#also you can tell i spent more time on despair lol desire was getting me frustrated

[lutheban]

The Twins of the Endless

(Open for better quality)

[lockefanfic]

Business Trip - Part 11: Anger

“Sit. The fuck. Down. And don’t. Fucking. Move.”

Seolhyun is hesitant at first, but she slowly moves toward one of the leather chairs, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes as she does so, although you could tell that she did so just to keep up her front. She clearly wasn’t betting on Momo calling her on her bluff.

“Sit and watch how a real girl fucks,” Momo says, every word a dagger, her eyes and glare boring holes into Seolhyun, who suddenly looked a lot less confident than she was when she walked into the room.

“You,” Momo says as she faces you, her eyes burning with intensity, “come here and fuck me.”

“Momo, I want you and Choa to speak to the convention organizers. Tell them we want to reschedule our presentation to Thursday afternoon. That will give us two days to come up with something to present.”

 The two women still look shellshocked as you exit the convention auditorium and gather in the main hall, but they nonetheless give small nods of understanding.

 “Mina, I want you to look into the legal ramifications of what they’ve done. Look into any possibility for patent infringement or intellectual property theft, and whether they’ve violated some law or regulation.”

 The young woman is composed, as always, and gives you an affirmative nod. She clearly had antifreeze running through her veins, being the only one of your team that didn’t look outwardly furious, or shocked, or both.

 “Seolhyun, speak to your people back in Seoul. I need to know how the hell they stole your tech from under our noses. Look for any evidence of an external hack or an internal database download or anything of that sort. Figure out how they did this without anyone in your goddamn company realizing it.”

 Your last sentence carried a little more edge than you were intending, but you know the fierce look of anger on Seolhyun’s face is directly mostly at Tzuyu and Sana, and not at you.

 “Those two will pay for this,” she says, her tone sharp.

 “They will. But let’s do this right. I’ll get on the phone with head office back home and figure out what our next moves will be. Let’s all concentrate on getting these things done, then let’s take the rest of the day off to rest, recharge, and burn off our anger. I want everyone with a clear head when we meet tomorrow morning to tackle this.”

 Choa, Mina, and Seolhyun all head off to take on the duties assigned to them, each with a mixture of lingering shock, determination, and anger painted on their respective faces. Following the stunt that Tzuyu and Sana had just pulled, you felt you needed to give them something constructive to focus on instead of letting themselves fall victim to anger or despair. Momo remains, and as the others leave, she draws you close into a hug. Your arms wrap around her frame, which suddenly felt very small against you.

 “I’m both sad and angry,” she says softly.

 “I know,” you say, unable to find more comforting words. You stroke the back of her head gently with your right hand, your left arm squeezing her tightly against you.

 “Why would she do that to us?”

 “I don’t know, Momo,” you say, speaking truthfully, “I don’t know…”

 ---

 It is almost midnight when you finally return to your hotel room after several hours of phone calls, video calls, and face to face meetings with your team and the conference organizers. The understandably surprised and upset conference organizers eventually came around, however, and you were able to delay JYP Inc.’s presentation to Thursday, buying some time to find something to actually present.

 JYP himself was understandably furious at the afternoon’s turn of events, but he was also supportive during your phone call with him, refraining from laying any blame at your team’s feet and instead ensuring that you had the full backing of the company and access to the entirety of its resources.

 “Do whatever it takes to make sure they pay for this,” he said, his usually cheery voice possessing an edge that you’d not heard until then, “you have free reign to do as you see fit. I trust you. Make them regret ever thinking they could mess with JYP Inc.”

 Confident that you had your boss’s full backing, you decided to call it a night and get as much sleep as possible before tackling the problem head on tomorrow.

 You are staring out the window at the blinking, bright lights of Taiwan’s downtown district, seeking the solutions to your problem amidst the tall buildings of glass and steel, in much the same way that you did in Tokyo and Seoul. You’d always found something calming in watching a downtown skyline.

 “You always get this look on your face,” Momo says softly as she approaches you at the window, “when you stare outside the window. It’s like you’re meditating with your eyes open.”

 “I guess I am, in a way. It’s comforting to know that there are so many other people out there, each fighting their own battle, just like we are,” you reply, accepting the glass of whiskey Momo passes to you. She had raided the hotel room’s mini bar, outrageous markup prices be damned. You both needed a drink after today’s events.

 Momo nods as she weighs your words over in her head, taking a sip of the strong whiskey as she does so. She lets out a hard breath, the way people do when the liquor hits the right spot.

 “That’s good stuff,” she says, licking her lips and swirling the amber liquid around in her glass, staring intently at it as though the solutions to your company’s dilemna were to be found at the bottom.

 You turn your gaze to her, and you are struck by the beauty of her soft features highlighted in the blue and red neon lights outside your window. She had spent some long hours trying to convince the convention organizers to completely revamp their schedule to accommodate your rescheduling request, and you were proud of her for managing to accomplish that difficult task.

 You are about to give voice to your thoughts, but you are interrupted by your phone vibrating in your pocket. Given the day’s events you knew you had to check it, in case it was something urgent.

 KimSeolhyun says: What are you doing?

 You say: Resting in my hotel room. You?

 KimSeolhyun says: I’m coming over. Be ready, I’m horny as fuck.

 You say: Momo’s here.

 KimSeolhyun says: Are you fucking?

 You say: No lol.

 KimSeolhyun says: Good. Then she can watch or leave, I don’t give a shit. Rough day. Need a fuck. Remember that deal we made.  I’m on the way.

 “Head office?” Momo asks.

 “No,” you say, readying yourself for Momo’s reaction, “it’s Seolhyun.”

 Momo rolls her eyes and lets out a snort that could only be understood as disapproval. She had not gotten over her dislike for Seolhyun over what happened in Seoul, and the awkwardness and tension between them was evident every time they were in the same room.

 “I’ll turn her away,” you say, raising your phone to type a reply.

 “No,” Momo interrupts, “you can have her. I’ll go find Choa and have a drink somewhere.”

 “You’re not pissed?”

 “I hate her guts, but even I have to admit she’s pretty goddamn hot. I’d fuck her if I had a dick. Or even if I didn’t. Either way, go have your fun.”

 “What did I do to deserve you?” you ask with a smile, meaning every word.

 “I dunno,” Momo says with a grin, “just make sure you tell me all about it afterward. I wanna know if she fucks as good as she looks.”

 The young woman downs the rest of her whiskey in a single gulp.

 “...and make sure you save some energy for me later.”

 Momo winks before turning and grabbing her hoodie from a nearby chair, and again, you find yourself thankful to whatever gods may be that this woman was in your life.

 She is only halfway to the door when there is a knock - Seolhyun certainly didn’t waste any time. Deciding it would be best if you answered it and not Momo, you walk past her and open the door.

 Seolhyun is wearing a neutral look on her face, but it deepens into a look of annoyance when she realizes Momo is still there. The young woman walks nonchalantly into the room, taking off her black leather jacket and throwing it onto the leather couch. Momo gives Seolhyun a glare as she passes and moves towards the door.

 “Maybe you should stick around,” Seolhyun says, her tone confrontational, “maybe you’ll learn something.”

 You’d seen Momo angry before; you’d even seen her infuriated. But that was only in a work environment, often when something went wrong with a project or when the office printer had chosen that particular time to jam. But you had never seen a look of fury on her face the way you did at that moment.

 The Japanese girl turns sharply and goes face to face with Seolhyun until their noses are inches apart. Seolhyun apparently wasn’t anticipating Momo to react the way she did, given the look of surprise and hesitation on her face. When Momo speaks, every syllable is laced with venom.

 “Sit. The fuck. Down. And don’t. Fucking. Move.”

 Seolhyun is hesitant at first, but she slowly moves toward one of the leather chairs, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes as she does so, although you could tell that she did so just to keep up her front. She clearly wasn’t betting on Momo calling her on her bluff.

 “Sit and watch how a real girl fucks,” Momo says, every word a dagger, her eyes and glare boring holes into Seolhyun, who suddenly looked a lot less confident than she was when she walked into the room.

 “You,” Momo says as she faces you, her eyes burning with intensity, “come here and fuck me.”

 You down your whiskey in one gulp, leave the glass on the coffee table, and step towards Momo, but she meets you halfway, and before you know it your bodies are crashing together, arms wrapping around familiar torsos, your mouths meeting and tongues seeking their counterparts in that wonderful moment when lust takes over - but this lust is different; it is fueled not insignificantly by anger, frustration, and the desire to vent it all out through physical, sexual means.

 For a moment you forget Seolhyun is there, sitting not even five feet away. But as Momo breaks your kiss to dive into your neck, your eyes open slightly, enough to see the blank expression on the young Korean woman’s face turn into one of intense concentration, her eyes enraptured and surprised by what was about to happen in front of her.

 Momo, for her part, seems to have forgotten entirely that there is another woman in the room, moving quickly from your neck to your chest, taking advantage of the fact that you were wearing a button up shirt. Her slim fingers work quickly on its buttons, following the trail of steadily revealed skin with soft kisses down the front of your chest, until finally she is on her knees in front of you.

 She works your belt, pants button and zipper quickly, hooking fingers into your boxers as soon as they are visible, dragging your pants and underwear down until they are at your knees. She turns, shoots the shocked Seolhyun a “watch this and learn” look, and dives into your crotch, her small pink tongue immediately finding the base of your quickly hardening cock and licking upward, slowly, until she reaches the tip.

 Your shaft hardens quicker than you ever thought was possible. It had been a hard, difficult day, and the thought of fucking Momo in order to vent some of your frustration was more than enough to get you ready, but having Seolhyun there, seeing Momo put her in her place - it all formed a heady mix of intense pleasure.

 Before you know it Momo has taken the entirety of your shaft into her mouth, your cock wrapped by her warm, wet cavern and the dextrous muscle of her tongue that is pressing against the underside of your shaft. As she withdraws your shaft, she swirls her tongue around the head; she had had many months to know what you wanted when it came to blowing you, and she knew full well that she was shooting spikes of intense pleasure up your spine with every lick and suck.

 In your peripheral vision you catch movement from Seolhyun, and you turn your head to watch her squirming and moving her thighs, trying and failing to keep up the impression that she wasn’t at all intensely aroused by what was going on in front of her. But as Momo’s hand joins her mouth in pleasuring you, pumping up and down on the base of your shaft in tandem with her mouth, you let a soft gasp escape your lips - one that seems to impact Seolhyun as well, a brief look of pleasure washing over her beautiful face, her mouth opening ever so slightly, as though some small measure of the pleasure Momo was imposing on your body had carried over to her.

 You involuntarily bring your left hand to Momo’s face, seeking to touch her, seeking any kind of physical contact with the young woman on her knees pleasuring you. You want to do the same with your right hand, want to bring both your hands to her head and rock your hips and fuck her face - but you know Momo wants to show off, wants to ensure Seolhyun sees how good she is. And so you leave your right arm where it is, ensuring the older Korean girl has a perfect view of your hard shaft as it plunges in and out of Momo’s mouth, slathered and glistening with her saliva.

 “Fuck that’s good,” you say, the words spilling out of your mouth before you even realize your brain has formed them. Momo responds by letting your hard shaft pop out of her mouth, holding it against her lips, her pink tongue darting out to lick the underside of your head, taking delight in watching the pleasure twist your face as she stimulates what she knows is the most sensitive part of your cock.

 The Japanese girl takes advantage of the fact that you are paralyzed by pleasure and stands up, bringing both her hands to your shoulders, pushing you down slightly onto the leather couch. You take a moment to rid yourself of your bothersome pants and boxers, and you do so quickly enough to ensure you don’t miss what you know is going to happen next; for her part, Momo waits patiently while you undress before she follows your lead.

 Slowly, knowing two pairs of eyes were glued onto her body, she undoes the buttons of her grey blazer, sliding it down her shoulders until it falls into a pool of cloth at her feet. She is wearing grey shorts beneath it, but those don’t last long either, her fingers equally as adept at undoing her own clothes as they are at undoing yours. She is wearing a simple black bra and a black thong beneath - neither is overly scandalous, the thong even being relatively conservative as far as thongs go - but she is nonetheless ridiculously sexy, every inch and curve of her body radiating lust, and desire, and sex.

 In a final gesture of seduction, she reaches behind her head with her right hand and undoes whatever ridiculous contraption is keeping her hair up - she had gotten a new haircut before leaving for Taiwan, and while a part of you missed the medium length brown hair she used to have, there is no denying that the short black hair that tumbles down to her neck only increases the raw lust she projects into the room. It amazed you to see what a simple haircut could do to a woman’s raw sexiness.

