#and I find it funny to think about Aaron and Andrew spending like an hour before games switching out all of their piercings

[dvrcos]

“Andrew couldn’t have piercings because he couldn’t wear them on the court” Andrew canonically carries knives under his uniform

[nekojitachan]

How to Steal a Million

This is... part three?

We’re really starting to bring the gang together here, and the plot will really kick in after this!

*******

Neil lay sprawled upon a velvet-covered divan in Allison’s humongous bedroom while she stood in front of a gilded mirror which she claimed had belonged to Marlene Dietrich (he believed her), wearing nothing but lacy lingerie (he would go out on a limb and say that she had a date with Renee later) and tossing very (very) expensive pieces of clothes about while she decided what to wear that day. “So you’re basically telling me that you stabbed some no-name thief, bandaged him up and then let him go? Oh cutie-pie, just wait until I tell Renee! She’ll be so pleased to learn that you’re turning to the light, or something like that.” Allison beamed at him as she casually threw a Gucci shirt over her shoulder.

“I’m not going soft,” Neil sneered as he sat up, “it’s just that Stuart gets so grumpy when there’s blood on the Persian rugs and I spent all of last November swiping things for Berger to make up for taking out one of his best breakers.” He sighed as he thought of how he’d just wanted to spend the month hanging out with his friends before the city got too crazy for the holidays (too many tourists and people rushing about for the season), but no, it hadn’t worked out that way, had it? “Though he was American, so I doubt he’s associated with any of the local gangs.” Better safe than sorry, though, especially when dealing with a grumpy Stuart. There was just too much sighing and whinging and ‘where did I go wrong, Mary? Where did I go wrong?’

(Neil could give him one hell of a list, but there’d just be more damn sighing and whinging.)

“Hmm, caution’s not a bad thing,” Allison agreed as she eyed a Dior skirt before tossing it aside, too. “Though I worry about you, so damn cute and barely psychotic, and what do you do when you have a guy in your home late at night? You beat him up and send him on his way.” She shook her head as if disappointed. “It’s time for us to go to work again, grasshopper.” Her glossy red lips spread in a predatory grin before she leaned into the one closet to grab more clothes.

Hmm, that… that had possibilities; at the very least, it would serve as a distraction from the whole Venus mess, and it might be a good idea to have more cash on hand because of the Venus mess. “Who’s the mark, and won’t Renee be upset, talking about the whole ‘light side’?” Was that the right term? Matt had tried to make him watch the movies about the whole ‘light’ and ‘dark’ thing, but he’d fallen asleep within ten minutes.

It didn’t help that Henry had dared him to break into four mansions the night before….

“Oh, don’t worry, the target is grade-A asshole, so much that Renee won’t mind in the slightest. Now, what shall I wear?” She pulled out a slinky black McQueen dress with straps and rivets that would cover her from neck to ankles (for the most part) yet cling to a figure which attracted men and women alike (but not Neil), and a flowing light blue Chloe wrap dress.

“Definitely the McQueen,” Neil decided. “You’re clearly giving them fair warning that you’re ready to utterly destroy them, but they’re too busy drooling over your ass to care. Plus, I think Renee finds the skulls on the purses adorable.”

“As it should be, cutie-pie, as it should be.” Allison smirked as she dropped the Chloe gown to the floor; Neil shook his head and knew that Ines, Allison’s assistant, was paid more than enough to deal with the mess. “Once I slither into this, we’ll set about dressing you into something presentable and be on our way.”

Neil groaned as he lay back down and wondered if it wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, to let L.A. kill him in his sleep last night or something.

*******

Andrew tapped his fingers on the table while he waited for his ‘contact’ to arrive; he’d kept track of her over the years, and when Kevin had ‘dragged’ him to Paris for this latest case? Reached out to her in case he had need of her knowledge.

After last night? He definitely had need of Renee’s knowledge of the city, even if she seemed to have gone ‘straight’ in the last couple of years.

Well, straighter.

He’d finished his second meager cup of coffee (really, what did the French have against a decent size of coffee?) and his third cream puff (much better than the coffee) at the café not too far from the burnt husk of Notre Dame when Renee appeared. He noticed her decent French, which she used to order coffee and a couple of cream puffs, how her hair was now bleached silver with rainbow colored ends, her clothes simple but of good quality, and how she basically… she looked good. Looked at peace with herself.

When he’d first met her, it was barely a year after she’d gotten out of prison and was still trying to leave ‘Natalie Shields’ behind; she hadn’t appreciated Andrew being pointed her way for help with a case, yet she’d obliged after a rough introduction. Andrew had thought it an act initially, her attempt to change her life, to move on from Natalie and become Renee Walker, but he’d been convinced by the time he’d solved the forgery case. She’d helped out a couple of other times, then moved to Paris to take a job at a woman’s shelter.

“Hello, Andrew. You look good.” Renee’s voice was still soft and possessed a hint of her North Dakota upbringing. Despite him calling out of the blue, her smile was warm and dark eyes bright with affection. “Do you like Paris so far?”

“It’s crowded, the traffic is terrible and their coffee sucks. Plus, I was trapped on a plane for seven hours with Kevin Day. Seven hours,” he hissed as he folded his arms over his chest and slumped back in his chair. “Somehow, he’s still alive.”

“I’ll be certain to recommend you for sainthood over that extreme act of charity,” she murmured as she pushed the plate containing the cream puffs toward him. “Especially if he returns to the States alive as well.”

“Seven hours,” Andrew repeated as he did his best not to think about the flight home – one of them was going to be doped out of their minds for it, he just hadn’t decided who yet.

Renee stifled a giggle with the back of her right hand before she sipped her coffee. “Other than that, it’s going well?” She gazed at the band-aid on his throat before she looked him in the eye. “I assume if Kevin’s here, it’s not a vacation?”

“You assume correct.” He paused to eat one of the cream puffs (at least he was walking a lot to offset all the sweets) before he got down to business. “We’re here because of the Kleber-Lafayette Museum’s latest exhibit.”

“Ah.” Renee frowned as she turned her cup of coffee around on its saucer with the tips of her fingers. “I’m not sure what help I’ll be, since I’m not… well, I’m not involved in those things anymore, not really. And the little I am, just through a couple of associates, hasn’t brought me word of any trouble with that show.”

Now that was interesting – not that Renee knew ‘interesting people’, because he expected no less of the woman, but that she was already tied into gossip about the museum. “Really? Nothing at all?”

“No, nothing, it’s free of trouble as far as I know,” she insisted with a slight shake of her head.

Hmm.” Andrew had the last cream puff while he considered that. “What about Neil Josten? Have you heard about him?”

Renee was quiet while she finished her coffee then set it down without a sound, her motions smooth and too controlled. “I’m sorry, Andrew, but I believe we have a conflict of interests here.” That time, her smile was bland. “I do know him, but as a friend. He and his uncle regularly donate to the shelter, and he volunteers there as well.”

That wasn’t what Andrew wanted to hear, not about the sarcastic, handsome asshole who’d insulted him while bandaging him up last night – after nearly slitting his throat last night.

No one should look that damn good while giving him shit and continuously threatening to kill him. Maybe Aaron was right and there really was something wrong with Andrew….

