#also the brush i was obsessed with in this era is very pencil-y

[rivvode]

silly little fella

[swellwriting]

Hopelessly Devoted

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauder Era)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Request: From @theseuscmander​ : putting in a formal request because I only said this through the discord group chat but can I get an angsty James potter fic based off the song ‘hopelessly devoted to you’ you can decide if the ending is fluffy or just sad lmao but pls

Warnings: None

A/N: THIS was supposed to be James fic but I fucked up, I think I was also a bit too obvious about my crush on Lily Evans...ignore my apparent gushing over her perfection.

Word Count: 6k

Lily Evans, even her name sounded beautiful, so much as her vibrant red hair, her freckled cheeks and kind heart. One of the smartest and hardest working girls in your year. A brave Gryffindor, she looked good in the bold coloured clothes she adorned, red fabric complimenting her rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes.

If anyone knew what you thought of Lily Evans they would assume you had a crush on her. Instead, your heart is stuck on the boy on the other side of the room, staring at her just as intently as you are.

You don't stare at her with hatred burning behind your eyes or jealousy in your veins, you stare at her with the same adoration that James does.

For what does she have that you don't, what makes her seem so perfect, ethereal. And how could you ever expect to achieve that? To stand out when your competition is her.

To say it’s a competition is actually a joke when you think about it because there isn’t one, she has already won, even if she doesn't choose to rejoice in her victory. The owner of James Potter’s heart, yet she holds it so carelessly, wishes she could throw it away, acts like she is burdened by it. 

The audacity, the one thing you don't like about Lily is that she doesn't appreciate James for who he is, she doesn't even give him a chance. If she knew him as you did, the real him, the one that’s grown far past the brat of past years. She would feel the same tightening in her chest when his skin brushed hers, as you did, her heartbeat would be loud in her ears when he spoke her name. She would close her eye and see his bright smile and hear his stupid contagious laugh just like you do, like you’re cursed with every night as you lay in bed and think about him.

It’s not fair really. She has it all. Well, no one’s life is perfect but she has those cool girlfriends you wish you had, she has long pretty hair and this look that’s purely her own. You wish you could be her for countless reasons. 

A hand brushes your shoulder taking you out of your thoughts as you watch the girls leave the classroom in the giggly group, going to do whatever girls like them do. You turn to face Sirius who has grabbed your books for you already and is gesturing towards the other boys who are walking out the door.

“Let’s go, unless you enjoy History of Magic so much you can’t bear to leave!” He jokes and you laugh lightly hitting his arm and following him out the door.

The boys fall into quick conversation and you tune them out trying to listen to the girls talking ahead of you.

Marlene is gushing about some Ravenclaw boy who was flirting with her last night, they have their arms intertwined as they walk, a peppy skip to their steps.

It’s not that you don't enjoy being friends with the Marauders, but you wished you had some girlfriends too. It’d be nice to be able to talk to someone about your crush on James, someone who could talk sense into you, or give you any advice.

“Is there a reason you are both staring down Lily Evans like that?” Remus asks when he notices you and James are both silent staring ahead in a trance at the redhead as she bounces down the hallway.

“I think maybe Y/n has a crush on Lily too,” Sirius jokes and you roll your eyes.

“Nah, Y/n is a good friend, she would never steal my girlfriend.” James teases and wraps an arm around your shoulders, playfully pulling you against him as you walk down the hallway.

“In your dreams Prongs,” Peter yells with a bountiful laugh and you try to laugh along, force a fake giggle past your lips. Try not to bring any attention to you, or your hot and awkward face.

Trying to act like your heart didn’t crack from hearing those words. Calling you a friend and Lily his girlfriend all in one sentence.

Even if he wasn’t interested in Lily you are sure he would still be stuck viewing you only as a friend, another Marauder, nothing more nothing less.

“She will be soon, I'm asking her to Hogsmeade this weekend!” James announces proudly and your heart stops.

“Yeah because that’s worked so well before,” Remus jabs.

“She has to say yes eventually, it’s our last year here, she’s about to miss her chances with me.”

“I think she may be thankful for that,” Remus counters.

He’s asked her out before, and you just have to hope that she says no again. But James is different this year, he’s matured a lot and if you noticed then Lily will soon notice to. It sounds like a bad thing to say about a friend, but you hope she says no, you hope that he messes it up like he usually does.

-

You have Advanced Arithmancy Studies this year with Remus, a class you both regret taking but you always do all of the homework and studying together to make it easier.

