#although thanks for helping me in my own sexuality crisis as I now have confirmation that our friendship was incredibly homosexual at times

[greywrren]

.

[plounce]

do u have any reccomendations for how to read only comics involving rictor and shatterstar?? i used to be into marvel comics so i am immune to the usual comic shenanigans but i would like to learn more about these boys

here is a guide to reading xmen comics for rictor and shatterstar, my favorite canon comics couple! they were the first on-panel gay kiss in a marvel comic! they’re very special to me!

OKAY SO... ok. for anyone else using this, here’s a standard disclaimer that obviously there’s gonna be a lot in these that just absolutely sucks because 1. the 90s, 2. comics are an extremely cishet white male dominated industry. i do not vouch for everything written in these comics, but i think the gaycoding that eventually gets canonized is worth wading through a lot of stupid bullshit and very ugly art.

quick backstory on these two: rictor is a mexican teenager who was kidnapped by an anti-mutant terrorist group and was rescued by x-factor (the original 5). he hung around their auxiliary teen group the x-terminators for most of x-factor, being a delightful little punk (wearing a sleeveless leather vest a lot of the time!) and hanging out with boom-boom (who i love) and then got put into the new mutants for a very short time (where he had a thing with rahne/wolfsbane), before it was dissolved and transformed into x-force when rob liefeld took over the title. rictor hates team leader 90sdude cable because he thinks cable killed his dad in front of him. he tends to be the snarky asshole on the team.

the first part of this article has a lot of little rictor moments i’m not covering here. if you want the full rictor experience, check out x-factor (1986) and !x-terminators! x-factor starts very slowly but it picks up and improves when the simonsons take the helm.

rictor left the team. shatterstar was introduced by liefeld - he’s an Emotionless Warrior Guy Who Loves To Fight from mojoworld (a planet run by a despot who produces tv. it’s Commentary), where he was forced to be a gladiator from birth and doesn’t know a lot of earth customs and doesn’t have emotions (or rather, he represses them). 

x-force (1991) feel free to read through all of it, but in case you just want to skip to these two, all of these issues have one or two good little Moments - just do some skimming. i tend to focus more on rictor than star in this era because star is made more interesting than Emotionless Warrior Guy by butting up against rictor:

13-16 (rictor rejoins his old new mutants friends)

19, 21-26 (the first phase of their relationship where they don’t really get along. in one of these issues rictor stares at star’s ass. big moment of star being autism-coded in here too)

29-30 (rictor drives shatterstar around and they seem to get along better, you get to learn a bit about star’s past, adam-x the x-treme is there)

32-33 (just some little moments of them hanging out, a couple good rictor lines)

34 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor backstory issue! AND this has the first big Subtext moment: shatterstar reveals he learned spanish from tv so he and rictor can have “conversations of a highly -- personal nature” HELLO?)

35 (some little moments where you can see star and rictor are now Friends and star is affected by that friendship)

39-40 (more good friendship - rictor asks if star has been watching dating shows and they just seem close. rictor also has gotten a haircut! we learn shatterstar’s mojoworld designation! they ride some motorcycles!)

43 (VERY IMPORTANT - the two go to a club. rictor tells star he’s a virgin then asks him if he has a dick. i am not kidding this literally happens. star learns what sexual attraction feels like and says ‘i don’t know what emotions im supposed to attach to that’, and rictor tells him he’ll help him learn.)

44 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor leaves the team because he doesn’t want to have the team communicate telepathically (VERY interesting for a character who is eventually revealed to have been a closeted gay man). shatterstar begs him not to leave - “you’re my best and only friend.” rictor tells him that if he ever needs him, he’ll come back.)

cable (1993) #22 (follows up directly on rictor leaving the team - star accompanies rictor to the airport and has a lot of Feelings and has great hair. “julio. one last time. please, change your mind. what am i going to do without you?” oh so you’re dependent on your best friend who you’re in love with? oh?)

45, 47-48 (star’s weird biology, star brings up rictor as his emotional touchstone in a situation where he isn’t relevant at all. also, a plotline where tabby gets treated terribly by her friends and the narrative!)

49 (VERY IMPORTANT - star wanders around at night wondering why rictor hasn’t contacted him yet. he goes to the club he and rictor went to in #43 and turns down a girl who hits on him. he thinks “i miss julio...” (in an earlier issue, rictor tells cable not to call him by his first name - “only my mom calls me that”), then beats up some homophobes in an alley. I AM NOT KIDDING.)

51-52 (51 has more weird star biology. 52 has two pages of star and james talking that is a nice look at star’s developing emotional state - the rest of 52 is a fight with one of marvel’s extremely fatphobic villains, just a warning to skip the rest of it. although the letter page of 52 has someone go HEY ARE RICTOR AND SHATTERSTAR IN LOVE? thank you roeland looman from the netherlands)

54-56 (the start of shatterstar’s weird bad benjamin russell backstory that is quickly forgotten, disregarded, and uncared about by everybody. BUT in 54, there is some extremely loud subtext where star’s feelings for rictor are explicitly compared to a het romance subplot!)

58 (star is very chill and flamboyant for like two pages, it’s great)

59-61 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor returns because star Needs him in the midst of his identity crisis!! it’s so joyful and sweet for them both, and the subtext is so LOUD here - there’s just. so much going on, i won’t describe it all, but it’s very good content and their emotionally intimate relationship is very apparent - really excellent gaycoding. the weird shatterstar backstory wraps up circuitously and to no great effect, but the art in the last issue is very nice, and rictor’s plain and uncomplicated concern for star is great.)

63-65 (some little moments - shatterstar and rictor time travel and beat up some nazis, star has a lovely conversation with siryn,)

x-force/cable ‘97 (the team goes to asgard! the important thing is that star says some goofy “ah... warriors...” things, and then rictor teases star for liking delivery pizza. it’s very charming)

67 (they hang out with tabby in a van. shatterstar has pigtails!)

70 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor and shatterstar exit the team together to go take down rictor’s crime family in mexico! they seem very devoted to each other. shatterstar’s hair is all the way down!)

post leaving x-force:

76 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar return for one issue - rictor gets held captive to force shatterstar to fight domino!)

x-force annual 1999 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar get their own story about what they’re doing in mexico! shatterstar has an ugly little goatee, but rictor looks great! they choose to share a room rather than sleep separately and then it kind of feels like they shared a bed! rictor has learned star’s alien language! they genuinely just seem so close and comfortable with each other, it’s incredible.) (if you’re using RTO, it’s within the rest of xforce’s issues)

they’re both in comics limbo for the first half of the 00s besides a couple random flavorless appearances. shatterstar at some point goes back to mojoworld to help with the war against mojo. then we hit peter david’s x-factor run in 2006, known as x-factor investigations (xfi). this directly follows the “house of m” event - what matters is that the vast majority of mutants have been depowered by the scarlet witch. rictor is one of them.

rictor is a main character of the team from the first issue (the series opens with him about to attempt suicide), so if you wanna read the run you can start from the beginning. x-factor is... well, there are worse-written comics. it’s an okay read, but i find PAD’s writing insufferable a lot of the time (he writes multiple man as a pretty blatant self insert, and literally every girl on the team wants to fuck him at some point or another). i read the whole thing and it’s decent comics, but you might want to skip to the ricstar.

