#also its straight up his family's folklore idk what to tell u

[c-kiddo]

man. one of my least favourite caduceus takes is that he's flawed because he's somehow equivalent to an evangelic christian by , god forbid (lol), talking about his religion a lot .. . . do folks not know there are other religions? (also exandria works entirely differently bc the gods are tangibly there . etc). it just feels, projection-y 2 me. also theres other actual flaws he has but whaddever lol

[jeffhane]

dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

[lovenliterature]

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile?? 

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking 

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home 

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven 

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him 

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down 

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times 

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty 

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

[miriossunshine]

hEy hey hEY~ I would like to request a Pro Heroes match up if possible ❤️Im a straight female, reaching a wooping 5'3 inches, with long dark brown hair & brown eyes, chubby cheeks & bod(got 'em bust & bums) and piercings on both ears. Im an INFP-T and honestly quite moody. I'm really polite with strangers (borderline awkward) and I subconsciously care about what others think about me but at the same time idgaf xD People that are rude and impolite in any way piss me off. I dislike confrontation and i strive to keep a peaceful environment around me, cause not the type to throw hands but im definitely killing you for the 46th time in my mind. Witty, sarcastic and memey with friends and family, can often be found lovingly insulting besties. My friends say that i am very dense when it comes to relationships so now im basically all like "if you guys wanna do the dirty, i surely wont get any subtle queues you drop, so just tell me in my face and i'll happily leave the room" (true story). My sense of humor can vary from intentionally lame jokes to really dark & inappropriate ones. I'm quite opinionated and stubborn with a strong sense of right and wrong. Im a great listener but i wont spill my problems to others and i usually tend to bottle them up. I love observing people (i swear its not as creepy as it sounds). Not really a conversation starter but certainly down for deep, long, existential talks. I'm also open-minded & patient af and I overthink/procrastinate a lot ^^" I feel like I secretly want attention but once I get it idk what to do with it ahsgajds. Alone time is essential for staying sane and relaxed. "Why cant everyone get along with each other" *sad face* but also secretly enjoys watching the world burn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I like to believe that im independent but I feel like someone should probably be keeping an eye on me sometimes. A homebody and a night owl with tons of raging imagination. I usually squeal and grab/hit the person next to me when I find/see something cute (its a reflex, dont ask lol). Tend to cry like a baby at even the most minor emotional things but also can be a huge stoic freaking wall sometimes (no, i did not cry watching titanic, sUE me). I looove folklore & mythology as well! Daydreaming functions are working nonstop 24/7. Music is a big part of my life, it helps me relax and escape from the world.I also really enjoy watching movies! Fave genre would be horror and thrillers, especially super cringy bad thrillers, those are the best! And that's about it! Sorry, this was probably too long~ 👉👈

hi angel!!! of course! no don’t apologize, the info helps so much!! 💜💜💜 ty for requesting!!!

i ship you with hawks!

keigo reminds you not to worry what others think of you, and is glad to see that you can be as carefree as him!

he knows it irritates you,, and bc of that he teases you all the time to test your patience cuz u dislike impoliteness hsjdksjdkandnnx

y’all are amazing at keeping ur cool, and just being overall really chill. you guys often share a look when someone is pissing u off that says you’re killing them mentally and hawks just knows (￣▽￣)

u guys are both witty and sarcastic, and have really similar senses of humor !

keigo snorts whenever your obliviousness to romantic gestures shows hehe. hawks is v blunt with you so that there’s no misunderstandings when he’s being romantic, he also often does this to fluster you hehe ><

he really admires your morals and strong opinions!! he sits and watches you with a proud smirk on his face whenever you defend your opinions because ur his baby and he’s so proud- HDNSKNSDNND

keigo can tell when you’re bottling your emotions up like it’s an extra sense, and will strategically get you to tell him what’s wrong bc he knows it’ll make you feel better in the long run. he’s a great listener with you and becomes quite serious when you tell him about your problems, giving logical advice and offering to give you any space u may need. <3

ur both very observant people!

