#also this is partly why i don't really post personal stuff/updates here

[addictivewhispering]

i wish i could be one of those people that keeps all of their interests on one account but unfortunately i am wired a bit differently so i have 7 active twitter accounts and 2 tumblr blogs and each of them has its own designated purpose

[fairydares]

loook i get why the idea of riding the "anti/pro" fandom disk horse makes people gag a little in their mouth and try to opt out entirely, but here's why i went from feeling exactly the same way to taking a firm profiction stance. I've been meaning to make this post for a while.

~10 years ago, I posted a fic for the first time and it got its own harassment campaign. The fic wasn't even sexual, and wasn't going to be (it remains incomplete). It was accurately rated T on fanfiction.net. Anyone in the Fairy Tail fandom will understand this: I literally got harassed for writing a "Lucy leaves the guild" fic💀.

After many nice comments, someone left a pretty nasty one. Hurt, I messaged them back. They acted super attacked that I'd responded (lmao) and after we argued, threatened to "rip my shitty story apart in the comments section" if I responded again. I told them "go ahead lol."

They went ahead.

Now know that it was a relatively small harassment campaign, but at the time, it was devastating. Right around then, I wound up in the hospital. After I got out, I went to excitedly check my fic, and found several reviews saying things I wouldn't repeat to my worst enemy. I was suicide-baited more than once, told "thank fuck you finally abandoned this shitty story, dumb cunt," stuff like that.

There were several accounts involved, and I can't say for sure, but I suspect at least a couple different people were involved, though probably at least half of it was one person.

All the other comments were screeching about how I hadn't updated, mostly. "NO UPDAAATEE WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO MEEEE??!!!" was one that stood out after I'd been miserable in a hospital for an extended period of time.

Idk what people think is going on when FT fic authors write this trope, and frankly I don't give a fuck. Because while I was partly writing the story out of some young, cringe feminist rage, I also did genuinely have a real story I was compelled to tell. I was inspired by another, popular fic I loved which used the trope to talk about how trying to shoulder our burdens alone really just hurts both ourselves and everyone who cares about us.

My own story was ultimately going to have similar themes, with more focus on strength, what it means, and in what contexts earning and having it actually matters. In retrospect, no wonder I wound up in hot water, because at the time "Lucy vs. Strength vs. Misogyny" was the FT fandom's Designated Nonsensically Activist Debate™. But that's partly why i wanted to write about it; engaging with the fandom had gotten me thinking about it 🤷‍♂️

Not too long after that, FFNet oh-so-benevolently granted us the ability to delete comments from our own stories (they never took my reports seriously at all, afaik). I deleted all or most of the harassers' comments (may still be a one or two up, and i'm fairly sure there's a couple comments defending my fic from the harassment) without saving screenshots, which I really regret now. I was just so mortified and full of self-loathing about the whole thing that i wanted to forget it completely. Something that had brought me joy at a very lonely, vulnerable period of my life had turned so negative, and i couldn't even tell the people closest to me about it without being made fun of for writing anime fan fiction.

I didn't understand why this happened at the time, but--after a period of trying to forget/bid out of it all with a slight anti lean (a common approach I see people use, and one which I'm not proud of adopting)--I just had to figure out What the Fuck Even Happened There. And I'm telling you, after years of reflecting, wrestling with both sides, and educating myself, that this "status quo of harassment" culture which pervades fandom goes way deeper than you think and comes out of a way darker well than you probably realize. An astonishing amount of this is, quite literally, TERF shit and evangelical shit.

Trying to be in fandom and take a stance of, "Anti/Pro shit? Ew, I'm Not Touching that," is like swimming in a heavily polluted river and being like, "Poison? Cringe. Not me lol."

You might be lucky enough to be in a less-polluted part of the river (AKA a relatively non-toxic fandom, in which case good for you!)...but tbh this rhetoric and peer-signalling will still seep in.

I can't stress enough that pro-fiction, AKA "proship", is the normal, leftist-about-art-and-sex opinion. Pro-ship is against all the horrible things you're against; in fact, pro-ship isn't trivializing real trauma by equating it with fictional trauma, or trying to apply literal evangelical/radfem solutions--which are proven not to prevent or help. Profiction/proship is literally just saying, "Fiction is fiction, reality is reality, and the two don't have a 1:1 relationship. And historically, trying to censor just things we've decided are bad has done nothing but get LGBTQ+ and POCs censored. Therefore, depictions of illegal things shouldn't be censored." That's it. "Proshippers all ship problematic ships," is a brazen lie. Many of them share other fans' disgust for those ships, they just don't believe in censoring fic authors over it.

