#also please ending the night with media critique you are speaking his language

[tricitymonsters]

As a date I would first take Amir to a thrift store where we would dress each other, next stop used bookstore there's one I usually go that is literally a basement but it's also really just a cave of bookcases that seem to never end.

Then for the food I would either take him to the summer market or the local food court. After we got home we would do face masks, braid each other's hair and watch some old black and white movies while discussing about them.

I feel like he would like something normal like that.

absolutely a winning date. For as "high society" Amir can seem he's like legitimately interested in all the "normal" stuff he missed out on growing up the way he did.

Amir's semi familiar with the concept of thrifting as he changes his wardrobe a LOT and is delighted by the fact he can donate custom made Dior gowns to goodwill and every once in a while see someone freaking out about the find on Tiktok. Coming in from the other side and shopping at one would be him getting distracted from clothes and asking what ever single vintage home good or electronic is though.

And fr the lit nerd buried under that fancy exterior? You'll be hardpressed getting him out of a crammed bookstore in a reasonable amount of time. He's going to buy too much.

BUT YEAH this is an S rank date, definitely winning max Affection points this time around.

[dwellordream]

“Girls’ schools promoted an intense female peer culture which contrasted with the disciplines of moralistic home environments. Evidence from the accounts of girls attending the myriad female seminaries and girls’ boarding schools throughout the Northeast suggests that their academic programs were relatively gentle, and that their peer culture was powerful and often fun. Despite the best efforts of outnumbered teachers, relations with friends tended to overshadow lessons learned. Overwhelmingly when girls wrote home to their parents, they described the girls they had met, and the antics they had shared; in diaries they noted the romantic intimacies they had formed, with academic work generating only occasional mention.

Girls’ peer life at school was high-spirited, collective, and ritualized all at once. Teachers themselves often participated. At Miss Porter’s in Farmington, Connecticut, in 1860, teachers organized a costume party, suggested characters for everyone, and helped sew costumes—perhaps in part a sewing lesson. (For Lily Dana, suggestions included an elf, Mischief, or a witch.) At a Prospect Hill School party in 1882, townspeople came, the girls wore flowers and white dresses, and Margaret Tileston reported that she had done the quadrille with Miss Clarke and the gallop with Miss Tuxbury—concluding that she had had ‘‘a very nice time.’’

Girls remembering their days at convent schools report similar good times. Julia Sloane Spalding recalled elegiacally her years at Nazareth Academy, a school run by the Sisters of Charity in Louisville, Kentucky, in the 1850s. ‘‘The sisters allowed us to romp and play, dance and sing as we pleased and our stage performances were amusing, if they had no greater merit. Musical soirees, concerts, serenades and minstrelsy kept our spirits attuned to gladness. Varied by picnics, lawn parties, hayrides, phantom parties, nutting parties in summer and candy pullings and fancy balls with Nazareth’s colored band to fiddle.’’

Exclaimed Spalding, ‘‘O what fun!’’ in fond reflection on the good times among the sisters who served ‘‘good substantial sandwiches, cakes and fruit’’ from ‘‘great big baskets.’’ She concluded, ‘‘and so, the spice of life conduced to our health and happiness.’’ Mary Anne Murphy arrived at Nazareth Academy with her sister in 1859 during a quadrille, the slave musicians calling out the figures. She and her sister stood in ‘‘wonderment that such fun was tolerated in a convent.’’ Whatever the nostalgia of middle age, certainly these reflections suggest that elite Catholic and Protestant girls’ academies left some of their richest memories in collective fun.

If teachers sponsored some activities, they implicitly sanctioned many more. Wilfrida Hogan attended the Sisters of St. Joseph convent school in St. Paul in the 1870s and remembers fondly her class, which was known for its lively irreverence: ‘‘Each girl seemed to view the other as to who could play the biggest pranks, or have the most fun.’’

Ellen Emerson overflowed with delight in a letter to her mother (significantly, not her father) while at Miss Sedgwick’s School in Lenox, Massachusetts: ‘‘Every night we do things which it seems to me I can never remember without laughing if I should live to be a hundred. The most absurd concerts, ludicrous charades, peculiar battles etc. etc. Then the wildest frolics, the loudest shrieks, the most boisterous rolling and tumbling that eye ever saw, ear ever heard or heart ever imagined. I consider myself greatly privileged that every night I can see and join such delightful romps.’’

When teachers were around, the pranks were more likely to occur upstairs in student bedrooms. Lily Dana and friends joined together to victimize two other girls by putting crumbs in their bed, and cutting off candle wicks. Another evening Dana noted that she ‘‘Had some fun throwing pillows and nightgowns,’’ and though Miss Porter caught her, it did not seem to dampen much her spirits. Teachers at girls’ schools were occasion- ally disciplinarians, clearly.

One teacher told Lily Dana that ‘‘she supposed my mother let me do everything,’’ and the sisters at St. Mary’s Academy in South Bend, Indiana, turned the piano to the wall in order to keep girls from waltzing with each other. Yet students often emerged victorious; at St. Mary’s they played combs for dance music instead. (One participant reported that ‘‘the Sisters had to give up, for they knew not what to do.’’) The ideology of nurture combined with the shared exuberance of age mates overpowered much teacherly remonstrance.

It is sometimes hard to read such tales of schoolgirl exuberance without wondering whether the inmates had taken over the asylum, however, so a corrective is in order. One such account which requires a second look is the spirited account of Agnes Repplier, In Our Convent Days (1906), about her time in the late 1860s at a Pennsylvania school run by the Sisters of the Sacred Heart. Repplier writes of the pranks and passions of her band of seven partners in crime, in an ebulliant account designed to appeal to a readership newly attracted to childhood naughtiness in revolt against Victorian propriety. It is clear in retrospect, though, that she must have concealed or minimized an- other side to her experiences. For the denouement of her story is her expulsion and removal from a school she adored.

