#also she just posted something about how she's celebrating the high holidays and when people talked about jews find it offensive in

[yankeeclytemnestra]

you ever just see a something that makes you realize you have an opinion you didn't think you needed to have?

anyways if you're lgbt+ but you consciously don't act on it because you think it's a sin and you dislike lgbt-affirming churches you shouldn't call yourself queer

[fluffansmut-old]

Steve’s christmas party

12 fics of Christmas - masterlist

Summary: you run into someone at Steve’s party that you wish you hadn’t.

Content warnings: hurt/comfort, anxiety, panic attack, mentions of unintentional self harm(scratching arms with nails)

Word count: 1578

Fic is also posted on Ao3

The Harrington holiday party had been a staple event every year since Steve’s freshman year of high school. 

He had hoped that he wouldn’t need to have a party this year. Cause the friends he wanted to celebrate with he would meet at the official “friendmas” at the Hopper/Byers closer to Christmas and the others he hadn’t really seen since graduation and he honestly had no problem with not seeing them, he was past anything that had to do with his so called high school friends.

But when December rolled around the phone calls started to come in from about 15 people asking when it was and if they could bring their college  boyfriends or not.

Steve didn’t know how to turn them down, so instead he told you and Eddie to ”bring people that are actually enjoyable to be around.”

Gareth and Jeff, the two of Eddie’s friends who 

1.agreed to come to Steve Harrington’s house, (they were still very much on defense about him based of the reputation he carried in his earlier high school years, it was something Steve was still trying to live down)

2. Actually were old enough.

Not that Steve’s parties had some sort of age limit, it never had, when it all began it had very much been a under-age-drinking mess. But You, Nancy, Steve, Eddie and Robin had collectively agreed that the “kids” would not be attending. This was a fact that made both Dustin and Mike furious.

The three hellfire members seemed to be having a good time, they had roped Jonathan into some sort of popcorn catching contest and you laughed with them before kissing Eddie’s temple, telling him that you were going to go get another drink, and to find Nancy who had been gone for some time. 

He nodded and only pulled you back once for a kiss when you tried to walk away.

You weren’t used to seeing Steve’s house look this  …full.

Usually it was a small group, your usual friends, who all felt at home at Steve’s.

 It was Robin, walking around without pants, just sporting boy shorts and her shirt, telling Steve off for not buying the kind of pasta that she likes. 

It was you and Eddie, having an entire corner of the couch designated for the two of you, to unwind, relax or make out in, all of the rest knowing that you craved the space as much as you craved touch from each other.

 It was Nancy, bringing out board games without even asking if anyone wanted to play, and all of the others agreeing without doubt. 

It was the guest bedroom upstairs that more or less belonged to Dustin, it was the place he stayed in when he had recurring nightmares and didn’t want to worry his mom. It was also the room he stayed in when Steve had the flu and couldn’t get out of bed.

The house was also only, truly, home for Steve when you all were there, bugging him.

Right now Steve’s house felt like a strangers and it was weird to say the least. You looked around for Nance and spotted her with Robin, the two hiding in a corner, passing a bottle of sparkling wine back and forth. But before you could reach the two you bumped into the only one you didn’t want to meet. 

Tommy Hagan. 

Way before Steve first got together with Nancy, you had hooked up with Tommy at a party. 

You made out with him and let him fondle with your tits in this random bathtub. When he wanted to take it further you deemed yourself too drunk to take a rational decision so you left him there. 

What ensued after was a two year rumour that implied that you were the worst at giving head. 

“I heard she can’t even give head properly, did you know that she threw up on Tommy Hagan’s dick at that party last week, apparently she even left him to clean up by himself” 

It was something that was almost impossible to live down. Which meant not many people wanted to be associated with you, not many people wanted to be friends with you, not wanting to risk being deemed “undatable” by association, and not many people wanted to date you because they thought of you as gross. 

It wasn’t until you found someone, someone who’s name floated around school just as much as yours did, that it turned around.

Eddie Munson. The man who didn’t give two fucks about what other people said about you.

“Aye ain’t it my least favourite cocksucker” Tommy slurred as he saw you, already drunk out of his mind. 

“Fuck off, Hagan,” you said and tried to walk past him, to get to Nancy and Robin.

“You stay right here, I still have some bones to pick with you.” He said grabbing your arm cornering you in. 

You never did good with crowded spaces or confrontation, your heart was ticking in your chest so fast that you could feel it in your ears. 

You didn’t really hear what Tommy was ranting about, instead you tried to ground yourself, as you felt a panic attack coming on, full speed. 

Steve was the one who noticed first, he saw it by Tommy’s threatening stance and the way you scratched your underarm, a desperate measure you sometimes took to refocus and not get lost in the feeling of panic. 

He called out for Nance and Robin who also realised what was going on in record time. 

Steve and Nancy were by your side not long after, Nancy taking your arm leading you upstairs to Steve’s bedroom, whilst Steve cursed at and eventually thew out the guy he once upon a time had called his friend.

Whilst this was happening Robin pushed through the crowds, trying to find Eddie.

Nancy did the best she could, bless her, but you were too far gone and all you could do was hyperventilate, until you choked on nothing and your breath hitched, then it started all over again.

“Sweetie I need you to calm down, can you look at me?” she had you sat at the edge of the bed, she sat on a chair facing you, trying to get eye contact.

Anxiety sat in your throat and your chest, and you rubbed, clawed and pushed at it trying to get it to go away, but it didn’t. 

Instead it got worse. you ran to the ensuite to Steve’s bedroom and threw up in the sink, setting off a new panic attack just as the first started to die down. 

Your mind was spinning at a million miles an hour when you heard him.

“Sweetheart?” 

Eddie cracked the door to Steve’s bathroom and saw you standing there looking like a sad puppy that had been left out in the rain. 

You cried harder when you saw him. Out of relief, mostly, but also slightly out of embarrassment. 

Eddie grabbed you round the waist and hoisted you up on the bathroom counter, making you look in his eyes.

“Baby look at me, just at me now” He said, voice both velvet soft and firm at the same time. 

You locked eyes with him and let some more tears spill, you tried to even your breathing out but if just wouldn't work, which was sending you in a downwards spiral, making you think that you suddenly couldn’t breath. 

“You’re okay, here, hand on my chest” Eddie said, putting your palms against his chest, his big hands on top of yours. “Follow my lead sweetheart, big breath in, and out” 

You tried to copy his breathing, feeling the movement as his chest moved. 

“Good girl, once more” he said and you did.

When your breathing was more stable, Eddie grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the sink, dabbing it over your face before wiping your mouth. He thew in the bathtub before looking at you. 

Can I look at your arms?” Eddie asked softly. When you nodded he took your hand and turned them over exposing your scratched up arms to him. 

“I’m sorry” you whimpered, knowing Eddie hated when you hurt yourself. 

“hey baby, look at me” he said tilting your face up.  “Don´t apologise, I know why you do this, and I know that sometimes you can’t help it” 

you sniffled as Eddie examined your arms more closely. 

“I don´t think that they need immediate care” Eddie said and pressed a kiss to the hand he was holding. He looked up at you to find you tugging the neckline of the dress you were wearing. 

“Want to wear my shirt?” Eddie asked, already shimmying out of it.

You nodded, the dress you had on felt too tight, it was made you feel more cornered and anxious. Eddie did a quick job of undressing and redressing you as you sat on the counter.

“Cmere sweetheart” Eddie murmured towards you and held his arms open for you to dive into, which you willingly did. His strong arms carried you to the bed and he leaned back against the headboard holding you against his chest, rubbing his hand up your back and along your scalp, all whilst telling you how safe, loved and okay you were.

when Nancy, who left when Eddie arrived, returned with water and a sandwich for you, you were asleep against Eddies chest, fingers clutching him tightly.

[misschanadlerbong]

Chapter 8 - Over You.

Summary: Y/N trying to move on after a difficult breakup and realizing what she really wants.

Warnings: Swear words, teenage drinking, kiss

Genre: a little bit of angst and fluff in the end

Word Count: 1.6k

<Previous | Next>

The winter break went simply fine though it was not how you expected it to go. Jessica’s parents were so kind to invite you to their place for the Christmas eve dinner and they even gave you Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice a book you always wanted to read, as a Christmas present. You anticipated having a good family time with both your parents on new year’s eve, but they had different plans. First, they had to attend a wedding in which you were not at all interested to go and your parents never forced them to do something in which you were not interested. Secondly, to celebrate their 20th anniversary they planned a trip to London where they first met.

It was lovely to see your parents still have that spark in their marriage and that adorable romance between them when your love life sucked. It took you the whole winter break to get over Zach and Jessica being the experienced one had all the post-break-up regime to follow. Most of your break was spent at her place, hanging out with her, watching movies, having deep talks, and listening to her relationship drama. You always admired Jessica because she could have spent the holidays hanging out with Justin, but she knew that you needed her, so she was always there whenever you needed her.

As Jessica’s parents were out of town too, she decided to throw a house party before the school reopens for the last term of school life. You were not a party person at all, but you thought it would be good for a change to stay up late and watch a bunch of teenagers get high and talk bullshit. Your only motto to go to the party was to do people-watching.

You wore a floral black dress though dresses were not your thing and you decided to wear a black sweater vest over an oversized white shirt with your favorite pair of ripped jeans. But you were feeling like it tonight, so you decided to wear the dress with a pair of black boots.

The party was going fine but to be honest, you were kind of bored as Jessica was drinking and Justin was taking care of her on the other hand Alex and Charlie were together, so you did not want to interrupt them. You just stood there in a corner observing until a familiar voice broke your focus “Hey Y/N!” said Bryce you looked at him and said, “Hey Bryce.”

He tried his best to initiate a conversation and waste your time but you somehow managed to dodge him.

Monty disrupted your isolation, again. Even after all your efforts he was determined to stay there and flirt with you which was not appealing at all. You started getting uncomfortable and wanted to get out of it. Clay came as a savior. He just came to the party and noticed you being uncomfortable around Monty, so he came to you and put one of his hands on your shoulders, and pretended that he wanted to talk about something serious.

“Hey, Y/N I needed to talk to you about something,” said Clay.

With that, we moved away from Monty and went into the garden outside.

“Clay, did you forget your way to the library? I do not know if you’ve noticed this is a party and people have fun here” you teased him.

Clay playfully rolled his eyes and said, “Actually I do know it’s a party and you are welcome.”

You forgot that this guy helped you get out of that boring, unpleasant conversation with Monty.

“Right, sorry. Thank you so much for helping me, nerdy boy.”

He smiled and said “Was it okay to put my hand on your shoulders? I didn’t have time to ask for consent and stuff because it had to be spontaneous.”

You replied, “It’s completely okay Clay, and also you know I call you nerd just because I think it’s a cool nickname, I don’t mean to bully you or something if you want, I’ll stop.”

“Nah, I like it. It is fine. By the way, you look stunning tonight.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just said thanks and smiled at the ground in shyness.

“You want some beer?” he offered.

“No, I don’t drink. It is bad for my sports.”

He went inside to get a drink for himself, but he returned with two cups.

“So, you want Soda? Or you want Soda?” he asked gesturing at the plastic cups.

“Hmm, tough choice Jensen. I think I will go with Soda.”

“Good choice,” he said and, you both laughed and stood on the porch drinking your drinks.

Clay questioned, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He uh, broke up with me,” you chuckled awkwardly.

“What an idiot.”

You glanced at Clay and said, “Thank you, Clay. And I am not a party person either, it’s a page from Jessica’s handbook that says that partying is important to get over your ex, crazy Jess.”

“Seems like we both are graduating high school single” commented Clay.

You were offended and replied with a hair flip “Speak for yourself Jensen, I still have a chance”

A slight laughter erupted between the two of you.

Clay hesitated and questioned, “Umm Uh, would like to watch the meteor shower that is happening tonight? It would be exactly at 10.23 pm”.

Then he explained all about this meteor shower and how it happens, why it happens when it happens, and all that. As you had no plans you agreed to his offer, honestly, you just wanted to get out of the party.

Suddenly you noticed Zach coming inside and he was walking towards you on the porch where you were standing.

“Clay, I want you to kiss me right now,” you whispered to not make it obvious.

“Like right now?”

“Just do it! I want to get it back at Zach.”