PAD canonizes ricstar, which is great! but unfortunately: 1. he writes star as  “slutty bisexual just can’t stop wanting to fuck people besides his partner who is uncomfortable with that!”, which is biphobic and sucks hugely, especially since it feels so different from xforce original shatterstar (see this post). rictor also just seems so annoyed with him all the time, which also sucks - they’re best friends!! let rictor like his boyfriend!!

anyway. if you choose not to read all of xfi, here are the ricstar highlights:

first issue of xfi for rictor's horrible mental state after m-day

14 (jamie implies that star would be jealous of rictor hanging out with quicksilver)

43, 45, 49 (star reappears!! he’s mindcontrolled, but it gets fixed, and he and rictor have the first ever on panel gay kiss at marvel!! yaaaay!! then they talk about their relationship a little)

after issue #50 it changes the numbering, so if you’re using RCO youll have to go to xfactor (1986) #200 to continue

200 (SHATTERSTAR FIGHTS THE THING!)

continue to read between here for star apparently being unable to stop kissing people. sigh. star sleeps with adult layla, which... sigh. whatever

207-208 (rictor and shatterstar semi-resolve the stupid biphobic plotline, resolve to work on their relationship, rahne discovers them (she and rictor had been sleeping together earlier in xfi), rahne is pregnant and homophobic, rahne and star fight, star is a delightful bitch)

209 (shatterstar on a pirate ship. that's it)

210 (rictor confirms that he is gay and it wasn’t legit when he’s been with women. there’s a moment where it's like "oh star makes rictor laugh" which is epic)

211-212 (star is said to be frustrated about rictor and rahne, rahne’s baby’s actual dad is revealed)

213 (rictor and rahne mostly resolve their shit)

216 (star and monet hang out, star thinks monet tells him to pee on rictor, spiderman is there)

217 (there’s a joke about the longstanding theory that longshot and star are related, monet is revealed as muslim in a very dumb way)

220 (star and rahne have a pretty nice conversation about their relationships to rictor and rahne’s faith. rictor does an offscreen internalized homophobia)

221 (star and rahne continue to hang out but it’s not as good as the previous issue.)

222 (oh my god, rictor cares about shatterstar being hurt! rahne owns up to how she kind of treated rictor like shit!)

pop over to avengers: the children’s crusade (a young avengers miniseries with good ol’ billy/teddy and i like it! but if you don’t want to read the whole thing - rictor and shatterstar appear in #6, and rictor is the first mutant to be repowered! they’re more tender with each other over their five page appearance than they are in xfi, so it’s a balm)

225-226 (PAD decides the first thing rictor does with his powers is be a scab [DEEP SIGH], rictor and shatterstar discuss rictor getting his powers back, the biphobic plotline is resolved again kind of in a very PAD-y way)

235-236 (shatterstar gets to be the main character of a mini arc. fights a mojo guy)

238 (ricstar go with rahne to help her find her son)

242 (they find her son. not as important imo)

248 (oh my god... they joke together :) they like being around each other :) also shatterstar goodboy moment. then in 249 rictor’s life is spared bc of shatterstar’s goodboy moment)

259 (SHATTERSTAR’S CRAZY CONVOLUTED BACKSTORY THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO HIS CHARACTER! YAHOO! and star has a cute little bob)

after xfi wraps up, there’s a couple years of limbo before they appear in secret warriors (2017) #2-3 (end of #2 and most of #3), which is a big crossover event or something. i don’t know, it’s an inhumans comic, and as an xmen person i am contractually obligated to roll my eyes at the inhumans. ricstar both have mustaches, star doesn’t speak, and rictor has the ugliest costume ever (green tracksuit with no socks??) (tabby also has a terrible costume). it’s just more inhumans trying to be a match to the xmen and utterly failing to not look & act like total jackasses (except, of course, for kamala and moon girl). rictor’s jokes that daisy johnson should get more original powers (she also has seismic powers - rictor predates her!), and then daisy blows up the xmen’s jet. while it’s in the air. this is a very neat summary of most mutant-inhuman relations.

now we enter the current era of “on again off again” relationship limbo.

rictor appears next in iceman (2017). in #9 he states that he and star have apparently broken up offscreen! and then he hits on bobby! sina grace is a cool person but this writing decision is so... aghhh. the next issue he and bobby go out on a date and he’s immediately like “yeah i only have my eyes on star”, so it seems to be more “it’s complicated” than “we’re broken up for good.” he sticks around to help out with a mission in #10-11.

they’re on again in new mutants: dead souls, where rictor is a part of the team and he’s hilarious and has so many great lines! shatterstar also makes a couple cameos throughout and they’re all super sweet! they seem very domestic and comfortable and happy, i love their dynamic in this. my favorite shatterstar panel ever is in #6, where he is making rictor pancakes and is only wearing an apron. please ignore all the big plot things that happen at the end of this, especially everything with karma. they are stupid, dumb, and do not matter.

related to nm:ds, rictor appears in multiple man #1 as part of that team and looks very very cute. and he isn’t whitewashed like in nm:ds!

off again in the shatterstar (2018) miniseries. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this because i LOVE all the rictor stuff, the first issue codes shatterstar as autistic in a very characterful way, it doesn’t whitewash rictor for once, and the covers are GORGEOUS! but it also attempts to retcon a ton of star’s emotional backstory AND arc set out in xforce, casting a black woman as his emotionally manipulative ex. also star is a landlord (ew). my advice with this one is to treat all the flashbacks as not-really-canon since they suck.

star appears in extermination (2018) #3-4 and gets mind-controlled into trying to kill the time-displaced teen o5 (timetraveling baby cable is trying to put them back where they came from), and the art looks great and i feel really bad for him. rictor makes a follow-up cameo in uncanny x-men (2019) #9-10, where you can see that he’s at the school in order to visit shatterstar since he’s with cecelia reyes. he then goes to fight nate grey/x-man, where he gets sucked into the age of x-man pocket universe/event.

around half the xmen get trapped and brainwashed in that pocket universe where there is no love or family, merely friendship and comradery (it’s an attempt by nate grey to ‘fix’ the xmen by getting rid of all the soap opera stuff - it’s a bit meta wrt how xmen are the soap opera superheroes). there are a couple different titles for this event: rictor appears in age of x-man: x-tremists #4-5. people have mixed feelings about this title due to the gay characters (northstar and iceman) enforcing no-romance laws that very intentionally parallel anti-gay laws from real life, but rictor is just chilling and running an illegal romance movies theatre, and then he gets drunk and then starts a riot and he’s just delightful in this.

everyone outside of the pocket universe thinks everyone who disappeared was killed. shatterstar is part of the team in x-force (2019) (there are two 2019 x-forces: this is vol 5, written by ed brisson) who are trying to track down young cable (baby cable, or “bable”), who killed older cable, who formed good old 90s xforce. boom-boom is the best part of this entire run, hands down. the art is expressive and interesting but i Hate how they draw warpath (the one time he’s free from comic book limbo!). shatterstar is in full “i only like fighting please let me fight i am a difficult asshole” mode, and talks about grieving rictor in #7 and #10. this is never really resolved since age of x-man is thrown over for hoxpox (BIG status quo changes & current era of xmen comics), but aside from my little ricstar heart i can’t really mind.

