#and I like gardening in the sense of being like... extremely dirty and ugly outside

[thunderheadfred]

Facebook's Instagram Reels bleed-over has started trying to show me tradwife homesteader waifish 20-something blonde women "cutting native grasses" in diaphanous gowns and I'm like

I will burn your house all the way down

[oneweekoneband]

shouldn’t gay taylor swift fans be given access to the original homophobic version of "picture to burn”? and other post-evermore reflection questions.

Did yesterday last twice as long as a regular day? Does anyone else feel like pulled taffy today or is that the four red wine spritzers I made myself with Sutter Home mini bottles of cab and cherry flavored seltzer? How long has it been since Taylor Swift has been to an Olive Garden? Is the part in “willow” where she’s like “You know that my train could take you home / anywhere else is hollow” about pegging? Does Taylor Swift understand even a basic sketch of the events of The Great Gatsby, a novel commonly assigned in school to teenaged children? Is Taylor implying on “marjorie” that her grandmother is a ghost? Is it weird of me to think it is nice that Taylor believes her grandmother is a ghost? Do I believe my grandmother is a ghost? Is it weird of me to think it is nice to wonder if maybe she might be? Is “gold rush” obviously for the Kaylors, or am I just being prejudiced against men’s theoretical right to be good looking? Last night I peeled myself up from a circle at the foot of the bed and poured hot sauce into canned minestrone soup when I realized it was already hours past dark. After it warmed on the stove I ate on our cramped front porch at the little painted table that is dirty all the time from just the air, I guess, even if you wipe it down twice a day, so when I see it I think of my lungs covered in dust too. But last night it was cool outside and I wanted to get as much air inside of me as possible, dirty or not, before the time came to crack southward at the waist, fall hard, with all my weight, down to my knees, and supplicate myself most disgracefully at the feet of the Lord’s most terrible daughter. The new Taylor Swift album became available at nine pm pacific time. Will there ever be salvation?

Has Taylor Swift ever met up with high school friends in a bar over the holidays and wanted to cry a little the entire time, feeling a battle in her own body between the parts inclined to slide back into the shape of an old self to fit and the hardened parts that can’t? I don’t really think so! But with “’tis the season” she has written a song about fucking your ex while home for Christmas anyway, and it slaps. It is always a wonderful treat when this anthropomorphized Tiffany platinum tennis bracelet sits herself down and writes up a pretty little fiction about the small and ugly things that normal human people do. This is what makes “All Too Well”—a perfect piece of autofiction about her fake boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal—so good, though if you say that in certain company the reaction is like you’ve shot a dog. When Taylor spins me some shit like this, like about parking out by the Methodist to meet up in those strange, stretchy days at the very end of December for theoretically casual sex that you’ll think about sadly on the plane when you go, I accept it like a pomegranate seed plopped on my tongue by Hades himself and I thank her. If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would have asked you!!!!!!!!

Why doesn’t Taylor just call this a bunch of b sides that didn’t fit right on folklore? That’s what it is. And why deny that? They’re largely very good b sides. I love “dorothea”. Do you love “dorothea”?  Are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers???? If Taylor really is going to release a third part of this moody forest saga come March, will the government show some real leadership for once and declare a purge so that we the people might rise up and bring this despot to the justice she so richly deserves? Why is Taylor Swift the Patricia Clarkson in Sharp Objects to our sweating and shaking Amy Adams? Why do our mouths loll open helplessly to accept her poison spoon when proffered? Mama, please... Do you think, strictly within the cinematic universe of “no body, no crime (feat. Haim)”, wherein Olive Garden regular Taylor Swift avenges canonically murdered Haim sister Este by killing her husband and (my favorite bit) implicitly framing the mistress, that after all that is squared away she and alive Haim sister Danielle bang it out? Why did the lilting piano ballad, “champagne problems”, about refusing a marriage proposal from a college boyfriend make me cry this morning on my pathetic little walk around the neighborhood? Was I thinking of the night I was 22 when I said no and no and no then yes to a drunk boy asking me with flashlight eyes to give him a nonsense forever promise, which I did because I knew in the morning we’d have forgotten, or would pretend to? Is it because I know that night so well, can still feel and smell and see, though I never mentioned it to anyone, everything about the few hours in the dark where I fought sleep because it felt nice pretending I was someone I knew I couldn’t be? Or was it just because on Twitter someone made a video setting the song to clips of Sersh & Timmy frolicking together wearing the same vest in Little Women? Is “coney island (feat. The National)” the first duet between Taylor and a man that isn’t an atrocity and an attack or is that purely my Matt Berninger derangement disorder speaking? Is “coney island (feat. The National)” degrading my nervous system like a wasting disease even as we speak? Did I close my fist around something delicate???? Did I shatter you??????? Will my own horrible hand ever come out of the Arthur meme clenched fist into which it furiously curled when I first listened to the, yes, fine, extremely lovely “coney island (feat. The National)”??????? It’s been almost a full day and typing like this isn’t very efficient.

