#also the scene when tk tells carlos he might have huntingtons disease

[lily-blue-blue-lily]

slightly regretting my decision to wait weekly for s4 of lone star to be put on disney plus, purely because of the ending of 4x16

[phoebenpiperx]

A Lot to Process

a 9-1-1 Lone Star Tarlos missing scene from S4E16

read it on ao3

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TK’s breathing slowed at last, allowing Carlos to finally breathe easier. He’d been worried that his fiancé would never doze off, but now that TK was asleep, now that Carlos could be alone with his thoughts, he could finally process the news fully.

TK might have Huntington’s Disease.

The thought was worrisome, but certainly not as terrifying as the thought of not going through with the wedding. Carlos couldn’t believe TK had thought giving him an out, telling him they could cancel their upcoming marriage, would mean he’d having nothing to worry about. Had TK never met Carlos?

Because Carlos wasn’t actually worried about himself. If he had to become a nursemaid to his husband, he’d gladly take on that role.

So long as they were together.

No, the part that Carlos was actually worried about, the part that broke his heart, was the idea of TK having to live with such a debilitating disease, of TK having to suffer. What was cleaning a few bedpans compared to what TK himself might have to endure?

As Carlos had reminded his fiancé, he believed in their vows, even though they hadn’t officially taken them yet. “In sickness and in health.” He’d be there for TK, no matter was happened. He wasn’t running. He was planning to stay right by TK’s side, no matter what his future held.

Even though the thought of seeing TK’s mind and body crumbling in front of him was overwhelming.

Just to see TK so upset this evening had broken his heart.

Though he was thankful TK had come to him instead of going to pills or alcohol. TK had once said that he wasn’t sure if going to Carlos would be enough to stop him from using, so Carlos was honored that his fiancé had come to him first...and relieved that they’d been able to keep TK sober through this trying evening.

Luckily, Carlos had recognized the warning signs. He’d seen TK spiraling out of control, those emotions that always flowed so easily from him spilling over like a reservoir after too much rain.

Which was why Carlos had said what he’d said.

“Hi. You’re TK, I’m Carlos, and we’re soulmates.”

He’d known the word would stop TK, would wake him up, would bring him back, much like tossing the ice-cold lemonade on Quincy had revived the young boy.

And just as Carlos had recognized during that missing person’s call that stealing the little girl’s lemonade was the right thing to do in that moment, Carlos recognized that telling TK they were soulmates had been a necessity.

Even though it had been a lie.

Because Carlos didn’t believe in soulmates. That was a thing for fiction, the idea that two people were fated to be together in any universe. True, it was an incredibly romantic idea, but it simply wasn’t something a good Catholic boy could believe in. The whole concept of two people having been chosen—by God or the universe or whatever—to be together forever went against the notion of free will. If God controlled your destiny in love, then He must also control it in death, in terms of Heaven and Hell, and that wasn’t what Carlos had been taught in Catechism.

Instead, he’d learned—and truly believed—that when you found a compatible person, God would let you know that He approved of that choice.

Which is why Carlos had been so miserable with Iris. It wasn’t just that, in his heart, he knew they didn’t belong together.

It was more that he knew God Himself didn’t approve of that choice.

Yet He clearly approved of TK.

How else could one explain TK miraculously surviving one medical emergency after another over the past few years?

Clearly God was looking out for the pair, giving them an enthusiastic thumbs-up, testing their faith repeatedly yet rewarding them when they didn’t falter.

So yes, he and TK obviously belonged together.

But they weren’t soulmates.

Though his soulmates comment hadn’t been a complete lie. He’d definitely felt something the first time he’d brought TK home.

Well, he’d actually felt a LOT of things that night, each more intense—and incredible—than the last!

But that wasn’t why he’d invited TK over for a home-cooked meal immediately after that first hook up. Yes, the sex had been AMAZING, but he’d actually asked TK over because he’d wanted to get to know the guy. He somehow sensed that the two of them could really become something, even if they weren’t fated to be together.

In fact, he’d felt that connection even earlier. Thinking about it now, as he lay here in the dark, his arms around his sleeping fiancé, Carlos realized he’d wanted to know TK better from the very first night they’d met.

Carlos had noticed the intense look of pride and love on the young firefighter’s face that night as they watched the new Fire Captain rescue a baby from a tree, boasting, “He’s my dad,” with a smug smile. In that moment, it was clear to Carlos just how many feelings TK had to share.

And that was something Carlos had yearned for. He’d been scolded his whole life for being too soft, for feeling too much. Per his own father, emotions were a sign of weakness, something to suppress, to hide from the world.

Yet here was this sexy stranger standing beside him, his emotions shining out like a midday sun on that darkened Texas road, and Carlos felt something in him change. He suddenly realized that THAT was what he wanted.

Not just the toned firefighter—though that had certainly been on his mind as well—but the freedom to be himself. To be able to feel out loud everything that he’d spent his entire life stuffing deep down inside.

This new revelation had given him the courage to ask TK to dance later that night. Ordinarily he never would have been so bold as to ask a hot guy to dance with him in a honky-tonk bar—especially someone he’d only just met at work—but he was eager to follow Michelle’s lead that night because he didn’t want to waste any time. This guy was a 10—and his fiery emotions were an 11!—and Carlos knew he wanted them both.

And still did, no matter what the future held.

So if TK had Huntington’s Disease, they’d deal. But for now, at least, TK could sleep, thankfully without having had to resort to anything stronger than some non-wedding-diet ice cream before bed.

Which meant that mentioning soulmates had been the right thing to do. So Carlos didn’t have to feel any guilt about lying.

Though he did still feel kind of bad about stealing that little girl’s lemonade!

And with only that small regret left, Carlos was finally able to fall asleep himself, with his fiancé still wrapped tightly in his arms.

...

THE END

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Author’s notes:

Go ahead, feel free to yell at me for not buying the soulmates thing. 😁

But if you look up Catholic beliefs (which I did, because I am not Catholic myself), they do not believe in fate or soulmates. However, I wanted to show that Carlos telling that “lie” was okay because he HAD felt a connection from the start. And since TK is “the key that unlocked [him],” I wanted to explore what he means by that, and I think it means that TK wears his heart on his sleeve (even when just bragging about his dad that night they first met), and that allowed Carlos to open up his own heart.

And I’m sorry, but Carlos would totally feel guilty about the fact that he’d stolen the little girl’s lemonade to save the boy—convince me otherwise! 😁