It is also taking a stand against harassment because--and I hope my own story has helped drive this home--as with all groups who adopt ingroup/outgroup thinking, antis are defined by their tactics, not actual stances on real, serious issues. What happened to me was absolutely a result of anti, "it's okay to 'bully out' anything I just don't like" mindset pervading fandom. In a way, this was the mindset's final form. They didn't even feel the need to cite a reason the trope was "bad" or "wrong"; it annoyed them, and they viewed their own feelings as a valid enough pathway for policing to go right ahead and do so.

In the interest of offering solutions instead of just bitching about problems, I might make a "how to know if you've bought into these types of views"-type post sometime. Also might come back to this and provide some sources/citation.

[accio-victuuri]

As if all the content from ZZ and Web from today is not enough, here comes LRLG @ Rumor House to feed us. 🌙🥮

I did not provide full translations because i’m not allowed to but these are excerpts from the interesting ones + commentary. people were hoping they would post on 9/5, but there were disasters ( earthquake ) going on at the time so we all understood that they were not gonna share. out of respect for what was going on. anyway, let’s look at this fanfic.

“It will be fine after the rain”

"Is it raining tomorrow, look?"

"Send it, don't send it to me"

"Brother X will watch it, I will watch it myself"

"Then look at it now"

"I don't see the weather interface, it seems that there are still meteors"

"It's partly cloudy and there are stars, maybe it's cloudy, I don't know.

"Come back soon, I have to go to work in a few minutes"

"No need to wear your own clothes"

It starts with a full block of little green ( yibo ) talking on the phone. Random sentences that are out of context and overheard. HAHAHAHA! I love how they talk about the weather ~ and no need to wear your own clothes? Ah sure. because these two can totally share 🤍 A BXG said there was a meteor shower the night of Qixi Festival so it might be what Bobo was talking about.

"You're not working tonight, I should get off early"

"I'm a little tired, I'll finish watching the documentary tonight.”

Another block of text by WYB. I wonder what documentary they are both watching! They are so cute!

There is also a part where one Web’s staff tells him “Mr. Xiao doesn’t think you’re rude..” pertaining to when Web tells people what they did wrong. I love this. Because Web is often mistaken to be arrogant/rude when he’s really just straightforward. ZZ understands this. 🤍

After that is like paragraphs of WYB talking to a co-worker or someone and saying goodbye. Telling them to not drink. Also him sharing that he didn’t sleep well. Another proof that whoever this is, should be someone in close contact with Bobo. Most of the past contributions, had lots of interactions that involve Yibo and other people. back in the day, even people from DDU.

👧 : someone picked up today

🔴"Run errands, deliver to your door with 0 errand fees"

🟢"You said you delivered today"

🔴"This is not for you (...) “

🟢"Why don't you sit down?"

🔴"I'm not going to give you”

🟢"Oh it was really hard work"

I LOVE THIS! to have Xiao Zhan do errands for you and deliver stuff? Wow. Only Wang Yibo! And look at ZZ acting all “mad” and Yibo coaxing 😂😂😂 I see there was no change from their 2018 love language of bickering. ✌🏼

After that, WYB is talking to someone and asking them to take GG to eat. That person said they made an appointment already and that made WYB happy. He really spoils GG when it comes to food. I love the idea of him doing these things for GG even if they are not together.

🔴 "Why do you have to change your clothes to eat?"

🟢 “No. I'm wearing the same clothes as you"

👧: Be sure to eat together before your next mission.

I can’t figure this part out, if they were together or eating while doing a video call. There seems to be a mission of them going out — because GG said “going on a mission”. And them wearing the same clothes when in public together! That’s some ninja moves right there! Even fans get confused with them so wearing the same thing is a good cover. so maybe there were physically together. These rumors can get confusing 🙃

There is also a line here where WYB said it's been a long time since the two of them have eaten together. Like it means it's been a long time since it was just two people in the morning. 🥺

See the moon? Full moon, full of love.

This is the last line and it’s so cheesy! HAHAHAHA! I can imagine Yibo saying it tho and GG being charmed af. 🤣

That’s all folks! I will update and link the full english translation once it’s available.

