my heart. I cried on air several times, actually.

CARRIE: Well, unless there's anything else that anyone wants to add to the conversation?

MEGAN: I don't know. Anything you think, Carrie?

CARRIE: I think we covered it all. I think.

MEGAN: The main point is not to be an asshole.

BETH: Yeah! Right? Just be nice! Just be nice to each other. Hug and talk and laugh.

MEGAN: And when you do talk, don't fucking judge the way the other person's talking.

BETH: Exactly!

CARRIE: Focus on what they're actually saying, not how they say it.

BETH: Exactly. Listen to the words, not how the words are being said. Listen to the actual words.

CARRIE: Thanks again, to Beth Troutman, for joining us today.

MEGAN: Yes, thank you so much.

BETH: Thank you guys, this was awesome.

MEGANL: This was a good first guest experience.

BETH: I'm glad to hear it.

MEGAN: Now we're spoiled.

CARRIE: Thanks everybody for listening, and don't be an asshole!

MEGAN: Do not be an asshole!

CARRIE: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com.  

[junker-town]

See you soon, Hannah Roberts

How one of Team USA’s potential breakout Olympic stars is handling the wait.

Luscious green trees surround the outdoor skatepark and grandstands at the UCI Urban Cycling World Championships in Chengdu, China. Freestyle BMX star Hannah Roberts — atop her pink bike, rocking a black full-face helmet — drops in and pedals hard toward a spine ramp. As she launches off the ramp, Roberts begins a 360-degree spin. In the middle of her rotation, she uses the handlebars to whip the bike around separate from her body, becoming the first woman to land a 360 tailwhip in competition.

The historic trick, thrown down on her sport’s biggest stage, epitomized Roberts’ young career. She has never stopped building to bigger and better things.

Rather than give the crowd a fist pump, or take a breather to soak in the momentous occasion, Roberts immediately hits a vert ramp and busts a flair — a backflip with a simultaneous 180-degree turn.

The year before, she took a disappointing third in the event, behind fellow Americans Perris Benegas and Angie Marino. On Nov. 10, 2019, Roberts avenged the loss, winning her second world championship at just 18 years old with a score of 90.0 out of 100.

After wiping away tears, she stood above the rest on the podium, smiling as she accepted a gold medal and a stuffed panda with a leaf in its mouth. She wore UCI’s iconic rainbow jersey, bestowed upon world champions of every cycling discipline since the 1920s.

Just one week earlier, she had won her fourth straight FISE World Cups Series, which also held its final event in Chengdu. Roberts left no question whether she was the best women’s freestyle BMXer in the world.

“I wanted to have the rainbow jersey going into the Olympic year,” Roberts says. “It was more for myself. I put so much work in, and I was so focused on showing that I wasn’t going to take second or third again. I wanted that year to be all about me, so I threw down some of my bigger tricks.”

Her mother Betty made the trip to Chengdu to watch, after she and Roberts had spent half a year apart. In order to train for the world championships, Roberts effectively emancipated herself from her mother and father in June 2019 while she was still 17.

She moved in with long-time medical trainer Trish Bare Grounds and Trish’s 18-year-old daughter, Olivia, 750 miles away in Holly Springs, North Carolina. As she moved, she changed her diet. More importantly, she strictly budgeted her modest income. Being a teenage action sports prodigy with international acclaim isn’t as lucrative as one might think.

There was no giant check waiting at the podium in Chengdu to signify the €10,000 in prize money she earned, but the win was huge for Roberts. Just four months prior, she wasn’t sure she could sustain her freestyle BMX career into her mid-twenties unless the sport became more financially stable.

The World Championships are one of the few annual competitions to award equal prizes to men and women. By comparison, when she won the final contest of the world series, the Men’s Elite winner took home €8,000 while Roberts received €1,500.

And though Roberts’ accomplishments show how far women’s freestyle BMX has come in recent years in terms of talent and viability, they are also a reminder of the wage and sponsorship gap that persists between male and female athletes. As impressive as Roberts and her peers have been, the most famous annual extreme sports event, the X Games, still won’t let them compete.

The now-postponed summer Olympics were supposed to be a launch pad for the sport and for Roberts. The games drew an estimated 3.6 billion viewers for the Rio Games in 2016. Freestyle BMX will be an event for the first time ever in Tokyo, and Roberts is the clear favorite to take home gold.

“Women are the future of our sport,” says Nina Buitrago, a pioneer of women’s BMX who continues to be one of the sports biggest advocates. “They’re very marketable, and it’s a big thing that BMX has needed for a long time. It’s just incredible that with something like the Olympics, it’s catapulted all of us in to try to progress more and just own our journey.”

Roberts is ready to lead the charge; unfortunately, there’s only so much she can control. She did everything right heading into the 2020 games — kept herself afloat financially, trained relentlessly, won everything she needed to and then some.

But she couldn’t predict the coronavirus pandemic that has put her Olympic dreams, and those of countless others, on hold until 2021 at the earliest. Roberts is used to addressing her problems through sheer willpower. Being forced to wait, a budding star without a showcase, has been an entirely different challenge.

In South Bend, Indiana, around the back of an old brick chocolate factory, past a chain-link gate and barbed-wire fence, and at the other end of a parking lot with cracked concrete, sits an old mattress factory-turned-world-class skatepark. The indoor park known as “The Kitchen” is closed most weekdays, but on an unusually warm Monday afternoon in February, the front door is unlocked. Roberts is home for the first time in more than six months to enjoy her formative skatepark.

That evening, she will ride with three boys between the ages of 11 and 14 who she has mentored for years. Roberts was invited to the park for a private session for them and their parents. She practically had no choice — she happened to be in town, and they were blowing up her phone all day begging to celebrate.

The official Team USA Instagram account posted a photo of Roberts earlier that afternoon announcing she was the first American to ever qualify for the Olympics in freestyle BMX.

View this post on Instagram

WATCH OUT, 18-year-old @hannah_roberts_bmx is the first American to qualify for the Olympics in BMX freestyle ‼️

A post shared by Team USA (@teamusa) on Feb 3, 2020 at 9:33am PST

“They’re supposed to be in school,” Roberts says, “but they were on their phones during the day and took screenshots, sent it to me and asked, ‘Did you see this?’ The first three times I told them ‘no,’ but finally, I just responded, ‘Do you want to ride tonight?’”

For hours, Roberts and her young pupils film each other on their phones while they attempt high-flying tricks into a large yellow foam pit and eat slices of greasy pizza. She’s proud of how they have improved under her tutelage. Their parents comment on how much she has inspired them. Roberts also expects this will be one of her last carefree runs before she transitions to a training regimen suitable for an Olympic athlete. She sits and soaks in nostalgia from her surroundings instead of sending her own tricks into the foam pit.

“The last four years of me living here, I rode with every one of these kids almost every day,” Roberts says. “I’d pick them up from their house if they needed a ride or I’d take them to a skatepark. If I wanted to make a day trip to Ohio just to ride something different, they were always in my car going with me.”

According to her mother, Roberts is at her happiest when she’s working with kids, though she still fits within a broad definition of “adolescent” herself.

“[Hannah] was the first girl I saw do a tailwhip. Once she has a trick, she can just do it. It’s not like it’s luck.” - Nina Buitrago, freestyle BMX pioneer

Roberts grew up in the 4,000-person town of Buchanan, Michigan, a few miles north of the Indiana state border and a 20-minute drive from South Bend. Decades ago, Buchanan’s rolling terrain gave birth to RedBud MX, one of America’s signature motocross tracks and now an annual stop for the Lucas Oil Pro Motocross Championship. In the fall of 2018, the track even hosted Motocross of Nations, which is billed as the “Olympics of motocross,” drawing riders from all over the world.

The fact Buchanan produced a world-renowned extreme sports athlete like Roberts isn’t a surprise. But Roberts is unique because her success never came on a dirt bike. If not for her father’s disapproval, Roberts might have given motocross a real shot, but the closest she ever came was working a taco stand at RedBud MX during her summers.

Her passion for BMX was passed on from her older cousin, Brett “Mad Dog” Banasiewicz, once an up-and-comer on the Dew Tour. In 2012, as a shaggy black-haired 17-year-old, he won his first Dew Tour park event in Ocean City, Maryland. The following week, his professional career came to a devastating end. During a practice session, he landed on his head while attempting a 720° and wearing an uncertified helmet. He temporarily lost the use of his left arm, and his motor and speech skills will never fully recover.

“It was horrible. To me, he was gonna be the next Dave Mirra,” says Daniel Dhers, one of the most decorated BMX riders of all-time. “He just learned how to compete. He had all these tricks that he’d worked on for years. He had the looks, and he could talk, and was funny. If he were riding today? He’d be the guy in the Olympics, for sure. That would be crazy because then it would be him and Hannah.”

Via Hannah Roberts

Roberts herself has suffered numerous broken bones, but fear of suffering an injury like Banasiewicz doesn’t hold her back.

“You can take all the safety precautions in the world, but it still could happen,” Roberts says. “Brett fell on a trick that he’d mastered, that he’d been doing forever. It was five seconds and everything changed.”

Before the injury, a 16-year-old Banasiewicz self-funded and, with the help of his friend Glenn Salyers, designed The Kitchen. They equipped it with enormous ramps, foam pits, and “resi” ramps, which are covered in foam and a thick sheet of black rubber. By the time she was riding at nine years old, Roberts had access to one of the nation’s premier skateparks.

Swiss-American freestyle rider Nikita Ducarroz, five years Roberts’ senior and a likely qualifier for the 2020 Olympics for Switzerland, remembers trekking to The Kitchen from her Southern California home for a competition as a teenager. She almost froze at the magnitude of its jumps.

“The ramps at The Kitchen are huge,” Ducarroz says. “I remember going there, and I couldn’t even cruise the boxes and [Hannah’s] doing tricks over them.”

By middle school, Roberts was already performing tricks that seasoned veterans with sponsorships had never seen.