Nah, Aaron was just jealous that Andrew was the older, better-looking, smarter twin.

Yet here Renee sat and proclaimed that Josten – the guy who’d tried to slit Andrew’s throat and gave him advice on who to rob – was a veritable angel. “Funny you say that, because I think I might be checking into his uncle because of work, and this,” he gestured to the little ‘scratch’ on his neck, “is from Josten.”

Renee frowned as she seemed to think about that. “Hmm, and what were you doing to provoke such a reaction out of him?” When Andrew was quiet, she nodded once. “Neil’s a good friend. He hasn’t had the easiest of times growing up, but he’s not a bad man.” She nodded again as she stood. “And I’d be careful, because he has people who care about him, who watch over him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to return to work. Be careful, Andrew, you and Kevin.”

He watched her go then got up to leave himself, thoughts occupied with what she’d said – with what basically was a warning.

The more he learned about Neil Josten, the more the pieces didn’t fit together; if there was one thing (actually, there was a rather long list) that Andrew didn’t like, it was incomplete puzzles. He detested things that he couldn’t easily solve, that taunted him with their jagged edges that didn’t smooth out and fit together, with missing pieces and equations just waiting for that last bit to be figured out.

Josten? Neil Josten was all of that rolled together, was violence with a friendly smile, a teasing, lilting voice that poured out insults, a gorgeous man who’d shown no interest nor repulsion in Andrew despite his mild flirting.

Andrew had a job he was paid to do and now Riko Moriyama to deal with… but damnit, he’d figure out one Neil Josten before he left Paris, he swore to himself.

*******

Neil, dressed in McQueen as well (Allison had laughed as she ‘bullied’ him into the black blazer embellished with butterflies, but at least let him wear jeans and a pale grey shirt beneath it), escorted Allison into the cocktail party they were basically crashing (as if anyone would dare to throw Allison Reynolds out of a party she deigned to grace with her presence) – a cocktail party held during the middle of the day.

Someone was trying a bit too hard.

That someone turned out to be Riko Moriyama, which explained it rather well.

“Oh yes, Renee will even light a candle for us, I’m willing to bet,” Neil murmured in French as he gazed at the Japanese-American man who appeared to be boring Agnes Caron to tears; unfortunately, it was the freelance reporter’s job to suffer such things, and she probably was there to find out if he or his uncle were opening a new office in Paris.

Or, more importantly, if Riko’s brother was opening a new office in Paris, since the Stone Mountain corporation was much more important (powerful, wealthier, etc.) than Edgar Allan, one of its subsidiaries.

Was also free of rumored, quickly buried scandals – scandals tied to one Riko Moriyama.

Neil hoped that Agnes was careful, because she was a friend of Dan’s and never reported any lies about Allison.

Then he pushed all thoughts of the woman aside because Allison dragged him further into the room, right as Riko looked their way, an expression of interest on his face.

*******

Last part can be found here

[fallingin-like]

an aftg fanfic appreciation post

the other day at work i saw something about fanfiction writer appreciation day and told myself “ah i will make a post when i get home” and immediately Did Not Do That. so i’m doing it now! first, thank you to everyone who writes fanfiction! it’s such an honour to be able to read your writing and i am so grateful to the writers who spend so much time and effort into creating these stories. i do not deserve such amazing content and yet i have it. also thanks to nora for this wonderful series which has changed my life in so many ways. 

these are in no particular order. i really tried to tone down my ‘i love you so much and really want to be friends with you’ vibe but i don’t think it worked. this is a super long post and i still didn’t get to say everything i wanted to.

some  fics/series that need more love (aka they have under 350 kudos)

to the south by Morcai - this is a series (never to be caught and secret, safe, close to the door) that was really cool to read. it has elements of the Iskryne Series which i don’t know anything about, but apparently has to do with bondwolves. basically, neil has a wolfbrother who he can speak to telepathically which is written in a really unique way, through interesting phrases and scent-based nicknames for people. i’ve never read anything like these fics and i adore them

all that we see or seem by rorschachs - an inception au. need i say more? this fic flows well, has good use of flashbacks, and an amazing ending. it’s ~23,000 words but feels like much less due to nice pacing and an interesting take on this au

Travelers by @sunrise-and-death ​ - a series (Placeless Destination and Moving Towards) that’s a soulmate au. soulmates can interact through a pyschic bond that allows it to seem like the other person is there with them. neil and andrew meet when they are young and it’s so interesting seeing them get to know each other at this age. we also get to see some neil/mary angst and all of the terrible things happen to andrew. an intense series that manages to feel light-hearted at the same time. the second fic in this series is incomplete

atlas by @purearcticfire ​ / @pipedream-truths ​ - a magic au that features shapeshifters and a cursed neil, so immediately you know i’ll like it. this fic has some cool uses of italics, caps, spacing, etc. that creates a stylized story that helps build tone and gives the story a clearer voice. unfortunately, i can’t tell too much detail about my favourite parts because it they are *ultra spoilers* so i’ll just say, it gets so intense at the end. just trust me about this. ao3 says it’s incomplete (4/5 chapters) but it seems complete to me. also, at ~72,000 words, it’s a pretty hefty fic

Golden Keys and Gray Lines by @wouldyoulightmycandle ​ - just a feel-good post-canon fic that involves a road trip, an ice cream museum, and a bit of Working Through Rough Times. super cute! this fic is incomplete

some authors i just really love and appreciate (you probably already know them and if you don’t then idk what you’re doing)

all of these writers have serious talent that make it look easy to write fanfiction. it’s not easy. you guys have all of my love. all of it.

@nakasomethingkun ​ /  ephemeralsky - basically i just see their name and automatically click the fic without bothering to fully read the tags or summary. they have never let me down and i adore the way they write. everything they write is an easy read and i always come back to their fics. i was going to mention my favourites and then i realized i was going to list everything they’ve written for aftg and i’m not even kidding. funny, angst, fluff, everything you could want in a fic they have it. so so good i actually don’t know how to describe it. their fics break my heart and then put it back together a little bit different so that even after i am finished reading and continue with the rest of my life, i feel different. they make me hurt in a way i didn’t know that i could like. this quality of fic has me scrolling back to the top to reread it the second i finish. what in the world they’re so good.

@annawrites ​ / moonix - 50 aftg fics. that’s actually crazy. and all of them are so high quality and there is such a variety. flower shop/tattoo parlor au? one of my favourite series ever. high school au? of course it includes 4 fully complete fics. shapeshifter au? amazingly done. scott pilgrim vs the world au? so good that i went out and watched the movie for the first time (i am not even joking). i was looking through all the fics and just started rereading them, i just can’t help myself. they describe everything in a way that makes their stories unique, but doesn’t seem like they’re trying too hard. or at all. their fics flow so well and every sentence is a gem. i read and reread so carefully to make sure i don’t miss a thing, but always find myself catching new jokes and quirks.

@lolainslackss ​ / lolainslackss - i really don’t know where to start. once again, i just really love all of their fics. i started scrolling through their works too see if i had a favourite and could not even choose a top 5. their writing is so beautiful i can’t get enough. they always choose the best things to include. selective mutism and sign language? that’s a sure way into my heart. the suit shop au is adorable and pining andrew really is best andrew. i found exycast surprisingly late in my fanfiction reading and that is a real tragedy because it’s amazing and really cute. the soulmate timer fic is an old favourite and if i’m looking for angst, i know i can pull it up.

