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grishaversecommunityyy · 3 years

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The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape.

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for.

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

#grishaverse #fandom #shipping #shadow and bone #six of crows #nikolai series #king of scars #the grisha trilogy

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soccialcreature · 4 years

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Ranking the Avatar seasons

this is purely for fun, and also bcuz ik a lot of this is gonna b controversial and yall know how i LOVE stirring shit up. also id love to hear yalls opinions. (worst to best)

7) Legend of Korra Book 2: Spirits

ok this one isnt controversial lmao. everyone knows this season is ass. it’s especially bad bcuz i feel like it gives this series a bad rep when really it’s just this season thats so bad. obviously i know that it’s only this terrible bcuz the series was supposed to end with season 1, and i am glad overall that the series didnt end with season 1, but this season did not help it’s case. awful things included the lore retcon, the re-introduction of the stupid love triangle that nobody wanted, erasing everyones character growth from season 1, and everything they did with bolin. there are good things tho. like what they did with kya, tenzin, and bumi. and overall, i appreciate the decision to leave the spirit portals open because that’s a really bold move and shows how korra is willing to listen to her villains and consider their point of view. and it’s a great setup for season 3

6) Legend of Korra Book 4: Balance

this one is miles ahead of season 2, but overall it’s nothing special. the ideas are good, and i was super into this season before they brought in the giant robots bcuz giant robots is never a good idea, but ya. kuvira was cool. i liked korras character arc. i think prince wu was hilarious. and the ending ended up being perfect for the show. korrassami walked so that modern lgbt characters in kids cartoons could run

5) Avatar the Last Airbender Book 1: Water

ok listen. i appreciate what this season did for the series, and all the setup and character introductions were necessary, but other than a few standout episodes like The Storm and The Blue Spirit and The Siege of the North, it’s not super enjoyable. when im binging the series with my friends or family, season 1 is always just something we have to get through to get to the real good stuff. it’s very monster-of-the-week kiddie-cartoon style, which can be great and is something that the show perfects in seasons 2 and 3, but ya. basically i like everything in this season that everyone else likes, and there are no real glaring problems, but its just not as enjoyable as the seasons higher on this list

4) Legend of Korra Book 1: Air

yes this one has lots of problems. namely the love triangle and the fact that the characters are just... not great, but i feel like its existence is justified and it’s really fun to watch and super engaging. the moment water bending was a thing, every viewer who’s taken 3rd grade biology was like “so can you bend... people?” then they do one episode about blood bending and just kind of forget about it. it was cool to get to explore blood bending in this season, especially through tarlok, who i liked a LOT. he was super cool. amon was cool too but being able to take away someones bending with blood bending is difficult to get behind. and the bender vs non-bender issue is something that in a a universe like this, kind of had to get brought up, but i just wish they had done it better. (side note: i liked the flashbacks to adult gaang). overall, fun season. also, the fights all looked incredible

3) Avatar the Last Airbender Book 2: Earth

this season is so good. the only reason it isn’t higher than season 3 is because it still feels like a lot of setup for season 3 but its still incredible. i love the aesthetic, i love everything they do with the characters. azula is a great villain. toph is such a great new character. ba sing se is an awesome setting (i love how creepy and sketch it is). Zuko Alone, Tales of Ba Sing Se, Crossroads of Destiny, etc etc are some of the best episodes in the series. issues: i didn’t really like the episodes set in the dessert, and the finale kinda seems like it comes out of no where when you’re watching.

2) Avatar the Last Airbender Book 3: Fire

ok this season is basically perfect. is what i would say if the first half of the season didn’t exist. other than just “the first half is boring”, there isn’t much criticism i can say about this season. ig energy bending was kind of an asspull? but that’s basically it. from day of the black sun onward, everything comes together so nicely and it’s so so enjoyable and fun and incredible and i love it. the characters arcs are all perfect (though zuko is really the star of the season), the story progresses in such a satisfying way, and everything just... makes sense. best television finale ever (ok tcw also has the best finale ever but thats not the point). its impossible not to love this season

1) Legend of Korra Book 3: Change

LETS GOOOOO this season is HYPE AF. SO BADASS. SO FUN. ALL THE WAY THROUGH. i love this season so much. i wudnt give a single fuck about this show is not for this season. since im ranking the seasons individually, this is at the top, though i don’t think lok is better than atla (even though i LIKE IT better. but thats a conversation for another time). it took the good things from season 2 of lok and expanded on it, while fixing all the issues it had. the love triangle is FINALLY gone, we get some great character development, we FINALLY leave republic city and do some good-old-fashioned traveling the world with the avatar, and the villains are incredible. (side note: this season shudve been the air season bcuz its where we actually get to learn about the element of air). this season also introduced lava bending into the avatar universe, which is just SO COOL. and it makes SO MUCH sense. like if water benders can shift between the solid and liquid forms of ice, than of COURSE a really powerful earth bender can do the same with rocks. again, every single battle is awesome and badass as fuck and they’re all different from one another, too. oh and zuko is awesome in this season. he’s awesome in every season, but i love what they did with him here. no, i don’t think its pandering. i just think it’s cool.

