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mybg3notebook · 4 years ago

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Gale Summarised Analysis

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in May 2021.

The majority of sources used for this article are in the game itself (this includes my Gale-solo playthroughs as well as a combination of the videos by munmomuu and selphie1999), and the few dev’s notes provided by pjenn. Gale as origin is not taken into account since it’s not finished and has little to none Gale-related content. There will be little datamining content as well since pjenn said the game contained almost no gale-related notes (only in the Weave and in the Revelation scene).

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in (post)

The number between brackets [] represents the topic-block related to (this post), which gathers as much evidence as I could get.

We can infer about Gale by analysing what he approves and disapproves of. Sometimes, we can even lightly infer some information from his neutral reactions, but let’s be honest: this way of analysing a char is pretty poor since it leaves everything to speculation. Neutral reactions can only be analysed, in very rare instances, by contrasting the same situation in other contexts, and seeing what other options Gale approves or disapproves of. With these considerations in mind, we can proceed to describe this character.

Disclaimer: this is a meta with my personal interpretation of the character, sticking as much as possible to the facts and leaving little to “desires” or “projections” of what I want him to be. If I do so, I will state it explicitly in the text for the sake of analysis honesty. I want to be clear about what is canon (facts shown in bg3 EA), from what’s personal interpretation with little proof.

Understanding Gale (integrated text)

We are none of us monsters. We are merely hatcheries for monstrous things. So we fight them

---Gale

Collecting most of the information provided in-game, we know he has a cat, a Library, and writes poetry sometimes. One of the first things that Gale will reveal is that he is a private person. He easily and clearly sets boundaries from the first moment, showing Tav where they stand. The second aspect he makes us aware of is his pragmatic thinking and his preference for diplomatic approaches. A third aspect that stands out on its own: he is a very verbose person, maybe as a result of his academia background in combination with his poetry hobby. He also has a bad posture when talking, but I’m not sure if this is intentional or a bug.

We can assure that Gale certainly is a man of the city [13], and may have a decent social status. It's impossible to say for sure if it's noble or rich or both, or it is just a natural consequence of being a wizard scholar: he is frustrated by the harshness of the camping life, he misses the civilisation of the city which offers well cooked meals, soft beds, and scented baths. Not by chance he is the only companion in the group who would approve of giving Oskar 200 gold to fight “the discomforts of the road” [13]. However, he adapts. Despite the lack of luxuries, he managed to survive in the wilderness.

Gale and his link with magic is unquestionable. Magic is life for Gale, metaphorically and literally speaking since it's magic what allows him to stay alive despite the "orb" in his chest. If we talk about Magic, we have to talk about Mystra and the Weave. The Weave is not only the embodiment of Mystra, it's an extension of Mystra herself. It extends across many planes of existence and is in almost all parts of Faerûn. By dragging power from it, Magic can be performed.

Mystra, for lore reasons and conjectures that I will discuss in the post "Mystra and her Chosen ones", turned teenager/young adult Gale into one of her Chosen, making their relationship more intimate and granting Gale a deeper access to the Weave. This put Gale into the category of an archwizard. It's clear that Gale was and still is a devotee of Mystra, which could give us a hint of his alignment since she is a neutral good goddess and she expects for her Chosen to align around it.

Gale likes confidence, in others and in himself. He is confident in his looks (he has described himself as a “handsome devil” and answered during the romance/Revelation scene that he knew he was beautiful under the light as well as Tav). But beyond these two lines, qualifying him as a narcissist seems extreme. He is surely very confident about his knowledge, and we see he is not just mere words: his Mind Flayer knowledge is at the the same level of what githyankis know. If we compare how Astarion/Tav struggled with the book of Thay, and then we see how Gale manages it (sadly the scene is not complete yet in EA, and there is almost no datamining info of Gale), we can conclude once more that his knowledge and power of the mind are real (he is, so far, the main companion who allows us to explore the lore of the game in a deeper way during his conversations). We also know it's a bit more complicated to intrude into his mind using the tadpole because he has knowledge and mental tools to protect himself (check the post about the Tadpole inside Gale). He is certainly a very verbose and confident scholar, who knows his limits, and in occasions he seems to dabble into an ego-teasing play as an attempt of levity, displaying his “insufferable side”, as he has described himself (his self-awareness of these traits is remarkable, and it is the reason why I avoid qualifying him as arrogant. Arrogant chars are hardly self-aware of their own bad manners or insufferable traits). But we can see it's usually done as a joke or, with an evil Tav, as an aggressive reaction. For a deep analysis of this aspect, check the post about "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Narcissism".

Based on his approvals and disapprovals, we can see that Gale has a strong preference in avoiding fights, violence, and bloodshed [1]. He will always prefer diplomatic and persuasive approaches [2]. Reasoning is his best weapon, but if the individual we are dealing with can hardly be persuaded, he would approve of a deception or an intimidation as long blood is not spilt. Here is where we see his pragmatism in action, all the time. His primary goal at every moment is to avoid bloodshed. His philosophy could be summed up in the line “the means [as long as they don’t kill gratuitously] hardly matter if the end is worthy”. And for Gale, nothing is more worthy than life [3]. This doesn't cover only the life of innocents he cares about, it includes the life of the most dubious characters as well, such as Rugan or Crusher. Gratuitous death is meaningless for him. During the scene of Nettie we can have a glimpse of his philosophy towards life: he viscerally hates treating life as if it were nothing:

Gale: How dare she snuff out life with as much thought as snuffing out a bloody candle? […] It's not right to feel the cold breath of death in your neck, then move on as if it was nothing but a soothing breeze. One respects life by fighting for it, and one respects death by fearing it.