Peer cultures could also be cruel and hurtful beyond the control of evangelical teachers, as the practices of hazing in British public schools testify. Some of the most painful memories of inclusion and exclusion in girls’ schools centered around that most primal of media, the sharing of food. Food boxes, customarily sent from home, were the occasion for impromptu parties, a demonstration of wealth and taste, or an opportunity to play favorites.

The elation which greeted such arrivals might well prove a commentary on the regular fare at boarding schools, which sometimes undoubtedly was very poor. (The advice giver Mary Virginia Terhune’s critique of girls’ boarding schools included the accusation that they fed their students from a ‘‘common vat’’ which supplied breakfast, dinner, and supper all together, a practice partially confirmed by one account of eating the same stew at least twice a day at an Ursuline academy in San Antonio in the 1890s.)

At any rate, the arrival of food from home occasioned select gatherings and provided opportunities for discrimination among friends. When one friend’s mother brought good things to eat, Josie Tilton noted that ‘‘we’’ had a feast tonight, explaining for the future who she would always mean when she said ‘‘we’’—‘‘Lizzie, Emma, May and I’’— the groupness secured by inclusion in this select group of diners.

Lily Dana suspected a friend of being miserly and so snuck into her room to inspect. ‘‘There was a box which had been filled with cake, part of a pie and several other things filling her trunk nearly half full. . . . If I had a box sent to me I think I should give my friend more than ‘five or six cookies.’’’ If girls could feel short-changed by each other, relations with parents could also strain over the sending of food boxes, which represented extremely conspicuous con- sumption for girls attempting to ‘‘belong.’’

In an unusually direct letter home in the 1840s, Maria Nellis passed on to her parents her unmediated hurt and sense of disadvantage in the competition for food—and the status that came with it. Elizabeth got her box yesterday and was favoured with six times more things than I was. Her box was so large and heavy the master found it his match to carry it upstairs. She has 4 kinds of cake, nuts, apples, candy, clothing and every thing else, but after all, Dear Poppy, I am not jealous. . . . When you sent that box you did not send half what I asked. I was very disappointed. You said it would be eatables, but it wasn’t. You sent only a few apples, one cake and some clothes. Why didn’t you send me some nuts? I haven’t had a nut yet this winter, and indeed I expected nuts above all things. E. Fox had a box worth speaking of. Now that shows that you don’t care enough for me to even send me a few nuts.

Intermittently, Nellis regained control, but her grievance was palpable. Finally at the end, she acknowledged to her parents that she might be hurting their feelings, reassured them that she loved them all with ‘‘a deep and fervent love,’’ and promised better behavior in the future. Clearly at stake for her was both status in the school world and a primitive sense of deprivation in her own family.

As the correspondence suggests, the emotional atmosphere in girls’ boarding schools was not only intense but more expressive and enacted than that within moralistic, Victorian households. Within private, female, boarding academies, duty-bound Victorian daughters learned languages of sentiment, desire, and emotional excess censored from other parts of their lives. The elaborate conventions accompanying the expression and affirmation of affection among boarding-school girls, sometimes involving teachers as well, was indeed a separate ‘‘female world of love and ritual,’’ as Carroll Smith-Rosenberg affirmed in a classic article about nineteenth-century women’s culture.

In recent years, Smith-Rosenberg’s ‘‘Female World of Love and Ritual’’ has been attacked for its overgeneralizing characterization of an exclusively female emotional sphere in the nineteenth century, but her strongest evidence confirms the significance, the power, and the longevity of girls’ boarding school friendships, which were enacted through elaborate rituals in a range of schools.

The rituals of boarding school life centered around the making and breaking of special friendships, known variously as ‘‘affinities,’’ ‘‘specials,’’ or ‘‘darlings’’ and increasingly as either ‘‘smashes’’ or ‘‘crushes.’’ One way of expressing interest was to ‘‘filipine’’ with someone, to leave her a surprise gift outside her door. (When Lily Dana was caught, she needed to give her gift, a large apple, outright.) Such relationships played out in diaries, letters, and the poetry of autograph books. Girls expected to pair up for many school activities and entertained a variety of ‘‘dates’’ with different girls for walking, going to church, and sleeping.

Sally Dana wrote home to her mother explaining that she was following her father’s advice not to form special friendships too soon, and so had ‘‘slept in eight different beds.’’ During these private moments, girls would share secrets about their own likes and dislikes, each other, their teachers, families, and their school lives. The intricacy of such social calendars opened ample opportunities for misunderstanding and frayed feelings.

These peer relationships characterized elite female seminaries in the North- east, but they also appeared in a range of schools, including the African American Scotia Seminary, founded by the American Missionary Association in Concord, North Carolina, following the Civil War. Scotia had northern roots, which may have influenced its student culture. Glenda Gilmore tells us it was modeled on Mount Holyoke, and was ‘‘calculated to give students the knowledge, social consciousness, and sensibilities of New England ladies, with a strong dose of Boston egalitarianism sprinkled in.’’

Roberta Fitzgerald went to Scotia in the early twentieth century and kept a composition book, likely in 1902, which was filled with the talismans of schoolgirl crushes. A note inside addressed to ‘‘Dear Roberta’’ asked, ‘‘Will you please exchang rings with me today and you may ware mine again,’’ and Roberta herself wrote a sad poem to a friend ‘‘Lu’’ who had thrown her over.

And so you see as I am deemed

Most silently to wait

I cannot but be womanlike

And meekly await my fate.

