#also this was funnier at 3am the other day when i came up with this

[piratelynlyn]

It’s comfy, Grif! And it was probably on the floor!

For the ‘Mistaken Identity’ square for @rvbficwars

( sorry the preview images are blurry. I can’t fix it. \o/ )

[knivesareout]

My Best Decision

Pairing: Javier Peña x AFAB!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Smut (18!!!+), Oral sex (fem receiving), Unprotected sex, Filth, Possible typos and bad usage of commas.

A/N: I have a whole ass universe to these two tucked away somewhere in my mind and this scene felt like it needed to be written so here we are. I haven’t written anything substantial in years so pls be nice to me, thanks. You can also read it on AO3 here. Big thanks to @dirty-holy-things​ for being a general gem of a friend and proofreading this for me. Hope y’all enjoy!!!

Summary: Time to yourselves is something hard to come by for you and Javi. When his dad offers to take your little one for the night, you have a few things in mind on what you can fill the quiet with.

Texas was a different kind of hot, you quickly came to realize. Colombia had been sticky and humid, the feeling of your clothes sticking to your skin the absolute worst. Texas came with a dry heat compared to Colombia and it was a change that was welcome in your book.

It’d been about two years now in Laredo and it always made you wonder when you’d stop comparing the two places. It’s not like you lived in Colombia all that long, anyway; just the time it took to complete your Master’s Degree and a few months after, staying behind with Javier until his assignment with the DEA was over. Javi had warned you of all the different things moving to Texas entailed when the decision had been made, even offering up a few other options- like Miami, where Steve had tried to entice the two of you to join him and Connie and their kids. But, Texas had felt right for some reason. Being close to Javier’s father and having that sense of family was something you craved and so, Laredo became home.

Once you had your first child, it just cemented that moving to Texas had been the right decision. Javi had been a mess in the delivery room, pacing constantly and offering to get you anything every 10 seconds. It would’ve been funnier if you weren’t in pain and almost screaming at him to fuck off. Your daughter was born screaming and crying into the world, Javi’s tears unstoppable as he cut the cord and passed her over to you, the gentle grip on her so tender and careful. 

The sight of Chucho crying when he’d met your little girl at the hospital, whispering to her how spoiled she was going to be by her abuelo, was something you’d never forget and with Javi rolling his eyes behind his father’s back, you knew he was going to be just as bad as his father, if not worse, and he was. Tiny little Emilia Anaís Peña had the two men wrapped around her finger the second she yawned, her fists popping out of the blanket she was wrapped in, in search of a finger to hold on to. 

Now, at just six months, your little girl was a handful and that was putting it lightly. She was crawling everywhere and yanking on anything she could get her hands on, and that included yours and Javi’s hair. A moment of peace was hard to come by, her cries loud and piercing if no one was paying attention to her. Javier was always the first one to give into her pleas, placating her wails with quiet songs sung under his breath and a soothing hand across her back. She was a daddy’s girl and you couldn’t even find it in you to be upset about it, the sight always putting an instant smile on your face. 

It was crazy to think there was a time where you believed something like this wasn’t possible- the family, the house together, and anything really beyond a late night hook-up with Javier. Yet, here you were, and Emilia was the perfect blend of you two as you caught her dark eyes slowly drifting close on Javier’s shoulder. 

“Javi?” You ask, shuffling the bills that cluttered your kitchen table into a neat pile and setting them aside to go through after dinner.

“Yeah baby?” He slowly turns to glance at you, his hand spanning across your daughter’s back as he holds her to his chest. You could already see the drool mark on his salmon colored shirt and smile softly to yourself. It was still early, and any sleep she got was a blessing. 3am wake up calls were getting tiring and Javi was taking the brunt of them, letting you sleep.

“I was thinking,” you start, walking towards him to brush a fallen strand of hair across Emilia’s forehead as she breathes in slowly. “Maybe Chucho could take Emilia tonight? He called earlier and mentioned I sounded tired, asked if we needed a break. I thought it would be nice to have a night to ourselves. Maybe actually catch up on sleep, watch a movie.”

You would’ve been offended at Javier’s father calling you out, a quiet chuckle escaping you when he brought it up, but you knew he was right. Sleep was a myth at this point and it was only made worse now as Emilia was slowly starting to get her teeth in. You told him you’d let him know what Javier thought by lunch time, giving him a quiet thank you before you’d hung up. 

The look on Javi’s face was one you knew well. It was his thinking face. Brows furrowed in thought, lips pursed. He was silently going over the pros and cons of being away from your daughter for the first time, his lips pursed. “It’s gonna have to happen at some point, right? I guess that’s fine,” he finally acquiesces, hiking Emilia higher up on his chest while she snoozes. “Call my dad and let him know we’ll be over in an hour. I’ve got a few things I need to finish up.” With a kiss to your forehead, he turns out of the kitchen and whispers quietly to Emilia that her ‘daddy was going to miss her so much’.

You nod mostly to yourself as he leaves, watching as he heads through the house to no doubt hole himself up in the office with Emilia on his chest while he read over papers he needed to grade. There wasn’t a task he did day-to-day where he didn’t try to have Emilia with him. He’d take her to class with him if you didn’t physically remove her from his side in the mornings. Watching Javier hand her over to Chucho would be interesting and you smirk as you walk back to the kitchen to call your father-in-law, a little pep to your step as you thought about all the things you could do in the next 24 hours.

__

The handoff had been hilarious, your giggles quiet behind your hand as you watched your daughter reach for her grandfather with a giant smile on her face and paying no mind to Javi’s scowl. Emilia was just as smitten with her abuelo as she was with her father and she wasn’t nearly as torn up about the goodbye as Javier was. She’d giggled and waved bye with the help of Chucho as you’d left and it almost looked like Javier wanted to cry. He’d huffed once you were back in his truck and remained quiet on the short drive back to your house, your hand reaching for his in a comforting squeeze. 

The house seemed strange, feeling almost empty, without Emilia’s presence despite her toys being scattered throughout the living room. Some part of you felt guilty at your excitement to finally have a night without your daughter but, it was needed and you’d be damned if you didn’t try to make the most of it. Locking the door behind you once Javier was sitting on the couch, you kicked your shoes off and sat down to curl yourself into his side, his arm wrapping around you tight.

