#he dropped all of his clothes with donut while he went and did other work in his armor

[wintershades]

Who wants another scene from a Fjorester Persuasion AU? :)

This is based on that moment when Anne (Jester) learns what Wentworth (Fjord) thought upon first seeing her again. I went for a more humorous take, since Jester gets the scoop from Beau and Veth—and they have opinions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Partway through brunch, as the sun peeked under their umbrellaed table on the patio of The Meridian, the trio began to talk of the party that Beau and Veth had attended a few nights before.

The mention of it sent Jester’s heart rushing apace, though she didn’t dare to acknowledge why. Instead, she let the conversation wander where it may: From Beau’s description of a guest with eyes of blue and violet, to Veth’s accounting of the fine tableware she’d stolen.

And when the discussion turned to Captain Stone, Jester didn’t try to change the subject.

This was a calculated decision. It wouldn’t be in her character to turn her eye from any sailor, let alone one with whom she was acquainted. She’d ask a question about him—no, two questions. The first would quench her curiosity, while the second would prove her indifference.

But then Veth said, in a pointed way: “He wasn’t very gallant by you, Jester.”

At this, a cold spike of nerves ran across the tiefling’s body, and the food went flavorless in her mouth. She heard Beau sigh—but to her dismay, the woman didn’t dispute Veth’s claim.

“How do you mean?” Jester asked, and Veth leaned in close.

“He said you were so changed that he wouldn’t have recognized you.”

Instinctively, Jester reached up and touched her face. Because of course she’d changed in nearly nine years time: Her features had lost the blush and brightness of youth, and when she smiled, laugh lines appeared at the corners of her eyes. Her figure was softer. Her hair, more tamely arranged.

But she had a formidable pair of cheekbones now! And she liked how she looked.

Mostly.

“Is it the ridges in my horns?” Jester fretted, running her fingertips over them. “It’s the ridges in my horns, isn’t it.”

“It’s not how you look,” Beau told her firmly. “First of all: You’re as beautiful as you ever were. Full stop. And who would ever forget a freckled blue tiefling? . . . Really, I think it’s more of a—eh . . . .”

“Personality thing,” Veth concluded.

Jester froze with the tips of her horns in her hands. “A personality thing?” she repeated. “What does that mean?”

“You’ve grown up, that’s all. You’re way more relaxed—and ladylike, I guess?” Beau smiled and gestured out toward the city. “You’re not running around town all night, painting dicks on storefronts.”

Jester’s jaw dropped. “But I did paint a dick on a storefront—just this week!”

“Before that, though, how long had it been?” Veth countered. Jester reflected on the question, and she was alarmed to find that she couldn’t fix an exact date.

“Well—it’s just— . . . I value my art more these days. You don’t want to produce work of substandard quality, or oversaturate the market, or—”

“See? You say shit like that now,” Beau said.

“And you eat your donuts with a fork,” Veth added.

The tiefling looked down, and before her was the evidence: a pastry, neatly quartered on its plate and framed by her silverware. But the horrors didn’t stop there. She’d picked a glazed donut—not out of preference for the flavor, but simply to avoid getting powdered sugar on her clothes.

Changed beyond recognition!

Could Fjord be right?

Of course, her improved table manners made for a silly example—but as Jester thought more about it, she could see how her ambitions and strivings in society had reshaped her. She and Fjord had both gone out into the world in search of themselves. But she’d returned as less of who she really was, in the service of becoming more palatable to others.

Slowly, Jester raised her head.

“I’m like an old person,” she said in despair, “and he thinks I’m dull.”

“Oh, come on,” said Veth. “Why do you care what some random sailor thinks of you? I bet his ship isn’t even that big.”

Beau eased back in her chair, watching as the halfling took a sip of her mimosa. She crossed her arms over her chest—and tipped her head to one side—and leveled her gaze at Jester.

“Because,” she said, “they were a thing.”

Instantly, Veth choked and spat her drink back into her glass. Then she turned and slipped it onto the tray of a passing server, stealthily trading it for another. She was still coughing as she said, “They were a fucking what?”

Beau leaned forward eagerly. “I saw how you reacted to seeing him, and I know Fjord lived in Nicodranas for a while. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Jester held still for a moment. Then her shoulders slumped, and when she buried her face in her hands, her friends erupted into sounds of amazement.

“I knew it!” said Beau, just as Veth cut in—

“You and that guy? But—”

“—how serious was it? Was it just physical, or—”

“That’s a very personal question, Beau,” Veth scolded. Then, she moved closer to Jester. “You can just tell me, if you want.”

“Why would she just tell you?”

Their bickering continued, or so Jester supposed, as she heard little more of it. She felt that she was sinking into a fog. She breathed in, steadying herself, and she caught the varied aromas of the meals all around them—and under that, the smell of the sea. For a brief time, it returned her to a certain day on the docks in Nicodranas.

The day when she’d returned Fjord’s ring, and she’d told him that she was leaving for Rexxentrum.

She couldn’t study art with the masters and go to sea at the same time, she’d pointed out. But he’d pleaded with her. And he’d vowed to wait for her. And he’d said, with such heartbreak and disbelief: What will you have us be? Friends?

Yes, was what Jester had told him—but Fjord couldn’t accept it, and he couldn’t fathom that she could, either. Suddenly, he’d realized the truth: an outside force had persuaded Jester to part with him.

His hurt had turned to anger in an instant. They’d said some harsh things. Then, as their argument drew to a close, he’d arrived at a different solution.

He’d said: Let us be strangers. Forget me, as I will forget you.

And now, he’d said: She’s so changed that I wouldn’t have recognized her.

Very slowly, Jester emerged from her daze. When she realized that Veth and Beau were still arguing, she spoke up and stopped them cold.

“We were engaged,” she told them, “and I ended it. I was convinced that tying myself to him would close doors for me.”

Beau furrowed her brow. “Who convinced you of that?”

The tiefling averted her gaze. Beau and Veth glanced at each other, and then they narrowed their eyes.

“Lady Mardoon,” they muttered in unison.

At the mention of her friend’s name, Jester made an effort to compose herself. She would master these feelings; she would temper these hopes. She would ask only two questions, and no more.

“Is Fjord happy?” she asked Beau. The woman’s expression softened.

“He seems to be.”

“And in all the time you traveled with him . . . he really never spoke of me?”

Beau paused, seeming to search her memory. “He’s never mentioned you by name,” she finally said.

In the throes of her feelings, Jester didn’t notice that this was a different answer than “no.” Nor did she notice Beau’s pensive expression, or the way she glanced down at her bag, as if she yearned to retrieve one of her journals.

Jester only knew that Fjord did not speak of her, and very likely, he did not think of her.

They were strangers, and he was happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The truth, of course, was different. But not altogether so.

First of all, Fjord never meant for his comment to reach Jester’s ears. He did find her greatly changed, but when he spoke so bluntly, he was still affected by the lingering shock of their reunion.

Because he’d never intended to see her again.

Ever.

In his view, that way was shut. She no longer had any power over him. He’d been deeply attached to her, but in failing to stand by her convictions, Jester had severed their bond and lost him forever.

Never mind that in all his travels, Fjord had never met her equal.

Never mind that once, when he’d been asked what sort of person could win his heart, her image rose in his thoughts like an apparition—for good and ill.

“It must be someone who loves adventure,” Fjord had declared, “and I do favor an easy laugh and a kind heart. But above everything, they must know their own mind.”

And what did he mean by that, exactly?

The captain had made a show of pondering the question.

“I can’t abide by those who are too easily swayed,” he’d said. “Enough of my life is spent at the mercy of the wind. I must have someone with the courage to sail against it.”

Fjord had smiled then, inviting the listener to suppose that his pretty words had been spoken in jest. Because no one would believe it, but he’d thought a great deal on these subjects.

Far more than most people, certainly—and with greater feeling than he’d ever care to admit.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Ok so I've been coming back here to reread all of your work and I never get tired of it (the NSFW alphabet one is low-key my favorite one 👀) and let me tell you that you're one of my favorite writers and love all of your work.

You don't have to do it if you don't want to, but do you have hc of how Billy Russo would react/ be when he finds out that he's going to be a father? Based on your NSFW alphabet you did for him, you described him as a (extremely) sweet and caring person and I couldn't help to think about how he would be if he ever had a kid of his own.

(Once again, feel free to ignore this if you want to or feel uncomfortable doing it. It's a thought that hass been in my head for a while and wanted to get it out of my system lmao 😂)

First off, thank you! I really appreciate that 🥺🖤🖤🖤

Also, I love talking about headcanons, never worry about asking me about them lmao

So I just wanna say since I did write a multi chapter series about how Billy walked away when he found out that like, the idea for that happened because the first part, his letter to you, is what came to my head. And I wanted to write something sad and angsty. I feel like he's much more likely to stick around in all honesty but the boys got so many issues who even knows loool

But I just wanted to point that out because this will be different and I don't want people to be like; 'But Thalia... you did a whole thing where he left...' 😂

So yeah lmao

Remember, this is my Billy. AU, still bros with Frank Billy 👀😂🖤

I've split this into a few scenarios because I feel like there would be small differences depending on the context.

One night stand:

You had a one night stand with Billy. An amazing, ruin you for other men, kind of one night stand. But then you found out you were pregnant and went to Anvil to tell him. Of course when you turn up there he has no idea the bomb you're about to drop on him. Instead, he gives you a filthy smirk as you enter his office.

"Couldn't stay away?"

When you tell Billy you're pregnant, there's a long moment where he just blinks at you and you're pretty sure you might have broke him.

He cycles through a million and one emotions before it settles on a mix of sheer terror, shock and happiness.

He tries not to get offended when you blurt out that you'd understand if he didn't want to be part of his baby's life. He didn't want his kid to grow up feeling like he didn't love them. He's not his mother.

You're not offended when the first words to leave his lips are asking if the baby is definitely his. Its a valid question since you'd slept with him just hours after meeting him in a bar.

He tells you he wants to be there and of course he takes care of all medical bills and even tries to convince you to let him buy you a better place to live. Somewhere closer to him so you and the baby will be close by.

It wasn't planned or expected by any means but he wants to be there.

Casual sex/friends with benefits:

Billy comes over expecting to get some great sex and instead has you thrusting a pregnancy test in his hands. You're scared and upset and have no idea how he'll react. You've been sleeping together for a while but been friends for longer than that. His commitment issues are exactly why you're worried.

He sits down and stares at it, letting his brain try to absorb the fact he's going to be a dad. He feels the shot of anxiety run through him, wondering if he can do it. What kind of dad could he be? His own mother never loved him, would he be capable of loving a child?

But he knows the answer is yes. Because despite not even being in a relationship with you and this coming out of the blue, he feels excitement welling inside of him and he doesn't even realise he's smiling at the test in his hands.

When he looks back at you, sees how scared you are, he feels a pang of something in his chest that feels an awful lot like panic. He asks what you want to do, scared of the answer you'll give him. But of course you scoff and tell him you're keeping the baby.

Relief and happiness flood his body then as he gets up, hugging you tightly and stroking your hair.

"You don't gotta worry. I'll take care of you both, I promise."

And he means it. Once again he pays all the medical bills and he shockingly tells you he'd like to make a real go out of what you two have.

He buys a house for you and the baby but doesn't pressure you about him living there too. He let's you set the pace for what's happening between you.

Relationship/marriage:

He cries. Like a lot. Planned or not, the news has him weeping like a little girl. You're living together so he notices when you're feeling unwell. Notices that you haven't had your period since he normally gets you ice-cream and also gets you pads and things if you need them. He doesn't say anything though until you do.

So he gets the test for you. The pair of you sit on the bed after you did what you needed, a timer on his phone. The test is on the dresser across the room. Both of you are silent. Overwhelmed by what might happen. He really wants it to be positive. (If this wasn't planned then when you told him you might be, he started to really think about it and found he wanted a baby with you).

When the timer goes off you both jump up comically but hesitate near the dresser. Billy ends up being the one brave enough to look. You watch his reaction for a moment and you're startled when his eyes water, the way he looks at you with a beaming smile as the tears fall without him even noticing.

"We're havin' a baby!" He grins like a mad man, picking you up and twirling you around.

He's so excited that the second your feet hit the ground, he's on the phone to Frank telling him the news. Still crying, mind you.

Once he's made his phone calls, he tells you the penthouse is being left behind. He's buying a house near the Castle's for your new little family.

Both he and Frank fix it up and decorate it.

No matter which scenario it happens:

Billy goes to every appointment with you, every ultrasound. The first time he sees his baby, he cries. When he finds out if its a boy or girl, he cries. When he first feels the baby kick, he cries. When the baby's born, he's a mess. He attends every class with you and reads all the books he can get his hands on. And of course he asks Frank for advice about anything and everything.

He frequently talks to your bump, regalling the baby with tales of his life or reading from a book. He takes good care of you, anything you need, he gets you. You want pickles and a donut at 4am? Don't worry, Billy's got you. You need crazy good sex because the hormones are driving you up the wall? Billy's got you. You're sobbing because you feel like a beached whale and none of your clothes, even the pregnancy ones fit you? Billy's there. Telling you that you're absolutely beautiful. Radiant even. He gets one of his guys to buy you a bunch of clothes that fit and he cuddles you until you feel better. He dotes on you constantly, always calls and texts if he's not with you to make sure you're okay.

When you go into labour, he's there holding your hand and cheering you on the whole time. And the second the babys there, he's sobbing and smiling like an idiot. When he first holds his baby, it's a feeling he's never felt before. He feels complete in every way. So full of love he just might burst from it. And while a tiny part of him grieves for the baby version of himself that didn't seem to ever have that, he's overwhelmed by the pure happiness and love as he gazes down at his little ones face.

"Shit... you're so perfect."

He vows to be the best damn father he can be and the baby will never feel unloved for even a second.

[blueberryboistories]

Augustus Returns

Chapter 1

Augustus looks up at the factory sign, the big letters blinking in order. A lot has changed in his life since the last time he stepped through those gates ahead. 

15 years ago he was a chubby greedy kid only concerned with shoving as much food as he possibly could in his fat face. Back then he really didn’t care about the factory tour, he just wanted the lifetime supply of chocolate. He can remember walking into the room with a chocolate river and all he could think about was chugging every last drop, kneeling on the bank and trying with all his might to guzzle as much as he could before anyone noticed. Scooping handfuls into his mouth chocolate dripping down his double chin onto his shirt. When Wonka caught him he was in such a panic he didn’t know what to do, and his chubby body lost balance and he fell into the chocolate river. Augustus was scared because he couldn’t swim but the thought did flash through his mind that he could try to drink the river dry. 

Once that tube sucked him up and he was stuck in it looking down at his mother and the rest of the group, he couldn’t help but feel more free to let his gluttony do whatever it wanted. When the tub finally deposited him in the fudge room he ate everything in sight. Knocking the tiny men out of the way to shove every last piece of fudge into his face. He only stopped when his legs couldn’t support his new weight. He was lying on his back with his shirt in tatters staring at his fat stomach which was three times the size of when he started the day. When he realized how fat he had made himself in his quest for gluttony. He felt ashamed of how much of a pig he had become. He promised himself that if he ever got out of this place he would turn his life around. 

Augustus did and soon became the picture of health. Exercising everyday his fat gut turned into a six pack, and a chubby boy became a muscled man. He was on magazine covers and one of his country’s most famous health gurus. He and his boyfriend Elias were the most famous couple around. Photographers always followed them everywhere they went. From the gym, to shopping, or camped outside their house. 

Some of the photographers were outside the factory gates snapping shots of them holding hands as they walked to the entrance. Elias whispered to Augustus “Auggie remember not to eat everything in sight, it took a lot of hard work to lose the weight”. Augustus whispered back “I understand, but you have no idea what we are walking into right now Eli”. They both squeezed each other’s hand just a little tighter with nervous energy. 

They reached the factory door and it swung open as if by magic. They stepped through to find a long hallway with a red carpet running to a distant doorway. The two slowly walked and reached a huge door with a simple W etched in gold. Augustus turned the knob and opened the door to find the candy forest and chocolate river. Their eyes filled with amazement and wonder, Elias seeing it for the first time was in shock of its sheer size. Augustus had the feeling of being home, looking around at everything, some things were new but that beautiful river was exactly what he remembered. He took Elias down to the exact spot where he had fallen in before. It took everything he had not to kneel down and take a drink. 

“Well my dear boy, I’m glad to have you back” came a voice from behind them. They turned to find Wonka having appeared from thin air. The last time Augustus saw him was wedged in that tube looking down at the group. “What happened to my plump little Augustus?” Wonka questioned as he eyed the boy up like a piece of meat. “I’m taking better care of myself now” Augustus gave his arm a little flex and his abs a pat. “I’m glad to see that, but with you not eating all my chocolate that’s a lot of lost business, you were my best costumer” Wonka chuckled loudly. “And who is this handsome young man you brought with you”. “This is my boyfriend Elias” Wonka shook hands with Elias examine every inch of his talk muscled physique. “Very nice to meet you Elias, you’ve done very well for yourself Augustus”. 

“I’ve prepared a toast for us to begin our tour” Wonka turns and lifts a silver try with three empty glasses and a long-handled ladle . “Elias could you hold this for me?” He hands the tray to him and removes the ladle, he steps around the boys and goes to the edge of the river and dips the ladle filling it with fresh chocolate. He come back and begins to fill the three glasses. Augustus is entranced, unable to focus on anything but the glasses now full of warm liquid. The last time this chocolate passed his lips it changed him into a glutton. “Cheers gentlemen!” Wonka says as he takes a glass from the tray, Elias does the same, leaving one left. “Go ahead one drink won’t hurt” Wonka says handing him the glass. The three clink glasses and Elias and Wonka drink, Augustus stares down at the vessel of temptation. “Go ahead Auggie it’s delicious” Eli says. Augustus lifts it to his lips and swallows it down in one gulp. He feels a warm sensation spreading through his body, a familiar feeling of total satisfaction. “Exactly the same as I remember”. 

Augustus was still partially entranced when he notices Elias asking for another glasses. Wonka obliges and watches as Elias gulps down the delicious chocolate. As he pulls the glass from his lips Augustus notices a changed look on his boyfriends face. Immediately he know that a switch has been flipped and Elias now has the deep desire to gorge, the same desire Augustus had all those years ago. 

Wonka motioned to a set of tables filled with an array of treats. Brownies, cookies, cakes, donuts, chocolate bars, every delicious treat one could imagine. Elias nearly ran over to the buffet of sweets, shoving a whole brownie in his face. Augustus watched in horror as Elias ate everything in sight. Shoving more food in his face before he swallowed what came before. Augustus began to notice that his boyfriends button-up looked tighter then when they came in. He can see the fabric stretched tight against and noticeable paunch, Elias oblivious just kept eating. 

Augustus turned to Wonka who had a somewhat mischievous grin on his face “what can I say the boy seems famished”. While still glaring at Wonka, Augustus heard a loud *BANG*, he looks back over to Eli to see his shirt, pants, and belt in tatters having blown off to expose a new-formed gut. Augustus walks up to Eli and begins to rub his boyfriends new flab, Eli moans softly as he keeps up his gluttony. Augustus whispers in his ear “Hey Eli maybe you should slow down a bit huh, you’ve already busted out of your clothes” giving the fat gut a pat. Eli doesn’t respond and continues to feast. As Eli lifts yet another brownie to his face, Augustus holds his arm to keep him from eating. And for the first time Eli looks over at him, a blank emotionless stare as he chews the donuts stuffed in his cheeks. Eli takes his elbow and shoves it in Augustus chest, sending him to the ground. In absolute shock Augustus stares up at his newly plump boyfriend who is now unrecognizable to him. 

Eli finishes up the remnants of the buffet and collapses flat on his back on the ground. Augustus walks over to check on him. A once chiseled chin, now fat with a triple chin. Eli’s skinny jeans busted open to accommodate a fat pad in the front and a double-wide ass in the back. Wonka stands next to Augustus “This is what happens to you when you guzzle down sweets, here are some new clothes for him” he hands Augustus a purple tracksuit with a gold W on it. 

“Once you are done changing him we can wake him up and continue our tour”

To be continued . . . 

[twisted-in-wonderland-jay]

Soft Yet Twisted Valentine’s Day

This is what I have done so far of the Valentine’s Day posts. I have truly failed you all, because I didn’t do it for a long time since I had BIG exams for school, Japanese lessons, and work...

Malleus

Malleus asks you in a little letter to meet him outside the Diasomnia dorm (Around back). And he dropped off on your bed an outfit that would match his.

It wouldn’t be a date with Malleus without a stroll around the place. It’s quite but charming, Malleus holds out his arm for you to take it before leading you away. You two walk and talk for a time, you even earned a small chuckle from him.

As you turn a corner you see a glass table and chairs shine in the moon light, as well as food on the table. No light but the light from the moon.

“Don’t you think someone will see us Malleus?” (The whole secret relationship thing)

“Don’t worry little rose, I casted an enchantment on this area so no one can see.”

Malleus pulls out a chair for you and sits down in his.

After you eat he asks you to stand.

He takes your hand and spins you, you fall right into him.

He snakes his arm around your waist, pulling you closer, and intertwining your finger on the other hand. You steady yourself as he starts to move. He steps back three steps and to the right three then spins around with you. Your waltzing with him.

“Wouldn’t this be better with music?”

“Right. Of course.” He clears his throat and starts to sing a song that you’ve never held before... But it sounds familiar. It’s quite a romantic night for the two of you.

After the song is done he says “Now, I hope you enjoyed yourself, but the night is still young little rose.” He leans down to your height and whispers “Shall we seek out more sequested quarters, hm?”

Lilia

Early morning Lilia comes in and whispers something sweet to you. Which still being asleep you didn’t quite hear. He sighs and hops onto the other side of your bed and cuddles up to your chest, kissing your neck. When you wake up your neck hurts a bit so you growl in the small amount of pain.

Lilia pops up from your neck and says good morning!

You are startled awake and fall out of bed. You throw a pillow at him but he just catches it

He crawls to you, right up to your face and whispers “Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweet pancake.” He goes down to your neck again but you back away a bit. Sadly or happily for you he quickly pins your hands against the floor knocking you on your back. He licks your neck and pulls back. “I come bearing all the gifts you could ever need. Says the word and it’s yours.” He laughs out seeing your face after teasing you with a kiss.

Silver

You wake him up in the morning with a kiss and a sweet smile.

He’s barely opened his eye but he’s got a soft smile too because it’s you who is waking him up with your love and beautiful voice.

Later that same day he gives you a gift and says to be ready.

You put on the gift he set on your bed (A Suit or dress)

You meet him in the ballroom of Diasomnia (You can’t tell me a castle doesn’t have a ballroom)

He’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs for you, and you walk down to meet him.

He bows to you and holds out his hand for you to take.

“Allow me to inquire, would you take my hand and let me lead you into a happily ever after, my dream?”

You start to dance the waltz as music starts. It’s just the two of you and the echos of your shoes can be heard around the room.

He looks into your eyes the whole time and you don’t see a hint of sleepiness in his eyes, as he smiles a shy smile at you, telling you how he loves you.

After the song ends he kisses you while holding your hands in his lacing your fingers.

⬇️idk what this is (optional)

Someone clears their throat and Silver looks up to see it’s Lilia.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed Silver.”

“Run!” You yell out taking Silvers hand and running the other way laughing with him and hiding from Lilia.

Sebek

He is beyond shy when asking you to be his valentine.

“Will-will you um share this day with me?”

You mostly talk and hang out around campus because Sebek didn’t plan for you to say yes.

This is a new side of him because he’s a knight in training he has to be composed at all times. But with you he loses it.

“I-I love you more then I love Malleus!” He finally admits after you make your way up Ramshakle dorm steps.

You turn around and jump.

Sebek catches you in him arms spinning you.

You kiss him telling him you love him too

Leona

Leona doesn’t care much about Valentine’s Day (Lazy ass)

In the morning if you stayed over the night before he’ll wake you up with kisses, and remind you that it’s Valentine’s Day and say something like “I don’t care about today but, if you like it then I’ll show you all my love.”

“Your mine today, Herbivore.”

Jack

He likes to pretend he doesn’t care all day in classes, but he does.

Late afternoon you hear something hit your window

You open it look down to see Jack readying to throw another rock but sees you looking at him

“Hey. You ready?” He says pointing at his bag.

“For what?”

“I have somewhere I’ll like to take you. Wear hiking attire.” You throw on some better clothes and go back to the window.

Jack is holding out his arms to catch you. You jump and he catches you.

You both sneak of campus and to the woods in front of school. He takes you all the way through the forest and to the cliff.

You made it just in time to watch the sun rise. He holds you closes as you both sit down in the grass watching the sun rise. He kisses you on the temple and says “I love you” shyly. You smile and since it’s early morning to fall asleep next to him as he holds you.

Ruggie

Before class you see a letter in your spot. You open it to see kinda scratchy handwriting that says to meet the person outside of Ramshakle dorm at 7:30pm.

After school around 7 you go to wait outside for the person.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long.” He laughed a bit. You knew that spray bottle laugh to belong to Ruggie. He was carrying a small basket with him.

“Come on, my Dandelion.”

“Where are we going?”

“Oh right.” He clears his throat.

“If you’d do me the honor, I’d like to ask for a moment of your time night, under the moon light and stars, Dandelion.”

“I’d never decline a night with you.”

You both walk a bit away from Ramshakle and away from the school but not to far.

“We should be able to see the stars clearly here.” He pulls out a blanket and lands it out. “The sun is setting now.”

In the basket Ruggie pulls out little pastries and other food that you like as well as a small plate of donuts.

You both eat before the sun goes down.

“Mmm where did you get these?”

“I made them”

“No way”

“Well I had help from Trey...”

As you eat while your not paying attention Ruggie scoots closer and bites the other side of the food your eating. He backs up and says “Mmm so sweet” as he smiles.

You’r now laying back looking at the stars with Ruggie laying right next to him but he pulls away a bit and grabs something. You sit up and he has a box in his hands.

He opens the box to reveal a RING (lol got you! JK) it’s a charm bracelet.

The charm bracelet has a couple of fancy white gold (That’s a lot of money) charms one of an animal silhouette. Of course a hyena you could tell, another a dandelion for you and a couple others: heart, and a small dandelions.

Kalim

“My Jewel I shall shower you with your namesake the jewels of my treasury.”

Your every whim granted. He’ll spend the whole school day with you or an off day with you. He’ll give you chocolates, jewels, money, clothes, and any other items you want. Or if you want to just he’ll just spend the day with you, or he’ll lay in bed with you all day.

Jamil

Kalim is a handful. If you tell him not to worry and take the day off he’ll eventually agree to spend the day with you.

He brings up the idea of staying in town for the day to get away. You two stay in a suite alone, it’s quite and nice. It’s kinda like a spa day, you get massages, a calming bath, and all that. His stress just melts away, and he becomes a really sweet boy.

After the bath and everything he decided to put on a movie it’s just a slice of life not a romcom because he doesn’t like them. He orders food to the room and you both snack and watch a movie together. After the movie you cuddle up to him, and he lets you do so and cuddles with you.

He talks to you about everything and anything, he goes from the things that he loves and enjoys, but then it turns into a rant about things he dislikes and things that are stressing him out.

In the end he falls asleep on your chest and curls up to you, his legs holding you to him. He’s truly at peace now.

Vil

You walk into the hall that Vil’s room is in. When you walk in you can’t really see, only shadows from the candle that make a path to the other room, and the pelts on the floor.

You feel something soft though your back and push against you a bit and something hot touch your neck.

“Glad you could join me, my poison.” His voice was familiar, and only one used that nickname it was Vil. He kissed down your neck and took your arm leading you to the other room.

The moonlight and candles lit up the room a bit more with blue soft translucent light. Vil was in his white robe, the one he wore before bathing.

Vil kissed you again on the neck then the lips. “Joint me.” The soothing voice sent shivers down your spine.

While distracted he started to take off your blazer, vest and unbuttoned your shirt, letting it fall, he was still whispering to you but then you noticed he went lower to your pants. He then takes you into the Roman style bath with him after taking off his robe.

Shy or not he will not let you leave the bath. He wants to show you the love he want’s to give.

The bubbles from the bath hid the lower half of your body and up to your waist, unless you submerged yourself.

When you look around Vil is no where to be seen. You start to smell the sent of lavender, which makes you quite tired.

Something snakes around your waist and pulls you back. Vil brings you next to him on the steps and sits you down.

He leads over onto you and puts a strawberry in your mouth. “Enjoy, I hope you’ll find this Valentine’s Day on to remember.

He offers you Grapes juice, and apple juice since he’s underaged to drink.

After a bit of talking and kisses, he helps you to wash off and carries you out of the bath. He sets you down and puts a robe on you, then picks you up again.

Vil takes you to his bed and lays you down and lays with you.

Rook

Rook in a classic poetic display of love writes a poem for you.

After you head back home he’s there waiting for you.

He clears his throat and speaks

“Of all the things

I can do

On this earth.

I just want to build

A bridge

from my heart to yours.”

He kisses you after taking off his hat


Epel

He text you to meet him at the statues of the seven

When you arrive at the Main Street you see him looking up at the statue of the Beautiful Queen.

You over hear him talk to the statue listening in you hear him, “Please I just wanna become the strongest man for them, I’m not some spoiled brat, I want them to see me for me not the persona that Vil created.” You come up from behind “Hey Epel!”

“Ah!” You had startled him “Oh it’s you Prince(ss). Are you ready?”

“You didn’t tell where we’re going.”

“Ah. Well we’re going into town.” He turns to his motorcycle, and gently puts a helmet on you and a jacket. “It’ll be cold because of the breeze and if anything were to happen it’ll protect you.” Then he kisses where your forehead would be if the helmet wasn’t there. You both got on.

“Hold on Prince(ss).” He takes your arms around his waist and you both ride into town.

He stops in front of a pet store.

“ARE WE GETTING A PET!” You say with excitement.

“Sorry no, but I did offer to help out here and it just so happens they need me on Valentine’s Day. So I hope you don’t mind helping me out taking care of them.”

You help out for hours through out the day and one of the animal follows you around all day to which you responded by carrying it around with you.

Epel yells that it’s time to go.

He stops and waits for you but when he looks back he sees you and your puppy eyes asking if you can have the animal your holding.

“No” Epel replies.

“No...” He insists

“Damn it. Fine...” He gives in. “You already have Grim but I guess this one can stay. On rule. They stay in my dorm.”

“Why?”

“Vil will flip his shit over it.” He was right and you both would get a kick outta it, but Epel would also use it as an excuse for you to hang out more with him in his room.

Idia

He would love to go out but he can’t because of his anxiety. But if you really want to he’ll go. He’ll be at your side the whole time. He won’t hold your hand unless you ask him to, but he’ll stand close to you. Idia will enjoy every minute with you regardless of where you go or what you do. Playing games, shopping, or just chilling.

Azul

The lounge’s lights dimmed as you walked in, and some of the jellyfish in the tank started to glow.

You received a text earlier that day to meet at Monstro Lounge, and to where something nice, followed by a “✨”. Azul wasn’t one to send emoji’s so you were a bit confused and concerned.

You brushed out your hair and styled it, and put on a nice outfit.

You looked over to the piano as you heard a sound. You see Azul sitting in the light of the moon tonight, playing the piano, with a gentle smile.

Something like “Marry go round life”, sounded from the piano.

Azul made that mistake of looking up at you. Azul froze in place...

“What’s wrong? It was a lovely melody”

“Sorry... It’s just I haven’t played in front of anyone in so long.” Azul stood up “You look great. Right um. I have something prepared for you.”

Azul holds out him arm for you to grab. He walks you over to a table. He pulls out a chair for you.

You look down and it’s a plate of fried foods. “if you don’t like them, feel free to peal off the crust”.

After you finish eating he goes to the bar area and pulls out a shaker, and glasses.

He shows off his bartending skills and knowledge of mixology. He comes back to the table.

“Don’t worry little guppy, It’s no alcohol.” He sits down next to you and drinks and you join him.

After downing the drink, he whispers how great you look, and without so much as a second thought he pulls you onto him, and holds on to your thighs, as your now straddling him. He brings one hand up and strokes your hair, then brings it down to trace your jaw and to your chin, pulling your face down to him.

He kisses you with a simple peck on the lips. No sooner had he do it did he realize what EXACTLY he had done.

“Ah! I’m so sorry... I should’ve asked first!” Instead of replying, you simply kiss him again.

Jade

a fun filled day. It’s strange because Jade isn’t normally like this, but he asked Floyd what he should do for the both of you.

The real events start late afternoon at sun down.

He takes you to the end of NRC campus, where a row boat sits.

Jade takes the two of you out to sea, don’t worry about getting lost or anything Jade knows the way.

Once sun down it about to hit he pulls you closer and kisses your hand, he drags his hand up your arm to your cheek and pulls you even closer, the kiss was blissful.


Floyd

Lead through the forest in Dwarfs mine, to the lake.

He kisses you and pulls you closer to the water without you thinking about it.

You feel yourself getting lighter, you pull away from Floyd only to find out he’s removed your jacket, vest, and belt (Your shoes were already off).

He looks down at you and pulls you closer for another kiss.

By now your in your underwear and in the lake with Floyd as he takes off his clothes.

You see him dive into the water, when he comes up he’s transformed into his eel form.

You played in the water for hours with him, just having fun, and laughing at how stupid and funny he is.

The moon started to rise so I started to get out, when you look behind you Floyd is following. Your face turned all shades of red and pink, he’s now human, and you had no idea he didn’t have any clothes on, so you turn away from him hiding your blush.

When he starts talking to you, he finally puts his shorts on after you bring it up and he teases you about it.

In his backpack he brought dinner for the two of you and you spent the whole night talking and laughing. Eventually falling asleep in his arms, only to be woken up by some not happy fairies.

Riddle

When you get to Heartslabyul and up to Riddles room. When you walk in with flowers in your hand you see small candles light the room, and RED rose petals.

Riddle is sitting at the end of the room at a table, with a tea set, stirring his tea.

“A lovely evening,” Riddle turns to look at you, and walks over to you.

Riddle takes the flowers from your hands and puts them in a vase next to you, he then takes your hand and twirls you closer to him, and whispers to you a heart felt apology for working on tasks as the dorm leader, and up holding the Queens laws.

