#also sorry for the inactivity I'm managing like 10 different blogs

[amysubmits]

You mentioned that when you brought up the D/s relationship to your husband, you sent him articles about it. Do you remember where you found those articles? My husband and I have been married 14 years, and together 19. We had a very limited sex life in the past due to sexual trauma I had from my previous relationship. I always had very bad feelings towards sex and viewed it as something that just hurt and the sooner it’s over the better and you just have to get him off to be done.

It wasn’t until I started reading erotica novels about BDSM that I even changed my view on sex and had my first orgasm…3 years after being married (5 years after I first had sex). Now I have a much healthier relationship with sex and I can have multiple orgasms, multiple ways.

My husband is very Alpha and amazing at making sure I’m taken care of and he prioritizes me and my safety. We’ve always sort of had that D/s dynamic. But I really want to go deeper into it. He’s open to discussing it. I just don’t know where to start other than the stereotypical stuff you see everywhere. I almost wish we had someone that could guide us and I don’t know how to bring it up to him that he needs a much better understanding of it just from having no familiarity of how in depth the dynamic is. The thing I’m mostly drawn to is the psychological aspect of it and when the Dom knows what the sub needs and demands it, regardless if the sub is aware what he’s doing. Thank you for all your posts and putting everything out there for people wanting to expand from a long term vanilla relationship to a new D/s relationship!

Hi there!

I'm so sorry that you've had the traumatic sexual experiences that have made it harder for you to find your way with your sexuality - but it's so cool that you've managed to do so now! Mine was a bit different from yours it sounds like, but it took me a while to figure out my sexuality due to trauma as well.

As far as what I shared with CD when I was first sharing the concept with him...

I came across the idea of domestic discipline (aka DD) before we knew about 'regular' D/s. It took a while before I realized that DD is basically a form of D/s. There's often a lot more D/s content out there than there is DD, so being limited to just knowing to search for DD made it especially tough. But anyway, the articles that I found early on where all on DD sites. There was some DD site that had a forum that was most of what I used as a reference from what I recall, and that site has since shut down. It was already really inactive by the time I was finding it like 10 years ago. But another that I can recall looks like it's still up. That is

I also recall a blog that was called A Shrew Tamed but I can't seem to find that. I think it may have been a Wordpress or blogspot blog?

That's what I recall starting with, anyway. While I gained a lot of info from those sources, I remember feeling frustrated that I couldn't find anything that was "spot on" for what I wanted. There are plenty of non-sexist DD people out there, but DD does bring in the sexist people more than regular D/s does, so there's a lot of sexism that can get mixed into most of the content I was finding early on... and that was always really offputting to me, but at the time it was the closest I could find to what I wanted. So I'd just share stuff with Cd but then point out the parts that I disagreed with or whatever. And he sometimes had additional parts that he disagreed with. So we had to kinda patch together our own path using some ideas from others but then crafting the rest based on our own ethics and needs and so on. Which I thought was kind of 'wrong' at the time, but I'm so glad we did that rather than feeling like we had to copy some guidelines from someone else that weren't right for us.

It took a ton of talking to get started, and that was pretty uncomfortable for me at the time as my communication skills were pretty bad and I had a lot of shame wrapped up in all of this so it was hard to talk about. But, to do D/s safely, I really had to get to a place where I could talk about it pretty in depth and openly so in hindsight, I'm glad that we did push ourselves to do all that talking. It was needed. Some of what we had to explore in depth were what both of us were wanting to feel about different aspects of D/s, what things we thought would give us those feelings and what things we thought would definitely NOT give us those feelings. And then once we started, we talked about what we were doing all the time in the beginning. CD wanted to know how everything he did felt to me, and we tried to keep adjusting if anything didn't feel good or right.

It's great that you know that a big part of what you're looking for is for your partner to know your needs and to prioritize them. Most likely, making it possible for him to know your needs in different situations will require you to share your needs with him a lot for a long time so that he can learn the patterns of what you need. And I know that sucks because a lot of times when we want someone to know our needs, part of what feels good is them 'just knowing' without us asking or telling, but realistically, our partners can usually only learn our needs in extreme detail like that, if a lot of communication happens early on.