Your lips met and moved in complete sync. Eventually, a tension built between you as his hands traced your jawline to the back of your head holding you near with care. You held on tight to his waist pulling him closer. You have kissed Zach a lot, but this felt different, passionate, and kind of warm. Zach saw you guys kissing and he just stood there for a couple of seconds then decided to go inside the house.

Clay broke the kiss by saying “He’s gone now.” You leaned in once more and pecked his lips as the kiss was too good to be broken.

You smiled and said, “I think I’ll get a refill.”

You intentionally met Zach at the drinks counter because you wanted to see that face. He did not say hi or anything and asked “Clay? Really?” You replied savagely “Friends with Bryce? Really?”

“Listen about the breakup…”

You did not let him finish and cut him off by saying “No, Zach I don’t need any justification. You did what you had to and as they say, actions have consequences. I completely understand and respect your decision it was just that I didn’t have my closure properly. But now I do, I am over you.” Saying this you walked away from him and went on to find Clay. You spotted him having a conversation with Jeff.

He glanced over at you and said “So what’s going on between you two huh? Saw you guys kissing.”

You replied, “It was nothing Jeff, just two teenagers fooling around.”

Clay’s face met with disappointment, and he said, “Yeah, it was uh nothing.”

You felt bad for hurting his feelings like that, but your mood was off because you argued with Zach, and all the memories started coming back.

To change the topic and lighten the air you demanded “Clay let’s get out of here.”

Clay agreed and, on your way, out you met Jessica who was drunk as fuck. She insisted on you staying a little longer. For a second you did not think of leaving her alone like that, but Justin looked at you with assuring eyes and said, “Y/N I’ll take care of her, I promise you. You can go if you want to.”

It was hard to trust Justin, but he changed a lot since the last time, so you decided to trust him and as Jessica was insisting further for you to stay you told her about your curfew condition.

You and Clay walked to your place as it was the nearest. You reached your home and unlocked the door. Clay was walking slowly trying not to make any noise. You told him “Clay there’s no one at home, you can walk properly.”

He looked confused and asked, “But you told Jess that your parents were at home. What was that all about?”

“Oh, poor Jensen. Jess was too drunk to remember that my parents were not at home and sometimes you have to lie for your good.”

You suggested watching the meteor shower on your roof and as it was already 10.15 pm, you had less time.

You went into the bedroom upstairs and through the window went outside on the roof. On your way out you grabbed your blue varsity jacket because you did not want to be cold.

You guys settled yourself and it was time for the big show. Clay pointed his finger to help you see. You guys sat there, and the cold breeze of winter night swept past your hair. Even after wearing the jacket, you were feeling cold.

“Should I put my hand around our shoulder? You seem to feel cold?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You nodded.

At that moment you felt warm, protected, and cared for. You had a sensation of happiness. After a long time, you felt delighted.

Shower your love by liking and commenting on the post. Refrain from copying, plagiarism, or posting on any other platform.

THANK YOU!!!

P.S.: I also upload on Wattpad @immafreakingmoonstone, feel free to check out my account :)

[crisalidaseason]

Family chaos on christmas and a birthday

Notes: I thought I had posted this here, apparently I did not. Dumb cris!!! This is a christmas special I posted on AO3

So, this was sort of a request from @spookyspicedchai here on AO3, and I loved the idea so much that I went full author mode. Also, It's finallt december 25th here in my region soooo MERRY CHRISTMAS or HAPPY HOLIDAYS for the ones who do not celebrate Christmas specifically. I based this story on a few movies, but also my experiences with this holiday so if you find something different it's probably my latine agenda going on. Anyway! I hope you enjoy it!

Kenny groaned loudly at the traffic jam.

“Fucking holiday season” he muttered under his breath, pulling his phone out of his pocket and calling his husband.

“Love?”

“I’m close to your office, but stuck in the traffic. Might take a bit longer than usual to pick you up”

“Hmmm, I told you to leave earlier. There’s a mall and supermarket in the area, people are probably panic buying gifts and groceries for Christmas”

“Yeah, I know, just didn’t think it would fuck up the traffic this bad”

Uri chuckled on the other line, like the annoying man that he is. Kenny didn’t need a ‘told you so’ moment, even if Uri insistently warned him about the potential traffic issues on December 23rd.

“I’ll wait patiently for you, like I always do. I can grab you a coffee if you want to”

“I could use the caffeine”

“Alright, ring me up when you get here, handsome”

“Tsk, bye Uri”

Kenny heard the blond man laughing before he hung up. Kenny ignored his flushing face in the rear view mirror, how the fuck that man still makes him blush in almost 7 years together. He blamed it on the fact they recently married, about three weeks ago. Kenny fondly recalled their ‘wedding’. There wasn’t a ceremony at all, they just signed documents and had dinner in a fancy restaurant while Frieda and Historia were babysitting Levi for the evening. Despite their long relationship, a small document stating their marriage left them in a stupid bliss as if they were two teenagers.

“Finally!” the traffic started to flow again, distracting Kenny from his thoughts.

Arriving at the office building Uri worked at, he called him again. This time Uri didn’t answer, but before the Ackerman could call again he saw his husband leave the building and approach the car.

“Good evening, sir” he said, entering the car.

Uri leaned over and gave Kenny a quick kiss on the lips. Adjusting himself on the seat, he handed the taller man a styrofoam cup with the hot coffee, which Kenny immediately accepted and took a sip.

“What kind of coffee does your office buy? It tastes like shit” Kenny commented, taking another sip.

“I have no idea, but does it really matter if you drink it almost everyday you pick me up?”

“Caffeine is caffeine, taste is an afterthought” Kenny said “so, is everything okay for all the events of the 25th? Do we need anything?”

“Not really, everything is set. We just need to pick up the cake tomorrow afternoon”

“Alright, let’s go home and free the babysitter from the little brat. Besides, we better have a head start on things for tomorrow’s dinner” Kenny said, finishing the coffee and starting the car.

Celebrating Christmas at home was a recent event in Kenny’s life. Him and Kuchel used to celebrate by going to the local church's dinner in alliance with the orphanage, but they never had strong emotional ties to this particular holiday season. It brought them sadness because it was supposed to be a time spent with family, which the siblings lacked. But then Kuchel gave birth to Levi, on a stormy December 25th, and while the woman was still high on painkillers, she said to an also tired Kenny beside her:

We’re gonna give him the Christmas we never had, right Kenny?

And they did. The Ackerman siblings would decorate the christmas tree, make dinner (Kenny can be a very good cook), bake cookies, exchange gifts and dress baby Levi with outrageous Christmas outfits, which Kenny snapped pictures to use as future embarrassing material. At the same time, they also celebrated Levi’s birthday, with cakes and balloons and more gifts. When Uri joined Kenny’s life, he also indulged in these celebrations, and when Kuch sadly passed away, they decided to keep the tradition alive in respect of her efforts.

_________________

"You two are late, that's gonna cost extra time for Historia"

Uri and Kenny watched as Levi was sitting on the couch, teddy bear print pajamas on and recently showered. Historia was beside him, combing his hair. She smiled, already used to the boy's bickering with his uncles.

"We were stuck in traffic, sorry" Uri said "and don't worry boy, your babysitter will have an extra"

Both adults paid the girl, with an extra for her Uber and the hour of overtime. After saying her goodbyes to Levi and wishing everyone happy holidays, she left the house.

"Come here brat, kitchen duty" Kenny announced, after changing to more comfortable clothes.

The child quickly perked up and ran to the kitchen. Last Christmas, when Levi learned how to read, he became a part of a tradition Kenny and Kuchel established years ago: checking all the ingredients. Kenny would read the list they made weeks in advance and Kuchel would locate the item in their pantry. Not something they needed to do, but a habit they built as a starter for their holiday celebration. With Kuchel passing, Levi did the reading and Kenny checked the cabinets.

"We have everything" Levi commented.

"Yes, thanks to Uri's memory"

"Like an elephant" the child said.

"What?" Kenny said, confused.

"Elephants have good memory" Levi explained, as if Kenny was a toddler.

"Huh" the man said "makes sense, with their big heads and all"

"You have a big head and uncle Uri is smarter"

Kenny didn’t have a quick response to that. That evil little spawn got him there. Before he could say something, Uri appeared in the kitchen, oblivious to the insult Levi just threw.

“Do we have everything, Ackerman boys?”

“Yes” Levi replied, smiling like the angel he wasn’t.

“Perfect, what are we doing first?” the blond man asked Kenny.

“Baking the cookies, they are a pain in my-”

“Do not finish that sentence, love” Uri's serious tone sent a chill down Kenny's spine.

Of course, the little rascal will melt at the sound of a swear.

The evening was spent making the sugar cookie dough and cutting it into funny shapes. Levi absolutely hated the sensation of making the dough, only accepting to cut the shapes and decorating with the icing. The child was very enthusiastic about putting everything in the dishwashing machine in an organized mess. Kenny and Uri recently noticed he had a strange fascination for cleaning supplies, he even had a mini broom in his room. He loved to see the dishwasher working, usually spending a while looking at the machine (he also did that with the washing machine). Kenny would not admit that, but he used to do the same thing as a kid.

“Cookies done” Uri said, while putting the last ones in a container “Levi, prepare for bed. Tomorrow we have more work to do early in the morning”

The boy went to the bathroom. Kenny sat on one of the kitchen chairs while Uri put the last of the dishes away. When he was done, Uri sat next to his husband and rested his head on the man’s shoulders.

“Tired?” Kenny whispered.

“A little, but nothing a good night of sleep with my handsome husband won’t fix”

Kenny shook his head and gave him a kiss on the forehead before standing up and taking Uri’s hand.

“Let’s put the brat to sleep and I’ll tuck you in”

Levi was already in bed, putting fuzzy socks on. He looked at the two adults on his bedroom door.

“Ready?” Uri said.

“Hmhm, I’m tired” the child nodded.

Kenny turned off the lights, only the small table lamp on to bathe the room in a bluish dim light. Uri covered the boy in a warm blanket and wished him a good night, alongside Kenny. Both men went to their own room, finally resting from the full day of work.

______________________

December 24th was also a full day, like every year. The married couple spent the early morning on the balcony, drinking their tea and coffee. Kenny had bought some fresh bread from the bakery across the street, sweet and salty pastries for Levi to try when he woke up.

“We have the cake to pick up today” Uri said “do you think he’ll like it?”

“Considering he speaks non-stop about the animal kingdom, he’s gonna love it”

They both laughed. It was sweet but tiring to keep up with Levi’s hyperfixation. He would enjoy things almost obsessively, but also briefly. Uri hoped a zoo themed cake was still a hype, just like the zoo visit they took Levi a few weeks ago.

“Let’s start a few things in the kitchen, we can leave the turkey for later” Kenny said.

Both men started to steam the vegetables for the Christmas chicken salad, while also chopping some garlic and onions to put on the rice. Kenny was always the one with onion duties since he never cried. Levi soon woke up with the delicious smell of food, already peeking his head inside the kitchen. December 24th was always spent at home, cooking and eating bits of food here and there. Levi would perform taste tests as an excuse to eat more of the well seasoned chicken Kenny was so good at. Uri went out after lunch to pick up the cake, and trying to hide it in the fridge without Levi noticing was a hard task. That boy is suspicious of everything, but eventually it worked and they managed to hide the cake at the very top of the fridge.

Soon enough, it was time for them to take a shower and put on fancy clothes to just stay home on their couch, having dinner and watching animations with Levi. This year, they put fancy pajamas on, the ones made of silk. Uri had them custom made by Frieda, who was an exquisite seamstress and stylist despite being so young. Kenny still remembers when she said that making a pajama set for him would cost more than Uri and Levi’s set because of his height. He couldn’t really complain, it was indeed a lot of fabric just for his legs, but in the end the set was very nice and cozy. Kenny had to congratulate Uri’s niece with a gift.

“Tomorrow is the big day” Uri whispered while watching a random Christmas episode on television. It was already past midnight and Levi was fast asleep on the couch, with many pillows and fluffy blankets around him.

“He’s been trying to open the fridge alone, I think he suspects there’s something there” Kenny whispered “We better celebrate this brat’s birthday quick before he tips that thing over”

Uri laughed, he had caught Levi once or twice trying to do that.

