#also you cant believe what kind of total bullshit sometimes gets written just to keep people out

[todaviia]

Why does it take hours to write the appeal? What's in the appeal? What's the "asylum agency", are they lawyers as well?

The "asylum agency" are the Bundesamt für Migration und Flüchtlinge (BAMF for short), it's the German Federal department for (among other things) vetting asylum claims. There are a lot of lawyers (as in, Juristen = people with a law degree) working there, but it's a normal administration job.

Basically in the German asylum system you first fill out an "Asylantrag" (asylum claim). In this you say where you come from and why you think you should be entitled to protection in Germany (both actual asylum - which refers to people who are personally persecuted - as well as subsidiary protection, which applies to people fleeing from general humanitarian disasters such as war).

Then the BAMF checks your asylum claim. Here is a very good English-language longform article by the Atlantic detailing how the BAMF works and what methods they use. Then they make a decision (Bescheid), which either accepts or rejects the claim (appealing it means you refuse to accept their ruling and try to overturn it).

There's TONS of problems with this. Even legitimate refugees often don't tell the truth or do so in a way that is contradictory bc we're talking about usually super traumatized ppl getting like half an hour to tell the absolute worst and often most intimate parts of their lives to a total stranger and THEN these total strangers judge whether they believe that or not.

And they can be super and I mean SUPER unfair about this. For example for the guy whose appeal I wrote today (let's call him F.), he was asked to describe his situation and he said he knew three other gay guys in his city, that they were the only people who knew about his sexuality and that they all were still closeted and still in Iraq. He gives detailed descriptions their meet-ups, their conversations, generally how they lived (it's literally all in the hearing transcript). The interviewer asked for their names. F. said their first names. The interviewer asked for their full names. F. said he doesn't know them.

In the Bescheid, it says among other things "F. was unable to give details including basic information such as names about the people who supposedly were members of the social group of people who shared his oppression. True accounts of persecution are often characterised by the fact that they are very detailed. His claim is therefore not substantiated."

We're talking about an 18-year old gay kid who just fled a country where he legitimately feared for his life because of his sexuality and who basically had to keep this part of himself secret his whole life, in a conversation with a complete stranger in a position of authority. Of course the fact that he didn't give the full names of his closest friends who still lived in that country in that situation must mean he's lying.

It also says it's contradictory and therefore unbelievable that the father would inform another family member about his son's sexuality because the fact that this would bring dishonor to the family means the father would have kept it a secret. (The "conversation" was the father convincing other male family members to join in and kill him - something which happens regularly in the country if you read up on literally any source dealing with LGBT Iraqis - often even clerics get involved to issue fatwas against them).

All in all, even if he was gay, he should have considered living anonymously in a different part of Iraq rather than come to Germany.

And what takes hours is to dig up reputable and up-to-date sources detailing the status of gay men in Iraq (Here is a heartbreaking report by Human Rights Watch btw), especially concerning the different regions of Iraq (Iraqi Kurdistan for example is considered more liberal when it comes to religion, so religious minorities from Iraq just get told to move to Iraqi Kurdistan instead. However, this does NOT apply to sexuality).

Then you try to pad that with other German court decisions abt gay men in Iraq (unfortunately it's mostly lower administrative court decisions, which don't hold much weight - but the VAST majority of them accept gay men from Iraq as legitimate refugees. There's also an ECJ ruling that says gay refugees can not be expected to hide their sexuality in their country of origin, as that would not be expected of straight refugees either and therefore would be discrimination, that's why his chances are quite good bc the Bescheid literally expected that of him) The LSVD has a REALLY great compilation for all sort of different countries of origin.

And then you have to take apart the whole bullshit Bescheid, point out the logical flaws, add other stuff the refugee told you and try to come with proofs for that etc.

It takes A LOT of work.

[littlehungrywarrior]

@chell-master-of-the-portal-gun​ @angel-wings-and-feathers​ 

This is not at all important or serious 

this is exactly the same kind of thing i usually send you over text, but this was SO FUCKING LONG i had to type it here instead so please bear with me i cant believe my mind went this far 

just pretend i texted you this. 

okay so... 

AA characters as shitty early 2000s disney channel shows 

APOLLO’S SHOW IS CALLED “BAD MENTORS” beacause of FUCKIG COURSE IT IS hav u SEEN this boy????? help him. 

on paper the plot is that apollo justice (already a perfect name) is a middle school kid (played by a fucking college-age actor) who just got an internship doing some ~vague cool adult job~ 

but the show treats this “internship” as the same as a really exclusive high school the same way spongebob treats driving school like high school, so.. 

anyway. all his teachers are terrible, but theyre all terrible in like...redeemable ways. like the laid-back teacher is sometimes too laid back, the teacher who gives too much homework is really fun to talk to, that kind of thing. like ned’s declassified except terrible and i promise not to compare that masterpiece with this garbage ever again i am so sorry 

THE MAIN TWO TEACHERS are mr wright and mr wong (because pun). 

mr wong is an OBVIOUSLY EVIL MAN. he has a hand scar from a chemical burn shaped like a spooky face, he likes to rob orphanages, he has dreams of ruling the world...but he’s also really understanding and gives apollo all the warm, fatherly help he needs to pass his classes make it through his internship :) 

MR WRIGHT is, however, A WONDERFUL MAN who recycles, donates to charity, and baked cookies for the fundraiser. BUT HE’S ALSO A TOTAL DICK TO APOLLO. brushes him off and makes fun of his Dumb Hair and is just generally a deadbeat asshole. 

theyre also enemies. mr wright and mr wong are arch enemies. constantly fighting. fighting over everything. fighting over who apollo loves more. 