Gale: One should never be afraid to live life to the fullest.

Probably the limited amount of life he has due to the "orb" increased his sense of respect for life and its celebration. I personally understand Gale as a character who embodies the perspectives of a seriously ill person, knowing that their life may be short, but they will try to make the best out of it.

He doesn't only respect life per se, he also cares about its dignity. This can be seen in his explicit rejection to undead existences such as Connor (he explains that it would be merciful to put an end to his undead nightmare), or in his disapprovals of humiliation and torture [9]

We could suspect that this emphasis in protecting any life comes from the fact that only people who are alive can (sometimes) be forgiven or/and change. This is not explicit, but since he is a character who talks about being better and wiser than his previous self, about acknowledging mistakes, about forgiveness, this interpretation seems reasonable.

These concepts of kindness and compassion combined with “the mistakes of the youth” are repetitive in his interactions and approvals [5,12]. Of course, they echo in his soul since they are reflections and desires of his own experience. This pattern covers forgiving children in particular [5], and disapproving hard judgements [16], especially on matters whose story is not fully understood by Tav. This means he doesn't like quick judgements when he doesn't know the whole story first. This scenario can be easily seen during Karlach's quest, he reserves his judgment until knowing Karlach's side: There are always two sides to each story.

Gale: I have to say I don't know if agreeing to this hunt was such a wise idea. Who's to say who's the real villain in this tale of devils and masquerades? [...]When we track Karlach down, let's chat before we chop.

Similar concept appears during his Revelation scene, when he encourages and keeps asking Tav to listen to him first before judging. This is also the reason why in his Loss scene he would disapprove if Tav quickly assumes that his loss of Mystra was due to arrogance. Tav judged him without knowing the whole story. However, once Tav knows the whole story, Gale will accept any judgement from them without approval penalties during the Revelation scene.

He approves all actions that imply helping others in hard times and disapproves of them if they were done out of greed [4]. He is an animal lover [6,7]. Being kind to animals and treating them good will increase his approval, while animal cruelty will earn his disapproval. Same goes for humanoids: any display of gratuitous violence that could have been prevented with a trick or a diplomatic approach, any humiliation forced upon others, any torture or situation of slavery, is disapproved [8, 9, 11].

In particular, Gale seems to advocate the philosophy of “give others their own medicine”[18] or in other words: poetic justice. We can see this during the Myconid colony; he approves of helping the Myconid to avenge the young killed by the Duergar, adding the comment: “Wicked killers deserve wicked ends”. He is implying to give them a similar, wicked medicine to the Duergars. Another less deadly situation of this kind is shown during the foot situation with Crusher: Gale is the one suggesting “pungent poetic justice” and telling Tav that they should force Crusher to kiss their feet.

The most iconic scene, however, is during Nettie's, if Tav lies during her interrogation. As a hot-headed reaction, Gale states that he would have poisoned Nettie if this situation would have happened to him. Although, after calming down, he approves of and confirms Tav's actions [if Tav managed to persuade Nettie to give them the antidote]

Gale: A taste of her own medicine is what she deserves! […] But you handled it, and you handled it well.

In this scene we also see a pattern: Gale is shown as a fallible human; his most visceral reaction during the first moment is anger and indignation, giving us a hint that he is not so rational when it comes to emotional states. An extremely obvious, human concept.

The scene of Nettie trying to kill a potential menace (the victim of a MF) reverberated in his consciousness, projecting immediately a fact in his mind: if he ever dares to reveal his "orb" problem, and anyone knows what a danger he represents—no matter how stable it looks—people will want to remove the menace by killing him.

This is the reason behind his words “It's just that, had it been me... had it been...” Gale knows that this simplistic and common thinking in removing what's dangerous would end up turning into a more destructive tragedy in his case than in any infected victim of the tadpoles. So this combination makes us see, for the first time, an emotional Gale. After some seconds, he cools down and returns to his more rational, diplomatic, and moderate self. What we can read here is that Gale would be very prone to rush decisions or to make mistakes under emotional circumstances. We will learn later that the other mistake he made under emotional stress ended up with the "orb" stuck in his chest. A third mistake was done during the party, once more under the emotional stress of a potential abandonment by Tav due to the true nature of the orb.

Everything related to the “orb”—which is his most traumatic experience—naturally makes him more emotional and prone to mistakes. To see how truly traumatic the "orb" is in his life we can notice the following patterns during the meeting scene: he speaks about the tadpole in a relaxed, rational way, despite the traumatising experience. He first asks for an archwizard instead of for a cleric, because his priority is the orb. Gale's main fear is not the tadpole, but the orb. If we remember his words after the consumption of the artefacts, we realise he lives in a permanent state of anxiety and raw fear, and probably pain too, given his facial gesticulation when anything interacts with the "orb" (whether artefacts or Tav's hand). His banter with Shadowheart reinforces the concept that he always has a knot in the stomach. When he accepts the deal with Raphael, it seems to be related to the orb, not to the tadpole. The effect of the "orb" has ceased, but the tadpole is still in Gale's head since we still need to roll against a high DC and not only against a 1DC during this scene, so we can assume he still has the tadpole despite Raphael's deal. See the post about "The Tadpole" in Gale for more details.