Is “cowboy like me” my dual reward for fighting with so many annoying guys in my “The Cowboy in the American Imagination” class lo those many years ago and, plus, for always believing that country Taylor would never die for good? Did Taylor Swift watch Brokeback Mountain for the first time this year? Would Taylor Swift like me to email her a pdf of the Annie Proulx story? Does Taylor Swift want to buy me the too expensive D.S. & Durga “Cowboy Grass” perfume I’ve been coveting for years? Is all cowboy content inherently queer? Just kidding—that one isn’t a question. Now that Taylor is once more in the business of recreational yeehawing shouldn’t she, as a gesture of goodwill, make the forbidden original homophobic version of “Picture to Burn” available exclusively to those gay fans who wish to have it? (i.e. the elite gay fans with a sense of history and place.) Does she not owe us that much? Isn’t that really the only respectful thing to do? Is it not the very, very least this monster could do?

[fortescew]

Look, another character? Another character. It’s Jinx again with Alice Fortescue. 

LILY JAMES? No, that’s actually ALICE FORTESCUE from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of GERVAIS and LUCILLE FORTESCUE? About to begin SEVENTH YEAR, this SLYTHERIN student is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. SHE identifies as a FEMME/NB and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be ESCAPIST, HYPERCRITICAL, and COMPARTMENTALIZES but also RESOURCEFUL, AMBITIOUS, and OPEN-MINDED.

TW: miscarriage, stillborn birth, drugs, death

aspiring auror. daughter. sister. droobles blowing gum champion. strawberry bubblegum ice cream queen. martial artist. lover of herbology, divination, and popcorn. dueling & herbology club as well as frog choir.  collector of sunglasses, records, jewelry, happy memories & silly beliefs.

Childhood started off as a dream for Alice. Being close with both of her parents, and spending most of her time learning trades from them, she felt like she floating on cloud nine. Having a little sister like Pandora made Alice even happier than she could ever imagine. Growing up in Galway with all the life around them, the world was theirs. The girl was so effervescent, that people were drawn to her light, to her kindness, to her free-spirited nature. Alice had always been particularly close with her dad who brought back souvenirs from his missions as an Auror, and the world around her, the unknown was something she wanted to discover. When her was dad away on missions, her mom would instill these ideals in her on how to be a kid, lifeskills, just fun things about magic, playing in the garden, things for the soul. When her dad came back her mom stepped back while he taught Alice how to do martial arts, how to hold a wand properly, how to wand formations, about history, everything she could know. What her father did though, Alice started asking question after question until she was absolutely convinced that being an Auror was now her calling as well – all at the age of five. Alice was a naturally kind child, and the reason she was so drawn to the profession of being an Auror is because it was driving some sort of darkness away. It wasn’t just her who wanted that goal either because other people wanted to be Aurors as well – she was part of something bigger than herself.

Alice wasn’t alone in thinking her dreams were wonderful and that’s what made her parent’s relationship beautiful, how they balanced each other out, wanted the same things even if they were different. Alice is still pureblood and from a wealthy family, she still had privilege, even if she is a known blood traitor but she valued this concept greatly. Everyone in her family did. Together they were this perfect, balanced family unit up until the age of nine until everything fell apart. At age eight, when her mother announced she was pregnant, Alice was over the moon, until something went wrong. When her little brother was born, he was a stillborn, and it devastated both of her parents. While her father was able to move on from the loss, her mother withdrew from her daughters & husband, staying in her room, and separating herself from them. Alice tried everything she did to help, to get through to her mother, but there was nothing she could do. Alice knew they had to move forward, that she couldn’t be like her mother, and had to be there for her younger sister to continue on. 

