#and Sky would rant about the drama on her home planet

[themoonandtheprincess]

Can't decide whether it's Bree/Skylar who's love language is bullying each other or Kaz/Chase's. OR if their love language is also listening to the other person rant about something for hours and semi getting interested in it too.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Can you maybe contextualize the Homestuck epilogue for someone who has never read Homestuck but is curious what all the hullabaloo is about?

It’s 200,000 words following 8,000 pages of comic, so I’m not sure if I can really explain it “simply”, but I’ll do my best. *ahem*

Spoilers, obviously. 

tl;dr;, by the way, I actually really liked it. But I can see why a lot of people didn’t. 

So, I can, have, and will rant about the myriad of reasons everyone hated the ending, but for the sake of context let’s only focus on the main ones:

1. The climax of the story was meant to be “John masters his powers, goes back in time, and undoes a lot of the terrible things that happen”. This didn’t at all feel like a climax, so everyone expected a “real” climax and was confused when we didn’t get one. Worse, because the solution to, say, Rose’s alcoholism was that John changed things so that she never started drinking, it felt less like characters overcoming their struggles and more like the characters we loved being replaced with alternate, better versions, and we never saw how things went for the “real” characters (John’s main change, preventing Vriska’s death in Act 5, invalidates something like 15% of the entire comic!). 

2. Because the climax fell so flat and the big bad wasn’t defeated (and because [S] Collide ended with the music turning all sinister), everyone went in to Act 7 expecting one last huge twist. But while we were given enough information to figure out the basic gist of how Lord English was defeated, we don’t actually see it.The above screenshot, of Caliborn powering up into his Final Form, comes in the last fifty seconds of Homestuck.  

So, that’s kind of the context of the ending. Everyone went in expecting like a full act, was wildly confused that Act 7 was a victory lap, and then we all kind of figured out eventually what Hussie was going for and we were like “Oh. Okay” in a monotone. So, everyone hoped for the epilogue to “fix” the plot, but the plot wasn’t so much broken as it was badly told.

Phew. Okay, now lets talk about the epilogue. 

So, John is given the choice of whether to actually go back into the comic and kill the bad guy or not, represented as a choice of eating meat or candy for lunch. The canon, alpha timeline choice is to kill Lord English (”meat”), and the choice to stay behind and leave a time loop/plot thread unclosed (”Candy”) creates a doomed timeline. Doomed timelines in Homestuck exist as physical bubbles you can fly to, so the two “timelines” are really physical places in Paradox Space. There are three such location in the epilogue 

1. The “meat” timeline, which is the actual “canon” alpha timeline with no unbroken time loops, where most of the Meat Epilogue takes place. It takes place in the normal universe 

2. The furthest ring, a void above and around all timeline bubbles where John fights Lord English. This is normally where all the doomed timelines are, but they are getting sucked into a black hole that’s sweeping out all the “irrelevant” stuff

Nepetaquest 2019 was never meant to be

3. The “candy” timeline, which is doomed, irrelevant, and thus sucked into the black hole. The whole thing looks like this

The reason I’m explaining all this is because the two epilogues are actually one epilogue, and one affects the other such that you need to read them both. 

In the Candy timeline, Dirk immediately realizes that he’s no longer canon/alpha, and immediately kills himself. Rose and Kanaya are happily married and adopt a troll. Roxy goes all stepford wife and decides all she really wants is to crank out babies with John. John is all “you seem to be wildly out of character for reasons that won’t be explained but okay”. Jade, Dave, and Karkat have a miserable polyamorous relationship where the boys don’t admit they want to each other’s dicks but are willing to settle on Jade’s furry knotted dog penis, which she apparently grew after becoming a dog girl in [S] Cascade

Pictured: The exact moment in Homestuck that Jade Harley grew canine genitalia. I had a print of this artwork and I’ll never look at it quite the same again

There’s relationship drama, but the most important part is Jane, who is now TrumpHitler for basically no reason,. She marries Jake but Gamzee cucks him and, well