Ah! sweet it is to love a girl

But truly oh! how bitter

To love a girl with all your heart

And then to hear ‘‘Cant get her.’’

And Lulu dear as I must here

Relinquish with a moan

May your joys be as deep as the ocean

And your sorrow as light as its foam.

On the back of the notebook, which also contained class assignments, was a confidence exchanged with a seatmate. ‘‘I was teasing Bess Hoover about you and she told me she loved you dearly.’’

For those much in demand, this charged atmosphere of flirtation and intimacy in the North and South represented an exhilarating round of fun and sport. For those less secure, diaries and letters presented an obvious outlet for the anguish of the neglected. Agnes Hamilton, a member of a Fort Wayne clan which sent several daughters to boarding school on their way to prominent careers in progressive America, experienced some of both. Sometimes she basked in the glow of family reputation; often she worried over her own inability to keep up with her illustrious cousins. Her unusually detailed accounts document an entire school culture rather than just an individual emotional life.

Hamilton’s first impressions of school social life at Miss Porter’s School were favorable, but even these revealed insecurities to come. In an entry from November 1886, when she was seventeen, Hamilton noted that ‘‘Farmington is just as perfect as they all said it would be, the girls, Miss Porter, and all.’’ Her reservation had to do with her own imperfections: ‘‘But I don’t think I am the right sort of a Farmington girl.’’ Even so, Agnes was in demand, describing a flurry of close attentions from numerous girls. A week later, in her cousin’s absence, she received displaced attentions:

Yesterday Mannie was very nice to me. I suppose she thinks I am lonely without Alice. We walked past the fill around by the river to the graveyard. Then she came in and we talked for an hour. All evening we were together. This afternoon we walked together too for Tuesday is her day with Alice. We went down to the green house where Mannie gave me some lovely roses. I would give anything to know what she thinks of me. . . . Will I ever be able to talk and be jolly as other girls? Some girls are frightfully stupid and yet they can make themselves somewhat agreeable. I have struck up a sudden friendship with Lena Farnam. We were together Saturday afternoon and evening and Sunday I asked her to be my church girl in Alice’s place.

Agnes was still in a position to be picky, noting one drawback: Lena ‘‘seems very nice indeed but I wish she were not only fifteen.’’ Lena was far from the only prospect. Agnes noted another new friend: ‘‘I have seen a great deal lately of Edith Trowbridge too. When she overcomes her shyness she will be exceedingly nice.’’ Not surprisingly, with all the intensity of the socializing, Agnes mentioned with no comment that only three out of thirteen in the class were prepared for their lessons that Tuesday. In those early weeks, Agnes Hamilton’s enthusiasm for this exciting life of emotional intrigue was palpable. The next week (she seems to have written on Tuesdays), Agnes announced to her diary ‘‘the jolliest crush in school’’ involving one of her very own intimates of the week before.

‘‘I walked with Edith Trowbridge this afternoon, on purpose to have her tell me about Lena. I hinted and hinted in vain. I told her about every other crush in school but she never said a word about Lena’s, so at last I told her that I knew all about it but even then she would not say a word about the subject. I hope she will tell Lena so that she will speak to me about it next Saturday when we are driving.’’ The triangulation of such relationships increased the possibilities for intrigue. Agnes wearied a bit of the uncooperative Edith, though, observing that though ‘‘very nice . . . she did not get over her stiffness.’’

Agnes Hamilton seemed to be trying to do her schoolwork, but her roller- coaster social life intervened. One day when she was preparing for class, a friend came by to teach her a dance step, from which she was interrupted by the arrival of a buggy she had rented to take another friend for a ride, the same girl whose ‘‘jolly’’ crush had amused her the week before. (‘‘The more I see of her the better I like,’’ she now reported. ‘‘Her face is rather attractive at first and then it grows on one.’’) When she returned, she found another visitor who stayed till it was time for tea.

The result: ‘‘I have not looked at my Mental since Thursday.’’ By the end of the same day, yet a new ‘‘crush’’ had taken over when Agnes got word of someone’s interest in her, and Agnes wondered ‘‘if I have ever been as actively happy.’’ The frenzy had settled down a week later, when Agnes announced that she had all her walking days ‘‘just as I want them.’’ Each day of the week was assigned a different companion, with whom Agnes would exchange intimacies and gossip, using the rituals of girls’ school life to structure its emotional extravagance.

One must conclude that the intensity of the social life was seen to serve some purpose, for evidence suggests that it was allowed to flourish until the turn of the century. (Lily Dana noted that Miss Porter’s permission had been sought for at least one and probably more sleeping dates.) At that time, new sexualized interpretations of girls’ and women’s friendships brought a crackdown on such friendships. At the time, though, they appear to have received official sanction. In fact, one of the first of Ladies’ Home Journal ’s ‘‘Side Talks with Girls’’ took up the question of ‘‘School Girl Friendships.’’ The Journal endorsed such girlish relationships for their innocence and energy and their precious brevity, saluting ‘‘the giddy, gushing period’’ as one which ‘‘never comes to some and to most it soon passes.’’

In particular, it contrasted this girlish spontaneity with the superficiality of the jaded young lady. Its contrast of ‘‘young girls, lively, radiant, energetic, spirited, loving girls’’ with ‘‘young ladies who talk of their beaux, dresses and the surface shows of society’’ represented another version of a conventional warning against precociousness. Girls’ crushes on other girls were still perceived as innocent and healthy—and would be well after doctors first began to cast suspicion over such relationships in the 1880s and 1890s.”

- Jane H. Hunter, “Competitive Practices: Sentiment and Scholarship in Secondary Schools.” in How Young Ladies Became Girls: The Victorian Origins of American Girlhood

[songtoyou]

Chapter Three: Need The Sun To Break

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC)

Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)

Description: There was always that one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to openly communicate with one another, but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either are willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions the death of a loved one.