Gale is a character that represents human experiences deeply related to growing up: mistakes done in the past, and the acceptance of not being forgiven despite the desire of wanting to. This can be easily seen during the conversation of the second tadpole dream, where Gale's mood is foul and we learn that his deepest desire is for Mystra to forgive him, but he also knows it's impossible for that to happen. He detects the lie in this dream because he has accepted that Mystra will never forgive him. Gale is the story of mistakes done during youth with grave consequences, of acknowledging them and trying to make them right, of surviving those mistakes, and depending on the interpretation, he is also the story of an ill dying man, with a gentle vision and deep care for life.

The great majority of his approvals are based on actions that show kindness and compassion, both reiterative concepts that are so important in his character that they come from his lips when we see the goblin party:

Gale: The shadow within is spreading like poison, corrupting kindness and compassion. [Only after a tough DC of 15]

In combination with: Gale: I don't know myself anymore. All this... It's not who I am. Around you, I'm not who I want to be. I should leave.

These lines show how, in a sudden change to an evil path, Gale would start doubting his own morality, explaining that the cause of it is the "orb" itself, corrupting the most core aspects of his personality. This corruption may or may not be lore-related. It's not completely clear what Gale's "orb" truly is. For more details, check the post of the "Orb".

His constant critical thinking comes from his advocacy to non-conventionality [15]: a true scholar will always explore all the options and hypotheses before reaching a conclusion. Therefore, Gale would approve of any non-conventional way to fix a problem [15] as long as it doesn't potentially cause harm or bloodshed [1,2,3,8,9]. Due to his own background, Gale will always advise to be very careful of the consequences of one’s actions. This can be easily seen when, after encountering the caged goblin Sazza, Gale would advocate to explore the possibility of reaching Gut Priestess to cure the tadpole. However, when Tav helps Sazza to escape, Gale will comment briefly against this action.

Gale: I know I said it's not inconceivable a goblin priestess could help us. And yet... was it really wise to set another goblin free so she can arrange introductions? […] consider the consequences. What if she leads her entire tribe to the grove? Tav: I don't care, I owe this grove no allegiance. Gale: No allegiance, no. Though we don't need to sign its death warrant

Once more we see that Gale is up to using any (unharming) means to get a goal, but not at any cost. He has a clear line he doesn't like to cross: life [3]. Avoiding putting other people's lives in danger is very important for him. We see this concept over and over in most scenes.

He doesn't likerushed decisions, and in that same train of thoughts, he will disapprove any use of unknown magic or tricks when nobody in the group can truly understand how they work [17], for example the tadpoles or Raphael's deal (he is against accepting it quickly, but he will approve of having a more cautious attitude and carefully thinking about it).

Since the moment we meet him, we can infer he is obsessed with the artefacts. It's obviously understandable: he doesn't want to die, but also, he doesn't want to kill all those that will be caught in the eruption of the orb. For this reason he will insist on the loot in the Temple Ruins despite knowing that grave robbery is not correct.

Gale: Bad form, isn't it? Grave robbing? […] Let's have a look at the loot. It isn't for your pockets only.

He keeps pondering life over death: although he respects the dead, he will always value more the living creatures in the present. This is also what pushes Gale to suggest Tav to open Rugan's chest. Stealing from the evil Zhentarins is not something that will weigh on his consciousness too much. Besides, he knows it belongs to a wizard: meaning that the chance for it to contain a powerful artefact is really high. Similar suggestions will be said about the Idol of Silvanus, but talking with him in the camp will show us that he won't approve of taking it, only as a last resort. He keeps pondering the living over a sacred piece of stone, since he knows the druids won't take the stealing very peacefully. Once more we see Gale's respect and care for life, trying to minimise damage as much as the circumstances allow him.

Gale is also a survivalist. He doesn't want to die, he loves celebrating life in its more mundane and small details. He is an emotional character for a wizard, a bit strange since they are usually portrayed as more rational and cold, losing their lives among dusty books. However, Gale has shown in many scenes that he prefers to survive without killing, but if he has to, he will do it, dealing with the weight of it in his consciousness because killing unprovoked affects him (scene in the camp after killing the druids, or the goblin party scene).

His moral in preventing gratuitous death sometimes will conflict with his own survival, especially if he is by an evil Tav's side. He couldn't accept bloodshed when other peaceful options were available and possible to reach. This is clearly shown during the goblin party, where Gale's consciousness suffers and feels the corruption of the "orb" killing the kindness and the compassion inside him. He accepts that wanting to live is a powerful drive, but he doesn't support this massacre, questioning if all that blood was necessary. A Tav killing the tieflings seems to lose the possibility of pursuing Gale romantically, at least in EA so far. For Gale, survival is important, but the means to do it (when they can cause death) matter too. Life is worth preserving.

The usual archetype of survivalist tends to be an individualist one who would survive at any cost without remorse because that's the “law of the jungle”, the strongest must survive. However, Gale seems to embody a different concept of survivalist that it's hard to put in words: a sort of communal survivalist, trying to survive in coexistence with his community: he wants his survival to imprint the least harm possible (even though sometimes it would not be possible), trying to help those around him as long as his condition allows it; for example, despite wanting Gut's potential cure for the tadpole, he would disagree in helping Sazza escape because she will lead the goblins to the Grove, no matter the fact that doing this will grant them their introduction to the priestess.

His list of approval shows that his sense of survival is always pondered with the consequences that it can cause on others (check the post with the "Extensive list of Gale's approvals"). The whole concept of the "orb" has this motivation as well: he wants to live and survive, but he also can't give up because his body would kill many, so he needs to do as much as his moral allows him to keep it in check. If he cannot do it any longer, he promises to minimise the disaster as much as possible by erupting in the deep Underdark or in a desolated corner of Faerûn (and considering his ridiculous list of approvals and disapprovals, we know he is honest in not wanting to kill gratuitously). Gale acknowledges his own mistakes, trying—to the best of his ability—to deal with them without catching others in them. Although all his speeches keep emphasising that he is a mere human, and plans may fail.