____________________

December 25th arrived. Kenny woke up on the couch, with Levi’s head on his stomach and Uri already in the kitchen, most likely brewing their morning beverages. The man looked at the small boy sound asleep. They must have forgotten to get to bed, Kenny's back was going to kill him later on, but instead of moving he just stayed there, looking at the boy and thinking about how time flies. It’s been two years and a half caring for him. The second Christmas and birthday without Kuchel. Levi was turning seven today, still so young but with an already complicated story. The ackerman sighed, running his fingers softly on Levi’s black strands.

“Don’t move” he heard Uri whisper.

Of course he moved, but just enough to see his husband snap a picture of him caressing Levi’s head. Kenny smiled, this picture was going to haunt him and Levi in the future, he can already see Uri pulling it up everytime the two ackermans start to bicker.

“Can you bring my coffee? We don’t want the brat waking up early do we?”

“Oh lord, no. I’ll be right back”

Kenny tried to place Levi’s head on the pillow, a slow and very quiet process, and the child almost woke up once but soon snuggled into the pillow.

“Here” Uri handed him a steamy mug of coffee.

The morning was quiet, with Levi sleeping while the couple decorated their dinner table with paper decorations, a few plastic animal toys, and the beautifully decorated cake. Uri placed the number seven candle right on top, the ones that sparkle and die on their own since Levi wasn’t a fan of blowing candles (Kenny joked ONCE about how you spread germs all over the cake and the boy was terrified for life).

“Wow” said the boy when he woke up.

“Did you like it?” Kenny asked “there’s a bunch of animals”

Levi nodded, climbing on the chair to see the cake better. His face was still swollen from sleep and his hair was all over the place.

“I knew it was the cake in the fridge” the child said “can we eat?”

“Yes, but brush your teeth first and wash your face” Uri said.

Levi did as he was asked quicker than any other day, almost jumping from excitement when he climbed and stood on the chair again, right behind the cake.

“Do you want to sing happy birthday, Levi?” Uri asked.

The boy hesitated. Last year he didn’t want to, which was understandable since his mother was always the one to sing and light the candle for him. But surprising both adults, he nodded and Uri was about to light the candle when Levi stopped him.

“Can we…” he began, sitting on the chair “Uncle, can we bring mom?”

Kenny looked at Uri and then at Levi. It took a while for the child to understand that the small urn inside the couple’s room was his mother entirely, but lately he had been going there a lot to stare at it. Sometimes, he even spoke with her.

“Of course, Levi. Come on, let’s pick her up together”

Kenny placed Levi on his forearm and went into the room, taking the gray and small urn with the other hand carefully and placing her on the table, right next to Levi.

“Ready?” Kenny asked.

Levi nodded and Uri finally lit the candle. The familiar tune of ‘happy birthday to you’ echoed in their living room, Levi smiled while cutting the cake with Uri’s help and they served a small slice in memory of Kuchel.

Happy birthday, Little Spawn. Merry Christmas, Kuchel.

[crow-posting]

(For all the crew!!!)

Do they celebrate their resurrection day? If so, how? If not, why?

Do they celebrate any holidays? - @mantleoflight

⚠️ long post ⚠️

1. Do they celebrate their resurrection day? If so, how? If not, why?

The Awoken Brigade:

RZ-3 doesn't celebrate, but only because both he and Ori [his Ghost] forgot the exact day. 😅 He does, however, celebrate "Found Light Day," which is the Vanguard's version* of a shared birthday (similar to Tết).

*(Found Light Day is a headcanon, just fyi.)

Takara celebrates her resurrection day like it's a birthday. She doesn't invite a lot of people but she goes all out with food, desserts, and decor. The activities usually start out as high energy (eg really competitive Uno) but always devolve into something low-key, like movies. Truthfully Takara is happy with doing whatever as long as she gets to spend time with her loved ones.

Avraam doesn't celebrate his resurrection day, as he hasn't even got a death certificate from the Reef. It just feels awkward to celebrate his resurrection when people refuse to admit that he died in the first place. RZ-3 and Takara did throw him a living wake, however.

Riley doesn't celebrate his resurrection day for similar reasons to Avraam. The Reefborn keep "volunteering" information about Arsträd [his past self] and it's really uncomfortable for him. But he does enjoy Found Light Day and hopes to have parties like Takara at some point!

-

Fireteam Nike:

Bai was resurrected in the Dark Age, so he had little time or reason to celebrate such an event. Nowadays he holds a simple celebration around the time he was rezzed (he knows the week but not the day), by eating long noodles - to cherish his new life - and burning incense - to honor his old one.

Duane's resurrection day is too painful for him. Although he doesn't regret being a Guardian, he was the only known Spartan for the longest time and felt severed from everything he had ever known. His resurrection day reminds him of all he's lost and/or set aside for the sake of protecting humanity, so he tends to avoid it as much as possible.

Usad's resurrection day fell on Leap Day, so he chose a completely different day, June 21st, to celebrate it. Since coming to the Last City, he likes to joke that Solstice is his personal party, and usually participates in all festival events.

- - -

2. Do they celebrate any holidays?

The Awoken Brigade:

RZ-3 celebrates every Last City holiday to some extent. Crimson Days, Revelry, Solstice / MoT, Festival of the Lost, Dawning - you name it, he's there. However, he only does the bare minimum for Guardian Games as he finds the competitive event "boring" and "tedious."

Takara will casually take part in most Last City holidays/events, but she really only celebrates Dawning. She isn't sure why, but the general atmosphere speaks to her more than any other holiday or celebration. The "New Year" part of Dawning is her favorite.

Avraam has come to despise Night of Ascents, as The Night reminds him that he chose to stay in the Reef instead of helping Earth as originally planned. He has no opinion on other Awoken holidays, but is intrigued by Day of Arrivals*, an unofficial Earthborn tradition of acknowledging the Awoken who broke away to help humanity. As for Last City holidays, RZ-3 and Takara have pretty much dragged him into every activity at least once, "just so he knows what it's like."

*(Day of Arrivals is also one of my headcanons.)

Riley hasn't been around long enough to decide which holidays he wants to celebrate regularly, but he has observed both Night of Ascents and Dawning! He thinks he would like Revelry and/or Solstice if given the opportunity.

-

Fireteam Nike:

Bai celebrates a mix of Old Earth and Last City holidays, including Lunar New Year (CNY), Mid-Autumn Festival, Festival of the Lost and Dawning. His work as a Cryptarch has led him to research Golden Age holidays as well, such as the Traveler's arrival, but he has no interest in those beyond academics.

Duane doesn't celebrate holidays, but he'll still accept food and/or gifts if offered.

Usad loves Guardian Games but gets frustrated every time by the scoring system. Since he lived with Bai during the Dark Age, he also celebrates Lunar New Year (Tsagaan Sar) and Naadam. (As stated before, Solstice is more like a party than a holiday.)

- - -

Thanks so much for the ask, @mantleoflight!

[frostfairysteve]

I'm having a lot of fun with @thefreakandthehair's Spicy Six Fic Challenge, and while I'm not completely finished yet, I do have something. I'll post the complete thing to AO3 once I'm done.

My prompt is "All these lights, and not a single one is flickering. That's a nice change of pace, huh?" but it does not actually show up in this part. Also, I went for angst with a happy ending, so this part is all angst. Steve-centric, of course.

embraced by the darkness (waiting for the lights) (part 1)

The holiday season had snuck up on all of them. With the gates, and with Max, time had just passed differently. Trying to think back, Steve can only remember volunteering, shifts at Family Video, and making sure everyone around him was okay. He’s had a few calls with his mum, but his parents hadn’t wanted to return to Hawkins considering everything. Not that Steve has celebrated Christmas with them in years; they stopped bringing him with them once he aged out of being his mum’s cute angelic child, aged out of living up to his dad’s expectations. The last time he got close to celebrating Christmas with anyone was when he and Nancy were dating and he spent as much time as possible in her home, but even then he had spent Christmas Day alone.

Knowing that this year would be no different, Steve had been the first to offer to take Lucas’ place in the hospital; allowing him to take a break and celebrate with his family. It was better to be here with Max than be home alone, although there’s not a lot to do other than staring at the walls; white was never a colour he had an opinion on but after spending most of the year in and out of Max’s hospital room, Steve has grown to hate it. The kids' drawings help break up the monotony of the room, and it helps cheer him up to think about them. Even if the paper underneath their drawings remains white.

He has never felt right drawing anything to add to the collection. He loves Max like a little sister, and except for Lucas and El, he has spent the most hours by her bedside, but he’ll always be unsure of his place in other people’s lives.

He thought his parents would always love and care for him, but then they started leaving him alone, they started forgetting about him, and when he no longer had the illusion of a promising future to hide behind, his dad cut him off. The relationship he’s trying to repair with his mum is fragile at best.

And he had thought Nancy loved him but that turned out to be bullshit, and now he still doesn’t know how to be her friend. He doesn’t know how to be Jonathan’s friend either and hasn’t really tried, to be fair. Steve can’t truly look at them without remembering who he was in high school, feels like they’ll always see the asshole that let things happen. He used to be so passive about everything.

He still feels passive sometimes, surrounded by kids so much smarter than him. All he’s good for is being another body between them and the monsters; he knows he can make anything a weapon, knows he can kill a demo-whatever. The problem is when the monster is human and he has to hold back; when he has to be a shield and not a weapon. Some nights, he feels like he has Barb’s blood on his hands. Billy’s too, for what his death did to Max.

During the past months, he has woken up thinking it was Max's or Eddie’s blood. Thinking he could have saved them if he was smarter, faster, better.

He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he actually were responsible for another person’s death; if he tried to protect and instead caused irrecoverable harm.

With a shaky exhale, he leans back in the hospital chair. It’s not very comfortable, but none of them has ever complained. Trying to find a position that won’t kill his back gives him something to think about, something to focus on that won’t make him spiral. The last thing he needs is to have an anxiety attack next to Max; she would never let him live it down if she knew.

Maybe it would be worth it if it would finally force her awake, if seeing Steve being pathetic was the last push she needed to open her eyes.

He needs to redirect his thoughts somehow. Needs a distraction that won’t push him further towards a spiral. Music is out of the question; none of them has been able to listen to Kate Bush in the same way, and any song now carries the possibility of being life or death for someone. Or maybe Steve is the only one to think that; the others are still happy to fight over control of the radio when he drives them around, and he gets frequent updates on how Corroded Coffin is doing. At least music wasn’t taken from any of them.

There’s something dark about how he feels better when he’s the only one that suffers. Steve would carry all their pain on his shoulders if he only could. Would take all their nightmares and flashbacks and triggers so that they can smile and laugh and continue to be kids. He would take the pain from Robin, and Nancy and Jonathan, and Eddie too. From Joyce and Hopper and Murray and anyone else that has gotten involved.

Steve sometimes thinks he would shoulder the pain of the whole world if it allowed them to be done with the Upside Down. Thinks that it would be worth it if everyone stopped having to grow up so fast.

Thinking about growing up does remind him of the book he brought; the book he always brings. It’s not every time that he reads from it, but it feels like one of those days that need a fairytale to brighten things up. It will give him something to do at least.

The book of fairytales is old, something his mum used to read him to sleep with before his dad argued that he was too old for stories. She let him keep it, a secret between the two of them, a keepsake from when she was a mother and not a distant figure. It’s one of Steve’s few possessions that mean something to him; he can recite each story verbatim if asked, but he prefers having the comforting weight of the book resting in his lap, prefers reading the words from the worn pages.

He flips through the pages to the story of the little mermaid and begins to read, softly enough that only Max can hear him.

Steve wishes that he could find a sea witch now; he, too, would cut off all his hair for his sister to live. Would throw away the dagger too; would turn into seafoam for her. And if not seafoam, a spirit of air.

Maybe Max is a spirit of air, looking down at him now. But that would mean that they’ve lost her—

The heart monitor provides a comforting background noise as he continues to read, doing his best to not stumble over the words that he knows by heart. For now, Max is alive, for now, he can focus on reading for her, for now, he can hope that the fairytale reaches her, wherever she is.

-

He must have dozed off at some point for the next thing he knows a nurse is gently shaking him awake. There’s a paper cup of coffee getting pressed into his hands, although it’s probably much too late for caffeine. Max’s room doesn’t have a clock on their insistence and the dark comes early these days, but he thinks it should be the end of visiting hours if he’s getting woken up. Not that visiting hours always matter; especially the first few months had found them in and out of the hospital at all hours of the day.