The library is pretty vacant and you Remus are studying in a far empty corner. Sirius is sat beside you, not studying but keeping you both company, and possibly keeping you from going mad as well. His lighthearted jokes and easygoing attitude are quite calming to have around.

“I just read this page over and over again and nothing retains, it’s like it’s not even English,” you complain.

Remus flips his book to you, his page is marked lightly with a pencil, “read it in sections like this, makes it easier to...digest.”

“We are eating our books now?” Sirius makes the dumb joke and moves closer to you, reading the page at the same time as if he could help you understand it.

You read a few lines in before Sirius’ joke makes its way to your tired mind and you let out a laugh, muffle it behind your hands then rest your forehead on the wooden table in defeat.

“I'm done for today, I've given up,” You say a moment later, sitting back up and closing your books, still bringing a hand to your forehead.

“You’re done studying but you still look just as stressed,” Remus asks, still writing notes, looking up and down between you and the page in front of him.

Your silent for a moment, not sure if you want to reveal your plan to your friends, shock them with the revelation of your feelings towards your friend. But it’s like jumping into a pool you know is cold, it’s easier if you do it all at once, quickly, so you spit out the words before your brain can stop you.

“I'm going to ask James to Hogsmeade,” you blurt out and both boys look at you with confused expressions.

“He’s asking Lily is he not?” Remus asks, concern evident in his voice.

“Not if I ask him first!” You say confidently, though it’s all a facade.

“Why would you do that?” Remus asks again, clearly not understanding what you’re implying.

“Because I’ve been in love with him since second year?” You say like a question, a nervous pitch to your voice.

“No, you haven’t,” Sirus says like it’s a matter of fact as if he doesn't want to believe it.

“What? Yes, I have, just because I hadn’t told anyone doesn't mean I have not had a stupid crush on him for years,” you argue.

“I sort of see it now,” Remus says tilting his head like he’s looking into his memories for clues.

“Obviously I hid my feelings out of fear of ruining our friendship because you guys are my only friends. I wouldn't wanna make things weird between me and James and then lose you guys in the process. But I also don't wanna regret never acting on my feelings before it’s too late.”

“Well you would never lose us, James wouldn't stop being your friend over something so trivial either,” Remus assures you with his warm smile.

Sirius is sat beside you in silence until Remus looks over to him, arching a brow as if to tell him to encourage you but he can’t bring himself to.

“He will say no?” Sirius says and you’re taken aback.

“You don’t know that,” you say sadly, hurt by his words and reaction you didn’t expect.

“He is in love with Lily, he’s obsessed with her,” Sirius says and there is a bite to his voice, a harshness you’re not used to from him.

“Maybe he will see that someone else has feelings for him and it will change his mind, and he needs to move on from Lily anyways. Y/n is beautiful and knows James so well already I think they would be very cute together.” Remus defends, giving this knowing look to Sirius who just stands up abruptly and walks away with his shoulders slumped.

“Maybe I shouldn’t ask James out,” you say to Remus watching Sirius leave.

“Don't let Sirius stop you from doing something your heart is telling you to do.”

“But if Sirius is so upset by it maybe I shouldn’t. I can’t tell if he’s mad because he truly thinks James will say no and doesn't wanna see me hurt. Or maybe he thinks I’m not good enough for James.” You admit sadly, your heart aching at the conflict, you thought Remus and Sirius were good people to talk to. If you had to choose only one of them you would have chosen Sirius. 

He is usually so understanding and nice towards you. He has so much experience with girls too, you never stop him from going after a girl in fear that he might get hurt. Why was he being like this to you?

“Just ignore Sirius for right now, if he wants to get over himself and stop being emotional he will come to talk to you, until then, I think James should be leaving the Quiddich pitch anytime now,” he says with an encouraging wave of his hands. and you smile at him, pulling your bag over your shoulder and then leaning down to grab Remus’ hands.

“Thanks, Rem, you’re a really good friend.”

“No problem, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or to celebrate with, you know where to find me,” he says before diving back into his notes.

You find James right where Remus said he would be, leaving the Quidditch change rooms outside the pitch, hair damp from a shower, smelling like mint from his soap.

“Hey, Padfoot!” You say, a bit out of breath.

“Hey, Vix!” He mimics you, using your given nickname since your Animagus was a fox and a female fox is a vixen...so Vix. You really need better less obvious nicknames for your group.

“I have a question,” you say, now more timid, feeling your cheeks heat up and nerves prickle up your spine.

“Shoot!” He says and he has this big goofy smile that you can’t help but love. You might as well be looking at him right now with literal hearts in your eyes.