 As if staring at her toned, perfectly proportioned curves were not enough, she takes it one step further, turning around so her back is facing you, before bending over and removing her thong - the full, round cheeks of her ass and the toned, creamy skin of her thighs on full display in front of you. As the black cotton drops you catch a glimpse of pink flesh between her legs, already glistening, already begging for penetration. She tosses the flimsy piece of underwear in your lap.

 But Momo is in control here - she knows she is putting on a show, and she loves it - loves the fact that she has not one, but two people in the room wrapped around her finger, their eyes glued to her near naked body, enraptured by every movement she makes. And so when she reaches behind her and undoes her bra, she tosses it to land on Seolhyun’s lap.

 You had forgotten, as was becoming worryingly common, that Seolhyun was even there, but as the bra lands in her lap you watch the final vestiges of resistance flee from her beautiful face. Her features contort in pleasure - not unlike the look she had when you fucked her in Seoul - as though the bra landing on her lap caused a spike of pleasure to shoot up her spine and into her brain. She had broken. She belonged, as you did, to Momo now.

 Seolhyun reaches a hand to touch the bra in her lap - before her hand moves lower, to the hem of her short black dress, and underneath it. Her fingers draw the hem of her dress upward, revealing perfect, creamy skin, until her fingers graze the space between her legs. She doesn’t care anymore about maintaining her image, doesn’t care that Momo has established dominance - she needs to touch herself, the brazen display in front of her becoming too much for her to handle without seeking some sort of release for her own. Seolhyun bites her lip as her fingers work between her legs, and a wave of pleasure washes over her face, her eyes closing halfway before she forces them open again, doing her best to ensure she didn’t miss a moment of what was going on in front of her.

 There was something perverse about it - something that turned you on to see. Some not insignificant part of you enjoyed seeing the haughty, confident, occasionally arrogant young woman being driven to submission by your girlfriend. And from the look of her face as she turns around to face you again, Momo feels the same way, a self-assured smirk on her lips.

 The smirk is there only for a second, and it is replaced with a look of lust as the naked woman climbs into your lap, her mouth seeking and finding yours and engaging in a passionate kiss as her long legs place themselves around your waist. As your tongues duel, you feel her reach between your bodies to guide your shaft to her entrance, and you feel the hot wetness of her pussy against the head of your cock as she rubs it against her open lips, not penetrating - just lubricating your head, teasing herself with it.

 Then Hirai Momo pushes her hips down, impaling herself onto your cock.

 She starts slowly at first, relishing those first few thrusts into her body, savoring the feel of your hard shaft as it penetrates her body. You do the same, letting your eyes drift closed, allowing yourself to experience her body yet again, knowing you will never tire of it, never grow fatigued of being inside her. You both let a soft gasp escape your lips, Momo’s louder than yours as she gives voice to her lust.

 She is grinding her hips now, establishing a steady pace, her body stretched out and lubricated enough to allow full penetration. She grinds in a circular motion, her hips starting further back on the downstroke and then pushing her body forward on the upstroke, so that your shaft is penetrating her in a back and forward motion as well as up and down - this was a woman who knew just how to pleasure you, knew just how to drive you crazy with her body.

 Momo throws her head back as your shaft penetrates her deeper, and you tear your eyes open long enough to realize her wonderful breasts are pressed against your face, the warm skin misted with sweat as she exerts herself. You immediately press your mouth against her left breast, your tongue quickly finding her already hardened nipple, swirling it around the hard bud greedily, lustily, without any sort of thought for decorum or patience - there is only lust, only the need to devour her, devour more of this wonderful woman’s body.

 There is a sharp gasp in the room, and it takes you a moment to realize it came from Seolhyun, not Momo. With Momo’s breast still in your mouth, you open your eyes just enough to glance over at her, and you realize that she is now fingering herself with abandon, her right hand moving frantically between her legs, her left hand grasping her right breast through her dress.

 You smile wickedly, and you turn your head to ensure Seolhyun can watch as you tease Momo’s nipple, your tongue pressing against it and swirling around it in random patterns, and you know Seolhyun is imagining that you are doing the same to her.

 All the while, Momo is still throwing herself onto your shaft, over and over, her head thrown back as she lets a long string of moans escape her lips. She is cradling your head in her hands, letting herself go, letting herself fully experience the pleasure radiating from between her legs and from her breast.

 “Fuck… fuck… you’re so big, baby,” she moans.

 “You’re… so tight, Momo. Fuck… you’re so tight.”

 “You like… you like when I ride you like this? You like when I fuck myself on your cock?” Momo asks, and you realize that a part of her still wants to show off, is still aware of the Korean girl squirming in her seat not five feet away.

 “Fuck yes.”

 “Did you like… fucking my ass last week?”

 At the mention of anal sex with Momo, a moan escapes a pair of female lips - Seolhyun’s.

 “Yes… fuck… your ass was so tight, baby. Did you like when I cummed in your ass?”

 “Yes! I love when you cum in me… no matter what hole… I love feeling your cum inside me,” Momo gasps, happy that you were playing along, the both of you teasing Seolhyun with your words just as much as you were with the erotic display you were putting on for her. Even as you have this conversation, your cock continues to piston in and out of Momo’s tight, slick pussy.

 “Fuck… you’re so good, baby. So tight, so hot. Fuck… you’re the best.”

 “Am I… the best… fuck… you’ve ever had?”

 “Yes!” you answer, perhaps with more enthusiasm than you were anticipating. You had slept with your fair share of beautiful women, and one of the better ones was just a few feet away, fingering herself - but you knew, deep down, that it was true: Hirai Momo was the best of them all.

 You watch as Momo turns her head so she is facing Seolhyun. Despite the pleasure washing over her beautiful face, Momo is coherent enough to smirk slightly, biting her lip as she watches Seolhyun finger herself, knowing in that moment that she had won their little battle.

 “Good,” Momo says, turning to you again, “then fuck me like you mean it.”

 You take that as your signal to finally exert yourself instead of merely being a (eagerly willing) participant in Momo’s little show, and to that end you reach both your hands down to grasp her round ass, grasping a cheek in each palm. When Momo reaches the top of her grind, and the head of your cock is all that remains in her, you slam her back down with your hands while you thrust up with your hips, driving your shaft harder and deeper into her body than she was able to do on her own.

 Momo lets a shriek out, louder than any of her moans thus far, and it is followed up with another as you repeat the action with your next thrust. You are both truly fucking each other now, both your bodies working to throw yourselves against each other as hard as you possibly can.

 “Fuck! Fuck that’s so good!” Momo exclaims, “You’re so big inside me, baby. You’re stretching me out… so deep!”

 You grunt in reply, because that is all you can do, every other ounce of your being focused instead of driving yourself as deeply and as hard as you can inside her body.

 Momo, as always, wants more - always wants to take it to the next level. And so it surprises you when she slams herself down on your shaft and then stays there for a moment, capturing your lips and mouth in a torrid kiss before removing herself from your cock. The moment of surprise lasts only a moment before you realize she is turning around so her back is facing you, climbing back onto your lap, spreading her legs until she is crouching above your erect, glistening shaft, her feet on the couch on either side of your thighs. Then, taking another moment to line up your cockhead with her pussy, she impales herself once more, this time in a reverse cowgirl position.

 From this point of view Seolhyun has a clear view of your shaft as it plunges into Momo’s tight, drenched pussy, the Japanese girl’s legs spread wide, her entire body on display as you settle into the position and fuck her from behind in your sitting position. Momo braces herself against the back of the couch with her arms, leaning back against your chest - your arms, however, are free, and you reach quickly around her torso to grasp both her breasts, pinching her nipples before reaching your right hand down her tight, firm torso until you reach her clit, your middle finger finding and swirling around her sensitive nub.

 Seolhyun lets out a sharp gasp at the display, and you look around Momo’s bouncing body to watch as the older girl spreads her legs, now fully giving into her need for release. She has pushed her white panties to the side, her finger working urgently amidst her wet folds, already one knuckle deep inside herself as she struggles to contain the pleasure she is creating.

 Momo’s moans are increasing in volume, turning more into sharp gasps of wordless syllables as the pleasure builds steadily inside her young body. Her new position presses your cock against the sensitive front of her pussy, your hard shaft and the finger rubbing her clit bringing her to the brink.

 “I’m… I’m gonna cum, baby! I’m gonna cum… I’m gonna cum so hard!”

 “Fuck,” you hiss, sharply, as much out of need to vent your pleasure as it was a curse, as you wanted to prolong the pleasure, wanted to stay fucking this perfect woman for as long as possible as she continues to impale herself again and again on your cock.

 “I’m… I’m cumming!”

 Momo lets out what is almost a shout as an orgasm wracks her body, her body quivering and spasming as the pleasure courses throughout her veins, her voice becoming a chorus of moans and gasps of lust, pleasure, and finally, release. Her pussy clamps down hard on your shaft, and it takes a significant amount of effort on your part not to join her in bliss, wanting to prolong the experience as long as possible. The wetness of her juices escapes the tightness of her body, and seeps out freely around your shaft, drenching both of your crotches in slickness.

 Momo takes a solid minute to wind down from her orgasm, and her still-trembling body collapses against yours until she is sitting limply in your lap, her back pressed against your chest. She finds the strength to turn her head to meet yours, and you kiss her deeply, pressing your mouths together as deeply as you can, your tongues finding and caressing each other. Your hands roam freely around her torso, squeezing a soft breast and enjoying the feel of her firm, flat stomach beneath your palm.

 Momo is the first to break the kiss, and she leans her head back against your shoulder, panting heavily as the exertion finally hits her. Your cock is still impaled to the base inside her body, and you take the moment of inactivity to savor the feel of her warm, wet, still-pulsating pussy wrapped around your shaft. Without speaking a word, you watch as Momo lifts her head slightly to look at Seolhyun, her post-orgasm face flushed, the very picture of lust.

 When she is ready, she bends forward and slips off your shaft, eliciting a short groan from you as you leave her tightly clasping body. You watch intently as every inch of your shaft leaves her body, taking pleasure in watching her tight pussy  lips grasp your cock as though not wanting to let it go, a thick strand of her slick juices still connecting your bodies until it finally snaps when Momo stands.

 On shaky legs, Momo saunters over to where Seolhyun is sitting, the older Korean girl now a mewling, dishevelled mess, a far cry from the haughty, confident woman she was just a few minutes before when she entered the hotel room. Momo is completely naked, her skin flushed, her crotch and thighs wet with juices, both yours and hers - but she exudes supreme confidence as she bends over so her mouth is just inches from Seolhyun’s ear.

 “That’s how a real girl fucks. And if you ever talk shit to me again, I swear to god, not only will you never touch my boyfriend again - I’ll slap you all the way back to Seoul.”

 Seolhyun has stopped fingering herself, but she lets out a sharp gasp of surprise as Momo reaches down with her own finger, tracing the Korean girl’s pussy with her fingertip.

 “Now go use this pussy of yours and finish him off,” Momo says, her words equally aggressive and seductive, “Even a virgin should be able to make him cum.”

 Seolhyun wastes no time - she is so needy for pleasure, so lust-drunk on the show you and Momo put on for her, that she immediately leaves her chair and makes her way to you. She takes a moment to bend and remove her drenched cotton panties before grasping the hem of her black dress and pulling it up around her waist. Then she sits in your lap, and a second later, she drives her pussy down onto your shaft.

 Seolhyun is tight, wet, and hot. Her body, even still semi-clothed, is almost perfect in every way, and her face, perfectly sculpted and striking a perfect balance of cuteness and beauty and hotness, is contorted in pleasure as she rides you hard and fast. It only takes her half a minute to orgasm, so close is she to the brink - and a few seconds after that, you join her, your shaft pulsating as the pleasure finally overwhelms you and you send hot, warm semen shooting inside the welcoming depths of her wanton, willing body, filling Kim Seolhyun to the brink, until your juices and hers overflow out of her tightly grasping pussy lips to drip down your balls and onto the now-moist leather of the couch.

 Any other man would be totally consumed with the moaning, gorgeous Seolhyun, still mid orgasm as she writhes on your lap - but your eyes, and your thoughts, are instead on Hirai Momo, watching as she dresses herself with sweatpants and a hoodie before leaving the hotel room, winking at you and smiling slyly as she closes the door behind her, even as her boyfriend empties thick, hot semen into another woman.

 ---

 An hour has passed since Momo left, and since then you have Seolhyun again, the Korean girl feeling like she had something to prove as she rode you, her confidence having been taken down a peg by Momo. When you finally climax together when you fuck her from behind on the couch, you notice that her gaze was locked on the hotel room door, as though she were hoping Momo would come back in to watch you both.

 Now she is sitting in the same seat she was earlier, this time with a glass of whiskey in her hand. She is stark naked, her skin still flushed with the afterglow of sex, and you find her long, toned limbs and creamy skin more than a little distracting as you follow suit and collapse on the couch.