“You should head on home, son. There’s snow coming.” the nurse tells him, voice just barely loud enough to be heard with his decreased hearing. Steve thinks he mumbles something coherent in response since they leave after making sure he won’t drop the cup.

The coffee is strong, but the bitter taste helps him come back to consciousness. Sleep comes rarely to him, but it always drags him down deep when it does. He has taken to keeping the nail bat by his bed; needs a weapon close at hand when waking up takes too long. Not like the weeks after something has just happened and any noise has him sitting up, ready for a fight.

If he’s getting less or more sleep now, Steve can’t tell. He gets enough that no one notices, enough for him to function, and that’s enough. It has to be.

Once he’s gotten the coffee down, Steve closes the book that thankfully hadn’t fallen to the floor while he slept, and puts it in his bag before pushing himself up from the chair. Nothing has changed with Max since he last looked at her; the rhythm of the heart monitor is the same. He takes a moment to make sure that she’s tucked in comfortably and that there’s no hair on her face, before saying goodbye with a kiss on her forehead— a last bit of warmth for the road.

-

Sitting in his car outside the hospital, Steve takes a moment to decide where to go. He has been told by Claudia more than once that he’s always welcome to spend time with her and Dustin, no matter the time of day, and Robin has promised to keep a chair free for him if he changed his mind about spending Christmas with her. Even Joyce had sent an invitation through Hopper, and Mrs Sinclair had promised him leftovers if he came by that evening.

Steve doesn’t feel right about intruding on any of them. The one time he tried taking up an invitation, he had sat outside in his car for twenty minutes, stuck in an anxiety spiral, before he drove home. It’s easier for everyone if he just skips the middle step, so there was really only one answer.

He gets home before the snow, but just barely. The first flakes are falling as he hurries from his car to the door, not dressed for the cold. His gloves and scarves have ended up with the others who needed them more; he can make do by zipping his jacket the whole way up and sticking his hands underneath his armpits. And he can surely find another pair of gloves and another scarf if he goes through his parents' things; they have left a lot of clothes behind, and they fit him better every year.

The house is warm in temperature only, and he’s once more thankful that his dad hasn’t thought to pause the bills. His parents' unreliable schedule is good for one thing only; never knowing when they will be home means that the house is always in working order. The downside, of course, is that Steve rarely feels comfortable inviting anyone over; not knowing if his parents will come home or if he’ll have enough time to clean up before they do… He always finds himself getting too worked up to truly relax.

He used to smoke, but then the Russians… it’s not the same kind of drug, but Steve can't stand not being in control of himself. Alcohol is out of the question for the same reason, and partly because he remembers when Nancy got drunk and has felt uncomfortable around intoxicated people ever since, always wondering if they’re going to blow up at him.

Steve wants to be of help, finds a purpose in being useful, in being able to love and be loved in return. To have all that thrown back at him, having it called bullshit… Nancy Wheeler has changed him in many ways, only a handful of them good.

When he shivers, it’s more due to his thoughts than the temperature. Still, he keeps his jacket on even after he has put away his bag and taken off his shoes. Exhaustion has come over him like a heavy blanket now that he’s home, and Steve wants nothing more than to go to bed. He does take a moment to look towards the kitchen, to try to remember when he last ate something, but he doesn’t think he would be able to keep anything down. The anxiety that he had felt in the hospital is worming its way through his veins now, and he wants to be in the safety of his bedroom before it overcomes him.

It doesn’t take long to get there, taking the stairs two steps at a time. He has long since learned how to find his way around the house in the dark, how to do so quietly, and fast. His room is the furthest to the left; turn left once up the stairs, and then to the left again. With his parents' room being the furthest to the right on the first floor, he doesn’t have to be all that quiet, but Steve has always been more anxious than anyone would think.

He would lock the door behind him, but there isn’t one. He can only hope that he remembered to lock the front door; not that a locked door can stop the monsters. Steve glances towards the wall at the thought and immediately glances away; he’s not bleeding; the gates aren’t completely closed even after all these months but they’re too small in size for anything to come through; he’s safe, and he has his bat.

He knows he’s safe, so why is he unable to breathe?

His jacket feels constricting and he cannot get it off soon enough. His throat aches and Steve moves to get out of his sweater as soon as the jacket has fallen to the floor. He needs to breathe, he needs to get everything off, he needs to, needs to, needs to—

Warm tears are making their way down his cheeks as Steve collapses to his knees. The nail bat is too far away, but he doesn’t know what he would use it for. It doesn’t stop him from crawling towards it, wanting the comfort of the wood in his hand. He has years of practice in how to hug it close without hurting himself on the nails.

If he could only breathe properly, he would be singing. There is one song that still brings him comfort, but only when his mind is playing tricks on him. It’s the song, the one that would save him from Vecna. But Steve is almost hyperventilating when he finally gets his hands on the bat; singing would only make things worse. He could force himself if he heard a clock, but much like the hospital room, all clocks are removed from the house.

Even after months of not seeing his parents, it took until he almost collapsed from a lack of sleep and anxiety before Steve removed them. He still doesn’t know how to explain if his parents come home.

Especially not their prized grandfather clock. It’s safely put away in their bedroom, the pendulum having been removed to stop the chiming. He didn’t dare put it in the garage; couldn’t pack it away in a box like he did all the other clocks.

Thinking about clocks - thinking about his parents - does nothing to help his breathing. Steve is fully hyperventilating, the bat hugged close like it’s a stuffed bear. The tears falling down his cheeks feel endless, and snot has started to run down his nose. His lips are salty when he licks them.

If he were a braver man, Steve would call someone. But everything inside him screams at the concept of willingly showing weakness, especially months after everything happened. He hasn’t had to reassure Robin or Dustin or Lucas over the phone since before the school year started.

He spent the anniversary of the mall burning - of the Russians - with Robin, but after that… everyone else just seemed okay.

Steve could barely get out of bed for all of November; couldn’t do anything at all for Thanksgiving.

The tears come harder at that; at the thought that he’s the only one still suffering. His scars give phantom pain as he curls his torso inwards; trying to make himself small while still hugging the bat close. His whole body shakes with his sobs now, they almost get stuck in his throat as he struggles to get any air.

Steve is back with the vines, is back with the bats, is back with the Russians and the demodogs and the demogorgon in Byers house.

And then the doorbell rings, and he’s in his bedroom, is half-naked on the floor with nails dangerously close to digging into his stomach.

The doorbell rings again and the sound echoing through the house shocks him so badly that he chokes on a sob, almost coughing his lungs out as he tries to get himself in control. Whoever is waiting at the door can’t see him like this; can’t see him as anything else but the fighter, the protector, the shield.

He’s tempted to hide in his room until they leave, but he would never; what if it’s the kids, what if something has happened, what if they need him— Steve’s mind is racing with scenarios - each worse than the one before - as he scrambles to get himself together. The bat gets dropped to the floor, and scratches his stomach in his haste, but he can’t feel it as he covers it up with the sweater. He knows he got the sweater on backwards, but that doesn’t matter if something is wrong.

Steve is trying to scrub his face of all traces of tears as he jogs down the stairs, the doorbell ringing a third and then a fourth time in the background. He knows he doesn’t succeed, knows that his eyes must be puffy and red, knows that there’s snot on his sleeves now, and that his hair is in disarray from where he must have been pulling on it in a useless attempt to ground himself. He knows that he must look like a mess and that he has no explanation that he’s willing to give, but hopefully whoever’s at the door has more important things to worry about than him. Most things are more important than him.

His hands are shaking as he tries to get the front door open; he unlocks it and then locks it again, not able to remember which direction is which as his thoughts fly in hundred directions at once. He’s out of breath when he finally gets it open - from the panic attack that he can still feel, from trying to get presentable and down the stairs as fast as possible - but he plasters a shaky smile on his lips in hope of covering it up.

The smile gets slightly more real but no less shaky when the door has opened enough to reveal Gareth and Eddie, the latter looking ready to press the doorbell a fifth time.

[skippyv20]

Notes on a rainy day...

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim checking in on this holiday Monday. ** The new statue in Boston leaves much to be desired. This is supposed to be about an inspiring love story, celebrating a major international award! The joy of the moment is missing IMHO. 10 million invested, when Boston has so many other big bills to pay with a brand new Govenor taking over just this week...on top of all the "immigrants" that arrive in the dark of night, flown or bussed in that will now be automatically given an official MA driver's liscense and freebie$$? NYC is totally overwhelmed too with "immigrants" along with untold small towns being quietly invaded. The public is not encouraged to mention it because we are told these unvetted people are not really illegal...sooo...does that mean the King in the olde fable WAS wearing clothes???

** How refreshing to see the Duke of Wales speak English correctly. His younger brother seems to think it is proper to say over and over, his pronoun first..."me and my wife" showing how poorly educated many Americans are.

** The portrait drawings of ERII are fantastic. It's hard to believe only 5 months have passed-especially for her family carrying on!!! Barely time to catch ones breath with the powerful images of her funeral; joyful celebrations of her last Jubilee AND the ugly war of the Harkles. ** From the story about her fabulous, sweet PJ brooch...perhaps they will make one with fine crystals in silvertone for those of us who can't afford the real deal. Otherwise I will look for something similar, circle with Lily of the Valley and Thistles. A long time ago I was introduced to collectible costume jewelry which was a major industry right here in New England, mainly Providence, RI. From 1930-60's popular brands signed their jewelry lines which became really collectible due to their fine workmanship, high end crystals, plating and priced for the average lady. In the 80's a couple of Italian collectors published a fabulous "coffee table" book featuring some of their best finds. That began an international collector craze which I joyfully joined by accident. I was lucky to find many beautiful "book pieces" still affordable over the years. Anyhoo, this brooch reminded me of those good times hunting at flea markets and antique malls in cities across the country. Every year I wear a favorite Christmas brooch on my coat. Yesterday I decided to keep this up changing them out for fun, even if brooches aren't in fashion. If ERII thought they were a good thing to wear then why not keep up the tradition in our own little way? If you visit a Canadian site called N & N Vintage Costume Jewelry, Masterpiece section, I think you will find lots to study for inspiration! There are many beautiful books now about who the top designers were and their best pieces.

** With so many difficult things happening around us it is mind blowing to try to take it all in. I admire Princess Anne and Sir Tim Lawrence as they quietly handle massive responsibilities supporting the public. Also, the very busy Catherine, Princess of Wales who simply said when asked about Harolds insulting claims, that she was "baffled." Boom! Right there I sensed the Harkles are toast. Yesterday's news. Tempest in a teapot as in, the ship has left the dock and the sun is sinking in the west...LOL At least one can hope...off to my easel to take care of MY mental health.

Thank you, great post❤️

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

As Time Goes By

I know this is strange, and probably rambling, but most of my posts are strange in some way or other, and definitely rambling.

Anyway, my brain connects weird stuff a lot. I’ve read this is a sign of ADHD, when your brain rapidly moves from one seemingly unrelated thing to another, and the stops all make sense to YOU, but if you tried to connect all the dots for someone else, they’d just look at you like…

But alas, I don’t think I have ADHD (I’ve taken a few self tests, and I don’t have any of the other symptoms, it seems), so I think I’m just weird, and I always try to explain my long-way, back-road route to people when I write and the connections are weird. So here we go…

I have a friend in Ireland who sent me links to Hozier related stuff occasionally, because she read this post I made a couple years ago on my author blog about how his music approaches love and romance in a way that few male artists I’ve heard do, and how I personally find that attractive in a man. (I have very very few celebrity crushes, but Hozier is no doubt one of them.) Vulnerability and openness with emotion and not mourning strength and power in connection but celebrating it. The link sharing is silly and fun (which we can all use all the time, especially now, I think). But when she sent me the last one, my mind jumped to that post I wrote before (which is not silly, really), and the man I referred to at the end of it whom I know in real life.