WHO DOES APOLLO LOVE MORE??? that’s the plot. 

also there’s a really anticlimactic mid-season-2 twist that mr wright’s daughter is ACTUALLY APOLLO’S LONG-LOST SISTER. 

(when Real Apollo sees this on TV he says “this show seems really familiar...” and looks over at phoenix/trucy...then at the tv...then phoenix/trucy...then at the tv... hmmmmm....)  

(”Nope. must be my imagination!”) 

PHOENXI WRIGHT’S TV SHOW is called “THE LIE MASTER” and oh man lemme tell you...... 

so Nick is a generally well-liked but kinda troublemaker kid right?? he’s not popular but he’s kinda a putz, kinda a nerd, almost fuse nick with larry here. remember, this is what early 2000s disney thinks we think is cool. 

and he’s got a Big Test but UH OH!! HE DIDNT STUDY!! so he like...makes up a bunch of answers and turns it in. it was a written-answer test, not a scantron or anything.. 

and, because he was bullshitting absolutely everything, his answers are all JUUUUUUUST esoteric and cryptic enough that the teacher not only gives him an A+, but thinks he’s a FUCKIN G GENIUS!!!!!! 

AND HIS PARENTS THINK HE’S A GENIUS. THEY BUY HIM A LIMO. 

AND ALL HIS TEACHERS THINK HE’S A GENIUS. THEY gIVE HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT. 

AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS THINKS HE’S A GENIUS. THEY ASK FOR HELP ON THEIR HOMEWORK AND ESSAYS. 

nick is just wWALLOWING In the fucking attention, right?? ? HE LOVES THIS. he can just make up answers and as long as theyre absurd/vague enough he gets praise. it’s amazing. 

his rich snobby harvard-bound BFF Miles’s family starts to like him better than they like Miles even tho before they absolutely hated him, which drives a wedge between him and Miles.. Miles has known him for FUCKING forever so he’s just like 

“i’m onto you, Nicolas.” (because his name cant be phoenix) “I know you and I know you’ve never been that smart. I’ll find your secret. I’ll find it if it’s the last thing I do! THEN we’ll see who overshadows me and wins all the scholarships ive worked so hard for!!!!” 

but there’s antoehr problem. the only person who knows for sure that he’s making shit up.......is the girl hes got a crush on, Maya. she’s a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN and the entire show teases them getting together but it’s only ever actually canon that nick has a crush on her. this is never resolved. 

SHE COMES UP TO HIM WITH HER ARMS FOLDED, POUTIN ALL SASSY-LIKE LIKE “You cant fool me! I KNOOOOW youre just lying!!” 

“What?? HOW?” 

“My sister did the SAME THING when SHE was our age! And now she’s in college to be an engineer-lawyer-astrophysicist! That’s THREE PhDs! She’s gonna get all her doctorates this year and she’s only 16!!” 

nick screams 

but Maya says dont worry, she’ll keep his secret...IF she can ride on his coat tails/he’ll make her popular by being her best friend. for the rest of the show she’s giving him advice based on what her sister would do. 

also whenever they need a deus ex machina, maya texts her sister for help. 

OKAY SO MILES 

MILES’S SHOW i havent titled it. oh well. 

after the ~mysterious death~ of his father (that’s never properly addressed as an actual life-changing tragedy), miles is adopted by a STRICT NO-NONSENSE GERMAN DAD and taken to GERMANY where things are DIFFERENT than in america! (but not too different because this is disney) 

(also this is early 2000s disney so the german is incorrect half the time, they couldnt be arsed to get a real translator) 

the show is poorly timed WWII jokes heavily influenced by Home Alone 2: Lost In New York and other wacky misadventures of kids lost in cities/cultures they arent familiar with. i am not going to mention rugrats here because that show was very intelligent and i wont dare squander its name. 

ANYWAY it’s miles and his WACKY TROUBLE-MAKING LITTLE SISTER FRANNY who is way too smart for her age. she keeps getting miles in trouble and then being soooooo cute and innocent that Miles gets blamed instead. 

franny is basically a fucking sociopath. she’s the unholy offspring of angelica pickles and megan parker. 

miles is please dont sue us, skype Video Chat™ friends with phoenix (whose name is actually allowed to be phoenix now that he’s the wacky side character) who knows miles from back in american school before he moved. 

miles can exposition to him freely. 

they either never address the timezone difference or address it way too much depending on the episode. 

after the first season, the studio said that the stakes were “too low,” so the writers introduced the possibility that miles’s father’s death was part of some kind of complex conspiracy scheme masterminded by von karma. 

this was built up for two seasons, never resolved, miles never found out, and the show was abruptly cancelled. 

[thedegenerateasexual]

more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered 

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and 

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one