“Are you gonna mope around until we pick her up tomorrow?” You tease him, reaching up to tilt Javier’s gaze towards your own.

A slow smile breaks across his features and he shakes his head, looking guilty. “No. I’m sorry,” he sighs, taking your hand from his chin to lace your fingers together. “It’s just weird and I know it’s something that we’ll have to do but I just. Miss her.” 

“I know, Javi,” you nod, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Why don’t we take a nap and then I’ll make us lunch and we can just bask in the quietness for a little bit, hm?”

“Yeah, that sounds,” he yawns, making you chuckle. “Good. Yeah, a nap sounds good.”

As you push yourself up off the couch and stretch, Javi’s calloused fingers reach out and brush across the bare skin of your hip, your t-shirt raising with the stretch of your arms and the feeling of his hands on you sends a slight shiver up your spine. It’d been far too long since the two of you managed to be intimate, your mind blanking on the last time it wasn’t just hurried hands and covered mouths to muffle the moans and grunts from seeking a quick release before running off towards Emilia’s cries.

It’s like Javi’s tiredness is suddenly forgotten, the bareness of your skin a reminder that he hasn’t touched you in so long. A smirk slides across his lips while his hand travels further up your shirt, squeezing along your side until his fingers skim across the underside of your left breast and this thumb seeks out the hardened peak of your nipple to pull between his nimble fingers. 

“Javi,” his name is quiet on your lips and you’re not sure if he even heard it until you feel his hand engulf the entirety of your breast and he squeezes and kneads the sensitive flesh in answer.

“Please.”

In a flash, Javier is pulling you down onto his lap where he still sits on the couch and you’re almost winded at the move as you sit on his strong thighs to steady yourself.

You hate that you want to stop this and move it to the bedroom where his back won’t hurt as bad, where you both can spread out and enjoy each other because the spontaneity of it all is sexy and a call back to your time in Colombia where you and Javi couldn’t get enough of each other. 

When you don’t automatically start grinding down onto his lap, Javi glances up at you curiously, “What’s wrong, baby?

“Take me to bed?”

He gets it then with a quick nod and you know he’s thinking the same things you are and pulls you close to his chest as he moves off the couch and slides you back down to the ground. Taking your hand in his, he guides the two of you down the hallway towards your bedroom. It’s almost comical, the eagerness of your steps, and he presses you against the wall just next to the door of the room once you’re inside. 

“Can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner when you suggested dropping off Emilia at my dad’s,” he breathes against your ear, hands falling to your hips and squeezing them tight. 

You laugh against his ear, his mouth moving across your neck and his lips trailing across your collarbone to sponge heavy kisses on any bare skin he can find. “Kinda figured it was an unspoken thing. I’ll be more blunt next time,” you grin, running a hand through his dark hair and tugging him away from your neck to lock your gaze with his. “Fuck me, Javi. I’ve missed your cock, baby. Please.” 

His eyebrows raise in surprise at your bluntness but he wastes no time, pulling you away from the wall to back you up against the foot of your bed where you fall back, your hands reaching back to catch your fall. Biting your lip as you watch Javi’s chest heave, the tight pink shirt stretched across his chest, your legs instantly pressing together in search of some relief. Even just looking at him has you wet between your thighs and the movement isn’t lost on him. 

Javier is quick to undress, his clothes haphazardly tossed to the side, leaving him in only his boxers where his cock is straining against the seam in the middle. Seeing his clear arousal causes another wave of wetness to pool between your legs and you crook a finger, hoping to entice him to come closer. Kneeling on the bed, he brings you up with him to lay against the pillows and trails a finger down your thin t-shirt to where your leggings sit on your stomach, tracing along the waistband. 

“Tell me what you want, hermosa,” Javi asks you quietly, nose nudging against your cheek while his fingers dip just slightly under the fabric. 

Normally you weren’t so bold, but with how pent up you were there was no hesitation to your voice when you spoke up, turning to look him in the eye. “I want your mouth on my pussy, Javi. Then I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t walk the next day.” His fingers still against your skin, the side of his mouth quirking up and he sat up suddenly, yanking down your shorts along with your underwear to leave you bare from the waist below. 

“So wet for me already, hm?” Javier spreads your legs wider, putting you on display for him and your body is shameless in the way it opens itself for his greedy eyes. Your hands slide up your tummy and under your shirt to grasp at your breasts, tugging on your nipples while you watch him watch you. 

Rough hands smooth up your thighs as Javi moves to settle himself between your legs. Your eyes follow his movements, watching as he licks his lips once he pulls your pussy lips apart and sighs softly to himself. “Most beautiful pussy I’ve ever seen,” he makes sure to tell you before flicking your clit with his tongue. 

Javi is relentless in the way he eats you out, mouth sloppy and slick after just a moment and when he looks up at you from his place between your thighs, you can see how debauched he already is. You blink quickly as Javi spits on your pussy, bringing a finger up to rub the wetness against your clit and you cry out. Your hands move from your chest to grip the comforter below you and you pant his name like a prayer once his two of his fingers slowly slide inside of you. 

“It’s been so long, baby. Gonna have to stretch you out a bit before I slide my cock in you.” Javi’s voice is rough, scratchy and you bare down against his fingers once he starts a slow rhythm of fucking you. “You always take me so well though. Like your pussy was made for me.” 

“Want your cock, Javi. Please,” you plead in reply, your left hand releasing the comforter from your grip and sliding it through his hair and tugging softly to get his attention, hoping he would look up and see the desperation on your face. 

Javier pays you no mind. His fingers start fucking you in earnest, a third slipping in next to the other two thick digits and you can slowly feel your orgasm building. A slow simmer through your body, like a current that was waiting to crash. Your whines fill the room, along with the wet sound of his fingers fucking you. Once his thumb starts rubbing your clit in time with the thrust of his fingers, you feel like you’re about to tip over the edge. 

“Come on baby, can feel you squeezing my fingers so fucking tight. Come on my fingers. Come.”

At the sound of his voice, something snaps inside of you and you cry out his name as wave after wave of pleasure wracks through your body. Your body pulses around his fingers, back taut as you ride his hand. 

Javier’s voice is soft as he coaxes you through your release, “Such a good girl. So good for me, aren’t you?” Peppering kisses across your thighs and up your tummy, he slowly slides his fingers out of you and into his mouth to lick them clean.