“She was the first girl I saw do a tailwhip,” Buitrago says. “Once she has a trick, she can just do it. It’s not like it’s luck.”

But as much as The Kitchen spurred Roberts’ BMX education, she eventually realized she had to leave it behind.

For years, Roberts believed members of her inner circle credited The Kitchen for too much of her success, disregarding her work ethic and determination. And she could only spend so much time mentoring other young BMXers without sacrificing her own progress.

“I love riding with the locals,” Roberts says. “I love helping them, but it comes to a point where, in every session, if you’re focusing on other people riding, which I love to do, your riding starts to fall.”

Roberts gave up her passion for mentoring, at least temporarily, to better her career. She had felt the pain of losing the 2018 World Championships and the rainbow jersey. She never wants to let that happen again.

Holly Springs — a pine tree- and strip mall-filled landscape similar to every other suburb in the Raleigh, N.C., metropolitan area — has quickly become the new mecca of freestyle BMX. That’s largely thanks to Dhers, who owns the massive indoor-outdoor skatepark known as the Daniel Dhers Action Sports Complex. Dhers, 35, is a five-time X Games gold medalist originally from Venezuela.

From the front, the DDASC looks like an office building or outlet store, industrial gray brick and dark windows covering the outside. The inside doesn’t look like what a typical sports fan might expect from an Olympic training facility. Plywood and two-by-fours are the predominant decor. But the 37,000-square-foot complex is considered one of the largest and best family-oriented, year-round skating and biking facilities in the world.

After spending her entire life in the Midwest, Roberts moved to Holly Springs to train at the DDASC because, unlike most other Olympic athletes, the best BMX riders like to train side-by-side, pushing each other.

The park officially opens to the public every weekday from 3 to 8 p.m. Dhers and the other pros do most of their riding in the morning to avoid crowds of young kids on scooters, but they often make exceptions on Tuesday evenings.

Recently, Roberts was joined by two other women riders: Ducarroz and Benegas, the winner of the 2018 World Championships. Roberts and Benegas are teammates and rivals. Their tug-of-war relationship only intensified after both became near-locks to qualify for the Olympics.

Getty Images

“It’s very competitive now,” Roberts says. “We call it winning practice, which makes no sense because it’s practice, but everybody wants to win.”

The male riders include Dhers, Marin Ranteš of Croatia, American Justin Dowell and Australian Brand Loupos. All have finished on the podium at major UCI and FISE BMX events over the last two years.

During training sessions at the DDASC, each rider takes turns dropping in from the deck and riding for 30 to 40 seconds at a time, watching each other and offering criticism and encouragement. On one run, Roberts lands a tailwhip onto resi with relative ease. She then rides around the skatepark to pick up speed and hits the same ramp, performing a 360° tuck no-hander in which, while letting go of the bike, she leans her stomach against the handlebars before grabbing them again and landing.

Much of her competition would be thrilled with this short run, but Roberts is just getting started.

“Backflip bar spins over spines is her warm-up trick in sessions,” Ducarroz says.

Unfortunately, the sport of freestyle BMX hasn’t progressed as quickly as its athletes.

Freestyle BMX has been around since the mid-1970s, but didn’t achieve international prominence until the late 90s and early 2000s, after the X Games were started. Yet, to this day, women BMXers aren’t allowed to vie for a medal in the competition.

Instead, the most that X Games organizers have been willing to give them is an unpaid demonstration, the first of which occurred in 2014. For 10 years before that, X Games offered a girls BMX clinic. The riders hope that, one day, women’s freestyle BMX will have its own competition, similar to what women’s skateboarding and snowboarding have enjoyed for years.

It’s a big risk, especially the year before the Olympics, to ride at an event where you won’t make money ... [The X Games] are just a big slap in the face” - Hannah Roberts

“We’ve been working on this relationship with X Games for so long,” Buitrago says. “I feel like we’re so close, but they just were like, ‘Well, we’re just going to offer you another demo again.’ The deal that we made was [that] women are down to do the demo, so long as every year we’re working towards having an actual contest.”

But everyone has their limits. In 2018, when she was16, Roberts became the first prominent female rider to bail on the X Games, deciding her skills were worth more than a free hotel room and limited exposure. Some of the other professional riders protested her decision, saying it wasn’t best for the sport, but her mind was made up.

The following year, the entire women’s class agreed to boycott the event.

“It’s a big risk, especially the year before the Olympics, to ride at an event where you won’t make money,” Roberts says. “We barely get a crowd. They have it at like 9 or 10 a.m., so nobody’s really there. No events are going on. It’s just a big slap in the face.

“People should really open their eyes and realize that the class [of women] is growing. That people are getting better and it will take time for us to be on the same level as the men just because of the support. It’s hard to make [BMX] a career.”

Roberts learned from a young age that practice, more than exposure, would propel her career.

At the DDASC, Dhers is the unofficial coach of the group. He periodically pulls riders aside for extra one-on-one attention while they train. When Roberts first moved to Holly Springs, her day-to-day riding was inconsistent. One day, she might push herself beyond her limits, risking injury and wearing herself out. The next, she’d spend too much time on her phone or drinking an energy drink. Dhers and the other pros helped her change her mentality by pushing her to take a more mindful, calculated approach to practicing new tricks.

Now she’s deliberate about how much time she spends sending a trick to the foam pit, only moving to resi once she feels she’s ready, then moving to a wooden ramp when the trick is nearly perfect.

“I used to just send things [on a wooden ramp] and then go back on resi and then go back in the foam and work on them, which was a terrible idea,” Roberts says.

Her new mentality has paid real dividends. For instance, on a six-week training trip she took to Australia after her victory at the World Championships, Roberts learned more than two dozen new tricks, including what she called five or six “big tricks.” During that time, she traveled throughout the country, staying with Australian rider Natalya Diehm.

Roberts knew she had to evolve. She noticed other women catching up to her, and the number of competitors increasing exponentially. She’s stubborn according to those who know her well. She got to the top of her profession as a teenager, after all, even before she got to Holly Springs.

According to Dhers, Roberts’ persistent ‘send-it mentality’ came from her Kitchen days, riding massive ramps with no one to tell her she shouldn’t. On ramps that size, riders must possess a certain degree of fearlessness to commit to a trick. It was there she learned a fundamental lesson of the sport.

“If you baby it, you die,” Dhers says. “You don’t make it.”

Getty Images

The Covid-19 pandemic first hit the freestyle BMX world Feb. 22 when FISE and the UCI canceled the World Cup event scheduled for May in Pu Yang, China. A few weeks later, a second World Cup event in Hiroshima was postponed indefinitely. After a period of insisting the games would be held as scheduled, the International Olympic Committee finally announced on March 24 the postponement of the Tokyo Games until 2021.

In the days following the news, Roberts spent more time in her bedroom than at the DDASC, moving back and forth from her bed, to playing video games, to her desk to email Team USA and other sponsors.

Focusing on a few companies at a time, she figured out which of her sponsorships were most impacted. The Milk Processor Education Program, the group behind the “Got Milk?” campaign, adjusted their contract with Roberts, but her contracted sponsorships within the BMX industry — Tioga, Alienation, Hyper Bike and Snafu — were still intact.

“It’s still just a little frustrating going through all the emails and making sure that we’re all on the same page and we all know what’s happening, who’s getting paid when and what is expected of me,” Roberts says.

Perhaps the biggest frustration was the notion that all the hard work she’d been putting in towards the Olympics — the stringent riding schedule, changes to her diet, dedication to the gym — wouldn’t pay off like she had planned.

“I was happy that the committee put in the consideration for athletes’ health,” Roberts says, “but it’s also disappointing and nerve-wracking because you have to keep the Olympic mindset for the next year and deal with all the same stuff over again.”

Thankfully, Roberts will not have to requalify. She will represent Team USA at the Olympics in 2021. And she’s still training.

Because of the pandemic, skateparks all across the country are closed to the public, including the DDASC. But all the pros agreed that if they only saw each other, and had all groceries and food delivered, that they could continue to practice together. Dhers turned the upper deck of the skatepark into a mini gym, equipped with dumbbells, a pull-up bar and two plastic trash cans attached at opposite ends of a workout bar.

Roberts still rides for three to four hours a day with the group, but she works out at home in the afternoons using exercise bands. She also tries to get up at 6 a.m. every morning for cardio and stretching. The UCI rainbow jersey hanging in her bedroom closet helps keep her focused.

“When I don’t feel like riding in the morning or when I don’t feel like getting up and going to the session or the workout, I look at it and it gives me that extra motivation,” Roberts says. “It’s like, ‘I don’t want to lose this again.’”

This should have been the year when Roberts’ profile skyrocketed. Through no fault of her own, 2020 feels like a step back, a disheartening tumble after a redemptive 2019. Still, it’s difficult to know how much an Olympic gold medal would elevate her career.

“CNN could pick it up and then boom, she’s a famous superstar, or no one could pick it up and then nothing ever happens,” Dhers says. “How many Olympic gold medalists are there for the women in other sports and no one knows they exist?”

Roberts doesn’t seem to be banking on superstardom, at least. For now, she’s being frugal, saving almost every dime from her contest winnings.

Certainly, the more visible Roberts is, the more popular she and the sport can become. For years, Roberts has been considered a leader in freestyle BMX because of her strong example. That ‘send-it mentality,’ again.

“One thing I’ve learned is that when you see a woman do something, you’re like, ‘oh, my gosh, it’s possible,’” Buitrago says. “For whatever reason, you see guys do the same trick but when you see a woman do [a trick] that you haven’t ever seen them do before, you’re like, ‘Oh, my God. Yes.’”

But Roberts doesn’t focus much on the stakes, only on how she’s pushing herself at any point in time. Others may see unlimited potential, and an opportunity for fame and possibly fortune, but her goals are intrinsic.

“I don’t necessarily want to be the best woman BMX rider,” Roberts says. “I would rather just be a good or great BMX rider, in general, rather than having the woman or the man label on it.

“I just do whatever I think is possible and if it works out, it works out. And if not, try it again.”