There’s a scene of Jake talking to Jade and thinking about maybe murdering a baby while his wife has rape-play sex with a clown in the next room. We don’t have time to unpack all that, because Jane is also TrumpHitler now, and sets out to commit a literal holocaust on all the Trolls for….um…..well for no reason. She’s just evil now. Jade’s corpse crashes from the sky, which is a shock to everyone, most of all Jade. Then Aradia and Sollux show up and Jane’s corpse comes to life as a god and everyone kind of just….nods…..and ignores it. The JadeCorpse is possessed by a version of Calliope who’s basically God, whom Aradia serves. Calliope explains that nothing in this timeline matters and it would normally just dissolve but she’s keeping it around because letting everyone dissolve into nothing when you can stop it seems like kind of a bitch thing to do and also she needs somewhere for Lord English’s body to land. Everything in Candyland gets as comically terrible as possible, full-on civil war. John has an existential crises about being irrelevent but gets over it, and Calliope finally finds Lord English and eats him, gaining the power to escape the black hole. Somewhere all this Dave meets up with Barack Obama (??!!?!?!) who is a god (!!!!!!!!!!!) that fucked Dave’s bro (!efefiebnfuewf) and merges all Daves together into one Ultimate Dave that he puts in a robot. Davebot, Aradia, and Calliope all leave the black hole and close the door behind them such that nothing inside (which includes the “canon” Vriska and every single alternate Timeline that existed or will ever exist) can ever get out to interfere with the canon timeline ever again. 

Also 16-year-old Vriska fucks 40-year-old Gamzee and is so embarrassed about it that she kills him. 

Feel free to take a break here

==>

In the Meat timeline, Dirk has ascended and god from God-Like-Thor to God-Like-God, and can now manipulate the story in a fourth-wall breaking way that’s effectively nigh-omniscience and mind control. He’s also evil now, but that makes more sense then Jane being Hitler. 

John recruits the pre-retcon versions of Dave, Rose, and Jade, who with John are the closest thing to the “original” versions of the main four that Homestuck is gonna give us at this point. They fight Lord English and successfully boot him into the black hole, but all die in the process. John is mortally wounded but survives long enough to bang Terezi in the back of his dad’s car and get them both home (said car ends up in Candyland, where Candy John finds it and recognizes Terezi’s cum because thanks Hussie). Jade lives long enough that she could get to Earth C herself, but this version of Jade doesn’t even know about Earth C and decides to die via black hole. Dirk tries to stop this, but Calliope, who is more powerful than Dirk, pulls her in

It is indeed to late, and OG! Jade gets sucked into the black hole, crashes into Candyland, and leaves behind a fresh corpse for Calliope to control and all the people in Candyland to be weirdly blase over because deep down they know their world doesn’t matter. Having control over this Jade lets her possess the alpha Jade in Meatworld, which in turn lets her influence things there. She and Dirk fight about who gets to be president of earth (which doesn’t seem important unless you read Candy and know what president Jane will do), and Dirk manages to tranquilize Jade and keep Calliope from affecting anything else. 

Jane becomes president of Earth and starts off and the path of becoming God Empress of Mankind. John dies, and we get more than a hint that Dirk killed him for being insufficiently grateful of their paradise planet

With things on Earth taken care of, Dirk mind controls Rose into become his (sex?) slave, and mind controls Kanaya into thinking that’s cool. He tells Terezi (who he can’t control, since Mind is her power) that if she comes with they can maybe revive John, and they all home into a spaceship and fuck off to a new planet. Dirk is the new Lord English, Jane is the new Condesce, and Rose -now a dreambot - is the new Handmaid. And Terezi is….also there. They find a new M-Class planet and set up to evolve some life there for a Sburb game. On earth, now of of range of Dirk’s mind control, everyone realizes that him kidnapping Rose was actually kind of fucked up, and they hop a spaceship to chase after them, with Jade-possessed Calliope giving them advice.  

And that’s the epilogue! Dirk has kidnapped Rose and become unto god, and is setting up a nefarious plan we don’t know the details of, and a the heroes are racing to stop him. Good night everybody!