Word Count: 3,161

Author’s Note: This chapter was tough, particularly the beginning, since it is very emotional. I hope this chapter provides a little bit more insight into who Raina is as a person. 

Feedback is always welcomed. If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family, and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms.  

Again, thanks to @southerngracela​ for the support.

*Note: Updated for edits on grammar and punctuation.

September 26, 2010

Returning to the home ground after their loss to the New York Jets, the New England Patriots were looking to rebound with a win against the Buffalo Bills. The Patriots were able to score a 7-yeard touchdown thanks to the star quarterback, Tom Brady. Anyone from New England loved Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. He was their golden boy, despite not even being from the area. A west coaster who grew up in California could melt the hearts of any contemptuous New Englander. 

For Chris Evens, just saying the name ‘Tom Brady’ around him would result in him turning into a blushing schoolgirl. Tom brought pride back the Patriots with six Superbowl championships, nine Conference championships, and seventeen Division championships. For any New Englander, it was a feeling they were going to hold onto and cherish.

“Go…go…go…YES!!” Chris cheered as he got up from his couch to cheer Tom Brady’s second touchdown.

“What happened?” asked Scott as he rushed back from the kitchen when he heard Chris celebrating.

“Brady just scored a TD,” replied Chris.

“Fuck! I mean, yes! This is the last time I get up to get you a beer from the fridge. You get them yourselves from now on. Another commercial! Give me a break.” Scott scolded, taking his seat next to Chris on the couch. 

“The Pats need to win this. The team has already lost to the New York Giants and Jets. If they lose to the Bills, then Raina will never let me hear the end of it. She loves to gloat and rub it in my face whenever New York wins anything,” Chris shared as he took a sip of his beer.

Scott was aware of how Chris would essentially light up or blush whenever he talked about Raina. One had to pay attention, or it would not be visible, but Scott was a master at reading his brother’s body language and emotions.

“Speaking of our favorite chanteuse, you ever going to ask her out, or are you just going to pine for the rest of your life?” asked Scott bluntly. He was never one to beat around the bush when getting information, especially with his older brother. 

“What are you talking about? Raina and I are just friends. Good friends. Men and women can be friends. Just like Tara and me,” Chris defended strongly, “Why are you always pushing this narrative that I like Raina more than merely a friend?”

“Because you do. I can see it. Ma can see it. Shanna and Carly see it. Blind people see it,” Scott proceeded to enlighten Chris. 

Chris scoffed and reiterated as calmly as he could to Scott, “Okay, hold up. Do you guys just sit around and gossip about Raina and me? We are friends! That’s it! Nothing more, nothing less.” 

When the game returned from commercial break, Chris’s phone rang. He was inclined to ignore it, but when he saw it was from Raina, he answered.

“Speaking of Raina, here she is calling, probably to talk smack about the game. ‘Hello?’” Chris spoke into his phone happily. However, his mood changed when he heard sobs on the other end.

“Rai, what’s wrong? What happened?” Chris asked, concerned as he sat up straighter.

Scott perked up and asked, “What’s going on?”

Chris merely shrugged and asked Raina again, “What’s going on? Are you okay? Talk to me!”

When she was able to catch her breath, Raina cried out, “My mom died.”

“WHAT!” Chris yelled, jumping up from the couch and began pacing back and forth in his living room. Scott straightened up and watched Chris intently in the hope of finding out what is going on with their close friend.

“She died last night… in the hospital. It was a heart attack,” Raina choked out as best as she could while crying over the death of her mother, “We thought it was just the flu. She was feeling well all day…throwing up…not looking great. My dad called the paramedics, and when they got to the house, they told us that it was just the flu and that it would best not take mom in as she would only be waiting in the ER. But then we had to call them back an hour later because she got worse. She was barely incoherent and was drooling,” Raina stopped to catch her breath and sob but went on to share, “It was awful, Chris. You should have seen the look on the paramedics’ faces when they came back and saw her condition. You could see that they realized they fucked up. Oh my God! My mom is dead, Chris. What am I going to do?” 

Chris was at a loss for words. He had no idea what to say or what to do. All Chris could do was listen to her desperate sobs. It was not long before he felt tears begin to sting his eyes. Chris sat down at the dining room table, put his head in his free hand, and cried along with his best friend. 

July 24, 2019

“Only one more night to go. You excited, kid?” asked Jerry, Raina’s manager, as he sat on the couch in her dressing room. She was on break from rehearsals. 

“I go back and forth between wanting to throw-up to crying. I am not quite sure if it is crying out of joy or because I am so nervous,” she revealed honestly.

“What do you have to be nervous about? You have done this show a bunch of times. You have gotten raved reviews from the workshops and the previews. You are going to kill it,” said Jerry and continued with, “When are you going to realize that you are one of the best performers out of your peers? Hell, Variety magazine referred to you as the ‘the best vocalist of her generation.’ That is a huge praise. You wouldn’t have come this far if people thought you didn’t have what people call ‘it.’ You’re no flash in the pan, kid.”

“Thank you, Jerry. I love you; you know that. I am so lucky to have you in my corner,” Raina replied with a smile, but then asked, “What am I going to do when you leave me, though? Who am I going to get to watch out for me?”

“That is not something you have to worry about today. I am not going anywhere, Raina. You talk to your dad lately?”

“Uh…yeah. He’s doing alright,” Raina said as she sat down next to Jerry on the couch and shared that her dad was coming to see the show.

“Wow! No offense, but I am surprised he is leaving Long Island to come to see the show.”