 “Goddamn that was good,” Seolhyun says, taking a short sip of her drink.

 “I’d say,” you agree.

 “As much as it pains me to say it… you’re the fucking luckiest guy on earth to be dating her.”

 “I know,” you say without looking at Seolhyun, knowing that she was speaking the truth.

 “Anyway… what are we going to do about Thursday?”

 “I don’t know,” you answer, bringing a hand to your face to massage your brow, “we’re fucked. We need some way to prove that Sana was behind the theft of your company’s data. If we can prove that, we can claim intellectual data theft, and we’d fuck them over in court. Public opinion would turn pretty hard against them after an accusation like that.”

 “I just want to know how she got all the data for our tech,” Seolhyun says, swirling her drink around, “I spoke to the techs back home and they said there wasn’t any evidence of an external hack. They looked through her activity on our local network, and they said it was pretty clean and there was nothing to indicate a large-scale transfer of data.”

 You both take a moment in silence, wondering what to do next.

 “It’s possible,” Seolhyun continues, her brows furrowed in thought, “that she got someone else to unknowingly download the data for her. Maybe by asking someone in the company to do it under the guise of project-related work.”

 “Combing through every staff member’s network activity would take forever,” you say, upset that you were unable to add anything positive to the conversation.

 “It’s also possible that she did it with some sort of hardwired device. Network hacking would attract too much attention and have a pretty big risk of being detected, tracked, or traced. It would be as simple as something she connected to someone’s personal device that could then transmit data to an external server.”

 Personal… device…

 You stand up immediately, your sudden movement shocking Seolhyun.

 “What’s up?” she asks, genuinely confused.

 “Get everyone together. I know how she stole our tech. And I can prove it.”

[yandere-sins]

Oh my goodness - no need to worry if part three lived up to the others, it did so and MORE in my opinion!! Watching reader’s mindset change with the introduction of sex to their circumstance is so sickeningly fascinating - the bargaining and denial, the attempts to claim agency or security, the heart-dropping realization and regret as they’re about to fuck osamu - and yet they press forward anyway because what else is there?? You portray the back and forth conflict of reader’s thoughts so well, it’s so easy to understand their reasoning and empathize with their horror (and other feelings... 👀) You make the deterioration of their will seem so reasonable, like the natural progression of things, and that’s almost as terrifying as the twins themselves here (by which I mean, your writing is so fucking good for making me think and feel this way holy shit)

God speaking of the twins, where to even start with osamu... I am a bit biased since he’s my favourite, but I love the way you’ve characterized him here. It’s such a natural extension of his personality into this unnatural scenario - the restraint applied to himself, the correction of his twin’s behaviour as a way to regulate his own, yet the undeniable fact that he’s just as hungry, that for all their dissimilarities they are no different when it comes to pursuing what they love. There’s just so much to examine in his behaviour and thought process - his distrust of reader coupled with how easily he ended up crumbling to them (and his own suppressed desires), how he hopes they’ll be the one to restrain him, how he recognizes the immorality of it all and tries to be responsible to mitigate the damage (and his guilt), yet refuses to truly fix any of it - he’s so contradictory and complicated and I love it. There’s something to be said for atsumu’s shameless embracing of sin, but I personally love seeing the struggle in osamu, how he’s also slowly breaking down like reader and giving in after being so careful for so long. His desperation and repressed feelings being released and shown so clearly was just... 🥺 too bad that’s exactly what reader doesn’t want LOL.

Oh but let’s not forget how incredibly hot the spicy bits were!! I don’t even know what to say, Osamu being contradictory again in prioritizing reader’s pleasure but ultimately just doing what he wants (actually, perhaps he wasn’t prioritizing them but just wanted to taste them?? Or a mix of both like how reader has so many competing motives-) the first stroke oh my god, the thickness and how he doesn’t wait... the fact that reader came two strokes in 🥵 the position change 🥵 the roughness 🥵 the fact that he ALSO CAME INSIDE SKDNSK- again, I’m satisfied cause he’s my favourite but I totally get why atsumu got all outraged LMAO. especially with Osamu being so smug about making reader come twice 😳

Okay but reader saying welcome home though 🥺 ugh the confliction... whether it was to deter more fights or just a post-orgasm fluke, I feel like these small signs of acceptance/affection are going to encourage and embolden the twins just as much as the sex. OH and I can’t believe I didn’t talk about this yet but OSAMU’S BLUSHES AND RESPONSE TO READER’S HUG WERE SO CUTE- the tickling and his smile when reader laughed!! And his smile again after they fucked 😭 if only you hadn’t kidnapped them samu, maybe this could have been a sweet romance. Alas, he did, and as cute as it is that he’s softened, it probably means his self-restraint is weakened too - all because of that small gesture of affection (and what followed ofc aha). what happens once the overseer is done with just watching, never acting...? Poor reader, please enjoy your peaceful nap while it lasts 💔

Gosh, this all feels like the tip of the wedge, like the three of them are on the edge about to spiral further down into each other - and honestly, I am enthralled by it!! You did such an amazing job with this fic and with this series overall. Ah, but rereading the author’s note- I’m sorry you weren’t in a good place before/while writing this :( I really hope things are better for you now, or that they will be soon. I truly appreciate all the work you’ve put into this, and the skill with which you did. Thank you so much, take care, and I hope you have an amazing day ❤️

Wow! You absolutely blew me away (also, someone please tell me how the fuck you guys are writing these long and formatted asks???????)!! Like honestly I woke up at night and saw someone sent an ask and I started reading and couldn’t go back to sleep because I was all giddy and happy, omg, you are really amazing! Thank you so much for your time and support to type this all out ♥

I am so relieved I was able to show the process of thinking and changing in the reader since that isn’t always easy for me to describe as a non-native speaker! In a way I know what I want to say but it comes out like toddler’s speech :’D I am really glad it was understandable and reasonable for you to read, that helps me a lot to estimate future projects ♥

Thank you for going so thoroughly into Osamu’s (and by continuation also Atsumu’s) character! I think personalization is a strong point I have and I just love thinking about how to take the traits (strong/weak points and fears and all of it) a character has and turn it into a yandere personality, so I try to really pull from their canon verse and use it for my stories for reasoning and actions they take!

And ooh, I see you read between the lines! Yes, the initial idea was that Osamu was just having a taste of them, since you know, he repressed his desires a lot and now he has the chance to get it all! However, writing from a reader’s pov is always connected with not being to clear on what is going on inside the character’s head! After all, reader isn’t a mindreader and thus wouldn’t exactly be able to know it. But I can hint and sprinkle some ideas in anyway, hoping you guys will pick up on them :D Good job! I will admit that having him creampie the reader is actually a plot mistake I made... I mean call it personal preference, I just like that kink, but I only realized I used it again when I reread the story in correction and was like “Oh shit, I forgot Atsumu was fetching the morning-after pill!!” but in the end I must say it works out well because, you know, Osamu was just taking the chance, since the reader is most likely taking the pill anyway so why not be bold? Lol! Pretty sure I can work on my smexy scenes a lot more, I often think they might be too unbalanced, but I am glad if you all can still enjoy them, even if there’s a lot of space for improvement! ^-^

I TOTALLY live for those two bickering with each other tho lol! I couldn’t resist Osamu being snarky there xD

But yeah, welcoming Atsumu back home is like a free ticket to hell. You can’t just give Atsumu a finger without him taking the whole hand if you know that idiom. He’ll totally cling to every little nice thing reader does to him and insist forever that he’s the favorite twin just because they did xyz. I do feel like with Yandere, it always could have been so wholesome, if not for the yan being a psychopath xD

But yessss, like I mentioned in the previous ask, even if there’s more content following around, these three are the foundations of the reader and the two twins in a relationship. And now that abrriers are broken it can only go down down down so to say xD Thank you so much for reading and your well-wishes! I am currently not in a good place mentally which is probably why I’ll take a small break from the Fox Wedding too because for the last two chapters I want to be ready and prepared. But I am glad this story could bring you joy, it really helped me too when I was feeling at my worst, and now your ask absolutely gave me a good push to not despair in my little depression! I really appreciate your support and the time you spent on reading & writing, thank you so much for being an awesome reader ♥ I aspire to provide much more content you’ll like in the future ^-^ Stay safe & well too, my friend ♥

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

so i am finally forcing myself to conclude my magicians rewatch with the last two episodes of s4, out of some combination of completionism/masochism/truly could not even process where everything was leaving off plot-wise the first time through, and i KNOW that i am UNFASHIONABLY LATE to the party of being mad about the magicians s4, but this is as it has always been a blog for whatever it is i cannot stop screaming about, so, some screaming re: not necessarily objectively the worst but the things that make me, personally, most enraged about the worst hour and a half of television i have watched in my life:

-before we even get in here, there’s just so much about… the entire show and especially this season… that makes no sense if the way it ends is Quentin Dies, so above all i am mad because this show tricked me into thinking that it was complex rather than incoherent. even setting aside the queliot of it all (which LOL), why have the entire conflict about quentin going to blackspire if you’re then going to double down on his sacrificial impulse a season later? why have him say he hopes to be a dad someday - a very tender and meaningful thing to come from a character who started the series unable to imagine even wanting a future for himself, whose deepest fears as surfaced by the mind prison back in S1 involve being unable to live independently and hurting his family, which shows such an evolution in how he sees himself and what he believes himself capable of - only to kill him 5 episodes later? is it literally just to make it hurt worse?

-so much is infuriating because it is ALMOST good! there’s ALMOST a very interesting and evocative metaphor about how the magic martin chatwin used to torture plover relentlessly keeps him alive in the poison room, something that hearkens back to eliot’s observation way back that he had all that power and still couldn’t stop thinking about the room where it happened. but then it’s all thrown in with plover of all people delivering all this shit about how people can change but no one will let you which is just, why? why would you put that idea in his mouth? what are you trying to say here?

-quentin looks EXTREMELY hot in an unzipped black sadness hoodie, very tony stark in iron man 3 vibes. this is oppressive to me. quentin should not look this hot while having to engage with such nonsense!

-the fish… the fucking fish… why would you specifically write that joshfish needs eye contact from a character who can pop out her own eye… and then use that to sideline margo from saving the most important person in her life… WHY

-alice giving margo relationship advice COULD be amazing but IS stupid because it’s the second time this season that a female character is like, “maybe i AM too much of an idiot to identify my own feelings until someone else points them out to me,” also because of the fish thing

-the alice/quentin romantic reunion… i don’t know. i don’t know what to fucking do with this. i think it is the second most infuriating thing to me, after quentin’s death, because it feels so regressive for both characters? why is alice getting back with her boyfriend of 3 years ago when her arc this season seemed to be about learning to live with her past without being trapped by it? what of eating gummy bears in modesto? it could have been a very beautiful moment for BOTH these characters who are so pathologically haunted by regret to reach a level of maturity and care that allowed them to say, we both love each other deeply and want to be a part of each other’s lives, but not the way we meant that three years ago, in a new way as careful deliberate friends which we’ve never really had a chance to be. and instead it is… the least romantic romantic scene in the history of television?

-there is so much i cannot make heads or tails of in the decisions around quentin in these two episodes and this is like top of the list, honestly. how the fuck are we supposed to read quentin’s decision to get back together with alice? because the explanation that makes sense is that he is traumatized out of his mind and extremely depressed and 2 out of the 3 most important people in her life are possessed by omnipotent god creatures maybe forever and ultimately yes he DOES love alice and he DOES trust her and no part of him is capable of engaging with anything like romantic feelings right now but he’s kind of like, well, you know what, why not. why not, if i feel like complete garbage and my best friend/unresolved former life partner love interest situation are probably going to die (especially since julia going goddess was like one of the closest things they still had to hope for beating the monster, as stated by julia herself in the previous episode!), just get back with my ex i don’t hate anymore. she’s into it, she’s here, maybe that will make me feel better. and what makes me feel like i have swallowed horse tranquilizers is that THAT IS FULLY HOW JASON RALPH PLAYS THIS SCENE???? we have seen quentin in the throes of actual love and desire, with both alice and eliot! IT DOESN’T LOOK AT ALL LIKE THIS! but that interpretation only makes sense if at some point later you are going to unpack it and undo it, which you can’t do… if he’s… dead. so: ??????????

-when alice floats the possibility that quentin has maybe managed to forgive himself, which is a bonkers thing to even be in the script at this point like that is always on some level relevant for quentin but so not in the top hundred concerns relating to the actual situation at hand broadly or on the alice/quentin level, nothing about quentin’s response says the answer is yes??? he takes this heartbreaking shuddering breath and dodges the question??? again, congruent with a reading where he is getting back with his ex out of intense depressed person logic but not remotely squarable with “and then he dies emotionally resolved”??? what are you trying to communicate to us insane writers/brilliant actor jason ralph i DON’T UNDERSTAND

-everyone else TELLING quentin he still loves fillory… let my son whomst is about to die have agency to define his own fucking feelings!!!!! also, bonus bananas reason to sideline margo with babysitting fish josh: of all the characters on this dumb show i think she is like fully the only one we could argue still loves fillory!!!