You both walk to the table with the tea, your cup poured, and small desserts sit in front of you.

After enjoying Riddle’s company and drinking tea, Riddle reaches across the table and his hand running through your hair till he found the back of your hand and pulled you closer, making you stand as he did.

He tilts his head and closes in till you can feel his hot breathe, and the sent of Roses from him, he whispers “There’s nothing in the laws of the Queen that says I can’t be with you today.” Then he asks to kiss you, saying your lips are sweet.

Trey

Yesterday Trey decided to teach you to bake treats from around the world of Twisted Wonderland, you two spent the whole day laughing, making a mess, and enjoying the other’s company. You made around fourteen dishes not just baked but cooked too.

The next day is were the magic starts, You hear a knock on your door, but before you could fulling wake up a man stood in front of you, a tray in hand.

“Good morning Sweet Tart. I made you breakfast.”

“Hmmm~” You said still sleepy “What for?~”

“Ha, for Valentine’s Day of course.” He sets down the tray of food ranging from pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, and sausage. “I wasn’t sure what you were craving this morning so I made you a bit of everything.”

You couldn’t hold back your hunger so you dug in. You heard a loud chuckle come from Trey. “your hairs a mess, Sweet Pea, mind if I fix it?” He found your brush and sat behind you and brushed your hair, oh so gently. He even hummed a sweet song, when he was done he just laid his head on your back, in exhaustion from all the work being Vice-dorm leader.

Later in the day around lunch time you were feeling hungry. “Since it’s raining right now... Did you wanna have an indoor picnic?” Trey suggested holding up a picnic basket.

He sat the picnic up in the lounge of Ramshakle, rolling out a blanket, pulling out the food and drink. He sat down taking off his hat, a sighing, you could tell he was exhausted. You recognized the food Trey laided out, it was the food you made the night before.

“Sweet Tart, did you know, food always tastes better when you make it together?”

After eating once, Trey sat up against the wall, you grabbed the blanket he set out and sat in his lap, startling him awake.

“Shhhh Trey.” You put a finger up to his lips and you two cuddle till you both fall asleep together.

Cater

Cater thinks this day is not a day for social media, it’s a day for the two of you privately.

The first activity is making a couples playlist for incase the two of you are missing the other. You both use the others phone and creat a playlist of your favorite songs and songs that remind you of the other. So you know that the other will always love them.

Sadly the two of you still have classes today. While walking around during your couple hour break from classes Cater rides his board while you walk. Cater walks off his board and picks you up. When he sets you down you about fall is it wasn’t for his chest being pressed up behind you, you were now on his board. He then holds your hands and walks beside you and shows you how to skate... Well kinda.... If you don’t know how to skate he just holds your hands walking beside you the whole time.

Ace

I couldn’t think of much for Ace sorry. But he totally the guy that would get you flowers and then say “I just happened to walk by a flower shop. Here, don’t think about it.”

He would also remind you of how great you are by putting post it notes around Ramshakle, and if you carry a bag, in your bag, and notebooks. There’s a lot, just when you think you’ve found them all it’s like they just keep reappearing.

Deuce

“You’re pretty today!... Um well I just...Wanted to give you this!” Then he hands you chocolates, “they’re home-home made... Well I mean I made them in my dorm, so they’re not really ‘home-made’ per say...”

Later that day you both head to the beach next to Royal Swords, and hang out in the water and on the beach itself. Deuce picks you up and you wrap your legs around his waist.

Deuce has the best IDEA to walk over to the water and bend over threatening to drop you into the water. The worst part is when Deuce lets go of you and you start yelling at him. But you can’t for long because he starts laughing. And his laugh is beautiful, you can’t help but smile and pull him closer.

Before sneaking back onto Campus, you both watch the sunset reflect on the water of the ocean while riding home.

Che’nya

Royal Sword like Night Raven has festivals too. Che’nya takes advantage of this by taking you to every one of them, whether you go to Royal or Night.

His favorite date was your first. He takes you to all the stalls you remember, and at the end of the night, you both go on the Ferris wheel.

Even if you have a fear of heights, he tells you there’s nothing to fear, and disappearing all but his Cheshire smile.

You kiss his lips before he comes back.

“Wait?! That’s not right! I kissed you when we reached the top of the wheel... Your not supposed to kiss me!” Che’nya pulls away and yells, as he reappears.

“It wouldn’t be right with out a little madness or difference right Che’nya?”

I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THIS I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG...🎶 But work, and school are a priority for me so I’m sorry.

[ramp-it-up]

Damage, Pt. 2

Pairing: Rafael Casal x OFC Holly Woods

Word Count: 3.8 K

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. RPF  Read at your own risk. Pining, angst, FWB, graphic sex, protected sex, talk of getting tested for STD’s, Krispy Kreme, and all the feels.

A/N: It’s my birthday and I missed Rafa and Holly, so I wrote my own deliverance. At this point, these two are so oblivious, it isn’t funny. This happens just after Last Christmas.

This December adventure began early that morning, as Daveed and Rafa taught your writing classes and then hosted a Holiday showcase for your kids. 

They donated their time and talents as a favor for you. It was so damn cute and thoughtful that you’d thanked Rafael and then kissed him under the mistletoe. Almost as if you were in a relationship.

Almost.

You weren’t in a relationship, however. You’d only shared two nights together, as friends who fucked, and you had an understanding that it wouldn’t be any more than that. Rafael and you had an agreement to service each other for the time being, no commitment, no feels. 

And who were you to him? He was a creative, a star who could jet off around the world in a moment’s notice for a glamorous affair.  You were just a school teacher who worked every day in LA. Rafael would never want you for his girl. So this situationship served a utilitarian purpose, not a romantic one. 

After the kiss, Rafael’s mind was whirring. He slowly backed away and checked the time, noticing that it was just after 9 pm. The night was young. He didn’t want the night with you to end. 

Rafael felt the urge to be with you again, but he didn’t want to push his luck. You were so dope and the fact that you didn’t know it made you even more so.  You were refreshing with your intelligence, adding to the facts that you did not give a fuck who he was, did not play to his ego, and did not want him to wife you.  

That last part was refreshing, but also troubling as he evaluated his feelings for you. But there were no feelings to be involved; you’d made that clear.  If he fell for you, you’d probably end it. You clearly didn’t want to be bothered with his lifestyle, and frankly, he didn’t deserve you. 

But he could possibly have tonight. It would be the last chance to be with you before you went to Houston to visit your family for Christmas, and the thoughts of you he’d had since Tuesday couldn’t wait another week.

You gathered yourself together and got your emotions in check.  You told yourself that you were just fond of him as a friend, but that’s where the sentiment ended.  You only had to repeat that to yourself about three times before your heart started to slow down.

Rafael smiled at you, crossing his legs and leaning on your desk while watching you work, finally getting your things together so that you could leave.  It had been a long day.

You were wearing your work clothes, white button down shirt, black pencil skirt and heels. Your Christmas cardigan had been discarded when you started cleaning up. That skirt was fit. ting.  Damn, that ass.  You were all covered up, but the clothes got him a little hard. 

You watched him watching you and gave him a smile that made his blue-greens light up.

“Did you have fun with my badass kids today?” 

Rafa laughed at your joke. He saw how much you loved your students. 

“They’re not bad. Some kids just need different ways to learn and show that they’ve learned. But you know that already.”

He shook his head at you. He could read you like a book.

“You try to pretend that you’re mean Ms. Woods but I know better. They wouldn’t love you so much if you were mean to them. Like young Timothy. He sure does love you a lot. You’re… what is it he called you?  His Cutie Pie?” Rafa looked at you with a cocked eyebrow. Timmy was his nemesis.

There was something in his voice that made you stop and look.  Could Rafa be jealous of a kindergartner?  Nah. But he was certainly worked up.

You smiled mischievously, walking towards him with some workbooks in your hand.

“I am ‘Mean Ms. Woods.’” 

You came close to him and leaned beside him to put the workbooks on your desk. Standing in front of him, your legs on either side of his, Rafael got caught up. He kept his hands clasped in front of him and eyes on you as you got close. But he couldn’t help but lean in, try to look down your shirt and kiss you on your neck.  

You stepped back before his lips made contact, teasing him.  The way he huffed and clenched his jaw got you going. That smoldering look and flashing green eyes always did.

You  definitely wanted to give him some, if he wanted, after what he had pulled off today for your kids.  You were happy that he seemed to want you too. But you were chilling. You wondered about other women in his rotation. 

You laughed a little and smiled, shaking your head at yourself.

“What?” 

Rafa smiled, seeing that you were flustered about something and hoping that something was him. He knew the cat and mouse game was just beginning.

It had been just three days but he was feening for you. Especially after seeing you with your kids this morning. You were something special. Someone he couldn’t let… He stopped his train of thought as you started talking.

“Timothy is a handful.  Mischievous, hella smart, quick witted. And a little charmer. He’s always trying to get a kiss. He has a ton of potential. Reminds me of someone else…” 

Rafael’s quick wit turned you the fuck on. Not to mention his face. And... Whew. Your thoughts were getting out of control. 

The way you were smiling at him made Rafa‘s heart leap. He tried to push the emotions down and just feel the physical.  But he did care about you. A lot. 

“Ok, enough about Timenstien.  Let’s talk about adult things…”  He just wanted to pick you up and carry you outta here the way you cocked your head at him.

“...Like the arrangement for benefits without borders. The tests, the shot… “ You just continued to stare at him.  When you licked your lips, Rafa put his hands in front of him to cover up his hard on.

You laughed again. “‘Benefits Without Borders,’ you should copyright that.”  

“Yeah, or call it, ‘FWB Raw’” Rafael had jokes.

You cracked up.  “I can’t with you, Rafa.”

Rafael’s face fell. “I mean your jokes, I can’t with your jokes. Sheesh.” 

You turned around to gather more books. Rafa fixed his face, but his eyes couldn’t leave your ass.

“Anyway, I already started the process. I went and was able to get an appointment Wednesday after school, so the shot should take effect next week.”

After the night you’d had Tuesday, you definitely wanted to experience that again. It was fortunate that your doctor had an opening on such short notice.

Rafa’s heart leapt when he heard that, but his face showed no emotion, just a cocked eyebrow when you turned back around.

“Word?”

“Word. Yeah, I’m actually leaving Sunday morning, Christmas Eve, and won’t be back until the 30th...So.”

“So…” Rafa’s eyes, they were changing colors on you. It put you off balance.

“So, if we go get the tests tonight, next week might be available for no barrier method benefits between friends  That is if you still want to….” You bit your lip. Rafa cleared his throat and you saw a smile playing around his mouth.

“Let’s think about the last time when that almost happened.” And he paused so you could go there. You had to lean on one of the children’s tables to think of the shower. You were most definitely wet right now.  

Rafa watched you as you had to open your mouth to breathe.Yes, he was definitely about to get some tonight. He wanted more than just sex, but right now he would take what he could get. Then your face changed to uncertainty.

“By the time I get back, you’ll probably have other plans for New Year’s weekend…”

Rafa was confused. “Nah, I’m going next door for Utkarsh and Naomi’s party… aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but you-- we-- might have dates or something.”

Ohhhhh. That’s what was up. Rafa nodded.  Shit.  You might have someone else in the rotation.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. True that.  There’s a couple of people, I mean. A few.”

Rafa was lying through his teeth, no one in his phone could hold a candle to you. Sure, they were ready, willing and able. But they were not you. And you didn’t have to know that.

“See, so…”

Rafa mourned the lost vibe.  He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, not caring how it looked anymore. You watched him and longed to have your fingers in his mane, but you were chilling.

“Look. The other night we said that this was a special deal between us. I don’t wanna tie you down.  We’ll just see how things go, I mean, you might hook up in Houston…” He watched you, waiting for you to deny it.

You didn’t deny it simply because you did not know how to say that the only one you wanted to take advantage of the situation was him. You just stared at him. When you didn’t say anything, he went on.

“...old flames, new boos, whatever.  The tests will be good information to have in any circumstance.  I say we go for it.”

"Let's get it!"

An hour later you were at the Krispy Kreme donuts on Crenshaw on the way to your place. You had already dropped your car off and were now chilling with the homie after getting tested for STDs. 

You were staring in the window of the bakery, watching the donuts getting that hot glaze now and licking your lips.  They were so tempting. You were thinking donuts and Rafa was thinking the same about your lips.

"I don't think these will help with my anemia."  Your little laugh was so cute to Rafa.

The only bad news you’d got from the blood tests was that you needed more iron. You were both clean and ready to go.

"Let's get some. That glaze does something to me. I just want to lick some of that creamy stuff from around that hole..." Rafa was staring at you while he spoke, the “Hot Donuts Now” sign casting an eerie red light on half of his face.

"You’re so nasty...." you giggled.

Rafael screwed up his face. 

"What? I'm talking ‘bout some donuts.  I don't know what you're talking about." Rafa felt irrationally happy being here with you. Because you were a great friend. Yeah, that was it.

You got a dozen and left on the way to your house.  You stole a donut while riding. You looked at him while licking your fingers.

You’d decided that you wanted to have him before you left, even if you had to use protection. After you ate the donut, you put your thumb in your mouth, sucked for a second, and removed it with a loud pop, still staring at Rafa.

He almost pulled over to the side of the road.  But he was determined. "Hmmmm." Was all he replied as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

You put your hand on Rafael’s knee and moved it up a few inches to his dick. It was appropriately swollen. You smiled and started stroking it through his pants.  You felt it get harder. 

"I’ve been thinking about you a lot tonight. What you did for the kids was so… It was nice. On the other hand, I can’t wait for you to fuck my throat."

Rafa almost choked on nothing. You always surprised him and made him feel like an insecure, horny teenage boy.  But he wasn't going out like that. You were just a few minutes from your place.

"You know what. I'd love to see those tits right now."

“Right now? While you are driving?”

“I’m grown. Been driving since I was 15. I got this.”

You giggled, but reached up and unbuttoned your shirt. Your breasts were bathed in the moonlight, sitting perky and upright in your sheer black bra. Holy fuck. Your nipples were calling to him.

He'd distracted you from his dick, but his mouth was watering.  All he wanted was to fulfill your dirty fantasies. He reached your apartment and turned off the car.  You leaned back against the window. Rafael turned towards you, appraising you impassively. He had to use his acting skills to seem calm. Damn, you had him twisted.

"Touch them for me."

You licked your lips at his command.

"But I think I still have some glaze on my..."

Rafa just stared at you.

You did as you were told and pulled your bra cups down, freeing your breasts.  You started feeling and pulling on your nipples.  Your eyes were half closed in ecstasy as you started moaning and fogging the windows of Rafa’s car. He was right there with you as he palmed himself through his pants and feasted his eyes on you for a few minutes.

He leaned over and took over your breasts with his mouth. He licked and sucked each of them, making you wet all over again.

“Mmmmm. So sweet.” He looked up at you, his breath fanning your face from below.

You giggled. “It’s the icing from the donut.”

“Nah girl, it’s just how you taste. Like the sweetest ambrosia.”

Damn, his words. Rafael Casal and his damn words. You just stared at him, speechless.

Rafael drew in a ragged breath and reached over to pull your bra up and button your shirt just enough to be decent going into your apartment. It was so tender. But in a no feels kind of way.

“Let’s go on up.”

Rafa peered into your soul. Sure, you wanted him. But was it really just for friendship and occasional dick?

“Eager, are we?”

His voice did something to you. The soft tenor and the earnestness of his requests of you made you melt. How did he do things to you without touching you? You didn’t want to analyze it too much, so you threw the question back on him.

“You’e not?”  Your challenge threw him off. He chuckled to hide his nerves.

“Yes, I’m eager Holly.  I’ve been thinking about the last time since the last time. I want you.”

You closed your eyes and licked your lips, trying to center yourself. “That’s cool.”

You reached for your bag and moved to get out of the car.

“Hold on,” Rafa moved quickly to get out and go around to open the door for you, his chivalry not unnoticed by you. Again, the little things made you want him even more.  This was not going to be good for your heart when he decided to move on.

You led the way to your place and started up the stairs to your apartment before him.

It seemed as if that ass was going left to right in slow motion as Rafael watched it intently. He shook his head to see if he was bugging. When you glanced at him over her shoulder, he knew.

He grinned at you and looked back at it when you turned back around, catching a glimpse of a garter belt on your thighs through the slit in your skirt as you climbed the stairs.

Holy fuck! He had to have you. He rubbed his fingers right before reaching out to verify, then drew them back, because it wouldn’t do to fuck you outside on the stairs of your apartment building.

Rafa gave you some space as you opened the door, but as soon as you were inside, he pushed you up against the wall, hands everywhere.  It seemed as if he’d waited forever and not just three days. You had him addicted. 

You moaned as Rafael started kissing down your neck to your cleavage, dropping your bags on the floor by your feet. He saw a peek of your black bra through your shirt. He remembered the garter set and had to see the entire affect. He backed up, taking you in from head to toe.

"You wanna take those clothes off, or do you want me to rip them off?"

You smiled. "I guess I'll choose the first option."

You slowly unbuttoned your blouse, and peeled the skirt from your hips. It was so seductive that by the time you were done, Rafa had undressed as well, his thick dick in his hands, getting it ready for you.

You stood before him, in a sheer black lace bra and garter set, with no panties. The fact that you had been like that all day under your clothes made him get even harder. And you were looking at what he was holding and licking your lips.

"You hungry?"

"Yes. Please."

"C'mere."

Rafael laid you down on the couch. He turned your head and filled your mouth as he stood at one end of the sofa. He used his free hand to twist and flick your rock hard nipples through your bra. Damn, he loved it when you moaned with his dick in your mouth.

“You like that Holly? This what you wanted?”

You were ravenous, stroking off what you couldn’t fit in your mouth naturally. And you were busy, so you just nodded. Rafa continued to torture your nipples with one hand, but moved his other hand down to your clit, swirling insistent and concentrated circles around it.

You were so worked up that it did not take too long for him to manipulate an orgasm from you. “Damn, girl.” 

He was in heaven as you came with your mouth around his dick. Good thing, it muffled the sound. He was concentrating on not shooting off down your throat as he watched you, writhing in your garter set and licking his fingers, and then moving down to eat some of your delicious cream. 

Rafa held your hips down mercilessly as you fought your next orgasm.  He tongued you through it, taking all that you had to give him and successfully keeping you from running from it.

When he rose from between your legs, and wiped his face with the back of his hand, you looked as if you were going to sleep, your eyes vacant and rolling back in your head.  You were in shock from all the pleasure.

"Get that ass up."

You languidly obeyed and stood before him, eyes glowing and sexy ass lips smiling. Something in Rafael’s heart lurched and he couldn’t explain to anyone why. He was mad for some reason. 

Conflicted with different emotions, he just grabbed your waist and roughly turned you around, grabbing your arm and twisting it behind your back as he bent you over the arm of the couch.

You looked amazing in what you were wearing. He rubbed your ass before he smacked it, hard. Rafa was rewarded with a moan and an arched back. 

“Are you ready for this dick?” He smiled as he put the tip alllllmost in.

“Wait…”

Then he remembered.  “Shit.” 

He went into your bedroom, seeing your suitcase set up and mostly packed for the trip.  He brushed away the feeling that he had at what that meant and quickly went to your bedside table for a condom. He didn’t want to lose the vibe.

He came back into the living room to the sight of you still bent over, head resting on the couch cushion.  He stroked himself to full staff again, put the condom on, and lined up with your cunt.

“Still ready?” 

He didn’t have to ask as he heard your moan and felt you try to push back to take him.  He stilled your movement with this hand on your hip, wanting to prolong the anticipation.  His heart skipped a beat as you asked him for it.

“Please, Rafa, please give it to me…”

“Damn.”

He sank into you, none too easily. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight. And so wet. I love to see you cream for me, Holly. Can’t wait to feel it again.” He couldn’t wait until you returned, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about condoms. That is if you hadn’t…

He brushed the thought of you with another man out of his mind and slapped your ass, angry again.  You whimpering beneath him had him almost out of control.  You, it seemed, were on the same page.

“Oh, Rafa.  I’m so close already. I’m going to….” Rafa just kept hitting that spot, making your knees buckle. You were grateful for the support of the couch arm.

“Fuck, Rafa… I’m gonna c-c-cummmmmm.” You started pounding around him, and he grabbed the back of your neck.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK, fuck, fuck.” Rafa had no other words at the moment.

You were screaming into the couch cushion as he emptied his cum into the condom, his hips stuttering and erratic in their rhythm. 

He leaned over you and onto your back after he was spent, for just a few moments. Then, he straightened up and made his way to your bathroom to get rid of the condom. 

Rafael washed up a little and looked at himself in the mirror. It was hopeless.  He brought out a washcloth for you and found you curled up on the couch.

“Let me..” Rafa approached you to clean you up, and you let him, trying not to register the intimacy and tenderness of the act.  He was just being a good friend.

When he was done, you thanked him and went to the bathroom, shaking your head at yourself in the mirror. You felt helpless and a slave to the feelings that weren’t supposed to be there.

You made your way back into your bedroom, took off the garter and hose, and pulled on some sweats and a tee.

In the living room, Rafa was dressed as well. And standing by the door. Your heart sank a little. But you smiled and went toward him.

“Thank you, that was just what I needed after a long week. You headed out?”

Why didn’t you just invite him to stay over?

“Yeah, I better go. You probably have a ton to do before you leave.”

Rafael didn’t know how to say that he wanted to stay, but if he did, he would wind up saying too much. “Can I have a hug?” He needed you in his arms, just one more time.

You smiled at him. “Is it even a question, after what we just did?”

You were sad that he didn’t want really to hug, he just wanted to fuck. He was just being nice, but that didn’t keep you from burying your head in his chest and squeezing tight as you went into his embrace. 

Rafael inhaled the scent of your hair and closed his eyes as he cradled you, holding you close to his heart. “You have a safe trip, and a good time with your people. Merry Christmas again, Holly.”

Your eyes welled up as you kept your head in his chest. “I will, Rafa. Thank you so much again for today. It was everything. Merry Christmas, Rafa. Have a good one.”

You lowkey wiped your eyes on his shirt before you looked up at him and smiled. You gazed at each other for a minute before he let you go.

“See you in a few days. You know, maybe.” He fumbled for the doorknob behind him.

You laughed and smiled, catching his heart. “Yeah, see you next week. Possibly.”

“Bye Holly.” He’d finally found the doorknob and was backing out of it.

“See ya, Rafael.” You were shaking your head at him as you closed the door.

You leaned against it for a long time as Rafa made his way to the car, and banged his head on the steering wheel.

You both were idiots in love. And you didn’t even realize it.

-------

Let me know if you liked it! Like, comment, reblog, please. 😁

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[9layerdevilfoodcake]

Some Of A Kind

Chapter 1: Virgin in the Chapel

(Michael Langdon x reader)

Summary: When you accompany your friend to a black mass at the Church of Satan. You pick the wrong time and place to let him in on the fact that you’re a virgin, garnering the attention of the ‘chosen one’ himself.

Warnings: murder, mentions of drug use, poorly represented Satanism

Word count: 3,666 (that’s right)

//

It was a typical Wednesday night when you got a text from your friend Tyler.

‘So what do you say? Is tonight the night?’

He had been bugging you for weeks to come see a sacrifice at the satanic church. And since the first time he asked, the conversation always went the same way.

/

“I’m telling you, just one slice and then you can have whatever you want”

“You mean I can have powers beyond compare?”

“Yes” he answered back, in a hopeful tone. Clearly he hadn’t picked up on the sarcasm in your voice.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the excitement in his voice.

“I’m sorry, you do whatever you want over there with your edgelords but I’m perfectly happy in my boring powerless existence”

“First of all we aren’t edgelords, we're satanists. We just see the world for what it is. A dreadful place full of selfish people.”

“Well I can’t say I argue with that”

“Exactly, so give in to being selfish, and start doing what you want. You work so hard, and for what a one bedroom apartment you can barely afford and bags under your eyes that are only getting bigger by the day?”

“Hey” you interrupt, slightly offended. Which only earns a laugh on his end.

“I’m just saying, you put in so much effort for no pay off, when you could do this one thing and have everything you deserve”

“What a cable package and a ‘skip the line’ pass at Disneyland?”

“I also get unlimited snacks!”

“Oh sorry how could I forget, well if one soul is all it takes to get a free waffle cone then what are we still doing here?!” You ask back, your tone full of mockery.

“Have you ever wondered why I can snort as much coke as I want and have never OD’d? Or why every girl I bring home is a certified 10?”

Actually you had, the two of you had met the year prior in a religious studies class when you were partnered to write a paper on whether morality was dependent on a god. He could barely get through a sentence without tripping over his words or looking away in embarrassment. It was sweet really, and by the end of the class you two had basically become best friends.

But about 2 months ago things started to change. There was almost always a girl leaving his house when you would come over.

You swore at least two of them you recognized from Victoria Secret runways.

One night you even saw a man leaving whose resemblance to Ryan Reynolds was suspiciously uncanny.

He got a new car without any explanation as to where he got the money, and he had so much coke in his living room you assumed he started dealing, before he told you it was just his stash for the weekend.

At first he was vague about everything, but eventually he told you the truth, or at least what you assumed was a version of it.

For his final project he wrote a research paper on the church of Satan.

You went with him to a couple of services when he was writing it, him being too nervous to go alone.

You both thought they seemed a little kooky, but relatively harmless.

Yet what you didn’t know was that he kept going back after the class ended and had gotten himself sworn in, and eventually given the honor of participating in a black mass.

Where he had sacrificed a school teacher in order to get these new “gifts”.

Now you weren’t naive enough to think he actually killed someone!

You were sure his new lifestyle was a part of some religious Ponzi scheme, and one day the debt collector would come calling.

You’ve watched enough documentaries to know better than to get involved with this.

But he is still your friend so you take it upon yourself to be supportive and let him have his moment, while simultaneously letting him know you’ll be here for him if the day comes that he gets excommunicated.

“I love you and I am so happy for all you’ve gotten, especially when you share it with me, but I’m good, really. I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind”

That dropped the subject for a while.

 

That is until a few days ago when you lost your job.

Well actually when your job was stolen from underneath you by your boss's son.

All it took was one night of bitching to your best friend for the talks of satanism to start up again.

//

So here you were bored on a Wednesday night actually considering his offer to watch a black mass.

‘Well…’

He texted back after a few minutes of no response on your part

‘Fine’

It’s not like he’s ever going to let up, you might as well go see what all the hubbub was about.

After he picked you up, you made your way to the church.

More precisely the back alley with a hidden door. Not at all unsettling.

And the rain pelting down on the robe he gave you just adds a nice ominese touch to what you're sure is going to be a long night.

Now inside you sit in a pew in the back. While the choir above you sings as the others file in.

They actually sound pretty good if you’re being honest. Maybe on your way out you’ll pick up the album you saw for sale in the lobby (for $6.66 no less).

You haven’t been sitting more than 10 minutes before the mass begins.

And in that time Tyler roughly explained what you were about to see.

You weren’t paying too much attention though. More enamored with the atmosphere.

It was a sea of red cloaks and black pentagrams. And the thunder outside appeared to clap along in sync with the crescendo or the choir.

This place seems vastly different from the shabby collection of misfits you encountered when you visited the first time. Who spent most of the service complaining and handed you a stale donut on your way out the door.

“...Y/n are your listening?!”

“Hmm Yea”

“Really?”

“Yea the guy’s gonna sacrifice some ‘innocent soul’ say a few hail satans and voilà he gets his hair back and starts getting laid again” you answer back, waving him off. You’re more interested in watching two Satanists in the front of the room give each other the “sign of the cross” gesture in reverse order.

“This is serious, the things you see might shock you but you can not react! If they think you’re some sort of threat to our secrets or even just afraid of them, it won’t end well. I’m kind of taking a risk by bringing you here”

That brings your attention back to your friend.

“So you hound me for weeks to come with you, but I’m not even allowed to be here?” You ask back, starting to wonder why you actually said yes to this.

“Well yea, I just really want you to see what I’ve seen, I want what’s best for you”

That was actually really sweet of him.

Now you felt a little bad for making fun of this so much.

That is until you see a man in the next row pull out a flask with “unholy water” written on it and rub it on his chest like Vick’s.

But before you get the chance to ask Tyler where he keeps his flask(which you're certain he has). The choir stops singing and the Priestess has the room's attention.

Everything goes as Tyler explains at first.

The “sacrifices” are brought in in their underwear. (They couldn’t even keep their clothes on, what does the devil give them a level up if the victims are humiliated before they die?) and tonight's chosen one, Phil, is about to take his position, before you hear a voice behind you.

“Wait!”

You turn your head to see an older woman rushing in, but it’s not her that steals your focus it’s who walks in behind her.

He is quite possibly the most attractive person you have ever seen. With cheekbones that could slice butter and soft blonde hair falling around icy blue eyes.

She says his name is Michael and this honor belongs to him.

You look over to Tyler to see what’s going on. He didn’t explain what part of the performance this was, was this some sort of second act surprise?

You were expecting this night to follow like a church service, watching Phil take his vows and minimal audience participation. Now you wonder if this is all rehearsed, or if the Satanist’s are partial to improv?

But Tyler pays you no mind, he can’t take his eyes off the blonde either.

It’s not until the Priestess mentions the “mark of the beast” and that he is the chosen one, that you get why Tyler is looking at him like he’s some sort of god.

Because to him he is, this guy is supposed to be the Antichrist.

Tyler says nothing only glances in your direction when he sees you’re the only one still standing, before he pulls you down to your knee like everyone else.

The rest of the performance is really top notch.

The flickering of the lights was a nice touch, but you can’t help but feel a little uneasy wondering how they keep getting the thunder to time up with everything they do.

Plus the bodies of the sacrifices fell to the ground almost too well.

How did they manage to get their bodies to look that lifeless, and why did those cuts look so deep?

But you try not to focus too much on it as you walk to the ceremonial Wednesday night potluck.

/

After the Antichrist has dismissed his followers from fawning all over him, you sit with Tyler at the end of the table and dig into your lasagna.

“So does the antichrist part happen at every sacrifice or is this one special? Is it some Satanic holiday I wasn’t aware of?” You ask, breaking Tyler out of whatever trance he appears to be stuck in.

“What?”

“I gotta say the dramatics were very entertaining, but if you really wanted to get me here all you had to do was tell me the guy who plays the Antichrist is really hot” you snicker under your breath.

“Play? Y/n your don’t understand he IS the Antichrist” he explains in a hushed voice before continuing

“That doesn’t happen every time, he really has come. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Don’t you see?! I think it was fate you came here on this night!”

“Ha, why do you need a virgin to sacrifice or something?” You laugh and take another bite before you look over and see Tyler staring at you with wide eyes.

“What?”

“You’re not serious are you?”

“Well yea, what’s the big deal, I didn’t realize you were so caught up on a social construct”

“I’m not, but you can’t say things like that around here” he looks around the room nervously and you follow his path of vision until your eyes land on Michael, who’s own gaze is locked on you.

There’s no way he heard you, you were across the room and you were whispering.

Still he continues to stare with eyes that speak only of intensity. No smile, no nod, no hint emotion whatsoever.

It’s only after you raise your brows and mouth a “What?” That he looks back down at his plate with a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Oh Satan, I think he heard you. You should go” Tyler’s tone becoming more erratic by the second.

“What?” You’re sure he's joking, but when he looks at you there is nothing but worry in his eyes.

Now you’re starting to get nervous, this is too far.

He actually thinks these people are going to do something?

He’s practically shaking with fear, and because of the man in the turtleneck? Who barely knows how to hold a spoon?

Okay you’ll play along for tonight, but tomorrow you are having a serious talk, he might need professional help.

“Alright let's go then” you huff out as you start to grab your belongings.

“I can’t just leave, especially since our savior is here, but I’ll make sure everything is good and you’re not followed or anything”

“Okay, is there some sort of satanic shuttle bus that can take me home? Or should I call an Uber? Does this place have an address or should I just send them an inverted cross?”

Still unamused by your inability to grasp the gravity of the situation, he just shakes his head and hands you his keys.

“Here just take my car, I’ll get a ride later, in fact stay at my house incase you’re followed”

He’s basically pushing you out of your seat and nodding to the door.

“Okay...bye I guess”

And with that you take off down the hall.

You know you’re supposed to go straight to the car. You’ve never seen Tyler look so serious in his life.

But when you walk past the chapel you can’t help but stop. You can still see the bodies up at the altar.

Why are they still there? Was there a trap door you missed and these were just doubles?

Or were these people so committed to the role and as crazy as your friend that they had to stay in the character of “dead sacrifice” all night?

Curiosity got the better of you, the car could wait, you had to see for yourself.

Closer inspection did nothing to stifle your suspicions.

It looked so real.

They weren’t breathing, so there was no way they were still the two actors, but you had never seen fake bodies look so real.

You're reminded of an anatomy class you took last semester.

Those cadavers looked suspiciously close to these.

Just colder and with less life left in their faces.

And there was so much blood, the iron was thick in the air.

But that couldn’t be true. Your friend wouldn’t kill someone would he?

He didn’t actually think they would kill you?

If you got a closer look, if you just swiped some of the “blood” with your pointer finger it would surely taste like corn syrup and not like…

“Are you afraid?”

You whip your head around, blood still staining your finger and beginning to drip onto the linoleum. To see Michael walking in the same way he had an hour earlier. Only this time without the cloak, but with some newly added confidence.

“They’re really dead aren’t they?” You know it’s true, but you still wait for his confirmation.

“Yes, that tends to happen when you slice someone’s throat” He acts as if this shouldn’t be a shock to you. It didn’t shock any of the other members of the congregation. Yet you know without him saying it, that he’s well aware you’re not like the others. That you don’t belong here.

“So you really sacrifice people, just to get stuff” you blurt out. Still trying to wrap your head around the fact that everything you witnessed tonight was real. Perhaps you shouldn’t have taken that last crescent roll you’d seen another satanist eyeing at dinner, you definitely have a curse coming your way. That is if you live through the night.

“Well not me” Michael says, pulling you out of your thoughts and back to the present.

“Oh of course, you’re the one they do it for”

“Well my father more specifically”

“Does that upset you?” You know you should be more careful about how you proceed with this conversation, but the words leave your mouth before your mind can stop them.