The sight is obscene as you watch him, your body still pulsing from your release. A smug grin is painted across Javier’s face and you bring a hand through the damp hair on his forehead and push it out of his eyes. “God that was good,” you laugh, scratching at his scalp. 

“Thanks for the glowing review, querida.” Javier kisses his way up your stomach, tugging at your shirt that had been bunched up under your arms to finally rid you of the last bit of material that was blocking your body from his.

You can taste yourself on his lips when they finally meet, his tongue sweeping across your bottom lip before kissing you slowly. The kiss is languid and soft, your hands grasping at Javier’s back to pull his chest to your own. Your hands wander down to his hips, tugging at the band of his boxers with a frustrated groan when you can’t manage to pull them down all the way and you move away from his lips, “Javi, take them off. Fuck, please. I need to feel you.”

Javier pulls away just enough to tug down his boxers and kick them off before he’s descending back on to you, his cock hard and wet at the tip smearing across your thigh. Your hips move around as you try and line him up, a whine slipping past your lips, desperate. It’d been too long since you’d been able to fully appreciate the heavy weight of him inside you and you were needy, body wanton and open for him.

“Baby, calm down. I’ve got you. Shhh,” he quiets you, a quick kiss to your lips. 

Your eyes widen as you feel the tip of his cock running through the slit of your soaked pussy, the head catching on your clit and you cry out as he continues to tease you. The feeling is torture and you dig your nails into his back, a silent plea that you need more. Javier seems to get the message and presses into your cunt, the thickness of him splitting you open in the best way. He’s wide and long, the perfect fit and once he’s bottomed out you feel pure euphoria at the pleasure it brings you. 

“Shit you feel so good, squeezing me so tight,” Javier  grunts, his hips slowly starting a rhythm as he fucks into you. The slapping of skin fills the room, his cock slick with your arousal.

No one had ever felt as good as Javi did and he knew it, the smug bastard. You nod quickly, agreeing with him as you were at his mercy. “So good, Javi. So good. Harder, please.”

He’s quick to comply, his hips fucking into yours at a brutal pace. His hands pull your thighs up at an angle that makes your vision blurry, calves thrown around his shoulders and he’s relentless as he thrusts into you. You watch him lick at the pad of his thumb, the digit finding your wet clit quickly and he rubs in time with his thrusts. 

A moan catches in your throat as your climax nears, head dug into the pillow beneath your head, legs going rigid against him and you tighten around his cock as you cum, Javi’s filthy words muttered low. “God you feel so fucking good around me, squeezing me like this. Cum for me baby, fuck fuck fuck-,” and he finds his own release just behind your own, spilling hot and wet inside your cunt. 

Your body feels boneless, the tips of your fingers numb as you drag them across Javi’s back as he breathes slow and hot against your neck trying to catch his breath. Feeling starts to return to your limbs, and you card your fingers through the sweaty curls at the back of Javi’s head. “You still got it there Agent Peña,” you tease, tugging the short hairs up to get him to look at you.

The look on his face is pure annoyance and you give him your biggest shit-eating grin as he shakes his head and slowly pulls out of you with a groan before sliding next to you and tugging you into his side. “You’re lucky I love you,” Javier grumbles, arm wrapped around you and fingertips trailing along your upper arm in a soothing motion.

“I love you too,” you sigh against this chest, tucked underneath his chin. “How many more rounds do you think we can get in before we have to pick up Emilia tomorrow?”

Javi pauses before he answers and hums to himself, knowing he’s genuinely thinking about it putting a smile on your face. “Gonna shoot for 5 but, I’m an old man now so who knows huh?” He digs his fingers into your side, tickling you. 

“Shut up and go to sleep, Javi. I’m tired.” You pat at his chest blindly as you yawn, kissing his chest once you’re more settled under the blankets.

He grumbles quietly to himself but is out like a light a few beats later, snoring softly in your ear, filling the silence of the unusually quiet house. Your hands trace carefully along his chest, mind already filling with other things you two can get up to before you pick up your daughter, wondering if you still had your toys stashed away somewhere.

[yunhogf]

soft bias tag!!

i was tagged by one of my first babies,,, @dreamsaboutnct!! ♡

1) who is my bias?       + my little itty bitty nana baby!! the babiest of baby boys, na jaemin!! the absolute love of my life!! oh my god. i would like to protect you from everything baby

2) what made you notice him?       + when chewing gum came out, i just noticed the boy in the blue and red hat!! his little rap and his special voice made me...alkdjflksdjfali. and his face?? oh sweet jesus i’m in love

3) what’s your favorite thing about them?       + his...smile...and the way his mouth tilts when he speaks. there is nothing greater in the world. i am alive but i am barely breathing

4) who would initiate skinship more?       + oh, heck, um,,.,,... probably me????? i have such a strong desire to hold him/hold his hand/hug him/kiss him at all hours of the day

5) who would hog blankets more?       + him because he said he likes to be extra warm :) what a cutie. mom i love him

6) who would be more clingy?       + both of us tbh

7) who would say “i love you” first?       + him because i am too afraid of rejection :))

8) who would be more easily flustered?       + do you hear half the stuff that comes out of his mouth?       me. i would be.

9) what cuddling position would you two have?       + facing each other, laying on our sides, my fACE in HIS CHEST,, arms and legs all tangled together. there’s just something about this cuddling position that really gets to me oh look i’m crying again

10) which colors remind you of them and why?       + pink!! big surprise there lmao       i say this because pink!! is really soft!! but can also be hot at the same time AKJLFSLADFAWESDFGHJK

11) which season would you like to spend with them?       + autumn!! it’s the prime sweater/cuddling weather. it can still be warm outside, but also nice and cool! there are so many things to do in the fall, and he’d likely want to take full advantage of that :)

12) who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter?       + i would be baking the cookies, and that little brat would steal the batter. i bake a lot, and i actually daydream about this alkfjsdlkfjd leave me alone please

13) which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?       + this kid would be making the bad puns. i would laugh and cringe with a big smile on my face. i love bad puns and stupid jokes, i think the fact that they’re “bad” makes them 10x funnier. plus i love literally everything he says soalgjsldk his voice keeps me alive

14) who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?       + we would get 25 dogs for him and 25 cats for me!! we love babies ♡ ♡

15) which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?       + i would be the one to nearly burn down the kitchen. i overcook things sometimes and i rarely ever make pop tarts so i would most definitely screw that up. imagining his little giggles gets me so :(( while he tells me to be careful “bAbY” alksfjdlskjfklaHNGGGG

16) who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back?       + he would lean over the railings, i’d pull him back. he’s,, mischievous. i love.