[roraewrites]

nine

[ sakura’s secret ] rating: m

// again, a HUGE thank you to all of you! y’all make me happy.

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Sakura wasn’t exactly too sure how she lucked out that night. She remained on her side of the couch, with her pen in her hand as she finished her notes. Sasuke seemed to have zoned out, but Sakura could feel the tension in the air between the two of them.

Her hand burned from where his lips had touched, and as she fought off the feeling to glance over at him, it wasn’t enough.

“Have you had a lot of girlfriends?” She asked quietly, her hand still covering her face while she continued to write.

Sasuke clicked his tongue before exhaling, “only one. It didn’t work out, lasted a month. I was still in college.” His monotone voice rang out.

Now that Sakura had uncovered her face, her viridian eyes watched him glance back over at her. She could already feel her cheeks tint over pink, and her skin numb up while her heart clenched in her chest. His smoldering, black eyes remained on her, thick lashes blinking before he asked his own question.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I--uh,” Sakura started, her mind frantically racing for an answer, “I’ve never had time for one, I guess.”

“Interesting.” He responded with cool voice. “Okay then. I take it you’ve never kissed anyone, have you?”

Sakura felt her legs tense up and the muscles in her arms tighten. Her fingers curled around the pen in her hand and teeth gritted against one another. Sasuke’s eyes stared right through her, his overwhelming presence making itself clear once again.

“No,” she answered honestly, but with the lack of confidence in her voice, she felt like a silly child.

His response was as expected. Sasuke smirked, his eyes lighting up with something Sakura had never seen before and as much as she wanted to look away from him, she couldn’t tear her eyes from his. He looked absolutely handsome in the minimal light offered from the lamp, and the way his high cheekbones and strong jawline tensed from his smirk, stirred up the butterflies from within Sakura’s stomach.

Her heart beat echoed in her ears, while her throat became tight with anticipation. She felt her fingers shaking under his stare now, but before Sakura could regain her composure, she was setting her books aside and making her way towards Sasuke now. He didn’t move under her gaze, only waited for her to approach him.

“Is it weird, Sasuke?” She breathed out before coming to sit on her knees beside him. He was still lounged back, one arm on the armrest, the other resting on the back of the couch. “Kissing?”

He raised an eyebrow before straightening his posture and coming to sit up. “Not if it’s with the right person,” he answered quietly. Sakura was perched next to him now, his form sitting right in front of her with his eyes focused on her and only her.

She wanted to reach her hand forward and brush his locks of obsidian tresses from his face, tuck the longer pieces behind his ear and feel his skin clash with hers; only she didn’t move, she only stared into his eyes, begging him to move closer, begging him to teach her something other than literature.

Sakura had watched many chick flicks, the iconic ones when they meet a man, hook up, start dating, break up, but then end the movie with forgiveness and a strong lip-locking session. She would always feel her heart rate increase while her stomach would juggle the butterflies that fluttered lightly inside. She never thought that she would feel this anxious, gut wrenching, time frozen experience, though.

His scent lured her in, begged her to come closer, and the more she found her body moving closer to his, his left hand came to rest on her tricep. He wasn’t entirely stopping her, but he also wasn’t letting her advance.

She could see the desire in his soot eyes, notice the glimmering fascination that reflected from the unnatural lighting, yet he didn’t accept the fact that she was growing closer. He only responded like a responsible adult would. “It’s getting late.”

Sakura glanced at his wooden clock on the wall.

“Oh, shit.” Her lower lip sunk into her mouth, welcoming the teeth that bit into the flesh. “How is it already ten?”

The tension between the two of them had melted at some point, and while she still sat close to him, she still felt an odd distance separating them. Maybe it was because she was younger than him, still a senior in high school and finding that her crush on her sensei was something more than a crush and also way out of her reach.

This all should’ve been wrong, and Sakura should’ve acknowledged that the moment her beating heart would thrum against her ribcage whenever he was near. Or how her blood would turn to molten lava and she was never able to control her blush.

Maybe she would’ve acknowledged all of it if she hadn’t found that she was absolutely infatuated by this man. Maybe she would’ve known that this was all wrong if she hadn’t broken the ice that coated his personality underneath his rough, outer shell.

His fingers were now twirling the ends of her silk, rose locks and Sakura accepted it. Sasuke was gentle, he was soft-spoken when needed, calming, his presence overwhelming at times and he could come off as intimidating, but he was also her safe haven. As funny as it sounded inside of her head, she felt comfortable and relaxed around him -- even under the gaze of his abyss dark eyes, she couldn’t help the nagging feeling that encouraged her.

“We should probably get going,” he muttered through each short breath that he took. His fingers came undone from her curled ends and into the pocket of his slacks. When he stood from the sofa, he flicked the television off and offered a hand towards Sakura.

She accepted it, a jolt of static running wildly through her blood. His hand was large, his fingers soft while his palms were calloused. “Do you work out?” Sakura asked, only the realize that it was probably a random thing to ask.

“Yes,” he replied almost as quickly as she had asked. No wonder his hands were calloused; as rough as they were, he was gentle with her as he pulled her from her seat.

She twirled around on her toes and began to pack her belongings up in her bag, only to have Sasuke stop her. He reached towards the drawing that she had made and held it up. “Can I keep this?”

“Why?”

“Is it wrong for a teacher to have a drawing made by his student? He mocked with a smirk.

Sakura frowned before smiling lightly. “Whatever.”

.

.

.

Her house was dark the moment he dropped her off. The porch light had been left on, and as Sakura began to undo her seatbelt, Sasuke’s hand rested on her wrist.

“Why are you so curious about how a kiss feels?” He inquired.

The same butterflies from before flocked out, and she couldn’t help the knot that formed in her throat or the way her eyes widened. “I guess I was just curious. You see people kissing in movies like it’s no big deal, so… I just wonder what it’s really like?”

“I’m sure you’ll find out one day,” he spoke with a light hearted tone and somewhat of a smile. He retracted his hand before she nodded with curious intentions.

Sakura grabbed her bag from the back seat of his car before leaning in and smiling at him. “Good night!”

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he responded with a grimace.

.

.

.

Throughout the course of the next couple of weeks, Sakura found herself busy with school work and studying for multiple different tests. From Sasuke’s class, to Gai’s, she was either working on her running form, performing many different strength exercises to pass her physical exams, or doing page after page of homework from literature, to math, to chemistry. She felt her brain spiralling out of control; along with all of her school work, she progressed in applying for scholarships as well.

Her relationship with Ino had been awkward lately, whether it be Ino avoiding Sakura, or Sakura avoiding Ino, they hadn’t been on speaking terms. One day, Naruto finally brought the subject up to Sakura.

“When are you two going to start acting like best friends again? It’s getting weird,” he stated through each bite of ramen.

Sakura frowned at him before popping a grape in her mouth. “Not sure.”

It was Naruto’s turn to frown. “Look, I get how all you girls are with your emotions and moodiness, but c’mon. You gotta get over whatever happened and move on. It’s weird not seeing the two of you attached by the hip anymore.”

Sakura frowned slightly before reflecting on his words. “Yeah,” she answered plain and simple, “I guess you have a point.”

Naruto finally offered a gentle smile before taking another bite. “I just want you to be happy. You’ve been working on schoolwork nonstop, that I worry sometimes. You’ve become great at keeping to yourself as well.”

“What do you mean?” Sakura raised a brow in question.

“Well, you stay after school all the time working on school work, and then avoid me during the weekend because of more schoolwork.” His voice held concern and worry, as did his ocean colored eyes.

Sakura’s mind flashed to the few evenings she had been spending with Sasuke. She would wait after school and either write notes or work on scholarships, have dinner with him and then spend some quality time at his condo. While they would only watch TV, chatter over random things that had taken place throughout the day, or sit in a comfortable silence, Sakura felt that their time together was to be valued.

After all, her friends were starting to catch on to her absence.

“Sakura?” Naruto asked, his face appearing right in front of hers.

“Oh--right. There’s a lot of time and energy going into my schoolwork lately, Naruto. I have dreams, goals that I want to accomplish and if I don’t give it my all, I won’t make it.”

“Oh right! Ms. Future Doctor!” He spat out with an ear to ear grin. Sakura chuckled softly before ruffling his golden hair.

“That’s right,” she responded. “I’ll see you later, I’ve got some assignments to turn in--”

“I forgot to ask!” Naruto interrupted her with apologetic eyes. “Halloween, Friday night. Everyone is going out then coming to my place to hang out. You in?”

Sakura pursed her lips before thinking about it. Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to get together with her friends and spend some time with them again. After all, she had a pretty set schedule of studying and tending to her secret more so than entertain the idea of being an outgoing senior girl like the rest of the gals in her class.

“Sure,” she offers. “Why not?”

.

.

.

Her phone began to vibrate along the counter, and when she glanced down at the screen, she finds Ino’s nickname in white letters.

“Hello?”

“Forehead! Naruto said you’re going to the party tomorrow. What’re you going as?”

Sakura sat with her pen in her hand as she began to think about Ino’s question. She hadn’t put any thought into it, and now that she did, she didn’t want to dress up.

“Nothing,” she responded. “I’ll just show up at Naruto’s once everyone gets back.”

“You can’t just go there without a costume, Forehead.” Ino’s voice was like venom, her reaction time quick. It was like the two of them had hardly missed a beat. Sakura laughed into the phone.

“I have nothing to wear,” her confession resulted in a short exhale from Ino.

“I’ll bring something over tomorrow and we can go together! Sound good?” Sakura began to speak, but Ino cut her off again. “Good! Bye!”

She pressed her phone down the counter and shook her head.

“Typical Ino.”

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.

.

“I am not wearing that fucking thing outside. Do you know how cold it is right now?” Sakura hissed. Ino stood in front of her, holding the ‘sexy feline costume’ like Ino had called it.

“Every guy will love it. Just put it on,” Ino deadpanned dryly, her patience wearing thin the more Sakura refused. “Look, I’m dressing as a bunny. We’ll be cute!”