he totally teases you about how you like attention and how u get unsure of how to handle it when receiving it hehe >< his attention doesn’t leave you for the rest of the day bc he knows it flusters u \(//∇//)\

keigo is very understanding of your needed space and alone time! he may get a little bored after a while cuz he misses you, which gives YOU the opportunity to tease HIM now hsjskajdkansbs >:D

he definitely understands that you’re independent in most cases,, but also 100% has a cautious eye on you at all times ZNDNMSNDBD

keigo likes listening to you ramble at night about whatever your imagination creates, just watching you with his head resting on the palm of his hand with pure love written on his face aaaa (*´꒳`*)

your reflex when you see something cute is adorable to hawks and when you grab him, he chuckles and pats your hand hehe (о´∀`о)

keigo is pretty good at hiding his emotions and coos at you humorously when you cry at the simplest things -3-

he finds your love of music endearing and loves how at peace you look when listening to your favorite songs ;(( 💜💜 he has a whole playlist compiling your favorite music and plays it when you’re chilling either in the car or at home ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

he can tell when you’re daydreaming by the look on your face when you’re lost in your imagination >< he’ll snap you out of it by bluntly asking if you’d tell him what was so interesting in that “pretty little head of yours” (//∇//)

you guys make a THING out of watching bad thriller movies together. it’s essential for every indoor date night you guys have!! ^0^ he keeps a pretty good poker face for the majority of the scarier horror movies, but can’t help but bust up laughing at the corny bad horror flicks hehe (￣∀￣)

[cookinguptales]

So while I was in NYC, I got to see Mean Girls, Spongebob Squarepants, and Anastasia. It was really a combination of lottery winnings and tkts, though I did splurge and get myself the Mean Girls ticket ahead of time. Despite how I got the rest of the tickets, I actually had pretty good seats at all the shows! So that part was nice.

More in-depth thoughts under a cut, but can I just say how weird it is that like... I think I had the most fun at Spongebob? I only went bc I won the lottery but like. I genuinely enjoyed that show. lol. Reminds me of when I went to see Shrek: The Musical on a lark with my friend, and we were shocked that it’s actually a great show.

I saw Spongebob first, an evening show. It was also my most high-pain day, so I have to admit that something funny and a little stupid (with a good heart) was probably exactly what I needed. The music was fun and catchy (not a shock, I guess, considering the people they got to do music for them) and the actors did a really spectacular job. I realized after coming home that I had some different actors than appear on the recording, but I liked my actors more. The Mr. Krabs I saw sounded so spot-on that it was a little creepy, lol, and our Plankton was super fun. I was kind of shocked when the guy who played Squidward started talking in a straight-up British accent after the show, lmao.

I laughed at a lot of the jokes, and though I never really expected to see Patrick Star leading a cult, it was apparently exactly what I wanted out of my evening. Plus, it actually had some pretty good lessons for kids. Don’t turn on each other and scapegoat immigrants when bad things happen, think for yourselves and always try to fix problems rather than running away from them, sometimes people say things that sound profound but won’t actually help you, diversity is valuable… I think it kind of veered into a trope I’m not in love with (immigrants are great because they’re useful) but I think it was also good for kids to see a character who was female (and played by a black woman) who was fantastic at science, kind, determined, and the one who ultimately saves the day. I also liked that the show was clear that her pain and wariness didn’t go away just because people started accepting her again. I think it managed to go in on some really good lessons without ever feeling preachy about it.

Plus, again, the show was just super fun. I love how it played with the space (like the way the actors kept interacting with the band and the conductor) and the jokes were genuinely funny. Patchy wandering around and trying to crash the show was great. The songs were catchy and fun and it was really cohesively done. Also, I think it really managed to nail the feeling of the characters and this underwater world without being too on-the-nose. (I’m looking at you, Little Mermaid.)

Was it the deepest, most memorable show I’ve ever seen? No. But it was a lot of fun, and fun is frankly what I needed right then.