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heizerux · 6 years

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About Stormy Weather 2

Let’s cut to the chase. This was a filler/recap episode.

Is it disappointing? Yes 😞

They did my girl Aurore wrong with the episode title and not even giving her the attention she deserves. And about nothing new happened. Chloe still hasn’t learned to actually be better. There’s more. But those are about a few things that REALLY got to me (to be brief).

Is it bad that they even have this episode? Not exactly. It just wasn’t done well.

Now that I’ve briefly got out of my system on why I was disappointed, now let’s look at the details and minor brightsides of it (I guess?) and more on why I’m disappointed.

This was an episode to establish the questions we’ve had. (Honestly did we even need these? Actually, not really. But it’s nice they even bothered.) Some of these questions are:

How’s Aurore?

Is Chloe really fully changed?

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? Like with her own words? How LONG has she been with the Agrestes? And will Gabriel keep this shit up?

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while?

How’s everyone else (Alya and Nino specifically) doing?

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him?

Will Adrien pick up on that???

Pretty much here’s how they answered these, as well as what I took from these answers:

How’s Aurore? Naturally I’m gonna open up with Aurore here since this was supposed to be HER episode again. We see her being bullied by Chloe and then she get it’s gets to her. THAT’S how Aurore is doing. The only few things I liked about her here is learning she and Marinette are friends. But that’s IT. This could have been HER moment. HER episode again. We could of known more about HER. Instead what do we get? Just like 3 minutes tops of her and boom. Defeated, and not even checked up on. I know she’s a side misc character but damnit *slaps table*. . . We really were cheated with her comeback. This wasn’t her episode and it shouldn’t have been titled “Stormy Weather 2”. I’m sad about this.

Is Chloe really fully changed? Nope. So I knew her development wasn’t even started yet (as we’ve seen), but like damn. We see how being hero twice has gotten to her head. It’s disappointing, it really is. The only “bright side” is that at least they’re establishing here that she clearly still has changing to do instead of saying she’s fully changed, which she isn’t. Probably even alluding to what we’re gonna see next with her. Obviously by that last glare, Marinette (as Ladybug) isn’t giving into her shit anymore. (That or she’s disappointed in how Chloe doubled back too.)

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? And so we see. She, as expected, hates her fucking job because it’s too demanding, but LOVES the Agreste family. We now, with her own words, which are rare, learn just how long she’s been with them, her feelings for the family, and that she canonically cared for Emilie and has now fallen for Gabriel. She’s also still sick from Heroes Day (so they didn’t forget that’s a thing, thankfully). Which now only implies that from this point forward, she’ll be Mayura more often, and get even sicker (a life for a life, anyone?)

How’s everyone else doing? That Ninalya (Djwifi) content. . . My heart! 💕💖💕💖😭💖💕💖💕 So they show us Nino is pretty much now a Césaire (lol), and that they both do talk about their hero duties when they’re alone. The good in seeing this? They can actually keep it a secret from the public and this shows their hero potential (unlike Chloe). The bad about it? It’s their disadvantage (as we already know.) Now what we didn’t need is all that recap footage. (That time slot could have been used for my bby Aurore 💜💙💜)

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while? Well :) (Filler aside) We see that Ladybug is A LOT more fonder of Chat Noir than before. This time she’s loosening up her humor during battle when she used to be all “stop joking! This is serious!” Then they go on to recap on shit that we already know like that they trust each other and *yawn*. But one thing I did notice, and like about this, is that look she gives him as he runs off.

It’s almost a look of that says “I’m starting to view you as more than a partner. . .” (Will they show it in the following episodes. Boy do I hope.)

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him? Okay so not only does she drop off Adrien’s homework, but you notice something? Not only did she volunteer, but she didn’t fluster while doing so. When she delivers it, she’s not panicked about it, instead she’s just nervous about talking to Nathalie and disappointed she couldn’t give it to him in person. Then what happens next? She FINALLY takes Kagami’s advice and does something. Once she’s done, she’s not regretful and doubtful about it anymore when she used to be. Sure, we went over shit that marks she “changed”, but it’s really around this part in the episode that she ACTUALLY changes. From here she’s a new confident Marinette, pretty much. The recap was still unecessary.

Will Adrien pick up on that??? *sigh* no lol.

Okay, real quick, BIG APPRECIATION for Plagg’s “Oh shit” face when he sees Adrien notices the handwriting.