I’m assuming there’s going to be an Epilogue Epilogue, because this was just a straight-up cliffhanger, and I’ll guess I’ll see when I think when that happens or when it becomes clear that won’t happen.

Hopefully that was easy enough to follow, I did my best. 

[breeeliss]

[Femslash February]: Sunlight

...so yeah this is screaming beach au so we’re just gonna do a beach au, alrighty?

Day 10: Sunlight (Alyanette + class bonding :P)

Words: 1730

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

[Previous: Flowers] [Next: Style Swap]

So...the original plan was to take a day trip to Normandy. 

Alya had been getting restless staying in the city during the summer, so she brought up the idea of going to some of the beaches along the coast. Marinette had been talking her head off about the beach since the Spring, so she figured it would be a cute date idea and something that they could handle in a day trip. Juleka and Rose had offered to tag along and bring blankets and snacks, and they were in Marinette’s bakery figuring out the details. 

But Sabrina and Chloe happened to be there picking up a pastry order, and just the word Normandy had Chloe stalking over to their table in complete disgust. Alya was bracing herself for some silly, spoiled little tirade, but instead Chloe took actual offense to the fact that they were thinking of going to the Northern beaches. 

“Normandy is so damn cold even in the middle of the summer, and the beaches down by St. Tropez are way nicer.”

“You realize that St. Tropez is like eight hours away driving, right? This was supposed to be a day trip,” Marinette muttered. 

Chloe snorted. “So? Listen, I’ll not stand around and listen to you all plan a girls’ day out at a beach that’s not even worth it. At least St. Tropez is warm and the resort beaches will treat you like royalty. Honestly, that I even have to explain this...“

“Well, uh,” Rose spoke up. “We really don’t have the money for anything like that, as nice as that sounds.”

“Yeah, you’re apparently dripping in euros, do you have any suggestions?” Alya sneered. 

Sabrina chuckled and leaned towards the table, lowering her voice just a tad. “Sorry, Chloe’s really bad at extending invitations.”

Marinette’s eyes widened. “Extending an invitation?”

Turns out that Chloe’s father let her invite as many girlfriends as she wanted to St. Tropez every summer for a weekend at one of the beach resorts, and usually the Bourgeois’s had enough clout to reserve most of the beach for themselves. In the past, it had always been just Sabrina and Chloe along with a few of her father’s friends, but Sabrina promised that, as long as the rest of them were alright with spending a weekend away from home, they were more than welcome. Chloe was off to the side -- arms crossed and looking sour faced -- but muttered something about texting her father regarding extra plane tickets. 

So Marinette called up Alix and Mylene to ask if they wanted to join them for a girls’ beach day. And not even a few days later, they were all flying down to St. Tropez, plane tickets, hotel rooms, and Chloe’s platinum credit card all on behalf of Andres Bourgeois himself. 

They were all set up and tanning in a long line along the beach in the early afternoon on the Friday that they arrived. Chloe even set a timer on her phone so that they could all toast for half an hour on each side before going into the water. Alya had to hand it to her -- she didn’t like Chloe, but this was really really nice. She had to remember to convince Marinette to sneak into the hotel’s hot tub with her later that night. 

“So here’s a thought,” Alya said. “Marinette, when you become a rich and successful designer with your own label one day, can we make this our honeymoon spot?”

“Of course,” Marinette replied immediately. “So long as you also take me to New York City when you finally become a world renowned reporter and can take me anywhere in the world.”

“Hell yes. And we’ll get your hamsters so long as I can get my dog.”

Marinette held up her hand and waited for a high five from Alya. “Fabulous.”

Juleka giggled and peeked over the edge of her sunglasses. “You two are adorable.”

“Listen, I already called dibs on designing our wedding dresses. I have been dreaming about this since I was seven. Of course I have my life planned out.”

“Listen,” Alya laughed. “This girl has wedding invitation designs set up already. Planned out doesn’t even begin to cover it.” She grappled around for the sunscreen in her bag and threw it over to Marinette. “Re-do your face, babe, so you don’t burn your cheeks again.”

Marinette pouted. “I put a bunch on already.”