@gluupor ​ / gluupor - an absolute legend. with 54 fics for aftg, it’s amazing that all of them are outrageously funny, entertaining, and just really well written. a lot of them are fics adapted as an au for other fandoms (like their super popular brooklyn 99 au that i absolutely adore) and they are all hilarious. it’s so fun to search for familiar quotes or realize how similar characters from different fandoms are to the foxes and the quirks they share. these are fics that will definitely cheer you up. i love their sense of humour, it fits the characters so well and helps to shape the world they’re writing in. it’s always exciting to see them publish a new fic.

@idnis ​ / idnis - they have a really unique writing style, i’ve never seen anything like it in this fandom. every story has so much care and love in it that’s evident through the small details that you only pick up through rereading. their stories are stylized with spaces and formatting that help guide the reader and adds to the tone of their stories. i fell so in love with their cat!neil. they write such interesting stories, have original plots, and their fics read like poetry. before you know it, you’ve finished the fic without realising you should have gone to bed an hour ago. they also have some amazing original work that everyone should go check out!

@badacts ​ / badacts - so recently a lot of their fics were made visible to ao3 users only (a shame in my opinion) so if you haven’t read their fics, go make an account! or log into your account! you really don’t want to miss these fics. they have a kid fic where both andrew and neil are baby versions of themselves so it’s obviously one of the best things ever. they who made you/they made me too is so good even the title is enough to make me feel. there’s introspection and realization and it’s from aaron’s perspective. i love seeing the twinyards bond. and, of course we have to mention the terra firma series because i love injured!neil and this one hits me in a different way. i love the way the abrupt transition into injury for neil and being able to experience the confusion and not knowing what’s happening with him.

iaquilam - they have posted 2 fics for aftg and they are some of my favourites in this fandom. this has amazing characterization, neil and andrew and everyone feel so real and so true and i love them. a mouthy, raven neil is one of the best types of neil. they write from andrew’s perspective and i cannot believe have well they capture him and his thoughts. quotes that have stuck with me “there’s more than one way of getting what you want”, “’he hurts,’ kevin says. ‘it hurts”, “you will be afraid and you will do it anyway”, and “to keep living. until i don’t”. also i think that andrew with synesthesia in where everything is good fits so perfectly. the idea that andrew has something so unique ahh i love. “your voice was the first blue one i ever saw” makes everything around me go quiet.

@jemejem ​ / jemejem - first of all i am really loving the radio show ficlet that’s being posted on tumblr. i’m a sucker for breakup fics, especially cheating fics (because i need angst) so only was the find of the century. it’s a fic where no matter how many times i’ve read it, i still feel gutted and achy reading it. their recent fic, the sound, was really interesting and i loved the later chapters so much but can’t share because of *spoilers*

undertow - okay so they also only have 2 aftg fics but oh my goodness they are so good. tenuous is one of my most reread fics, i love the concept, interactions between all the characters, how i feel like i’m there with them, and their descriptions. one of my favourite lines are “The sink turns on; water smacks against the bottom of its metallic basin. It feels—well. It just feels.” ugh i don’t know why i like it so much i just do. it fits so perfectly. and i can totally imagine kevin and neil being super petty in their love song writing, this fic is such a contrast to the other one and yet still so good.

@broship-addict ​ / broship_addict - kid!au! oh my goodness ice cream au! ahh they’re so good at writing cute fluff that has such good characterization that they’ve adapted perfectly into whatever au they have written. and at the same time impulse hit me in a different kind of way. what a joy to read, i love witnessing the ways that andrew and neil come together in all of their fics. also i really can’t not mention their amazing artwork. so grateful to have them contributing so much to this fandom

@unkingly / vicariously kingly - bless these fics. i don’t know anyone that doesn’t love a good de-aged neil fic and this really does The Most for that trope. also can i just say that callboy!neil was a thing i didn’t know i needed in my life but now i don’t know how i lived without it. also mermaid!neil?? yes please. i adore the way they write andriel. their fics are angsty and never fail to make me feel something, often a little bit raw in a good way. latchkey child wrecked me. i felt like i had been scraped clean and felt a little bit off for the remaining night and day after. Say Golden, Pony Boy was eerie and just the right amount of mysterious. i was left feeling unsettled in my own home. these fics have delightful endings that leave you satisfied and yet wanting more all the same

@spanglebangle / spanglebangle - i really really cannot get over sunshine and moonlight. it’s such a soft version of neil and andrew’s relationship, i love the direction that was taken and how the boys grew and the changes because they found each other. i love the quote “you like the big gestures and ridiculous things i say. i’m in your head, remember, i know it makes you feel wanted” fox!neil is really so adorable and pure, but also feisty and protective and funny. i would love to see more of this fic. also the elementary au is everything to me. there’s a lot of content and it keeps me interested, but i especially love the later chapters with everything surrounding neil and then even later with andrew wrestling with his feelings. so well written.

@hopingforcoordinates ​ / crazy_like_a - if you haven’t read their fics then ?? i really don’t know what to say since they wrote 3 of the top 5 fics with the most kudos in this fandom. and if you have read their work then we both know why they are being mentioned. i have fallen in love with their take on raven!neil. their writing style feels so simple and natural, which is a real talent. if you’re looking for a more explicit post-canon fic, then lessons is great, just make sure nobody is reading over your shoulder hah

@fuzzballsheltiepants ​ / fuzzballsheltiepants - the iconic a mewment like this series is so funny, sweet, and angsty and features The Cats which is always a good sign. in particular, i loved the conversation about mark rothko and all of the art they looked at in the 6th fic. i don’t know what counts as spoilers so i’ll say thank goodness for neil ‘oblivious’ josten, trivia nights, and the good bad jokes that made this series such an enjoyable read. similarly, you can’t go wrong with the angst that’s sure to come with a fic where andrew gets hurt and doesn’t remember who neil is. or at least, this fic definitely went the opposite of wrong. 

and i really cannot make this post without mentioning the mind-blowing collabs of lolainslackss and moonix to create dating & other disasters and of moonix and gluupor to write No Place Like Home (incomplete). i literally don’t even have words for how excited i was for when i heard of these fics. these collabs are too powerful for this world and if you haven’t read them then i guess you don’t want to enjoy yourself.

as well, additional thanks from this little ace baby to everyone who writes ace!neil or demi!neil. you guys have a special place in my heart.

i tried to find everyone’s tumblr but obviously didn’t succeed. please tag them if i missed them or tagged the wrong account. thanks! i also did not take the time to research pronouns/names so i refer to everyone as ‘they/them’. i know some of the right pronouns/names but it felt wrong to have some of them and not the rest. some of my comments might seem incoherent or repetitive. my apologies for all of this.

also if you go to my ao3 and see that it’s a little bare/notice that i never comment just know that it’s because i am *ultra lazy* and most of the time i cannot be bothered to log into my account. probably commented as raelle instead. or just ‘a’ because i really am That Lazy. or i’m planning on writing an essay for your fic but haven’t gotten around to it and i’m just drafting it in my head every time i reread.