So into Adrien and his love life, we see that his head is too in the clouds to fully notice the amazing girl that is MARINETTE. I will say I love that Plagg keeps trying to steer him in the direction to LOOK AT MARINETTE. (Mentioning how Gabriel wasn’t mad Adrien was with her when he snuck out and hinting that she’s VERY available more than once.) When he finally notices the handwriting, he’s SO close to putting it together. Plagg for a sec is shook about it (since it hints he’s closer to piecing she’s LB), but then he re-tracts because he’s a clueless child and now is left on the conclusion that it’s not her. Okay -_-

So now that that’s done, let me just add on why I think that last part where he retracts marks something.

Anyone find it odd that the episode ended specifically with Adrien noting that “Marinette couldn’t have written the letter (can’t be in love with me) because she’s just a friend that’s into fashion. Besides there’s Luka.”

Luka. . .

. . .

You guys hear that?

Right as soon as he says that, sad music plays. Like he “lost” something.

Then Adrien as if slightly disappointed, insists it was probably “someone else”. . . Because there’s Luka. . .

And then the episode ends.

(My own thought: I think this is here to mark off that not only Luka is coming more into play, but maybe that it’ll affect Adrien more than he thinks? It may be that his change to come is that he stops looking “up in the clouds” and starts looking in front of him.)

haaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

And that’s about one of the few things that got me in this episode (among Nino and Alya and Mari getting confident for once). Because it means shits gonna get interesting among the ships👀. . . *sips tea*

I’d touch the development issue but after carefully going over the fact that both season 2 and 3 were written around the same time, I do have a hunch stuff is kind of out of order there. But that’s a topic for another day. (Probably one I’ll rethink and retouch fully after this season is done.) So let’s get back to the real question:

So wtf was this episode?

Well, this is just my take, but judging by the brief glances at Stormy Weather 2’s LEVEL of power, it’s there to set what we’re gonna be seeing from the episodes forward. If this looks intense, then we haven’t seen intense, yet (ya feel?)

For certain ppl (I’m one of these ppl) Stormy Weather from S1 was THE pilot episode to the whole show and the first episode seen. It set up what we were going to be seeing of the show. So if there had to be an explanation, my take is that’s why they picked her again to mark off a recap and brand new starting point for what’s to come.

TLDR: This episode probably wasn’t just meant to show what’s changed, but to mark of what WILL change moving forward.

It’s not perfect, I’m still not happy with how it was delivered, but that’s probably what they were going for.

They probably should of just called it “The Story So Far” or something, honestly. Not Stormy Weather 2. Aurore did amazing. Her screentime didn’t :( But in the end, it’s probably there to mark the start of real change.

Since that’s maybe the deal, then changes we may see here moving forward and so on are:

It’s probably gonna mark Marinette as being comfortable around Adrien and no longer hesitating as much as she did, but of course Luka will be more in her life (and Adrien may or may not realize he isn’t as okay with it?? That’s just what I wanna see honestly lol). Chloe will probably realize that she can’t keep expecting to be handed a miraculous just because she says so, which then could mark her to ACTUALLY start changing. And so on.

Anyway we’ll see what the next episodes bring. I noticed they’ve only been showing us the uneventful episode first and leaving the more “juicy” ones for later dates. . .

As long as this is, I actually kind of rushed through it so my apologies if it’s all over the place :(

#sorry about the dots #spacing on mobile sucks #ml season 3 #ml thoughts #ml salt #ml speculation #sort of #ml spoilers #stormy weather 2 #miraculous ladybug #mlb #ml #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #personal

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summerdownbeach · 6 years

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Gonna edit for grammar and spelling later...

Getting a little irked here by the people defending Voltron S8, because they assume everyone's issues are purely related to shipping. I never really cared who ended up with who at all, (only that everyone should want to date Hunk because he's perfect boyfriend material). Guys, the writing was just bad. It was a poorly written season, a poorly written finale, and honestly, it gave a piss ass message about giving up and letting a friend destroy themselves for the greater good. Not gonna go into to much detail here but these are just a few of my complaints:

1. Pacing and Story telling. The pacing of this season was bizarre. They started off with essentially a filler episode to quickly throw in Allurance as cannon (with some hella stiff dialogue but we'll get to that later) and then had like... a few episodes to justify bringing back old characters so we could get a last glimpse. Then 2 filler episodes in a row, then a straight run to the finish with a thrown together plotline. Literally nothing in this show prefaced Haggar as the big bad. 90 percent of the time she didn't seem to even want Lot or around, much less want anything to do with Altea or her own affiliations. The Alteans who followed her never felt like fully thought out characters either. They ended the last season with the red haired Altean pilot giving way to tons of theories about her past and who she could be, but she was literally just a drone set to die 5 minutes after introduction. That's bad forshadowing.