Sakura looked around her room, trying to find something that would strike up a distracting conversation, but the moment Ino shoved the outfit into her arms, she felt defeated. “If I don’t like it, I’m not wearing it -- oh, wait--”

“Shut up and put it on, Billboard!”

She frowned, her viridian eyes matching up Ino’s baby blues before submerging through the bedroom door and slinking into the bathroom. She held the costume up before groaning. She slid into it with ease, pulling her arms through the slim, black crop top and pulling the spaghetti straps over her shoulders; it hugged onto the curves of her hips, squeezed her breasts with the built in, padded bra and even made her waist look tinier than it already was.

Sakura bit her lip before pulling the spandex leggings on next.

“This is such an Ino outfit,” she whined. With the leggings pulled all the way up, she felt something hanging from the elastic band behind her -- the tail of the costume brushing against her bum.

“Such an Ino outfit.”

With cute, black flats slipped onto her feet and triangular ears holding onto her head from a headband, Sakura glanced at herself in the mirror. She swallowed, imaging just exactly what Sasuke would think if he were to see her. Her bare arms broke out with goosebumps at the thought, and the moment she walked back through the door, Ino was perched right there.

“Look how cute!”

“I feel silly,” Sakura admitted, her cheeks turning pink under the eyes of her best friend.

“Well don’t. You look great. Look at those curves, girl.”

Sakura felt her blush darken in color, the back of her neck burning at Ino’s compliment. “Fine, but I’m changing once we get to Naruto’s.”

“But that’s when the fun starts to happen! He’s having an actual party, y’know? Iruka is out of town, that means it’s party central at Naruto’s. Before we go, though,” Ino stopped Sakura before she could get around her friend. The blonde pulled out a stick of eyeliner, and with an ear to ear grin, she held one of Sakura’s shoulders and brought the pencil to her face.

“Ino,” Sakura warned, but it was too late. The blonde had already gotten her way, lining Sakura’s face with whiskers much like Naruto’s, and finishing off with a dot on her nose. Sakura felt herself seething with anger now, but Ino was happy with the final look.

“Now you’re ready.”

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.

.

Naruto had invited Sakura, Ino, Shikamaru, Sai, Kiba, and a few others from their school for their outing, but the moment everyone showed up, they decided against it. Sakura also didn’t feel uncomfortable in her costume anymore, seeing as everyone else had dressed up as well. Ino put the icing on the cake with her bunny costume though.

“You look nice,” Naruto complimented as he began to bring their cheap beer and hard liquor up from his basement. He handed Sakura a couple of bottles to carry, and while she walked with him, she felt like multiple pairs of eyes were on her.

She hated the feeling of the skin tight leggings and the way Ino’s black crop top brushed against her skin. Sakura felt revealed, naked. “Who’s all coming tonight?” She asked, trying to distract her mind from the claustrophobic strangle that creeped up her body.

“Lots of people. From other high schools, people from colleges. I dunno yet, we’ll see!” He grinned back at her as he set the case of beer on the counter. “Should be killer though.”

“Right,” Sakura agreed. “I might go put my sweater on.”

Naruto clasped her shoulder in his hand, causing her to jump in his wake. His concerned eyes reigned down on her from above, his eyebrows raised slightly. “If you’re not comfortable with wearing that, then why wear it?”

Sakura couldn���t help but let a small smile appear on her lips. She couldn’t get over the fox ears that sat atop his head, or the bushy tail he had hanging from his waist.

“To support your party, I guess,” she responded with an unsure tone. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach while her mind did backflips. “And because Ino wanted me to dress up.”

Naruto crossed his arms before laughing slightly. “You certainly are a good friend to her. Anyways, let’s get finished setting up! People will be here any moment.”

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.

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Sakura found herself people watching most of the night. They came in spurts, from people coming dressed up as cute animals to deadly ones, super heroes to villains, slutty costumes to some people who didn’t even dress up. Sakura simply sat on the balcony from Naruto’s room, a drink in her hand, while her emerald eyes watched.

The patio was packed due to the beerpong tournament that Naruto had started up. The music was loud, tons of laughter and chattering, and Sakura found herself alone while she watched people make drunken asses of themselves.

As she threw the rest of her drink back, utterly disgusted with the warm beer, she made her way through Naruto’s room and downstairs to get another drink. She had been catcalled multiple times that night, but instead of responding, she carried on with her night like nothing had happened.

It wasn’t that she was refusing to have fun, she just didn’t want to be there. The moment she walked through the kitchen entry way, instead of heading towards the beer, she grabbed the hard stuff and began to make herself a drink.

“What’re you making?” A familiar sublime voice sounded against the shell of her ear. Sakura felt chills rush throughout her body, and a smile form on her lips.

“What’re you doing here?” She turned her head slightly, yet her eyes remained on the bottle while she poured the liquor into her cup. Once she finished, she turned to see his familiar smouldering eyes and that damned gorgeous smirk of his.

Sasuke’s hair wasn’t artfully ruffled around, or tamed. It was thrown around with hair gel now, his bangs falling over his eyes while he had casual clothes on that Sakura absolutely fell for. A pair of dark gray jeans, a black pullover hoodie, and a pair of Vans. He was such a mature person with a young appearance.

“You look so young,” Sakura cooed, her eyes glistening as she eyed him up and down.

“Hn, considering I still am young,” he retorted with a scoff. “I figured I’d stop by. Some friends of mine said they were coming.”

“Friends?” Sakura questioned almost instantly. Sasuke’s thumb pointed back to a guy with whitish-blue hair and pale skin. The color of his eyes looked almost unreal with that purple hue, but then again, he could’ve been wearing contacts. “Does he teach, too?”

“Nah. He’s still in college. On his last year, though,” Sasuke answered before taking her cup and glancing into it. “What did you make?”

Sakura couldn’t answer him, she couldn’t get over the fact that he was here, at one of his student’s parties, dressed down like some younger version of himself.

He looked fucking amazing.

“Also,” he whispered before reaching around her, “nice costume.”

Sakura felt the familiar blush that she had been experiencing more and more lately come to her cheeks and heat up the tips of her ears. “Ino made me and--”

“I’m serious, nice costume.”

Sakura frowned before stepping aside. “What’re you even doing?”

“Making you something else,” he responded, obviously knowing damn well what he was doing. Sakura simply watched from the side with curious eyes and a tap of her foot.

“Try this,” Sasuke finally handed back the cup before stepping back and pulling his hoodie on over his messy hair. The way it framed his high cheekbones made him look like an angel sent down from the heavens, and Sakura just couldn’t shake how young and casual he looked.

“You’re not scared of getting caught?” Sakura questioned, her anxiety getting the best of her. “You’ll get in trouble, Sasuke.”

He raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. “There’s too many people here to really notice. Plus, I’ll be leaving soon anyways.” His tone was an octave lower, his eyes a shade darker as he smirked. “Care to join me?”

“I can’t,” Sakura spoke too quickly.

Sasuke only nodded. “Fair enough,” his smirk diminished. “I’ll see you around then.”

Sakura felt every ounce of energy leave the moment he turned around, and before he could depart, she called out to him. “Wait!”

His head turned, his eyes landing on her in her silly cat costume.

“Give me two seconds,” she set the drink down and booked it upstairs. She stripped from the crop top that Ino had given her and slid into her own black hoodie, along with a pair of denim skinny jeans. She kept the black flats on, discarded the ears and rubbed the drawn on whiskers and nose off.

With her bag around her shoulders, she came back downstairs and found Sasuke waiting right by the door, girls standing in front of him, trying to strike up a conversation. Sakura stopped on the top stair and watched, but it was just so much like Sasuke to look away the moment they asked a question and have his dark eyes land on her, a smirk painting itself on his lips.

She bounced down the stairs now, meeting him at the door before they left.

“Sakura!”

She felt her blood turn to ice and her body freeze.

“Where are you going?”

It was Ino. When Sakura turned to meet her baby blue eyes, she smiled sheepishly. She could feel her stomach tying itself into a million different knots while sweat began to accumulate against her hairline. Sasuke didn’t move from his spot, he had frozen too and waited for Sakura to convince Ino as to why she was leaving.

“I’m going home,” Sakura lied through her teeth.

“Home? With this guy? Who is this?”

Sakura could hear Ino’s words slurring together, while her steps were sloppy. Now that inched her way closer, she could see the puffy red eyes on her best friend. Even her costume was looking rather haggard now.

“Who is this?” She repeated, but this time with more force to her voice.

Sasuke turned to meet her gaze, and the moment he came face to face with her, her eyes lit up.

“Woah!” Ino shouted. “Hottie!”

Sakura stifled the laugh that escaped through her lips, not only at her friend, but at the look on Sasuke’s face. He looked absolutely unamused, and the longer Ino stared at him, the narrower his eyes grew. Sakura felt that it was convenient to break up their staring contest now.

“Right, we’re going now,” Sakura said as she began to take a few steps away from her blonde friend.

Ino winked before shouting, “text me and tell me about your night!”

Sakura’s face flushed and by the time she turned on her heel, she had her hood pulled up and over her face. Sasuke followed her from behind, and although she wasn’t looking at him, she could sense the smirk on his face while his eyes shimmered with amusement.

“You’re crazy,” Sakura spoke through the fabric. “Damn crazy.”

The minimal light offered by the pale moon was rather eerie, and through Sakura’s insults, she felt Sasuke behind her in seconds. It reminded her of her first day at his condo. The way his lips pressed to the corner of her jaw, the way her body completely shut down at his touch. Now he was behind her again, and shadowing each step that she took.

Sasuke didn’t respond, only remained behind her as she led the way. They were now far away from Naruto’s party; no longer in ear shot of the music or the stragglers that had left already. They passed by trick-or-treaters and parents that walked their children, until they made it to the outer circle. They walked the path that led through the residential part of Konoha, passing by multiple houses and fenced yards.