-there is so much wasted potential in the monster… honestly i can’t even go there in delineating all of it. so much evocative shit is thrown out (and hale appleman gives such a weird fun sad gross strange complicated performance) and then nothing ever means anything.

-again: there’s ALMOST something great in the idea alice and quentin toss back and forth that growing up doesn’t have to mean discarding everything about who you were before. there’s ALMOST an idea there which circles all the way back to the very first episode of the show, where quentin decides that his problem is not that he is depressed and sad and scared but that he needs to grow up and grow out of the person that he is. but what is the show trying to say in having his girlfriend from 3 years ago tell him this? why, again, if their rekindled relationship is supposed to be legible as real, does he spend the entire interaction looking like he wants to, uh, die? WHY does the show have alice echo back to quentin a sentiment about himself (that it’s beautiful that he really believes in things) that was last heard FROM MARGO, RIGHT BEFORE QUENTIN BLEW UP HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ALICE BY HOOKING UP WITH HER?

-why… would you have… your beautiful sad depresso bean… express out loud the sentence, “if this couldn’t make me happy, then what would?”... and then kill him 40 minutes later and try to swear up and down these two things are unconnected. why. why would you have this moment of the despair of confronting the fundamental randomness of the universe, of being forced to abandon the quest to find meaning outside yourself, and follow that up with, um, literally anything other than the realization that meaning comes from within, can only be determined by the self, etc. why is that not the particular strain of wisdom quentin has spent four years building towards? especially given the occasional glimpses of it he’s previously had? (sometimes it is good merely to eat bacon and touch hands; the fuckin mosaic timeline) why don’t we go from the idea of fillory saved my life to my own capacity for belief saved my life, i saved my own fucking life, that’s a goddamn power i can take with me anywhere? or like, EVEN the fact that the fillory-flower decides that loving the idea of fillory IS enough, there’s… places to go with that, with the idea that things are what we make of them, we are the ones who make things matter or not… but no. now we can drink magic kool-aid and die stupidly. that’s the payoff.

-jason ralph of course acts the absolute shit out of this scene which makes it even more insulting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how dare you use his beautiful face, the most expressive face in the history of faces, to go there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i cannot believe there is so much bad television still to go after this

-do they have penny23 state out loud “it should be her choice” to make it feel like it’s okay for him to then go and make that choice?

-kady stating out loud that all she wanted to be penny’s girlfriend is… one of the most hateful things i have ever seen on television

-the fact that margo is in the mood for making out while things are at a critical point in Operation Save Eliot… hateful!

-julia immediately backing down from “fuck you for ending the 5 minutes of bodily autonomy i get every season” to “let me make moon-eyes at you”... H A T E F U L

-IN GENERAL, the hideousness with which every single fucking female main is treated in these two episodes is loathsome because it has forced me to finally understand the goddamn g*me of thr*nes people… for years i watched them be like, “yes, very much rape all the time, but sansa is so hardcore!” and just shook my head pityingly… but i too was fooled. i too was fucking bamboozled into genuinely loving 4 imaginary women that the show refuses to grant bodily autonomy or basic dignity or full personhood. sorry sansa people. i judged you too harshly this whole time.

-i mostly don’t hate josh or margo/josh but josh explaining to quentin why margo is mad makes me want to commit an act of physical violence

-there is SOME OTHER UNIVERSE with SOME OTHER SEASON 4 where the finale culminating in a celebration of the power of collaborative magic is very interesting and moving and thematically relevant. i would have LOVED to watch that season.

-why do we get to see the monster appreciating the beauty of the world 30 seconds before he dies? what is the point of this, other than to taunt us about what the monster could have been?

-everyone has said this 500 times but i will say it a 501st: it is literally unbelievable that quentin betrays no reaction whatsoever to eliot being monster-free.

-why the fuck is the scene in the seam staged the way it is!!! why does quentin take 800 years to throw the fucking bottles in!!!! why does his death look like a music video from 2004.

-to identify quentin as having the most beautiful and thematically lovely discipline possible and then two episodes later turn it into a snappy one-liner to usher in the worst thing i’ve ever seen on a television program…. haaaaaaaaate

-i can’t even be coherent about this scene between quentin and pod person penny except to REITERATE that it should be ILLEGAL for someone to give a performance THIS GOOD for writing THIS BAD

-wait i do have one thing to say which is re: “then i found brakebills, and all that went away” - enraging to me personally BECAUSE: the exact moment i fell in love with this dumb show was the closing of season 1, episode 6, the secrets magic in the trials, the moment the show careened away from the narrative it had been selling apparently straightforwardly for its first half-season - that quentin was only sad and sick because he didn’t know who he was, that after all his pain came from in fact being from secretly more special than everyone else - by laying out bare what was very, very evident in quentin’s actual behavior and temperament, which was that in fact brakebills hadn’t fixed him, in fact he had come to brakebills and remained exactly who he was, “this person that i fucking hate.” that was so true, and wise, and real, and felt like something really special that i hadn’t ever seen articulated quite so clearly and poignantly. so… to directly contradict that amazing moment of self-awareness and honesty and vulnerability… HATE

-not even gonna talk about this dumb fire scene except that scoring it to a song that includes the line “slowly learning that life is okay” is very very evil

-and, once again, julia echoing quentin’s card trick from the pilot could be really beautiful… in literally any other fucking context!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-in conclusion: HATE

[birger-wuvs-elsa]

A Tale of a Shadow

This got far longer than I intended, whoops. I’m on mobile too, so no read mores, we read or scroll like mad dastards, lol. @patricia-von-arundel @frozenartscapes

Edelgard was not one for telling stories.

So when the child asked her for one, on a quiet moonlit night when being put to bed, she wasn’t sure at first what to do. Byleth wasn’t available, having long since fallen asleep, overwhelmed by a long and taxing day. Millie has already given her goodnight hugs and kisses, and it had been up to Edelgard to take her to bed. There was no way out for her, no excuse or escape; and honestly, no desire not to. She absently remembered asking for stories as a child herself, and wanted to afford her daughter that same luxury.

But what story to tell her...?

All our lives are stories, El, that can be shared and keep us alive in memory. How else do you think legends are made?

Shadow’s words echoed in her mind, and Edelgard smiled down at the little face that beamed up from her place in her mother’s lap.

“Once upon a time, there was a young princess, who caught the eye of a mysterious dragon spirit...”

Millie’s eyes sparkled, already enamored with the tale, and cuddled closer to Edelgard’s chest as she eagerly awaited the rest of the story.

“The dragon had been traveling from world as they searched for their soulmate. When they came to Fódlan, the princess was so similar to their soulmate, the dragon spirit was fooled into thinking she may be their quarry. But as the years went by, and the spirit was as an invisible friend to the princess, they fell in love with the little girl’s spirit and heart. After all, she clearly was alike to their soulmate, and such a unique soul was well worth their companionship.”

Millie squirmed in her lap, her gaze unfocused and fascinated. “Ooh...did they stay with the princess?”

Edelgard smiled and nodded. “Indeed they did, they watched over her during her childhood. She knew they were there, as well; had spied a large hulking shadow that did not match her own. That, and she could sense them read books over her shoulder, or dance with her as she practiced alone. Thus the princess dubbed them Shadow, for they followed her as one.”

“This quiet friendship lasted for many years, during which Shadow would occasionally disappear. But the princess never feared, for they always returned. Though she didn’t know it at the time, Shadow would leave for days at a time to scour Fódlan for their soulmate, before returning to the girl’s side.”

Edelgard hesitated, and her voiced caught in her throat, as she approached the next part of the story. Millie noticed, and hugged her tight, which she returned with a bittersweet smile.

“But one day...everything would change. Evil people took the girl and her siblings, took them to a deep, dark place. They did horrible, painful things to the princess, and to her brothers and sisters. This lasted for a long time, for too long, and the girl despaired, for Shadow had disappeared and had yet to return. Her heart broke in the darkness, as it seemed Shadow had abandoned her.”

Millie pulled back, distressed and shook her head. “No! But Shadow loved her, right? Why would they leave when she needed them most?!”

Edelgard hushed her gently, and held her close as she calmed her daughter. “Shh, it’s all right, sweetheart. Shadow had already been gone when they took the princess away, and they spent all of that time desperately searching for her. They had planned to go, to leave Fódlan and continue the search for their soulmate. But before they could leave, they sensed the princess’ cries, they felt her call out to them.”

Once she felt the child relax in her arms, Edelgard carefully pulled away and stroked Millie’s hair. “So you see? They could have left, but when Shadow realized the princess was in pain and all alone, they rushed back to her side. In fact, Shadow had to sacrifice their chance to leave, for their power was weak in the world that they were alien to.”

Millie’s eyes widened as she gasped. “Really?! Shadow couldn’t leave after they stayed for the princess?”

Edelgard waved a finger at her. “In a way, yes. It would take many years for Shadow to regain the strength to leave again. They devoted those years to being ever closer to the princess, as she grew up to be a strong, fierce young woman. They stayed at her side from that point onward, even as the princess went to the Officer’s Academy. One day, in fact, Shadow truly revealed themself to the princess.”

Millie gasped, but looked excited. “Really?!”

Edelgard, amuses by her daughter’s excitement, smiled as she chuckled. “Yes, they did. They wrote a letter, and coaxed her to the roof, where they stood, physical and real and tall before her. They were like a man and a dragon, all at once, shining black metal skin, a bright red mane that put horses to shame, and great golden horns. But as fearsome as they looked, they were still the princess’ dear friend.”

“Shadow told her their story, of how they didn’t belong in that world, and had mistaken her for their soulmate. There was a brief argument, as the girl felt betrayed by something Shadow had revealed.”

Millie frowned, pouted even, at that. “What could Shadow have said to upset her?”

Edelgard’s eyes glazed as she remembered that moment. “Shadow had told her they were a god, a dragon god from a distant world...and the princess had never been kind to the concept of gods till then. She couldn’t imagine a god could be so nice, but furthermore, she was upset that a god had failed to save her siblings.”

Millie’s pout faded, but she frowned still. “Oh...but...but Shadow didn’t know! They didn’t know about the bad people, right? And didn’t they have problems with their power?”

Edelgard smiled, proud, as she nuzzled her forehead to Millie’s. “You are correct, my dear. But the princess didn’t understand at the time, and she was still grieivng for her siblings, and for who she’d been before the pain. But as Shadow explained, she could not stay mad at them for long. After all, they swore to help her, for they believed in her cause, in the change she wanted to bring about in the world when she would own day become...”

Edelgard paused, and watched her daughter’s eyes closely now. “...when she would be emperor.”

Millie frowned again, and pulled her head back. Edelgard merely waited, confident that her clever little girl would figure it out. And so she did, as those big eyes widened in surprise. She stared at her mother, a new look on her face now, somewhere between confusion and awe.

“Mama...it was you? Shadow was your friend?”

Edelgard nodded, proud yet again of her daughter. “Indeed I was, and Shadow truly was precious to me, and I to them. They had to leave, sadly, before the final battle when we approached Fhirdiad. They had regained the strength they needed to leave, and had also promised not to help.”

Millie almost scowled now, but it was hampered by her remaining awe at the revelation of who the princess of the story was. “They wouldn’t help you fight? Why not? Didn’t they love you?”

Edelgard smiled and stroked her still chubby cheek. “Oh they did, very much so. That is exactly why they didn’t help. Shadow knew what our cause was, mortal people standing together to free ourselves from cruel and unneeded gods. Shadow would not make our victory hollow, by being a god helping us slay another god. No, instead, Shadow and I traded promised before they left.”

“I made Shadow promise me, that should they ever need my help, to call on me. No matter where they were, no matter the world and no matter the danger. If they needed my help, to call on me, to summon me to their side. In return, they made me promise...promise that, should the worst come to pass, that I would pray to them. That I would call them to myself, before I passed, so that they could see me at the end.”

Millie pouted again, upset at her mother’s words. “But...but you’re fixed now, right? Mom said you’ll be okay, and your hair is brown again now.”

Edelgard nodded, and her eyes flicked down to the loose brunette strands that fell past her shoulders, before she smiled back at Millie. “Indeed...so, the worst will not come to pass, not for a long time yet, at least. But nature is not the worst, and Shadow need not see me as we once feared they would.”

Millie pouted still, but seemed to almost scowl. Edelgard frowned now, and tilted her head. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Did you...not care for the story?”