At some point, if he wants to survive “not at any cost”, he will be forced to ask Tav for help during the scene of the stew (available only for medium approval or higher). As a gesture of honesty, Gale will set a boundary before making this request, acknowledging its unfairness but giving Tav the decision to proceed or not. He is not denying to explain the details later, but at the moment he can't speak the “why” of his condition no matter how curious Tav is. Tav will decide whether they can keep their curiosity on the matter.

We will understand later that this impediment comes as a precaution as well as consequence of his personal trauma with Mystra and the "orb" (See post about "Gale: Manipulation, Lies, and Trust"). So, he is very clear about setting the conditions in which this conversation will happen from the beginning. The easiest way for Gale to avoid this whole situation would have been by simply lying, but he opted for an honest approach with clear out-loud reservations, knowing he was asking for more trust than he was allowed to, but the intention behind is more than important. There is a clear, huge contextual detail that we can't miss: this scene doesn't happen because of Gale's whims, he is forced to ask for help since his condition “is not a patient one” and will endanger everyone if not kept at bay.

This detail where Gale explicitly asks for an exchange of trust is not present if Gale's approval is neutral or lower. In this case, Gale would not care about giving a context to his strange request: he doesn't trust Tav and he doesn't expect to be trusted either, he only wants the artefacts to keep his condition in check for his sake and the sake of others. We can understand this change of attitude depending on the approval as he doesn't want to give any extra explanation to someone he is not interested in building a relationship with. For more details, check the post about "Gale: Manipulation, Lies, and Trust".

I personally support the idea that nobody in canon Faerûn is free of racial prejudices since Forgotten Realms lore has been created based strongly on fantasy racism. I've read that WotC wants to move forward and improve this aspect in 5e, but so far what they allowed Larian to do with the Tieflings in BG3 seems to show the contrary. So, since apparently we are going to face fantasy racism anyways, I will try to analyse racial prejudices from all chars. When it comes to Gale, it's a bit far-stretched to point out unjustified racial biases. He has a vague comment about Rashemi that some people may consider a faerunian saying. Personally, I think that line is a bias forced into him to have a particular dynamic with Minsc (the Rashemi “silly” companion -we all can see where Larian seems to go with this). Gale clearly sees tieflings, gnomes, and even goblins as people, and has a cautious attitude towards some githyanki (at least that's what we can infer with Lae'zel when we find her in the cage), but given the githyanki lore it's pretty reasonable to see them as dangerous creature that could kill people on the spot. So far, he seems to have no racial preference either [10].

As it was said before, he prefers to avoid killing people, but that doesn't mean he won't do it if his life depends on it. He will prefer persuasive and defusing approaches, but if he needs to kill to defend innocents or his own life, he won't hesitate. So therefore, stories about characters making mistakes or having violent excess in an effort to protect themselves or what they hold dear will be understood by him but hardly approved [19]. He tends more to approve a call out of that excess than approving an excuse for it.

Gale has deep abandonment issues that can be easily seen when he defends Astarion from being handed over to Gandrel. We need to put this in context before going on: for Gale, Astarion represents a danger as a vampire who attacked one of them during their sleep. By the display of meta-knowledge, we know with certainty that their approvals and disapprovals are mostly opposite: What one approves, the other will disapprove and vice versa. Getting rid of Astarion should be something that Gale would approve, however, he doesn't. If we explore his comments we will realise that what Gale disapproves from this situation is Tav's abandonment. After Mystra's abandonment, he knows very well that “Loyalty is such a very rare commodity”, and the few situations in EA in which Tav can display abandonment, resound strongly in Gale.

Gale is a scholar with a strong balanced rational side. But unlike the trope, he also embraces an emotional side that, so far the info we received in EA, it's the side that makes him prone to mistakes.

As an amateur poet, Gale loves words. We can obviously notice this in his verbose attitude, but also in the way he carefully uses words. One of his characteristic words is “spectacle”. He has also shown a reiterative��although not always—uneasy use of the word “fun”. Using “fun” as a way to describe the night spent with Gale gives him a slight uneasiness. “That’s a word for it.” He disapproves of using the word “Fun” after the Mayrina/Connor situation, in which scene Gale alludes that “your new company may be a proof of how depraved and twisted you are to see that tragedy as “fun”. Personally I think this is a direct allusion to Astarion, who considers Mayrina's situation as “entertainment”, in the same way he considered as “fun” the show of Arabella's death (two of several instances where he used that word). Gale also doesn’t use the word sex during EA, instead he uses romantic ones such as love-making, intimacy, art of the night/body. In the most technical case: coitus (used only when he is talking about “goblinoid intimacy” in the expression “post-coital snack”). These details are showing not only his poet/romantic side, but also his interpretation of sex from his perspective: sex can only be possible through a connection. We know he doesn’t engage in casual sex with Lae’zel if he is not romanced, and his romance can only potentially start if Tav shares that deep connection with him through the Weave.

Another detail related to words is that Gale has always used an infection/disease-related vocabulary to explain the “orb” stuck in his chest: infested, taint, shadow spreading

[…] I failed to control [this chaotic magic]. Instead it infested me. […] This Netherese taint... this orb, for lack of a better word [..] […] the shadow within is spreading like poison, corrupting kindness and compassion. [...]