[zwatchtowerz]

Thanks Nonie! Sorry for being late. I hope you like it! I posted it in AO3 too

The Fluffy Wolf & The Boy Who Smells Like Green    

The Hale family was well known in Beacon Hills. In a small town like that, the only big family living all in one house was noticeable. They were six adults and a lot of kids. From months old to old enough to start college, the thirteen Hale kids were the famous part of the family.

Peter was the youngest ‘original’ Hale sibling. He had two kids, a girl called Malia and a boy called Matheo. Andrew was the oldest with six kids on his own, Lilly, Robin, Jules, Aaron, Hanna and the twins Rey and Cassy. Talia was the middle sister and she had the last five kids, David, Devon, Laura, Derek and Cora.

Talia was the first to be married, making her the one with the oldest kids. David was about to leave them, going to college. Devon had three more years before leaving as well. Laura was twelve, Derek was almost seven and Cora was the ‘baby’ with four.

With so many people in one family, the town was constantly seeing them everywhere. The popularity had nothing to do with the fancy cars or the big mansion outside town in the middle of the preserve. Or that mystery around where the money came from.  No, not at all.

Thank Good nobody seemed to notice the howls in the night around the house. The werewolf part would be harder to explain.

It was for Derek’s birthday when Talia and her husband Daniel witnessed the cutest moment ever.

The Hales loved birthday parties, but the kids didn’t have a lot of friends outside the family. The big secret kept them away from school until they were old enough to control themselves. For the kids they made a bit deal about presents, games and fun, a way to distract them from the lack of new kids. For the teenagers, they were to high school and had his own friends, finding boring and not cool a party with a bunch of ‘babies’, and opting instead for a private movie and popcorn in their private cinema (cause they had one at the mansion) with that weird music they liked.  

But despite the type of party, they always invited people who knew about the supernatural. They were mostly people with an important position in the community and that was another motive why the rest of the town looked at them like they were royalty. Not everyone could say they had part of the sheriff station in their kids’ birthday.

Deputy Stilinski was among those who knew. He was send looking for one feral animal, that an old lady saw running around from her windows. He was the one who found a young Aaron, with bright eyes, claws and growling. It was only luck that his partner didn’t see him until he changed back.

He had the Supernatural 101 course and from there, he and his wife were invited to every birthday party, every year. They went happily, enjoying the sound of children. John and Claudia didn’t have kids for the first couple of years, dozens of birthdays passed.  But when Claudia had a boy, Claudia opted for being at home every time a Hale kid reached a new year.

“Mieczysław is old enough to have fun with the kids, John. You should bring him and Claudia this weekend.”

“He likes to be called Stiles, Talia and you know it. I’ll… I’ll talk to Claude.”

All that was how it happened.

 XxXxXxX

Derek was a bit moody, he never liked the parties. Too much noise for his ears, too much people he didn’t like. The party was for him and his seven years. Of course, he loved the presents, but the price to spend hours with adults talking to him like he was a baby, like they always did with his cousins and siblings, was too much.

This time, he smelled something different. Sweet and green like candy with grass.  He was approaching the living room when he saw him. A kid with big amber eyes and a ridiculous buzzcut.

“Derek, honey, came here” His mother called. “You know John and Claudia. This is Stiles, their son. He is four, be careful” That was a code to ‘he is a squishy human, don’t break him’. Derek was home schooled, since he didn’t have a lot of control and sometimes he changed when he was upset or sad. His dad said he didn’t have an anchor, whatever that was.

Before he could react to the human, Stiles, put a box in front his eyes. “It’s a present for you! I picked it but I don’t know if you would like it cause I don’t know you. Can we be friends? I only have one friend but Scott has ats..as.. he can’t breathe fine and can’t play with me to be superheroes.”

Derek felt his eyes fight the change and ran inside. Talia started to apologize but Stiles ran after him laughing and being loud, with the box firmly in his hand.

 XxXxXxX

The party went on, Derek hiding in the weirdest places, and Stiles always finding him, telling everyone where he was. It was funny to see how, slowly, Derek was making easy for Stiles to find him, like he enjoyed the game.

“Derek, are you okay? Is Stiles too much for you? ” Daniel asked him when he found Derek hiding in his room and not down stairs like before.

“Stiles smells weird, dad” Sure, Stiles smelled like ADHD medication, but it wasn’t that weird for him. Maybe for a kid it was a stronger smell. “I can smell the color green on him. How I can smell a color?”

And okay, that wasn’t the smell he was thinking.

“Are you sure that’s what you feel?”

“Yes, is weird but nice. And he smells like candy too. “

Daniel was about to jump in happiness, or call his wife, but he needed to know for sure. “What is the first thing that pops in your mind if you think in Stiles?”

“Home? Like you and mom and everyone else. Like pack. But he is not pack, right? ”

 XxXxXxX

The teenagers were bored soon and had permission to go out or be in their rooms. The babies and kids got tired after a while, falling asleep in the couch or the floor. Andrew and his wife were taking care of the mess the kids made. Soon, the guests left, leaving only John and Claudia at the end of the day.

“You should stay for dinner, there is something we have to talk. “

“Thanks for your invitation, Talia. We love to stay and Stiles liked Derek.“ Claudia said smiling at how hard Derek was attempting to glare at Stiles, who had a plush wolf in his little hands and was trying to touch Derek’s face with it.

“Stiles, don’t bother Derek. “ John told him.

“Oh trust, me, Derek is having fun with your son. If he was annoyed, he would…you know.” Daniel said letting his eyes glow for a second. John nodded understanding.

They watched them a little more before dinner. Stiles chatting about why he picked the wolf for Derek as a present, Derek participating with a yes or no here and there. Stiles seemed to be fine being the one talking, sitting right next to Derek in his personal space.

“Mom says there are wolves here but they are good wolves and they protect us. This is for you, he can protect you too!” Stiles said.

And without warning, Stiles kissed him in the cheek and pushed the wolf against Derek’s chest. Daniel, Talia, John and Claudia stayed quiet, as Derek wolfed out, eyes bright yellow, pointy ears and a lot of hair for a seven year old. They were expecting a scared Stiles, it happened before with other humans. But no, Stiles just stared with big eyes and run to his mother.

“Mom! Mom! Look at Derek! He is so fluffy!!”

Derek turned back to his human self, causing delight in Stiles. “Do it again, please!” And he did it. Perfectly in control, he changed between human and wolf a few more times until Stiles hugged him laughing at his new “awesome friend”.

“So, remember that conversation we needed to have? What do you remember about mates and anchors?” John asked for a whiskey.

 XxXxXxX

It was late when Claudia said they had to go, John had a morning shift at the station next day. The house was silent, kids sleeping since the hour before, adults drinking coffee or something stronger.

They found Derek cuddling Stiles and the plush toy, asleep in one of the couches. Talia gasped and make gestures to Daniel, who went looking for something to take a picture.

After more than one picture (“This one is for us, this one is for you Claudia, this is from a different angle, John, is not the same…”) the Stilinskis really had to go.

“Derek, Der, Stiles has to go” Talia said tugging gently at his son’s arm. In a sleepy voice, he mumbled “Mine, don’t go”  Claudia and Daniel made a slow “aww” and John just sighed.