( adding this art from mugui-laoshi’s recent bobi-zhanbi comic! )

[lemon-tea-leaves]

hiya, remaking a pinned for myself because i need to update some things. X)

we're lemon, also known as the lemon tree. We use "i" and "we" interchangeably, because we are i, i am we, and we are lemon.

i'm 23, and they/them tends to work for the collective. i have other brain stuff that i might talk about here, too, but this is mostly an acc for talking about DID and, kinda by extension, (C-)PTSD.

i prefer the term "person with DID/pwDID". i do not want to be referred to a plural or multiple, as those terms don't describe my experiences.

this is a sideblog! likes and follows come from elsewhere.

fyi

my stance on syscourse is that i have zero desire to be involved in it, and have syscourse tags blocked. for all intents and purposes, i am endo-apathetic.

i am hoping to achieve final fusion once i'm in a better living situation.

i see myself as parts of one whole rather than multiple people in one body. i may refer to us as [part]-lemon or [part]-host-lemon for illustrating our connections to the whole. respect our individual needs and boundaries, but do so equally.

i have a cluster B PD and i do not tolerate ableism towards cluster B folks, including those with NPD and ASPD. i may not have either but i don't engage with people who demonize cluster B PDs or any other disorders

i feel that my experiences are best defined by partial DID (still experience myself in distinct parts with amnesia, but most of the time I am 🐝, 🐝 with a guest appearance from [part], or [Part] with a guest appearance from 🐝, and my switches aren't that noticeable). i refer to it as DID partly as shorthand and partly because that's what i'm diagnosed with (since P-DID isn't in the DSM) and P-DID is just a suspicion + in the end it doesn't really matter. but if my presentation sounds different from yours, that might be why.

as a result of the above i might sign things off as a different alter even if they're mostly just influencing heavily or if i'm present.

yeah this isn't much of a dni because frankly the only way i can control who interacts with me is via blocking.

tagging system

#lemon.docx or #[part].docx - for posts i've made or added to

#[part] tag - for posts that remind me of certain alters

#reblog - for reblogs

#a cure for what ails queue - for the rare queued posts, i don't really use my queue much lol

#vent - for vents or rants. these may end up being deleted later.

#personal - for things that are less general and really only apply to me. if you find them relatable, though, then worm

#informative - for informative or scientific posts

#sweet tea - for positive posts

i get too nervous to add things to the normal tags sometimes. 😅

(IDs in alt text; I don't know if you're meant to ID dividers but I did so just in case, I hope I did it right 😅)

[transboykirito]

What’s your favorite fic of yours that you’ve written? <33

this question is hard because my go-to answer would be mtjaf just because it was so popular and it's the one that like got the most feedback, so obviously i love that one lol

i'm not going to include oneshots in this, but honourable mention to calm through the storm, the first thing i posted and just immediately felt proud of and i'm still super happy with it

more than just a fling? - it has a special place in my heart, since it was the first fic i ever finished *and* i think it's probably the fic most people know from me?? i love seeing kirito and eugeo as dads too. when i reread it i just feel like there's scenes i wanna redo (i'm more comfortable writing suggestive stuff now too, and slightly better at pacing) - but overall i'm decently happy with it and hope i can finally be satisfied the sequel fic for it and start posting that too :)

friends with (baby) benefits - this is also one i'm pretty proud of, i like writing pregnancy fics (because... fertility issues) and i'm a sucker for fwb-turned-love. plus, dorky pining kazuto my beloved.

buried with our pasts - it isn't a ship-fic, so i understand why it doesn't have many hits lol, but i'm really proud of it!! espcieally when i compare it to the original, i love how much my writing has improved, how i've developed my writing style and just... i'm really proud of it.

don't want to miss a thing - this is especially close to my heart because like, i never see fics about ivf. it's just some cute sugulis, i love getting to write super emotional sugu, it's the fic that I'm finally implementing my fuckload of headcanon lore for rika, uncle kazuto is cute, i just. i really love this one, i really really wish it got more attention because i'd love to update it more frequently.

other shades of blue - this is one that i actually never post about on here (partly because i'm afraid of people's reactions, partly because it just... feels so tender?) but i'm really proud of it for not only the fic itself, but also the personal progress it's showing. the fact i can even write that fic really proves to me how far i've come from when i was still with and first left my ex-fiance, which is nice, and it has a lot of lines i'm generally pretty proud of. "there was barbed wire snared tightly around her fourth left finger" (or whatever finger it is) is probably one of my favourite lines i've ever written,

[marlaluster]

I'm optimistic about a couple of new issues I'm dealing with...