The question seems to catch him by surprise as he ruffles his brow, you’re not sure if it’s in anger or just shock at your brazenness. But he doesn’t answer. Just goes on to question you.

“Have you ever witnessed a murder before?”

“No”

“How did you feel watching it before your eyes?”

“Well I didn’t feel much, considering I thought it was all fake” That earns you a smile from him.

“And how do you feel now?”

“Curious”

“Really? Not scared?”

“No. Why should I be?” You’re really digging your own grave here. But your mouth seems to have a mind of its own.

“It seems your friend would say otherwise”

“Ah so you did hear.” You say, seeing his smile grow wider. “These aren't the days of the Old Testament, virginity doesn’t equally purity. Just ask sacrifice number one over there, with a body like that I doubt she was a virgin” you laugh, partially at your joke and partially out of sheer uncomfortableness. Michael doesn’t even spare the bodies a glance, eyes latched onto you, you go on to add

“I’m no saint. Despite my sexual history, or lack thereof”

“No, I’m sure you’re not” he emphasizes by swiping some of the liquid from your finger with his own, before taking it into his mouth. Making a show of it by closing his eyes as he releases it from his lips, slow as molasses. Smiling when he opens his eyes and sees you’re practically drooling.

Before his little show can go any further, you continue with your own questions.

“Have you killed people before?”

“Yes”

“How many?”

“You don’t have the time”

He’s looking at you waiting for your response. Waiting for the shock to subside and the shrieks of terror to take over.

Instead you just pause thinking everything over.

You should be scared, you know you should.

In one night you have watched two people die, found out your friend is a murderer, and that the Antichrist is not only NOT a myth, but is standing in front of you, conversing with you like he’s nothing more than your new neighbor.

Yet you search and search in your mind for any hint of fear and come up empty. All you feel is curiosity. You must be losing it too, you feel bad for judging Tyler so harshly. Maybe it’s his youthful face and the little outburst in the dining hall earlier, but Michael seems like more than simply the ‘incarnation of evil’. He seems so...human.

And more than anything he just seems confused and dare you say, lost.

“Do you like killing people? Or do you do it because it’s expected?”

“It depends”

“Would you like to kill me?”

Now it’s his turn to take pause, looking like he’s trying to decide if he’s “in the mood” to take your life.

“Not right now”

You can’t help but laugh at that (yea you’re definitely in shock). Soon enough he joins in too, and the mood feels lighter than it has all night. You might even say you feel comfortable.

That is until the laughter subsides and you meet his eyes. He’s now staring at you with the same intensity you’d met earlier at dinner.

It’s like he’s looking right through you, into your soul. You feel on display and more than anything afraid of what he might find.

“Stop that”

“Stop what?” He says with a playful tone and a tilt of his head.

“You’re..well..I don’t know what you’re doing but I don’t like it. You’re trying to get a read on me or something.”

He just smiles at that, because of course he does.

You know there is no avoiding playing into his hand. He wants to get a rise out of you, in one way or another.

“And what do yo-”

“Y/N!”

At the mention of your name you both turn to see Tyler standing in the doorway.

Antichrist or not, the look Michael gives him is enough to send a wave of fear up your spine.

He appears as though he’s about to snap his neck through just a look(and you're afraid to find out if he could).

Noticing his anger, Tyler stops and bows before Michael, apologizing incessantly for interrupting him.

You don’t miss the twitch of Michael’s lips. He’s clearly loving the effects he has on his followers.

You just roll your eyes at your friend.

“Calm down Tyler, get up”

He just let’s your words pass over him as if you hadn’t even spoken. If he hadn’t been the one to call your name a moment ago, you wouldn’t be sure he even knew you were in the room.

Every sense he had was aimed at Michael, and it was only when his precious dark lord gave him a nod that he got up and looked your way again.

“What are you doing? I thought you were going home?” He says through clenched teeth.

If he weren’t so worried about keeping you alive he would be pissed at you for not listening.

“I was. I am” you reassure him turning to Michael.

“It was a pleasure to meet you Michael, I’ll see myself out”

You are scurrying out of the room, grabbing a frozen Tyler and tugging him along with you, when Michael calls after you.

“No y/n, the pleasure was all mine.”

You’re at the end of the hall, and in the middle of Tyler’s scolding session, when you realize there is still blood on your finger.

It feels like it’s vibrating where Michael touched you, begging you to take notice.

Just wipe it on your jeans, you tell yourself.

Wait until you get to the car and find a napkin.

Do anything rational other than what you're thinking.

As you pass through the exit door, you cave and take a taste of the crimson on your finger.

Although you can’t see him, you know Michael is smiling. You can feel his smugness in the air around you and you're sure he knows what you just did.

This started out just as me wanting to make some jokes about Michael and the Satanists and has somehow turned into a multi-chapter fic. I still don’t really know where it’s going I’m just letting it take on a mind of it’s own. If it looks familiar it’s cuz it’s been on ao3 for a little bit now, so sorry it’s not a “new” new story! If you liked it that makes me very happy, and if not I hope it was at least entertaining! Either way thank you for reading!

(I wasn’t sure who wanted to be tagged just in my Xavier fic and who did in general so I didn’t add a tag list to this one)

[softboywriting]

Hard To Love | Nathan Bateman | Ex Machina

Summary: You’re Nathan’s personal assistant. He’s an insufferable bastard. Both of you have unchecked tension and feelings for each other. What could possibly go wrong? [swearing] [sexual themes/situations] [arguments] [exhibitonism - implied] [pining] [Dominant!Nathan] [Nickname use - pet name/non derogatory] [Nathan being Nathan] [nsfw - kissing, lap sitting/grinding, heavily implied masturbation!f reader] [F!reader/Nathan]

Word Count: 7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Nathan is...well... Nathan. Insufferable, workaholic, egotistical. He is a lot to handle and doing so isn't always easy. You had a lot of breakdowns, screaming matches, some nearly coming to blows. But you didn't give up and you learned to work around him, and coax him out of moods, serve him back the same dry humor and disinterest. After finding out he had gone through four assistants, two that never made it past their first week, you knew you couldn't give up on him. There was a diamond in the rough and you were going to find it because despite all of the hard times, you care for him. He's a fucking bastard, but he's your fucking bastard.

"It's been six months." Nathan says over breakfast one morning.

You look back from where you're cleaning up the pans you used to make his vegetable omelet with soy egg substitute. His favorite. You had taken over cooking from Kyoko three months ago when she began to malfunction. You're not sure what happened, or if maybe Nathan staged the malfunction to give you more to do. You suspect the latter.

"Six months? Really?"

"Don't act like you don't count the days."

"I don't actually." You set your plate of food on the table and he reaches for one of your toasts. He has his own, well, had. He ate it already but he has egg left so he wants more toast. "I stopped months ago."

He chuckles softly. "I still don't know why you won't quit."

"Why do you want me to?"

"I don't."

"Then why do you bring it up?" You raise your eyebrows and he shoots you a look over his vitamin water. "Cat got your tongue?"

Nathan folds his hands, elbows on the table as he shakes his head. "Most people in your position, having dealt with what you have dealt with, would be itching to get as far away as possible. Surely you must be mentally unstable to stay with me, gaining some sick pleasure from our fights and shit. I almost feel bad."

He almost feels bad, as if he were to blame for nothing. Typical. "And if I am fucked up? Gonna fire me?"

"Fuck no."

You smile over your coffee. Decaf. He won't have regular in the house after he nearly went into cardiac arrest from an over abundance of caffeine. He did it to himself. Slugging back redbulls with his vodka after drinking his pre-work out mix that had far more than he needed in it. He may be a technical genius but he can be such a fucking moron.

"You like me." You tease, rubbing your barefoot on his leg under the table. "You would miss me if I left."

He snorts indignantly but does not deny your observations.

"How was the food?"

"Perfect." He sits back, foot bumping yours now, running up the side. "Don't know how you do it."

"Perfect? Wow. High praise from you." You swat his foot away with yours and he starts trying to pin it down by stepping on it. "Better than Kyoko's?"

Nathan hums. "I programmed her with cooking skills from top chefs across the internet. Technically she should be the greatest chef on the planet. So the fact that you can make me food that is better floors me."

You hook your ankle around his and he lets out a little grunt. "Cooking is an act of love. Yes you can program an AI to make things perfectly but technical skill doesn't equate to preferred taste. Come on, Nathan, you're smarter than this."

"Questioning my intelligence now?"

"Every day." You jerk your leg back as he lifts his other foot to trap it. "Cheat! You cheater! One foot only!"

Nathan lets out a boisterous laugh, head falling back, hand over his chest. "You get so worked up over that!"

You roll your eyes and stab your eggs viciously. "Fuck off Nathan."

"No need to get so mouthy."

"Mouthy." You scoff. "Rich coming from you."

He stands, catching your chin in his grasp. "I got you to break."

"You- oh God damn it." You jerk away, arm extending to shove him.

He chuckles proudly to himself. "I'll be in my lab. Find me if you need me."

"Gonna let me in today?"

"I might."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you later."

____________________

Nathan could have the AI clean the house, but then you would run out of things to do. Honestly your job could be done by any one of his creations, humanoid or not. You don't actually need to be there at all, and yet Nathan keeps you around. For a man who is hell bent on privacy and secrecy surrounding his work, you have no idea how he has let others in. He laughs when he says that he had the men who built the complex killed after the fact. Surely it's a joke. You think. Though you've never asked, never dared to investigate the truth in his words. It's best you don't know.

The house doesn't need cleaning that often. Just laundry, dishes, some sweeping and mopping should you or Nathan track in mud after a hike. Most chores take a few hours out of one day a week. Your title is assistant and yet you don't actually assist him. Not in his work anyway. You feel like your title should be maid or housekeeper. It's fine, you really don't care because he pays you so generously that you would do whatever he needs you to.

"Kitten!" Nathan's voice comes from the intercom system built in the house. "Come to the lab, kitten."

You scowl at the nickname. He dubbed you Kitten your second day at the complex because he thought your wandering around perplexed by the maze like design of the house was akin to a new kitten trying to find its way in the world. You suppose there could be worse names he could call you, and there are ones that have come out in screaming matches, but kitten has stuck.

"Lab. Now. Come on."

"Fuck." You groan, tossing aside your book you were getting very into.

"I heard that."

"Of course you did." You lift your badge and scan the door to your room to head out into the hall. One of the AI walks by and you think her name is Lily. She's beautiful. Unfortunately her programming has failed and she cannot speak. "Hi Lily."

Lily raises her hand in greeting.

If she is out then that must mean Nathan has been working on her. You turn away from the AI and walk down the hall to the junction that splits left to Nathan's room and right to another hall that goes to the lab and test rooms. The lab door is open, the light blue on the access pad.

Nathan spins around in his chair. "Kitten, you've made it."

"As if I could get lost."

"I have something to show you."

"Do you? I thought you didn't want me involved in your work."

Nathan gives you a hard look. "Do you want to fucking see it or not?"

"I don't even know what it is."

He grabs a small item off his desk and brings it to you. "This is it. My newest AI."

You take the small flash drive from him and turn it over in your hands. "This is a new program?"

"Yes. My best work yet. I'm going to build her this week."

"Exciting."

"Please show some enthusiasm for fucks sake." He snatches the device from your hand. "I'm kind enough to share this with you, you could at least say thank you."

"I never asked."

Nathan slaps the flash drive down on the desk and stares at you. He is not used to being served his own cold attitude and he never will be. Since you started going toe to toe with him, he has been on top of his game. It's like you engage his mind beyond his massive ego. "You're insufferable."

"Likewise." You smile and he smiles back. The pissing match has ended. "I need to get groceries soon."

"You know what I like."

"Of course I do." You fold your arms over your chest and he averts his eyes for a moment. You know he's staring at your breasts, pushed up in the tank top you had chosen to wear while deep cleaning your bathroom earlier. "But what do you want?"

"Loaded question, kitten."

"Going that route today?"

"Maybe." He saunters towards you and catches your hair between his fingers. "I want... something sweet."

You raise your eyebrows. "You're craving sugar? Are you ill?"

He chuckles. "A little. Just in the head."

"Seriously."

"Yes I want something sweet. Get me some donuts." He puts his hands on his hips. "Get yourself something too."

"I always get myself stuff. Do you think I only buy your groceries?"

"It's my house, of course I think you buy my shit."

You reach out and touch his beard, fingertips gliding along his cheek. You don't miss the way his eyes flutter at your touch. "Do you need your beard oil? The conditioner stuff? Looks dry."

He grabs your hand and curls his fingers around yours. "Yes, I do. But don't touch it."

"Possessive today huh?" You smirk and he groans irritably deep in his throat. "You live for my touch."

"I live for you to leave me the fuck alone."

"Then fire me."

"No."

"Then suffer." You bring your other hand up and pat his opposite cheek. "Does physical affection bother you Nathan? Does touching another human bother you so mu-"

He backs you against the wall and pins your wrists. His face is only inches from yours, body pouring heat onto you. It sparks something deep inside and you feel heat pooling in between your legs. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" He murmurs, grip tight on your skin.

"Don't you have some issues to work out?"

"Fuck you."

"You'd like to."

Nathan drops your wrists at that and retreats into the lab, the door closing and locking behind him. It drives him mad that you're not one of his AI that he can order around and do what he pleases with. You like to think that's why he keeps you around, to remind him that he's human and he needs someone that isn't an algorithm to keep him sane. Maybe he also let a little piece of you crave out a chunk of his icy cold heart.

You rub your wrists and look at the reddened skin. They might bruise. You straighten your clothes and head back to your room. You'll need to wear something more appropriate to the store. It's cold out these days.

_____________________

"Do you get lonely?" Nathan asks one evening over drinks in the lounge.

You put down your laptop and give him your attention. It's the first time he's spoken to you in two days since the wrist grabbing incident. "Lonely?"

"Yeah. Do you miss relationships? Hook ups?"

"Not really. I was never super social to begin with."

"Right."

"Why?"

"Just curious." He takes a long drink, emptying his tumbler. "Why do you think I want to fuck you?"

You feel your cheeks redden. The way he is staring at you makes your arousal rear its ugly head. Staring shouldn't turn you on. He hasn't done anything. "I think you're desperate."

"Desperate?"

"Yeah. You decommissioned Kyoko months ago, Lily doesn't have a vagina and yes I know this because you told me in a drunken stupor ages ago. So you haven't fucked anything or anyone in months."

"You think I need to fuck?"

You stand and walk over to him, knocking his knees open to stand between his legs. "Nathan, just fucking admit that you want me. That you keep me around because one day you'll grow a pair of balls and ask me to sleep with you."

His hands come up and grab your hips. He pulls you down and you straddle his lap, thin pajama pants hardly acting as a barrier between you and his cock in his gray sweats. "I keep you around because you piss me off." He grips your ass and you roll your hips against him. "You piss me off and make my blood boil like no one else."

"So you hate me?"

Nathan brings your head down to meet his. "I couldn't hate you if I tried."

"Then what are we doing?"

"We're having a moment." He grabs your hair and you snap at his nose with your teeth in response. "Behave."

You let out a moan as he begins kissing up your throat. "This was your plan all along."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"No."

"Then I'll make you." His hand closes around your throat, applying just enough pressure to make you stop talking. "Why do you have to be so in my head? Why..." He kisses your shoulder, biting the junction between it and your neck. "Why did you have to show up?"

"You hired me." You whisper and he drops his hand from your throat in favor of sliding it up your shirt. "You selected me."

He rolls his hips up against you, biting down on your skin to elicit a yelp from you. "You're damn right I did."

You grind down against his cock and he grabs your hips to still them. You let out a soft whine from the lack of pleasure and he grips harder.

"Get up."

Your heart sinks, and you stare at him in confusion. "What?"

"Get up. We're not doing this." Nathan pushes you off of his lap and you stumble to your feet.

You straighten your clothes and walk around the coffee table to grab your laptop. You can't say you didn't expect this. It was a long shot to begin with and you initiated it so you knew he would shut it down. Still, it hurts. His rejection isn't disinterest, it's personal protection. He won't let anyone that close to his heart.

"Good night, Nathan." You mutter as you head for the doors to the inner workings of the complex.

"Night, Kitten."

_____________________

It is three days before you see Nathan again. Locking himself away isn't uncommon practice. It's a Thursday when you see him out on the deck with the punching bag. You happened to catch a glance when you were preparing breakfast as you had every day. He didn't eat with you, but you still made it for him and left it under the warmer. The plate was always gone when you came back, so at least you know he is eating.

You grab a few grapefruits from the basket on the counter and start juicing them. It'll be a nice surprise for him. You grab a cup from the cupboard and tilt the juicer to dump its contents for you. It looks good, smells tart but it is not your type of juice. Fitting for a man like Nathan. Bitter, tart and sort of hard to swallow. You rub a bit of the squeezed rinde around the top of the glass and grab the sugar dish to sprinkle some around the rim. A little sweet to lessen the bite, a representation of you in this metaphor.

"Kitten, good morning." Nathan says as you approach with his juice and a towel. "What's this?"

"Grapefruit."

He raises his eyebrows. "Fresh?"

"Yep." You hand him the glass and he inspects it suspiciously. "No poison. Promise."

A smile creeps it's way across his face as he gulps it down. He takes a moment at the end to lick the sugar clean from the rim, keeping his eyes on yours the whole time. It's far more sexual than you think it should be, and it was never your intent to get this response.

"Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes." You pass him the towel and take the glass.

Nathan scrubs the towel over his face and rests it around his neck. "I'm going for a hike later."

"Okay?"

"You're going with me." He turns back to the punching bag and starts his routine back up. "Be ready at nine."

You sigh. "Alright."

_____________________

Nathan's idea of a hike and your idea of a hike vary greatly. You view a hike as wandering around the forest along trails and seeing the beauty of nature before you. Leisurely pace, breaks, maybe a snack or two and some photos for the memories. Nathan however thinks hikes are treacherous climbs up cliffs and rock jumping across rivers and streams. He goes as quick as possible as if he's trying to get somewhere and he's going to be late. It's hardly relaxing.

"Come on, why are you so slow?" Nathan barks from atop a rock some several yards ahead of you.

You're panting, legs pushed to their limit from the half an hour long uphill climb you've just endured. You have no idea how he isn't even winded.

"Fuck off Nathan!" You huff, grabbing a scrubby looking tree for support as you haul yourself up over a broken chunk of the path. A game trail, not even a proper walking path.

He laughs, his voice echoing off the cliffs surrounding you. "You can do it, Kitten! Get that little ass up here!"

You finally reach him, your lungs threatening to explode. "First of all, this isn't a hike it's a rock climbing marathon." You hold a finger up to his face threateningly. "And second, my ass isn't little."

"Oh I know." He folds his arms over his chest.

"So you stare at my ass a lot then?"

"I'm a heterosexual man. Of course I'm going to look at your ass."

You roll your eyes. "Thanks for the objectification."

"You're welcome."

"Can we take a break here? My legs are killing me."

Nathan stretches his arms up and back. "This is why I brought you with me."

"Why?"

"So you can get some exercise. Your stamina is shit."

You glance to the drop off below then back at him. "You wanna keep insulting me?"

"Facts are not insults."

"I will push you off this cliff, Nathan."

He steps away from the edge and closer to you. He doesn't say anything about it. Doesn't apologize for the comments about your stamina and needing to work out more. He reaches for your face, plucking something off of your cheek. "Eyelash."

"Make a wish."

"Wishes are for children." He flicks his finger off to the side.

"I wish my boss would get his head out of his ass." You smirk triumphantly. "Is that a child's wish?"

Nathan flicks his eyes up and down your face, eyes settling on the bite bruise peaking out from under your sweatshirt collar. You had forgotten about it until this very moment, when you realize he hadn't seen it yet. "Is that mine?"

"Of course. Who else has been biting me out here in the middle of nowhere?" You reach up to touch it and he shoves your hand away to pull the fabric aside for himself.

"No one else can touch you."

Heat blossoms in your stomach at his jealousy tinged words. Possessive Nathan really does it for you. But he isn't your boyfriend. He is your boss. "I'm not yours Nathan."

His fingertips ghost over the nearly healed bruise. "Yes you are."

"I'm not."

"Then why don't you leave?"

You shove his hand off your shoulder and he gives you one of his famed deadly glares for doing something he doesn't like. "You don't want me. So I can't be yours."

"It's not that I don't want you, I can't have you." He turns and starts walking away, resuming the hike. How very like him. He says something stupidly cryptic that only makes sense to him. Whatever. You're not here for his affection and approval. You're here to be his assistant.

____________________

"I'm out of alcohol." Nathan states plainly, looking into the cupboard that usually has a few bottles of his favorite liquors. "Where is my shit?"

You look over from the fridge and smirk to yourself. "I thought you were on a detox again."

"I'm done with it. Where..." He turns and looks at you. "You didn't buy anything."

"Nope. I was told not to."

"By who?"

"You."

He purses his lips and looks around as if thinking about when he would have ever said that to you. He looks perplexed and you feel so smug. "Since when do you ever listen to me?"

You laugh softly. This is your fault now? Following his orders and not buying alcohol? Really.

"You're my boss. I usually follow your orders."

Nathan kicks the cupboard closed lightly. "Stop that."

"Stop what? Following your instructions?"

"Stop fucking with my head." He leans on the counter and takes his glasses off to dig his palms into his eyes. "You're so fucking irritating."

"Sure am." You gather some utensils from the counter that you left to dry and begin to put them away. "I live to make you suffer."

Nathan pulls his hands from his eyes and stares at you, eyebrows furrowed. It's like you're a puzzle and he's trying to see the solution. "Sometimes I wonder."

"You're being a baby."

"Excuse me?"

You walk over and stand in front of him, hands on your hips, mimicking his pose when he explains things to you. He doesn't fail to notice this as his eyes sweep over you in assessment and he raises his head as if challenging you. "You're only saying I'm irritating and making you suffer because you can't drink. It's been what? A week?"

"Eight days."

"A week. I'm sure you can make it another two weeks."

"You're fucking joking."

"Nope. I'm not going into town for groceries again until absolutely necessary. It's a three hour flight there and then back, remember?"

Nathan clenches the edge of the counter top with white knuckles.

"Get as pissed as you want." You lean in close and he nearly moves back. You know he won't back down from a challenge. "Maybe you'll have to face your demons sober. Maybe you'll figure your shit out."

"I didn't hire you to be my fucking therapist."

"Yet here I am."

Nathan pushes off the counter and grabs the bottle of water you set out for him before he goes off to lock himself in his lab for God knows how long. Ever since you came on to him he seems to be jumpy around you. You don't know why he won't just admit that he likes you, that he wants you. He is going to get blue balls sooner or later. Well, maybe not because he can jack off but actual sex isn't the same and you know he has a sex drive through the roof. You used to hear it at all hours of the morning before he deactivated Kyoko. You'd be lying if you said you didn't get off on it a few times.

_____________________

Days and days pass without a word from Nathan. Ten is now the most you've ever gone and after five you start to wonder if he is even in the house. Maybe he went for a walk and fell in the river. Maybe he pissed off his AI again and it finally strangled him. You would have no idea because the place is so huge and quiet for the most part. Aside from living quarters the complex is soundproofed. One would think Nathan's room beside yours would be for privacy but it's not. The freak. He wants people to hear him.

At the twelfth day mark you actually begin to worry. A twenty day sober Nathan may be a new kind of animal and you're not sure if you truly want to interact. Distance makes the heart grow fond though and while he is insufferable you do care for him and wish to see his stupid smug face. It's a risk but one you need to take.

The light on the lab door is red. Locked. You raise your key card and it buzzes, remaining red. He's denied your access to the lab. Shocker. You press the com button on the wall but it doesn't connect. He's shut that off too.

You lean your head on the cool cement wall and sigh. One more day. You'll give it one more day. If he doesn't show his face you'll get the override key card that resides in the hidden box in the bathroom. You found it ages ago, by pure accident. You've never used it and he has no idea that you even know about it. But you'll do what you have to do.

______________________

Morning of the next day you find yourself in bed, looking around the soft cream colored walls. An idea comes to mind. A dirty, dirty idea. You know Nathan has cameras in every room. He's too anal about protectng his work not to. Plus he has major trust issues.

You lean over the side of the bed and pull open the nightstand drawer. Inside is a small vibrator that you brought with you when you moved in. There's another box in there too. One that was there when you opened the drawer the first night. On the top it says "For your needs, because you're only human."

Of course you opened the box out of curiosity, Nathan had said everything in the room was for you so it wasn't snooping. In the box was a dildo, some lube and a little bullet vibrator. You had never used them, finding the gift too personal and odd. Complimentary soap? Normal. Complimentary extra blankets and pillows? Thoughtful. Complimentary sex toys? Insane. Until you got to know Nathan, you thought it was the weirdest thing ever. In fact, you forgot about the box after a while as you hadn't had the urge to get off until recently. Today however, you're going to make a show of it in hopes of getting his attention.

You dump the contents of the box on the bed and pick up the dildo, wrapping your fingers around it. It's life like, fleshy and soft but firm enough for it's intended use. It's bigger than you might usually prefer but nothing you can't handle with some extra time. And you've got nothing but time. You take a glance around the room, not seeing any obvious surveillance cameras. This may be for nothing.

You make quick work of your pajamas, toss aside the blankets and prop yourself against the headboard. You decide to keep your gaze fixed on the television, imagining it's where he is watching from. You close your eyes and let your hands start to wander, doing thier thing while your mind runs wild.

Time passes slowly as you work yourself over, adjusting to the dildo and working yourself into a heated frenzy. It would be easier if you had something to watch, some porn or something. You're not intent on making yourself come, but you will if it comes to that. You just want to put on a show to draw him out. That's what you're telling yourself anyway.

The power goes out, darkening the room and thrusting you into silence. The back up system announces its engagement and the emergency lights come up red. You sit up and lean your head back against the headboard. Great. You toss the toys aside and get up, pulling on your pajamas. You go to the door, punch in the code for manual override during power failure. Nathan is such a nerd. It's not a specific number but rather the theme to Star Wars.

The door clicks open and you go out into the hall. No one in sight, not that you really expected anyone. "Nathan!" You call out, heading for the lab door. Everything is eerie red and you don't like it. "Power is out!"

No response.

"Nathan James Bateman!" You sing song as you slide your card on the lab door. It buzzes. "I know you hear me you fuck!"

"Power restored. All systems active."

The hall turns white, back to the bright daylight simulated lighting. You lift your key card up in hopes that the system turned off his lock out coding for your card. Sure enough it turns blue and the door clicks open. Relief washes over you as you step into the darkened office where his computer is set up, notes on the wall, security feeds pulled up on two of the monitors. The door to the actual lab is open and you walk through into the bright area.

"Nate?" You call out, the nickname slipping out as your voice wavers a bit when you don't see him anywhere.

"Kitten?"

You spin around and see the man you seek emerge from a doorway. It's the server closet where the breaker box is. "Hey."

"How'd you get in here?"

"The power failure reset the lock codes."

"You can leave."

"Nathan, you haven't been out in almost two weeks. I'm starting to get worried. What are you eating? Are you sleeping?"

"I'm fine."

You give him a once over. Wrinkled clothes. Disheveled beard. Hair grown out longer than you remember, still buzzed but not so close. His skin is dull and lifeless. "You look like shit."

"What's new?"

"Oh come on. You're more vain than that. What are you doing in here anyway? Why the power failure?"

"Fuck off."

"What an original come back. I've been trying to get your attention for days. The fact that it took a power outage for me to get to you is sad." You walk up to him and touch his chest, there is a little bit of dried blood smeared on his shirt. A cut on his hand most likely. "Nathan, talk to me."

Nathan pushes away from you and goes to his design table where there are blueprints laid out for an AI.

"Nathan."

"Leave." There is no venom in his tone. If anything he sounds pleading.

You decide to make a bold move and wrap your arms around his shoulders. He stiffens, hands stilling on the table, pen falling from his fingers. "Please talk to me."

"Just go. I don't want to talk to you."

"Fine. Dinner is at six." You pause at the doorway to the office area. "Did you hear me?"

"Six."

"Good."

_____________________

Things fall back into a normal rhythm in the days following. You do your work and he does his. You eat together, go for walks, talk about his progress on the new AI. Everything seems to be back to it’s usual flow, how it always happened after big arguments or falling outs.

So while you’re sitting in the lab watching him work one day and he asks you about the dildo in the bedside table you're thrown for a loop. It’s far from his usual choice of topics and you had actually forgotten all about it. His mentioning of it brings back the memory of when you were laid out on your bed, literally masturbating to try and get his attention. Christ what a desperate move that was. Stupid.

"So have you opened it?"

"The dildo box? Yeah I've opened it." You try to remain casual as you discuss something so personal. You definitely aren’t thinking about how good it felt.

He smirks. "Used it?"

"No." A bold lie. He has no idea. He never saw you in your bedroom. At least you don't think he did. Why would he ask about it if he had? Why is he asking about it at all?

“You’re a shitty liar.” He turns around in his chair and faces you, pushing his glasses up off the end of his nose. “Did you like it?”

“I haven’t used it.”

“Do you want me to bring up the video? I will.” He stands and heads to the office. “Come on, come here.”

You slide off the table and walk behind him in your shame, cheeks hot. You knew you shouldn’t have lied. Of course he was testing you. It's Nathan for fucks sake. He gestures to his rolling chair and you take a seat while he leans over the desk and clicks around on files on the desktop. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yeah. It is.” He opens a play back window and you can see the view of your room. No surprise. You try to figure out where the hell this camera is based on the angle. It seems to be the top left corner above your closet but as far as you remember there is nothing there. “Oh, there you are.”

“Nathan.”

“No, no watch.” He points to the screen as you toss and turn on the bed. He speeds up the playback as you get into the drawer and get the box out. You deliberately clear the bed, undress, get back on the bed.

You roll your eyes, looking away from the screen and he places a hand on your head and turns it back to watch. “So? I’m masturbating. Whatever. You do it too. If I wasn’t supposed to use the damn thing why did you leave it for me?”

“Oh I don’t care that you used it.” He clicks a little audio icon beside the playback screen. “I just want to know why you lied about it.”

“I am embarrassed? I don't make a habit of talking about my-”

“Nathan.” Your voice plays back on the audio coming from the video playback and you wish you could sink into the floor and disappear. “Nathan, harder please!” Of course he has audio on the fucking cameras. Of fucking course he does because why not right? It’s his house, his research facility.

Nathan looks at you over his glasses. “You’re embarrassed about talking about masturbating or you’re embarrassed that you think of me when you do it and I found out? Actually don’t answer that because this looks deliberate.” He takes a seat on the desk, blocking the view of the monitors. “Now, are you going to lie to me again, or tell me what this is about?”

“I wanted to get your attention.”

“Well you got it honey.” He clicks a button on the keyboard and it stops the playback.

“I wanted your attention to get you out of the fucking lab. It had been almost two weeks since I had seen you and the only way I can reach you from outside is through the cameras. So I thought, maybe there is one in my room because you’re a fucking control freak. Low and behold I was right, but it didn’t work how I planned it to.” You fold your arms over your chest and he chuckles. “What’s so funny?”

“You.”

“Me? How is any of this funny?”

“What kind of person thinks that masturbating on camera is going to get someone’s attention? No, seriously, why wouldn’t you try flash signalling the cameras in the halls? Set up a cue card with a message? Who says I’m gonna fuck myself for my bosses attention?”

You take in a deep breath and clench your jaw. He’s right, kind of. You hate it but he is. In any other situation you never would have done this. So why did you? Why did your brain go straight to exhibitionism? Because it’s Nathan and you’ve got it bad for him and you wanted him to see you. He’s got your brain just as fucked up as he has his own.

“It was wrong, I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Nope.” He kicks his legs hanging over the desk. “I wanna know if you liked that dildo.”

“It was fine I guess.”

“Not too much?”

“Nathan, why do you fucking care?”

He hops off the desk and shakes his head as he heads into the lab. “I’m curious is all!”

“You’re a freak!”

“And yet you still like me!”

“I’m starting to wonder why.” You push up out of the chair, close the playback on the computer and leave the office. You’re covering that stupid camera and throwing that dildo in the trash chute. You should have known he’d get some weird complex out of watching you say his fucking name while plowing yourself with a toy. In a weird way it turns you on, but it also pisses you off because he won’t actually admit that he liked it. He won’t ever admit anything.

_____________________

“Can I ask you something?” You say to Nathan as he sits beside you on the couch. You’re in the lounge together, dinner long over, watching a movie as you wind down for the evening. He’s got his arm around the back of the cushions and your legs are pulled up under you, feet pressed against his thigh. You’re close, but not too close.

“I don’t know. Can you?”

“Don’t be a dick for ten minutes please.”

Nathan holds his hand up in defense. “Ten minutes. Shoot.”

“Promise you won’t be a dick? For real?”

“Yes. Ask me the damn question.”

You take a deep breath, knowing what you’re about to ask is going to be rough on him. “When we were on our hikes a few weeks ago, you said it wasn’t that you don’t want me, it’s that you can’t have me. What does that mean?”

Nathan stares ahead at the movie on the tv over the fireplace. A moment passes, a moment that is too long and makes the room fill with awkward tension. You expected this.

“Gonna stay quiet for the ten minutes you aren’t going to be a dick?”

“Shut up.” He says softly, no venom in the words.

You stare at him expectantly, awaiting a better answer than just shut up. “Seriously, would you just-”

Nathan’s arm comes up from the back on the couch and his hand catches the back of your head, dragging you closer to him as he presses a kiss to your lips. Your blood boils in the best way and you chase his lips as he pulls away. “That’s all it takes to shut you up?”

“Answer my question. Ten minutes aren’t up.”

“I can’t have you because you’re going to leave. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day you’re going to leave.”

“I’m not leaving Nathan.”

He scoffs. “So if I stopped paying you to be my assistant, you would stay?”

“Yes.”

"You're fucked up." He shakes his head. "You're fucked up and it's my fault."

You stare at him at a loss for words. Did he just admit fault for something? Are you hearing this correctly? Is Nathan Bateman, tech genius and egotistical maniac admitting he has done something? Holy shit.

"I did this to you. I made you stay here and endure my mood swings and drinking and all my shit. I stockholm syndrome'd you and I didn't even realize it." He leans his head back and closes his eyes. "You don't deserve this."

"Nathan, you didn't make me stay here. I chose to stay."