“Maybe is better if he stays here tonight. I can pick him up in the morning if is okay with you guys”

“Seems like this is the only beginning”

“Are you sure you can handle Stiles more often?”

“Are you sure you can handle a protective Derek?”

The mothers laughed and the fathers exchanged a look that was a mix of “Oh God” and “I love my wife”

 XxXxXxX

In the morning, when Stiles kissed him goodbye on the cheek, Derek smiled at the smell of green, safety and home.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 5 – Call Me, Beep Me

In which Neil is introduced to the wonders of modern technology, the battle against heteronormativity continues, Andreil have An Interaction™ and Nicky finally reclaims his status as best person alive.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

We start this chapter off with Neil recapping how he’s super broke, which is already the most fucking relatable thing.

“Broke” here meaning “I am in possession of half a million dollars, however I’ll need it for my entire sad runaway life so I can’t spend it on anything fancy”, not “I’m a poor intern who’s getting paid below minimum wage”, obviously.

The reason we��re evaluating Neil’s financial status is because some unexpected expenses have come up in his life that he is ruthlessly and cruelly forced to :

He’s going shopping with Nicky.

Well, technically the rest of the monsters are there too, but let’s be real, Nicky is the driving force of Operation Let’s Get Neil Into Some Decent Nice Clothes, And Hopefully Also Laid.

The reason they’re venturing into the scary, hostile territory of an American mall is, of course, the fast approach of one particular banquet.

           “I could just not go,”  Neil said.

           “Shut up. You’re going,” Kevin said, like he wasn’t dreading this himself. All fourteen southern Class I teams would be in attendance, and that included Edgar Allan’s Ravens.

Oh, yes. Fun times with That Fucker™ himself. Have I mentioned I’m really, really looking forward to this thing?

           It was a short list of names and numbers in bubbly blue print. Nicky leaned over and made a dismissive noise. “Seriously, Aaron?”

           “Dan asked me to get a list from Katelyn,” Aaron said.

           “Who are these people?” Neil asked.

           “They’re the single Vixens.”

           “They’re all women,” Nicky said. “That doesn’t help us.”

Nicky saying ‘Fuck you’ to heteronormativity will always be my favourite thing <3

Although, as funny as it is, Neil has repeatedly told him he’s not gay. And while I totally understand the frustration of someone insisting they’re not queer while your gaydar shouts otherwise, can Nicky be a little less pushy about it, maybe?

Just a thought.

           “Stop being a bad influence,” Kevin told Nicky. “I am going to make him Court. It’ll be easier if he remains heterosexual. You know more than any of us how prejudiced people can be.”

Guys, he is literally right there.

Neil thinks so too:

           “We aren’t really having this conversation,” Neil said.

           Nicky clapped his hands to either side of Neil’s head as if trying to shield Neil from their argument. It didn’t really work, as he missed Neil’s ears completely.

Bahahaha. I actually had to laugh out at that mental image.

           “Come on, Kevin. Even you have to admit this is really weird.”

           Andrew threw his hands up. “Newsflash, Nicky: Neil isn’t normal!”

           “This is beyond abnormal.”

           “I am standing right here,” Neil said, “and I can hear you.”

You tell ‘em, Neil.

Nicky, has someone explained the concept of demi/asexuality to you? Like, ever?

Deep sigh. Will I have to do it, or does someone enlighten this boy before the series is over?

(Don’t tell me. I want to continue giving sarcastic running commentary to his running commentary on Neil’s sexuality.)

On a more serious note: The subject of Allison is brought up once again.

           “I won’t bring her,” Kevin said, because someone had to break the quiet. “You might have brought Riko’s wrath down on the striker line, but I’m the reason he’s in the south in the first place. Neither of us has the right to speak to Allison now.”

Is that……. Kevin being….. human…….. with a basic scrap of…….. compassion………?

AMAZING. WONDERFUL. WOW.

           “I know Riko was behind this. I know what people like him are like. Be glad you’ll never understand the way they think.”

           Any other time, Neil would be relieved to hear such words from Kevin. It meant Andrew hadn’t told Kevin the truth about Neil’s past and that Kevin had yet to recognize him.

Yeah, and I’m still unsure on whether I’m buying that whole ‘Kevin doesn’t recognize Neil’ act.

Like. It still doesn’t make sense to me that you could play hours and hours of little league, not to mention watch a guy get legit murdered with this kid, and be fooled with a bit of hair dye and some contacts? Unless puberty did Neil Josten really, really well, I’m calling bullshit.

On the other hand, that comment did sound genuine and y’know, it would support that even the mighty Kevin Day’s brain makes a mistake or two sometimes.

On the other other hand, the mighty Kevin Day is an excellent actor, trained by years in front of cameras, who could drop comments like these and sound like he’s being entirely 100% genuine.

On the other other other hand, why pretend to not know Neil? Maybe not in front of the rest of the team, alright, but if it’s just the two alone? Why ignore their important shared history?

My brain hurts. I need to stop going in circles over this. All in due time, Nicki.

This is for real one of the questions I’m most excited to have answered by the end of this series.

           Neil looked at the massive bundle of clothes in Nicky’s arms. (…)

           “I have good taste in clothes, right? If you want to try them on you can, but you don’t have to. I know they’ll fit.”

           “Why would I want to try them on?”

           “Oh, because these are yours.”

Can I have my own personal Nicky who takes me to the nearest Topshop and picks out bomb ass outfits for me??? Please and thank you.

Neil, however, is an ungrateful fashion grouch, not thanking Nicky with one word as he obviously does not understand what a service to everyone’s eyeballs Nicky has probably just done.

However, all that fashion banter pales against what happens next – which is where the chapter gets really good.

           “What is that dinosaur?” Nicky asked, dismayed. “No one put money on a flip phone, Andrew. You just ruined a really good pot.”

           Neil idly wondered if there was anything his teammates wouldn’t bet on.

Oh my GOD. You bet on what sort of phone Andrew had? I love this team so, so much.

Wait. Shouldn’t they know his phone? Why are they betting on that.

Wait. It’s not his, is it.

           “You couldn’t even have found him a qwerty?”

           “What for?” Andrew finished what he was doing, snapped the phone shut, and tossed it at Neil. (…) “Who is Neil going to text?” (…)

           “What.” Neil couldn’t even make it a question.

They got him a PHONE, you guys. A PHONE. THAT THEY CAN CALL. AND TEXT. FOR KEEPING IN TOUCH. FOR INCLUDING NEIL IN GROUP SOCIALIZING.

I am loving the FUCK out of this.

Neil, however, is not.

           He didn’t think a small thing like this could hurt so much, but the grief that punched through him left him in pieces. (…) Every time they moved they got new cell phones, prepaid burners they could ditch at the first hint of trouble. He’d wanted to keep hers. (…) He’d thrown them into the waves before leaving the beach.

Whoops.

Today’s Casually Mentioned, Yet Heartbreakingly Sad Neil Fact is: This.

           He’d never gotten a new one for himself. He’d never seen a point; Neil had no one in the world he could call.

Excuse me while I quickly drown in my own tears.

And although Nicky tries to calmly and gently reason with him (“That’s our just-in-case. You’ll make us all feel better if we know we can find you”, brb crying), Neil refuses to accept the damn phone.