17) what would watching a horror film with them be like?       + i don’t know, actually! i love them, even though i...scream...and cuddle really tightly...so that would probably be what would happen :’) i want to know which types of horror movies he likes, if he likes any at all! or does he/does he not and i just don’t know it akdsjfsdljfsdakj i’m sorry

18) who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?       + are you seriously going to ask this with na jaemin as the subject       okay well...um... i mean... i’m a really smooth flirt so this is difficult,,, but i’ll put myself as the cheesy flirt. with you guys i’m kinda smooth (i guess?? sjlfs idk) but with him...i want that brat to giggle. i’m going to be cheesy with him.

19) who is more competitive?       + .......you’re asking this of both a leo and a capricorn...why       why are you doing this       for the sake of love...him. even though i want to beat him and rub it in his face because he deserves it for everything that he puts me through

20) who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc.)       + half of the time i would be reminding him bc i worry about him bc god knows that sm isn’t caring enough; the other half of the time he would be reminding me because he wouldn’t be around all the time :(( i love you jaemin i hope you’re sleeping well right now i want nothing but the best for you my love okay

21) who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3am?       + ...heck       the last relationship i was in,, he actually told me to stop saying ily so much bc it worried him that something was wrong but to be fair he was a god awful bf,,,       but considering his schedule,, he would probably be telling me he misses me, and i would be sending the memes. because i need to make him laugh!! what if he had a bad day, i don’t know!!

but yes this was incredibly soft and it took all i had in me not to cuss or call him names. i had to keep it up. but he makes me feel so many things jsafkdjfsjk this was so hard but!! i’ll be tagging: @timeless-nct2 @peachchenle @renjunchokingtaeil @huarenjuwun @kimzeuswoo @softseongs @xalichan @yukhass @qteaxuxi @jenosmochi @neoteen @berrymins @mintirene and @peachyxuxi !! ♡ ♡

[drundertalescum]

Hey for the mini fic thing, how about Underswap pap been unable to sleep for some reason so he sits on his bed, smoking because why not and thinks about something, like a really bad joke thing that his tired mind thinks is hella hilarious so he bursts out laughing and almost drop his cigarette onto his bed, maybe?

This went somewhere else entirely. Blame it on me being tired and my sleepy mind thinking it was funny. It’s probably not. I am very sorry.

Warnings for some vague potential emetophobia triggers and rated D for Drugs. Also extraordinarily bad decision making.

(Also this ended up WAY longer than I wanted it to be because i had sleep-deprived ideas and I couldn’t resist my USPapyrus-is-the-biggest-dork-of-all headcanons.)

——-

It was 3am again, and Papyrus could not sleep a wink.

That wasn’t unusual. He’d always had trouble sleeping, and once upon a time, he’d accepted that completely. Night had always been working time, where he’d take himself to the shed and build prototypes and personal projects and things to impress his bosses… but those days were long gone.

Plus, Sans had really been after him lately about sleeping more, eating better, making healthy choices, etc etc etc. So, Papyrus figured he should at least try to sleep for once.

Healthy choices. Healthy, healthy choices. For his health. Which was important.

…

Papyrus was gonna do drugs.

Yeah.  Yeah, he was going to take a drugs now. Or… uh… okay, he didn’t know the “lingo” for doing illicit substances, but he was going to do it.

See, there was this guy in town, Doggo, who ran the Inn. Super nice guy, never once laughed at him, and sometimes they smoked together. Papyrus was hesitant to use the “F word” and risk making it weird, but they had become pretty good acquaintances over the years they’d known each other. They would talk sometimes in Muffet’s, or Doggo would let him stay in the Inn for free sometimes when he was ducking responsibilities he couldn’t quite face right then and there.

Doggo and him would usually just share cigarettes together, but on occasion, the innkeeper would pull out something else to smoke: a dog treat. He’d offered him a try, said they were great for relaxing, unwinding, great for the “bad days” and Papyrus… well, he’d been very tempted. He did have a lot of bad days, though he didn’t like to admit it, but he’d declined at the time for fear of embarrassing himself. What if it was like the first time he smoked, coughing and choking and looking decidedly uncool?

No thanks.

But he’d been intrigued, and a few days ago, he nervously went into the Dogi’s shop to grab a few things, but really just the one thing (the others were distractions, a clever ruse!): Dog treats. He didn’t know which ones were the good kind, so he just bought the cheap ones, trying not to draw attention to himself and his illicit items (which were sold over the counter? In broad daylight?? The whole town had to be in on it… a drug conspiracy right under the Queen’s snout! And now he was a part of it! He felt dangerous! And cool! And a part of something! It was awesome.) He did a good job. C+ for effort, he thought. Maybe flinging himself out of the window to leave quickly and stealthily was not the best option, in the end. He’d thought it was open? It wasn’t. So he’d had to stumble back in and sheepishly offer to pay for a new one. They hadn’t been too mad about it, though. He guessed they were used to it.

He had intended to smoke one that very night, but he’d chickened out. And again the next night, and again, and again.

But now, well, they helped with bad days, right? Well, while the day had been fine, the night had been miserable, and he really could use something to unwind.

So tonight was the night. Papyrus was going to do drugs. Illegally.

Wow… he really had fallen, hadn’t he? No. No, no, nevermind, that didn’t, he wasn’t going to think about that. He was going to think about how cool he would look when Doggo offered him a treat and he accepted. He was going to think about how much sleep he was going to get once he finally unwound. Sleep champion. Sleep master. Master of the sleep. And the illicit substances.

Sans was hoping to be so disappointed if he ever found out… No! No no no! Not thinking about that! No! Stop! Bad thoughts! Begone!

Shoo!

Okay. Okay, this proved it. He needed it. He couldn’t turn his mind off no matter how much he wanted to sometimes, and this was probably what he needed.