She shook her head, hard, her own brown hair whipped back and forth from the force of it. “I didn’t like the ending! It was happy AND sad, and I don’t want it to be sad!”

Edelgard chuckled softly, touched by Millie’s indignation in her rescuer and mother’s behalf. “It’s all right, Millie. I got you and your mother out of it, didn’t I? It’s not so bad an ending.”

Millie forced her way out of her mother’s grasp, and stood tall on the bed, arms crossed and pouting mightily. “No! I think you should get to see Shadow again! You miss them, I can tell! And I bet they miss you too! Have they asked you to help them with something, yet?”

Edelgard tentatively nodded, far less comfortable sharing that particular tale. It wasn’t a bad one to tell a child, sure, but she’d rather not have to tell Byleth as well. She doubted her wife would be pleased to hear of Edelgard being on another world entirely, helping Shadow and their allies face powers that made Rhea and TWSITD seem as nothing.

“Y-yes, Millie...they made do on their promise, and I provided them with my support. It’s still been many years now, however, since I saw them last.”

Millie stomped her foot in fury, but lost her balance on the bed. Edelgard quickly supported her, but the girl still maintained her mood.

“You should get to see Shadow again, then!”

“But Millie, they–”

“No! You miss them! You should get to see them again!”

“Millie, hush, it’s late! You’ll wake your mother!”

“El? Mill?”

The pair both looked over, suddenly sheepish as they beheld a groggy Byleth smirking at them both. Her hair was unkempt and nightwear wrinkled from sleep, but her eyes and smile were bright. She approached the bed, and picked up Mildred to settle their daughter in her lap. Byleth met Edelgard’s eyes as she raised an eyebrow.

“Told her about Shadow, I take it?”

Edelgard sighed and nodded. “Yes, and now she’s adamant that Shadow and I deserve a renunion.”

Millie, as hugged Byleth tight about the neck, grumbled into her othe mother’s shoulder. “You do!”

Byleth chuckled as she rubbed Millie’s back. “She’s right, you know.”

Millie pulled back, and both she and Edelgard stared at Byleth with wide eyes.

“She is?”

“I am?”

The simultaneous surprise just made Byleth love them both all the more, as she laughed and ruffled Millie’s hair. “Yes, you are! I had the pleasure of being confronted by Shadow, once upon a time. They approached me like an angry big brother, concerned that I would only cause Edelgard trouble. We had a moment of mutual understanding, and they gave me their approval before they disappeared back to El’s side.”

Edelgard raised an eyebrow. “Neither of you ever told me that...”

Byleth met her gaze and shrugged. “I think Shadow was embarrassed by the encounter. They were more than prepared to give me grief, but I suppose I didn’t give them much traction for that.”

Edelgard shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Of course you didn’t.”

Millie squirmed in Byleth’s arms, and looked up at her. “So...does this mean we can make Mama talk to Shadow again?”

Byleth looked up at her wife, who simply sighed and waved a dismissive hand. She smiled at the show of surrender, and hugged their little girl all the tighter.

“We’ve won, kiddo. One reunion with the great Shadow, on the horizon.”

[greyestjoy]

CHAPTER TEN

Fandom: Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire 

Rating: It’s Game of Thrones

Summary of the whole thang: 

Joanna Lannister, Tywin Lannister's youngest, is a bastard. Even being named a true Lannister after proving herself as a child, the young lady is still struggling to find her true self. On top of that, she has been nicknamed a shrew, after scaring away every young suitor she meets. On her eighteenth name day, Joanna is given a choice by her father. Marry an old man or become a Silent Sister, devoted to the gods and virtue. But the opportunity to woo Robb Stark arises, and the young lioness agrees, determined to win the north in her favour. Who can say no to gain power in their country? Definitely not a Lannister.

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"If a man listens to what you have to say, you're either in the presence of someone who loves you, or someone who's plotting your death."

- Cersei

"What was it like growing up in Winterfell?" Joanna asked once they were outside the tavern. The two of them had finished their drinks and decided to continue exploring Wintertown.

"It was good," he started as they turned another corner. In the back of her mind, Joanna wondered where they were going. "I was never alone, I always had my half-brother Jon." Joanna nodded intently, implying that she had met him. "And Theon has been in Winterfell since I was young." She watched as Robb smiled, and she could see him remembering the three of them playing together.                                                                                                                                                                                    

"What about your parents?" she asked. Earlier, Robb had brought up something quite important that she had not thought about as much as she should have: Jon Snow. Joanna had no clue how Catelyn Stark felt about her husband's bastard, which could potentially affect Joanna as she was also born a bastard.

"My father is honourable and wise." It was clear he idolized the man. "He is a good fighter too, but he doesn't spar with us often." Joanna could see the happy land of Winterfell in Robb's eyes. It was nothing like Joanna had seen from the castle especially since Brandon's fall. "My mother is strong and fierce." Robb was not giving Joanna the information she truly desired.

"How did your mother feel about Jon?" She asked when they turned another corner.

"She has never been warm to him." That was all Robb seemed willing to share. Joanna simply nodded, thinking.

"What about your other siblings? What were they like growing up?"

"They've always been great. Sansa has been a little lady since she was young, always dreaming of knights." The way Robb seemed lost in happiness, Joanna wondered if the two prettiest Stark children had a good bond. "Arya is wild, and it has been quite funny to watch Sansa deal with her. Rickon is a lot like Arya, except he has more of a temper." Joanna wished she could climb into Robb's mind, see whatever joy he's watching unfold. "Gods," Robb's happy little land was broken all of a sudden. "All Bran ever talked about was becoming a knight."

"Brandon will be alright," she spoke, solidly, as if she truly knew. Robb gave her a look of despair and Joanna grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers, hoping it would soothe him.

"What was Casterly Rock like?" Robb asked changing the subject. They had barely talked about Joanna's life, it made sense that he would ask, Joanna had to tell herself. He had no ulterior motives, Joanna reminded herself. He's just a boy, he doesn't know about the games one must play.

"It was beautiful," Joanna spoke as they rounded a corner in Wintertown and the gravel under their feet began to turn to grass. "It was warm," she closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the view from her room, with the beautiful setting sun on the blue water which crashed against the rocks, and the hills in the distance, which rose so gently, then dropped off in sharp cliffs over the water. "It was a bit lonely," Joana was being honest when she remembered what the view in the daytime looked like, her cousins playing in the water, splashing each other and giggling. "My father always made me tend to my studies and I never spent time with family, except for Tyrion, but he was always a bit too old," Joanna laughed when she remembered all of the times she told Tyrion he was too old to spend time with her, and Tyrion had stuck his tongue out at her, asking if he was still too old.  

"What about when you moved to Kingslanding?" Joanna looked at the surroundings as she thought. Robb had led her off the side of a field, straight to a small bush filled with glorious blue flowers. "It was crowded and scary, I was overwhelmed," Joanna answered honestly, forgetting herself,  lost in the rows of blue flowers. She saw Robb out of the corner of her eye giving her a strange look. "But I was alone, travelling only with a handful of Lannister guards. Your sisters will have each other and your father." That seemed to soothe Robb, who was staring at her, making Joanna feel a bit self-conscious. "In fact, I think your sisters will love it," Joanna kept talking, ignoring the ocean of blue watching her so intently. "Sansa will be perfect for the court, and she can buy Myrish silks in the city.  Sansa mentioned wanting to sew a silk dress." Joanna tried to rattle off more information as she watched Robb bend down, inspecting the flowers at their feet. "Arya will love all of the opportunities. She could probably join a tournament and win, especially the archery competitions." Joanna watched as Robb plucked one of the flowers. She heard the stem snap with ease, then, Robb offered her the flower, and she took it gingerly.

"You look confused," Robb chuckled a bit.

"What kind of flower is it?" Joanna had to ask. There were thorns, which made it seem like a rose, but the petals were blue. During her seemingly never-ending lessons as a child, botany had been a subject rarely touched on, but Joanna was no idiot. Roses were red, not blue.

"It's a Winter Rose," Robb responded, and Joanna nodded looking at the flower again then up at Robb who was now rubbing the back of his neck. "Tell me more about Kingslandning." Joanna nodded, took his free hand then led the two of them back to Winterfell.

"I always knew that I would be married off," Joanna started. "It just never really occurred to me until my father had my maids packing my trunk for me to move to Horn Hill."

"But you did not end up marrying Samwell Tarly..." Joanna nodded at Robb's words.

"I embarrassed him." She answered as they were walking through the town, heading for a gate that leads to Winterfell.

"Embarrassed him?"

"Not intentionally, I was just too intense about sword fighting," she tried to explain. Robb gave her a questioning glance, urging her to continue. "I had been learning how to wield a sword, and I couldn't go anywhere without practising." Joanna was a bit shy talking about her past obsession. "I suggested that Samwell and I spar so that I could show him how good I was," Joanna picked at the thorns on the flower in her free hand. "Lord Tarly and my father saw that I was practically dancing around the boy, and my father stepped in, saying I could not marry a man who could not wield a sword."

"What about the others?" Robb asked, slightly amused by the story. However, Joanna noticed something else about his eyes. The sea was not crashing, but it was not calm either,  it was rolling. She could practically imagine looking out her window and see the waves tumble into one another as if they were thinking.

"Different things," Joanna explained loosely. "But the point that I want to make, is that in this system, women don't choose who we are betrothed to and often times who we marry," Joanna watched as Robb nodded. "But you have that choice," she said.

Robb's hand twitched lightly in hers. "You do have that choice, don't you?" Perhaps I have been appeasing the wrong person, she thought to herself.

"Aye, mostly." After Robb spoke, Joanna stopped him and stood in front. Robb glanced around the square that they had paused in the middle of.

"Out of all the suitors I've had to meet, you are the best," Joanna spoke, their hands still interlaced. "I do not know if I want to keep looking, because you are probably the best I can get," Robb threw his head back laughing.

"Thank you," he said leading her back to Winterfell. "I think."

Next Chapter

TAGS: 

@kingniazx

@hornsandcrowns

(Tags are 100% open lol) 

[swishandflickwit]

Deckerstar — lost without you 1/1

Summary: In which Father Frank hears of Lucifer's return to Hell, follows in Eve's footsteps by visiting the Devil from time to time, and finally establishes the kind of friendship they had been laying the foundations of before they were both so rudely interrupted by his death.

Alternatively: A Priest Walks Into Hell

(...and, quite possibly, doesn't come back out?)

Ratings: General Audiences

Words: 2.5k+

Warnings: Post-S4. Spoilers ahead. Implied Deckerstar. Canon divergence. Seriously, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED SEASON 4.

AN: This started out as a crack if and evolved into... something more emotional than I had originally intended it to be because why not *sighs* lol.

AN: This started out as a crack fic and evolved into... something more emotional than I had originally intended it to be because why not *sighs* lol. I wrote this way before the IG takeover by Tom, Ildy and Joe so the fact that Tom wishes he could see Father Frank again but that he couldn't because he's in Heaven and Lucifer is in Hell was just bloody kismet!!!

Title, and song referenced below, is by Freya Ridings which is SO DECKERSTAR except you change 'I have to see the world' to 'I've got to save the world' and I cRYYYYYYY.

Also, Father Frank went to Heaven! But if Amenadiel's theory of Free Will is to be believed—and it obviously can because how else was Eve able to escape Heaven, come back to life and in her original, youthful body, if it can't be—then anyone is free to leave Heaven or Hell, which is how Frank can visit Lucifer. Trust me, I had a whole backstory, I'm just... not... strong enough to write it out so, uh.

Roll with it...?

SHOUTOUT to Devil'sMiracle17 for beta reading the SHIT out of this and whipping it into shape better than I ever could. This was fine, but you made it BETTER and I'm so grateful to have met you through this experience! You have my heart!

Also on ff.net | AO3

Other writing

“What song is that?”

Lucifer saunters into the designated music chambers of his hellish castle before seating himself onto the bench next to Frank.

“Sounds positively wretched.”

Although, ‘saunter’ might have been too generous a term… slinks would have been the appropriate description—trudge even more so. Unless he holds court with his demons, the Devil doesn’t much care for appearances these days.

At least not when he’s with him.

Dejection has made a home of his friend’s shoulders, so Frank does what he can to, if not extinguish—then alleviate the insidious homesickness that plagues him by providing his more human company.

Little good it does.

Frank sighs. “Something one of the newer, younger residents of the Silver City keeps blasting on repeat through the courtyard speakers. Apparently he’s having a bit of trouble accepting his newfound… state and so the angels have permitted the coping mechanism, however repetitive,” he grumbles. “The other residents have given the kid a wide berth, but I actually like staying in the courtyard and it’s been weeks,” he feels his face pinch in shame, even as he cannot hold back the admission. “Now the song’s always stuck in my head. I can’t catch a break, not even here!”