I've had a couple life changes since I last wrote here. There's an aging family member who needs my help more starting a couple weeks ago. Also, I have been having a problem with my health that has been in existence for a while (about a year and a half), but it is getting worse despite my taking medicine to improve the health problem.

I'm not excited to help my aging family member, but I will help sometimes. With the health problem, I'm going to give up on medical help for it just because I don't really understand medical stuff and I don't want to participate in it. I'm hoping I'll be okay with these new things I'm doing in my life.

I feel optimistic about things I'm doing and facing. I think I'm doing the right thing by discontinuing medical involvement for myself. I think sometimes that my aging family member is too dependent on medical help like going to the ER for a problem she has. Her trust of medical help seems misplaced to me, even though it seems to make sense here in this world that she goes to the ER to receive attention from people who are knowledgeable about the seemingly serious problem she keeps having. (She has been having trouble breathing on occasion.)

To me, it doesn't make sense to rely on medical help. It seems so disempowering and so highly involving of dependence on "medical professionals." I think being well or being in an optimal situation is being independent (and, I guess interdependent also, so a person is not totally alone in going about life).

Also, another thing to relevant to the topic of health and wellness is something I wrote about here recently. Recently, I said here that to have things go well for oneself, one shouldn't be required to do the right things, as one is required in this world. Instead, things going well for someone should come from that it is just so that things go well for people. In other words, it should just be the nature of life and the world that things go well for a person.

I believe an ideal world is what should be and not the present world. This present world is not ideal. I'm hoping this present world will come to an end soon.

I'm told by the entities talking in my mind that my letting go of medical remedies for all my health problems will result in this world finally ending.

As is apparent in other posts I've written, the entities say often that this world will end, but, as always, I hope it is true this time. Truthfully, I really believe my disentangling from the world this time by discontinuing taking medicines and seeing doctors, coupled with my three month old extreme disbelief in evil, will end the world this time.

Something I am doing that I am not fully telling at this time, I think will end this world. It is another instance where I am discontinuing medical remedies. I'm hinting pretty strongly about what I'm doing presently, but I will tell fully about this action I'm taking at some point in the near future. I'm not telling about this one very significant thing (and the other health problem I mention above) fully now because I am not telling people close to me presently because I feel they will be concerned.

I'm kind of bored right now and that's partly why I'm writing here. I feel like I don't have anything else I feel like doing. There are always things I need to do that I'm not doing and don't feel like doing.

So that's that, an update on how I'm doing. I guess I'll continue writing here if I'm bored and it feels desirable to write here, like it did today.

[indecisive-v]

NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.

[silver-wield]

Hi! Sorry for bothering you. Don't know if you already did this one (so many analysis) but what did you thought about Sephiroth killing Barret scene? Everyone just go running to Barret and Cloud just froze.

No bother! Sorry for the wait, I had a few things on my plate to clear lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be short-ish.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Resolution scene analysis (A) 

Barret character analysis (chapter 13) 

Cloud character analysis (Honey Bee Inn) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

Okay, so our intrepid heroes have found Aerith, but then Cloud has a ptsd induced attack and passes out. After some exposition courtesy or Red and Aerith, we're back on mission to reach the roof and the Avalanche helicopter waiting for us – thanks to Wedge the cinnamon roll.

Once we reach the President's office we can hear shouting and make our way outside to find Shinra dangling from 70f up. Poor bby. Lemme help you up.

Anyway, Barret stops Tifa going to help (you’re too kind sometimes, T), grabs Shinra and after some massive restraint on his part, tosses him back onto solid ground. He pursues Shinra through the office and then in classic moron moment finds Shinra has a gun pointed at him. I'm not sure why the others didn't go too, but for whatever reason, they're in the doorway while Shinra is making his selfish bastard speech and Barret forgets he's got a literal machine gun for an arm.

Seconds before pulling the trigger, Sephiroth materialises out of thin air – and Cloud's Sephy sense didn't even go off this time – and he stabs Shinra, killing him in an echo of his OG death.

You get a shot of surprised Cloud and Tifa, then Barret lunges for Sephiroth while whispers appear through the doorway.

Ooh damn I'm good! 2nd go and I stop on this shot. First one was blurry.