rictor is currently appearing as part of the team in excalibur (2019), and has been very... cozy... with apocalypse. at the time of writing (halloween 2020), it’s very heavily ambiguous what exactly their relationship is besides “intense” and i still have no clue what to think about it. he and star have been stated by the writer to be exes, but i also know tini howard is a ricstar fan so im holding out for good things! and it’s cool that rictor is getting a ton of focus and a lot of powering up. i remember reading xfi #1 and being amazed at how rictor described how soul-deep his earth powers were and wanting more of that, and excalibur has that for him in spades. (i am still withholding a lot of judgment wrt rictor’s writing in excalibur until i see how things pan out)

after reading to excalibur #12, switch over to x-factor (2020). read the first three issues because i love northstar and prodigy and rachel. please ignore a couple cringe comments towards poor daken. shatterstar appears in #3, trapped on mojoworld, getting traumatized, and breaking my heart as i write this. that last data page... free my boy!!!!

after x-factor #3, read x of swords: creation. more rictor and apocalypse being Close. after that, read x-factor #4 for apocalypse being very Attached to rictor, and then rictor looking very good and freshly resurrected. then continue reading excalibur. in may, x-factor is going back to mojoworld!!

that’s all there is so far! i think within the next year there will be even more content for us, and im very eager to get to that content. i will update this post as things come out.

[espejonight28738]

15×10 meta "I don't know what is god and what's not..."

But maybe now we do. Kind of, anyway.

Warning: Destiel and Saileen positive. And somehow this ended up with a lot of Charlie, not that I think anyone will complain about that.

I've been thinking about this since Thursday. Like, one one hand, Dean's "The blood, the sweat, the tears, man. That's us." Was beautiful, specially if we take into account that a few episodes ago he still was all "I don't know what is God and what's not, and it's driving me crazy."

So I rewatched the entire season (that's why only now I have this) and now I will say what is God and what's not.

(I mean, kind of, I think we will never know the true extent of Chuck's manipulation to avoid even more plot holes XD)

So, first:

Mayor plots we know (or I think) were Chuck's:

 The first Apocalypse (Duh)

• Leviathans (I say this bc in one of Chuck's memories, Benny was in the bunker with Dean. Benny means Purgatory, and Purgatory means Leviathans. If the Leviathan are a constant, they probably are part of Chuck's plan.)

• The Mark of Cain (We've seen it like a million times, clearly that's a plot he likes)

• Probably the MoL because it was so bad

The ones we don't know:

• Amara (Like, I do think he didn't expect they would break the curse)

• Jack (I mean, he probably was the culprit Jack died after Micheal took his grace, and that's the reason he ended up soulless. But his actual birth? Idk)

• (Btw I say Chuck's the culprit because I don't understand why Cas would just become human when Metatron took his grace in s8, specially considering que was 100% angel, and he didn't even had a “soulless” problem... I don't know what happened there tbh, he should be kinda soulless? Or whatever. My point is that if an angel 100% can survive having his grace taken, I don't see why a Nephilim (50/50%) would die.)

• Probably AU!Micheal was not part of the plan, because he straight up told them they were just failed drafts. Besides, it was a direct consequence of Jack's birth, and I don't think Jack was part of the plan.

I was about to publish this, but now I have another one. How much of what happens in Heaven is Chuck? Like, we know he doesn't really care for the angels (Ask AU!Micheal), and the main characters are just Dean and Sam. But in this universe, because of Cas, both brothers have been closely related to whatever happens in Heaven. Does that mean Chuck has to intervene there so they don't ruin the story? Probably yes. Honestly I'm dying to know what happened in Heaven with Cas during 15×10 I NEED ANSWERS ABOUT THE ANGELS.

Things that Chuck can't do:

• Like, make someone do anything they don't want in a "mind control" kind of way. He can physically do people do things, like Eileen hurting Sam, but he can't control their mind. If he could, Dean would have killed Jack and nothing of this would be happening in the first place. Individual choices and actions are out of his control.

• He doesn't have power over the Empty, and doesn't know what's happening there. (That means there's no true omniciense)

• (The last point raises the question of how did he brought Cas back so many times. Or Lilith. I'll chose to believe those are continuity mistakes and not that, idk, this Cas is an exact copy of the original Cas and even him doesn't know he's a copy or smth.)

Things that we can deduce are, to certain degree, Chuck's fault.

• Cas constant unjustified absences (This we can assume for 1: "No one even mentions Cas" from Becky about Chuck's writing, and 2: In all the AU we saw as Chuck memories, Cas is never there. Not even mentioned.)

• [Related to the previous point, I think that considering that Cas was in none of Chuck's memories, we must take the fact that he was in almost all the PossibleFuture!scenes (first he was there, then in the car he is mentioned by Sam and Dean, the we had the "Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in a Ma'lak box?" moment, the next one we can see Dean moving his mouth before getting interrupted by Sam. Considering it was placed next to the prayer scene, we can deduce Dean was praying to Cas. That give us Cas in 4/6 Future moments.) as a sign that this Cas is different to the one in other universes. Maybe our theory that our Cas will be the key to Free Will, as he is special in some way in this universe in a way he isn't in others, will come true.]

• [Although then we need to ask why did Chuck let him live, if he interferes with the narrative]

• Soulless!Jack and Mary's death [Explained before]

• Actually, is possible that most deaths are Chuck's plot.

But in the more particular events, where is Chuck?

In this episode, we got confirmation that the popular headcanon of Charlie making the boys fake credit cards is canon. This ability to have money all the time is important for them not to waste time doing things that 'doesn't help move the plot along' as Garth said.

That could mean that one of the intentions behind Charlie's introduction was exactly that, solve a problem.

And if you think more, Charlie was introduced in a perfect moment and being the perfect character for the job.

Like, we met her when Cas was still crazy, and Dean hadn't really forgiven him, so he kinda was out of a best friend. Enters Charlie, a badass, geeky, nerdy and really cheerful girl. Literally, perfect bff material for Dean. And to make it even better, she was a lesbian, so that automatically cancels any possible sexual/romantic tension that Dean compulsively had with pretty much any female character back then. 

[And if I'm right about Chuck not planning Amara's freedom, then Charlie's individual acts of 1: Getting the Book of the Damned and 2: Decodifying it were probably the reason Chuck decided it was her time. Besides, her death pushed Dean to the edge with the Mark.]

All that convenience makes me believe that the people they know do are part of a pre-made plot, but only the meeting. They are only put on the Winchester's way. If we can take something from last episode is that even without their abilities and plot armor, they still have their friends. The relationships they've built are their strength, they are something almost sacred that Chuck can't touch. (As I said, he can't control minds, nor can he control feelings.)