“You and me both. Dad is making a trip the week of his birthday in August. I think I am going to ask Chris to join, if he can, that is. He and my dad have always gotten along, and I am sure both would be happy to get to see each other….and why are you giving me that look, Jerry?” asked Raina curiously.

Jerry just chuckled and shook his head, “Nothing, little one. I am simply happy that you and Chris have managed to stay friends for this long. Just friends, right?”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Raina responded, “Just come out and say what you want to say, Jerry. Lay it on me. Don’t hold back now.”

“Okay. Have you ever thought about being more than friends with Chris?”

Taking a deep breath in and letting out, Raina contemplated her thoughts about Chris. Had she ever thought about being more than friends with Chris? Technically, they were more than friends. They started a friend with benefits relationship five years ago, but no one knew about it, especially people in their inner circles. Their relationship was just for them without the fear of anyone’s judgment and scrutiny.

She got a taste of that when she dated Tom Hiddleston back in 2016. Neither fully comprehended how much their coupling would turn their worlds upside down. The media frenzy was something she and Tom had never experienced. For some reason, people could not wrap their heads around the notion that this English actor who was posh and well-educated would date a songstress from New York who had a reputation of being reserved and reclusive. It did not help when both fandoms got involved in the mix. Tom’s fans were brutal in their critiques of Raina. If they were not ragging on her clothes, hair, or overall looks, they were ragging on her music or personality. Social media allowed people to smear Raina’s reputation to the extreme. 

None of this she blamed on Tom as there was not much she could do. She knew he did not condone the horrid behavior of some of his fans. However, there was a small part where Raina wished he said something to get them to back off during that time. It was an eye-opening experience for Raina in certain areas but mostly left her confused about what she wanted in a partner. 

With Chris, their friendship grew naturally. It was as if the universe intervened and made sure these two individuals were important fixtures in each other’s lives.

“Jerry, you know better than anyone that if you find a real friend in this business, then you hold on to them. That is all I am going to say on this matter.”

Jerry put his hands up in surrender, “Fair enough. I trust you know what you are doing, kid.”

Later that night, while Raina was lounging on her couch in her penthouse, she went through the text exchange she had with Chris throughout the day. 

1:30 p.m.

Chris: We’ve landed. After we get our bags, we’re going to head to the hotel. 

2:45 p.m.

Raina: Hey, been super busy with interviews and last-minute rehearsals this morning and afternoon. Glad you guys made it safely. Where are you guys staying?

Chris: The Frederick Hotel.

Raina: That is a nice hotel. Not far from where I live too. Only a few blocks away from each other. Do you all want to come over for a nightcap?

Chris: Shouldn’t you be resting up for tomorrow?

Raina: Please, no amount of rest will help ease my worries. Murphy’s Law, remember. If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong. I guess I just have to accept that some things are out of my control. 

Chris: You got nothing to worry about.

Raina. I have to get back to rehearsals. Talk to you later. Bye.

6:30 p.m.

Chris: You home yet?

Raina: Yeah. What are you guys up to?

Chris: Getting ready to head out to dinner at Serafina. Do you want to come along to join us?

Raina: Thanks, but not tonight. It’d be best for me to take it easy for the rest of the night.

Chris: Gotcha. Do you mind if I stop by later? 

Raina: If you plan on stopping by, then can you please bring me some takeout please?

Chris: What do you want?

By eight o’clock, Chris was sitting on Raina’s couch scrolling through Netflix while she ate the minestrone he brought from the restaurant. 

“Goddamn, this soup is good. What did you eat?” Raina asked as she continued to slurp her soup.

“Cacio e Pepe. Then the three of us split dessert. Well, mom and Scott ate most of it. You know I’m not a dessert person,” informed Chris and continued with, “What do you want to watch and please don’t say Gilmore Girls. You know I can’t stand that show.”

“Don’t hate on Gilmore Girls.”

“Uh…you hate on Gilmore Girls all the time. If you can’t stand them so much, then why do you watch it?” asked Chris.

“Because, despite all of its flaws, the show has a lot of heart. No, don’t pick Schitt’s Creek. You haven’t seen it yet, and we need to do a proper marathon viewing party. No, not Friends or The Office. I’m not in the mood to watch Parks and Recreation. Ooh, Derry Girls! Pick that one,” ordered Raina.

When Raina finished her dinner, she got up to put her bowl in the kitchen sink and asked Chris if he wanted something to drink. 

“Just water.”

Opening the fridge to retrieve two bottles of water, she saw the gift she got from Chris nestled on the top shelf. It brought a smile to her face seeing the gift box. While she did open the box to see what was inside, she had yet to open the fortune cookie.

“Thanks for the gift. The fortune cookie looks good. I can’t wait to eat it,” said Raina as he handed Chris his bottled water.

He took the water from and replied,” Oh, you haven’t opened the fortune yet?”

“Nah, I was gonna wait until you got here.”

The message that Chris included in the gift was still very much on his mind. He was continually wondering how Raina would perceive it. Would she be happy? Mad? Upset? It was driving him mad, not knowing.

“Maybe you should open it now?” Chris suggested hesitantly. 

“Yeah, sure. Can you get it? I’m going to brush my teeth. I need to get the minestrone taste out of my mouth.”

Raina sprinted from the couch to the stairs as Chris slowly stood up from the sofa. He continued his slow pace to the kitchen and opened the fridge to take out the top shelf’s gift box. As Chris stared at the box, he realized that the content of what was inside could change his relationship with Raina forever. It could bring them closer or put distance between them.

“All you have to do is be honest. Just be honest about your feelings. Even if Raina doesn’t feel the same way, she won’t drop you as friends. You mean a lot to her, and she values her friendship with you,” the voice in Chris’s head reassured. 