The short version of the post I wrote before is that I met up with my dear friend L from high school for a dinner out together pre-COVID, when she was in town visiting her family for the holidays. And That Guy came up. L told me that That Guy had made a claim to her, as a (then) 43-year-old, never been married or engaged bachelor, that he ‘could get any woman he wanted;’ that ‘women were easy;’ he just had to pretend to be into whatever they liked and pretend to be whatever they wanted and boom. Big talk for a guy who’s never been able to make a commitment work out with anyone ever. I don’t want to shit on men who have never married or been engaged here, whatever age they are, or imply they are damaged. My godfather has never been married or engaged either and he’s over 65 and a wonderful man. But he also doesn’t brag about the ability to get any woman he wanted openly and claiming they’re easily manipulated and fooled like that’s something to be proud of doing while ALSO not ever being engaged or married. The point of the post was that Hozier’s music celebrates strength in connection and commitment in a romantic relationship instead of claiming those things are burdens, like a lot of supposed love songs written by men about women tend to do. It’s normally not ‘being with her makes me better, stronger, happier...’ (which is scientifically studied to be TRUE about men in committed relationships, especially committed relationships with women). It’s usually she makes me weak; why do I have to FEEL THINGS for her like this; I wish this shit would go away (which is actually contraindicated big time for men; men are happier and live longer when they are in committed relationships, whereas women in committed relationships with men trend toward less happy and shorter lives...seriously). It’s still the stereotype in a lot of media (writing, music, film and TV, stand-up comedy) that women desire the commitment and men are roped into it; that women benefit from commitment while it ties men down and harms them; that it makes women’s lives better and men’s lives harder (which is statistically patently false; it’s the opposite...go look up studies on the internet, I’m not linking them here, but they are definitely there). What I didn’t say in that post I wrote before is that That Guy is probably, other than J, my most serious romantic connection. I have dated a dozen-ish guys in my life, but I’d really only call 3 of them significant in any way…my very first boyfriend (who was lovely, really)…That Guy I mentioned in that post about Hozier’s music and how it helped me write one of my fictional romantic heroes (who is the OPPOSITE in nearly every way of That Guy; That Guy would not appreciate Hozier’s music in a sincere way–he’d only say he did to manipulate some girl he thought was a Hozier fan)…and J (whom I obviously adore and am wholly committed and faithful to, and who is clearly an amazing bad ass in many, many ways…that is why I married him).

I’ve written before about guys who wanted to hide their relationship with me. That Guy was one of Those Guys. And I’ve talked about guys who pushed me to go faster with physical intimacy than I was comfortable going. That Guy was one of Those Guys too. He was actually the first guy who broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him…when I was a 16-year-old virgin on the asexual spectrum (although I didn’t know what that was at the time). The reason he came up at that dinner with my dear friend, L, that I wrote about on the author blog in the Hozier piece, was because L actually wanted to get a ‘good ol’ days’ type of small group together to meet up, but it ended up being just her and me (which…let’s be real…I was kind of happy about). When we thought it would be maybe 5-10 people, though, J and I had offered our house up as a meeting place (after all…these were old friends…we are introverts, but we do still love people and welcome our connections into our home when that is a safe thing to do, normally…and L lives far away now, and she didn’t want to impose on her retired parents with whom she was staying to throw a party). I asked L who she’d like to see while she was in town, and among the people she listed was That Guy. So I said, 'J and I still want to have folks here if we can work it out, but honestly…we’d rather not have That Guy over.’ And then L remembered that That Guy was…That Guy. She needlessly apologized for adding him to the original guest list. And that’s when she told me that shit he’d said not even a year earlier to her on the phone about women being easily manipulated and he could get whatever woman he wanted (despite not, currently or any time in the recent past, actually having a woman in his life for more than a date or two). And then, while eating breakfast one morning, some show we were watching mentioned the 1942 film, Casablanca. And then my friend sent me the Hozier link. And those two strange floating neurons fired in the right sequence to get me to think about That Guy. And to think about how looking back, as I’ve become more experienced and more self-aware, a lot of the things That Guy did that I thought were really amazing in the moment with him were actually very calculated and manipulative. So I wrote this.

I love Casablanca.

Again, I’m sure everyone’s minds are blown that I like a black and white, classic romance where the parallel plot to the love story is defeating Nazis. No progressive, yet still somehow old-fashioned, idealistic, wannabe romance writer would like this movie. <insert hard eye roll here> In addition to the painfully obvious, it’s also a movie I watched for the first time with my grandparents, whom I still adore and miss a great deal. I told this to That Guy when we were dating (my grandfather had only passed away a little more than a year before). I knew he paid attention, because he picked me up from my coffee shop job with one red rose, and told me we were 'going out with people who’d seem familiar to me’ for a date, and he took me back to his house, and we watched Casablanca (which he had never seen…he rented it on VHS…I know…I feel appropriately ancient). At the time, I thought this was like…peak romance. I admit I was impressed. I thought he set up something I liked that he wasn’t really all that into himself. He was more of a Tarantino/Kevin Smith film guy, and the only black and white film he’d ever voluntarily watched before that date was Clerks (not that I don’t love Kevin Smith…I actually do…but you get the picture). We stayed in, and he liked going out. I thought he had done something old-fashioned, and quiet, and romantic, and made me feel nostalgic love for my grandparents, and I thought he had paid attention and done those things for me…because of how much he cared about me and wanted to see me happy (that is why J does those types of things…it’s kind of a lesson my godfather taught me about love…it’s why everyone else who cares about me does those types of things…it’s why my friend from Ireland sends me Hozier links…). But really, it was a performance. He was playing the long game to get what he wanted from me, and when he didn’t, he ended the connection.

And therein lies the difficulty in romance and in human connection in general. So much of what we are socialized to believe is romance is really some form of manipulation. So much of what we see in other people is what we want to see…and I wanted to see sincerity. I wanted to see That Guy as caring and attentive and romantic because he desired my happiness, when he really only considered his own. As time goes by, I wish I could say it’s easier for me to spot performance and manipulation in my relationships with other people, and maybe it is, a bit, but…there are still a lot of people who put on a good show, and I still have the tendency to want to see sincerity, so I often do, even when there may not be as much as I see, or any there at all. A lot of people see earnestness as cringe-worthy. Maybe I’m cringe-y. Maybe the stories I write are light and fluffy to a lot of people because I don’t load them with suffering and I try to emphasize clarity in communication and healthy, faithful relationships instead of using a lot of dramatic plot devices to drive them. But I’m going to keep doing that. That’s how I fight boredom and hate and injustice and everything else that’s wrong with the world and imperfection in human connection. I’m still sincere, and I still want to see the sincerity.

Despite the all the set up in my past to be a fighter, and even despite my reputation as one with some people, and despite the lack of sincerity I want to see so badly I sometimes invent it, I’m still a lover. And the world will always welcome lovers, as time goes by. Right?

Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

(Thanks for reading all my rambling stuff, including all the parentheses and ellipses and links.)

[daddysbarrp]

World AIDS Day

This World AIDS Day remember -

There is a whole queer generation missing because of inaction. People were dying in such high rates that it was a militant but commonplace thing to say - Don't bury me, throw my body on the steps of the FDA.

In my lifetime, the AIDS quilt was created, crafted, and displayed not just in Washington DC but around the country and at least somewhat around the world (if memory serves).

Originally, AIDS was called GRID and was seen as God's 'judgement' against gay people, which, along with then Pres Ronnie Reagan and his ghoul of a wife Nancy, was the reason it took so long to get a handle on it and come up with things like AZT found in Rent.

It's also the reason the Reagan's closeted gay friend and famous actor Rock Hudson died, because they refused to help him get into trial testing for something that could've saved his life.

Before AIDS, queerness wasn't normalized by any stretch but we were moving towards it.

The Golden Girls episode about AIDS was one that was a pattern of sitcom tv like the Golden Girls teaching people how to respond to queer people and 'our issues' back in the day. The same goes for the Designing Women episode "Killing All The Right People" which - I will remind you as an old queen - was a slogan being disseminated against gay men especially at the time (it was thought lesbians couldn't get AIDS and they were practically invisible to the media anyways) - and was one of the first times a show had addressed that it was okay to even touch people with HIV. In the episode, a queer man orphaned by his family asks the Designing Women to literally design his New Orleans styled funeral WHILE HE WAS STILL ALIVE BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WAS GONNA DO IT. SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WAS GAY. Princess Diana was hated by the royal family for her outreach work period but specifically she was one of the few celebrities that would even touch HIV positive people. Her quote about "giving them a hug, God knows they need it" was in response to an educational push she made to teach people to have kindness or at least tolerance. World AIDS Day might seem like a thing of the past but when our bars are fire bombed, our online actions are silenced by algorithms, sex work is shunned or simplified, and the simple act of being gay could get you cut off from your partner in a Catholic run hospital or get you fired/kicked out of your apartment in some American states still (and beyond that, there are still states where having HIV makes you inhirable for work- it's a thing called transmission something or other - I can't remember the exact title) - World AIDS Day is not some holiday of the past.

It's very present. I'm nearly of the generation now removed from the generation we lost to AIDS. If you need more pop culture context, Angels in America is important. Rent. Pedro from the Real World. And the Band Played On the book. Normal Heart the play. Ellen Greene's interview for the Little Shop revival where she talks about attending funerals DAILY while working on Broadway. Friends would just disappear. Even Pose, as much as I hate Ryan Murphy, is an important tool in remembering the ballroom scene and AIDS. When were you last tested? When were your partners last tested? When did you last confront that reality that the AIDS scare is the reason gay men can't donate blood in America? What are you doing to honor those in your life today that should be honored, remembered, and fought for?

Also, I'm pretty emotional about the day, so excuse any facts I may have gotten a little wrong or not expounded on more. This post is getting longer than I intended with each rewrite.

[st6rgirrl]

my intro no. 3 or smth

fun fact: this post is sponsored by my insomniac issues and weird humor, enjoy WELCOME TO MY BLOG :) i support all races, genders, sexualities, and if you don't, i suggest you exit 🤗

✻　about alias and pronouns: you can call me nicole, nini, or coli. she/her. i'm a taurus personality type: infp-t. chloreic-melancholic. chaotic good. gryffindor.

im an asian-american bi-curious disaster teen with a mouthful of vulgar language and a head full of dreamscapes and colors, and a fanfic enthusiast. i tend to drown myself in overthinking and fake scenarios. you'll probably see me leaning on the wall of a cafe on a rainy evening while reading something like the bell jar or anything that involves a depressed lesbian woman from the 1900s (it's weird, i know). i'm often lost in my head and losing my grip to reality because reality hurts. despite the fact that i'm a dreamer, i have high expectations for my future (such as becoming a marvel actress in my late teenage years and meeting THe ZeNdaYAaa). anyways...

i am a mcu fanatic. in fact, the reason why i'm not straight is because of scarlett johansson as the black widow in captain america: civil war (i mean how can a woman look so beautiful). i am in love with middle aged/early thirties female celebrities (taylor swift, anne hathaway, scarlett johansson, kristen stewart, rihanna, lizzie olsen, i could go on and on), and also with old men that fought in world war ii (bucky barnes and steve rogers). it's kind of weird. also i'm obsessed with tom holland and zendaya. VERRRY obsessed.

i write spideychelle fanfics iykik

dni list: any homophobic/transphobic/whateversexualityphobic person. y'all are not welcome.

anon is always open! 💕

✻　favorites flower: lily of the valley season: autumn (think about it-- cloudy skies, red and orange leaves everywhere you go, doc martens against scattering pavement, scraps of waxy parchment under fingers, the cool crisp air) or maybe summer (cardboard cutouts of the city under rooftops, hot mid july air, that kind of sugar high you get without illegal shit, dragonflies landing on spllitered wood, sunlight streaking across green hills) holiday: christmas ⭐ scent: the yellowing pages of an old book, laundry detergent (idk it smells good ok) tv show: wandavision or gilmore girls movies: oh sweetheart i have so many... (spider-man: homecoming, captain america: civil war, black widow, thor: ragnarok, basically ANy MARvEl mOVie, 10 things i hate about you, twilight etc) model: def naomi campbell colors: platinum, periwinkle, midnight blue, garnet red, maroon books: OMFG (the bell jar, the unabridged journals of sylvia plath, villette by charlotte bronte, so basically any 20th century queer women's book, my year of rest and relaxation, the harry potter series, red white and royal blue, normal people etcetc) actors/actresses: ZENDAYA (seriously how does someone that hot exist), kristen stewart, tom holland, chris evans, scarlett johansson, anya taylor joy aesthetics: downtown girl, chaotic academia, messy french girl, uptown girl, divine feminine animals: cats and dogs!! MUSIC ARTISTS: taylor swift, lana del rey, arctic monkeys, girl in red, lou reed, deftones, phoebe bridgers, mazzy star, dream ivory, cigarettes after sex, ariana grande, taylor swift (yeah i mentioned her again but cmon) comfort characters: natasha romanoff, yelena belova, michelle jones-watson, peter parker, tony stark, remus lupin, luna lovegood, mia thermopolis, lane kim cities: new york city, paris, london, austin, los angeles, rome