You take a deep breath and let the words fly out. “Do you wanna go to Hogsmeade, this weekend...with me?”

His smile doesn't falter as he quickly replies, “I told you I was going to ask Lily to Hogsmeade this weekend didn’t I?” He looks clueless about what you’re saying.

“You did, but I thought maybe...you and... I could go?”

“Well, Remus and Peter have essays to work on, so the rest of our friends couldn’t go anyways. We can all go next weekend if you want. If you can make your Honeydukes stash last until then,” he teases and then ruffles your already messy hair as he walks past you.

You stand still, frozen in place. He didn’t really turn you down, but he sort of friend-zoned you… he didn’t understand the weight of your question, brushed you off, the idea of a date with you being so completely out of his mind he hadn’t even realized it was what you were asking.

You swallow your pride, bite your tongue to hold back the tears and bring a hand to your face.

James stops walking and turns around, “Vix? You coming? We are having a Gobstones tournament in the common room remember? If you’re late you won’t get your favourite colour.”

He’s so sweet and kind. You just wished he felt more for you. You wished he could love you the way you do him.

“Vix?” He says again, no hint that he has caught on in his voice, just fun and playful, you can hear in his voice that he’s still smiling from ear to ear behind you.

“I forgot my book in the stands the other day I just… I’ll meet you there.” You choke out without letting the damn in your eyes break, it’s always hard to hold back tears when you have to talk.

“Okay,” he says and you hear him walk away so you make your way to the empty stands. It’s fall and your knitted sweater doesn't do much for the wind that blows between the patterns of yarn. The stands are empty, there are no lights on and night only gets darker and darker as you sit in the back row of the stands, you bring your knees up to your chest and bury your face in your palms.

You feel stupid, hopelessly stupid.

No, your heart is not the first to break, not the first time it’s felt this way from James’ unknowing ignorance towards your feelings. It’s not the first time you have cried for him And not the first time you’ve felt hopeless, like you may never get over him. You might be stuck feeling heartbroken and jealous and unwanted every time you see him.

Your chest is tight and you gasp for air through the tears, you pout and pull the strings in your sweater making you even colder, the tears on your cheeks make your face cool with the breeze and you don't even know what you’re doing. 

What will crying in the empty quidditch stands accomplish? You can’t go back to the common room, you don’t want to see James or his stupid face, or messy hair or dorky glasses and goofy smile. You don't want to hear one of his jokes because you know you will laugh, and you don't feel very funny right now.

More than anything you crave the comfort of your bed, the softness of your bedsheets, the quietness of your room. In order to get there, you have to face your friends first. So you stand up, dust off your plaid skirt and pull the sleeves of your sweater over your hands to dry your face. You take a deep breath, even your breathing and then pitifully climb down from the stands and make your sorrow walk to your common room.

Luckily the crisp air of fall can be the blame for your post crying face, allergies to blame for your puffy eyes if anyone asked. You take another deep breath and offer a fake smile to the fat lady as you mumble the password, she gives a concerned sympathetic look in return and opens the door.

The room is light and loud and filled with laughter. Gobstones flying everywhere and intense competition going on. Luckily no one’s attention is brought to you.

Peter and James are playing with determination in their eyes while Remus watches with excitement, book still in hand since he’s trying to multitask. Sirius is nowhere to be seen but other various Gryffindors fill the room. The first years watch the game with stars in their eyes and chant for whoever they want to win. 

Lily is sitting beside James, eerily close. You stop walking and stare at them for a moment, it throws you off completely.

You don't know that he’s asked her but something about the way they are sitting tells you that he did. The way she’s sitting closer than she usually does, the way she has this sort of smirk on her face and James keeps looking at her with the widest smile between moves. You can tell she said yes.

Remus is the first and only person to notice you. You could tell him a million lies about fall breezes and allergies and he would still see the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. His smile drops and he goes to get up and walk towards you. You frown and bite your lip hard. Just as Remus reaches you and places his hands on your elbows, your arms crossed in front of you. He cranes his neck down to be eye level with you, but before he can even say a word of comfort or apology the portrait opens blowing air in your face. 

Sirius walks in and quickly realizes the scene in front of him. He doesn't have to see your face to know you’re clearly upset and that Remus is trying and failing to comfort you, he sees James and Lily on the couch acting closer than they usually do.

“Remus,” Sirus says, you can tell he’s angry about something but you have no idea what, Remus looks a bit scared for a moment before he faces you again, you interrupt him.