(And if he, too, benefits just as greatly from their arrangement then no one else need ever be the wiser)

Lucifer snorts. “It’s always nice to be sought, not for the scintillating conversation but, for your ability to provide refuge from angsty teenagers and shrieking, mainstream bops,” he says, drily. “You sure know how to make a Devil feel wanted, Padre.”

Frank chuckles. “Don’t forget the refreshments,” he quips, raising a goblet of demon-brewed ale to his lips and taking a dainty sip because—as he learned the hard way—the beverage was not for the faint of heart, dead or alive.

He rolls his eyes, but there’s the tiniest hint of a curl to the corner of his lips that exposes his amusement, “Oh, of course,” it widens in mischief. “That is, when you’re not puking your guts out after having partaken a little too much of the libations…”

“That was one time!”

“And my hellions are still wiping your vile, regurgitations from the side of my castle, you little weakling!”

The pair of them dissolve into giggles as they recall the events that currently fuel their mirth; Lucifer challenging the priest and he, against his better judgement, indulging him in some petty motivation to prove him wrong. Suffice to say—they both lost that night.

Much, much later, when their nostalgia trails off and their chortles fade, Frank plays the piece in its entirety, complete with its lyrics because he’s heard it so many times it’s that embedded into his mind. Lucifer doesn’t do anything as innocuous as applaud, but Frank can sense his appreciation—recognizes it in the easiness of his breaths and the slackening of his shoulders (however minuscule, tension never truly leaving him, not even in his slumber, in the few times Frank has caught him unaware).

“Sounds like something dear Ella would have listened to.”

It’s mumbled out of the corner of his mouth in evident mockery, a derisive tilt to his articulations. Except it’s lost in the soft lines about his mouth and the brightening of his eyes as he becomes swept in the current of his memories.

So he waits, always waits… happy to let Lucifer dictate the pace of their interactions, the weight of their conversations. He learned early on when they’d reunited that Lucifer suffered through good days and bad days like the best of them, that the good days were often outweighed by the bad, and the one method to temper them that didn’t involve isolating himself on his throne for days at a time, or going on a manic bender, or some crazed combination of both, was when he reminisced of his time on Earth. Or more specifically—

The people that made his time there all the more meaningful.

Though he’d been witness to the Devil’s subtle but present humanity in the all too abrupt time they spent together topside, it is never more apparent than when he speaks of the Earthly family he’d found himself, reluctant maybe but ultimately, belonging to.

Sure, the bulk of his tales involve complaining about the notorious righteousness oozing from Amenadiel’s brawny form (“Never fails to bring up he’s the Favorite Son like, alright! We get it, yeesh!”), and the deviousness with which his newborn nephew commands the adults around him with a mere sniffle… ranting about Maze's betrayal (“Twice, Father. Twice! The audacity of that little demon!”) by teaming up with Cain (“I’m going to need a drink for this, aren’t I?” Lucifer cackles. “Or ten!”), and Linda's maddening advice during his therapy sessions (“She can never just give me the answers, honestly, what else am I paying her for?”), before recounting the whole debacle with Eve—after which he upchucked the contents of his stomach over the side of Lucifer’s balcony.

Yet even amidst the palpable, if thinly veiled, vexation of his intonation, there is that undercurrent of affection that one would have to be blind not to notice... but Frank does, and he is happy. Truly. And everyone he knows, and wouldn’t have known if not for Lucifer’s divulging moods, who is significant to Lucifer has made an appearance in all his, sometimes hurtful but mostly fond, chronicles… save for one.

Arguably, the most important one.

Yes, it doesn’t escape his notice that Lucifer hardly ever speaks of the detective that spearheaded Frank’s investigation when he had been alive. His friend is in the middle of narrating his experience in a nudist sanctuary, when he cuts himself off in that manner that tells him Chloe is a part of the story.

This is what he does, every time, and it happens so often that it becomes impossible to not discern that she—his partner in every sense of the word—is so deeply interwoven within his past, his present. One need only be in their presence for more than a second to confirm, there was no mistaking the connection between them, whether it is platonic or otherwise. And so Frank is of the firm belief that it would take more than a couple of short-lived dalliances with third parties to crack, what more break, their relationship.

So, he prods. Not hard. Not pressing enough to warrant his anger or, worse, aggravate his sadness. But a little hint here, a nudge there. He can see the strain in Lucifer's muscles and the melancholy that darkens his all ready too dark orbs… and he's aching.

He can sense the fight brewing in his soul—to speak of her, to bury her memory deep inside himself, to feel her, to wrap her in his darkness, to bring her to the light, to forget her, to remember her. So Frank tells him as much as he can without actually saying the necessary confabulations that he's here, that it's okay. Lucifer can cast his burdens onto him because this is what friends (for this is what they are and yes, his celestial best friend, for all intents and purposes, is the Devil and strange as it is, he wouldn’t have it any other way) do, they listen and they protect and they share the load of your despair as well as they can ‘til finally.

Finally, it spills out of Lucifer like a break in a dam and he is crashing, crashing and all Frank can do is hold him through the tidal wave so he doesn’t drown.

“She loves me,” Lucifer admits openly, softly, even as rivulets stream silently into the collar of his ever-impeccable suit. “She wanted me to stay, and I could not give her even that. I couldn't give her what she desired.”

“Why?”

“That damned prophecy,” he snarls, and his eyes flash red before altogether receding to their natural umber as he further expands on this foretelling, Frank's grimace deepening as a new, priestly, player is introduced and revealed to have preyed on both Lucifer and Chloe’s insecurities through his dastardly manipulations, which resulted in the deaths of a hefty number of innocents.

“And Hell must always have a ruler—a celestial one at that,” Lucifer concludes in muted, hopeless tones.

“Forget the prophecy!” Frank roars, an unexpected heat that tastes of indignation at the awful circumstances that seem to follow Lucifer no matter how undeserving he is of them, coursing through his veins. “Do you love her?”

And the despondency lifts for even just a fraction, replaced by a familiar exasperation.

“Haven't you been listening? First love equals destruction upon humanity? I don't really know how much clearer than the risk of an apocalyptic threat I can get.”

Frank raises an eyebrow. “I've yet to hear you actually declare your love in relation to her name, Lucifer.”

“Ah,” he breathes, and fiddles with a cufflink, which only gives away his unease. “Funny, that—I've also yet to say them to her. Really say them. I just keep calling her my First Love, which, not a lie! Still,” he shrugs but the nonchalance is misplaced in the tremble of his hands, as he lifts his own goblet to his lips for a particularly long gulp before he, mingled with an uncharacteristic sheepishness, huffily continues, “I do adore you, Frank, but if it’s all the same to you, I would much prefer that the first time I say them, properly, it would be to her, yeah? We both know how awful I am at communication and at this point in the game, I wouldn't want any wires getting crossed and all...”

Frank takes pity on the poor creature and halts his rambling with a steady hand to his shoulder. “So, tell her.”

Lucifer gapes. "Sure, because it's as easy as fluffing my wings out and landing at the foot of her bed. Silly me, why hadn't I thought of this before? Oh, that's right! Something to do with Evil being unleashed upon the whole of humankind? Ring any bells? We were literally just talking about this. Am I doing something wrong? Wait, what am I saying. I'm perfect.” Lucifer shoots him a look so pitying, Frank must restrain himself from cuffing him in the back of his head out of annoyance.

“Heaven really does make the lot of you dull, doesn't it?”

The things he puts up with…

“There's always gonna be something, Lucifer,” he entreats (ignoring his last statement). “In any relationship. Sometimes it's fear of commitment, other times it’s disagreements on expenses or the number of kids you want. In your case, it just so happens to be the possibility of the end of the world.”

“Is that all?” he growls, voice dripping with disdain.

“The point is—would you rather face it alone? Or take the risk together? Come on, Lucifer,” he wants to weep.

Frank doesn’t understand where this vehemence stems from, but it seizes his body with an urgency that feels as natural as his phantom heartbeat. Because he’s caught tendrils of this peculiarity before, but never so glaring as now—this fire in his chest and a carillon in his brain that blares, Lucifer does not belong here. Lucifer ruling Hell reeks of all kinds of wrong. But what he’s coaxing him to do… it feels right. Because Chloe and Lucifer feel right.

They are true.

So he asks him, though he can surmise the answer, “Are you willing to fight for that love?”

And Lucifer doesn't hesitate, not for a second. Not for a heartbeat. He doesn't even take a breath before his assent spills forth from his mouth.

“Yes,” he whispers. Then, firmer—louder, “Yes. I want to fight. For her. For us.”

Because of course he would, the rebel son of God. He would.

“Then what are you standing around here talking to me for? Go!”

“And what of Hell? What's to stop the demons from coming after me again. It would really help against whatever's coming if I wasn’t worrying about a possession epidemic on top of the apocalypse.”

And Frank thinks about those scant seconds before he died. How fleeting but impactful his last words had been. “Maybe he put me in yours,” he had said. “Your Father has a plan.” He thinks about how easily the words had slipped out, almost of their own volition.

He thought dying meant the cold. But—in that transitory precipice of life and death, the sanguine fluid that fueled his essence leaking from his body and staining his cassock, and Lucifer’s hands, red—held in the arms of the Devil, all he felt was warmth… a glowing fireplace after a day in the snow, the fiery embers of a bonfire, the comforting flame of an inimitable presence scoring across his heart, engulfing his soul. It was magnificent.

One might even say divine.

And in that moment, he knew.

“I'll do it,” he says. “I will rule Hell in your stead.”

And he can see Lucifer gunning for a laugh ‘til he notices the steely glint in Frank's eyes, the resolve firming the lines of his figure, making him seem taller. Stately. Royal.

“Have I ever told you,” he starts, a smirk burgeoning on his lips, “that my full name is Frankiel?”

“Spear of God,” Lucifer translates, slowly.

“Your Father has a plan,” he repeats.

Understanding dawns in Lucifer's eyes.

“Doesn't mean it's always a good one,” he ripostes, weakly.

“And yet,” Frank chuckles, surety making him bold, excited even, as he gathers him into his arms. “I’m certain that in this, we can both agree—it is. It works.” He nods onto the taller man’s stiff shoulder. “It has to.”

Because this is what he endured the pain of living for—so that in death, he could give another a chance to be reborn, to return the love which had been so lost to him before. Because God may work in mysterious ways, but He used him as a vessel and revealed the truth of Lucifer to him, so that he could use his final breaths to bestow a glimmer of hope into His son.

He would accept no other explanation apart from this miracle unfolding before him—all the cogs and wheels that made up his life, and afterlife, shifting into perfect gear.

He says as much to Lucifer, and though he shakes his head as if in denial, he gradually returns the embrace. Frank closes his eyes—and knows that same hope that tethered him in those final, critical, beautiful moments of his life, is now a living, breathing entity in Lucifer’s own soul because—when he opens them, the Devil is gone.

There is much to work out—the insurgence of the demons that will surely reignite at Lucifer’s once more, and final, departure, arranging visits with his daughter, how to get up on that damned throne, perhaps begin forging a new one in its stead, figure out whatever his freshly-anointed status truly entails. There will be time for all of that, eons of it, even. But for now…

The priest walks out onto the edge of the balcony that overlooks his newfound domain—Hell is a sprawling, ebony terrain before him.

And this, quite naturally, is how Father Frank ends up ruling it.

AN: Honestly, I wrote this because I just really miss Father Frank. Even after S4 'A Priest Walks into a Bar' is still hands down one of my most favorite episodes in all four seasons.

And, just as Father Frank, I too would sacrifice my spot in Heaven if it meant Deckerstar could be together. LET THEM BE HAPPY!!!

Speaking of, I got some bigger stuff in the works. This came to me at a 4am, sleep-deprived yet frenzy, haze and wouldn't leave me alone till it was written. I know, the lack of Chloe in this is abysmal XD but rest assured, the Deckerstar program should resume soon so, stay tuned!

[nadziejastar]

hi I love your blog!! I just wanted to ask what your background is in spiritual matters are because you seem so well-versed in them and your applications of some concepts are absolutely spot on!! I’m just curious haha

Why We’re Never Going To Find Out How Saïx Got His Scar

Thanks! Pretty much all learned outside of school, haha. I don’t have a special background or anything. I am just an ordinary person drawn to strange subjects. I guess if I’m being honest, I became immersed in these subjects because I used to deal with depression, lol. I don’t anymore, but I still really love Axel’s character arc for that reason. He wanted to find hope. And he did.