Gale apparently has a particular way to sense magic. I have no way to check this in-game, but it seems very strange how he immediately identifies magical artifacts without casting Detect Magic. There are some extra scenes as well where he says to taste or smell the magic in some objects. Even his encounter with Shadowheart, besides being considered a flirt, could be also interpreted as him detecting the magic that we saw later in her hand or maybe the dark magic that blocks her memories, since Gale pointed out about a curtain covering her soul: “if the eyes are the mirror to the soul, yours have dark curtains across the mirror” (a very ominous flirting if it’s only a flirt)

This makes me suspect that, if the "orb" is not giving him this skill, it may be a consequence of having been Chosen of Mystra (for more details read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones"). If this is the case, he may have hindered remains of theirs powers when it comes to detect magic at will.

Gale has a perception of magic with all the senses: he sniffs and tastes magic. During the mirror scene you have an option related to [Arcana] tag where he “Sniff the mirror, trying to understand the nature of its magic”. A wizard Tav will just “Inspect the mirror”. He also said that he could “taste” the magic in the necromancy book and in the runes of teleportation.

What we know of his family is little: when he was a kid there was a housekeeper in his life (mentioned only once during the scene of the harpies) and his mother that seemed to have personally raised and cared for him (mentioned twice: in the ruin temple scene, and in his banter with Wyll)

Tav: Why care about decorum in a long-abandoned tomb? Gale: Because my mother raised a gentleman. Then again, to be alive is to be curious.

Wyll: Between the orb and the bug you've got more than your fair share of unwelcome passengers. Gale: What can I say. Mother always taught me to be a gracious host.

This post was written in May 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

#bg3 meta #gale #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #bg3 early access #bg3

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evanziporyn-blog · 7 years ago

Text

long ago, galaxy far away

The recent passing of one of the creative titans of 20thcentury music prompted me to dig through my hard drive and find the following, which I wrote in May 2002, right after returning from a short tour with said Creative Titan…

…waiting for cecil (2002)

Upper level negotiations aside, we're informed that a collaboration with Cecil will, in fact, take place: contract signed, dates set – he’s commissioned to write a 40-minute piece, for him and us, to be premiered in Vienna in May, 2002. My own experience with Cecil is: somehow conning my way into the Jazz Showcase in Chicago as a teenager, where he poundedthe piano for 90 minutes, after which Joe Segal came out to check for broken strings. It was probably the only direct contact I had with the legendary Joe – him looking up at me from inside the piano and saying, ‘don’t laugh, last night he broke 3!’ I also remember seeing large sheets of runic notation on the piano after the show. And I remember in college Robert Moore doing an in-class analysis of Unit Structures- I was 19, and I think I still have the mimeograph. Finally, I remember Cecil getting his MacArthur a few years back, and hearing from that a friend of [name deleted had had some kind of bad experience with him; I also remember [same name, again deleted] telling me that Cecil was 'a user.'

At any rate, we wait for Cecil at a rehearsal; then we leave, and then we're informed that he's waiting for us at Tobacco Road, the bar below [the old] Carroll's [41stand 9th]. He's a flamboyant raconteur, many tales of Roger Woodward and Max Roach, lots of cryptic dish, and my own realization that I'll definitely have to remind him of my name every time I see him: we are his audience. He is extremely interested in our nascent collaboration with Ornette (another story, for another day).

Another rehearsal is set, and Cecil arrives for this one, late as expected, but there. He has an assistant of amorphously European accent, a stunning outfit (which he changes before the rehearsal), and many sheets of music, but no copies for the band. We suggest that his assistant make copies, and we then all set up, with Cecil standing in front of us, staring at his own sheets. Many minutes of silence, after which I ask him if there's anything we might want to work on.

"I think it might be better to wait for the music."

So we wait, for another 20 minutes or so, until the assistant returns.

The music is in Cecil's own notation: letter names and contours, with various brackets, parentheses with positive or negative numbers, a few other symbols. This is all eventually deciphered as being melodies and chords, with the numbers indicating distance of the first note from middle C. None of this is explained at any point: 'let's start at the beginning…' Some sounds…'no, let's try it again…' eventually, order emerges: comments about phrasing, directions on orchestration, suggested diversions from the score, ways of improvising, etc. After each pause we start from the beginning. We are allowed to ask questions about our own playing but not to make any suggestions about the totality or about what others might do. All this is - to me - tedious but absolutely valid: the score is a framework, a jumping-off point, and we're meant to find our own way through it, under his supervision. This can only emerge slowly and collectively. It is also unquestionable that Cecil knows exactly what he's written: when he does go to the piano, he plays the exact notes, quickly and forcefully, and it sounds like, um, Cecil Taylor. (It should also be noted that I'm also aware that Lisa is at the grand piano and Cecil is left with the upright…this seems slightly odd to me but on the other hand Lisa is playing and Cecil is not, and in any case, it's not my position to step in…)

Three hours later, we've gotten through one page, it takes about 7 minutes, but it sounds pretty good, and very different from any of Cecil's music that I've heard. The assistant tells me as I'm leaving that he's amazed at how quickly we were able to 'realize Cecil's vision.'

Weeks or months go by. We try to arrange our rehearsals for the spring. As usual with us, it's difficult to find times when all six people are available, and in the end we can't agree on any extra days to meet with Cecil. This is reported to [our manager] Kenny, and a cyber dance begins…we hear rumors that Cecil is upset about this, so we make a decision to simply make our entire rehearsal schedule available to him: any time he's able to show up, we'll clear the books and work with him.

