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#always listens & gives me her thoughts
aerequets · 6 months
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trying to erase the trace of...
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3416 · 2 months
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haven't listened to the anthology yet, but i do think her music is suffering from the sheer quantity she's putting out while doing all this other stuff tbh. feels more like an overproduced electronic cashgrab than real layered music despite some tortured lyrics. like ttpd the first half has such a sameness to over half of it.... and that sameness is tied to midnights too imo. i really wish i could experience the joy of albums like 1989/folklore/evermore and def her country earlier stuff but. she can be a lyric writing machine (she needs someone to veto some of it thoughnfjdkfjd feels like no one can tell her no) but not lean on the exact same production style for this long bc it's kinda getting old to me and i really do enjoy so much of her discography like 😭😭😭 idk. i know swifties are just gonna eat up whatever she does, and i've always been in between the absolute worshipping crowd and the absolute hater crowd but some of the music/production part is so uninspired.
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crabussy · 1 year
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I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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glitter50000 · 1 year
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What if you were a Queen😳 …and I was a musketeer😳…and we had matching crucifixes🫣 👉👈
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hella1975 · 10 months
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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toastsnaffler · 7 months
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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seithr · 2 months
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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strawbee-s · 8 months
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I have to skip My Mom unless I feel like crying
thats so fair and real like actually. i like skipping right to the bert and ernie verse.
ummmm anyways heres top five kimya dawson songs according to me toby
5. so nice so smart (juno indoctrinated me)
4. my mom
3. loose lips
2. walk like thunder
1. I LIKE GIANTS 💖💓💖💞💗💓💜🩵💗💞
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larrythefloridaman · 2 years
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captains! with a little bonus Casual:
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#updated design for val. ive drawn him before but am no longer satisfied with it#and listen i know its sacrilege to not give valentine the heart shaped tiddy window. and trust me i am allured by it.#but if i could get pretentious about character design for a sec i dont think its all that in character for him if im honest#smthn that always stuck with me wrt val and quad is ryan saying 'val is like a rollercoaster. quad is like skydiving.'#val is a dedicated and professional showman. all about the buildup and mystique amid the exciting ups and downs#so i simply think he'd leave a little more to the imagination. hence a formfitting but not exposing costume#and a nice comfy turtleneck in his downtime <3#i think about val a good bit and i like him a lot but i feel like sometimes people have a very different read of him vibes-wise than i do#val is a showman through and through but i think he's kind of awkward outside the routine and distant spectacle of it.#when people catch him off guard in intros it shows and just listen to him stammer his way through that serious talk with heartbreak#he's percieved publically as The Perfect Man to some extent- order says so#and between barry and kakyoin i dont think thats a matter of her personal taste.#and he does want a significant other but when you're thought of as the perfect man only people with obnoxious egos think they deserve you#and to circle back to the conversation with heartbreak.#theres sometimes a compulsion to compare val and crimson to quad and order for Red Trauma reasons but#i think its interesting that one of the only times Val's ever talked about his experience with crimson he compared him to cupid.#especially since. like cupid. Crimson expressed similar obliviousness to what he'd done wrong in cpuk orange#seemingly genuinely not understanding why Valentine refused to be around him#anyhow. i also think Quad's helmet was attached and didnt come off until J0hn got to fiddle with him#for the Symbolism of revealing the face = him gaining access to all of his feelings he wasnt allowed <3#cpu kerfuffle
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foxlin-fantasia · 10 months
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it’s hanaka’s nameday on the 15th & my gf said we will get cake to celebrate 🥺🥺
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years
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Watching ‘Juggernaut’ right now and love how both B’Elanna and Tuvok seem to have said “Yeah I’ll do this in my pajamas, it’s late.”