Their quiet walk eventually stopped when Sakura noticed that she had no idea where she was going. Sasuke, as smart of a man that he is, noticed this far before she did.

“Finally realize that we’re walking blindly in the dark?”

Sakura responded with a scowl before exhaling, her back coming to lean against the nearest trunk of a maple tree. “Did you park somewhere?”

“I did,” he responded casually. He was now standing before her, his eyes gazing down on her.

Sakura felt her heart as it began to soar and her knees lock up. She was no longer casually leaning against the tree, but now, she watched as Sasuke took a step towards her.

“Where are you parked?” She squeaked out.

“Down the road,” he responded before taking another step, “in the opposite direction.”

Sakura was drowning now. She felt those familiar butterflies break free and not only flutter in her stomach, but throughout her entire body. Her emerald eyes stayed on Sasuke, her heart hammering against her chest while a lump formed in her throat.

His cinnamon and smoke scent rushed through her nostrils the closer he got, and now that he was hovering over her body, she could feel the warmth that radiated from him.

Their bodies were hardly brushing now, but the close proximity of him caused her chest to clench and her fingers to tremble. This was the closest she had ever been to a guy, and the fact that is was Sasuke made her entire body go haywire under his intense stare.

Sakura felt her hands reach out to him, one landing on his left pectoral, right above his heart. From there, she could feel the frantic beat of his heart, and he too, had been more than nervous in this intimate moment between the two of them.

“Sasuke,” she breathed out while her other hand came to rest on his other pectoral.

He was built, his body hard from beneath his clothes. Sakura was unfamiliar with what to do in a position like this, but instead of overthinking, she let her body do the thinking for her. With her hands on his pecs, Sasuke’s hand came to rest on her hip, while the other came to play with the ends of her pastel locks.

“Sakura,” he responded with a husky voice. He was closing the gap between the two of them now, his body growing closer to hers until he was leaning right up on her.

Sakura’s arms began to wrap around the back of his neck, her fingers pulling the hoodie from his head and releasing his wild, obsidian locks. She always pondered just how his hair felt, and now she knew; thick but smooth. Her nails massaged the nape of his neck, while the fingers on her other hand ran through the roots of his hair.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” his voice sounded over her ear now. His breath was warm against the skin of her neck, and while she pulled him closer, his lips pressed softly to her ear lobe.

She breathed out both a pleasurable but shocked groan into his ear, and when she felt his lips pull away from her skin, she felt her mind screaming for more.

He pulled his head away now, his eyes staring into hers, almost asking a silent permission. She didn’t know how to respond, she didn’t know what to do now. He was so close, yet so far away and the longer he looked into her eyes with those dark, abyss eyes of his own, the more Sakura desired him.

“Is this is what you really want?”

Sakura felt her lips part, and her eyes grow heavy. Of course this is what she wanted. She was practically breathing him in, soaking him up, the only thing left was to taste his lips against hers.

“Yes,” she breathed out gently.

He blinked once, twice, until his lips were just above hers, his eyelashes closing over his smoldering eyes, and just like Sasuke, Sakura felt her own eyelids close over viridian eyes.

It was almost non existent, yet the most exciting thing in the world. She felt like she was on cloud nine, yet anchored down. The only thing she could feel were his lips pressed to hers, tender and soft, gentle like the fluttering wings of a butterfly.

Sasuke’s hand cupped her cheek, the other resting on her hip while Sakura stood on her tiptoes and pulled him closer. They held each other under the pale light of the moon, their lips pressed together, while their beating hearts beat in unison.

Sakura wasn’t exactly sure why he had pulled away, but as they made eye contact for that brief second, she could see someone different in those dark eyes of his. When he pulled her back into his embrace and his lips pressed against hers once more, she tightened her grip around his neck, relishing in his scent, his touch, and his taste.

Happy fucking Halloween.

[gracieyvonnehunter]

16 great documentaries from this year and how to watch them

Pahokee and Sing Me a Song are among the fascinating nonfiction films that started touring the festival circuit in 2019. | Sundance / Participant Media

From con artists to cults, nonfiction cinema is rich right now.

A “documentary” is never just one thing. It might be a memoir, a polemic, a comedy, a thriller, a romance — the sky’s the limit. Truth is frequently stranger than fiction, and if we’re lucky, much more interesting, too. Nonfiction movies can teach us about the world we live in through the stories of people living halfway around the world or right next door.

Many of 2019’s documentaries are no exception, and many of the finest were recently shown at the DOC NYC film festival, the biggest documentary festival in the country. Here are 16 worth noting, ranging from heartbreaking family stories and illuminating explorations of social issues to tales of cults and con artists.

American Factory

American Factory is a documentary about the 2014 reopening of a closed GM plant in Dayton, Ohio — by a Chinese company that makes automotive glass — and the ensuing cultural clashes that put some bumps in the road. Veteran documentarians Steve Bognar and Julia Reichert train their cameras not only on the people involved but also on the tasks and materials of factory work, giving less-familiar viewers an idea of how complicated and difficult it can be, as well as how valuable skilled labor is. American Factory tackles the challenges of globalization with much more depth and nuance than most other reporting on the topic, precisely because it steps back to watch a story unfold over time and also resists easy generalizations. It’s both soberly instructive and fascinating.

How to watch it: American Factory is streaming on Netflix.

Anbessa

Anbessa takes a magical realist approach to the moving story of Asalif, a 10-year-old living with his mother near an enormous condominium complex on the outskirts of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Their shack now stands in a poor community in the shadows of government-built condos; Asalif is forced to scavenge to help keep his family afloat. But despite his difficult circumstances, Asalif has a vivid imagination and big dreams, and director Mo Scarpelli worked with him to bring those dreams to life. Anbessa follows Asalif as he dresses up as a lion — “anbessa” is Ethiopian for “lion” — and imagines chasing away the hyenas he can hear outside at night. It’s a metaphor for the encroaching land developers, and the film takes us inside Asalif’s stories to help us understand his world.

How to watch it: Anbessa is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Apollo 11

Apollo 11, directed by Todd Douglas Miller, harnesses the iconic images of the moon landing to powerfully retell the story of the Apollo 11 mission. But Miller’s film does a lot more than retread familiar history. Using never-before-seen footage and audio that has been meticulously scanned and restored, Apollo 11 moves from launch to safe return in a way that makes you feel as though you’re living through the mission. There’s minimal onscreen text, a couple of very simple illustrations to show the craft’s trajectory, and no talking heads. The result is a grand and awe-inspiring film.

How to watch it: Apollo 11 is streaming on Hulu and available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, Amazon, YouTube, Google Play, and Vudu.

Blessed Child

Obscured Pictures

A Unification Church mass wedding in Blessed Child.

Journalist Cara Jones and her three siblings were raised by their loving parents in a cult: the Unification Church, commonly known as the “Moonies.” Now an adult, Jones has left the church but struggles with the loss of her community and a changed relationship with her family. In Blessed Child, her first film, Jones goes on a journey with the help of one of her brothers to discover why people joined the church, why they left, and how their lives were affected and changed by the experience. Blessed Child is as much memoir as history, and it perceptively mines an experience many people have: If you were raised in a restrictive or insular community, what does it mean to grow up?

How to watch it: Blessed Child is currently screening on the festival circuit.

The Edge of Democracy

Taking a sweeping but personal view of contemporary Brazilian politics, filmmaker Petra Costa shows what it looks like when a country finally embraces democracy after years of military dictatorship — and then squanders its progress as it moves toward far-right authoritarianism. Costa, who is Brazilian herself, makes no claims of objectivity; instead, she weaves her family’s story into that of her country’s and asks devastating questions about peace, democracy, and living in a slow-motion, real-world horror story. Can it happen elsewhere? And can a country return from the brink?

How to watch it: The Edge of Democracy is streaming on Netflix.

For Sama

There have been many documentaries in recent years about the bombings and humanitarian crisis in Aleppo, and many of them have been excellent. But For Sama is a new take on the subject, and it’s truly outstanding. Waad Al-Kateab and her husband, Hamza Al-Kateab, a doctor, are native Syrians who were living in Aleppo when Syrians began to protest their government and President Bashar al-Assad. Their daughter, Sama, was born in 2016, and the family remained in Aleppo — with Hamza running a hospital — as the bombings continued.

Eventually, they left, and Waad and British documentarian Edward Watts edited years of footage she’d shot in Aleppo into For Sama. The film movingly documents life in Aleppo and in Hamza’s hospital during the yearslong siege while also offering an explanation, addressed to young Sama, for why her parents kept her in a dangerous place and why their work was important.

How to watch it: For Sama is currently screening around the world. Check the film’s website for details.

Honeyland

Honeyland is a vibrant, fascinating, and sober documentary that examines a serious issue — the endangerment of bees — by way of a human portrait. Hatidze Muratova is the last beekeeper in Macedonia. She lives on a quiet, secluded mountain and cares for her elderly mother as well as her apian charges. Her life’s work, as she sees it, isn’t just to keep the bees; it’s to help restore balance to the ecosystem around her, and bees are a vital part of that mission. But Muratova’s sense of solitude is disrupted when a family of nomadic beekeepers arrive, seeking honey to sell.

The newcomers not only disrupt Muratova and threaten the insects’ existence but also invade an established way of life on the relatively untouched mountain. As the film progresses, different ways of thinking about commerce — as well as beekeeping and the natural world — come together in a story that is sometimes funny, sometimes beautiful, and often enlightening.

How to watch it: Honeyland is available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, YouTube, Amazon, Google Play, or Vudu.

The Kingmaker

Lauren Greenfield’s new film The Kingmaker centers on one of the most famously extravagant women in recent history: Imelda Marcos, former first lady of the Philippines. When Marcos and her husband, dictator Ferdinand Marcos, were driven into exile in the United States in 1986, Imelda left behind a stash of more than 1,000 pairs of shoes. That might be the only thing a lot of people know about her. But there’s much more to Imelda Marcos — and that’s what Greenfield dives into in The Kingmaker.