We don't see him again until Vienna.

Actually, I see him a little before then, as I board my connection from Paris. He's sitting in first class, ensconced in a novel, a stylish Stetson straw hat on his head. I greet him, remind him of my name, but he does seem genuinely pleased to see me, excited about the gig. We are to be met by a 'representative of the Konzerthaus,' or so I'm told, but Cecil informs me as we walk to our luggage that, instead, we'll be met by some 'friends.'

As we walk through the terminal, I ask him if he tours a lot - 'just enough to keep things interesting' he says….

Getting the luggage is benignly indicative: we need carts, which require coins, and Cecil somehow ends up at a Bureau de Change, shoving dollars at the befuddled clerk - 'two please'…that failing, I'm instructed to flag down a porter, and to find his two bags, 'one brown, the other a Gucci.' Through customs, we're met by Tony O. and his wife Tutta, who've trained in from Dusseldorf, and Cecil decides we need to sit and have a drink before going to the hotel. I should mention that at this point I know nothing about Tony, I don’t say this with any pride, but I don't know that he's a drummer, Cecil's frequent duo partner, or that he's done a lot of the logistical work for these gigs. The driver is nowhere to be found, so I pay off the porter and unload the bags, at which point the driver emerges, grouses about the lack of luggage carts, and goes off to rent them. He then spends the next 90 minutes hovering and glowering, while Cecil and Tony catch up with on another - much opaque conversation about code-named friends and enemies, old friend stuff (sample: "well, there is a young man named Jed, who was last seen sleeping on his stomach in my apartment - so I don't know what that was all about - and Jed has given me his phone number, he'd very much like to see me, I can call him at the 'club' - which he seems to think he's going to inherit from the Dragon Lady, but young Jed doesn't seem to realize, regarding the Dragon Lady, that only the good die young!')…also, some interesting conversation about an aborted project in Italy, with the La Scala orchestra, in which Tony continually makes the point that 'they could be the best musicians in the world, but they're not right for you!', until finally my jetlag trumps my sense of decorum, and I ask that we go to the hotel.

On the walk to the car, Tony asks if we'll be rehearsing at 4 as planned, and Cecil replies, 'oh no, I'm far too tired for that, I'll need to rest.' Tony mentions that we could rehearse without Cecil, and when I say that this is not really possible, as we don't really know how to rehearse Cecil’s material without him, Tony says, 'but you've got that one sheet, don't you?' This is echoed by 83-year-old Trudy, a free spirit, Sun Ra veteran, and last member of the entourage, who meets us at the hotel. She says we should also rehearse without Cecil, and when I say that we can't really do this, Cecil says that the band should do 'whatever makes them comfortable.'

For me, that's sleep; for Cecil and Tony, that's sitting at the bar all afternoon, until we all congregate to go to rehearsal, rescheduled for 5:30. Standing in the driveway, we're informed that Cecil doesn't feel like rehearsing, and the provokes some dissension in the band: Lisa in particular is insulted, but the group comes to a tentative decision to go rehearse our other material anyway, in the hopes the Cecil will show up. If he doesn't, we'll end early and have dinner. I go to my room to get my music (I had assumed we were only rehearsing the Cecil material), and when I return, Mark and Lisa are screaming at each other. Lisa departs, and Mark and David are recruited by Kenny to interface with Cecil at the bar.

15 or 20 minutes later, Mark returns, reporting that Cecil is 'on the warpath' about Kenny…Lisa has returned, and we all proceed to the Konzerthaus, to rehearse the rest of the program.

In fact, Cecil shows up not much later, and we have what in the end turns out to be an extremely productive rehearsal. The first half-hour is pretty annoying, with Cecil posturing and lecturing, acting the auteur, maybe Antonioni or Martha Graham. The breakthrough is the realization/recollection that the notation is just a jumping off point: as soon as we start doing something interesting, notated or not, Cecil also starts playing, and we end up doing some quite interesting things together, moving seamlessly (when it works) from the notated materials to improvisation, then into the next section.

We take a break, at which point I notice all of Tony's drum cases sitting in the hall, and when I ask Kenny about this, he tells me that this is just for convenience, as Tony and Cecil are doing some duo gigs between Vienna and London. Despite this assurance, after the break, Nico the promoter asks Tony (who's in the hall) if he should 'set up the drums now,' to which Tony immediately yells "NO!!!" in a way that I find slightly disconcerting…It's absolutely clear to me that Tony is planning on playing with us, and that for whatever reason this is to be sprung on us at the last minute. At any rate, the rehearsal continues: we're given syllables to recite - Ka! - and instructed to walk around the hall saying them. At the end of the rehearsal, Cecil seems very happy, excited, and tells us to bring poetry to the concert as well.

We go to eat, Mark and Lisa get in a fight about the check, business as usual.

The next day is the sound check and the gig, and we arrive to find Cecil and Tony rehearsing on stage. Tony's drums are in the exact middle of the stage, which actually makes some kind of sense, as it's the biggest area not being used by us, and it would allow us to do our normal set up were it not for a few cymbal stands, which jut into my area, making our normal setup impossible until the drums are moved. This is not in itself a huge problem, as Andy and I decide that I'll simply set up between Mark and Robert during the second half. But we can't really figure out what's going on: nothing is said to us one way or another about Tony. Are they simply rehearsing for the following days? Are they playing duos on tonight's concert? Is Tony playing with us? Impossible to determine. We begin to rehearse with Cecil and, once again, Tony and Tutta simply sit in the audience, observing. We do a long, quite successful improvisation, and when we're done, I go up to Tony and say, "So Tony, just wondering - do you know what's going on? What's the story?"