His arc is based on the Phoenix—dying, rotting away, turning to ash, and then being born again. You need to experience a form of death, to shed away the old self. Only then can you be reborn into something higher. You need to suffer pain and despair. That is the only way to be liberated from your previous state. It’s one of those special character arcs that resonated with me strongly. It does kind of kill me to see a work of fiction incorporate genuine spiritual concepts, then get butchered. Because you don’t get that message from mainstream entertainment very often.

Zuko: “I used to think this scar marked me - the mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I’ve realized I’m free to determine my own destiny, even if I’ll never be free of my mark.”

The only other one I personally recall that had a similar realistic spiritual aspect was Prince Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He is another character that I connected with a lot. Another Fire-type character associated with the sun, strangely enough. Zuko’s arc reminded me of Axel’s, actually. As you wander through the valley of the shadow of death, you are purified. You shed the snakeskin of the ego, and are capable of transforming into your highest self. You become capable of unconditional love. He had his own awakening experience during a dream. The way he loved his sister Azula also reminded me of how Axel loved Saïx. He reminds me of Isa, too. Both have iconic scars that symbolize their trauma.

The deeper you go, the more you realize how interconnected all these metaphysical concepts are, too. Eastern/Western. Alchemy, Shamanism, Kundalini Yoga, Kabbalah, Jungian Psychology. Doesn’t matter. It’s all the same thing when you get right down to it. Raising your state of consciousness, and seeing the illusion of the world for what it is. This realization allows you to become a new being. 

The two snakes/dragons represent Masculine and Feminine. Yin and Yang. Shiva and Shakti. Sol and Luna. The energy rising up the two pathways and opening the chakras, is referred to as sacred fire. When these two energies unite, one becomes enlightened, and transcends desire, duality, karma, space and time, etc. One’s true nature is realized, which is infinite. You have the compassion and love of the Feminine, and can combine it with the strength and intelligence of the Masculine.

And Axel’s character arc is essentially the same. They are both alike in so many ways. His Ultimate Gear is called “Double Edge”. His Champion gear is called “Rapid Spinner”, referring to the chakras, which are said to be like whirlpools of energy in the body. Chakra means “wheel” in Sanskrit. And these weapons are shaped like mandalas of the Third Eye and Crown chakras. Mandalas are geometric figures representing unity and harmony. 

It’s also known as sacred geometry. It’s a symbol in a dream, representing the dreamer’s search for completeness and self-unity. Carl Jung used them a lot in his practice. He said they symbolize the wholeness of the self. These specific mandalas are used in Reiki for healing. And this is exactly why we’re never going to find out how Saïx got his scar. It’s fundamentally tied into these spiritual concepts.

Xigbar: “Xion’s disappearance is fascinating. It seems Saïx doesn’t truly “see” her.”

Origin: The Sanskrit name for the 3rd Eye Chakra is called the Ajna (command, or in control). The color of Ajna is indigo or midnight blue, associated with depth of awareness.

Xemnas: “As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that…of a recusant.”

Location – Brow: Located in the center of the forehead between and above the eyes, this Chakra governs psychic abilities and spiritual discernment. Bodily, it governs the pineal and pituitary glands.

Saïx: “Settle down. Xion’s failings won’t affect your standing with us. You’ve nothing to worry about.”

Roxas: “Won’t affect my– What is WRONG with you? Look, I’ll do my mission–later.”

Level of Consciousness – 6th: Ajna Chakra is the command center, or the seat of wisdom where the consciousness evolves to understanding and acting on what we experience from a much deeper place of wisdom and insight. When Kundalini Shakti (spiritual energy) is awakened in this Chakra, it opens the 3rd eye, the inner eye of intuition and inner guidance. An under-active Ajna Chakra may show up in a lack of spiritual depth and understanding.

Saïx: Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.

Soul Journey Stage – Breaking-Open: You have an urge to connect with your inner wisdom, to live your life in alignment with your inner guidance.

Xemnas: “Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self.”

Element – Mind: In yogic tradition, it is believed that the mind is made up of the same 5 elements that the universe is made up of (earth, water, fire, air and ether). Ajna Chakra transcends the individual elements and opens the door to universal intelligence.

Saïx: “Nonsense. I see no problem whatsoever.”

Xigbar: “Ha ha! Well no, apparently you don’t!”

Saïx: “Something you find amusing?”

Xigbar: “If people see with their hearts, Saïx, then you’re even blinder than the rest of us.”

Quality – Intuition: The 3rd eye vision is the inner vision of intuition, insight and wisdom.

Saïx: “Pitiful Heartless, mindlessly collecting hearts. The rage of the Keyblade releases those hearts. They gather in darkness, masterless and free… until they weave together to make Kingdom Hearts. And when that time comes, we can truly, finally exist.”

Origin: The Sanskrit name for the Crown Chakra is the Sahasrara, meaning the lotus of a thousand petals. Violet is the highest color in the light spectrum, and represents wisdom, awareness, and spiritual energy. White is also associated with the Crown Chakra. If your Chakra is underactive, you may lack interest in your spiritual self, you may not be open to intangible spiritual experiences.

Xemnas: “My friends! Remember why we have organized–all the things we hope to achieve. The strength of the human heart is vast. Soon, though…we will have gained power over it! Never again will it…have power over us.”

Level of Consciousness – 7th: This is the last milestone of the evolution of human consciousness, the door to Pure Consciousness. When Kundalini Shakti (spiritual energy) is awakened in this Chakra, the illusion of the individual self is dissolved. Self-realization sets in.

Xion: “I love Roxas and Axel. I’m sure Saïx would scoff at that. Call it a trick of my artificial memories. But the time I spent on that clock tower was real.”

Soul Journey Stage: You have an awareness of your own consciousness, a knowledge that the planet is connected by love, your philosophies are simple and straightforward.

Xemnas: “But then, through Roxas, Sora himself began to shape “it” into “her,” giving Xion a sense of identity. I was ready to scrap the whole project…”

Element – Energy: represents the cosmic energy that is awareness and pure consciousness.

Saïx: “Nngh… How much longer…Kingdom…Hearts… Will your strength never be mine?”

Quality – Bliss: When the Crown Chakra is open, we experience the eternal bliss, the peace that “passeth all understanding.”

Saïx: “Well, that didn’t take long. Did it break again?”

Roxas: “She’s not an ‘it’!”

Axel: “Keep your mouth shut.”

Sense – Empathy: This is because of the deep connection that we experience when the Crown Chakra energy is active.

Axel’s purple mandala-shaped weapons are the Emperor and Empress arcana of Luxord’s Tarot deck. The Red King and White Queen. Sol and Luna. Ultimate and Champion Gear. Saïx’s two weapons in these categories are the pink ones, lol. The ones shaped like Venus, the goddess of love, and Vesta, the goddess of sacred sexuality who’s known as the Keeper of the Sacred Flame.

And in Luxord’s deck, you also have the Sun and Moon arcana. For the Moon arcana, Axel’s weapon is called “Dive Bomb” and shaped like more sacred geometry, and Saïx’s weapon is called “Luminary”, shaped like energy healing.

The Sun arcana is the red “Omega Trinity”, shaped like the Ouroboros, another symbol of Rubedo and the union of Sol and Luna. It’s also a symbol of infinity, beyond the limits of time and space. And Saïx’s is called “Light Year”. Isa is light years away, but the red light can reach him and heal him. Their characters were all about healing each other. It’s why it’s so heartbreaking for me to see how Lea and Isa’s story was treated. You just don’t see many stories like theirs. It’s so positive and uplifting. 

The writers have all of these sophisticated concepts in mind, and their artistic integrity gets trampled all over. KH is a lot like ATLA. They are both marketed as child-friendly, but you can tell that the writers for both series are extremely intelligent and well-educated. Though even ATLA got compromised artistically to make the live action movies…

[airisuwatoson]

my friends got me on a dgs2 high recently, and it got me thinking a lot about Iris Watson

(major, MAJOR dgs2 spoilers, right up to endgame)

*******

iris’s relation to her real parents wasn’t really a “big deal” in the grand scheme of things, and i’m okay with that.

despite this tumblr’s URL being her, i struggled with iris’s place in the narrative for a long time. while i adore iris a whole lot, and her familial bond with sherlock makes me cry for a million years, her place in the narrative was a complicated subject for me. her relationship with klimt felt a bit like an afterthought, answered at the end of the story. i didn’t know if it was “wasted potential” or not.

but, recently, as i went home one day after discussing the game and its writing with my friends, i finally have an answer. and yeah, i’m sure there’s people who won’t agree with me, but iris’s story is fine. heck, i love it, now that i’m given time to think.

- to me, iris’s involvement in the story is more character-driven; rather than providing us The Clue to solve the conspiracy, we would instead watch her develop as the story goes on and we jump headfirst into the swirling darkness of the conspiracy.

in the first game, we spent the first case solving her presumed father’s murder. when ryuu and susato go to london, they meet iris, who claims to be john watson’s daughter. we get an “Oh, Shit” moment as we now struggle to consider whether we should tell her about her father’s demise. during her conversation at the attic with gina, ryuu and susato, she expresses that she misses her father, even when gina expresses her grievances regarding parents.

in the second game, we get in depth about the mystery, and how iris feels about her missing father. we learn how desperate she was to find out who her father is, even going so far as to have stolen government documents just to learn her father’s name. she is crushed to learn that not only is john watson just a nobody to her, the man who wrote the manuscript for sherlock’s cases wasn’t her father either.

it’s important that we got the scene in the middle of chapter 5 where iris feels a bit sad that she wasn’t yuujin’s daughter (as that would’ve made her susato’s sister), showing how she is still yearning for that biological connection. after susato and ryuu tell her that they’re perfectly fine in being her siblings despite having no blood relation, that’s when she starts to change her mind.

plus, with this exchange, we get an astonishingly heartwarming scene about the baker street family’s bond, even though only two of them are tied by blood. (”ryuu: i’ve got the strongest family backing me, after all” “me: my eyes are sweating”)

and in the end, we see that iris, who has certainly watched how the trial went down while having tea with Queen Victoria (lol), finally decided to stop trying to look for her biological father. she stops yearning for someone who most likely isn’t coming for her, someone who may not be the good father she may have imagined him to be... because she has sherlock, an amazing father who has been by her side this whole time, even if he may be eccentric and flawed.

- (insert me crying for years)

- when iris has her talk about seeing sherlock as her father, she says how she’s caused so much trouble for everyone during her quest to find her father. and it’s true - in the first game, gina goes to the pawn shop to look for the manuscript and gets arrested for murder, while sherlock gets shot; and in the second game, she stole the document about klimt’s autopsy report, which is just?? a bad thing to do??? daughter no

speaking of that, i really appreciate that moment because it’s iris acting out of a strong desire to connect with her father. i’m so glad that it’s plot relevant that susato and ryuu gain access to the document (which also reveals who sherlock’s partner really is), and also a character moment of a sad little girl who’s desperate enough to commit a crime. it kind of reminds me of pearl fey in 3-5, when she does That Bad Thing for a “good” reason? yeah

- i also think that iris serves as another person linked to the overarching theme of “Family” in the dgs series.

we have asougi & genshin, susato & yuujin, barok & klimt. except for ryuu, who is the lens we see this story through, the core cast has a family member, and we seen how... troubling these relationships are.

genshin and klimt’s deaths, as well as their actions before those deaths, have haunted asougi and barok for many years. we also know that susato and yuujin has a rocky relationship, due to how he straight up left the family after susato’s mother passed away. genshin, klimt and mikotoba aren’t 100% good people - and klimt is a heck of an understatement - and it’s caused varying degrees of emotional harm to the younger ones.

i suppose the only one who doesn’t have that is sherlock. he is, instead, linked to iris as her adoptive father. and it makes for a powerful scene when iris, one of the people haunted by the idea of “biological family”, calls him her “papa”. he is genuinely touched by that, considering her gratitude to be the most moving of all, compared to the many thanks he received from people he met in the past.

also sherlock is dadlock and i love the baker street family so much

on a lesser note is gina & gregson. in the first game, gina comes from a lonely past, jaded by how her parents abandoned her. in the second, she goes under the wing of gregson, who is yet another person who has committed numerous atrocities, but is well-meaning in general. in a way, gregson is an unstated father figure for her, and even if he may be bad, he still contributes to her growth. basically gina & gregson also make me cry a lot

to conclude this point, the “found family” narrative is one we see time after time in many stories, but the way DGS expresses this is wonderful.