The sound of excited clapping broke Chris out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Raina skipping over to him happily. He pushed the box towards Raina, and she began opening it. She carefully pulled out the fortune cookie, which was wrapped in a clear plastic bag. Slowly opening the plastic, she pulled out the cookie and placed it on the clean counter. 

“Oh my God. It’s so pretty. A chocolate lover’s dream,” she admired and hugged Chris.

“You’re welcome, my little cookie monster.”

“I almost don’t want to ruin it.”

“Well, you going to have to see my message inside,” Chris told her.

“Oh right, there would be a message inside it. I was too amazed by its beauty that I forgot about that part,” said Raina and began to break the fortune cookie in half. 

Before she could read the message, Chris spoke up, “Raina, wait! Before you read that, just…” 

However, she proceeded to read the message before Chris get his words out. He could not breathe while she read and stared intently at her as he mouthed the words he wrote. 

Lips trembling and eyes watering from the tears about the form, Raina immediately hugged Chris. He was shocked at first but instantly hugged her back. 

When pulling back, she said, “Thank you. This is so sweet,” wiping the tears from her eyes, Raina continued, “I’m going to keep this forever. I’m going to frame it one of those fireproof picture frames, you know. Or the one that is used to hold the U.S. Constitution. I’m going to get one of those, and this will go in it.”

She went in for another hug and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Raina took a piece of the fortune cookie and popped it into her mouth. “Alright, I’m going to put this in a safe place so that it won’t get ruined. I’ll be right back.”

 Chris stared at her retreating back and was left confused. That was not how he expected it to go down. “You were worried she’d be upset. She was happy. More than happy. But did she get the underlying meaning of his words?” Chris’s inner voice asked himself. 

The relationship between Chris and Raina was so blurred that she could not see a declaration of love when it was literal in front of her. However, Chris could not blame her for not being able to read between the lines. She had so much on her plate at the moment that maybe she was able to process his words. 

“Okay, I placed it in a clear file holder so nothing can spill on it,” said Raina when she came back into the kitchen area and asked Chris if he was okay when she saw a worrying look on his face. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m glad you liked your gift. You deserved it. I should start heading out. You need your rest for tomorrow, and I don’t want to keep you up.”

Raina was taken back by his sudden change in demeanor. She noticed he looked a little sad and defeated for some reason. “You don’t have to leave just yet. I mean we can still watch some TV and relax. You okay, Chris? She asked again.

“I’m good. Tired is all. It’s been a long day.”

Raina nodded and followed Chris to the front door. “Chris,” she spoke and looked at him. His ocean blue eyes were one of her favorite things about him. Often, she could find herself lost in staring at them. Reaching out the tenderly grab his face, she placed a kiss on his lips. It did not take long for Chris to reciprocate. He pulled Raina closer to wrap his arms around her. Opening her mouth to allow his tongue inside, she allowed Chris to take the lead. 

Raina slowly began to walk them both back over to the living area, but Chris proceeded to step back. 

“I should go. I don’t think it would be a good idea if we, we shouldn’t…not tonight,” Chris professed, although it killed him to turn her down. Chris wanted nothing more than to stay the night. 

Feeling a little defeated, Raina nodded and said, “Okay. I understand.”

Reaching for the door handle, Chris said, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep tight.”

With a small smile on her face, Raina countered with, “See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Christopher.”

“Goodnight, Raina,” he said, but Raina could hear a hint of sadness in his voice, and she for the life of her could not understand why. 

When Chris finally left, Raina went back into the kitchen and put away the fortune cookie. 

“I love you too, Chris. More than you realize,” Raina said to herself. Once again, she could feel tears about to form. 

“It’s going to be a long and sleepless night,” she said to herself as she prepared to get ready for bed.

[bangtanclock]

THE WEST IS BIASED TOWARDS WESTERN (WHITE) ARTISTS AS A WHOLE. AND, LIKE RM’S VERSE IN UGH: RAGE? OF COURSE, YOU NEED IT

It seemed as if the world was in uproar (the good kind) when the Academy Awards Nominations were announced this past November 2020, and, almost eight years into their career, BTS made history by being nominated for the possibility to win their first ever Grammy award, the first South Korean act to ever achieve that.

This was wave turning for BANGTAN and to us, the BTS Army. In numerous words of support, it felt as though the excitement was never ending, and yet through all that happiness, we as fans wondered: although there is no doubt that BTS deserved that nomination (and that award), the fact that it was given to their only song in English made us second guess the Academy’s intentions with it.

It is not a secret that BTS has submitted their previous works to be nominated, but it was not until one of their multiple record-breaking hits Dynamite got it that we all realized that the charting song could become a double-edged sword. The power the disco pop song holds is undeniable, and it has let BTS reach numerous milestones, such as their first #1 in the Billboard Hot 100, the fastest music video to reach one hundred million views on Youtube and, of course, the Grammy Best Pop/Duo Group Performance nomination. However, it was also through these milestones that the western media’s -ahem- preference for the white mold and all-English hits became enlarged. Still, it’s important to see Dynamite not as BTS adapting or complying to the western public demand, but as BTS striving to break down the last wall in the market (and succeeding).

To be fair, BANGTAN did have tough competition against them in this category, but the song’s impact was impossible to ignore. Even then, and with all the data to back the South Korean’s group never-ending success, Dynamite still lost to Lady Gaga’s and Ariana Grande’s “Rain On Me”. No disrespect to Gaga and Grande, for their careers speaks for themselves and they are huge names in the industry, but the collaboration did not have the worldwide impact Dynamite had. Despite this, the two iconic women are not to blame for the blatant snub against BTS, but the Academy itself and the secret committee that ultimately has the last word on Grammy wins, which has been known to be racist, xenophobic, definitely tone deaf and culturally disconnected -not only towards BTS, but to artists of color as a whole, going as far as to categorize the awards by genre, language and roughly race specific. This notion becomes further proved by the fact that, in the entire Recording Academy history, the number of BIPOC artists rewarded is too small to compete against their white counterparts.