2. Important off screen plot points. Why on earth would they do this? Why would pink general just suddenly switch to the coillition? Why did they make us think she died in the explosion and then backtrack two minutes later? Why did they end the show with Shiro and Adam's big gay kiss (yes, it's Adam, listen to the audio description, they literally day it's Adam) without ever establishing Adam's return? They could've easily spent a scene where team Voltron returns to earth to grieve and find that in this new timeline (because yes, it's a new timeline despite what the characters think, if destroyed planets are suddenly back) Adam didn't die and is waiting for Shiro. They could've given them a real moment, developed their (nonexistent on screen) relationship and at least made their big moment at the end less sudden and so clearly damage control from burying their gay last season.

3. Relationship dialogue. I don't want to harp on Allur*nce as a ship itself here. It's not my thing, but I'm positive fan fiction writers and fanartists have made some pretty awesome stuff that's well made and fun to read and look at. I'm strictly looking at the shows portrayal of it. My number 1 complaint? The bizarrely platonic dialougue whenever the two talk. I'll give Lance this, he seemed at least interested in their romance this season, but whenever she and Lance talked, it was all just so formal - and half of what she said was exposition. Even during their date, and Alluras big reveal about feeling alone on earth felt so strangely platonic, and I truly believe that is the gault of the writers. They should've planted moments of growth between these two seasons ago! Not simply kept going with this tired and unrealistic "boy wears girl down until she says yes" trope. Even if they w erent certain they were going to go ahead with Allura and Lance, they could've built in friendship bolstering moments. Then, this date could've been so much less clunky. And to have Lance tell Allura he loves her on the first date? Even if it wasn't unrealistic, it also takes out any of the impact that the phrase carries later. By the time of her sacrifice Lance has said it onscreen so much that "I love you" has little to no weight. No wonder it was so easy for Allura to yeet herself into the void - she never exactly returned his sentiments - being too busy with exposition dialogue to make any strides in their (budding) relationship. Again, I have no problem with Allur*nce, only the lazy and ineffective way it was portrayed in the last few seasons.

4. Allura's sacrifice. I'm not even going to get into the political implications of making the Black woman bear the burden of the universe on her shoulders to the point where she literally has to sacrifice her body and soul to save the cosmos. I'm talking the actual execution of how they went about it. There's this concept in fiction writing where your most dramatic scene, your climax, should use an economy of words and time to be the most effective. That's why it hurts so much in movies like Wonder Woman, and even Titanic, when lead characters die. There usually is no time for goodbye, or if there is, it's brief and visual. Instead, the writers chose to give Allura an absurdly long time to say goodbye to everyone, and what's crazy is, no one but Lance objected? Like at all? They just accepted right away that there was no other way. I never took them as a fatalist bunch but hey, why stick to human characteristics now. Clearly the only person who should object to you self sacrificing is your significant other. This is why so much sacrifice in narrative is done in a way that refuses to give loved ones time to react because any sane person would at least try to stop them initially, and grasp at straws for another solution. I hated how the team just shrugged their shoulders and let Allura kill herself for the greater good. Their silence wasn't tragic, it was lazy.

5. Their lions just... left? The universe is done needing defense? Just like that? How did everyone get home from their princess death picnic? Do they make uberpools for space travel? Did they all agree not to be paladins anymore before this? What about Hunks dream of handing off the reins of Yellow to the next generation of paladins? Why did they write it this way? Who did this? Who do I blame?

I think what frustrates me the most is that the comedic episodes were still good. I truly think filler has always been the strongest asset voltron had. The dynamics were always much stronger in the funny episodes, and it seems like they wasted a lot of potential this season with rushed plot points and filling plotholes off screen.

I have more issues with this season, and I'll post them when I feel like adding to this list, but to say that people didn't like S8 because their ship didn't happen is obnoxious, especially when a season full of plot holes and rushed explanations is what we were left with. And on the subject of dissappointment, i didnt go over it here, but people being upset at the queer baiting are so valid. Even if you weren't into Kl*nce, the producers pretty much tried to sell the show on it. To use lgbt content, especially content that was never going to be cannon, as a marketing tactic is despicable. While strides were made by the show, airing the first animation of men kissing on screen in an show aimed at kids, the victory leaves a bad taste when the couple in question was never justified in the narrative beforehand, and was used as a ploy to fulfill the promise of lgbt rep, without actually using any of the budding relationships developing in the show (not limited to Kl*nce by any means. They could've done Sh*ith, H*ith, H*nce, ect).

If this season felt complete and left you with a feeling of contentment, good for you, I too enjoy a guilty pleasure as much as the next person. That said, this was a badly written season on all fronts. I think they did Allura and Allur*nce dirty with the resolution. They missed opportunities for character development in favor of more repetitive space battles. Don't try to invalidate people's contempt at this season by defending the creators for making the show in the first place, when they didn't live up to the standards of narrative fiction to get a passing grade in a creative writing class.