Would you look at that, it looks like Castiel "And maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own move" Winchester (My soul won't rest until someone recognize Cas in the show as a Winchester) was right all along. Shocked. 

So, once again, we have everything telling us the most important thing the brothers have is the other people that they love. That is theirs, that is real.

And I also think is important they got that lesson without Eileen and Cas. Because those are the people they love the most (besides each other), yes, but they also are the ones that Chuck have used against them.

Dean's history with Cas has been part of the story, so it was logical that in the middle of his existential crisis, he doubted of their relationship.

And now Sam has confirmation that it's thanks to Chuck that Eileen is back.

Both relationships could feel a little tainted.

With them, it would be more difficult to put aside their doubts. But with good old Garth? He wasn't even in the Possible Future. He's as much as a comfort character as you can get for Dean and Sam. Looking at him all happy and domestic, and yet being by their side when they can't do anything be themselves is exactly what they needed to move their friends and family to the "Non-Chuck tricks" list. 

And a little note:

I don't think they just lost their "plot armor", I think Chuck purposely made them average humans. But without Chuck, they wouldn't be average. Dean's been trained to be a soldier since he was 4 years, and maybe Sam had a little bit more of a childhood thanks to Dean, but still he was trained since he was a kid.

And you tell me they can't pick a lock without Chuck's powers? That Sam just runs against everything and falls? Those are things any of us would do, not someone who has been training 30 years more or less.

So no, I do not think they would (will?) be like this when they beat Chuck. Yes, maybe they will be intolerant to lactose, and have cavities and that stuff, but they are still trained, that doesn't just go away.

[BTW I realize half this meta was in parenthesis. Sorry about that.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter  

[hecohansen31]

Hi ! If you still do requests can you do xavier x reader where the reader was his friend or best friend before he died at camp redwood and they come to the camp to pay respects but somehow find out he’s a ghost and the readers really sad for him because he’s stuck there forever and he comforts them but also the reader keeps going back there to hang out with him ? If so then thank you xx

(A/N): Hello there, lovely!

I keep this extremely platonic, because you said friend/best friend, but if you ever want to see something more romantic, as soon as I get better I might try to work onto a Latin Nerd! Reader and Xavier, if anyone is interested!

Plus I tried to keep the gender of the reader neutral, let me know if I sucked at it or I mgiht try again or any other suggestion!

Have fun reading and thank you for requesting, I honestly love writing for Xavier!

WARNINGS: Death, Loss, Grieving, Mention of Sexual Trauma (Xavier’s Tape) and Druge Abuse, Slight Description of Murder!

Your best friend was an asshole.

But he was your asshole.

And when you had heard that he had lost his life in the Camp Redwood’s massacre your heart had stopped beating for one minute, before the glass of milk you had in your right hand escaped your hold and crashed to the ground.

At first you had thought it was a simple mistake and only when your roommate had cradled you in her arms, you had realized that he was truly gone and had screamed till your lungs had given out and exhaustion has passed over you.

You and Xavier were a rather unlikely friendship: you were the normal teen who had gone through high school being unnoticed, coming from a normal family.

You had met Xavier at an aerobic class, you had taken in college to meet other people.

Xavier was the popular guy, cooler than anybody, although he had a rather sordid past, which he had once confessed you about over too many beers and almost getting recognized from a guy at a party for his “tape”.

Your usually outgoing friend had paled and you had practically fought off the guy, after you had tried to hug your friend, and he had pushed you away, convinced that you hated him now that you knew all the truth and for the following days he had done nothing more than trying to convince you that you shouldn’t stick with him, anymore.

“I was a druggie, (Y/N)” he had mumbled, meanwhile you put all your aerobic things in your backpack, after your class.

“… Xavier you are not anymore and that is what matters” you had replied in your most sincere tone, not caring for anything but your friend being healthy and comfortable around you.

“I shot gay porn, (Y/N)” he had exclaimed once you were over at your house, since your roommate was gone and you were too scared to be alone at home, so you had invited him over, in order to have some take out and watch maybe some horror movies, since he liked so much “… and I am not even gay”.

“Xavier shut up and pass the pop-corn” and then you had heard him sniffling behind you, and when you had turned around to face him, you had found him crying with watery eyes and immediately you had moved from a sarcastic tone to a more comforting “… do you seriously think that I would judge you for something so stupid?”

“Well… everybody else would” he cowered a bit and you brought him in a sudden hug, trying to decide whether or not to tighten your grip onto him or not, whether it would scare him off or not.

But it was Xavier who gripped back into your welcoming hands.

“… I am not everybody else, Xavier” you had replied, meanwhile he had loaded his entire tears in your pretty pajama, but you hadn’t minded “… I am your best friend”.

“I know that…” he had mumbled, once he had realized you weren’t running already “… but I am a mess”.

“Well then…” you had pushed back a bit from the hug, seeing true fear in his eyes “… hi ‘I am a mess’, I am (Y/N)”.

That had gained you an elbow to your stomach, but it was worth it, just to see Xavier laugh himself silly.

Slowly you had broken apart, you hadn’t known what why and how, with certainty, probably the fact that with you both starting to work in different areas, you had found yourself around different type of people, although you would always find some time for each other, in your “busy” schedule.

That summer at Camp Redwood, you hadn’t thought it would end up so bloody and badly, although you had felt bad leaving your best friend go there alone, but you had had some work issues, which might bring you the promotion you had been aching for, since you had started your job.

“I’ll send you postcards” had smirked Xavier the day before he left for Camp Redwood, meanwhile you had just smacked his ass and told him not to get in trouble with the underage ladies.

“I am not going to be there to bail your ass out” you had promised him, before kissing his cheek goodbye and waving till his famous ‘vanta-c’ had disappeared from your sight.

Now, at his funeral, you hadn’t been able to fathom the fact that your last words to him had been that silly and halfway through the function you had to be escorted out because you had started puking, panicking, and you hadn’t even been able to utter your discourse for him.

In the end you hadn’t even known, if you would have been able to say it, since it held some kind of privacy that you weren’t able to explain to so many people who didn’t know Xavier, many, in the crowd, were strangers and some of aerobic teammates, but you were the only one who had known him, through everything.

And you hadn’t been with him that night.

Every time the Redwood massacre would come on the screen, the people around you would change channel, thinking that you didn’t want to be remembered of that, since he had been so dear with you.

What they didn’t know was that you were almost morbidly obsessive with every detail of his death, as if knowing could make you go back in time and bring him back.

It took you three years to go to Camp Redwood: the first year it had been too early, the second year you had buried yourself in your work not to think about it, and the third year you had once laughed at something because it had reminded you of something Xavier had said.

And when you had turned to tell him, you hadn’t found him.

You had cried all your tears, when you had come back home, and realized that he was gone.

Nothing for you to grip onto, and as a way to exorcise the hurt you had chosen to visit Camp Redwood, alone, at least so that you could give Xavier your own discourse and lay some flower onto the place he had died, which you knew from the obsessive attention that media and Margaret Booth, the only survivor of the carnage, had given it.

You had chosen for the bouquet of flowers red carnations, camelias and finally yellow cowslips, all flowers that you were sure Xavier would absolutely love, since they were almost as bright as Xavier’s personality.