Forcing himself to move quickly before he lost his nerve again, Papyrus pulled out his lighter and lit up the treat. This part came with practiced ease, though the lighting part took quite a bit longer than lighting up dry leaves and paper. This thing was kinda thick and slightly oily (and the thought of that made him feel sick, but he wouldn’t think about it. He just wouldn’t think about it.) which made his task a bit harder, but it didn’t last long enough to let the doubts back in.

Those waited until after he took his first drag, and it was exactly as awful as he’d imagined it might be– and then some.

Bleh!!

But… he forced himself not to think about it as he took a second, longer, slower drag, trying to savor the intense flavors. And… it… was…

…still awful, but maybe an acquired taste? And maybe he could acquire it. The texture wasn’t quite as bad on second try, and he was feeling… maybe a little more relaxed? Just a bit. But these things took a bit to kick in (probably. At least they did on TV.) and if it helped, then…

Yeah, actually, yeah. He felt calmer. Lighter, now. Suddenly the stress about this all wasn’t so bad, and he wasn’t as nervous, and that was a very great result to have.

Papyrus leaned back on his bed, thinking pleasantly about very little besides just how nice this was, to not have to worry about every little thing, if only for a little while. How long did these last, anyway? He didn’t know, and maybe that should have scared him, but it didn’t. He could accept waiting a little while, being a little more mellow for a bit, instead of just pretending to be all the time.

Yeah, that was a really nice thought. Wowie, all his thoughts he’d had since he started smoking this had been really nice! He got the appeal now, even more than he already had.

It still tasted awful of course. His expression with every drag was likely rather uncool, so trying this alone had been a smart move (at least a smart move for his cool, casual reputation. He wasn’t far gone enough to not realize that this decision was in most other ways not a smart move.), but he was becoming more used to it, and his winces were getting easier and easier to hide.

Maybe the next time he did this, he would look really cool, really practiced and great, and everyone would think he was a seasoned veteran of drugs. King of the drugs. Or was that technically treasonous to say? At the very least, it wasn’t very nice, the real king being missing and all. Duke of the drugs? He didn’t think there was a duke anywhere that he would be insulting by taking on that title, so that was probably a better fit.

Duke Papyrus, Duke of the Drugs. Drug Duke.

Drug Duke Papyrus!

He giggled to himself. He didn’t know why it was so funny, but it was. It was so, so funny.

The giggles escalated into chuckles, then full-on laughter, and it only got worse, until he clamped his hands over his jaws to stop the sound from getting loud enough to wake up Sans, and for some reason that made it even funnier still, because how the heck was he going to explain this one? That he was cracking up laughing at a dumb name he just came up with because the letters both started with D. Was that even why he was laughing?

Nyeh heh heh!!! He didn’t know but it was funny! It was funny that it was so funny and it was funny that being so funny was just so funny to him because it normally wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t for all the hardcore drugs, and “drugs” just made him think it the words once again, and thus the cycle repeated until he was crying, fully aware in the back of his mind that this was dumb, this was ridiculous, this was just stupid and incredibly uncool no matter how many drugs were involved, but the rest of his mind (the drugged part? Probably) refused to let reason in on this moment, because it was a good, nice moment, free of self-consciousness and anxiety and restlessness and self-conscious anxiety about restlessness.

So he ignored that voice for a while and laughed. He nearly lost the treat through the giggles, catching it only at the last second and falling off the bed in the process with a clatter of bone on wood.

And normally, that would be the part where he thought about how stupid he must look, how ridiculous and uncool. But instead, he thought about how stupid he must look, how ridiculous and uncool, and he laughed. Because it was funny. He was being silly, and it was actually funny.

A knock came at the door, jerking him out of his laughter but not quite out of hit nice mood.

“…Papyrus? You okay in there…??”

“YES I AM PAPYRUS I AM FINE!!!”

“… Did you fall off the bed?”

“YES BUT IT– I’m fine! I just… um. Well I guess I just fell. Huh.”

“Did you… did you have a nightmare again?”

“Nah, just… I swear, I’m fine, brother. Bro. I’m totally fine.”

“… alright, well, just make sure you get some sleep, okay? Healthy choices, like we talked about?”

Papyrus glanced down at the treat in his hand, feeling the joy roll over in his soul into something more akin to guilt, mixed with nausea, elevated mood crashing down into something murky and awful.

“YEAH bro. I was JUST laying BACK down. GOOD NIGHT, SANS!”

He thought he heard a sigh from the other side of the door. Was he really that obvious? “…Night, Papyrus”

He heard the slippered footsteps padding down the hall and let out a sign of his own. What the hell was he doing? Sitting around in his room, doing this stuff? This was dumb. And now he felt sick. And he didn’t really feel quite so goofy and giddy and light anymore. Just tired and guilty and sick.

Really sick, actually.

He shoved down a feeling that threatened to come up. Oh no. What if he was going to die?

Oh no. He was going to die.

He quickly weighed the options in his head, and again, and again, before finally deciding to swallow his pride. He pulled out his cell phone. It was, marginally, better to be alive and uncool than dead and (perhaps) somewhat cool.

Marginally.

He called up Doggo. If anyone would know what to do, he would.

It felt like it rung forever, but finally the answer came, and he immediately attempted to explain the entire thing, from misguided start to his imminent death, blathering on incoherently and with no real direction, but talking faster than he ever had outside of the laboratory.

He cursed the drugs for making him sound so inarticulate. Normally, he was articulate as heck when he needed to be. Sort of. He was better than this, at least!

(…God, he was better than this. He was so much better than this.)

“Whoa, whoa, pup, slow down. Take it easy. Breathe with me. C’mon. Deep breaths, okay?” Doggo demonstrated and Papyrus nodded, only to feel a flush of what was either embarrassment or illness when he realized Doggo couldn’t see him through the phone. That wasn’t a normal thing. At least he couldn’t see his blushing. “Good, good. Alright. Now, you said you took something?”

“D-DOG TREAT,” he replied, not even trying to suppress his natural tone, only quieting his volume enough to ensure that Sans wouldn’t hear, even if he hadn’t gotten back to sleep. The walls weren’t very thick.