"Where the fuck were you going to go? Run off into the woods for days and days until you hope to find someone? What option did you have? I trapped you here. I've kept you caged in this house like an animal."

You lay your hand over his and he grabs it, threading your fingers together. "You don't think someone could actually love you, do you?"

"What?"

"You don't think someone could fall in love with you because you're insecure. You push people away, you push me away because you think it's easier than letting yourself feel something for someone."

Nathan looks pissed but he holds his tongue.

"I'm not trapped here, you aren't twisting my arm and making me stay here against my will. I know what I signed up for, I know what I signed in those contracts. I could have told you to fuck off and shove your head up your ass months ago and taken a helicopter back into the city. I could have just run away on any one of my dozen grocery runs in the last several months. But did I?"

"No."

"Why is that?"

"I don't fucking know."

You lay the hand not held in his, on to his cheek and turn his face to make him look at you. "Because I love you, Nathan."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. You're a real son of a bitch sometimes and I want to break your nose and choke you to death every once in a while but I care. I care about you, about your work, about your life. I want to be here, I want to be a part of your life Nathan. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan gets up and you hold your joined hands tightly.

"Don't run away damn it!"

"I'm not! Would you let go!"

"I swear to fucking God if you lock yourself in that lab again I am going to get a battering ram."

He takes his glasses off and presses them into your palm. "Take these as collateral. I'll be right back."

You sit back on the couch and glare at his form as it disappears into the house. You clean his glasses carefully with the edge of your shirt and set them on the coffee table. He has to come back for them, he's as blind as a bat without them.

Nathan returns shortly with a small box. "I made these." He hands you the box and you open it as he puts his glasses back on. Inside are two black bands, rings.

"I don't understand."

"I made them because I know I can be difficult." He plucks one from the box. "They track the wearers vitals, change colors based on varying indicators, and they will work no matter how far apart they are."

"You made high tech mood rings."

He shoots you a glare. "I made them for you." He places the ring in his hand into your palm. "So you will know that I'm alright when I'm working long hours. I know I'm not the easiest to read and I don't have the easiest time expressing myself sometimes."

You put the ring on and it lights up a soft pink color. The moment Nathan slips his over his finger you can feel a soft steady pulse coming from the ring. "Is that your heartbeat?"

"Yeah." He holds his hand out and you can see his band is the same color pink. "I'll give you a breakdown on all the colors and functions later, but pink means the body is at ease."

"Do you love me? Just tell me, straight up no games."

"Yeah." He cups your cheek and brings you in for a kiss. "I love the shit out of you."

You break away from his kiss and press your foreheads together. "Can I ask just one more question?"

"Fire away."

"Is the dildo a mold of your dick?"

A smile spreads across his face and you already know the answer before he says it. "It is."

"You're a freak."

"And you absolutely love it."

You smile as he presses his lips to yours and pulls you over into his lap. "I guess I do."

The end

Please reblog if you read or like. Thank yo so much for reading! -A

Header by the lovey talented delicate-venus

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

[kimburgess-ruzek]

Shattered

chapter one: purgatory

summary: Intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

a/n: about that s9 speculation, yeah i’m going to make a fic out of it. if you want to beat around the bush and read the plot of the fic, it’s here. definitely new to writing so we’ll see how this goes! also, don’t know how to work a tag list, but if you want to be tagged, let me know!

t/w: mentions of trauma, gunshot wounds, assault, surgical procedures (which btw i made up, i’m not a medical expert)

read on ao3.

.

purgatory

“I think we should get married.”

six words. six of the most important words. Jay had the breath knocked out of him. He can’t understand what he was just asked. I think we should get married. Just a few months ago, Hailey wouldn’t even look into his eyes, much less say “I love you.” And a marriage proposal, that seemed pretty much impossible.

Jay looked into Hailey’s eyes. He saw past the tears and looked deeper. He saw sadness and fear, emotions not usually associated with an engagement. No, he saw something different. Hailey was different.

Jay cleared his throat, clearly stunned. “I—.” He tried to find words, find anything to respond. But he couldn’t. He cleared his throat and tried again to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Hailey noticed the hesitation and suddenly changed her demeanor. She tried to dry her tears as quickly as possible, wiping her eyes and running her hair through her hands. She then stopped Jay, interrupting whatever he was trying to express.

“You know what, never mind. Never mind. I— We need to go. We need to get to the hospital. See how Kim’s doing.”

Jay saw the sudden change and tried to reason with Hailey. He quickly found his words. “Wait, wait, wait. Hails. Is everything okay?” He asked while putting his hands on Hailey’s arms, stopping her from turning towards the door. He gently rubbed them, trying to soothe Hailey. However, it was to no avail; Hailey gently pushed herself away.

“No. No, we need to go. We need to see Kim. I need to see her. Let me go change and then we’ll leave, okay?” Hailey reassured Jay, nodding her head. Before Jay could respond, Hailey kissed Jay on the cheek and briskly walked to the room. She felt like she was suffocating in her clothes. She had worn them for almost two straight days, and she had been to hell and back in them. She needed to get out of them.

“Okay—“ Jay half yelled, wanting to make sure she heard him. He updated Will on his whereabouts and he let the rest of the team know he and Hailey were on their way to the hospital. Kevin replied that Kim was still in surgery. The doctor hasn’t given any updates but hopefully will soon. After about five minutes, Hailey walked out in a new pair of jeans and a different top. She quietly grabbed three granola bars, one for her to eat on the way and the others probably for Kevin and Trudy. Jay loved how thoughtful she was. She had her keys, purse, and jacket in hand and was heading for the door.

“Ready?”

“Yep.” Jay got up from the couch and followed Hailey out the door, turning off the lights on the way out.

The walk to the car and the drive to Med was really quiet. There was definitely tension in the vehicle; there wasn’t the comfortable silence that Jay and Hailey were used to. Hailey was focused on the road while Jay was focused on Hailey. She never looked back at Jay though, her eyes only on the road.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened—“ Jay started but Hailey quickly interrupted him.

“No.”

Jay took a breath and mumbled “okay.”

For the rest of the ride, you could’ve heard a pin drop in the car. No one talked and no one made any extra movement. Once Hailey found a parking spot in the parking garage, she turned the car off and took a long, hard breath, trying to gather her words. Jay was opening the door when Hailey grabbed his hand, stopping him.

“Look, Jay. I... Look I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to be short with you.”

It’s okay,” Jay replied, trying to reassure her.

“No, it's more than that. I didn’t mean what I said earlier. At the apartment. I mean I love you, I do. I love you. And I think you’re decent. But not the other stuff. I just... It was just today. We almost lost our team member. We almost lost our friend, Jay. I don’t know what I would’ve done if we lost Kim. And I can’t think about it. If we did lose her. Because I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven myself. I don’t know if I could live with myself, thinking I could’ve done more. And at the apartment, I just saw someone that helped save my friend and I don’t want to lose you either, ever. And the emotions and no sleep and everything just got to me and I.. I. I don’t know. I don’t know. But.. Just don’t think about that question I asked earlier. Okay, Jay? Okay? It’s all good, I promise.”

Jay could clearly see Hailey was rambling. She was tired, no, she was exhausted, and she was backtracking. He was scared. He was scared that Hailey would retreat back to before, turned off from love. He hoped this experience didn’t make Hailey go back to being afraid of love. Of loving Jay. Because he loved Hailey. He loved everything about Hailey, from her seriousness when working a case to her humming along to the music she was playing in her earphones while pouring her coffee in the mornings. But there was also something else. Something that Jay couldn’t explain. Hailey was different, and not different because of what she explained. No, this was more than fear, more than desperation. This was a plea, almost a cry for help. And Jay didn’t know why. But he knew that something changed in her. Something happened when Voight split them up. And Jay knew he had to get to the bottom of it. Not for his sake, but for Hailey’s.

As much as Jay wanted to tell her he enjoyed the proposal, he knew she didn’t mean it. At least, he knew she didn’t want it for pure love. This wasn’t genuine. The love was, but the proposal wasn’t. This was a reaction to something. And as much as Jay would love to be engaged to Hailey Upton, he knew she wasn’t ready for it. And he knew she would regret it if the proposal went down like this. But he knew that he loved Hailey with all of his heart, and he was going to show that. As much as he wanted to say "yes," he was afraid of saying anything would just break her. So he went along with Hailey at the moment, and he decided he was going to try again later.

Jay put his free hand to Hailey’s cheek, wiping a stray tear. “Hailey, I love you. I love you so much. And that’s not going to change. Ever. I will do whatever you want to do and are comfortable doing. Now, let’s go check on Kim. Does that sound good?”

Hailey relaxed into Jay’s hand and closed her eyes. This was the first time she had relaxed in hours. After a pause, she nodded and left Jay’s hold. She opened the car door, and they walked towards the hospital entrance to hear the fate of their friend’s life. They walked into the unknown.

.

Med was covered in blues. Police of all ranks and districts filled the waiting room. It was so packed, Kim would be embarrassed. She wouldn’t want to be the center of attention. But she needed the love. She needed the support, and when one of their own has fallen, everyone’s going to be there to help pick them back up.

Hailey and Jay quickly spotted Kevin and Trudy in their blackout gear. Kevin had his bloody vest lying on the floor next to him. His bloody vest that was Kim’s blood from where he held her so tight, trying to stop any bleeding if it would do any good. Trudy was sitting in a chair and Kevin was standing next to her, his hand on her shoulder and his phone to his ear. He wasn’t talking, but his phone was still to his ear.

Trudy wasn’t speaking either. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t find any reason to have small talk. Or deep talk. She just couldn’t find anything to say. All she could do was just think, and run her mind to the ground worrying about Kim.

Kim held a very special place in Trudy’s heart. She was different from any other officer that Trudy has had. Kim has this pluckiness to her. She had a different attitude when it came to policing. And as much as Trudy berated her in front of the 21st, as much as Trudy picked on Kim and made her work overtime and made her run the extra mile, she loved Kim. She loved that green rookie with big brown eyes that walked in on the first day with a smile and a donut. She loved the woman who stayed in the district despite her failed relationship. She loved the woman who kept fighting when she kept getting knocked down. Kim had to have the biggest heart Trudy had ever known a police officer to have. Whether that be because of all of the hardship she has dealt with in the police academy or the lack thereof while growing up Trudy didn’t know. And to be quite frank, she didn’t care. All she knew was that she wanted to protect that big heart of Kim’s. She had to because Kim was the reason why a city like Chicago has hope. Kim brought light to a city of darkness. She brought ambition to a city of despair. No matter what the case was, Kim put all of her knowledge and energy into that case. She not only did that, but she cared for the people in the case. Hell, she even cared for some of the suspects, damn it. That’s how big Kim’s heart was. That's how big Kim's heart is. And now, that big, gullible, genuine heart has to fight for its life. It had to put itself in a position to be saved and it has to endure hours upon hours of surgery. So no, Trudy could not find any words to say.

Hailey and Jay walked up to Kevin and Trudy and gave solemn grins. Trudy found the strength to stand up and hug both Hailey and Jay. She held onto Jay a little longer, whispering ever so quietly “Thank you.” Jay patted Trudy’s back as a welcome, trying not to cry from the images of Kim handcuffed in that Buick resurfacing. After what seemed like a century, Trudy let go and sat back down. Hailey hugged Kevin and she and Jay stood with them.

Hailey then dug into her bag and pulled out a portable phone charger and handed it to Kevin.

“I thought you might need this.”

“Thanks, Hailey. Ruz would appreciate it.” Kev kindly took the charger and plugged it into his phone. He was glad because his phone was surely dying but he wanted to give Adam all of the updates as that were coming in.

“How’s Makayla?” Jay asked, crossing his arms.

“Uh, she’s good. She’s good. Adam told her that Kim had to work late, so she’s good. She remembered Adam and wasn’t scared. She fell asleep on the couch but Adam moved her to her bedroom.” Kevin tried to find any facts to answer Jay's question. He replied before listening to Adam say something over the phone.

“Yeah, Hailey and Jay are here... No, no updates yet... Yeah, man... The docs said the surgery would be pretty long.” Kevin answered over the phone.

“I spoke to the Commander. Intelligence isn’t getting any new cases until Kim pulls through.” Trudy stated, looking up at Jay and Hailey who nodded. They both thought it was rather respectful of the commander.

Trudy turned her attention towards Hailey, asking, “Did you or Hank find anything about Roy?”

With that question, Kevin looked at Hailey too. He chimed in, “Yeah did you catch any leads? Do you know where Voight is? Trudy has tried calling, but it goes straight to voicemail.”

All eyes were on Hailey, who quickly became flustered and at a loss for words. Does she tell the truth? Hell no. Not right now at least. Not until she gets to the bottom of what Voight did with the body. What does she tell them? She hung her mouth open, not knowing what to say. Jay noticed Hailey’s nerves and tried to calm her by putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. This made Hailey refocus, and she mustered up an answer.

“I, uh. No. No. And I don’t know where Voight is.” Hailey could barely get her Sergeant’s name out of her mouth. She tried her best to sound casual and honest, and it must’ve worked. Either that or everyone was so exhausted and stressed that they didn’t press any further.

Will Halstead pushed his way through the waiting room and joined the team.

“Hey, no word yet. I just talked to one of the nurses. Just said they’re still in surgery.” Will said. He tried to press for news. Anything, but he was shot down. Hopefully, this was just because they were in a rush and not because they had bad news, which is what Will does but didn't want to believe was the situation now. When Jay told him of Kim's injuries, Will, as a doctor, was shocked she even had a pulse. Her injuries were severe and traumatic, and she spent almost 24 hours bleeding. But Will dare not say his thoughts to Intelligence. No. He didn't want to break any of their hope. And Kim was going to need all of the hope she could get if she was going to pull through.

The team just nodded and settled in. Not one of them was going to leave until they received news about their member. So they waited.

.

It was 8:03 am. The sun was peaking through the blinds covering the windows. It has been 10 hours. 10 long hours. Some of the police officers left for their shift. Most stayed, camping out in their chairs. Some slept on the floor. Some were called to a scene where they handled it and immediately came back to the hospital. Hailey, Jay, Kevin, and Trudy rotated between two seats, allowing each person to catch a little bit of sleep. But in reality, none of them could get more than a few minutes of rest before the memories of the previous 36 hours crept into their minds, jolting them alert and awake. But they all stayed in that waiting room. In purgatory. No matter how scared, how sad they were, they all remained brave. Trudy and Jay tried calling Voight a couple of times only to realize he wasn't coming. They passed it off to be overwhelming. They thought Hank couldn't fathom hearing any bad news about Kim in person. Either that or he was somewhere, swallowing down liquor like he did when Al passed. But they didn't leave. They couldn't leave. They just had to hope the Sergeant wasn't doing anything he shouldn't be doing. 

Kevin stayed on the phone until about 3 am before Adam told him he was going to try to sleep so he could take Makayla to school the next day. Adam woke up at 6 but got the same luck as the rest of his team. He didn’t really get much of actual rest. But he woke up, got ready, fixed breakfast, woke Makayla up, got her ready, drove her to school while singing her favorite songs, and was back on the phone with Kev and heading to Med before 7:45.

Will kept coming in and out of the waiting room. He would periodically try to get information but was shut down every time. Nevertheless, he kept trying. He kept pushing for Intelligence. For Kim.

Suddenly, a doctor scrubbed and dressed in surgical gear stepped foot into the waiting room and everyone immediately woke each other up and sprang to their feet. Kevin told Adam the surgeon was here and put his phone on speaker. The surgeon walked straight to Intelligence and the other officers turned towards the team, waiting for the news. No one moved. No one blinked. Everyone studied the surgeon, trying to pick up on any cues before he spoke. Everyone held their breath. Everyone waited for the update.

After a long breath, the surgeon started pouring words.

“Officer Kim Burgess experienced severe head trauma, assault, shoulder strain, and two shots to the abdominal region. It was clear she lost a lot of blood, and when we got into surgery, it was much worse. She had a dislocated right knee, so we set it in place. The through-and-through shot didn’t do any internal damage so we patched it right up. The other one that never exited was lodged two inches to the right of her left kidney. If it were to hit it, she would have experienced kidney failure and gone into shock shortly after getting hit. Luckily, that didn’t happen. We were able to extract the bullet with as minimal damage as could be done. She had some pieces of glass lodged in her arms and we were able to get them out. She experienced head trauma. We checked, and she was bleeding internally in the brain. Left untreated, it could have lead to developmental setbacks, blood clotting, or death. However, it must’ve started only a little before she arrived here. This was likely due to her staying calm under pressure and subconsciously keeping her head in the correct position. She lost a lot of blood and had a low BP. She lost a pulse after we tried to stop the bleeding, but she was resuscitated after the first try. We did everything we could, and we did a lot. She made it out of surgery. She’s critical, but she’s stable.”

With that, everyone let out the breath that they were holding and erupted with such emotion. Some celebrated, hugging and shaking hands with each other. Some clapped and yelled in happiness. Some stood there in awe, in shock, in disbelief. Hailey dropped her head in her hands and started sobbing. Kim’s alive. She’s alive. Jay let out an excited expression and high-fived Will before engulfing a shaky Hailey in a huge hug. Trudy just let out a loud, deep sigh of relief. She immediately pulled the surgeon in for a hug. She knew Kim would pull through. Kim’s a fighter. She was going to push through. Kevin had big tears in his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. As much as he tried to be optimistic, he saw Kim with his own two eyes. He saw her and could only imagine what kind of torturous hell she went through. He knew Kim was strong, but this. This situation looked bleak. And as much as he tried not to believe that he held on to Kim during her dying breaths, he just didn’t know if Kim could pull through. He didn’t know if anyone could have pulled through with those injuries. But she did. Kim’s alive. After Kevin caught his breath he put his phone to his ear and checked on Adam.

“You heard that, brother?”

All he heard back were deep breaths and sobs.

“She’s okay. She’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna be okay.” Kev heard Adam whispering in between his cries. He didn’t hear a direct answer from Adam but he knew he heard the surgeon. Kev followed suit and replied, “She’s gonna be okay. She's gonna be okay, bro.”

The surgeon cleared his throat and the waiting room quieted down, listening to what else he had to say.

“They’re wrapping up on Officer Burgess now. She will have a brace on her knee to keep it in place. She’s cut and bruised, and she’ll likely have a concussion. We’re giving her blood and we’ll continue for the next few days along with antibiotics to treat any infections from the warehouse. She’s sedated. We’re going to try to ease her awake but she’s a fighter. So she’ll probably wake up by tonight. She’ll be transferred to a private ICU after she’s out of surgery. She’s been to hell and back, and she has a hell of a recovery to go, but she’s alive.”

The waiting room erupted again in relief and celebration. The surgeon hugged and shook hands with all of the officers, including Intelligence. He then left the room to allow the policemen to celebrate.

Intelligence just looked at each other. They didn’t jump up and down or screamed to the rooftops. No, they were too tired for that. But also it was a different kind of energy. 48 hours ago, they were at each other’s throats. Each one of them had a different idea on how to solve this case. On how to get Kim back. Each one of them had hit their breaking point. Each one of them had been to their own hell. And some of them hadn’t made it back yet. And while Kim was fighting back from her hell, while she was fighting for her life, the team came together. They rallied together for their team member, for their friend. They had to come together in order to give Kim that energy. That strength in order for her to make it out on the other side. But that was temporary, and the team knew that. Now, after Kim has made it, the team doesn't know how to feel. They didn’t know what to do. And just because they got what they wanted — they got Kim back and they got her back alive — it doesn’t mean everything that just happened is dropped. It doesn’t mean everything, every word can just be forgotten. No, it just means things get taken off pause.

Intelligence had a lot of work to do. It had a long road ahead of them. The question is: will everyone make it out unscathed? Or will someone crack, leading Intelligence to be shattered?

[occasionalsnippets]

Escapism AU (Y/n) & Passione

This is mostly about mc’s interactions with the gang including a bit of La Squadra and Unita Speciale. I’ll probably add more as I think.

Bucciarati’s Gang 

Mc crashes at their house from time to time even though she has her own apartment

This either because she wants to sleep over for fun

Or because she’s finished a mission and their house is closer

Sometimes she shows up at 2 AM and just passes out on their couch

It happens more often than it should

Bruno eventually gives her a copy of the key

She steals food from the fridge too but makes up for it by buying groceries

They leave a toothbrush and cup for her in one of the bathrooms since she comes over so much

Before everyone was recuited, there were extra bedrooms in the house that weren’t being used

They left a guest room for mc but she doesn’t use it all the time, opting to pass out on the couch first

Either Bruno or Abbacchio usually brings her to her room though Abbacchio would never admit to it

Mista draws on her face with marker sometimes but leaves her on the couch most of the time. He can’t ruin her cute face all the time

Narancia cuddles with her on the couch or join Mista in doodling

Fugo leaves her on the couch but gets a blanket and readjusts her position if it’s uncomfortable

However, after Mista got recruited, mc gave up her room so Mista didn’t have to room with anyone

Now, she just sleeps on the couch or whoever’s okay with her borrowing their bed

She has tried several times to get them to wear normal clothes outside (they dressed perfectly normally before joining the mafia!) and only about half those times did it actually work

Mc is strong enough carry everyone in the group bridal style

The only ones who gets particularly mouthy when she does is Abbacchio and Mista but only because Mista wants to carry her too

She joins Fugo, Narancia and Mista in doing stupid things but it’s fun

She knows the torture dance

Mc isn’t technically a part of their team but they consider her to be because of how often she stays over and tags along for missions

She doesn’t expect anyone to really like her the way they do despite how obvious their feelings are

Part of it is because she isn’t supposed to be in this universe in the first place, that she’s an outsider of sorts. She’s here to make sure they don’t die

The other part of it is the guilt of leaving them to die in the first timeline. She feels like she doesn’t deserve how highly they think of her because of how readily she was to let fate run it’s course the first time around, even if they don’t remember it

She’s sooner die then let any of them do the same

Giorno

Mc meets Giorno before he’s recruited into the gang since she does go to the same school as him even though she doesn’t really show up to classes that often

She’s about 2 years older than Giorno

They became friends prior to his hair turning blond and she almost didn’t recognize him but his eyes are rather distinctive

When it did turn blond, mc got a vaguely panicked call in the morning from him saying his hair turned blond for some reason

She’s the first person to braid his hair with the needlessly extra loop at the end after it turned blond

She wasn’t sure how the donuts worked but the next time she saw him he had the signature donut hair so she guessed he figured out how to do it

It becomes routine for her to braid Giorno’s hair when she notices it’s undone

She gave him a crash course on stands when he found out she had one

They spend a lot of time in libraries

Mc insists on paying for food when they get lunch together though Giorno always refuses

I feel like Giorno lowkey craves intimacy?

Mc calls him “GioGio” sometimes

Trish

Hmmmmm, gay

I really like Trish hence why she’s included in the harem

Out of everyone in the gang guarding her, she’s the closest with mc since they’re both girls which is also why Bruno assigns mc to her the most often

Convenient for Trish since it means more time to flirt

Unfortunately, mc does fall under the “are we just being nice to each other or are we flirting” when Trish is just about ready to ask for her hand in marriage

She’s flirting, no doubt

Trish lets mc rest her head on her thighs which mc can confirm is very comfortable

Trish is one of the two people she trusts to do her make up, the other one being Abbacchio

You know that picture where there’s one girl sitting on the other girl doing her makeup

That’s basically Trish and mc

Post-Vento Aureo, they stay in contact and remain good friends as Trish pursues a career as a singer

Narancia

Mc joined Fugo on that walk where they found Narancia in the alleyway so she’s partially responsible for him joining the mafia

They bring him to Libecco where Bruno is and he gets food before going to the hospital to get his eye treated like in canon

She goes shopping with him after he’s out of the hospital

They get normal clothes but the next she sees him, he’s wearing his canon outfit and she wonders why she even bothered with his fashion sense in the first place

She’s the one who buys him his bandana that he wears in his canon outfit

They’re pretty cute together actually

She calls him “Nara” 

While she isn’t available all the time to help Fugo tutor him, when she is around, she tries her best to help

They listen to music together and mc ends up reccomending a lot though some songs haven’t come out yet so she’s only able to play them on her phone

“If I run and jump at (Y/n), she’ll definately catch me!” “Wait, I’m holding a mug-” *Drops the mug and catches Narancia*

Hugs with Narancia often end with his face buried in the crook of her neck

Fugo

Probably the one mc goes with on missions the most

Part of it is because they’re the closest in age prior to everyone else joining, another part is due to mc’s nullifying ability effectively making her immune to Purple Haze’s virus

Mc be like “if I got infected with purple haze’s virus, I would simply become immune. rip to everyone else but I’m different.”

Still, Fugo is still very cautious when it comes to pulling out Purple Haze

Fugo buys her lavender hand lotion once and she decided she liked it so she continued to use it

He sorta associates lavender with mc

Mc buys him strawberry earrings. Sometimes she spontaneously buys stuff that reminds her of him

Fugo isn’t particularily fond of contact (backstory trauma) so mc tries to keep it to a minimum unless he gives an okay

Probably a few missions together where mc saves him, they’re walking down a street together and he just slips his hand into hers

Asadlskjh, I want them to hold hands

When she’s doing school assignments over at the Bucci house, Fugo helps her look over and proofread them despite the fact she has access to the internet through her phone and can search stuff literally from the future (not that he knows). She appreciates the input

I think that after Fugo leaves the group during Vento Aureo, I would like to bring him back somehow before the end of Vento Aureo

Abbacchio

He didn’t like mc at first, no surprises here, but after they went on a few missions together where she saved his life, he begrudgingly opened up

She reminds him of his dead partner due to how reckless she is in saving people

She an idiot but she’s his idiot

He’s likely one of the most worried when she gets hurt since he doesn’t want to lose another person who died protecting him

Abbacchio does come off as very tsundere seeing how prickly he is to everyone except Bruno but everyone except for mc notices that he isn’t that prickly to her either

Mc doesn’t expect him to like her to any degree so whenever anyone points out that he’s nicer to her, she’s like “what?”

They have late night talks a lot

Abbacchio stays up late drinking and mc doesn’t sleep consistently enough

Sometimes they go up to the roof of the house to talk

She has fallen alseep on him multiple times. His tiddies make great pillows. 

Generally, she’s got her head resting on his tiddies, one arm hanging over his body, the other spawled out somewhere. He keeps one arm around her head and the other around her waist

Bruno

Mc with Bruno is oddly domestic?

she helps around the house, buying groceries, helping out in the kitchen and cleaning from time to time

Bruno appreciates it a lot

If Abbacchio and mc have late night talks, Bruno and her have early morning talks when everyone else is asleep and the sun is just barely rising

Bruno keeps telling her it isn’t healthy to sleep only 3 hours so he convinces her to fall asleep for a few more hours

He spoils her a lot and brings her to cafes

Bruno is one of the last people she would expect to like her more than a friend due to the “bruno’s a mom” memes and he’s nice to everyone (almost everyone, excluding ememies), there’s no way he would like her more

Sure, he kisses the crown of her head and the back of her hand from time to time and they cook together

But they’re just good friends, right?

He frequently lectures her on being more careful and not being so reckless

Mista

They discuss weird stuff a lot

The combination of mc’s general knowledge of random things due to the internet and Mista’s bad timing when bringing up topics leads to interesting conversations

Like, your tongue never sits comfortably in your mouth, your skeleton is wet, are you inside your skeleton or is your skeleton inside you?

Mc is always in a constant state of worry when he’s on a mission because his bullets always end up in his own body something

The only reason he isn’t dead yet is because his dumb*ss aura surrounds him

Mc qualifies as a cute girl 11/10

He flirts with her casually and the pistols tell her his thought even when he doesn’t want them to but she never seems to notice

“You’ve been flirting with me?” “Have been for the last year, thanks for noticing.”

Mc gets Mista a gun holster after the events of Vento Aureo because he really shouldn’t be tucking his gun in his pants like that

If someone was really angry, they could lean over and shoot his d*ck off

La Squadra

I sorta debated whether la squadra should be a part of the harem or not but I think mostly no

That’s because I don’t really have an age range for them but Risotto’s like 28 and big age gaps are creepy. So, I guess for some of the la squadra members, it’s up to interpretation whether it’s romantic or platonic. I’m inclined towards platonic though

I’m not sure if I want to save Sorbet and Gelato yet

Mc, of course, goes along for missions as she’s ordered to

La squadra is so broke. Why doesn’t Diavolo pay them more? They literally kill people for their job

Mc doesn’t crash at their house very often but she stops by to hang out and drop off food

She buys them groceries when she notices their fridge is super empty. She doesn’t need them to pay her back (her paycheck is suprisingly big), but they should stop eating takeout all the time

She usually calls Risotto to ask if there’s anything specific they want

She’s rather fond of Pesci. They go fishing together when they have time

Illuso and mc are gossip buddies

Melone gets kink shamed during missions

Ghiaccio and mc have gone ice skating together before

I don’t really have anything else for the others... I’ll think about it

When Vento Aureo begins, mc is trying to save them though she isn’t directly working with them

La Unita Speciale

These are pretty random

Tizano and Squalo are gay, mc was there when they proposed to each other

Mc gets ordered to buy food when they have meetings though it’s pretty rare

When she does show up to drop off food, it’s a constant feeling of “let me leave quicker please” because Cioccolata is freaky

She thinks she runs into Doppio way too often when she’s doing missions

The only good thing about it is that Doppio is pretty nice when Diavolo isn’t kicking about. On one hand, Doppio=nice, on the other Doppio=Diavolo

Mc feeds Secco sugar cubes when Cioccolata isn’t looking

She would not trust Cioccolata to patch up any of her wounds, he’s likely to dissect her

Mc gets missions through calls and emails but sometimes Doppio’s around to tell her what they are 

[seacottons]

uni!au with ateez — [ part one ]

—[ san - performing arts ]

ironically, you met when you helped him after a taller male shoved him down whilst in a heated argument.

he burst out laughing when you asked if he was okay.

“don’t worry, we’re just practicing our lines!”

you quickly glanced up at the building and grimaced once taking sight of the gleaming silver ‘performing arts building’ plaque.

of course.

to say you were embarrassed was only scratching the surface.

you had no regrets, because the incident was the catalyst that formed your friendship and eventual relationship.

will never let you live that moment down.

“remember when you tried to save me from mingi?”

“i thought we promised not to bring that up again-”

“why can’t i? i was saved by an angel that day?”

san invites you to both his dance and theatre shows.

will appear to be very professional on stage, but you catch his eyes frantically darting to the crowd to try and spot you.

and once he does, he will repeatedly smile and wink in your direction.

you’re always early, so you manage to snag a seat in either front two rows.

likes when you bring him bouquets as a congratulation gift after his performances.

gets very loud backstage just to let everyone know you bought him a gift.

a huge show-off.

is very good at facial expressions.

you fall for every time he pretends he’s crying or hurt when you don’t give him attention.

he will imitate different characters and repeat after actors while you two watch movies together.

“it sounded sexier when i said it, right (y/n)?”

is a very clingy cuddle bug.

and a leech.

will always have his arms around you while walking at campus.

loves to give you back hugs.

is the type to wait outside for you until you finish class.

and takes you to the cafeteria afterwards for lunch.

embarrasses you in said cafeteria by spinning the lunch tray while waiting in line.

also likes to spin your phone just to freak you out.

also the type to excitedly text you about the donuts and coffee they’re giving away at the library’s breezeway.

likes to refer to you as ‘angel’.

will beg you join the different clubs he’s in.

and then brag about you to the others once you do.

will hype your choice of attire even if he’s already seen you earlier that day.

the type to also sneak you a latte in the middle of your class.

also the type to sneak in with you during your auditorium classes.

you regret it sometimes because he leaves no room for you to pay attention to your professor.

often times, so much so that you have to lightly pinch his side in protest.

“do you want me to fail this class?”

he likes to participate in the many events held at campus.

everyone knows him.

challenges you to dance offs in the middle of campus.

you refuse and push forward a startled mingi instead.

“mingi wants to have a turn this time!”

also likes to lay in your arms whilst you play with his hair.

“were you a cat in your previous life?”

he will then proceed to meow in your ear.

“i’ll take that as a yes.”

—[ hongjoong - fashion design ]

dating him would consist of always admiring his new projects.

supplying him with unhealthy amounts of coffee.

trying out new pieces he made.

offering to carry his overly large portfolio binder sometimes.

sitting down and listening to him rant about how his roomates fail to wash clothes properly.

he has a guide taped to the washing machine with the different symbols of clothing labels.

“no, san, you can’t use shampoo as detergent.”

“but seonghwa finished all the detergent!”

using seonghwa’s lint rollers to remove all the fabric fibers stuck on hongjoong’s clothes.

you scold him while cleaning the bleeding scratches on his fingers from his sewing needles and pins.

“don’t worry, it’s nothing i can’t handle.”

“but i don’t like seeing you get hurt, you bum.”

you bought him strawberry bandaids because he thought they were cute.

sometimes, when he has time, he’ll custom make clothes just for you.

he insists on having multiple matching outfits.

will ask you to model his work for his social media page.

thinks you look best in skirts.

you’ll be the source of comfort during presentation week.

he’ll be a wreck whilst making a new collection.

but you’re always there to pick him back up.

most of the time, you’re the source of his inspiration as well.

you insist he shouldn’t sit for hours writing essays or sketching numerous ideas for future work.

but he’s stubborn as a mule.

nights with him include binge watching fashion shows or cute cartoons.

or painting your nails.

you both enjoy coffee dates when you have time.

he tells you he wants to open a fashion line one day.

you’re trying to stand still as he plucks numerous pins into the dress you’re trying on.

“what do you think i should call it?”

“hj couture? does that sound too basic?”

he pauses momentarily before spooling the leftover red thread.

“(y/n). i’ll call the line (y/n).”

—[ wooyoung - culinary arts ]

invites you to his dorm and cooks for you.

his apartment always smells of warm spices and comforting meals.

pretends his roommates’ teasing doesn’t affect him, but the tips of ears always glow red.

will always bring over leftovers he made in class.

“i just thought you wanted to try this mille feuille.”

“which one is better? the salted rosemary loaf or the oregano and olive oil one?”

loves to bake and cook with you.

will make your birthday cake from scratch and will go all out decorating it.

has an annoying habit of taking pictures of you mid-bite.

“delete that right now.”

“but babe, you look so cute.”