Ok, this is obviously the moment where Sephiroth runs Barret all the way through. Remember, his sword is like 8ft long or some ridonculous shit like that. It's massive. He has zero need to get close to someone when he stabs them. He didn't do this with Shinra, he was like 3 feet away and still there was plenty of sword sticking out the guy's chest (anyone wonder if Seph is compensating for something? Lol).

Ok, so the point I'm getting at by showing Sephiroth this close to Barret is that this is a personal attack. This isn't something he's done just to kill someone. He's stuck that massive sword all the way through Barret's chest until he's within touching distance of him. This is an attack on Cloud. This is his way of showing Cloud that the vision from the VR scene could absolutely be true. He can make it true.

As for Barret, well he's just been stabbed, so he looks like he wants to go for pizza lol

Tifa automatically reacts and wants to run to Barret and save him. She's lost way too many people over the last day and can't lose anyone else. This is expected of her being the first one to react.

Interestingly, the next one to move is Red. The bromance is real. That's one fast friendship there and I love these two as friends. Barret and Red can snark at each other for a whole game and I'll be happy. 

This is a great moment though because it shows that Red's already formed strong bonds with everyone, enough that he'll go to their aid without stopping to think. For an animal character which is hard to read, you can see very easily the pain, fear and panic in his eye.

If you're a meta!Aerith theoriser like me then this is actually too much emotion on her face for someone who barely knows Barret. She looks like she just lost someone very important to her. They met like an hour ago. I love the amount of emotion on her face here, she clearly cares about Barret a lot. That's an “please God oh no” look if ever I saw one. Makes me wanna tear up and no lie.

And Cloud. Who doesn't move because he's literally frozen in place with a wide eyed look of horror on his face. He's seen Sephiroth stab people before. Back in Nebelheim reactor and then in the VR where he had to watch him stab Tifa (ok not really, but the mental trauma is still the same). He's shutting down. SOLDIER!Cloud.exe has stopped working. Have you tried turning him off and on again?

Cloud's terrified of Sephiroth anyway – he literally whimpers during one ptsd attack – so to see him stab Barret? His friend? And he didn’t even see it coming? It's probably sent his entire mind to a point where he can't function. This is the stuff that breaks him.

Aside: How did Sephiroth pull that whole long ass sword out of Barret without moving away? Does he have slenderman arms on the sly?

This is interesting. Sephiroth looks at Cloud, who's still shell-shocked, but then it's like you can see him rebooting. That absolute fury and hatred he has for Sephiroth overrides most of his shock – or tries. You can see the SOLDIER part of him trying to assert control over his fear, but then it wavers and the shock and fear – likely from real!Cloud – take hold again, making his eyes wide and him look as helpless as he feels.

Sephiroth's goal is to always make Cloud feel helpless, out of control, useless to everyone. That way he can control Cloud and make him do whatever he wants. He's a master manipulator and Cloud with all his issues struggles to fight against that mental barrage. It’s something that never goes away for him. This is his lifetime struggle and it’s a metaphor for those who live with mental health issues. There’s no one final battle and it’s all rosy. It’s never ending and some days you win, some days it’s Sephiroth. The point is to fight.

So, then the whisper leaps into Barret to save him and Sephiroth turns into a piece of Jenova. Now we've got some action happening, Cloud shakes off his weakness and goes back into SOLDIER mode.

Conclusion

Cloud can't deal with emotions. Of any kind. He's emotionally stunted, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have emotions. It's the opposite. He feels things far too deeply and intensely and hasn't learned how to process them effectively in a way that doesn't damage himself. This is stuff you learn as you mature from a teenager to an adult. This is stuff Cloud's been denied by being a lab rat for 4 years. His body may be an adult, but part of him is still 16. He needs to experience life to help him mature and catch that emotional development up to the rest of him. (which is my way of saying he won't be like a 16yr old forever).

Cloud's real and genuine affection for his friend over-rid any kind of control he had over himself and made it impossible for him to move when he saw Barret stabbed. He's also lost too many people, which is partly why he has that SOLDIER persona protecting him. Sephiroth's taunting look made it clear this was to get at Cloud. It had very little to do with Barret. Cloud's anger broke through his shock, but that weakness reasserted itself quickly afterwards, keeping him from acting until Jenova Dreamweaver appeared and he finally had something for SOLDIER!Cloud to take care of.