You had wandered for the camp, feeling a sense of uneasiness, not only because you were on the scene of a massacre, but most importantly because you felt like you were being watched, the entire time, feeling the weird sensation of being constantly watched but whenever you would turn around worried, you’d see nothing.

You were just being paranoid.

When you had finally found the place of Xavier’s death, you were surprised that it held some kind of strange objects on it, almost as a weird collector’s treasure.

You had moved to remove something so that you could lay your flowers on the ground, but you had heard a shout, a rather familiar shout.

“Hey! Don’t touch my shit!”.

You remembered a similar phrase being uttered when you had once tried to clean Xavier’s room, since it had pizza’s crusts on his desk that he had once almost used it as a tissue.

You turned around, sure that you were having some trouble listening, a hallucination that went by the ears, since you had heard it happened both in desert and both when you… well…

When you were losing your mind.

But as you turned, Xavier stood in front of you, definitely much neater than a hallucination.

Although you had been the one shocked, Xavier looked at you confused, as if he hadn’t expected to see you again, not that you had thought about it, since well… he was supposed to be dead…

“(Y/N)?” he asked as if he was the one who was supposed to be surprised of seeing you there.

“You are dead” you mumbled, much more to reassure the concept to you than to actually state the obvious, meanwhile the flowers you had in your hand, fell to the ground, the beautiful petals ruining a bit, but you didn’t care, stepping closer, till…

… till you realized this wasn’t mechanically and humanly possible.

And you were more likely having some kind of psychotic breakdown.

“Yeah, I am pretty sure I am dead” he confirmed, and you were sure that whatever you had smoke on your way to the Camp Redwood must have been laced with some kind of hallucinogenic drug “… but what are you doing here?”.

Although this entire situation was impossible, the fact that Xavier was actually being a smartass about it was totally in his character.

“… you are a… ghost?” you couldn’t help but feel dumb, even more when Xavier raised an eyebrow at you in a “duh” kind of expression, meanwhile you were having an existential crisis, your knees buckling under you and you fell down, your best friend rushing to you, but not having any contact with you.

“Kind of, I mean… I did die and come back, but I am not anything like you see in those movies”.

“At least, you didn’t come back as Jason, in Friday the 13th” Xavier had forced you to watch that idiotic movie, meanwhile you screamed all your voice and Xavier giggled at your fear.

“That would have made a disservice to the world…” he replied cockily, nearing even closer once he saw that you were tearing up, his hands almost brushing next to your face, but you felt nothing more than cold air on your face, the obvious show that you it was just an hallucination “… (N/N) please don’t cry, you make an horrible face, whenever you do it and you might get wri…”.

“Xavier, did you kill the bitch that trespassed?” a female voice, announced Montana, Xavier’s ex-girlfriend, who you had a kind of stiff relationship, since she was low key jealous of your relationship with Xavier, no matter the fact that you didn’t have any romantic feelings for each other.

‘It would be like doing it with a brother’ you had mumbled once to her face, but she hadn’t looked too convinced, hence you had backed off.

You and Montana shared a tense look, meanwhile Xavier was caught between the battle, but didn’t backdown, almost shielding you with his body.

“Montana, it’s (Y/N), you do remember her, don’t you?”.

Of course, she did, and the fire in her eyes hadn’t dulled but you tried your best to smile, meanwhile you tried your best not to question what the heck was going on, meanwhile two of people you were sure were supposed to be dead were speaking in front of you.

“… what the heck are you doing here, (Y/N)?”.

You couldn’t help but wonder what was going on and feel extremely under her judgement.

“I thought about paying my respect to my best friend” you turned to Xavier, since his opinion was the only one that mattered, although you feared Montana’s initial words “… who I thought was dead, till a few minutes ago”.

“We all died” muttered Montana under her breath “… Brooke killed me”.

It surprised you greatly, because, although the jury had found Brooke’s guilty, you hadn’t, but if Montana spoke truly (and from the look of her angered face, she was)…

“Margaret killed me” rumbled Xavier and you were even more shocked, because Margaret had been the true final girl of the Camp’s massacre, and although you hadn’t liked that woman, you would have never thought she would have been able to kill somebody “… but you already know it, don’t you?”.

You were already shocked that they were alive, to think about that they didn’t know nothing about the outside world…

… it made it real.

Like it wasn’t you being crazy.

They were truly ghosts.

“… no, Brooke was framed for your murders, they said that she went mad and… “.

Xavier’s face seemed suddenly traumatized, meanwhile Montana smirked pleased.

“Well, she did stab me…”.

“But she didn’t kill us all, I can’t believe that Margaret went away that easily…”.

“I can’t believe that ghosts do exist” you complained, bringing both their attention to them and meanwhile Montana just sent you one last dirty look, before running away, Xavier looked at you surprised, and his own eyes were watery.

“… I… know that this is confusing…”.

“I am pretty sure that I am having a mental breakdown” you mumbled, meanwhile your hand went to your hair as you tried to calm yourself down.

“I was pretty sure I would never see you again” his words brought you back from the panic attack that you were having, and you saw sadness in his face, knowing perfectly what your best friend was feeling and wanting to bring him in an hug.

It was the first time ever you thought that maybe… maybe things were true.

Ghosts did exist.

“… after I died, I was in this state of constant limbo, I was unable to meet again with the others and the first thing that I thought about was you, how I would never hear you laugh at my clumsy accidents, or your sweet lectures… that I would never be able to meet you again”.

“Well, even Death didn’t get you away from me” you joked, and this time tears did fall from your face, and Xavier brought you in a hug.

But you didn’t feel hugged, although again some breeze did go through your body, and when you opened your eyes to look you saw Xavier’s limbs going through your body in a rather impressive vision that got you finally accepting the truth.

Ghosts did exist.

Your friend was one of them.

But… in all this, you had met your friend again.

You had spent the rest of that day catching up on each other (you had literally regretted that Xavier was a ghost now, because you couldn’t shove him off, when he asked about how many girls were crying at his funeral) and at the end, when night had come over, and even Xavier looked scared for you, he had pushed you to leave.

But how could you leave when now you knew all the truth and you had met your friend back, you had had him back, although you couldn’t hug him and physically touch him.

“(Y/N), you have to go back” but you didn’t want to, you never wanted to “… we are all ghosts here, who would you bone?”.

Again, you felt bad you weren’t able to wack him across the face.

“You are saying this just because you don’t want me to bone Chet”.

“I thought you had higher standard, (Y/N)” he had shot back, lowering his glasses.

“Don’t ‘higher standard me’ when you wanted to fuck Chef Bertie”.

“Chef Bertie is the true deal, babe” he commented simply, before becoming again serious “… but I am serious, you can’t spend your alive life with a ghost, I have seen movies about it and I don’t think that it never ever ends well… so please just live”.

“My life sucks without you, Xavier” you confessed, because yeah, your life had gone on, but you weren’t living, you were basically only surviving.

“I know babe, you lost the life of the party…” although his tone was meant to be lighthearted, his eyes weren’t “… but you’ll find someone, and we’ll still have Camp Redwood”.