“It’s okay, I'm fine,” you say before you break out of his hold and run up to your room. Remus must have done something to piss Sirius off and you didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s problems right now.

You get into your room and thankfully it’s empty, you only have two roommates. One girl, Florence, is a pureblood, a total bitch who is forever salty that she isn’t in the same room as her friends. And the other girl, is like you, quiet and reserved, you get along well enough and bond over your hatred of Florence.

You crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head and just lay there and cry. What else are you supposed to do, there is nothing. James got the girl of his dreams and she isn’t you, he doesn't want you. Everything you hoped would never happen just did all in one night. Rejection and heartbreak. You pull the curtain around your bed and cast a silencing charm, it will be a while before your tears stop and you aren't in the mood to have to explain yourself to anyone.

Sirius and Remus are still downstairs, Sirius pulled Remus by the loose collar of his oversized sweater and the pushed him into the hall.

“This is your fault,” he says sternly, his face concrete in anger.

“You don't even know what happened yet.”

“It doesn't take a genius to understand. Vix went and asked James out like you stupidly encouraged her to do knowing he would say no.”

“I didn’t know that.” 

“Yes, you did Remus don't play stupid with me. You messed up and you’re too guilty to admit it.”

“Is it such a crime to be nice to our friend.”

“It’s a crime to give her false hope yes. James probably brushed her question off, probably was an ignorant git about it.”

“Well, he probably didn’t understand her feelings were more than platonic.”

“Which we both knew would happen!” Sirius yells and a house-elf that’s dusting a statue shushes them. “James came back here and asked Lily out and by the looks of it she said yes didn’t she?”

“Yeah who saw that coming?” Remus asks trying to change the topic, feeling guiltier by the moment, he knows he messed up and doesn't know how to fix it.

“That part doesn't even matter. You messed this up. You knew that James would never go on a date with Vix.”

“I know you guys had talked about it before but you never said why. I thought maybe once he knew she liked him he would change his mind!”

“No, because James is the only person who knew that I…” Sirius paused, words stuck in his throat and Remus’ eyes widen in realization.

“You like her.”

“Yeah,” Sirius admits and then gets angry again. “So James would never go on a date with her, he would never do that to me. And then here you come sending her down a path shes bound to fail from the start.”

“I was trying to be nice, maybe if you told me things.”

“You would have told Vix, you tell her everything. I didn’t want her to know, and now I especially don't want her to know.”

“You thought she liked you back.”

“I thought I had a chance,” Sirius admits in defeat. 

“But you were with that Hufflepuff girl last week, we all thought, Vix and I thought you two were...doing things.”

“You mean my project partner in transfiguration, which you and Vix would both know if you had taken that class with me like you were supposed to. I haven’t even thought about another girl since the beginning of last year. James made me realize my stupid feelings and since then Vix has been the only girl on my mind. But thanks to you she thinks I’m off screwing with a Hufflepuff girl.

“To be fair it was Vix who jumped to that conclusion…”

“Remus.”

“Sorry.”

Remus moved closer to Sirius, resting a hand on his shoulder, no longer worried about Sirius being mad, instead of worried about his two friends with broken hearts.

“I have to go.” Sirius shrugged his shoulder to get Remus’ hand off of him and hurried down the hallway.

Remus knew there was nothing he could do to cheer Sirius up, so he went to your room to find you instead.

-

Remus let himself into the room after seeing both your roommates downstairs. He whispered your name and peeled your curtain back.

“I'm sorry,” he said, sadness and guilt dripping from his voice. You quickly moved up onto your knees to be level with him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders holding him tight. Remus hugged you back, holding you close and letting you cry on him. He was warm and broad-shouldered so he always gave good hugs.

“It’s not your fault.” You said between puffs of breath.

“I shouldn’t have told you to do that.”

You pushed him back again and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Remus Lupin you are not to blame for this, even if I hadn’t tried to ask him out he still would be going to Hogsmeade with Lily, it’s a culmination of all of it together but I would have ended up here anyway in this same place. I'm just glad I have you.”

“You have all of us, even James. I’ll be here for you and help you get over him, you just need to transfer your feelings onto someone else.” He said trying to hint at Sirius, not able to keep any secrets from you.

“I don't think that’s the healthiest coping mechanism. Let’s just focus on Arithmancy, and studying and avoiding James and Lily until I am emotionally stable enough to see them together.”

“I can help with that!” He says with excitement.