“jung wooyoung!”

will wrestle with you as you attempt to take his phone away.

“okay, look! i swear i’ll delete it!”

he saves it in a hidden folder.

calls you his ‘cupcake’ or ‘sugarplum’.

teases you nonstop when you fail at something in the kitchen.

“babe! no! gentle folds! you pulverized those poor blueberries!”

“but the instructions say to mix!”

“the dough isn’t supposed to be blue!”

he’ll whine nonstop about how much he hates baking bread in class.

“do you know how abnoxiously long the fermentation process is!? i’m losing my mind.”

will wave and yell your name to catch your attention if he spots you nearby at campus.

you hear him every time.

he’s just that loud.

drags you to new restaurants just so you can rate them with him.

also drags you to go cutlery shopping.

accidentally dropped a plate in the store.

and when the employee came sauntering in the aisle suspiciously-

“(y/n) did it.”

once gave you food poisoning by accident.

you never wanted to eat scallops again.

you don’t mind his hands smelling like garlic or ginger most of the time.

or stained with spices.

“turmeric is a bitch.”

“woo, who wears white while cooking with turmeric anyway?”

will show off and brag about his knife skills.

demands to race with you to see who can chop the vegetables the quickest.

“you’re going down, (y/n).”

“uh- i don’t think i ever stood a chance to begin with.”

he lets you win sometimes though.

will beg you to visit him at his part time job at the cute cafe not too far by.

you always try to when you have the time.

and when he finds out you went to the rival cafe across the street one day..

“on a scale of 10 to 10, how bad is kang yeosang’s cooking?”

“what?”

“answer the question, (y/n).”

“woo, it’s 3 a.m.”

the next day, you explained that you were merely invited by your classmates to that particular cafe because one of them was a former employee there.

he childishly ignored you with crossed arms and a subtle pout.

“your jajangmyeon is much better. they didn’t even like the food there!”

he finally perks up with a large smile.

“wait, really?”

you think he looks endearing with his apron and chef’s hat.

will post cheesy captioned pictures of you after serving you delicately decorated plates of food.

‘two delicious meals for tonight, hehe.’

“gross. did you really have to say that?”

—[ jongho - kinesiology ]

you met him at the university gym and instantly clicked.

found yourself months later agreeing to go out with him.

a giant goofball.

sometimes makes faces at you while you exercise across the gym.

makes sure you watch him when he deadlifts.

loves when you hype him up.

opens all the jars for you.

and cuts all the fruit for you.

“why use a knife when you have my hands, love?”

you nearly choked on your saliva when he punched open the watermelon.

“can we ever just have a perfectly sliced watermelon!?”

“no- unless i break my arm one day.”

insists you jog with him around campus early in the morning.

likes to practice wrapping elastic tape on you.

you own half of his hoodies.

takes you to watch basketball matches.

then challenges you to a match when you go on dates to the park.

will persistently tease you about your poor aim.

and will absolutely not let you have the ball for more than a few seconds.

“stop cheating!”

“i’m not cheating! you just suck!”

joined you in some of your elective classes.

will also wear sleeveless shirts because he knows how flustered you get while his sculpted muscles are on display.

“what did professor kim just say?”

“what?” you tore your gaze from his biceps to glance at his face.

“are you staring at my arms again?” he snickers.

“no,” you say too quickly, face heating quite considerably.

despite his teasing, he’ll always baby you and take care of your needs.

has the cutest gummy smile.

you like to call him your gummy bear.

he hated the name at first, but grew to accept it over time.

likes to randomly pick you up.

sometimes will throw you over his shoulder.

has a habit of patting your thighs.

sometimes asks you to sit on his back while he does push-ups.

your eye bulged at the sight of a mop of ruby hair.

“don’t say anything.”

“you like apples so much you dyed your hair red?”

“i lost a bet.”

“you look cute though.”

you tugged at his tresses, smiling as you admired the shade against his tanned skin.

“baby?” you brushed his bangs away to display his forehead.

“hm?”

“you’re the apple of my eye.”

“i’m-,” he sucked on his teeth and pursed his lips, face scrunching in a mock grimace, “i’m going to throw up.”

[onlysarah235678]

A Little Bit Part 12

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: Wow so never listen to me when I say how long it will take to update… A lot of stuff happens in this one. Mind the warnings. Who made my gif this time? Illuminated-blue of course ❤

Warnings: Brief physical assault, use of homophobic slurs, vague mentions of domestic violence and vomiting.

When you wake up Sunday morning you are immensely grateful that you don’t have to go into work until 11. You had stayed up until almost 2 in the morning on the phone with Billie. She had gone home after your walk, but she’d called you after she’d taken care of the kittens to check in. You still seemed a little down when she left, which was understandable, but she didn’t like it.

For this reason, as soon as she could, she called you just to talk and keep your mind off certain things. You both ended up getting into bed and chatting about nothing in particular for a couple of hours. Things stayed pretty tame, and talking to her definitely helped you relax. Still, you woke up a little on edge as you just sat in bed for a while. Almost an hour had gone by of you just sitting in bed on your phone when you hear Milo start up the stairs.

As quickly and quietly as possibly you lie back down and throw the covers over you. If Milo sees that you’re awake, he’ll bother you until you take him on a walk. You close your eyes and try to feign sleep for a little bit, but when Milo jumps up on your bed you realize you’ve lost.

Usually, he’ll sit in front of the bed and whine a little, or paw at you. If he knew you were up though, he would jump on the bed and then on you.

You really needed to teach Milo about sleeping in on Sundays.

As expected, your dog is already climbing on you and searching for your head. He liked to lick your face to wake you up, and you had to push him away as you groaned in disgust and defeat.

Guess you were getting up.

After changing into clothes that you wouldn’t mind seeing yourself in later, you lead Milo outside and away from your apartment building. You decide to take him a little farther than usual since you have more time before you need to get to work. He of course loves it, but you end up regretting not taking the time to check the ‘news’ for any updates on you and Billie.

You were on your phone for an hour, but it hadn’t even occurred to you that you should check on that. You really should know better by now. You walk down a street you’ve become familiar with because it has the bakery that you love. You are already thinking about donuts as you walk through the front doors still only half awake.

You smile at the woman behind the counter, muttering a quiet ‘hi’ before glancing over the menu. You only decide on the pastry you want before she speaks up. You didn’t hear what she is saying because your mind was fully on what to have for breakfast, so you frown in confusion before making the mistake of asking her to repeat herself.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

The redhead pulls her phone out of her pocket and presses a few buttons before showing you what she was talking about.

“Is this you?”

It takes you a second to realize what you’re looking at because the video isn’t very good. It was taken at night and it was kind of fuzzy and far away. Eventually you recognize Billie as she pulls away from you, and your eyes widen giving the woman the only answer she needed.

You leave without your pastry and you’re more than a little pissed as you pull out your phone to call Billie. You’re too distracted by the task at hand, that you don’t notice the car coming as you cross the road. The driver lays on the horn and you jump in surprise before scrambling back onto the sidewalk. You have a half grimace and half apologetic look on your face as the car passes you before you look both ways like an adult and try again. Luckily Milo was smarter than you and hadn’t even stepped out on to the street yet.

“Come on, Milo. Let’s try and figure out what’s going on.”

Billie is still in bed when you call her because it is Sunday after all. It’s Sunday and not even 9 am yet. Billie sighs before sitting up and reaching for her phone. Seeing that it’s you makes her smile, and she’s quick to answer it as she runs a hand through her hair.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

You smile immediately at the sleep you hear in Billie’s voice before sighing happily. You’re almost back to your apartment and Milo is picking up the pace because it’s breakfast time. Actually, it’s your breakfast time, but that doesn’t matter to him. He likes watching you eat because more often than not he gets some of whatever you’re eating. Not because you give it to him, but you tend to be an absentminded and messy eater.

“Morning, Billie. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

You nearly curse yourself for the tension you can hear in your own voice. You know that Billie will pick up on it and you just wait for her to ask.

She doesn’t waste any time at all. Not that you expected her to.

“It’s not a problem, sweetheart. Is everything alright?”

You can’t help but smile at the fact that you were right about Billie picking up on your stress. You didn’t want to ruin her day with this, but you didn’t want to hide it either. It didn’t even occur to you that she might have heard it from someone else either way.

You and Milo walk into your apartment building and you press the button for the elevator impatiently. You hit it another few times before sighing in defeat. You turn toward the stairwell at the end of the hall and head that way with Milo in tow.

“Apparently there is a video of us on the internet.”

You wait until you’re sure you have Billie’s attention before you tell her what you saw. It was a video from Friday night when you and Milo went to Billie’s place. As you describe the short video showing you sitting on the kitchen counter with Billie standing in between your legs, you open the door to the stairwell and let Milo go through first. When Billie asks how you found out about this, you tell her about how you went on a walk with Milo to your favorite bakery.

“Yeah, the woman working there told me, and I was so weirded out I didn’t even get my donut.”

Billie laughs at this as she smiles sympathetically. She knows how important your sugar is to you and she realizes you must have been pretty thrown off to leave without it. She waits until you’re done talking to Milo, apparently he’s going too fast for so early in the morning, before speaking up.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. That must have been uncomfortable.”

You laugh under your breath because it was very awkward for the three seconds you spend debating whether or not you should leave empty-handed. You opened your mouth to say this when you hear the door on the second floor open and you watch as someone walks out. You hold back your groan of annoyance because this person, your downstairs neighbor is a pain in the ass. He is a homophobic asshole who has no problem sharing his feelings with you every time you run into each other. Luckily this was only the third time since you started seeing Billie.

You start up the next flight of stairs until you remember that you haven’t responded to Billie. You smile before mentioning the end of your trip to the bakery.

“No, it was great. I--.”

Billie was just thinking about getting out of bed when you’re cut off mid-sentence. She frowns in confusion when she hears Milo start barking and a series of thuds as you drop the phone. You tumble down the stairs, hitting your head against the wall as you reach the bottom. You curse before looking up to see the blurry figure that just shoved you continue down the stairs like nothing happened. You realize a few seconds later that Milo’s following him.

“Milo, stop.”

It takes you a moment to regain your bearings and you cringe as you reach for your head. You’re sure you will have a nice bump forming pretty soon. With another groan, you get to your knees before you hiss in pain. Damn that hurt.

“Fuck you, Doug.”

You mutter this under your breath because your head hurts too much to speak any louder. You grit your teeth as you hear his response followed by the sound of Milo yelping.

“Screw you, dyke."

You sit up straight at the sound and feel your head swim as you look around frantically for Milo. You finally spot him shaking his head at the bottom of the stairs and you call him up quickly.

“Milo, come here, boy. Are you okay?”

You wait until Milo is close enough for you to reach out to him. You don’t see anything wrong with him, but you can’t be sure given how dazed you still feel. You sigh as you pull Milo closer to you until you can find where his leash is attached to his collar so you can grab it. You pull him closer before you attempt to get up.

The sound of Billie’s voice coming from somewhere reminds you that you were on the phone with her. You’d completely forgotten.

“Y/N? Are you there? Hello?”

You look around for your phone, but you don’t see it immediately. You move around Milo and frown when you still don’t see it. How far could it have gone? You manage to get to your feet using the wall for support before you take another look around. You finally find it down on the steps headed down to the first floor. You move too quickly to get it and you stumble over Milo before you manage to grab the hand rail with a curse.

“Fuck.”

You slowly kneel down to grab it before standing up again slowly. How it’s not broken you have no idea, but you’re not going to question it. You put the phone to your ear and tighten your hold on Milo’s leash. He’s leaning against you in a way that’s making you more unbalanced. You hurry to lean against the wall before you squeeze your eyes shut to try and recover enough to respond coherently.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright?”

You sigh again before you respond, your voice a little more telling than you were hoping it would be.

“Hi, sorry. I’m here. I just--.”

You’re not sure why you’re apologizing for someone pushing you down the fucking stairs and you roll your eyes at your stupidity. You don’t get to stumble through your explanation before Billie’s speaking again.

“What just happened, Y/N? Did you fall?”

You merely huff in annoyance as you start up the stairs. You decide not to take the next three flights and just make it to the second floor so you can take the elevator. You don’t trust yourself not to misstep. Especially since you’re on the phone.

“Yes. Well no. This asshole in my building pushed me.”

Billie isn’t sure that she heard you right. Well, no she knows she did because despite sounding ticked and winded, you spoke clearly. Instead, Billie’s trying to figure out who the fuck thought they could pull something like this. Looks like she had more than one person to sue.

“Are you alright? Did you get hurt?”

You finally make it to the top of the stairs and you groan as you lead Milo out into the hallway.

“I hit my head a little, but I’m fine.”

You walk down the hall and make it to the elevator before Billie speaks up. You didn’t even realize how much time had passed before her worried voice snaps your attention back to her.

“Do you need to go see a doctor?”

You’re already shaking your head because it’s past 9:00 and you have to get ready for work. You haven’t eaten yet and you feel yourself getting slightly cranky at the thought. You step into the elevator with Milo on your heels before pressing the button for your floor with a little more force than necessary.

“No, it’s okay, Billie. I’ll be fine. I have work soon anyway.”

Again, you don’t notice Billie’s silence because you’re concentrating on getting to your apartment so you can get something to eat. You don’t know that Billie is debating whether or not you are making the right decision. She doesn’t want to boss you around, but she’s worried that you’re more hurt than you let on. Finally, Billie sighs before she shakes her head in defeat. She’s reaching for a cigarette on her nightstand when she finally asks.

“Okay. Will you call me to check in?”

You smile despite the fact that you can’t promise when this will happen, but you’re all too willing to do this for her. Once your apartment door is opened you let Milo go before closing the door behind you with a nod.

“Of course, but don’t worry okay? I’ll be fine.”

After convincing Billie that you will call her when you get a chance, you get ready for work as you usually would. After making breakfast and drinking a little more than usual you feel pretty good. You take something for the headache you anticipate having before you get dressed and ready to go. Milo’s already waiting for you at the door and you put on his harness and leash before heading out.

You make it to work without incident. You put Milo in his kennel until lunch in a couple of hours before you head up to your office. You smile at the sight of the flowers still there before you put your stuff down and sigh in anticipation. The clinic doesn’t open for a bit so you have time to take a look and see what your day is going to consist of.

You sit down in front of your computer and turn it on. You kill time waiting for it to boot up by checking your phone again. You see that Billie texted you and you frown in confusion before just shrugging in indifference. You don’t know Doug’s last name, but you have plenty of descriptors you can give Billie. You’re too focused on figuring out your day to even think about why Billie would want that information.

Billie’s finally up and out of bed, ready to start the day. After checking on the kittens she hurries to get to work. She has Mickey in her lap as she’s working at the dining room table. She is emailing Jeff her media guru to figure out where this video came from. She assumed it was from the same tabloid that released the morning after story, but she couldn’t be sure. After she sends this, she double checks her phone to see if you texted back. She records everything you say about Doug, even the profanities in her computer in case she needs it for later.

Since she knows you don’t work tomorrow, she plans on dragging you to the doctor kicking and screaming if she has to. She can be just as stubborn as you are, and in this case, she doesn’t plan on giving in. Billie sighs in defeat before shutting her computer. She looks down at Mickey in her lap, and smiles as he responds to her scratches with a quiet purr. She hadn’t planned on doing much today, but now she feels like her entire day will just be worrying about you.

Against her better judgement, Billie decides to watch the video again. It’s only about 20 seconds, but she still finds it disturbing that someone had crept into her backyard without either of you noticing. As the video ends, she furrows her brows slightly as she recalls something peculiar that you hadn’t really explained to her.

You had just played off her concern with a smile and a joke as you normally did. However, Billie could tell that this was somehow related to something from your past that she didn’t know about. Something that had been significant enough for Milo to pick up on it. She didn’t know what to make of it, but she planned to find out. If there was something she could do to help you or reassure you, she would do it.

Lunchtime rolled around without anything too interesting happening in appointments or otherwise. You weren’t sure what to eat and were on your way downstairs when someone from reception came back to treatment with a box of donuts.

You eye them curiously when you notice the name on the box. They’re from that bakery you failed to get breakfast from this morning, but you don’t get a chance to ask before Erin arrives.

“Oh donuts! That’s awesome! Where’d they come from?”

Erin’s already reaching for the card before she realizes that it has your name on it. She and Marissa share a look that you miss as the latter hands the note to you.

“For you, Dr. Y/L/N.”

You only wonder for a second who it’s from before you recognize the handwriting. You smile at the sweet note before you open the box and your eyes grow dark.

You loved donuts.

You see a dozen of the most appetizing donuts you’ve ever laid eyes on and you almost reach out for them before you look to Marissa and Erin who are just watching you.

“Go ahead you two. I’ll get one in a second.”

You watch as the pair eyes the chocolate frosted, sprinkled and glazed donuts hungrily before you go wash your hands. You hear Erin groan from behind you and you smile once you finish up and turn back around to see her with only half a donut and satisfied look on her face that makes you want to laugh out loud.

“Your girlfriend is the best, doc.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but you’re caught off guard by this. You still couldn’t help but smile at the thought before you moved to grab a donut too. You’ll have to get some real food before you eat too many of these donuts, but for now you were going to enjoy yourself. So you just nod in response to Erin’s comment before taking a bite of chocolate.

You can’t hide the smug little smile that breaks across your face at the thought of being able to call Billie Dean your girlfriend.

“She definitely is.”

Billie is on the phone with Michelle when you call her. After ordering yourself a healthier lunch you retreat back up to your office with a slight grimace. Your head still hurts and you had about an hour before you could take anything else. So to pass the time you plan on finishing up some work and calling Billie to thank her and check in.

“Michelle, let me call you back, okay?”

After receiving an ‘ok’ in response, Billie answers your call with a smile. She had been wondering how you were doing and didn’t waste any time.

“Y/N. How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

You smile widely before you lean back in your chair and close your eyes. You weren’t sure why you thought you wouldn’t have to answer this question immediately.

“Hi, Billie. I’m great thanks. I’ve eaten too many donuts and my head only hurts a little.”

Billie laughs as she thinks about this. She knows how much you like food, and it’s so cute to see you get so excited. She wishes she could have been there to see your face.

“I’m glad you liked them, but are you really feeling alright?”

For the next few minutes, you and Billie talk about what your days have consisted of so far. You mentioned how work was a little hectic, but not bad at all. You also only have about 4 hours left. You were surprised to hear that Billie was talking to her assistant about the video. Rather, you were surprised by the attention it was receiving.

“Wait, what? People think you were...?”

You trail off as you think back to the short clip that you’d seen this morning. It was just you and Billie kissing in her kitchen. Nothing special. Well, you thought it was special, but you didn’t know why anyone else cared. You definitely didn’t get what Billie was saying about people’s reactions.

“They thought I was forcing myself on you.”

You nearly laugh at this but you stop short because you recognize the tension underlying Billie’s words. She seems more concerned about this than you would have thought. Sure, it wasn’t a good thing to have people believing things like that about you, but Billie could make it right. She could release a statement or just wait until her interview.

“That’s ridiculous.”

You say this absentmindedly as you look to your slightly wilted flowers. They still smell great and you breathe in deeply just to get more of them. It isn’t until you hum to yourself that you realize that Billie hasn’t responded.

“Billie?”

The medium sighs as she tries to figure out how to mention what’s really bothering her without being too obvious. She knows that Michelle and Jeff can deal with any bad press this video gets. That’s not what she’s worried about at the moment.

“I know, Y/N. It just doesn’t look good.”

You nod at this because you’d already decided that it didn’t. Whoever thought they saw you running away from Billie didn’t understand what had really happened. You weren’t too keen on sharing what that was, but if Billie was worried, you’d figure out how to explain it without revealing too much.

You weren’t really ready to talk about that yet.

“I know, Billie, but it will be okay.”

Both you and Billie sit in silence for a few seconds. She thinks about how her attempt to get you to confess what really happened failed, while you decide whether or not to even mention it. You eventually fall back on your decision to be as honest as possible with Billie. The decision is made easier by the fact that Billie hasn’t judged you for your past yet, and you trust her enough to share this.

“You know that wasn’t it. Milo just…he was going to try to get you away from me.”

That was the truth, but definitely not really an explanation. Billie was smart enough to figure this out on her own, you were sure, so you were really just buying time to see how she reacted to you saying, or rather confirming her belief. You sigh as you cringe slightly before getting to the point when Billie doesn’t say anything.

“He’s just really protective of me, and he didn’t like you touching me. Even if I did.”

Billie smiles to herself at your words, and her mind’s already wandering to touching you again when you speak up. Billie hadn’t been expecting you to be so blunt, but she had always known that you were full of surprises. Good and bad. This wasn’t one of the good ones.

“Remember how I told you I got him from an ex? Well, she wasn’t the nicest.”

Erin was sitting up front in reception with Lindsey for the first real break she’s had all day. She was finishing up her donut when she peeked out the window to see that the same car that was here when she arrived this morning hadn’t left. They were just waiting around like always and Erin rolled her eyes as she looked to the blonde sitting next to her.

“Do you think they’ll ever give up, Lins?”

The blonde in question turns to where Erin is looking and simply sighs. It had only been a week of this, but it was getting old quickly. She felt bad for you because you honestly were just trying to do your own thing. You had just moved here and barely had a month under your belt when all of this happened.

“I don’t know, but I hope so.”

They both look for a few more seconds before Lindsey turns back to Erin with a curious look. She knows how much of a fan the brunette is of Billie Dean, so she’s really only asking for clarification. She shifts a little in her seat so she’s facing her friend.

“Hey, Erin. Have you seen that video?”

She and Erin were the only ones up here for now since Marissa is on lunch, and Mina was in the back so she didn’t need to worry about being overheard. Erin turns to Lindsey with a slight grimace before she nods in answer. There’s no point in lying because she knew that Lindsey knew her better than that. She just nodded again before sitting up and crossing her legs. She listens briefly to make sure that you were still upstairs before speaking.

“Yeah, I saw it before work. I don’t really--.”

She pauses as she thinks about what she saw and how out of context, it didn’t make a lot of sense. She’d blushed heavily at the sight of you and Billie so intimate, but almost as quickly, she’d been confused by how fast it ended. You’d practically flown off the counter toward something. The video had ended before she saw where you went, and despite watching it an embarrassing number of times, she didn’t know what to make of it.

“Yeah, I get what you mean.”

Erin turns to Lindsey in confusion because she wasn’t sure that Lindsey would know where her hesitation came from. She was surprised; however, when Lindsey practically said what she couldn’t find the words to articulate.

“It looked a little sketch at first, but there has to be an explanation, right?”

Erin nodded in agreement smiling as she started to come to your defense, but she was interrupted by the front door opening. She sat up assuming it was a client, but then she saw the delivery bag and she knew what it was. She stood up in anticipation before nodding when the man said the fake name you’d started using. You learned the first time a nosey employee asked too many questions that it was best to be as incognito as possible.

“Order for Misty Gish?”

Erin has to stop herself from laughing as she takes the bag with an appreciative smile. She doesn’t know how you come up with these things sometimes.

After telling Lindsey that she’ll be right back, Erin heads toward the stairs and up to the second floor. She doesn’t hear anything other than Mina in the back cleaning until she’s at the top of the stairs. Since you’re the only doctor working today, it’s pretty quiet upstairs and Erin can hear you talking to someone.

“No, she didn’t hit me. She just pushed me around for a while and Milo didn’t—oh hey Erin!”

Your chair comes to a stop mid-spin as the brunette appears in your doorway with your lunch. You smile widely as you take it from her with a muttered thank you, watching as Erin smiles apologetically before she starts to back out into the hall.

“Here you go. Sorry to interrupt.”

Erin would be lying if she said she hadn’t been listening to what you were saying. It raised a lot of questions that she wouldn’t dare to ask you.

You smile as you set the bag on your desk, having to move your phone that you had haphazardly thrown down when you saw Erin. You shake your head before mentioning offhandedly.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m just talking to Billie. Thank you for this!”

Erin nods before she heads back downstairs with a contemplative look. She thought about what you had said to Billie before shaking her head. It wasn’t her business, but hopefully Billie was taking better care of you than this nameless woman.

Once Erin’s gone, you sigh before reaching for your phone with a smile.

“Sorry about that Billie, but I have food now.”

Billie laughs at this before rolling her eyes at the excitement she hears in your voice. She was glad that you were getting fed because you still had a while until you were done with work.

“I heard. I’m happy for you, sweetheart.”

You’re too excited about your food to roll your eyes at Billie’s teasing tone. You instead sigh again as you take a peek into the bag and sniff your food like a dog.

“Should I leave you two alone?’

This time you do roll your eyes and you laugh dryly at Billie’s words. You push your food away before shaking your head as you stand up to close the door. You probably should have done this before, but it was a little late now. Either way you knew that you hadn’t quite finished your explanation.

“Ha. Ha. Thanks, but I can wait until I finish telling you why Milo is my favorite dog to date.”

When your next appointment arrives, you’re not feeling any better despite having eaten. Your headache was getting worse instead of better and you’d already taken as much medicine for it as you could. You just had to power through the next few hours then you could go home and fall asleep watching something mindless.

You don’t realize how tired you are until you almost get bitten by a cat with an ear infection. You smile and eventually make it through the rest of the appointment unscathed. When they leave at 3:30 you are dreading your next appointment. You still feel tired no matter how much coffee you drink and you find out, as you try to work on your records, that you barely write a coherent sentence. You groan in annoyance as you delete the gibberish you’d written yet again before Erin comes back to let you know the next patient was ready for you.

You hold back another groan as you nod in acknowledgement before closing the note in front of you. You’re not sure any of what you’d written is right, but you can’t worry about that now. Your brain is just not working correctly at the moment.

“Is everything alright, Dr. Y/L/N?”

You’re lying through your teeth when you tell her you’re fine, but you manage a smile before you stand up to follow her. Your head spins a little, but you just take a second to steady yourself before continuing on. You walk into the exam room and introduce yourself to the owner and the adorable old golden that greets you by covering you with fur. You are glad this is just a wellness visit because as you do your exam and continue talking with the owner you feel yourself fading. You give Bernie his vaccines and answer any questions that Bernie’s owner has before you send the pair on their way.

You leave the room at an uncharacteristically slow pace before shutting the door behind you. You lean against the wall and close your eyes as you listen to the pounding of your pulse against your skull. You force yourself to take a deep breath but somehow this just makes it worse and you grimace in pain.

Water.

Maybe water would help stop your raging headache.

You start heading back toward treatment, but the second you open your eyes you feel disoriented. You groan before stopping at the door and closing your eyes once again. You manage to pull it open and stumble inside before heading toward the sink without looking.

“Woah, are you okay, doc?”

You don’t hear Mina as you brace your hands on the edge of the sink. You squeeze your eyes shut as you try to will away the pain but even that doesn’t work. In fact, this makes it much worse. Your pulse is deafening and you feel so nauseous just from the sound you think you might throw up.

By the time Mina makes it over to you, you’re shaking from the effort of staying upright. You don’t hear what Mina says, but when she reaches you to steady you, you double over and throw up into the sink, and on the floor. Mina’s quick to grab you as you start falling, and she curses before calling for help.

“Shit! Erin!? Somebody help me!”

It’s only a few seconds before Mina hears the sound of hurried footsteps. The door to treatment opens to reveal a wide-eyed and confused Erin who practically screams when she sees you on the floor unconscious.

“Shit! What happened?”

Mina shakes her head because she has no idea. She saw you dragging your feet a little bit today, but she thought it was because you were simply tired. She tried not to get into your personal business, but she figured your new relationship was to blame for your fatigue. This; however, this was something completely different.

“I don’t know, she just threw up and collapsed.”

Erin was already running for the phone when Marissa arrived. She was quick to ask Mina if she could help, and she grabbed your arm to search for your pulse while Mina left to find a stethoscope. Erin was looking on nervously as she spoke with the dispatcher frantically.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“We need an ambulance at Sunset vet clinic. Our doctor just passed out and she’s not waking up!”

Part 13

[atths--twice]

Finding Light in the Dark

A call sends Mulder, Scully, and Faith on a road trip back to the house in Quonochontaug. Mulder is feeling somewhat nervous, but is determined to replace the pain of the past with happiness in the present.

This story is the next in the Year of Prompts. A friend on Twitter asked for a story where Mulder visits the house in Quonochontaug with Scully and Faith. I, of course, fell in love with that idea as I simply adore writing them as a happy family. I set out to have it be a Valentine's story as the story presented itself to me. It took *just* a day longer than planned, but I hope it was worth the wait. ❤️

January 26, 2021

Mulder hung up the phone and sighed with a slight frown. Putting it down, he walked to the laundry room where he could hear Scully humming as she folded clothes.

“So, uh…” he said, standing in the doorway. She looked at him and smiled with a nod. “I just had a call from the rental agency.” She frowned at him and then nodded in understanding.

“Is everything okay?” She picked up a flat sheet, handing him an end, and together they started to fold it.

“Well, Brian from the agency said that with the virus, they aren’t getting as many people staying at the house. No one is traveling, as you know, and they’re losing money.” He took the sheet from her and finished the folding. She nodded and crossed her arms as he set the sheet in the laundry basket.

“So…”

“So, they’re considering letting it go, which means it falls on me to make a decision. If I want to find another rental company or… if I should sell the house and be done with it.” She stared at him, sighing as she nodded slowly.

“Is that what you want to do?” she asked softly and he let out a deep breath.

“I don’t know. That house… honestly I forget that it’s still there most of the time. It’s been… Jesus, twenty years.” He shook his head and sighed. “I…”

“Hon,” she said, stepping toward him and touching his arm with a smile. “I know how you feel about that house. I don’t want you to think you have to go there. We can ask the agency what would be best and not ever have to go.”

“I appreciate that, but… I think I need to go check-“

“We. We need to go. I’m not letting you go there alone.” She held his arm and stared at him with another small smile. “Would leaving tomorrow morning be soon enough?” He smiled and cupped her cheek, his thumb rubbing softly across it.

“Let’s start thinking about a plan.”

________________

January 29th

He made phone calls to the rental agency, letting them know they would be coming up to check on the house and decide what they would do with it. Brian sounded relieved and said he would leave the key in the lock box, giving him the combination to open it.

A heaviness weighed upon him as they packed and readied for the trip. He tried not to let it show, but Scully‘s hand lightly grazing his back, arm, or waist let him know that she noticed. She never said anything, but her touch meant everything; his thoughts often far away.

They left the house at seven thirty, hoping Faith would sleep for most of the journey, and not become cranky sitting in her car seat for such a long period of time. Nearly seven hours was long for anyone, but especially for a two year old.

Once again, Grey was dropped off with Violet and Denis, along with the house keys so they could stop by and feed the fish while they were gone. Violet stood at the window, holding Grey and waving goodbye with her little paw, as Faith waved back and yelled goodbye.

She chatted with Bella who sat beside her, her head resting on the arm of the car seat. Faith patted her head and told Bella it was dark.

“See stars, Bell? It’s dark. See stars!” She pointed as she looked out the window, continuing to pet Bella’s head. Mulder smiled as he watched her in the rearview mirror, catching Scully’s eye as he looked back at the road. She smiled at him and he nodded as he drove down Henderson Road, heading toward the Parkway.

“Do you think we should stop at a hotel on the way? I don’t think we can just show up these days,” Scully said, reaching for her phone. “Halfway… that should put us about…” He saw she had opened her map app, looking intently at it, and he shook his head.

“We don’t need to stop. I can make it. Quonochontaug is only seven hours.”

“No. We can switch. No need for you to drive the whole way.” He nodded with a smile, knowing he would be the one driving the entire way. “I’m serious, Mulder.”

“Okay. But I’m good for now.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, Looking back at Faith, who was looking out the window, now holding her baby doll in her lap. “You okay, love?”

“Baby, mama. Baby seeping.” Mulder saw her touch the baby's eyes that opened and closed. “Shh. Baby seeping.”

“She’s sleeping? Okay then, we’ll be quiet.” She turned her head and smiled at him and he smiled back.

Within two hours, an audiobook playing quietly after Faith’s usual bedtime music, everyone in the car, save for Mulder, was sleeping deeply. He smiled as he glanced at them and then sighed as he looked back at the road. The navigation was set and the book playing, but he was no longer paying attention.

He was heading back to a house that held many memories, both good and bad, and now that they were physically on their way, he was lost in thoughts of the past; his childhood and the questions that had never been answered.

After his mother had died, he had been the one to handle her personal belongings and the selling of her house. She had left everything to him and one long weekend, he had gone up to clear it all out, readying it to be sold.

The house itself held very little personal items. Not many pictures and signs of the past. No, those were kept in the basement, almost as though they were something to hide and of which to be ashamed.

Saturday morning, after he had spent Friday going through the basement, sadness and anger causing tears at times, the doorbell had rung. Believing it to be the donation organization coming to pick up the agreed upon items, he had opened the door to find Scully.

She had smiled, a bag of donuts and two coffees in a carry out holder in her hands. He had been surprised, but opened the door to allow her to enter.

“I thought you could use some help,” she had said softly and he had nodded with a relieved sigh. She had smiled and after they had eaten, they had begun to work.

Then… he had decided it was time to deal with the house in Quonochontaug, something he had put off for years. No one had been in the house for a couple of years, him being the last one, and the reason was one he wished to forget. He had asked Scully to accompany him, no hesitation, knowing that house would be harder to face.

They had driven out together on a Thursday evening, planning to stay all weekend. It had been a long drive, spent mostly in silence. Halfway there, they had stopped to eat at a diner, the silence remaining, though her eyes had said a lot.

They arrived late, the house chilly. Looking around at the things still covered in plastic, the mess he had never completely cleared up, they had both sighed.

“It’s a lot, but…” she had said, a hand on his back as she walked further into the room. “We can be up early, get some breakfast, and then…”

“Yeah,” he had whispered.

They went to the bedrooms, Mulder insisting she take the master bedroom and he would take the smaller guest one. The rooms smelled musty, plastic covering the beds and other things.

“Uh, I don’t know about the state of the sheets. This place hasn’t been used in such a long time,” he had said, standing in the doorway and looking around the room she would be using.

“Blankets will be fine,” she had assured him and he nodded, going to the hall closet and taking out the equally musty smelling blankets, wishing he had thought to bring something better.

“I’m not sure the blankets are much better, in regards to smell anyway.”