That is, until, of course, until #bestboy Andrew shows up with it at their Late Night Kandreil Training Sesh™.

           Andrew took his phone out of his pocket and set it down beside Neil’s. His was black but otherwise seemed to be the same model.

Do I get emotional over the fact that they have matching phones? Maybe.

Is it totally ridiculous as Andrew probably just bought him what he knew worked? Probably.

Will that stop me? Absolutely fucking not.

           He flicked both open and pressed a couple buttons. A few seconds later Andrew’s phone started to ring. Neil expected a generic ringtone, but a man started singing. It didn’t sound like something Andrew would assign to his phone until Neil listened to the lyrics. It was a song about runaways.

Andrew, you wonderful little shit. <3

Also, that song either Run Boy Run by Woodkid or Ghost Towns by Radical Face and no other headcanons shall be accepted.

(I’m totally kidding. PLEASE do send in any other ideas you have, my TFC playlist still needs filling.)

Andrew bugs him about the phone thing (needing to watch his boy’s back and what have you <3), Neil dishes out some BS about how he used to keep the phone his dead parents gave him in hopes they would miraculously call again, bla bla.

Andrew is not taking that bullshit and supplies us with some sassy times instead.

           “Who am I supposed to call?” [Neil said.]

           “Nicky, Coach, the suicide hotline, I don’t care.”

           “I’m remembering why I don’t like you.”

           “I’m surprised you even forgot in the first place.”

           “Maybe I didn’t.”

What a comeback, bro. This is weak af coming from a guy who tore down Riko on national TV, just sayin.

           “There has to be a better way.”

           “You could occasionally grow a spine,” Andrew suggested. “I know it’s a difficult concept for someone whose kneejerk reaction is to run away at the first sign of trouble, but try it sometime. You might actually like it.”

           “What I’d like is to put this phone through your teeth.”

           “See, that’s more interesting.”

           “I’m not here for you entertainment,” Neil said.

           “But, as expected, you are talented enough to multitask.”

I’m loving this so, so damn much. Andrew is destroying your ass with these comebacks, Neil, and I’m on the back waving a styrofoam finger, hollering at everything he says.

I would like to also add that Andrew is entirely sober for these interactions. This is pure, undiluted Minyard sass.

And as always – never a one-on-one Andreil Interaction™ without some feels at the end:

           “I don’t care if you use this phone tomorrow. I don’t care if you never use it again. But you are going to keep it on you because one day you might need it..” Andrew put a finger to the underside of Neil’s chin and forced Neil’s head up until they were looking at each other.

Hombre…………………….….. das v gay.

           “One day you’re not going to run. You’re going to think about what I promised you and you’re going to make the call. Tell me you understand.”

           Neil’s voice had left him, but he managed a nod.

:’)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I’m fine I’m fine leave me here to fucking p e r i s h.

Neil takes this brief honesty hour to try and get back on that weird call from the Oakland PD Andrew got at the start of the book, however that ends honesty hour because Andrew just brushes him off:

           “Children’s Services is opening an investigation into one of my foster fathers. Pig Higgins knew I lived with them, so he called me for testimony. (…) Richard Spear is an uninteresting but relatively harmless human being. They won’t find anything to pin on him.”

Bull-fucking-shit. No way. That was much too shocked a reaction for a little thing like that.

Whatever. All in due time, all in due time.

Onto better and funnier subjects: This is the wonderful, wonderful point where our favourite hobo is finally introduced to the wonders of modern technology.

           By the time Neil made it to the athletes’ dining hall for lunch he had twenty messages. Most of them were from Nicky, idle comments about nothing in particular.

Nicky <33333

Also twenty messages, that is hilarious if you consider that Neil jumps out of his skin like an anxious baby rabbit with an orange bandana every time his phone goes off.

           Neil didn’t know what to make of it. The Foxes spent seven hours together at practices every day and roomed with each other at Fox Tower. How they had anything left to say to each other was beyond him.

It’s called having friends, dude, you should try it some time.

           He wanted to turn the messaging off somehow or tell them this wasn’t why he had a phone. Phones were for emergencies, not running commentary on a teacher’s boring lecture.

Nicky continues to spam him with texts the next few days, which, honestly, big mood.

If I like you, especially if our friendship is just being newly established, I will fucking blow up your phone with wholesome memes and weird 3am thoughts. Watch me.

This tactic has made some good ass friendships though, so no regrets.

However, for Nicky it’s not just all fun and friendship-making:

           Halfway through [Nicky’s] rant about a current class project Neil’s phone hummed. Neil answered without thinking. It was a smiley face from Nicky. Neil looked up at Nicky, not understanding.

           “See?” Nicky sounded pleased. “That’s much better. That’s how a normal human being looks when they check their phone, Neil.”

Dude. Did you just………….. blow up his phone all week………… just to make sure he’s comfortable using it…………………. I CRY???????

           “Question,” Nicky said. “If I hadn’t been bothering you would you have touched that phone at all this week?” (…)

           “Question again: Do you honestly think you’d have used it if you had an emergency?”

NICKY WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A GOOD PERSON AGAIN I’M SORRY I BRIEFLY UNSTANNED YOU LET ME FUCKING L O V E Y O U

           “Anyway, you’re welcome. I just saved you at least two hundred dollars in intensive therapy.”

MY DUDE <33333333333

Nicky is a wonderful person, Neil knows what an emoji is, all is good in the world again.

Next chapter: Fun banquet times! Sass! Shade! Fashion! And from all I know, possibly murder yet again! Stay tuned!

---

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[placetobenation]

Welcome to Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch! On a regular basis, JT Rozzero, Aaron George, Andrew Flanagan and Jordan Duncan will watch an episode of TV’s greatest sitcom and provide notes and grades across a number of categories. The goal is to rewatch the entire series chronologically to see what truly worked, what still holds up today, what feels just a bit dated and yada, yada, yada it will be a great time. So settle into your couch with the cushions flipped over, grab a Snapple and enjoy the ride!

Best Character

JT: I thought everyone was really locked in during this episode, but Kramer was really on fire all throughout this one. His quick hit lines, physical comedy and overall presence was just next level. The stock room stuff gets me every time and that was just the tip of the iceberg. He was a true force of nature the whole way through, right down to telling Jerry that he underlined the best parts of the medical book.

Aaron: Kramer in a landslide. His physical stuff was on point and we got the long overdue return of Doctor Victor Van Nostrand. His flippant “The cat died” was wonderful as was his apprehension before electrocuting himself.

Andrew: I’ll go with Kramer, who still gets more laughs out of mannerisms and line readings than anyone. Seeing him abruptly paw through Jerry’s sandwich was the biggest laugh of the episode for me. He’s pretty delightful throughout the rest of the episode, as well, from throwing himself completely into being a butcher-coat-wearing meat slicer operator, to the quick pivot into a lab coat wearing doctor.

Jordan: I thought George was pretty good here, and I am always up for a George scheme and George laziness. HOWEVER – anytime Dr. Van Nostrand appears, I will give it to Kramer. Wanting to slice off Kruger’s mole with his meat slicer and giving Jerry hives all in the last five minutes was like a breakaway dunk to seal a win in the last minute of a game.