“For now let’s watch dumb muggle movies and eat chocolate?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

-

It took a long time to get over James, you spent a lot of time with Remus who was a good friend, he helped take your mind off of him for this past month. It still hurt to see them together, they were so unbearably cute and if you weren’t envious of Lily before you definitely were now.

You and Remus became almost inseparable, your friendship level going from normal to absolute best friends. It was good, there was no pressure there to act differently around him because there were no romantic feelings of any kind.

Sirius had been missing most of the month, barely around, avoiding you at every turn. It was weird too, and you missed him.

“Has Sirius been really busy lately, I feel like I never see him?”

“Outside of our room and class I barely see him either, I don’t know what he’s been up to,” Remus answers honestly. He was so busy hanging out with you he completely ignored his other friend who had also been hurt by this whole mess of feelings.

“I just feel like I did something to make him mad at me, he used to hang out with us all the time but lately it been just me and you.”

“And I’m bad company?” Remus asks sarcastically.

“No you’re the best person in the whole entire world with a heart of gold, and the best friend a girl could ask for. I'm just worried about Sirius, I miss him.”

And almost on cue, Sirius walked into the common room, he looked tired and moody like he had all month.

“Sirius! Come sit with us!” You said with a bright smile. He looked at the way you were sitting so close to Remus, you had been spending so much time with him lately he hated it, hated watching you fall from one of his friends to the other, one that wasn’t him. He still had feelings for you, they wouldn't falter or dissipate no matter how much he avoided you.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on your date,” he said passive-aggressively as he walked quickly up the stairs not seeing the confusion on your faces.

“What the-”

“Oh no,” Remus said his face going blank.

“What?” You said loudly turning to Remus who had clearly realized something.

“He thinks we are...oh no.”

“He thinks we are what? Dating. No, he knows we aren't and even if he did think that why would he be mad?”

“I fucked up, I fucked up again oh Merlin,” Remus said shaking his head.

“REMUS! Fill me in here please!”

“Sirius, was mad yes, upset when he found out you liked James, then upset with me for giving you false hope and setting you up to get hurt.

“I already said that wasn’t your fault.” You interrupted and Remus continued.

“But Sirius still blamed me. Then now he thinks that somehow this is, our friendship is some sort of rebound, he sees it as something more than it is and that’s why he’s been so edgy and distant.”

“This doesn't make sense still though, why does he care so much about who I date, or don't in this case.”

“Because Sirius has had feelings for you since last year, which James knew and I didn’t know until last month.”

“No he doesn't, Sirius fools around with so many girls, why would he like me?”

“He said he hasn’t been interested in a girl since he realized his feelings for you.”

You paused for a moment to think, he had been rather nice to you, in ways you hadn’t paid mind to because you were so busy staring at James. When you watched James leave a classroom you failed to notice Sirius patiently waiting for you. When you drooled over James in the hallway listening to his every word, you didn’t notice how Sirius was carrying your books for you, how he sat and studied with you and Remus even when he wasn’t in the class. And then it all clicked.

“Sirius likes me.” You said with wide eyes.

“Yeah, and now he probably thinks I’m a proper asshole.”

“I should go talk to him,” you say and Remus nods.

“Try to clarify the part where I’m not an asshole please!” Remus says suddenly scared of his friend’s anger.

“I’ll try,” you tease with a smile and then go upstairs.

Seeing you and Remus on the couch was the last straw for Sirius, the way you so carelessly asked him to sit with the two of you, as if he would want to. As if seeing you with Remus wasn’t infuriating.

He didn’t have someone to talk sense into him the past month, he didn’t have a friend to keep him busy and distracted or help him get over you. He had to sit and sulk alone, think about you being busy with his best friend.

He tried that first night to move on when you told him and Remus that you liked James and not him. He went and found his Hufflepuff lab partner and started returning all the flirting and pick up lines she had been throwing at him all week.

It worked, it got him far enough for her to kiss him, and maybe more if he hadn’t panicked. He closed his eyes into the kiss and all he saw was you, your face, he thought about kissing you. And he had to stop, he had to apologize to the poor girl and then find something else to numb his mind.

He couldn’t move on, he just couldn’t. So after he went upstairs he ran into Florence, your bitchy roommate that he knew you loathed. She had just left her boyfriend’s room, which Sirius quickly learned was now her ex-boyfriend. 

One thing led to another and they were making out in the hallway, both parties acting purely on the intent to make someone jealous, to forget about their feelings and just do something stupid and reckless.