✻　faq what do you look for in a significant other? what's most important: that i'm comfortable with them. i can laugh and be carefree. they have to be cute and shit, but also kind and funny, sort of chaotic (like me when i'm not shy). the thing i want to do the most is just to hang out, to laugh and feel giddy, to do the cheesiest things like dancing in the rain and watching sunsets and sunrises and doing each others makeup (if they do makeup), and watch early 2000s rom coms and do a marvel movie marathon. im sorry ok how much do you curse? um, it depends. on who is around. if i'm with my wild and unruly friends then i'm the most vulgar of them all, it's actually kind of disturbing but i get really proud when i use 289237479238 vulgar words in a 5-word sentence (how is that possible, you say? well hon everything is possible so). if i'm around my parents, then i'm as clean as a christian minecraft server that you can lick it off the floor (if that fancies you, darlin') (god why did i become british for a sec there). if i'm with people i'm not very familiar with, then it depends on how much they curse. least favorite things/pet peeves? I HATE IT when someone mistakes the lyrics for a song that i know and keep on going. idk but it just gets on my nerves a lot, so beware. especially a taylor song. also, maybe irrelevant but i absolutely despise sad endings in a movie. surprising because i've married to marvel, divorced it, and married it again, had five kids with it (why did i say that god). but still, hate sad endings bc i'm the most tear-sensitive piece of shit you'll ever meet. i cried reading a dog man comic book at age 12. don't ask. future dream? become a marvel actress in late teens, meet and work with tom holland and zendaya (who will both be, hopefully, husband and wife), also simultaneously get into a sapphic summer film about a depressed teen and a lesbian hot chick, meet the love of my life by film and eventually die happy. doubtfully ambitious, i know. i should be a slytherin.

OK BYE FOR NOW 🐸🧶🎨🌌⭐

[lycheermne]

Day 9: The Eve by EXO

Anytime I think of a holiday of "____ Eve", I always think of The Eve by Exo purely because it has the name in the song. Happy New Years Eve! I posted an insta essay to my spam account that took me quite some time to ponder over it before sending. Now looking back at it, this post really shows my sentimental side/serious side which I need to get used to showing this vulnerability to others since being funny is something that I don't always have to show at times. I feel so scared that people will think, oh this is not the alex i would know, but since it is not the alex they are not used to, i hope they can see this different side of me from time and take me seriously, i hope. i take my new years posts sort of seriously because it is a big deal to me that i have to commemorate my time.

sometimes i wish i can just walk around and do dumb things with her. i dont even know why her all of a sudden maybe it is because she really is a platonic life partner for me. yea i think so too. maybe i do want to walk in the park with her and walk around in the night and just talk but that is about it. the more i think about it, i think it was a crush but i am pretty sure it is just a figment of the concept of her. eh. i cant make the same mistake again. i have been reading a lot of fics that have the most cutest stuff ever on there, i love introspection and just them. falling in love. it is perfect. i love what creativity does to people. you know what even is crazy is that this new years just feels like nothing, i just want to sleep in. i want to sleep in so i dont have to make growing older such a celebration or the years going forward to be a weird thing. i just want to live.

i have no motivation to talk to anyone on discord right now. like i just dont want to talk and that is weird. but it also took me back to a good memory from last year where i celebrated new years with friends on discord as we all played our own music to commemorate the new year. i forgot mines but i think one of them was fancy by twice. the most memorable one was with jin's solo. i forgot the name off the top of my head but i love him and what that song meant for me. maybe i should let my fate decide for me what lyric decides my 2024 on my newer playlists. yea i should do that, since i believe in fate n all.

all of these new years that the underclassmen are sending me just makes me all giddy and happy. if there is one thing that i want, it is that i still want to hangout with them even after i graduate because they have gave me that big of an influence. and i do not necessarily think it is because i "peaked" in high school i just genuinely want to be around with them most of the time. there is this one other girl that i have known for so long and i just love her presence and her support it will always be crazy how we grew up together without even growing up together but only online and seeing our growth. god i literally feel so nostalgic thinking about everything but even though there are so many emotions going through me as i am typing this, anxiety, excitement, fear, sadness, enjoyment, i just feel like the end of the years always bring people to an emotional state and i love that for us. but i feel happy overall, that i am glad that i grew up with these people in the long run. yea i just feel happy i just feel like if i died right here i wouldnt mind. honestly no negatively in my brain, just pure bliss and just happiness of how right the world feels for me. this is the life i wanted, simple and stupid. i love it. so so much. wave by wte makes me feel these ways haha lol.

god if my new years song could not have been any better. it was even at the last minute too and when the 12:00 am mark it, the song chamber of reflection said: Getting ready for the day you're born again. I feel like this was a great song to go into the year considering how I spent the entire winter break in self-reflection. god that was perfect i even squealed in joy. what was even more lovely was the extra essentials clothes i got plus actually celebrating new years a lil with my family. it was nice.

i love 2024 already

[hikari-kaitou]

Capcom's Official AA Fanclub Surveys - DGS Edition

Many Western fans may be familiar with the Turnabout 4koma comics that get posted on the official AA fanclub site that Capcom runs, thanks to some lovely fans on tumblr and elsewhere who have shared their translations. What fewer people seem to know about is the character surveys.

Back in the old days, they used to hold a survey on Capcom's official AA fansite every few months where they'd write about the seasonal activities of a handful of characters and ask fans to vote for the funniest/most pleasant/strangest/etc answer.

They stopped doing them in like... 2016? 2017? The original text is lost for good as far as I can tell. Even the wayback machine couldn't help because the content was password locked and you can't get past the password wall while remaining in the archived version.

Fortunately, I saved some of my translations of them so I thought I’d share them.

Cut for length...

"February has begun, and the DGS cast is nearing the end of their journey aboard the RFS Alacrei. Which of them acted the most strangely?"

Ryuunosuke ~ Exhausted from his intensive study session, he decided to try some katana swinging practice as a change of pace and to combat his recent lack of exercise. But because he wasn't used to handling the katana, he swung it too hard and it went flying out of his hands and got stuck in the wall right next to Sherlock, who had just entered the room. Sherlock asked him, "aren't you supposed to be studying right now, Mr. Naruhodo?" and handcuffed him to his desk.

Susato- worked on developing a curriculum for Ryuunosuke. 'If we keep going at this pace, he won't be able to learn it all in time... It'll be hard on Naruhodo-sama, but we'll have to work hard through a couple of nights together.' With that thought, she created a harsh study schedule, and almost seemed to be looking forward to it for some reason.

Sherlock- Driven by excitement over the thought of returning to England after a long absence, he went up on deck to stare at the ocean. Being February, it was very cold out there and he ended up being chilled all the way to the tips of his fingers. He returned to the ship cabins and amused himself by putting his frozen hands on Ryuunosuke, who was stuck in his room studying.

Van Zieks- Upon hearing from Vortex that there was a Japanese exchange student coming to England to study law, he smashed a Lord's Bottle. He apparently also didn't care for the fact that that Japanese student wouldn't be alone, because he proceeded to shatter his chalice, too.

Hosonaga- in order to provide a respite from studying, he provided some hot chocolate. They enjoyed a pleasant tea time, marveling over how sweet and delicious the drink was until Sherlock piped up with some unnecessary trivia: 'Actually folks, chocolate has long been used in Europe as an aphrodisiac!' Everyone promptly spat it out."

"The long winter is nearly over and spring is on it's way, putting the DGS cast members in a celebratory mood. Who found the best way of enjoying spring?"

Ryuunosuke: the Yuumei University faculty members were holding a flower viewing event, and he joined the assistance committee. He exhausted himself keeping the blankets clean so the intense shower of flower petals wouldn't pile up too high on them, delivering sake and snacks, and mediating whatever pointless fights arose. To top it all off, for some reason his compensation was only a single piece of leftover candy. Talk about a sad result!

Susato- her father and the others living in his dormitory were  holding the flower viewing event, so she got up early to prepare the bentos. But her father carelessly forgot to tell her that they wanted tea cakes, so she had to go around the house and neighborhood collecting sweets. For some reason, she ended up being able to gather caramels, biscuits, candy sticks, basically everything but tea cakes, for the tea ceremony.

Sherlock- he disguised himself as a beat officer and infiltrated Scotland Yard to have some fun. There was a real beat officer napping on his feet in the spring sunshine, and while observing him, Sherlock ended up falling asleep too. Detective Gregson gave them a good scolding when he found them, but then Sherlock revealed his true identity with a "hey, it's me, folks!" "What the blazes do you think you're doing?!" Gregson shouted, his rage growing even more, and Sherlock ended up making a run for it.

Van Zieks- went to the vineyard to oversee the production of the contents of his Lord's Bottle. As he viewed the still unopened grape blossom buds, he thought about how they would someday grow up to fill his Lord's Bottle, and ended up going around to look at each one. But the farm hands couldn't stop wondering whether the bottle itself or its owner's heel might come flying at them and were quite uneasy.

Asougi: exhausted himself running around since early morning helping with the professors' flower viewing event. When it was over, he took a break, sharing his reward candy stick [the name of the candy literally translates to 1,000 year candy] with Ryuunosuke, who had also been helping out. 

"I wonder if the candy's effect is halved if you share it with someone."

"That still gives us 500 years."

They laughed and enjoyed looking at the flowers until dark. Then they parted ways with a handshake and a "see you later, best friend."

(This one was something about celebrating New Years. For some reason I didn't save the original question)

"Ryuunosuke ~ To celebrate New Years, he planned to pound mochi with everyone at the office. He somehow managed to get his hands on some mochi rice and he and Sherlock started pounding. Iris was having such fun watching them that she steamed a whole bunch more mochi rice so they could have some to share, and he and Sherlock spent the whole evening pounding mochi like crazy.

Asougi~ Because it's New Years, he went around to a bunch of shrines. When he drew his new year's fortune, he got a "horrible luck" result. "I'm not worried about it," he claimed, and headed up to the mountains early on New Years morning and work hard on a full training course of purification by water, meditation under a waterfall and wooden sword practice. It seems that he was working really hard to clear his mind of all earthly thoughts

Sherlock- Agreed to help Ryuunosuke pound mochi. As Ryuunosuke was flipping the mochi over, he carelessly dropped his badge into the bowl and Sherlock mixed it in without noticing, so they had to crack open both the hard and soft mochi to look for it. Fortunately they found it in the 4th one they checked, but apparently Sherlock got his hands and face covered in sticky white mochi in the process.

Susato- Wore a furisode and went with her father to do the first shrine visit of the year. The shrine was incredibly crowded and they had to wait in line for a long time, but she brought the Encyclopaedia of British Law and a copy of the Strand Magazine in her sleeves to secretly read as they waited so she actually ended up enjoying the wait.

Van Zieks- Ryuunosuke cheerfully gave him some mochi as a New Year’s (which at that time was celebrated at the same time as the Chinese New Year) gift, which he accepted confusedly, wondering “...Can the Japanese not even keep track of when the New Year is?” Because Ryuunosuke referred to it as a rice cake, he tried to eat it like a regular cake without softening it with heat first. It was so hard that he couldn’t imagine how it could possibly be food, and ended up misunderstanding the Japanese even more!

"Autumn has arrived, and the weather is starting to cool off, which means that everyone is becoming more active. Which character chose the most pleasant autumn activity to keep busy with?"

Iris was making bread but her hands are small and it’s difficult for her to knead the dough, so she asked for Ryuunosuke’s help. She wanted to make enough to hand out to Gina and all the other homeless children in the East End, so she made a massive amount and Ryuunosuke was stuck kneading this massive mountain of bread dough all day. Apparently he became such a expert at kneading that he could be a baker now.

Asougi was practicing with his sword, slicing autumn-colored ginko leaves as they fell from the tree. He cut so many leaves, though, that he ended up making a big mess on the ground, the number of fallen leaves now having increased, and it took him a long time to clean it all up.    