“I can totally see why Bertie is the only person that can actually stand you, in this shit, if you quote Casblanca like that…” your eyes were teary, although your tongue spoke of sarcasm “… I am going to miss you, Xavier”.

“Well you know where to find me, babe, then”.

Through your life you had come back to Redwood many times, whether you felt bad or good, just to announce Xavier all the best news in your life, and more importantly so that he wouldn’t be forgotten.

But that day you knew that it was the last time you would ever see him.

Your eldest son had brought you on your request on the Camp Redwood limits, he had looked at you weirdly, mostly because he didn’t see what an eighty year old sick person might want to do in camp which was famous for its massacres, but you hadn’t cared.

“I need to talk with an old friend”, you had muttered before you sprinted off, knowing exactly where you would have found Xavier, although you were slowed down by your age.

Somebody came immediately to your side, and you saw Trevor and Montana taking one of your arms each, to help you since your legs couldn’t carry you on fast enough.

You had mended your relationship with Montana, after the entire “Billy Idol concert thing” in 1989 and Trevor quite liked you, mostly because you were the braincell that Xavier had lost since he had died.

He was low key tired of having to take care of your “serious method actor” by himself.

“He is waiting for you” mumbled Montana, meanwhile she helped you sit down on a log, in a secluded area, sprinting off after a kiss to your wrinkly face, gently accepting Trevor’s hand, which he held out for her.

“… thank you” you mumbled before they disappeared in front of your face and you laid comfortably onto the log, as much as your old articulation would allow it.

“… hey, (YN), is that you?” joked a voice, waking you up from your little slumber and although you knew that you weren’t yet dead, you felt Death gently embracing you like an old friend.

That was why you had asked your son to bring you here.

You had had the ideal life you could have had, moving on from Xavier, but now, you would share the rest of your existence with your friend, so that you could pick up from where you had left.

“… didn’t recognize you under all those wrinkles” joked your best friend, and, although you were a rather old person you managed to kick his shin enough that he let out an unglorified “OH” followed by some pretty extreme coursing, although he didn’t truly feel that.

“These are badges of honor” you replied, pointing at your wrinkles “… and you were the reason behind many of them…”.

Xavier just giggled, as he settled on the log so that he could have your back onto his front, his presence already bringing comfort to your aching arms, and you let yourself go, in those arms, knowing all too well that you would be ok.

Because now you were with Xavier.

And your new life with him would begin soon.

[sunlitroom]

Gotham 3.21 - Destiny Calling

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham.

In short – the theme for s3 barring these episodes.  Betrayal! More betrayal! Betrayal for lunch, breakfast and dinner!  People are dead, alive, dead, then alive again.

As always, long post will be long - monstrously long- and in two parts.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot may appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

  Screaming and mayhem outside while the bank still tries to run as normal.  An old woman repeatedly asks for her savings while an uninterested seller tells her there’a problem with the account.  The old woman reveals herself to be infected, and starts wrecking the place.   We’ve all wanted to do that in the bank, really.  And the post office.  Especially the post office.

An armed officer runs out of GCPD while a virus'd prisoner beats a cop and general mayhem reigns.  We go to the locker room and see – hilariously - that someone has written ‘Gordon has the rage’ across the lockers.  What the actual fuck?  Who took the time to do that?

The virus voices are telling Jim he’s a killer as he stares in the mirror, hissing it over and over.

(A big disgruntled aside: So – Jim’s big dark truth is that he’s a killer at heart?  Really? Weirdly – I watched an episode of Star Trek at the weekend, in which Kirk had the following wisdom to offer (because Kirk can solve all problems :)).

All right. It's instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands, but we can stop it. We can admit that we're killers, but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes. Knowing that we won't kill today.

And it’s never more true than here.  Barnes told Jim that.  There’s no big fundamental difference between Butch and Harvey, Oswald and Jim, Barnes and Falcone, Bruce and Jerome, Bruce 1 and Bruce 2.  It comes down to what they choose to do.  Their ability and inclination to make good choices is – of course – dictated by their circumstances: but they still ultimately have a choice.  There’s not some innate quality that makes a killer – nothing ‘special’ about the ability to kill.

Further – we’ve had ample proof that Jim has no particular love of killing.  He refuses to kill Oswald way back in the pilot, and again in the middle of the Galavan mess – even when Oswald has a gun pointed at him, and killing him would have made Jim’s life easier.  He could have shot Barbara in the church tower, or let her fall, but tried to save her instead.  He didn’t want to kill Ogden Barker. He expressed regret over killing Galavan.  We might see him lose his temper a lot, and get physically violent – but that doesn’t equate to some burning need to kill.

So – this just doesn’t really ring true.  

And as a final observation, this is basically a betrayal of the man we started out with.  We come in with Jim, who is appalled at the state of Gotham because of his innate decency. He’s ‘the last good man in Gotham’. He has to compromise his principles over time because there is no other way to get things done, but it is with the end goal of doing the right thing.  If anything, the tension was how much Jim was willing to compromise his ideals to do the right thing, how much that hardened him, damaged him.

So, when, how, and why did this morph into: ‘Jim Gordon has a big bad darkness at the centre of his soul, and his dearest wish is to kill?’)

Jim is visibly fighting the virus.  Harvey enters the room and asks for Jim’s gun - not badge.  The officers know he’s infected, and Harvey is doing his best to keep this situation stable.  Jim says he can control the virus, but Harvey says it’s for his own protection.

We hear that Lee apparently disappeared in the chaos and is waiting for Jim to give in.  Harvey tells Jim to prove her wrong.  Jim asks where Bruce is.

 Bruce is in the interview room, where Alfred watches from behind glass.  Jim and Harvey enter.  There’s a brief conversation where they establish it’s not the clone, and Alfred says he must talk with Bruce – whose strength, he believes, will bring him back to his right mind.  Lucius then enters, calling Harvey.

(An aside – and where was clone Bruce this episode?  It was sorted of implied that he could play a role here, and it never came about)

 Harvey is delighted, Lucius has found that there’s an antidote

I could kiss your face

Lucius actually did detective work and found notes about the antidote in papers from court leaders house. Hugo was designing own special antidote. Jim asks where Strange is, only to be exasperated when Harvey explains.  Jim says Strange is a weasel who’ll be trying to get out of town (you’d never do that, Jim, would you?), and that they should check the downtown train station.

Lucius tells Harvey to wait in a warning tone.  Harvey tries to say he knows the risks, but Lucius points out that Strange's version is accelerated and Jim won't be able to fight long.

I like Lucius.  He’s smart, and measured, and compassionate, and actually puts in the work.  It’ll be interesting to see how the balance at GCPD works next season because, in many ways, he’s supplanted most of what Jim should be.

 The railway station where people are fleeing town.  Hugo still looks so stylish.  He’s stopped by too burly men and utters a truly beautiful,

Oh no

Fish appears

I think you mean: hello Fish - I miss you.

She smiles,

Don’t worry sweetheart, the fun has just begun

Hugo looks resigned as he’s taken away.