Imelda is interviewed throughout the film, and at first, we only hear her side of the story. But then Greenfield slowly fills in what’s missing and challenges her subject’s outright fabrications by talking to people who remember the reign of terror that was the kleptocratic Marcos regime, drawing a line between that reign and the more recent rise of the murderous authoritarian Rodrigo Duterte.

How to watch it: The Kingmaker is currently playing in select theaters and will air on Showtime in early 2020.

Knock Down the House

Knock Down the House is the rare documentary about today’s American political landscape that might make you shed happy tears. It’s about four progressive Democratic candidates — all women — who ran primary campaigns against establishment Democrats in the 2018 midterm elections: Amy Vilela in Nevada, Cori Bush in Missouri, Paula Jean Swearengin in West Virginia, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in New York. Documentarian Rachel Lears followed the candidates, who all live in very different communities with different political terrains. They weren’t all successful — only Ocasio-Cortez won her race — but the film is uplifting and hopeful for anyone who wants their political candidates to truly represent the communities they serve. Whether or not you agree with a given individual’s politics at every point, Knock Down the House makes it clear that there’s a hunger to upend America’s politics as usual.

How to watch it: Knock Down the House is streaming on Netflix.

Midnight Family

Nine million people live in Mexico City, but the government maintains only 45 ambulances to cover that entire population; private ambulance companies have stepped in to pick up the slack. Midnight Family follows one such company run by the Ochoa family, who ride their ambulance through the streets overnight, hoping to beat their competitors to the scene of a sudden illness or accident so they can help — while also gaining business. It’s difficult work, and it clearly feels ethically tricky. But director Luke Lorentzen manages to capture the Ochoas’ compassion and their own economic instability, as well as the heart-thumping adrenaline rush that often accompanies their line of work. The result is a sweet, fascinating portrait of a group of people trying to make the best of a bad situation, and sometimes succeeding.

How to watch it: Midnight Family opens in limited theaters December 6.

Midnight Traveler

In 2015, the Taliban called for the death of Afghani filmmaker Hassan Fazili. Fazili, along with his wife (and fellow filmmaker) Fatima Hussaini, and their two daughters, fled the country, becoming refugees as they traveled across Europe — sometimes in very hostile places. Midnight Traveler is the family’s story, shot mostly by Fazili, who documents the family’s journey and their struggle to maintain some semblance of a life in trying circumstances. It’s part memoir, part home movie, part documentary of an experience that millions of people all over the world are having right now — and it’s a must-see.

How to watch it: Midnight Traveler is available to digitally rent or buy on iTunes and Amazon.

Mother

Slow, lyrical, and heart-rending, Mother is an intertwined tale of two mothers. The first is Pomm, a Thai woman who works around the clock in a Thailand care facility home to patients with Alzheimer’s, most of whom are white and wealthy Westerners; Pomm’s own children live many hours away. The second is Maya, a Swiss woman with early onset Alzheimer’s whose devoted husband and daughters are making the painful decision to put her into the Thailand facility thousands of miles from home, for the sake of her quality of life. Director Kristof Bilsen crafts a film that’s moving and always surprising, exploring love and sacrifice that transcends distance and memory.

How to watch it: Mother is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story.

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story, one that ended up roiling an entire town. The tiny upstate New York hamlet of Narrowsburg one day discovered that two glamorous strangers had arrived — both of whom had connections in the film business. The strangers launched a film festival (which they proclaimed would become the “Sundance of the East”) and shot a movie with the whole town’s involvement. But then things got very, very weird. Director Martha Shane keeps you guessing about what was really going on — Narrowsburg is full of twists — while also crafting a poignant portrait of the allure of show business in American life.

How to watch it: Narrowsburg is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

One Child Nation

Director Nanfu Wang grew up in rural China under the country’s “One Child” policy, which was in effect from 1979 to 2015. Her own parents had two children, since the law made an exception for families in rural areas, as long as the children were at least five years apart — but not until after her mother narrowly escaped involuntary sterilization. Many other women were not so lucky, forced into sterilization and abortion against their will. The policy’s mental, physical, and emotional toll on China, especially its women, was tremendous. Through a documentary that is part personal, part journalistic, Wang explores the ramifications of the One Child era. It’s a harrowing but essential film that confronts and confounds Western ideas about agency, choice, reproduction, and bodily autonomy.

How to watch it: One Child Nation is streaming on Amazon Prime.

Pahokee

Sundance Film Festival

The teenagers in Pahokee are full of life — and ready to get out.

Pahokee is a small town on the shores of Florida’s Lake Okeechobee, and there’s a waning number of jobs and resources available to the people who live there. But Pahokee High School is a beehive of activity, and that’s where filmmakers Ivete Lucas and Patrick Bresnan focus on four students in their final year of school — all of whom hope to get out of town once they graduate. Following the students through their daily lives as they participate in sports and other extracurricular activities, navigate personal relationships, and work toward future aspirations, Pahokee is in some ways a familiar high school tale. But it’s also a story of a vibrant town told through its young people, and it explores, often with humor and grace, the forces that shape how Americans live today.

How to watch it: Pahokee is currently screening the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Sing Me a Song

Participant Media

Life does not turn out as expected in Sing Me a Song.

For a very long time, the country of Bhutan was shut off from the outside world — but in recent years, the internet has arrived. For Sing Me a Song, director Thomas Balmès carefully and patiently chronicles the way that the country’s new connectedness changes how young Buddhist monks live in their monastery. The center of the film is Peyangki, who was the 8-year-old subject of Balmès’s documentary 2013 Happiness. Now, as a teenager, his formerly idyllic life has become fraught with tension and distraction — as well as, poignantly, romance. Each frame is pristine, peaceful, and stunning, which only underlines the sharp changes in the young monks’ lives.

How to watch it: Sing Me a Song is currently screening on the festival circuit.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2XoBaNu

[timalexanderdollery]

16 great documentaries from this year and how to watch them

Pahokee and Sing Me a Song are among the fascinating nonfiction films that started touring the festival circuit in 2019. | Sundance / Participant Media

From con artists to cults, nonfiction cinema is rich right now.

A “documentary” is never just one thing. It might be a memoir, a polemic, a comedy, a thriller, a romance — the sky’s the limit. Truth is frequently stranger than fiction, and if we’re lucky, much more interesting, too. Nonfiction movies can teach us about the world we live in through the stories of people living halfway around the world or right next door.

Many of 2019’s documentaries are no exception, and many of the finest were recently shown at the DOC NYC film festival, the biggest documentary festival in the country. Here are 16 worth noting, ranging from heartbreaking family stories and illuminating explorations of social issues to tales of cults and con artists.

American Factory

American Factory is a documentary about the 2014 reopening of a closed GM plant in Dayton, Ohio — by a Chinese company that makes automotive glass — and the ensuing cultural clashes that put some bumps in the road. Veteran documentarians Steve Bognar and Julia Reichert train their cameras not only on the people involved but also on the tasks and materials of factory work, giving less-familiar viewers an idea of how complicated and difficult it can be, as well as how valuable skilled labor is. American Factory tackles the challenges of globalization with much more depth and nuance than most other reporting on the topic, precisely because it steps back to watch a story unfold over time and also resists easy generalizations. It’s both soberly instructive and fascinating.

How to watch it: American Factory is streaming on Netflix.

Anbessa

Anbessa takes a magical realist approach to the moving story of Asalif, a 10-year-old living with his mother near an enormous condominium complex on the outskirts of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Their shack now stands in a poor community in the shadows of government-built condos; Asalif is forced to scavenge to help keep his family afloat. But despite his difficult circumstances, Asalif has a vivid imagination and big dreams, and director Mo Scarpelli worked with him to bring those dreams to life. Anbessa follows Asalif as he dresses up as a lion — “anbessa” is Ethiopian for “lion” — and imagines chasing away the hyenas he can hear outside at night. It’s a metaphor for the encroaching land developers, and the film takes us inside Asalif’s stories to help us understand his world.

How to watch it: Anbessa is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Apollo 11

Apollo 11, directed by Todd Douglas Miller, harnesses the iconic images of the moon landing to powerfully retell the story of the Apollo 11 mission. But Miller’s film does a lot more than retread familiar history. Using never-before-seen footage and audio that has been meticulously scanned and restored, Apollo 11 moves from launch to safe return in a way that makes you feel as though you’re living through the mission. There’s minimal onscreen text, a couple of very simple illustrations to show the craft’s trajectory, and no talking heads. The result is a grand and awe-inspiring film.

How to watch it: Apollo 11 is streaming on Hulu and available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, Amazon, YouTube, Google Play, and Vudu.

Blessed Child

Obscured Pictures

A Unification Church mass wedding in Blessed Child.

Journalist Cara Jones and her three siblings were raised by their loving parents in a cult: the Unification Church, commonly known as the “Moonies.” Now an adult, Jones has left the church but struggles with the loss of her community and a changed relationship with her family. In Blessed Child, her first film, Jones goes on a journey with the help of one of her brothers to discover why people joined the church, why they left, and how their lives were affected and changed by the experience. Blessed Child is as much memoir as history, and it perceptively mines an experience many people have: If you were raised in a restrictive or insular community, what does it mean to grow up?

How to watch it: Blessed Child is currently screening on the festival circuit.

The Edge of Democracy

Taking a sweeping but personal view of contemporary Brazilian politics, filmmaker Petra Costa shows what it looks like when a country finally embraces democracy after years of military dictatorship — and then squanders its progress as it moves toward far-right authoritarianism. Costa, who is Brazilian herself, makes no claims of objectivity; instead, she weaves her family’s story into that of her country’s and asks devastating questions about peace, democracy, and living in a slow-motion, real-world horror story. Can it happen elsewhere? And can a country return from the brink?

How to watch it: The Edge of Democracy is streaming on Netflix.