Sherlock: Ryuunosuke told him that he was making anpan (bread filled with sweet red bean paste, the bane of my Asian-dwelling existance) and asked Sherlock to help by being in charge of getting the poppy seeds they’d need to sprinkle on top, so Sherlock went out and gathered a ton of poppy seeds. In fact, he got so many of them that no one knew what to do with them all cuz they had a huge amount of leftovers. Sherlock said, “Well, they’re only the size of poppy seeds! Surely you two can deal with them somehow! Ahahaha!” and Iris scolded him.   

(I couldn’t capture it in English, but Sherlock’s line contained a pun, and a pretty stupid one at that, so that’s part of why he got scolded)

It’s grape harvesting season, so Van Zieks commutes to the winery regularly to direct the production of the contents for his “Lord’s Bottle.” He demands perfection in everything from the selection of the grapes to the way they’re squeezed, and the winery staff is terrified by the “grim reaper’s” gaze and heel swinging (i.e. the leg thing he does in court) so they grumble as they work. 

"Hearing that there’s a holiday in the West called Halloween, the people involved with the court in Japan decided to try it out themselves. Naturally Halloween is a big deal in England as well. So, which member of the DGS cast had the best celebration?"

Team Ryuunosuke and Asougi- Asougi got Naruhodo up on his shoulders and they draped a white sheet over themselves to make a ghost costume. They went out like that, but Naruhodo had such exaggerated reactions to the fear of the people who saw them and to bumping his head on tree branches that they ended up losing their balance and falling on top of each other?!   

Sherlock Holmes- went wearing a horse’s head mask. Iris used her skills to make it a fancy horse covered in stars, but the eye holes weren’t well made and he had to wander around blindly. Because of that he tripped hard over a pile of coal! He ended up getting so dirty that the stars on his costume were covered up!

Van Zieks- took inspiration from his nickname and dressed up as the grim reaper. He covered himself up with a skeleton mask and hood figuring no one would know it was him. Unfortunately he got angry when he saw Megundal (McGilded) pass by and started throwing bottles and glasses and ended up giving himself away.

"November has arrived, and autumn is nearing its end. However, the DGS cast is still keeping busy, even on their days off. Which character chose the most interesting way to spend their late autumn day?"

Ryuunosuke- Thinking that he’d better learn more about British culture if he was going to be a defense attorney in Britain, he went down to the East End with Gina for a little observation. However, because an Asian like him stood out so much, he got mobbed by the other children. On top of it all, his arm band got stolen from him and he had to send a replacement request to Yumei University on the other side of the ocean.

Asougi- He went for a meal at La Quantas. The customer at a nearby table got a persimmon for dessert and scarfed it down, saying “Mm! This is it! This sweetness makes it worthy of being called a treasure among foods!” Asougi tried to comment on this by saying, “The customer at that table sure is enjoying his pershim--gak!” but he may or may not have accidentally bitten his tongue in the process and been unable to finish his sentence.

Iris- She accepted Ryuunosuke’s request to learn more about British culture and prepared a bagpipe and kilt costume for him. “This outfit sure is breezy,” Ryuunosuke said shyly upon trying it on. With Ryuunosuke now dressed, he, Iris, and the others from their office headed over to Gregson’s place to get him to treat them to some fish and chips.   

Sherlock- He accepted Ryuunosuke’s request to learn more about British culture and cooked up some European style curry for dinner. Thanks to the fact that his secret ingredient was a large amount of Chinese herbal medicine style spice, it caused some strange side effects and Ryuunosuke, who’d eaten it, ended up passing out and falling over.

“Another taxing trial for Ryuunosuke has finished and now it’s December. As the year draws to a close, which character acts the strangest?”

Ryuunosuke- he was recruited to help with snow removal around Yumei University and the courthouse and he enthusiastically began his task with the help of a large shovel. He got a little carried away, though, and ended up accidentally burying his umbrella, which he’d left propped up against the side of the building, in the snow he’d just finished shoveling.  He had no choice but to share Asougi’s umbrella on the way home.

Asougi- On the way home, he nods silently to Ryuunosuke’s question of whether he’d finished his travel preparations and changes the subject: “...Come to think of it, it seems that tomorrow is celebrated in the West as God’s birthday.” “I’ve heard that they eat chicken as part of the traditional celebration. Wanna try it?” Ryuunosuke asks invitingly. Asougi is strongly opposed to that particular menu item, however, and they end up going out for their usual beef stew that night instead.           

Susato- in addition to her year-end travel preparations, she also was busy with straightening up the book room in her home. She managed to get the law books in order when she suddenly stumbled upon some old issues of Strand Magazine! She hurried through the rest of her cleaning, then began flipping through the magazines she’d found, trying to decide which to take with her on her trip. She accidentally lost herself in her reading and didn’t realize it until it was already the middle of the night.

Sherlock- he was in the middle of a long ship voyage when Christmas night came. His mind on his partner in a far-off country, he made a toast alone on deck, when suddenly the crew began shooting off fireworks with a cry of “Merry Christmas!” Sherlock had to dart back and forth across the deck to prevent the fireworks from hitting him and setting off the explosive chemicals he carries with him.

Main series edition

[ladyofthe-springcourt]

So, I was sent a post made by a T/amlin anti that i would like to not politely disagree with. Since the post is ignoring actual stuff that happened in the first book for the sake of demonizing T/amlin and justifying S/JM's bad writing (though that's not anything new). There are things to dislike T/amlin for, but the things listed in the post just isn't it.

The post stated that T/amlin didn’t make a complete 180 in A/COMAF (even though he totally did, going from “I don’t want to be like my father.” To “We have to do this because tradition.” For absolutely no reason), and T/amlin’s carelessness regarding F/eyre’s trauma wasn’t because of his own  trauma under the mountain, and that “while the rest of P/rythian was suffering under A/marantha’s reign he was allowed to leave her court and essentially hold his own court. Celebrating Calanmai and the summer solstice and lord knows what else for 50 years.” Before I continue let me unpack just those two sentences. With quotes from the actual book to back me up.

 One, did this person forget that him having to leave A/marantha’s court was part of the whole curse thing? How was he supposed to fulfill the demands of the curse from her court? Also, why are they acting like the spring court also wasn’t suffering as well? They were low on sentries because of T/amlin having to send them out in hopes of breaking the curse, and constantly under attack from creatures A/marantha sent.

 “There is no Blight but her. The borders were collapsing because she laid them to rubble. She found it amusing to send her creatures to attack our lands, to test whatever strength Tamlin had left.”

 - Alis, A/COTAR Page 278, last paragraph 

 And we see this stuff happen, like with the Bogge showing up and the Naga. And it’s not like T/amlin didn’t do anything about any of this. He is shown, and were are told that he helps his sentries to protect his land. 

T/amlin was called away to one of the borders hours after I found that head.

 - A/COTAR Page 220, first paragraph 

L/ucien told him. T/amlin threw a glance in my direction before stalking out of the room and shutting the door behind him with unnerving gentleness. 

 L/ucien loosed a breath, pushing away his half-eaten food and rubbing at his temples.

“Where is he going?” I asked, staring toward the door. 

 “To hunt the Bogge.”

 - A/COTAR Page 93, bottom of the page  

“T/amlin has been here, defending his borders as chaos and disorder ruled in other courts under A/marantha’s thumb.”  

A/COTAR Page 284 Bottom of the third Paragraph. 

Secondly, Calanmai is an essential celebration for every court according to S/JM’s own world building that her and stans conviently like to forget. 

“Here, our crops depend upon the magic we regenerate on Calanmai—tonight.” 

 I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my pants. T/amlin had said something similar two days ago. Lucien shuddered, as if shaking off an invisible touch. “We do this by conducting the Great Rite. Each of the seven High Lords of P/rythian performs this every year, since their magic comes from the earth and returns to it at the end—It’s a give-and-take.” 

- A/COTAR Page 193

“Ah” Lucien chuckled. “Well, Tam’s not the only one who gets to perform the rite tonight. Once he makes his choice, we’re free to mingle. Though it’s not the Great Rite, our own dalliances will help the land, too” 

- A/COTAR Page 194 

So T/amlin would only be hurting his people by not celebrating it.  

 And regarding the Summer Solstice, that isn’t even a Spring Court Holiday. It’s celebrated more for all the Summer Court Refugees he has in his land.

 Yet despite the creeping malice, I awoke the next day to the sound of merry fiddling, and when I looked out the window I found the garden bedecked in ribbons and streamers. On the distant hills, I spied the makings of fires and maypoles being raised. When I asked Alis—whose people, I’d learned were called the urisk—she simply said, “Summer Solstice. The main celebration used to be at the Summer Court, but. . .things are different. So now we have one here, too. You’re going.”

 - A/COTAR Page 220-221

And we're not given any indication there is any other parties that he has because as we learn in A/COMAF he isn't a big fan of them.

He assured me that he hated the gatherings as much as I did, and that Lucien was the only one who really enjoyed himself, but. . .I caught T/amlin grinning sometimes.

-ACOMAF Chapter 4

(In response to the last bit) Because heaven forbid the man try to have fun after everything despite him being in a situation he's not fond of.

Now on to the rest of the post: "you cannot tell me this isn't the same approach he used with F/eyre: instead of dealing with the core of the situation in a timely manner, he continued acting like there was nothing wrong and held parties."

How, please explain how in the first book how he acted like nothing was wrong? Is it because he didn't tell F/eyre outright about the curse? Because he couldn't, none of them could. He was up front with F/eyre that things weren't all okay in the form of telling her there was a blight effecting P/rythian.

“I--I. . .” I lifted my hands, exposing my palms to her. “I didn’t know.”

“You couldn’t know,” Alis said bitterly, her laugh harsh as she entered the pantry again. “It was part of Tamlin’s curse.”

-A/COTAR Page 281

And as discussed earlier, T/amlin. Doesn't. Like. Parties. The only reason he held them outside of normal P/rythian celebrations (In A/COMAF anyway, since like I said we aren’t given much indication that he held any non holiday related parties during A/marantha’s reign) such as the Winter Solstice was to introduce F/eyre to the rest of his court. There are many amazing posts made by other Antis explaining how this is a good idea, and how it is a much better way to introduce her to a court then a certain high lord who dressed her up like UTM again and presented her as a play thing to one part of his court all for the sake of his MAsK.

T/amlin endured it all—in that quiet, near-feral way of his—and told me again and again that the parties were a way to introduce me to his court, to give his people something to celebrate.

-A/COMAF Chapter 4

Also, he didn't have time to focus on F/eyre's trauma or even his own because he had a court to rebuild and protect still. Since A/marantha's creatures could still terrorize them.

(I wont be able to provide pages for these quotes, since I don't own a physical copy of A/COMAF, I will provide the chapter though)

"There's no point in rebuilding anything if A/marantha's creatures tear through the lands and destroy it again."

"The wards are up—

"Some slipped in before the wards were repaired. Lucien hunted down five Naga yesterday."

-A/COMAF Chapter 2

Part of F/eylin's downfall is the miscommunication and neglect coming from both T/amlin and F/eyre. Since both seemed to take on the "nothing is wrong" thing in regards to their mental health.

It had become our unspoken agreement—not to let A/marantha win by acknowledging that she still tormented us in our dreams and waking hours.

-A/COMAF Chapter 1

I hated the bright dresses that had become my daily uniform, but didn't have the heart to tell T/amlin—not when he'd bought so many, not when he looked so happy to see me wear them."

A/COMAF Chapter 2

(Despite the fact its I/anthee getting her these dresses not T/amlin they're just bought with his money, but that's a whole other rant. T/am tends to get blamed for a lot of things she does).

I'm sure there are probably more examples in the text but I don't have the energy to list all of them, and there are so many other posts to be made but those are for another day.

[bunnykawa]

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging,  mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in so long!!! But I am quite surprised that my current 200 followers (wow) haven’t unfollowed by now but this is my 200 celebration fic even though I’m a bit late- also I’m sorry if this sucks I just haven’t written in ages! Please bare with me! Kindly proofread by @canadianhufflepuffavenger 💗

Warnings: angst, past break up

Your real dad

-

Steve tightened his grip around your draw-string bag that he had convinced you to part ways with, as you, him and your mother made your way into the tower. He was dreading the reunion with Bucky after not seeing the team for about 2 weeks. You were practically bouncing on your feet to see your real dad. While Steve was there watching you treat your dad like a hero but not even spare him a glance.