 A penthouse overlooking the city.  Ed has been reading Villainy for Dummies, and is loftily talking about Rome – I think it’s Nero fiddling while Rome burned, but I tuned out.  He praises the Court’s style

Barbara is more interested in the opportunity to consolidate power.  Ed has no interest in running Gotham.  He only wants to kill Oswald because, as we saw when he was desperately trying to make contact with the Court, Ed can’t leave a job undone.  Babs is impatient.  Ed will need muscle for that, and why should she help Ed, if Ed won’t help her.  She wants Ed to use that ‘big, beautiful brain’ of his to help her, and she’ll help him.

(An aside – uh, have Barbara and Ed been intimate?  I know that Barbara can sometimes sexualise her mannerisms – but there was a familiarity there (baby, honey, all the touching) that was…. different, and they’re very in-sync.  She’s not really using her sexuality in an attempt to seduce him to her cause either.  I’m not suggesting a romance – but it wouldn’t surprise me if that was how they’d killed some time in that penthouse, or at some other point.)

 Back with Fish and Hugo

I thought we were friends

Hugo stammers that he can't refuse the Court.  Fish tells him she isn't upset.  She knew that when Hugo was summoned it was to cook up horror.  She needs horror.  She knows the Court made the virus, and she knows there’s more.

Hugo pleads, but Fish is implacable.

You will give me the virus.  You will give me the army you promised me.  You will give me everything I say until the city is in the palm of my hand. Clear?

Hugo manages to be bitter, resigned and obsequious in two words

Yes, madame.

 Jim and Harvey arrive at the station too late.  Harvey's phone rings.  It’s for Jim – Lee checking in.

Jim answers.  He tells her to turn herself in.  Lee comments he's fighting – but the cage is finally open – he’s free.  She thought he loved her – they can be together now.  Jim doesn’t want it like this.  She  pours herself some of Jim’s whiskey and asks what the whispers say.  Was it about hurting?  Killing?  

See how well I know you

She says she’ll check in later, but she’s off to have fun.

Jim looks like he’s succumbing to virus when Harvey calls his name.  He gives Jim a gun.  They’re off to find Hugo

 Jim and Harvey  meet Fish’s crew in some tunnel somewhere – presumably leading out of the station

Fish tells Harvey he looks awful.  Harvey thanks her, and then says

I know in your own sick way you love this city.  Gotham is bleeding to death

Hugo laughs suddenly – he’s noticed that Jim has the virus

Fish approaches him, and asks what it feels like.  Jim says like it’s taking all his willpower not to kill her.  Fish and Hugo confirm that they have a cure for the virus, while Jim fumes.  Harvey says he’ll shoot her if she doesn’t step back

Jim growls that she’s had her chance.  Fish is no fool, though – she has backup.  Victor charges up.  Jim leaps up and breaks a water pipe.  Victor’s gun freezes the water, creating an ice wall – behind which Jim snarls.  Fish looks at him.

There he is - the real James Gordon. Nice to meet you, at last.

She laughs and walks away. Jim snarls like an angry chihuahua.

Burning city shot again. We’re at GCPD.

Alfred has brought Bruce tea, and asks if he’s hungry.  Alfred isn’t being trite here – we will try to make tea and sandwiches in times of crisis. He talks about going home, or going to Switzerland, where they had happy holidays

Bruce is blank, and tells him his attempts to elicit emotion are clumsy, and that he murdered his best friend and teacher.  Alfred says he was a liar, manipulator, and brainwasher. Bruce denies this – saying that he gave him revenge, and took away his pain – which is more than Alfred ever did.

Alfred looks like he’s in pain

Bruce says they’ve merely paved the way for one who is to come.  Alfred asks what he means, and Bruce ominously replies:

You'll see

 Oswald’s mansion, where Bridget and Victor squabbling over who gets to kill Hugo, while Hugo trying to ooze way out of it.  They power up, and he panics, calling for

Miss Mooney

Miss Mooney is busy - I'm here now

It’s Oswald, who has been sitting nearby, drinking.

I think your children are angry with you.   You made them what they are, then abandoned them.

He tells Hugo he’s working with Fish.  They’re partners, now – she forgave him.  She has evolved.  She has a vision.  She sees a city where people like Oswald, Victor and Bridget are in charge.  

He also tells Hugo that the virus is tearing that city apart, and they need an antidote.

Hugo says if he tells, he has nothing to trade for his safety – they can torture him all they want. Oswald blithely says OK.  Hugo looks worried.  Oswald comments that in Arkham, he was tortured daily.  Hugo blusters

That was therapy.

Oswald looks outraged for a split second, then smiles

The sensation was like my head being torn open, and hot lava poured into my brain.  Thinking of it afterwards made me physically ill.

(An aside – oh Oswald.)

He laughs

So – naturally - I had to have it

Oswald has the machine. Hugo caves instantly - which is testament to how bad the pain elicited by the machine actually is.  He’ll tell them everything.

Oswald smiles.

I know - but not just yet

He flips the switch. Hugo screams.

 Back in the tunnel – Jim punches his way through the ice.  Apparently, the virus makes your bones very hard too.  When they get to the street, a still virusy Jim tears Harvey’s car door off.  Harvey tells him to fight the virus, not his car, and says he’ll drive.

 GCPD – where a random cop tells Alvarez that Mayor James has called in the national guard.  Oh no - Alvarez is infected.  He breaks the man’s neck, and starts trashing the place.

 The interrogation room, where Alfred asks Bruce again who's coming. Bruce wants him to leave.  Alfred refuses, and asks him again,

Remember who you are

I know who I am. I have a destiny

Alfred tells Bruce what the sensei offered was not real – he needs to remember what's real.   Bruce snarls that vengeance for his parents’ murder was real.

Alfred says that’s not real. What's real was how Bruce's mum read to him when he got sick, or how Alfred and Bruce’s dad looked for him when he got lost sailing in storm, out of their minds with worry.  They might have died in that alley, and that man may have taken away the pain of that one night: but there is no life or love without pain. That man could not touch the love Bruce’s parents gave him, that he still has inside him – the same love Alfred has for him:

I love you. I would do anything for you, I would die for you

He tells Bruce he needs to find that love

Come back to me, master Bruce.

Bruce has tears in his eyes

(An aside – I have tears in my eyes.  Godammit show.)

There’s fracas outside. Alfred reluctantly leaves.  Bruce is still shaken - but sees Alfred has left his pen.

Alvarez is picking off cops at random.  Alfred tackles him, and nearly winds up shot himself – but Lucius comes to the rescue. Alfred thanks him.  Lucius is admirably unshaken.  However, when they head back to the interview room, Bruce is gone having used Alfred’s pen to pick the lock on his cuffs.

 At Sirens, Butch tries to convince Tabitha that Barbara has to go, and that sharing info with Fish would take out Ed and Barbara at once.  Tabitha isn’t convinced though.  She’s also distracted by Lee, who is ordering a drink.  Lee drinks a lot in this episode, are we sure booze wasn’t Lee's deepest desire?