And because I want to end on something nice, I thought that the meeting of the old paladins and the new paladins was very cool, and it was really interesting to see Zarkon interact with the paladins in a new way. So... at least there's that?

#spoilers #spoiler #voltron spoilers #voltron season 8 #vld #vld s8 #vld spoilers #vld season 8 #vld shiro #vld keith #vld lance #vldallura #vldpidge #vldhunk #voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron legendary disappointment #voltron legendary disaster #voltron legendary discourse

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kadyshackkk-blog · 6 years

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Final Reckoning Episode One Review plus a little info from seasons past.

Hello World! Mtv’s Hit The Challenge Returned Tuesday July 10, 2018 at 9pm! This season is “the end of the challenge as we know it”. Which as of right now I’m calling total b.s. since well mtv the last few season has been “recreating” older seasons ie; The Challenge Invasion of the champions, a very sad and terrible attempt to recreate the iconic The Ruins. Then we went into Dirty 30, the longest season in existence and a horrible rip off of Free Agents which in my opinion was the last great season of the show. In the dirty 30 we had something called the purge aka lets fuck Darrell over and allow a bunch of idiots to run the show. Yes I am still bitter because Darrell was robbed out of a title that season and instead our winners were a racist and an anti feminist douche lord, I mean Camila and Jordan. Then we slide into Vendettas after that tragic second season of Champs V stars, which we won’t even talk about since it was a bunch of d list celebrities who i didnt even know and well the terrell owens aka the biggest bitch in the nfl. Moving along, on Vendettas we received a much needed invasion of new people from big brother and mtv uk! Be warned I have never watched mtv Uk shows or any big brother so I had zero idea who these people were but I was excited to see them! We also got from season 5 of are you the one Kam, Eddie, and Alicia. I loved that season of ayto and the people they chose to come onto vendettas made total sense. But what didn’t make any sense at all was the poor get rid of eddie they did. Now I will only say this once and the source that told me this is very credible since he was on their season of ayto he also doesn’t like either person involved however he dislikes eddie more. Simple fact is Alicia Lied, plan and simple. There was never a restraining order or anything of that nature. You can look it up online its public information in every state. Moving on from that, the additions from the uk were all very attractive, and before you gasp and say even Kyle?! Yes even Kyle , I feel like he looks better in person then he does on tv. The fights that season we’re beyond annoying . This was my face anytime Kailah or nicole spoke or were on my tv screen

I give them both a chance every season they are on but they always make me regret giving said chance. The luggage throwing incident pissed me the fuck off. & Before you all go WeLL cArA dID iT To JOrdAn guess what she put a waterproof bag of his clothes in water omg get over it. Jemmeye Kailah & Britni Ganged up on kayleigh because of a rumor about her and bananas that Devin started to get Johnny thrown into elimination. It was not okay, it is never okay to touch someone elses belongings ever. I do not care, her stuff was broken and none of the actual apologized for it.

Now for what you came for my review of the Challenge Final Reckoning Episode 1

First off I was hoping this season was a team season sadly it was just a rip off of the Rivals series which was only decent for rivals 1 and 2. Rivals 3 was ridiculous and a waste of time and energy. In the beginning we see everyone show up and Tj is all like guess what your partner is buried and you have to find them! oh and the last two teams will be sent home ending their time in south africa. Me as a view knowing damn well tj is full of shit

We see Zach dig up his partner Amanda first. Listen I was very excited to hear that Amanda was coming back this season! I really was until all the twitter beef with cara, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you know exactly what I am talking about. (hint him and amanda won the challenge wooooooooh)

Here is everyones partnerships.

Zach & Amanda; Their beef seems a little forced since it’s about Amanda “making up” lies about jenna that even jenna confirmed was true. This team will go far if Zach learns how to work well with women.

Angela & Faith; I honestly don’t understand their beef, really over tor’i really. irrelevant ass team. Angela doesn’t have that same energy she did with Alicia when it comes to Shane and Kam. They won’t go far unless someone (cough cough angela sleeps with someone in power, pulling a veronica in the ruins when she hooked up with my favorite toothbrush twin evan.)

Dj Bald I mean Brad & hair plugs pathological liar I mean kyle; THIS TEAM MAKES ZERO SENSE YALL DEADASS MADE SOME SHIT UP. UHM HELLOOO DARRELL TAYLOR DID NOT WHOOP THAT ASS ON THE RUINS FOR ZERO REASON. Like mtv please stop calling kyle , he literally makes me want to stab him daily.

Cara & Marie; Listen these two have serious dislike for each other over a fucking tweet cara liked & it makes sense they are together. I honestly think this team will do well if Marie Actually fucking tries which i think she will. Tbh marie did campaign to be caras Partner.. However I feel like we as viewers deserved a coral cara team. Those two are both very strong women who need to work out their issues and become civil because I personally love them both.