Your family relationship was complicated yet simple at the same time: you hated your mom but tolerated her, loved your dad with all your heart, hated your stepdad as much as he tried, treated Peter like your brother and Thor exactly like your uncle.

Why did you hate your stepdad so much?

Well, first of all, he pretended like he was your real dad and tried to do all of the things with you that you and Bucky did together. Second, he always stole all your moms attention and made you feel like you were alone (whether he meant it or not)

The elevator door dinged, indicating that the three of you had reached your floor where currently Bucky, Thor, Tony, Natasha and Sam were hanging out, waiting for your “family”. The others were in the kitchen, trying to get a sneak taste of the food that had been ordered.

“Dad!” You yelled and raced up to the super soldier, he broke out into a grin and picked you up off the ground to invade you into a bone-breakinghug. “Hiya doll face.”

You grinned back at him and got down from his arms briefly to run across the room to retrieve your drawstring back so you could show your dad your new spiderman action figure that had been bought by your cousin Peter.

“Look! Look!”

He smirked slightly at your excited demeanour as you held up the toy as high as you could while jumping up and down for him to see. Once he’d figured out who the character was, you had already gone running off to see what Wanda and Vision had baked in one of the many kitchens.

“Hey Buck” Steve acknowledged as friendly as he could, it wasn’t that the two ‘friends’ hated each other, but there was definitely some tension in the room as the two sat parallel. Tony cleared his throat and mentioned something about having a cough as he quickly left the room.

“I better see where he got off to” Natasha and your mother said at exactly the same time, not wanting to experience what they thought was about to go down.

“Hi Steve” the older soldier greeted back, not sure what the intentions of the conversation were exactly. In the tower, the history between both soldiers and your mother was known but not really spoke of- Bucky dated your mother for quite a while (almost four entire years), and got her pregnant with you, but- as everybody was sure to know- all good things must come to an end- and the two broke up on good terms. That was before Steve Rogers himself got involved at a certain billionaire’s party when they realized they were (and this is in your mother's words) “meant for each other.”

“I’m erm, here to speak to you about something.” As if the awkwardness present in the room was no longer enough before, by now it was almost too much. Thor and Sam took the most obvious hint and left the room in search of something else to occupy their time.

“Well, you’re free to speak-“ Bucky was interrupted by the loud sound of laughing from behind the wooden door and almost instantly after a hushing sound. The two men had completely different reactions to this, Steve was utmostly confused, both eyebrows scrunching together, while Bucky’s face held a small smile. He knew exactly who was trying to eavesdrop and it just proved how much Steve did not know his stepdaughter from the fact he didn’t immediately know. “(Y/N),” he called out, the humour evident in his voice, “Parker, we know you're out there.”

“Awww, Peter you gave our secret identities up!”

By now Steve had caught on to the two of you and laughed lightly, trying to cover up the fact that his only chance to ask Bucky his question alone, was interrupted.

The wooden door creaked open, revealing Peter, dressed up in his spiderman suit for dramatic effect and you with a bandana on, which you thought made you look like a ninja and you held your action figure tightly in your left hand.

“(Y/N), you know it’s rude to eavesdrop” Steve scolded you, trying to be firm. You ignored him and shrugged your shoulders before going to follow the scent of Chinese food.

“Doll,” your dad stopped you “don’t ignore people, you know not to do that” he stood up from his spot on the sofa and began to also make his way to the kitchen, you right beside him muttering a small “okay dad.”

Steve tried not to let his heart sink as his best friend walked away. He would just have to try and get Bucky alone at another point in the night. If he didn’t get an answer, then he would have no use for the small box that was sitting in his trouser pocket.

“Bonjour,” Clint greeted the two of you as you both arrived for food, the island set up with enough plastic plates for everyone (Tony couldn’t be bothered with hiring people to wash normal, expensive ones multiple times a day)

Your mother smiled at you from the other side of the kitchen, but she was immediately confused when you didn’t smile back. The reason you had not, is because you had a feeling you knew exactly what question your stepdad had for Bucky and did not at all like the sound of it.

“Fries?” Bruce offered, tilting the box of food towards you. You nodded gratefully and grabbed a handful. The conversations at the table were mixed; Thor ranting passionately about the food at his home planet, Tony mumbling something about not even being hungry anyway (you thought he was just being salty since he didn’t get his Shawarma), Bucky and Sam having a silent argument across the table, and Peter was busy singing Christmas songs in his best Santa Claus voice.

“Have a holly jolly Christmas, and in case you didn’t seeeee” Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically at the teenager making everyone laugh.

“Hey don’t get annoyed at me! Everyone loves Christmas!”

You used to love Christmas before your parents separated and you weren’t allowed to spend the holiday with your dad.

“I don’t like Christmas,” your dad shrugged half mindedly while taking a sip of his soda. Peter looked at him like he had two heads and exclaimed in shock, “that impossible!”

“It ain’t kid,” Bucky chuckled while your mother shifted in her seat uncomfortably, realizing the reasoning.

While you worked your way through the pile of noodles, Thor’s incessant ranting came to an end, and the teenager had seemingly run out of songs, the group of superheroes decided to hang out in the living room and watch a movie before you, Steve and your mother had to go home.

“Which one?” Nat asked the room while holding up two movies, the nightmare before Christmas and the corpse bride. Both Halloween movies, neither particularly scary.

“How could one have a nightmare on the day before Christmas? Surely that is against the rules of the Holiday Christmas, that is based on happiness?” Thor asked, earning a quizzical look from you. “Stop tryna act like Shakespeare big man” Tony laughed while grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it all into his mouth.

Steve ignored the billionaire, and while no one seemed to be paying attention he directed his attention to Bucky, swallowing nervously. “Hey Buck, can I speak to you for a sec outside?”

Confusion spread over the soldier’s face for a split second before complying and getting up from the couch with Steve as discreetly as possible as to not raise suspicion from the rest of the team and you.

“What’s up?” He asked once they’d reached the hallway outside, he didn’t know what was up with the younger man but he could easily tell that he’d been acting nervous around himself and your mom.

“Um, I have a question, you don’t have to say yes or no or anything-“

“Your ranting.”

He stopped and thought for a second, wondering how to put it. “I know it’s been complicated recently, and I know this might make it worse with all your history with (Y/M/N) and (Y/N) but I really do love both of them and since (Y/M/N)’s parents passed a while ago, there’s no one to really ask for their blessing so I guess I’m here to ask you, can I have your blessing to propose to (Y/M/N)?”

Bucky stood emotionless for a second, not knowing how to react. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy for Steve and support him or to be angry. He had both reasonable attributes for each option but was cut short when he heard the sound of a door banging against its hinges on the floor above.

Both of your dad’s eyebrows scrunched together, who was that? Everyone in the tower knew not to do it because Tony despised it, and everyone with a brain knew that when Tony got annoyed, bad things happened.

Then almost instantly after the door entering the living room revealing an awkward Loki “I’m sorry to interrupt this conversation but your daughter slash stepdaughter, just ran upstairs in tears so if you could quickly wrap this little moment up, it would be greatly appreciated”

Bucky’s heart stopped, why were you crying?

He and Steve completely forgot about their previous conversation and quickly headed upstairs, nearly running Peter over in the process coming from the toilet. But just as they reached the door where you normally stayed when you came for sleepovers, Bucky stopped and put a finger to his lips.

“I think I should go in.” Instead of arguing, and saying that it would be good ‘bonding time’ to get you to like him, Steve silently agreed and let your dad go in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he gently closed the door behind himself, instantly catching sight of you sat on the carpeted floor, furiously wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie.

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself,” he took ahold of both of your wrists and set them down on your lap, “why’re you crying doll?”

Tears continued to stream unapologetically down your cheeks, you didn’t know how to tell him. That you had snuck out of the living room to see where the two had gone and then eavesdropped into their conversation, and once hearing your stepdad (who you did not like at all) was going to become a permanent part of your life, ran off crying.

“I don’t wanna talk about it” you shook your head, making him sigh. “Please tell me, I wanna know why. You trust me right (Y/N)?”

The simple nod was all he needed, yet his heart still ached. Seeing his only daughter in tears and didn’t trust him enough to tell him why? It was heartbreaking for him. “I don’t want him to marry mom,” you quietly admitted, “the only reason I’m still allowed to see you is because she thinks I still need a father figure, so now he’s gonna be here forever I won’t be- I won’t be able to see you anymore.”

He sighed deeply, trying to find a way to comfort you. “You will, I promise. I’ll always be apart of your life doll. No one can ever take you away from me because you're my daughter and I love you so so much, m’kay?”

You sniffled and wiped the final tears from your cheeks. “Okay.”

Before you could both get up and return downstairs to finish the movie, Bucky stopped you and lifted you up to whisper something to you.

Once he had finished you pulled back and nodded hesitantly, realizing that you should put your grudge behind you and face a fear.

Your dad and you returned outside, Steve waiting patiently while resting on the wall, gently smiling at you to make sure you were okay.

“Go on doll,” Bucky quietly urged, making you take a deep breath and just go for it.

“I give you my blessing to marry mom.” Steve’s heart skipped multiple beats as his brain tried to process what you had said. You’d finally accepted him into your life?

He broke out into a grin, trying to form words to thank you without seeming like this meant the absolute world to him. “Thank you (Y/N). I appreciate it so much.”

Bucky was proud of you for taking a leap and letting Steve into your life when you were scared. He realized at that moment that even if you did have a dad and a stepdad at the same time, he’d fulfilled his role already.

Taglist: @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever @hera-the-writer @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @js3639 @am3l1a-24 @bonkybarnes107 @ilovemarvel-andcats @sapphireplums @deannawallacee @keenmarvellover @garbage-potato @mollbt @spookybooisa

[coochiequeens]

51 deaths in 2021 is not a crime wave.

A least 4 black women and girls are killed per day.

In 2020, there were 5,295 records for missing American Indian girls and women tallied by the National Crime Information Center, including 578 records that were still "active" by year's end.

In Mexico 10 women are killed per day.

So many women are killed per day we don’t even have stats for 2021. Yet all we hear about is how the trans community uses every death, including one that was a hit and run victim and may have had nothing to do with being trans, to encourage a victim mentality.

Two more violent deaths of transgender Americans have just been reported, both from December, bringing 2021’s total to 53. It was already by far the nation’s deadliest year on record for trans people.

Za’niyah Williams, a 21-year-old Black trans woman, died after a hit-and-run car crash in Houston December 20, TransGriot reports. She remained unidentified for some time and was misgendered by police and media outlets. But her loved ones have come forward to identify her.

“You were loved and will always be a part of me!” a cousin wrote on social media. “Fly high you beautiful butterfly.” A friend posted that Williams was “a very sweet and smart young lady and always ripped the runway when she dressed up.”

“Za’niyah Williams was a bright soul who at 21 years old had the world in front of her,” Tori Cooper, the Human Rights Campaign’s director of community engagement for its Transgender Justice Initiative, said in a press release. “It is horrific that her life was taken from her by an unknown assailant who drove off without a care. She was also misgendered in initial reports until she was identified by her mother. We must create a society that respects Black trans women and all transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people. Although we honor them in death, they deserve to live, and they deserve justice for the crimes that too often end their lives.”

The Harris County Sheriff’s Office asks that anyone with information call (713) 221-6000and reference case number #2112-07879.

In Albuquerque, N.M., white trans woman Nikki Turietta, 31, was found shot to death December 31, TV station KOB reports. She was found in her home, shot in the head. Turietta was also initially misgendered by media.

Jen Struck, Turietta’s aunt, described her as “a character” and “just completely free spirit.” Turietta had grown up in Albuquerque and had returned there a few years ago after traveling all over the U.S. and internationally, Struck told KOB. Turietta had just celebrated the holidays with her family.

“We’re just all in shock,” Struck said. “I don’t think it’s really set in for some of us yet.” Violent crime has been rising in Albuquerque, with a record 114 homicides in 2021.

Turietta’s death remains under investigation by Albuquerque police. “We want justice,” Struck said. “We’re desperate for answers. We want to know what happened. Somebody’s got to know something. They didn’t commit suicide.”

“It is horrific that on the last day of 2021, yet another transgender person was killed in what has been a record year for fatal violence against transgender and gender-nonconforming people,” Cooper said. “This violence has been unceasing, but so too must our efforts to combat it never stop. We must commit to creating a safe and affirming culture for transgender and gender-nonconforming people.”