“Remember that time I rubbed aloe literally everywhere when we went to the beach last summer? You’re pale, you burn at the drop of a hat. Re-apply.”

“Fine, mom.”

Chloe’s cellphone went off and she snapped her fingers. “Flip ladies!”

They all rolled over onto their stomachs, and Chloe propped herself up on her elbows. “You know, as disgustingly domestic as the two of you are, you two took for-fucking-ever to start dating. I mean, Jesus, Adrien and I both tanked our bets because you took way longer than either of us thought.”

Marinette frowned. “Wait, what? You were betting?”

“Just Adrien and I,” Chloe sniffed. “I may not like you, but as a fellow sapphic girl, I can’t help but root for two ladies in love. But, you know, thanks for dragging it out for over a year.”

“It was not over a year,” Alya rolled her eyes. 

“Um,” Alix snorted. “Dudes, I kept a fucking calendar counting down the days until this happened. Kim damn near cried when you two started dating, oversized romantic baby that he is.”

“Hold on,” Marinette interrupted. “Who else was rooting for us?”

"Well Adrien and Nino threw that literal celebration party, don’t you remember?” Alya mentioned. “Which was so extra and not necessary, but whatever.”

“The one at Adrien’s place that was supposed to be a ‘lycée graduation party’?” Marinette air quoted. 

“That’s the one.”

“Well, ever since Chloe told me that she was sure the two of you were in love with each other, I’ve been dying for it to happen too,” Sabrina smiled. “It was super obvious to me.”

Rose raised her hand. “Juleka and I were rooting for you two since day 1.”

Juleka shrugged. “Rose was really invested in it. I was just glad the two of you were becoming so close.”

“Ivan noticed it sooner than I did actually,” Mylene piped in. “But once he told me to pay attention to the two of you more, I was also getting some vibes from you two. This seemed like a natural enough thing to happen.”

Marinette looked up to the sky. “Why didn’t we know this?”

“Because you two are the most ridiculously oblivious people on the whole goddamn planet,” Chloe said with an eye roll. “I mean, honestly, not hard to tell that more than half the girls in our class weren’t straight. The rest of us were all coupled off practically waiting for the two of you to make it official. The most goddamn frustrating thing to ever watch. And I’ve seen every season of ‘The Bachelor.’”

“Okay,” Alya groaned. “We were not being oblivious. We got together at a perfect time.”

Chloe snorted. “Show of hands: how many people were annoyed as hell that they took this long to get together?”

Everyone’s hands shot up into the air. 

“You guys were literally flirting at every available opportunity, but the funny thing is that I don’t think you guys even realized you were doing it,” Alix said. 

“They were so close, I’m sure it was hard for them to tell,” Sabrina offered. 

Juleka snorted. “There are none so blind as those who do not wish to see.”

Marinette pouted. “I feel attacked...”

“I think it’s more a matter of the two of you needing to make up for lost time at this point,” Mylene giggled. “We’re all just poking fun, you know that.”

“Not me,” Chloe said, “I’m straight up judging and attacking.”

“It wasn’t that easy,” Alya defended. “I was new, I kinda just wanted to get my friend group solidified without adding in any dating drama.”

“Despite the fact that Marinette is like the most aggressively bisexual person I know?” Alix joked. 

Alya covered her face with her hands. “I didn’t want to be creepy.”

Marinette shrugged. “I thought you were straight, if I’m being honest. But I’m bad at picking up vibes from people.”

“In what solar system,” Chloe exclaimed, “did you think Alya was straight?”

“I don’t know!” Marinette exclaimed defensively. “Since when are you the freakin’ gaydar expert?” 

“Since birth!” Chloe scoffed. “It’s a survival mechanism, you amateur.”

“Okay,” Rose laughed. “We’re losing track of the conversation. The whole point being, we’re just glad you two are a couple. It’s refreshing! Really, we’re all just happy for you.”

Alya smiled. “I mean, good to know we had the class support. Now I have to interrogate all the guys about this.”