Best Storyline

JT: All of it? I mean, it was all so beautifully intertwined, I don’t know how to separate it. I am cheating this time around and I don’t care. All of it.

Aaron: Kramer and Elaine dealing with the absentee neighbor. They blow a circuit, they feed a cat prime cut from a slicer, they break no less than two doors; they really do a tremendous job of mucking up the whole apartment complex.

Andrew: I went back and forth, but I think George’s photo saga was the best storyline. Scheming George is always the best George, and the beach story is a winner, especially once we get Mr. Kruger’s version. And the photo shop clerk’s confidence and pride in his entirely unhelpful work cracks me up.

Jordan: My instinct says to go with the slicer because I liked Kramer so much, but I’ll side with George desperately trying to have the picture photoshopped. The reveal at the end that Kruger and his kids THREW George’s stuff into the ocean was great. What a pear shaped loser!

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

JT: I can’t decide if Jerry is right or wrong about the dermatologist stuff. So I feel the ethical pain here. But, Jerry is a dick so he is probably wrong. Sigh.

Aaron: Does Kruger deserve to die of skin cancer for throwing a man’s towel and clothing in the ocean a decade before? Probably. The sheer pride he felt despite the passage of time painted a picture of a remorseless man on the steady path to doing it again.

Andrew: I don’t know that it’s a dilemma, but I applaud George’s honesty in including the Play Now debacle on his resume. Better to get the bad news out of the way quickly, I think.

Jordan: Is it on Elaine to feed the cat? I mean, yes, she shorted the circuit to turn off the alarm, and apparently the cat feeder, but also, maybe don’t leave the country and rely on a machine to feed your pet. If we are out of town for even 24 hours, we make sure someone comes to check on our dog. I don’t think Elaine had to go to the lengths she did here. Also, cats suck and I wish it had died.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

JT: Dr. Siterides needs to simmer the fuck down. Good on Jerry for trying to take her down a peg. She can save lives and not be a dick at the same time. Relationship Grade: Pimple Popper/M.D.

Aaron: Jerry was right to break up with that braggart of a Doctor. The second she said “Of course you wouldn’t know what it feels like to hold a life in her hands,” she earned herself a piledriver. Sometimes love feels like a fight. Relationship Grade: CAW CAW CAW!

Andrew: I can’t imagine dating someone who spends as much time praising herself as much as Sara clearly does. The self-involvement and lack of regard for her partner’s interest level is astonishing. Plus, when would we have time to talk about how much I’m enjoying rewatching The Mighty Boosh? Relationship Grade: Looks like hives/10

Jordan: Not much here outside of Dr. Pimple Popper, and I thought that was kind of a weak part of the episode. I do wonder though – is this where Dr. Pimple Popper on Youtube got her name? Am I the only one in this group who watches those videos? What is it about pimple popping and the likes that is so entrancing for me? Also, chiropractic videos. I’m a huge fan of hearing the crunch. But there is this one dude who gives adjustments seemingly only to hot women and they are always in revealing clothing. I know that sex sells, but we just need you to handle the subluxation of the C4 vertebrae pal, we can find boobies somewhere else. Relationship Grade: KEEP IT PG/10

What Worked:

JT: The cold open was cool, well done and felt like something they had to do at some point; Kruger!; The way George gets hired is pretty funny; Kramer destroying Jerry’s sandwich to prove his point always makes me laugh, as does him saying “our meat problems are solved”; I love Kramer’s blank stare when Jerry mentions the stock room; Kramer actually has some good ideas in this episode; “But, where does the meat go” breaks me each and every time; The photo store guy drawing “Peanuts” Kruger back in was a good chuckle; I love the callback of Jerry and George discussing career options, really well done; Elaine taunting Kramer with the thought of clowns was deliciously dirty pool; Kramer asking Jerry if he wore a fake beard stacked with him commenting he couldn’t find the stock room is an amazing 1-2 punch; Elaine dancing was a nice touch; Kramer examining Kruger was tremendous; Kramer not piecing together that he gave Jerry the rash was classic

Aaron: As much as almost everything Kramer did warrants mention here so does the entire George/Kruger fiasco. Daniel von Bargen KILLS it as the hapless boss. “Man we took it on the chin last year, ” was said with a perfect lack of shame, that only the worst company on Earth could exhibit. George scheming to replace the photo is perfect Costanza fodder, which tiptoed the believability line in a near flawless way. The pride the photo guy took in his drawing of Kruger was wonderful as was George’s tolerance of people digging on his hair loss. By the time Their story climaxes with Kramer being mistaken as a Doctor I felt for the first time in a while we were watching the tight Seinfeld scripts of old. I’ll always laugh when Kramer trumpets the fact that he air brushed Gerald Ford out of a photo.

Andrew: The recurring gag of George throwing out potential careers for Jerry to comment on gets a revisit here, and I have to say I don’t think I’ve appreciated “land guy” in the Coast Guard enough over the years. I’ve always enjoyed Mr. Kruger’s apathetic approach to business, and he gets off to a good start in this one. Elaine and Kramer debating the existence of a slice so thin it cannot be seen is a good bit.

Jordan: Big fan of Kruger. George correcting his resume to say 14 days instead of 4 days at Playtime. Kramer buying his own meat slicer and slicing it so thin he couldn’t even see it was wonderful, as was his feeding Elaine slices at the end of the episode. I didn’t care for Jerry and the dermatologist, but her role worked within the story which is something Seinfeld does so well. Of COURSE Jerry is seeing a skin doctor just at the time when George needs to get his bosses shirt off! The airbrushed photo of Kruger was absurd, and the artist was SO PROUD of his work. Jerry mentioning that he wore a beard of bees is an iconic moment in our household. Beards of bees were a long standing gag with my dad and I. Also liked Kramer quizzing Elaine on how the slicer works, “But where does the meat go?”

What Didn’t Work

JT: I hate Dr. Siterides; How does Jerry identify his rash in the book so quickly?; Who likes olive loaf?

Aaron: HATED the cold open with Elaine in bed with all the guys. Dream or not it adds tremendously to the “Elaine is now a whore” narrative that has permeated season nine. Jerry’s storyline was weak in relation to the excellence around him.

Andrew: Where is Elaine’s landlord in all this? It’s frustrating when a whole storyline could be avoided by one phone call, and there’s at least three instances in hers where the maintenance staff should have been the first stop. I’m also not sure I enjoyed the cold open dream sequence. The idea of Elaine growing tired of these three ruining her life is a good one, but it needs more time than one unconnected gag to be worthwhile.

Jordan: I thought the end with Elaine sipping a Pepsi through the keyhole was stupid. Why not call the landlord?