BANGTAN are one of the hardest working acts in the industry, and sadly, sometimes it feels like it does take a genius to see it. It’s enough to go back in their history a bit and learn how it is that BTS came to be what they are now, for there has been a common misconception that their success has come easily to them, when in reality, it has not been an obstacle-free road at all.

Still, getting a little bit into the details of their work, it’s not very difficult to see the production that goes behind the scenes for BTS: from the music to the lyrics, to the music videos, to the choreography, to the live performances and so on. And, talking about performances, a few weeks before the Grammys were to take place, it was announced that BTS would finally get their own solo stage in the esteemed award show after having a collab stage with Lil Nas X by singing his smash hit “Old Town Road” at the 2020 Grammys. As it was confirmed by RM himself, a performance on the Grammy stage was a bigger goal to them than an actual Academy Award. Thus, the BTS performance became one of the (if not the most) highest anticipated acts of the night.

Many critiques would agree with me: when it comes to performing, nobody does it like BTS. For further proof, please refer to their 2018 MMA Idol Performance or to their 2020 Black Swan + ON + Life Goes On + Dynamite MMA Performance. These are just two in a long list of iconic live performances BTS has blessed our eyes and our ears with. It was only fitting that the group would perform the song that capsized their career in 2020 and continues to do so.

The Grammy’s “Dynamite” performance was the group’s 35th rendition of that same song, giving us a fresh, raw, and different delivery in each and every one of them, and this is just one of the things that make BTS so special. Adding to that their huge global fanbase, the Grammys tried to take advantage of both BTS and Army to try and skyrocket the views for the televised show. However, after the group’s loss against Rain On Me, many fans vowed against watching it until it was time for BTS’ performance. In a desperate try to maintain their views, the most anticipated act of the night was teased but pushed until almost the very end, further enraging the already fuming fans, and with good reason. When the time finally came for BTS to perform, fans tuned in to watch and support BANGTAN, trending hashtags and kind words towards them.

For this show, starting from a rose-filled stage and ending on top of a roof to end their number with a bang, I am very confident to say that the public asked for and BTS delivered an entertaining and flawless performance, if the amazing vocals, sharp moves and elaborate multiple stages are anything to go by.

BTS are an entity of their own, and their success does not depend on whether they get a Grammy or not.

The Grammys, on the other hand, proved that they are more than willing to use BANGTAN’s fame and audience for their own benefit. And, while the treatment towards BTS is not surprising, at the end of the day, the BTS Army only proved that they are here for BTS and for BTS only, the band’s post-Grammy VLIVE gathering almost as many viewers as the televised show in only under twenty minutes.

It only shows how much of a class act BANGTAN is that their reaction, while disappointed, was to strive to be better in hopes of getting an award next year. Needless to say, we will be here to back them up every step of the way.

[idolapps]

limitless — nct 127

OOC INFO

NAME/ALIAS, PRONOUNS, TIMEZONE: sae, they/them, est.

RESERVATION: sae loves jenn

MEMBER PROFILE

FACECLAIM: jeon jungkook, bts.

NAME/STAGENAME: jun haneul / venus.

BIRTHDATE/AGE: february 14, 1997 / nineteen.

COMPANY/POSITION: galaxy ent. trainee.

HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 183cm / 66kg.

TRAINING PERIOD/JOINING YEAR: 2014.

INTERESTING FACTS: 

he can play the flute. 

can speak english, spanish and korean.

was in the original 360°Z line-up. 

was part of a dance studio by the name of R&F studios, and a number of videos of his choreography and his own dancing can be found on their youtube and website.

choreographed a 36 person routine to bring awareness to orphaned children for a dance team that worked under R&F studios and won first place in a national dance competition.

is a fanboy of and mentored by soloist moon bongki.

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES: 

「strengths」

dance. having started dancing at the age of four, it’s no surprise he finds the most passion in it as well as talent. he’s well versed in multiple styles of dance including street, concert, jazz, funk, tap, ballet, and ballroom. though, most of his talent lies in hip-hop. also setting him apart from others in the business, he has experience choreographing.

personality. externally, he’s easily seen in groups and tends to captivate whoever is on the receiving end of this personality. not only this, but he exceeds in front of cameras and it’s clear that in time, he will be easily related to especially by international fans. internally, he has a positive mindset that keeps him consistently motivated and lives with the belief that things happen for a reason; when he finds himself feeling down, anxious or tired most of the time he is able to find meaning in it.

live vocals. despite late entrance into vocal lessons, he has been performing and singing since he can remember. after so many years he’s polished his voice enough to stay consistent, but still has the raw element that easily captivates and draws emotion from his audience. one of his most notable compliments vocal wise has always been the emotion in his voice and how it’s heard when he sings.

「weaknesses」

emotions. like the reason he left the line up for 360°Z would suggest, he’s had issues with emotions and his mental health in general getting the best of him. feelings like home sickness and his general struggle with anxiety may make him work harder at first, but usually in the end ends with him freaking out and overexerting himself rather than push him to be better.

vocal range. he started vocal lessons at ten, a huge difference in comparison to his time in dance. his range is generally good, though up against many of his seniors and even fellow trainees he doesn’t have a comparable range. he has trouble breaking past the restraints of his voice despite the fact many of his coaches have seen potential for growth in this area.

approval seeking. there has never been a time he hasn’t strived to impress other people. even a lot of his personality has stemmed from his need to be liked. other peoples opinions affect him and he’s prone to changing things about himself to please others. in a profession where you are constantly being critiqued not only by fans, but also your superiors, peers, and the public as a whole it’s an extreme weakness, and most of the time he doesn’t realizing he’s bending to get other’s approval.