“ Okay, okay good, I see why you called me, then. You made a good decision, okay? I can help you through this,” Doggo’s mostly-soothing voice broke into an inaudible mumble for a moment, and Papyrus could just barely read out the words “bad trip” from out all. Oh no. He was having a bad trip. That couldn’t be good. He didn’t know what that meant but it couldn’t be good at all. “Where’d you get it?”

“D-DOGI.”

“…you what?”

The guilt was too much. “I KNOW, I KNOW. I PURCHASED ILLICIT SUBSTANCES IN BROAD, OPEN DAYLIGHT FROM THE LOCAL GENERAL STORE. I’VE GONE ROGUE; I’M SORRY! IF I SURVIVE I WILL NEVER TAKE A DRUG AGAIN.”

“… The Dogi don’t deal, Papyrus.”

“WHAT? OF COURSE THEY DEAL? THEY DEALED! RIGHT THERE IN THE OPEN! IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER! AT EYE LEVEL WITH CHILDREN! DRUGS! THEY DEALED ME RIGHT THERE, AND THE DEAL WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME, DOGGO. THE DEAL WAS TOO MUCH! I AM DYING. I AM HIGH AND I AM DYING.”

“What was the name on the label?”

He paused to think. Why did that matter? “…CHEWY-CHEWY GOODBOYS.”

Doggo rolled his eyes at the name, a look of disgust on his face. Oh no. He didn’t pick the cool drugs. Doggo thought he wasn’t cool.

“Those ain’t drugged. They aren’t even good.” He mumbled, “they take the name of the Good Boy in vain,” too, but Papyrus didn’t hear it, caught up on processing the first part of that.

“… What exactly do you mean, they aren’t drugged? They're… they’re dog treats?”

“Papyrus… my ‘treats’ aren’t actually… they aren't… they’re special. I buy them out of town from some crazy guy in Waterfall.” Papyrus wondered for a split second before he cut off the train of thought. He wasn’t going to even consider that possibility. There were probably plenty of crazy guys who lived in Waterfall. Besides he was dying, so that was something he needed to focus on right now. “It’s good stuff, but they aren’t actual dog treats. They just look like it so I can keep em hidden. I don’t actually smoke dog treats; they’re dog treats.”

“Then why do… WHAT… uh… WHY ARE THE dog treats SO popular, thEn? If THEY AREN'T…?”

“Because we’re dogs, Papyrus. We like treats.”

Papyrus blinked. “Uncool” did not come close to how he was feeling right now. It was all so obvious. “…S-SO… THE REAL DRUGS WERE INSIDE OF ME ALL ALONG?”

Doggo laughed, then, strong and loud, but Papyrus got the impression, at least, that he was laughing at his words and not directly at him. “I guess you could say that! Something like that!”

“I AM AN IDIOT.”

“Nah, trust me, I been there. You just made some mistakes. Listen, you good to walk down here to the Inn?”

“Uh… WHY?”

“You said you were sick, right? And they may not have had drugs in them but you still smoked everything else that was in that crap. You might have imagined the high but you probably didn’t imagine the sickness, and you probably don’t wanna explain this one too that brother of yours, do ya?”

“N-NO. No, I really don’t. I’LL UH… I’ll pack an overnight bag and head over. I’ll be there in a little under 12 minutes.”

“Alright, I’ll keep the back unlocked for you.”

Papyrus smiled weakly, feeling the roiling in his core again. “Thanks, Doggo. You’re a really good dog!”

“Heh, hey no problem, Papyrus. That’s what friends are for, right? See ya in 12.”

“S-SEEYA!!!”

The call ended.

Papyrus smiled again, a little stronger, this time. The F word hadn’t made it weird at all! It had already been too weird to make weirder! A success story!

He didn’t really have much time to enjoy that, though, because he was definitely very much about to be sick.

…maybe he would look into this “healthy choices” thing a little closer after the mess that was tonight.

[annnnnnabanana]

How can you tell them that you want them and that you care for them but you can’t be with them. I’ll always be there for you. when it is 3am and im drunk or when its 2pm and im working. I’m there. always there. it’s you; it’s always been you since I met you five months ago. The way you make me feel is insane. It’s an indescribable feeling. You made me feel every single fucking emotion. You made me so happy but you managed to make me so sad. Luckily the happy outweighed the sad. Maybe one day we will cross paths, you’ll see me, i’ll see you, we’ll meet up and reconnect and talk like we never stopped. Our passion was like fire. Bright and hot. We loved hard for five months. We definitely fought to be together. You picked me. You wanted me instead of her. I picked you over everyone. You understood me. I remember staying up for nights in a row just to talk to you until morning. Our silences were so calming and weren’t awkward. I could sit there and listen to you breathe and be so content with life. I wish we were in my car and I was driving doing something stupid and you just laughed like I was an idiot but I really knew you were falling in love with me with every little moment we spent together. From the waffle house dates to playing monopoly to getting lost in Narnia a.k.a. IKEA to sitting in my room just talking to being on facetime and you making music or you showing me your favorite songs. God I miss you. To be honest, I don’t think i’ll ever stop missing you. You were something special. You didn’t know how to open up to me. I struggled because i knew you wanted to let me in but you couldn’t. You didn’t want to get hurt. You didn’t want someone to learn so much about you that they could hurt you. I wasn’t ever going to hurt you. I never planned on it. But you, you hurt me. You destroyed me. I’m broken because of you. But there you are, partying and getting drunk with random people you don’t know, probably fucking some girl in your room, to suppress your feelings; but here I am, getting drunk and crying my pitiful, sad tears all alone to let out my feelings. You’re numb. You put up these walls that I spent five months trying to break down. I let you in straight away because i’m too trusting. I care too much. I love too deeply. I get attached too easily. It fucks me up. Maybe one day i’ll learn to not do that to keep my heart from being broken and crushed. You ripped my heart out of my chest tonight. I’ll be numb too, just like you. But eventually i’ll be okay. I’ll find someone who won’t make me feel like this. You’ll still be sleeping around trying to forget your hurt and pain. I wonder if you’ll lay in your bed at night tossing and turning because you can’t sleep because you’re thinking of me and if I still miss you. If you’re wondering, I do. We both have some growing up to do. We both were changing. You couldn’t handle having someone there to help you through it. You didn’t want to change together. You didn’t want to grow with me, I did. I wanted to go through everything with you; the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. You were scared you were going to hurt me so you let me go. It was more painful to know you didn’t want to try with me. You tried to spare my feelings. I’m not some fragile fucking doll. I am a damn human. I am strong and I can take what you throw at me. I wanted us to work out. In all honesty, it got to the point, for me, where I was day dreaming about our future together. Our house, our jobs, our kids, our wedding. All of it. But it doesn’t matter now. You threw it all away… But I hope you can be happy and successful just like I hope you wish the same for me. I won’t talk bad about you because you were and still are what I wanted. You’ll forever be engraved in my heart and my mind. You taught me how a guy should treat me, how I should be loved, and I can’t thank you enough for it. Hopefully, I taught you something too. Maybe you can love your next girl even better and treat her even better. Maybe she will be more than what I could/ did give you. I hope she does you well. I hope she checks up on you while you’re drunk. I hope she likes your music and she supports you. I hope she doesn’t get mad when you need to be alone because you’re going through something you can’t explain. I hope she knows your favorite colors, that you only like Chickfilas diet lemonade and that’s all you will drink from there, your slightly unhealthy obsession with Selena Gomez and butts, that you love choking people and that it is your job, that you can eat seven plates of food and still be hungry, that your favorite movie of all time is Dead pool, that you’re insecure about your calves and only you can make fun of them or you get upset, that you and your sister are really close, that you and your dad share college stories, that you love memes and deadlifting, that your favorite animal is a penguin, that you believe in aliens, that even though you are lactose intolerant you still choose to eat area 51 ice cream because that is your favorite place, that you also really love chicken nuggets and I think if it were possible you would marry them, that you love waffle house, that you love crazy crew socks, that you love being dressy and you love playing dress up, that when you start tapping your fingers to the beat of a song you are playing the beat in your head and trying to figure it out, that you’re weird but it makes you ten times funnier, that you are charming, that you are the perfect gentleman, that it is hard for you to open up and let people in, and I hope she gets to know more of you than I got to know even if I wanted to know every detail about you; from the day you were born to the very day and moment we are in right now.