Next, I saw Mean Girls. I’ll admit that my enjoyment of this show was marred by a couple things. It’s not the most accessible theater (I never did get to see the merch booth…) and the lead actress was out. There was a standby actress who could play like… 6-7 different characters? And I was really ??? when I saw that, like. There were really two options. Either she’s the best actress on earth, who can totally transform herself so she can play such diverse roles… or she’s generic af. Unfortunately, she turned out to be the latter. Like, don’t get me wrong! She was technically proficient and could sing really well! She just didn’t feel like Cady. There was something missing there, y’know? Some spark or charisma. She was just boring to watch, which kind of dampened the whole show. I overheard that it was her first time playing Cady, though, so idk. Maybe she was just nervous.

That aside, though, I did enjoy the show! It was a Wednesday (so I did wear pink) and it had a lot of the heart of the movie. It was really funny, and I liked how Janice and Damien were used to frame the show. They made for great, hilarious narrators. I really enjoyed most of the songs, too. Some were a little forgettable, I’ll admit, but others were really touching (particularly Gretchen’s solos) or super funny. Damien sings a whole song about how sometimes you just need to STOP and I loved it. The song was hilarious. The script itself was packed with good stuff. There were great jokes and good social commentary, more depth for some of the forgotten side characters and some really touching moments.

Plus, Cady aside, the rest of the actors did a tremendous job. My one gripe with the original movie is that… idk, the actress who played Regina George never quite felt like she could actually be a queen bee in a real school. Is that weird to say? The other girls around her just felt prettier and more charismatic, so it was hard to buy that she would actually be in charge. The Regina in the musical, though? Holy shit, you feel it. That woman could walk through Times Square and every eye would be on her. She did an absolutely fantastic job with Regina, and the other huge standouts to me were Gretchen and Janice. Just excellent, excellent jobs all around. I really love how much time the show gave to Gretchen so you could really get where she was coming from. Get that poor girl a therapist, honestly.

I think part of the problem is that, all things considered, it’s difficult not to compare Mean Girls to Heathers. And frankly, Heathers is a better show, imo. They’re both good! But I do sort of feel like Mean Girls could’ve gone in a little harder, and its music wasn’t nearly as memorable as Heathers’s. That said, like Heathers, Mean Girls: The Musical has a LOT more potential for f/f than the movie. lmao. And isn’t that really what we’re all here for?

(I mean no, probably not, but it’s what I’m here for.)

The third show I saw was Anastasia, and I gotta admit it. I’m shocked how much I didn’t like Anastasia. I’ve been wanting to see it for ages because that movie was my childhood, but I bounced hard off that show. Like I was kind of hanging in there for the first act, but I was literally wishing I could check my watch during the second act. Plus we had an u/s for Dmitri and he was. Not fabulous. I always feel bad saying that about understudies but like. He was……… not fabulous. So the criticisms I have going forward about Dmitri in the show might be colored by that. Bear with me.

Now, the show is super different from the movie. And I understand why they chose to go for realism rather than fantasy, but I disagree with that choice very, very firmly. Not only did it make the whole show a real fucking downer, but like… I feel like when you make movies about real people, you either have to go completely realistic or go real fucking far off the deep end. Like the movie really went in on the near-mythic stature that Anastasia and Rasputin had in history and folklore during that period. It went in hard with magic and zombies and had a real fairy tale feeling that only really worked because of the wild tales people were already telling about the historical personages. No one watched the animated movie about Anastasia and went “wow, I bet that’s just like real life”.

The show decided that they wanted to be more realistic and talk about like. God, execution of political prisoners and people starving in the streets and refugees and just generally the politics of Leningrad. So not only was that fucking depressing, but it really pulled things back to be like… If you’re being all realistic about this, shouldn’t you be more realistic about the real life people you’re using for this story? This isn’t how Anastasia’s life went, and I can buy that in a fantasy what if? AU, but when you’re aiming for gritty realism, then telling this story about a person who was executed (and yes, we now know she was executed) is just… It feels disrespectful, y’know?

Plus once you start bringing in the real politics of the world, I’m going to start examining the characters through a real historical lens. A love triangle is annoying and unnecessary anyway, but you managed to make it fucking creepy by having this guy stalk her after his dad killed her entire family, and while he’s still working for an oppressive regime. That’s not romantic! But you also managed to fuck up royally by making that actor far more handsome and charismatic, not to mention a much better singer, than the actual love interest!