“Rest assured,” Mylene said. “Adrien and Nino did the work of ranting to all the boys in class about this. Ivan can attest. That ‘graduation party’ really was a collective celebration in every sense of the phrase.”

“So tell me,” Marinette mused, staring at Chloe. “Was this an excuse to get us a girlfriend getaway because you were secretly fangirling for us on the side?”

Chloe refused to look up from her phone. “Don’t know what you’re talking about. Sounds nothing like me...”

Sabrina took advantage of the distraction and mouthed a ‘yes’ to the rest of the group with Chloe wasn’t looking. 

“Well,” Alya sighed. “We’re here for an entire weekend. Might as well start ticking things off your beach bucket list if you’ve got one. Getting some sun is done.”

Marinette clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh! We can make sandcastles later! And run along the shore! And come here at night for a walk when the sand is all nice and cool. And play beach games!”

“Domestic!” Chloe shouted. 

“Oh hush, let them have their fun,” Sabrina chided. “Making up for lost time, remember?”

“Wanna have a beach volleyball match tomorrow?” Alix suggested. “Bet you Mylene and I can kick your asses.”

“Oh, and we can all watch the sunset from the lobby of the hotel. It has all those gorgeous windows with that amazing view,” Rose gushed. “It’ll be perfect.”

“Those restaurants looked pretty fancy too,” Juleka offered. “Romantic dinner on Chloe’s tab? You should take advantage.”

Alya knocked her head with Marinette’s. “Writing all this down, babe?”

Marinette winked. “Making an itinerary as we speak...” 

[automatismoateo]

Kindergarten drama over god via /r/atheism

Submitted September 21, 2019 at 02:58AM by ohgoddammitWatson (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2Nrpw2d) Kindergarten drama over god

This is more of a rant than anything else. Please forgive formatting, I'm on my phone. I posted this on r/atheistparents and someone suggested that I post it here as well.

My 5-year-old son started kindergarten a little over a month ago and made fast friends with a girl in his class. Coincidentally, it was this mother that I made small talk with every day while waiting to pick them up. It's great! I'm happy to have the possibility of play dates in the future and look forward to chatting with her while we wait.

Through our small talk I know that her kindergartener attended preschool through their church. They are very active members and she volunteers her time there every week day since her youngest is still enrolled. I don't care what other people believe and think it's great that she has something she enjoys doing with the bonus of being around the kiddo all day. I made no comment about my family's beliefs because I simply did not see the point.

Earlier this week, my son comes home and tells me this girl is not his friend anymore. I ask why and can't get a clear answer out of him. He was extremely upset over this and seems just as confused as I am.

Later in the afternoon he asks me who made the earth.

"What do you mean?"

"Who is the person that made the earth?"

"No person made the earth. The earth is made out of many, many things that got stuck together and got bigger until we got our planet"...

Struggling to explain this to a small child, I looked for some big bang to planet formation visuals and eventually found one that really to worked for him. He seemed very satisfied with the answer and ran around imitating an explosion for a while before coming back with a whole new question.

"What happens when you die?"

I got lucky here because as I was searching for words, he goes on to ask, "when you turn into a grandma and die, do you turn back into a baby?". (We had just watch a video about those eternal jellyfish)

"There are a lot of people that believe something like that, but you cant really ask a baby. Right?"

I pointed at his baby sister and he agreed that she can't talk. He also does not remember being a baby himself.

"So, no one really knows what happens. Since no one knows, different people believe all kinds of different things and that's okay. Dad and I don't think anything happens at all, it's just game over."

Again, he seems satisfied. I asked where he came up with these questions and they were from the girl. She says a person from the sky made the earth. Honestly, this talk was probably a little overdue and I was happy with his interest in it. I assumed their friendship would likely resolve the next day.

It did not. The day after that, her mother (who I did not mention anything to - again, I was happy to have the these conversations with him and certainly did not want to make her feel defensive) started standing in a new spot and avoiding me completely.

5-year-olds. These kids are learning to sound out 2-3 letter words. They can't tie their own shoes. What do you have to preach to them for them to choose, by themselves, to cut off a friendship over something like, "who's god?".