BIO/PERSONALITY:     ( trigger warning for anxiety, panic attacks, and mention of alcohol/drug use )

「The choreographic process may be divided into three phases」       — GATHERING THE MOVEMENT MATERIAL.

a boy and his schoolyard crush, finding comfort and love in each other years after classes have been over. running into someone you loved in high school and reconnecting is rare, and they rush into spending the rest of their lives together. their joy over getting pregnant only two years later is in describable, giving birth to a baby boy. they name him haneul, their little gift from god. haneul is six months old when his mother’s symptoms begin showing up. his father notices the way she’ll forget the little things, before it grows into something more. she forgets where she left haneul, whether she fed him. she forgets the things she’s known for years, mental changes as well as behavioral.  his father knows by the time his son is two they can’t take care of him when he comes home from work to find him out in the rain, his wife sleeping upstairs with no memory of leaving him outside.  jun haneul is put up for adoption the following month, a new home with foster parents, ones that can be there for him when his parents can’t. 

he meets maryanne and robert walsh for the first time the next year, when he’s three. his earliest memory, though in fragments, is the way they ran to hug him after he’d gotten off the plane in america, his sponsor letting go of him so he can meet the people who adopted him, his family. three older brothers and one older sister.  it seems like it’d take him longer to adjust, a new country, a new language, new people. but his family showers him with so much love and care that it doesn’t take him long to warm up to them, to open up and play with his siblings. he considers them his parents, his family, easily.

      — DEVELOPING MOVEMENT INTO PHRASES. ( a phrase, loosely speaking, is a series of movements bound together )

( I. ) he hasn’t been living with the walsh’s but a few months when he finds out his new best friend julia takes dance classes, and when he comes home from her house that day he’s immediately begging to his parent’s, deciding his career aspiration is ballerina. of course, they give in, signing up for ballet and tap dance classes with his friend. his first passion turns into something broader, and as he gets older he finds his passion lies within more than just ballet, it’s dance. after school he’s at different classes—hip-hop, jazz, anything they let him take, he took—or coming to play around with the older dancers. ( II. ) his mom notices the symptoms when he’s nine, and before a dance recital tells her he’s worried about an earthquake when he’s never even experienced one. she writes it off after soothing him, thinking it could just be performance nerves. but the worrying gets worse. from vomiting on test days, to trembling while in cars, to the increasingly sleepless nights he’s going through. a year after she notices the first sign, he’s diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder by both her and another psychiatrist. ( III. ) middle school brings a new interest, kpop. from bands like heart2heart to diamond, he hangs their posters on his walls and follows the fansites, talking his parents into driving out of state just to see concerts. he’s never had a real desire to explore his heritage, but the further he gets into his love for the music industry there, the more he has a desire to be embrace where he’s from.

( IV. ) high school is the strangest of them all, going to advanced classes while trying to juggle dance and clubs. it’s hard, but he manages it until his sophomore year. when he goes to take his drivers test, he has a panic attack, locking himself in the bathroom and crying until his sister comes back to get him. it’s rare that he gets so caught up in his worries that he loses his grip on what’s going on, and it’s his first major breakdown. ( V. ) the next year, he drops his advanced placement classes and leaves all his extra-curriculars except dance. he doesn’t tell his parents about anything but the classes, instead he uses the time he’d usually be at theater or anchor meetings to stay out late. he starts going to parties, getting into drinking and smoking. he chooses to do instead of think like he always has. ( VI. ) it takes him three months, a powerpoint, and testimonies from his friends and siblings to convince his parents to let him audition. he’s set on crystal media. two of his favorite groups originate from the company, but his parents force him to look more into the companies than just the idols he likes from them. it falls between galaxy entertainment and crystal, finally deciding to go with galaxy for their music current music style.

      — THE FINAL STRUCTURE.

his audition turns into a private meeting, and then finally an acceptance. he’s ecstatic, and he doesn’t think of the negatives in his plans. training is more rigorous for his voice than he thought it would be, but he’s spent years perfecting his dance and his body. his worries don’t fall on how he’s exhausted himself, he can handle exhaustion and sleepless nights. he can handle working on school online and taking korean classes all night, and spending his time training in the day. he wants to prove himself, show that he can keep up with the people who have been training for years. and he does, until emotions catch up to him.  he manages to stay intact until he’s officially mentioned in the rumors for 360°Z. he’s worked with them for the past few months, knowing he’s getting ready to debut. he’s excited, he likes them, but then worries consume him. the fact he’s away from his family, the fact he hasn’t slept a full night since coming. the breaking point comes with the attention he gets, how within a day people have found his social media, every video he’s ever been in. he knew it was coming, he himself had once been one of the fans who would look for anything he could find about an idol, but surreal feeling of it actually happening was a drastic change from his expectation. in the middle of a dance practice he feels his chest tighten, and he can’t breath. he doesn’t know when he loses reality, but when he comes back the music is off and people are staring at him. the only thing haneul can think to do is run to the nearest bathroom. he manages to explain the first panic attack away, but when he has the second one, no one lets him explain it away. he’s had little ones, but never any as difficult to get through as those and his friends, his manager-to-be, everyone can tell he isn’t okay. after conversations with his parents, and his superiors, it’s decided he’d be removed from the line-up and would go back to training until he, and the company, felt he was ready to debut.