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#an hour. if you had ‘ellen has to get up at the arsecrack of dawn; a thing she is unwilling to do’ you win
fingertipsmp3
·
2 years
Text
Non-exhaustive list of things I’ve called my dog today:
-Mabel (her name)
-Mabes
-Mabesie
-Pup-pup
-Baby
-Babygirl
-Stinky
-Girlie
-Maybelline
-A crackhead
#last one might have been a bit harsh but in fairness she managed to get into my bedroom (banned) and crammed herself behind my bed
#and got fucking stuck for NO reason
#and THEN when i got her out of there and we went downstairs she tried to do it again!!!
#that was the point at which i accused her of crackhead behaviour and making a nuisance of herself
#she always does this kind of thing approximately an hour before she’s due to get fed and i’m always like.. you are Not getting fed
#an hour early. it’s just not fucking happening
#like if your breakfast is at 7am.. and your lunch is at 11:30am.. and your dinner is at 4:30pm….. what happens if we push ALL OF THAT back
#an hour. if you had ‘ellen has to get up at the arsecrack of dawn; a thing she is unwilling to do’ you win
#tbh she’s not too crazy in the early morning but from 10:30am to 11:30am and 3:30pm to 4:30pm?? OHHH boy
#she will climb the fucking walls if she can
#i just watch her do it with mild disbelief like ‘you’re a 14 year old patterdale terrier. HOW’
#and like i don’t care about the pacing and stuff but when she’s doing stuff that’s outright dangerous (i.e. breaking into my room which is
#full of hazardous shit like unsecured bookcases and table lamps with trailing cables) like…..
#mabesie. baby. why do you want to die
#and don’t get me started on when she tries to climb the fucking sideboard because we’ll be here all night
#when i tell you there is NOTHING of interest up there. like please. stop trying to unalive yourself
#and also you don’t need to destroy my great-grandma ellen’s art nouveau tea seat. i don’t have anything else of hers apart from her name
#just SIT. just BE. this doesn’t need to happen
#if it wasn’t obvious i love my dog. i think i love her more than she loves herself. considering I AM THE ONLY ONE LOOKING OUT
#FOR HER WELLBEING
#i didn’t think i’d have to babyproof my house for a senior dog but this is where we’re at apparently
#if any of you need me i’ll be enacting a fucking machiavellian scheme to keep my elderly terrier from trying to emulate olga korbut
#personal
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