Like! Dmitri only barely worked in the movie, y’know? You have to straddle such a fine, fine line with a lovable con man. If you take out the lovable, he’s just a fucking con man. And in the show, he just felt like a con man. Again, the fact that the u/s couldn’t sing all that well (he went sour several times and sometimes sounded just like Ernie, of Sesame Street, which is kind of the opposite of sexy) did not help things. But he was also just a fucking dick to Anya and it was difficult to tell why she liked him, other than the writing’s new decision to make her basically a street urchin like him. (As in, she’d been living on the street for many years previous to the show’s start — he also never worked in the palace and saved her life in the musical; it was never actually stated how she escaped in the musical.)

The actress who played Anya did an amazing job, but the writing for her character was pretty ??? most of the time. Like I get that you want to make her feisty (and why did you choose AN ATTEMPTED RAPE TO DISPLAY HER STRENGTH?) but if she’s really so street smart, why does she constantly make bizarre decisions? Why does she want to go to Paris if she doesn’t have the Together In Paris necklace? Why is she having a weird love triangle between a man who verbally abuses her and a government official who wants her dead? WHY DID YOU MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHE HAD A DOG AND THE DOG IS DEAD? Poor Pooka!

Speaking of people I can’t root for knowing actual historical fact, they changed Sophie into an ex-Russian dilettante named Lily who spends all her time complaining that she used to be rich af in Russia and it’s so sad that all of the Russian elite had to give up their major Russian fortunes so they could… have minor French fortunes and cushy jobs. Like every time they started reminiscing about the good ol’ days in Russia, I was just like “oh right, that’s why they had a revolution, eat the fucking rich”. Like the new background they made up just made me despise her and all her friends.

They also made Anastasia’s grandma kind of a bitch. You’re really kind of forcibly reminded how awful monarchies can be whenever she talks about politics! And that cute, short scene in the movie where she finally meets Anya? Drawn out to like a half hour of this old woman rambling about how awful the world is and how she hates everyone and Anya is just a tricksy bitch. Fun times for all!

Plus like. I don’t remember a single song from the musical that wasn’t in the movie. I hate that they took out all of the magic and the talking animals and Rasputin (how did they never even mention the HISTORICAL one?) and they just had to rub it in by cannibalizing In The Dark of The Night and turning it into a depressing-ass song about political refugees who were fleeing Russia and would never see it again. (Note: the singer of this song was shot in the head by Russian authorities shortly after singing it.)

The only thing the musical really did was make me so sad for these people who had a revolution because their rulers were deeply corrupt and used the lives of the poor like pawns, and then had an equally corrupt government regime move in. The people were starving either way! And the musical trying to romanticize all that (they kind of wanted to acknowledge the historical crimes but still make me like the people who caused the problems??) just felt awful. They tried to work this story in with the real historical timeline by being like YEAH SHE WAS REAL AND THEY REUNITED BUT THEN SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE AND NEVER TELL ANYONE WHO SHE WAS AGAIN SO THE CREEP IN THE GOVERNMENT DIDN’T GET IN TROUBLE AND NO ONE EVER KNEW THAT THE REAL ANASTASIA WAS ALIVE. Like what. No. They found her fucking corpse. You can’t try to follow real life and have her actually be Anastasia. You can’t have your cake and eat it too! Do you want to make a musical about the plight of the Russians during this time period, or do you want to write a fairy tale? You can’t do both! All you’ve managed to do is play out some bad history and make me feel kind of gross.

….and boring music, questionable politics, and fuckin dreariness aside, the writing was just bad. The second act dragged on and on and on because they would never say in a minute what they could say in an hour. I was kind of bored and annoyed both. If you’re going to change a story and add an hour and a half of material, it better be good material. And it wasn’t. The only bright spots for me were the spectacular costumes (really gorgeous), the interesting sets, and the woman who plays Anastasia.

Other than that, I was not thrilled. All it did was make me want to go watch the ding-dang movie so I could just see the ding-dang bat.