Butch says he’s surprised to see Lee.  She calls him an errand boy, then a shoe-shine boy, then says she wants to see Barbara.  Butch has enough of the insults, and moves to throw her out, but then sees she has the virus, and is tossed across the room

Tabitha checks on an unconscious Butch.  Lee taunts her – asking her repeatedly to take a message to her boss, and calling her a sidekick – first Theo’s, now Barbara’s.  The next time Lee sees Barbara, she’s going to rip her head off. Tabitha looks worried at this. Lee leaves, and Butch begins to come round.

 Bruce is on the chaotic streets, heading for the demon’s head, or whatever.  Lucius and Alfred follow some way behind – Alfred promising to kill whoever did this to him.

 Fish and co in the slaughterhouse where the antidote is kept.  Oswald tells Hugo if this is a trap, Hugo is dead.  Hugo says it’s no trap – he tested this version on livestock and set aside a successful batch.  He takes test tubes of antidote from a safe.  It’s concentrated and once diluted - enough to cure every infected person in the city.

Fish tells Oswald that they will rule the city together.  Oswald agrees, but first he will kill Ed.  Fish promises that he will, and all those who tried to stand in their way.  Oswald looks rapt.  As they begin to leave, there’s a noise.  Fish calls out:

Who’s there - show yourself

It’s more Cirque de Soleil assassins.  I tire of this.  A huge fight breaks out.

 Harvey's doorless car.

Harvey is getting a call about an ice and fire fight in a slaughterhouse, which he mentions to Jim. Jim just snarls in response

Just drive the damn car

Are we sure the virus didn't amplify Jim's innate tendency to behave like a prick?

 Back to the slaughterhouse. Jim and Harvey enter the fight.  Jim starts taking down assassins, flinging them about, killing them for no good reason.  In the middle of his killing frenzy, he runs Fish through with one of the assassin’s sword.  She gasps, and drops the antidote.

You damn fool

Oswald screams

Fish!

He runs to her side.  Fish calls his name in return, and he holds her as she folds to the ground.  He’s desperate – telling her it will be OK and they will get help.  Jim watches wide-eyed behind them, the virus seemingly clearing as soon as he’d realised what he’d done.

Fish shakes her head.

No – I’ve done this enough to know when I'm finished

Oswald is still trying to comfort her, but she interrupts.

Listen to me.  Make this city yours, or you burn it to the ground.  

With that, her eyes become fixed and staring.  Oswald weeps. This is the third time now that Oswald has held a parent (in this case a parent figure) as they died.  The third actual time.

Jim still looks aghast at what he’s done, gaping down at the scene in front of him.  Hell – everyone’s aghast – the place is silent.

Oswald turns, enraged and grief-stricken, running at Jim.

Ppeople call me a monster, but you – Jim Gordon, you are the monster!

The attack puts the virus back in charge and Jim grabs Oswald by the throat, lifting him high in the air.

You're right.  I am a monster.

Harvey hits Jim on the back of head to force him to drop Oswald. He asks Strange if there’s more antidote.  He says there is – he only needs one thing….

 And it’s Jervis, sitting nervously alone in the back of an Arkham ambulance.  We hear sounds – and Butch opens the door.  Jervis is fidgeting, twisting his hands high on his chest as this is happening, and it makes him look oddly vulnerable and childlike.

 Tabitha is nearby, and Barbara and Ed lean against a car, talking. Ed’s sources have told him about the possible antidote and, he smirks, Fish’s death.  But Ed knows they’re missing an ingredient:

This bozo

Ed – you’re wearing a shiny green suit.  Let’s not fling insults.  Meanwhile, Jervis is wide-eyed and smiling

Are you my saviours?  Are you the one to set me free?

(An aside – Jesus, poor Jervis.  And that’s something I never thought I’d write – but he really is set up as incredibly vulnerable here.)

Barbara smirks,

Not exactly. Let’s make Gotham beg

Ed smiles, while Jervis looks like he’s just realised this is not a good place to be.

 Back on the streets again with Bruce, seeking out the Yuyan building.  He has an auditory flashback to his ‘sensei’s’ instructions – which is handy, since his endless wittering about pain and destiny had become white noise to me.  He finds the building, and enters.

It’s a room with a huge statue in the middle.  Bruce touches the statue, a secret door opens, and he walks down a stone spiral staircase.  At the bottom, there’s a stone passageway – which he starts to walk down.  Something seems to speed past behind him

 Lucius and Alfred outside on the street have stopped outside the building.  Alfred tells Lucius to let Harvey know where they are, and Alfred goes in, eyeing the ornate door/statue thing.

Meanwhile, down in the tunnels, more of the slaughterhouse assassins surround Bruce.

(An aside - someone's been playing too much Mortal Kombat)

Another assassin appears behind Bruce, and makes them stand aside.  Bruce enters a room with a large pool in the middle (I feel like I’m playing a text-based adventure)

There’s a voice

I wouldn't touch that, Bruce.

This is Ra’s al Ghul. He tells Bruce his sensei died but succeeded – he led Bruce to him.  He is a demon, a saint, a ghost.  He’s seen things that would shake the core of Bruce’s beliefs.  But in all his travels, he never found a true heir.  He asks Bruce if he’s ready.  Bruce says he is –but  Ra’s says he failed.  Bruce says Alfred distracted him.

Ra’s nods.

I know

He puts his hand on Bruce’s face - like Fish with Oswald, another proxy parental relationship.  As he does so, Alfred is dragged in.  Bruce stares at him

Don't be so surprised - can't get rid of me that easily.

He then banters a bit about the ninjas getting better of him before glancing at Ra’s delivering one of the best – if not the best – line of the episode.

You alright mate?   What you come as?

(An aside - The British instinct to mock even in the worst circumstances does my heart good.  Anything grandiose and melodramatic must immediately be made ridiculous.)

Ra’s laughs, but then hits Alfred.  Bruce is to embrace his future by killing Alfred.  He talks about destiny and joining him as he hands Bruce the sword. Alfred speaks.

He's wrong.  There's no other way to put it.  Your destiny is to be Bruce Wayne.  And one day you're going to remember that, and how much I love you.  I remember when mum and dad brought you home and gave you to me. A tiny defenceless little creature. Look after him, they said.  I held you, and you looked at me, and at that moment I decided I would do anything for you.  So if this is what you need to do, you crack on.

Bruce has tears in his eyes. Alfred repeats himself.

You do it.

Bruce raises the sword, scream, and stabs him.  He almost immediately starts to shake his head, the mist clearing, scattered hallucinations.  As his vision clears, he sees Alfred, and realises what he’s done.  There’s a whispered ‘Bruce’ from Alfred, and he pulls the sword from him.  Alfred falls to the floor.  Bruce weeps.  Ra’s laughs

You've broken through your conditioning.  Impressive

Bruce is enraged

You don't control me anymore!  I will never be your heir!

Ra’s says he will:

No – your strength fulfils the prophecy, you are my knight in the darkness

Bruce’s voice cracks

You made me kills Alfred!

Bashir’s voice gets all whispery

Use the waters Bruce.  Our time will come

Bruce scoops water from the pool, and pours it on the wound.  It seems to cauterize and Alfred splutters – alive.

Part two to follow.....

Thoughts?