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dirt-str1der · 2 years
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I literally had a dream about reading the worst fan fiction like fucking ever kiryu was just randomly a yandere and nishiki was trying his best to survive also kiryu turned into a dragon (deez nuts) halfway and let nishiki kill him for being a bad boy but he was so upset about having to kill his bro that he just lay in the corpse for a bit and thats when i decided to stop reading and i literally opened tumblr in my dream to complain about how bad it was like the writing went back and forth from being terrible to incredible and i found myself enjoying some parts and despising others. I skipped the first few chapters so i had to tab back out and read the summary like why are they in a beach resort and the summary didnt just tell me nothing but it was also double spaced between each line and very fucking irritating and while reading it i kept thinking this is extremely ooc and boring like they would not fucking say that
#Listen to my problems#i cant stress enough that i dont even ship them why did i read a sex fic about kiryu and nishikiyamer#like i believe they are the bestest of friends forever and ever and like as hotblooded young men growing up together they must have tried a#few sex moves on each other at least once but i dont think they see each other as romantic prospects. like unlike majima and saejima#(seajima) who are literally together all the time and will never travel anywhere without the other unless its to prison. kiryu and nishiki#have this understanding that eventually theyll have to part ways and find their own path. while they would always remain in each others#hearts and thoughts they knew that they couldnt be holding hands forever and besides they have to focus on getting kazama to the top not#each other !! so nishiki was very happy that kiryu was getting his own family soon even if it meant that kiryu was getting ‘ahead’ of him#and kiryu who can accept consequences for himself but no one else was just like um ... well nishiki please give me the gun and take yumi#your sister needs you or whatever <3 i am definitely expendble and prison life is for me yayy yayyyy i love going to jail so nobody can talk#to me ever again. i keep asking myself how difficult it would have been for kiryu to just pop in by the hospital every now and then to check#in on nishikis sister. its not like he cant take care of her. its not like he doesnt know how to earn money. he just straight up thinks that#nishiki is better than him so he should be the one to get locked up ... because nishiki can take care of yumi and i straigh up forgot his si#sisters name and reina and kazama without him. and nishikis like damn i wish kiryu was here so bad (looks at his wwkd bracelet) hm think ill#go insane. i literally forgot what my original point was but that fic was so bad guys im so glad it doesnt exist#in it kiryu was trying his best to keep nishiki in one place and he kept being very. well kiryu was just kiryu but he kept apologising#saying things like you cant leave yet ... and looking at him with his big sad eyes and nishiki would always be like f-fine ... (he doesnt#like it here) also nishiki was one hell of a princess type and had a nurse costume on at some point which means the yakuza server nishiki#propoganda is working on me. very weird. love the part when kiryu was randomly a big dragon because he utterly filled the hallways of their#little beach shack and his scales were nice and soft and he was lovely. little guy
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winterf4iryy · 1 year
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im glad they broke up but at the same time i’m still so upset. the fact that taylor could’ve kept whatever they had going on private if she wanted to, but didn’t, just doesn’t sit right with me. she has no problem being controversial by being friends with / dating a racist bigot but she can’t speak up about the anti trans laws and drag bans? lgbtq+ members are in literal hell right now and all she said was that god awful pride speech. i just hate how most people are going to completely forget about what she did and just move on. so many swifties were so vitriol to black, jewish, and muslim swifties it was disgusting. fuck you guys for that by the way i hope your mother doesn’t love you anymore. this whole thing just left such an awful taste in my mouth and i’m still so disappointed. in taylor and the fandom.
#this was my last straw for her#the way she has no fucking problem responding to ginny & georgia#but DOESNT DO ANYTHING when her fans attack antonia gentry#AND ARE RACIST TO HER. what happened to there’d a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women?#were*#i don’t believe for one fucking second she didn’t see them coming for her#she clearly listens to / sees everything#and she couldn’t even say “hey guys it wasn’t the actors fault“ like piss off#it’s partly my fault for putting her on a pedestal cause she’s clearly always been a white feminist but#after miss americana / lover i thought she’d be more vocal but nope#her being friends with matty for so long AND ALSO LENA DUNHAM? which i had no clue about#yeahhh it’s a no for me dog#i cant see her the same at all#she just doesn’t give a shit#or she just cares more about the money and her success#which is fine whatever but don’t fucking make a safe space for these marginalised people#and make a WHOLE DOCUMENTARY about helping said people#THEN BE FRIENDS WITH A RACIST BIGOT? and continue to be silent on the laws targeting those marginalised people#bye it’s honestly laughable#her midnights til dawn drop was so calculated#ofc they’d probably worked on it before but the fact she chose THAT time to release it#she didn’t have to do that but she knew the headlines would change#ALSO#i love ice spice sm but they did her so dirty on karma#like what happened to the production#anyways#taylor swift#taylor nation#taylurking#swifties
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ender1821 · 1 year
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Watt, but Riley actually didn’t have a landline in her house pre-act 2, and it’s because of Annleigh’s continuous questioning about her house’s landline that she gets one for her house
Like, during the time between act 1 and 2 Annleigh just keeps pestering her for a landline
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Theres this fact i heard on No such thing as a Fish ages ago and i cannot find it anywhere and i do not want to go back through a bunch of episodes scouting for it but its driving me insane.
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