Ct & Veronica; An og team, ct called v weak but she won more daily challenges then the majority of the girls on dirty 30 . A team to actually fear if they try and win

Derrick & Tori; Yasssss my boo derrick is back!!!!!! Don’t tell tyler but i adore derrick and think hes amazing. I really like tori as well but her taste in men is just as questionable as mine. Back story tori cheated on derrick with jordan. therefor they don’t like each other.

Bananas & ??? : THIS LITERALLY COULD BE ANYBODY. I’m hoping its sarah so he can break his curse and retire because honestly no one can touch his record unless Landon came out of retirement or if production doesn’t keep fucking over darrell

Joss & Sylvia the sheep; Joss is Hot , and he voted sheep into the elimination and she got mad. damn well knowing she would’ve done the same thing. they do great.

Kam & Melissa; I love this team, this “rivalry” started over a misunderstanding I’m hoping they do well...

Natalie & Paulie; I don’t care enough to waste my time

Nelson & Shane; I’m actually started to like nelson, my dislike for him comes from my loyalty to tyler.. I love shane he is the sassy gay bff that I need in my life. This team will do well if nelson and shane both keep themselves in check

Mama Day & Jozea; I’ve never watched big brother but this team is by far my favorite big brother pairing, I follow both on twitter and they make me laugh daily. underdogs i stan

Britni & Chuck; The hotmess express team. Clearly still feelings there, chuck sucks for what he did to her, they will need to find a way to get past their issues

Jenna & Jemmeye; One of the best moves in challenge history caused this feud. they will do well, jemmeyes brain and jennas brawn.

Kailah & Kayleigh; Failah likes to bully others kayleigh was her victim last season. they’ll probably be out pretty early..

Now to the results of the challenge

Amanda and Zach won.

I’m not to sure about the rest of the order except for the fact Day & Jozea came in last but before jem & Jenna and Chuck & britni.

it was chucks fault him and brit lost

it was jennas fault her and jem lost

but was anyone really in shock

So then we hear bananas yelling for help since his partner left due to family emergency everyone goes digs him up and if it was up to me he wouldve been sent “home” and not brit and chuck since they almost beat day and jozea.. after they get bananas hoe ass out tj announces that amanda and zach are able to send another team home! And out of all the teams these two dumb asses pick day and jozea. like uhm helllooooooo!!! ya’ll deadass had the chance to send send strong teams home... I can’t the stupidity of these two i can’t. SO then the three teams leave and “go home”. Everyone goes to the house and already a fight breaks out between shane and angela, over a fucking shelf. Homegirl didn’t have the energy with shane like she did with Alicia , but we already knew she was a fraud. Then cut to outside where Joss and amanda are already flirting with each other. I will give credit is due, Amanda is a beautiful girl but has a very ugly soul and joss is very smart to hookup with her, camera time is everything and why not hook up with one of the most dramatic cast members ever. Cut to Syliva saying this could go great for her alliance or terribly for her alliance at least shes smart. The Que the amanda and joss makeout session. Then we cut to bananas cara and hair plugs talking about cara and kyle. Everything out of kyles mouth is a lie and garbage. Kyle states hes gonna sleep with other people and caras like cool whatever . The cut to faith and hairplugs making out, then faith gets into hottub and johnny being johnny brings it up in front of cara, and cara pulls a queen move by being like if he doesnt want me im not gonna wait around. boy bye best choice shes ever made. Then baby girl proceeded to go into a room and make herself look bad by trying to get at paulie. Like oh no baby what is you doing go to sleep and leave him alone..

Then we cut to the best part of the night in my opinion, first we see melissa walk in and try to be civil with kailah, failah wants zero part in it but melissa still tries because melissa wants to be nice then failah pushes melissa and melissa molly whopped her then they were pulled apart

Everyone but kailah stans on twitter

Then the teams who were “sent home” arrive at the redemption house and tj explains some shit i wasn’t paying attention because i didnt care at that point

Then they go to the photoshoot day and Tj shows up which is never good..

Tells melissa and kailah they are both out ..

Now we dont know kam and kayleighs fate, we find out next week..

Over all this episode was awesome , the cliffhanger was needed , we had a fight some hook ups and a twist.

this season will be interesting to say the least.