“It’s fine, Mulder.” She had smiled and taken the blankets from him. “We’ve been in worse places than this.” He had nodded and she rubbed his arm. “Good night.”

“Good night,” he had whispered and walked to the guest room.

Dropping the blankets onto the bed, he had used the bathroom, shivering as he walked back to the bedroom. He had changed his clothes and gotten under the covers, sighing as he closed his eyes, too many thoughts in his head. Turning over, he had fallen asleep, his dreams dark and confusing.

In the morning, he had woken up early. Leaving Scully to sleep a little longer, he went to pick up the trailer he had rented and to get breakfast for both of them.

She had been awake when he returned, just coming out of the bedroom, yawning and stretching. She had smiled as she cleared the table and he set the food and coffee onto it.

After they had eaten and thrown out their trash, they looked around, deciding where to start.

“Before we do anything,” she had said and he looked at her. “I’ve been thinking. What if you didn’t sell this place?”

“I don’t want or need it,” he had answered.

“No, I know you don’t. But…” She had walked to the back door and opened it. “It’s beautiful here. The water right outside the door… it’s a perfect place to get away.”

“Scully-”

“You could rent it.” She had smiled at him and he looked around the house and back at her. “Fix it up a little for sure, but…” She had shrugged and he let out a sigh. “It’s just an idea.”

“Yeah,” he had said with a nod.

“Think about it,” she had said quietly, touching his arm.

They had worked methodically, moving from one room to the next, stopping a little after one to go out and get something to eat and stopping at the store to get something for a simple dinner.

Things that held memories, had been set to one side and then carried to the trailer. Pictures mostly, a few boxes of family items, a couple of lamps and one end table Mulder had “ruined” when he did not use a coaster for his glass of ice water.

“My mother would cluck her tongue and sigh every time she saw it. Never saying anything, but letting me know how I had messed up.”

“You’re still pretty bad about remembering,” she had teased and he chuckled softly in agreement. “How about I go make dinner and open that bottle of wine while you make a fire?” He had nodded and she went into the kitchen

He had cleaned out the fireplace, checking to make sure the flue was open, and then went to find some wood outside. It was not much, but enough for a small fire. He brought it inside, smelling garlic and onions, and his mouth watered.

As the fire began to build, she had walked into the room holding two plates of pasta tossed with garlic and parmesan cheese. She set it on the fireplace, rubbing his back as she walked back to the kitchen to get their glasses of wine. Kneeling down, she handed him his glass and set hers beside her plate.

“The fire feels nice. It’s surprisingly cold at night.”

“Not exactly a selling point for a vacation rental,” he had said, taking a sip of his wine.

“Not until you upgrade it a bit.” She had smiled at him and he nodded, but did not smile back. “You don’t want to do it?”

“I don’t want to think about it tonight.”

“Okay.”

“This is good,” he had said, taking a bite of the pasta. She smiled and ate her food as the fire crackled and warmed the room.

When their plates were empty, he had taken them into the kitchen and brought out the bottle of wine, refilling their glasses as they moved to the couch.

They had watched the fire, his head resting on the back of the couch, his fingers lightly caressing her shoulder. She looked at him and then she set her glass on the coffee table and turned to him. He had swallowed, setting his glass on the small table beside him.

She had leaned closer to him, a hand on his thigh. He cupped her cheek, her eyes closing as she sighed.

“Scully,” he had breathed. She opened her eyes and he shook his head slowly. “I…”

“Mulder,” she had whispered, moving until she was in his lap, her arms loose around his neck, fingers rubbing softly in his hair and down his neck. He held her waist, closing his eyes as her forehead rested against his, her breath smelling sweetly of wine.

“Scully… I… this-“

“I’m not asking or expecting anything from you,” she had whispered, kissing his temple as he sighed. Then his other temple, forehead, cheeks, and lips. Every kiss soft and tender.

He had kissed her back, his hands gripping her hips. Their kisses slow, their breath mingling, her tongue gently touching his, silently asking for permission.

He had pulled back, licking his lips, Breathing hard as their foreheads once more pressed together. Her fingers scratched softly at his neck as they sighed simultaneously.

“I’m sorry. I just… this house…”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she had whispered. “Not for anything.” He sighed again and she wrapped her arms around him, her face pressed into his neck. He held her tightly, his eyes closed, sighing with relief at her understanding.

She had pulled back, kissing him once more, before rising and taking their glasses into the kitchen. He sighed as he watched her go, hearing the water running as she washed the dishes. He scrubbed a hand down his face and stood to his feet.

Walking into the kitchen, he had rubbed her back and picked up a towel to dry the dishes, working together in silence. When the last plate was clean and had been put away, she bid him good night, rubbing his arm as she passed.

He had sighed as she left, walking back and sitting on the couch, staring at the slowly dying fire. As it went out, he had risen and used the bathroom before lying down in bed and staring into the darkness.

His door had opened quietly a few minutes later, the faint light from the living room lamp momentarily casting a soft flow across the bed. The door had closed and the room was once more dark.

The covers were lifted and the bed squeaked as Scully slid in beside him, snuggling close. He had let out a breath as he raised his arm and she lifted her head, lying on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist. She brought her leg up, resting her knee against his thigh and side softly.

“Was your bed not warm enough?” he had teased quietly and she hummed.

“No, this bed is much warmer.” He had hummed out a quiet chuckle and they fell silent, their breathing the only sound in the room.

He had shifted, turning onto his side and pulling her close, their forehead’s touching as they had done on the couch.

“There are bad memories here. Broken ones. Ones I… I’m not sure are real,” he whispered and she hummed as she stroked his face, her hands warm. “But, there are also good ones. Ones of games and laughter. My mother singing. Parties and music. My father telling some story and all the men laughing. I had my first taste of hard alcohol here.”

“Really?” she had whispered with a soft laugh.

“Not on purpose,” he chuckled, hooking a leg over hers and breathing in her scent. “I had been running around and grabbed what I believed was my cup and took a big drink of what I thought was water, but what was actually vodka.

“Oh!” She had laughed, her head falling back and they looked at one another in the darkness. “What happened?”

“I was sure my throat would burn forever, my stomach on fire, and then I gagged and threw most of it up onto the grass. One of the men thumped me on the back and laughed. I was so embarrassed to throw up in front of them, but Jesus Christ, it was the only option.”

“Hmm,” she had hummed, moving closer, her lips at his throat. “How old were you?”

“Eleven, nearly twelve,” he had said, his fingers running softly up and down her back.

“Maybe that’s why you don’t like it much.”

“Hmm. Could be.” He thought back to that day, the way his head had spun as his mother led him inside, Samantha crying and holding his hand.

“So, does that go in the good memory column or the bad one?”

“I’ll consider it both.”

“Hmm.” Quiet again, she moved even closer, kissing his throat and then sighing.

“Good night,” she had whispered, and he nodded, closing his eyes and kissing the top of her head.

“Good night.”

He had slept soundly, waking up spooning her, his nose buried in her hair.

As they ate breakfast, he had looked around, thinking about the possibility of remodeling the house and renting it out as a vacation home.

“It would take a lot,” he had said out loud and she frowned at him. “If I was to remodel it. This place is good, but… what would they find once they started working on it?”

“What are you saying?”

“We… I own the land surrounding here. Would it be better to tear it down? Start over from scratch?”

“Good question for a developer.”

“Yeah.” He had smiled and she gripped his hand. “I think I’ll call some people, see what they have to say.”

“I think it’s a good idea. I like it here.” She had smiled and he nodded. “Wouldn’t mind coming back.”

“That could be arranged.” He had leaned forward and kissed her softly, holding her chin with his thumb and index finger.

“I’d like that,” she whispered, kissing him once again. “Maybe when it’s a bit warmer out.” He chuckled and nodded again.

All personal items packed inside the trailer and the rooms cleaned, they had packed up their bags, taking out the trash and setting it in the back of the trailer to drop at a nearby dumpster as they left.

They never did go out there again. Not together anyway. He had, on his own, to meet with developers who suggested ways to improve the house. Things were moved out and he saw the beginning of the remodel before he had disappeared and was gone for nearly a year.

When he had returned, he’d had more time on his hands. Only once had he seen the place completed before never coming back. Life taking over and stopping him… them from coming out there again.

He had left it in the capable hands of a rental agency, the money from it deposited into a separate checking account created by the gunmen, and transferred over to his primary account only when needed.

Scully hummed in her sleep and he blinked his eyes, shaking his head as though clearing away the past. The audiobook was chapters ahead and he made no effort to go back to what he remembered, deciding starting it over would probably be for the best.

“Oh.” She stretched and he glanced at her with a smile. “Oh… I fell asleep. I’m so sorry.” She reached over and patted his arm as she glanced back at Faith. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep… oh my god, it’s 11:30?! How long was I sleeping?”

“I really don’t know.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.” He smiled at her and she reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m okay. I do need to pee though and we’ll need gas soon.”

“Yeah, I need to pee too.”

A quick stop at a gas station, they took turns using the bathroom, letting Bella out to relieve herself. He got them each a coffee and restarted the audiobook as they drove away. This time they both paid attention, laughing and discussing the story quietly.

Soon, they exited the interstate and drove down the road toward the house. He felt nervous and calm simultaneously as they pulled up and parked in the driveway.

“Wow,” Scully said, staring at the house in the shine of the headlights. “It’s different. I like it. It’s not as dark.”

“Light is always better,” he agreed, turning off the car and smiling at her.

“Absolutely.”

“You stay here, I’ll go open the house and turn on the lights.”

“I could do it”.

“Nah, I got it.” He kissed her and got out, closing the door quietly. Using the flashlight on his phone, he found the lock box, punched in the code and took out the key to unlock the door.

Walking inside, he took a deep breath, happy that the house was different, the changes allowing for better memories to be created. He shivered in the chilly room, intent on turning on the heater when they were all inside. He turned on some lights and went back outside.

Nodding at Scully as he opened the back passenger door, he let Bella out, holding onto her leash as he opened the back of the car.

“I’ll set up Faith’s bed real quick and we can lay her down,” he said softly and she nodded.

“Sounds good.”

He grabbed the portable crib, and the bag with the sheets and blankets, bringing them and Bella inside. He set up the crib in the guestroom and quickly made the bed, setting Faith’s favorite stuffed animal, the grey alien with a pink belly, in the corner.

Heading back outside, he saw that Scully was taking Faith from the car seat, shushing her when she began to cry. They walked inside while he unloaded the rest of the luggage, bringing it all inside.

He put their bags in the master bedroom and went to the kitchen to unload the food they had brought for the morning. It was mostly stuff for Faith, not taking any chances of being caught out with no food. They planned to make a trip in the morning to stock up for a few days.

He could hear Faith fussing and crying as Scully sang to her, shushing her softly. Once he was done, he called out to Bella, taking her out to pee one more time, giving her a treat when they came back inside.

It was quiet and he smiled tiredly as he searched for the thermostat, setting the heater to seventy to see how that temperature felt. He heard it kick on as the toilet flushed and Scully came out to join him a moment later.

“I like the house very much. It’s the same, but with some changes. And it’s brighter and happier.”

“It is,” he agreed, looking around the white walls, the dark wood paneling gone.

Taking her hand, they walked through the house, looking at all the changes. Some even he had not seen, twenty years being a long time between visits.

The furniture was all done in soft grays and blues. The coffee and side tables were dark oak, with bookshelves that matched. Games and puzzles filled one and random books filled the other.

The kitchen cupboards were steel blue, the countertops done in white marble. Different sized bowls set upon them, one now full of bananas and apples. A white rectangular table with a bench and two chairs sat in the corner, a vase of fake flowers in the middle.

A small laundry room with a stackable washer and dryer and a counter to fold clothes, was just off the kitchen. The side door lead to the wraparound front porch, though they did not venture further than a quick glance.

The floors throughout the house were a light wood, with colorful rugs of grays and blues upon them. The room where Mulder had nearly broken beyond repair, was now a cozy sitting room. Large windows with sheer drapes faced the water which would let in beautiful sunlight in the morning. A dark wicker basket of toys sat beside a red bookcase with children’s books and pictures of the surrounding area sitting upon it.

She turned to him and smiled, which he attempted to return, but failed. She came close and hugged him, holding on tightly. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to block out memories of the past.

“It looks beautiful,” she said quietly, pulling back to look at him. “Much better than before.” He nodded and smiled slightly. Let’s go to bed. It’s late and you know our girl won’t be sleeping in.”

He nodded again and followed her to the bedroom, turning off the lights and locking the doors along the way. Bella was asleep on her bed and paid them no mind as they passed.

As he laid down, Scully’s head on his chest, he let out a deep breath. “No more,” he whispered, stroking her hair. “No more darkness.”

“No,” she whispered back. “No more.” He kissed her head and closed his eyes. “Good night, Mulder.”

“Good night, love.”

_________________________

January 31st

The fire crackled and Bella stretched, letting out a deep sigh. Mulder smiled as he watched her, the fire warm, and no doubt she was exhausted.

They had spent the majority of the day outside in the snow, the depth of it more than he could have imagined, the storm blowing in and taking them by surprise. Bella had jumped and dove into it, coming up covered in the powder, her tongue lolling out happily.

Faith had been a little more hesitant, unsure what to think of it. Bundled up in many layers to ward off the cold, she had tripped once, her hands landing in the snow. She had shook them, trying to get the snow off of her mittens, but to no avail.

Scully had laughed as she bent down beside her, helping her wipe them off. When she had looked at him, picking Faith up, her blue eyes shining with happiness, he had never felt more in love with her.

Even as he was happy to be there with them, his light in the darkness, he had been unable to completely stop thinking of the past. The house being different helped immensely, but there were still spots within it which held some pain.

One of them, the loft where he and Samantha had slept when they were younger, had been a space he specifically asked the developers to turn into something different, though he did not have an actual idea of what he wanted.

What they had done was better than he could have imagined.

A skylight had been added when they put in a new roof and the dark loft was now a cozy reading nook with natural light spilling in. A small television sat in the corner, a VCR and DVD player on the shelf of the stand it sat upon. A storage bench ran the length of the low wall, colorful pillows in blues, grays, and muted greens brightening the space further.

Toys, blankets, and movies were inside of the bench. Two light turquoise bean bag chairs sat atop a striped rug of greens, blue, and tan. The railing had been changed, and now included a thin piece of plexiglass, keeping the view clear, while creating a safe space from little arms, legs, or heads from becoming stuck.

He had brought Faith up there, playing with and reading to her. She had loved the beanbag chairs, climbing on them and then giggling as they moved with her. She had also loved looking down and waving at Scully, calling for her to look up at her. Bella whined as she watched them, wanting to join them so badly.

Sitting in the little loft, the sunlight coming in through the skylight, he had felt his sadness lifting. Faith smiling at him and her laughter helped to replace the pain of the past with the happiness in the present.

“She’s exhausted, isn’t she?” Scully said, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked up and saw her smiling at Bella. “I don’t think I have ever seen her so still.” She smiled at him and he chuckled with a nod.

“It was a busy day.”

“Yes, it was.” She turned her head and looked out the window as he did the same, smiling at the snowman family they had made, now covered in even more snow.

Three different sized snow people were wearing extra hats and scarves from each of them. Faith’s was her height and she stared at it from all sides before she hugged it, surprised by the coldness on her cheek when she did. She touched her cheek and looked at him, her brow furrowed.

“Snow is cold, my love,” he had said, bending beside her, touching his cheek to the snow person and then placing his cheek on Faith’s. She had pulled back and touched her cheek again as he laughed, kissing her cold nose.

“May I join you?” Scully asked and he looked at her, confused.

“Of course, why would you… oh.” He chuckled as she joined him in the overstuffed chair in which he was sitting, her head on his shoulder, an arm around his waist, her legs on top of his.

“So by join, you meant sit on my lap, not in the chair beside me?” he asked, his fingers in her hair.

“What would be the fun of that?” she asked, letting out a deep sigh. He chuckled again, nodding and kissing her head.

The fire popped and Bella jumped, standing and staring at it before she stretched, yawned, and laid back down. They laughed quietly, her toes pressing into the seam of his jeans along his calf.

“You okay?” she asked quietly and his fingers paused for a second before running through her hair again.

“I am,” he answered with a slight nod. She lifted her head and pulled back to look at him, her eyes searching his own. He smiled as she touched his cheek and side.

“You’re sure?”

“Mm-hmm.”

She nodded and stroked his face, her fingernails scratching gently at the beard he had been growing for a few weeks. She took a deep breath and licked her lips.

“I like your beard like this,” she whispered and he fought back a smile.

Oh, he knew.

When he had started letting it grow, no longer wanting to shave every morning, she had made comments about his scratchy beard and ducked away as he attempted to rub his cheek against her neck.

But she would always giggle as he did it. He knew she did not really hate it.

When it had grown in, he had noticed the way that she touched it often, her fingertips scratching beneath it, her eyes dilating and her breathing increasing, sex inevitably occurring wherever they were at that moment.

Yeah… he knew.

But he would play it cool.

“You do, huh?” he asked, giving her a curious look.

“Hmm. I do. I didn’t in the past-”

“That was different,” he said quietly, leaning into her hand and staring into her eyes. “I was different. That was a depressed beard. It was ugly and unkempt, no care over how I looked. This is different.”

“I know,” she whispered, her hand stroking softly. “I like it. It’s sexy.”

“Sexy?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, locking his fingers together, and opening his legs enough to allow hers to slip in between.

“Mm-hmm. Very sexy.” She bit her bottom lip and he smiled.

“I think I may have noticed,” he admitted and she stared at him.

“I like it. Especially on my thighs.” His hands slipped as his body jerked and she grinned.

“Yeah?” he asked, clearing his throat.

“God, yes,” she breathed, her eyes closing. “It’s so stimulating, it makes me…” She shivered and he chuckled, causing her to open her eyes.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He smiled and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Always observant, you are.”

“When it comes to that, you bet I am.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, dropping her hand down to the button of his thermal shirt and fiddling with it. “How quickly can you put out the fire?”

“Which one?” he teased, unlocking his hands and placing one on her ass. She laughed and kissed him, her tongue stroking his as she shifted onto her knees, her hands on his face.

“This fire is close, but that one needs some attention. You take care of it and meet me in the bedroom.” She kissed him once more and climbed off of his lap, heading to the bedroom, lifting her sweater over her head on the way. “Hurry up or I’m starting without you.”

He jumped up and hurried to put out the fire with the ashes in the metal bucket beside the fireplace. Once he was sure it was out, he walked toward the bedroom, unbuttoning his pants and removing his layers of shirts.

She was on the bed, already naked, her knees bent. She was moaning quietly and he saw she was squeezing her breasts. His clothes dropping to the floor, he tugged at her feet, pulling her legs apart as he climbed onto the bed. He kissed his way up her legs, heading toward his goal. He rubbed his beard against her thighs, one then the other, and she arched her back, his name said breathlessly.

Closer to her center, he breathed deeply, smelling her arousal. He kissed her pubis and she whimpered, her legs tightening around him. Rubbing his chin on her inner thighs, she cried out, grabbing his head and gripping his hair.

“Mulder,” she gasped and he smiled.

“Yes?” he asked, kissing her pubis again, rubbing his face across it back-and-forth. She pulled his hair and he chuckled, raising his head to look at her.

“You’re a shit,” she said, her chest heaving.

“You said you were close and I can tell you are. Nothing wrong with showing some restraint and prolonging that pleasure.”

“Fuck that,” she said through gritted teeth, attempting to push his head where she most wanted it, but he stopped her.

Pushing up, he rubbed his face on her stomach, feeling it quiver as he kept moving up her body, kissing and rubbing his beard against your skin. He reached her breasts and ran his lips across her nipples, then his beard, her legs gripping even tighter as she whimpered.

“Jesus, Mulder. You keep that up, I’m going to come.”

“Is that a complaint?” he asked, knowing the way in which she truly wanted to get there.

“No. Not at ohhh, at all.” She moaned as he came up, nuzzling at her neck and her lips. “Kiss me.” He lifted his head and kissed her lips, her tongue running across his teeth, the kiss hot and needy.

He pulled back and resumed his nuzzling at her neck, back tracking down the path he had taken up her body. He paused at her stomach, enjoying the way it quivered under his touch.

“You’ve known all this time?” she asked quietly, her breath coming out heavy through her nose.

“Of course I have,” he responded, his tongue running from her navel to the top of her pubis. “As if I could not notice.”

He moved, opening her legs and rubbing his beard against her inner thighs once more, her fingernails scratching at his scalp. Her arousal was more evident now and he breathed in her intoxicating scent.

“Mulder, please…”  she begged.

And he did, taking his time, making sure she got there.

Twice.  

_____________________

The next few days, the snow sticking around, they went for long walks, Bella rolling and sliding in the snow. They went close to the water, throwing sticks in and watching them float away. There were plastic sleds in a small shed out back and they made a small hill, packing down some snow, to let Faith slide down, Mulder catching her at the bottom. Her happy laughter echoed around them, Scully smiling from the top of the little hill, as they trudged back up to do it all again.

They went into the little town, walking along the streets, looking in the windows and stopping in a few places that remained open, masks on and keeping their distance.

In one shop, Mulder found a little pop-up playhouse shaped like a toad stool. It was red with white polka dots on top and a squat round bottom with a curved door and circular windows on the sides. Deciding to keep it for a couple of days, as Valentine’s Day was approaching, though Scully stated it was a rather silly day.

“As though people need a specific day set aside to express their love,” she had said as they walked out of the store, the playhouse in a bag.

“Scully,” he had started to say and she interrupted him.

“I don’t mean that a gift or flowers isn’t nice, but couldn’t someone do that on February nineteenth just as well as the fourteenth? It will cost less on that day which means you could buy even more.” She had shrugged and he smiled, pulling her into his arms and lifting her off the ground.

“I love you,” he had whispered and she laughed.

“See? A few days early even. And that’s all I need.” She had pulled her mask down and kissed him before he set her down and they continued on their way.

The afternoon before Valentine’s Day, after discovering the box of pasta they had planned to eat for dinner that night had not made it home, Mulder had volunteered to go back to the store to get it. Scully insisted they could eat something else that night, as they had just purchased another week's worth of groceries, but he insisted more and with a kiss to her and Faith, he left.

He had an ulterior motive for going, one he did not want her to know about just yet.

While they had been out earlier, he had seen something in a florist shop he wanted to buy for her. It was simple, but it had made him smile when he saw it and he knew he needed to buy it.

Stopping quickly at the store, he bought a bag of Valentine’s chocolate kisses before he picked up the pasta. He drove to the florist shop and went inside, smiling as he saw what he had wanted was still there.

It was a wooden stand with two small glass nearly heart shaped test tube vases, hanging from a metal pronged holder. At the base of the stand was a wooden heart with the word Love written upon it. It was perfect in its simplicity, exactly the kind of gift he knew she would enjoy.

“Those are quite popular, I only have those two left.” He turned and the florist nodded her head at them. “You better grab it while you can.”

“I saw these when we walked by earlier and I had to come back when it was more covert.”

“Understood,” she laughed and pointed to the stands. He nodded and she picked one up with gloved hands and he followed her to the register.

“Do you have any violets? Just a few to set inside the vases?”

“As it happens, I cut some for a bouquet this morning, I always save the extras. Never know when they will come in handy. I’ll get them for you.” He nodded as she walked away, glancing at his watch and seeing he still had time before he began to draw suspicion.

“Here we are, I’ve tied a small bunch together and you can distribute them between the two vases when you get home.”

“Thank you.”

She wrapped the vases and the stand and placed it in a brown gift bag, tied with twine. The flowers were wrapped and he asked for a heart balloon as well- for Faith. She nodded and filled a shiny pink mylar heart with helium.

Paying for it and getting into the car, he smiled at the balloon dancing on the front seat. Such a small thing, but he knew Faith would love it. He could not wait to see her happy smile.

As he got onto the main highway, the street was packed with cars. An ambulance drove past him and he took a deep breath. Most likely an accident and traffic would be backed up for a while. He put the car in park and took out his phone, texting Scully to let her know what was happening.

Take your time. Get home safely. ❤️

He smiled at the heart and put his phone in the cup holder. Turning the heater up a bit, he then turned the volume up on the radio and leaned his head back on the headrest.

A song began to play, a soft strum of a guitar and he was immediately pulled in, as he closed his eyes.

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have

His eyes flew open and he sat up straight, listening intently to the next part of the song.

She always has trouble Falling asleep And she likes to cuddle While under the sheets She loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things

She loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting A good compliment She loves her whole family And all of her friends So if you're the one she lets in

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her like that

“Pull to the right. We will be detouring you. Pull to the right. You will be detoured.” A voice said over a speaker and Mulder jumped, looking to his right. A police suburban drove by, lights flashing but no siren.

He turned the car on, missing the rest of the song as he concentrated on following the detour. The words remained in his head however, his thoughts of Scully and how it sounded as though the song had been written especially about them.

Pulling into the driveway a few minutes later, he turned the car off and picked up his phone, searching for the song with the words he remembered hearing.

He found it on the second search, listening to its entirety before purchasing it with a smile. Moving the gifts to the back of the car to bring in later when Scully was busy with something else, he grabbed the pasta and walked inside, a plan for tomorrow beginning to formulate. ______________________

February 14th

“Oh! So pretty!” Faith exclaimed as she stood in front of the toadstool playhouse and clapped her hands happily. She ran inside and squealed when she saw the pink balloon floating inside. “Heart. Pink heart. So pretty.”

They both bent down and watched her exploring, looking out the windows and calling out hello. Mulder unrolled the door and she popped out from behind it shouting boo! and running to him. He caught her and fell back, feigning fear. She laughed and ran back to scare him again.

“I’ll go get breakfast started,” Scully said with a smile, rising from her knees beside the playhouse.

“No wait!” he called out and stood quickly to his feet. “I uh… I can do it.”

“You’re playing with Faith. I don’t want to disturb the fun.” She smiled anew and started to walk to the kitchen when he stopped her again. “What are you doing?”

“Just… I…” He sighed heavily and shook his head. “We said Valentine’s Day wasn’t important, but… I got you something and it’s set up in the kitchen.” He sighed again and she smiled slowly, licking her lips and rolling her eyes as she shook her head.

“Well then, I’m just as guilty.”

“What?”

“I said it wasn’t important, that it was just a day, but… I got you something too.”

“Whoa, I’m having a crazy feeling of deja vu,” he murmured, thinking about a Christmas morning, opening gifts together in his apartment. She laughed, which ended with a sigh, her shoulders lifting in a shrug and a shake of her head.

“Together?” he asked and she nodded, reaching for his hand.

“Together.”

He scooped up Faith, wanting her to share in the festivities and they walked into the kitchen, his eyes on Scully to see her reaction.

“Oh! Hearts!” Faith shouted and he chuckled, glancing at her before looking back at Scully.

She shook her head with a smile, letting go of his hand to look at the numerous cutout hearts hanging and spinning slowly from the ceiling, some single and some intertwined. They were all made from white notebook paper, the house not exactly full of crafting materials.

“When did you do this?” she asked and he smiled.

“Last night after you fell asleep. You are a heavy sleeper sometimes, as you know.” He set Faith in her high chair attached to the kitchen chair, buckling her in as Scully came to stand beside them.

“Mulder, this is so beautiful. And violets…” she said, touching the flowers in the vases, rubbing his back as she did. “Thank you, love.” She kissed him and he smiled as she pulled back.

“You’re welcome. Check out the counter.”

She turned around and laughed as she walked to the counter and saw the heart shape he had made from the chocolate kisses.

“You and the kisses,” she teased, and he knew she was remembering years ago when he had left the chocolate kisses in and with various people at the hospital, letting her know it had been him doing it only when she had arrived at home.

“Chocolate kisses are sweet,” he responded and she laughed softly, foregoing the candy, and coming close to kiss him again.

“Dada. Na-na, please.”

“Of course, my love. I’m so sorry.” He took a banana from the bowl and peeled it, cutting it into pieces and placing it in a bowl. He gave it to her with a small fork and kissed the top of her head. “That should buy us a few minutes.”

“Right, let me get your-”

“Did you see what was on the hearts?” he asked, stopping her from getting his gift. She looked up at the hearts and then back at him. “Oh right, they’re up quite high. Let me help you reach them.”

“You’d better watch it,” she said, reaching up, but he was ahead of her and he cut the twine with some scissors, a single heart fluttering into her hands.

“Stubborn,” she read and looked at him, with her eyebrows raised.

“Oh… whoops. That wasn’t supposed to be the first one. Let’s try this one.” He cut down another single heart and she caught it.

“Empathy. That’s much better.” She gave him a look and walked to the next single heart, waiting to catch it. He grinned as he snipped the twine and once again she caught it.

Five more hearts were released from the twine, and when she had them all, she laid them on the counter.

“Intelligence. Empathy. Compassion. Beauty. Stubborn. Understanding. Loving. Sexy.” She looked at him with a grin and he raised a fist.

“Nailed it. First time truly celebrating in a loooooong time and I hit it outta the park.” He danced around, Faith laughing as she watched him, bananas squished in her hands and on her face.

“Yes, you did good. Now it’s my turn.”

“Bring it on, honey.”

“Dada, milk please.”

“I’ll get it,” Scully said, opening the fridge quickly and taking out her cup of milk.

She handed it to Faith and kissed her head, before opening the pantry and taking out a gift wrapped in pink paper with anatomically correct red hearts. He laughed as she handed it to him and she smiled.

“Gotta have some authenticity to it,” she stated with a shrug. He nodded and carefully unwrapped the box.

Lifting the lid and then the tissue paper, he drew in a breath. Looking up at her, she smiled softly and he shook his head as he looked back at the gift she had given him.

It was a collage of pictures held within a frame, in the center of which was a drawing of a grinning heart overflowing with other smiling hearts. Underneath was written, My heart is happy.

Every picture was from their visit. A picture of the house on its own. Him and Faith in the loft reading a book. Faith mid sled, him smiling happily with his arms out wide to catch her, the house in the background. One of them all by the fire, a squishy selfie they liked to call it. Another selfie in the snow, all of them red cheeked and grinning. Down by the water, him showing Faith how to throw sticks. Bella jumping out of the snow as Faith laughed. The snow family. Him and Faith asleep on the couch, her laying on his chest.

“I wanted you to see. To see the happiness I’ve seen in you,” Scully said quietly and he nodded, looking up at her with a lump in his throat, understanding the many layers to the gift.

“Thank you,” he said hoarsely. She grasped his forearm as he let out a deep breath, looking at the pictures again.

So much thought had gone into the choice of pictures, always showcasing the house and how happiness had outweighed the sadness previously held inside the walls.

“The best thing that you’ll ever have,” he whispered, shaking his head with a sigh.

“What?” Scully asked and he looked at her with a smile, setting down the frame and picking up his phone from where it was charging on the counter.

“I heard this yesterday and I…” He queued up the song and set the phone down, reaching for her hand and pushing play. “I swear it was written for us.” He watched her face as the first chords of the song began.

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have

He smiled and she scrunched her chin, her eyes shining. He took her other hand and pulled her close as they began to sway slowly.

She always has trouble Falling asleep And she likes to cuddle While under the sheets She loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things

He felt her chuckle and he held her tighter.

She loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting A good compliment She loves her whole family And all of her friends So if you're the one she lets in

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her like that

So many thoughts and moments in their lives flashed in his mind. He heard her sniffling and he knew she was thinking of them as well.

Kiss her with passion As much as you can Run your hands through her hair Whenever she's sad And when she doesn't notice How pretty she is Tell her over and over So she never forgets

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her like that

He pulled back and stared at her, cupping her face and rubbing his thumb across her cheek, as the song continued, speaking without saying a word. She shook her head and took a deep breath, closing her eyes and laying her head on his chest as the last lines of the song began to play.

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her like that

As it ended, they remained swaying in each other’s arms, his arms holding her tightly.

“Mama. Dada. More food. Na-na all gone.” They both laughed, the private bubble they had been in popped, as reality came calling.

“More food?” he asked, pulling back from Scully, rubbing her arms as he did. “Did you make banana art today, or actually eat most of it?” Faith grinned at him and he shook his head at the mess she always made.

“Time for pancakes, I think,” Scully said, taking the premade bowl of batter from the fridge.

“Faithy look! It’s pink! Pink pancakes!”

“Yay! Pink pa-cakes!”

The heart kisses were moved into a bowl, Mulder opening one and offering it to Scully, who took it with happiness shining in her eyes. He found a Valentine’s Day playlist on his music app and they sang along and danced as they worked together to make breakfast.  

“You’re simply the best!” he sang into the spatula as he flipped the pink pancakes. “Better than alllllll the rest!” Scully laughed and Faith wiggled in her high chair.

Sitting down to eggs and pink heart shaped pancakes, Scully having purchased a heart cookie cutter at the store unbeknownst to him, they smiled at each other, toasting a successful Valentine’s Day.

As they ate, he glanced at the gift Scully had given him and looked around the kitchen, at the changes made for the better, and he made a decision.

“I’ll call Brian tomorrow, see if we can’t figure something out to keep this place as a rental. See if he has any suggestions for what we could do. I… I’m not quite ready to let it go just yet.” Scully smiled slowly and reached for his hand.

“I think that’s a great idea. I wouldn’t mind coming back.”

“I think that could be arranged,” he said, his words from years ago, holding more weight. A promise he intended to fulfill.

“Maybe when it’s warmer though. Perhaps when there is a little less snow.”

He laughed and nodded, imagining coming there in the summer, and the many activities they could do in the warmer weather.

“Yes, we’ll definitely have to come back when it’s warmer.”

“I’d like that,” she said and he nodded.  

“Me too.”

And he meant it.

____________________________________________

The song in this story is If You Love Her by Forest Blakk. I heard it and knew I had to include it in a story somehow. It’s such an MSR song.  

My friend who asked for the story makes MSR videos and asked if there was a song I would like her to use. I told her THIS song and she created an amazing video. I’ve included the link and you should all go check it out. It is simply beautiful. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEoHZiRNrGM

[piratelynlyn]

It’s comfy, Grif! And it was probably on the floor!