And here my troubles begin. Suddenly there's an edge of hostility to everything, annoyance at my asking, picking a fight.

"There's no story - I'm just waiting until you're through, and then Cecil and I will rehearse."

"OK, but you know we also have to rehearse the first half of the concert, including tech-ing a video [for Don Byron’s piece Eugene] - it may take about an hour" "I'm not talking about the bloody first half of the concert, we're talking about the second half - I don't fucking care what you do in the first half of the concert."

I tell him that I'm not trying to make things uncomfortable, just trying to figure out a plan that works for everybody.

"There is no plan - I'm just following orders like you - I realize it's a bit unusual but you just have to go with it. If you think I like sitting down here all afternoon, waiting for you all to finish, you're out of your mind, but I've got no choice. Now leave it at that or I promise you things will get a lot worse."

Things get stranger and uglier from there, whatever I say is taken as provocation, and I eventually realize there's no point, and walk away. Cecil announces that the rehearsal is over, and I ask him if we can rehearse our first half. He says yes, and I ask him if the drums can be moved so we can do the setup. Again, he agrees, and tells Andy to 'help Tony move the drums.' Tony then asks Cecil if they should rehearse again, and Cecil say, 'no, no, let's go get something to eat.'

Now, it's important to understand a few things here: first, we do in fact need to strike the drums for the first half of the show; second, there is nothing inherently insulting or threatening about doing so. Stage set-ups are just that: people need to be where they need to be, and instruments get moved around all the time. I assume this is fairly obvious. I will admit that I was annoyed at Tony's picking a fight with me, and that I decided to go over his head to get the drums moved. But I did this simply because it needed to be done in order for us to play the first half of the concert. It also should be clearly stated that no oneever talked to anyone in the band about Tony playing with us, ever- nor was it apparently ever mentioned to Kenny in any of his numerous communications with Tony. And, of course, Tony didn't try to rehearse with us, in fact insisted that his drums notbe set up during our rehearsal the night before. If it had been mentioned, we would have had no choice but to agree, and it might not have been a bad thing. But nothing was said, we were just left in limbo, and my attempt to simply find out what the parameters of possibility were was met with Tony's implied threats.

OK, on with the show, we do the first half (pieces by Hermeto Pascoal and Don Byron), it goes great, we're very on, and in fact it's clear that the work with Cecil has freed up our improvisation in the Pascoal. We go off stage, and Cecil is in fact in his dressing room, so that's good. Tony meanwhile is on stage, resetting his drums in the center of the stage, while my microphones and music stand get moved - as agreed - to the other side of the stage. Tony's setup takes about 30 minutes, and when he leaves the stage, the crowd cheers. This is OK, as at this point Cecil is in the middle of changing his clothes, and isn't ready anyway. Mark has appointed himself emissary to Cecil, he's running in and out of his room, coming out with breathless updates - "Cecil's changing, he does want to play, and he's very excited." The promoter is freaking out over the long pause, but it seems like business as usual. Mark, alone with Cecil, asks him if he wants to play with Tony first, or bring Tony on later, or…and Cecil replies, 'no, Tony won't be playing tonight.'

This is news to Tony, who is literally chasing after Cecil on his way to the stage, saying, 'what would you like me to do? Shall I come on with you?' Cecil replies, softly, 'not yet…'

So off we go, we do it, it's OK, not the best improvising I've ever done, not the worst, and, as I had predicted to Wendy and Lisa, we get many curtain calls and something of a standing ovation. I feel pretty empty inside, let’s just leave it at that. We walk off stage, and Cecil says, "I think we've all deserved some champagne."

Backstage, Trudy reports that Cecil is thrilled, and, unlike his normal practice, wants us to join him in his dressing room. Tony meanwhile is left to take his drums apart on the stage. The band gets taken to dinner at the Konzerthaus restaurant; Mark stays behind to hang with Cecil. Halfway through the meal Mark comes into the dining room, and tells Kenny that "Tony and Trudy need to speak to you," and Kenny disappears, until Wendy goes and rescues him 10 minutes later. Tony and Trudy then join us at the table, Tony sitting next to Kenny, at which point Wendy and Trudy suggest that we change seats. Mark again is breathless, reporting on Trudy's account of Cecil's happiness, I'm tired, and I leave in a cab with Wendy and Lisa.

Robert stays and parties with Cecil, entranced. Kenny is apparently accosted by Tony at the hotel at 2:30am, at which point he tells him, "the store is closed." Interpret that as you like.

After this, we go to Graz and our own gig, with the full knowledge that more is in store in London.

Cut to several days later, arrival at the Barbican for our sound check. Once again the drums are in the center of the stage, and once again I'm set up between Mark and Robert. This time it's apparently an open rehearsal: there are photographers, press, a large stage crew, all hovering. As I walk to my instrument, Cecil, speaking more to the crowd than to us, announces the agenda: "All right, for today's rehearsal, I'd like you all to take out your music, and to study it silently. We will do this for the next 30 minutes." And there we are, trapped on stage, staring at our music silently, while the public looks on. To Cecil's credit, he takes his music, stands stock still in the hall, and stares at his music as well. Every few minutes he takes a step. We're all caught flat-footed. It is impossible to not do it: clearly, this would be insubordination and would have absolutely dire consequences. Also, there's clearly some value in this kind of thing - meditation, silence, clearing oneself out. As such, it's brilliant psychological manipulation, and good theater as well. Shock therapy, shamanism, yada yada yada. Having come this far, having put up with no rehearsals and no instruction, and random drummers and nonsense syllables, and having concluded, fairly definitively, that there's no future in this for us as a group or an organization, what's one half-hour out of my life? So I stand there, I actually take it seriously to the extent that I can, looking at the music while moving through various yoga and tai chi postures, trying to be aware of the silence and the music and myself.