- another thing is that, the reveal that klimt was iris’s father, felt less like a reveal, and more like the answer to “why hasn’t sherlock and yuujin told iris about her father, despite knowing who he is?”. for me, when i got to the reveal, my reaction was “ahhh, so that’s why they didn’t want iris to know!”

it’s also precious characterization for Klimt van Zieks, the man who committed crime after crime because he felt despair towards the darkness of london’s evils. klimt refused to tell barok about his unborn child, instead trusting this secret to genshin and asking him to help his family. klimt didn’t want iris to be raised in the van zieks household, and then known forever as the professor’s daughter, in case the true identity of the professor is revealed.

it shows that he may have strayed from the path of justice, it also shows that he still loves his family despite everything. after all, vortex managed to blackmail klimt by threatening to harm his wife.

if the dgs games were localized, i have a feeling we’d get so much discourse about klimt, lmao. but to me, it’s nuanced character writing. and if you know me, you know how much i love my flawed characters. klimt is a murderer, and don’t get me wrong, let’s not excuse his crimes, but he feels very human. and this is something we can explore in fiction. klimt van zieks is a tragedy, a good man who faced evil with justice and became the villain in the end.

- in a way, it’s also characterization for sherlock and yuujin, the latter to a lesser degree. they didn’t want iris to find out who her father is at her young age, because they were worried that they’d find out about the atrocities her father committed in the past.

they never intended to let iris know the name of her father, either - it’s only through her discovery that she found the document signed by john watson. at that point, sherlock had to go along with the lie, because to him, that’s better than telling the truth about her murderer of a father, and let her shoulder that truth for the rest of her childhood. he cares about iris, as cruel as his actions may be.

of course, lying to a little girl and letting her believe that her father is a complete stranger isn’t GOOD. but like i said, it feels nuanced, that our good lovable cast is very much imperfect. imo sherlock holmes is Good when you show how hecked up he is as a human being alongside how good he is as the famous detective

- “but john watson WAS involved in the professor case!” the imaginary person in my head says. “iris could still be his daughter, and it could still keep the idea that iris’s parentage would be problematic to the public.”

this is coming from a place of hindsight and being able to see the big picture as a player, but, like. between one of the few people centrally involved in concealing the truth of the the professor’s crimes... and THE guy, the person who committed said heinous crimes? the man who, in this particular narrative, is much more important to learn more about? i’d give the characterization to klimt every day of the week, no question.

and maybe it’s because i don’t have as much of an emotional connection to the sherlock holmes canon, but i don’t really mind that the man named John H. Watson wasn’t as important in the narrative as takumi’s original characters. just because takumi wanted to write sherlock holmes fanfiction, doesn’t mean he has to completely rely on the characters and conventions of sherlock’s stories, i feel?

i mean, we have Mikotoba Yuujin. just because the guy named john watson isn’t the man we know and love in THIS story, doesn’t mean our “sherlock” and our “watson” isn’t still there. i’m okay with takumi and the writing team twisting sherlock canon to fit their narrative. and besides, i’m going to be vague because spoilers, but it’s not as if certain TV shows adapting sherlock holmes haven’t changed the characters to fit their own narratives.

*******

it’s funny to say this, but after writing all that, i feel like i have much more of an appreciation for iris watson’s story, and dgs’s narrative in general. it’s such a good game, and i’m so glad i got to experience this story myself.

[marie-dufresne]

@blue-skies-sunrise

replied to your

photo

:

Mmmmmm yup. :) Nile shoots it off. Or rather,...

ALSO. NO WONDER ERWIN IS LIKE “r u still here” AFTER TRYING TO GET HER PREGNANT LIKE THE FACT THAT HE AGREED TO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE IS SHOCKING

Ok. I know I joke and call her a whore, but before we completely crucify Marie in this verse I need to clarify some things. 

FIRST AND ABSOLUTELY FOREMOST: We cannot view a hisrom with modern eyes. The rules of their world are not the rules of ours.

Marie and Erwin’s teenage romance was completely consensual on both their parts. 

Was it a bad decision? Yes. For both of them. Possibly more for her because her value is placed largely on her marriageability, and virginity is pretty high up on the list of things she needs to possess to be an attractive marriage prospect. Should she have tried a little harder to hold onto it? Yes. Probably.

But then there’s Erwin who has been her friend, not just some random dude she waggled her eyebrows at, but her friend who knows very well the consequences of their actions. Should he then not have said, “hey, we really shouldn’t get physical since I don’t want to marry you and if we do your whole future could get fucked up despite the fact there are absolutely no consequences for me”? 

Um. Yeah. A good friend probably would have decided not to fuck her. 

She didn’t seduce him. She didn’t beg him. She didn’t trap him. They were horny teenagers.

Marie did not shoot Erwin. 

Marie did not want Nile to shoot Erwin. She tried to stop the duel just as hard as Nanaba and Mike tried to stop it, maybe even moreso because she puts herself in the line of fire for both of them. It is Nile who cannot see past this offense, not Marie. Erwin broke a code of honor and tbh Erwin is lucky it was just their friend that called him out because Marie’s father would have actually killed him. 

Marie is not happy that Erwin lost his arm because she felt no ill will towards him when he reminded her he wasn’t going to marry her. She’s fanciful. She wanted her romance and didn’t care, or want, to be married to him. She figured she’d find a way to get a decent man when she had to. She knows her strengths and how to wield them. Her mistake here was telling Nile Erwin wasn’t going to marry her. It wasn’t a complaint, it was a comment and he flipped his shit. 

Erwin is not upset with Marie.

Is their relationship strained after the duel? Yes. It would be pretty hard for it not to be. Mostly because they’re 17 & 19 and young and impulsive piss babies. He does grow out of this, and never blames her, but having a sexual history combined with a violent one, they can’t go back to being BFFs. They just can’t.

Marie’s affair with Erwin to produce children was not a whim.

Mike and Marie spend seven years childless. Seven. Years. That’s 84 months of hope that each end in failure, heartbreak, and despair over and over and over again. The only thing Mike wants is to be a father. The absolute only thing. After four years, he pretends he doesn’t mind. It’s a lie and she knows it. He has spent these past seven years doing everything to make her happy and even though their marriage is wonderful (especially considering they are in a world where marriages are often cold and distant), based so luckily on love, every month she bleeds, Marie feels the disappointment he tries to mask and it nearly kills her. 

Let’s also take into consideration the society they live in. A woman without children is no woman at all. She’s shameful, a curse on the Zakarius name, and people take pity on Mike for having such a wife. 

After seven years, the woman is desperate

Neither Erwin nor Marie enjoy the affair

It’s a business transaction short and simple. An extended transaction but a transaction nonetheless. Marie loves her husband. The thought of sleeping with anyone else is horrifying to her {as a married woman in love I can relate to this sentiment} but giving her husband what he wants outweighs herself. 

Was this the best thing to do? 

....no. No. It wasn’t. Communication would have saved this woman a whole lot of trouble but then we’d have no plot. 

There is no pleasure involved in their coupling emotionally or sexually. Erwin does what he needs to to achieve the desired result if you would, but it’s not something either of them look forward to. 

Erwin requires payment of his own.

He most definitely doesn’t have Marie come to his estate and say ok yeah sure I’ll sleep with you. It takes a lot of pleading and begging on her part to even try. In order for him to agree to this scandal, he requires her to secure him a bride of his choosing when he chooses. 

It doesn’t seem like a hefty price to her at first, but when it comes time to pay up, she loses her friendship with Levi over it. But she does it, because she’s an honorable woman, despite her questionable choices. She could have told Erwin to go fuck himself. She’s got her two kids after all and if he were to out her, he’d be outing himself as well and destroying his relationship with Mike. But she doesn’t. She does what was agreed upon because she’s not as selfish as everyone thinks she is.

Would she do it again?

Yes. Absolutely. Well. Ok maybe. When Mike actually finds out, shit hits the fan and it isn’t pretty but before then, just looking at her husband so in love with and so proud of his family, she wouldn’t trade it for a fucking thing no matter what had to happen to lead them to these moments.

This verse is one of my absolute favourites despite me having switched my two OTPs lol and what I love so much about it is how grey it is. There is no black and white especially given the setting and the situations these people find themselves in. 

I really really wish I had the time to write as much for this verse as I’ve got planned out because it’s definitely one of the more intricate ones that displays human relationships as the delicate things that they are. That and, well, hisroms are my fucking jam.

Also if you’ve read this far, thank you for letting me scream about these losers because short of typing furiously to Biyank, I don’t get to actually talk about my verses any more than shoving random out of order fics into the tumblrverse. 

I’m sorry if it sounded like I was yelling. I wasn’t actually yelling I’m just v. passionate. 

[purpleskiesandpaperflowers]

Daydreaming Through a Shitty Situation and The Guilt it Brings.

It was a regular day at work. I was daydreaming my way through being forced to watch “Oliver” for the fourteenth time ( Welp, as long as the resident I care for is happy) to cut a long story short, after some worrying texts and missed calls my mum finally rung back with some really scary and unexpected news.

“ Auntie J has had a stroke” 

Auntie J (full name not given to respect her privacy) Isn't actually my Aunt. She’s my godmother , my mums oldest childhood friend. we used to all be very close and I love my Auntie J very very much. she’s kind and funny and oh so generous. 

However between Disbelief and Despair I could feel myself slipping into the inner world. I needed to. Its my way of processing stuff like this. I tried my hardest to remind myself of reality first and stay in the moment for a bit. I mean technically I was at work and Auntie J was in surgery so there was absolutely nothing I could have done. Mum also tried to withhold the true severity of the stroke from me , at least until I got home the next afternoon ( I work 24 hour long shifts starting at 3pm and ending at 3pm the next day , yep I sleep in at work. staff room has its own bed , I'm there at night just in case the fire alarm goes off or something cause the dude I support wouldn't be able to understand what's going on and get himself to safety ) That's not really an important part of the story. 

Anyway , I started to slip into my inner dream world. It feels somewhat selfish and like kind of stupid that then I daydreamed that one of my parames partner had a similar thing happen to him. I don't know why I do that, its something ive always done. Bending my daydreams around the events of reality , no matter how crappy , is just how I manage I guess?

I don't really know. Im really sensitive and I get stupidly stressed easily so it just helps me distract I suppose? it also helps me figure out how im supposed to feel because to be honest ive lived in a daydream, consistently for the last 9 ish years. back when I decided that paras are a great replacement for real friends- since I didn't really have any. (bravo 11 year old Beck) 

You know I really do not know why my compulsive desire to daydream is constant and why I feel like I have to do it in these situations.

I mean its weird but aside from when your hot Polynesian boyfriend has a brain hemorrhage, I enjoy daydreaming. I’m actually in love with it. I don't think I want to stop its my safe haven. (again when someone's not having a medical emergency) 

well I actually had a bit of a thought last night about my daydreaming addiction.( you know, at 5am because why sleep when you can have an argument with yourself about why you're a terrible person and fail at destroying your brains argument with techniques you got from a CBT self help book because I’ll probably have had a stroke and died myself by the time I get to the front of the NHS waiting list.) My daydreams are a bit of an amalgamation of my “special interests” Once  again ill explain that I do not have an Autism or Asperger's diagnoses, however I have Tourette's syndrome and OCD which slaps me right under the “neurodivergent” label. Aka I twitch a lot , have a compulsive desire to daydream and if I haven't done something perfectly I've failed the world and my mum will abandon me , I frequently obsess over things  and because people with Tourette's are wired a bit differently I have some wicked Autistic tendencies such as ( can you put two lists in the same sentence its been ages since I've Englished) ; fun sensory stuff - I.e being awake half the night because I can feel the blanket touching my shoulder blade and I do not like. ; Weird obsessions with medical stuff and things like snakes and uhhh my dreamverse I guess ; and finally “SHIT WAS THAT SOCIALLY UNNACCEPTABLE OF ME TO SAY OR NOT.”  

I guess going off on an off-topic tangent also counts as “things that make Beck Neurodiverse” This blog must be ridiculously hard to follow I apologise.

yeah my dreamverse is I guess a place for me to be … me. I guess that's the other half of the reason that my daydreams went in the direction they did after Auntie J’s stroke. I mean like obviously I'm shocked devastated and upset because I love my auntie J and she must be so scared. There's also more to the story than the stroke but that's not my story to tell. Saying that, the slightly Autistic part of my brain is mesmerised at how the brain recovers , slightly smug that I remembered that thing from a level psychology about Broca’s area and the brain re- wiring itself , meaning that Auntie J has a chance of regaining her lost speech despite the fact that the dominant side of her brain was starved of oxygen for a while. Id like to be a nurse if I wasn't A. Afraid of vomit and B. was a little more academic. I mean my current job always has the chance that someone will vomit , but sadly that's life and I cant avoid everything because I'm emetophobic. I mean maybe one day ill go into veterinary medicine like I always wanted to or even nursing. but I'm kinda happy with my job idk?

Anyway , yeah , I hope someone can relate I guess. I got a laptop for Christmas which hopefully will make blogging easier for me , although I've spent the last 4 days  creating my paras in the sims 4. As much of an idea that it could be for posts and things it has also massively hindered productivity lol.