For the ‘Mistaken Identity’ square for @rvbficwars

( sorry the preview images are blurry. I can’t fix it. \o/ )

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

BITCH YOU’RE BASICALLY AT 300 FOLLOWERS! SO GIMME PART 2 TO THAT PHILLIP ALTMAN BLURB YOU WROTE FOR ME YOU BEAUTIFUL BITCH!💖💖💖💖💖

A/N: BITCH I AM SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO PUT THIS OUT. I HOPE YOUR WHORE ASS LOVES IT @historyandfandoms50

Warnings: obscene amounts of marital bliss and fluff, pussy eating, mentions of a blow job, domestic love, appliance fucking (if that’s even a thing), large amounts of smut, slight degrading language (only once or twice), nipple play, slight pain play

(Present time)

“Holy fuuu-cccc-kkiinggg shittttt, honey!” Crying out on top of the brand new washer and dryer combo you and Phillip just had delivered not even an hour ago. 

“Yeah babe?” he thrust his twitching cock into your squelching pussy, “you like it when I fuck you on our new shit?” 

You let out a sinful moan as the warmth from the heated dry cycle added to your already overstimulated senses, “God yes Phil, honey, I love it when you fuck me on things!” 

(A few hours earlier)

It was a lazy Sunday morning, you both had woken up the average way, Phillip nose deep in your wet pussy, licking kitten stripes to disturb your dreams. It was his favorite meal of the day, as he called it, tasting your wetness built up from the almost eight hours since he’d fucked you the night before. His cock weeping at its head from the no contact for that long as well. He got his fill as you unraveled around him within minutes of his assault on your throbbing hole, looking up at your blissed-out face. His goatee and mustache glazed like a donut, licking your sweet juices from it like a salve. 

After a well-placed blowjob to rid him of his morning wood, you both had fully gotten out of bed and went along with your day. He made a pot of coffee downstairs, while you showered and did your Sunday self-care routine. Slipping on your favorite leggings and t-shirt combo, you gathered all the dirty clothes from the week, placing them in the hamper after they had been sorted. You both were excited to finally have a washer and dryer in your house instead of dragging your clothes to the dry cleaners. The delivery would be here any minute and you wanted your laundry to be ready the second it was hooked up. You made the bed, fluffed the pillows, and headed downstairs with the hampers to drop them off in the mudroom before heading to the kitchen. 

Upon descending the flight, the smell of fresh brewed coffee and omelets filled the air, causing your eyes to roll back into your head. Your husband despite all of the behaviors he exhibited outside your shared home, had the best domestic side to him. He cooked, cleaned, and took care of you every second he could do so. He doted on you every chance he got to, bringing home your favorite flowers, bottles of expensive wines, exquisite lingerie, and sweets when he found your favorite vices. You were spoiled rotten by him, and of course, you treated him the same way. The love you both had for each other exceeded any kind of love you had been familiar with in the past. He was by all accounts the perfect match for you and you, to him, were his whole world and nothing more. Friends and family even saw the affections when you were around him, and they made every single point to be supportive and sometimes jealous at the sappy love you two had shared. 

You and he didn’t want to have it any other way though. He was your best friend by all accounts, and you would be satisfied if he was the only person you interacted with for the rest of your life. 

You walked into the kitchen after dropping loads of laundry off by the space for the new appliances and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. 

“Hey babe,” he turned around, shirtless and in joggers, sipping some coffee himself, and turning an omelet over in a pan on the cooktop. 

You walked over after filling your cup and ran a hand up his enormous back, caressing the moles and freckles spotted all over the expanse of it, “hi honey,” you sang while lifting yourself on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He moved his face upon feeling your soft touch and wrapped his arm around to kiss you properly, only breaking when the eggs started to bubble. 

“Breakfast is ready, and I got a text that the truck will be here any second with the set,” he smiled into your puckered lips again, causing you to moan out in excitement. 

“Can’t wait,” you whispered, moving your hands to wrap around his thick middle, gripping the skin a little tighter than previous. 

“Oh babe,” he cooed, “is my little wife still not over what happened this morning?” he teased putting the spatula down and flipping the stovetop off bringing his large hands to grip your ass cheeks. 

“I just love you, so much honey,” you smiled running your hands up to his chest, leaving light nail marks on his tits. 

“I. Love. You. Too. Babe.” he punctuated on every kiss he left around your lips, cupping your heat in his palm. Just as things were about to get steamy, the doorbell chimed. 

(Just before the MAGIC)

“Thanks, guys!” Phillip waved off the installers while you immediately filled your new machine with the dirty darks you’d been saving. 

Flipping the unit on, you watched the majesty of your very own washer working to clean your garments, almost bawling at the thought of never seeing a coin-op machine again. 

“You like it, babe?” Phillip stood in the doorway of the laundry room, leaning to one side of it, admiring your curves as you bent down to grab the other hamper with the whites in it, easing up and setting it on the bench next to the dryer. 

Turning around glassy-eyed, you jumped into your handsome husband’s arms, “h-holy shit, Y/N!” 

“I love them, honey,” you almost sobbed into his naked neck, as he tightened his grip on your waist, causing your legs to choke his middle. 

“I’m so glad babe,” he pet your damp hair, moving it out of the way so he could pepper your perfect neck with kisses. 

His soft lips sent a shiver down your spine, causing a whimper to spill out of your mouth. He took that as a sign and began sucking perfect welts along the length of it, the colors growing darker and darker the more he trailed downward. 

“God I love it when you whine like that,” he growled into your ear, biting the delicate flesh, causing you to look up from your hiding spot. You enveloped his swollen lips in a searing kiss, his hands gripping your ass once again as your arms fell behind his head, tangling your digits in his hair. 

He moved to set you on top of the new dryer, letting go of your cheeks and moving up to your perky tits hidden behind your t-shirt. You had forgone a bra for the day, so the access was simple. He snuck his large hands around each tit, twisting your nipples in his rough fingers, causing you to cry out again. 

“Fuck, Phil,” you gasped as he pinched your hardening buds, “I need you, honey.” 

“Oh ya?” he smirked, kissing your clothed tits, taking in your scent, “you need me to do what baby?” 

He twisted them again, this time with a little more fervor, “O-oh fuck-k!” you wailed out. 

“Use your words honey, or I’ll leave you alone,” he taunted at your pained face pleading for him. 

“I-I need y-you to fuck m-me,” you said with tears streaming down your face. 

He hushed you, rubbing the wetness away, coming in between your legs to rub his hardened cock on your clothed pussy. 

“Take your pants off love, or I’ll rip them off,” as he turned the dial on the dryer, to a cycle. 

You squirmed your leggings off, baring your nude and throbbing cunt to his eager eyes, “so wet for me, baby,” licking his lips as he turned the machine on. 

The vibrations from the dryer sending shockwaves through your aching clit, you set yourself back on your elbows, exposing more of your mound to your husband’s eyes. He pulled his pants down, palming his angry cock and lining it up with your entrance. 

He grabbed both sides of your hips, sinking his dick into your wetness, the both of you collectively moaning in complete pleasure. He held himself still, admiring your writhing around from his dick pulsing inside you and the vibration from the dryer underneath. You looked utterly delicious, and his hunger to make you come spurred him into a frenzied series of animalistic thrusts. 

(Back to present time)

Balls slapping up against your little asshole, your elbows propped burning from the sensation of rubbing against the top of the dryer, you scooted yourself forward removing your top as he adjusted his angle to fit your needs. Your bouncing tits at his eye level, he took one in his mouth sucking as hard as he could. Your hands weaving into his head in a death grip as he mercilessly fucked you for all he had. 

“G-god baby,” he stammered, “I’m s-so f-fucking c-close.” 

“Fuck-k b-babe,” you moaned out over the many noises, “s-so am I.” 

His hand moved from your tit to your aching clit, rubbing his thumb in tight circles over it. Your pussy tightening around his cock as he sent you into a blissful orgasm. 

“Jesus fuckin’ C-Christ honey,” you cried out, milking your sweet nectar on his pulsing cock. He thrust in and out a few more times, the overstimulation from your hole throbbing around his member sending him into his release too. 

“God, babe,” he growled out coating your insides with his seed, “You are so fuckin’... beautiful,” he whined out on the final release of his remaining spend. 

Just then, the dryer alarm rang, signaling the end of the cycle he’d set. You both looked up connected still and looking utterly fucked, and laughed out loud. 

“Well,” you patted his back, “at least now we know how long we have until the dry cycle is over!” 

He chuckled, helping you down from the machine, and handing you your leggings, “indeed we do honey.” 

He swatted your bare ass bent over looping your feet through the legholes, to which you stood at attention and smacked his bare chest. He put his hands in the air if he hadn’t touched you ever, and you rushed into his body in a bear hug, or a ‘baby bear hug’ as he liked to call it. 

“I love you,” you kissed into his little tuft of hair on his sternum. 

“I love you most,” he snaked his arms around you, kissing your head and rubbing your back. You both left the mudroom, changing the laundry as the day went by. 

Now, the new tradition you had both agreed on was every new big thing bought for the house had to be ‘christened’, making buying things a little more fun in the future. 

You fell asleep that night curled up in Phillip’s embrace, stroking his every feature on his sweet face as he was lulled off by your presence. All you could do was smile and think about which shiny new thing you all were desperate for next. You’d ponder it more when you didn’t feel so tired from gazing at your sleeping husband. The last thing you saw was his precious freckles fade into your memories as you drifted off. 

_____________

PHILLIP FUCKING US ON ANYTHING IS HOT AS FUCK LIKE NO CAP. I REALLY HOPE THIS TICKLED YOUR PICKLE BABE. 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads 

[sailorbellewrites]

Jawbreaker

characters — taehyung x reader (aka kiddo) (ft. members of bts)

summary — taehyung thinks dating you is easy and it is, until it isn’t. then he doesn’t know what to do.

wordcount — 8.3k 

information — one shot. fluff. femme reader. character inspired by megan thee stallion, cardi b, and lil’ kim. direct sequel to more than you can chew. makes references to no limit. part of the baking news au. 

warnings — strong language. mean & aggressive characters. casual mentions of sex and sexual behavior (but no smut because i’m shy). light angst. excessive mentions of the color pink. vague mentions of other celebrities and influencers. 

author’s note — i meant to post this months ago, but it just didn’t want to get written. it was actually meant to be attached to more than you can chew, but it just would have been a beast of a story. i actually rewrote this part roughly three times and i am sure there are still some editing mistakes. i’m so sorry for the long wait. i’m not very happy with the final product. i promise the next story will be better. 

jawbreaker —

Taehyung really likes you.

It’s not a secret. Everyone knows it. He would shout it from the rooftops if you let him—though you would never let him do such a thing. You were certainly the cooler head when it came to relationship intensity, knowing that if Taehyung had his way, you would be married already. “Oh my god, it’s only been five months,” you once told him in response to a picture of an engagement ring he had saved on his phone. It was a typical Tuesday night date, taking place in your studio as you fiddled with the hook of a track technically meant for Hoseok. “Calm down, lover boy.”

“It’s been almost six months and I just asked if you liked it,” he had replied with a small pout, pulling your chair away from your monitor and closer to where he was sitting on the loveseat. “Isn’t it good for me to know what you like?”

“We’re not there yet,” you replied simply, shaking your head at the way he rolled his eyes at you, as though you were the one being ridiculous.

“I might as well know everything now, so I don’t mess up later. Right?” He questioned, grabbing your left hand in his and fiddling with your ring finger. 

“If we make it that far,” you muttered, laughing lightly when he pinches you for your words.

“Answer the question. Do you like it?”

“Hmm…” you hum out, a small smirk settling on your face. “I think you can do better.”

Taehyung thinks he’s in love with you.

That is a secret. No one knows it. He would shout it from the rooftops if he were sure about it—sure that you would reciprocate his feelings, sure that you loved him back; but he’s not too sure. You were almost too cool when it came to the relationship, never going above and beyond the most basic of expectations. You answered every text, showed up to every date on time, and referred to him as “the boyfriend” on a few of your Instagram posts not related to music, but that was about it. And yes, his boss Seokjin had told him that you were putting in more than enough effort for a relatively new relationship, but Taehyung still found himself craving for more.

“But what more could she give you?” Seokjin asks during closing one night, his own soon-to-be fianceé (if everything went according to plan) mopping up the front of the bakery. Seokjin flips chairs on the top of tables, while Taehyung wipes down the now empty display racks. It’s a team effort that allows Taehyung to leave earlier, something he is always grateful for because he can spend more time with you. “Like do you want her to write a song about you?”

“I mean, yes.”

“You’re insane.”

“Just something, you know? Something more than studio dates and donuts. I feel like that’s all we ever do. What do you think, Noona? Am I asking for too much?” Taehyung questions, directing his words to the older woman up front. 

She stops her mopping and shrugs, leaning against a wall as she mulls over her answer. Her eyes go towards Seokjin as finally states, “I’d have to agree with Jin. But we have half of our dates in the kitchen after hours, so maybe we’re the wrong people to ask.” Taehyung sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “If you’re not feeling satisfied, though, you should just talk to her about it. You know what they say, communication is key.”

“I don’t know how she would feel about that,” he replies, imagining just how easy it would be for you to misunderstand him or write him off as needy—though he didn’t exactly think being needy for you was a problem. 

“Aww, don’t be like that. You never know what she might say. She could surprise you.”

At this time, Seokjin flips the last chair on top of its table and moves toward his girlfriend with a cheesy grin. “Wow, what is this mess? You call this mopping? Have you ever mopped before? Have you ever held a mop before? If you needed help from a master cleaner like me, you could have just asked sweetheart,” he teases, grabbing the mop from her hand and pressing a sloppy kiss to her forehead.

His girlfriend cringes away from the kiss for a moment, but ends up leaning into the man nonetheless as she whispers, “You get what you pay for.”

He scoffs. “I don’t pay you.”

“Exactly,” she replies smugly, hand going up to pick dried frosting off of her boyfriend’s collar. Seokjin lets out a choked laugh, arm slipping around her shoulders and pressing her into a too tight hug. She pretends to struggle against him for a bit, before eventually wrapping both her arms around his waist and squeezing just as tightly.

Taehyung watches the silly display of affection with wide eyes, warmth flooding into his heart. The two people in front of him were so clearly in love that he couldn’t help but feel it too. It was plain as day. This behavior wasn’t something he was often able to do with you though. Taehyung understands well that no matter what he did or said to you, your responses would always be carefully calculated. He respects how methodical you are in the way you carry yourself, as though you are afraid something could go wrong at any moment. He knows it’s not easy, which is why his admiration for your handling of relationships in a notoriously cut throat industry grew almost everyday. 

Yes, Taehyung knows he loves you. 

Yet, as he watches the way Seokjin and his girlfriend begin to playfully fight over the mop, an intense love in their eyes, Taehyung finds himself wishing that you would let go and love him too. 

.

.

People don’t always believe that you’re a rapper. They tend to assume that you’re Hoseok’s girlfriend or a groupie when they meet you, failing to make the connection that you’re the infamous Kiddo until they see you on stage. You know why, of course. You’re the only woman in your crew, you’re nowhere near as popular as the other guys, and you don’t dress like a rapper. Or at least, that’s what Yoongi told you one night as you shared a cigarette behind the bar after a performance. 

“It’s the biggest thing holding you back,” he mumbled, the cigarette between his lips looking like it would slip out at any moment. You knew it wouldn’t, but you still eyed it carefully just in case. Attempting to quit had made you hyperaware of its presence, but you knew Yoongi wouldn’t let it drop. He was always so in control—one of many things about him that you envied. “You look like you’re ready to fuck at the drop of a dime.”

“Maybe I am,” you had grumbled back, eyes still on the cigarette. His words were trying your patience, though you didn’t know if your irritation was caused by their truthfulness or your desire to smoke. “Do you have a problem? Cause I can solve it for you.” 

“I don’t care if you dress like a whore,” he snapped at you. “Goddamn, you’re being a bitch tonight. Here, take this!” He snatched his half smoked cigarette out of his own mouth in annoyance, shoving it at you. You accepted it happily, choosing to ignore his insults in favor of savoring in your relapse.

You had long ago realized that most of the men around you would never understand how you dressed. The clothes you wore for performances and photoshoots were provocative to say the least. Vibrantly colored lingerie, leather, lace, and heels most others would deem too tall for comfort littered your closet. Your hair was always meticulously styled and your nails were always done in extravagant fashion. You made sure that your outfits highlighted as much of your body as possible, keeping all eyes on you. It was a far cry from the hoodies and occasional leather jackets sported by your friends, but you didn’t care. Your clothes made you feel powerful. The image you had constructed and thoroughly maintained worked to push your career further, making you stand out in the sea of sameness that had become common for the rappers around you. But those in your circle never see it that way.

Taehyung does, though. Taehyung watches with rapt attention as you show him the new pieces you buy, listening carefully as you explain why certain tops have to be paired with certain bottoms for maximum effect. He wordlessly takes pictures of you with various filters and backgrounds, never complaining when you ask him to take more because you don’t think they are good enough. He doesn’t tease you when you get cold from the lack of fabric, nor does he yell at you when you have unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions like the guys. Instead, he offers you his sweaters or quickly adjusts your clothes before you can even notice the problems. Taehyung knows just how important your image is to you.

Or at least, you thought he did.

“What?” You question, tone edging on impatient as his reflection continues to stare you down in the mirror. You refuse to turn around and face him physically, trying to keep your focus on the highlight you’re attempting to apply in the inner corner of your eye without poking yourself. The tension in your small bathroom is suffocating, but you don’t want to act on it. An argument is the last thing you need. 

“I always watch you do your makeup,” Taehyung answers robotically, eyes still on you.

“Yeah, but—”

“But?” He cuts you off, making you pause your motions in shock. He’s angry and you don’t know why. It puts you both in unfamiliar territory. While Taehyung has seen you angry a million and one times over small things relating to music, venues, promoters, and fans, you cannot say the same for him. The angriest he had ever gotten in front of you came when he suddenly had to pick up extra shifts at the bakery because a coworker had caused a car accident and that moment was nothing like this. 

“Can you just stop fucking looking at me like that? I’m trying to concentrate.” 

He lets out a tense laugh of disbelief at your words before exiting your bathroom and moving to sit on the small couch in your living room. He’s not surprised to find you following him less than a minute later—you were never one to back down from a fight and you both were in the beginning stages of one. When you position yourself directly in front of him, he drops his head to hands and averts his eyes to the floor in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. 

“What crawled up your ass and died tonight?” You ask.

“Go finish your makeup,” he requests quietly, words stilted as he refuses to look up at you.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothi—”

 “It’s not nothing. Don’t lie to me. You can’t even look at me right now.”

Taehyung’s head shoots up at your words, jaw clenching as he realizes his efforts to stay calm were futile because he can’t look at you without feeling another wave of anger crash over him. “Your outfit,” he bites out.

“My outfit?” You parrot back to him in sarcastic disbelief. “You’re staring at me like I fucked your best friend and murdered your mom over… an outfit?”

“You might as well have,” he mumbles under his breath, before stating a bit louder, “It’s lingerie.” 

He says it as though it’s obvious, but it’s not to you. “I-I… a-are you serious?” You stutter out, mind still trying to process his words. Taehyung doesn’t verbally respond, choosing to move his eyes back to the floor instead. You wrack your brain for the right thing to say, because what you actually want to say would likely lead to a breakup and you absolutely don’t want that to happen. You feel as though you’ve been transported into a particularly cruel episode of The Twilight Zone, where you watch your perfect boyfriend turn into one of your evil exes right before your eyes. “I… I wear lingerie for shows all the time. You’ve never had a problem before this. Hell, this covers more of me than what I was wearing earlier today. You didn’t seem to mind then.”

“It’s different.”

“How?” You shout out, frustration evident in your tone. 

“You wore that for me a month ago,” he replies, looking up at you incredulously. His blood began to boil the moment you opened your apartment door, immediately realizing that you had planned to perform in the black lace set. You were even wearing the same black and gold heels with it. He knew for a fact that you bought the lingerie for him, a slightly belated birthday present given to him in your studio. You made him cum as many times as it took to get tears running down his face, then took him to your place and cooked him his favorite food for dinner. He almost told you he loved you then, but decided against it lest you believed he was exaggerating his appreciation for your actions. It was the single most sentimental thing you had done for him in your relationship thus far and you knew just how sentimental Taehyung could get. In his mind, you should have known better than to think that he would want to share any part of that night with the world. 

You look down at your clothes, eyes acknowledging that it was indeed the set you purchased with his birthday in mind. It took you hours to find, trudging through the bitter cold to four different lingerie stores before you settled on it. However, you still didn’t see the problem. “So what? It’s not like it has your cum stains on it or anything.” 

“God, do you always have to be—don’t be crude right now. I’m being serious,” he grits out, feeling intensely out of control.

“Well what would you prefer I say?” You ask, exasperation heavy in your tone. You feel tired and annoyed, knowing this argument might affect your performance later in the night.

“I want you to say that you’ll change.”

“No,” you reply after a beat, a dark laugh surrounding the word, though it lacks any humor. “No fucking way. I’m not changing.” You couldn’t believe that he was asking you to do such a thing. It wasn’t the first time that a person you were dating had made such a request—in fact, your ex had made the request often and it was equally as often ignored. However, it was the first time Taehyung had asked you to change and all you could feel was hurt. You couldn’t believe he fell so easily into the simple trap of insecurity that had tainted your previous relationships. “Look, unless you have a real reason for me to change, you’re just gonna have to get over yourself.”

 “I just gave you a real reason,” he stresses bitterly. “And if you cared about me at all—”

“It’s not about caring for you, Tae! They are just clothes. They don’t do anything, but sit on my body and make me feel good. You, of all people, know that. It’s stupid to as—”

“It’s not stupid to ask you to keep some things private!” He yells, up on his feet with a fire raging in his eyes. You can feel your heart beating hard in your chest, nerves getting the better of you because you aren’t used to this level of rage from him. It’s a feeling both too familiar and too uncomfortable at the same time. It was everything you didn’t want in another relationship and everything Taehyung had promised not to be through his sweet words and actions—and yet you found yourself back there again. “You’re not wearing regular clothes or basic lingerie you buy just to perform in. You bought that specifically for me! You had sex with me in that. So now everyone at your show and everyone who follows you online is going to know exactly what you look like when you fuck me. I didn’t sign up to share that part of my life with the whole goddamn world!”

His rant finishes in a roar, the last sentence screamed so loudly that the final words come out hoarse and broken. His eyes are rimmed red, but he continues to stand tall, bracing himself as he expects you to respond in kind.

You don’t.

Rather, he watches you take a large step back and whisper, “Get out.”

“What?” He responds dumbly, unable to fully comprehend your words. It wasn’t in your nature to extinguish fights so completely, preferring to keep going until disagreements had naturally run their course or threats of violence had been made. You never walked away and you certainly never let others walk away. This was different. This hurt.

“You don’t get to yell at me over clothes. You don’t get to yell at me, period. So get out.” 

You watch as Taehyung takes in the full meaning of your words, opening his mouth briefly as though he wants to argue more, but closing it again. Giving you a rough nod, you can do nothing but watch as he grabs his jacket, slips on his shoes, and exits your apartment, slamming the door in his wake. 

.

.

Eight days. Eight long days. Eight miserable days. Eight long, miserable days of Taehyung slowly losing his mind. You had not spoken to him or seen him in eight days. Every single attempt he made to contact you was ignored. If it weren’t for read receipts and the fact that you had kept all the pictures of him up on your Instagram, he would have assumed that you were broken up. Although, at this point, he would have preferred a break up. At least, he could have made moves to win you back. This current situation left him stuck with nowhere to go.

“What do I do?”

“Well you can start,” Namjoon states, setting a pastel pink mug engraved with his wedding date down in front of his friend, “by drinking that.” Taehyung stares at the clear liquid inside of the cup curiously before shrugging his shoulders and taking a swig. His tongue instantly curls back into his mouth as his taste buds are assaulted by a strong, bitter flavor. He slams the mug back down on the coffee table with a gag. Namjoon lets out a chuckle at his reaction, sitting down beside him with a matching mug of his own. “Drink slow.”

“Is this vodka?”

“A strong drink for strong business,” Namjoon responds, taking a sip of whatever he has poured into his own cup. Namjoon had invited him over at the end of his shift, taking note of how much Taehyung had been moping around the shop. His mood was bad for business, apparently, and Namjoon was the ultimate fixer when it came to those sorts of things. “Now I think I know what happened, but can you tell me your side of things again?”

Taehyung throws his head back, staring at the ceiling as he recounts the argument once more. It’s all he’s been able to think about, hyper focusing on every sour facial expression and negative word you said. It makes his heart hurt; he misses you. “And then she told me to get out, so I did. I haven’t spoken to her since.”

“Ouch. How long has it been?”

“Eight long days and counting.”

“Damn, I guess she knows how to hold a grudge. Good for her,” Namjoon comments with a light laugh, as though he was impressed by your actions. Taehyung wants to scream, but he settles for a deep scowl. “But I really don’t think you have anything to worry about Tae. She still claims that she is very much taken. You aren’t broken up or anything.”

“I just want her to talk to me,” Taehyung whines, hands running through his hair in distress. “Ugh, I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed and just fought it out.” Namjoon laughs at his words, but Taehyung continues, “I keep listening to her songs just to hear her voice, but it’s not enough. I don’t want Kiddo saying she’ll fuck me to sleep, I only want her.”

Namjoon snorts, nudging his younger friend with his shoulder. “That’s so stupid, Tae. You know you can’t have one without the other. They are the same person. If you keep separating her into different parts in your head, the two of you are gonna keep having these problems.”

Taehyung hums out a confused note. “What do you mean?”

“Your girlfriend is kind of like a jawbreaker.”

Taehyung grunts, reaching for his mug again. “Listen, if you’re about to describe all the ways she’s going to keep hurting me, don’t bother. Jungkook already did that—twice. And it was worse the second time around.”

“I mean the candy,” Namjoon starts, pausing to take another sip of his drink as he contemplates the best way to continue. Taehyung thinks Namjoon is the only other person in the world whose way with words rivals your own. He speaks with a certain amount of care and consideration that make Taehyung jealous. Perhaps, if he were more like Namjoon, he wouldn’t be in this mess. “A jawbreaker is this candy ball that’s really popular abroad,” he continues. “They are huge, big, and sweet—but hard. You can’t bite through them like normal candy. You’ll break your teeth or dislocate your jaw if you try, thus the name jawbreaker. If you want to eat it and enjoy it, you have to suck it down.”

“If this turns into some sex thing, I swear to god—”

“It’s a metaphor, you pervert. Keep up.” Namjoon chastises.

“You’re the pervert,” Taehyung mutters gruffly under his breath, taking a long swig of the vodka in his cup. “Fine. Continue.”

“Jawbreakers have different layers and flavors. The more you suck on it, the more layers you’ll get to experience; but at the end of the day, it’s still all the same candy.”

“I hate this metaphor.”

“You hate it because you don’t understand it,” the older man says sagely, giving his friend a slow head tilt. “It’s really quite simple if you think about it.”

Taehyung clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Just spit it out, Joon!”

“She’s a sweet girl, Tae. You and I both know that. You approached her because you were attracted to her, but you stayed because she’s obviously more than a pretty face. She’s just not always going to be that easy to digest though—at least not all the time. Sometimes you might get the layer that cooked you dinner for your birthday and other times you might get the layer that thinks nearly nude bar fights are appropriate. It’s still the same candy, just like it’s still the same girl. You have to take your time with her like you would a jawbreaker.”

Taehyung’s ears perk up at Namjoon’s words, panic shooting through him as he questions, “Did she get into a naked fight?”

“Last year. It didn’t start nak—don’t worry about it.”

Taehyung places his cup back on the table, dropping his head forward with a deep sigh. “So you’re saying I just…  have to wait this out until she’s ready to be with me again?”

“Well she hasn’t technically left you yet.”

“And you’re sure there is nothing else I can do? There’s nothing here that I’m missing? I don’t want to wait anymore. I just want to be with her.”

“I know that, but if you want to be with her, you just have to accept who she is. Don’t think she’ll change or come running back to you just because you do something extravagant. She’s not gonna suddenly see your point of view or be rescued from her own bad judgement. You’re not actually her hero, Tae. That’s not how life works.”

“Things are fine when she’s not wrapped up in her whole Kiddo persona—”

Namjoon cut him off with an annoyed groan, shaking his head roughly. “You’re not getting it. You say you want to be with her, right? That means you want to be with all of her, including all the shitty ‘Kiddo’ flavors and colors that go along with it.”

“But—”

“Kiddo isn’t just a persona. It’s her. And if you don’t like it, maybe you don’t need to be with her.”

Taehyung wants to argue back, but can’t find the resolve to do so as guilt and shame begin to settle in his chest. He never consciously thought that his favorite parts of you were separate from your rap identity, but he couldn’t fight Namjoon’s words. While he respected the more sexually aggressive side that came with your career, he clearly adored the soft and sweet side of you more. He wonders, glumly, if he’s treated you differently because of his preference, only to be crushed by the realization that the argument proved he had been. 

“I’m in love with her,” Taehyung murmurs quietly, making Namjoon sit up. Everyone knew Taehyung’s feelings for you were strong, but no one expected love to be in the cards. Sure, it had been closing in on a year in terms of a relationship, but on the outside looking in, things still appeared fairly casual between the two of you. Your behavior from day one hadn’t changed at all. 

“Is that right? Are you sure?”

Taehyung nods, words coming out like a stream of conscious thoughts. “I love her. I’ve known for months. It’s just sometimes… I feel like I get more Kiddo than I do—I mean you’re right, they’re the same person, she’s just one person. I just wanted something that didn’t have to be a part of her image for once. I was never trying to control her or separate her, but I just…” He stops when he can no longer think of what to say, leaning back into the couch with his eyes going up to the ceiling. 

“I know,” Namjoon states suddenly, “and she knows too. She’s not innocent in all of this. I told her as much when I saw her.”

This information shocks Taehyung. “You spoke to her?” The older man hums an affirmative sound and nods. “When?” 

“A few days ago. She came into the bakery.”

“She came in?” Taehyung asks, voice increasing in pitch as he turns to fully face Namjoon. “Where was I? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Calm down, Tae. You were off. She just wanted donuts, but didn’t want to see you,” he answers with a mild shrug. “It’s probably better that you weren’t there. Jungkook refused to serve her and then Hoseok started arguing with him and threats started flying—it was a mess.” Taehyung groans, knowing that if anything, Jungkook’s actions only made you more angry at him. “But Jin and I were able to calm things down.” 

“Do I even want to know what she said?”

“To Jungkook? A lot. Your girl has a hell of a mouth on her. I haven’t heard some of the words she used in years. Seokjin was blushing.” Taehyung lets out a sad laugh, thoughts racing with all the possible things you could have said. Part of him wished he was able to hear all the things you had uttered and seen the shocked look on people’s faces, but he supposed it was better that he wasn’t around. “But to me?” Namjoon continued, “Not much. Things involving your sex life should be private. It’s just going to cause problems in the future if she keeps trying to bring it to the stage. She knows better.”

“So you told her I was right?”

“You were both wrong,” Namjoon replies smoothly. “You shouldn’t have tried to force her hand and she shouldn't have crossed that line. Neither of you were thinking of each other. You can’t be selfish in a relationship.” There is a beat of silence, Namjoon’s statement lingering in the air for a moment. “I know how some people feel about her, but I actually like you two together. In all the years that I’ve known her, I don’t think she’s ever been with someone who cares about her like you do.” Taehyung can’t help the small smile that tugs at the corner of his lips, nodding slowly at Namjoon’s words. “Just give her a little bit more time. Things will work out.”

.

.

He looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. He feels like he’s seen a ghost. It’s been ten days.

“Hi,” you say quietly. You come off as shy, eyes bouncing around the displays, but never settling directly on Taehyung even though he’s right across from you. It feels odd, not at all like how your relationship normally functions. Any other day would have found you leaning the entire upper half of your body on the counter, throwing out suggestive quips as you ordered in an attempt to make Taehyung stutter. Your current lack of confidence is startling, causing Taehyung to stare at you for a few seconds longer than normal as he searches for any changes in your face, hair, and shape. It’s only been ten days, but he knows just how much can change in ten days. Relief floods through his system when comes to find that—physically—you look just as he expects you to. 

Finally, he breathes out an equally gentle, “Hi, stranger.”

The tease hits you harder than he intended it to, with your back straightening out and eyes narrowing. “I’m a stranger now?”

“Well, I haven’t seen you in ten days…” he trails off, the sarcastic lilt to his tone making you visibly bristle with discontent. 

You should have expected the cold shoulder, given how long you had gone without speaking to him. You needed more time to process than you realized and going to your friends didn’t help. To say opinions were divided on the matter was an understatement. Some people were disgusted by what you wore, while others were furious with Taehyung’s behavior. You were most surprised by Hoseok, who normally sided with you when it came to relationship troubles. This time, however, he turned his nose up at your outfit choice and referred to the various ways Taehyung had attempted to reach out to you as “pathetic and underserved.” Yoongi had no strong opinions one way or the other, but his fianceé had plenty to say (which only served to rile you up again). She couldn’t believe how serious his demands were and how easily he left your house. She wondered, quite loudly, where the sweet and perfect Taehyung had gone. 

But it was actually Namjoon’s words that dealt a huge blow to your ego. He dressed you down in a way that only he could, never raising his voice or calling you names, but calmly explaining all of your missteps to you until you felt smaller than a coffee cup. His final words had been running around your head for days: “I know it’s not what you’re used to, but sometimes it pays to be soft. You can’t have a successful relationship if you’re going to be so hard all the time.”

Thinking of his words once again, you inhale slowly to calm the little fires building in your heart. “I’m sorry for that,” you start, taking another deep breath before continuing by saying, “I shouldn’t have ignored you. It was wrong.”

Taehyung takes in a shocked breath of his own at your apology. He had expected a bit more pushback or an apology without actually saying the words. You were never one to easily admit when you were wrong, your pride being too strong for such casual admittances of guilt. Your repentance most often came in the form of covering drink tabs or ordering food. This sort of softness was new to him and all he could feel was thankful. 

Leaning over the counter, he grabs your hand in his own and presses a gentle kiss to the back of it, smiling widely when you don’t pull away. “I’m really sorry too. I mean it. I know I must have told you a hundred times already, but I cr—”

“It’s okay,” you stop him, squeezing his hand gently so that he knows you are serious. “Namjoon said that we’re both idiots. We’ve said our sorries and I want to just leave it at that.”