Not to say that I'm not also occasionally passing glances to those among us who are likely to be aware of the absurdity…and at 15 minutes, Wendy signals me for a time update. I'm also painfully aware of being watched - not just by Cecil but by the press, the stage crew, and - sitting in the audience - by Tony.

It ends, maybe 20 minutes rather than 30, and we're then instructed to walk silently through the aisles, thinking of the nonsense syllables on the page. Another 20 minutes, and then we're told to enunciate the words. Maybe 10 more minutes of this, after which Cecil abruptly shouts, "OK, now forget it all!! I'll see you tonight." And he leaves.

I have this odd feeling at this point - having done something healthy but under duress, and for the wrong reasons, with public humiliation thrown in, both for the act itself and for my acquiescence…what is this like…I go backstage, and, just being truthful here, I say to Lisa, "I feel like I've been raped…"

Drum saga part two. Andy tries to start resetting the stage for the first half, and then informs me that Tony has told him, 'anybody touches my drums, there'll be trouble.' I'm not interested, I'm still in let's-get-this-fucking-thing-over-with mode, so I tell Andy to forget it, just set me up way over on the side of the stage, separated from the band by the drums. He does so. We start our sound check, with Tony on stage, adjusting his drums at a VERY SLOW rate. I'm about twice the distance from the group than I've ever been, it's like there's five of them and one of me. Finally we're ready to play, I count off Pascoal’s Arapua, and Tony immediatelystarts bashing away on his drums loudly. We stop, and Mark offers, demurely, "um, Tony, we're trying to sound check."

"Well you might have bloody well asked me if I'm bloody finished!" He claims he needs 'two more minutes,' so we wait about five, then finally decide to take a break until he's off the stage.

He leaves, we begin again, and I finally decide that it'd be better to be on the otherside of the drums, that is, wedged up against Mark, blocking the audiences' view of Wendy and Lisa, but nonetheless allowing us to play music together. To do this, Tony's stool and empty drum case have to be nudged about one foot. I request that the stage crew do this, and meanwhile Mark goes back to Cecil's dressing room to 'make sure it's OK.' We're already in the twilight zone here. Mark comes back, five minutes later, shaken but still standing, waves off requests for explication, and we begin. Ten minutes later, midway through Lisa and David's cadenza in Tan Dun’s Concerto For Six, Tony roars on stage, screaming about his drums being moved. We keep playing, and he rushes toward me, at the last second veering away and pushing my music stand over, screaming about 'respect'. Mark and David rush to my defense - though he doesn't touch me - and we all start screaming at each other, Tony about his drums and about 'no fucking respect - 30 years in the business - I'm glad to see I wasn't wrong about the vibe I'm feeling;' David pointing out that we didn't move his drums, that we came in with respect for him (which is true in David's case, though not in mine, since I didn't know who he was), and Lisa finally telling him to 'piss off - you're not wanted here.'

Tony leaves the stage, goes to Cecil, and Cecil freaks - I don't witness this but apparently he starts with 'they can't disrespect the world's greatest drummer' and proceeds to a very detailed litany of every injustice suffered at the hands of our organization since the collaboration began. I wasn't there, but the list included the upright piano, the difficulty in scheduling rehearsals and - most significantly - non-silence on the part of Lisa and myself during the silent rehearsal. He will not perform with Lisa or me. He is going back to the hotel. He leaves.

Meeting and talks, the Barbican guys wanting to 'find the Tony Blair solution - a compromise.' We are adamant - and in unanimity - that we are prepared to fulfill our contract - to perform with Cecil - but that will not perform with Tony under any circumstances, and that we will only perform as a whole group. Robert is dispatched along with the presenter to try to talk to Cecil. Tutta answers the phone, there is raging in the background, she tells Robert that it's not the time to talk, but that everything will 'work itself out.'

Somehow we manage to play the first half, having gotten the big stage crew guys to promise to keep Tony off the stage at all costs. At intermission we're informed that Cecil is back, wants to play, but will only go on stage with Tony and without Lisa and me. Wendy immediately announces that she won't play, packs up, leaves. Mark is near tears…Barbican is saying that if there's no critical mass of our group, then the public doesn't get its collaboration, could want its money back, and that might have consequences. Kenny - true mensch - basically says he's not worried about that, we should do what we think is right. I can see that Mark and Robert want to play. So I tell them, look, if I were in your shoes I don't think I could play under these circumstances, but then again I'm not being given the choice - people should play or not play based on what theywant to do, what they think is right, not based on whether or not I'll approve. Mark and Robert immediately decide to play. So there’s that. David, having already said that he'd do whatever was called for, decides to play to give the presenters what they want. So there’s that too. Mark and Robert go into their dressing room, smoke a bowl, hug either other, and off they go. Lisa and I go to a pub and wait for the crowd to come out.

They play for 45 minutes, and afterwards I make a point of going backstage, not avoiding anyone. Mark asks me if I'm mad at him. Tony breaks down on stage, apparently convinced that he's been mic-ed improperly, and that he won't be heard on 'the recording.'

He later demands that Andy give him the DAT, the only recording of the concert, and Andy does so, so I guess we’ll never know…

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