It sometimes feels like CD 'reads my mind' and 'just knows' things - but that's almost always because at some point in the past, we openly discussed that need in some way or another. It also helps that he is very observant of my behavior and reactions to things, so he notices if I have a positive or negative reaction to something that happens or is said, and he tries to catalog that for future use. But that alone wouldn't be enough for him to know my needs most of the time.

I wish I had some specific article to point you to that would be exactly what you want, but I don't know of one. I do know that there's lots of great content here on tumblr that you could maybe use to send to your partner with commentary about what sounds good about it and what doesn't sound so good about it, the way I did with those early articles years go. I have a tag on my blog #vanilla to D/s that I use to tag any content I write or reblog that I think would be of interest to people transitioning from vanilla to D/s. @cherishedproperty has some of the best d/s content on tumblr in my opinion. Off the top of my head, I believe @tinybitsubby and @cybister015 are two more blogs you can follow for vanilla to D/s experience. And there are lots of others that are just good D/s examples even if they aren't vanilla to D/s. I tag most reblogs with #other writers if you want to browse that to see other blogs I've reblogged from and check out their content.

Hope this helps! If you have any additional questions come up feel free to reach out again. Best of luck to you guys. :)

[endorstoiii]

music tag game + questions + phone photo meme

a month ago the sweetest @somekeepsakes tagged me in this. I'm so sorry I took a month to do it but here I go, thank you!!! <3

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist, put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then choose 10 victims.

1) добрая песня by Ploho 2) Patchouli by Muzz 3) Madness by Muse 4) Weekend Wars by MGMT 5) Disintegration by The Cure 6) Suck It And See by Arctic Monkeys 7) Love Song by Lana Del Rey 8) You Are The Right One by Sports 9) Trauma by Foxygen 10) Take You On A Cruise (Live at Electric Lady) by Interpol

why did you choose your url? it's a song by Tame Impala called Endors Toi which means "you sleep" (I love sleeping and I'm always sleepy). I love the lyrics because it basically says "go to sleep, tomorrow will be a better day" and I do it a lot hah

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them nope, none! I can barely manage my own blog, I would be worse with a second. also there's nothing I would side-blog about hah

how long have you been on tumblr? I signed in on June 2011 and my blog (and I) changed A LOT since then hah

do you have a queue tag? no... I tried to once but it's too complicated for me, so I just open the app, reblog and leave hah

do you have a queue tag? I guess I just wanted something different to do on the internet. I wouldn't have a proper blog, but I wanted to have a website where I could have all stuff I like and customize it the way I wanted to, without having to be an HTML expert. turned out I discovered a very good place here and stayed, made really good friends and yeah :)

why did you choose your icon/pfp header? I keep changing them, but these current ones are lasting long. I have this dark green fabric pic as icon because I didn't know what to use and I wanted just a color, so I picked a nice green. and for header it's a version of The Great Wave made by a brazilian cartoonist called Mauricio de Sousa - there was an expo about his work and I went there, it was awesome. then I found this version he made and obviously I loved it! so I took this pic and here it is :D

what’s your post with the most notes? pfff I have no idea... I don't post stuff myself, I mostly reblog. however, maaaaybe it's this one?

how many people do you follow? 2073, but I need to check them cause many of the are inactive or just... weird

have you ever made a shitpost? hum... not exactly?? I mean, if my tags or captions on posts are considered, then check the ones I wrote on pictures of Paul Banks HAHAHAHAH

how often do you use tumblr? everyday, I guess. but not insanely as I used to back in 2015/2016 (tbh I miss that time very very much, but also I'm ok with my current situation)

how do you feel about “you need to to reblog this post”? i just scroll down hah

do you like tag games? absolutely!!! I love them <3 any kind of tag games, challenges, whatever, I looove!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? nobody I think hah (but I would say you, @somekeepsakes, cause you make posts that interpals share a lot hahahah)

do you have a crush on a mutual? mutual on tumblr? no hah

phone photo meme game: choose one photo from your camera roll without downloading to sum up your personality

no need to explain lmao

I'll tag only 5: @man-age-ment, @lastflowerss, @fireache, @onlyhavetimeforcoffee and @nn-knws (but only if you want to!)