Key Character Debuts

– Mr. Kruger

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

– “It says here that you worked at Play Now for four days?” – Krueger “That should be 14, let me just…” – George

– “It is a horrible company. There’s no management what so ever. I could go hog wild in there.” – George

– “Yeah well, that’s easy. Just let me finish this mile high and I’ll be right with you. Oh, and Jerry, we are gonna need a case of Kaiser rolls.” – Kramer “I think we might have one left in the stock room.” – Jerry

– “Where did you get that butcher’s coat?” – Jerry “You buy enough meat, they’ll give you anything.” – Kramer

– “Revenge date? That sound like you more than me.” – Jerry “This good be so sweet, Jerry. Saving lives? She’s one step away working at the clinique counter!” – George

– “Oh, I’ve cut slices so thin, I couldn’t even see them.” – Kramer “How did you know you cut it?” – Elaine “Well, I guess I just assumed.” – Kramer

– “What about your sea sickness?” – Jerry “Maybe I could be a land guy.” – George “I don’t know if they have land guys.” – Jerry “Someone’s have to unhook the boat before it leaves… the place!” – Jerry

– “Boy, that looks like an allergic reaction. Have you been wearing a fake beard?” – Kramer

– “Alright, great, because I got to get down there and pick up my blade. Hey, and I couldn’t find that stock room.” – Kramer

– “Moles, yes. Freckle’s ugly cousin.” – Kramer

– “That’s my hand towel! I use that on my face, hands and chest! That’s where the hives are coming from! It’s not from Dr. Sitarides, it’s from Dr. Van Nostrand!” – Jerry

Oddities & Fun Facts

– Actress Marcia Cross played Sara Siterides

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

JT: I love this episode. Everything was crisp and on point and it was vintage in its ability to tie together all of the stories into one seamless overarching tale. The core four were tightened up here and sharp but Kramer went next level, slaying every scene he was in. There are so many classic quotes from him, I couldn’t even keep up. The delivery and timing sparkled all through this one. I won’t call it an elite pantheon episode, because it is missing that truly iconic scene or moment to push it over the top, but it is right on the borderline and proof that the gang could still deliver when given a cohesive, locked in script to execute. Final Grade: 9/10

Aaron: I laughed quite a bit during this one. We had three strong stories and the weak barely took away. I now want Kruger in every episode as his ineptitude rarely lets down. It’s fucking hilarious that Kruger stole George’s stuff. Final Grade: 8/10

Andrew: This feels like a “C” grade episode to me. I laughed quite a bit, spent the rest of the time trying to poke holes in the plotlines, and came away pretty entertained overall. It’s easier to find something to say about the episodes that approach one extreme or the other, and I’m surprised to find myself on the lower end of the grading here, but this one felt average to me. Final Grade: 7/10

Jordan: This episode was… PERFECTLY SLICED. See what I did there? I made a reference to the meat slicer. Kramer really was great here, but so was George. I love Kruger a lot and it’s a shame he came along in the last season, I would like to see more of him. Just an excellent episode, and hey, we had that weird Elaine dream where she was in bed with all the guys! Final Grade: 8/10

[fallingin-like]

november 15

like a hazy summer morning by shadowdreams [requested by @fuzzballsheltiepants]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this was an adorable and really sweet fic that has neil as a youtuber! and andrew can’t help but keep watching his videos. this is such a fun fic. you have to be logged into an ao3 account to read this.

this was a really cute fic that was an absolute delight to read. i love your characterization of andrew and neil so much and really enjoyed hearing all of andrew’s internal commentary and attempt to deny his love of neil. i also liked the glimpses of his relationships with nicky, aaron, and renee, and how although he’s similar to his personality in canon, his childhood/teenager years likely weren’t as difficult as in canon. 

parts i especially enjoyed:

”’actually, a low voice from outside the camera frame could be heard once the cheering had subsided, ‘the correct term is canyoning.’” oh my goodness is this kevin? this definitely is something that kevin would say. also i loved how you split up the dialogue into two parts, the pause because of it changed the tone of the way i read it which i thought was great

”andrew had been lying starfished across his bed for the past several hours, socked feet dangling over the edge and blinking slowly at the shadows on his ceiling as they crept over his room” ahhh as embarrassing as it is, i think you captured exactly how i spend my weekends (although i do alternate between watching youtube and reading fanfics, with breaks for food)

i really like the easy relationship that you have between the cousins, it demonstrates the differences and similarities to canon and how they all find a way to fit into each others lives.

ooh andrew in law school, what made you decide to make him do that? i think he’d be a decent lawyer, amazing memory, ability to quickly provide counter arguments, while refusing to take cases that he doesn’t agree with

”what an idiot” LOL

”(the guy was also really hot, so andrew was willing to give him a second chance.)” andrew minyard i love you so much (and also i love YOU, shadowdreams, for writing this sentence)

”if andrew was disappointed, it was because of the clashing colors, obviously.” andrew you are really not fooling anyone. 

”a change in the camera angle woke andrew up from his stupor. usually he wasn’t that pathetic. andrew blamed it on the fact that he hadn’t eaten since the chocolate chip pancakes this morning” ahh this whole paragraph is amazing. but very disappointed in his poor eating habits, so long without eating is bad ;-;

ohmygoodness i love that andrew is just sitting in a cafe watching youtube. also “after hiding in his apartment and taking on the lifeform of a blanket burrito” THE BEST

”(apparently they had really good pancakes, so andrew graciously skipped the customary ordeal of complaining before he agreed)” this is a great example of why i love your characterization of andrew so so much

ANDREW CLOSING WHATSAPP TO AVOID NICKY TALKING TO HIM MORE IS AMAZING. imagine being that petty. this is exactly something that andrew would do and exactly something nicky would bring up. also it’s just great to see that andrew even replies to nicky’s messages. he’s grown so well :”)

oh no! how did neil hurt his leg?

i cannot believe andrew really subscribed to neil’s channel and turned on notifications WHILE STILL DENYING IT WAS FOR ANYTHING BUT CONVENIENCE. an absolute legend at repressing his thoughts/emotions

ohmygoodness is the angry writer andrew???? OH HE DEFINITELY IS this is the best

”it actually wasn’t half-bad, so it was more out of principle that he continued to disagree with everything the guy said”

okay as much as i’m loving andrew, YOUR NEIL IS ADORABLE. him gushing about the angry writer!! the best. and andrew is totally jealous of angry writer!! you did a great job of writing that

”for the past two hours, he had been busy staring blankly at his laptop screen, managing to type a total of 5 words, one of which was underlined by the program and andrew couldn’t figure out why” why is this actually me??

OH MY GOODNESS THE WHOLE SCENE ON ANDREW AND NEIL MEETING IRL FOR THE FIRST TIME IS SO GOOD. i literally couldn’t get myself to stop reading to comment on specific parts. your pacing is great and i love the way you wrote it. the conversation they have is realistic. “not responding with ‘i know’ might’ve been andrew’s most impressive achievement in life” LOVED THAT oh my goodness i just realised this counts as a meet-cute!! [future me here: just read the tags and see you tagged as a meet-cute LOL] WONDERFUL

the last chapter did an amazing job of wrapping everything up. so proud of andrew to hear that he got an internship. love that it’s not totally clear neil is sending andrew an audio message until the end of the chapter.

your commentary from andrew’s perspective was funny and engaging, i was always excited to see how he would react to things that neil did. you did a great job of keeping things interesting, i didn’t even realise i had read 7.4k words until i reached the end! i’d love to see how you think that neil would incorporate his life with andrew into his videos (i can imagine andrew refusing the show his face on camera) and how they manage neil’s travelling with andrew’s school/work. i had such a good time reading this fic, thank you so much for writing it!!