Taehyung lets out a short chuckle at your words, pressing another kiss to the back of your hand because he finally gets to hold it again. “ Well, I would never call you an idiot. I’m more than ready to leave things be if you are. I really, really missed you.” 

“I—”

“Hey Tae, can you help out in the bac—oh!” You let go of Taehyung’s hands quickly as he turns to find Jungkook standing in the kitchen doorway, a tray of bread in his hands and his eyes locked on your in a fierce glare. “You really came back here? What? Was there nobody to free off of at the Krispy Kreme?” He questions, audacity laced through his words. It was clear that there was no love lost between the two of you.

You roll your eyes dramatically, spitting out, “Bite me, bread bitch.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise at your insult, visibly tensing up. He opens his mouth to retaliate, Taehyung sharply states, “Don’t start!” Jungkook’s jaw locks in frustration, eyes shooting to his coworker in anger, but Taehyung keeps going. “Not right here and not right now. Seokjin will kill us. Bite each other’s heads off later, outside of the shop. Please!” Although there were very few people in the bakery, it was beginning to gain a small reputation amongst the older crowd for being a place for “rough housers;” Seokjin and Namjoon would crawl into individual balls and die if another incident occurred.

Jungkook clicks his tongue in annoyance, but otherwise relents, quickly placing the tray on the counter. “Hurry up and finish whatever this is. There’s a big takeout order of macarons that we need to get finished before five.” Taehyung nods in affirmation, a pleading look in his eyes that appeases Jungkook enough to send him back into the kitchen. 

“I fucking hate him,” you grumble as soon as the younger man disappears through the door.

Taehyung turns to face you, reaching for your hand again only to find that you have shoved both of them in the pockets of your coat. “He’s just over protective, that’s all. You should have seen him when he found out who his sister was dating. Once you get to know him, you’ll se—”

“I don’t want to get to know him,” you state matter-of-factly. “He’s an idiot who thinks I’m using you for fucking donuts. Honestly, who would risk falling in love for donuts? They’re good, but they’re not that good. You can buy donuts anywhere.”

Taehyung stiffens, mouth dropping open in shock as he takes in the full implication of your words. Did you love him too? You had never said anything even mildly similar to him. You didn’t talk about your feelings for him unless pressed and even then your answers were short. Confessions of desire and attraction were saved for intimate moments in your studio or his apartment, where no one but Taehyung could hear them. Even then, they were often cushioned between jokes that led to him scolding you, telling to stop pretending that you didn’t like him. You never seemed close to confessing love, but your words made it appear as though you had been in love with him all along. 

“Did you just… say you love me?” He questions quickly, mind still reeling. 

“Huh” You question, the confusion that washes across your features slowly melting away as you come to realize the implication of your words. It doesn’t surprise Taehyung when you mutter, “I didn’t say that,” but his heart drops to the bottom of his stomach anyway. The small flame of hope he carried in his heart extinguished momentarily, as he mentally kicked himself for getting his hopes up. He was lucky you were even talking to him again—a declaration of love was just ridiculous. Life wasn’t a hallmark movie. He didn’t know what he was thinking. 

Biting back his disappointment, Taehyung swallows before replying, “I misunderstood. That’s not even what you were talking about.” You blink slowly at his words, eyes shining as though you have something to say; however, you just end up biting your lip and casting your gaze down. “Just… please don’t even think about Kook, okay?” Taehyung pleads, wanting nothing more than to grab you in a hug or kiss your cheek to get the physical reassurance that things were completely okay between the two of you. Instead, he settles on asking, “Can I see you after work tonight? I get off at six and I can bring you some takeout.”

You break into a small smile, nodding your head once. “Bring a donut and some hot chocolate and you have a deal.”

.

.

You really like Taehyung.

It’s not a secret. Everyone knows it. You would write about him in all of your songs if you could—though, of course, you could never do such a thing. You didn’t want to subject Taehyung to that type of scrutiny, knowing all too well how many problems came along with dating a rapper when they weren’t waxing poetic about their relationships on tracks. People ate up those types of songs, only to place severe judgements on the rapper’s partner as though they were an expert. “You never talk about me in your songs,” he once told you, referencing a song called “Fiancé” that had been released by one of your friends. It was a typical Tuesday night date, taking place during closing time in Baking News as Taehyung mopped the floor around your feet. He taps your legs lightly with the edge of his shoe. “Isn’t that kind of weird?”

“It’s too much work,” you had replied, kicking your feet up so he could mop underneath them. He thanks you quietly, quickly getting to work so that you can lower your feet once more. “People are gonna read too much into it and make all of our lives a living hell. Just as Yoongi.”

“So you’re never gonna write about me?” He questioned jokingly, setting the mop to the side to hover over your seated form.

“I write about you,” you quickly retorted, craning your head up to look at him. He leans down and places a small peck on your lips, going in for a second with a small hum. “It’s just for my eyes and ears only.”

“Don’t you think I deserve to see?” He said, standing again to resume his task. From the kitchen, you hear the telltale sign of metal pans dropping. It’s followed by a loud, yet muffled “fuck” from Seokjin and the laughter is his girlfriend. 

“I don’t think you’ll like all the things I have to say about you, lover boy.”

“Hmm…” he hums in a mocking way, facing away from you as he works on a particular sticky patch on the floor. “I’m going to disagree with you there. I like everything about you, even the cheesy love songs you write about me.”

“Who said the songs I write about you are love songs?” You quip, making him turn to you quickly and point the edge of the mop at you accusingly.

“Stop pretending that you don’t like me!” 

You think you love Taehyung.

That is a secret. No one knows it. You would write about it in all of your songs if you were sure about it—sure that he would reciprocate your feelings, sure that he wouldn’t leave you high and dry when the going got tough and things had to happen that he didn’t like. But you weren’t sure; relationships were always a gamble and you knew the stressors would only grow when your career really took off. One wrong outfit choice had Taehyung turning into your exes right before your eyes. It made you wonder what would happen if you did the wrong collaboration or wrote the wrong lyrics. You tried your best to make it clear to Taehyung that you didn’t want to be in yet another awful relationship filled with fights and arguments, but it seemed like a real possibility regardless of your efforts. It was a tough pill to swallow.

And yet, as you stared at the lanky man seated on your couch, watching as he tried to sneak yet another picture of you wearing the custom, pink bunny ear headphones he got you for Christmas, you knew that you didn’t want to let him go.

“Put the phone away!”

“Just smile for me one time.”

“Stop.”

“I haven’t taken a picture of you in almost two weeks. My Instagram story is dying without. Let me take a picture.” He leans closer, laughing when you move to smack his phone on the floor, but miss.

You groan deeply, shaking your head at his antics. “It was not two weeks. You’re so goddamn dramatic.” You find yourself smiling for him nonetheless, legitimately laughing at him as he moves his phone around to catch you at different angles. After about 10 clicks of the camera shutter, you move to knock the phone away again. “Cut it out, Tae.”

“I’m not finished,” he whines out, though he still continues clicking away.

“Who died and made you paparazzi?”

“I’m better than the paparazzi. I’m your number one fan,” he murmurs, pushing your arms away from his phone. “You gotta get used to this, especially if you’re gonna be the number one rhyme killer in Korea.” He explains, bringing up a potential new tag Hoseok had come up with a few weeks ago.

“That’s more than enough for your Instagram story.”

He huffs in faux annoyance, leaning back on the love seat to scroll through all the pictures he took. “These aren’t even for my Instagram,” he reveals, tone still playful. “It’s for me only. I’m the only one who deserves to see you this cute. I gotta at least have that to myself.” You scoff loudly at this, anger filling your chest instantly. You know that he only means it as a joke, not realizing exactly what he was insinuating with his words—but it still stings, the wound from your previous fight not completely healed. “What’s wrong?” He questions, only to panic when you let out an annoyed grunt and turn around in your chair. It takes it a moment to click in his head, and then he’s sitting up, dropping his phone and pulling at your chair to try and turn you back around. “Baby, it was a joke. I promise, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just saying that I wasn’t going to put them on social media. Nothing more.”

“I didn’t know studio time had to be kept private too,” you reply sarcastically, planting your feet firmly on the floor to resist Taehyung’s actions.

“I didn’t mean that. Come here,” he says, pulling you with more strength until you’re facing him again. “Don’t be mad at me. You know how I feel about you. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.”

You shake your head, trying to remember Namjoon’s words and not start another argument. You fight to keep your voice level as you say, “Sometimes I think I know how you feel, but then you say things like that and I start to question your intentions.”

Taehyung is silent for a moment, eyes busily searching your face for something, though you cannot tell if he finds it. He reaches for both of your hands, cradling them in his gently as though they will break in any moment. “Don’t say things like that. You know my intentions and you know exactly how I feel.”

“I don—”

“I’m in love with you,” he interrupts you, squeezing your hands in his when he realizes what he’s confessed. You’re mildly shocked by his words, eyes widening like saucers. He takes your silence as rejection and starts to ramble. “If you don’t love me back, it’s okay. I’m not… you know I’ve been attracted to you for a long time, so of course I’d fall faster than you. But I can wait for you to fall in love with me too. I waited for months for you to even accept going on a date with me, so you know I’m patient. Just don’t question my intentions, I only want the be—” 

“If you love me, then why do you want to have me all to yourself?” You question, voice meek. 

He furrows his brows, irritation painting his features before they soften once more. “That’s not… I don’t want to keep you all to myself. That’s not even possible. You’re Kiddo,” he teases lightly, “Loved by everyone and belonging to no one.”

“But, obviously you want to keep certain parts of under wraps. For your eyes only, you know? And I just don’t get how you can say that you love me, but you want to control me like this.”

He sighs deeply, head falling forward as he admits, “It’s just… we don’t have anything, you know? We don’t have a single thing that we do that’s just our thing. Dates in the studio, hanging out in the bakery, watching old movies on my couch, even sex now—it’s all things we do other people too. And I know, I really know that your career comes first right now. I just sometimes want… more.”

You bite your lip, Namjoon’s words once again becoming prominent in your head. Removing your hands from Taehyung’s, you spin around in your chair to face your desk. Taehyung tries to stop you once more, his argument falling on deaf ears as you quickly grab the pink notebook sitting and hand it to him. “Look through it,” you order. 

He stares at the book in his hand, knowing exactly what it is, but still unsure as to why you gave it to him. “Baby, what’s in here?”

“You said you want more. There is it,” you answer, before turning back around to face your monitor. The sound of pages turning makes you anxious, so you slip your headphones on and load up a messy track that you had been having trouble with. Time passes by slowly and your heart can’t stop fluttering as you think about all of the pages he has to look through and all of the words he has to read. Taehyung is thorough. He’ll give each page the time it deserves, regardless of how nervous you feel. Time ticks on. You turn up the volume on your headphones.

You do not know for certain how many minutes have passed when your headphones are suddenly knocked off of your ears; all that you know is when you turn around to berate him for his act, his lips are covering yours in a harsh kiss. You only briefly return the kiss, pushing against his chest to get him off of you, though he only moves an inch away from your face. “You’re in love with me,” he accuses wryly, a big smile on his face. His hands settle on your waist, squeezing gently in delight.

“If you tell anyone I let you read that, I’ll kill you,” you respond, though you can’t get the tone of your voice to reflect your words. His happiness is contagious and you can feel yourself soften in his embrace. “I’m serious, Tae. No one is allowed to read that notebook.” Your lyric notebook was something you kept to yourself, only sharing a select few pages with those around you when you were going to lay down vocals. For your eyes and ears only. Sharing it in its entirety with Taehyung was already a big step, never mind what you actually had written in there.

“But, wait. What are the numbers for?”

“What numbers?” You feign confusion.

“The numbers on the last page of the book.” You roll your eyes at his words and he nudges his nose against yours. “No time for lies now, I already know that you’re in love with me.”

“Days without cigarettes,” you mumble. His smile somehow becomes even wider, so large that you think his face might split in two. “I swear to god, Taehyung, if you tell any of the guys about this, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you myself.”

“I love you and you love me and you write love songs about me,” he teases. He hoists you up to your feet, pulling you into his body and wrapping his arms around you. You follow his lead, burying your face in his chest. “You’re even quitting smoking for me. How did I get so lucky to have a woman who loves me so much?”

“Stop it,” you whine, face flushing with embarrassment.

“Stop pretending that you don’t love me,” he whispers, hands moving up to cup your face gently. The way he looks at you reminds you of your first date. It leaves you completely vulnerable. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Donuts and hot chocolate and lyric notebooks. That’s our thing. Nobody else can share those with you or me. Deal?”

“Deal!” He agrees quickly, leaning down as though he’s about to kiss you, but stopping short just before his lips press against yours. “I knew you were a softy,” he coos, pressing a kiss to your lips before you can reply. You allow yourself to enjoy it. 

.

.

[artificialqueens]

Ever in Your Favor, Chapter Three (Rosnali) - Athena2

Summary: Rosé and Denali arrive at the Capitol Training Center and begin training, all while Denali tries to come up with a strategy that will help them survive.

A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on chapter two! There's a bit more action in this one, and I really hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much to Writ for beta-ing! Please leave some feedback if you'd like, I really appreciate it.

The Training Center is as big and white and gleaming as always, so tall Rosé has to crane her neck to see the top. Even though she was scared her first time arriving here sixteen years ago, part of her was excited by such a huge building, by the huge room that was all hers, no parents nagging her to start homework or sisters barging in to steal hair brushes. In the years since, she’s come to hate this place, walls heavy with anger and fear and sleepless nights in a bed soft enough that it shouldn’t cause them.

They’re in the Capitol now, miles from the coal-dusted world of District 12 in every sense. Everything here comes at the push of a button, and there are so many to choose from. There are ones in the train compartment to regulate temperature and recline the seats, and once they get to their rooms, they’ll face so many buttons in the shower that Rosé almost flooded the bathroom trying to figure them out her first time there. She hates how familiar it’s become. Hearing her name yesterday felt like a dream, but now that they’re here it feels like her old life in District 12 was the dream, and her home has always been and will always be in this center, in the arena.

No.

She doesn’t ever want this to feel like home. Home is the smell of fresh bread and flour clinging to hands. Home is her father whistling songs for her mother while he decorates cakes. Home is her sisters wrapping her in a blanket and loving her even on days she’s sure she doesn’t deserve it. The Capitol will never be home.

She and Denali are awake when the train pulls up to the center. They had stayed awake all night, sitting together even though Manila offered them private sleeping compartments. But Rosé didn’t want to be alone and unable to sleep, so she figured it was better to be unable to sleep with Denali instead. Less lonely, at least. The world faded through the windows as they stuffed themselves with every donut the dining car offered, washing it all down with hot coffee--nothing like the watery stuff in District 12--to ward off sleep. Rosé wonders if the Games made Denali scared to sleep around people, like they did to her.

“Good morning! Rise and shine, everyone!” Manila crows from the doorway. She’s changed into a hot pink dress with a matching hat, frowning at Rosé and Denali’s rumpled clothes.

“Morning,” Denali says, while Rosé just grunts. Everything feels too heavy to rise or shine right now.

“I hope you’ll be more cheerful for the cameras,” Manila frets. “Interviews aren’t far off, they’re—”

“We know, Manila!” Rosé snaps. She knows Manila means well, that she’s trying to help them create a good public image and survive. But Rosé has been awake for over 30 hours and she’s not in the mood. The reaping feels like a lifetime ago, a lifetime Rosé has felt every year in. She sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. We’ll be fine in the interviews, I promise,” she says, because Manila’s face has fallen and Rosé doesn’t have the energy to be mean.

“We will,” Denali agrees.

“Of course,” Manila says happily, because nothing bothers her for long. “Let’s go to your rooms. We could all use some rest.”

They follow without protest, up to the same floor and into the same rooms they always stay in. Are the other floors already filled with their tributes? Tributes who will stop at nothing to kill Rosé so they can win? She forces the thought away, sinking into the thick carpet in her room.

Manila says they’re free until dinner, and Rosé drops on the bed and falls asleep.

---

The training room is empty at five in the morning, which almost makes it worth the early wake-up. Rosé had slept through dinner and woke up foggy and confused about the bed underneath her, to find a note from Denali inviting her to train. Denali stretches beside her, shorts and a sleeveless black shirt revealing her smooth skin, and Rosé’s stomach twists at the sight. Denali is beautiful, a beauty Rosé never lets herself notice.

“Enjoying the view?” Denali teases, sticking her tongue out.

Rosé sticks her tongue out back at her to avoid responding.

Denali continues stretching, her toned legs and muscled arms sparking some worry in Rosé. She’s not fifteen anymore, and she can’t remember the last time she went for a run or did anything that might count as exercise. Her days are mostly spent watching TV and trying not to think until one of her sisters shows up and coaxes her off the couch and into helping with dinner. The only good thing is that she doesn’t really drink anymore--only because she’d have to go out and buy liquor, and she hates leaving the safety of her house, hates how the world is so open like the arena, hates how people look at her. Either way, she’s in nowhere near as good shape as Denali. And that’s just Denali--what about the Career districts, where everyone works out in fancy facilities every day? What about the added challenge of every competitor having already won the Games and knowing how to fight?

Rosé turns her gaze to the weapons along the wall. Knives and spears and swords and axes, all gleaming and razor-sharp. She never thought she’d have to use one again, but seeing them just proves how real this is. She’s really going back into the arena, and she has to fight if she wants to survive. Even if it means fighting the woman smiling next to her.

“Are you gonna use a sword again?” Denali asks.

“I guess. I--I never actually trained with it last time,” Rosé admits. “I practiced with knives and spears, but a sword was all I could get from the Cornucopia. Figured it was--”

“Like a giant knife,” Denali says, and Rosé laughs, because that’s what she would have said.

“Yeah.”

“Like a knife and a spear had a baby, really,” Denali says thoughtfully. “Wait. So that fight with the District 1 boy, you beat him with no training?”

“I think it was instinct,” Rosé says. “I knew I was dead if he got me, so my body just reacted. And I got lucky. He slipped, and his chest was exposed, and then...you know.” She squeezes her eyes shut against the memory of him gasping as her sword sunk into his chest. Denali talks about the Games so easily, so freely, that Rosé forgot she doesn’t talk about it herself. It’s why she so rarely talks about anything besides the weather with Denali, because she can’t handle much else. Sometimes even just looking at Denali is too much, a reminder of the past that Rosé lost, and it’s easier to wrap herself in silence.

Denali nods.

Rosé clears her throat. “What about you? Sticking with your bow?” Denali is better with a bow than anyone Rosé’s ever seen, each arrow an extension of her arm. She was amazed every time Denali used it in the Games, mesmerized by how fast she loaded the strings and released each arrow.

“Definitely. I’ll practice with it later. For now”--she leads Rosé away from the weapons-- “I thought we could run.” She points to the track circling the upper level of the training room.

Rosé groans and follows, more grateful than ever that no one’s here to watch.

She keeps up with Denali, but she knows Denali is slowing her pace. Denali was so fast in her Games that people called her the Fox, and her quick, graceful movements prove the nickname. Her knee is bothering her, though. Rosé can tell, even if Denali won’t admit it. She hurt it the last day of her Games, so brutally Rosé could barely watch, her heart clenching at Denali’s pain. It had been down to Denali and a girl from District 4, and the girl pinned Denali underneath her. She grabbed a massive rock and crushed Denali’s knee so she couldn’t run, then dragged her by the ankle to the edge of a rainy cliff, twisting her leg until Denali was screaming in pain, mere seconds from death. Only Denali managed to grab a tree root, holding on with all her strength, and the District 4 girl lost her grip and tumbled over the cliff herself. Denali was barely conscious when the cannon marked her as the winner, and it took the doctors a lot of work to put her knee back together. Rosé spent days at the Capitol hospital waiting for her to wake up, needing to see that she was okay. Denali’s tough, she’ll give her that.

“Another lap?” Denali asks. She’s hardly broken a sweat, and Rosé takes back her previous thought, because that toughness is annoying. She wonders if Denali ever lets herself rest and sadly answers her own question.

Rosé pretends she isn’t huffing and puffing. “Let’s do it.”

---

Denali quickly makes herself a routine at the Training Center. She starts every morning working out with Rosé, her heart swelling with pride when Rosé keeps up with her, cheeks burning when her arms flex as she lifts weights. Rosé trains only with Denali, because she’s been practicing with spears and knives and doesn’t want anyone to know. It’s a good plan to keep her skills secret, even if it means Rosé hasn’t had a chance to size up the tributes herself. Then she has lunch and spends the afternoon watching Games of this year’s tributes, analyzing their strengths and weaknesses. Denali does a second workout before dinner, when the training room is littered with muscular tributes, watching them in between stringing her bow. Then they have dinner, where Rosé ignores any discussion of tributes or strategy. Denali spends the nights coming up with ideas, anything at all that can benefit them in the Games.

Denali understands that Rosé wants to avoid it, wants no reminders of what they’ll be walking into. Denali should use it to her advantage--if Rosé is rattled and in denial, she’s that much easier to defeat. But she can’t. Not when the world has been so cruel to Rosé, stripping away so much of her, taking that confident gleam in her eyes and replacing it with tired mistrust. Not when Rosé has been so good to her since they were kids and helped Denali survive the first time. Denali won on her own, but Rosé taught her to fight and got sponsors to send anything she needed, looking out for her the way she would her sister. Rosé had believed in her the whole time, and Denali wants to believe in her, wants to help her, too.

Even if helping Rosé makes it harder for Denali to survive in the long run.

---

The training room buzzes with grunts and fists smacking into punching bags. Denali hovers in the corner, watching the District 8 tributes. Their industry is textiles, and Denali’s been watching them work with ropes and knots, picking up new skills. Their female tribute seems nice enough, at least, and even shoots Denali a thumbs-up when she completes a knot successfully. Denali returns a hesitant smile, trying to forget that if she wants to live, this woman, no matter how kind she’s been, has to die.

She runs through tributes in her mind. Districts 1 and 2 are Careers, towering over her with giant muscles. Those districts have so many victors their victor pool was a regular reaping pool. The man from District 1 won the year before Denali, and she was grateful he wasn’t in her Games; he had cut down tributes with his axe in mere days, the footage soaked with blood. That relief was for nothing, because she’s facing him now. District 3’s tributes are older than Denali, and putter around the room with wires. Their industry is technology, so it makes sense. But Denali’s yet to see them train with a weapon, and wonders if it’s strategy or lack of ability. She won’t underestimate anyone. She had been underestimated herself, with her District-12-underfed frame and no advanced training, but she was born with her father’s bow in her hand, and nothing could stop her with it. District 4’s tributes--

“So it really is the Fox.”

Denali looks up to see the man from District 4--she’s pretty sure his name is Finn--looming over her. His hair is sun-gold, eyes sea-blue, and his looks are the main reason the audience had fallen in love with him. His charm in the interviews didn’t hurt, nor did the way he won in a week.

“Not like it could be anyone else from my district,” Denali says, making herself as tall as she can.

“Right, right.” He flashes a blinding smile. “Your other tribute never seems to be here. She’s not scared of us, is she?”

“Definitely not. She just has her own plans,” Denali says, anger rising in her at the thought of anyone thinking Rosé is a coward. She’s braver than this whole room put together.

“Good to have a plan,” he says cheerfully. “I have a wife back home. Baby on the way. Capitol will eat that up. Good love story, you know?” He tries to come off casual, but he’s truly excited about his family, Denali can tell. Just like with the woman from District 8, she doesn’t let herself think of the odds.

“Why are you here?” Denali asks.

“To talk to you. You were something in your Games. You and McCorkell both. I couldn’t believe how you hung on to that tree at the end. I thought you were a goner for sure. You’re tough, Foxx.”

Denali sucks in a breath. The worst nightmare she has about the Games is about that last day. Every time, she can hear the bones in her knee shattering under the rock, feel the branches scratching her arms as she was dragged along, smell the metallic tang of the blood pouring over her leg. Every time she wakes up, soaked in sweat and gasping for air, she tears the blankets off and checks that her knee is in one piece. Sometimes even in daylight she’ll be hit with a sudden pain and fully expects to see a mess of blood and bone when she looks down. The girl who did it was from District 4. Denali knows it wasn’t personal, that Districts don’t matter when it comes to that, but it leaves a bad taste in her mouth as she watches the man, who’s still talking.

“--If you and McCorkell want an ally in the arena, let me know.”

An alliance with Rosé is risky enough. There’s strength in numbers, but how big can she extend her circle? Can she let someone else in, trust them, and run the risk of getting betrayed in the arena, or having to kill a friend?

“I’ll think about it,” Denali says. But she’s really thinking about something else. About families and love stories and Capitol sympathies. She has a plan. She just needs to get Rosé on board.

---

“Knife practice today?” Denali asks once they’ve finished their run.

Rosé nods, grabbing two knives and tossing her one, which she catches easily. They face off, lunging and dodging and blocking, and it’s so like Denali’s first time training, carefully watching Rosé and being in awe of her, that she feels some of her seventeen-year-old energy take over. Even Rosé seems less tired when Denali looks at her with eyes of the past. Her moves are fast and graceful, almost enough to distract Denali. She could watch Rosé move for hours, eyes tracing the sweat dampening her hair, the curves of her arms.

“Tired, Rosie?” Denali teases after her knife almost gets Rosé, the old nickname flying out and feeling so good on her lips.

“I could do this all day,” Rosé shoots back, even cracking a smile.

Denali takes the buzzing in her body from looking at Rosé and uses it, knocking the knife from her hand and slamming her against the wall, knife pressed to Rosé’s throat. Her other hand holds Rosé’s arm in place, and Denali’s palm tingles at the hard muscles beneath her. She’s close enough to see the freckles snaking under the collar of Rosé’s shirt, close enough to see the flecks of green in her hazel eyes. Rosé has always been beautiful; it’s just that Denali doesn’t see her often enough--and never this close--to truly appreciate it. Now, she takes everything in like a person gulping water after escaping the desert, desperate to drink in every detail.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Rosé mutters, and Denali’s cheeks burn.

“And so the student surpasses the master.” Denali smirks, but before she knows what’s happened, the knife is snatched out of her hand and she’s being twisted around. Denali gasps when her back hits the wall and the knife is at her throat, one arm braced by Rosé’s body and the other pinned to the wall by Rosé’s hand over her wrist.

“If you were really the master, you wouldn’t have left my other hand free,” Rosé says. “And I taught you that move in the first place.” She tightens her grip on Denali’s wrist, thumb stroking her skin so gently she’s sure Rosé isn’t even aware of it. For a second, her smile is the one Denali remembers, the one that shows all her teeth and stretches into her cheeks, and Denali’s breath flies out of her. Rosé releases her grip, and Denali is sad to lose her touch.

“Wanna do another round? With a bet this time?” Denali asks, raising an eyebrow. “I win, you have to talk strategy with me. You know we need one. District 1 has been running sprints and training with every weapon. I think they’re gonna sprint to the Cornucopia, get everything they can, and attack from the start. The man from District 4 is gonna talk about his family for sympathy points. He offered me an alliance, actually. You won’t even look at the other tributes. You know some of them think you’re afraid? We need a plan, Rosé.”

“Why, so the Gamemakers can shit on it?” Rosé demands. Anger crosses her face, and Denali isn’t sure if it’s because she’s calling Rosé out, or because her courage is being questioned.

Denali clenches her fists. “Well, we need something! I know you’re pissed, but why don’t you use that anger to prepare? Do you think Jan wants you going in the arena with no plan?” Rosé flinches and Denali immediately knows she’s gone too far. Not just in bringing up Jan, but in using her against Rosé. She opens her mouth to apologize, but Rosé is already speaking.

“The boy who was chosen with me had a plan too,” Rosé says hoarsely. “He wanted to risk getting food at the Cornucopia. I watched him get killed ten seconds in. My plan was to keep to myself, avoid everyone. That worked until the Gamemakers got bored and conjured fucking murder-wasps to draw us together. It doesn’t matter to me who the other tributes are. If I want to survive, they have to die, and you know my plan this round? Survive.” The anger she started with has collapsed into sheer exhaustion. The exhaustion of waiting for 23 kids to die so she could live, and having to do it all over again. The exhaustion of watching 23 more kids die every year, and never being able to save the ones she’s supposed to guide. The exhaustion of someone who managed to survive and constantly wonders why they got so lucky, constantly questions the price of that life.

The same exhaustion Denali pretends not to feel weighing down her bones.

“Rosé, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, Denali. You’re doing everything right and I’m not helping. I taught you well.” Rosé offers a weak smile and rubs her hands over her face. “I just--I never wanted to do this again.” She sinks to the floor, back against the wall, knees cradled protectively against her chest.

“I understand. Can I sit with you?” Denali asks gently, since Rosé still seems a little fragile, like glass held together with tape. Denali’s not used to seeing her like this, and it hurts her chest somehow. Rosé nods, and Denali copies her position.

“Denali, are you sure you want me in the arena? I wouldn’t blame you if you allied with other tributes. I mean, you’re you, and I’m”--Rosé shakes her head helplessly, like she’s trying to figure out exactly what she is-- “I’m just me. I won almost twenty years ago. I’m not in shape like you. I don’t want to hold you back.”

It breaks Denali’s heart to know Rosé thinks of herself like that, and she won't let her. “‘Just me?’” Denali asks angrily. “Just Rosé McCorkell, one of the youngest victors in history? Who won a sword fight with no training and taught me to fight in the first place? Don’t even think that, Rosé. You’re already keeping up in training—you just crushed me in that knife fight. There’s no one else I want on my team.”

“Thanks for the ego boost,” Rosé says, but Denali can tell she’s touched by how her eyes soften at the edges. “I’m not giving up. I can’t. And I don't want to let you or my sisters down either. It’s gonna take those Capitol bastards a lot more to get rid of me.”

Denali smiles, glad the fight has returned to her. “I know planning seems pointless. I just want to have something, so maybe we don’t get sucker-punched again.” It’s how she’s lived her entire life since the Games--watching old footage, staying in shape, sleeping with weapons. Never a moment to rest, because any moment of rest in the Games means almost certain death. It was her way of staying ahead of the Capitol, of not letting the Games beat her. But maybe they did win, and her routine is a losing cause. Maybe she did all that stuff—in essence, training—because she had already lost herself to the Games and would do anything to tip the balance in her favor, to fully escape it all. Maybe some part of her was always afraid of going back, and wanted to prepare for the next round.

“What did you have in mind?” Rosé asks.

“Well, we don’t have a mentor, so we’re especially screwed.”

No other victors means no mentor for them. They don’t need fighting tips, but the mentor is the one out in the Capitol advocating for them, getting sponsors to send supplies. With no mentor, they have to be enough on their own to convince people to send things. Everything they do, from the minute tribute interviews start, has to make the crowd love them enough to keep them alive.

When she was seventeen, she followed the strategy Rosé gave her--be cheerful and excited in the interview; stick with your bow; keep away from the others and let them weed themselves out--and relied on her to get Denali supplies. That’s not an option here.

“I didn’t have a mentor my first time either,” Rosé says.

It was bad enough being torn from your life and having to compete; Denali couldn’t imagine having to do it alone. And Rosé was only fifteen. She must have been so scared, and Denali wishes she could have helped somehow, protected that young version of Rosé.

“Right,” Denali says. “But people loved you and sent you stuff anyway. How did you make it happen?”

Rosé shrugs. “I knew I had to make them like me, so I wanted to be perfect at first, but Manila—she felt bad for us and kind of made herself our mentor—suggested a little more honesty. So I turned up the charm, kept smiling, and whenever they brought up Jan, I said how I felt. I didn’t want them using her against me.”

Denali nods. She had been glued to her screen for Rosé’s interview, hanging on every word. She was absolutely genuine, radiating pure charm, making comments she let you think were serious for just a second before her brilliant smile and breathy laugh let you in on the joke. The only time she got emotional was when she said how she loved her sisters and kept touching the lion pin from Jan, which the crowd thought was the sweetest thing. They called her the Lion and went wild for her, and when she needed water or food in the arena, a silver parachute was never far behind.

“That’s what we have to do this time. Be extra likable, so the audience wants us to make it.” Denali takes a breath. “But we need something more. A lot of the tributes were audience favorites. We need something special to stand out.”

“Aren’t my stunning good looks enough?”

Denali ignores the joke. “I think we need to pretend we’re in love with each other.”

Rosé doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t run either, so that’s something.

“Think about it,” Denali continues when the silence is growing too long. “They want drama, right? Two childhood friends turned star-crossed lovers, loving each other even in the face of danger? The audience will eat that up. They’ll love us.”

It’s a perfect plan, really. There have been victors who ended up in relationships with other victors after the Games, but never two tributes who have gone into the Games as a couple. It immediately sets them apart from even the most beloved tributes this year, making them the ones to watch, to remember, to love. The drama makes the Games just as much as the action, and who wouldn’t love the drama and sweetness of romance? If they can sell this, the audience will instantly root for them, sending parachutes of whatever they need to keep watching them until the end.

The end.

Denali doesn’t want to think about what happens at the end.

“That…could work,” Rosé says hesitantly. “I just--you’d be okay with me using you like that?”

Of all the protests Rosé could have made, worrying about Denali was the last one she expected. Even with everything the Games took from her, Rosé’s heart is still intact in her somehow.

“I mean, we’d be using each other.” Denali smiles ruefully. “Look, you said yourself the goal is to survive. This will help us do that. It doesn’t have to change anything between us. It’s a fucked-up game. We’re just playing it.”

Rosé closes her eyes, breathing in and out slowly, deliberately. She does it two more times, and Denali can’t imagine what’s going through her head. She opens her eyes, and Denali sees her answer.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Rosé nods. “And Denali?”

“Yes?”

“Tomorrow I’ll train with you when the others are here. Let them see us together,” Rosé says confidently. There’s a dim fire sparking in her eyes and she seems like her old self again, the one Denali admired so fiercely. “The last thing we need is someone calling bullshit on us.”

“You’re right.” Denali didn’t even think of that. They have to be careful and really make it believable. But they have a shared past, and even if they no longer know each other as well as they did, Rosé is just as determined and dedicated as Denali, and they’ll make this seem real.

It can work.

Denali just hopes it doesn’t come down to the two of them at the end. Because looking at Rosé like this, her eyes shining and cheeks gently flushed, Denali doesn’t think she’ll be able to kill her.