Just as Sirius has pushed Florence against the wall, practically sticking his tongue down her throat you walked up the stairs. Completely ready to ask Sirius on a date or just simply talk to him about this whole thing. Instead, you got to see the boy who was supposedly “in love” with you, sucking the face-off of the person you hated. You stopped mid-step and gasped quietly.

Florence’s ex-boyfriend stepped into the hallway at the same time and started yelling, quickly getting into an argument with her and then bringing her back into his room. Her plan sure worked well for her. Sirius’ not so much. He caught his breath, his chest rising and falling.

“Y/n what are you doing up here?” he asked confused, wondering why your eyes looked sad. You look betrayed.

“I came to talk to you.”

“Me? Your boyfriends downstairs why would you want to talk to me,” he said defensively.

“Remus is the farthest thing from my boyfriend, he’s my friend, the only one I’ve had since you’ve been ignoring me all month!”

“I see the way you look at each other it’s sickening,” he complains

“You see what you want to see, I love Remus yeah, he’s my friend, I love James and Peter and you too you idiot.”

“Remus told you, didn’t he,” Sirius says angrily, looking down the stairs behind you as if he wants to go yell at him himself.

“Yeah, only because I thought you were mad at me!” You yell closing the distance between you, “I would have much preferred you tell me yourself!”

“That would have worked great for me, Hey Vix I know you are in love with two of my friends but I also like you, please love me too!” He says in a mocking tone.

“You’re so full of yourself, there were so many ways you could have handled this but all you do is act like a child about the whole thing! I never once was angry with James for not liking me back, and I certainly never made out with someone he hates just to make him angry or jealous! You can be such an inconsiderate asshole!” You yell before stomping back down the stairs and leaving the common room.

Sirius walks downstairs and finds Remus on the couch.

“What did you do? She was all giddy a minute ago and now she basically had flames coming off her head?” Remus asks.

“I fucked up.”

“Well, at least I’m not the only one around here doing that.” Remus jokes with a laugh but his smile flattens when Sirius glares at him before going towards the door.

“She will probably be in the corner of the courtyard by the lilac bush if you’re going to find her,” Remus says just trying to help but it just pisses Sirius off more.

“I know that,” he bites back. Sirius knows you better than Remus may think, sure this month you and Remus may have gotten closer than the past but Sirius had been fawning over you for over a year, he knew everything there was to know about you, except apparently that you had been harbouring a crush for James. He really should have caught onto that.

He makes his way to the courtyard and sits beside you in silence not sure what to say.

“Why did you follow me out here?” 

“Because I'm sorry, because I want to talk to you and somehow apologize.”

“Then apologize.”

“Oh, okay, um, I’m sorry for making out with your roommate that you hate. I wasn’t doing it to make you upset or jealous, I was trying to force myself to move on, to get over you…” he trails off and you look at him expectantly.

“And for the rest?” You ask and he looks at you confused.

“The rest?”

“For getting mad at me when I told you about James, for saying that he would never date me, for ignoring me for a month and being passive-aggressive, for assuming things about my friendship with Remus.”

“Oh yeah, that. I'm sorry about that too. I was stupid and I don’t even know how to explain myself. I'm sorry I'm not good at dealing with my emotions, I’m sorry I’m so defensive and jump to conclusions, I’m sorry my anger is a bit out of control and I’m sorry I’m bad at talking about things. I shouldn't have avoided you, even if you don't want me as anything more than a friend, I’m sorry I wasn’t grateful and happy because having you as a friend is better than not having you at all.”

“You should have just asked me on a date a long time ago when you realized you liked me.”

“I was nervous, I didn't want you to say no, and you would have been all in love with James then.”

“I would have been but I still would have said yes. I should have stopped liking James a long time ago. I would have said yes and we could have gone on a date and I would have realized that the idea of you being more than a friend isn’t so bad. I would have thought about all the sweet and nice things you do for me.”

“I wish I had a time-turner and could just go back in time and fix all of this,” he said sounding defeated.

“You don't need a time-turner when you have someone willing to forgive you sitting right in front of you.”

“Maybe I don't deserve that.”

“Maybe you don't get to tell me what you deserve from me if I want to forgive you then I will.”

“What if I just fuck it up again?” he asks, this brutally honest look in his eyes, being so candid with you about his fears and feelings.

“Think you would fuck up taking me on a date to Hogsmeade?”

“I can try my best not to,” he says with this childish smile, laughing to himself. And you haven’t completely forgiven him, you aren't even sure of your feelings yet but you can feel yourself getting used to the idea of him, like its been there all along you were just too blinded by hopeless devotion to notice.

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