After her mom’s stillborn child is when Alice really had to learn to have the emotional & mental capacity to learn to take care of herself, to deal with her emotions, and soon she felt obliged to take care of her mom.  Alice & Pandora were their surviving children, who were spoiled rotten, and never had to go through anything relatively traumatic until there was this one gigantic thing where it was either – they soothed themselves or they fell apart. Alice would not fall apart, so she internalized it all and felt like she had to shoulder all of the burden of balancing out the household when her dad decided to go on more missions while her mom withdrew for those two years ( and for many years after ) before she went to Hogwarts. It still was never perfect but it was the best a 10 year old could do, and really, it wasn’t what a ten year old should’ve been doing at all. For both her and her sister, Florean’s became an escape and a safe haven. When her dad was there, it was like walking on eggshells, which is why there was so much time spent outside the house, but Alice got a break. A well deserved break where she was allowed to focus on herself, where she forced herself to, almost as if she was recharging her battery. When it was just Alice, Pandora and they mom, she paid almost all the attention she could feeling the pressure pile on top of her, while still furthering her own goals as an escape. Soon, Alice became an escapist, literally in some senses, to survive living there – something that has lasted well throughout her teen years. Before, when Alice’s goals and dreams were often talked about in passing as just a common topic, were now taboo. She had to force her dreams inward, she had to keep going and motivate herself when it was just her, Pandora and her mother. Her sister was her guiding light, a reason she stayed so anchored & so balanced. A reason she kept moving forward. Her ambition, her wanting to become an Auror anchors her, and while she doesn’t know if she can always depend on herself – Alice always knows she can depend on being an Auror. Just as Doctors can depend on the fact that there will always be sick people, Alice can depend on the fact that people die, people change, there’s always a Dark Wizard lurking around every corner & that the war is tearing apart people’s lives every day – it’s the ugly truth.

When she got to Hogwarts, there was a part of her that was surprised that she was put into Slytherin. Even if Alice did fit into the house like a glove, knew that her ambition to be an Auror was probably the reason she was placed in it the first place, the other houses like Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw appealed to her. The first year away from her sister, Alice wrote her almost ever day and cried weekly when she was away from her sister worried that she’d feel the same burden of living with their mom that she did. Worried that Pandora would need more help than she could get ( though, Pandora was PERFECTLY functional & on top of things, it was all anxiety that consumed Alice ). She found herself spending more and more time with Ravenclaws & Hufflepuffs, which cultivated more of an open-mind, and while she did well in school, Alice often daydreamed quite a lot. On occasion even used recreational drugs like pot ( & LSD ), because she just had to experience everything – the world was so big, so vast, and although there were some parts – mainly the blood prejudice she witnessed – that were ugly, the rest was so fantastic. 

RANDOM BULLET POINTS:

Is a dog person over a cat person, literally loves dogs so much and has been trying to get Hogwarts to let her dog in.

love pandora with all her heart tbh if you want to make her angry mention her sister rudely and you’ll be WRECKEDT

Is very short and tiny but can kick your ass EASILY. trained in martial arts and has a very strict exercise regime that she follows everyday!! 

has a cute irish accent but speaks french w/o it, the only time you’d really think she’s french

 can sing but isn’t AMAZING but loves singing and dancing, her and pandora TURN UP IN GALWAY

 speaking of singing this is a very alice song that she would sing also how i could see her voice

doesn’t talk about her problems, if you can get her to talk about her problems you’re doing more than I even can. She’s very much due to fall apart any minute now or just have a good cry but she’s compartmentalized so much so GOOD LUCK.

Sees the good in people because she believes that a lot of people can be better than they actually are being, especially in her house. Will often challenge people gently around her.

Also likes to fuck w/ people who are blood prejudice by being extremely calm w/ them. Unless you threaten her friends/call them slurs. More often then not Alice will just calmly fight the bigoted logic and has to really REALLY try hard not to punch them in the face

( has probably punched one of them in the face )

Is very into physical platonic affection!!!!

Dyes her hair different colors and is ETERNALLY unhappy with her hair. She’s always fussing around with it, always changing it and doesn’t know what to do with it. Alice’s natural hair color is a really dusty blonde, I’d even say a dirty blonde. She really loves to experiment with it though, so she’ll cut it and dye it all sorts of colors - from neon green to brown. From a pixie cut down below her waist. Anything and everything. Sometimes, in an attempt to just get out of her own head and escape for a bit, cutting & coloring her hair is fun and gives her some of a respite. She knows it’s just hair and it’ll easily grow back with a hair potion and just does it as a way to cope with not feeling completely comfortable in her appearance. She also does ridiculous makeup, sometimes adorning very shimmery glitter all across her eyelids and wearing funky socks that don’t always match her uniform. Sometimes she prefers to wear pants instead of a skirt, and puts pins of all sorts up and down her tie. Alice also owns an extensive sunglasses collection that she tries to wear on weekends or just times when she’s outside & the sun is out. In more modern times or times where she’d have access to more knowledge about the LGBT/queer community, she’d identify as non-binary but at the moment she’s very in the dark and just believes it to be her being very self conscious. I could see if she was introduced to this knowledge and educated, she’d be able to self identify as she’s already aware that she’s not straight at all, but until then she’s sort of in the dark. It would be a lovely thing to see though as the RP progresses if someone could educate her or point her in the right direction!

Is very underestimated I imagine?? And definitely lets her own skill speak for itself ( unless you piss her off she’ll occasionally talk a big game lmfao ), but until the second half of this year was much more free spirited and now is very much stressed and just much more serious.

That’s all I can think of rn but YEAH thanks for reading ur the real MVP