For Sama

There have been many documentaries in recent years about the bombings and humanitarian crisis in Aleppo, and many of them have been excellent. But For Sama is a new take on the subject, and it’s truly outstanding. Waad Al-Kateab and her husband, Hamza Al-Kateab, a doctor, are native Syrians who were living in Aleppo when Syrians began to protest their government and President Bashar al-Assad. Their daughter, Sama, was born in 2016, and the family remained in Aleppo — with Hamza running a hospital — as the bombings continued.

Eventually, they left, and Waad and British documentarian Edward Watts edited years of footage she’d shot in Aleppo into For Sama. The film movingly documents life in Aleppo and in Hamza’s hospital during the yearslong siege while also offering an explanation, addressed to young Sama, for why her parents kept her in a dangerous place and why their work was important.

How to watch it: For Sama is currently screening around the world. Check the film’s website for details.

Honeyland

Honeyland is a vibrant, fascinating, and sober documentary that examines a serious issue — the endangerment of bees — by way of a human portrait. Hatidze Muratova is the last beekeeper in Macedonia. She lives on a quiet, secluded mountain and cares for her elderly mother as well as her apian charges. Her life’s work, as she sees it, isn’t just to keep the bees; it’s to help restore balance to the ecosystem around her, and bees are a vital part of that mission. But Muratova’s sense of solitude is disrupted when a family of nomadic beekeepers arrive, seeking honey to sell.

The newcomers not only disrupt Muratova and threaten the insects’ existence but also invade an established way of life on the relatively untouched mountain. As the film progresses, different ways of thinking about commerce — as well as beekeeping and the natural world — come together in a story that is sometimes funny, sometimes beautiful, and often enlightening.

How to watch it: Honeyland is available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, YouTube, Amazon, Google Play, or Vudu.

The Kingmaker

Lauren Greenfield’s new film The Kingmaker centers on one of the most famously extravagant women in recent history: Imelda Marcos, former first lady of the Philippines. When Marcos and her husband, dictator Ferdinand Marcos, were driven into exile in the United States in 1986, Imelda left behind a stash of more than 1,000 pairs of shoes. That might be the only thing a lot of people know about her. But there’s much more to Imelda Marcos — and that’s what Greenfield dives into in The Kingmaker.

Imelda is interviewed throughout the film, and at first, we only hear her side of the story. But then Greenfield slowly fills in what’s missing and challenges her subject’s outright fabrications by talking to people who remember the reign of terror that was the kleptocratic Marcos regime, drawing a line between that reign and the more recent rise of the murderous authoritarian Rodrigo Duterte.

How to watch it: The Kingmaker is currently playing in select theaters and will air on Showtime in early 2020.

Knock Down the House

Knock Down the House is the rare documentary about today’s American political landscape that might make you shed happy tears. It’s about four progressive Democratic candidates — all women — who ran primary campaigns against establishment Democrats in the 2018 midterm elections: Amy Vilela in Nevada, Cori Bush in Missouri, Paula Jean Swearengin in West Virginia, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in New York. Documentarian Rachel Lears followed the candidates, who all live in very different communities with different political terrains. They weren’t all successful — only Ocasio-Cortez won her race — but the film is uplifting and hopeful for anyone who wants their political candidates to truly represent the communities they serve. Whether or not you agree with a given individual’s politics at every point, Knock Down the House makes it clear that there’s a hunger to upend America’s politics as usual.

How to watch it: Knock Down the House is streaming on Netflix.

Midnight Family

Nine million people live in Mexico City, but the government maintains only 45 ambulances to cover that entire population; private ambulance companies have stepped in to pick up the slack. Midnight Family follows one such company run by the Ochoa family, who ride their ambulance through the streets overnight, hoping to beat their competitors to the scene of a sudden illness or accident so they can help — while also gaining business. It’s difficult work, and it clearly feels ethically tricky. But director Luke Lorentzen manages to capture the Ochoas’ compassion and their own economic instability, as well as the heart-thumping adrenaline rush that often accompanies their line of work. The result is a sweet, fascinating portrait of a group of people trying to make the best of a bad situation, and sometimes succeeding.

How to watch it: Midnight Family opens in limited theaters December 6.

Midnight Traveler

In 2015, the Taliban called for the death of Afghani filmmaker Hassan Fazili. Fazili, along with his wife (and fellow filmmaker) Fatima Hussaini, and their two daughters, fled the country, becoming refugees as they traveled across Europe — sometimes in very hostile places. Midnight Traveler is the family’s story, shot mostly by Fazili, who documents the family’s journey and their struggle to maintain some semblance of a life in trying circumstances. It’s part memoir, part home movie, part documentary of an experience that millions of people all over the world are having right now — and it’s a must-see.

How to watch it: Midnight Traveler is available to digitally rent or buy on iTunes and Amazon.

Mother

Slow, lyrical, and heart-rending, Mother is an intertwined tale of two mothers. The first is Pomm, a Thai woman who works around the clock in a Thailand care facility home to patients with Alzheimer’s, most of whom are white and wealthy Westerners; Pomm’s own children live many hours away. The second is Maya, a Swiss woman with early onset Alzheimer’s whose devoted husband and daughters are making the painful decision to put her into the Thailand facility thousands of miles from home, for the sake of her quality of life. Director Kristof Bilsen crafts a film that’s moving and always surprising, exploring love and sacrifice that transcends distance and memory.

How to watch it: Mother is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story.

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story, one that ended up roiling an entire town. The tiny upstate New York hamlet of Narrowsburg one day discovered that two glamorous strangers had arrived — both of whom had connections in the film business. The strangers launched a film festival (which they proclaimed would become the “Sundance of the East”) and shot a movie with the whole town’s involvement. But then things got very, very weird. Director Martha Shane keeps you guessing about what was really going on — Narrowsburg is full of twists — while also crafting a poignant portrait of the allure of show business in American life.

How to watch it: Narrowsburg is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

One Child Nation

Director Nanfu Wang grew up in rural China under the country’s “One Child” policy, which was in effect from 1979 to 2015. Her own parents had two children, since the law made an exception for families in rural areas, as long as the children were at least five years apart — but not until after her mother narrowly escaped involuntary sterilization. Many other women were not so lucky, forced into sterilization and abortion against their will. The policy’s mental, physical, and emotional toll on China, especially its women, was tremendous. Through a documentary that is part personal, part journalistic, Wang explores the ramifications of the One Child era. It’s a harrowing but essential film that confronts and confounds Western ideas about agency, choice, reproduction, and bodily autonomy.

How to watch it: One Child Nation is streaming on Amazon Prime.

Pahokee

Sundance Film Festival

The teenagers in Pahokee are full of life — and ready to get out.

Pahokee is a small town on the shores of Florida’s Lake Okeechobee, and there’s a waning number of jobs and resources available to the people who live there. But Pahokee High School is a beehive of activity, and that’s where filmmakers Ivete Lucas and Patrick Bresnan focus on four students in their final year of school — all of whom hope to get out of town once they graduate. Following the students through their daily lives as they participate in sports and other extracurricular activities, navigate personal relationships, and work toward future aspirations, Pahokee is in some ways a familiar high school tale. But it’s also a story of a vibrant town told through its young people, and it explores, often with humor and grace, the forces that shape how Americans live today.

How to watch it: Pahokee is currently screening the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Sing Me a Song

Participant Media

Life does not turn out as expected in Sing Me a Song.

For a very long time, the country of Bhutan was shut off from the outside world — but in recent years, the internet has arrived. For Sing Me a Song, director Thomas Balmès carefully and patiently chronicles the way that the country’s new connectedness changes how young Buddhist monks live in their monastery. The center of the film is Peyangki, who was the 8-year-old subject of Balmès’s documentary 2013 Happiness. Now, as a teenager, his formerly idyllic life has become fraught with tension and distraction — as well as, poignantly, romance. Each frame is pristine, peaceful, and stunning, which only underlines the sharp changes in the young monks’ lives.

How to watch it: Sing Me a Song is currently screening on the festival circuit.

from Vox - All https://ift.tt/2XoBaNu

[shanedakotamuir]

16 great documentaries from this year and how to watch them

Pahokee and Sing Me a Song are among the fascinating nonfiction films that started touring the festival circuit in 2019. | Sundance / Participant Media

From con artists to cults, nonfiction cinema is rich right now.

A “documentary” is never just one thing. It might be a memoir, a polemic, a comedy, a thriller, a romance — the sky’s the limit. Truth is frequently stranger than fiction, and if we’re lucky, much more interesting, too. Nonfiction movies can teach us about the world we live in through the stories of people living halfway around the world or right next door.

Many of 2019’s documentaries are no exception, and many of the finest were recently shown at the DOC NYC film festival, the biggest documentary festival in the country. Here are 16 worth noting, ranging from heartbreaking family stories and illuminating explorations of social issues to tales of cults and con artists.

American Factory

American Factory is a documentary about the 2014 reopening of a closed GM plant in Dayton, Ohio — by a Chinese company that makes automotive glass — and the ensuing cultural clashes that put some bumps in the road. Veteran documentarians Steve Bognar and Julia Reichert train their cameras not only on the people involved but also on the tasks and materials of factory work, giving less-familiar viewers an idea of how complicated and difficult it can be, as well as how valuable skilled labor is. American Factory tackles the challenges of globalization with much more depth and nuance than most other reporting on the topic, precisely because it steps back to watch a story unfold over time and also resists easy generalizations. It’s both soberly instructive and fascinating.

How to watch it: American Factory is streaming on Netflix.

Anbessa

Anbessa takes a magical realist approach to the moving story of Asalif, a 10-year-old living with his mother near an enormous condominium complex on the outskirts of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Their shack now stands in a poor community in the shadows of government-built condos; Asalif is forced to scavenge to help keep his family afloat. But despite his difficult circumstances, Asalif has a vivid imagination and big dreams, and director Mo Scarpelli worked with him to bring those dreams to life. Anbessa follows Asalif as he dresses up as a lion — “anbessa” is Ethiopian for “lion” — and imagines chasing away the hyenas he can hear outside at night. It’s a metaphor for the encroaching land developers, and the film takes us inside Asalif’s stories to help us understand his world.