Why can’t you get drunk and text me that you miss you like I do when i’m drunk. It doesn’t seem fair that you hold it together so well while i’m barely holding on by a thread, just dangling there waiting for someone to cut the string. You remember how this whole thing started? It started with Grey’s Anatomy. You tweeted, “what’s so hype about greys?” I replied, “hot doctors and crazy cool illnesses.” You said, “hmm maybe i’ll watch an episode.” A few days later, I dmed you because it gave me the perfect excuse to talk to you. Of course you said you didn’t watch it. I remember the first thing you told me was that you thought your middle name was weird and then you randomly told me your middle name. we talked every day from that night. We made so many memories starting from that night. and now… now it’s all over. Both going through the same cycle. Heartbreak, sadness, possibly anger, happiness. But then we just start over with someone new and then go through that cycle with them. I didn’t want to have to start over. I didn’t want to go through the heartache or the breakups or the sadness. I wanted to be with you and only you. I wanted to wake up at 4am and look to my left and see you laying next to me. I wanted to make breakfast together in our cute apartment/ house. I wanted to cuddle up next to you on our couch eating dinner and drink some sort of alcoholic beverage enjoying each others company watching some weird ass show I probably found. I’ll always wonder what you’re doing. If you’re talking to some new girl. If you’re having sex with some girl to fill the void like you do. I’ll wonder if you’re okay. I’ll wonder if you wonder about me. I’ll wonder if you want to get back together with me. I’ll always wonder. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I miss you and I hope you miss me too. 1/22/2017 2:05am 1/24/2016 11:03pm You texted me today. I replied with I miss you. You didn’t reply. I drove to all of our places today. I cried and I laughed because of our memories we made. Im sad because I know that it’s completely over between us and I wish it wasn’t because we had so much growing to do that we could have done together. I know you want to be with me but right now it’s too hard. We could have been something special, ya know? Really special. We could have given each other the world. I miss you so much. Its only been four days but all I do is cry. 1/27/17 8:07am I am in class. It’s boring. And all I’m doing is thinking about you. I still miss you. It’s been 6 days, almost a week since we broke up. I’m still sad but I’m better. I hope we can try again one day. You were and still are my favorite person. You make me so happy. You said you wanted to be with me but you couldn’t. It hurt but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as when you said you are trying to detach yourself. That broke me. I’m sorry for talking about my feelings and oversharing and just missing you. I don’t really know what to do. I have this feeling that we will get back together but in my mind we won’t. I have not been able to get the thought out of my head that you are fucking some other girl and the thought of that makes me sick. Like honestly sick, like I could throw up at any moment. I had a dream last night: you came to my house with flowers, talked to my mom. You didn’t tell her we were broken up because you knew that I never told her in hopes of us getting back together and I didn’t want her to not like you. You came to my room and asked if we could talk and I said get the hell out because I didn’t want to speak to you because you broke my heart. You didn’t leave. You came in, shut my door and sat on my bed. I sat up and said I didn’t want to hear anything you had to say because I was sick of your bullshit. You talked to my anyways because you knew I would listen. You said, “I want to be with you, Anna. I miss you and I keep coming back to you. You are my favorite person. I would do anything for you. I care about you so much. Do you miss me? (as if you didn’t already know the answer).” “Of course I miss you, Braeden. How could I not? You were so special to me and I don’t think you realized it. But I am so sick of your bullshit excuses and I’m tired of running back to you just so you can break my heart again and again and again. You showed me something about myself that I didn’t think anyone could show me. You showed me how I should be treated by everyone that came into my life and I can’t thankyou enough for that.” “Do you wanna go for a drive with me”, you asked. “Yeah, I do.” We got up to leave. My mom said be safe and that she loved us. We got in your car and started driving. You told me why you left and that there was no ulterior motive behind it, that you weren’t lying. I am so appreciative of the fact that you are so honest with me. I stared out the window while you were talking to me. I couldn’t look at you without crying. I just wanted to hug and kiss you but I knew I couldn’t do that. That it wouldn’t be fair to me or you. I am always looking out for you. I always have and will put you and your feelings above myself even though I know I shouldn’t do that. You looked at me looking out the window and you smiled. I saw it in the reflection of the windshield. I said what. You said, “I have to tell you something and im not sure how you will react or how im going to react after the words come out of my mouth.” I said, “what is it? Are you gonna tell me you slept with 15 girls in the matter of a 2 weeks and then got back together with Mallory?” “No I wasn’t going to tell you that. Why would you think that? I never even thought of sleeping with someone else Anna.”, you said. I said, “ that’s what you do Braeden. When you are single, you fuck. That’s all you do is fuck.” I knew when I said that, I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I apologized for saying it. You know I would never hurt you on purpose. You told me that it was okay; that you knew I was sorry. You acted like it didn’t affect you. I hate when you do that. You put up this façade and act like nothing matters to you and that nothing hurts you and that you don’t care. I do it too. I am trying to stop it. You said, “can I tell you what I was trying to tell you ten minutes ago?” we are in horn lake somewhere, I don’t remember driving that far. “yes you can, Im sorry.” Im always apologizing for something. “don’t be sorry, Anna. But * long pause* I think I love you.” I sit up and I finally looked at you. “what?” “Yes, Anna, I really do.” “Since when Braeden because you sure as hell don’t act like it,” I said. “since I met you. I knew it on our first date that I was