#mtv the challenge #final reckoning

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missjackil · 7 years

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My 13x5 Opinion

Advanced Thanatology Again, I shouldnt look at Tumblr before i watch the episode. This week, I thought it was going to suck by the way people were talking, but I thought it was pretty good. Not great, but I was entertained throughout, and there was lots of good stuff, I didn’t miss because apparently Im among a small few who really doesnt care what Desti-hellers think. Destiel is not going to be canon, ever, so why even worry about if the shippers are going to say something about a PB&J? Let them, they look stupid. So, Sam was absolutely adorable trying to cheer Dean up. Lets go on a hunt just you and me! Here’s a beer to wash down your breakfast!! Strip club? Of course I love strip clubs even though Im nearly gagging while I try to say Clam Dive! How about a nice back massage?? ... Ok maybe he didnt offer a massage but that would have been awesome :) So we have a hunt in the house that looked just like the hotel in Play Things, and the mother of the catatonic boy was in Trial and Error in S8 -The oldest Caddisay sister who was married to Carl. The story and the hunt were pretty creepy, Im enjoying the extra money spent on special effects this season, even though theyre not overdoing it. So Dean basically kills himself to try to free the ghosts from the viel and meets up with Billie. I like Billie and Im glad shes back. Also glad shes on the side of keeping the boys alive instead of keeping them dead. Dean is deeply depressed, over Cas, mom, everyone theyve lost, and even his inability to save as many people as he tries to. I think his low kill count last season might be factoring into that too. He feels useless and a burden to Sam, and though he wasnt begging Billy to keep him, he wasnt begging to come back either. Sam was panicked that he couldnt bring Dean back after he gave him the shot. Not to the level of panic we might expect but when the brother isnt going to stay dead for long, they dont make the panic a big thing on the show. The focus isnt really supposed to be on Dean’s death, so no need to over do it with Sam’s potential grief, it was more remenicent to me of Safe House, “Hey hey hey you good?” * big sigh of releif* But we did get a lot of brother touching and “Nnononono Dean, DEAN DEAN!!” so that was good. I saw a lot of you hating on Dean that he didnt care that he’d be leaving Sam alone. First, let me tell you that when youre in that kind of depression, you think those who love you would be better off without you. You feel like a burden and that you cant, and wont ever feel better, so instead of dragging those who love you down, you just remove the burden. Dean wasnt trying to stay dead, he just wasnt fighting to live. Second, Sam has been willing to die, or trying to die, at least 8 times since Swan Song, because he feels like a burden, or useless. Do we even need to be reminded of Dean talking him off the ledge in 8.23, just to have to do it again in 9.1? These guys live intense lives... theyve literally been to hell and back, and dont get a break. Its not surprising that either would want to call it quits.Dean hasnt had a slump like this in a long time. Its still early in the season so maybe Sam will get one too and then y’all will be happy again? So next week Cas is back, Dean will feel better, but Sam will be concerned. You’ll all be yelling because the Hellers got what they wanted, but will conveniently forget that Cas is going to work for/with Lucifer concerning Jack, which isn’t going to bode well for TFW. Last season they played up Cas’s love for the Winchesters so that his betrayal and death would hurt worse. They’re overplaying Dean’s greif, so Cas coming back will seem wonderful. which will only lead to a much bigger fall. Jack goes missing by the end of the next episode, and the synopsis for 13x7 is - As Sam and Dean continue their search for Jack, with Asmodeus hot on their trail, they stumble across a familiar foe. Meanwhile, Lucifer manages to escape Michael’s grasp and finds himself an unlikely and mostly unwilling ally. What does this tell us? Cas took Jack? Lucifer makes a deal with Cas? Dont dispair y’all. This isnt gonna end well. In conclusion, I liked the episode a lot though I dont like the lack of Sam in the 2nd half. Though it made more sense in this episode, than it did in the last. Otherwise I enjoyed the episode. On a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are, Ill give this a 7.5 points lost only on low Sam in the 2nd half. But, I am very happy that he kinda made Dean talk to him. Communication is something the boys have always lacked when it was important to have it. Talk cry or yell... but communicate!!!!

#advanced thanatology #13x5 spoilers #my opinion

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coolmiddlename · 7 years

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I don't think you ever did your final write up on season 8 Kitty, you gonna get back to that?

aww man, i didnt finish it because i think ive done a pretty great job expressing my thoughts on season 8. it was freaking amazing? but im gonna write up some of what i planned for that post here.

favourite episodes:

two swords is good because it introduces us to the more violent fern and shows finn being a doctor for shits and giggles (foreshadowing?). i get good feelings from this ep. and these days, also sad ones.

high strangeness - tree trunks is pretty entertaining by herself but this episode had a glorious combination of comedy, quiet pain, and…. strangeness. seeing tree trunks be ooo’s greatest activist was nothing short of a golden meme factory. and it was a lttle sad seeing pb explain what it was all about, perhaps even questioning her own sanity here… as for the candy attacking the aliens, if you remember all of pen ward’s previous work, you sure do get a Little Pink Best Buds vibe.

jelly beans have power - yknow when they ended pb’s arc w the whole Being A Pragmatic Coldass back in the Cooler, i wondered if she was going to stay interesting or get boring. well, lets just say the AT crew have exceeded my expectations. not to mention season 8 SURE BRINGS UP A LOT OF COMPETITION in the whole “morally questionable science lady” area. after the whole King of Ooo stuff the princess has been trying to rebuild her relationship with her citizens, and to see her hot-headedness make it crumble apart… well it must have been like looking into your soul and seeing something dreadful.