How to watch it: Anbessa is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Apollo 11

Apollo 11, directed by Todd Douglas Miller, harnesses the iconic images of the moon landing to powerfully retell the story of the Apollo 11 mission. But Miller’s film does a lot more than retread familiar history. Using never-before-seen footage and audio that has been meticulously scanned and restored, Apollo 11 moves from launch to safe return in a way that makes you feel as though you’re living through the mission. There’s minimal onscreen text, a couple of very simple illustrations to show the craft’s trajectory, and no talking heads. The result is a grand and awe-inspiring film.

How to watch it: Apollo 11 is streaming on Hulu and available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, Amazon, YouTube, Google Play, and Vudu.

Blessed Child

Obscured Pictures

A Unification Church mass wedding in Blessed Child.

Journalist Cara Jones and her three siblings were raised by their loving parents in a cult: the Unification Church, commonly known as the “Moonies.” Now an adult, Jones has left the church but struggles with the loss of her community and a changed relationship with her family. In Blessed Child, her first film, Jones goes on a journey with the help of one of her brothers to discover why people joined the church, why they left, and how their lives were affected and changed by the experience. Blessed Child is as much memoir as history, and it perceptively mines an experience many people have: If you were raised in a restrictive or insular community, what does it mean to grow up?

How to watch it: Blessed Child is currently screening on the festival circuit.

The Edge of Democracy

Taking a sweeping but personal view of contemporary Brazilian politics, filmmaker Petra Costa shows what it looks like when a country finally embraces democracy after years of military dictatorship — and then squanders its progress as it moves toward far-right authoritarianism. Costa, who is Brazilian herself, makes no claims of objectivity; instead, she weaves her family’s story into that of her country’s and asks devastating questions about peace, democracy, and living in a slow-motion, real-world horror story. Can it happen elsewhere? And can a country return from the brink?

How to watch it: The Edge of Democracy is streaming on Netflix.

For Sama

There have been many documentaries in recent years about the bombings and humanitarian crisis in Aleppo, and many of them have been excellent. But For Sama is a new take on the subject, and it’s truly outstanding. Waad Al-Kateab and her husband, Hamza Al-Kateab, a doctor, are native Syrians who were living in Aleppo when Syrians began to protest their government and President Bashar al-Assad. Their daughter, Sama, was born in 2016, and the family remained in Aleppo — with Hamza running a hospital — as the bombings continued.

Eventually, they left, and Waad and British documentarian Edward Watts edited years of footage she’d shot in Aleppo into For Sama. The film movingly documents life in Aleppo and in Hamza’s hospital during the yearslong siege while also offering an explanation, addressed to young Sama, for why her parents kept her in a dangerous place and why their work was important.

How to watch it: For Sama is currently screening around the world. Check the film’s website for details.

Honeyland

Honeyland is a vibrant, fascinating, and sober documentary that examines a serious issue — the endangerment of bees — by way of a human portrait. Hatidze Muratova is the last beekeeper in Macedonia. She lives on a quiet, secluded mountain and cares for her elderly mother as well as her apian charges. Her life’s work, as she sees it, isn’t just to keep the bees; it’s to help restore balance to the ecosystem around her, and bees are a vital part of that mission. But Muratova’s sense of solitude is disrupted when a family of nomadic beekeepers arrive, seeking honey to sell.

The newcomers not only disrupt Muratova and threaten the insects’ existence but also invade an established way of life on the relatively untouched mountain. As the film progresses, different ways of thinking about commerce — as well as beekeeping and the natural world — come together in a story that is sometimes funny, sometimes beautiful, and often enlightening.

How to watch it: Honeyland is available to digitally rent or purchase on iTunes, YouTube, Amazon, Google Play, or Vudu.

The Kingmaker

Lauren Greenfield’s new film The Kingmaker centers on one of the most famously extravagant women in recent history: Imelda Marcos, former first lady of the Philippines. When Marcos and her husband, dictator Ferdinand Marcos, were driven into exile in the United States in 1986, Imelda left behind a stash of more than 1,000 pairs of shoes. That might be the only thing a lot of people know about her. But there’s much more to Imelda Marcos — and that’s what Greenfield dives into in The Kingmaker.

Imelda is interviewed throughout the film, and at first, we only hear her side of the story. But then Greenfield slowly fills in what’s missing and challenges her subject’s outright fabrications by talking to people who remember the reign of terror that was the kleptocratic Marcos regime, drawing a line between that reign and the more recent rise of the murderous authoritarian Rodrigo Duterte.

How to watch it: The Kingmaker is currently playing in select theaters and will air on Showtime in early 2020.

Knock Down the House

Knock Down the House is the rare documentary about today’s American political landscape that might make you shed happy tears. It’s about four progressive Democratic candidates — all women — who ran primary campaigns against establishment Democrats in the 2018 midterm elections: Amy Vilela in Nevada, Cori Bush in Missouri, Paula Jean Swearengin in West Virginia, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in New York. Documentarian Rachel Lears followed the candidates, who all live in very different communities with different political terrains. They weren’t all successful — only Ocasio-Cortez won her race — but the film is uplifting and hopeful for anyone who wants their political candidates to truly represent the communities they serve. Whether or not you agree with a given individual’s politics at every point, Knock Down the House makes it clear that there’s a hunger to upend America’s politics as usual.

How to watch it: Knock Down the House is streaming on Netflix.

Midnight Family

Nine million people live in Mexico City, but the government maintains only 45 ambulances to cover that entire population; private ambulance companies have stepped in to pick up the slack. Midnight Family follows one such company run by the Ochoa family, who ride their ambulance through the streets overnight, hoping to beat their competitors to the scene of a sudden illness or accident so they can help — while also gaining business. It’s difficult work, and it clearly feels ethically tricky. But director Luke Lorentzen manages to capture the Ochoas’ compassion and their own economic instability, as well as the heart-thumping adrenaline rush that often accompanies their line of work. The result is a sweet, fascinating portrait of a group of people trying to make the best of a bad situation, and sometimes succeeding.

How to watch it: Midnight Family opens in limited theaters December 6.

Midnight Traveler

In 2015, the Taliban called for the death of Afghani filmmaker Hassan Fazili. Fazili, along with his wife (and fellow filmmaker) Fatima Hussaini, and their two daughters, fled the country, becoming refugees as they traveled across Europe — sometimes in very hostile places. Midnight Traveler is the family’s story, shot mostly by Fazili, who documents the family’s journey and their struggle to maintain some semblance of a life in trying circumstances. It’s part memoir, part home movie, part documentary of an experience that millions of people all over the world are having right now — and it’s a must-see.

How to watch it: Midnight Traveler is available to digitally rent or buy on iTunes and Amazon.

Mother

Slow, lyrical, and heart-rending, Mother is an intertwined tale of two mothers. The first is Pomm, a Thai woman who works around the clock in a Thailand care facility home to patients with Alzheimer’s, most of whom are white and wealthy Westerners; Pomm’s own children live many hours away. The second is Maya, a Swiss woman with early onset Alzheimer’s whose devoted husband and daughters are making the painful decision to put her into the Thailand facility thousands of miles from home, for the sake of her quality of life. Director Kristof Bilsen crafts a film that’s moving and always surprising, exploring love and sacrifice that transcends distance and memory.

How to watch it: Mother is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story.

Narrowsburg is a bizarre true-life con story, one that ended up roiling an entire town. The tiny upstate New York hamlet of Narrowsburg one day discovered that two glamorous strangers had arrived — both of whom had connections in the film business. The strangers launched a film festival (which they proclaimed would become the “Sundance of the East”) and shot a movie with the whole town’s involvement. But then things got very, very weird. Director Martha Shane keeps you guessing about what was really going on — Narrowsburg is full of twists — while also crafting a poignant portrait of the allure of show business in American life.

How to watch it: Narrowsburg is currently screening on the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

One Child Nation

Director Nanfu Wang grew up in rural China under the country’s “One Child” policy, which was in effect from 1979 to 2015. Her own parents had two children, since the law made an exception for families in rural areas, as long as the children were at least five years apart — but not until after her mother narrowly escaped involuntary sterilization. Many other women were not so lucky, forced into sterilization and abortion against their will. The policy’s mental, physical, and emotional toll on China, especially its women, was tremendous. Through a documentary that is part personal, part journalistic, Wang explores the ramifications of the One Child era. It’s a harrowing but essential film that confronts and confounds Western ideas about agency, choice, reproduction, and bodily autonomy.

How to watch it: One Child Nation is streaming on Amazon Prime.

Pahokee

Sundance Film Festival

The teenagers in Pahokee are full of life — and ready to get out.

Pahokee is a small town on the shores of Florida’s Lake Okeechobee, and there’s a waning number of jobs and resources available to the people who live there. But Pahokee High School is a beehive of activity, and that’s where filmmakers Ivete Lucas and Patrick Bresnan focus on four students in their final year of school — all of whom hope to get out of town once they graduate. Following the students through their daily lives as they participate in sports and other extracurricular activities, navigate personal relationships, and work toward future aspirations, Pahokee is in some ways a familiar high school tale. But it’s also a story of a vibrant town told through its young people, and it explores, often with humor and grace, the forces that shape how Americans live today.

How to watch it: Pahokee is currently screening the festival circuit and awaiting distribution.

Sing Me a Song

Participant Media

Life does not turn out as expected in Sing Me a Song.

For a very long time, the country of Bhutan was shut off from the outside world — but in recent years, the internet has arrived. For Sing Me a Song, director Thomas Balmès carefully and patiently chronicles the way that the country’s new connectedness changes how young Buddhist monks live in their monastery. The center of the film is Peyangki, who was the 8-year-old subject of Balmès’s documentary 2013 Happiness. Now, as a teenager, his formerly idyllic life has become fraught with tension and distraction — as well as, poignantly, romance. Each frame is pristine, peaceful, and stunning, which only underlines the sharp changes in the young monks’ lives.

How to watch it: Sing Me a Song is currently screening on the festival circuit.

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