gonna fall in love with you.” “oh…,” I said. Then I woke up and Im not quite sure what happened after that.. I know that this dream will never happen in real life. I know that you don’t love me like that. I know you don’t want me. And that’s okay. I’m eating. More than the last time we broke up. Im not drowning my feelings and filling my veins with alcohol like I did before. Im better. I might be sad but im better. My mom asked about you Friday, I had to tell her and she got mad at me for not telling her sooner… Telling her, made it seem so much more real. I didn’t want her to know because it gave me some sort of hope in us getting back together. I didn’t want her to not like you but she still likes you even loves you. I had another dream; all you did was text me about some hockey player attatched with a picture. It was weird and I don’t know what’s happening to me. Its been 4 days and I still haven’t cried.. its been a week and one day since we broke up and it still hurts just like it did the first time you broke up with me. Day 11 since we broke up… 2/1/17 10:31am Well its our almost what would have been six months of being together. 3 months of officially dating. But that doesn’t exist anymore. I got sad yesterday and of course im still sad today. I think about you all the time. You never leave my mind. It’s literally impossible to go a second without seeing thinking of you. I see you in everything I do. It hurts me but somehow makes me happy at the same time. I still have all our pictures and videos because I can’t seem to delete them. It would make me sad to know that I could never look back at all the memories we made. I am honestly surprised I am doing as well as I am. When we broke up the first time, I was a mess. I didn’t eat or sleep or anything really. The only thing I did was drink and drink and drink. Its all I did for a week straight. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t breathe. I felt sick. I missed my home. My comfort. My safe place. You were my home. I never felt safer than when I was in your arms. Your hugs made me feel warm and happy. No matter what I did or how I felt, you were always there for me. It’s hard to do things without thinking of you or it bringing back memories. I can’t listen to certain songs or go to certain places or order certain things without crying or feeling sadness because it is all associated with you. I remember every little detail about you and our relationship. It’s a constant cycle of me just replaying our memories in my brain. It’s never ending. You are on my mind when I wake up, all day, when I go to sleep, and even in my dreams. I can never get away from you no matter how hard I try. I know it’s not over for us. I feel it in my bones, my heart, my brain, my blood, everything. We are nowhere near done; not any time soon. I was talking to Meagan last night. I know what you are thinking; your best friend. My Mallory has told me over and over that all you did was use me for sex. But I don’t think you did. If I did, you wouldn’t have stayed with me for five months. You would have left me the second after we did stuff together. I think you genuinely cared for me and showed me how I should be treated and I cant thank you enough for that. I am so appreciative of you. I know you know that I am always there for you no matter what and that I will always care for you and that you will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. I told her that I think we were getting super serious too fast and it scared you. You aren’t used to something like that. You take your time but I think you realized that you were falling and falling hard and fast and you didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening. Im terrified. I didn’t know what I was feeling or how I was feeling. My emotions went crazy. I think I realized that I was falling too. I’m scared of being happy. Scared of being in love. Scared of fully opening myself up to someone. I know you are too. I don’t think you and Mallory or any of your exes had a connection like we did. I don’t think you felt like this with anyone but me. I really do hope you are doing okay because im not. Im doing horrible. Im constantly being asked if I am and I say yes but I know I am lying and I think they know im lying too. They still like you. They hope that we get back together. They want you to come over on super bowl Sunday. My dad asked about you… He said he missed you and he never says that about anyone. Im sorry I feel the way I feel. Im sorry I couldn’t help you get through what you needed to get through. I told Meagan that she could read this one day but I don’t think I will let her. Maybe one day I can stop writing because A) we get back together or B) I finally get over you. Man, I hope it is the first one. I really do. But for right now, I’m not done writing and I won’t be anytime soon.. I Love You So Much. Its 3:03am on Friday February 3rd, 2017. You sent me a song yesterday that you remixed. It was another one of your breakup mixes, you know, the ones that make you a lot of money and get you a lot of views… yeah one of those. I don’t know why you did it. Was it to hurt me? To remind me of you and that you still existed? Either way it was still good and I really like it. But I decided to look up the meaning of the lyrics and it hurt me. “fighting flames of fire hang onto burning wires we don’t care anymore Are we fading lovers?” It makes total sense. We had hardships in our relationship. A lot, actually. We are fading; we don’t talk anymore. We hung to burning wires; clinging for us to stay together. Fighting for what we wanted and needed. I cried for so long today. My mom is worried. I don’t know how long it will take me to be happy again. I’m getting drunk tonight, and Saturday and Sunday. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take my feelings and emotions and the pain. It feels like my heart has been ripped out and stepped on by a bunch of elephants. You were like the ocean and I was drowning. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know how I’m functioning. I am a functioning depressed person. I hope you regret it. I hope you regret leaving me. I hope you realize you made a wrong choice and that you come back to me. I hope that you think about me everyday.. and what we could have been. You texted me today.. 2/9/17.. you asked about your red jacket. I know you knew I didn't have it, or so I thought? Was it just an excuse to text me, to see me? What was it? Because i cant keep having you text me randomly when you miss me or when you feel like. Its fucked up on your end knowing how much I care for you.