All of Islands - yes this is cheating. do i give a fuck? no. uhhhh what were my fave eps? hide and seek was the part where i went “this is the best adventure time has ever been”. martin and minnie was not only realistic, making minnie my favourite side character to ever get that little screentime, it also hit all the right emotional notes as well as having a dash of humor. the light cloud kinda highlighted the differences between the humans and the oooish people, it made us all appreciate the wacky land of ooo I feel. finn could have had his life as a human and lived with his parents, but he would have possibly died during the plague, and he’d have never had all the amazing adventures that made him who he is. anyway finn’s kinda my second or third favourite character now which is a significant jump from a few years ago.

all of elements because i just dont care. highlights: skyhooks was deeply ominous and had marshmalline humming greensleaves which is pretty gay, bespoken for looked like it was gonna be shitposty but ended up making betty of all people a compelling, sympathetic, and unpredictable character… the third one had the ice kingdom which i think is my second-favourite location… cloudy i didnt like on my first rewatch but on our rewatch i learnt to appreciate it for the heart-to-heart bro chat that it was… slime central had funky skating (slime kingdom ftw) and the BEST humor in the miniseries alongside jake fucking dying, happy warrior is my least favourite of the eps but thats because it was setup for the much more magnificient hero heart which is my favourite… the reason for that is because it’s worth the most analysis and has the heaviest atmosphere. from lsp eating marceline’s face to finn holding back his fear to pb going fucking nuts and all those chilling candy zombies, this was the climax of the miniseries for sure. skyhooks II was a cooldown after the climax and a sort of resolution. it could have been better but the way i think of it, we haven’t seen all the resolution yet. highlights? lsp being the hero (lol) and pb and marcy’s kingdom-takeover song. pb’s actions in elements make me think that the power made her exemplify all her negative, controlling traits. she tried to take over the other kingdoms to make people “happy” and they ended up losing all their individuality. remind you of The Thin Yellow Line? the same sorta goes for FP but not really cos FP’s only negative trait is her awful temper.

abstract because i fucking love jake. i know some people found this ep disappointing but i did not.

ketchup for best filler ep because it looked GORGEOUS, it made me SMILE, it had backstory and the tale of what Marceline did in Elements presented in such a charming way, we even saw BMO spin a tale about her mom… I’m heartbroken that we probably wont be seeing any more guest animated episodes because this is my favourite one yet.

whispers. I TOO AM DOOM. *thunk thak thunk thank splat*

three buckets is the best episode in the best season of adventure time, and i think it beats out The Lich as my favourite season finale. it’s sad, it’s dark, it’s sweet, it’s hilarious, it’s ominous, theres nothing to dislike about it. my favourite part was the last few minutes starting from when fern left finn alone in the cave. he freaks out for a while which makes us wonder if he might actually die in here, then the robot arm in a surprising twist turns out to have a pb-siri that thanks finn for what hes done which is cute. and finn discovers his salvation in the rock drill and fucking weed whacker. then he fights his clone fern now COMPLETELY off the deep end, and just when finn is giving up, well…

“What are you doing?”

“Weed whacking!”

“…What are you?”

“A weed whacker :D”

“It doesn’t have to have this… finnality!”

“F A T A L I T Y”

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i think the end of this ep is more defined by what isn;t said than what is said. finn is so shocked that he can’t even talk. bmo gives us one final bout of dark humor. then we switch to…. Fern……. finally free of his shell but a mere ghost of what he was…. his look of pure rage as he gets picked up by who we believe could be a scholar of Golb…. uncle fucking gumbald.

What a DEVASTATING finale, and what a fantastic setup for the final arc of Adventure Time!

a comment i had to make about the last few eps is: it’s suspicious that we didnt get a followup for PB after Elements. but even though Peebles wasn’t in these eps, she didn’t feel absent either. especially with Marceline’s story in Ketchup, Fern’s remembering what he did in Whispers, and literally everything in the last 3 minutes of Three Buckets, i feel that there’s something big building up for her. we’ve yet to see the consequences Elements had on PB who was out of everyonne the most dangerous elemental, the one who took her powers to the furthest extreme. considering what happened in Jelly Beans Have Power, iiiii expect this followup to be soon. maybe it’ll be big? maybe it’ll be quiet. either way i look forward. and if i’m disappointed? well it’s happened before.

altogether season 8 is my favourite in the show for obvious reasons. i dont think season 9 has the possibility of topping it but i really cant wait to see what we get next either way, just in case it manages to be even better.

no matter how adventure time ends, though, i think it’s going to hold a place in my heart for a long time.

#adventure time #atimers #finn the human #princess bubblegum #other people too #captain-crookedcloudcollector

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adambstingus · 6 years

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Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232

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allofbeercom · 6 years